Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

[Mister Ed grumbling]

He spends our money on everything but me.

- Ed, stop brooding. - Well...

Just because some pretty little filly

snubbed you in the park. You can't win them all.

I gave her my personality smile,

and she just laughed at me.

Well, maybe she goes for those tall black horses, huh?

She didn't like the way I dress.

Ed, let's face it. You never were a clothes horse.

I've got the sloppiest saddle in town.

It's old. I'm ashamed to be seen in it.

Ed, I am not gonna buy you a new saddle

just because some horse gave you the cold shoulder.

They're too expensive.

Well, you've got money for your wife's ballet lessons.

That's right. And when you take up ballet,

I'll gladly pay for your lessons, too.

[laughs] Look, Wilbur.

It's been years, and it's all beginning to come back to me.

- That's very good, Carol. - You see, every ballet figure has a meaning.

Now, this means the ballet dancer

is happy and excited.

Ah. You know what this means?

It means the husband is hungry, and get lunch.

Oh, can you just wait a little while?

Our teacher is due over at Kay's any minute.

You see, I talked her into taking ballet lessons, too.

Oh, it's the greatest way to exercise.

We both want to lose about 7 or 8 pounds.

You keep that up, you'll have the skinniest toes in town.

Carol, the ballet teacher just arrived.

My dying swan is waiting for you.

Thanks, Rog. Say, how did you like Kay in leotards?

She looks like a plucked chicken

trying to wriggle off a butcher hook.

I'll tell her what you said.

- You had your lunch? - No. Why?

I think you just lost your dinner.

Well, the way Kay cooks, my loss is my stomach's gain.

You know, the darnedest thing happened to me today.

What?

Well, quite some time ago,

I sold a piece of property to a fellow named Barney Harris.

He manages wrestlers.

Well, now he tells me he can't make the last payment.

- But he's made me an offer. - What's that?

He wants to give me a wrestler.

Now, what am I going to do with a wrestler?

If he can cook, you got a good deal.

Who is this wrestler, Rog? Anybody we know?

It's a fella named Tiger Davis.

And according to Barney, this kid could be a champ.

No kidding? Hey, that might be a good move.

You know, these wrestlers make a lot of money.

Say, then you think I better take Barney's offer, huh?

Well, let's not be too hasty, Rog.

I mean, I-- I happen to know a little bit about

this wrestling game. [chuckles]

I ever tell you that I was once the intercollegiate wrestling champ?

Two minutes after you were introduced to me.

No, no, no. I don't think so.

Roger Addison, wrestling manager.

No, no. My friends would think I'm some kind of a nut.

Why not? I mean, it might be very exciting, colorful.

Get your name in the paper all the time.

Be interviewed on television with Tiger Davis.

Open up a whole new world for you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, do you wanna buy a half-interest in The Tiger?

No. My friends would think I'm some kind of nut.

I'll tell you what I'll do, Roger.

I'll go take a look at this wrestler for you and give you my opinion.

Fine. He's working out at McCleary's Gym.

We could drive down there right now.

- I better go up and get changed. - Good.

Oh, let's just hope

that this Tiger doesn't turn out to be a pussycat.

Oh, Tiger. Tiger.

Yes, Mr. Harris?

Mr. Addison phoned and said he's coming down to look you over.

Start warming up with Big Boy here.

Mr. Harris, can I have a sandwich first?

I had such a light lunch.

You've already had 12 light lunches today.

Now, look, Tiger, you've got to stay in condition.

You eat too much. Okay, boys, let's wrestle.

Come on, Big Boy. Get in there.

Mix. Move it around. Come on.

That's it. Move it.

Mr. Harris, can't I have a corned beef sandwich?

What?

On rye?

And a lot of mustard, huh?

There he is, Wilbur. That is The Tiger.

- Top or bottom? - Bottom.

Come on. We can beat the traffic home.

Hey, wait. He's up.

That's the way to do it, Tiger.

Hi--

Somehow I don't think he's got the stuff

that champions are made of.

- Hello, Roger. - Hello, Barney.

- Nice to see you. - Thank you.

Barney Harris, this is Wilbur Post,

and Wilbur is my next door neighbor.

- Mr. Post. - How do you do?

