Original subtitles

Geoff.

(SOBBING)

Geoff.

(SIGHS)

Geoff!

DANNI: That's me, Danni Sposato.

You know, people say your wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of your life.

I'm not so sure.

(WOMAN SPEAKING IN ITALIAN)

Sweetheart, you're gonna... You need to use more. Just a little more flour next time.

All right, Mom. More flour.

Good. Good. Good. Good.

God, I can't believe I'm getting married.

(CHUCKLING)

I remember the first time I met Geoff.

I went to early mass one Sunday and there he was.

And he was just so...

So into it, and he looked so sweet and... I just about died.

I don't know...

Do you remember the first time I brought him home to meet you?

I do. I remember him.

You remember. Do you remember, Grandma?

Danni is asking you, do you remember?

Do you remember Geoffrey?

Yeah.

With the bad breath.

You know, Grandma, I'm marrying Geoff in three days.

Bad breath and all.

Well, that's a heck of a lot of work.

Does he have good hands?

You can always tell a man by his hands.

Breath you can fix, but hands you can't.

Your grandpa has beautiful hands.

I hope that your sisters are gonna eat this pasta.

It's gonna be perfect, Mom. Come on.

DANNI: Growing up, my older sister Niki was the smart one.

She got straight A's and was the class valedictorian, which got her into Harvard.

And on top of that, Niki was also beautiful.

Oh, and talented.

Then there was Chrissy.

Chrissy was always getting into trouble.

Maybe she just wanted to be different from Niki.

She was always skipping school, or, when she went,

she'd end up in the principal's office.

Mom and Dad were constantly at the school

to talk about her bad grades and her bad behavior.

And then there was my youngest sister, Toni.

By the time she was 10, Toni realized

she had to outdo Chrissy as the family rebel,

so she started her own rock band.

Bite me!

Toni would belt out Joan Jett and Hole in our living room,

turning her amp up really high so we were all sure to hear her.

I don't know, maybe we all spent those years just struggling to be heard.

(ITALIAN SONG PLAYING ON RADIO)

(SINGING IN ITALIAN)

Hey, Santo! Santo!

(SPEAKING IN ITALIAN)

What, Pop?

This need more shit.

(MUSIC BLARING ON CAR STEREO)

What did you do, go and get a Buick?

Hi.

It's your granddaughter. Your granddaughter. Chrissy.

It's my granddaughter!

Hey, Chrissy!

Hi, cutie.

Oh, my God! Hi, Chrissy!

How you doing?

Geoff. Hey.

I'm good. How's my dad been treating you?

It's okay at the store?

Yeah, things are good. He's getting old, you know.

Holy shit, is that real?

Oh, my God, it's beautiful!

Not as beautiful as the one that's wearing it.

Thanks, Daddy.

SANTO: Who's that?

Wonder Woman. Who do you think?

Chrissy. Chrissy... Chrissy, it's your...

(SQUEALING)

Niki! Oh, my God!

God, you're skinny!

You're skinnier than you are on TV.

It's 'cause the camera adds 10 pounds.

Hello. Everybody, this is Marty, my manager.

Hello, family.

Hey, guys, it's the Sposato Family Special!

With Ma's homemade sausage gravy.

Danni, you're really going all-out here.

Yeah, we spent all day slaving over this.

Everyone help yourself. Look at this. Plus the band.

What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?

Danni, why don't you help me in the kitchen?

Mom, what do I keep telling you about the women-waiting-on-the-men thing around here?

I got it.

Thank you, Geoff.

Okay. What?

Oh! Okay, an Italian mother says,

"If you don't eat your food, I'll kill you,"

and a Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat your food, I'll kill myself."

(ALL LAUGHING)

Nicoletta, you have a boyfriend?

SANTO: Mama...

That's Christina. Chrissy.

Oh. Yeah.

I got the baccala and nuts.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

And... I got the smelts.

What's smelts?

Oh. Try one. They're great.

Okay.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(STAMMERS) Do you got a boyfriend or don't you?

No, Grandma. I do not have a boyfriend.

Really?

That one... She got a boyfriend there.

And Danni. Danni found a love, too.

Yeah.

Well, I have more important things to worry about, okay?

Like a company to run.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Why is he talking in Italian?

We're in America now, don't you know that?

Okay. Danni, you're gonna say grace.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Well, I guess I just wanna say

how much it means to me to have you guys here.

And I couldn't get married without you.

I just hope Toni gets here soon.

I'm really excited to hang out with you and spend time with you.

And it means the world to me for you to get to know Geoff better.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

And thank you, Lord, for this home-cooked meal.

Maybe it's God calling you back, right?

MARTY: Hello? No, no, no. Not Long Island, Rhode Island.

Yeah, where the guy spent half his term taking bribes and half giving them.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Look, I'm in the middle of an intimate family dinner here.

Who's he talking to?

Mama, that's California.

California! Madonna mia.

Grandma, remember Niki's an actress.

She's on the television.

Oh...

So, Nik, how'd you get on Pacific Black?

Oh, um...

Well, it started a few weeks after I met Marty.

He became my manager, and he's the best.

And he got me in to read for the casting director.

There were, like, 1,500 girls up for the role.

So, um, I kept going back in.

I kind of had an edge because they wanted somebody who was smart.

I'm happy to see you're taking advantage of your 120K Harvard education, Niki.

CHRISSY: Very impressive. Guess who's here...

(MOTORCYCLE ACCELERATING) I, um...

