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1
00:00:08,085 --> 00:00:12,051
My progeny has joined the
ranks of the graduated.
2
00:00:12,154 --> 00:00:13,953
You applied to all those schools for me?
3
00:00:13,954 --> 00:00:16,419
A few fallbacks, too, just in case.
4
00:00:16,420 --> 00:00:19,019
You're not my mother, you're
not in charge of who I talk to,
5
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:22,619
and you're sure as shit not in
charge of if I go to college!
6
00:00:22,620 --> 00:00:24,853
We've been banging like bunnies,
and I can't get pregnant.
7
00:00:24,854 --> 00:00:26,186
What'll you do?
8
00:00:26,187 --> 00:00:27,819
Are you out of your fucking mind?
9
00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:29,019
Kev is just gonna lie down
10
00:00:29,020 --> 00:00:30,786
with you for procreation, not sex.
11
00:00:30,787 --> 00:00:32,619
Wham, bam, thank you, mom.
12
00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:34,019
What are you doing wearing my top?
13
00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:36,019
Pheromones, I'm borrowing them.
14
00:00:36,020 --> 00:00:37,819
It's the thing boys like about you.
15
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,286
You mean tits?
16
00:00:39,287 --> 00:00:41,053
I think you might be a year or two off.
17
00:00:41,054 --> 00:00:42,853
Are you gonna marry someone
who screws guys for a living?
18
00:00:42,854 --> 00:00:45,853
Who gives a shit? It's
a fucking piece of paper.
19
00:00:45,854 --> 00:00:46,986
You love me.
20
00:00:46,987 --> 00:00:49,687
Just this once, fucking admit it.
21
00:00:51,187 --> 00:00:53,019
I want to enlist.
22
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,153
When's the next bus to
basic combat training?
23
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,353
- Tomorrow morning.
- Philip.
24
00:00:56,354 --> 00:00:57,886
It's Lip.
25
00:00:57,887 --> 00:00:59,954
It's just Gallagher now. Get on.
26
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,419
I was wondering if you'd seen Jimmy lately.
27
00:01:03,420 --> 00:01:06,386
Any sign of conflict,
things not going his way,
28
00:01:06,387 --> 00:01:08,653
and he just disappears.
29
00:01:08,654 --> 00:01:10,953
- It's what he does.
- Be a man.
30
00:01:10,954 --> 00:01:12,519
Get onto the boat.
31
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,653
Can I just make one phone
call to Fiona, please?
32
00:01:14,654 --> 00:01:16,953
Last message, I promise.
33
00:01:16,954 --> 00:01:21,119
Wherever you are, bye.
34
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:22,653
You the temp?
35
00:01:22,654 --> 00:01:24,019
Yes. Fiona Gallagher.
36
00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:26,119
Mr. Pratt is asking for a word with you.
37
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,286
- Let me guess, he's the boss.
- Not the big boss,
38
00:01:28,287 --> 00:01:31,186
- but he is a supervisor, yes.
- We sort of ditched the party.
39
00:01:31,187 --> 00:01:34,353
Well, then you better
behave yourself, because I am
40
00:01:34,354 --> 00:01:36,919
way too drunk not to invite
you back to my tent right now.
41
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,053
They said if you don't stop
drinking, you're gonna die.
42
00:01:39,054 --> 00:01:40,853
So I'm just supposed
to stop drinking so that
43
00:01:40,854 --> 00:01:42,086
you don't feel guilty?
44
00:01:42,087 --> 00:01:43,719
You're supposed to stop drinking
45
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,119
because you have children
at home who love you.
46
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,853
What if I don't want to change?
47
00:01:46,854 --> 00:01:50,419
Then I would know what
I've always feared is true,
48
00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:53,954
that you don't give a shit about any of us.
49
00:01:54,035 --> 00:02:04,613
- original sub by MoS / Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
50
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:09,886
Hey, Carl.
51
00:04:09,887 --> 00:04:12,286
Carl, hey.
52
00:04:12,287 --> 00:04:13,786
You got any Bears stuff I
can wear to the game today,
53
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,319
like a hat or a Jersey or something?
54
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:16,953
I got a "Fuck Jay Cutler" T-shirt.
55
00:04:16,954 --> 00:04:18,219
It might have blood on it, though.
56
00:04:18,220 --> 00:04:19,319
Thanks, but no thanks.
57
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,253
Morning, sunshine.
58
00:04:22,254 --> 00:04:23,453
Good morning.
59
00:04:23,454 --> 00:04:25,319
Good morning.
60
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:26,986
Don't get too comfortable up there.
61
00:04:26,987 --> 00:04:29,653
Ian's gonna want his old
bed back when he comes home.
62
00:04:29,654 --> 00:04:31,219
Where are you going?
63
00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:33,353
- Out.
- On a Sunday morning?
64
00:04:33,354 --> 00:04:38,086
Are those my boots?
65
00:04:38,087 --> 00:04:39,953
- Occupied!
- I got to take a piss!
66
00:04:39,954 --> 00:04:42,719
- Go away!
- Use the downstairs bathroom.
67
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,453
It's downstairs.
68
00:04:44,454 --> 00:04:47,054
You're young. You'll live.
69
00:04:49,154 --> 00:04:53,254
No, absolutely not. No
more peeing off the balcony.
70
00:05:08,087 --> 00:05:10,086
What the fuck?
71
00:05:10,087 --> 00:05:10,587
Carl!
72
00:05:14,754 --> 00:05:16,720
Morning, Mrs. Babiak.
73
00:05:22,587 --> 00:05:24,486
There's a toilet right there.
74
00:05:24,487 --> 00:05:26,319
Mrs. Babiak doesn't need an anatomy lesson.
75
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,319
Please, Mrs. Babiak's got my 18th
birthday circled on her calendar.
76
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,686
- Use the toilet like a human.
- Can I have Lip's old room?
77
00:05:31,687 --> 00:05:34,386
- No.
- He's at college.
78
00:05:34,387 --> 00:05:36,786
Seriously, cut the shit
with the nature whizzing,
79
00:05:36,787 --> 00:05:38,353
or you won't live here anymore.
80
00:05:38,354 --> 00:05:40,619
That pierogi-eating
prune will call the cops.
81
00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:42,286
And no, you can't have Lip's old room.
82
00:05:42,287 --> 00:05:45,720
He's gonna be home in the
summer and for holidays.
83
00:05:47,354 --> 00:05:49,619
Oh, you going clubbing?
84
00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:50,786
Hanging out with Holly.
85
00:05:50,787 --> 00:05:52,119
Are you two gonna work the corner?
86
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,319
Shut up, zit head.
87
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,353
At least I got zits, no-pubes girl.
88
00:05:56,354 --> 00:05:58,253
Okay, enough, both of you.
89
00:05:58,254 --> 00:06:00,419
Cereal, brother.
90
00:06:00,420 --> 00:06:03,019
You think you might be a little overdressed
91
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,586
for Sunday morning at Holly's?
92
00:06:04,587 --> 00:06:06,719
It's not like we're going to church.
93
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,486
You're watching Liam today, remember?
94
00:06:08,487 --> 00:06:10,786
I haven't abused marijuana
like the rest of you,
95
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,819
- so yes, I remember.
- I have the Mike thing.
96
00:06:12,820 --> 00:06:15,853
I said my memory's intact.
97
00:06:17,254 --> 00:06:19,186
Big, yellow icy spot on the sidewalk.
98
00:06:19,187 --> 00:06:20,986
I almost dropped the dip.
99
00:06:20,987 --> 00:06:24,253
Spike must've chewed
through his fence again.
100
00:06:24,254 --> 00:06:28,586
My world famous artichoke-jalape�o dip.
101
00:06:28,587 --> 00:06:29,919
Eddie loved it.
102
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,919
He used to spread it on his waffles.
103
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,719
Thanks, Sheila. It smells great.
104
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,119
Why is she here again?
105
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,753
I don't care. Our laundry's clean.
106
00:06:38,754 --> 00:06:41,419
- Any new texts from Ian?
- Uh, no.
107
00:06:41,420 --> 00:06:42,753
You check your phone this morning?
108
00:06:42,754 --> 00:06:45,253
- Yes.
- It's been almost a week.
109
00:06:45,254 --> 00:06:46,553
He'll be back when he's back.
110
00:06:46,554 --> 00:06:48,019
We should file a missing persons report.
111
00:06:48,020 --> 00:06:49,286
We are not going to the police, okay?
112
00:06:49,287 --> 00:06:50,886
He's 17.
