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1
00:00:02,768 --> 00:00:04,069
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
2
00:00:05,137 --> 00:00:07,772
♪ my back is gettin' tight
3
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:09,808
♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪
4
00:00:09,875 --> 00:00:12,877
♪ on the queensborough bridge
tonight ♪
5
00:00:12,945 --> 00:00:16,280
♪ I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
6
00:00:18,217 --> 00:00:21,385
♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪
7
00:00:23,723 --> 00:00:25,890
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
8
00:00:25,958 --> 00:00:28,493
♪ I will be
drivin' home to you ♪
9
00:00:34,366 --> 00:00:36,267
Hey, hon.
Good news about tomorrow.
10
00:00:36,335 --> 00:00:37,401
What's tomorrow?
11
00:00:37,469 --> 00:00:39,638
Tomorrow. My seminar.
12
00:00:39,705 --> 00:00:41,572
Ok. Gonna need a little more.
13
00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:44,509
The tri-state attorneys'
seminar I'm coordinating?
14
00:00:44,576 --> 00:00:48,346
The thing I've been pretty much working
on constantly since Thanksgiving?
15
00:00:48,413 --> 00:00:51,349
Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
I remember Thanksgiving.
16
00:00:51,416 --> 00:00:52,483
Doug, come on.
17
00:00:52,551 --> 00:00:54,352
What, what? What about it?
Well--
18
00:00:54,419 --> 00:00:56,220
I like the other chicken
you make better.
19
00:00:56,288 --> 00:00:57,956
Huh?
I like the other kind.
20
00:00:58,024 --> 00:00:59,257
This has no zip.
21
00:00:59,324 --> 00:01:02,293
Dad, you have an ulcer.
You're not allowed zip, ok?
22
00:01:02,361 --> 00:01:04,328
There's Mrs. dash
in the cabinet. Try that.
23
00:01:04,396 --> 00:01:05,864
Thanks for nothin'.
24
00:01:05,931 --> 00:01:07,932
So, what's this good news
you speak of?
25
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:11,002
Ok, the good news is you
can come to the seminar.
26
00:01:13,105 --> 00:01:15,140
There's a cocktail hour
tomorrow night,
27
00:01:15,207 --> 00:01:17,742
and then a big closing
luncheon on Saturday,
28
00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:21,412
and pruzan said that I
can bring you to both.
29
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,381
Shut up!
That's good news.
30
00:01:23,448 --> 00:01:24,515
Mrs. butterworth's?
31
00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:26,250
Dash. Dash.
32
00:01:26,318 --> 00:01:27,719
It's not in here.
33
00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:31,322
There you go.
34
00:01:31,390 --> 00:01:32,824
Oh.
35
00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,826
So would you please
just come to this thing?
36
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:37,395
I'm gonna be running around
dealing with 200 drunk lawyers.
37
00:01:37,462 --> 00:01:39,064
I could use a hug
now and then.
38
00:01:39,131 --> 00:01:40,932
Can't one of them hug you?
39
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,867
[Mutters]
40
00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:45,336
Ok, Doug, you know what? You
can be a real jerk sometimes.
41
00:01:45,404 --> 00:01:48,139
I am asking you to be there for
me because I need the support.
42
00:01:48,207 --> 00:01:49,808
That's what a marriage is,
you know.
43
00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:51,876
You sometimes make a sacrifice
for your partner
44
00:01:51,944 --> 00:01:53,344
because you love 'em.
45
00:01:54,413 --> 00:01:56,848
Forget it.
46
00:01:56,916 --> 00:02:00,185
Ok, I'm sorry. Ok, I'll be there.
I want to be, really.
47
00:02:00,252 --> 00:02:01,352
Thank you.
48
00:02:01,420 --> 00:02:03,054
Onion, black pepper,
celery seeds,
49
00:02:03,122 --> 00:02:04,789
cumin, lemon juice
powder, oregano.
50
00:02:04,857 --> 00:02:07,092
You know, we can make
this stuff ourselves.
51
00:02:07,159 --> 00:02:09,360
Or I could just buy it for $1.
52
00:02:10,162 --> 00:02:11,662
Must be nice being rich.
