Original subtitles

HITCHHIKE

SEA EXCURSIONS

- It's raining. - Please, it's summer!

Sorry for blocking the sun.

Hey, it's raining!

Just like I said!

- What nice weather. - Are you nuts?

- No, I just love rain. - You gotta be depraved.

For a sports journalist like me,

when it rains this hard,

soccer games get canceled,

so I go to the movies.

Get my drift?

No, I don't feel like a movie at this hour!

We could always chat.

OK, let's talk sunny weather!

- Why stay here in the rain? - I didn't choose this place.

I won a radio typing contest.

Two weeks' vacation in De Panne.

- That's just awful. - It was the consolation prize.

I bet first prize was Capri.

If I were you, I'd leave for the coast.

- What coast? - The Riviera.

Azure blue, no clouds.

No clouds mean...?

- Nothing. - Nothing?

- No clouds mean sunny weather! - Oh, sunny weather...

It's too far anyway.

90 minutes by plane, one night by train,

a week by roller skates, sounds good,

and by horseback...?

- How long by horseback? - And by car?

- Depends on the car. - Thank you!

- I'll pick the car! - Oh, you're...

On to the next one, then!

- How sweet of you! - It's nothing.

- Can I be of service, Miss? - I don't know, sir.

I thought you'd waved to me.

- I'm really late. - Then hop in!

- I don't wanna put you out. - Where are you going?

- Straight ahead. - Good, me too.

You're a lifesaver!

- Why, someone after you? - No, waiting for me.

Know who you look like?

- Do tell. - A boss.

Oh?

Why're you looking at me like that?

For the fun of it.

Do you mind?

It's risky when you're driving.

- Want me to pull over? - No, I'm late enough already.

I bet your parents are very strict.

I'll say! My dad's a customs officer.

- Going to the border, I suppose? - Very clever!

What a marvelous adventure!

- What adventure? - Ours!

I'd always dreamt of a weekend getaway

with a charming secretary.

But I never dared.

I'm a no-nonsense kind of boss.

In spite of the bowtie?

It's my only fancy!

Sorry to say, your "adventure" won't happen.

No, it'll end before starting, so no complications.

And no regrets or scenes.

Sheer bliss!

What's going on?

Don't recognize the place?

- What? - You're home, that's the border!

You're mean.

- So where are you going? - Paris.

I bet if you look around,

you'll find another "boss."

- You aren't going any farther? - I wasn't even coming this far.

- You went out of your way! - It was worth it.

Goodbye, sir.

So many choices!

Which one shall I pick?

What a twit!

My, a nice American car.

Where'd they get that jalopy? At the dump?

- See that? - Think of my fight!

But what about afterwards?

Left hook!

CUSTOMS

Hey, hey, hey!

Where do you think you're going?

- Through! - Through?

- Where's your family? - At home.

And where's this home?

- Honestly! - Honest...?

What...? Papers!

Papers, hurry!

"Honestly"?

That's not you!

You're much younger than the photo.

- 'Cause my hair's shorter. - My eye!

What, are you one-eyed?

I may be one-eyed, but I'm not blind!

So how old does that make you?

It's written right there.

16! I can't let you through if you're 16!

You're wrong, 21-3=18.

Still too young to jump from one country to another, like a flea!

Still, to not know math at your age...

Watch it, you're not through yet!

- I didn't say anything wrong. - If you say so.

And where are you going?

- Paris. - Paris?

And what'll you do in Paris?

- Nothing special, just sightsee. - Sightsee?

Now I get it!

You gotta "sightsee" in Paris at least once!

I remember once in '47...

Will she get through?

Can't he leave her alone?

Especially don't forget to go see Notre-Dame.

The view from the tower is quite spectacular.

But don't lean over too much.

I promise not to!

No regrets?

Where are you going?

- To the Wagram! - I'm going to Paris.

What a ninny!

- So are we, we have a match. - What?

A match!

I didn't know you started boxing again!

- So you're boxers? - No, manager.

- He's the boxer. - Does it pay?

- No, we're amateurs. - What about the prizes?

What's your name?

- André. - No, him.

André!

- You're both Andrés? - No, he's Bobby.

- You? - Agathe.

- Pleased to meet you. - What?

Agathe!

Watch the road!

- Aren't you cold? - No!

- What'd she say? - Dunno, I didn't hear.

- Liar! - What?

It's cold!

- Didja hear that time? - No!

- She's cold. - What can I do about it?

- You could be more gallant! - Gallant...? Watch it!

What're those two up to?

We'll let them pass us.

Who do they think they are?

They could go faster, with a car like that.

- You're too fast for 'em. - Very funny!