113
00:06:50,887 --> 00:06:53,553
We don't have to be happy
about it, but I trust him.
114
00:06:53,554 --> 00:06:55,786
No surprise he ran away from this gulag.
115
00:06:55,787 --> 00:06:58,919
It's not like anyone gives a
damn if any of us live or die!
116
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,886
Liam?
117
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,820
I heard you the first 300 billion times.
118
00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:21,219
- $270?
- Prenatal visits aren't cheap,
119
00:07:21,220 --> 00:07:22,819
and Dr. Susie is cash up front.
120
00:07:22,820 --> 00:07:24,786
What's wrong with the free clinic?
121
00:07:24,787 --> 00:07:26,453
You want your baby mama waiting hours
122
00:07:26,454 --> 00:07:28,786
next to crab-infested hookers
and toothless crackheads?
123
00:07:28,787 --> 00:07:30,819
What happened to the 200
that I gave you last week?
124
00:07:30,820 --> 00:07:33,386
Uh, ultrasounds, prenatal vitamins,
125
00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:34,619
and then I found this cute, little, black
126
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,753
maternity number at nordstroms, too.
127
00:07:35,754 --> 00:07:37,319
See what I'm saying?
128
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:38,986
Hey, Kev, you got a
Bears Jersey I can borrow?
129
00:07:38,987 --> 00:07:40,253
Mike's taking me to the game today.
130
00:07:40,254 --> 00:07:42,319
Borrow as in I get it right back,
131
00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,753
or borrow as in you plan to keep it forever
132
00:07:44,754 --> 00:07:45,919
and forget it isn't yours?
133
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:47,253
Get it right back, promise.
134
00:07:47,254 --> 00:07:49,153
You still staying away from hot dogs
135
00:07:49,154 --> 00:07:50,653
and unpasteurized cheese?
136
00:07:50,654 --> 00:07:52,386
And no sprouts.
137
00:07:52,387 --> 00:07:55,019
I know how you love to shovel
it in at the Sizzler salad bar.
138
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:57,219
Honey, I was still doing coke
when I was pregnant with you,
139
00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:59,353
and now you worried about me eating cheese?
140
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:00,953
All right, Carol,
141
00:08:00,954 --> 00:08:03,086
no nordstroms, okay? Do you hear me?
142
00:08:03,087 --> 00:08:04,953
No nordstroms.
143
00:08:04,954 --> 00:08:08,053
Sweatpants and Adele's
old muumuus from Goodwill.
144
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,486
I'll stop by after church.
145
00:08:09,487 --> 00:08:11,186
We can go shopping for some sensible shoes.
146
00:08:11,187 --> 00:08:13,153
My feet are starting to spread.
147
00:08:13,154 --> 00:08:17,453
In a month, I'm gonna be able
to water-ski without the skis.
148
00:08:17,454 --> 00:08:18,686
All right, thanks. Bye.
149
00:08:18,687 --> 00:08:22,286
Bye, mama.
150
00:08:22,287 --> 00:08:24,586
There's no way we can
afford the maternity ward.
151
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:27,386
She's just gonna have to have
the baby upstairs in the tub.
152
00:08:27,387 --> 00:08:28,919
We can get Tinisha from
down the block to help out.
153
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,386
Tinisha's not a midwife.
154
00:08:30,387 --> 00:08:32,086
No, but she's had a shitload of babies.
155
00:08:32,087 --> 00:08:34,386
William "the refrigerator" Perry.
156
00:08:34,387 --> 00:08:36,553
There's a player named
after a kitchen appliance?
157
00:08:36,554 --> 00:08:38,186
Was.
158
00:08:38,187 --> 00:08:39,553
Your mom doesn't have
health insurance at work?
159
00:08:39,554 --> 00:08:41,353
No. And I would've never agreed
160
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,986
to bang my own mom-in-law if
I had known she wasn't covered.
161
00:08:44,987 --> 00:08:46,853
You and Mike getting serious?
162
00:08:46,854 --> 00:08:49,919
I mean, I'm not, like, falling in
love or anything, but I like him.
163
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,419
The sex good?
164
00:08:52,420 --> 00:08:53,519
I don't know yet.
165
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:55,086
First-date Fiona?
166
00:08:55,087 --> 00:08:56,586
The girl who puts out waiting in line
167
00:08:56,587 --> 00:08:57,853
at the Wendy's drive-through?
168
00:08:57,854 --> 00:09:00,086
Who told you that? Ronny Finnegan?
169
00:09:00,087 --> 00:09:01,553
Ben Troutman.
170
00:09:01,554 --> 00:09:03,086
Jesus Christ, you've
done that more than once?
171
00:09:03,087 --> 00:09:05,353
So nothing at all with you and Mike?
172
00:09:05,354 --> 00:09:07,253
A little dry humping,
a couple of hand jobs.
173
00:09:07,254 --> 00:09:09,619
But no, he's my boss, so we're going slow.
174
00:09:09,620 --> 00:09:11,453
Maybe they don't fuck right
away in the middle class.
175
00:09:11,454 --> 00:09:13,453
It's definitely weird.
176
00:09:13,454 --> 00:09:15,286
He doesn't, like, force himself
onto me where I've got to decide
177
00:09:15,287 --> 00:09:16,919
if I'm gonna taser him or go along,
178
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,586
like I do with the guys from around here.
179
00:09:18,587 --> 00:09:21,853
Still nothing from Jimmy?
180
00:09:21,854 --> 00:09:23,886
In the wind. Not a word.
181
00:09:23,887 --> 00:09:25,453
Well, fuck him. He was a pussy anyway.
182
00:09:25,454 --> 00:09:27,286
- And no Frank?
- Nope.
183
00:09:27,287 --> 00:09:29,019
Oh, thank Jesus for small blessings.
184
00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:30,719
You're better off without him.
185
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,453
No, he'll be back. Frank's a cockroach.
186
00:09:33,454 --> 00:09:35,419
You can stomp on him, spray
him, try and drown him,
187
00:09:35,420 --> 00:09:38,953
but he always comes crawling
back up out of the toilet bowl.
188
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:41,819
- Police department.
- Police!
189
00:09:41,820 --> 00:09:43,953
- Police!
- Hands. Come on, hands!
190
00:09:43,954 --> 00:09:46,786
Hands up!
191
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,086
Check over there.
192
00:09:49,087 --> 00:09:52,619
- Police department!
- Back room clear.
193
00:09:52,620 --> 00:09:54,686
Police.
194
00:09:54,687 --> 00:09:56,086
What, you don't think I saw you stash that?
195
00:09:56,087 --> 00:09:57,887
Come on, hands.
196
00:10:00,354 --> 00:10:02,119
Police. Show us your hands.
197
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:03,186
Down on the ground.
198
00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:05,786
Let me see your hands, come on.
199
00:10:05,787 --> 00:10:07,953
Get 'em up.
200
00:10:07,954 --> 00:10:10,686
Come on, pal, hands. Let's go.
201
00:10:10,687 --> 00:10:12,787
Yo, hands out, now.
202
00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:21,187
Frank?
203
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:45,553
Hi, Mandy. Nice tam.
204
00:10:45,554 --> 00:10:47,753
Thanks. How you been?
205
00:10:47,754 --> 00:10:50,886
Good.
206
00:10:50,887 --> 00:10:53,786
Ian's still missing.
Have you heard from him?
207
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:54,786
Nothing?
208
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:56,486
Not even a call or a text?
209
00:10:56,487 --> 00:10:58,387
Sorry.
210
00:11:01,454 --> 00:11:03,953
So you want to know how Lip's doing?
211
00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:05,353
Not really.
212
00:11:05,354 --> 00:11:10,353
- He's in college.
- Good for him.
213
00:11:10,354 --> 00:11:12,653
This is a bunch of bills,
chink delivery menus,
214
00:11:12,654 --> 00:11:14,719
and press-on nail coupons.
215
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:16,853
What mailboxes you rob,
the dearborn projects?
216
00:11:16,854 --> 00:11:20,353
Apartment complex over by rush.
217
00:11:20,354 --> 00:11:22,219
There's an ATM card.
218
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:24,793
Congratulations. It has
no fucking pin number.
219
00:11:24,794 --> 00:11:26,859
What are you gonna do, rob
the same mailboxes every day
220
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:29,259
until they send the pin?
221
00:11:29,260 --> 00:11:31,559
Hey, you...
222
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:32,759
This is all you made yesterday?
223
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:33,859
I give you everything.
224
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,693
220 bucks?
