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1
00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:25,735
- You said we had to, so-
- [Bob] Shush.
2
00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:27,964
Brrr! I should've brought my cardigan.
3
00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:30,041
I have an announcement about the restaurant.
4
00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:32,701
Here in this box is the beef
that will make our-
5
00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:34,278
Gene, drumroll, please.
6
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,541
? [Imitating Drumroll]
7
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,319
- Okay, enough.
- ? [Drumroll Continues]
8
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:43,820
- Gene.
- ? [Drumroll Stops]
9
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:48,154
Here in this box is the beef
that will make our 100,000th burger.
10
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,484
- Wow.
- Can I touch it?
11
00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:54,292
- I wanna touch it too.
- I wanna feel it between my toes. Mmm.
12
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,958
I wanna put a stick of dynamite in it
and blow it up.
13
00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,095
No. What is wrong with all of you?
No one's touching this meat but me.
14
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:03,231
I have an announcement too.
My bra's chafing me.
15
00:01:03,329 --> 00:01:05,468
- That's not a real announcement.
- Oh, I have one.
16
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:08,102
I love... house music.
17
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,442
There. I said it.
? [imitates Beats]
18
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:15,316
- And I'm going to get my gun license, finally.
- Oh, congratulations.
19
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,615
Can't believe they're
making you wait three days.
20
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:19,417
Stop stealing my thunder!
21
00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:22,015
I found the banner!
22
00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:23,856
It's from our old printer.
23
00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:26,089
You just have to tear off
the holes on the side.
24
00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:28,530
We were supposed to hit 100,000 ages ago.
25
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:30,066
[Chuckles]
We were way off.
26
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,692
- [Gene] Yeah.
- [Louise] Big time.
27
00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:32,861
- [Chuckles]
- Can I-
28
00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:34,529
- Let me just-
- No. Stop it.
29
00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:37,005
[Tina Sighs]
There it is.
30
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,235
- Get it!
- Dive!
31
00:01:38,331 --> 00:01:39,309
Oh, my God.
32
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:41,504
' [Sighs]
' [Means]
33
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,980
- [Sizzling]
- Are you number 100,000?
34
00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:46,379
[High-pitched Voice]
No.
35
00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:47,781
[Normal Voice]
Are you mad at me?
36
00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:48,818
[High-pitched Voice]
No.
37
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:51,218
[Normal Voice]
Oh, burger, you're cute.
38
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:52,619
[High-pitched Voice]
You're cute too.
39
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:53,713
[Normal Voice]
I'm not.
40
00:01:53,813 --> 00:01:56,794
Whoa, whoa. Linda, I think the news is here.
41
00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:59,523
I wonder if they heard
about our 100,000th burger.
42
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:00,962
- [Squeaking]
- [Shouts] What?
43
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,830
[Clears Throat]
Hi. How are you? What can I do for you?
44
00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:06,403
- Are you Bob?
- Uh, yeah. I am.
45
00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:09,997
I'm Randy Watkins, the documentary filmmaker.
46
00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:11,473
Okay. Uh-
47
00:02:11,564 --> 00:02:13,544
We're making a film about the beef industry.
48
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:17,012
I heard you were about to hit
your 100,000th burger...
49
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:19,709
and I Wanted to shake your hand.
50
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,444
Oh. Yeah. Um-
51
00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:24,818
Because you, sir,
have blood on your hands.
52
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:26,889
Ew. ls this ketchup?
53
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,085
It's the blood of a hundred thousand
slaughtered cows.
54
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:30,593
You ketchup'd me.
55
00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:33,323
We're here to force you to face your victims.
56
00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:35,729
Meet your meat.
57
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,865
- What the hell?
- Her name is Moolisa.
58
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:43,168
Shes due to be �processed�
in five days, Bob...
59
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,368
unless you choose to spare her life.
60
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:47,001
- Wh-Why?
- That's right.
61
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,478
You will decide her fate.