Go!

Are you passing them or not?

- I'm doing my best. - "I'm doing my best"!

Fickle girlfriend you got!

This is no time!

Step on it!

I can't step on it any farther!

About time!

- You should light me a cigar. - I'm a boxer, not a smoker.

Don't smoke it, just light it.

You don't give a crap about my fight.

Aren't you cold?

No?

- See where your whim got us? - She can climb in with them.

- Never! - Why not?

- I don't like the look of 'em. - La-di-da...

- They scare me. - You should be flattered.

Really, the things you hear!

Don't you get it? She's got manners!

- Well, are you cold? - Freezing!

She's freezing!

- Want me to take her place? - You know I can't drive!

What do we do, then?

Be nice, Mr. Bobby!

Mr. Bobby...

You don't give a damn!

Now I'll freeze!

What the hell are you doing?

What're you doing?

We shouldn't have cut the ignition!

Well, you're the driver!

- Is it serious? - Who knows?

- Could it be the spark plugs? - Or maybe the distributor?

- I bet it's the fuel pump. - I say it's the ignition.

True, the ignition can be tricky.

We'd have to check the screws.

- What screws? - The platinum screws.

- Got a nail file? - It's no surprise!

- Clogged up? - Oxidized!

He said "oxidized."

Let me have a go.

Put in the crank.

Easy, easy.

- Stop! - You'll get dirty.

We travelers need to stick together.

Try it now.

- She almost spoke! - And she was saying...

- Come give me a hand. - And tire my arms?

- Wimp! - I've got a match tonight!

- A match! Don't you get it? - Allow me.

- How touching... Solidarity! - Exactly!

Go faster to see.

It's useless. We've kept you long enough.

- We'll send a mechanic. - Take me with you?

It'd be our pleasure, Miss.

Thanks, and good luck.

Yeah, thanks a lot.

Say, you should try the carburetor.

- In any case, we'll send help. - And I won't forget you.

Pretty rotten luck!

But now you'll get there sooner.

- But it's not as much fun. - So there!

- Going far? - Capri.

- You like Capri? - I adore it!

- Ever been? - No.

- You? - Neither.

It's always sunny there.

I'll go boating all summer.

My uncle has a beachside home.

- With a private beach? - Naturally.

What a question!

- Will you go skinny-dipping? - Hey!

She could! She must have all the right curves.

- Hey, I won! - Won what?

The jackpot...

Lucky at cards, unlucky in love!

- So there again! - Traveling alone?

My uncle'll be waiting for me at Capri Station.

A station in Capri? Who would've thunk it?

A harbor station!

We're out of gas.

- I hope you're kidding. - Me too!

- No, we're out of gas. - Not again!

It happened last time too.

When there's no gas, cars just don't run anymore.

- Where's the next gas station? - Dunno.

- Two or three km from here. - On foot?

Unless you have a better idea.

- Tails? - Heads.

- Heads. - Damn!

There's André!

We'll send someone over.

- With a gas can. - Thanks.

Go, Bobby, go!

Right hook!

Go, Bobby!

You sure look gorgeous.

- Hands up, Bobby! - Hands up, Bobby!

You're not allowed to be here.

Come on, Bobby!

- He's got a mean right hook. - What's he waiting for?

Dunno, frankly.

Hit him! Right in the kisser!

- Right hook! - Right hook, Bobby!

One, two, three...

- Get up! - Get up, Bobby!

...seven, eight, nine, ten. Out!

- In the first round! - Bobby...

- What were you thinking? - It's her fault.

- He caught me off guard. - I couldn't have known!

- What're you doing now? - Going to bed.

- Got a hotel room? - You kidding?

- We're going back to Brussels. - Tonight?

We need to work in the morning.

- You're being downers. - The nature of the sport.

- He could've won that match. - And?

- And I would've won! - And afterwards?

- We would've gone home. - Why not use your right hook?

Those leeches again!

So did you win?

He put up quite a fight!

- How was that? - 1-0 for Bobby!

Nice...

- He was asking for it. - He was.

- I just love boxing. - Oh, yeah?

I do!

You caught me by surprise.

I'm hungry.

- Aren't you? - What about you?

- Whaddaya think? - We don't have time.

Come on, my treat!

- André! - We don't have time!

I insist!

- We need to go home. - Tonight?

- The nature of the sport. - How about a drink?

- OK, but on me. - No way, on me!

- No... - I said so first!

But...

- You can pay another time. - I'm thirsty.

- We'll each pay a round. - There you go!

- What about me? - Come on!

Come with us.

Where to for dinner?

You're having dinner at home.