225
00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:37,359
How many Johnsons did you squash?
226
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,759
17.
227
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:44,026
That's, like, 12 bucks a wank.
228
00:11:44,027 --> 00:11:46,626
- Who was at the door?
- Debbie Gallagher.
229
00:11:46,627 --> 00:11:48,893
- What did she want?
- She was looking for Ian.
230
00:11:48,894 --> 00:11:50,593
You seen him?
231
00:11:50,594 --> 00:11:54,859
- Why do you care?
- Don't.
232
00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:57,094
She said Lip was doing good in college.
233
00:12:21,227 --> 00:12:22,493
Yo.
234
00:12:22,494 --> 00:12:24,660
- Hey.
- Hi.
235
00:12:34,694 --> 00:12:35,593
It's time to go, Ron.
236
00:12:35,594 --> 00:12:37,526
Byronic heroes study group.
237
00:12:37,527 --> 00:12:39,426
I have to stop by the lab first.
238
00:12:39,427 --> 00:12:42,726
I'm building a new docking
station for my cloud city.
239
00:12:42,727 --> 00:12:45,294
Now, Ron.
240
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,726
Hey, so did you get the text
about tomorrow's flash mob?
241
00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:52,726
The what?
242
00:12:52,727 --> 00:12:54,159
5:00, man.
243
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,226
Everyone's gonna freeze
for exactly 60 seconds.
244
00:12:56,227 --> 00:12:58,126
Okay.
245
00:12:58,127 --> 00:12:59,893
We'll be on the second floor
of the library in the back
246
00:12:59,894 --> 00:13:01,626
at 3:00 if you want to
join us for our study group.
247
00:13:01,627 --> 00:13:04,726
Um, we agreed to keep the group small.
248
00:13:04,727 --> 00:13:07,659
- We already have six people, so...
- Lip can come, he's cool.
249
00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:10,627
You know what, maybe later,
you know, after work-study.
250
00:13:57,794 --> 00:13:58,726
Hi.
251
00:13:58,727 --> 00:13:59,959
Fiona!
252
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,394
- What?
- Mike.
253
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,359
Ugh. What is this, Saw?
254
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,593
On a Sunday morning?
255
00:14:18,594 --> 00:14:20,959
Mike your real name?
256
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,359
Yeah.
257
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:25,193
I mean, Michael, but yeah, I'm Mike.
258
00:14:25,194 --> 00:14:28,193
- Ever steal a car?
- What?
259
00:14:28,194 --> 00:14:31,194
Ever burn your blood-soaked
clothes in the yard?
260
00:14:32,594 --> 00:14:35,293
- Hi.
- Yeah, hi.
261
00:14:35,294 --> 00:14:37,293
- You ready to go?
- Uh, yeah, absolutely.
262
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,493
Uh, okay.
263
00:14:39,494 --> 00:14:41,326
I'll be back around 6:00.
264
00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:42,759
Don't set the house on fire.
265
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,760
Just kidding.
266
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,759
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
267
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,794
Just wait till my mom paints your face.
268
00:15:02,627 --> 00:15:05,159
Not much virginity-bidding
action on Sunday morning.
269
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,459
What are you up to now?
270
00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:08,960
- 725.
- Wow.
271
00:15:10,427 --> 00:15:11,826
"Jumbojohnson"?
272
00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:13,626
Guy sounds like he could be kind of scary.
273
00:15:13,627 --> 00:15:15,493
Or just really fat.
274
00:15:15,494 --> 00:15:17,793
Can't be scarier than my
mom's new boyfriend, Gary.
275
00:15:17,794 --> 00:15:19,126
At least this guy's prepared to pay for it.
276
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,793
Anybody bid on me yet?
277
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:22,593
Uh, no.
278
00:15:22,594 --> 00:15:25,559
But not surprising with
the minimum bid you set.
279
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:26,993
$1 million?
280
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:28,926
You can only sell it once.
281
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:30,726
Makes it an extremely rare commodity.
282
00:15:30,727 --> 00:15:34,026
Scarcity equals value. Basic economics.
283
00:15:34,027 --> 00:15:35,793
You think I'm selling myself short?
284
00:15:35,794 --> 00:15:38,693
Well, in your case, it's
kind of false advertising.
285
00:15:38,694 --> 00:15:40,959
By, like, a couple dozen dudes.
286
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,493
You're not really going to call
287
00:15:42,494 --> 00:15:44,359
that jumbojohnson, are you?
288
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,626
Probably not.
289
00:15:46,627 --> 00:15:48,126
It's not fair.
290
00:15:48,127 --> 00:15:50,226
My retarded brother is
a year younger than me,
291
00:15:50,227 --> 00:15:51,859
and he's already sprouting pit hair.
292
00:15:51,860 --> 00:15:53,693
Hey, you're lucky.
293
00:15:53,694 --> 00:15:55,659
At least you can fool around and
not worry about birth control.
294
00:15:55,660 --> 00:15:57,293
When did you ever worry
295
00:15:57,294 --> 00:15:58,659
about birth control, Ellie?
296
00:15:58,660 --> 00:16:02,326
It's embarrassing. I'm 13.
297
00:16:02,327 --> 00:16:05,126
Come on, let's get slutty
and head over to the arcade,
298
00:16:05,127 --> 00:16:10,094
troll for high school
boys. That'll cheer you up.
299
00:16:16,894 --> 00:16:18,427
Door!
300
00:16:20,894 --> 00:16:23,127
Door!
301
00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:33,959
Frank?
302
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,426
Where is everybody?
303
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:38,093
Ian ran away, Lip's at college,
304
00:16:38,094 --> 00:16:43,460
Debbie took Liam somewhere with
her skanky girlfriend, Holly.
305
00:16:49,294 --> 00:16:51,226
- Fiona?
- Bears game.
306
00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:53,193
She's banging some dude from work.
307
00:16:53,194 --> 00:16:56,060
We get free cups.
308
00:16:57,427 --> 00:17:03,126
Well, uh, okay.
309
00:17:03,127 --> 00:17:05,194
Good luck.
310
00:17:20,060 --> 00:17:22,193
Mm. Great dip, Fiona.
311
00:17:22,194 --> 00:17:23,826
- Thanks.
- Oh, it looks yummy.
312
00:17:23,827 --> 00:17:25,093
Artichoke?
313
00:17:25,094 --> 00:17:28,193
- Yeah, and jalape�o.
- Family recipe?
314
00:17:28,194 --> 00:17:29,759
Yeah, absolutely.
315
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,259
Yo, stick!
316
00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:33,026
- Catch!
- Stick?
317
00:17:33,027 --> 00:17:35,593
Oh, well, Mike was a
bit overweight as a kid.
318
00:17:35,594 --> 00:17:36,993
A bit?
319
00:17:36,994 --> 00:17:38,426
If you pushed him over, he'd roll.
320
00:17:38,427 --> 00:17:40,059
So when he started losing the weight,
321
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,026
- we started calling him stick.
- That... that is not why.
322
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:43,993
And it's not "stick." It's "the stick."
323
00:17:43,994 --> 00:17:45,326
No, no. No.
324
00:17:45,327 --> 00:17:46,326
- Okay.
- Don't tell that story, Jane.
325
00:17:46,327 --> 00:17:47,993
So here's the deal.
326
00:17:47,994 --> 00:17:49,026
Mikey's first girlfriend,
Emily, from down the block...
327
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,459
Leave your brother alone.
328
00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:52,426
She was this, like, scrawny, little girl
329
00:17:52,427 --> 00:17:54,459
until one summer, boom!
330
00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:57,059
All of a sudden she's got,
like, this smoking little bod.
331
00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:58,059
- Jane, stop it.
- Remember?
332
00:17:58,060 --> 00:17:59,659
Stop what?
333
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,526
I'm just telling Fiona
about Emily and the stick.
334
00:18:01,527 --> 00:18:02,859
- No!
- So anyway...
335
00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:04,933
- No, come on.
- Emily's this girl.
336
00:18:04,934 --> 00:18:05,993
- She's got legs, like up to here,
- Don't listen to a word she says.
337
00:18:05,994 --> 00:18:08,232
- and Mikey is this, like fat...
- She's still just trying to get even with me
338
00:18:08,234 --> 00:18:10,571
for sending that clip in to
America's Funniest Home Videos.
339
00:18:10,573 --> 00:18:12,652
Well, that's 'cause that
was not funny, Mikey, so...
340
00:18:12,671 --> 00:18:14,070
A couple million people
thought it was funny, Jane.