62
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:52,072
It's a cow-ntclown
63
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:55,210
- [Timer Beeping]
- We'll see What your conscience tells you...
64
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:58,050
when you're looking your burger
right in the eye.
65
00:02:58,144 --> 00:03:02,183
Ow. This is ridiculous.
It's not a crime to make burgers
66
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:04,592
- There's no blood on our hands.
- [Bell Rings]
67
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:07,722
What's all the yelling about?
68
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:11,393
[Louise] Turns out Dads been putting
murdered cows in our hamburgers.
69
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,471
And you made us a part of it.
70
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,267
You make me sick.
71
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:18,706
- Kids, please.
- Oh, look. A cow.
72
00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:20,243
Hello, blondie.
73
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,813
Oops. I got some meat on you.
74
00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:25,712
Dead cow on live cow. Gross.
[Chuckles]
75
00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:27,250
Oh, my God.
76
00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:30,048
- Uh, not a good time, Linda.
- [Chuckles] Ooh.
77
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,749
Randy, stop. Stop filming.
78
00:03:33,846 --> 00:03:36,486
We're not gonna be
in your cow documentary anymore.
79
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,221
Well, you don't really have a choice, Bob...
80
00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:41,527
'cause I stop at nothing
to expose injustice to animals.
81
00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:43,430
Is that wig glued on?
82
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:46,800
Yeah. it's the only way it would stay put.
It's to humanize her.
83
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:50,431
- It's cute.
- Hmm. I've seen cuter. Honestly, she's a four.
84
00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:54,034
Randy, I-I don't know where to begin.
This isn't even a female cow.
85
00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:57,478
Beef happens to come from steers,
which are male cows.
86
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,607
Then, uh, how do you explain that udder?
87
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:02,585
- Whoa. What an udder.
- [Bob] Get away from there, Tina.
88
00:04:02,675 --> 00:04:05,554
- That's, um, not an udder.
- Oh, it's not?
89
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:08,922
Don't listen to him, Randy.
Go ahead and milk that cow.
90
00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:10,756
- Milk it good.
- Oh, we did.
91
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:13,023
You shouldn't have.
Milk doesn't come out of that.
92
00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:15,190
Something came out of it
in that bucket over there.
93
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:16,699
You mean this bucket of urine?
94
00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:18,564
I know urine, and that's urine.
95
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:20,296
- Gene, put that down.
- No!
96
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:22,031
Well, it certainly smells like urine.
97
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:24,039
But that's probably because she's sick.
98
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:26,508
- No, she's not sick.
- Sick of your practices, Bob!
99
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,978
Okay. We're gonna go inside and call
Animal Control, and then you'll have to leave.
100
00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:31,639
[Kids 1
Aw!
101
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:34,719
So you've got all your permits,
and you're renting this storefront?
102
00:04:34,807 --> 00:04:35,785
- Yes.
- Oh, yeah.
103
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,786
And this cow has had all its shots?
104
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,288
- Yes.
- Sure, sure, sure, sure.
105
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,518
All right. Well, great.
My job is done. I'll see you guys later.
106
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:43,059
- [Both] Bye!
- Bye, animal man.
107
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:45,129
- What?
- Will you sign a release to be in the movie?
108
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,754
Yeah. A movie? Yes.
109
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,890
- You're gonna be a star.
- Excuse me.
110
00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:50,695
- Thank you.
- Hello. The person who called you.
111
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,701
- Thank you.
- You can't have a cow on the sidewalk.
112
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,271
- It's dangerous.
- Sir, sir...
113
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:58,001
the only thing dangerous about this cow
is how adorable it is.
114
00:04:58,097 --> 00:04:59,405
Moo!
115
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:01,501
- Put your hand on this cow and touch it.
- What?
116
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,274
I just know that that's gonna help you.
117
00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:05,144
[Chanting]
Touch the cow. Touch the cow.
118
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:06,512
- Touch the cow.
- I'm walking away.
