Original subtitles

[***]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

[LUDACRIS]: WELCOME TO TURKEY HOLLOW,

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

THE TURKEY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!

TURKEY HOLLOW IS A QUAINT LITTLE TOWN,

NESTLED RIGHT IN THE PODUNK SECTION

OF THE MOSTLY UNHIP AND EXCEPTIONALLY DAMP REGION

OF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST.

EVERY NOVEMBER,

TOURISTS FROM FAR AND WIDE DESCEND UPON THIS LITTLE TOWN

TO CELEBRATE A TRADITIONAL THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY.

AH, THANKSGIVING,

THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR...

UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU'RE A TURKEY!

WHAT? I DON'T GET A LAUGH TRACK?

COME ON, I WAS EXPECTING A LAUGH TRACK.

IT KIND OF TAKES THE PRESSURE OFF A LITTLE BIT.

STILL NOTHING?

[GRUNTS]

LET'S JUST CUT TO OUR MAIN CHARACTERS,

THE EMMERSON FAMILY,

WHO ARE APPROACHING THE TOWN LIMITS

AT THIS VERY MOMENT...

[WHOOSH]

]***]

[TIM]: WHOA!

ARE THERE REALLY MOOSES AROUND HERE?

UH, MOOSES?

UH, YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.

MEESES...

NO, THEY'RE INDIGENOUS TO UPPER PARTS OF...

YOU KNOW, MORE NORTHERN...

OH, YOU DON'T KNOW.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY WE HAVE TO SPEND THANKSGIVING

WITH SOMEONE WE BARELY KNOW.

BECAUSE AUNT CLY IS FAMILY,

AND, YOU KNOW, SHE'S FLESH AND BLOOD,

THERE AN INHERITANCE AT STAKE, ISN'T THERE?

LOOK, NOW THAT YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE...

UNATTACHED...

DIVORCED?

I THINK THAT WE HAVE TO MAKE A CONCERTED EFFORT

TO STRENGTHEN THE BRANCHES OF OUR FAMILY TREE.

DON'T YOU THINK THE TIME TO STRENGTHEN THE FAMILY TREE

ALREADY CAME AND WENT?

SAY, BEFORE YOU MOVED OUT?

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS TIM'S AGE,

WE SPENT ALL THE HOLIDAYS HERE.

IT'S A LOT OF FUN.

YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO HAVE

A GREAT EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW?

YOU GET TO LEARN

THE REAL MEANING OF THANKSGIVING.

OH, SO WE'RE HERE TO RIP OFF SOME NATIVE AMERICANS.

BANANA...

DON'T CALL ME THAT. I HATE THAT NICKNAME.

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, THERE'S THE SIGN!

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

WHAT'S WRONG?

MY PHONE!

I JUST LOST MY SERVICE

THE SECOND WE WENT PAST THAT STUPID SIGN!

OOH, THE GPS IS DOWN, TOO!

WHY DO YOU SOUND SO EXCITED?

WE'RE OFFICIALLY OFF THE GRID!

I'VE NEVER BEEN OFF THE GRID BEFORE!

THIS IS AWESOME!

CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE ME BACK ON THE GRID?

I LIKE THE GRID.

AW, COME ON, BANANA.

RRGH!

THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF PICK-UP TRUCKS AROUND HERE.

YEAH, LIFE MOVES A LITTLE SLOWER IN THIS TOWN.

LOOKS LIKE LIFE MOVED TO THE NEXT TOWN.

WHOA, SLOW DOWN!

WHAT IS THAT?

[RON]: OH, YEAH!

ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT GUY.

THAT'S THE LOCAL TALL TALE...

THE HIDEOUS HOWLING HOODOO.

THE WHAT?

THE HIDEOUS HOWLING HOODOO!

TEN FEET TALL, WITH RAZOR-SHARP CLAWS

AND FANGS LIKE A BARRACUDA!

SOMETIMES, ON THE BLACKEST OF NIGHTS,

YOU CAN HEAR HIM HOWLING

ON THE DARK SIDE OF THE SIEMPRE VERDE FOREST.

SO IF THIS IS THE BLACKEST OF NIGHTS,

HOW CAN IT BE DARKER ON ONE SIDE OF THE FOREST

THAN THE OTHER?

I'M JUST WONDERING.

AND SHOULD YOU HEAR

THAT HORRIBLE, HIGH-PITCHED MOAN...

RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN,

BECAUSE IF THE HOODOO GETS YOUR SCENT,

HE'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND EAT YOU ALIVE!

SERIOUSLY, NO ONE BELIEVES THIS STUFF, RIGHT?

HOODOO DOODOO?

[TURKEY GOBBLES]

DAD! DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD!

THE LADY WHO WORKS HERE, SHE SAID THE HOODOO IS REAL!

SHE SAID HE'S 10 FEET TALL, AND HE LIVES IN THE FOREST!

YEAH, I WOULDN'T PUT TOO MUCH STOCK

IN THAT STORY, KIDDO.

I THINK SHE WAS JUST HAVING A LITTLE FUN WITH YOU.

WELL, WHY WOULD THEY BUILD A STATUE

OF SOMETHING THAT WASN'T REAL?

LET ME EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WORKS.

SEE, THESE LITTLE JERKWATER TOWNS

ALL HAVE AN IMAGINARY MONSTER,

LIKE BIGFOOT, THE LOCH NESS MONSTER,

HONEY BOO BOO...

IT'S JUST TO SELL CRAP TO GULLIBLE TOURISTS.

LIKE HOODOO DOODOO?

YEAH, AND T-SHIRTS.

THEY HAD T-SHIRTS IN THERE?

[RON]: HEY, COOL, BUD!

HEY, DO ME A FAVOR...

DON'T WEAR THAT IN FRONT OF AUNT CLY, OKAY?

WHY NOT?

WELL, IT'S, UH...

IT'S A BIT OF A SORE SUBJECT.

YOUR UNCLE NED, HE WAS A LITTLE DAFFY,

AND HE CLAIMED TO HAVE SEEN THE HOODOO.

WAIT, REALLY?

YEAH, SO JUST, UH...

DON'T BRING IT UP, OKAY?

[TIM]: "EMMERSONS' ALL-NATURAL FARM.

HERBS, FLOWERS, AND ESSENTIAL OILS."

[TURKEYS CLUCK]

[TIM]: IT DOESN'T LOOK MUCH LIKE FALL AROUND HERE.

[RON]: WELL, THIS WHOLE AREA

IS CALLED THE SIEMPRE VERDE FOREST.

THAT MEANS "ALWAYS GREEN" IN SPANISH.

[ANNIE]: DUH.

[RON]: HEY, BANANA!

[ANNIE GROANS]

[RON]: HOPE SHE'S HOME!

[TIM]: WAS THAT A WILD TURKEY?

OR WAS IT AUNT CLY'S?

I DON'T KNOW, BUD. WE'LL HAVE TO ASK.

[ANNIE]: DO YOU THINK IT'LL BITE?

[TIM]: OH, I HOPE NOT!

WELL, THAT ONE MIGHT.

ALL RIGHT...

WELL... LOOK WHAT THE RAIN WASHED UP.

I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU, UH, GOT LOST,

OR YOU GOT A BETTER OFFER.

HEY, AUNT CLY!

IT'S, UH... IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, I JUST HAVE ONE QUESTION.

I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID ON THE PHONE, BUT...

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME,

SO WHY NOW?

NO ONE DIED.

WELL, I MEAN...

COME ON, IT'S THANKSGIVING!

-YEAH... -YEAH!

AND I TOLD THE KIDS I REALLY WANTED TO SHOW THEM

A TRADITIONAL FAMILY HOLIDAY, YOU KNOW,

LIKE WE USED TO.

HUH.

KIDS, SAY HELLO TO YOUR AUNT CLY!

-HI. -HI.

THEY GROW UP FAST. SO YOU MUST BE ANNIE.

LAST TIME WE MET, YOU WERE STINKING UP DIAPERS,

AND, UH...

AND YOU!

YOU WERE JUST AN ITCH IN YOUR DAD'S POCKET.

WELL, AUNT CLY, STILL SO COLORFUL.

MM.

[SNIFFS LIGHTLY]

[SNIFFS]

OKAY.

OKAY, YOU'VE BEEN FEEDING THEM MEAT, HAVEN'T YOU?

UH, MEAT? YEAH, WELL, SOMETIMES...

OH, RONNIE, I THOUGHT YOU HAD MORE SENSE THAN THAT.

I MEAN, I CAN TELL JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM,

THEY'VE BEEN EATING

BACON-CHEESEBURGERS AND HOT DOGS.

WE... WE'RE NOT VEGETARIANS, BUT, YOU KNOW, I...

BUT THAT STUFF IS NOTHING BUT HORMONES AND CHEMICALS.

THAT'S WHY KIDS ARE SO GOOFY-LOOKING NOWADAYS.

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE, TOO...

YOU CUT OUT ALL THE ANIMAL PRODUCTS,

AND THIS ONE

WITH THE GRUMPY LITTLE AURA THING GOING ON...

THAT'S GOING TO CLEAN RIGHT UP.

-[RON]: WILL IT? -[CLY]: YES. YES.

REALLY? WELL, THEN WE ARE HERE TO EMBRACE THE VEGAN LIFESTYLE,

AREN'T WE?

[CLY]: GOOD.

AND I KNOW FOR MYSELF,

I HAVEN'T HAD A BALANCED MEAL SINCE BEFORE THE...

MARITAL DISSOLUTION.

DIVORCE?

RIGHT.

HUH.

OKAY, THEN, LET'S GO INSIDE.

PLEASE WIPE YOUR FEET FIRST.

MY TURKEYS HAVE BEEN FERTILIZING THE DRIVEWAY, SO...

YOU RAISE TURKEYS?

GODDESS, NO! I RESCUE 'EM!

COME ON.

OKAY.

THIS IS IT.

THIS IS HOME.

WHOA...

THIS PLACE IS AWESOME!

WOW... IT'S EXACTLY HOW I REMEMBER IT.

WELL, AUNT CLY,

I LOVE WHAT YOU HAVEN'T DONE WITH THE PLACE.

YEAH, I'M NOT A BIG ONE FOR REDECORATION.

I JUST TRY TO GET THINGS RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

UM, WHERE'S THE TV?

I DON'T HAVE ONE.

SERIOUSLY?

SERIOUSLY.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN THEM.

DON'T BELIEVE IN THEM AS IN,

YOU HAVE A MORAL OBJECTION TO TELEVISION?

OR DON'T BELIEVE IN THEM AS IN,

YOU'RE UNCERTAIN OF THEIR EXISTENCE?

ANNIE, THAT'S ENOUGH.

WHAT ABOUT INTERNET?

OH, GOOD HEAVENS, NO. NO, NO.

I DON'T NEED THOSE ENERGY WAVES BOUNCING AROUND MY HOUSE.

THOSE THINGS GIVE YOU BRAIN TUMORS.

THAT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING

THAT I COULD PROVE WRONG WITH ONE GOOGLE SEARCH.

OKAY, HEY,

MAYBE THIS IS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY

FOR US TO UNPLUG, RIGHT?

I MEAN, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FAMILY TIME.

[CLY]: OKAY, WELL...

I GUESS YOU WANT TO GET SETTLED

AND TAKE YOUR COATS OFF.

