Original subtitles

♪♪

[ Screaming ]

Steve: I've been a lot of things in my life.

I've been a bank robber and a prisoner,

but being a shaman is my calling.

Ayahuasca is a schedule‐I narcotic,

the same as heroin and LSD,

but it's not a drug, it's medicine,

and in my church, it's a sacrament.

We can do in two days what conventional therapy

may take years to do,

but only if you are willing to step in to the pain.

♪♪

I am living proof that ayahuasca can help anybody.

Ayahuasca changed my life, and I don't say that lightly.

20 years ago, I was a serial bank robber.

I was a stone‐cold criminal, car thief,

and everything in between.

What started my odyssey was a bank robbery that went wrong

and that I got caught.

That's what landed me in a cell

with a little brown man named Guadelupe in federal prison.

At that time, I did not know he was a shaman.

I remember when he told me about ayahuasca,

I was like, "Aya‐what?"

I got out of prison, and months later,

I get this box with all these weird markings from customs,

and I open it up,

and it's a 2‐liter bottle marked "dog shampoo"

with a two‐word note, "Be careful."

I told my wife,

"When I shut this door to my garage,

I'm gonna lock it."

I said, "Don't matter what you hear, don't you dare open it."

It's me, a candle, a 2‐liter bottle of ayahuasca

that I have no clue of what's in it,

and I'm an atheist.

And all of a sudden, that first cup,

I started to feel it course through my body.

The first time I interacted with some presences,

I thought I was just tripping,

but this was something different.

This was a portal.

From that day on, everything shifted for me.

I said, "I got to learn how to make this.

I got to learn how to do this."

And that is where my real transformation

into a shaman began.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

I found a Native American church

who wanted to get into ayahuasca,

and they ordained me a shaman.

And from there, I set up a physical location

in a place that was a dry county

where you couldn't even buy a beer,

and I'm slinging the strongest psychedelic known to man.

Under Aya Quest Native Americas Church,

ayahuasca is our sacrament.

No different than wine is to the Catholic Church.

This is a family operation.

Teri, my wife, Nick, my stepson,

are the backbone of our organization.

We always have to be mindful that we are in the Bible Belt.

We're in a conservative, Christian area.

A lot of people here are not open to anything they hear

that remotely hears the word "drugs" attached to.

Nik: Some people see it as voodoo.

They see it as witchcraft, and that's simply not true.

We're just people helping people to help themselves, really.

Steve: People are coming here to be saved, to be healed,

and we give it to them.

Man: I'm a drug addict,

and I've been shooting heroin for eight years.

Woman: My depression started when I was a teenager.

Man #2: The church that I grew up in was a religious cult.

Woman #2: I was date‐raped.

Man #3: Seasonal bipolar disorder.

Woman #3: Complex post‐traumatic stress disorder.

Man #4: I'm an alcoholic, for sure.

Woman #4: I have a pretty big past with opiate addiction,

and I'm ready to rise above that.

Steve: You know what that anger is?

That's when you take a shot of poison

hoping somebody else dies,

and that's what you've been doing to yourself.

Man #5: I developed a dependency to opioids,

and I saw what I was doing to my family.

Ayahuasca is the ultimate healer.

I have not had a craving since.

And that to me... And there's the chills.

That, to me, saved my life, honestly.

Steve: Now, you have some zealots out there who feel that

for whatever reason, we're doing something against God.

Rather than having our ceremony interrupted,

there is times we have to move the location

of our ceremonies to clandestine sites.

♪♪

Teri: Since we're not using our own place,

we've had to get a different location.

It is out near a large lake in the woods.

In doing that, we are having to cleanse and bless the property.

We're going to reset a ceremony room.

And we're going to do that so that we have good energy

to have good ceremonies.

[ Tlawil singing in native language ]

♪♪

Steve: I have apprentices who help us in our ceremony.

One is Tlawil.

She comes from a long line of shamans.

