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1
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:24,368
But furry.
2
00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:25,959
I think it's a message...
3
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:27,561
from someone or something...
4
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:30,300
trying to warn us
about someone or something
5
00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:31,899
[Gene]
it's a booger.
6
00:00:31,998 --> 00:00:33,500
Kids, off the seats.
7
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,375
- Oh, sorry, sir. That was my butt.
- Hmm!
8
00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:37,641
- What are you looking at'?
- Smart money's on boogers
9
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:39,045
it's not a booger.
10
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:41,016
Let the man
think for himself!
11
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,144
- I don't think it's a booger.
- Who asked you?
12
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:44,551
It's getting bigger-
13
00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:46,214
It knows What we�re thinking.
14
00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:47,814
[Bob]
Huh. It is definitely growing.
15
00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:49,757
I just hope it's not that green mold.
16
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:51,556
It's called green mold.
17
00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:53,562
You see it in a lot of beach towns...
18
00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,997
and filthy, disgusting,
poorly managed restaurants.
19
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:56,726
Hey!
20
00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:59,133
They had to send you, Hugo?
No one else does this?
21
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:02,763
I just got mold-certified.
In a month, I'll be cleared for vermin too.
22
00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:04,398
Oh, congratulations.
23
00:01:04,497 --> 00:01:07,273
Okay, Gene.
If you eat this mold, I'll give you five-
24
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:08,846
-[Munching]
- Whoa.
25
00:01:08,935 --> 00:01:10,243
Mmm!
Gorgonzola.
26
00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:12,577
So What do I gotta do?
Use bleach on it or something?
27
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:15,585
[Laughs] Use bleach on it?
�Oh, I'll just put bleach on it.�
28
00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:17,154
No, of course not, Bob.
29
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:20,019
- I hate you.
- This is big. You have to close.
30
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:22,423
The whole building will have to
be tented for 48 hours.
31
00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:24,722
Great. There goes our weekend revenue.
32
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:27,697
Ooh, two days off.
Bobby, we could use it.
33
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:30,199
I guess it has been a While
since we've had a break.
34
00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:31,792
Yeah. Ten years.
35
00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:33,632
What? That's- Can't be right.
36
00:01:33,726 --> 00:01:35,933
Ten years!
37
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:38,373
You're really living the dream, Linda.
38
00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:40,945
- Aren't you done, Hugo?
- Sure, Bob. I'm done.
39
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,776
[Shouting]
Mold! Dangerous killer mold!
40
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,440
Floating death spores!
Everyone move!
41
00:01:45,538 --> 00:01:49,042
- Gene, how are you feeling?
- Kind of nauseous, a little light-headed.
42
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:51,088
Pretty good.
Glad I ate it.
43
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:53,521
- You say that about everything.
- Yeah.
44
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,251
- Green mold, huh?
- Yeah.
45
00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,259
- You ever dealt with this stuff, Mort?
- Oh, sure.
46
00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:59,626
We get all kinds of moldy bodies
at the home.
47
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:01,824
Not on the bodies.
I mean on the walls or-
48
00:02:01,921 --> 00:02:03,628
- And you should see the shut-ins.
- Stop.
49
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:07,068
- One guy's back looked like a putting green.
- Oh, dear Lord.
50
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,141
Hey, you got to get out of the apartment
While the mold guys work, right?
51
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,903
Yeah. We're gonna go to a motel.
52
00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:15,411
- And we�re going to tear into that minibar!
- We're gonna go on a bender.
53
00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:17,140
- No, we�re not.
- Yes, we are.
54
00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:19,979
I'm gonna drink some Baileys
and unwind.
55
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,950
Hey, guys. Stay with me.
56
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,521
No, I mean,
I appreciate the offer, but I-
57
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:27,990
Listen to me. I live alone...
in an enormous apartment...
58
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:30,561
- that happens to be above a funeral home.
- Hmm.
59
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,687
- So come on. Stay with me.
- Aw.
60
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:34,093
- Thanks, Mort.
- Yeah, yeah!