I went in and I had to read in front of 10 producers and all the network executives,

so it was this room just filled with pressure.

You got it, though.

So, you guys are gonna stay at my new place in Watch Hill, right?

I don't... Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

What are you gonna do with two houses anyway?

One's an apartment, Mom. And we can't exactly all stay here.

Why? What's the matter with here?

Hi! ALL: Toni!

Everybody, I want you to meet my friend Amy.

ALL: Hi, Amy.

Who's that little boy?

His name's Amy, Grandma.

Hi, Nik. I don't know you.

Hi. It's nice to meet you.

(WHISPERS) Is your sister a lesbian?

I think so. Yeah.

Hi, Grandma. Hello, sweetie.

How are you? I'm bene.

SANTO: It's good of you to show up.

TONI: With so many groupies, we couldn't get away, you know.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

ALL: Salute.

(PIANO PLAYING)

(SINGING IN ITALIAN)

(ALL SINGING)

(PLAYING PIANO OFF TUNE)

(PIANO THUNDERING)

You're a goddamn disgrace, you know that?

I'm not your little kid anymore...

Get out. Get out... you can push around whenever you want.

Come back when you have some respect, okay?

TONI: Amy, let's go.

Um, it was really nice meeting you guys.

Welcome home.

(SEAGULLS CAWING)

(HONKING)

Hi, sweetie. Good morning.

Good morning. How are you feeling after last night?

Dad's never gonna change, is he?

He's just excited to see everyone, that's all.

Wait, hold on. My baby's coming with.

What happened to our binding time?

You mean our bonding... Whatever.

I want you to get to know Marty. He's really important to me.

(GRUNTS)

Good morning, Marty.

Morning.

So what do you think of Chrissy's little beach cottage, Marty?

(CHUCKLES)

She's got some good taste. I like her Basquiat.

And those... Those blot paintings were pretty cool.

Yeah, well, I guess.

I've never really been into that stuff, but Chrissy's wicked proud.

Oh, yeah, you think?

Do you remember we used to sit out there on the beach

and wonder who in the world got to have houses like these?

Yeah. Hooray for Chrissy.

So, are you from LA, Marty?

Yeah. Yeah, born and raised.

Okay, tell me. Do you guys have those parties, you know,

with movie stars and paparasi or...

(LAUGHING)

Paparazzi.

You mean paparazzi.

You know, stuff like that.

Yeah, it's part of the job, Dan.

DANNI: Cool! Who do you guys know?

MARTY: Who don't we know?

Do you know, like, Schwarzenegger?

Yup. Wow. Stallone?

Uh-huh.

But they're movie guys. Television's where it's at.

Television just reaches so many more people, Dan.

Well, you know, I mean, I guess if you think about

all those hours people spend in front of a TV, just...

Exactly.

Like you.

NIKI: Where are we going?

Come on. Terranova's? Any relation to Tom?

(CLEARS THROAT)

NIKI: Wasn't this Palermo's Drugs?

Hey, Tom.

Danni.

Hi, Niki.

(CELL PHONE RINGING) NIKI: Oh, um...

Um, this is Marty. What is it?

How's it going, buddy?

Fine. How are you? All right.

Isn't that your job?

So, uh, you girls hungry?

Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

MARTY: I can't talk right now. I'm sitting down to breakfast.

Niki!

Hi! Hi, you guys.

You look so skinny.

Oh, my God.

(ALL CHATTERING)

Your hair's so long!

Like we didn't know you were going places, Miss Most Likely To Succeed!

It's good to see you.

The jacket!

Niki, I am so sorry.

I have no idea how they found out you'd be here.

It's fine.

I guess I'm not the only one who's glad you're home.

Oh, thank you, sweetie.

(DANNI GIGGLING)

Here you go.

Buon appetito.

Oh, can I get a bottle of water for the table... Flat, if you got it.

Yes. Coming up.

This was always his dream.

Some people shoot for the middle.

(HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I love the ocean.

It is so powerful and then so peaceful.

I like it more when it's rough.

Oh, that's 'cause you're rough, right?

At least you try to be.

Look, if you feel like you have to act like this big rebellious bitch

while you're home,

that's fine, but I think it's a waste of time.

And don't use me as one of your props.

TONI: Are you kidding me?

How fucking cliche.

(HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

That's right.

You like that? Mmm-hmm.

Good morning, chicas.

You didn't touch my papers, did you?

Papers?

Excellent.

(EXCLAIMS)

Hello, vacation time.

Everybody enjoying my castle?

Yeah.

TONI: Beats staying at Mom and Dad's.

I don't think that would have been an option for you last night, sweetie.

Yeah I know, I really wish Dad would just fuck off and leave me alone.

Relax.

What, you like the guy now?

Why wouldn't I? I'm finally living up to my potential.

I'm gonna go get some more weed.

So, uh... What do you, um... Amelia, is it?

Amy.

I'll play out with your sister.

She's so amazing.

You should really hear some of her original stuff.

So we play out local, you know, around Providence.

Yeah, there's a really cool scene there now.

Toni, what the hell are you doing? What happened to Phil?

Amy's rooted. We share something real.

Real?

What do you care?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

How're we doing, Guy? We still up?

Pull yourself together, Guy. Which one?

So short more of it. Get your average up.

God, I just feel so wicked nervous, you know?

There's just so much to do.

Everyone's coming over to cook their own specialties for Saturday night.

And I have to be really calm, you know. Are you gonna eat that?

Oh, yeah. You can have as much as you want, sweetie.