Her father is a shaman from South America,

and she brings unique traditional perspectives

to the ceremony tonight.

♪♪

♪♪

Taylor: My sex addiction, it kind of started a while back,

but I didn't realize it was manifesting

until I would find myself needing sex.

I would wake up days and just...

I have to go get that release.

I need that. It's just like a drug.

Like, the more sex you have, the more sex you need.

The more orgasms you get, the more orgasms you need.

It's like...It just wrapped me up so quick.

♪♪

I used Craigslist for a while.

I got on Backpage and looked for guys on there.

I joined Bluegrass Connections, which is a sex club in Kentucky,

and that wasn't conducive to my lifestyle.

It's one thing to have a sexual appetite.

It's another thing to have your lifestyle

built around your sexual appetite,

and that's where I found myself.

I've just really done everything I could to try

and feed that beast, and it just got bigger.

I'm really hoping I can get to the bottom

of the cause of my sex addiction,

and if it doesn't work like that,

if it's not just a cut, dry answer kind of thing,

I would just like to take the next step

in my spiritual journey and my healing journey,

so that's why I'm here.

♪♪

Jose: Why am I here?

I'm here because there is so much emotions,

so much feelings stuck inside of me.

In my childhood, I was not able to express love,

or even my teenage years, I was not able to express love.

I wouldn't even be able to cry, you know?

Part of that had to do with a lot of the family issues

that I have with my dad.

Things like that really affect you.

Just to not be able to, like,

express yourself whenever you want to,

and now with certain people in my family,

I can't say I love you.

You know, I can't... Something else gets stuck here,

and it's very hard for me sometimes to just,

like, be able to love, completely love,

to completely empty myself.

Once the ceremony is over,

I'm hoping to get in touch with my emotions

more instead of ignoring them.

Teri: All right.

So we are going to head down this way.

So if y'all would like to follow me.

For this group, we have

Summer and Taylor, who are both coming from Kentucky,

and we have Jose, who is coming from North Carolina.

You can tell quite a bit about a person

when they walk through the door, body language,

you know, whether they're talkative,

whether they're with the group or holding back.

Taylor, one of the first things

that she put on her bed was a teddy bear.

That signified to me that she was a very hurt

and scared and broken little girl.

With Summer, I see someone who is in their own head

and maybe doesn't know how to get out.

Summer: Knowing that the ceremony is about to happen,

I'm very nervous.

I've had trouble with depression for years.

I'm hoping to leave behind my self‐doubt, insecurities,

fear and anger.

How y'all doing, man? I'm Steve Hupp.

Nice to meet you. ‐Taylor. Nice to meet you.

‐Jose. ‐Jose.

Nice to meet you. ‐You guys are matching.

‐Summer. Nice to meet you. ‐Nice to meet you, Summer.

Steve: I see you've met my team.

You know, the main thing for you tonight is relax.

Don't resist.

And that means trust the medicine, trust us

and trust Mother Aya and trust yourself.

You're gonna do this.

You're gonna fly your own soul,

and that is incredibly powerful

and, at times, incredibly frightening.

The one thing Teri and I,

or anybody on our side of the table,

hate to hear in the middle of an ayahuasca experience is,

"Make it stop," because there is no making it stop.

Only time makes it stop.

I can take you to the emergency room.

There is no anti‐ayahuasca shot.

The only thing that's gonna happen

is you're gonna be strapped down

and an empty stomach is gonna be pumped,

and it's gonna be painful,

and you're still gonna be tripping.

I'm just saying so when you're in your journey,

if things are becoming a little unnerving,

just breathe, focus on your breath, relax.

Now then, to let you know there is nothing in this brew,

I drink it every ceremony.

I drink one small cup to let everybody know

there is nothing in here

that I won't put in my body on a regular basis,

and I've been doing this for 16 years.

I'm 52 years old.

So, bottoms up.

Ooh, that was good.

