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1
00:00:03,135 --> 00:00:05,103
(Carrie) No, dad,
that's crazy!
2
00:00:05,170 --> 00:00:07,772
Dad, I am not driving
2 hours upstate
3
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,108
to bring you
your centrum silver.
4
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:12,644
Stop calling them your meds.
5
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:14,646
You can buy them at 7-11.
6
00:00:16,315 --> 00:00:18,583
Well, you're acting
like a lunatic!
7
00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:20,151
Yes, you are!
8
00:00:20,219 --> 00:00:22,353
Fine. You know what?
Good-bye!
9
00:00:29,428 --> 00:00:30,895
Now I feel bad.
10
00:00:31,497 --> 00:00:32,697
Why?
11
00:00:32,765 --> 00:00:33,965
Why? I just
yelled at my father
12
00:00:33,966 --> 00:00:36,635
and called him a lunatic.
That has to be wrong.
13
00:00:36,702 --> 00:00:38,469
My god. What if
something happens to him
14
00:00:38,537 --> 00:00:41,305
and that's the last
conversation we ever have?
15
00:00:41,373 --> 00:00:43,307
Then you're off the hook.
16
00:00:45,410 --> 00:00:47,712
Damn it,
and when he left yesterday,
17
00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:49,514
I kissed him
and I told him I loved him.
18
00:00:49,581 --> 00:00:52,684
If he was gonna die,
that would have been the day.
19
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:55,186
If it happens now,
I'm screwed.
20
00:00:55,254 --> 00:00:56,287
Call him back.
21
00:00:56,355 --> 00:00:58,123
No, no. It's stupid.
22
00:00:58,190 --> 00:01:00,659
Besides, you know what? You--you
yell at him all the time.
23
00:01:00,726 --> 00:01:03,194
You have way worse Karma
than I do.
24
00:01:03,262 --> 00:01:06,397
Actually, the last thing I said
to him was "nice haircut,"
25
00:01:06,465 --> 00:01:08,066
so I'm good to go.
26
00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:13,304
[Exclaims]
27
00:01:22,848 --> 00:01:24,015
[Sighs]
28
00:01:26,185 --> 00:01:28,153
Hi, daddy, it's me.
29
00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:31,056
Listen, I was a little short
with you before,
30
00:01:31,123 --> 00:01:32,623
and I'm--I'm sorry.
31
00:01:32,692 --> 00:01:34,826
I love you.
32
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:38,096
No, that does not mean
I'm making the drive up.
33
00:01:39,364 --> 00:01:41,532
Because I'm saying sorry
for yelling at you,
34
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,401
not the other part!
35
00:01:43,468 --> 00:01:46,771
Well, too bad. I'm not making
the drive up, crazy man!
36
00:01:56,982 --> 00:01:58,883
I'll see you in 5 hours.
37
00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:03,755
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
38
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:06,457
♪ my back is gettin' tight
39
00:02:06,525 --> 00:02:08,492
♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪
40
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,562
♪ on the queensboro bridge
tonight ♪
41
00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:16,768
♪ but I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
42
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:20,671
♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪
43
00:02:22,374 --> 00:02:24,142
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
44
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:27,245
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
45
00:02:33,886 --> 00:02:35,353
(Deacon) Ok,
46
00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:37,455
a little tip next time you try
to hook up surround sound.
47
00:02:37,522 --> 00:02:38,923
Red goes in red.
48
00:02:38,991 --> 00:02:41,926
Yellow goes in yellow.
49
00:02:41,994 --> 00:02:43,762
You know what?
I've had enough with you
50
00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:45,864
and your high-tech
mumbo-jumbo.
51
00:02:45,931 --> 00:02:47,465
Can I plug it in now?
Can I? Come on.
52
00:02:47,532 --> 00:02:49,333
No. I'm workin'
with live wires here, man.
53
00:02:49,401 --> 00:02:50,802
Yeah, I wanna see
your skeleton.
54
00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:52,570
See if you get that
chattering teeth going.
55
00:02:52,638 --> 00:02:53,838
[Imitating teeth chattering]
56
00:02:53,906 --> 00:02:55,840
Put it down.
What?
57
00:02:55,908 --> 00:02:57,776
(Kelly) Good god. Are
you two still at that?
58
00:02:57,843 --> 00:02:58,943
It's not my fault.
59
00:02:59,011 --> 00:03:01,345
He hooks up a stereo
like a woman.
60
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:04,482
Doug, why are we
even doing this?
61
00:03:04,549 --> 00:03:06,184
The sound on the t.V.
Is fine.
62
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,153
Does it surround us? No.
63
00:03:09,588 --> 00:03:11,823
Stop embarrassing yourself.
64
00:03:11,891 --> 00:03:13,024
[Cell phone rings]
65
00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:14,659
Oh, that's me.
66
00:03:14,726 --> 00:03:15,860
[Ringing continues]
67
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:18,329
Hello.
68
00:03:18,397 --> 00:03:19,864
Hey, mom. What's up?
69
00:03:20,933 --> 00:03:22,200
Oh, my god.
70
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:23,348
(Kelly) When did it happen?
71
00:03:23,402 --> 00:03:24,435
What?
72
00:03:24,503 --> 00:03:25,603
My great-aunt died.