53
00:02:13,899 --> 00:02:15,433
[All chattering]
54
00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:18,903
[Exclaims]
55
00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:20,371
What's all this?
56
00:02:20,439 --> 00:02:22,107
I just spoke to the guys
over at the Brooklyn depot.
57
00:02:22,174 --> 00:02:24,876
They want a mud bowl rematch.
It's on, baby!
58
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:26,077
Mud bowl? Is it raining?
59
00:02:26,145 --> 00:02:27,779
Yeah. It started
about a half hour ago.
60
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,513
So unless you're getting
bar mitzvahed,
61
00:02:29,581 --> 00:02:31,582
ditch the tie and put your sweats on.
Come on.
62
00:02:31,650 --> 00:02:33,618
I can't. I gotta go
meet Carrie in the city
63
00:02:33,685 --> 00:02:35,419
at a stupid reception thing
for her job.
64
00:02:35,487 --> 00:02:37,889
What? Can't you just
blow off the reception?
65
00:02:37,957 --> 00:02:40,458
Nah. No way.
Carrie will kill me.
66
00:02:40,525 --> 00:02:41,860
When she does,
67
00:02:41,927 --> 00:02:44,195
let us know what kind of dress
you want to be buried in.
68
00:02:44,263 --> 00:02:46,383
All right, man, funny. Let
me tell you guys something.
69
00:02:46,431 --> 00:02:48,166
You know what?
In a marriage,
70
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:50,769
you sometimes gotta make
sacrifices for your partner
71
00:02:50,836 --> 00:02:52,003
'cause you love them,
72
00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:55,473
and you-- and you
support them and...
73
00:02:55,540 --> 00:02:58,709
And what am I, Alan alda?
Let's play some mudball!
74
00:02:58,778 --> 00:03:00,311
[All exclaiming]
75
00:03:07,286 --> 00:03:08,419
Carrie?
76
00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,765
[Yelling]
77
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:23,868
Arthur!
Arthur, relax, it's me!
78
00:03:23,936 --> 00:03:26,938
Douglas. I thought you were
at that seminar with Carrie.
79
00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:28,206
Something came up.
80
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:30,275
Listen. I'm gonna jump
in the shower.
81
00:03:30,342 --> 00:03:33,178
When Carrie comes in,
pretend you never saw me.
82
00:03:33,245 --> 00:03:35,379
And you definitely
never saw this.
83
00:03:35,447 --> 00:03:37,816
Yeah, well, what should I say?
What should I do?
84
00:03:37,883 --> 00:03:41,152
Nothing. Just stay here
and act natural. That's it.
85
00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:43,121
[Coughing]
86
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:49,894
Hi, daddy.
I'm just reading
87
00:03:49,962 --> 00:03:52,530
the newspaper, that's all!
88
00:03:52,597 --> 00:03:55,133
Ok. Is, uh,
is Doug home?
89
00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:57,268
I have no idea.
I heard some noises.
90
00:03:57,336 --> 00:03:59,337
Must have been some animal
rummaging for food,
91
00:03:59,404 --> 00:04:01,739
perhaps a heavyset squirrel.
92
00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:06,211
[Shower running]
93
00:04:06,278 --> 00:04:08,346
Well, the shower's running.
I assume that's him.
94
00:04:08,413 --> 00:04:10,548
Your guess is as good as mine.
95
00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:12,817
Poor baby.
96
00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:15,653
At the last minute,
his boss made him work late.
97
00:04:15,721 --> 00:04:18,489
Had to make an emergency
run to la guardia.
98
00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:20,491
Oh, did he, now?
99
00:04:20,559 --> 00:04:23,427
He probably put in a 15-hour
day and in this weather.
100
00:04:23,495 --> 00:04:24,795
He's probably exhausted.
101
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:26,364
I'm sure he is.
102
00:04:26,431 --> 00:04:27,866
Hey, how'd it go?
103
00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:29,100
[Groans]
104
00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:32,270
Pruzan was on my butt
the whole day.
105
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,005
I am so stressed.
106
00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:36,774
Really?
Sorry I--I couldn't be there.