And then Mom and I have to meet the florist.

What kind of flowers are you gonna have?

Pink. Pink roses.

And then Geoff's gonna come over

after he finishes up closing the store so we can meet with the priest.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, it's perfect.

I just hope I can still fit in my Mom's dress.

I mean, jeez, it's already tight as it is.

That is so cute. You're wearing Mom's dress.

I know, right? What else am I gonna wear? It's so beautiful.

Girls... You almost ready?

I got that... Got a conference call at 11:00.

Then I wanna check out these famous beaches of yours.

Dan?

Mmm.

Okay.

Just let me pay for breakfast.

No, no, no. Breakfast is on me, please.

That's all right. I got it taken care of.

It's on me. Thank you.

It's nice to see you, Tom.

It's good to see you, too, Nik.

GIRL: Niki!

I guess they liked it.

(TONI PLAYING GUITAR)

Hey, guys. Whatcha playing?

What do you want to hear?

Do you know, Let Me Call You Sweetheart?

Oh, yeah, we rock that one all the time.

I'm sure Grandma does.

AMY: Play it for your sister. Come on.

♪ Let me call you sweetheart

♪ I'm in love with you

♪ Let me hear you whisper...

You're just gonna have to fire them up, man. We've got this guy for months.

Don't stop.

We weren't planning to.

♪ Let me call you sweetheart

♪ I'm in love with you

MARTY: No, wait!

♪ Let me hear you whisper... Are you kidding me?

Hey. How was breakfast?

Did you meet Tom's new girlfriend?

Chrissy! CHRISSY: What?

Niki obviously doesn't care about him anymore.

So, who would like to throw around the old pigskin?

I better get going.

Do you need any help?

Jesus Christ! Toni.

DANNI: No, no. It's really all right.

It's just enough knowing you guys are all here.

All right, then we'll see you at 2:00.

Okay, how about Chrissy and I,

versus the bunch of you.

Great.

♪ I never worry about the rain

♪ It's gonna come anyway

Come on, come on, come on!

(GRUNTING) ♪ Throw water on my face awake

♪ Today Today is the day to play

♪ I got the sun up in the sky So high

Oh, yeah. I got it. I got it.

♪ And it'll be until I die Goodbye

♪ And how I live My little life

You suck!

♪ It all doesn't matter To the sky at all

♪ Catch the ball

♪ And I don't know What's around the corner

♪ I just know What I can see from here

♪ And I let go Follow the flow of the river

AMY: That's right!

♪ To wherever it goes

♪ I choose the people that I meet, just like

Let me have the ball.

♪ When things are getting Strange like today

♪ I wouldn't have it Any other way

Oh, yeah. (WHOOPS)

♪ I'm driving down my own road, alone

♪ I grab hold of the wheel I can feel ♪

What's the matter, sore loser?

Don't you wanna play?

ANNOUNCER: Coming from Boston, it's Garcia. Lifetime career batting average 412...

Excuse me. Hello.

My daughter says we absolutely...

Geoffrey, let me see you out back.

All right. I'll be right there.

Okay? Thank you. That's great. Thank you.

Something wrong?

I wanted a minute with my new son-in-law, that's all.

You're the first one, you know.

And believe me, with all my girls,

I always wanted to have another man around the house.

Here, take the keys.

What's the matter? You don't want them, huh?

No, no. I want them.

I didn't expect them for a long time, though.

You know, these last couple years, you've been so good to me.

You've been like a father to me.

You're a good kid, Geoffrey.

And Pepe's gonna be very happy that we keep the business in the family.

Well, I'm gonna make him proud.

I'm gonna make the both of you proud.

We are proud. Here.

These are the very fancy ones from the Dominican Republic.

(MUFFLED) Puff. Puff.

Good.

Good.

Sit down in my office.

NIKI: Tom!

Think you can still beat me?

Hey. Hey.

What are you doing on this side of town?

What are you talking about?

This is the same path you and I always used to run on.

It was really good seeing you today.

Yeah. It was good seeing you, too.

So, how are things at your sister's?

Good.

Yeah?

Is, uh, Marty your boyfriend?

Yes.

What about you? I hear you have a girlfriend.

Girlfriend?

Yeah, Chrissy said you have a girlfriend.

No, I've been... I'm gonna kill her.

Way too tied up at the restaurant.

It's overwhelming, actually. It's...

But everybody in town has been more than supportive.

Yeah, it's beautiful there.

I gotta tell you, you... You really inspired me.

Just knowing you back then.

When we broke up, you were so dead-set on chasing your dream.

Whatever happened to that?

What do you mean?

Your dream.

Tom, I... I'm on a TV show.

Haven't you watched it?

I've tried.

You know what? Why don't you hang out with my dad and not watch it.

Can I tell you the truth? Man to man?

Sure.

The girls used to respect me.

They loved me. I was a hero.

I could tell by the look in their pretty little eyes.

Then they... They started to grow up.

They got mad at me.

Then mad at each other.

So now, everybody's mad.

Not Danni.

Danni I feel bad about.

I tried to get through to her to get out of Rhode Island

so she could see what the world's like.

No, no. Hey, I don't mean that.

She was always the happiest kid.

And now she's the one that loves me the most.

They all love you.

They're lucky to have a father who cares so much.

They just don't show it as good as Danni does.

(CHUCKLES)

(WHIRRING)

Hand me that flour, will you?

What time are you gonna go to see her, Grandma Virginia?

As soon as we're finished up here.