119
00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:07,584
[Gene]
Touch it.
120
00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:10,018
Oh, right. Run away, tough guy!
121
00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:12,316
Yeah! Go take a meat bath...
122
00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:15,552
or whatever it is you people do!
123
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,219
[Man]
Dial "M" for Mooder, interview one, take one.
124
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,355
[Clears Throat]
? Ma, ma, ma, ma, me, me, me, me;
125
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:21,488
Perfect.
126
00:05:21,587 --> 00:05:23,498
Do you think cows
should be ground up for food?
127
00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:25,500
Personally, I don't really care.
128
00:05:25,591 --> 00:05:28,094
But my father, he loves grinding them up.
129
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:30,936
Gives him a rush, makes him feel alive.
130
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:34,068
Daddy's a bad, bad man.
131
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,147
Is this movie gonna have a score?
132
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:38,806
You know, some music
to tug at the heartstrings.
133
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:41,818
- I haven't thought about it yet.
- Well, check this out.
134
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:46,379
? [Backbeat] ?
135
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,015
- [Dog Barks]
- Think about it.
136
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,526
Louise, What does that look like to you?
137
00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:52,892
Cow poop. Good eye, Tina. Good eye.
138
00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:55,192
No. I mean it's in the shape
of a smiley face...
139
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,632
- like an emoticon.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
140
00:05:57,724 --> 00:06:01,968
You think the cow
is texting you an emoticon with its butt.
141
00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:03,631
Very interesting.
142
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:06,040
Maybe this cow is trying
to communicate with us...
143
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,408
the only way it knows how- with its feces
144
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:10,981
Like Gram-Gram used to do.
145
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,880
Mom, let's say you had a brilliant plan...
146
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:17,978
but to execute it, you needed
to write something using cow poop.
147
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:21,217
- How would you do it?
- Oh. ls this a brain teaser?
148
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:24,727
Hmm. I would use a frosting bag.
149
00:06:24,817 --> 00:06:26,763
- Do we have one?
- Yeah. In the pantry.
150
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:29,060
Am I right? ls it a frosting bag?
151
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,829
- We'll see, Mom.
- Bye.
152
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:34,094
[Bell Rings]
153
00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,909
[Chuckling]
154
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:41,069
[Sinister Laughter]
155
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:43,340
[Laughter Continues]
156
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:45,438
[Laughter Stops]
Yeah.
157
00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:47,040
Okeydokey.
158
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,489
[Bob]
Bye, kids. Have a good day.
159
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,318
- [Louise] Murderer!
- [Bob Groans]
160
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,484
Oh. Hi, Randy.
161
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:56,616
Whoa.
162
00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:58,252
Wink with open smile.
163
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,422
- Is this for me?
- It has to be.
164
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,227
What should I do? Should I text back?
165
00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:03,299
- Coming through.
- [Squishing]
166
00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:05,630
- Oh, no.
- Ugh.
167
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:06,726
Hmm.
168
00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:08,897
[Woman]
Aw. Look at him.
169
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,838
[Man]
So cute. Makes me hungry.
170
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,500
[Woman]
Honey, I want a burger right now.
171
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,908
[Voice Amplified]
What's wrong with you people?
172
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,481
[Voice Amplified]
Yeah. What's wrong with you people?
173
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,641
Now, let's talk about your music budget.
174
00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:21,650
[Voice Amplified]
ls it a million?
175
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:23,743
[Voice Amplified]
We only need one megaphone out here!
176
00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:26,221
[Voice Amplified]
You know What you need? You need this!
177
00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:29,987
? [Backbeat] ?
178
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:32,062
- [Dog Barks]
- [Voice Amplified] Think about it!
179
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,364
Wow! We're mobbed.
180
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,298
Thank you, documentary.
181
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:40,337
Linda, the documentary�s
about me being an evil cow killer.
182
00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:42,804
- [Louise] Murderer!
- Oh, come on, Bob.
183
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:46,433
There's ho such thing as bad publicity.
