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1
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:33,534
All right, Jim,
2
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:36,304
your quarterlies
look very good.
3
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:37,571
How are things going
at the library?
4
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:40,074
Oh, I told you.
I couldn't close it, so...
5
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:43,577
So you've come
to the master for guidance?
6
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:46,180
(CHINESE ACCENT)
Is this what you're saying,
Grasshopper?
7
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,815
Uh, actually,
you called me in here.
8
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,383
But, yeah.
9
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:52,120
All right, well, let me
show you how it's done.
10
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,588
Yes, I'd like to speak
to your office manager, please.
11
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,757
Yes, hello.
This is Michael Scott.
12
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:58,459
I am the Regional Manager
13
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:00,628
of Dunder Mifflin
paper products.
14
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,697
Just wanted to talk to you
manager a manager.
15
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:07,868
All right, done deal!
16
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,437
(IRISH ACCENT)
Thank you very much, sir!
17
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:13,107
You're gentleman
and a scholar.
18
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:14,708
Oh, I'm sorry.
19
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,277
Okay.
I'm sorry.
20
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,279
My mistake.
21
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:19,313
(CLEARS THROAT)
22
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:21,582
That was a woman
I was talking to.
23
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,552
So.
She had a very low voice.
24
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,620
Probably a smoker.
25
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:30,324
So...
(CLEARS THROAT)
26
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:31,592
So that's the way it's done.
27
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,894
I've, uh, I've been
at Dunder Mifflin
28
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,296
for 12 years.
29
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,731
The last four
as regional manager.
30
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,768
Uh, if you wanna
come through here.
31
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,903
Ah, see, we have
the entire floor.
32
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,639
So this is my kingdom,
far as the eye can see.
33
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:48,309
Ah, this
is our receptionist Pam.
34
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,178
(IMITATING BAM-BAM)
Pam! Pam, Pam!
35
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,412
Pam Beasley.
36
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:55,149
Uh, Pam has been with us,
um...for...forever.
37
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,250
Right, Pam?
38
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:57,318
Well, I don't know.
39
00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:58,286
If you think
she's cute now,
40
00:01:58,319 --> 00:01:59,787
you should have seen her
a couple of years ago.
41
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,289
Reow, reow.
42
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:02,290
What?
43
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,624
Uh, any messages?
44
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,694
Um...yeah.
Just a fax.
45
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,629
Oh.
46
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:09,563
Pam, this is from corporate.
47
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,265
How many times
have I told you
I know...
48
00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:12,566
that there's
a special filing cabinet
49
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,867
for things from corporate?
50
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:14,902
You haven't told me--
51
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,270
It's called
the wastepaper basket!
52
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:18,606
(BAWDY LAUGH)
53
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,175
Look at that!
54
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:22,710
Oh, look at that face.
55
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,246
People say
I am the best boss.
56
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:26,614
They go,
57
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,349
"God, we've never worked
in a place like this before.
58
00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:30,251
"You're hilarious.
59
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:32,420
And you get the best
out of us."
60
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,955
Um...
61
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:38,659
I think that
pretty much sums it up.
62
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,794
I found it at Spencer Gifts.
63
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:47,535
* Shall I play for you
64
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:49,670
* Pa rum pa pum pum
65
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:53,374
(IMITATING DRUMS)
66
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:56,344
* I have no gifts for you
67
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,246
* Pa rum pa pum pum
68
00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,548
(IMITATING DRUMS)
69
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:03,917
My job is to speak to clients,
um, on the phone,
70
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:07,555
about...
uh, quantities
71
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:12,793
and, uh, type of...
copier paper.
72
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,763
You know, whether
we can supply it to them,
73
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,799
whether they can, uh...
74
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:19,833
pay for it.
75
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,802
And, um...
76
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:24,872
(CLICKS TONGUE)
77
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:28,742
I'm--I'm boring myself
just talking about this.
78
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,582
Wassuuuup?
79
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:35,883
Wassuuuup?