341
00:18:14,071 --> 00:18:15,837
You were on Funniest Home Videos?
342
00:18:15,838 --> 00:18:17,970
Yeah, she used to, when she
was a baby, imitate our dog.
343
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,270
Mike, we have a guest.
344
00:18:19,271 --> 00:18:21,370
Anyway... so anyway, here's the deal.
345
00:18:21,413 --> 00:18:23,445
So Emily comes over to use our pool, right?
346
00:18:23,446 --> 00:18:26,012
And she's got this, like,
itty-bitty, little bikini on.
347
00:18:26,013 --> 00:18:27,312
- All right.
- I bet you remember, don't you?
348
00:18:27,313 --> 00:18:29,345
All right. Okay. Chicken war!
349
00:18:29,346 --> 00:18:31,379
Come on. Come on. Piggyback, come on.
350
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:32,979
I want to hear the thing about the stick!
351
00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:34,979
No, you don't. It's all lies.
352
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,380
- All right, come on. Ready?
- Yeah.
353
00:18:37,946 --> 00:18:40,545
Whoa! Here comes Marshall,
streaking down the sideline.
354
00:18:40,546 --> 00:18:42,280
Holy... the safety's out of position!
355
00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:45,946
Yes!
356
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,112
Hey.
357
00:18:54,213 --> 00:18:57,246
- Hay is for horses.
- Huh?
358
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:04,379
Can I help you with something?
359
00:19:04,380 --> 00:19:07,679
Oh, my.
360
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,713
Yeah.
361
00:19:12,213 --> 00:19:14,012
Well, you grab his feet,
362
00:19:14,013 --> 00:19:16,380
and I'll grab the top end.
363
00:19:22,793 --> 00:19:24,292
Gentle, gentle.
364
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:25,892
Ooh, God!
365
00:19:25,893 --> 00:19:28,625
Oh, my God, does he smell.
366
00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,625
Headfirst, headfirst.
367
00:19:30,626 --> 00:19:35,225
What about this as an under... scoop under?
368
00:19:38,126 --> 00:19:41,160
Frank, you're filthy! You're filthy!
369
00:19:43,626 --> 00:19:45,593
Jesus.
370
00:19:55,326 --> 00:19:57,459
Wow.
371
00:19:57,460 --> 00:20:00,525
Did something just jump off him?
372
00:20:00,526 --> 00:20:02,593
Bugs, I think.
373
00:20:07,126 --> 00:20:09,425
3:00, playing "The Swarm."
374
00:20:09,426 --> 00:20:11,059
There are only two.
375
00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:13,792
We're not trolling for you
and the baby biscuit, Ellie.
376
00:20:13,793 --> 00:20:15,192
Only pervs are gonna want any part of that.
377
00:20:15,193 --> 00:20:17,425
Which one should I like?
378
00:20:17,426 --> 00:20:19,092
You like the one in the Autopsy hoodie,
379
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:22,592
and I'll like the one
with the wallet chain.
380
00:20:22,593 --> 00:20:24,725
So what do we do, just
walk over and talk to them?
381
00:20:24,726 --> 00:20:26,325
No, honey.
382
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:29,093
We chum the waters, wait
for the fish to bite.
383
00:20:41,693 --> 00:20:42,825
First stage. Here we go! Tear it up, y'all.
384
00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,692
Ready, set, step!
385
00:21:19,826 --> 00:21:20,825
Hi.
386
00:21:20,826 --> 00:21:22,359
Hi. Debbie.
387
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:24,159
Matty. Matty.
388
00:21:31,693 --> 00:21:33,125
Come on.
389
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:35,459
Oh, no, no. I don't know how to...
390
00:21:38,893 --> 00:21:40,025
- I don't know what I'm doing.
- Up, down.
391
00:21:40,026 --> 00:21:41,292
No, you're doing really good.
392
00:21:41,293 --> 00:21:44,192
- Yeah?
- Better than me.
393
00:21:44,193 --> 00:21:46,525
That's it.
394
00:21:46,526 --> 00:21:49,159
- You got it.
- Up, down.
395
00:21:54,767 --> 00:21:57,599
Should we give him another bath?
396
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,033
Well, that's three already,
397
00:21:59,034 --> 00:22:01,100
and we're kind of running out of soap.
398
00:22:06,867 --> 00:22:08,033
These are gluten-free?
399
00:22:08,034 --> 00:22:09,999
That's what the sign says.
400
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,233
- And vegan?
- Soy cheese, yeah.
401
00:22:12,309 --> 00:22:14,074
What about peanuts?
402
00:22:14,075 --> 00:22:16,608
Uh, no nuts in the soy cheese pizza,
403
00:22:16,609 --> 00:22:20,742
but I can't promise the cook didn't
put his nuts on the cheese pizza.
404
00:22:27,675 --> 00:22:28,741
You guys done with these?
405
00:22:28,742 --> 00:22:32,542
Yo, you done with these plates?
406
00:22:50,909 --> 00:22:53,708
Amen, amigo.
407
00:22:53,709 --> 00:22:57,015
Just a bunch of spoiled ***.
408
00:22:59,942 --> 00:23:01,874
Hey, you better not let
Manny see you doing that.
409
00:23:01,875 --> 00:23:03,608
Oh, what's he gonna do, fire me?
410
00:23:03,609 --> 00:23:06,442
It's not like they're actually paying me.
411
00:23:08,509 --> 00:23:10,542
Here.
412
00:23:13,542 --> 00:23:16,941
Hey, you want to get
together sometime, hang out?
413
00:23:16,942 --> 00:23:18,641
You know, I got some decent weed.
414
00:23:20,408 --> 00:23:21,674
Sorry, but I can't, man.
415
00:23:21,675 --> 00:23:24,741
I got to get home to the Esposa and Ninos.
416
00:23:24,742 --> 00:23:28,642
- Right.
- Andrew, uh...
417
00:23:30,509 --> 00:23:32,075
Fuck.
418
00:23:52,275 --> 00:23:55,508
You get something to eat?
419
00:23:55,509 --> 00:23:57,442
What?
420
00:23:59,809 --> 00:24:01,074
No. Fuck, no.
421
00:24:01,075 --> 00:24:02,574
Tony brought him back.
422
00:24:02,575 --> 00:24:04,008
He's been asleep the whole time.
423
00:24:04,009 --> 00:24:05,474
I tried to wake him, but he's out cold.
424
00:24:05,475 --> 00:24:09,341
Believe me, he's not sleeping.
425
00:24:09,342 --> 00:24:10,474
Great.
426
00:24:10,475 --> 00:24:12,374
Now this? Needles?
427
00:24:12,375 --> 00:24:14,241
- He's really sick.
- Oh, he's sick, all right.
428
00:24:14,242 --> 00:24:15,474
I don't think he can make it downstairs.
429
00:24:15,475 --> 00:24:16,941
- He won't be any trouble.
- No.
430
00:24:16,942 --> 00:24:19,174
- I don't get a vote?
- Not really, no.
431
00:24:19,175 --> 00:24:20,808
I'm gonna call Kev, and
he's gonna help me find
432
00:24:20,809 --> 00:24:23,374
a park bench somewhere
far, far away to dump him.
433
00:24:23,375 --> 00:24:24,974
- He's dying!
- No, he's killing himself.
434
00:24:24,975 --> 00:24:26,441
- There's a difference.
- I can take care of him.
435
00:24:26,442 --> 00:24:27,441
- No.
- Yes!
436
00:24:27,442 --> 00:24:29,509
- No!
- Yes!
437
00:24:34,175 --> 00:24:35,674
Fine.
438
00:24:35,675 --> 00:24:37,874
But you brought him home. He's your puppy.
439
00:24:37,875 --> 00:24:40,909
He makes a mess on the
rug, you're cleaning it up.
440
00:24:47,475 --> 00:24:49,509
Thank you, son.
441
00:25:00,509 --> 00:25:03,075
Yeah, whoo!
442
00:25:05,442 --> 00:25:07,408
Is he yours?
443
00:25:07,409 --> 00:25:09,708
- Who?
- The little kid.
444
00:25:09,709 --> 00:25:11,874
Oh, no.
445
00:25:11,875 --> 00:25:14,741
- Brother.
- Oh, okay.
446
00:25:14,742 --> 00:25:18,041
Okay, I thought maybe he was, like, yours.
447
00:25:18,042 --> 00:25:20,075
No.
448
00:25:25,075 --> 00:25:27,574
Do you... do you want a...
do you want a ride home?