61
00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,962
Linda, seriously,
you want to stay in a funeral home?
62
00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:38,865
- Yes, yes, yes!
- Why not? it'll be fun. ls it spooky?
63
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:42,371
You mean, do I have a medicine cabinet
full of corpse moisturizers?
64
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:43,770
Ooh!
65
00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:47,208
Yes. Do they make my skin soft as a baby?
You decide.
66
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,576
[Gasps]
it's not greasy either.
67
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:52,445
- Tina, touch.
-[Groans]
68
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,143
Come on!
Go get your toothbrushes.
69
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,947
Yeah, yeah!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
70
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:00,720
[All]
? Weekend at Mort�s ?
71
00:03:00,813 --> 00:03:02,554
? We're gonna have
a weekend at Mort's ?
72
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:03,889
[Linda]
Uh, uh, uh!
73
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,291
- ? Weekend at Mort�s ?
-[Doorbell Rings]
74
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:07,592
? We're gonna have
a weekend at Mort's J ?
75
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,462
Follow me to your rooms.
76
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,167
Urn. Another urn.
77
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:15,068
That's an award I won
for best urn.
78
00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:18,074
Okay, kids. Don't climb on anything.
Don't touch anything.
79
00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:20,440
If you do touch something,
don�t touch me afterwards...
80
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:21,807
and don't play
with dead bodies.
81
00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:23,574
Do you think
he's gonna have skulls?
82
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:25,843
What do you think
he eats soup out of?
83
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:29,614
Do you think he's gonna have a drawer full
of gum that he takes out of corpse pockets?
84
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:31,347
'Cause if he does,
I want some.
85
00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:32,752
- Shh!
- Here we go.
86
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,322
-[Door Creaks]
-[All Gasp]
87
00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:40,854
[Linda]
Hey, I'm not horrified at all. Aw.
88
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,592
[Bob]
Wow, I didn't know you were rich.
89
00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:45,169
- Kids, off the furniture.
- Well, I get a lot of stuff cheap.
90
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,238
Everything in here
had someone die on it.
91
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,670
Kids, off the furniture!
92
00:03:48,761 --> 00:03:51,241
- Your room's right down the hall.
- All right, kids. Let's go.
93
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,902
No, leave the kids.
This Weekend, I'm Uncle Mort.
94
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,310
You seriously want to watch my kids?
95
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:58,382
-[Clicking]
- ??[Fragments]
96
00:03:58,471 --> 00:03:59,779
[Mort]
Uhh.
97
00:03:59,872 --> 00:04:02,409
[Nervous Chuckle]
Yes! The whole Weekend.
98
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:04,419
This should be a vacation
for you two.
99
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:07,047
Oh, we can make it
the honeymoon we never had.
100
00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:10,923
Sure. You know, I got the bed you're
sleeping in because a man died in it...
101
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:13,588
making love, huh?
102
00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:15,324
- Good God.
- Mm-hmm.
103
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:17,059
It's a haunted honeymoon.
104
00:04:17,156 --> 00:04:18,635
[Ghostly Moaning]
105
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:24,539
[Kids Moaning And Groaning]
106
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:28,040
Ah!
[Grunts]
107
00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:34,612
[Linda] Two whole days off
from the restaurant. Oh!
108
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:37,313
- I know.
- What are we gonna do with ourselves?
109
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:39,788
I know What I'm gonna do.
First, I'm gonna take these off.
110
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:41,859
- Oh!
- These bad boys.
111
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,018
- Bobby.
- Hmm?
112
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,426
You gonna slip into
something more comfortable?
113
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:47,156
And I'm gonna get these on.
114
00:04:47,253 --> 00:04:49,255
[Gasps]
Oh, are those your, uh-
115
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:51,426
My lazy pants? Yes.
116
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:54,130
Well, I guess they come off easy.
117
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,730
And, uh, now
I will get this guy out.
118
00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:58,934
Ah, uh-huh, uh-huh.
119
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,171
And let the vacation begin.
120
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,541
What the hell is that?
121
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,740
- It's my model.