80
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,751
I still love that
after seven years.
81
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,820
Whasuuuup?
82
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:42,490
Whasuuuup?
83
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,258
Whasuuuuuuuuuup?
84
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:46,860
Whassup?
85
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:47,861
Oh, wow.
86
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:55,669
(GROANS)
87
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,841
What?
88
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,676
Nothin'.
89
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,044
Okay, all right.
90
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,513
See you later.
91
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,481
All right.
92
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:08,849
Take care.
93
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,384
Back to work!
94
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,690
WOMAN:
Just try to reach him
sometime today.
95
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,759
Um, I don't know,
just before lunch.
96
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,894
That would be great.
97
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,563
MICHAEL:
Corporate really doesn't
interfere with me at all.
98
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,631
Jan Levenson-Gould--
99
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,333
Jan! Hello!
100
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,835
I call her
Hillary Rodham Clinton.
101
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,903
Right?
Not to her face, because, uh--
102
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,740
Well, not because
I'm scared of her.
103
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,542
Because I'm not.
104
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:37,511
But, um, yeah.
105
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,613
All right, was there anything
you wanted to add to the agenda?
106
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:43,817
Mmm...me no get
an agenda.
107
00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:45,653
I'm sor--What?
I'm sorry?
108
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:46,887
I didn't get
any agenda.
109
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,889
Well, I faxed one over
to you this morning.
110
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,924
Really? 'Cause it didn't,
uh, I didn't--
111
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,026
Did we get a fax
this morning?
112
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,862
Uh, yeah, the one--
113
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:58,632
Then why--why isn't
it in my hand?
114
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,768
Because a company runs
on efficiency of communication.
115
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,703
Right? Just...
(IMITATES GUN FIRING)
116
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,405
Um, so what's the problem,
Pam?
117
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,040
Why didn't, uh,
why didn't I get it?
118
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,343
You put it
in the garbage can
119
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:11,379
that was a special
filing cabinet.
120
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,617
Yeah!
Uh, that was a joke.
121
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,951
That was a joke
that, uh,
122
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,787
was actually
my brother's.
123
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:20,788
And it was--
(LAUGHS)
124
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,855
it was supposed
to be with bills,
125
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,824
and it doesn't
work great with faxes.
126
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:25,025
Do you wanna
look at mine?
Yeah.
127
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,827
Yeah, I would.
Thank you.
128
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,896
Okay, since
the last meeting,
129
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,598
Alan and the board
have decided
130
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,400
that we can't justify
a Scranton branch
131
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,601
and a Stanford branch.
132
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:34,768
Oh, okay.
133
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:35,836
Michael, don't panic--
134
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:36,970
No, no, no, no.
This is good.
135
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,772
This is good.
This is fine, excellent.
136
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:39,607
Michael, listen,
okay, don't panic.
137
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:40,741
Although alarm bells
are kinda going
138
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:43,076
ringy dingy dingy!
We haven't made
any decisions yet.
139
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,478
I've spoken to Josh
in Stanford.
140
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:45,879
I've told him
the same as you,
141
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,815
and it's up to either
you or him to convince me
142
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,882
that your branch
can incorporate the other.
143
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,150
Okay, no problem.
144
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,985
This does, however, mean that
there's going to be downsizing.
145
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,887
Me no wanna
hear that, Jan.
146
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:56,123
Because downsizing
is a bitch.
147
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,726
It is a real bitch.
148
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,962
And I wouldn't wish that
on Josh's men.
149
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,831
I certainly wouldn't
wish it on my men.
150
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,600
Or women,
present company excluded.
151
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:07,968
Sorry, uh...
152
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:11,138
Is Josh concerned
about downsizing, himself?
153
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:12,573
Not downsizing himself,
154
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:13,941
but is he concerned about
downsizing?
155
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,112
Ha ha ha ha!
156
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:21,014
QUESTION: How long
do we have to act--
157
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,083
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
158
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,553
Oh, Todd Packer.