UH, YOU KIDS CAN HAVE THE SPARE ROOMS.

ONE'S A LITTLE DRAFTY, THE OTHER ONE HAS...

A FUNKY SMELL THAT HAS YET TO BE IDENTIFIED,

BUT THEY ARE CLEAN,

AND I FLUFFED THE FEATHERBEDS, SO...

FEATHERBEDS?

UM... I'M ALLERGIC TO FEATHERS.

YEAH, YEAH, I'M NOT SURPRISED.

IT'S DUE TO ALL THAT MEAT YOU'RE EATING.

WELL, JUST PULL IT OFF,

AND I'LL HIDE IT IN MY ROOM.

GUESS YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO EAT.

UH...

I GUESS I'LL TAKE DRAFTY, AND YOU TAKE SMELLY?

OKAY.

[METALLIC SPRINGS CREAK]

[SNEEZES]

[***]

WHOA...

"JIBBERATOR."

$10,000?

"MAY 26, 1975.

"I'M NOW POSITIVELY CERTAIN

"THAT THERE IS SOME KIND OF STRANGE ENCHANTMENT

"AT WORK IN SIEMPRE VERDE,

SOMETHING THAT DEFIES RATIONAL EXPLANATION."

"AUGUST 19, 1975.

"MYSTERIOUS... 'BURBLE'

"FROM THE WESTERN SIDE OF THE FOREST.

SLIGHTLY MORE FREQUENT THAN ZORP DETECTED LAST WEEK."

"ZORP?"

SQUONK... BURBLE...

ZORP... THRINNG?

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

MAYBE UNCLE NED WAS CRAZY.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

REALLY SHOULDN'T BE IN HERE, TIMMY.

THIS ROOM IS NOTHING BUT BAD VIBES.

BUT... IS IT TRUE?

DID UNCLE NED REALLY...

SEE THE HOODOO?

YEAH. HE SAW HIM.

AND HE WAS NEARLY EATEN ALIVE.

THAT FOREST IS A VERY DANGEROUS PLACE.

THINGS IN THERE ARE MEANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

COME ON. IT'S ALMOST DINNER.

HOPE YOU LIKE BEETS.

SOUNDS... GREAT.

[TURKEYS GOBBLE]

SQUONK, BURBLE, ZORP?

ZORILLA... ZOSER?

I AM PROBABLY MISSING SOME GREAT INTERNET SNARK

RIGHT NOW.

HASHTAG BORING.

DESSERT'LL BE READY SOON.

HOPE YOU LIKE BEETS!

[WHISPERING] BEETS...

HEY, AUNT CLY?

DO YOU HAVE A LANDLINE?

THERE'S A ROTARY IN THE OFFICE UPSTAIRS,

BUT I THINK YOUR DAD'S ON IT.

A ROTARY?

IT'S A PHONE.

OH, COOL! THANKS.

[RON]: NO, NO, I KNOW, WALTER. TRUST ME,

I'M, I'M GOING TO BE WORKING VERY HARD

TO MAKE SURE THIS PRESENTATION IS DONE.

I MEAN,

I WAS PLANNING ON WORKING AT THE OFFICE

THROUGHOUT THE WEEK, YOU KNOW,

EVEN THROUGH THANKSGIVING, BUT, BUT...

LIKE I SAID, MY EX KIND OF AMBUSHED ME HERE.

SO, UM, I TOOK THE KIDS UP TO MY AUNT'S HOUSE,

AND I'M HOPING SHE CAN KEEP THEM BUSY

WHILE I GET SOME WORK DONE.

I WILL BE OUT OF CELL RANGE FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS,

BUT LIKE I SAID, WALTER, TRUST ME,

I WILL GET THIS DONE...

UM... MONDAY.

[CLEARS THROAT] ALL RIGHT, SOUNDS GOOD.

YOU SHOULDN'T BE EAVESDROPPING ON MY BUSINESS CALLS, HONEY.

OH, IS THAT WHAT THAT WAS?

A BUSINESS CALL?

'CAUSE IT JUST SOUNDED LIKE YOU WERE COMPLAINING

ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A BURDEN WE ARE.

ANNIE, THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID.

THIS ISN'T EXACTLY

A DREAM VACATION FOR US EITHER.

I COULD HAVE SPENT THANKSGIVING AT VERONICA'S.

YOU KNOW, WHEN HER PARENTS GOT DIVORCED,

AT LEAST THEY HAD THE DECENCY TO SPOIL HER!

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, NO, IT'S OKAY, AUNT CLY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING US, AUNT CLY.

BY THE WAY, THE REAL REASON

THAT DAD BROUGHT US HERE TO VISIT YOU

IS BECAUSE HE NEEDED SOMEONE

TO BABYSIT US WHILE HE WORKED!

THAT TRUE, RON?

LOOK, I'M SWAMPED.

I GOT CLEANED OUT IN-- IN THE...

CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING...

WILL YOU CALL IT WHAT IT IS?

I MEAN, YOU SOUND RIDICULOUS!

DIVORCE!

OKAY?

I GOT CLEANED OUT IN THE DIVORCE,

AND I AM RIGHT BACK TO WHERE I STARTED.

I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE ENDS MEET,

AND ALL I HAVE LEFT IS MY JOB.

OKAY?

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YOU HAVE US.

I APPRECIATE THAT, BUDDY. I REALLY DO.

RIGHT NOW, I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE ENDS MEET.

AND HE CAN'T DO THAT WITH US HOLDING HIM DOWN.

BANANA...

HEY, ANNIE!

LET HER GO.

DO YOU WANT TO...

READ THE DICTIONARY WITH ME?

I'M TRYING TO FIND "ZORP."

UH, YEAH. YEAH, THAT, THAT SOUNDS FINE.

CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT

TO GET SOME WORK DONE?

OLD-FASHIONED FAMILY THANKSGIVING, HUH?

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME

YOU NEEDED SOMEBODY TO BABYSIT THE KIDS?

AUNT CLY,

I'M NOT TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU, I SWEAR.

I JUST...

NAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

DO YOUR WORK.

I...

GUESS I CAN READ THE DICTIONARY TO HIM.

JUST REMEMBER TO TAKE THEM BOTH WHEN YOU LEAVE.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[STRANGE HOWL]: YAARG!

[STRANGE HOWLING NOISES]

[HOWLING]

[HOWLING]

[HOWLING CONTINUES]

[CROAKING]

SQUONK!

BURBLE...

ZORP!

THRRRRIIIINNNG!

WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE!

SQUONK...

SQUONK...

BURBLE...

ZORP...

THRINNG!

SO THAT'S WHAT HE MEANT!

[WEIRD CRIES AND CALLS]

UNCLE NED...

I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO MEET YOU,

BUT I THINK YOU WERE ON TO SOMETHING PRETTY COOL.

I'D BE HONORED TO FINISH IT FOR YOU.

BURBLE!

AND SO,

BRAVE LITTLE TIM EMMERSON VENTURED DEEPER

INTO THE DARK, MYSTERIOUS FOREST,

ARMED ONLY WITH HIS WIT, HIS NERVE,

AND AUNT CLY'S SOLAR-POWERED FLASHLIGHT.

HE WALKED UNTIL...

UH, WELL, HE KEPT WALKING, AND THEN...

AND I'VE LOST HIM.

I THINK IT'S SAFE TO SAY THE HOODOO GOT HIM.

I MEAN...

THAT'S JUST MY PROFESSIONAL OPINION.

I...

LOOK, IF YOU THINK I'M GOING INTO THAT FOREST

THIS LATE AT NIGHT,

YOU'D BETTER THINK AGAIN.

IT'S NOT THAT I'M SCARED, I JUST...

[LOUD ROAR]

END SCENE!

IF ANYBODY WANTS ME, I'LL BE IN MY TRAILER.

[SQUAWKING]

ZORP!

[TIM PANTS]

[GASPS]

BURBLE...

BURBLE...

COME ON... NOT NOW!

[GASPS]

ZORP!

[SQUAWKING]

ZORP!

HELLO?

HELLO?

[LOUD RUSH OF GOBBLING]

[ALARMS BLARING]

HEY! WHO'S OUT THERE?

HEY! HALT!

PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!

I SAID, HANDS UP, TRESPASSER!

I'M SORRY!

I--I DIDN'T MEAN ANY TROUBLE.

I JUST-- I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR...

LOOKIN' FOR WHAT?

THE...

HOWLING... HOODOO, SIR.

THE HOWLING HOODOO?

ON MY PRIVATE PROPERTY?

SON, THE ONLY MONSTER ON THIS FARM

IS ME!

BUZZ! JUNIOR!

YEAH, BOSS, WE'RE COMIN'.

YEAH, ME TOO.

WELL?

THEY'RE, LIKE, GOOD AS GONE, BOSS.

WE CHASED 'EM AS BEST WE COULD,

BUT THOSE BIRDS,

THEY'RE TOO FAST.

TOTALLY FAST.

WE GOT BEAT BY OUR OWN MEAT.

[THEY LAUGH]

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, BOY?

TIM EMMERSON, SIR.

EMMERSON!

YOU'RE CLY'S KIN?

SHE'S... MY GREAT-AUNT, SIR.

I SEE.

WELL,

THAT TREE-HUGGIN', HEMP-GROWIN' SOCIALIST WITCH

HAS GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME.

BUZZ, JUNIOR!

THE TWO OF YOU GO CALL SHERIFF COWLY.

THIS ONE HERE IS GONNA GET JUSTICED.

PLEASE, SIR... HEY!

GET OFF OF ME!

WAIT!

GET OFF OF ME!

PLEASE, STOP!

[KNOCKS]

SHERIFF?

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

UM... HEY, CLY.

GROVER?

IS SOMETHING WRONG? IT'S 2:00 A.M.

HUH?

OH, UH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M SORRY TO DISROBE YOU SO LATE.

DISROBE?

DISTURB! DISTURB YOU SO LATE!

THERE'S BEEN

AN INDECENT...

INCIDENT INVOLVING, UH...

THERE SHE IS!

THERE'S THE MASTERMIND!

SHE'S BEEN PESTERING MY POULTRY FOR YEARS,

AND NOW SHE'S GOT HER KIN DOING THE DIRTY WORK!

AUNT CLY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. I WAS JUST...

AH, PEPPERCORN!

THIS IS PROFESSIONAL SABOTAGE!

OKAY, ELDRIDGE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO,

BUT IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY NEPHEW THIS SECOND,

YOU'RE GOING TO NEED A BRAND-NEW PAIR OF DENTURES.

AW, COME ON IN. IT'S COLD OUT THERE.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

OH, YOUR SON FELL OUT OF BED

AND LANDED IN THE NEIGHBOR'S YARD.

WHAT? HEY, YOU OKAY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF BED SO LATE?

LET'S JUST BACK IT UP

AND START FROM THE BEGINNING.

TIM?

I WAS INVESTIGATING STRANGE NOISES.

I HEARD THE HOWLING HOODOO.

OH, COME ON...

YOUNG MAN, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU

NOT TO GO INTO THAT FOREST.

BUT I HEARD SOMETHING!

I WAS LYING IN BED,

AND I HEARD THESE WEIRD, CRAZY NOISES.