Teri: So, we're gonna go ahead

and we're gonna start with our first dose.

Our goal tonight is to just get you

where you're having an experience

but nothing that you can't manage.

You know, if you need more, don't be afraid to ask.

I am going to give you yours.

‐Thank you. ‐You're welcome.

‐Go ahead? ‐Shoot it, girl.

Summer: I took the sip, and it tastes so bad.

It's a lot like really bitter burnt coffee

with maybe alcohol in it or something.

I'm not sure.

It's an intense flavor.

Steve: When you're ready to go to your bed, just say,

"Hey, I got to go."

Taylor: As soon as they were starting to pour it,

I was like, "I have to go to the bathroom," like,

"This is too much." I was shaking.

I think it was just that I was nervous.

It all just hit me at once, like, "This shit is happening."

I'm about to face this.

[ Crying ]

Every time I'd open my eyes was me trying to snap out of it.

Like, "Don't make me feel this right now,"

and she just kept going.

O0 C1 ♪♪

Teri: The journey tonight with the group is going very well.

They've just kind of slid right in,

and down there doing their thing.

♪♪

Steve: Many people has asked me who is Mother Aya.

Could I draw you a picture of her?

No.

But I have felt her cradle me in her lap so many times.

Mother Aya is a divine presence.

She's a spirit.

She is an energy.

And ayahuasca is the chemical portal to Mother Aya.

Ayahuasca is a hallucinogenic tea

made with plants from the Amazon,

and it is the strongest psychedelic known to man,

but this isn't like LSD.

Ayahuasca is a portal to your inner self,

your subconscious, and through that portal,

you are gonna meet a goddess we call Mother Aya.

When your journey first takes off,

you may feel euphoria until boom,

the spike hits, and the purge begins.

You may laugh.

You may cry, and you may do both at the same time.

You may puke or shit, but each of those purges

are a physical manifestation of an emotional release.

That's when you truly find healing.

♪♪

Teri: How are we doing over here, sweetie?

Starting to feel it some?

‐Mm‐hmm. ‐Okay.

‐I'm feeling a lot. ‐All right.

Then I'm gonna leave you alone

and let you feel, sweetie, okay?

‐Okay. ‐Okay.

Teri: When someone is on ayahuasca, you know,

you kind of treat them like you would a 2‐year‐old, you know.

You watch them, and that's our job.

That's what we do is we just focus

on keeping them in a good spot

and making sure that, you know, physically they are good.

Summer: The sensations that I felt when it started to work,

I felt lighter,

like almost as if I was just connected

and a part of everything.

It was the most peace I think I've ever felt in my life.

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

About two years ago, I went through a very difficult breakup

that was directly after a miscarriage,

and that definitely made me spiral a little bit.

I just kind of lost it.

I was depressed for weeks.

It was hard to get out of bed.

It was hard to talk to people.

Most people don't even know about it,

most of my family members or friends.

It's just something that I've kept to myself for a long time,

and it's a part of my life that I really need to heal.

♪♪

Taylor: I grew up in Sonora, California.

I had two sisters and two brothers.

We were home‐schooled.

It was a pretty rough childhood,

but if I focus on the good, it wasn't that bad.

I was abused by two people who were supposed

to raise and nurture me,

and instead of doing that, they destroyed any semblance

of a regular childhood I had any hope for.

[Bleep] I don't want to do this.

[ Crying ]

My childhood and, like, the way I was raised,

and the interactions I have with my family

have sculpted me into what I think

is I'm a very good mom to my son.

My son is 3 years old.

He's amazing. He's funny.

He's charismatic. He's just my world.

For a while, I was really cautious about disciplining him

because I was scared I would cross that line,

and it would be too much, but if anything,

I think that that overawareness of that

has led to just the most beautiful relationship.

Like, he respects me, and I'm his best friend,

and I never thought that was possible.