Terrific rep.
159
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:26,687
Do you mind
if I take it?
160
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,855
Go right ahead.
161
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:28,722
Packman.
162
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:30,190
TODD:
Hey, you big queen!
163
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,992
Oh, that's not...
appropriate.
164
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:34,828
Hey, is old Godzillary
coming in today?
165
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,096
Um, I don't know.
I don't know what you mean.
166
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:39,433
Look, I've been meaning
to ask her one question.
167
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,435
Does the carpet
match the drapes?
168
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:42,903
Oh, my God.
169
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:44,171
Ohh!
170
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:46,974
That's...horrifying.
171
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,943
And horrible.
172
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,846
Horrible person.
173
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,883
So do you think we could
keep a lid on this for now?
174
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,918
I don't wanna worry people
unnecessarily.
175
00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:58,919
No, absolutely.
176
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,220
Under this regime,
177
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,889
it will not
leave this office.
178
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,691
Just...like that.
179
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,859
(WHISPERING)
So what does downsizing
actually mean?
180
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:06,960
Well...
181
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,996
(WHISPERING)
You guys gotta update
your resumes,
182
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:09,997
just like I'm doing.
183
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,765
I bet it's gonna be me.
184
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,001
It's probably gonna be me.
185
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,603
Yeah, it'll be you.
186
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,004
I have an important
question for you.
187
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,238
Yes?
188
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,108
(LAUGHING)
Um, are you going to Angela's
cat party on Sunday?
189
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:23,844
Yeah. Stop.
That is ridiculous.
190
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,679
MICHAEL:
Am I gonna tell them?
No, I'm not going to tell them.
191
00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:26,847
I don't see
the point of that.
192
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,982
As a doctor, you would not
tell a patient
193
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,751
if they had cancer.
194
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:31,852
Hey!
195
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,621
Hey!
This is Mr. Scott.
196
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,589
Guilty!
Guilty as charged.
197
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,024
Ryan Howard
from the temp agency.
198
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:37,825
Uh-huh.
199
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,560
Daniqua sent me down
to start today.
200
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,962
Howard, like Moe Howard,
Three Stooges.
201
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,797
Watch this, this is Moe.
202
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:44,998
Nyuck! Nyuck! Nyuck!
Nyuck! Nyuck!
203
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:47,735
Meeeeh!
Ha ha!
204
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,169
Ah, right here.
Three Stooges.
205
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,004
High five!
Oh, Pam.
206
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:53,040
It's a guy thing, Pam.
207
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,891
PAM:
I don't think it would be
208
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,893
the worst thing
if they let me go.
209
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:15,195
Because then I might--
210
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,997
I just, I don't think
it's many little girls' dream
211
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,600
to be a receptionist.
212
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,702
Um, I like to do
illustrations.
213
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:25,205
Um, mostly watercolor.
214
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,908
A few oil pencil.
Um...
215
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:31,979
Jim thinks
they're good.
216
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,882
Sure. Uh, Mr. Davis,
let me call you right back.
217
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,684
Yeah, something just came up.
Two minutes.
218
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,852
Thank you very much.
219
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:39,953
Dwight,
what are you doing?
220
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,855
What?
What are you doing?
221
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:43,691
Just clearing my desk.
I can't concentrate.
222
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:44,725
It's not on your desk.
223
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:45,726
It's overlapping.
224
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,595
It's all spilling
over the edge.
225
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,630
ONE WORD, TWO SYLLABLES:
demarcation.
226
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,591
DWIGHT:
Downsizing?
227
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:19,092
Yeah, I have
no problem with that.
228
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:21,228
I have been
recommending downsizing
229
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,163
since I first got here.
230
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:25,265
I even brought it up
in my interview.
231
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,968
I say bring it on.
232
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:30,971
PAM:
You just still have
these messages from yesterday.
233
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,006
Relax, everything's
under control.
234
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,108
Uh, yeah.
There we go, yeah.