73
00:03:25,671 --> 00:03:26,671
(Deacon) Oh, no.
74
00:03:26,738 --> 00:03:27,939
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
75
00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:29,040
Excuse me.
76
00:03:29,108 --> 00:03:30,541
Just give us a second,
you guys.
77
00:03:30,609 --> 00:03:32,443
Sure.
Yeah.
78
00:03:32,511 --> 00:03:34,545
Oh, that's a shame.
79
00:03:34,613 --> 00:03:35,613
[Sighs]
80
00:03:35,681 --> 00:03:36,681
Yeah.
81
00:03:36,748 --> 00:03:38,249
Look, is the evening over?
82
00:03:38,317 --> 00:03:41,385
'Cause Deacon really
didn't finish up here.
83
00:03:41,453 --> 00:03:43,988
A person died, ok?
84
00:03:44,056 --> 00:03:45,990
And you're worried about
your surround sound?
85
00:03:46,058 --> 00:03:48,359
Well, it's just at this
point I have no sound.
86
00:03:48,427 --> 00:03:49,493
Oh.
87
00:03:49,561 --> 00:03:51,262
Come on, Carrie.
It's just a great-aunt.
88
00:03:51,330 --> 00:03:52,663
It's not like a regular aunt.
89
00:03:52,731 --> 00:03:54,532
I mean, come on
it's like wax fruit.
90
00:03:54,599 --> 00:03:56,801
Ok, any chance you could
act appropriately here?
91
00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:59,570
What's appropriate? What do you
want me to do? You want me to cry?
92
00:03:59,638 --> 00:04:02,941
You want me to shake my fist
at the heavens? Why her?
93
00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:06,577
I don't know.
94
00:04:06,645 --> 00:04:08,713
I just think we should be doing
something for them. I...
95
00:04:08,780 --> 00:04:09,881
Like what?
96
00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:11,415
I don't know.
Make them tea or...
97
00:04:11,483 --> 00:04:12,783
Tea for a great-aunt?
98
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:14,785
That is way over the top!
99
00:04:16,755 --> 00:04:18,489
Hey, sweetie,
100
00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:19,724
how's Kelly doin'?
101
00:04:19,791 --> 00:04:21,659
Uh, she's all right.
102
00:04:21,727 --> 00:04:23,328
I mean, her great-aunt's been
sick for a while, you know.
103
00:04:23,395 --> 00:04:24,695
Still it's sad.
104
00:04:24,763 --> 00:04:27,165
Yeah, but not as sad
as a regular aunt.
105
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:28,299
What?
106
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:29,700
You guys want some tea?
107
00:04:29,768 --> 00:04:31,402
(Deacon) Uh...
108
00:04:31,470 --> 00:04:33,171
No, thanks. We've got
a lot to figure out.
109
00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:34,572
You know, travel arrangements,
110
00:04:34,639 --> 00:04:35,974
who's gonna stay
with the kids.
111
00:04:36,041 --> 00:04:37,242
Can I use your phone in there?
112
00:04:37,309 --> 00:04:38,343
Of course.
113
00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:39,543
Thanks.
114
00:04:42,915 --> 00:04:45,049
Should we offer
to stay with the kids?
115
00:04:46,018 --> 00:04:47,285
Who, us? Really?
116
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:50,454
Yeah, why not?
I mean, we are the godparents.
117
00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:52,090
I just thought
we were done with that
118
00:04:52,157 --> 00:04:53,758
after we gave him
the savings bond.
119
00:04:53,825 --> 00:04:55,860
Doug, I'm just thinking
maybe we should offer.
120
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:57,161
What do you think?
121
00:04:57,229 --> 00:04:58,229
[Exclaims]
122
00:04:58,297 --> 00:05:00,231
Hey, sweetie.
123
00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,465
How are you doing?
124
00:05:01,533 --> 00:05:03,534
He-ey-ey-ey.
125
00:05:05,337 --> 00:05:07,338
I'm ok. We just have to
go to Chicago tomorrow
126
00:05:07,406 --> 00:05:08,940
for the funeral.
127
00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:11,342
Did you, uh, find anybody
to watch the kids yet?
128
00:05:11,410 --> 00:05:13,244
(Deacon) No. Our regular
sitter can't do it.
129
00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:14,345
We have to keep trying.
130
00:05:14,413 --> 00:05:15,546
Uh-huh.
131
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,083
Uh, hey.
Crazy thought, you guys.
132
00:05:19,151 --> 00:05:21,685
How about
we stay with the kids?
133
00:05:21,753 --> 00:05:23,221
Really?
134
00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:25,990
I--I mean, that's
really sweet of you,
135
00:05:26,058 --> 00:05:27,491
but it's just
it's a lot of stuff.
136
00:05:27,559 --> 00:05:29,160
Look, you know what?
We can handle it.
137
00:05:29,228 --> 00:05:30,494
Two of them,
two of us. Right?
138
00:05:30,562 --> 00:05:32,430
Plus we're bigger, right?
139
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:34,765
Sure. Uh, why not.
140
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:35,866
Ok, then.
141
00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:36,935
All right, great.
142
00:05:37,002 --> 00:05:38,036
Great. Yeah. Great.