Ooh, we better hurry up if we're gonna change our clothes.

What are we gonna change our clothes for anyway?

It's a wake. She's dead already.

Hey, I thought we were only making the desserts.

You guys, this is too much.

I told you not to go crazy.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

What are we gonna do, eat catered food at the wedding?

Terranova's isn't exactly catered food, Aunt Speed.

AUNT SPEED: It's a restaurant, ain't it?

The family ain't gonna eat that kind of stuff. You know that.

Only the Americans. They don't know the difference.

I thought you loved Terranova's.

The Sposatos always cook and bake for their own weddings.

Honey, it gives them pleasure, so let them do it.

Where are your sisters?

Well, I told them not to come. It's crazy enough here as it is.

When's the others getting married, huh, Dan?

You tell them they better do it quick if they want

Aunt Minnie's pizzelli cookies.

I ain't gonna last that much longer.

What are you making, Danisa?

I'm making a big cake, Grandma.

I see. How come?

'Cause I'm getting married, remember?

To the guy with good hands.

Yeah. Yeah. With the breath?

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

It makes me so sad.

Grammie. I know.

Just hope when she stares off like that, she goes someplace nice.

♪ I'm getting married to the prettiest girl Geoff!

♪ In Westerly...

He gave me the keys! Oh, my God!

(SCREAMS)

AUNT MINNIE: He gave you the keys!

How beautiful!

Don't hurt yourself.

Here's your scarf.

Oh, I'm all set. Thanks.

What are you doing?

This'll be the first time one of us can get laid officially.

The least I can do is record the historic event.

Chris! Where's the little lesbian?

I don't know. She said she was meeting us here.

(BAND PLAYING A SLOW SONG)

Where do you want it, baby?

How about right here?

I'll give it to you there, honey.

You ain't never had it before.

I don't think so, honey.

I... I'll clean the table with your ass.

Oh, let's do it! Come on!

Break it up! Break it up!

(SINGING)

Mamma mia, you're Santo's little one.

What the heck happened to you? Hey, Phil, get over here.

You see the big guy? Yeah.

Boy, is he in for a surprise. Phil!

Who's Phil?

Are you still causing trouble?

Hey.

Hi.

Thought you were gonna be too big to play in this shithole anymore.

I go where they listen.

Hi.

Hey.

Nice to meet you, too.

I gotta go.

(BLESSING IN ITALIAN)

(ALL CHANTING)

The Lord grants that Danisa and...

DANNI: Geoffrey.

JULIA: Geoffrey, Geoffrey. Right.

That they... they begin to live in the sacrament of marriage, uh...

And may they share this bed as the token of your gifts of love.

And, uh, dear Lord,

please bless Danni so she will be a good wife and mother,

caring for the home,

loving and faithful for her husband.

And kind and generous, carrying his name with honor.

Mom...

Women don't carry their husbands' names anymore.

(GASPS)

Is that really what you want, Danni?

It would make me proud to be like Mom.

(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)

Fine.

(CONTINUES CHANTING)

Amen. ALL: Amen.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

AMY: It seemed like the bed blessing was important to Danni,

and I can't believe you just blew it off like that.

Come on, baby, let's not talk about my fucked up life

or my fucked up family anymore.

Look at it up here!

Oh, my God. It's awesome.

(TONI WHOOPS)

So cool!

You gotta stop holding on to your baggage.

We've all got baggage.

Life is about letting it go, you know. So we can be here now.

Do you think you can do that?

I can try.

Do you know you make me crazy sometimes?

You want to roll?

Hmm?

E. I got white Buddhas.

Oh, yeah?

Mmm. I feel like I could blow off into the Universe.

Kinda puts things in perspective.

Hey, shit for brains, shut up and listen to me.

My dog likes to pee every morning at 7:00 a.m., so...

If you show up at 7:15, 7:30, chances are Elvis has already pissed in the house.

You better get with it, kid.

Hi, baby. Hi.

Oh, how was the, uh, that bed-blessing thing?

Oh, it was, um...

Honey, if you wanna go home to LA, you can. Really.

What are you talking about? I'm having a great time.

Oh, yeah, I can see that.

Your family's kind of fun.

Kind of fun?

Yeah. Your mom's an exquisite cook, your sisters are cute

like you.

Marty, I brought you here because I wanted you to meet my family.

Because I thought maybe it would help you understand where I come from.

Uh-huh.

Marty, I thought that it might help us.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. What... what time is our flight on Sunday?

Party!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHOOPING)

Okay, who's next? Who's next?

Chrissy. Chrissy, this is your opportunity.

Get out of here. I'm all set, thank you very much.

Go, bring that little tough guy over here.

No! Put me down! (MUMBLING ANGRILY)

You're beautiful, you know that?

Move.

PHIL: All right. TONI: Fuck it.

(WOMAN GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS) Yeah, one, two, three, four, five...

(WHOOPING)

ALL: (CHANTING) Danni! Danni! Danni! Danni!

MARTY: Guys, guys, guys! The show's starting!

Let's go! Come on!

MARTY: Come on!

Are you okay?

Yeah, Marty. I just don't wanna watch the show right now.

MAN: Oh!

DANNI: Oh, yeah.

Those aren't real. Hey, hey... Wait, wait, wait!

(ALL CHEERING)

DANNI: Niki!

Niki! Come here!

(INCOHERENT CHATTERING)

Oh, man. You're hot. You must work out like a madman.

She does. She works out all the time.

I know, right? Wish I could look like that.