235
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,944
Oh, that's important.
Rrrright.
236
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:41,114
Oh, this is so important
I should run to answer it.
237
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:42,783
Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!
238
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:45,018
Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!
239
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,120
Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!
240
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:49,356
Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!
241
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,224
Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!
242
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:54,027
Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!
243
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:57,064
Sha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!
244
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:01,835
What?
245
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,170
Come on!
246
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,972
Six Million Dollar Man!
247
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:05,973
Steve Austin!
248
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,341
Actually, that would be
a good salary for me,
249
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:09,677
don't you think?
250
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:10,778
$6 million?
251
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:13,246
MEMO TO JAN:
I deserve a raise.
252
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,915
Don't we all?
253
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,249
I'm sorry?
254
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,952
It's nothing.
255
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:21,889
If you're unhappy
with your compensation,
256
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:24,057
maybe you should
take it up with H.R.
257
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:24,958
Okay?
258
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:26,727
Not today, okay?
259
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,062
Pam, just...
be professional.
260
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,701
(SIGHS)
261
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,069
MICHAEL:
I think I'm
a role model here.
262
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,871
I think I garner
people's respect.
263
00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:40,741
Attention all Dunder Mifflin
employees, please.
264
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,175
We have a meeting
in the conference room
265
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:43,744
A.S.A.P.
266
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:46,213
MICHAEL:
People I respect,
heroes of mine, would be...
267
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,415
Bob Hope.
268
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:53,020
Um...
Abraham Lincoln.
269
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,455
Definitely.
270
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:59,760
Bono.
271
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:02,329
Uh, and probably God...
272
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:05,899
would be the fourth one.
273
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,901
And I just think
all those people
274
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:11,071
really helped the world
275
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:14,074
in so many ways
276
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,844
that it's, um...
277
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,846
it's really beyond words.
278
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,917
(MISPRONOUNCING)
It's really incalcalacable.
279
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,185
Now, I know there are
some rumors out there,
280
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:27,054
and I just kinda wanna
set the record straight--
281
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,922
I'm Assistant Regional Manger.
I should know first.
282
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,223
Assistant
to the Regional Manager.
283
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,292
Okay, um, can you
just tell me, please?
284
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,127
Just tell me quietly.
Whisper it in my ear.
285
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:35,729
I'm just about
to tell everyone.
286
00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,030
Can't you just
tell us--
Please!
287
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,498
Okay?
Do you want me to tell them?
288
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,167
You don't know
what it is.
289
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,334
(CHUCKLES)
290
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,036
Okay, you tell them.
With my permission.
291
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,237
I don't need--
Permission granted.
Go ahead.
292
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:47,274
Corporate has
deemed it appropriate
293
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:50,410
to enforce an ultimatum
upon me.
294
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:53,313
And, uh, Jan is thinking
about downsizing
295
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,348
either the Stanford branch
or this branch.
296
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,525
Yeah, but, Michael,
what if they downsize here?
297
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,860
Not gonna happen.
298
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:07,795
It could be
out of your hands, Michael.
299
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:11,198
It won't be out of my hands,
Stanley, okay?
300
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,265
I promise you that.
301
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:13,366
Oh, can you promise that?
302
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,835
On his mother's grave.
303
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,069
Well...
304
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:17,404
No!
305
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,439
Well, yeah,
it is a promise.
306
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,208
And, frankly,
I'm a little bit insulted
307
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,376
that you have to keep
asking about it.
308
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,778
It's just
that we need to know.
309
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:27,447
I-I know.
Hold on a second.
310
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,816
I think Pam wanted
to say something.
311
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:31,785
Pam, you, uh...
312
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:34,287
had a look that you
wanted to ask a question
313
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,790
just now.
314
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:38,792
I was in the meeting
with Jan,
315
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:40,961
and she did say
that it could be this branch
316
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,129
that gets the axe.
317
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,264
STANLEY:
Are you sure about that?
318
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:45,532
Look, Pam...