[RON]: DO YOU THINK MAYBE YOU HEARD THOSE NOISES

IN YOUR SLEEP?

I DIDN'T DREAM THEM, THEY WERE REAL!

I FOLLOWED THE NOISES INTO THE WOODS,

AND MY FLASHLIGHT DIED,

AND I RAN INTO THE FENCE.

MY FENCE!

HE BUSTED HIS WAY ONTO MY PROPERTY

AND SET A WHOLE PEN FULL OF MY BEST TURKEYS LOOSE!

IS THIS TRUE?

I-- I DIDN'T MEAN TO LET THE TURKEYS OUT.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY WERE TURKEYS.

I THOUGHT I'D FOUND THE HOODOO.

MY WHOLE PREMIUM-GRADE STOCK IS GONE.

MY BIGGEST, JUICIEST TURKEYS.

YEAH, BIG AND JUICY AND PERFORMANCE-ENHANCED.

ALL MY TURKEYS ARE ALL-NATURAL,

ETHICALLY RAISED, THE MOST ORGANIC...

OH, GIVE ME A BREAK.

THOSE BIRDS HAVE MORE HORMONES THAN A HIGH-SCHOOL DRAMA CLUB.

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU PROVE THAT, WOMAN.

BELIEVE ME, IF I COULD,

YOU'D BE PUT OUT OF BUSINESS IN A HEARTBEAT.

PLEASE, EVERYBODY, JUST CALM DOWN.

MR. SUMP,

EXACTLY HOW MANY TURKEYS ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?

EXACTLY 175,

AVERAGING 30 POUNDS EACH!

WHAT KIND OF TURKEYS WEIGH 30 POUNDS?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT KIND...

THE KIND THAT HAVE TOXIC STEROIDS

PUMPED UP THEIR LITTLE...

CAN YOU PROVE THOSE FIGURES, MR. SUMP?

HECK, I GOT DOCUMENTATION RIGHT HERE!

I GOT WITNESSES SEEN THE WHOLE THING!

AND I GOT SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE OF THAT LITTLE HOODLUM

SETTING 'EM FREE!

[SHERIFF]: 175 TURKEYS,

AVERAGING 30 POUNDS EACH,

AT THE MARKET VALUE OF $1.89 A POUND...

THAT'S $9,922.50!

AND I'M HOLDING HER RESPONSIBLE

FOR EVERY PENNY!

I'M SORRY, CLY, BUT...

GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES,

YOU'LL HAVE TO REIMBURSE HIM FOR HIS LOSS.

WHAT?

SHERIFF, THAT'S ALMOST $10,000!

DID YOU SEE A DAMN MONEY TREE GROWING OUT THERE

WHEN YOU CAME IN?

WELL, MAYBE WE COULD SET UP

SOME KIND OF PAYMENT PROGRAM...

[SUMP]: NOW, WAIT A MINUTE!

I'M NOT GONNA STAND FOR NO PAYMENT PLAN.

I KNOW MY RIGHTS!

READ THE TOWN CHARTER!

ANY LANDOWNER WHO ABSTRACTS ANOTHER LANDOWNER'S LIVESTOCK

IS BOUND BY LAW TO SETTLE THAT DEBT

WITHIN TWO DAYS BY 12 NOON,

OR THEY FORFEIT THEIR OWN LAND AND ALL THEIR HOLDINGS

AS COMPENSATION!

[RON]: THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

MR. SUMP, LET'S BE REASONABLE HERE.

SHERIFF,

YOU EXPECT US TO COME UP WITH $10,000

TWO DAYS BEFORE THANKSGIVING?

I'M AFRAID THE LAW IS PRETTY CLEAR ON THIS.

THERE WAS A LOT OF POACHING BACK IN THE OLD DAYS.

THE THING IS,

TURKEYS ARE BIG BUSINESS IN TURKEY HOLLOW.

YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT

BEFORE YOU SENT THIS LITTLE NOSEPICKER

OUT TO MAKE TROUBLE.

YOU GOT TWO DAYS, EMMERSON.

YOU DON'T COUGH UP TEN GRAND BY THEN,

I GOT NO PROBLEM TAKING THIS FARM OFF YOUR HANDS.

[RON]: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!

GET OUT OF HERE.

AND YOU, IN THERE.

CLY...

I SINCERELY WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO.

SHERIFF...

I KNOW YOU'RE JUST DOING YOUR JOB.

I'M THE ONE TAKING THE BATH.

BELIEVE ME,

I'D BE RIGHT THERE IN THAT BATH WITH YOU

IF I COULD.

UH...

I'M... I'M SORRY.

ELDRIDGE SUMP AND I HAVE BEEN LOCKING HORNS FOR YEARS.

I RUN A RESPECTABLE FARM HERE,

EVERYTHING ORGANIC AND SUSTAINABLE,

THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

SUMP, ON THE OTHER HAND, RUNS HIS FARM LIKE A SWEATSHOP.

HE POLLUTES THE EARTH, HE POISONS HIS LIVESTOCK...

AND HE'S CRAFTY ABOUT IT.

HE COVERS HIS TRACKS EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

I WOULD SHUT HIM DOWN IF I COULD,

AND HE KNOWS IT,

AND HE'S OUT TO SHUT ME DOWN FIRST.

I'M AFRAID THIS TIME,

HE MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE THE MEANS TO DO IT.

WELL, MAYBE WE CAN TALK TO THE BANK,

YOU KNOW, REFINANCE, OR GET YOU A LOAN...

YEAH, THE BANKS AREN'T TOO FOND OF ME

EVER SINCE I SPEARHEADED

THE OCCUPY TURKEY HOLLOW MOVEMENT

BACK IN '09.

MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE

THAT WE COULD LOSE THE WHOLE FARM OVER TURKEYS.

WELL, LIKE THE SHERIFF SAID,

TURKEYS ARE BIG BUSINESS AROUND HERE.

I KNOW THIS IS A LITTLE OFF-TOPIC,

BUT DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK

THAT THE SHERIFF HAS THE HOTS FOR AUNT CLY?

WHAT?

HE'S TOO SQUARE FOR ME.

ANYWAY...

WHAT GOOD'S FOOLING AROUND WITH A LAWMAN

IF HE CAN'T EVEN GET YOU OUT OF TROUBLE?

[TIM]: AUNT CLY?

I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU HOW SORRY I AM.

I HEARD THE NOISE,

AND I JUST WANTED TO FOLLOW ON UNCLE NED'S FOOTSTEPS.

OH, WELL,

I THINK YOUR UNCLE NED WOULD BE VERY PROUD OF YOU.

SNEAKING OUT AFTER DARK, CHASING AFTER MONSTERS...

YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE NED'S REINCARNATION.

THANKS.

I'M SO SORRY.

YEAH, I'M NOT A HUGGER.

[RON]: YEAH, KIDS,

WHY DON'T YOU GET BACK TO BED?

IT'S LATE, OKAY?

WE'VE HAD ENOUGH EXCITEMENT.

WHY DON'T YOU LET THE GROWNUPS HANDLE THIS?

HOODOOS!

[ROOSTER CROWS]

[ROOSTER CROWS]

[TURKEYS GOBBLE]

[***]

[GATE SLAMS]

[SIGHS]

MY GOD...

[ANNIE]: HEY!

HEY!

NOT SO FAST, DORA THE EXPLORER!

JUST LET ME GO, ANNIE.

I HAVE TO FIND THE HOODOO.

AGAIN WITH THE HOODOO!

PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME

WHY THIS IDEA IS ANY LESS STUPID TODAY

THAN IT WAS YESTERDAY!

THAT'S YOUR BIG PLAN?

THEY'RE OFFERING $10,000.

FOR ONE PICTURE!

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,

THIS SO-CALLED REWARD

IS FROM, LIKE, 10 YEARS AGO...

YEAH, THAT MEANS IT'S PROBABLY WORTH MORE BY NOW.

ALSO, THIS ISN'T EVEN FROM A REAL MAGAZINE.

THIS IS FROM A SUPERMARKET TABLOID.

REAL NEWS PUBLICATIONS

DON'T USE SO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS.

AND...

WHAT'S THIS THING?

DON'T!

IT'S EXTREMELY IMPORTANT,

AND IT'S THE ONLY ONE OF ITS KIND.

IT'S A WEAPON UNCLE NED INVENTED

TO DEFEND AGAINST THE HOODOO.

SEE?

RIGHT. OKAY.

AND DO YOU HAVE A LICENSE TO OPERATE THIS THING,

OR DID YOU MAKE YOURSELF ONE OUT OF CRAYONS AND GLITTER?

SEE, THIS IS WHY I PREFER TO WORK ALONE.

HEY!

YOU ALREADY MADE A BIG ENOUGH MESS OF THINGS

LAST NIGHT.

CAN'T YOU JUST COME HOME?

AND DO WHAT?

YOU WANT TO SIT BY AND DO NOTHING

WHILE AUNT CLY LOSES HER FARM?

BECAUSE OF ME?

I KNOW IT'S A LONG SHOT, OKAY?

BUT IT'S A CHANCE FOR ME TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT I DID.

NOW I'M GOING.

RRGH!

UGH!

TIM!

COME ON!

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

TIM, STOP!

[LOUD ROAR]

WHAT WAS THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

IS THAT THE SAME THING YOU HEARD LAST NIGHT?

NOPE... THAT'S A NEW ONE.

[SNARLING SOUNDS]

[LUDACRIS]: DON'T LET YOUR EYES DECEIVE YOU.

THE SIEMPRE VERDE FOREST,

ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF TURKEY HOLLOW,

MIGHT SEEM PEACEFUL AND PICTURESQUE...

AH-HAH!

BUT THESE DENSE, MOSS-COVERED WOODS

HOLD MANY SECRETS.

AND IT WAS IN THIS VERY FOREST, TWO DAYS BEFORE THANKSGIVING,

THAT TIM AND ANNIE EMMERSON WERE TRAGICALLY SLAYED BY THE...

WAIT, I'M SORRY,

DOES THAT-- DOES THAT SAY "TRAGICALLY SLAYED"

OR "MAGICALLY SAVED"?

I CAN BARELY SEE THE CUE CARDS IN THIS PIECE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET'S JUST PAN OVER TO TIM AND ANNIE

AND HOPE THEY'RE STILL ALIVE, ALL RIGHT?

FINGERS CROSSED!

[ROARING SOUNDS]

WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE...

ONE PICTURE, THEN WE'LL RUN.

I CAN HEAR SOMETHING GNASHING ITS TEETH IN THERE,

AND YOU WANT TO SNAP A CAMERA IN ITS FACE?

IT'S FOR $10,000.

WE CAN SAVE THE FARM.

WE'LL BE FAMOUS...

WORLD-FAMOUS...

NO. I'M NOT DYING FOR A PICTURE.

INSTAGRAM FAMOUS.

TWITTER FAMOUS!

[CREATURE SNARLS]

FINE.

ONE PICTURE, AND THEN WE RUN FOR IT.

SO TURN ON... WHATEVER THAT CONTRAPTION IS,

AND COVER ME.

[STATIC, RUSTLING SOUNDS]

'KAY, IT'S MOVING.

-[RUSTLING] -IT'S GETTING CLOSER!

DO SOMETHING, TIMMY!

I'M TRYING!

[MACHINE MAKES CAWING SOUND]

[PLAYS CAWING "NOTES]

IT'S WORKING!