449
00:25:27,575 --> 00:25:30,074
You have a car?
450
00:25:30,075 --> 00:25:31,574
Yeah, yeah.
451
00:25:31,575 --> 00:25:33,610
Not like a... it's not a
very nice one, but yeah...
452
00:25:33,611 --> 00:25:34,834
yeah, I have... I have a car.
453
00:25:35,542 --> 00:25:37,575
- Sure.
- Cool.
454
00:25:40,409 --> 00:25:42,208
I'm just gonna let you, like, finish.
455
00:25:42,209 --> 00:25:43,909
- All right.
- Okay, just shut up.
456
00:25:45,575 --> 00:25:47,008
Wait, am I finishing myself here?
457
00:25:47,009 --> 00:25:48,774
No, I'll... I'll help you.
458
00:25:48,775 --> 00:25:50,241
Okay, good.
459
00:25:50,242 --> 00:25:54,774
That's gross.
460
00:25:54,775 --> 00:25:57,709
For Christ's sake, just fuck her!
461
00:26:01,509 --> 00:26:03,542
Fuck.
462
00:26:41,175 --> 00:26:42,309
Night, Debbie.
463
00:27:22,509 --> 00:27:26,174
You dirty, little cup boy.
464
00:27:32,442 --> 00:27:34,874
Hey, up.
465
00:27:34,875 --> 00:27:37,409
Hey, school.
466
00:27:51,175 --> 00:27:54,341
- Wet dream?
- What?
467
00:27:54,342 --> 00:27:57,908
I heard you moaning in your sleep.
468
00:27:57,909 --> 00:28:00,174
You're a Gallagher.
469
00:28:00,175 --> 00:28:03,108
It goes with the over-sexed
glandular Gallagher equipment.
470
00:28:03,109 --> 00:28:05,774
- What are you now, 10?
- 12.
471
00:28:05,775 --> 00:28:07,741
Late bloomer.
472
00:28:07,742 --> 00:28:09,675
It's natural. Nothing to worry about.
473
00:28:12,175 --> 00:28:14,175
The best way to stay ahead of it...
474
00:28:18,009 --> 00:28:20,374
is to masturbate a few times a day.
475
00:28:20,375 --> 00:28:21,974
Masturbate?
476
00:28:21,975 --> 00:28:26,441
Uh, enjoying yourself while you're awake.
477
00:28:26,442 --> 00:28:28,074
Oh, jerking off.
478
00:28:28,075 --> 00:28:30,741
Simple pleasures.
479
00:28:30,742 --> 00:28:32,308
But never in the shower.
480
00:28:32,309 --> 00:28:36,008
It can get on a washcloth
and into your sisters.
481
00:28:36,009 --> 00:28:38,641
That's how incest babies are born.
482
00:28:38,642 --> 00:28:41,374
You know, son, I'm... I'm sick.
483
00:28:41,375 --> 00:28:43,008
I can't drink anymore,
484
00:28:43,009 --> 00:28:47,008
but my body still needs
alcohol to function properly.
485
00:28:47,009 --> 00:28:49,208
It's like oil in an engine.
486
00:28:49,209 --> 00:28:51,574
The pistons just won't
fire right without it.
487
00:28:51,575 --> 00:28:57,141
Maybe you could hunt
up some supplies for me?
488
00:28:57,142 --> 00:29:00,174
Will you do that for me, son?
489
00:29:00,175 --> 00:29:04,009
Help the old man out?
490
00:29:31,975 --> 00:29:34,508
I'm sorry, baby. I'm not feeling so good.
491
00:29:35,709 --> 00:29:37,341
You want me to take your temperature
492
00:29:37,342 --> 00:29:41,341
- with my big, red thermometer?
- Mm-mm, my stomach.
493
00:29:41,342 --> 00:29:43,008
- Bad night.
- Oh yeah?
494
00:29:43,009 --> 00:29:44,474
Really?
495
00:29:44,475 --> 00:29:46,442
You sure?
496
00:29:50,075 --> 00:29:52,042
I think I'm gonna be sick.
497
00:29:59,275 --> 00:30:02,609
You know, I told you to throw
out that leftover vindaloo.
498
00:30:10,542 --> 00:30:12,574
Hey, "V"?
499
00:30:12,575 --> 00:30:15,074
You okay?
500
00:30:15,075 --> 00:30:16,508
You want me to get you something?
501
00:30:16,509 --> 00:30:18,341
A 7-up or a shot of Tequila or something?
502
00:30:18,342 --> 00:30:21,008
"V"?
503
00:30:21,009 --> 00:30:22,441
I'll be out in a minute, honey.
504
00:30:22,442 --> 00:30:25,242
Can you... can you start
some tea for me, please?
505
00:30:52,842 --> 00:30:55,608
You got to be shitting me.
506
00:30:55,609 --> 00:30:59,374
- There's something in my juice.
- It's pulp.
507
00:30:59,375 --> 00:31:00,774
We can afford pulp?
508
00:31:00,775 --> 00:31:02,441
Yeah.
509
00:31:02,442 --> 00:31:05,109
Getting a steady paycheck,
courtesy of Worldwide Cup.
510
00:31:07,875 --> 00:31:09,074
What?
511
00:31:09,075 --> 00:31:11,241
- Dad's upstairs.
- So?
512
00:31:11,242 --> 00:31:14,774
- Are you gonna say hi?
- No.
513
00:31:14,775 --> 00:31:16,541
Where's my lunch?
514
00:31:16,542 --> 00:31:19,241
You're each getting $3 to buy
your very own school lunch.
515
00:31:19,242 --> 00:31:21,874
Four?
516
00:31:21,875 --> 00:31:23,708
Five.
517
00:31:23,709 --> 00:31:25,641
Fine, no problem. Five it is.
518
00:31:25,642 --> 00:31:27,408
The Gallagher clan is flush.
519
00:31:27,409 --> 00:31:29,274
We're creeping up on the poverty line.
520
00:31:29,275 --> 00:31:31,174
Haven't quite dragged
ourselves over it yet,
521
00:31:31,175 --> 00:31:34,074
but at least we can see it from here.
522
00:31:34,155 --> 00:31:36,589
Hey, dishes to the sink.
523
00:31:41,989 --> 00:31:44,021
It's more like six if you want Chips.
524
00:31:44,022 --> 00:31:46,488
How about we skip the Chips?
525
00:31:46,489 --> 00:31:49,321
Good morning, everyone.
526
00:31:49,322 --> 00:31:51,621
Morning.
527
00:31:51,622 --> 00:31:53,488
Got a busy day today.
528
00:31:53,489 --> 00:31:55,954
Gonna tackle the upstairs bathroom.
529
00:31:55,955 --> 00:31:57,854
That'll be a challenge.
530
00:31:57,855 --> 00:32:01,688
Good thing I ate my wheaties.
531
00:32:01,689 --> 00:32:04,121
What's up with Frank this morning?
532
00:32:04,122 --> 00:32:06,854
- Still looks bad.
- Yeah?
533
00:32:06,855 --> 00:32:09,888
Do I have to padlock him
in the room for the day?
534
00:32:09,889 --> 00:32:12,621
I don't think he can get up.
535
00:32:12,622 --> 00:32:14,554
I don't want him wandering around,
536
00:32:14,555 --> 00:32:19,321
going through my stuff, pawning
the microwave and the TV.
537
00:32:19,322 --> 00:32:22,854
What if he has to use the bathroom?
538
00:32:22,855 --> 00:32:25,255
Don't forget to empty it
when you get back from school.
539
00:32:33,289 --> 00:32:36,154
I don't even think
that's minimum wage, man.
540
00:32:36,155 --> 00:32:38,554
There's got to be, like,
a law or something, right?
541
00:32:38,555 --> 00:32:39,954
Yeah, I'm pretty sure there is,
542
00:32:39,955 --> 00:32:42,088
but I don't think it covers hand jobs.
543
00:32:42,089 --> 00:32:46,888
12 bucks a wank, that's what
she makes on a fucking good day.
544
00:32:46,889 --> 00:32:48,321
Jesus, really?
545
00:32:48,322 --> 00:32:50,421
I've been paying 30 at that thai place.
546
00:32:50,422 --> 00:32:51,721
Yeah, but that's 'cause
Sasha charges the customers
547
00:32:51,722 --> 00:32:53,221
a shit ton more and then
548
00:32:53,222 --> 00:32:55,721
deducts all this stuff from the girls' pay.
549
00:32:55,722 --> 00:32:59,221
Laundry, rent, janitorial, utilities.