319
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:46,666
Uh, maybe
you should stick
320
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:50,003
to the ongoing confidentiality
agreement of meetings.
321
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:52,072
Pam, information is power.
322
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,240
So...
323
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,507
STANLEY:
So you can't say for sure
324
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:55,976
whether it's gonna
be us or them, can you?
325
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,010
No, no, no, no.
326
00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:58,378
Stanley, no.
327
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,814
You did not see me
in there with her.
328
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:03,383
I said if,
uh, if corporate
329
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,452
wants to come in here
and interfere,
330
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:07,354
then they're gonna
have to go through me.
331
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,555
Right?
332
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,858
You know, you can go
mess with Josh's people.
333
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,525
But I'm the head
of this family,
334
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:16,329
and you ain't gonna be
messin' with my chillun'.
335
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:25,005
If I left,
what would I do with...
336
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:28,475
all this useless
information in my head?
337
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:33,080
You know?
Tonnage price of manila folders?
338
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:35,582
Um, Pam's favorite
flavor of yogurt,
339
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,017
which is mixed berry.
340
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:42,589
Jim said mixed berries?
341
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:47,627
Oh, well, yeah,
he's on to me.
342
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,897
Um...
343
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,965
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Watch out for this guy.
344
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:54,001
Dwight Schrute
in the building.
345
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:54,701
This is Ryan,
the new temp.
346
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,003
What's up?
Nice to meet you.
347
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,370
Introduce yourself.
Be polite.
348
00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:59,639
Uh, Dwight Schrute,
Assistant Regional Manager.
349
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,942
Assistant
to the Regional Manager.
350
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:04,411
So, uh, Dwight,
tell him about the Kung Fu
351
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,446
and the car and everything.
352
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:09,216
Uh, yeah, I got a '78 280Z.
353
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,650
I bought it for 1,200,
fixed it up.
354
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:11,651
It's now worth three grand.
355
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:12,485
That is his profit.
356
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,487
Yeah, uh, new engine,
suspension.
357
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,656
I got a respray.
I got some photos.
358
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,126
Oh! Damn it!
359
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:19,960
Damn it! I--
360
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:22,195
Hold on, hold on.
Judge is in session.
361
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:23,931
What is the problem here?
362
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:26,133
He put my stuff
in Jell-O again!
363
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,501
(PAM LAUGHING)
364
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:29,970
That's real professional.
Thanks.
365
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:31,538
This is the third time,
and it wasn't funny
366
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:32,906
the first two times
either, Jim!
367
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,141
It's okay here.
368
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,509
Uh, but people sometimes
take advantage
369
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,011
because it's so relaxed.
370
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:41,982
I'm a volunteer sheriff's
deputy on the weekends.
371
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:44,551
And you cannot
screw around there.
372
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,619
It's sort of
one of the rules.
373
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:47,620
(LAUGHING)
What is that?
374
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:48,621
That's my stapler.
375
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,557
No, no!
Do not take it out.
376
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,292
You have to eat it
out of there,
377
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,961
because there are
starving people in the world,
378
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:54,861
and, which I hate,
379
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,097
and it it is a waste
of that kind of food.
380
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,398
You know what?
You can be a witness.
381
00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,967
Can you reprimand him, please?
382
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:02,936
How do you know it was me?
383
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:03,803
DWIGHT:
It's always you.
384
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,238
Are you gonna
discipline him or not?
385
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,174
Ooh, discipline, kinky!
386
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,709
All right, here's
the deal, you guys.
387
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,512
Thing about a practical joke
is that you have to know
388
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,948
when to start
as well as when to stop.
389
00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:15,983
And, yeah,
390
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:18,418
Jim, now is the time
391
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:21,154
to stop putting
Dwight's personal effects
392
00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:23,656
into Jell-O.
393
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,092
(CLEARS THROAT)
Okay.
394
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,960
Dwight, I'm sorry,
because...
395
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,963
I have always been
your biggest flan.