IT'S NOT A WEAPON, IT'S SOME KIND OF NOISEMAKER!

[MACHINE MAKES CAWING SOUNDS]

SQUONK.

WHAT THE FRIDGE?

IS THAT THE HOODOO?

IT CAN'T BE...

YOU SAW THE STATUE.

THE HOODOO'S 10 FEET TALL AND...

AND SCARY.

WELL, THEN, WHAT IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW... ITS BABY?

IT LOOKS LIKE SOME KIND OF...

OVERGROWN, INBRED WEASEL!

YEAH, I WATCH A LOT OF ANIMAL PLANET.

I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S NO WEASEL.

[CREATURE TRILLS]

HEY! HEY, LITTLE GUY.

TIM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT'S OKAY.

IT'S-- IT'S OKAY.

IT'S OKAY. I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU.

[TRILLS HAPPILY]

[LAUGHS] GOOD JOB.

NOW TOUCH YOUR NOSE.

[CREATURE BLOWS NOSE LOUDLY]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M TESTING ITS INTELLIGENCE.

CAN YOU DANCE?

[SQUAWKS]

I THINK IT'S SAFE TO SAY YOUR INTELLIGENCE IS ABOUT EVEN.

SQUONK, SQUONK!

[ANOTHER CREATURE MUTTERS]

SHUT UP! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE.

BURBLE.

-[RUSTLING] -ZORP!

THRINNG!

[ANNIE]: OH, GREAT!

GREAT, IT'S A WHOLE NEST OF THEM!

SERIOUSLY, WHAT ARE THEY?

OKAY, LET'S THINK ABOUT THIS SCIENTIFICALLY.

THEY'RE EITHER ALIENS, MUTANTS...

OR MONSTERS.

SQUONK.

WAS THAT A "YES"?

-SQUONK! -BURBLE.

-ZORP! -THRINNG!

[ANNIE]: DO YOU THINK THEY'RE DANGEROUS?

NO, I THINK THEY'RE INTRODUCING THEMSELVES!

SQUONK, BURBLE, ZORP, AND THRINNG!

JUST LIKE IT SAID IN UNCLE NED'S JOURNAL!

[THRINNG PANTS EXCITEDLY]

I THINK UNCLE NED INVENTED THE JIBBERATOR

TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM,

NOT TO DEFEND AGAINST THEM.

[PLAYS "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT" ON JIBBERATOR]

SQUONK!

-BURBLE. -ZORP, ZORP...

THRINNG, THRINNG!

OKAY, I AM PREPARED

TO BELIEVE ANYTHING AT THIS POINT.

OKAY.

MY NAME IS TIM EMMERSON.

[SQUAWKS]

THIS IS MY SISTER, ANNIE.

WE'RE HERE TO FIND THE HOWLING HOODOO.

HE'S A MONSTER, MUCH LIKE YOURSELVES,

BUT HE'S 10 FEET TALL,

WITH RAZOR-SHARP CLAWS AND FANGS LIKE A...

[WHIMPERING]

WHAT IS IT?

DO YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUT THE HOODOO?

[TRILLING]

I THINK THAT'S A YES...

OR THEY NEED TO PEE.

CAN YOU... HELP US FIND HIM?

NO!

THEY ARE TERRIFIED!

WHEN A BUNCH OF MONSTERS ARE SCARED OF SOMETHING,

WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?

OKAY. OKAY, LISTEN, LISTEN.

I CAN SEE THAT YOU'RE SCARED OF THE HOODOO.

WE'RE SCARED, TOO.

BUT THE THING IS...

OUR AUNT CLY'S FARM IS AT STAKE.

AND I'M GOING TO FIND THIS HOODOO,

EVEN IF I END UP DEAD AND DISMEMBERED

IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE...

NO, FINDING THE MONSTER

THAT A BUNCH OF MONSTERS ARE SCARED OF

IS NOT THE TAKE-AWAY FROM THIS LITTLE CHAT.

I UNDERSTAND

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO JOIN US, ANNIE.

BUT... WE DON'T HAVE LONG,

AND WE'RE GOING TO NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET.

SO PLEASE THINK ABOUT IT.

[WHIMPERING SOFTLY]

[TALKING IN THEIR OWN LANGUAGE]

-SQUONK. -BURBLE.

ZORP.

THRINNG!

THANK YOU.

WE WON'T FORGET THIS.

WAIT, WHAT?

LEAD THE WAY.

[ANNIE]: NO, NO, HOLD ON! DID I MISS SOMETHING?

THEY VOWED THEIR ALLEGIANCE TO US.

DID THEY? REALLY?

YOU SPEAK MONSTER NOW?

SQUONK!

[SQUAWKING]

DAD'S GONNA KILL ME.

[TURKEYS GOBBLE]

WELL, GOOD AFTERNOON.

SOMEBODY NEEDED THEIR BEAUTY SLEEP.

CAN I GET YOU SOME TEA?

UGH, JUST SOME ESPRESSO, IF YOU HAVE IT.

I GOT TEA.

THEN I'M GOOD.

DID YOU GET ANY SLEEP AT ALL?

NO, I'LL SLEEP WHEN THIS PRESENTATION'S DONE.

YOU KNOW, I RESPECT ANYBODY WHO WORKS HARD

AND PROVIDES FOR THEIR FAMILY,

BUT THERE'S A FINE LINE

BETWEEN PROVIDING...

AND HIDING.

NO, THAT...

THIS ISN'T FOR ME.

I FIGURE IF I CAN GET THIS PRESENTATION DONE TODAY,

MAYBE I CAN ASK MY BOSS FOR AN ADVANCE OF TEN GRAND.

I MEAN, IT'S A LONG SHOT, BUT...

NO! RONNIE!

THIS IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

YOU WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS

IF I DIDN'T SHOW UP AT YOUR DOORSTEP

WITH MY KIDS IN TOW.

THIS IS MY FAULT, AND I...

NO, IT'S NO ONE'S FAULT BUT NED'S!

I LOVED HIM,

BUT... HE WAS A FINANCIAL CATASTROPHE.

HE SPENT ALL HIS TIME

LOOKING AFTER HIS HAIRY LITTLE SIDEKICKS

INSTEAD OF TENDING TO THIS FARM.

SIDEKICKS?

AND THEN HE GOES AND CHECKS OUT EARLY

AND LEAVES ME TO LOOK AFTER THE WHOLE PLACE ALONE.

AUNT CLY...

YOU'RE NOT BY YOURSELF.

I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU LOSE THIS PLACE.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH OF MY BELLY-ACHING.

THE UNIVERSE WILL PROVIDE FOR ME.

SHE ALWAYS DOES.

AND IF SHE DOESN'T THIS TIME, WELL...

I'LL JUST HAVE TO MOVE IN WITH YOU.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

I'M GOING TO GO LIGHT SOME INCENSE,

WAKE THOSE KIDS UP.

-RON! -YEAH?

-WHERE ARE THE KIDS? -I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, THEY'RE GONE.

GONE?

LOOK AT THIS.

"OCTOBER 1ST, 1975.

"SIX MONTHS OF EXPLORATION,

"AND I HAVE YET TO MAKE CONTACT

"WITH THE MYTHICAL HOODOO.

"BUT I CAN'T SHAKE THE FEELING

"THAT THIS FOREST HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN.

EVEN THE PUMPKINS ARE WATCHING ME."

WAIT, LET ME SEE.

"EVEN THE PUMPKINS ARE WATCHING ME."

PERIOD.

LOOK, SEE, THAT'S THE KIND OF CRAZY

THAT WARRANTS SOME EXCLAMATION POINTS.

EXCEPT... IT'S NOT CRAZY.

LOOK.

PUMPKINS?

PUMPKINS WITH FACES!

[MONSTERS MUTTER AND GIGGLE]

I SWEAR, IF THIS THING STARTS TALKING,

I AM OFFICIALLY DONE FOR THE DAY.

THANK GOD.

[KNOCKS]

OH, SHERIFF. THANK YOU FOR COMING.

SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO GET HERE, CLY.

IT'S THE TURKEY-CALLING CONTEST TODAY,

AND THE TRAFFIC WAS TERRIBLE.

YEAH.

ANY-WHOOZLE, I WAS LOOKING OVER THE TOWN CHARTER,

AND I WISH THERE WAS SOME KIND OF WIGGLE ROOM,

BUT AS YOU KNOW,

SUMP'S A PRETTY BIG WHEEL IN THIS TOWN.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, IT'S OKAY.

THAT'S NOT WHY I CALLED YOU.

THERE'S A MORE PRESSING MATTER AT HAND.

MORE PRESSING THAN LOSING THE FARM?

YUP.

MY NEPHEW'S KIDS ARE MISSING.

YEAH.

APPARENTLY, THEY'RE BREAKING LAWS

AS A TEAM NOW.

AUNT CLY!

I FOUND SOMETHING.

SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS ONE COMING.

[CLY]: "OFF TO FIND THE HOWLING HOODOO!

BUT DON'T WORRY. I'M ARMED!"

WHERE'D YOU FIND THIS?

[WHISTLES]

LOOK AT THIS.

I THINK OLD NED WOULD'VE MADE A FINE DETECTIVE.

YEAH, THERE'S A LOT OF GEAR MISSING.

NED'S JOURNAL, TOO.

THOSE KIDS ARE IN THAT FOREST, ALL RIGHT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

THAT TIM WOULD PULL THIS STUNT AGAIN,

ESPECIALLY AFTER LAST NIGHT!

AND ANNIE SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

SHE'S OLDER AND SMARTER!

[MUTTERING TO SELF] NO... NO, NO.

WELL, AT LEAST WE KNOW WHERE THEY ARE.

THEY WILL COME WANDERING BACK WHEN THEY GET COLD OR HUNGRY

THEY'RE IN TROUBLE.

YEAH, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT THEY'RE IN TROUBLE.

ANNIE, I'M GOING TO GROUND HER FOR A MONTH...

NO, I MEAN, YOUR KIDS ARE IN DANGER, MR. EMMERSON.

THE HOODOO IS OUT THERE.

THE HOODOO? REALLY?

SHERIFF, COME ON.

WHAT, DON'T TELL ME

THAT YOU BELIEVE IN THAT THING, TOO!

I DIDN'T... UNTIL I SAW HIM MYSELF.

WITH MY OWN TWO EYES.

IT WAS A FEW YEARS AGO.

I WAS ON A RESCUE MISSION,

LOOKING FOR A LOST HIKER.

THE VALLEY MISTS WERE THICK AS CHOWDER.

IT WAS PROBABLY 2:00 A.M.,

AND MY FLASHLIGHT STARTED ACTING UP.

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CALL IT A NIGHT...

WHEN I HEARD THE WEIRDEST SOUNDS.

NOT NORMAL ANIMAL SOUNDS.

THEY WERE WEIRD CALLS OR CRIES.

I GET GOOSEBUMPS JUST REMEMBERING.

[HOWLING]

AND THAT'S WHEN I SAW HIM.

HE WAS STANDING THERE, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME,

10 FEET TALL.

AND WHEN HE HOWLED,

HE SOUNDED LIKE THE DEVIL HIMSELF.

[LOUD ROARING]

WELL, I RAN LIKE HELL AND NEVER LOOKED BACK.