Why? You're beautiful the way you are.

Okay, I'm gonna take Tower 18.

Right. I'm gonna go check out those hot guys over there.Vera.

Just kidding, Officer Daisy.

You know what I like best about this show? The storyline.

What storyline?

That's her point, dick head.

(ALL LAUGHING)

MAN: Seriously. Are her tits real?

DANNI: Yes, they are.

CHRISSY: No, they're not.

Backup to Tower 18. I've got a 4-11 in progress.

Copy that.

The problem won't go away by ignoring it.

You should watch it with me.

We'll talk about it later.

Santo. What?

I've listened to you. I've respected you in this for too long.

But you don't want to talk about it.

You're always doing the right thing, the girls are fine.

She was always so smart.

So... So put together.

She should be running the country, not parading around on television half...

I'm talking about all the girls.

You shut Niki out, you threw Toni away...

Chrissy's gotta act like a man... We can't keep pushing them.

They're adults now. They... They have the right to be free.

All we can do is love and support them.

You keep saying "we." Stop saying "we."

You mean me.

Isn't that right? Isn't it?

No. I fell short.

I put your needs ahead of theirs.

How dare you blame me for every goddamn thing...

I'm responsible!

That goes on wrong in this family?

Hey.

A little too much for you, too?

Yeah, it's pretty fuckin' embarrassing.

No kidding.

That's not even acting. That's...

When's she gonna step up, man, and start taking herself seriously?

When are you gonna start taking yourself seriously?

Here we go.

I know, Chrissy.

You're the big success story, okay?

I know.

Actually, my fund's getting crushed this year.

A lot of people have lost a lot of money already.

I even had to sell my apartment.

Really?

Oh. Who gives a shit?

I'm gonna quit in a year anyway.

Leave it to the other millions of freaks on Wall Street.

I thought you loved your job.

I lied.

(LAUGHS)

What about this rap you keep giving me

about getting my shit together and going back to college?

Toni...

You have a gift that nobody can take away from you.

Okay?

People love to listen to you sing.

Don't cop out on me, all right?

Come on, you guys! Come on!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Looks like we're gonna go skinny-dipping, I think.

Let's do it! Come on!

♪ Now my back is to the wall

♪ Now my heart is not in me

♪ Now let's see What I can find

♪ I wanna get out I wanna get out

♪ So take this time

♪ To imagine life without me, Honey

♪ When all your threats I've realized ♪

CHRISSY: Hey, sell-out! We're gonna do the dresses. Get in here!

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Are we filled?

Right. I know. It's totally outdated. Right?

I keep telling her it's not healthy to have sex with only one guy for your entire life.

That's why the divorce rate's so high in this country.

Okay, enough small talk.

Call down to the floor and get me a look on letter "T."

So I guess Dad's just gonna disappear every time I come over.

It's fine with me.

I think I'm gonna get a boob job. What do you guys think?

Baby?

Baby?

You wanna know what I think?

Baby?

Baby?

I think you need to grow up.

I think you're so busy trying to be cool and provocative

that you're, like, stuck at age 15.

I think that you are selfish and narcissistic and a bitch.

I am so sorry that I won't be able to be here for your big day, Danni.

And since your sister won't bother telling you,

you're an example for all of us.

You are kind and generous and truly beautiful.

When I first met you, I actually envied your recklessness.

And your guts.

But it's all a fraud.

You don't care about me.

You never cared about me.

I fell in love with you.

And you were just using me to get attention.

You're leaving?

Amy! Wait!

I do care!

What about all those orgasms you had?

Look, it's Santo's little one!

I faked them.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, Daddy, I love that movie.

I wanna be just like her.

Well, one of these days, Nicoletta. One of these days you will.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

Here.

To the next Sophia Loren, huh? You gonna make them cry?

You're gonna make them laugh and share, share your deepest feelings.

I'm gonna change the world.

That's right, baby doll. You sure are.

Did I ever tell you how my dad used to take me

to the Italian movies at the old Knickerbocker Theater?

Of course.

You used to love Fellini,

and... (WHISPERS) De Sica.

De Sica. Is that right?

Yeah.

Well, I walked by there today

and I remembered why I wanted to be an actress in the first place.

I think once you make a bad choice,

you don't notice when all the other ones just kind of slink in afterward.

Let me cook for you.

Yeah.

I think it's either there or maybe just where we're at,

but it's like drying out my skin on my face.

It is. Maybe.

Can you see?

You were the guys that ordered the martinis.

Excellent. Thank you.

So, do you like boats?

Not really, but it's the only place in this shithole town I can get a decent martini.

They begged me to join.

They know I'm a big swinging dick on Wall Street.

Oh, right. Right. Right. Yeah, you're playing with the big boys.

I'm winning. My fund's at 100 mil after two years.

Most guys it takes like 10 years to get to this point, if they ever do.

That's... That's beautiful.

You're amazing.

That's not a turn-off for you?

No. No.

On the contrary, it's a novelty.

I'm used to dealing with actresses who melt down

if I don't tell them what to do every second of the day.

Oh, and then telling them how great they are at doing it.

How are things going with you two?

You mean, between your sister and me?

Well, to be honest with you,

I think she's kind of going through her own thing right now.

I'm feeling a little unnecessary.

Join the club.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(MAN CHATTERING ON RADIO)

Grandpa, I got no idea what you're talking about, eh?

Babe Ruth.

Babe Ruth. All right.

Where'd your sisters go, sweetie?