396
00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:31,031
(LAUGHS)
397
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:33,200
Ho ho ho, nice!
398
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:34,968
That's the way
it is around here.
399
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,703
It just kind of goes
round and round and round.
400
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,006
You, uh, you should have
put him in "custardy."
401
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,974
Oh, hey!
Yes!
402
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:43,376
New guy!
And he scores.
403
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:44,511
Okay, that's great.
404
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,479
I guess what I'm
most concerned with
405
00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:49,116
is damage
to company property.
406
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,051
That's all.
407
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,123
Pudding.
408
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:57,690
Putting.
409
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:01,661
I'm trying to think
what other dessert to do.
410
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,363
(LAUGHS)
411
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,065
Do you like going out
412
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:07,000
at the end of the week
for a drink?
413
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,168
Yeah.
414
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,203
Well, that's why
we're all going out.
415
00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:11,571
So that we can have
an end-of-the-week drink.
416
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:12,672
So when are we going out?
417
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,241
I don't know.
Tonight, hopefully.
418
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,408
Okay, yeah.
419
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,079
Hey, man.
420
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,080
Hey!
What's going on?
421
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,081
Hi, baby.
Hey.
422
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,116
Uh, Roy is my fiancé.
423
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:26,053
We've been engaged
about, um...
424
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,220
about three years.
425
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:30,057
And, uh, we were supposed
to get married in September,
426
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:33,326
but I think we're gonna
get married in the spring.
427
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,663
Do you mind if I go out
for a drink with these guys?
428
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,198
Uh, no, no,
come on.
429
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,200
Let's get out of here,
go home.
430
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:43,103
Okay, um, I'm gonna be
a few minutes, though.
431
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:45,272
It's only 20 past 5:00.
432
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,140
I still have
to do my faxes.
433
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:54,047
You know what?
You should come with us.
434
00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,048
Because, you know,
we're all going out,
435
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:57,117
and it could be
a good chance for you to...
436
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,086
see what people are like
outside of the office.
437
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,088
You know, I think
it could be fun.
438
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,155
No, it sounds good.
439
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,290
Oh, no.
440
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,524
Seriously,
we gotta get going.
441
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,159
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
442
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:19,739
Um...what's in the--
what's in the bag?
443
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,241
Just tell her
I'll talk to her later.
444
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,176
No, definitely.
All right, dude, awesome.
445
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,477
Will do.
446
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,582
JIM:
Do I think
447
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:32,352
I'll be invited
to the wedding?
448
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:42,762
So, uh, have you
felt a vibe yet?
449
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,464
We work hard,
we play hard.
450
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,666
Sometimes we play hard
when we should be working hard.
451
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,135
Right?
452
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:51,338
Um, I guess the atmosphere
that I've created here
453
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:53,340
is that I'm a friend first
454
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:55,242
and a boss second.
455
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:56,643
Probably, uh--
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
456
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:57,777
Entertainer third.
457
00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:00,747
Just a second!
Right?
458
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,316
Oh, hey, do you, uh,
459
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:05,285
do you like
The Jamie Kennedy Experiment?
460
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:06,886
Yeah.
Punk'd and all
that kind of stuff?
461
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,355
Okay, um...
462
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,589
you are gonna
be my accomplice.
463
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:10,890
Just go along
with it, okay?
464
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,425
All right.
Just follow my lead.
465
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:14,427
Don't pimp me, all right?
Come in!
466
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:17,430
So, uh, corporate just
said that I don't want to--
You got a fax.
467
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:18,865
Oh, thank you, Pam.
468
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:21,268
Pam, can you come in here
for a sec?
469
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:22,502
Just have a seat.
470
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:23,770
I was gonna
call you in anyway.
471
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,206
Um, you know Ryan.
472
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:28,475
Um, as you know,
473
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,610
there's going to be
downsizing.
474
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:35,548
And you have made
my life so much easier
475
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:39,919
in that I am going
to have to let you go first.
476
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,222
What? Why?
