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1
00:00:18,450 --> 00:00:19,517
What the...
2
00:00:22,588 --> 00:00:23,855
Thank you.
3
00:00:28,594 --> 00:00:30,495
No, I mean it.
Thank you.
4
00:00:32,798 --> 00:00:33,732
Great.
5
00:00:39,872 --> 00:00:42,507
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What are you doing with that?
6
00:00:42,574 --> 00:00:44,709
Just watchin'
the sunlight hit it.
7
00:00:46,178 --> 00:00:48,279
That is for tomorrow.
8
00:00:48,347 --> 00:00:50,481
But I'm hungry. I'm
just gonna take a leg.
9
00:00:50,549 --> 00:00:52,951
Doug, we are having
guests for Thanksgiving,
10
00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:56,354
and I am not serving
them a one-legged Turkey.
11
00:00:56,421 --> 00:00:58,422
Oh, what a Turkey
can't be handicapped?
12
00:00:58,490 --> 00:01:00,692
What, you got
some kind of problem?
13
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:05,296
Come on, I will find you something
in there that is good, ok?
14
00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:07,565
Here we go.
Let's see...
15
00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:10,935
Ok, you can't have that.
Mashed potatoes, no.
16
00:01:11,003 --> 00:01:12,603
Yams, no.
Pie, no.
17
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,939
Ok, you know what? You name
one more thing I can't have,
18
00:01:15,007 --> 00:01:16,708
and I'm gonna bukaw you!
19
00:01:17,943 --> 00:01:19,610
Call it.
20
00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:22,647
I'm sorry. I don't think there's
anything in here that you can have.
21
00:01:22,715 --> 00:01:24,315
How about stuffing?
A little stuffing.
22
00:01:24,383 --> 00:01:25,817
Come on, I love you.
23
00:01:28,353 --> 00:01:29,754
No.
24
00:01:29,822 --> 00:01:32,223
It's stuffing. You can't tell
if stuffing's missing.
25
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:35,927
I'll remold it,
I'll even it out.
26
00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:38,563
Hey, look at me.
No one has to know.
27
00:01:40,499 --> 00:01:43,234
Ah, ah, ah,
look--look it here.
28
00:01:43,302 --> 00:01:46,037
I found something
that you can have.
29
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:49,607
Oh, lunchables. Oh, this
is-- this is great.
30
00:01:49,675 --> 00:01:51,576
You know why?
'Cause it's like lunch,
31
00:01:51,643 --> 00:01:54,145
only a lot smaller. This is--
this is going to be perfect.
32
00:01:54,213 --> 00:01:56,014
Thank you very much.
33
00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:58,349
There we go. Hmm.
34
00:01:59,484 --> 00:02:00,418
Mmm.
35
00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:07,759
I'm stuffed!
36
00:02:09,294 --> 00:02:11,796
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
37
00:02:11,864 --> 00:02:14,532
♪ my back is gettin' tight
38
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,567
♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪
39
00:02:16,635 --> 00:02:19,637
♪ on the queensboro bridge
tonight ♪
40
00:02:19,705 --> 00:02:24,976
♪ but I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
41
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:28,880
♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪
42
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:32,617
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
43
00:02:32,684 --> 00:02:35,653
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
44
00:02:43,295 --> 00:02:46,330
Uh, I, for one, am stuffed.
45
00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:47,866
[Yawns]
46
00:02:47,933 --> 00:02:49,167
[Whoops]
47
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:52,570
Thanksgiving, man.
Not a good day to be my pants.
48
00:02:55,307 --> 00:02:57,441
There aren't a lot
of real good days.
49
00:02:59,278 --> 00:03:01,679
That's nice, very nice,
after we just fed you.
50
00:03:01,747 --> 00:03:03,915
Carrie, the food was unbelievable.
Oh, excellent.
51
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,984
(Kelly) Yes, honey, it was delicious.
Thank you.
52
00:03:06,051 --> 00:03:09,487
Oh, don't thank me. Thank the
good folks at "holiday in a box."
53
00:03:09,554 --> 00:03:11,622
Yeah, but who went
and picked it up?
54
00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:14,392
Actually, they--they
dropped it off.
55
00:03:14,459 --> 00:03:17,028
Well, come on, girl,
who re-heated it?
56
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:20,064
That's true, I did.