This could be huge for us.
184
00:07:46,532 --> 00:07:48,705
- Like a sex tape.
- Like a sex tape.
185
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,179
- Ugh.
- It's the best free advertising we ever had.
186
00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:53,477
- I know. it's almost sac!
- For who'?
187
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:56,816
- I don't know. The cow?
- The cow's going out in a blaze of glory.
188
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:59,355
- Everybody wins, Bob
- I guess you're right.
189
00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:01,618
I mean, looks kind of sweet out there-
190
00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:04,126
enjoying the day, meeting people.
191
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:07,391
Hi, cow. I'm gonna eat you.
192
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,057
- Whoa. Can it hear us?
- [Munches]
193
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,133
[Munching]
194
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,533
- Easy.
- Like sands through the hourglass...
195
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:14,798
there goes my teeth right into your back.
196
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:18,000
- That's my wife.
- Ah, Bobby, I'm friggin' starving.
197
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:22,568
Who could eat that beautiful creature?
Shame on you!
198
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,614
Are you going to be eating a burger today?
199
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,775
We wouldn�t dream of eating an animal.
200
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,319
We run a petting zoo by the interstate.
201
00:08:29,408 --> 00:08:32,617
It's called Mother Goose's
Discount Petting Zoo.
202
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,623
Petting horses, goats and sheep.
203
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:36,455
Precious memories on the cheap.
204
00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:40,156
It's basically an animal sanctuary...
that we make money off of.
205
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:42,756
- Exactly.
- [Randy Chuckles]
206
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:45,802
- [Light Switch Clicks]
- [Timer Beeping]
207
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:48,532
Oh, hey, Randy, thanks for the business.
208
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:50,471
Oh, hey, Bob, you're welcome.
209
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,543
I'm gonna go to bed soon.
What are you gonna do?
210
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,612
Oh, I'll probably go to bed too,
'cause I'm a person.
211
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,111
[Bob]
Bye.
212
00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:03,549
M-Moolisa, watch out!
213
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:06,890
No!
214
00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:09,118
- [Gavel Pounding]
- Bring in the accused.
215
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:12,719
- [Crowd Jeering]
- Yeah, yeah.
216
00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:15,731
- Louise, you're defending me?
- [Gavel Pounding]
217
00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:19,268
This so-called �man� stands accused...
218
00:09:19,358 --> 00:09:23,898
of murdering nearly a hundred thousand
hamburgers Worth of cows.
219
00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:28,103
I call to the stand Moolisa!
220
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,543
Objection!
221
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:32,548
That cow's faking his injuries!
222
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:34,948
And I can prove it. Think fast.
223
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:36,714
[Crowd Murmuring]
224
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:38,152
Overruled.
225
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:42,454
Moolisa, is the man who killed you
in the courtroom today?
226
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:44,960
- [Insects Buzzing]
- [Bob] it's me.
227
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:47,998
It's me. I just make hamburgers.
228
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:51,125
I never Wanted to be a cow killer.
229
00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:52,964
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
230
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:54,834
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
231
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,998
- [Gasps]
- [Snoring]
232
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,133
Whoa. Heavy sleeper.
233
00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:01,404
Wha- What happened? Whats the matter?
Whats the matter? [Shorts]
234
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,911
- Go back to bed.
- [Groans]
235
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:04,447
I'm sorry. Go back to bed.
236
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:07,814
- [Thunder Cracks]
- [Cow Moos]
237
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:13,350
[Sighs]
238
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,323
Hey! Randy!
239
00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:17,394
Your cow's gonna freeze to death out here.
240
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,862
Randy!
241
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:27,302
[Bob]
Shh. Easy. Easy. Back up. Back up. Back up.
242
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:29,339
Oh, my God!
243
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,806
- [Chuckles] I know.
- It's a cow.
244
00:10:31,897 --> 00:10:33,808
You know what'? You won't even know it's here
245
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:37,909
Uh, that was like that already.