107
00:04:36,842 --> 00:04:38,709
Well, you had to work late.
What can you do?
108
00:04:38,777 --> 00:04:40,111
Nothin'.
I'm just sayin'.
109
00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:42,313
I'll tell you, I wish you
had been there, sweetie.
110
00:04:42,381 --> 00:04:46,084
I could have really, really
used some moral support.
111
00:04:46,151 --> 00:04:49,153
I will be there tomorrow with all
the moral support you can handle.
112
00:04:49,221 --> 00:04:50,989
In fact, you'll have
extra moral support.
113
00:04:51,056 --> 00:04:53,057
You can save that
for next year's seminar.
114
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:54,058
Ok?
Ok.
115
00:04:54,126 --> 00:04:55,126
[Sneezes]
116
00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:56,961
Oh, bless you.
Hey, sit, sit, sit.
117
00:04:57,029 --> 00:04:59,063
I brought home
some baby knishes.
118
00:04:59,131 --> 00:05:01,132
Believe me, it was not easy
119
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,234
tearing them away
from their mommy.
120
00:05:04,236 --> 00:05:05,303
(Carrie) Very emotional.
121
00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:06,670
[Carrie laughs]
122
00:05:08,707 --> 00:05:10,708
Dad, look at this floor.
123
00:05:10,776 --> 00:05:12,243
Did you track in mud again?
124
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:14,645
I suppose I did.
125
00:05:16,348 --> 00:05:18,716
I suppose I did.
126
00:05:27,426 --> 00:05:28,726
[Coughing]
127
00:05:31,763 --> 00:05:33,064
[Sniffles]
128
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:34,665
Honey, come on.
It's after 9:00.
129
00:05:34,733 --> 00:05:37,335
We have to be at the
banquet room by 10:00.
130
00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:38,769
I'm getting up now.
131
00:05:38,837 --> 00:05:40,771
I laid out all your clothes,
132
00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,574
so all you have to do is pour
your hot little body into 'em.
133
00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:48,246
My god, you look awful.
Are you sick?
134
00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:50,514
No, no, I'm fine.
135
00:05:50,582 --> 00:05:52,683
Doug, you're on fire!
136
00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:54,485
And sweaty.
137
00:05:54,553 --> 00:05:55,786
No, I'm fine.
138
00:05:55,854 --> 00:05:56,887
[Coughing]
139
00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:58,456
Oh, honey, come on.
Look at you.
140
00:05:58,523 --> 00:06:00,758
You're not
going anywhere today.
141
00:06:00,826 --> 00:06:02,893
I'm sorry I got sick, car.
142
00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:04,329
Hey, it's not your fault.
143
00:06:04,396 --> 00:06:08,232
You probably caught it unloading
boxes in the rain last night.
144
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:09,500
Uh-huh.
145
00:06:09,568 --> 00:06:10,835
Oh, oh, I--I gotta go.
146
00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:14,505
Listen, you just lay there,
ok, relax. Watch some t.V.,
147
00:06:14,573 --> 00:06:16,574
and I will call you later
and check up on you, ok?
148
00:06:16,641 --> 00:06:17,575
I love you, sweetie.
149
00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:27,952
Carrie asked me
to bring this to you.
150
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:33,157
I believe it's tea, food,
and medicine.
151
00:06:33,225 --> 00:06:34,525
Oh. Thanks.
152
00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:36,294
[Grunts]
153
00:06:36,362 --> 00:06:38,296
She tells me
you're under the weather.
154
00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:41,265
Yeah. If I were you,
I wouldn't get too close.
155
00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:43,267
In fact, that's probably
a good rule in general.
156
00:06:44,736 --> 00:06:46,737
Right-o.
157
00:06:46,805 --> 00:06:49,974
Oh, and if anyone calls,
I'll tell them you're...
158
00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:52,110
"Sick."
159
00:06:52,177 --> 00:06:53,244
I am sick, Arthur.
160
00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:54,479
Of course you are.
161
00:06:54,546 --> 00:06:56,947
Just like you had to
"work" last night.
162
00:06:57,016 --> 00:06:58,383
Oh, come on.
Don't start with me.