Barney is The Tiger's manager.

Oh, Wilbur won

the middleweight wrestling title in college.

- No kidding. - Mm-hmm.

They used to call me Killer Post.

Hey. Look.

Hey!

Well, Wilbur?

Now what do you think of my wrestler?

You mean our wrestler, partner.

Ha ha. I knew you'd change your mind

once you saw him.

Barney, we've got a deal.

Good. I'll get the contracts.

Oh, Tiger. Tiger!

This is Mr. Addison, your new manager.

He's going to take over your contract.

Hiya, Tiger.

I'll do my best for you, Mr. Addison.

This is his partner, Mr. Post.

- Hi. - Hi.

Whoa!

Get up, Wilbur, and stop showing off.

All I said was hello.

How about that Tiger? Isn't he great?

I'll get the contracts.

You're my new managers, huh?

That's right, my boy. We should be able

to go all the way to the top together.

The important thing is for you never to be on the bottom.

I get it, Mr. Post.

Where can I bring my clothes and stuff?

What do you mean?

Now that I won't be living with Barney,

I guess I'll be staying with you.

Uh...would you excuse us a moment?

Sure.

Wilbur, what's the chance

of Tiger Davis staying with you?

Pretty good.

There's not much chance of Carol staying with me.

You've got a bigger house.

I've also got a bigger wife.

Now remember, I made you a partner.

So did Carol.

And I've been doing business with her

a lot longer.

Why don't we just tell the girls

and let them decide?

Okay.

But I got an idea

there's going to be three new faces

at the YMCA tonight.

Kay. Big Daddy's home.

Now,

I've had more experience handling women.

Let me carry the ball.

Okay, Rog, you carry the ball.

If you want me, I'll be hiding in the locker room.

Do we have some exciting news for you girls.

Wilbur and I have just made a fabulous investment.

So I look like a plucked chicken

trying to wriggle off a butcher hook.

Oh, what was this fabulous investment?

Well, it may sound like a rather strange business venture,

but it can be very profitable.

Wilbur will tell you all about it.

Oh.

Oh, you're very good at carrying the ball, Rog.

You're not bad at passing the buck, either.

Wilbur, what have you and Roger done?

- We want the truth. - Well--

You're lying.

You'd better let me take over, Big Daddy.

The whole thing is very simple, you see.

Rog and I just chipped in, and we bought a wrestler.

They bought a wrestler.

We should never have taken them off the leash.

There's a lot of money in the wrestling game, girls,

oh, and you'll like The Tiger.

You bought a wrestler and a tiger?

What is it, a circus act?

No, no. That's his name-- Tiger Davis.

He's a very promising heavyweight,

and Rog feels that we'll make a fortune with him.

He'll be dropping by any minute now.

We have to decide whose house he's going to stay at.

What?

I'm not going to have any hairy ape

running loose around my house.

Well now, that sort of narrows it down, doesn't it, Rog?

[doorbell rings]

Must be The Tiger now.

What are we going to tell him?

That we don't have any room for him.

I'll tell him myself.

Hello. I'm Tiger Davis.

You must be Mr. Addison's daughter.

Why, no.

I'm his wife.

I'm sorry.

Why? That's the sweetest thing I've heard in years.

Won't you come right in, Mr. Davis?

Right in.

Hello, Tiger.

Hello, Mr. Post. Hi, Mr. Addison.

Tiger, I want you to meet Mrs. Post.

This is Tiger Davis.

[snap]

I remember you, Mrs. Post.

Two years ago.

The Miss Universe contest.

Oh. Well, thank you.

But that was someone else.

Well, I'd better get your room ready.

Uh, don't bother, sweetie.

We have more than enough room here.

Well, actually, Kay, if Carol doesn't m--

You stay out of this, Father.

Well, how about that barn back there?

I get up pretty early.

I wouldn't want to bother anybody.

Yeah, we could fix it up.

I'm sure Ed wouldn't mind.

I get along with everybody.

Does he play gin?

Ed is my horse.

He doesn't play gin,

but I wouldn't let him talk you

into any poker games.

You're so thin to be a wrestler.

Uh, have you had lunch yet?

Oh, please don't bother.