♪♪

Teri: She wants you to be

the best you that you can be,

and I know you want to be the best you

that you can be for your son, and you will be.

You will be.

Steve: When I met Summer,

the first thing I kind of felt from her,

she has a very negative inner dialogue.

There was this kind of negative cloak

that she had self‐constructed

that you could feel that was inner woven in her aura,

that she approached life as if everything was gonna go wrong

rather than approaching life

that a lot of it was gonna go right.

Come in with us real quick.

What she's about to learn is that's her inner voice.

It's neither negative or positive.

It is whatever she wants it to be

if she becomes aware of it and takes control of it.

Right on out here.

♪♪

Have you ever heard of forest bathing?

That's what we're doing here.

That's why we have the trees all around us,

and the energy is coming,

being brought up from the Earth

really loud and proud.

So with that being said,

I'd like to discuss this negative dialogue

that you have that has kind of hampered your life.

I just don't have any confidence in myself.

I find it really hard to assert myself and...

Okay.

...most thoughts that I have, I'll say,

"Nobody is gonna care about that."

Or I'm not gonna do it, or...

Yeah. Or I can't do it.

...I can't do it. Okay.

Now, how old are you now?

‐25. ‐25.

You're just starting. You're just starting.

Go soft on yourself.

You're just now stepping into adulthood.

And who didn't make a lot of mistakes

in their teenage years?

When that inner dialogue that you have right now

and that conditioning takes over,

and the next thing you know you catch yourself

talking all that shit to yourself,

that's when you're gonna pause.

"That's who I was.

That's not who I'm trying to be,

and that's not who I am."

You're only 25 years old.

That's beautiful.

I want you to have a positive conversation

with yourself.

I want you to tell yourself

everything you love about you.

And I also want you to talk to yourself

about why you are worthy of love,

why you are worthy of support,

and why you are worthy of success in your life.

But I am gonna leave you alone here in this setting.

I want you to have this beautiful conversation

with yourself.

♪♪

Summer: As I was meditating,

I opened my eyes for a second and I looked down,

and I saw a little beetle scurry across the ground,

and I thought about earlier in the day

when I had had another interview.

One of the sound guys saw a spider walking across the floor,

and he put a bucket on it, and I thanked him

for not killing it because I don't kill bugs.

I don't kill anything.

And in that moment while I was sitting by myself,

I was like, "I find the life of a bug so significant

that I'll let it be, but I can't find myself

significant enough to let myself be."

And that was my breakthrough.

♪♪

The relationship with my father was like,

he was very abusive, especially towards my mom,

and my dad would threaten her to kill us, to kill her.

O0 C1 ♪♪

Tlawil: Three more breaths.

♪♪

Steve: Now, during the day after the first ceremony,

yoga is a beautiful mechanism to relax with,

and I think it puts them in a good place

of being in touch with their mind

and their body before going into night two.

Taylor: Last night was a little difficult.

The sex addiction thing, like, I really did come here

to find answers for that, you know.

Like, just where is it coming from so I can fix it.

Didn't even get touched.

Mother Aya, she made me purge all my crying,

all my sadness, all the emotions

I hadn't felt or allowed myself to feel all at once.

Bring up the spine so the messages

goes fluently to your...

Every time I would open my eyes was me trying to snap out of it,

like, "Don't make me feel this right now,"

and she just kept going.

Stuff I had been holding back for years,

stuff I hadn't even taken the time

to realize was hurting me all washed over me at once,

and it was like I expected to vomit,

and I would have rather shit my pants

than cried in front of that many people and cameras,

but it felt so much better.

Tonight's gonna be a bitch.

Jose: When I first took the first drink,

I felt a little excited.

I started feeling, like, some sort of relaxation.

You know, my muscles started feeling more relaxed.

I couldn't stop smiling at first.

I was like, "Okay, the room is turning pink.

Okay, I think it's beginning, you know,"

and everybody came to mind, you know,

my sisters, my brother, my mom.