163
00:06:58,450 --> 00:06:59,950
I'm not starting anything.
164
00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:01,552
All I know is your wife
needed you last night,
165
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:03,454
but instead you were
out enjoying yourself,
166
00:07:03,522 --> 00:07:06,590
digging up buried footballs
with your friends.
167
00:07:06,658 --> 00:07:08,292
We were playing football.
168
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:09,593
Oh, save your oysters, Eddie.
169
00:07:09,661 --> 00:07:11,529
I already have enough
of your stink on me.
170
00:07:11,596 --> 00:07:13,631
Oh, would you come off...
171
00:07:13,698 --> 00:07:15,199
[Coughing]
172
00:07:15,267 --> 00:07:17,502
It's called
covering your mouth.
173
00:07:17,569 --> 00:07:19,237
[Coughs]
174
00:07:19,304 --> 00:07:21,105
Very mature.
Oh, come on, Arthur.
175
00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:23,707
Get off your high horse, huh?
You're not Mr. perfect either.
176
00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:27,078
Why? Because I eavesdrop
on an occasional phone call?
177
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:31,215
Because I sometimes help myself to
the change on your night stand?
178
00:07:31,283 --> 00:07:32,683
Fine, I'm not perfect.
179
00:07:32,751 --> 00:07:34,952
But at least I'm not a liar.
180
00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:37,055
You broke my heart, Douglas.
181
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:41,459
Yeah, well, you...
You broke my heart, too!
182
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:44,895
Ok? Your little guilt trip's
not gonna work!
183
00:07:44,963 --> 00:07:47,798
I do lots of stuff for Carrie,
lots of stuff!
184
00:07:47,866 --> 00:07:49,534
(Arthur)
Tell that to your conscience!
185
00:07:49,601 --> 00:07:51,835
My conscience is fine,
so shutty!
186
00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:53,837
(Arthur)
No! You shutty!
187
00:07:53,905 --> 00:07:55,039
You shutty!
188
00:07:56,408 --> 00:07:57,341
[Coughing]
189
00:07:59,744 --> 00:08:01,779
[People chattering on t.V.]
190
00:08:02,747 --> 00:08:03,681
[Sighing]
191
00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:09,587
(Woman on t.V.) I have
something to say about that...
192
00:08:09,654 --> 00:08:10,921
[Groans]
193
00:08:14,826 --> 00:08:16,760
♪[Music playing on t.V.]
194
00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:27,305
(Male announcer)
Jackie gleason.
195
00:08:27,372 --> 00:08:29,340
[Echoing] The honeymooners.
196
00:08:40,285 --> 00:08:42,786
Hey, Deacon!
Come on down, pal!
197
00:08:49,894 --> 00:08:51,028
Hey, Dougie boy.
198
00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:56,501
Well, my friend, I think
congratulations are in order.
199
00:08:56,568 --> 00:08:59,370
Why? The bus company starting
to pay you by the pound?
200
00:08:59,438 --> 00:09:00,538
[Snickering]
201
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:02,806
Oh, you're funny, pal.
You are funny.
202
00:09:02,874 --> 00:09:05,443
I don't know why you're wasting
your time down in the sewer,
203
00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:07,311
'cause you should be
on stage somewhere,
204
00:09:07,379 --> 00:09:09,013
'cause you are a riot!
205
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:12,150
So, uh, w-what am I
congratulating you for?
206
00:09:12,217 --> 00:09:13,651
For bein' a genius.
207
00:09:13,718 --> 00:09:15,786
I told Carrie
we got an emergency meeting
208
00:09:15,854 --> 00:09:17,288
down at
the raccoon lodge tonight,
209
00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:19,157
so now I'm free to go bowlin'.
210
00:09:19,224 --> 00:09:20,958
Mmm, I'm good.
211
00:09:21,726 --> 00:09:22,893
Wow.
212
00:09:22,961 --> 00:09:24,162
I gotta hand it to you, Doug.
213
00:09:24,229 --> 00:09:25,363
I could never lie to Kelly.
214
00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:28,466
No, she'd smell it on me
a mile away.
215
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:30,901
That's the difference
between you and I, deac.