246
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,751
Definitely clean that. Oop. Step back.
247
00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:44,515
This is the best dream I've ever had!
248
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,851
Everybody pee on the floor!
249
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:48,687
[Voice Raised]
Who's with me?
250
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,565
Okay. Eat While it's hot.
251
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,260
Well, well, well.
Looks who's too good for cereal now
252
00:10:57,356 --> 00:11:00,667
- He's trying to impress the cow.
- Don't be ridiculous.
253
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,764
Someone knows how to treat
a lady-slash-male steer.
254
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:06,867
Bob, I am not comfortable
with this situation.
255
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,913
Lin, What was I supposed to do?
I had that crazy dream. It was raining.
256
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:14,610
Well, I had a crazy dream that
there wouldn�t be a cow's a-s-s in my face...
257
00:11:14,707 --> 00:11:16,687
when I'm eating my breakfast.
258
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,187
I know What that spells.
259
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:20,052
- Ass.
- Ass.
260
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:22,285
- Mom. [Chuckles] Ass.
- Stop it.
261
00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:26,386
Say good-bye, everybody.
It's going out on the street where it belongs.
262
00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:29,193
Of course, okay? Of course.
Right after breakfast.
263
00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:31,290
Cows can't go down stairs.
264
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:33,901
- What?
- What's that?
265
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,472
Cows can't go down stairs.
266
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:37,632
- That's, like, a thing.
- I've heard that.
267
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:40,108
It's like a fun fact.
268
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:41,678
- Bobby!
- Hmm.
269
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:44,577
Cows can't go down stairs?
That better not be true.
270
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:50,245
[Bob Grunting]
Huh. What do you know?
271
00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:52,720
We know you'll push
on a cow's butt for half an hour...
272
00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:54,382
Without asking for help.
273
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,721
Gotta have that butt all to yourself.
274
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:59,956
[Yelling]
Hey, Bob, what's the deal, man?
275
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,759
What did you do to Moolisa?
276
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:03,765
It's up here! Come get it out!
277
00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:07,303
Linda. Uh, it's not up here, Randy.
My wife's crazy.
278
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,771
Shh. If he knows I brought the cow in
he'll think he won.
279
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,341
So what if he won'?
280
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:13,671
- Get the cow out of the house now.
- Stop.
281
00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:15,404
- You get it out of the house.
- Linda, please.
282
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:18,380
- Come get-
- Oh. Uh, this cow.
283
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:21,645
- This cow, yeah, is here.
- Aha!
284
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,154
Dad, I ran that bubble bath
for you and Moolisa like you wanted.
285
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:26,245
Bubbles.
286
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:29,019
I'm not taking a bath with Moolisa, Randy.
287
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:30,423
Two days left.
288
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:33,588
Two days to decide
to send that cow to slaughter...
289
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:37,600
or admit you're a hypocrite
and a murderer.
290
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,727
Wow. What a movie.
291
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:43,204
- Bob, What a movie.
- It's not my movie, Teddy.
292
00:12:43,295 --> 00:12:45,275
What, are they just
followin' you around with a camera?
293
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,901
You're in it.
You're the star, but it's not your movie.
294
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,445
Good luck, guys.
295
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:52,573
- Will you sign a release?
- Sure. Do you want my Jock Hancock?
296
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:54,173
- Yeah.
- Anywhere?
297
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,913
- No. On-On the line here.
- Better get used to this, huh?
298
00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:59,114
Gonna be in the movies. I-
299
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:01,213
- Just on the line where it says �signature.�
- Just on the line, right?
300
00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:02,758
- Just sign anywhere?
- Yeah.
301
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,418
No. No. Where it says signature.
302
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,497
Okay. What's your name?
Do you want it to you?
303
00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:08,565
- No, I-
- [Bob] Teddy, What are you doing?
304
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,656
I'm signing, uh, an autograph, Bob.
305
00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:21,239
-[Sighs]
One big happy family,
306
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,574
isn't this nice, all of us here together?