- Lucienne's expecting you. - Goody Two-shoes!

Besides, you're already home.

I'd almost forgotten.

Good night, old boy.

- Good night. - Good night.

Delighted to meet you, Miss.

- Good night. - Sweet dreams.

My regards to Lucienne!

Are we going to go eat or not?

I'm famished!

Look who you ended up with, Agathe!

He's too confident.

I'll bring him down a notch.

She'd flip if she saw me.

- Who? - My aunt.

Why's that?

She always told me to beware of upstanding men.

- I don't get it. - You look upstanding.

- You prefer hoodlums? - No, I can't stand youths.

- How old do you think I am? - Dunno...

Come on, place your bets!

Well?

42?

- I'm afraid... - I lost?

No, you won.

I'm old enough to be your dad.

You're the spitting image of my daughter.

Where do you want to eat?

There's this café called Maxim's.

A café?

- Any other suggestions? - It'd make me happy, Daddy.

No, thank you.

- No menu for the lady. - I'll order the same, Agathe.

- Miss Agathe! - Fine, Miss.

Sorry...

I'm your dad, remember?

- So what'll we have? - I forget the name.

They're small and round, and black and shiny.

Caviar, surely.

- Yes, caviar. - Make that two servings.

Fine. And might I recommend the lobster as the main course?

Good idea.

- American-style. - Make it two.

Fine.

- Grilled meat with that? - We'll see about that later.

- Duck à l'orange for me. - Duck... Just the one.

One?

But they're so cute!

And they go so well with orange.

You'll surely regret it.

I'm not that hungry.

No matter, I'll eat yours too.

Oh? Fine, then, two ducks.

- Two ducks, coming up! - The choice is obvious.

It's yellow and it's bubbly.

Champagne, please.

You're too extravagant, Dad!

Roederer '53.

Did they leave out something?

No, not a thing.

Thank you.

- Those two ducks getting along? - Like two peas in a pod.

Do you eat this much when you dine with your dad?

No.

But he doesn't hope to sleep with me afterwards.

- See? You'd thought of it! - Perish the thought!

- Really? - Yes!

Mad at me for thinking you'd thought of it?

Absolutely not, dear.

Where to now?

- It's time for bed. - Sleepy?

- I can't keep my eyes open. - Then let's go.

Agathe... You've had one too many.

Drop us off at Alice's? It's at 32 Victor Hugo Ave.

OK.

Come, Agathe.

Thank you, sir.

How about a nightcap?

- It's too late. - No one's expecting you!

- What about my aunt? - Really think I buy that?

She'll worry, she goes to bed early.

- I'm not buying it. - Then I'll hail a taxi.

- Want me to lend you money? - Where's your car?

- I'd rather get a lift. - It would be my pleasure, Miss.

What's the address?

32 Victor Hugo Ave. It's just a hop away.

Let's go.

- She must be worried to death. - My condolences.

- I should've called. - You still can.

You think?

Say our car broke down

and I'll bring you back in the morning.

I'd never dare!

I knew it! You were thinking about it.

Can you really blame me?

- Good night, sir. - Good night.

My aunt has quite the digs!

It pays to have the right family.

Too bad for him.

If I had to sleep with everyone who helped me out...

He'll take root before I come downstairs again!

Agathe's pillow.

Agathe's bed.

I'll be nice and comfy here.

Good night, Daddy!

Good morning.

I bet you forgot your key.

I didn't know where to sleep.

- You could've rung my bell. - But I don't know you.

- Nor I you. - Different schedules, I guess.

- That must be it. - Where are you going?

- Nice. - Really? Right now?

- Yes. - Give your neighbor a lift?

- I don't have much time. - Relax, it's on the way.

My pleasure, then.

You live here?

- You always this nervous? - Yes, Miss.

- When I'm in a bad mood. - But I'm not your bad mood.

Relax,

mine is a lot blonder.

Did you have a fight?

You could say that.

You know, I lied about having lost my key.

I figured that.

My date was so unbearable, I had to get away, anywhere!

But you can find him again.

He was already there!

I could find her the way she was before,

when we were still in love.

True enough.

Notice how these roads always lead to the same place?

The shores of the Seine, a subway station...

- A little accident... - What do you mean?

No more worries after that.

- And then a loud crash! - No, I'm scared!

This is all my fault.

- I made it all up! - So did I, Miss.

There you go!

Sorry for scaring you.

- Where are we? - Orly.

What about Nice?

I'm flying there. I'm a pilot. You get off here.

If that don't beat all!

No goodbye?

Kids these days!

No goodbye?

- Naturally. - "Naturally"!

Your girlfriend's wrong to think you're mean.