216
00:09:30,969 --> 00:09:34,539
Unlike you,
I am not a-scared of my wife.
217
00:09:34,606 --> 00:09:37,575
I am the king of my castle.
The king!
218
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:39,977
She is just a mere peasant!
219
00:09:40,045 --> 00:09:43,581
Now, help me think of a way to sneak
out my bowlin' shoes after supper.
220
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:49,820
Hey!
221
00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:52,890
Why don't we use this here and,
uh, wrap them up like a gift?
222
00:09:52,957 --> 00:09:55,660
That's using your noodle, pal.
Here you go.
223
00:09:55,727 --> 00:09:58,529
There. Put them in there.
How's that look?
224
00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:01,299
I don't know.
It, uh, kinda needs something.
225
00:10:01,366 --> 00:10:02,700
What do you mean?
226
00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:04,468
Y-y-you got a nice ribbon
or something?
227
00:10:04,536 --> 00:10:07,705
Good idea. A ribbon.
Here we go. Ok.
228
00:10:09,474 --> 00:10:12,743
There you go, pal. Just
wrap it up, and hurry up.
229
00:10:12,811 --> 00:10:14,212
Carrie'll be home any minute.
230
00:10:14,279 --> 00:10:15,446
Right-o.
231
00:10:27,959 --> 00:10:29,427
Will you come on?
232
00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:37,635
There, there you go.
It's all done.
233
00:10:41,873 --> 00:10:43,441
Hiya, Doug.
Hello, deac.
234
00:10:43,508 --> 00:10:44,609
Hi, uh, sweetheart.
235
00:10:44,676 --> 00:10:46,110
Whaddya say there, Carrie?
236
00:10:46,177 --> 00:10:48,246
Doug, what time
is your lodge meeting tonight?
237
00:10:48,313 --> 00:10:50,281
I told you, 8:00.
238
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:51,849
Really?
Because I just ran into
239
00:10:51,916 --> 00:10:54,518
the high exalted mystic ruler's
wife at the beauty parlor,
240
00:10:54,586 --> 00:10:57,521
and she told me
he's out of town till Tuesday.
241
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:00,658
Homina, homina, homina...
242
00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:03,728
Well, of course he is.
243
00:11:03,795 --> 00:11:07,064
Uh, that's why we're meeting to plan
his, uh, surprise birthday party.
244
00:11:07,132 --> 00:11:09,734
Oh! Is that
what this is for?
245
00:11:09,801 --> 00:11:13,937
Uh, no, no, it's something
I got for, uh, Kelly.
246
00:11:14,005 --> 00:11:16,507
Oh, well, that's sweet.
What'd you get her?
247
00:11:17,175 --> 00:11:18,776
Bowling shoes.
248
00:11:18,843 --> 00:11:21,679
(Carrie) New bowling shoes.
Well, that's swell.
249
00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:23,748
Well, I'm gonna get
cleaned up for supper.
250
00:11:23,815 --> 00:11:25,483
All right.
All right, sweetheart.
251
00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:28,352
You, uh,
you take your time now, ok?
252
00:11:28,420 --> 00:11:30,821
Bowlin' shoes? That's what you
come up with? Bowlin' shoes?
253
00:11:30,889 --> 00:11:33,457
I--I got kinda nervous, you
know, bein' around a king.
254
00:11:33,525 --> 00:11:34,558
[Laughs]
255
00:11:34,626 --> 00:11:36,193
Get out. Get out!
256
00:11:44,169 --> 00:11:46,103
♪[Music playing on t.V.]
257
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:51,642
[Rattling]
258
00:11:52,611 --> 00:11:54,712
(Pat sajak) Ok, Arthur, 450.
259
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,381
Ok, uh, I'd like a 4.
260
00:11:58,216 --> 00:12:00,050
We only take letters.
261
00:12:00,118 --> 00:12:01,885
Is there an "h"?
262
00:12:01,953 --> 00:12:05,989
Yeah, "h", "h" was called.
In fact, you called it.
263
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:07,825
[Buzzer sounding] Ah!
264
00:12:07,892 --> 00:12:11,261
Sorry, Arthur. Time's up.