AND I HAVEN'T SET FOOT IN THOSE WOODS SINCE THAT NIGHT.

HOLD ON.

SHERIFF, YOU HONESTLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE

THAT THERE'S A GIANT CREATURE OUT THERE?

LOOK AROUND YOU, MR. EMMERSON.

THERE'S YEARS' WORTH OF EVIDENCE RIGHT HERE IN THIS ROOM.

YES, BUT UNCLE NED WAS CRAZY.

I'M SORRY, BUT... WASN'T HE?

NED WAS CRAZY

IN A "LET'S GO STREAKING DOWN MAIN STREET,

FREAK OUT THE ESTABLISHMENT" KIND OF WAY.

NED WASN'T CRAZY

IN A "SEEING THINGS THAT AREN'T THERE" KIND OF WAY.

RON, WAIT A MINUTE...

NO, I DON'T HAVE A MINUTE. MY KIDS ARE OUT THERE.

WELL, I KNOW THAT FOREST BETTER THAN YOU DO.

I'M COMING, TOO.

[ROAR ECHOING]

[MONSTERS SNUFFLE AND SNIFF]

WHAT IS THAT?

IT SMELLS LIKE MOLD AND...

ROTTEN EGGS?

I KNOW WHERE WE MIGHT BE!

BURBLE!

THE STUMP OF UNKNOWN DEPTHS!

[MONSTERS SNUFFLE, INHALE]

OH, GOOD LORD...

OH, IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

UNCLE NED WROTE THAT THE HOLE IN THE CENTER OF THE STUMP

IS RUMORED TO GO ALL THE WAY DOWN

TO ANOTHER WORLD.

MAYBE THIS IS WHERE THEY CAME FROM?

THRRIIINNG!

I WONDER HOW DEEP IT GOES?

[MONSTERS PANT AND SQUAWK EXCITEDLY]

HEY!

[CRUNCHING]

HEY...

DID YOU JUST EAT THAT?

[BELCHES]

SQUONK, SQUONK!

THRINNG, THRINNG!

[GRUNTING, PANTING]

ZORP.

[SQUEAKS]

[CRUNCHING, MUNCHING]

THEY EAT ROCKS!

THAT'S REALLY WEIRD.

IT'S PROBABLY BETTER THAN AUNT CLY'S BEETS,

BUT IT'S STILL REALLY WEIRD.

OKAY, YOU READY, GUYS?

TRY AND GET ALL FOUR.

OKAY?

FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK...

FIRE!

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[TRILLING]

YAGH!

[LOUD MUNCHING]

AWESOME! FOUR OUT OF FOUR. HIGH FIVE.

OKAY, WELL...

IF THEY EAT ROCKS,

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT COMES OUT THE OTHER END.

[FARTING SOUND]

[RIMSHOT]

ZORP?

WELL, ISN'T THAT OBVIOUS?

I MEAN, I BOUGHT THEM AT A MUSIC STORE,

AND I DRAGGED THEM OUT HERE INTO THE FOREST.

ZORP?

NO, NOT JUST FOR OCCASIONAL RIMSHOTS.

THEY'LL COME IN HANDY

IF A SPONTANEOUS MUSICAL NUMBER BREAKS OUT.

LIKE THIS!

ZORP!

HEY, IT COULD HAPPEN!

YOU KNOW, THAT PROFANITY IS UNCALLED FOR.

ZORP!

[SCOFFS]

MONSTERS.

[TURKEYS CLUCK AND GOBBLE]

[SUMP]: ALL RIGHT NOW...

THE LAW SAYS I ACQUIRE HER PROPERTY RIGHTS

BY NOON OF TOMORROW.

THAT'S IF MS. EMMERSON CAN'T MAKE PAYMENT.

SHE AIN'T GONNA MAKE PAYMENT.

THAT OLD HIPPIE'S SO BROKE, HER CASH BOUNCES.

NOW...

[TURKEYS FLUTTER AND CLUCK]

SHUT UP!

I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK!

[SILENCE]

STUPID BIRDS...

NOW, WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS,

HOW SOON CAN WE GET IN THERE AND BULLDOZE THAT PLACE?

SEE, I GOT PLANS TO PUT

THIS HIGH TECH, STATE-OF-THE-ART HOG FARM

RIGHT WHERE THE...

[BUZZ]: UH, BOSS?

WHAT IS IT?

UH...

SORRY, BOSS,

BUT THERE'S SOMETHING YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO SEE...

OUTSIDE.

OUTSIDE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

GO ON! GIT!

HI, BOSS.

THIS BETTER BE GOOD.

I GOT THAT EGGHEAD LAWYER CHARGIN' ME 300 BUCKS AN HOUR.

IF IT'S ANOTHER TWO-HEADED TURTLE YOU FOUND...

HEH-HEH. THAT TURTLE WAS HILARIOUS.

OH, YOU'VE GOT TO BE PICKLING MY BISCUITS!

WHERE'D THEY COME FROM?

WELL, THEY STARTED SHOWING UP ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

FIRST, IT WAS JUST A FEW OF 'EM.

THEN SOME MORE OF 'EM, THEN SOME MORE OF 'EM,

AND THEN THE REST OF 'EM.

YUP. WE COUNTED 'EM UP.

175 EXACTLY.

[BUZZ]: EXACTLY.

YOU'RE TELLING ME

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM RUN-OFF TURKEYS

CAME A'WANDERIN' BACK FROM THE WILD

AND GOT BACK IN THEIR PEN ON THEIR OWN ACCORD?

MAYBE THEY MISSED US.

THIS NEVER HAPPENED.

YOU GOT THAT?

[GASPS]

MAYBE THEY'RE IMPOSTERS!

NO, YOU BONEHEAD!

'COURSE THEY'RE OUR BIRDS,

BUT NOBODY CAN KNOW THEY CAME BACK.

IF ANYBODY FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS,

THEN THAT MEANS

THAT CLY'S NO LONGER IN MY DEBT,

AND THAT MEANS I DON'T GET HER FARM.

WE'VE GOT TO GET RID OF 'EM.

GOT TO PUT 'EM SOMEWHERE THEY CAN'T GET BACK FROM,

SOMEWHERE NOBODY CAN FIND 'EM.

YOU MEAN, LIKE... THE OCEAN?

OH, YEAH!

NO, YOU IDIOT!

JUNIOR!

OW.

TAKE 'EM TO THE "FACILITY."

AND YOU MAKE SURE THEY STAY THERE

UNTIL EMMERSON'S FARM IS MINE.

OOH!

STUPID BIRDS!

[RON]: ANNIE!

TIM!

YOU KNOW, IT'S GOING TO BE DARK SOON.

CONSIDERING THAT AN ARMED SHERIFF

DIDN'T WANT TO JOIN US,

DO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE

WE SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT SOME KIND OF PROTECTION?

OH, MAYBE YOU'LL FEEL BETTER CARRYING THIS.

IT'S FULLY LOADED.

OH, YEAH, I'D RATHER NOT...

WHAT IS THIS?

GREEN TEA WITH GINGER,

FULLY LOADED WITH ECHINACEA.

AND BE CAREFUL,

'CAUSE IT PACKS A SERIOUS PUNCH.

I WAS TALKING ABOUT SOME KIND OF WEAPON.

WEAPON?

OH, GODDESS, NO.

YOU DON'T WANT TO INTRODUCE THAT KIND OF HOSTILITY

INTO AN ENVIRONMENT OF THIS PARTICULAR KIND.

AND WHAT KIND IS THAT?

SUPERNATURAL, RON.

SUPERNATURAL. UH-HUH.

[YELLING] NELLY!

WHOO!

YEAH, OKAY, UM... YOU KNOW, I DON'T DOUBT

THAT UNCLE NED AND SHERIFF COWLY

SAW WHAT THEY THOUGHT WAS A HOODOO, BUT...

YEAH, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE HOODOO.

THERE'S ENCHANTMENT AT WORK, ALL AROUND US.

SO THIS IS AN ENCHANTED FOREST.

YEP.

MM-HMM. GOOD.

YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?

YEAH, I BELIEVE IT.

NED BELIEVED IT.

INDIGENOUS PEOPLES FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS

BELIEVED IT.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, RON?

THAT'S HOW I KNOW YOUR KIDS ARE GOING TO BE FINE.

OH, IS THAT RIGHT?

YUP, THAT'S RIGHT.

COME ON, I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

UH, YEP, OKAY, I THINK THIS IS IT.

UH, LET'S SEE...

YEAH, IT'S A FUNKY-LOOKING TREE.

CAN WE GET BACK TO THE MISSING KIDS, PLEASE?

SHH.

[TAPS]

WHAT-- WHAT ARE YOU GOING?

LA, LA...

LA LA LA LA, LA LAAAA LA...

[SHE SINGS]

WHOA...

AMAZING, ISN'T IT?

IT'S INCREDIBLE...

BUT IT'S NOT MAGIC.

IT'S-- IT'S SCIENTIFIC.

THE SOUND WAVES ARE STIMULATING

THE TREE'S INNER ENERGY.

THERE'S A SPECIES IN SOUTHEAST ASIA

THAT DOES THE EXACT SAME THING.

YOU'VE BEEN TO ASIA?

NO.

NO. I SAW IT ON NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC.

TIM ASKED ME ABOUT WHAT IS SUPERNATURAL,

AND I SAID, THERE IS NO SUCH THING.

EVERYTHING CAN BE EXPLAINED, SCIENTIFICALLY,

RATIONALLY...

CAN WE PLEASE GO FIND MY KIDS?

YES.

OKAY.

I'M INCLINED TO BELIEVE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC,

BUT THIS CONVERSATION IS NOT OVER.

[RON]: TIMMY!

[TIM]: DO YOU THINK MOM'LL LET US KEEP

[ANNIE SCOFFS]

DO YOU HONESTLY THINK SHE'D LET YOU HAVE

FOUR HAIRY, NOISY, UNIDENTIFIED FOREST CREATURES?

WHY DON'T YOU BRING HOME A SASQUATCH

AND SEE WHERE THAT GETS YOU.

WE COULD ASK DAD.

DAD DOESN'T EVEN WANT US AROUND.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

[SCARFING SOUNDS]

[ANNIE]: YEAH, YOU SHOULD'VE HEARD HIM ON THE PHONE.

TALKED LIKE WE WERE TOTAL BAGGAGE.

HE'S A GOOD DAD.

HE'S JUST... UNDER A LOT OF STRESS.

IF WE REALLY NEEDED SOMETHING,

HE'D BE THERE FOR US.

WHATEVER.

BURBLE. BURBLE!

[MONSTERS MAKE NOISES]

[MONSTERS SHIVER AND WHIMPER]

WHAT IS IT, GUYS?

WE MUST BE NEAR THE HOODOO.

LOOK AT THEM, THEY'RE SHAKING.

IS... IS THIS IT?

IS THIS WHERE THE HOODOO LIVES?

[CAWS]

OKAY, COME ON.

ONE PICTURE, THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.

ANNIE, PHONE?

THANKS.

COME ON, YOU GUYS!

TIM, MAYBE-- MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T.

I...

[MONSTERS WHIMPER AND WHINE]

ANNIE, GEEZ, COME ON. DON'T BE SUCH A CHICKEN.

WE CAN'T JUST...

[ROARS]

[SCREAMING]

WAIT A MINUTE.