Things'll work out between you two.

- What do I do now? - Dunno.

- Really planning to go to Nice? - Absolutely!

Here's 12,000 f for a ticket. You can take my plane.

No, thanks!

You're too dangerous, what with your broken heart.

Bye.

To think I could've been in Nice in 90 minutes...

I can be so stupid sometimes!

I have to get on that plane.

Flight Air France 794

to Copenhagen and Stockholm.

Yes, Miss?

Café au lait with croissants and butter.

Fine, Miss.

I feel someone is watching me.

Miss... Could I borrow a light, please?

If you give it back.

Quite gladly!

- So young and already a tease? - A comment on today's youths?

I wouldn't think of it.

At my age, the youth of others

is my last resort.

If not for that, what would I have left?

- Another complicated fellow. - Quite the contrary.

I'll join you.

A whisky, please?

Actually, I'm kind of naïve.

That's my problem.

Ever wondered about the lives of grown-ups? Mine, for example.

Between business deals, business conversations,

business trips, business dinners,

business board meetings...

Hunting, golf, my wife,

my kids, my mistress,

my blood pressure, my diet,

plus my fear of a heart attack!

It's all very sad, really.

Not to mention my cholesterol.

Sounds like a flower, no? A bouquet of cholesterols...

- So sad! - So you're rich?

Indeed, but so what?

Money... I'd give it all away.

For what?

For something worthwhile, but I haven't found it yet.

I hate giving to charity.

I don't like upsetting the poor.

It's too easy.

You think?

- Try some, you'll see. - Meaning?

You'll see! It's very amusing.

Look me in the eye.

Focus.

You're hiding some big problem.

If only you knew!

But I want to know.

Trust me, I can be of service.

Really?

Trust me.

So tell me the truth.

I lost my ticket, and Mr. Dumas is expecting me in Nice.

Mr. Dumas?

My boss. I'm meeting him at the airport.

You're a secretary?

Bilingual.

What?

Then what other language do you speak?

Turkish.

Turkish... Obviously!

It runs in the family.

Oh, family Turkish!

I should've guessed.

Since Pierre Loti, Turkish has become commonplace.

So what about my plane ticket?

Plane ticket?

You'll have to call, I guess.

Call who?

Mr. Dumas.

- Alexandre, no doubt? - Yes, Alexandre.

But I'd never dare admit it to him.

What to do?

Dunno.

There...

My flight's about to take off.

But mine too.

- You can take the next one. - I have no money!

It's always about money!

You've got a ticket?

Yes, since I lost it.

Yes, of course.

There must be a copy somewhere.

You think?

Yes, explain it to the staff and they'll set you right.

Glad to have been of service!

Waiter.

- How much? - 1,000 f.

- Including tip? - No.

Too bad.

See? Money's only for paying drinks.

Anyway...

In case I can be of service some other time.

My phone number's on there.

You speak Turkish, so if I need a dancing girl...

Or obtain opium.

Or burn incense.

You charming liar!

"Stock transactions: Paris-New York-Istanbul."

People can be so mean!

Miss!

Miss!

Got your driver's license?

I didn't know I needed one to hitchhike!

No, do you know how to drive?

- No, I don't. - You don't?

- But I could try. - No, thanks.

No, thanks!

I just said that to be helpful.

Get in.

- Know how to read? - I do.

Good, here.

- "Cyrano de Bergerac." - That's me!

Hercule Savinien.

- I have memory lapses. - You're an actor?

- You've boarded Thespis's wagon. - So you're famous?

World-famous in the countryside.

- Not in Paris? - They know me too well there.

- You gotta foil the critics. - So you're in hiding?

No, in camouflage!

You think it's funny?

"Tell me why you stare so at my nose!

"Well, what is there strange?

"Is't soft and dangling, like a trunk?"

I never said that!

"Is it crook'd, like an owl's beak?"

Act I, Scene IV... What's my line?

"Do see a wart?"

"Do you see a wart upon the tip?

"Or a fly, that takes the air there?

"And you are fair as Buckingham.

"True... I forgot!

"Must I then bid thee mount to cull this flower?

"Mount!

- "This heart-breathing... - Mount!

- "This brush of bee's wings... - Mount!

"But I feel now, as though 'twere ill done!

"This moment infinite! Come, blockhead, mount!

"Ah, Roxane!"

- What do you think? - Not bad.

Let's do it over.

"The kiss! The word is sweet.

"I see not why your lip should shrink from it.

"If the word burns it,

"what would the kiss do?"

You already know that part, let's get to the end.

"Come, blockhead, mount!"

Agathe!

I think that was better.