Carrie, it's your turn.
265
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:12,830
Big money, big money,
big money!
266
00:12:12,897 --> 00:12:13,931
[Audience cheering]
267
00:12:13,998 --> 00:12:15,700
(Pat sajak) And 600.
268
00:12:15,767 --> 00:12:18,669
Uh, actually, pat, I would
like to solve the puzzle.
269
00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:23,073
No!
270
00:12:23,141 --> 00:12:25,476
Pat!
He's touching the letters!
271
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:29,079
He's touching them!
Make him stop!
272
00:12:29,147 --> 00:12:31,882
Wait a second.
Did he lie to me?
273
00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:32,983
[Audience exclaiming]
274
00:12:33,051 --> 00:12:34,885
No lie. I never...
275
00:12:34,953 --> 00:12:37,588
[People chattering on t.V.]
276
00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:40,791
♪[Music playing]
277
00:12:40,859 --> 00:12:42,360
[Gun firing]
278
00:12:46,965 --> 00:12:48,899
You're a liar.
279
00:12:48,967 --> 00:12:50,033
Ouch!
280
00:12:50,101 --> 00:12:52,002
You're a louse.
281
00:12:52,070 --> 00:12:53,671
Oh.
282
00:12:53,739 --> 00:12:55,339
You're a stinker.
283
00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:58,976
But--but--
don't you "but" me.
284
00:12:59,711 --> 00:13:01,311
Oh, boy.
285
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:03,313
[Birds twittering]
286
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:05,048
I told you so.
287
00:13:05,116 --> 00:13:06,384
Shutty.
288
00:13:07,118 --> 00:13:08,819
Not goin' so good.
289
00:13:14,826 --> 00:13:15,759
[Coughing]
290
00:13:18,496 --> 00:13:20,330
♪[Music playing on t.V.]
291
00:13:24,435 --> 00:13:26,003
[Groans]
292
00:13:31,509 --> 00:13:33,543
Hey, bro.
How you feeling?
293
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:35,112
Oh, man, like old gum.
294
00:13:35,179 --> 00:13:36,780
Well, I brought your paycheck.
295
00:13:36,848 --> 00:13:38,882
Oh, thanks a lot.
All right.
296
00:13:38,950 --> 00:13:41,986
So, uh, Carrie believe your
lie about working late?
297
00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:43,988
It wasn't a lie, man.
It was an excuse, ok?
298
00:13:44,055 --> 00:13:46,523
Besides, you guys pressured me into it!
I had my tie on!
299
00:13:46,591 --> 00:13:49,727
Chill, all right?
I'm on your side, player.
300
00:13:49,794 --> 00:13:51,028
Jeez.
301
00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:52,496
♪[Music playing]
302
00:13:52,563 --> 00:13:54,632
Hey, hey, check this out.
303
00:13:54,699 --> 00:13:55,966
(Deacon) Brian's song.
304
00:13:56,034 --> 00:13:58,401
Cool. You want to
hang out and watch?
305
00:13:58,469 --> 00:14:01,505
Nah. I'm supposed
to be working right now.
306
00:14:01,572 --> 00:14:02,873
Later, guy.
307
00:14:04,042 --> 00:14:05,208
[Sighs]
308
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:11,281
Hey, black magic.
309
00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:18,122
How you doin', heff?
310
00:14:18,923 --> 00:14:20,357
It's, uh...
311
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:23,226
It's 4th and 8,
312
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:27,097
and they won't let me punt.
313
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:30,233
Go for it, then.
314
00:14:31,903 --> 00:14:33,203
I'm tryin'.
315
00:14:34,238 --> 00:14:38,508
Jesus, god, I'm trying.
316
00:14:40,712 --> 00:14:42,046
[Swallowing]
317
00:14:45,416 --> 00:14:46,917
[Doug gasping]
318
00:14:49,754 --> 00:14:51,889
I brought your paycheck.
319
00:14:51,956 --> 00:14:53,824
Thanks, magic.
320
00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:57,061
Where do you want me
to put it?
321
00:14:57,128 --> 00:15:01,098
[Mumbling] Over there
by the deposit slips.