To Looney Land. Who knows?

I just really wanted everything to be perfect.

Well, God wanted the world to be perfect, but He gave us free will.

What, Ma?

You can hope that people will do what you want them to do.

You could even try to change them.

But in the end, they do what they wanna do.

Where's Grandma?

(LUIGI SPEAKING ITALIAN)

I got us some nice tomatoes for the gravy.

If Mama's so fine, what's she doing in Luigi's garden?

It looks like a piece of art.

Well, it's food, so eat it.

Oh, God. It looks good.

Mmm... Mmm.

Mmm, mmm. That's good.

Come on.

Oh, my God.

Just like old times, huh?

Yeah. Except now you're living your dream instead of just talking about it.

Well, you could be, too.

You don't even know, Tom.

LA is such a lonely place.

When I first got there, I was banging on all these doors

and I was meeting all these people, hoping that somebody would...

Would see something in me, but they didn't.

So, what? So, I changed, okay?

And it's really disgusting when your fate is in everybody else's hands but your own.

No. No, no, no. Niki. Your fate is never in anyone else's hands.

Unless you give it to them.

You're the same Niki you were 10 years ago.

You're so smart and talented.

For whatever reason, you've just convinced yourself that you're not.

It's not that easy, Tom.

Marty was the first person who was ever even there for me.

Right.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Looks like nobody's back yet.

That's okay by me. And how about you?

Say, have you seen my bedroom yet?

(CELL PHONE RINGING) Oh, is that you?

No. I think that's you.

This is going to be

the most special night of our lives.

Hey, come on, now. Not in front of the linguine.

Hey. What's the matter?

Nothing. Hmm?

I'm just feeling a little worried, that's all.

All right, you wanna check them?

No. About my sisters.

I just wish they could be a little bit nicer, you know?

And I know I should just love them and accept them for who they are,

but I just don't. I can't.

I'm starting to think my whole family is impossible.

Your sisters are a little loony, but you're lucky.

Your mother and father love you more than anything.

Oh, God, you just don't understand.

Yeah, I don't understand.

You know the one time I remember my father being there?

It was my little league championship game.

Bottom of the ninth, and I step up to the bat.

The crowd's cheering.

I look over, and there's my swearing, drunk father in the crowd.

And I struck out. Lost the championship.

Then, after the game, he comes over, and I'm with all my teammates.

And he calls me a fuckup.

So, believe me. There's hope with your family.

TONI: (SINGING) ♪ Something's...

♪ Something's on its way to me

♪ What will I become if I'm now those on the run?

♪ Those on the run

♪ Something's on its way to me

♪ It's gonna smash my guts to the wall

♪ But I don't mind

♪ 'Cause I think it's time to be looking at the truth of it all

♪ I'm lost as I've ever been

♪ And moving my heart to my skin

♪ I'm killing the girl That hated the world

♪ And I'm being what I've never been

♪ What will I become if I'm now one of those on the run?

♪ What will I be If I'm suddenly free

♪ Of this gun I carry for fun?

♪ What will I become if I'm now one of those on the run?

♪ What will I be if I'm suddenly free

♪ Of this gun I carry for fun? ♪

So, I'll see you tonight, right? Dinner?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess, since I'm cooking it.

Shut up.

All right.

Thanks.

Okay.

You're right. He doesn't give a shit about me. Who am I kidding?

And, yes, I'd forgotten how, how honest this is.

We are.

It's just that I have shit that I have to take care of, first, I mean.

I just... I want you to know. I better go.

I just... I just want you to know.

Marty?

Marty?

Yeah, baby. I'm in here.

Taking a bubble bath.

Oh. Marty, put that out.

Where have you been?

Oh, I was just helping Danni longer than I thought I would be.

I've been trying to get a hold of you like crazy.

I got some really big news for us.

What?

Sit down.

(CLEARS THROAT)

The network wants to do a spin-off of Pacific Black,

and they want you to be their star.

Not Pam, not Britney, not Cindy, but you, girl.

Are you kidding me? No, I am not kidding you.

Now, what have I been telling you for the last two years?

What have I been telling you for the last two years?

Oh, my God. Come on.

What have I been telling you?

That's great. That I was gonna be a big star.

Was I right or was I right?

You were right.

Come on, get in this bathtub.

I can't. Sweetie, I got to take a shower. We're gonna be late.

No, no, no. Wait. No. Wait a minute.

I got you something.

I was thinking about us, and how happy I am to be with you.

And I got you a little something-something.

What is it?

It's a gift.

(WHISPERS) Marty.

Oh.

Marty, I need something more.

(MARTY CHUCKLING)

This is Rhode Island. There is no Tiffany's here.

No, I mean, from a relationship.

What?

You just don't get it.

(EXHALES)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

How're you doing, sweetie?

Can you fix my hair? It just looks really gross.

So you haven't figured out how you're gonna wear it for tomorrow?

Geoff likes it down. He says I'm naturally beautiful.

Well, why wouldn't he?

Oh, come on, Mom.

Oh, sweetheart, you are so beautiful.

Yeah, I know. I know. I'm beautiful inside.

It's just, Toni and Chrissy and Niki, you know,

they all know about sex,

and so they just seem so much sexier.

I don't know. Tomorrow night's almost here, and me and Geoff have waited

a really long time, and I...

I don't know.

What if I...

I don't please him?

I was a virgin when I married your father.

Men used to talk about sex.

You know, brag about it in the locker room.

I didn't talk about sex.