550
00:32:59,222 --> 00:33:01,721
She charges them for
the purell and mouthwash.
551
00:33:01,722 --> 00:33:04,121
They need a union to protect their rights.
552
00:33:04,122 --> 00:33:06,421
Yeah, the international brotherhood
553
00:33:06,422 --> 00:33:08,654
of hand wankers and cock suckers.
554
00:33:08,655 --> 00:33:11,254
I'd love to see that sign on
the side of a building downtown.
555
00:33:11,255 --> 00:33:13,121
Why not?
556
00:33:13,122 --> 00:33:15,521
Hey, it'd make one hell of
a picket sign, though, huh?
557
00:33:15,522 --> 00:33:18,221
"Whores united for handy Jay justice."
558
00:33:18,222 --> 00:33:21,454
Wankers of the world, unite!
559
00:33:21,455 --> 00:33:24,154
- You heard from Gallagher?
- Frank? No.
560
00:33:24,155 --> 00:33:25,688
I thought Frank was dead.
561
00:33:25,689 --> 00:33:27,721
Not fucking Frank. The
other one, the redhead.
562
00:33:27,722 --> 00:33:29,354
Ian? No, he took off.
563
00:33:29,355 --> 00:33:30,621
What, did he owe you money or something?
564
00:33:30,622 --> 00:33:33,654
Hello. Who?
565
00:33:33,655 --> 00:33:37,021
Anybody know a Mr. Phillips?
566
00:33:37,022 --> 00:33:39,154
No, sorry, pal.
567
00:33:39,155 --> 00:33:40,688
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, yeah.
568
00:33:40,689 --> 00:33:42,722
Um, hold on.
569
00:33:44,822 --> 00:33:46,355
Uh, yeah, this is Mr. Phillips.
570
00:33:51,755 --> 00:33:53,321
Thanks.
571
00:33:53,322 --> 00:33:56,788
Yeah, I'll be over later.
572
00:33:56,789 --> 00:33:59,254
What?
573
00:33:59,255 --> 00:34:01,821
Stan. He's sick.
574
00:34:01,822 --> 00:34:03,321
I got to go to the home after work.
575
00:34:03,322 --> 00:34:06,421
Who the fuck is Stan?
576
00:34:06,422 --> 00:34:07,954
The guy who owns the bar.
577
00:34:07,955 --> 00:34:10,221
A legend among loan sharks.
578
00:34:10,222 --> 00:34:11,721
Broke more kneecaps in his day
579
00:34:11,722 --> 00:34:14,321
than any other shylock on the south side.
580
00:34:14,322 --> 00:34:16,154
Hell of a guy.
581
00:34:16,155 --> 00:34:20,388
- To Stan.
- Yeah, Stan.
582
00:34:20,389 --> 00:34:22,389
- To Stan.
- To Stan.
583
00:34:25,222 --> 00:34:26,821
How is that possible?
584
00:34:26,822 --> 00:34:29,854
Well, when a man's penis
goes into a woman's...
585
00:34:29,855 --> 00:34:32,488
Yeah, I got that part. I
mean, how is it possible now,
586
00:34:32,489 --> 00:34:35,221
after everything we've
tried for the last two years?
587
00:34:35,222 --> 00:34:37,354
Mother nature can be a
tricky bitch sometimes.
588
00:34:37,355 --> 00:34:38,788
What, did you think you
were just gaining weight
589
00:34:38,789 --> 00:34:40,354
in your breasts while
you missed your period?
590
00:34:40,355 --> 00:34:42,221
I eat a lot when I'm under stress.
591
00:34:42,222 --> 00:34:43,554
You've been under stress?
592
00:34:43,555 --> 00:34:44,821
Watching my husband bang my mother?
593
00:34:44,822 --> 00:34:48,354
Yeah, that's been a bit stressful.
594
00:34:48,355 --> 00:34:50,321
Well, all of that's behind you now.
595
00:34:50,322 --> 00:34:53,221
You're definitely pregnant.
596
00:34:53,222 --> 00:34:57,655
This is good news, Veronica.
597
00:35:10,055 --> 00:35:12,055
Good morning.
598
00:35:16,955 --> 00:35:21,221
- Secret admirer?
- I guess so.
599
00:35:21,222 --> 00:35:23,988
Maybe not that secret anymore.
600
00:35:23,989 --> 00:35:25,754
Really?
601
00:35:25,755 --> 00:35:28,554
Dave in shipping saw you two
at the Bears game yesterday,
602
00:35:28,555 --> 00:35:30,121
instagramed a photo.
603
00:35:30,122 --> 00:35:31,888
Everybody in the company follows him.
604
00:35:31,889 --> 00:35:34,121
Were we doing something embarrassing?
605
00:35:34,122 --> 00:35:36,888
The kiss cam, I think.
606
00:35:36,889 --> 00:35:38,721
Morning.
607
00:35:38,722 --> 00:35:41,055
Go Bears, huh?
608
00:35:43,454 --> 00:35:45,053
Uh, I am almost done with
609
00:35:45,054 --> 00:35:47,319
the quarterly midwest regional reports.
610
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:48,853
Can I get them to you after lunch?
611
00:35:48,854 --> 00:35:52,120
- No sweat.
- Great.
612
00:35:54,028 --> 00:35:55,694
What?
613
00:35:55,695 --> 00:35:59,060
You've been working here
three months as of today.
614
00:35:59,061 --> 00:36:00,794
Wow, three months? Really?
615
00:36:00,795 --> 00:36:02,394
- That's great.
- After 90 days,
616
00:36:02,395 --> 00:36:05,360
your full benefits kick in,
medical, dental, pension.
617
00:36:05,361 --> 00:36:07,694
Really? That's fantastic.
618
00:36:07,695 --> 00:36:11,160
So now it's time for the talk.
619
00:36:11,161 --> 00:36:14,394
- The talk?
- The 401k talk.
620
00:36:14,395 --> 00:36:16,060
Have you decided which
plan you'd like to adopt?
621
00:36:16,061 --> 00:36:18,094
What's a 401k?
622
00:36:18,095 --> 00:36:19,494
Your retirement savings plan.
623
00:36:19,495 --> 00:36:21,260
You're eligible to participate.
624
00:36:21,261 --> 00:36:23,627
Every month, you deposit part
of your salary into your 401k,
625
00:36:23,628 --> 00:36:25,460
and the company matches it, tax-free.
626
00:36:25,461 --> 00:36:27,527
Deposit part of my salary?
627
00:36:27,528 --> 00:36:30,727
But the big decision is
the asset allocation mix
628
00:36:30,728 --> 00:36:32,027
you decide to elect.
629
00:36:32,028 --> 00:36:34,060
Money market funds, bonds, stocks,
630
00:36:34,061 --> 00:36:36,527
large cap, small cap, treasuries.
631
00:36:36,528 --> 00:36:38,760
You decide the risk profile
you're willing to take,
632
00:36:38,761 --> 00:36:40,827
get your elective deferral
documents notarized,
633
00:36:40,828 --> 00:36:42,394
and you'll be all set.
634
00:36:42,395 --> 00:36:44,895
Easy peasy.
635
00:37:05,995 --> 00:37:07,860
Hey, you're the helper guy, right?
636
00:37:07,861 --> 00:37:09,560
The T.A., yeah.
637
00:37:09,561 --> 00:37:12,494
Yeah, I don't understand
my grade on this paper.
638
00:37:12,495 --> 00:37:14,260
That would be a "D".
639
00:37:14,261 --> 00:37:16,794
Yeah, no, thanks, I get that. Um, but why?
640
00:37:16,795 --> 00:37:20,294
I mean, I misspelled Tennyson or something?
641
00:37:20,295 --> 00:37:22,360
Uh, yeah, I remember this one.
642
00:37:22,361 --> 00:37:24,094
I graded it.
643
00:37:24,095 --> 00:37:26,360
Oh, you... you graded
it, not the Professor?
644
00:37:26,361 --> 00:37:30,194
Tenured professors don't grade
freshman class survey papers.
645
00:37:30,195 --> 00:37:33,027
Okay, so if you graded
it, what was wrong with it?
646
00:37:33,028 --> 00:37:35,527
Uh, it sucked.
647
00:37:35,528 --> 00:37:37,194
It... it sucked?
648
00:37:37,195 --> 00:37:42,394
Um, look, I... I covered
everything the assignment asked for.
649
00:37:42,395 --> 00:37:44,727
It was facile and glib.