307
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:24,841
No.
308
00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:27,474
Are you gonna give me a poop tonight?
Talk to me.
309
00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:29,678
Hmm? Bob, hmm?
310
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:32,187
Well, it's nice. They like each other.
311
00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:33,757
It's good for Tina.
312
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:37,020
Come on. Just relax and-
[Blows Raspberry]
313
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:40,359
It's all about the communication.
[Blows Raspberry]
314
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,101
- [Squishing]
- Uh-oh.
315
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:49,029
Hi, Moolisa.
316
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:50,664
[Gasps]
Frowny face?
317
00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:53,869
All I've been is super nice to you,
and this is the thanks I get?
318
00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:55,377
I loved you.
319
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:58,311
I loved you like a horse,
which is my favorite animal.
320
00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:59,974
You know what? Let's just stop...
321
00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:02,245
before we both say something we'll regret
322
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,321
like that horses are better than cows.
323
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,014
I regret that.
324
00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:07,590
But it's true.
325
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:13,125
Where's the cow?
326
00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:15,859
I believe you mean, �Wheres the steer?�
327
00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:18,561
- Yeah, don�t forget about that penis.
- Yeah.
328
00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:19,863
Moolisa?
329
00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:21,495
- Moolisa.
- Ha!
330
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,540
Cows can go down stairs.
331
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:25,631
All you need is four wool socks...
332
00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:28,610
a mattress and the will to make it happen.
333
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,146
You didn't.
334
00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:32,807
Your girlfriend is tied up outside.
335
00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:35,651
Uh-Oh.
336
00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:38,244
[Yelling]
No!
337
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:42,724
- Whats wrong with Dad?
- I think he hates leashes.
338
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:49,333
It's not my fault, Randy. She was stolen.
339
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:51,401
It's no one's fault. Except for Linda's.
340
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:54,562
I did What I had to do
to protect my family and my carpet.
341
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:55,934
Yeah, Whatever.
342
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:58,838
So, who do we know
that would steal a cow in a blonde wig?
343
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:01,172
Maybe some perverts.
[Chuckles]
344
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,770
We had a fight last night, me and Moolisa.
345
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:05,974
I just wish I had a chance
to make things right again.
346
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:09,541
You wouldn�t if you heard some of the things
she was pooping about you.
347
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,815
Hey, guys, take a look at this.
348
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,822
[Talking Backwards]
...on the cheap.
349
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,415
[Tape Rewinds]
350
00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:18,461
You fellas just leave her tied up here
at night all alone?
351
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:20,188
Oh, yeah, yeah. She doesn't mind.
352
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:23,130
We could just back a trailer
right up here, honey, huh?
353
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,702
We sure could'- get ourselves a cow
354
00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:29,637
- Yeah. Get ourselves a cow
- Yeah, get ourselves a cow
355
00:15:29,728 --> 00:15:31,105
[Both Laughing]
356
00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:34,302
[Laughing Continues]
357
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:39,676
[Ticking]
358
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,718
[Randy]
What a dump.
359
00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:43,718
Yikes. Hey, there she is.
360
00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:45,220
Oh, dear God.
361
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:48,121
[Gasps]
Oh, the cow that jumped over the moon.
362
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:49,749
See, that's nice.
363
00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:52,488
- Come on. Let's go get her.
- We should come back after dark.
364
00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:54,530
- Why?
- It's more dramatic.
365
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,099
- That is stupid.
- No, no, no, no.
366
00:15:56,188 --> 00:15:58,634
I can see it now, the big rescue.
367
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:01,398
We'll shoot the whole thing in infrared.
368
00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,632
Ah, Randy, com- In infrared?
369
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:09,078
This is nuts.
The kids should be in bed, Bob.
370
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:11,478
It's infrared, Lin. Show her.
371
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:13,583
- Oh!
- Yeah.
372
00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:14,878
Coo! Coo!