Ok, ok, pride is back.
57
00:03:22,234 --> 00:03:24,936
Ah, you know the food is good
58
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:27,806
when it knocks a man out cold.
59
00:03:27,873 --> 00:03:29,774
Hey, you wanna stick
his hand in warm water,
60
00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:31,409
see if we can make him pee?
61
00:03:31,476 --> 00:03:33,311
Yeah.
62
00:03:33,378 --> 00:03:36,347
It'll be nice to be on the
other end of that for once.
63
00:03:36,415 --> 00:03:37,682
Even if it does work,
64
00:03:37,749 --> 00:03:39,951
aren't you just going to be
ruining your own couch?
65
00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:41,853
A good point, good point.
66
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:43,454
Let's see here.
67
00:03:43,522 --> 00:03:46,057
Oh, this is perfect.
This is great.
68
00:03:48,027 --> 00:03:49,861
[Doug chuckling]
69
00:03:50,996 --> 00:03:52,430
Oh, man.
Shh!
70
00:03:52,497 --> 00:03:54,299
[Snickering] I'm sorry.
71
00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:01,739
It's funny, right?
72
00:04:02,708 --> 00:04:03,808
[Laughing]
73
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:06,144
Actually, my kid could
look exactly like that.
74
00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:11,983
Doug, what the hell are
you doing to him?
75
00:04:12,051 --> 00:04:14,185
We're just dressin' him up
like a big baby, relax.
76
00:04:14,253 --> 00:04:15,320
Stop it!
77
00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:17,155
Just killin' time
till dessert.
78
00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:19,290
Doug, it's Thanksgiving.
Could you be nice?
79
00:04:19,358 --> 00:04:21,826
I think I have a right to mess
with him on Thanksgiving.
80
00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:22,927
Dessert's up.
81
00:04:22,995 --> 00:04:24,462
What are you talking about?
82
00:04:24,529 --> 00:04:26,397
Are you kidding me?
Remember how he tortured me
83
00:04:26,465 --> 00:04:27,798
the first Thanksgiving
I met him?
84
00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:29,167
My god, it was hell.
85
00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:31,602
I remember Thanksgiving
very well. It was a great day.
86
00:04:31,670 --> 00:04:35,106
It was the first time I--I got the
nerve up to tell you "I love you."
87
00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:36,307
Got the nerve up?
88
00:04:36,375 --> 00:04:38,343
It wasn't so hard
after I told you.
89
00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:41,012
What? You think
you told me first?
90
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,446
Si, senorita.
91
00:04:42,514 --> 00:04:45,549
Uh, I think
I told you first, senor.
92
00:04:45,617 --> 00:04:48,419
Ok, you know what? Don't go Spanish.
I went Spanish.
93
00:04:49,421 --> 00:04:50,654
Spanish?
94
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,261
That got you up?
95
00:04:56,328 --> 00:04:58,462
You know what?
Dad will know.
96
00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:00,298
Dad, do you remember
meeting, uh, Doug
97
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,900
for the first time
on Thanksgiving?
98
00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:04,535
Of course I remember
meeting Doug.
99
00:05:04,603 --> 00:05:06,737
I believe it was Thanksgiving.
100
00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:13,111
Daddy, we're going to
the Thanksgiving party now.
101
00:05:13,178 --> 00:05:14,779
Have fun, sweetheart.
102
00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:16,214
Hey!
103
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:18,416
You touch one hair
on her head,
104
00:05:18,483 --> 00:05:21,152
I'll gut you like a fish.
Now scram!
105
00:05:24,856 --> 00:05:28,826
Dad, that was Donny peacock,
and we were 8 years old.
106
00:05:28,894 --> 00:05:31,262
And he ran out
of the house crying.
107
00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:35,233
I am talking about
meeting Doug on Thanksgiving.
108
00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:36,767
You don't remember?
109
00:05:43,175 --> 00:05:46,210
I'll take the Thanksgiving
special, kimiko.
110
00:05:46,278 --> 00:05:48,079
Yes, Arthur-San.
111
00:05:52,717 --> 00:05:54,585
No, that couldn't be the one.
112
00:05:57,189 --> 00:06:01,225
Dad, 1993, I had been
dating Doug a few months,
113
00:06:01,293 --> 00:06:04,095
you were still married
to Lily. You remember?