ANNIE! WAIT, STOP!

NO, TIM!

COME BACK! KEEP RUNNING!

IT'S NOT THE HOODOO!

[ROARS]

HEH. LOOK FAMILIAR?

IT'S ONE OF THE MASKS FROM THE GENERAL STORE!

GEEZ.

HEY, SQUONK, BURBLE!

IT'S SAFE! IT'S NOT THE HOODOO!

ZORP! THRINNG!

THEY'RE PROBABLY A MILE AWAY BY NOW.

SO THE MONSTERS WERE SCARED OF A DUMMY

THE WHOLE TIME.

I THINK IT'S, LIKE, A SCARECROW...

YOU KNOW, TO KEEP PEOPLE AWAY.

AWAY FROM WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

ANNIE...

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT IS ALL THIS?

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOREST?

IT LOOKS LIKE A BAD-GUY LAIR.

BAD-GUY LAIR?

-WHAT'S IN HERE? -TIM, DON'T!

IT LOOKS...

IT LOOKS LIKE KIBBLE.

KIBBLE?

YEAH. YOU KNOW, LIKE CAT FOOD.

IT'S GOT A PICTURE OF A TURKEY ON IT,

IN, LIKE, RUSSIAN OR SOMETHING.

[CAR APPROACHES]

SOMEONE'S COMING! COME ON.

HIDE!

[LUDACRIS]: SHE TOLD ME I LOOK A LITTLE LIKE DENZEL.

HEH, YOU KNOW...

I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

OH, OH, I'M SORRY, AM I ON?

I THOUGHT SOMEBODY CALLED LUNCH.

OKAY, WELL, HOLD ON A SECOND.

WHERE WERE WE? WHERE WERE WE?

OH, RIGHT, THE MYSTERIOUS CLEARING.

SO IT TURNS OUT THE HOODOO

THAT THE MONSTERS WERE SO AFRAID OF

WAS JUST A DECOY ALL ALONG.

BUT IS THERE STILL A REAL HOODOO OUT THERE?

AND WHAT HAVE TIM AND ANNIE FOUND

IN THE MYSTERIOUS CLEARING?

MEANWHILE, A VEHICLE APPROACHES FROM THE DISTANCE,

AS THE NARRATOR HIDES BEHIND A POISONOUS DINGLEBERRY BUSH...

POISONOUS DINGLEBERRY BUSHES?

[SQUEAKS]

PLEASE TELL ME THESE ARE PROPS.

MM...

THRINNG?

[TURKEYS GOBBLE]

THIS UGLY ROASTER IS 174.

PUFFLES MCUGLYKINS, THAT'S NUMBER 175.

I JUST CALL HIM UGLY FOR SHORT.

OH, HE'S UGLY, ALL RIGHT!

THAT'S ALL OF 'EM.

MOVE 'EM OUT.

THOSE GUYS WORK FOR FARMER SUMP!

I TOLD YOU IT WAS A BAD GUY LAIR!

[TURKEYS CLUCK AND GOBBLE]

[BUZZ]: SHUT UP, YOU STUPID BIRDS.

WANT ME TO CLOSE THE DOOR?

HOLD ON.

IT'S SMELLY.

NO, IT'S...

TOTALLY DUBIOUS, IF YOU ASK ME.

YEAH?

175 BIRDS

COMIN' ALL THE WAY BACK TO SUMP'S FARM?

THAT'S LIKE A STEER GETTING HOMESICK FOR THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE.

[LAUGHING]

TOTALLY DUBIOUS.

WHAT'S DUBIOUS?

175 FUGITIVE BIRDS COMING BACK TO SUMP'S FARM!

WELL, THAT IS DUBIOUS.

YOU HEARD WHAT OLD MAN SUMP SAID.

WE DON'T KEEP THESE BIRDS UNDER WRAPS,

IT'S GOING TO BLOW THE WHOLE DEAL.

GOT TO HAND IT TO OLD MAN SUMP,

HE'S ALWAYS GOT A PLAN IN THE HOPPER.

YEAH.

AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT...

WHAT?

WE NEED A PIECE OF THE ACTION.

I MEAN, HE'S GETTING THIS EMMERSON PLACE

ON A DEBT THAT AIN'T EVEN LEGIT,

AND WE'RE DOING ALL THE DIRTY WORK.

[JUNIOR]: SHYEAH...

TELL YOU WHAT...

WE COULD BLACKMAIL HIM.

YEAH...

BUT HE'D BE PROBABLY BLACKMAIL US RIGHT BACK.

I MEAN, HE KNOWS ALL ABOUT MY PRIVATE DISPENSARY

AND MY COPPER-FLIPPING AND MY BOOTLEG DVDS.

YOU GOT A POINT THERE.

SUMP ALSO KNOWS ABOUT LARISSA BEING MY FIRST COUSIN.

AND IF THAT EVER GOT OUT,

LARISSA WOULD TOTALLY BREAK UP WITH ME.

[PHONE MAKES BEEPING SOUND]

HEY!

WHAT DO WE DO?

GET HER!

STOP RIGHT THERE, GIRLY-GIRL!

[ANNIE SCREAMS]

GET HER PHONE!

STOP! STOP!

[YELLS]

OW!

HEY! PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE!

THAT REALLY HURTS ON MY LEG! PREVIOUS INJURY...

LET GO OF ME!

NO, THAT'S MY LIFE!

[KIDS AND SCREAM]

STOP IT!

[YELLING]

[SOBBING] NO!

GEE WHIZ!

NO! NO!

[SNICKERS]

[YELLING]

[MUFFLED]

YEAH... THEY'RE NOT GOING NOWHERE NOW.

[YELLING]

LET'S GO TELL SUMP.

[KIDS YELL]

SOMEBODY, COME HERE! PLEASE, HELP!

[CLUCKING]

[RON]: ANNIE?

[CLY]: TIMMY?

WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR HOURS, CLY.

I HAVEN'T SEEN A FOOTPRINT SINCE THE SUN WENT DOWN,

AND DO WE EVEN KNOW WE'RE GOING THE RIGHT WAY?

IT'S POSSIBLE YOU'RE LOOKING TOO HARD.

JUST OPEN UP YOUR MIND

AND LET THE UNIVERSE HELP YOU FIND YOUR WAY.

AGAIN WITH THE UNIVERSE...

LISTEN, I'M TRYING TO RESPECT YOUR BELIEFS.

THIS ISN'T A PHISH CONCERT.

MY SON AND DAUGHTER ARE MISSING.

WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TURN YOUR FLASHLIGHT OFF.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, SMOKE A PEACE PIPE?

I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING.

IT WON'T WORK WITHOUT YOUR FLASHLIGHT OFF.

COME ON. TURN IT OFF.

NED...

IT'S CLY AND...

AND RON.

OH, GOD, LOOK AT YOU!

YOU... COME ON!

-WORK WITH ME A LITTLE BIT. -I AM.

WELL, YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE

BEING SO NEGATIVE!

TRY TO BE A LITTLE BIT POSITIVE.

HONESTLY, CLY, THIS IS A HUGE WASTE OF TIME.

AND YOU KNOW I DON'T BELIEVE IN ANY OF THIS STUFF.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BELIEVE IN IT.

JUST BELIEVE IN THE POSSIBILITY OF IT.

NED...

I MISS YOU. I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

AND...

I KNOW YOU LOVED THIS FOREST,

SO I HOPE YOU'RE OUT THERE, AND YOU CAN HEAR ME,

AND, UH...

IF YOU CAN...

IT WOULD BE REALLY GREAT

IF YOU COULD HELP US FIND TIMMY AND ANNIE.

REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

HOPE YOU LISTENED.

THANK YOU, NED.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT'D I MISS?

THE MOON CAME OUT.

WELL, THAT'S NOT EXACTLY A MIRACLE...

[CLY]: NO, BUT THOSE FOOTPRINTS ARE.

COME ON, WE'RE BACK ON TRACK.

HEY, THANKS, NED.

I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.

WELL, I MEAN, I WON'T SEE YOU, BUT...

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

ANNIE...

I'M SCARED.

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

I'M OLDER AND SMARTER, AND I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

[TURKEY GOBBLES]

I'VE BEEN EATING YOUR HALLOWEEN CANDY.

WHAT?

UH, YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED, HERE AND THERE...

THE DARK CHOCOLATE, SPECIFICALLY.

I DID. I KNEW IT WAS YOU.

OH.

WELL, SORRY.

LOOK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

WE'RE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE.

I MEAN, IT'S PARTIALLY YOUR FAULT

FOR HOARDING IT

LIKE SOME KIND OF DOOMSDAY SURVIVALIST.

I MEAN, JUST EAT IT ALREADY.

I...

DROPPED YOUR CURLING IRON IN THE TOILET.

WHAT WAS THE, UH...

STATUS OF THE TOILET

WHEN YOU DROPPED IT?

LIGHTLY USED.

I GAVE YOUR CROCS TO GOOD WILL.

MY RED CROCS?

I WAS DOING YOU A FAVOR.

NO ONE WEARS CROCS ANYMORE, ESPECIALLY NOT EVERY DAY,

AND ESPECIALLY NOT BOYS.

I LOOKED EVERYWHERE FOR THOSE. YOU KNEW I LOVED THEM!

WELL, YOU'LL FORGIVE ME WHEN YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

I READ YOUR DIARY.

NO WAY.

I ESPECIALLY LIKED THE PART WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT

HOW YOU DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON TYLER HEALEY,

BUT THEN YOU SPEND FOUR PAGES DESCRIBING HIS HAIR.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST STOP WITH THE CONFESSIONS.

I TOLD YOU NOT TO START.

I'M A REAL BRAT SOMETIMES, AREN'T I?

ONLY WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE.

I'M RUDE TO DAD.

I BARELY TALK TO MOM.

I MEAN, I LOVE THEM BOTH, IT'S JUST...

I KNOW.

ME TOO.

THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO STICK TOGETHER,

NO MATTER WHAT...

YOU KNOW, AND MAKE IT WORK.

I MEAN, ISN'T THAT WHAT PARENTS ARE FOR?

NO.

THAT'S WHAT BROTHERS AND SISTERS ARE FOR.

[HOWLING IN DISTANCE]

[TURKEY GOBBLES]

[GOBBLING]

HOW'D YOU GET OUT?

ANNIE.

ANNIE?

ANNIE! WAKE UP, A TURKEY GOT OUT.

[SHE COUGHS]

[COUGHS BREATHLESSLY]

I CAN'T BREATHE!

FEATHERS!

COME ON, JUST BREATHE, PLEASE.

JUST BREATHE. GO AWAY!

[ANNIE]: I CAN'T BREATHE...

DEEP BREATHS, COME ON. IN, OUT.

[ANNIE COUGHS]

[TIM, BANGING ON WALL] HELP! SOMEBODY!

[CLY]: TIM?

[RON]: ANNIE!

ANNIE!

HEY!

TIMMY!

CLY...

WE'VE BEEN OUT HERE ALL NIGHT.

IT'S TIME TO BRING IN THE BIG GUNS.

NO MORE CHANTING, NO MORE TALKING TO GHOSTS.

WE NEED RANGERS. WE NEED HELICOPTERS.

WE NEED DOGS!

