Original subtitles

Rosana, if I ask you something, will you answer very honestly?

It's never good when someone asks that.

Okay, you don't need to be honest, just tell me.

Cool?

-You think I'm ugly? -Yes.

Fuck. I said you didn't have to be honest.

I thought it was a tougher question.

-It's around here. -What did you think I was going to ask?

Who knows. If you're a good actor.

Oh, thanks. So you think I am ugly and I'm a bad actor. Cool.

You want me to be honest?

I want you to answer with all the sensibility in your heart.

-Why do you want to know that? -I read a comment on a video today.

It said I look like a caramel apple.

My body is the stick and my head is the apple.

You know why, right?

I told you not to read the comments. They just leave us depressed.

I know, but the video got 350 views, and his comment got 380 likes.

People who didn't even watch the video are liking his caramel apple comment.

Look, that's the store. Call an Uber, I'll be right back.

Okay.

Your mom's gonna suck a caramel apple, dickhead.

There's no Quico, just Shrek, and Fofão.

Doesn't that guy look like Erasmo?

The blond one?

No, Erasmo is bald.

Yes, but look from the hair down.

Man...

It's Erasmo... but hot.

Hot?

ONLINE VIDEO PRODUCTIONS

Hey! How are you? What's in the shrimp tapicrepe?

It's like a tapicrepe.

No, what's in it?

Let me see...

Shrimp.

.What a surprise, huh? So, you want a shrimp tapicrepe

or you want to know what's in the cheese tapicrepe?

I can call the cook to come and explain what's in it.

No, I want you to get the manager, please.

You sure about that? The cook can explain it better.

Buddy, get me the manager.

-What happened? -Hi.

-Your waiter was very rude to me. -What did he say?

I asked what the shrimp tapicrepe was like, and he said: "Tapicrepe."

I asked what was in it, and he said: "Shrimp."

-So what do you need? -I would like to-- I would--

Just that. That's exactly what I needed to know. Thank you.

Oh, it's insane. It always is.

Joilson, come here!

It can't be. It's his twin. It has to be, Rosana.

Only if his twin wears a wig.

That's exactly like the one that went missing about two weeks ago.

Man, does he have split personality, like Zacarias?

-Zacarias had split personality? -Yes, you didn't know?

Zacarias would take off his wig for interviews and he was serious.

He'd put his wig on and have that voice, that laugh.

He'd wear those loud outfits. It was insane, a different person.

You know why, right?

-Yes, he was sick. -No, Pablo.

He was a real actor.

Actor.

BORGES IMPORTS

The volume is Roberto Justus, but the color is Gugu Liberato.

I'd say it's Nair Bello color, with Aracy Balabanian volume.

That too.

You know what I'll do with your fucking tapicrepe

that looks like some old hag's vagina like an old papaya?

I'll use your butt as the tapicrepe dough and fill it with...

-Sônia. -Sônia!

-What's happening? -I'm writing a new script.

About what?

About how the fucking TapiCrepe at 567 Arnaldo Antunes St. sucks!

-What will it be called? -That.

Nope. Sônia, do you think they could sue us over this script?

-Why? -Because that's what happens

when someone says the fucking tapicrepe at 567 Arnaldo Antunes St. sucks.

-They could say it's slander. -Not if it's true.

Makes sense.

-How's the video? -It starts at TapiCrepe restaurant.

The customer calls the waiter politely, and asks nicely:

"How's the shrimp tapicrepe?" A totally normal question.

The butt-hole waiter, as if the shit was already filling his cheeks, says:

"It's like a tapicrepe."

The customer, who was fine with the stupid waiter,

looks at him not believing the guy really was a fucking asshole...

Still fucking polite, and fucking patient, she continues:

"Fine, but what's in it?"

Let me see here

since you're a customer who respects people and not an asshole like me

That's right!

Let's see, cheese, tuna... Shrimp!

I hate my life,

and I hate my job,

that's why I am rude to nice people like you.

Asshole!

Honey, do me a favor. Get me the manager.

Please, great manager!

Hello!

I am the manager, unloved and boss at this crap here.

-What do you need to know? -That was it.

You know what I'll do with that fucking shrimp tapicrepe

that looks like and old hag's papaya looking vagina?