- Since when do you do models?
122
00:05:04,837 --> 00:05:07,750
It's a hobby of mine, Lin.
From back when I could still have hobbies.
123
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:12,220
I just relax, turn my brain off
and enjoy the thrill of the build.
124
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,349
- The bus from Speed?
- Yeah, the bus from Speed
125
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:15,721
[Chorus]
? Bus from Speed ?
126
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,692
I didn't know you liked
that movie so much.
127
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:20,822
I never saw it. I don't like to
see the movie until I finish the model.
128
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,160
- Hmm.
- Makes it more fun.
129
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:24,929
Wouldn't it be more fun
if we did something together?
130
00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:27,664
Like, uh,
like couples manicures?
131
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,433
Or couples waxing?
132
00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:31,873
[Gasps]
You could get a manzillian.
133
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:34,240
That stuff is for people
who are dating, Linda.
134
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:38,373
We-We do other couples stuff. We couples
live together. And that's even better.
135
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:40,508
- You know what? I'm gonna go.
- Okay, good.
136
00:05:40,606 --> 00:05:41,812
- I mean, okay.
- Yeah.
137
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:45,515
Gonna be all by myself.
On my honeymoon, I might add.
138
00:05:45,611 --> 00:05:47,887
It's not our honeymoon, Linda.
139
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:50,586
Hey, look!
Comes with a little Keanu.
140
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,425
Hi, guy.[High-pitched] �Hi, Bob.
Missed you, buddy.�
141
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:56,193
Oh, for Pete's sakes,
you big freak!
142
00:05:56,289 --> 00:06:00,328
Bet you never knew washing out rubber
tubing could be such a blast, huh, kids?
143
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,803
Well, I had a feeling.
144
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:05,273
Who wants to help me glue a toupee
on an old man's cadaver?
145
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,345
Yay! This is like camp.
146
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:08,741
[Groaning]
147
00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:12,510
Tina, what's bothering you?
The wig or the cadaver?
148
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:14,915
- The cadaver.
- Wigs can be scary.
149
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:17,510
You know what?
Why don't you kids go ahead and take five?
150
00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:20,113
Explore the morgue.
But stay away from my computer.
151
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,989
- Not because of porn.
- This computer?
152
00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:24,720
- Come on, now.
- What's this?
153
00:06:24,817 --> 00:06:27,058
�A dating Web site
for morticians."
154
00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:29,064
Mort, you got a message!
155
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,795
Yeah. Well, this lady and I
have been messaging.
156
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:34,565
I sent her a wink.
She sent me back a kissy face.
157
00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:36,606
Kissy face? That's a big deal.
158
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:39,802
You need to take this relationship
into the real world, Mort.
159
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,776
Yeah! Reality, Mort.
160
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,609
MeetSpace! Get into it.
161
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,239
Nah, I'm not ready.
162
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,944
Ah, you're right, Mort.
You're wh-what, 50?
163
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,280
Wait till you're ready.
164
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:52,185
Fifty? I'm 35 years old.
165
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,383
- Huh?
- If you believe my dating profile.
166
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:55,959
[All Laughing]
167
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:57,493
- Yeah. And... send.
-[Beeps]
168
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:58,687
What? What'd you do?
169
00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:02,790
Wash your hairpiece, Mort.
You're going on a date!
170
00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:06,631
Oh, Keanu.
171
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,433
[High-pitched]
�Give me long sleeves."
172
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:10,007
Why? You look great
in a
173
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,769
�I don't know. Just switch it up.�
174
00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:12,934
Okay.
175
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:15,535
�No, no. Make me
one of those tuxedo T-shirts.
176
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:17,012
Do that. That'll be funny.�
177
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,605
That's stupid.
I don't like those.
178
00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:21,981
Ah, I see you're still playing
with your dolls.
179
00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:23,052
Mm-hmm.
180
00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:25,144
I just got back
from salsa boot camp.
181
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:27,724
I was the lonely little salsa-ita.
All by myself.
182
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:28,952
�She's back."
183
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:30,186
Hey, just be cool.