477
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:43,923
Why?
Well, theft.
478
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,292
And stealing.
479
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,293
Stealing?
480
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:47,394
Mm-hmm.
481
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:50,463
Um, what am I supposed
to have stolen?
482
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,165
Post-it notes.
483
00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:53,700
Post-it notes?
Yeah.
484
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,568
What are those worth,
like, 50 cents?
485
00:18:55,602 --> 00:18:56,669
50 cents, yeah.
486
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:59,272
You steal 1,000 Post-It notes
at 50 cents apiece,
487
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:02,642
and, you know, you've
made a profit...margin.
488
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,944
You know, gonna run us
out of business, Pam.
489
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,146
Are you serious?
490
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:09,916
Yeah, I, um...
491
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,752
Oh, my--
I can't believe this.
492
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,655
I mean, I've never even
stolen as much as a paper clip,
493
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,957
and now you're firing me.
494
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,327
And the best thing about it
is that, uh,
495
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:24,231
we're not gonna have
to give you any severance pay.
496
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,967
Because that is
gross misconduct, and, uh...
497
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,304
So just clean out your desk.
I'm sorry.
498
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,312
(SNIFFLING)
499
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,258
You've been "Xed," punk!
500
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:52,725
Surprise!
It's a joke!
501
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,294
We were joking around!
502
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:55,228
(LAUGHS)
See?
503
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:56,796
Okay, he was in on it.
504
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:57,997
He was my accomplice.
505
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:01,601
And it was just kind of
a morale booster thing.
506
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:05,272
And we were showing
the new guy around, kind of--
507
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,340
kind of giving him
the feel of the place.
508
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,676
So you sh--
509
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,978
God, you were--
We totally got you--
510
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:14,314
You're a jerk!
511
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:15,648
Ah, I don't know
about that.
512
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:32,799
MICHAEL:
What is the most
513
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,901
important thing
for a company?
514
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:38,938
Is it the cash flow?
Is it the inventory?
515
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,973
Nuh-uh.
516
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:43,276
It's the people.
517
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,578
The people.
518
00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:46,979
My proudest moment here
519
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:50,417
was not when
I increased profits by 17%.
520
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,919
Or when I cut expenses
521
00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:54,554
without losing
a single employee.
522
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,323
No, no, no, no, no.
523
00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:59,359
It was a young
Guatemalan guy.
524
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:02,295
First job in the country,
barely spoke English.
525
00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:04,531
Came to me and said,
526
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:07,033
(SPANISH ACCENT)
"Mr. Scott,
527
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:12,805
would you be the godfather
of my child?"
528
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:15,942
Wow. Wow.
529
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:17,677
Wow.
530
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:22,415
Didn't work out in the end.
531
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:24,283
We had to let him go.
He sucked.
532
00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:30,089
(SNIFFLES)
533
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,391
Hey.
534
00:21:31,424 --> 00:21:32,725
Hey.
Hi.
535
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:33,693
How are you?
Good.
536
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:36,429
I thought you were
going out for a drink with--
537
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:37,897
Oh, no, no.
538
00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:40,467
Just going to, uh...
539
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,001
How's your headache?
540
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:43,336
It's better.
Thanks.
Good.
541
00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:45,071
Good, that's great.
542
00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:46,706
Is, uh--
Yeah?
543
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:49,342
Um, are you, uh...
544
00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:50,510
Am I walking out?
545
00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:51,744
Yes.
546
00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:53,346
Yes.
Do you wanna?
547
00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:55,348
Yeah.
Great.
548
00:21:55,382 --> 00:21:56,949
Let me just--
(CAR HORN HONKS)
549
00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:59,018
Oh, Roy.
Yeah.
550
00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:00,453
Listen,
have a nice weekend.
551
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:02,755
Yeah, definitely.
You too.
552
00:22:02,789 --> 00:22:04,491
Enjoy it.
553
00:22:07,394 --> 00:22:09,396
(DOOR CLOSES)
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