143
00:05:38,103 --> 00:05:39,103
So, uh,
144
00:05:39,171 --> 00:05:40,171
[clears throat]
145
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:42,573
Where are we at
with the speakers?
146
00:05:45,644 --> 00:05:48,079
I got to tell you, this is
gonna be good practice for us.
147
00:05:48,147 --> 00:05:51,549
You know, kind of like, uh, a
driving range for parenting.
148
00:05:51,616 --> 00:05:52,883
Buy a bucket of babies,
149
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:55,420
tee 'em up,
and see how you do, right.
150
00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:57,322
Huh?
151
00:05:57,389 --> 00:05:58,423
What's the matter?
152
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:00,891
They hesitated.
153
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,061
What?
Who hesitated?
154
00:06:03,128 --> 00:06:06,130
Deacon and Kelly, when we
offered to watch their kids.
155
00:06:06,198 --> 00:06:07,398
They did not.
156
00:06:07,466 --> 00:06:08,967
Yes, they did.
They clearly did.
157
00:06:09,034 --> 00:06:10,835
Especially Kelly.
I mean it was so obvious
158
00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:13,171
that she wasn't thrilled
about us doing this, Doug.
159
00:06:13,238 --> 00:06:14,705
Her great-aunt
just died.
160
00:06:14,773 --> 00:06:16,674
She was out of her head
with grief.
161
00:06:16,741 --> 00:06:18,576
No, no, no.
They hesitated,
162
00:06:18,643 --> 00:06:20,278
and not--and not
'cause of you.
163
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:22,280
Because of me. I mean,
I'm not a kid person.
164
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:23,647
They--they could
smell it on me.
165
00:06:23,715 --> 00:06:25,149
I mean, everybody's
always saying,
166
00:06:25,217 --> 00:06:26,377
"oh, children
are our future."
167
00:06:26,418 --> 00:06:28,552
And I'm like, "whatever."
168
00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:29,720
You're gonna do fine.
169
00:06:29,788 --> 00:06:31,289
No, no, I'm not, Doug.
170
00:06:31,357 --> 00:06:33,157
I mean one little nose
wiped on my blouse,
171
00:06:33,225 --> 00:06:35,460
and I'm gonna be
looking for some gin.
172
00:06:35,527 --> 00:06:36,760
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
173
00:06:36,828 --> 00:06:38,428
I'm starting to get
that panicky feeling.
174
00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:39,663
Like before I fly.
175
00:06:39,731 --> 00:06:40,764
Let's not do this, Doug.
176
00:06:40,832 --> 00:06:42,433
Let's call them and cancel.
177
00:06:42,501 --> 00:06:44,802
Cancel? Carrie, this is not
a dinner reservation.
178
00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:46,670
They have nobody else
to watch their kids.
179
00:06:46,738 --> 00:06:49,607
Well, I think they should
bring 'em to the funeral.
180
00:06:49,674 --> 00:06:52,210
It's good for kids
to see dead people.
181
00:06:53,512 --> 00:06:55,013
That--that little kid
in the movie,
182
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,382
he saw--saw dead people
all the time,
183
00:06:57,449 --> 00:06:59,617
and he seemed fine.
184
00:06:59,684 --> 00:07:02,220
He wasn't fine.
He was a little freak.
185
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,556
Now pack.
186
00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:10,861
Ok, I got all our phone
numbers right here.
187
00:07:10,929 --> 00:07:12,296
Phone numbers, great.
188
00:07:12,364 --> 00:07:14,284
I labeled all the kids' food.
It's in the fridge.
189
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:15,866
Oh, it's in the fridge?
Oh, good,
190
00:07:15,934 --> 00:07:19,137
'cause that just saved me
a wild goose chase. Ha.
191
00:07:19,204 --> 00:07:20,905
Are you sure you're ok
doing this?
192
00:07:20,972 --> 00:07:23,508
Uh, ok? Yeah,
I think so.
193
00:07:23,575 --> 00:07:26,777
I just wish your great-aunt
would have died sooner.
194
00:07:28,213 --> 00:07:29,647
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, sweetie.
195
00:07:29,714 --> 00:07:31,882
She's in a much better place now.
I'm sorry.
196
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:33,484
Yo, hon, we got to go.
197
00:07:33,552 --> 00:07:34,685
Ok.
198
00:07:34,753 --> 00:07:36,254
Ok. Bye, sweetie.
Have a nice...
199
00:07:36,321 --> 00:07:38,056
Be good. Kirby, watch
out for your brother.
200
00:07:38,123 --> 00:07:39,290
Miss you, little man.
201
00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:40,391
(Kirby) Miss you.
202
00:07:40,459 --> 00:07:41,459
Thanks again, you guys.
203
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:42,560
Oh, come on.
204
00:07:42,627 --> 00:07:43,928
Yeah, we owe you big for this.
205
00:07:43,995 --> 00:07:45,063
No prob. Have a safe trip.
206
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:46,764
Hey, we should be
thanking you.
207
00:07:46,831 --> 00:07:48,632
[Doug clears throat]
208
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:49,833
Well...
209
00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:53,137
We're on our own.
210
00:07:53,205 --> 00:07:54,638
Uh-huh.
211
00:07:54,706 --> 00:07:55,773
So far, so good.