184
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,786
[Louise]
Mom, Dad, come quick! Oh, my God!
185
00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:34,364
What? What is it? What's wrong?
186
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,900
Oh, nothing. This is just silly
187
00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:38,969
Mort asked a girl on a date.
188
00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:40,366
A date?
189
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,871
It was the kids' idea.
190
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:45,636
Yep. I proposed a romantic rendezvous
for 8:00 p.m. tonight...
191
00:07:45,731 --> 00:07:48,143
at the elegant Jimmy Pesto�s.
192
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:49,713
What? Jimmy Pesto�s?
193
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:52,043
What? I only know
two restaurants.
194
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,084
And they have cloth napkins.
195
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:55,811
- Don't rub it in.
- Calm down.
196
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:57,046
Hey, she replied!
197
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,554
Already?
Too soon. Am I right?
198
00:07:58,644 --> 00:07:59,816
It's not a good sign.
199
00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:02,449
�Mort, it's a date.
See you at eight.�
200
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:03,720
She's a rhymer.
201
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,660
Go, Mort. I mean,
it could be fun, two morticians.
202
00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:08,754
Hey, What if
you and Linda come too?
203
00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:11,495
- No, no.
- Yeah! A double date!
204
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:14,504
- Oh, but who would watch the kids?
- Right. Yeah.
205
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:16,733
- Tina can babysit.
- I can?
206
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:20,333
Oh, come on.
We're a little old to be babysat.
207
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:23,414
- Isn't that an outdated concept?
- No.
208
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:28,384
Need I remind you What happened
last time she was �in charge�?
209
00:08:29,141 --> 00:08:30,279
Free swim!
210
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:31,980
Special delivery!
211
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,282
Hobo dinner!
212
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,917
Oh, pshh. We'll just be
right across the street.
213
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,758
Tina can call us on the emergency
cell phone if she needs to.
214
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:43,857
All right.
You bought the ticket. You take the ride.
215
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:47,199
Come on, Linda.
We shouldn't go to this. It will be bad.
216
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:49,899
Bob, we are going out tonight.
217
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:52,374
- All right, fine, fine.
- Yay!
218
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:56,174
- But just for a couple hours.
And I'm wearing my lazy pants. - Okay.
219
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,647
And I'm gonna drink... a lot.
220
00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:01,218
Yay! Double date! All right!
221
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:03,878
[Linda Laughing]
Oh! I love it.
222
00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:05,887
I feel like we�re in Jamaica.
223
00:09:05,978 --> 00:09:08,322
Ooh! Jamaican honeymoon.
224
00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:12,419
You be just in time for �pastafarian� night
with garlic �dreadsticks,� mon.
225
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:13,496
Stop.
226
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,623
- Groove with me to-
- Uh-uh.
227
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:16,699
- I-
- No.
228
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:18,268
[No Accent]
You're such a jerk.
229
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:25,134
[Thinking]
I'm a born babysitter. Tina brings the fun.
230
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:27,233
Now .. sparkle.
231
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:31,804
Hi, Gene. Would you like to play a game?
Maybe sing a song?
232
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:34,282
[Grunts]
233
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:36,910
Uh, Tina, will you join me in the corner
for a little powwow?
234
00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:37,987
Okay.
235
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:41,251
- You're dying out there, kid.
- Yeah.
236
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:44,692
- Everybody hates you.
- I know. I'm blowing it.
237
00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:47,390
- Should I call for help on the emergency phone?
- Hold on.
238
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:49,796
- Maybe you should think outside the box.
- Okay.
239
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:55,202
How many times in our life will we get
a chance to wander unsupervised in a morgue?
240
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:57,205
Yeah. Won't that be scary?
241
00:09:57,296 --> 00:10:01,403
Tina, you don't babysit from here.
You babysit from here.
242
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,606
- My boob?
-[Sighs] Yes, your boob.
243
00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:06,012
- Really?
- Yeah.
244
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:09,314
- What's your boob telling you, Tina?
- I don't know.
245
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,945
[High-pitched]
Explore the morgue.