114
00:06:09,835 --> 00:06:10,868
[Exclaims]
115
00:06:10,936 --> 00:06:12,170
[Both laugh]
116
00:06:12,237 --> 00:06:15,974
Here you go, a little
taste of what's coming.
117
00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:18,476
Delicious,
as are you, my lady.
118
00:06:18,543 --> 00:06:19,543
Ah.
119
00:06:19,611 --> 00:06:21,145
[Moaning]
120
00:06:21,213 --> 00:06:23,181
Guys, guys, guys, guys!
121
00:06:23,248 --> 00:06:25,216
My boyfriend's gonna be here
any minute,
122
00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:28,219
and we're not close to ready. Any
chance we can get dinner going
123
00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:31,089
before you guys
get to 3rd base?
124
00:06:31,156 --> 00:06:34,058
You heard her, get off.
125
00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:37,328
So, uh, who is this,
uh, happerman fellow?
126
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:39,630
Heffernan, dad,
Doug Heffernan.
127
00:06:39,698 --> 00:06:41,899
He's the guy I've been
dating for 6 months.
128
00:06:41,967 --> 00:06:43,601
Any relation to Lou Heffernan?
129
00:06:43,668 --> 00:06:45,269
I don't know. Uh,
where's the ladle?
130
00:06:45,337 --> 00:06:48,272
Oh, wouldn't that be funny
if they were related, huh?
131
00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:50,641
Yes, that would be
very, very funny, Lily.
132
00:06:50,709 --> 00:06:52,443
Listen, um,
by the way, you guys,
133
00:06:52,511 --> 00:06:55,079
I took down your naked
poster of John and yoko.
134
00:06:55,147 --> 00:06:57,315
Please don't fight me on that.
135
00:06:57,383 --> 00:07:00,184
So, what is this young man's
line of work, anyway?
136
00:07:00,252 --> 00:07:02,653
Uh, he's training to be
a driver at I.P.S.
137
00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:04,555
Whoa, boy.
138
00:07:05,357 --> 00:07:07,291
Dad, it's a good job.
139
00:07:07,359 --> 00:07:10,961
Yeah, it's a swell job, until
they invent a machine to do it.
140
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:12,463
Come on, who are you to talk?
141
00:07:12,531 --> 00:07:14,465
You Polish bowling balls
for a living.
142
00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:16,467
I Polish and engrave them.
143
00:07:16,535 --> 00:07:18,669
Show me the machine
that can do that.
144
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,372
Leave her alone, Arthur.
145
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,975
I'm glad she finally found
a boy she's serious about.
146
00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:27,211
Has he told you
he loves you yet?
147
00:07:27,279 --> 00:07:29,113
Oh, not yet.
He's not the, uh,
148
00:07:29,181 --> 00:07:31,249
say-I-love-you-out-loud
type of guy.
149
00:07:31,316 --> 00:07:32,350
Hmm.
150
00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:34,652
Well, I know I'm
not your mother, dear,
151
00:07:34,719 --> 00:07:37,488
but may I still offer you
a word of advice?
152
00:07:37,556 --> 00:07:39,290
Oh, sure.
153
00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:41,192
If you wanna make a sale,
154
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,028
you gotta let the customer
sample the merchandise.
155
00:07:46,331 --> 00:07:50,334
Absolutely. I will do him
in his car tonight.
156
00:07:52,071 --> 00:07:53,371
Leave her alone, Lily.
157
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:55,673
Just because you gave it away,
doesn't mean she should.
158
00:07:55,740 --> 00:07:57,808
Well, I wouldn't have
if you hadn't been
159
00:07:57,876 --> 00:07:59,777
so damn good at the mambo.
160
00:07:59,844 --> 00:08:00,778
[Exclaims]
161
00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:03,147
♪ [Both scatting]
162
00:08:03,215 --> 00:08:06,350
Guys, guys, stop that.
163
00:08:06,418 --> 00:08:09,420
Dad, ok, ok. Let me
explain something here. Ok?
164
00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:12,223
I--I really, really
like this guy
165
00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:14,425
and I've put off having him
meet you for 6 months,
166
00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:17,195
but at this point,
I'm running out of excuses.