Are you always this conscientious?

- Once more. - No, I'd better go.

So soon?

- You'll be late. - There's still the last act!

Wednesday the 17th, right before dinner,

Mr. de Bergerac was murdered at the municipal theater.

Murderer!

I'm afraid so.

You really don't want to see it?

- I'll take you to Fontainebleau. - I'm going to the seaside.

"Flight, only flight!

"I feel that birds are wild to tread."

- Want to come? - What about my fans?

- What about my sun? - That's life!

Goodbye, Cyrano.

Goodbye, Roxane.

I really liked him and his brush of bee's wings.

But why must they always leave me?

I'll have to come up with tall tales to impress my friends.

Well, I'm not there yet.

To think I'll have to get back afterwards...

Throwing in the towel?

Good thing I drove by. Hop in!

Relax, I saw you hitchhiking.

- You don't like the driver? - I find you repugnant!

So that's the thanks I get for wanting to help out!

You'd rather ride in a Cadillac?

You're just like all the others,

despite your haughtiness.

How old are you anyway?

Whaddaya doing, chump?

What's that?

Can I get in, sir?

What did... you call me?

"Chump"?

- You heard right, ratface. - I dare you to repeat that.

- Ratface. - Well?

"Well" what?

Come out so I can teach you a lesson.

- Some people just don't get it. - Come on, step out!

You're blocking the road!

You coward!

Move it, OK!

Hush or I'll call the cops on you!

There are laws in France.

Juvenile delinquency is the plague of the nation!

You'll pay for this!

You hear me?

If that don't beat all!

He's nuts!

Unbelievable!

You coward!

You little hussy!

Can you believe it?

Little guys are always bad-tempered.

They yelp and yelp, and they're ugly as sin.

Why is this bus empty?

Jojo finished his last trip, so I'm going back to town.

I'm Agathe.

- What's so funny? - Jojo's the bus, I'm Paul.

Jojo's retiring, I'm taking him to the scrapyard.

- Where's that? - Lyons. Do you mind?

No, it's on my way.

Oh, yeah?

I'm an actress, I'm playing Roxane.

Roxane?

Cyrano de Bergerac's girlfriend.

You can't play it alone.

No, but I had a fight with my boyfriend.

He does Cyrano in the play.

Being an artist couple is no picnic.

But I'm not enough for him. He wants more.

- What more does he want? - It's a long story.

But I'll meet up with the troupe in Marseilles.

I'd never have guessed you ran in those circles.

Because I've remained simple.

I still live with my parents on Victor Hugo Ave.

- Do you know it? - Yeah.

We're not rich or anything.

My dad's a mailman, my mom's the concierge.

Sounds like a pretty posh neighborhood to me!

- Known him for long? - Who?

Your boyfriend, Cyrano.

- He's just a tour boyfriend. - You in solid with him?

He was at the right place at the right time.

We were more friends than anything.

Friends...

Can you believe this?

Why not?

"Why not" what?

If you wanna kiss me, that's fine by me.

They always kiss in the play.

What the hell got into me?

I'm not your type?

It's not you, it's me.

Look at me.

I'm no better than that chump from earlier.

And no, you're not my type, so why would I cheat on my wife?

You never do?

Yes, but always with women who resemble her.

Very considerate of you.

She'd never forgive my sleeping with a kid like you.

From time to time, with a nubile young girl...

You and your depraved ways!

We'll do it as friends... My foot!

There are friends, and then there's...

I don't know the word for it.

Love!

It must be something like that.

I was afraid you'd laugh at me.

So what do we do now?

What do we do now?

- How about a bite to eat? - Good idea!

Caviar for me.

Here's some bread and Beaujolais wine.

I was a bit pushy earlier.

Don't hog the bottle.

Didn't Victor Hugo teach you that?

Took you long enough to stop!

You got brakes, no?

Park next to me.

We'll check your engine to see what's wrong.

This vehicle is a public menace!

- What's going on? - Papers, please.

- Got your transport permit? - No, it's off to the scrapheap.

What's the girl doing back there?

My, my!

I have no idea.

This could mean a pretty hefty fine.

Plus revocation of driving license.

- It's not like I killed anyone! - And it's not his fault.

Step out of the bus.

He didn't even know I was in there.

- Yeah, right! - I snuck in.

- How tactful! - You snuck in?

While he was having a pee.

- Is that true? - How would I know?

He had his back turned.

- You could've asked, no? - Not exactly the time!

- Got ID on you? - Yes.

So what about me?

- You can go. - Thank you, gentlemen.

- What're you doing on the road? - I'm on vacation.

- Where are you from? - Belgium.