246
00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:14,684
- Explore the morgue?
- That-a-girl!
247
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:19,859
[Gene Screams]
248
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,232
Sorry, just hungry.
249
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,637
- ?[Reggae] ?
- ? Try da ziti tonight ?
250
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:30,936
? Oh, yeah
it's on da special tonight ?
251
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:33,408
Bobby, they're playing our song.
252
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:36,173
What? Our song isn't �Ziti Tonight.�
253
00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:38,179
[Gasps]
Oh, I think that's her!
254
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:45,816
Mort? I recognize you from
the picture on your Web site.
255
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:49,324
- I'm Samantha.
- Well, it's quite a pleasure to meet you, Samantha.
256
00:10:49,415 --> 00:10:51,918
This is my friend Bob
and his lovely Wife Linda.
257
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:54,055
- Hi.
- Hi. We're on our honeymoon.
258
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,429
Oh. Congratulations?
259
00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:58,229
- Thank you.
- It's not our honeymoon.
260
00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,598
Well, technically-
261
00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:00,693
Not technically.
262
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,704
- First time to Jamaica.
- Oh, my God.
263
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:06,607
Sorry for the smell. Long day
slaving over the old embalming table.
264
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:11,307
Well, let me just say that
I've been embalming you with my eyes
265
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:12,883
since the moment
you Walked in.
266
00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:15,350
- [Giggles] Mort!
- [Chuckles]
267
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:18,615
- Ugh.
- Hush. it's their special language.
268
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:20,486
Waiter, do you have
anything bigger?
269
00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:22,081
Come on, everybody!
270
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,457
? Try our dessert ?
271
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:26,826
? You gotta have
a cannoli ?
272
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:28,557
Ooh, cannolis!
273
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:34,361
Let's move.
Oh, how thoughtless of me.
274
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:37,998
Tina, I'm sure you want to go first,
to protect us and stuff.
275
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:41,101
Yeah, Tina.
Earn that sweet babysitter cash.
276
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,908
Wait, wait.
First, how 'bout a hug?
277
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:46,108
- Hmm?
- Aw.
278
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,742
-[Louise] Mmm.
- Come here, Gene.
279
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:50,946
- Mmm. You're a good boy.
- [Grunts]
280
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,647
Uh, weird.
281
00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:54,918
Mmm.
282
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:56,493
All right.
Let's Wrap this up.
283
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:59,461
Okay, I'm ready.
I'll go first.
284
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,463
Like a lamb
to the slaughter.
285
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,893
Oh, guys! I, uh, I forgot
who sang �Funkytown."
286
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:09,598
I have to go look it up,
or it's gonna bug me all night.
287
00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:11,174
- You're not going anywhere.
- Aah!
288
00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:12,901
Keep Walking, Tina.
289
00:12:12,998 --> 00:12:14,238
[Groans]
290
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:18,408
[Whispering]
Are there bodies in those coffins?
291
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:21,576
With all this green mold around town,
better hope not.
292
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:24,245
- What do you mean?
- You're joking, right?[Scoffs]
293
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:29,019
- Only that green mold turns bodies into the living dead.
-[Groans]
294
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,994
Tina, you're a zombiephile.
You should know this!
295
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:35,497
I'm not a zombiephile. I have
a complicated relationship with zombies.
296
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,431
They're dangerous,
but I love their swagger.
297
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,867
�Funkytown" is by Lipps Incorporated.
I just remembered.
298
00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:42,570
The morgue.
299
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,171
Well, here goes nothin'.
300
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:47,469
[Tina Groans]
301
00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:50,672
- ? [Reggae]
-[Laughing]
302
00:12:52,171 --> 00:12:54,845
Every time they say
something horrible, take a drink.
303
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,851
- Bob, stop.
- I'm doin' it.
304
00:12:56,942 --> 00:13:01,186
So, what's the Weirdest thing
you've ever found in a human body?
305
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,783
- Here we go.
- You first.
306
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,954
- Lightbulb.
-[Slurps]
307
00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:08,361
- A football.