I'm originally from Mexico.

I've been living in North Carolina for about 19 years.

The relationship with my father was like...

[ Sighs ] It was tough.

He was very abusive towards my brother,

especially, my mom.

I got to taste a little of that, and it wasn't very good.

He was very controlling, and my mom wasn't happy those years.

When she came here to the United States,

for her to grow the courage to say,

"No, I don't want this anymore. I need to leave."

Because any time she would try that,

my dad would try to, like, threaten her to kill us,

to kill my grandparents, to kill her.

He was ‐‐ He was very frightening, you know.

We couldn't show when we were sad, when we were depressed,

when we were going through something.

Have to be straight, have to be strong.

I don't feel like I have gotten that breakthrough

that a lot of people talk about.

Tonight, I'm hoping to get my socks rocked on pretty much.

You know, I really want to feel that turbulence, you know.

I really want to feel like I'm getting out of my comfort zone,

you know, like I don't want to control anything.

I just want to go deep into myself

and just have that breakthrough.

Steve: We got to quit meeting like this.

[ Laughter ]

How is everybody doing today?

‐Good. How are you? ‐Very good.

The second night, we strive for a deeper experience

than the first night.

The first night is like a warm hug.

We want to introduce you to Mother Aya.

On the second night, we increase their dosage,

and the brew is stronger,

and the experience is much more intense.

The second night, I take them to deep water,

and it's time to swim.

Taylor: Mother Aya just bombarded me

with the most dark and tremendous experiences

and past traumas that I had suppressed.

I felt what I saw and that... It was terrifying.

O0 C1 ♪♪

Teri: I'm gonna have you come with me.

We're gonna take your cup.

‐Okay. ‐And if you could,

would you take your teddy bear with you? Yeah.

Steve: Tonight, what we're gonna do with Taylor

is go to what caused this addiction

in a way that she's not gonna see it coming,

and Teri is phenomenal at this.

I also feel Taylor will open up much deeper

with feminine energy.

With Teri, it's gonna be an honest communication

because Teri, like Mother Aya,

ain't gonna let you believe your own bullshit.

Steve: Please tell me what you can tell me

about this teddy bear.

How long you've had it?

‐20 years. ‐20 years.

My mom gave him to me when I was 3.

His name is Snuggles. ‐Snuggles.

I feel like he's been through more than I have.

I knew soon as I seen you pull this Snuggles

out of your bag that this was gonna be an integral part...

Yeah, man.

...of your story and your healing.

See, up until this point,

Snuggles has been a symbol of security for you,

and I'd like to help transform Snuggles

into a symbol of freedom.

You see, when I was in prison,

there was no more of a secure place,

but I wasn't free, and I wasn't happy.

So security is not always the best thing to seek.

Freedom is the real choice.

With that, I'm gonna leave you all to chat

in front of Snuggles there.

‐Thank you. ‐You're welcome.

You know, the first thing that popped into my mind

when I saw you unpack your bear

was that you had a very broken

and scared little girl that you were protecting.

And while you can't go back

and change the things that happened,

you can accept them for what they are,

and you can heal that little girl that way.

That's why I'm here.

My father was a horrible alcoholic,

horrible alcoholic up until the time

I was 8, 10 years old.

And, you know, in my child's mind eye,

if I loved him a little more,

if I did this, if I did that, you know, I could fix that.

And that followed me.

I found myself being drawn to people

who were [bleep] up in that same way.

Like, "Well, if I fix them, it will fix it."

Exactly.

And then I came to the realization

there is no fixing it.

There is accepting it.

There is forgiving it, and there is forgiving yourself

because there was nothing you could do about it.

You're okay. You're okay.

Yeah.

Addiction comes from trying to mask,

trying to cover...

Bucket please. Thank you.

Feeling a little nauseous?

Yeah. I'm definitely gonna puke.

‐That's okay. ‐Just a matter of when.