322
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,601
I'm sorry. What?
323
00:15:04,669 --> 00:15:07,871
[Mumbling]
Just put it on the table.
324
00:15:07,939 --> 00:15:11,008
Ok, guy, could you
speak up a little?
325
00:15:12,310 --> 00:15:14,712
[Mumbling]
326
00:15:21,619 --> 00:15:22,786
[Groans]
327
00:15:23,888 --> 00:15:25,055
[Grunts]
328
00:15:26,257 --> 00:15:27,657
That's good.
329
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,334
[People clapping]
330
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:40,738
I love Doug Heffernan.
331
00:15:42,373 --> 00:15:45,109
And I'd like all of you
to love him, too.
332
00:15:46,344 --> 00:15:49,346
So tonight,
when you hit your knees,
333
00:15:54,552 --> 00:15:56,686
please ask Carrie to love him.
334
00:16:05,429 --> 00:16:06,864
What the...
335
00:16:13,037 --> 00:16:14,972
♪[Music playing on t.V.]
336
00:16:31,389 --> 00:16:32,923
[Cutlery rattling]
337
00:16:32,991 --> 00:16:34,591
[Slurping]
338
00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:38,061
I understand you've done some
impressive work for brash and sassy.
339
00:16:38,129 --> 00:16:39,529
Thank you.
340
00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:42,199
But I'm sure you didn't call
me here to tell me that.
341
00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,934
No. That's correct.
342
00:16:45,603 --> 00:16:47,104
Then what do you want?
343
00:16:48,973 --> 00:16:51,909
I want the formula
for the anti-aging cream.
344
00:16:51,976 --> 00:16:54,544
Well, well, well.
345
00:16:54,612 --> 00:16:58,648
If it isn't my old
friend Arthur spooner.
346
00:16:58,716 --> 00:17:02,519
Nikki Newman.
We meet again.
347
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:05,856
So sorry to eavesdrop, but
I thought you should know
348
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:09,159
that brash and sassy doesn't
have an anti-ageing cream.
349
00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:11,295
That cream is my baby,
350
00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:14,664
and it's the exclusive
property of jabot cosmetics.
351
00:17:21,405 --> 00:17:23,907
It feels so good to hold you.
352
00:17:23,975 --> 00:17:26,176
I miss you, Jack.
353
00:17:26,244 --> 00:17:30,147
I can't believe you have a little
person growing inside of you,
354
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:31,648
a little us.
355
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:35,785
So what about Doug?
356
00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:37,620
Oh, to hell with Doug.
357
00:17:37,688 --> 00:17:40,123
He doesn't love me
like you do.
358
00:17:40,191 --> 00:17:43,426
And he lied to me.
He lied to me.
359
00:17:44,896 --> 00:17:46,163
Bastard.
360
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:49,266
Oh, it's all right.
It's all right.
361
00:17:50,201 --> 00:17:52,002
It's you I love, Jack.
362
00:17:53,004 --> 00:17:54,471
And I love you.
363
00:18:10,421 --> 00:18:11,521
No!
364
00:18:12,323 --> 00:18:14,157
Douglas, are you ok?
365
00:18:14,225 --> 00:18:16,026
I heard someone
screaming like a bitch.
366
00:18:18,429 --> 00:18:20,163
I got to--
I got to talk to Carrie.
367
00:18:20,231 --> 00:18:22,766
I got to tell her I lied.
You were right, Arthur.
368
00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:24,734
Of course I was right.
Now, go to her, son.
369
00:18:24,802 --> 00:18:26,203
Tell her you're sorry.
370
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:28,605
Tell her
what she means to you. Go.
371
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,109
Go!
Can I put my pants on?
372
00:18:37,148 --> 00:18:38,882
(Carrie) Uh, excuse me, folks,
373
00:18:38,950 --> 00:18:42,886
if I can get you all to
skooch on into the ballroom.
374
00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:45,755
Uh, people, key note
address about to begin.
375
00:18:45,823 --> 00:18:47,824
Legal ethics
in the new century.
376
00:18:47,892 --> 00:18:49,893
That shouldn't take
too long, huh?
377
00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:51,661
Ok, come on, guys.