167
00:08:17,262 --> 00:08:18,896
So if you two could,
168
00:08:18,964 --> 00:08:21,732
I don't know, maybe,
imitate normal people,
169
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,235
just for today, I would
really appreciate it.
170
00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:26,604
Because Doug is
very, very special.
171
00:08:29,308 --> 00:08:30,841
Gotcha.
Damn.
172
00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:33,811
Oh! It's worth the
mini-puke to be the best.
173
00:08:33,878 --> 00:08:35,379
See, that's where
we're different.
174
00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:37,014
I'm not that committed.
175
00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,618
Hello, Douglas!
176
00:08:40,685 --> 00:08:41,919
Hey, man!
Hey, this is the guy
177
00:08:41,987 --> 00:08:43,454
I was telling you about
from work.
178
00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:45,189
Uh, Deacon Palmer,
Spence olchin.
179
00:08:45,257 --> 00:08:46,324
At your service.
180
00:08:46,391 --> 00:08:47,492
Word up, Spence.
181
00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:50,461
Oh, most people call me
"the spencenator."
182
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:53,097
So, Doug, are you nervous
about meeting Carrie's family?
183
00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:54,325
Yeah, I kind of am, you know?
184
00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:56,100
I thought I would've
met 'em sooner,
185
00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:59,703
but, uh, apparently they spend
a lot of time in the orient.
186
00:08:59,771 --> 00:09:01,839
So you guys are
startin' to get serious.
187
00:09:01,906 --> 00:09:04,342
I think so. I think so.
188
00:09:04,409 --> 00:09:07,545
Oh. Have you said
the "I" word yet?
189
00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:09,380
Not yet.
190
00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:10,914
It's cocked and loaded,
though.
191
00:09:10,982 --> 00:09:12,650
Today could be the day.
192
00:09:12,717 --> 00:09:14,918
You're gonna tell her
you love her? Wow.
193
00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:16,887
The only time I heard
you use that word
194
00:09:16,955 --> 00:09:20,724
was talking about
pork snacks and mookie Wilson.
195
00:09:20,792 --> 00:09:23,461
Well, Carrie's about to join
that exclusive club.
196
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:24,529
Ho-ho-ho.
197
00:09:24,596 --> 00:09:25,596
♪ Do-do-do-do
198
00:09:25,664 --> 00:09:27,064
♪ Doug and Carrie
199
00:09:27,132 --> 00:09:28,599
♪ can't touch them
200
00:09:33,505 --> 00:09:37,408
ok, this baby
is ready for action.
201
00:09:37,476 --> 00:09:39,644
Good heavens, we've got
a lot of food here.
202
00:09:39,711 --> 00:09:41,512
Hope your Doug fellow
likes to eat.
203
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:44,048
I think we're good.
204
00:09:44,115 --> 00:09:46,750
Oh, Arthur, I told you,
2 hours ago, to clean up
205
00:09:46,818 --> 00:09:48,619
all these boat brochures.
206
00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:49,920
Well, I'm sorry,
207
00:09:49,988 --> 00:09:51,922
but I'm right on the verge
of a decision.
208
00:09:51,990 --> 00:09:53,057
Stop it, Arthur.
209
00:09:53,124 --> 00:09:54,659
We are not buying a boat.
210
00:09:54,726 --> 00:09:56,194
Oh, come on, Lily darling.
211
00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:58,629
I even have a name
all picked out for her.
212
00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:00,097
The Lily darling.
213
00:10:02,734 --> 00:10:04,902
♪ [Music playing
on car stereo]
214
00:10:07,339 --> 00:10:09,773
♪ Know what I mean
215
00:10:09,841 --> 00:10:11,875
Arthur, you are
such a dreamer!
216
00:10:11,943 --> 00:10:14,579
I am not. All I have to do
is go to the bank, get a loan,
217
00:10:14,646 --> 00:10:17,881
and 5 minutes later, I'm capt.
Arty of the Lily darling.
218
00:10:17,949 --> 00:10:20,418
It is not that simple
to get a loan, Arthur.
219
00:10:20,485 --> 00:10:22,320
Boats are very expensive.
220
00:10:22,387 --> 00:10:23,887
Oh, I see.
221
00:10:23,955 --> 00:10:26,691
So is this your way of rubbing
the bankruptcy in my face?