[TIM]: HELP! SOMEBODY, PLEASE! SOMEBODY!

DID YOU...?

YEAH, I HEARD IT, TOO.

TIMMY!

[TIM]: HELP! WE NEED HELP! SOMEONE!

SOMEBODY, PLEASE HELP!

TIM!

WHAT'S THAT THING DOING ALL THE WAY OUT HERE?

[TIM]: WE'RE IN HERE!

[CLY]: ANNIE!

WE'RE IN HERE! COME ON!

ANNIE CAN'T BREATHE!

WHAT?

ANNIE CAN'T BREATHE!

HER ALLERGIES!

HURRY, DAD, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

WHAT'S EVERYWHERE?

SUMP'S TURKEYS! THEIR FEATHERS!

SUMP? THAT CONNIVING SON OF A...

[RON]: CLY!

LISTEN, TIMMY, STAND BACK!

I'M GOING TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE!

COME ON, ANNIE.

CAREFUL, RONNIE!

CLY, I GOT THIS. STAND BACK!

[CRASH]

[CRASH]

RONNIE, IT'S A STEEL ROLL-UP DOOR!

YOU'RE GOING TO DISLOCATE YOUR SHOULDER!

LISTEN, I'VE SEEN LIAM NEESON DO THIS A HUNDRED TIMES.

THAT GUY'S OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY GRANDFATHER.

I CAN DO THIS.

TIM, YOU GET BACK!

[TURKEYS GOBBLE]

[GRUNTS]

-WHAT IN THE...? -RONNIE...

WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE MUST NEVER LEAVE THIS FOREST.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

[HUMS, BLASTS STATIC]

[PLAYS A NOTE]

[MONSTERS CALL BACK]

[PLAYS DEEP NOTES]

DON'T WORRY, DAD'S HERE.

HE'S GOING TO GET US OUT.

DON'T WORRY. JUST KEEP BREATHING.

ZORP, ZORP...

[PLAYS OTHER MONSTER NOISES]

[SQUEAKS]

SQUONK, THANKS FOR COMING.

OH, BURBLE. THANK GOD, YOU MADE IT.

[GRUNTS]

ZORP!

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU.

[TRILLING SOUND]

THRINNG!

WHAT THE FFFFUUUZZZY... ANIMALS?

THERE ARE TWO KIDS TRAPPED IN THAT SHED OVER THERE,

AND WE NEED YOUR HELP.

WE'VE GOT TO GET THEM OUT.

I NEED YOU TO EAT ROCKS LIKE YOU'VE NEVER EATEN BEFORE,

OKAY?

ALL RIGHT. GO TO IT! GO!

[MONSTERS MAKE NOISES]

THAT MEANS YOU, TOO, THRINNG.

GO, GO, GO!

SQUONK! SQUONK!

[MUNCHING SOUNDS]

[CLY]: WHAT'RE YOU STARING AT? YOU'VE GOT TO HELP.

PRY AWAY THE ROCKS. COME ON.

[MONSTERS MUNCH AND CRUNCH]

HEY, TIMMY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

DAD, HURRY!

WE'RE COMING THROUGH!

[TIM]: HURRY, DAD! COME ON, PLEASE!

COME ON, GUYS.

COME ON, HURRY.

HANG IN THERE, KIDDO!

WE'RE COMING, GUYS!

[TIM]: HURRY!

[MONSTERS SNARF AND MUNCH]

HEY, BOSS?

UH, WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH THEM TWO KIDS

LOCKED UP IN THE FACILI... UH...

UM, THE...

[JUNIOR]: FACULTY.

SECRET PLACE?

DON'T WORRY, I GOT THAT ALL FIGURED OUT.

REMEMBER THAT TIME WHEN JUNIOR HERE

SAT DOWN ON THE WRONG END OF HIS CATTLE PROD

AND FORGOT HIS OWN NAME FOR A WEEK?

[LAUGHING]

WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED?

THOSE AREN'T THE PRODS WE USE FOR REGULAR PRODDIN'.

NO, THEY AIN'T.

THESE ARE INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH,

HALF A MILLION VOLTS EACH.

YOU CAN COOK AN EGG WITH 'EM!

WHOO!

ONE ZAP, AND THEY'LL WAKE UP THINKING IT'S LAST MAY.

HELL, GIVE 'EM A FEW ZAPS FOR GOOD MEASURE.

[LAUGHS]

YOU REALLY WOULD THINK I WOULD REMEMBER THAT!

[LAUGHS]

YOU SEE HIS FACE?

WHA... WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

[MUNCHING]

COME ON, GUYS!

BURBLE, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE FULL ALREADY!

COME ON.

BURBLE.

OH, YEAH, YEAH, I'VE HEARD IT ALL.

COME ON. GET BACK IN THERE.

IT'S THANKSGIVING!

GOT TO EAT 'TIL YOU POP.

COME ON!

[SIGHS]

COME ON, WE NEED YOUR HELP.

[LOUD MUNCHING]

[TIM]: GUYS, HURRY!

I'M SCARED!

PLEASE HURRY, DAD!

YES, YES, PLEASE HURRY...

TIM?

TIM!

CAN YOU GET OUT HERE?

COME ON.

GIVE ME YOUR HAND!

COME ON, BUD. I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU.

GET ANNIE!

YOU OKAY?

THERE YOU GO. HERE YOU GO, SWEETIE.

[ANNIE COUGHS, PANTS]

OKAY, COME ON.

THERE YOU GO, COME ON. I GOT YOU.

OKAY, I GOT YOU NOW.

HEY, TIMMY, GRAB ME THAT CHAIR, WOULD YOU?

ALL RIGHT.

SHH. IT'S OKAY, SWEETHEART.

IT'S OKAY. HERE WE GO.

OKAY, THERE WE GO.

WHERE'S MY BANANA, HUH?

[COUGHS]

NO, I HATE THAT NAME.

AW, THERE SHE IS. THERE SHE IS.

HEY, BUDDY.

YOU SAVED US!

YOU TOTALLY SAVED US.

WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING?

YOU THINK I'D LEAVE YOU OUT HERE?

I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU GUYS. I'D DIE FOR YOU.

I'D MOVE MOUNTAINS.

OH, RIGHT...

I ALSO HAD A LITTLE HELP FROM AUNT CLY...

AND, UH...

THESE FOUR...

MONSTERS, RON.

MAGICAL MONSTERS.

[RON]: YEAH. YEAH.

OKAY, UM...

IT'S JUST THAT I'VE ALWAYS SUBSCRIBED

TO THE POPULAR THEORY THAT MAGIC DOESN'T EXIST.

YEAH, WELL,

MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO TAKE TIME TO GET TO KNOW A FEW MONSTERS.

SO, THIS IS SQUONK...

SQUONK!

BURBLE...

BURBLE.

-ZORP... -ZORP.

AND THRINNG.

THRINNG!

WELL, IT'S...

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY KIDS.

[MONSTERS MAKE CONTENTED SOUNDS]

BOY, THEY REALLY DO TOE THE LINE

BETWEEN FUGLY AND ADORABLE, HUH?

HEY, RON, WATCH IT!

THESE ARE PRACTICALLY MY KIDS.

I'M SORRY ABOUT HIM.

YEAH, HE'S JUST BEEN REALLY STRESSED

BECAUSE OF THE... UNCOUPLING.

DIVORCE.

WAIT, SO...

AUNT CLY,

HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ABOUT THESE GUYS?

SINCE LONG BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.

[ANNIE]: I'M STILL CONFUSED.

I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT THE HOODOO?

DOES IT EVEN ACTUALLY EXIST?

[MONSTERS TRILL AND GRUNT]

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S AN INTERESTING QUESTION.

[TRUCK APPROACHES]

THAT'S THEM!

THOSE ARE THE GUYS THAT TOOK US AND LOCKED US IN THERE.

YEAH, LOOKS LIKE THOSE KIDS.

THEY'RE LOOSE!

GET OUT OF HERE!

COME ON.

[MONSTERS MAKE SOUNDS]

NO, NO, NO! DON'T FOLLOW ME. RUN! HIDE!

BURBLE?

HURRY! RUN!

[MONSTERS SQUAWK AND SQUEAK]

[BUZZ]: AND THAT EMMERSON LADY...

MAN, SHE'S LIKE...

LIKE THAT ONE BOOGER THAT YOU JUST CAN'T FLICK OFF.

NOW SHE'S GONNA BE ROADKILL!

[SQUAWKS, THEN YELPS]

I'LL CUT 'EM OFF AT THE BEND.

[LAUGHS]

ZORP. ZORP! ZORP?

[WHIMPERS]

[GRUMBLES AND CHATTERS]

[ROAR IN UNISON]

ALL RIGHT, GET A MOVE ON, GUYS.

THEY'RE COMING

YEE-HAW!

KEEP RUNNING!

DON'T LOOK BACK.

COME ON.

[BUZZ]: GO, LITTLE RABBITS!

GOTTA HIT IT. HIT IT!

BETTER RUN!

YOU BETTER RUN!

-RON! RON. -WHAT?

GIVE ME MY THERMOS.

HERE.

[JUNIOR]: GUN IT! GUN IT! YEAH, YEAH.

[SCREAMING]

[HIGH-PITCHED YELPS]

TOLD YOU IT HAD A SERIOUS KICK.

HUH.

[BUZZ]: YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT WINDSHIELD!

COME ON!

WANNA PLAY?

OH, IT'S ON NOW.

YEE-HAW!

COME ON!

YOU WANNA PLAY?

COME ON!

[LAUGHING]

WHOO! ROADKILL!

WHERE DO WE GO NOW?

YEE-HAW!

YOU STAY BACK, KIDS.

I'M NOT GOING TO LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU.

WHAT DO WE GOT HERE?

LOOKS LIKE OUR BIRDS DONE FLEW THE COOP!

YEAH!

TIME TO ROAST THESE BIRDS FOR THANKSGIVING!

HEY, YOU GOT A PROBLEM, YOU SETTLE IT WITH ME.

YOU LEAVE THEM OUT OF IT.

I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU'RE ALL GOING DOWN FOR A NICE LONG NAP.

SAY GOODNIGHT, BUNCHA HIGHHATS.

TIME TO GO TO SLEEP.

FZZT!

[CHUCKLES]

[STRANGE GROWLING SOUND]

-BUZZ? -[GROWLING]

BUZZ?

[LOUD ROARING]

BUZZ!

[ROARING]

G-G-GET IT!

YOU GET IT!

Y-Y-Y-YOU GET IT!

YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE BIGGER PROD!

DO SOMETHING!

[BOTH YELLING]

[GRUNTS]

BURBLE.

ZORP! ZORP!

THRINNG, THRINNG!

[LAUGHS IN RELIEF]

HEY!

HI!

WE, UH...

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE VERY SELECTIVE

ABOUT WHAT WE TELL YOUR MOTHER WHEN WE GET HOME.

SO YOU GUYS WERE THE HOODOO ALL ALONG?

YEAH, THERE'S A LESSON IN THERE SOMEWHERE

AROUND STICKING TOGETHER.

GOOD WORK, YOU GUYS.

THIS IS, BY FAR, THE COOLEST VACATION EVER.

[MONSTERS COO AND PANT, OTHERS CHATTER]

[PURRING, HONKING]

WAIT, AUNT CLY!