-[Slurps]
308
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,024
A Far Side calendar.
309
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,124
[Slurps]
Really? Huh.
310
00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:15,671
But most of the time,
What I find is lots and lots of-
311
00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:16,739
[Together]
Tumors.
312
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:17,807
Oh!
313
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,241
[Both Laughing]
314
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:26,644
Aw, already finishing
each ether's-
315
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,241
Oh, my God, no.
Linda.
316
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:30,581
- Senten-
- Stop.
317
00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:32,383
Tencences-
318
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,253
- Sentences.
-[Slurps]
319
00:13:34,346 --> 00:13:36,917
[Creaking]
320
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:40,088
How long does it take
to open a door?
321
00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:41,324
Okay.
322
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:44,162
[Electrical Buzzing]
323
00:13:44,256 --> 00:13:45,257
- Aah!
-[Lock Clicks]
324
00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:48,736
Smells a little moldy...
and corpsy.
325
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,603
Bad combo.
326
00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:54,166
- I don�t think we should be here.
- Yeah, let's go back upstairs.
327
00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:56,678
You're totally right, guys.
328
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:59,147
[Rumbling]
329
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:02,684
- It's locked.
-[Rumbling]
330
00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:05,383
[Tina]
Louise, no!
331
00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:07,555
[Screams]
332
00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:09,557
-[Vibrating]
-[Laughs]
333
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:12,094
Silly us.
It was only a phone.
334
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,754
'[Sighs]
'[Sighs]
335
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,560
- Hello?
- Who is it?
336
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:16,792
Some stranger.
337
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:17,993
Hello?
338
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,934
[Low-pitched]
Have you checked the children?
339
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:25,497
- Mom?
-[Sighs] No. I'm a zombie.
340
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,077
- Oh.
-[Regular] No, I�m-
341
00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:30,545
[Low-pitched]
I am also a murderer!
342
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:32,547
[All Scream]
343
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:34,345
- ?[Reggae]
-[Laughing]
344
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,647
- You go, girl. You go, girl.
- Yeah, mon.
345
00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:40,280
Hey, I gotcha! Come on.
Dance with Mommy. Come on.
346
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,086
You drunk enough
to be any fun yet?
347
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:43,626
Yeah, I guess.
348
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,390
Bob, Linda.
349
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:48,158
Hugo, my man!
350
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:52,259
[Buzzing Vibration]
351
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,238
[Indistinct]
352
00:14:56,328 --> 00:14:58,604
Linda, I can't do it anymore.
353
00:14:58,697 --> 00:15:00,267
- Come on.
- No.
354
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:04,405
- I'm going home, Lin, to Mort's.
- Don't you ignore my lasso.
355
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:06,881
Whoa, doggie. You got me.
[Chuckles]
356
00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:08,815
- Not you, Hugo.
- Fair enough.
357
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:13,118
Fine, Bob. We don't need you here anyway,
you big, sour blanket.
358
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:16,955
Who Wants to see
What I learned today in salsa class?
359
00:15:20,152 --> 00:15:22,428
Ah, guess I can go
finish Speed bus.
360
00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:23,659
[Chorus]
? Speed bus ?
361
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:24,996
Then I can watch the movie.
362
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,592
Hope it's as good
as the model.
363
00:15:26,692 --> 00:15:27,762
�It is."
364
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,464
- Keanu?
-[Gene, Tina Screaming]
365
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:33,509
Kids? Kids!
Keanu, where are they? Downstairs?
366
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,545
�Yeah, probably. �
Thanks.
367
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:37,545
Oh, I hate stairs.
368
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:39,877
�We've been drinking, huh?"
You got that right, buddy.
369
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:41,883
Oh, I feel
like I could pass out.
370
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:45,183
Anybody in there?
Hmm. What is that? Satin?
371
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:48,156
Oh, man, that is
calling our name, Keanu.
372
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:51,057
�Get in there!�
Will do, buddy.
373
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:55,565
[Grunting]
374
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,797
Somebody close my bed.
375
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:03,464
[Grunts]
I'll get it.