650
00:37:44,728 --> 00:37:46,094
You danced around and
you tried to be clever,
651
00:37:46,095 --> 00:37:47,294
but there were no compelling insights
652
00:37:47,295 --> 00:37:48,860
or any attempt at original thought.
653
00:37:48,861 --> 00:37:50,560
Oh, original thought on Byron's
654
00:37:50,561 --> 00:37:53,094
Childe Harold's Pilgrimage?
655
00:37:53,095 --> 00:37:55,260
Look, nobody's had an original
thought on Childe Harold
656
00:37:55,261 --> 00:37:57,060
since Queen Victoria
was still getting laid.
657
00:37:57,061 --> 00:37:59,927
Look, this was crap, okay?
You threw it together.
658
00:37:59,928 --> 00:38:03,027
You thought nobody would
notice, but I noticed.
659
00:38:03,028 --> 00:38:05,061
Why are you taking this class anyway?
660
00:38:07,295 --> 00:38:12,927
Because it was the only freshman
English class available after noon.
661
00:38:12,928 --> 00:38:15,060
Well, look, you got
another week to add/drop
662
00:38:15,061 --> 00:38:16,860
before you're stuck in here, all right?
663
00:38:16,861 --> 00:38:18,927
You don't want to work any
harder than this piece of shit,
664
00:38:18,928 --> 00:38:21,361
I suggest you find yourself another course.
665
00:38:42,828 --> 00:38:44,794
Yo, Stan.
666
00:38:44,795 --> 00:38:49,227
I hear you're not feeling so good.
667
00:38:49,228 --> 00:38:52,827
Stan.
668
00:38:52,828 --> 00:38:54,861
Stan.
669
00:39:04,661 --> 00:39:07,060
Hey, what the fuck, man? He's dead!
670
00:39:07,061 --> 00:39:10,527
- Which one?
- Stan! Stan Kopchek!
671
00:39:10,528 --> 00:39:13,227
Yeah. Sorry for your loss.
672
00:39:13,228 --> 00:39:16,394
- You family?
- No... yeah... sort of.
673
00:39:16,395 --> 00:39:18,760
Yeah, well, we're not supposed
to tell people over the phone
674
00:39:18,761 --> 00:39:21,094
when a patient dies, so we usually just say
675
00:39:21,095 --> 00:39:22,327
they ain't feeling good.
676
00:39:22,328 --> 00:39:24,727
He's fucking cold!
677
00:39:24,728 --> 00:39:27,627
Joaquin, he ain't never show
up for his overnight shift,
678
00:39:27,628 --> 00:39:30,928
so we don't know how long he's
been laying up in there, dead.
679
00:39:33,328 --> 00:39:36,694
You got a mortuary you
need me to call for you?
680
00:39:36,695 --> 00:39:41,228
Pick up the body?
681
00:39:46,695 --> 00:39:48,294
Hi.
682
00:39:48,295 --> 00:39:51,294
How's Frank? You hear anything out of him?
683
00:39:51,295 --> 00:39:53,928
No, no. No, not a peep.
684
00:40:05,628 --> 00:40:08,928
I got the stuff you wanted,
cooking spray, funnel.
685
00:40:16,828 --> 00:40:19,860
I have these things in my throat that bleed
686
00:40:19,967 --> 00:40:22,166
if I try to swallow alcohol,
687
00:40:22,167 --> 00:40:25,334
so I have to figure out other
ways to get it into my system.
688
00:40:27,134 --> 00:40:30,066
- You can't just stop?
- No.
689
00:40:30,067 --> 00:40:34,666
I get the shakes, very bad. I could die.
690
00:40:34,667 --> 00:40:37,200
I have to stop drinking slowly, over time.
691
00:40:37,201 --> 00:40:42,734
So we just hook up this
handy-dandy contraption.
692
00:40:43,734 --> 00:40:46,633
Alcohol goes in this bag,
693
00:40:46,634 --> 00:40:50,766
this goes up the poop chute, and voila.
694
00:40:50,767 --> 00:40:53,900
More than one way to get
booze into a Gallagher.
695
00:40:53,901 --> 00:40:56,333
Do... do me a favor, will you, son?
696
00:40:56,334 --> 00:40:59,433
Go down to the kitchen and see
what Fiona's got down there.
697
00:40:59,434 --> 00:41:01,833
Beer, wine. The hard stuff works best,
698
00:41:01,834 --> 00:41:04,301
but anything even remotely
flammable will work.
699
00:41:15,701 --> 00:41:17,166
Hello.
700
00:41:17,167 --> 00:41:20,633
Ho... how you doing?
701
00:41:20,634 --> 00:41:22,266
Good. You?
702
00:41:22,267 --> 00:41:24,301
Good.
703
00:42:14,167 --> 00:42:16,500
You're pregnant? How is that even possible?
704
00:42:16,501 --> 00:42:17,800
Well, that's what I said.
705
00:42:17,801 --> 00:42:19,500
We can't afford to have two babies.
706
00:42:19,501 --> 00:42:21,066
We're barely gonna be
able to afford to have one.
707
00:42:21,067 --> 00:42:23,600
Have you told Kev yet? What about your mom?
708
00:42:23,601 --> 00:42:25,600
Oh, she gonna have to have an abortion.
709
00:42:25,601 --> 00:42:28,300
I can't have her nasty,
Kev-mama baby staring up at me,
710
00:42:28,301 --> 00:42:30,333
not with my own Kev baby on my hip.
711
00:42:30,334 --> 00:42:32,166
I'll just end up hating the mama baby
712
00:42:32,167 --> 00:42:34,601
and accidentally on purpose
run over it in the driveway.
713
00:42:39,267 --> 00:42:41,033
It's Mike.
714
00:42:41,034 --> 00:42:42,800
He wants me to come over
to his place tonight,
715
00:42:42,801 --> 00:42:44,533
celebrate my three months at the company.
716
00:42:44,534 --> 00:42:48,100
Oh, celebrate how, by
having you sit on his face?
717
00:42:48,101 --> 00:42:49,833
Yeah, something like that.
718
00:42:49,834 --> 00:42:51,666
You really haven't slept with him?
719
00:42:51,667 --> 00:42:54,566
No, but I probably should soon.
720
00:42:54,567 --> 00:42:57,266
He's already well past the
whole 2 grand in meals thing
721
00:42:57,267 --> 00:42:58,566
for me having to put out.
722
00:42:58,567 --> 00:43:00,266
You make it sound like a chore.
723
00:43:00,267 --> 00:43:01,466
I know, it's crazy,
724
00:43:01,467 --> 00:43:03,366
but he's my boss, you know?
725
00:43:03,367 --> 00:43:05,133
I mean, what happens if we break up?
726
00:43:05,134 --> 00:43:06,766
You already gave him a hand job.
727
00:43:06,767 --> 00:43:09,566
I think you long past the
"what if we break up" point.
728
00:43:09,567 --> 00:43:11,566
Yeah, you're probably right.
729
00:43:11,567 --> 00:43:13,066
You should go. I'll
keep an eye on the kids.
730
00:43:13,067 --> 00:43:15,966
- I need the kid practice now.
- Yeah, times two.
731
00:43:19,167 --> 00:43:23,600
All right, well, I'll
be... I'll be back tomorrow.
732
00:43:23,601 --> 00:43:27,200
I can tackle this whole kitchen area.
733
00:43:27,201 --> 00:43:32,666
It may take a few days, but I
will make this kitchen my bitch.
734
00:43:32,667 --> 00:43:35,034
Now, good night.
735
00:43:37,067 --> 00:43:39,100
You hired Sheila to be your maid?
736
00:43:39,101 --> 00:43:40,833
No, she's just been hanging around.
737
00:43:40,834 --> 00:43:42,466
I think she's lonely.
738
00:43:42,467 --> 00:43:43,933
So when are you gonna tell Kev?
739
00:43:43,934 --> 00:43:45,766
Mm, I figured I'd give it a bit,
740
00:43:45,767 --> 00:43:48,533
see if this thing's still hanging
around after a couple of months.
741
00:43:48,534 --> 00:43:50,466
I haven't exactly been fertile ground
742
00:43:50,467 --> 00:43:52,766
for planting little, baby Kev seedlings.
743
00:43:52,767 --> 00:43:54,166
You got to tell him, "V."
744
00:43:54,167 --> 00:43:56,266
It's not fair to keep it a secret.
745
00:43:56,267 --> 00:44:00,000
- Shit.
- What are you looking for?
746
00:44:00,001 --> 00:44:01,533
I thought we had some wine left.