212
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:56,874
So far, so good.
213
00:07:56,942 --> 00:07:58,076
Well, I will see you later.
214
00:07:58,143 --> 00:08:00,244
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
215
00:08:00,312 --> 00:08:01,779
You're leaving now?
216
00:08:01,846 --> 00:08:03,381
Yeah, it's one of
my work Saturdays.
217
00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:06,117
Wasn't the uniform a tip-off
for you at all, or...
218
00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:07,552
Right. Right.
Wait. Wait.
219
00:08:07,619 --> 00:08:10,020
How about this? How about you
stay here with the kids,
220
00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:12,156
and I'll go do your route?
Huh? Sign here, ma'am.
221
00:08:12,224 --> 00:08:14,292
How hard could that be?
222
00:08:14,359 --> 00:08:15,626
Honey, will you relax?
223
00:08:15,694 --> 00:08:17,995
The kids are gonna love
spending the day with you.
224
00:08:18,063 --> 00:08:21,899
Now, just show 'em
your gentle, nurturing side.
225
00:08:21,967 --> 00:08:24,202
I have a gentle,
nurturing side?
226
00:08:26,071 --> 00:08:28,139
I believe it's in there, yes.
227
00:08:29,874 --> 00:08:30,941
Oh, you're gonna do fine.
228
00:08:31,009 --> 00:08:32,276
Ok, ok, all right, hon.
229
00:08:32,344 --> 00:08:33,478
I love you.
Bye, kids!
230
00:08:33,545 --> 00:08:34,545
Bye!
231
00:08:34,613 --> 00:08:35,879
All right.
232
00:08:42,721 --> 00:08:43,721
Hi.
233
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,160
Hey.
234
00:08:52,831 --> 00:08:54,398
Where's my mommy?
235
00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:57,835
Your mommy?
236
00:08:57,902 --> 00:08:59,803
Yeah, where is she?
237
00:08:59,871 --> 00:09:00,938
Uh...
238
00:09:02,307 --> 00:09:03,707
Sweetie, don't you remember
239
00:09:03,775 --> 00:09:06,110
saying good-bye
to her or...
240
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:07,578
Where is she?
241
00:09:08,913 --> 00:09:10,281
Ok, um,
242
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:14,952
your mommy went to a
place called Chicago
243
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:16,654
because somebody died.
244
00:09:16,721 --> 00:09:18,156
What's "died"?
245
00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:23,861
I don't know.
246
00:09:29,668 --> 00:09:31,669
(Doug) Honey, I'm home!
247
00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:33,737
(Carrie) I'm in the kitchen!
248
00:09:33,805 --> 00:09:35,139
Hey, Kirby.
249
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:36,207
Hi.
250
00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:37,675
The kirb-man.
251
00:09:37,742 --> 00:09:39,343
Curbside check-in.
252
00:09:40,745 --> 00:09:44,014
Uh-oh. Uh-oh, here comes
the Heffernan headlock.
253
00:09:44,082 --> 00:09:45,149
Oh, that's right.
254
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:46,651
Oh, no.
Off the top rope!
255
00:09:46,718 --> 00:09:48,118
He's in trouble now!
256
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,320
Uh-oh. Oh, boy.
257
00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:50,788
[Giggles] Is he gonna lose
258
00:09:50,855 --> 00:09:52,223
his w.W.F. Belt?
259
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:54,525
It's gonna happen.
How do you feel?
260
00:09:54,593 --> 00:09:56,026
I have to pee.
261
00:09:59,130 --> 00:10:00,264
Ok, ok.
262
00:10:03,835 --> 00:10:05,102
Hey.
263
00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:07,004
Hey, so...
264
00:10:07,072 --> 00:10:08,939
No one's missing,
and you're not drunk.
265
00:10:09,007 --> 00:10:11,676
I'm guessing things
went pretty well today.
266
00:10:11,743 --> 00:10:14,579
I gotta tell you, honey,
I rock at this.
267
00:10:14,646 --> 00:10:16,414
I actually took them
both for a walk,
268
00:10:16,481 --> 00:10:18,616
had this guy in a snuggly,
little legs going...
269
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:20,585
Frickin' adorable.
270
00:10:20,652 --> 00:10:24,288
Came back here, watched
elmopalooza 3 times in a row,
271
00:10:24,356 --> 00:10:25,989
and fielded some
very tough questions
272
00:10:26,057 --> 00:10:29,360
about Bert and Ernie's
relationship.
273
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,829
Hey, sweetie,
wash your hands...
274
00:10:31,896 --> 00:10:33,297
With soap!
275
00:10:33,365 --> 00:10:35,032
Huh, huh, do you see this?
276
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:37,468
It looks like somebody
got hit by the mommy truck.
277
00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:39,937
I know. I guess I always
had it in me. Who knew?
278
00:10:40,004 --> 00:10:41,272
Come on, baby, dinner!
279
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:43,441
I can't believe, with all this
going on, you made dinner.
280
00:10:43,508 --> 00:10:46,577
Yep. Hamburgers, macaroni and
cheese, and fish sticks.
281
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:48,912
Good god,
it's Christmas morning.
282
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:55,653
Here, honey. I'll cut
this in half for you, ok?