- That's called vagrancy. - Don't exaggerate!

Come with us, then.

- I can't, I'm in a hurry. - No choice. Come, get on!

Miss...

You seem out of breath.

- I'm traveling. - Through the hedges? Charming!

I didn't do anything wrong.

Pardon my curiosity, but I just wanted to help out.

- Want to get in? - Oh, yes!

So what's wrong?

I'm overjoyed to give you a ride.

- Where are we going? - To meet an old friend of mine.

See that?

The baroness adored him.

When she left us, I set him free.

He goes there every night.

We say hello, then it's each to his own.

- He doesn't sing? - You must be making him nervous.

- He's just shy. - Jealous, rather.

There he goes!

Sorry about that.

He'll be back tomorrow, but you won't.

Go!

Hello, Your Lordship.

You've brought beauty to my evening.

Take this, it might come in handy.

- No... - I insist.

You still have a long way to go.

Don't let anyone nibble away at your heart.

There's a nightingale somewhere in the world

who's singing his heart out for you.

- Don't forget that. - If only!

Look for him! Farewell.

Bye!

- Miss? - Milk.

- Grenadine! - Is it good?

- It's more cheerful. - I sure ain't drinkin' it!

No matter, I'll try it.

- I'm looking for a car. - New or used?

With driver, if possible.

What age bracket?

You're overworked, you need vitamins.

- Calves' liver. - Please!

Calves' liver?

Ask him.

- To the coast. - Here's your steak.

Are you going?

- I just got back. - Too bad.

- Too bad for who? - What's your problem tonight?

Eat before it gets cold!

- Please... - Sir?

- How much? - 620 f, including the call.

Thanks, gorgeous.

I'm sure Bernard would agree.

Don't worry, it'll work out.

Are you ready?

You're going to the Riviera, right?

Don't judge the man,

judge the car.

- How far are you going? - As far as the tank takes me.

- How much do I owe you? - Nothing.

What do you think?

- I'd jump at the chance. - Well?

You're wavering?

That's not nice.

I wasn't wavering.

You're wrong not to!

You should've wavered.

You can never be too cautious.

- No one ever told you that? - Yes.

That's what parents are for.

Poor kids.

Be wary of your parents.

Be wary of adults.

Are you scared, Miss?

- Not at all. - But you don't know me.

Know what a breakdown is, Miss?

I'm an expert, actually.

In the middle of the night, with a total stranger?

Not yet.

You're about to live the experience, Miss.

- Well? - It's kinda fun.

- Wait for me here. - No way!

As you wish.

Well, do you want to play along with me?

I'd be only too pleased!

When my car breaks down, girls usually get scared.

I'm not surprised, they're all the same!

There's someone there!

Relax, it's probably just a cat.

And ghosts stay inside at this hour.

Not a bad old chateau.

You can call from there.

Anybody home?

Anybody home?

Anybody home?

- Nope, nobody home. - Who set the table, then?

Kind of a meandering way to invite me to dinner, old boy.

Please don't call me "old boy."

Actually, I'm famished.

I know, I don't have any manners.

- Not dining with me? - I'm not hungry.

Come keep me company!

- Just a wing? - No.

A glass of champagne, then?

You won't play along, will you?

Don't be so sure!

Just explain the rules first.

- There are no rules. - How can one play, then?

- I'm the jester. - And I'm the queen.

- Why? - Why not?

I bring strangers here, young girls.

Then they disappear. Get it?

They disappear.

I kill them.

You think that's clever? You're easy to please.

I'm having some more champagne.

- You've ruined my evening. - Don't sulk!

I've never killed anyone, by the way.

- You don't say! - Until tonight, Miss.

- I've never been so exasperated. - Calm down!

I've got a headache. It's all your fault!

Put on a compress.

I think I'll have to...

I'll have to...

- You're nuts! - Wasn't it obvious?

Help! Help!

Édouard!

Édouard... Dear boy!

Mommy...

That's enough playing for today.

Go up to your room.

The lady doesn't want to play with you.

You'll punish her some other time.

She's not my type anyway.

Good night, Mommy.

Forgive him, he's not quite normal.

- I'd gathered that. - But he's harmless.

- You exasperated him. - Well, excuse me!

It's getting late, I had a room prepared.

- No, thanks. - Please stay!

There's no danger.

- Édouard... - It's you I'm scared of!

Thank you, sir.

Goodbye.

- Is the French Riviera that way? - Yeah, yeah.

What are those odd creatures?

- Those are posture chairs. - Meaning?

Ask the manufacturer.

I guess they're to improve your posture.

- You're a furniture salesman? - I try... Getting in or not?