- I don't eat much. - Oh, no bother at all.

You've got to keep your strength up.

We've got lots of cold cuts.

And I have some potato salad.

I'll bring it right over.

Only way to get a meal around here

is to be a wrestler.

I think our Tiger has found himself

a couple of mother hens.

If I got to wear an old saddle,

it's got to be a clean one.

Not too hot, not too cold.

Might as well rinse out my undies, too.

♪ Oh, this is the way we wash our clothes ♪

♪ Wash our clothes, wash our clothes ♪

♪ This is the way we wash our clothes ♪

♪ Every Monday morning ♪

- What are you doing? - My laundry.

[Mister Ed humming]

That is your saddle. You'll ruin it.

And then we'd have to buy me a new one, wouldn't we?

You're not getting a new one.

Aw.

And just remember, this soggy saddle

is going on your back.

And your pants.

Honestly, Ed, just because

a few fillies pass you up in the park,

you act like a spoiled child.

- Who does? - Ed. He sometimes--

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Uh, Tiger, did you have enough lunch?

Oh, yeah.

Your wife and Mrs. Addison really stuffed me.

I couldn't eat another bite.

What time's dinner?

6:30.

Uh, Tiger,

I think you should be cutting down on those desserts.

We've lined up a match for you with The Apache Kid

- a week from this Thursday. - The Apache Kid?

You mean Hymie Rosenblatt.

I'll kill him.

This is Ed, huh?

Hi, fella.

Ohh!

You, uh, like horses, Tiger?

Oh, yeah. This is a great-looking fella.

Ohh!

You and me's gonna get along just fine.

Just fine.

Tiger, are you all right?

Yeah, fine.

I guess I scared him.

Uh, a little road work will dry me right off.

I'll see you later, Mr. Post.

Bye, fella.

Ed, why did you knock him down?

Self-defense.

He was beating my brains out.

Who is he?

He's a wrestler. Tiger Davis.

Mr. Addison and I bought his contract.

Uh, he's going to be staying here in the barn with you

for a little while.

Oh, no.

I'll wind up with a cauliflower tail.

Look, Ed, I'll make a deal with you.

You let him stay here,

and I'll buy you that saddle

with the winnings from his first match.

Okay. Let's shake on it.

Chow time.

Gee, Mrs. Post, that looks delicious.

Oh, good.

Are you feeding him again?

He just had dinner at the Addisons'.

Well, nothing looks worse

than a bony, undernourished wrestler.

The way you're stuffing The Tiger,

we're going to wind up with a hippopotamus.

Have another stack of pancakes, Tiger.

Oh, boy.

Gee, Mrs. Addison,

you sure make me feel at home.

Where's the morning paper? I le--

Don't tell me he ate it.

He eats more than that elephant you had in there.

The more weight the better when it comes to wres--

Shucks, Mr. Addison.

Wilbur, I told you to speak to him

about eating between meals.

I did, but he's never between meals.

He's always right at them.

We've hired Gorilla Gomez to work out with you today.

Now come on, get with it. Where are your trunks?

I'm having them let out a little.

I knew it. I knew it.

Go put on your robe.

I'm having that let out a little, too.

Tiger, I just bought some fresh doughnuts from the bakery.

Gee, thanks, Mrs. Post.

No, you don't. You give me those doughnuts.

They won't hurt me, Mr. Post.

I'm in great shape, honest.

No, you are not. Now give me those doughnuts.

Let go of those doughnuts.

Aah!

- Ahh! - Here, Rog, take them.

Aah!

Now, Tiger, you've got a fight next week,

and you've got to get into condition.

I am in condition.

Please let me up, Mr. Post.

Not until you promise that you'll start training.

Mr. Post, you're hurting my arm.

I am?

Wilbur, get off.

Roger, make Wilbur let Tiger up.

Wilbur, you let--

Tiger, I order you

to throw that bag of bones off your chest.

What's going on here?

Mrs. Addison, help me.

If you'll excuse me,

I'm going to my room and have a good cry.

Save me a handkerchief, Rog.

What happened?

I'm afraid the boys were right.

He's in no condition to wrestle next week.

And it's our fault.

I guess I have gained a little weight.

And I know just the way he can take it off.

nK The very best way.