Not even with my mother, my sisters, not even my friends.

Your father and I, we were... We were very Catholic.

We didn't want to sin.

So, I remember I was so nervous.

All during my wedding reception, I kept on thinking,

oh, what's gonna happen later that night?

And then your father took me in his arms and he kissed me.

I thought, "What was I worrying about? It was all for nothing."

What's it like?

Oh, it's magic. It's sharing. It's a connection.

It is a joining of souls.

It's lovely.

You don't feel guilty for enjoying it?

Oh! The Church is wrong about that, Danni. No!

No matter what goes on in your life,

at night, when you close your bedroom door,

your marriage bed is a sanctuary.

(SIGHING)

Your father and I, we've been through so much,

and when I go to bed at night, I still like to look sexy.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

You just relax, huh?

Trust.

(SIGHS)

Hey! Hey!

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

I told you, we don't eat restaurant food.

The Sposatos don't eat the catered food.

To my new daughter.

Everybody drink.

DANNI: Bottoms up!

Paparazzi.

Santo, you need to get your little rockstar out of there now.

Hey, Tom. You look good. The place is wonderful.

Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

Niki.

Hi. Hi.

Do you remember Marty? Yes, of course. How are you?

This is a really awesome spread.

Thanks. It's especially made for couples in love.

Yup! That's you guys.

Hi, Mama. You look beautiful.

So do you. Thank you.

Hey.

Well. All right, everyone. Everyone, please.

Everyone, let's sit down and have a dinner. Okay.

Geoffrey, Geoffrey, have you...

Hey.

What happened to your friend?

I was being a jerk, so she left.

It's their loss, anybody who leaves my little kid.

Come on, let's go eat.

Come on.

(CLINKING)

CHRISSY: Yes?

I just wanna see which one of the sisters is brave enough to start us off with a toast.

I don't know if I'm the bravest, but I am definitely the oldest.

All right, ladies and gentlemen. The not-so-brave Niki Sposato.

Niki. Come on, Niki.

Okay, listen.

So, I would like to say that since I've been home,

I've realized what is important to me.

And watching you and Danni together has made me feel jealous.

To be able to just live so simply.

I'm not surprised, because you were always the smiling one and the easy one.

I mean there were those couple of years with the Ferraro sisters,

they were calling you "Fatty" and "Fanny," but...

Okay.

Clearly there are no signs of that now. You're so beautiful.

And, Geoff, it is very apparent to all of us

that she's found strength in herself through you and through your love.

I just wonder how it feels to just love somebody like that.

To just trust that that person

is the person that you're gonna be with for the rest of your life.

To just say that and to mean it.

To you guys.

WOMAN: Salute! ALL: Salute!

(ALL CHATTERING)

No, no, Marty, Marty. Come on, baby.

Marty, no...

Twinklebell wants to make a toast.

MARTY: Thank you, Auntie...

Speedie.

Thank you, Auntie Speedie. Thank you.

Before we get into this, like, whole wedding affair,

I wanted everyone to know we have a double occasion to celebrate.

Because of her amazing success on Pacific Black,

the network has decided to offer Niki, Officer Vera,

her very own TV show.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

So here's to the girl I love.

Officer Vera.

Salute.

(ALL CHEERING)

DANNI: That's great.

Hold on a second, huh?

Great.

Before we toast my daughter's life away,

I got a question for the Hollywood-hotshot here.

What kind of man is it that has the girl he loves...

(WHISPERING) Sit!

Parade around on television without any clothes?

Oh, with all due respect, Mr. S., your daughter is an amazing success.

She's wealthy, she's amazingly talented, and she's famous.

I mean, what more do you want?

(CHRISSY LAUGHING)

Well, again I ask you.

What kind of man has my little girl parade around on television

without any clothes?

I know, Daddy.

A man with a very, very small penis.

Oh, Madonna!

Chrissy!

Did she say little penis?

No, she said he has a small penis.

Oh! They're gonna burn in hell!

I mean, come on. I need to say it like it is!

Were you with her? Were you with her?

You were right. Your whole family's fucking nuts.

(ALL GASPING)

SANTO: Come here, you.

NIKI: No. Listen, stop.

TONI: Stop, Dad. Dad.

You, come here.

(GIRLS SCREAMING)

You know what? That's it! That's it!

God! All my life you guys have made me feel bad

because I love to be at home in Westerly with my family.

And when you were mean to me

or you made me feel stupid,

or you ignored me, I tried not to judge you.

And I pretended not to be subconscious of it.

And now I found a man that I love.

Who I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with.

And I'm gonna make my own family with.

And I wanted you all to be here.

So, maybe, we could take the good times and forget the bad.

Oh, but I'm an idiot!

'Cause you don't care about me!

You'll never care about me!

You're never gonna care about anyone but yourselves.

So you know what? Just go. Go on!

Go back to wherever the hell it is you came from.

Go back and hide in your big fucking important lives.

I don't need you in my wedding and I don't need you in my life.

And you know what?

Just so you guys can stop worrying, I'm not simple.

Or pathetic.

I'm actually really...

I'm really happy.

(GRUNTS)

Where we going, pumpkin?

You know, I'm not sure. I didn't exactly plan this part of the wedding.

But you just give me a few seconds. I'll figure it out.

Okay, honey.

Marty...

Your dad just punched me in the jaw.

Yeah, I know. You know what? It's over. So... So, get out.

Fresh car.

You really are a cunt. You know that?

Toni, let me out of the car. No.

Let me out of the car!