373
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,250
- Why are you doing that?
- I'm signaling.
374
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:20,688
- Everybody, serpentine.
- [Gene] Yes. We're a unit.
375
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:23,760
Dad, you should know.
376
00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:27,160
If anything happens,
I am in full attack mode right now.
377
00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:29,391
Me too. I'm hungry for blood.
378
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,263
And also candy.
379
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,268
Uh, thanks, kids.
380
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,771
[Grunts] Damn it.
I missed the signal to stand up.
381
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:38,398
- Sorry, everybody.
- You let down the unit.
382
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:41,671
- I said I'm sorry.
- Bob, we're here. What do we do now'?
383
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:44,475
We, uh- uh, open the gate.
384
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:46,950
That was easy.
385
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:48,575
What do you think you're doing?
386
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,085
[Louise]
Gene, attack!
387
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,382
[Both Yelling, Munching]
388
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:54,389
Your children are biting my legs.
389
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,687
[Bob]
Randy, get Moolisa. Let's move.
390
00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:58,784
[Munching Continues]
391
00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:01,023
High-five, Bob. We did it.
392
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,100
High-five, Randy. Nice job.
393
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:07,227
I mean, we couldn't have done it
Without the kids biting that woman.
394
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:09,431
- [Timer Beeping]
- She tasted like sawdust and goats.
395
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:12,407
Three, two, one.
396
00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:13,476
- [Buzzer Sounds]
- Beep.
397
00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:14,543
[Gene]
Uh-oh.
398
00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:18,079
Bob, the cow-ntclown's over
399
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:20,673
it's time to decide Moolisa's fate.
400
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:23,413
Seriously? Right how?
Uh, we just rescued her.
401
00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:24,954
She's due at the slaughterhouse, Bob.
402
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,081
- What's it gonna be?
- [Louise] Murderer!
403
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:28,954
- Louise, shush.
- [Gasps]
404
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,461
Randy, can you stop making your stupid movie
for one minute and just be a human being?
405
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:35,327
I don't know, Bob. Can you stop making
your stupid burgers for one minute...
406
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,094
and be a human being?
407
00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:39,999
- Now you're gonna guilt-trip me.
- That's What the whole movie is about.
408
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:43,335
I thought we were friends now, Randy,
'cause we saved the cow together.
409
00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:46,137
Maybe activists-slash-documentarians
can't have friends...
410
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,710
no matter how many cows they save.
411
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,211
Well, that's just sad, Randy.
412
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:50,279
- [Tires Screeching]
- I know!
413
00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:52,144
[Screeching Continues]
414
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,080
Oh, my God. That was close.
415
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:57,814
I don't know What I would do
if anything happened to Moo-
416
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,356
- [Gasps]
- I didn�t hit her. I didn�t hit her.
417
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:02,653
I-I stopped. She's probably fine.
418
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,194
She's dead.
She must have had a cow heart attack.
419
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:06,661
- No.
- You know what?
420
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,062
Let me get something out of my van real quick.
Be right back.
421
00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:10,656
- [Door Closes]
- [Engine Starts]
422
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,360
[Tires Squeal]
423
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:14,836
Moolisa! Oh, my God. No.
424
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,601
Don't you die on me. Don't you die.
425
00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:20,677
Say something. Louise, look.
426
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,372
It's a heart- a heart-shaped poop.
427
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:25,608
What the hell? I didn't do that.
428
00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:27,183
I'm keeping it.
429
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:30,981
Bob, you all right? You look a little pale.
430
00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:32,555
' [Groans]
" [Body Thuds]
431
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:38,223
- Are we dead?
- I'm dead, Bob. You just fainted.
432
00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:40,957
I fainted? Wow. That's embarrassing.
433
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:42,327
- Okay.
- I'm-I'm not a fainter
434
00:18:42,421 --> 00:18:44,901
- Yeah, I�m- I'm dead though.
- Right. Yeah.
435
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:49,370
But listen. There's something I want you
to do for me. Make burgers out of me.