Well, I am going to get you a tissue

just in case before you do that.

I'll have somebody grab me one.

Teri: When Taylor threw up, to me, it was a good thing,

and for her, you know, she purged a couple of times.

Beautiful.

You know, if we're touching nerves,

we're getting things up.

We're getting them out,

and that's what you really want for them.

♪♪

Thank you.

You're welcome, baby.

♪♪

♪♪

Taylor: When I first entered into, I guess,

what I would call my trip or my journey,

I started to see just a little glimpse

of what I assumed was my past lives,

or maybe like some kind of ancestral, like, just peeks.

I saw my own ankles in chains.

I saw myself standing,

and, like, I felt what I saw, and that...

It was terrifying, but I needed to feel this.

I needed to see this.

And then Mother Aya just bombarded me

with the most dark and tremendous experiences

and past traumas that I had suppressed.

I did have some embedded memories

that I had not been old enough

to even be able to form in my head.

Throughout my whole life, I've had issues with my parents,

so I assumed I had suppressed a memory about them

and that they had done this to me, and it wasn't them.

So she gave me the memory.

And just to have that answer as to where all this hate

was coming from and where all this anger,

and, I just...

I know where it's coming from now,

and maybe I can heal it and work from there,

but it just... It was so surreal.

It was just so crazy.

Jose: I can't...

I don't have the words to explain what happened.

Whew. Powerful shit.

O0 C1 ♪♪

♪♪

Steve: Jose, would you like to come with us for a minute?

Jose is like a stallion

that I think you're going to have to hold back.

The first night, he was confident.

He was ready to charge, and at times,

he was gonna be the teacher.

And I will let you be the teacher because you know what?

I know I'm not the teacher.

I know they are, and that's what I have to allow him

to find out on his own.

Steve: Jose, I would like you

to get connected with your breathing.

Like, some of that breath work I was watching you do

in the ceremony room there for a while.

Jose: Yeah.

[ Breathing rapidly ]

[ Inhales sharply ]

[ Exhales deeply ]

How does that feel on ayahuasca

to do that type of breath work?

It's beautiful.

It's like, "Whew."

Kind of to go through your childhood with me

a little bit.

Were you closer to your mother or your father?

I was closer to my mom.

‐Okay. ‐My mom was my teacher.

She was my father at times when she had to be tough.

I am who I am because of her.

Just, you know...

Well, that's a beautiful thing to say.

And I really admire her.

Could you tell me a little bit about your father?

My dad was, I guess...

I remember a lot of pain from him, you know.

He was... He was a, you know...

I'm gonna say it.

He was an abusive man, you know. Okay.

He was a very, very abusive man,

and he wasn't very loving, you know.

It came from selfish reasons, from how I feel.

Of course it's my opinion, you know.

Right. Sure, obviously.

Have you forgiven him?

That's the thing.

I mean, what is forgiveness?

‐For me? ‐Yes.

Forgiveness is not allowing your past

to affect your present or your future.

Okay, so...

And to do that, that's part of letting go and forgiving.

It doesn't mean I have to have dinner with him.

Yeah.

Doesn't mean I have to call him on Christmas.

It doesn't mean I have to interact with him at all,

but I'm gonna let it go

so I'm not quantum entangled with that energy.

Now, I want you to take that energy

and release it into the universe.

So we're gonna scream,

and our sound is gonna shoot right up to the sky,

and it's gonna create waves like the ripples.

Okay.

And those waves are gonna cleanse.

It's gonna share what we're feeling.

‐Okay. ‐So it surrounds all the world.

‐Oh, that's beautiful. ‐All right.

I can't wait to see that.

Yeah.

Go right ahead.

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Both screaming ]

[ Screaming continues ]

♪♪

Jose: I can't...

I don't have the words to explain what happened.

I closed my eyes and I saw a lot of patterns,

still a lot of beautiful patterns,

a lot of Aztec and indigenous symbols,

and then I started getting, like, so much energy.