I love these old bangers.

Glad to hear it.

Think we'll be in Valence in time for lunch?

Depends on what time you wanna have lunch.

- The usual time. - Then no, it's already 5.

- 5? How come? - It's a convention.

Like it's 11 in New York.

- You never drive faster? - Nope.

- You don't like speed? - Luckily.

- Why? - 'Cause this isn't a Jaguar.

You don't like Jaguars?

I do, but I'm 3 million f short.

That's what you'd need, a Jag!

- With some douche bag inside. - A douche bag?

An idiot from a good family with an Italian collar.

- What's your name? - Rameau, same as my dad.

Pretty! It could be a flower.

I never thought of that.

What'll you do on the coast?

- My name's Agathe. - So?

I feel peckish.

- This is delicious. - What'd you expect?

- Feel like going to the Riviera? - Is that an invite?

- I can't afford it. - No kidding?

I swear.

I could already imagine myself in a pedal boat.

Here I thought I'd picked up a millionaire...

- You're mean to poke fun! - Please...

Waiter!

- It's my treat. - Oh...

I owe you at least that.

Where's my bag?

I'll be right back.

OK, how much do I owe you?

- 4.20 f. - Keep the change.

- You already paid? - Yes.

Here's 1,000 f. How much was it?

I'll owe you 150 f. Remind me later.

It's not cheap.

Wait till you get to the Riviera.

- I'll sleep on the beach. - But what about the...?

You'll have to eat light!

- Is that impossible or what? - Depends.

- Where are you from? - De Panne.

- Where's that? - Belgium.

Then I guess anything's possible.

- Mind if I nap a bit? - No, it'll give me a break!

Hey, princess! We're in Valence.

- Where to now? - I'm going home.

- What about me? - To the Riviera, remember?

- I won't travel at night. - That's your problem.

- Someone tried to kill me. - I bet.

Laugh all you want, but it was a close call.

You're lucky I wasn't the murderer.

- You? - Yeah, what?

Can I sleep in the car?

So clingy! Come on, get out!

It's over there.

- Hello! - Hello, Mr. Rameau!

- Gabrielle here? - I'll go fetch her.

Go on.

Have a seat.

Gabrielle's great.

- Miss Gaby! - Coming, coming!

Mr. Rameau!

What, you adopted a girl?

It's the opposite, actually.

She picked you?

- I was hitchhiking. - That explains it.

- Where to? - The Riviera.

Must be a shortage of shrimps over there.

- Nice of you to stop in Valence. - Not by choice.

- Rameau's choice! - I wasn't going any farther.

What a devil!

- Drop it, will you? - It's middle-aged lust.

He wanted to show you a local attraction.

That's me, Gabrielle!

But what do I care about the kids Rameau picks up?

I won't develop a false pregnancy!

Don't get jealous!

- Why not? - But seriously!

Can you see us together?

Keep it coming!

You haven't seen anything yet!

- No, Rameau's a good man. - Forgive the slight, then.

Girls your age all prefer cute boys.

- What are you drinking? - What you're having.

- Three pastis. - Coming up, Gaby.

- Don't know if you'll like it. - You can get used to anything.

- Even to Rameau. - If I'm in the way...

- Don't be silly! - Well...

To be fair, he never had ulterior motives.

- I even paid for lunch! - That's his specialty.

I did too, the first time.

He even kept the change. Did he do that too?

- I didn't notice... - Doesn't matter.

I'll have another.

- He played businessman. - What're you talking about?

He can be fussy, but he's very reliable.

- Come, now! - When I had appendicitis...

- Please, you don't know her! - Do you know her any better?

- It's not the same thing. - It is, Rameau.

It's life.

Except there's no second chance.

You pick up a waif, but you got Gabrielle at home.

- Lucky me! - Maybe you are.

Look, she fell asleep.

She's not in on it.

- Mind if I turn it off? - No problem.

- Where'll we put her? - In your room.

Good thing you picked her up.

We'd never have gotten to talking otherwise.

We may not say certain things, but we still think them.

A fine pair we make.

Take her shoes off.

Hand me some pajamas.

- They'll be too big. - Then she'll be comfortable.

I didn't wear one at her age.

Here.

Never mind.

No good-night kiss?

You nuts?

Say, Rameau...

Why don't we head down to the Riviera too?

Not during high season, but maybe one day...

- For a vacation. - A young lovers' tryst?

- No, old lovers. - Still deeply in love.

Get your toothbrush.

- Where are we? - Aix-en-Provence.

I thought you two were married.

But he sure is handsome, no?

- Where are you going? - To the Riviera.

- Quite the undertaking! - Why?