222
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:29,960
[Birds chirping]
223
00:10:31,563 --> 00:10:35,266
♪ Saw her picture
in a magazine ♪
224
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:37,335
♪ Ba dum, dum
225
00:10:37,402 --> 00:10:39,837
why don't you go back to the
street corner where I found you?
226
00:10:39,904 --> 00:10:41,205
I was waiting for the bus!
227
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:43,307
Whatever helps you
sleep at night!
228
00:10:45,877 --> 00:10:49,113
(Carrie) Dad, get out
of the bathroom, now!
229
00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:51,249
(Arthur)
No! She's violent!
230
00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:53,083
(Lily) He's a moron!
231
00:10:53,151 --> 00:10:55,085
(Arthur) She shaves her lip!
232
00:10:55,153 --> 00:10:57,121
(Lily)
His nipples don't match!
233
00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:04,595
(Carrie) You're insane!
234
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:06,130
(Arthur) I heard that!
235
00:11:09,134 --> 00:11:11,101
(Carrie) Crap, he's here!
236
00:11:11,169 --> 00:11:12,236
(Lily) I'll get it!
237
00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:13,437
(Carrie) Don't get it!
238
00:11:13,505 --> 00:11:14,938
(Lily) I have to get it!
239
00:11:15,006 --> 00:11:17,775
The poor schmo is standing
right on the porch!
240
00:11:19,811 --> 00:11:21,845
Hi, you must be Doug.
241
00:11:21,913 --> 00:11:23,180
One sec, hon.
242
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:28,152
(Lily) He's here! Now get out
of the freakin' crapper!
243
00:11:31,423 --> 00:11:33,291
Dad, will you just come out?
244
00:11:33,358 --> 00:11:34,759
(Arthur)
Not until she apologizes.
245
00:11:34,826 --> 00:11:37,127
Lily, just apologize.
You don't have to mean it,
246
00:11:37,195 --> 00:11:38,596
just say the words.
247
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,467
All right. I'm sorry!
248
00:11:43,535 --> 00:11:44,702
Did you hear that, daddy?
249
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:46,704
She said she's sorry.
That's so sweet of her.
250
00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:47,805
Now come on out.
251
00:11:47,872 --> 00:11:49,106
(Arthur)
Are we getting a boat?
252
00:11:49,174 --> 00:11:50,240
Just say yes.
253
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:52,176
The second lie
is always easier.
254
00:11:59,217 --> 00:12:00,818
Yes! We can get a boat.
255
00:12:00,885 --> 00:12:02,252
Ah! Do you hear that, dad?
256
00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:03,754
You're gonna get your boat.
257
00:12:03,822 --> 00:12:05,456
(Arthur) And a jet ski!
258
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:06,824
A jet ski!
259
00:12:06,891 --> 00:12:07,925
Oh, god.
260
00:12:07,992 --> 00:12:09,927
You're insane! You're
not gonna get anything,
261
00:12:09,994 --> 00:12:11,595
you little pain in the ass!
262
00:12:11,663 --> 00:12:14,031
I hope you stay in
that bathroom forever!
263
00:12:14,098 --> 00:12:15,165
(Arthur) Maybe I will.
264
00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:16,367
And by the way,
265
00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:18,669
I am currently
making a lewd gesture!
266
00:12:19,604 --> 00:12:21,205
[Doorbell rings]
267
00:12:21,272 --> 00:12:23,607
Oh, you, miserable old people!
268
00:12:23,675 --> 00:12:25,976
I can't believe
you're doing this to me!
269
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:29,613
[Pants]
270
00:12:37,789 --> 00:12:38,922
[Car door slams]
271
00:12:38,990 --> 00:12:40,524
[Car engine starting]
272
00:12:41,192 --> 00:12:42,125
Carrie?
273
00:12:42,193 --> 00:12:43,861
[Car engine accelerating]
274
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:45,563
Doug!
275
00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:48,165
It's so nice
to finally meet you.
276
00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:49,900
Come in, please, will you?
277
00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:17,427
So...
278
00:13:17,495 --> 00:13:18,863
Yeah!
279
00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:20,998
How are you enjoying
the food, dear?
280
00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:22,633
Oh. It's--it's great.
Thanks.
281
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:25,369
Oh, thank you so much for
bringing these buffalo wings.