378
00:18:52,630 --> 00:18:53,696
(Carrie) Doug.
379
00:18:53,764 --> 00:18:54,864
What are you doing here?
380
00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:56,533
I had to talk to you.
It's important.
381
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,001
Is everything ok?
Yeah, yeah.
382
00:18:58,069 --> 00:19:01,071
It's just that I gotta--
honey, you are still boiling.
383
00:19:01,139 --> 00:19:02,639
Go home.
We can talk tonight.
384
00:19:02,706 --> 00:19:04,841
No, I have to talk to you now.
385
00:19:04,909 --> 00:19:06,209
Ok. All right.
386
00:19:06,277 --> 00:19:08,145
Let me, let me just go
herd them into their pen
387
00:19:08,212 --> 00:19:11,781
and I'll be right back. Just
wait at the bar. Go ahead.
388
00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:13,550
[People chattering on t.V.]
389
00:19:20,558 --> 00:19:21,858
(Announcer)
And now we continue
390
00:19:21,926 --> 00:19:25,528
with our weekend-long
honeymooners marathon
391
00:19:25,596 --> 00:19:27,431
♪[music playing on t.V.]
392
00:19:31,535 --> 00:19:33,136
Jackie gleason.
393
00:19:34,672 --> 00:19:36,373
The honeymooners.
394
00:19:37,442 --> 00:19:39,142
So I lied to you, Carrie.
395
00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:42,145
The whole thing
was one big stinking whopper.
396
00:19:44,782 --> 00:19:47,684
Well, ain't you going
to say nothing?
397
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,987
Well, Doug, it's great
that you finally confessed.
398
00:19:50,054 --> 00:19:52,622
Just great. That explains
where you were last night,
399
00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:54,257
out having a ball
with your chums,
400
00:19:54,325 --> 00:19:57,327
but it doesn't explain
something much more important.
401
00:19:57,395 --> 00:20:00,330
Why you didn't even think enough
of me to tell me the truth.
402
00:20:00,398 --> 00:20:03,300
I wish you had
an explanation for that.
403
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:06,303
Oh, how I wish you had
an explanation for that.
404
00:20:26,657 --> 00:20:27,590
[Sighs]
405
00:20:28,759 --> 00:20:31,028
I have got
an explanation for it.
406
00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:34,131
I'm a mope.
407
00:20:34,198 --> 00:20:37,100
But I love you, sweetheart.
Honest, I do.
408
00:20:38,669 --> 00:20:40,203
Oh, Doug.
409
00:20:40,271 --> 00:20:42,439
Baby, you're the greatest.
410
00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:49,246
Huh? What... Oh, I must've...
I must've fell asleep.
411
00:20:49,313 --> 00:20:52,015
So what's so important? Why'd
you come all the way down here?
412
00:20:52,083 --> 00:20:55,385
Well, because I need
to tell you something.
413
00:20:55,453 --> 00:20:57,454
I...
414
00:20:57,522 --> 00:21:00,357
I didn't have to work late
last night.
415
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:01,758
I--I lied and I told you I did
416
00:21:01,825 --> 00:21:04,727
just so I could play
mud football.
417
00:21:04,795 --> 00:21:08,565
I know you needed me here,
and I--I really let you down.
418
00:21:08,632 --> 00:21:11,068
I'm a mope.
419
00:21:11,135 --> 00:21:15,672
But I love you, sweetheart.
Honest, I do.
420
00:21:15,739 --> 00:21:19,109
You lied to me?
You make me sick.
421
00:21:24,415 --> 00:21:26,183
You're the greatest.
422
00:21:28,986 --> 00:21:32,589
(Male narrator) Doug Heffernan
lied at the age of 35.
423
00:21:32,656 --> 00:21:34,791
He betrayed
not only his father-in-law,
424
00:21:34,858 --> 00:21:37,561
but more importantly,
the woman he loves.
425
00:21:37,628 --> 00:21:39,563
But when they think of him,
426
00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:41,790
it's not how he played mud
football that they remember,
427
00:21:41,832 --> 00:21:45,268
but rather, how he lied,
how he did lie.
30597
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