376
00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:06,736
- Unlock the door, Louise.
- We know you have the key.
377
00:16:06,832 --> 00:16:09,836
Nope. I ate it.
We'll have to wait till it comes out.
378
00:16:09,935 --> 00:16:11,972
You never poop. We're doomed!
379
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:13,550
Yep.
380
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,550
[Snarling]
381
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,587
- What the hell?
-[Snarling Loudly]
382
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:19,713
It's coming
from the next room.
383
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,655
- She's messing with us again.
- No.
384
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:25,593
I swear. I did this,
but I am not doing that.
385
00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:29,894
-[Snort]
- I won�t get fooled again. I'm the babysitter.
386
00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:34,094
-[Rumbling Snort]
- [Tina Screams]
387
00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:36,935
- [Snorting Continues]
-[All Scream]
388
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,506
[All Shouting]
389
00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:41,544
[Pounding]
390
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:43,943
Kids, stop doing that.
It's me.
391
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:46,141
-[Bob, Muffled] Stop hitting the coffin!
- Duct tape!
392
00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:49,617
[Louise]
Hit it! Smash it! I don't want to die!
393
00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:52,052
?[Reggae]
394
00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:54,685
[Grunting]
395
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,225
Let me out!
Let me out!
396
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,124
- Now what?
- Now...
397
00:16:58,217 --> 00:16:59,525
we cremate it.
398
00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:02,064
Cremate? No!
No cremating Dad!
399
00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:03,724
[Bob, Muffled]
It was a drunk nap!
400
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:07,235
- It's trying to sweet-talk us.
- That's classic zombie.
401
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:10,603
- La, la, la.
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!
402
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,039
Open the casket!
403
00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:14,111
- La, la, la, la!
- Let me out!
404
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:19,580
[Kids]
La, la, la, la, la, la, la!
405
00:17:19,671 --> 00:17:24,142
Kids, it's your father!
For the love of God, let me out!
406
00:17:24,243 --> 00:17:25,654
La, la, la, la-
407
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:28,748
I'm gonna die alone.
And I'm in my lazy pants.
408
00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:30,485
Linda hates these pants.
409
00:17:30,582 --> 00:17:33,392
Damn it! They're coming off!
For you, Lin!
410
00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:35,556
- Now what?
- Now we turn it on.
411
00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:38,134
- How?
- Just pull all the levers... a lot.
412
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:40,134
But they look like
robot wieners.
413
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:42,262
- I know!
- Okay!
414
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,602
[All Grunting]
415
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:48,007
- It's not so bad.
- Keep pulling the robot wieners.
416
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:50,080
Whoo-hoo!
I love reggae.
417
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:54,584
Don't listen to anyone who says you can't
have a perfectly good honeymoon by yourself.
418
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:55,981
[Nervous Chuckles]
419
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,282
Hey, hey!
I'm not done. I'm not done.
420
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,379
Let me tell you something.
421
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:02,652
I haven't known Samantha
very long.
422
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,854
But a Woman knows
when another Woman is aroused.
423
00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:07,021
Whoo!
424
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,190
-[Nervous Chuckle]
- Heh.
425
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:10,790
[Tina]
Turn that thingy While I pull this thingy.
426
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:13,369
- You don't know how. Let me.
- I'm in charge.
427
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:14,836
[Muffled]
All right. Here it goes.
428
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:19,535
Superhuman strength. You can do it!
Oh, What happened?
429
00:18:19,631 --> 00:18:20,939
- Dad?
- Dad?
430
00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:25,477
- Uh-oh.
- Oh, my God! I'm gonna die in here!
431
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:26,811
Dad, I've got you.
432
00:18:26,905 --> 00:18:29,010
[Bob]
Oh, burning. Coffin on fire.
433
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,548
Aah!
[Panting]
434
00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:36,182
Oh, yes, air.
[Panting]
435
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,557
- Kids, come here!
-[Gene, Louise] Tina's in charge!
436
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:39,822
- Mmm.
- Oh.