282
00:13:25,436 --> 00:13:27,805
They look delicious.
283
00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:30,507
No problem. Uh, they're
from, uh, Cooper's.
284
00:13:30,575 --> 00:13:32,877
They're--they're famous
for their wings.
285
00:13:34,212 --> 00:13:36,080
Half of these are hot,
286
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,715
the other half are mild.
287
00:13:37,783 --> 00:13:39,817
I didn't know
what you guys liked.
288
00:13:45,957 --> 00:13:47,224
I like hot.
289
00:13:48,259 --> 00:13:50,127
I like mild.
290
00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:51,662
Hey, that's-- that's what makes
the world go round, huh?
291
00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:53,363
[Both laugh]
292
00:13:53,431 --> 00:13:54,832
Question for you: Is Carrie
coming back at any point?
293
00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,701
Oh, of course she is!
294
00:13:56,768 --> 00:13:59,369
I think she's having
a visit from her aunt flo.
295
00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:04,842
So, how would you like
a nice warm biscuit?
296
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:05,910
Ok. Yeah, sure.
297
00:14:05,977 --> 00:14:07,311
Be back in a jiff.
298
00:14:14,753 --> 00:14:16,486
(Arthur) Is the bitch gone?
299
00:14:21,392 --> 00:14:23,794
Did someone--
someone... hello?
300
00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:26,163
(Arthur) Is she gone?
301
00:14:26,231 --> 00:14:28,265
Uh, yeah, she's
in the kitchen.
302
00:14:30,068 --> 00:14:32,469
Arthur spooner.
I'm Carrie's father.
303
00:14:32,537 --> 00:14:34,171
Oh, hi.
Doug Heffernan.
304
00:14:34,239 --> 00:14:36,506
So, you're with
I.P.S., huh?
305
00:14:36,574 --> 00:14:39,210
Yeah, I.P.S., yeah.
306
00:14:39,277 --> 00:14:42,279
Aren't you concerned about
losing your job to a machine?
307
00:14:44,315 --> 00:14:46,450
Not really, no.
I, uh...
308
00:14:46,517 --> 00:14:48,685
See, I drive to a lot
of people's houses
309
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:51,055
and--and deliver
packages to them.
310
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:56,627
I, uh, don't know really
how a machine would do that.
311
00:14:56,694 --> 00:14:58,595
Oh, it's gonna
happen, my friend.
312
00:14:58,663 --> 00:15:00,965
They're working on it
even as we speak.
313
00:15:01,032 --> 00:15:02,266
[Oven timer dings]
314
00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:03,734
(Lily) They're ready.
315
00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:05,102
I was never here!
316
00:15:09,574 --> 00:15:11,508
Here you go.
Piping hot.
317
00:15:11,576 --> 00:15:14,444
Ooh! Let me freshen up
that orangina.
318
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,450
Give me a drumstick!
319
00:15:20,518 --> 00:15:21,752
Drumstick! Now!
320
00:15:23,388 --> 00:15:24,421
Thank you.
321
00:15:27,392 --> 00:15:30,027
There you go, sweetheart.
322
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,129
Where's the other drumstick?
323
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:33,798
I don't, um, I, uh...
324
00:15:33,865 --> 00:15:37,101
I think this one
started out with one.
325
00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:40,838
Arthur! Give me
back that drumstick!
326
00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:44,775
(Arthur) You'll have to pry it
out of my dead, cold hands!
327
00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:46,543
Excuse me, where--
where's the bathroom?
328
00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:48,212
The psycho is in it.
329
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,980
Arthur, Doug has
to go to the bathroom!
330
00:15:50,048 --> 00:15:51,715
Now, get out!
331
00:15:51,783 --> 00:15:54,384
(Arthur) No. He can come in
if he wants, but I'm staying.
332
00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:58,322
Son, what do you have,
number 1 or number 2?
333
00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:08,765
So, you've been dating my
daughter for quite a while now.
334
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:09,800
Huh?
335
00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:12,002
Yes, about, uh,
6 months now, sir.
336
00:16:12,704 --> 00:16:14,839
So, pretty serious?
337
00:16:14,906 --> 00:16:17,741
Oh, yes. She-- she's a--
she's a great girl.
338
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:22,046
And, uh, you are planning
to get the weight off?
339
00:16:25,516 --> 00:16:27,017
Absolutely.