What are you gonna do? You gonna walk?

You're not getting out of the car.

Toni.

I'm pulling over.

Chrissy, wait. Wait! I need to know something.

Why do you hate me so much?

I don't hate you, Niki. I don't give two shits about you.

No, Chrissy, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this!

The avoiding and evading and lying!

What? What is it?

Do you have any idea what it feels like to grow up after you?

Do you? No.

You had it so fuckin' easy!

Mom and Dad thought you were so perfect and I was such a problem!

Just because I didn't get straight A's and win every fuckin' award!

Chrissy. It wasn't that bad, okay?

You don't have to fuck my boyfriend.

Wasn't that bad...

What are you...

We can't... Yes! We can.

Where's my dress?

It's at Chrissy's, remember?

Okay, well, who needs it?

What about your family?

Screw them!

What about my family?

I'm...

(GRUNTS)

(MIMICS CAT)

(GRUNTS)

How many did you get?

Yeah, we're gonna need more than that. Go. Now. Hurry!

(GIRLS SINGING IN ITALIAN)

IRENA: Okay, girls.

(CHEERING)

You know what I'm starting to realize as I get older?

That maybe our dreams don't come true.

I mean, maybe we wouldn't even want them if they did.

What am I doing with my life?

Look at me, I'm holding on so tight to this childhood dream of being a star.

And I'm acting like a, like a total bimbo,

just to even, like, hold on to this little...

Like, maybe, that's gonna get me there, you know?

It's ridiculous.

I think that Mom and Dad,

they put this in my head. It was, like, their dream.

Like Dad wanted to make himself bigger or something, you know?

Okay. Well, then, by that logic, they're dying for me to be a rocker?

I don't know, Nik. I think our dreams come from us, you know?

You got to hand it to them.

I mean, they said we could be anything we wanted.

CHRISSY: Nik?

I didn't go through with it.

I didn't sleep with Marty.

I really do admire you, Nik. I just...

Sometimes it makes me crazy.

It was such a beautiful party.

(LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

Good morning, pumpkin.

So, how are you feeling?

No. No! No! It wasn't a dream.

Why? Oh, my head hurts.

From the champagne or your family?

Was I really having a meltdown at my own rehearsal dinner?

Yeah.

And I really just sent everybody home?

Guess I didn't want a traditional wedding anymore.

Oh...

But don't worry.

I called the priest, and he's meeting us at the university church in an hour.

We can still get married.

We don't need all those loonies at our wedding.

Just the two of us.

(SOBBING) Okay.

(DANNI RETCHING)

No matter what, it's still our wedding day.

And I am still the luckiest guy in all of Rhode Island.

Take your hair down.

You look beautiful.

(SIGHS)

Come on.

I got to see you in that dress.

Geoff.

(SOBBING)

Geoff?

(SIGHS)

Geoff?

(SCREAMING)

(CHATTERING)

You're both getting married today.

Thank you.

We are gathered here today

to celebrate the joining of two souls very much in love.

Geoffrey David and Danisa Ann

are saying their sacred vows of holy matrimony.

With Jesus Christ our Lord as their witness,

Geoffrey and Danisa become a single thread

in the great fabric of the universe.

Their vows are forever.

Together, their love symbolizes

the great bonds of love we all have for one another and for Christ our Savior.

She's wearing my dress.

Do you, Geoffrey David, take Danisa Ann to be your lawfully wedded wife,

to have and to hold for richer or for poorer,

in sickness and in health, till death do you part?

I do.

Thanks.

And do you, Danisa...

I do.

(ALL LAUGHING)

All right, then.

By the power vested in me by the state of Rhode Island,

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Geoffrey, you may kiss the bride.

DANNI: People say your wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of your life.

Well, it's just the beginning.

♪ You're a nobody Till somebody loves you

♪ You're nobody till somebody cares

♪ You may be king you may possess the world and its gold

♪ But gold won't bring you happiness when you're growin' old

♪ The world still is the same you'll never change it

♪ As sure as the stars shine above

♪ You're nobody till somebody loves you

♪ So find yourself somebody to love

♪ The world still is the same you'll never change it

♪ As sure as the stars shine above

♪ You're nobody Till somebody loves you

♪ So find yourself somebody to love ♪

♪ Something's on its way to me

♪ It's gonna smash my guts to the wall

♪ But I don't mind

♪ 'Cause I think it's time to be looking at the truth of it all

♪ I'm lost as I've ever been

♪ And moving my heart to my skin

♪ I'm killing the girl that hated the world

♪ And I'm being what I've never been

♪ What will I become if I'm now one of those on the run?

♪ What will I be if I'm suddenly free

♪ Of this gun I carry for fun?

♪ When the dawn delivers the day

♪ I will still be awake

♪ Packing all my anger away in a bag

♪ That I will drive into a lake

♪ What will I become if I'm now one of those on the run?

♪ What will I be if I'm suddenly free

♪ Of this gun I carry for fun?

♪ What will I become if I'm now one of those on the run?

♪ What will I be if I'm suddenly free

♪ Of this gun I carry for fun?

♪ What will I become if I'm now one of those on the run?

♪ What will I be If I'm suddenly free

♪ Of this gun I carry for fun?

♪ What will I become if I'm now one of those on the run?

♪ What will I be if I'm suddenly free

♪ Of this gun I carry for fun?

♪ What will I become if I'm now one of those on the run?

♪ What will I be if I'm suddenly free

♪ Of this gun I carry for fun? ♪