283
00:10:57,256 --> 00:11:00,791
Hey, look at this.
Is this a family or what?
284
00:11:00,859 --> 00:11:02,693
I mean, not exactly
the way I pictured it,
285
00:11:02,761 --> 00:11:04,027
but still.
286
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:12,203
Ok, baby's tucked in,
and Kirby's asleep,
287
00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:15,372
and p.S., I'm pretty damn
good with shadow puppets.
288
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,809
I mean, he was terrified at
first, but, I got him back.
289
00:11:20,078 --> 00:11:22,279
Oh, what's,
what-- what's going on here?
290
00:11:22,347 --> 00:11:24,248
What? This is where
we're sleeping.
291
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:25,716
[Exclaims]
Don't Deacon and Kelly
292
00:11:25,783 --> 00:11:27,084
have a king-sized bed
in there?
293
00:11:27,152 --> 00:11:29,753
Yes, they do,
and we have this.
294
00:11:29,821 --> 00:11:30,921
[Door opening]
295
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:35,526
♪ Sealy posturepedic
296
00:11:37,929 --> 00:11:40,097
Doug, get off of their bed!
297
00:11:40,665 --> 00:11:41,832
Make me.
298
00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:45,068
Come on. I'm not
gonna make you.
299
00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:46,770
I feel very uncomfortable
in here.
300
00:11:46,838 --> 00:11:48,305
Will you relax?
We're celebrating.
301
00:11:48,373 --> 00:11:49,706
What are we celebrating?
302
00:11:49,774 --> 00:11:50,874
That you're not gonna be
303
00:11:50,942 --> 00:11:53,844
the sucky mom
we always thought.
304
00:11:53,911 --> 00:11:56,514
Ok, but only because you
already messed up the bedding.
305
00:11:56,581 --> 00:11:57,848
All right.
306
00:11:58,650 --> 00:11:59,750
Oh, look at this.
307
00:11:59,817 --> 00:12:01,652
Dimmer switch, huh?
308
00:12:01,719 --> 00:12:03,354
Oh, we are styling.
309
00:12:05,190 --> 00:12:07,824
Whoo, whoo...
310
00:12:08,693 --> 00:12:10,227
Whoo-ahh...
311
00:12:10,295 --> 00:12:12,363
Hey, stop it. You're
making me nauseous.
312
00:12:12,430 --> 00:12:14,131
You just want music.
313
00:12:15,467 --> 00:12:17,334
♪ [Music playing]
314
00:12:20,505 --> 00:12:21,838
Oh, yeah...
315
00:12:23,608 --> 00:12:25,643
I am mellow.
316
00:12:26,744 --> 00:12:28,479
All right, come on.
Turn down the music.
317
00:12:28,547 --> 00:12:29,846
You're gonna wake the kids.
318
00:12:29,914 --> 00:12:30,981
All right.
319
00:12:31,049 --> 00:12:32,949
[Exclaims]
320
00:12:33,751 --> 00:12:34,951
So you, uh...
321
00:12:36,054 --> 00:12:38,021
Proud of your big day?
322
00:12:38,089 --> 00:12:39,523
Yeah, a little.
323
00:12:40,425 --> 00:12:42,893
Well, you should be.
324
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,297
You were so great
with those kids today.
325
00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:49,633
When I came home, and
I saw you holding major,
326
00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:51,134
I don't know, I just...
327
00:12:51,203 --> 00:12:53,337
I guess I liked
the way you looked
328
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:55,472
with a baby attached to you.
329
00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:56,773
♪ You make me feel
330
00:12:56,841 --> 00:13:00,010
I mean, not literally
attached to you.
331
00:13:00,078 --> 00:13:01,812
That would be gross.
332
00:13:04,015 --> 00:13:06,417
I like the way
you looked, too.
333
00:13:06,484 --> 00:13:07,551
I love you.
334
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:09,152
I love you, too.
335
00:13:10,154 --> 00:13:13,224
♪ With you tonight
336
00:13:13,291 --> 00:13:15,526
and goal!
337
00:13:17,729 --> 00:13:19,230
Whoo!
338
00:13:19,297 --> 00:13:21,532
Wow, the lighting
really helped.
339
00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:24,401
[Door creaking]
340
00:13:24,469 --> 00:13:26,069
What was that?
I don't know.
341
00:13:26,137 --> 00:13:27,705
Was someone just
in the doorway?
342
00:13:27,772 --> 00:13:29,106
I don't-- I don't know.
343
00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:32,643
[Door creaking]
344
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:34,445
Hey...
345
00:13:34,512 --> 00:13:36,179
Uh, how's it going?
346
00:13:39,217 --> 00:13:40,317
What happened?
347
00:13:40,385 --> 00:13:42,453
Did Kirby see us having sex?
348
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:43,954
Possibly.
349
00:13:44,021 --> 00:13:45,222
What does that mean?
350
00:13:45,290 --> 00:13:46,857
We didn't get into
a long discussion.
351
00:13:46,924 --> 00:13:48,125
Well, what did you say to him?
352
00:13:48,192 --> 00:13:50,394
I said,
"hey, how's it going?"
353
00:13:51,429 --> 00:13:53,597
And what did he say back?
354
00:13:53,665 --> 00:13:54,931
He said, "good."