I'll use your butt as the dough for the crepe

and I'll fill it with a sausage.

Take that!

Sorry, I found it weird. Like I said, I found the ending really weird.

-Why weird? -The video is more offensive than funny.

You're crazy. You didn't get the humor. Erasmo said...

-By the way, where's Erasmo? -He's not here.

What do you mean? Where is he?

Does that mini-dick even pee? Huh?

That's about all it does, man. It's been rough!

I told you to go see my urologist. He figured out my issue.

Chancroid and syphilis all on one testicle in a week!

I have no time, I'm too busy. I wish I had your disposition.

It's all that Peruvian maca, it's that yellow peanut every day.

Fuck, you can hang a wet towel on it!

-He's the man! -Wash your hands, son of a bitch!

So you are a lawyer?

Yes.

Sydney... is your name.

I also noticed you're on your lunch break

with your law office friends.

Having a fruit cocktail.

I have a case for you, sir.

I have a missing friend.

His name's Erasmo.

Bald. His nose looks like yours.

You kind of have the same body, skin tone.

Voice.

-You haven't seen him? -Don't know him.

No.

He's been missing for about two days.

You don't want to help me find my friend?

Maybe your friend doesn't want to be found.

I think he leads a double life.

-I don't think so. -I do.

He started wanting to try new things,

and to not do that in front of his friends...

he decided to create a new personna.

Then he decided to make new friends,

and I think it's all in his head, you know.

Is it him?

-Go away. I'm trying to find out. -Is Rosana here, too?

-Erasmo. You're Erasmo, aren't you? -Erasmo?

Of course, you idiot!

Fucking dope! Genius! You're perfect!

I was about to apologize thinking it was someone else.

-Stop pretending. -I'm not pretending.

I am serious. I thought it was someone else.

How much for your silence?

I want to know how much you charge to teach me all this.

You can put it away.

TAPIOCAS AND CREPES

That's it, folks. We will have to close our doors.

Okay, it's over.

-What do you mean? Why? -Yes, why all of the sudden?

Yeah, unfortunately, it's over. Maybe if you had been nicer

to our customers, or less rude...

I know I shouldn't have brought my problems here, but it's tough.

It's hard feeding my kids. It hard helping out at the nursing home.

It's not your fault, Marta.

I was never the same after I lost my entire family in that fire.

Despite saving my neighbor's grandma, baby and dog,

this depression affected my productivity and it affected your work too.

Forget what I said, okay. It's no one's fault.

The economy affected everyone and we are no different.

It's been coming for a year.

I kept it going because I know how important this is for all of you,

but we can't keep going anymore.

Bianca, do something about that phone.

TapiCrepe-- Someone please pick-up the other line.

Yes. Just a moment, please.

Hello, just a minute. Yes.

Just a minute. TapiCrepe, good morning. Please hold.

Yes, our address...

What's happening here?

Five hundred tapicrepes? Are you sure?

Yes, five hundred tapicrepes.

Take note. It's 45 four cheese, 80 white chocolate, and 100...

Guys, watch this video. It's trending like crazy.

The biggest marketing lawsuit ever.

Percivaldo wants us to represent them.

I just need to make a quick call. Be right back.

-Hello. -Have you seen what you've done?

I leave you in charge for one second and it all turns to crap!

Hang on, I have another call. Just a second.

No fucking way! Bullshit.

The TapiCrepe video has over 120,000 views.

-No way! Really? -Really.

Guys, people are loving it!

-Suck it, TapiCrepe! -Loving TapiCrepe.

What? No. No, no, no.

You first make the client sign, and then explain why he signed it.

That scheme we learned at the Bar.

You too. Bye.

Where was I?

At a law firm living a lie with the wig that went missing from wardrobe.

Don't get Sidney--

Don't get me involved, because if you listened to Erasmo

the same way the lawyers here listen to Sidney, he...

I mean, I wouldn't even need to exist.

Fuck. TapiCrepe is posting our video everywhere.

It's on Facebook, Instagram, even their Google+ network grew.

-Can they do that? -No way, guys. I can't believe it.

They really are posting it everywhere.

They spread it. It went viral.

Fuck.

Wait up. Sidney, put Erasmo on hold. I need your help.

-Are you sure? -No mistake about it.