I'm on it.
340
00:16:30,388 --> 00:16:32,223
Problem with
the plumbing, son?
341
00:16:34,092 --> 00:16:36,227
No, no. You know, I'm
just havin' a hard time
342
00:16:36,294 --> 00:16:37,895
going with you in here.
343
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:39,930
Oh, why didn't you say so?
344
00:16:39,998 --> 00:16:42,132
By all means, I'll
give you some privacy.
345
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,767
Oh, well, thank you.
346
00:16:54,746 --> 00:16:56,613
(Arthur)
So, where're you from?
347
00:16:58,816 --> 00:16:59,884
Regal park.
348
00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:01,618
Oh, wonderful area.
349
00:17:01,686 --> 00:17:04,288
You must know my friend Stan.
350
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:07,324
Runs the shoe-shine joint
down by the dunkin' donuts.
351
00:17:07,392 --> 00:17:09,426
Nah, you know what?
Nope. Don't know him.
352
00:17:09,494 --> 00:17:10,494
Sure you do.
353
00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:13,297
I'm sorry,
don't know, Mr. spooner.
354
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:15,099
For god's sake, son, Stan!
355
00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:16,666
Stan!
356
00:17:17,769 --> 00:17:19,303
Shoe-shine Stan!
357
00:17:20,471 --> 00:17:21,605
Oh, shoe...
358
00:17:21,672 --> 00:17:23,407
Shoe-shine st-- yes,
oh, yeah.
359
00:17:23,474 --> 00:17:25,575
Oh, yeah, he did rub my shoes.
Yep, yeah.
360
00:17:26,444 --> 00:17:27,477
There you go.
361
00:17:27,545 --> 00:17:28,779
Ok, you know what?
362
00:17:28,846 --> 00:17:30,781
I'm not havin'
any luck with this.
363
00:17:30,848 --> 00:17:33,088
I'm just gonna go up to the
mobile station on the corner.
364
00:17:33,151 --> 00:17:34,684
They're gonna make
you buy something.
365
00:17:34,752 --> 00:17:35,685
Ok.
366
00:17:37,088 --> 00:17:38,322
(Lily) You out, Doug?
367
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,723
Want some pie?
368
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,133
Oh, sweet freedom!
369
00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:54,204
You're here?
370
00:17:54,272 --> 00:17:56,106
Well, were you here
the whole time?
371
00:17:56,174 --> 00:17:58,142
No. I drove down
to the 7-11
372
00:17:58,209 --> 00:18:00,244
to get a pack of capris.
373
00:18:00,312 --> 00:18:01,711
Oh, did you?
Oh, that's nice.
374
00:18:01,779 --> 00:18:03,213
Do you mind if I...?
375
00:18:03,281 --> 00:18:04,415
You don't smoke.
376
00:18:04,482 --> 00:18:06,716
That's right, I don't smoke!
377
00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:09,453
Why did you leave?
378
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:10,720
Because I...
379
00:18:10,788 --> 00:18:13,257
I--I didn't wanna be
there for the moment
380
00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:16,193
when you realized
I come from a crazy farm!
381
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,762
You know what? I would love to
hear this, but I--I gotta pee.
382
00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:20,530
Yeah, ok. You gotta pee.
You know what?
383
00:18:20,598 --> 00:18:22,933
Why don't you call me in 6
months when you're done peeing.
384
00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:24,368
Ok? We'll have
a cup of coffee.
385
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,270
6-- what are you
talking about? "6 months."
386
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:27,504
I gotta pee, I'm serious.
387
00:18:27,572 --> 00:18:29,273
Look, if you wanna
just go, go!
388
00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:31,941
My--my--my whole life's been a freak
show, I don't even blame you.
389
00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:33,077
What are you doing?
390
00:18:33,144 --> 00:18:34,478
(Carrie) Bye!
391
00:18:34,545 --> 00:18:37,714
I was gonna tell you I
love you today, dumb ass!
392
00:18:37,782 --> 00:18:39,316
I'm really gonna burst.
393
00:18:47,758 --> 00:18:48,825
(Arthur) Douglas!
394
00:18:48,893 --> 00:18:50,560
Oh, god!
Now I'm locked up.
395
00:18:50,628 --> 00:18:52,629
(Arthur) Douglas, over here!