YOUR FARM! WHAT TIME IS IT?

IT'S QUARTER TO NOON. WE HAVE 15 MINUTES!

THE TRUCK!

-BURBLE... -LET'S GO! GET A MOVE ON.

WE GOT KEYS?

WHO NEEDS KEYS?

[ENGINE SPUTTERS TO LIFE]

THERE!

[PEELS OUT]

WELL, HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

WHAT AN AMAZING TURN OF EVENTS!

TURNS OUT THE MUSICAL MONSTERS

TEAM UP TO FORM THE HOWLING HOODOO.

I MEAN, WHO COULD'VE SEEN THAT ONE COMING?

BURBLE BURBLE.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S A GREAT POINT, BURBLE.

AND HOW ABOUT LITTLE TIM AND ANNIE EMMERSON,

STILL ALIVE GOING INTO THE HOME STRETCH?

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT GONNA LIE...

I HAD 20 BUCKS ON THE EVIL FARMHANDS.

BURBLE.

I ONLY HAVE FIVE DOLLARS.

BURBLE!

FINE! FINE.

YOU GUYS KEEP WATCHING

WHILE WE SORT OUT THIS PERSONAL MATTER.

-BURBLE. -BURBLE!

-BURBLE! -BURBLE BURBLE!

BURBLE!

CLY?

[SIGHS]

[SUMP]: ALL RIGHT, SHERIFF...

LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.

WHERE'S THAT WOMAN?

WHERE'S THAT VIXEN AT?

SHE'S NOT ANSWERING.

HELL, I DON'T CARE IF SHE'S HERE OR NOT!

MY WATCH SAYS 12:01, AND SHE'S IN MY DEBT.

THIS IS BETWIXT ME AND YOU NOW, SHERIFF.

IT'S A STANDARD DEED OF TRANSFER, SHERIFF,

IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE TOWNSHIP BYLAWS.

GO AHEAD AND SIGN AT THE BOTTOM.

[TRUCK HORN HONKS AND BLARES]

WHAT IN BLUE BLAZES?

THAT'S MY TRUCK!

LET'S GO! COME ON, LET'S GO, TIMBO!

[CLY]: HEY! STOP! DON'T SIGN ANYTHING!

SHERIFF, ARREST THAT MAN!

ON WHAT GROUNDS?

HE KIDNAPPED MY KIDS.

I'M PRESSING CHARGES.

ON TOP OF THAT, THIS GUY'S A COMPLETE FRAUD!

NOW, HOLD ON, WHO'S KIDNAPPING WHO?

[TIM]: SUMP'S FARMHANDS...

KIDNAPPED US!

THEY LOCKED US UP AND LEFT US TO DIE!

SUMP, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?

SHERIFF, HOW MUCH'A THIS BULLCORN

ARE YOU GONNA STAND FOR?

THIS MUSHROOM-GROWING, DOWNWARD-DOGGING DEVILWOMAN

RAN OFF MY TURKEYS.

AND NOW SHE'S GOT HER KIN PEDDLIN' SOME HAREBRAINED STORY

STARRIN' THE DAMNED HOWLIN' HOODOO!

YES...

GOOD LUCK MAKING THAT STICK IN COURT.

THE TURKEYS AREN'T GONE! THEY CAME BACK!

[ANNIE]: YEAH.

SO AUNT CLY DOESN'T OWE THIS JERK ANYTHING!

IS THIS TRUE, SUMP?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

NOW, WHY IN THE HECK WOULD 175 TURKEYS

COME BACK TO CAPTIVITY

AFTER THEY'VE BEEN SET LOOSE?

BECAUSE THEY'RE HOOKED ON THIS STUFF.

SORRY TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO, SHERIFF,

BUT HERE'S THE PROOF.

SUMP'S BEEN PUMPING HIS TURKEYS FULL OF ILLEGAL HORMONES.

THAT'S WHY THEY CAME BACK...

'CAUSE THEY'RE USED TO A STEADY DIET OF CHEMICALS.

HE'S GOT TONS OF THAT STUFF STASHED IN THE FOREST,

WHERE THE FARM INSPECTORS CAN'T FIND IT.

THIS IS NOTHING

BUT FALLACIOUS, OUTRAGEOUS SLANDER,

PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

DON'T SAY A WORD, ELDRIDGE.

WELL, THAT'S ONE THING

YOUR LAWYER AND I CAN AGREE UPON.

ELDRIDGE SUMP...

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.

NOW, SHERIFF...

JUST... A MINUTE.

JUST A MINUTE.

HEY!

HAH!

GONNA CHASE HIM, SHERIFF?

WELL, HE'S WEARING ORTHOPEDIC SHOES.

HOW FAR CAN HE GET?

[GROWLING]

WHAT?

WHAT THE...?

[ROARS]

[YELLING, ROARING]

AAGH!

HELP, GET IT OFF OF ME!

GET IT OFF ME!

OW! OW! OW!

[SCREAMING GOES QUIET]

SHERIFF! SHERIFF...

TAKE ME TO JAIL!

I'LL GO!

I'LL GO, I'LL GO...

JUST-- JUST GET ME OUTTA HERE.

AND YOU WOULD HAVE GOT AWAY WITH IT, TOO...

IF IT WEREN'T FOR US MEDDLING KIDS!

SHERIFF?

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

ALWAYS HAPPY TO HELP, CLY.

LET ME KNOW

IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO TO YOU.

FOR YOU!

DO FOR YOU...

YOU FOLKS HAVE A LOVELY THANKSGIVING.

ELDRIDGE!

I'LL GET YOU OUT, ELDRIDGE!

[RON]: YOU WERE RIGHT.

I KNOW!

THEY DO LIKE EACH OTHER.

AUNT CLY, I HAVE A QUESTION.

MM?

WHERE DO YOU THINK THE MONSTERS WENT?

OH, I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.

[MUNCHING SOUNDS]

[CLY]: THEY ALWAYS LIKE A LITTLE SWEET GRAVEL

AT THE END OF A BUSY DAY.

WANT TO FEED THEM?

HMM? NO. I'M... GOOD.

SO UNCLE NED MADE FRIENDS WITH THESE GUYS

ALL THOSE YEARS AGO?

YEAH, UM...

AND THEN HE INTRODUCED THEM TO ME,

AND THEN WE BECAME FAMILY.

YOU KEPT THEM A SECRET THIS WHOLE TIME?

YOU COULD'VE BEEN FAMOUS!

ZORP.

[CLY]: WELL, THE THING IS, TIMMY...

YOUR UNCLE NED AND I...

WE WERE ALWAYS CONTENT TO BELIEVE IN MAGIC.

I LIKE TO THINK THESE LITTLE CREATURES

ARE THE BEAUTIFUL OFFSPRING OF AN ENCHANTED FOREST,

AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

[BURPS]

PLEASE, BURBLE.

EXCUSE YOU.

PLUS, CAN YOU IMAGINE THE CIRCUS WE WOULD HAVE

IF PEOPLE KNEW THERE WERE FOUR CUTE, CUDDLY, MUSICAL MONSTERS

LIVING IN THAT FOREST?

HA!

IS THAT WHY UNCLE NED STOPPED WRITING THE JOURNAL?

WE JUST REALIZED IT WAS FOR THE BEST

TO LET PEOPLE BELIEVE IN THE HOODOO.

PLUS, IT SELLS T-SHIRTS.

THEY SAY "ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL."

I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT THAT MEANS,

BUT SHAKESPEARE, HE'S NEVER WRONG.

THE GOOD NEWS IS, THE FARM WAS SAFE AT LAST...

JUST IN TIME

FOR AUNT CLY'S FAMOUS VEGAN THANKSGIVING DINNER.

NO TURKEY, OF COURSE,

AND THAT WAS JUST FINE WITH TIM AND ANNIE,

WHO NEVER WANTED TO SEE ANOTHER TURKEY AGAIN.

YES, THE TABLE WAS CROWDED,

AND IT'S ABOUT TO GET EVEN MORE CROWDED...

[KNOCKS]

OH... HEY, SHERIFF! BACK SO SOON?

HEY, CLY.

MIND IF I COME IN?

OH...

SURE, BU... UH...

WE WERE JUST, JUST, AH,

SITTING DOWN TO THANKSGIVING DINNER, SO...

WOW, YOU CLEAN UP GOOD.

OH, THANK YOU!

YOU... JUST...

YOU LOOK...

I JUST WANTED TO STOP BY

TO LET YOU KNOW

THAT I PERSONALLY DELIVERED ALL OF SUMP'S TURKEYS

OVER TO DALE AND BEVERLY'S ANIMAL RESCUE.

OH, THAT WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU.

WELL, THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW THAT. I'LL...

MM-MM-MM...

SOMETHING SURE DOES SMELL FAN--

JUST SOMETHING VEGAN! IT'S...

THERE YOU HAVE IT!

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

OKAY...

WELL, SHERIFF...

I BELIEVE YOU KNOW THE EMMERSONS.

AND THIS IS SQUONK, BURBLE, ZORP, AND THRINNG.

THRINNG!

[THEY SQUAWK AND HONK]

WHAT THE HECK ARE THEY, CLY?

THEY ARE MONSTERS, GROVER.

THEY ARE MAGICAL, MUSICAL MONSTERS.

BUT LUCKILY, THEY'RE VERY FRIENDLY,

SO COME ON IN AND SIT DOWN.

OKAY.

HEY, RON, CAN WE PULL UP A CHAIR FOR THE SHERIFF HERE?

HEY, SHERIFF!

[CLY]: THERE WE GO...

JUST, UH, GO WITH IT.

GET YOU SET UP HERE.

I'M PRETTY SURE

YOU'RE GOING TO WANT A LITTLE WINE.

UH, YEAH.

[CLY]: ALL RIGHT!

SHERIFF...

THANK YOU.

WOULD YOU CARE FOR SOME BEETS?

[TAPS GLASS]

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST.

TO OUR DAD AND AUNT CLY, FOR RESCUING US.

YEAH!

I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD OF MY FAMILY.

AW...

THAT GOES DOUBLE FOR AUNT CLY.

JUST WHEN THINGS WERE GETTING DARK,

SHE... SHOWED ME THE LIGHT,

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM UNCLE NED.

TO NED.

SO, UH...

THEY'RE, UH, MUSICAL MONSTERS?

OH, YES!

THEY'RE VERY, VERY TALENTED.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE?

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

HIT IT, BOYS!

ONE, TWO...

ONE, TWO, THREE...

[STRUMS]

ZORP, ZORP, ZORP, ZORP...

["ZORPS" TO TUNE OF RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD]

THRINNG!

[MONSTERS MAKE NOISES TO TUNE]

[PLAYS ALONG ON JIBBERATOR]

[LAUGHING]

[***]

WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.

ANOTHER MAGICAL THANKSGIVING IN TURKEY HOLLOW,

A PLACE WHERE LEGENDS COME TO LIFE,

TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION,

AND PEOPLE AND MONSTERS LIVE TOGETHER

IN PEACE AND HARMONY.

ALSO, I JUST WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW

THAT NO TURKEYS WERE HARMED

IN THE MAKING OF THIS PRODUCTION.

[TURKEY GOBBLES]

HAPPY HOLIDAYS.

[***]

BURBLE, BURBLE, BURBLE!

HA HA HA HA!

HA-HAH!

[***]