355
00:13:54,999 --> 00:13:57,468
Oh, my god.
How could we do this?
356
00:13:57,535 --> 00:13:59,737
How could we have sex
in our friends' bed?
357
00:13:59,804 --> 00:14:02,105
What are we, mountain people?
358
00:14:02,173 --> 00:14:03,274
What does that mean?
359
00:14:03,341 --> 00:14:05,075
It means it's wrong, ok?
360
00:14:05,143 --> 00:14:07,378
It means nice, young
couples from queens
361
00:14:07,445 --> 00:14:09,513
do not do it in
their friends' bed
362
00:14:09,581 --> 00:14:10,981
with their friends' children
363
00:14:11,048 --> 00:14:13,617
sleeping 10 feet
away from them!
364
00:14:13,685 --> 00:14:16,453
I need to make things
clean again.
365
00:14:16,521 --> 00:14:18,322
Come on, what did we do
that was so bad?
366
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:21,057
W-we're two married,
mature people
367
00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:23,827
engaging in a timeless dance
called love.
368
00:14:25,597 --> 00:14:27,498
Doug, we were on their bed,
369
00:14:27,565 --> 00:14:29,366
doing it in front
of their 5-year-old son.
370
00:14:29,434 --> 00:14:31,001
And thanks to that
mirror over there,
371
00:14:31,068 --> 00:14:34,204
he also got the reverse angle.
372
00:14:34,272 --> 00:14:35,773
First of all,
he's five an d a half,
373
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,508
and he knows what's what.
374
00:14:37,575 --> 00:14:38,909
He's gonna tell
Deacon and Kelly.
375
00:14:38,976 --> 00:14:40,344
That's why they hesitated
376
00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:43,414
because they knew
I'd screw up, and I did.
377
00:14:43,481 --> 00:14:44,848
Why did I let you mount me?
378
00:14:44,916 --> 00:14:47,351
Ow!
379
00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:51,322
First of all, we don't know
what he's gonna tell them.
380
00:14:51,389 --> 00:14:54,558
In fact, look, we don't even
know if he saw us, right?
381
00:14:54,626 --> 00:14:55,959
Right.
382
00:14:56,027 --> 00:14:58,395
Look, tomorrow morning, we'll
get up and we'll feel him out.
383
00:14:58,463 --> 00:15:02,333
You know, we'll see if there's
even a problem at all. Ok?
384
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,967
Ok?
Ok.
385
00:15:04,035 --> 00:15:07,003
All right. Come on, let's
get a good night's sleep.
386
00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:10,441
What are you doing?
387
00:15:10,508 --> 00:15:12,275
Hey, sleeping on a sofa bed
388
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:15,212
is not gonna bring back
that boy's innocence.
389
00:15:18,650 --> 00:15:20,283
All right, sweetie.
Stop moving around,
390
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:22,820
or I'm gonna get
tape stuck to your little...
391
00:15:22,887 --> 00:15:24,855
Oops, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
392
00:15:26,358 --> 00:15:28,892
Honey, I cannot get
this diaper on him.
393
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,329
I've totally lost
my mommy groove.
394
00:15:32,397 --> 00:15:34,531
You talked to
what's-his-face?
395
00:15:36,133 --> 00:15:37,568
No. Not yet.
396
00:15:40,071 --> 00:15:41,372
Hey, buddy, what's up?
397
00:15:41,439 --> 00:15:42,873
What's going on there?
398
00:15:42,940 --> 00:15:44,575
Hey, playing with your
little schoolhouse here.
399
00:15:44,642 --> 00:15:45,642
This is fun, huh?
400
00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,043
Hey, you know what
I'm gonna do?
401
00:15:47,111 --> 00:15:49,079
I'm gonna take this pretty
little teacher here
402
00:15:49,146 --> 00:15:51,582
and, oh, let's go with this
farmer guy right here,
403
00:15:51,649 --> 00:15:55,519
and you tell me if you see
anything that looks familiar.
404
00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:57,821
Howdy, ma'am, my name
is farmer Jones.
405
00:15:57,889 --> 00:16:00,624
[In girl's voice]
Well, hi. I'm Mary Lou...
406
00:16:01,426 --> 00:16:02,693
...henner.
407
00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:05,529
Whoops, I slipped.
408
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:08,766
[As farmer jones] Well, let me
help you up with my pants off.
409
00:16:08,833 --> 00:16:10,166
Whoops, I slipped, too.
410
00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:12,135
Now we're wrestling
up and down.
411
00:16:12,203 --> 00:16:15,272
Hey, Larry flynt, you wanna
tone it down a notch?
412
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:17,741
Would you give it a try?
413
00:16:17,809 --> 00:16:19,376
All right. You finish
dressing the baby.
414
00:16:19,444 --> 00:16:21,278
All right. You got him?
Yes.
415
00:16:21,345 --> 00:16:23,480
Hey, sweetie,
416
00:16:23,548 --> 00:16:25,949
how are you doin'?
417
00:16:26,017 --> 00:16:29,420
Do you, uh, have any
bad dreams last night?
418
00:16:29,487 --> 00:16:31,388
Like maybe, uh,
419
00:16:31,456 --> 00:16:34,057
big scary polar bear
420
00:16:34,125 --> 00:16:35,926
on top of a ballerina?