436
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:52,374
- What? No. No way.
- Yes way, Bob.
437
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:56,469
Look, ever since I met you, making burgers
makes me feel like a horrible person.
438
00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:58,309
Bob, I'm a castrated steer.
439
00:18:58,403 --> 00:19:00,007
Yeah, I'm a married man.
440
00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:01,846
[Both Snickering, Chuckling]
441
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:04,386
I'm kid- Same thing, right?
442
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:07,355
Yeah. Think about it though.
I'm a cow, you know?
443
00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:10,325
We're not Wild stallions or humpback whales.
444
00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:13,362
But we wanna feel special too. I do anyway.
445
00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:15,398
You turn me into something amazing.
446
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:18,661
Wait. isn't this my subconscious
telling me What I wanna hear?
447
00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:21,636
Hey. No. You know what? Yes, it is actually.
448
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:23,229
Well, it's working. Keep talking.
449
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:24,568
Kiss me.
450
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,371
No. I can't do that.
451
00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:29,810
- You can, and you want to.
- [Sighs]
452
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:33,611
Okay. One quick one because I owe you
453
00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:35,742
Uh, maybe not. Maybe I- we shouldn't.
454
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,515
- Oh, we should, absolutely.
- Oh, my God.
455
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:41,056
- What am I doing?
- What are you doing?
456
00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:42,955
I'm about to kiss a cow.
457
00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:44,322
Yeah.
458
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:46,925
Mmm.
459
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,589
- Bobby, are you okay?
- Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
460
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,531
- Whats Dad doing with his mouth?
- Looks like he's kissing.
461
00:19:51,623 --> 00:19:54,627
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, mmm.
462
00:19:54,726 --> 00:19:57,969
- Well, this is awkward.
- Somebody put a blanket over it.
463
00:19:58,063 --> 00:20:00,043
Tastes so good.
464
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:03,238
- [Linda] Okay, all right, kids inside now!
- [Tina] Ohh.
465
00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:10,047
Before Moolisa, I used to say it's just beef.
466
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:13,123
- I couldn't have been more wrong.
- [Dog Barks Twice]
467
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,317
Cows are living creatures
with beautiful hair...
468
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:18,657
and soft brown eyes, soft mouths.
469
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:19,785
Whoo!
470
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,923
And also they are beef.
471
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:25,058
They're the full package.
472
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,797
Does that make me a hypocrite to say that?
473
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,668
- [Randy] Yes.
- No, it doesn't, Randy.
474
00:20:29,761 --> 00:20:31,604
Or if it does...
475
00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:33,301
I can live with that.
476
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:36,709
I present our hundred-thousandth burger.
477
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,509
100,000th burger!
478
00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:42,313
All right!
479
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:43,818
Right. Undo the banner.
480
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:47,686
Bob's Burger! 100,000! All right!
481
00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:49,884
- Hooray!
- Do the banner.
482
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:52,963
Here's the banner. Here comes the banner.
483
00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:56,863
I humbly call this the Rest in Peas burger.
484
00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:58,628
- [Linda Chuckling]
- Ha.
485
00:20:58,724 --> 00:21:01,364
Because it, uh, comes
with snap peas and carrots. Thank you.
486
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:03,462
All right, funeral people...
487
00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:05,473
it's time to party!
488
00:21:05,564 --> 00:21:08,511
? [House] ?
489
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,547
? [Continues] ?
490
00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:13,241
,/* Gene machine ,/*
491
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:15,045
,/* In the house ,/*
492
00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:17,051
,/* Get ready,/'
493
00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:18,746
? To get it on ?
494
00:21:20,245 --> 00:21:23,089
? [Continues] ?
495
00:21:23,181 --> 00:21:25,092
I Dog Barks]
496
00:21:25,183 --> 00:21:28,027
? [Continues] ?
497
00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:41,410
By Jeffreyalca
498
00:21:41,460 --> 00:21:46,010
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