747
00:44:01,534 --> 00:44:03,000
Did the two of us finish off
748
00:44:03,001 --> 00:44:05,201
an entire gallon of box
wine the other night?
749
00:44:10,434 --> 00:44:13,133
Hold it up nice and high.
750
00:44:13,134 --> 00:44:15,201
Okay, open the valve.
751
00:45:44,501 --> 00:45:47,733
Hey, babe, are you straight?
752
00:45:47,734 --> 00:45:49,300
Yeah, I'm good.
753
00:45:49,301 --> 00:45:51,067
Come here.
754
00:45:55,567 --> 00:45:57,466
Oh, Christ.
755
00:45:57,467 --> 00:45:59,600
Close the damn door!
756
00:45:59,601 --> 00:46:02,200
Nobody wants to see that mandingo shit.
757
00:46:02,201 --> 00:46:04,134
Fuck!
758
00:47:00,167 --> 00:47:01,833
Oh, fuck!
759
00:47:01,834 --> 00:47:04,300
Ah, fuck!
760
00:47:04,301 --> 00:47:06,601
Fuck.
761
00:47:07,901 --> 00:47:10,466
Are you okay?
762
00:47:10,467 --> 00:47:13,233
Yeah.
763
00:47:13,234 --> 00:47:14,600
I slipped.
764
00:47:14,601 --> 00:47:16,601
Hurry up. I need to use the toilet.
765
00:48:09,434 --> 00:48:12,266
Bless us, o lord, and these
thy gifts, which we are about
766
00:48:12,267 --> 00:48:16,666
to receive through the bounty
of Christ, our lord, amen.
767
00:48:16,667 --> 00:48:20,334
May the lord provide
for the wants of others.
768
00:48:40,934 --> 00:48:43,066
Oh, God.
769
00:48:46,201 --> 00:48:50,333
Oh, God.
770
00:48:50,334 --> 00:48:53,200
That was great. Thank you.
771
00:48:53,201 --> 00:48:56,000
You were great.
772
00:48:56,001 --> 00:48:57,934
You are great.
773
00:49:03,801 --> 00:49:05,866
Hey, do you, uh...
774
00:49:05,867 --> 00:49:10,900
do you need me to do anything...
something else for you?
775
00:49:10,901 --> 00:49:12,300
What?
776
00:49:12,301 --> 00:49:16,067
Well, you know, like,
touch you or whatever.
777
00:49:17,367 --> 00:49:20,966
No. No, I'm... I'm good.
778
00:49:20,967 --> 00:49:23,134
That's really good.
779
00:49:28,434 --> 00:49:29,866
Where are you going?
780
00:49:29,867 --> 00:49:31,233
I'm gonna go get that
781
00:49:31,234 --> 00:49:33,133
bottle of champagne that I promised you.
782
00:49:33,134 --> 00:49:34,133
- I've got to go home.
- No.
783
00:49:34,134 --> 00:49:35,466
It's a school night.
784
00:49:35,467 --> 00:49:36,733
No, no, no. Come on, one glass.
785
00:49:36,734 --> 00:49:38,533
That's not gonna kill you.
786
00:49:38,534 --> 00:49:40,600
Plus, you know, the guy at the
store said it was pretty good.
787
00:49:40,601 --> 00:49:42,600
Just pretty good?
788
00:49:42,601 --> 00:49:46,000
Yeah, well, really good is, like,
789
00:49:46,001 --> 00:49:48,866
a month of my car lease or something.
790
00:49:48,867 --> 00:49:52,366
One glass. One glass.
791
00:49:52,367 --> 00:49:54,467
- One glass.
- Yes.
792
00:50:21,167 --> 00:50:23,366
Well, thanks for dinner.
I had a great time.
793
00:50:23,367 --> 00:50:24,633
I love Panda Express.
794
00:50:24,634 --> 00:50:29,400
Yeah, me, too. I do, too.
795
00:50:29,401 --> 00:50:33,200
I like you.
796
00:50:33,201 --> 00:50:36,501
I... I like you, too.
797
00:50:47,834 --> 00:50:49,566
Oh, is... is that your dad?
798
00:50:49,567 --> 00:50:52,466
Uh, no, a friend of my sister's.
799
00:50:52,467 --> 00:50:53,533
He's nice.
800
00:50:53,534 --> 00:50:58,001
Yeah, he... he looks nice.
801
00:51:02,367 --> 00:51:06,333
I'm not sure, but I think Debbie's
sitting out front in a car with some dude.
802
00:51:06,334 --> 00:51:08,500
This dude lost, like, 200 pounds,
803
00:51:08,501 --> 00:51:10,800
and he still looks like a beached whale.
804
00:51:10,801 --> 00:51:12,833
Oh, jeez. Look at all that extra skin.
805
00:51:12,834 --> 00:51:15,266
You could cut it off and make a suitcase.
806
00:51:15,267 --> 00:51:16,933
What are you doing over here?
807
00:51:16,934 --> 00:51:19,201
Watching the kids while
Fiona's out with Mike.
808
00:51:24,367 --> 00:51:25,466
Stan died.
809
00:51:25,467 --> 00:51:29,066
What?
810
00:51:29,067 --> 00:51:31,600
They called me from the nursing home.
811
00:51:31,601 --> 00:51:33,166
I got to go to the
mortuary tomorrow morning
812
00:51:33,167 --> 00:51:36,900
and pick out a casket and all that stuff.
813
00:51:36,901 --> 00:51:39,501
Oh, baby, I'm so sorry.
814
00:51:42,867 --> 00:51:44,566
So, good night.
815
00:51:44,567 --> 00:51:48,201
Yeah. Yeah, have a good night.
816
00:52:20,034 --> 00:52:23,567
Hey, Debs.
817
00:52:35,467 --> 00:52:37,467
I'm pregnant.
818
00:52:39,734 --> 00:52:41,266
What?
819
00:52:41,267 --> 00:52:44,266
I thought you just said you're pregnant.
820
00:52:44,267 --> 00:52:47,333
I did.
821
00:52:47,334 --> 00:52:48,833
Holy shit, are you serious?
822
00:52:48,834 --> 00:52:50,133
Yes, but we shouldn't get our hopes up.
823
00:52:50,134 --> 00:52:52,500
Holy shit!
824
00:52:52,501 --> 00:52:54,433
We're gonna have two?
825
00:52:54,434 --> 00:52:56,033
- Are you fucking with me?
- No.
826
00:52:56,034 --> 00:52:57,800
Are you serious?
827
00:52:57,801 --> 00:52:59,166
- Baby!
- I kno...
828
00:52:59,167 --> 00:53:01,366
Baby!
829
00:53:10,534 --> 00:53:11,034
Carl.
830
00:53:15,767 --> 00:53:18,800
Son.
831
00:53:18,801 --> 00:53:21,033
Probably want to go a little easier.
832
00:53:21,034 --> 00:53:23,033
Hold it like an egg.
833
00:53:23,034 --> 00:53:24,266
It's not working.
834
00:53:24,267 --> 00:53:26,400
Maybe you need to give it a rest.
835
00:53:26,401 --> 00:53:28,200
How many times is that today?
836
00:53:28,201 --> 00:53:31,633
- Nine.
- Nine.
837
00:53:31,634 --> 00:53:34,166
You're gonna wear the poor thing out.
838
00:53:34,167 --> 00:53:36,300
What are you using for lubrication?
839
00:53:36,301 --> 00:53:38,533
Lubrication?
840
00:53:38,534 --> 00:53:40,733
You don't use lubricant, you get blisters.
841
00:53:40,734 --> 00:53:43,434
Believe me, I know.
842
00:53:49,367 --> 00:53:53,066
Carl, how about when I'm not in the room?
843
00:53:53,067 --> 00:53:54,866
You're always in the room.
844
00:53:54,867 --> 00:53:56,834
Bathroom then.
845
00:54:31,834 --> 00:54:34,833
Come on, baby, just a taste.
846
00:54:34,834 --> 00:54:37,201
I just want a little taste.
847
00:54:41,901 --> 00:54:44,501
L'Chaim.
848
00:55:29,201 --> 00:55:31,600
Hey, where you been? Dinner's almost ready.
849
00:55:31,601 --> 00:55:32,666
Costco.
850
00:55:32,667 --> 00:55:33,700
Costco? Why?
851
00:55:33,701 --> 00:55:36,934
I needed something.
852
00:55:46,756 --> 00:55:56,793
- original sub by MoS / Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
60582
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