And sway, 2, 3,

and jêté, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

Glissade to jêté, arabesque.

Kay.

Glissade to jêté,

arabesque.

Very good.

Excellent. And in such a short time, too.

I've never seen such natural ability.

It's a lot more fun than working out in a gym.

And you couldn't ask for nicer sparring partners.

Shall we all assume the first position?

Ready? And plié.

And step, 2, 3,

and jêté, 2, 3.

- You were right. - Shall we all assume the first position?

The Tiger is a pussycat.

- Ready? - A fat pussycat.

Not for long. Ask Miss Canfield.

Ballet's the quickest way to lose weight.

And wrestlers are the quickest way to lose money.

It's a great way to tone up, Mr. Post. Look at this.

[Women applauding]

Rog,

let's just try to think of this

as something we'll look back on someday

and laugh about.

Congratulations.

You ladies have just become the proud owners

of whatever it is.

Tiger's match goes on at 8:00.

And the services will be at 8:02.

Don't send flowers.

Just make a donation to your favorite bakery.

And how about that new saddle?

I told you, Ed. If Tiger wins,

I'll buy you one out of my share of the purse tonight.

I have a feeling

the fillies will still be calling me Raggedy Ed.

Well, no use putting it off.

Hi.

Come tCHo see our boy get it?

You'll excuse me if I seem a little nervous.

This is my first execution.

What worries me is how are the girls

going to carry him home tonight.

It'll be pitiful, pitiful.

First time Tiger hits that floor,

there's going to be a fallout of fat for 30 miles.

Here he comes.

[audience booing]

[Announcer] If we might be a little candid,

I would say we should have Swan Lake being played

instead of the accompaniment

of the hoots and cheers of the crowd.

[booing continues]

The Apache Kid can't wait

to get his claws on this young fellow.

Tiger Davis seems to be showing a little reluctance

about coming out of his corner.

The referee is checking him

for any apparent, uh, body ointments--

oil, we mean.

[bell clangs]

There's the bell starting the match.

Now maybe we can see

what Tiger Davis will do when the chips are down.

Wham. He really hit him that time.

Every time he hits him, jú he hurts his hands.

And he had rather tender hands.

Tiger has a remarkable agility,

and of course he's just about as loose

as any athlete we've ever seen.

There goes a really graceful leap,

sort of a arabesque on the bias.

The Apache Kid is one

of the toughest guys in the business,

but he can't quite figure out young Tiger Davis.

Tiger Davis is riding

in the third race at Santa Anita,

and he's just turned his steed in the right direction--

heading for home.

Stop, Tiger.

Might lose a couple of fingers.

[crowd shouting]

The Apache Kid got spanked for that.

"Naughty, naughty," says Tiger Davis.

You know, Tiger Davis is really a rough, tough little guy,

and he has a brand-new approach to the game.

No kidding about that.

The Apache Kid has never seen anything like this before.

Neither have we,

and, uh, I'd hazard a guess, neither have you.

Pirouette scissors by the ankles,

and The Apache Kid almost lost his beard

on that little bit.

Here's the count. 1, 2, 3--

- [bell clangs] - Tiger Davis, the winner.

Hey. What?

Ah, Wilbur, we can't miss.

We'll take him on tour of the country.

New York, Chicago, Philadelphia,

all the top arenas.

I always figured he had it, Rog.

I knew there was a wrestler

somewhere under all that blubber.

[door opens]

Did you see it? Were you watching?

Wasn't he wonderful?

We didn't miss a step. He was great.

I've never seen anything like it.

And you girls deserve all the credit.

And you g-- I was just going to say it.

Oh, where is that grand boy?

We've got wonderful plans for him.

So does Mr. Luellen.

He's giving The Tiger a two-year contract

at a thousand dollars a week.

We're rich. We're rich.

For his birthday, I'll buy him a mink tutu.

Wait a minute.

This Mr. Luellen,

what is he, a wrestling promoter?

Oh, no. He owns a ballet company.

A ballet company?

Uh-huh. He thinks The Tiger has great talent,

and he's going to make him a ballet star.

Well, we've lost a Tiger, Rog,

but the world has gained a swan.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a Filmways television presentation.