421
00:16:37,595 --> 00:16:38,796
Anything like that?
422
00:16:38,863 --> 00:16:40,564
[Baby cries]
423
00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:41,932
I--I got both legs
in one hole.
424
00:16:41,999 --> 00:16:43,166
I don't know what did I do.
425
00:16:43,234 --> 00:16:44,935
All right. All right.
426
00:16:48,573 --> 00:16:50,674
Hey, who wants to play a game?
427
00:16:50,742 --> 00:16:51,842
I wanna play a game.
428
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:54,244
All right.
Here's the game.
429
00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:57,781
What's the worst thing you've
seen in the past 24 hours?
430
00:16:57,849 --> 00:16:59,182
(Kelly)
Hey, guys. We're home!
431
00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:00,751
Mommy!
432
00:17:04,522 --> 00:17:05,789
Hey, you're back.
433
00:17:05,857 --> 00:17:06,890
Hi.
434
00:17:06,958 --> 00:17:08,391
Hey, hey, hey, hi!
435
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,580
We caught an early flight so
we could relieve you guys.
436
00:17:10,595 --> 00:17:12,295
These little monsters
treat you ok?
437
00:17:12,363 --> 00:17:14,097
Ok? They were fantastic!
438
00:17:14,165 --> 00:17:17,534
But enough about us. How was
the funeral? You have fun?
439
00:17:18,803 --> 00:17:21,237
Not as much as you'd think.
440
00:17:21,305 --> 00:17:24,975
Yeah, death. Not a
fan of the big "d."
441
00:17:25,042 --> 00:17:26,844
What's going on?
Everything go all right?
442
00:17:26,911 --> 00:17:28,545
Ok. Yeah.
Smooth sailing.
443
00:17:28,613 --> 00:17:29,613
We, um, we--we...
444
00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:30,714
Gotta go.
445
00:17:30,782 --> 00:17:32,516
Got to get going.
Yes! Yeah.
446
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:34,050
You don't wanna stick
around, have some coffee?
447
00:17:34,118 --> 00:17:36,386
No. If we're gonna tear
ourselves away from these kids,
448
00:17:36,454 --> 00:17:38,154
it's gotta be quick
like a band-aid.
449
00:17:38,222 --> 00:17:39,756
Yeah. You rip it
right off, it hurts.
450
00:17:39,824 --> 00:17:41,558
But she's off in a jif.
We're outta here.
451
00:17:41,626 --> 00:17:42,693
Yeah. Ok.
Bye-bye, guys.
452
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,027
All righty.
453
00:17:48,933 --> 00:17:50,567
Oh, man. If bologna
smelled any better,
454
00:17:50,635 --> 00:17:51,969
I'd wear it.
455
00:18:00,211 --> 00:18:03,079
How can you just
sit there and eat?
456
00:18:03,147 --> 00:18:05,549
Kirby is probably telling
them what we did right now.
457
00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:08,251
Yeah, but look. They-they've been
home for, like, 2 hours now.
458
00:18:08,319 --> 00:18:09,820
If he was gonna say something,
459
00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:11,655
he would've done it already,
wouldn't he have, huh?
460
00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:14,157
Wouldn't he have?
I need a pickle.
461
00:18:14,225 --> 00:18:16,126
He might have.
I don't know.
462
00:18:16,193 --> 00:18:19,663
Look, even if he did see us, he
probably forgot about it already.
463
00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:22,365
I mean, do you remember
anything from when you were 5?
464
00:18:22,433 --> 00:18:23,867
No. Not now.
465
00:18:23,935 --> 00:18:26,803
But he's still 5.
You don't forget instantly.
466
00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:29,573
[Telephone ringing]
467
00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:30,741
Oh, my god. That's them.
468
00:18:30,808 --> 00:18:32,543
I know it's them.
I can tell by the ring.
469
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:34,044
It's an angry ring.
470
00:18:34,111 --> 00:18:36,246
[Ringing continues]
471
00:18:45,723 --> 00:18:47,925
Yes.
472
00:18:47,992 --> 00:18:50,861
Oh. You know what? We're not
interested right now. Ok.
473
00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:51,929
Thank you.
474
00:18:51,996 --> 00:18:53,163
Who was it?
475
00:18:53,230 --> 00:18:55,231
Someone selling a subscription
476
00:18:55,299 --> 00:18:56,934
to teen people.
477
00:18:57,468 --> 00:18:58,401
Oh.
478
00:19:00,171 --> 00:19:02,606
Why'd you say we
weren't interested?
479
00:19:05,877 --> 00:19:08,478
You know teen people'snumber by heart?
480
00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:14,350
I am not calling teen people,
481
00:19:14,418 --> 00:19:16,920
I am calling Deacon and Kelly.
482
00:19:16,988 --> 00:19:18,589
Oh, come on.
Why are you calling them?
483
00:19:18,656 --> 00:19:20,991
Doug, I--I can't stand this.
I need to know if they know.
484
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:23,627
Ca-Carrie, if you want this to
go away, then don't pick at it.
485
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:25,095
Yeah. Let me pick.
486
00:19:26,430 --> 00:19:28,765
Hey, kel, how you doing?