I was more self‐aware of my surroundings.

At first, I thought I was going crazy.

I'm like, "I'm going crazy right now," like...

What are you doing, man?

Man. I'm so sorry.

I don't mean to do this.

Really, really, I'm sorry.

After that, I just decided to, like, let everything be.

When I did that, I felt like something inside my chest,

like, uplifted.

It uplifted, and it just came down again, but it wasn't...

It was something different inside of me.

I mean, I don't know how to explain it,

but I just felt something right here.

They call it chakra, but I'm not sure what it is, you know.

It just felt like there's a point

in the middle of your throat that felt,

like, empty, you know,

because there was so much emotion,

so much feelings stuck here, you know,

but once you scream out to the sky,

I mean, everything was calm, you know.

I didn't feel anything. I felt free, you know,

and that was a beautiful experience.

O0 C1 ♪♪

♪♪

The repressed memories I did have surface were intense,

and it was therapeutic, very therapeutic

to just finally have answers.

Oh, it just... It all makes sense,

and I can finally go home

and take back the years of love that were taken from me

and share that with my mom, and it's gonna be beautiful.

I can't wait.

Jose: I'm feeling very good, relieved, happy.

I'm very happy.

It was just amazing.

It was amazing.

I want to talk to my mom, my sisters, and the first thing

I want to tell everybody is that I love them.

Steve: You had some powerful things going on.

You know, I'm still trying to understand it.

I'm sure.

But when I asked so many questions,

or like I wouldn't, like, stop talking,

she would cover my mouth.

She was like, "Shh, shh, shh."

‐Just be. ‐Just be.

Steve: Today, Jose is on top of the world.

Although he is still just a hair rattled, as he should be,

he had a deeper experience than he thought he would,

and it took a different turn for him

because he just knew he had the toolbox to control anything,

and that's when everything got flipped on him.

When he went to rise up with his little silly shit sometimes,

she just put fingers over his mouth like,

"Hush, child. You're here to learn, not to speak,

and I'm here to teach, not to validate."

Whew. Powerful shit.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Today, not yesterday, today,

and that's what I want you to think about on that ride home,

"What am I gonna do today with the rest of my life?"

Leaving Aya Quest, I feel happy and empowered,

and...[sniffles]

...it feels amazing to be able to say that I love myself.

It's hard to put into words the way that it feels,

but I don't think that I've ever felt better.

Thanks.

You're welcome, baby. I'm so proud of you.

‐Taylor, thank you so much. ‐Thank you.

Taylor: The main reason for coming here for me

was just to try and just figure out

where the sex addiction was coming from.

Like, it just wasn't making sense.

The girl that starved for that fulfillment

and that girl that chased down that instant gratification

didn't know what she was running from

or what she was trying to fill.

The woman that leaves here does,

and she's going to fix it...

hopefully.

Safe journeys.

♪♪

If anyone out there is curious

or has tried everything else, it's worth a shot.

It's definitely worth a shot.

For me, it was worth it and then some.

Summer: To me, ayahuasca is love.

It's the most intense love I have ever felt,

and it's also pain and sadness and suffering,

but those things are there so that you know

that there is joy and love and happiness.

Ayahuasca is balance.

Steve: If you think you're just gonna come, drink ayahuasca,

and you're good for the rest of your life,

and you ain't got to change nothing about you,

you're [bleep] up.

Wrong way of looking at it,

and you ain't never gonna get nowhere

looking for that magic pill.

This shit ain't lightning bolts.

There are the blessed few that get that,

but not the many.

The many are like me.

They have to work their way through it.

We're all in this together.

It takes my part and their part.

I can't quit. I won't quit.

The only way to stop this is kill me or cage me,

so catch me if you can.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

So life after Aya Quest has been great.

I am happy.

I love myself.

I have bad days.

Of course there are always gonna be bad days,

but overall, my life has been changed, for sure.