437
00:18:39,918 --> 00:18:41,056
[Laughing]
438
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:41,790
- Oh!
- Aah!
439
00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:45,325
Oh, now you come off.
440
00:18:45,424 --> 00:18:47,961
What happened here?
My shop's a Wreck!
441
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,973
Mort, lady mortician,
how's the date going?
442
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,508
- Good.
- Good!
443
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:57,104
- Are you okay, Bob?
- I faced death, Mort. I know things now.
444
00:18:57,202 --> 00:19:00,809
I know. You don't just
build a model of life.
445
00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:02,886
You-You watch the movie of life.
446
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,388
You-You get in the mood
and make some mortician babies, you two.
447
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:09,755
Mort, your name, kids are amazing.
448
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:13,159
Even if they try to burn you alive
in a coffin, and they will do that.
449
00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:14,856
-[All] Yeah.
- But it's good.
450
00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:18,491
Because you see your whole life
pass before you as you're burning.
451
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,592
And every pair of pants
you've ever worn.
452
00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:25,869
And you'll see the love of your life,
dancing salsa in Jamaica by herself.
453
00:19:25,964 --> 00:19:28,376
Mort, and you,
What is your name?
454
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:29,775
Oh, Samantha.
455
00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:33,077
Yes! That's beautiful!
Are you two in love or what?
456
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,310
Hopefully.
457
00:19:34,406 --> 00:19:36,408
- Can I hear you say �yeah�?
- Yeah!
458
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,886
- Yes, we are. Yes, Bob.
- Yeah!
459
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:40,012
Great! Then feel it!
460
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,318
I can feel it! Love!
461
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:42,687
- I feel it!
- Say �love�!
462
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:44,317
- Love!
- Love!
463
00:19:44,416 --> 00:19:46,418
Would you watch my kids
for ten minutes?
464
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:49,055
- Sure.
- Good. I gotta go.
465
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:54,935
Nice embalming table.
ls it disinfected?
466
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:58,133
Uh, Tina, do you think
maybe you could-
467
00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:01,575
Say no more.
Gene, Louise, now!
468
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,647
Ow, my ear.
469
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:05,708
[Kissing]
470
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,541
No, no, no!
No! No! No!
471
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,779
-[All Scream]
-[Mort] Wrong door.
472
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,653
-[Bob] Hello, baby.
-[Linda] Bob!
473
00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:17,124
- Ah, disgusting!
- I can see your downstairs dreadlocks.
474
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,526
- Go ahead and look, Jimmy.
- No, mon.
475
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:20,824
Yeah, mon.
476
00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:22,728
Oh, Bobby, you big goof.
477
00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:25,062
I took off my lazy pants.
Did you notice, Lin?
478
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,398
- Yes, I did.
-[Hugo] God!
479
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:30,132
Care to couples dance with me?
480
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,641
On our haunted
Jamaican honeymoon?
481
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:36,906
[Chuckles]
That's green mold.
482
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:38,504
- Right there on Jimmy's wall.
- What?
483
00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:39,742
You see it? Right there.
484
00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:41,840
[Linda Laughs]
Yes.
485
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:44,386
Oh, crap.
She's right.
486
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:46,422
- We win! We win!
-[Chuckles]
487
00:20:46,511 --> 00:20:48,855
- Ah, just put some bleach on it.
- What?
488
00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:52,154
[All]
? Weekend at Mort's ?
489
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,061
? We 're gonna have
a weekend at Mort's ?
490
00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:56,223
[Linda]
Uh, uh, uh!
491
00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:58,801
? Weekend at Mort's ?
492
00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:01,200
? We 're gonna have
a weekend at Mort's ?
493
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:07,542
[Bob, High-pitched]
What?
494
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,176
? Weekend at Mort's ?
495
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,411
? We 're gonna have
a weekend at Mort's ?
496
00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:17,748
? We're gonna have
a weekend at Mort's ??
497
00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:18,878
[Linda]
Uh, uh, uh!
498
00:21:20,812 --> 00:21:21,790
By Jeffreyalca
499
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:26,390
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