The Riviera is huge.

- I just need sand and sun. - How original!

- Where are you going? - Whaddaya think, Bill?

- I'm game, Sheriff. - Wanna team up?

- We're looking for a hotel. - Not me!

- We're not attached at the hip. - A good hotel?

And inexpensive.

- Know where to find one? - Obviously!

Let's go!

- You coming? - I'm going to the Riviera.

- I'll take you. - What've you got to lose?

- Scared? - No!

Then hang on tight.

- What's going on? - Nothing.

The engine needs to cool down.

Come and visit the area.

- Why'd you bring me here? - I don't like riding alone.

Beautiful, huh?

But deserted.

- Come sit by me. - I'd rather stand.

Let go of me!

- Want a puff? - I don't feel like smoking.

I've had better...

Don't think you can get away from me!

- Go ahead, run! - Help, help!

Wait for me, sir!

Wait for me!

Let's hurry!

He's the one who wanted to give me a lift.

- You didn't need to agree. - Very funny!

What if this is my prince charming?

I was lucky you came by.

I'm the one who's lucky.

- Who was that guy? - How would I know?

Still!

- Do I know you any better? - I'm different.

I sure hope so, I've had it up to here.

And it's about time I got there.

Where?

Dunno, to any old beach.

- Ever been to Cassis? - No.

I think you'd like it, I can give you a room.

- A nice one? - It's mine.

How direct!

Where are you from?

None of your business!

Have you got a name?

I won't tell you.

I'm Agathe.

I'm Jean-Claude.

- We're not by the sea! - It's low tide!

- You lied to me. - Not at all.

- Don't you smell it? - No.

You don't have a sailor's nose.

- Why? - The concierge.

Evening, Jean-Claude.

- Evening, Mme Annette. - Evening, ma'am!

- What? - Nothing!

Good night.

- Are you nuts? - I meant no harm.

- What are those? - Brushes.

My father makes them.

I try to sell my share.

Never go to university!

Scrubbing brushes for floors.

Classic, dependable, good for any job.

But that's not for you.

Nylon nailbrush.

Novel,

modern,

revolutionary...

...and so soft.

A gift.

Hairbrush.

Made with boar bristles.

A rich woman's brush.

A gift.

I almost forgot!

Toothbrush.

Rich in crystals.

Night... and day.

A well laid-out plan.

You didn't earn this one!

- Hungry? - Not really.

Do you like cassoulet?

Poached, scrambled? Eggs mimosa?

Fried.

- What're you looking for? - Butter.

Got any oil?

- No oil. - This kitchen is a wasteland!

- Hard- or soft-boiled? - Soft-boiled.

- What about that cassoulet? - I'm not hungry anymore.

Careful.

Do you love me?

Feel like having coffee?

Get dressed, we'll have breakfast outdoors.

- I can make you one. - No time, I gotta run.

- What time is it? - 6 o'clock.

You don't work that early! Everything's closed.

It's because of my concierge.

If it's because of me, I don't care.

I'm not allowed to have visitors.

- That's stupid. - That's the way it is.

I don't wanna lose this place.

- Two cafés au lait. - And croissants.

Yes, Miss.

- Want some jam? - And butter.

Why'd you take my bag?

I can't lock the car.

- I'm running late now. - Do you regret coming?

Of course not.

Wait here, I'll call work.

Waiter!

- Yes, Miss? - How much do I owe you?

- He paid when he left, Miss. - I know.

- Where's the sea? - There.

- Quit kidding! - I'll tell you.

Straight ahead, first street on the left,

when you get to the intersection...

Waiter...

- She's gone, sir. - I can see that, but where to?

I'll tell you.

Agathe!

Sorry, I couldn't stay.

Coming? Let me take you.

Do you love me?

- Yes? - I could try.

Mad at me?

It was getting serious. It made me nervous.

Do I make you nervous?

Much worse than that.

I like you.

Took you long enough!

I liked you right off.

- We'll go on a honeymoon. - To Capri!

No.

I got great news today.

Dad named me head of sales for the north sector.

- We've moving to Lille. - You gotta me kidding me!

- It always rains there. - Exactly, it's great for sales!

The region is well-off, clean.

Brushes, brooms, feather dusters...

We'll make a killing.

But what about the sun?

It takes two to appreciate it.

We'll leave tonight.

I've got a few things to see to, and we're off.

- Coming into town with me? - No, I'll stay in the sun.

I'll wait for you here.

I love you.

Jean-Claude!

Hurry back!

Don't dawdle, the water's cold in September.

We'll come back and spend our vacations here!

Translation: Edouard Blinn Épilogue