396
00:18:52,697 --> 00:18:54,564
Yeah, Mr. spooner?
397
00:18:54,632 --> 00:18:58,168
Listen, I couldn't help but
overhear your little argument.
398
00:18:58,236 --> 00:19:00,204
Uh, yeah. Do you
think it's possible
399
00:19:00,271 --> 00:19:01,972
that you could
send Carrie out?
400
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,440
She's too upset.
401
00:19:03,508 --> 00:19:05,575
You can't talk to her
when she's like this.
402
00:19:05,643 --> 00:19:07,811
Listen, you seem
like a good kid.
403
00:19:07,879 --> 00:19:09,946
Wait here, and I'll
go talk to her.
404
00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:11,482
Try to patch things up.
405
00:19:11,549 --> 00:19:14,385
No promises, but I'll
see what I can do.
406
00:19:38,776 --> 00:19:39,709
[Sighs]
407
00:19:46,418 --> 00:19:47,751
Sorry, son. No go.
408
00:19:47,818 --> 00:19:48,885
Really?
409
00:19:48,953 --> 00:19:50,354
Believe me, I tried.
410
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:52,256
But she didn't wanna
hear a word of it.
411
00:19:52,323 --> 00:19:54,224
Anyway, it was
a pleasure to meet you.
412
00:19:54,292 --> 00:19:56,126
Maybe someday,
when this blows over,
413
00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:58,929
we'll sit on my boat
and have a good laugh.
414
00:19:58,996 --> 00:20:00,431
If you still have to pee,
415
00:20:00,498 --> 00:20:03,033
feel free to go on
the azaleas. They're hers.
416
00:20:14,412 --> 00:20:15,345
Doug?
417
00:20:15,413 --> 00:20:17,448
Yes?
418
00:20:17,515 --> 00:20:19,916
Did you just say you were
gonna tell me you loved me?
419
00:20:19,984 --> 00:20:21,485
Yes. Yes, I did.
420
00:20:23,321 --> 00:20:25,021
Did you just pee
in our bushes?
421
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:26,590
Yes. Yes, I did.
422
00:20:30,027 --> 00:20:31,528
I love you.
423
00:20:31,596 --> 00:20:32,963
I love you, too.
424
00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:38,902
(Arthur) Where you going?
425
00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:40,437
Carrie, come back!
426
00:20:40,505 --> 00:20:42,539
He's got no future!
427
00:20:42,607 --> 00:20:44,308
I'm tellin' you,
the two of you
428
00:20:44,375 --> 00:20:46,776
will be livin' in my house
within 5 years!
429
00:20:47,778 --> 00:20:49,746
Carrie!
430
00:20:49,814 --> 00:20:51,781
And we drove off.
End of story.
431
00:20:51,849 --> 00:20:55,018
I said "I love you" first,
right after you peed.
432
00:20:55,086 --> 00:20:56,153
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
433
00:20:56,221 --> 00:20:58,288
Are you even listening
to your own story?
434
00:20:58,356 --> 00:21:00,790
Way before that, I said,
"I love you, dumb ass."
435
00:21:00,858 --> 00:21:02,892
No, no. You said,
436
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,762
"'I was gonna say
I love you, dumb ass.'"
437
00:21:05,830 --> 00:21:07,364
but you didn't
actually say it.
438
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:10,334
And by the way, "dumb ass"
kind of killed it anyway.
439
00:21:10,401 --> 00:21:12,561
Now you're punchin' wild.
You know it's the same thing.
440
00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:15,572
It's not the same thing. If you say
you're gonna take the garbage out,
441
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:17,841
but you don't actually
take the garbage out,
442
00:21:17,908 --> 00:21:20,410
is the garbage out?
443
00:21:20,478 --> 00:21:21,911
I don't know where
the garbage is--
444
00:21:21,979 --> 00:21:25,449
look, the point is,
the words "I love you"
445
00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:28,385
were never said
until I said them.
446
00:21:32,157 --> 00:21:34,358
Well, I said
"I wanna have sex" first.
447
00:21:34,425 --> 00:21:36,326
That was all you, yeah.
448
00:21:49,006 --> 00:21:50,106
What's that?
449
00:21:50,175 --> 00:21:52,509
It's the new engraving
and buffing machine.
31975
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