487
00:19:28,833 --> 00:19:30,366
Yeah, uh, we just
wanted to call
488
00:19:30,434 --> 00:19:31,802
and see how the kids
were doing.
489
00:19:31,869 --> 00:19:33,904
'Cause we miss them so much.
490
00:19:34,639 --> 00:19:35,772
Mmm-hmm.
491
00:19:37,575 --> 00:19:39,509
Really?
492
00:19:39,577 --> 00:19:42,278
Ok! Well--well,
then we'll see you there.
493
00:19:42,346 --> 00:19:44,881
Ok. Bye-bye.
494
00:19:44,949 --> 00:19:47,383
They want to take us
to dinner tonight.
495
00:19:47,451 --> 00:19:48,585
To thank us.
496
00:19:48,653 --> 00:19:49,953
Hey! There you go.
497
00:19:50,021 --> 00:19:52,689
You don't take perverts
to dinner, right?
498
00:19:54,191 --> 00:19:56,793
I know I don't.
499
00:19:56,861 --> 00:19:58,561
See that?
It all worked out fine.
500
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:00,163
He saw us.
He didn't see us.
501
00:20:00,231 --> 00:20:02,899
It doesn't matter. He kept
his little trap shut.
502
00:20:03,901 --> 00:20:05,335
And then this one says,
503
00:20:05,402 --> 00:20:06,536
"my shirt's dirty.
504
00:20:06,604 --> 00:20:09,039
We need to put it in
the whooshing machine."
505
00:20:09,107 --> 00:20:10,641
See, he meant to say
washing machine.
506
00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:13,944
He didn't say that though.
He's hilarious. Hilarious.
507
00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:15,812
Hey, buddy, want some
more of my ice cream?
508
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,914
Uh, you guys have been
generous with your desserts,
509
00:20:17,982 --> 00:20:19,582
but I think he's had enough.
510
00:20:19,651 --> 00:20:22,285
Oh, he deserves it, just for
being so cute and yummy.
511
00:20:22,353 --> 00:20:24,154
He's not so cute
when he's vomiting.
512
00:20:24,221 --> 00:20:25,722
Ok.
513
00:20:25,790 --> 00:20:27,590
Hey, what you drawing
there, kirb?
514
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:29,459
A picture of Doug and Carrie.
515
00:20:29,527 --> 00:20:32,896
Oh, isn't that sweet?
Love him.
516
00:20:32,964 --> 00:20:35,431
And what they were doing
last night.
517
00:20:37,735 --> 00:20:39,936
Oh, uh, we don't really need
another picture.
518
00:20:40,004 --> 00:20:42,405
Yeah. You know, we got
pictures up the butt.
519
00:20:42,473 --> 00:20:43,540
You know what I'm sayin'?
520
00:20:43,607 --> 00:20:44,941
We do.
521
00:20:45,009 --> 00:20:46,376
Yeah, but not from my child.
522
00:20:46,443 --> 00:20:48,011
He signs and numbers each one.
523
00:20:48,079 --> 00:20:49,980
Hey, bet you can't do
an outline of my hand.
524
00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:51,648
I don't want to.
525
00:20:51,716 --> 00:20:53,483
Go ahead, try it. Do it.
Color it in red.
526
00:20:53,551 --> 00:20:55,085
Make a little Turkey out of it.
Gobble, gobble.
527
00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:56,873
Would you let the boy
draw his picture, man?
528
00:20:56,888 --> 00:20:58,055
All right. All right.
529
00:20:58,122 --> 00:20:59,756
I heard drawing makes you gay.
530
00:21:01,559 --> 00:21:02,893
What?
531
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,595
It's true. It happened
to my friend bill.
532
00:21:05,663 --> 00:21:08,298
Hey, you guys have been acting
very weird since we got back.
533
00:21:08,365 --> 00:21:09,900
What's the deal?
534
00:21:11,435 --> 00:21:13,236
All right, then. The...
535
00:21:13,304 --> 00:21:15,371
T-the truth is, uh,
536
00:21:15,439 --> 00:21:16,973
we have something to tell you,
537
00:21:17,041 --> 00:21:19,375
and, uh, this
is difficult for us.
538
00:21:20,544 --> 00:21:22,512
He makes things up.
539
00:21:25,883 --> 00:21:28,484
It-it's true,
like his drawings,
540
00:21:28,552 --> 00:21:29,619
uh, for instance.
541
00:21:29,687 --> 00:21:30,887
Usually they're like the--
542
00:21:30,955 --> 00:21:34,024
the opposite
of what actually happened.
543
00:21:34,092 --> 00:21:35,425
Done, mommy.
544
00:21:35,492 --> 00:21:36,659
[Sighs]
545
00:21:43,267 --> 00:21:45,068
We're gonna take this.
546
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,574
So I'm guessing this
wouldn't be appropriate
547
00:21:51,642 --> 00:21:53,676
to hang on our fridge.
548
00:21:53,745 --> 00:21:54,978
I wouldn't mind.
549
00:21:55,046 --> 00:21:57,814
You'll notice he was
very generous with me.
550
00:21:57,882 --> 00:21:59,116
I noticed.
551
00:21:59,183 --> 00:22:00,150
Ouch.
38051
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