Do you know what you'll say, Erasmo?

Huh, Erasmo?!

Sidney, do you know what you'll say?

No, I have no clue what I'll say.

But I didn't become junior associate partner at Esteves & Samarão

knowing what I'd say.

Let's roll.

Excuse me!

-The line is back there! -I need to talk to the owner of this crap!

I'm the owner. Is there a problem, ma'am?

Yes, there is. The video you are using is ours.

-Are you serious? -Very serious.

Ismael, get me an order of the strawberry with heart of palm tapicrepe,

and don't skimp on the condensed milk because they saved TapiCrepe.

Make yourselves at home.

Can we take a picture?

I don't even know how to thank you.

I asked my nephew to look for you on Facebook, Instagram, that stuff,

but here you are.

-So you liked the video. -Did I ever?

If it weren't for your video, I'd have closed the place down.

After your video, our sales increased by>> 400%

It's practically a miracle.

Yeah, we weren't expecting that.

No one expected that with that video.

What was that actor who played the waiter?

For the love of God.

-Did you like him? -Did I like him?

You can tell the guy has some form of delay...

He does.

But it's funny.

Guys let's say what we came here for.

-Sure. -Yes, that's best.

Look, I want to give you some good cash

for you to make TapiCrepe a new video.

In those same lines.

You know? Because money is coming in,

I want to invest in marketing.

That's where I come in. I don't know if Sônia introduced us.

Hi. I'm Sidney Brandão Fernandes.

I'm junior associate partner at the Esteves & Samarão Law Firm.

I represent them on their negotiations.

I'll prepare a contract, my specialty.

All right.

Deal!

-Is it good? -It's good!

Hey! You're back here again?

-You want more, right? -That's right.

I heard you have a new flavor.

Yes, sausage tapicrepe is the latest flavor here at TapiCrepe.

We liked your suggestion, and created it.

It's our latest hit.

What type of sausage is it?

It's a wonderful seasoned sausage...

What happened?

It reminds me of my pig Charlie. He was a wonderful pig.

He was pinkish, playful, very beautiful.

He'd come running, so cute...

Cut, cut.

What was that? Are you trying to cry?

-Are you serious? -For me it's a wrap. All good.

Sorry, but the script sucks.

We can't really act. It doesn't bring out emotions.

You're not an actor. You're the stock guy.

Really?

Was that really needed? Seriously. You're not a director or a screenwriter.

This glue is ruining my scalp.

It burns, but let's do this.

Change it.

-Hi. -Hi.

-Sorry. -What's up? Need anything?

No, nothing. I thought I saw Eras-- Sidney get in the car.

And he did. Look at him.

Do you know this girl?

Yeah, I do. She's with the people producing...

a video for our client TapiCrepe.

I can't believe it! You didn't tell me. Seriously?

Nice to meet you. I'm Sidney's fiancee.

-Fiancee? -How are you?

This was at Valdir's wedding, from Accounting, in the Bahamas.

Look at how blue the water is. Amazing!

Yeah, really. It's very pretty.

Funny, I have a friend called Erasmo who went to a wedding

in Cabo Frio at the exact same time.

What a coincidence!

Pear and brie ravioli. A very special recipe

that Troisgros taught Rosilda when he came to visit.

You'll love it.

Sounds delicious!

But tell us more! How did the two of you meet?

Sidney got me out of my depression.

I had just separated and hadn't heard of him in the field,

which was strange because we all know each other.

So, when he showed up, it was as if he'd come out of nowhere!

Sidney is a miracle in my life.

Now we're getting married in October.

Isn't life insane?

Insane!

Very crazy.

Now I need to take my fertility medication because next year...

little Erasmo is coming!

My God!

You are... Damn...

-Little Erasmo... -No, you wouldn't have...

-Little Erasmo. -Damn...

You're calling your son Little Erasmo, Erasmo.

I like the name.

My God, this is really good!

You eat like this every night?

Only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On the other nights,

Erasmo makes Cup Noodles with cream cheese in the microwave.

-But that will end? -What do you mean?

I'm glad this all happened because

it pressured me, I had to decide, and...

I'm going to end this second life.

Seriously? You're giving up on all this because of us?

No, that's not what he meant.

After this dinner, it's over.

All that will remain will be Dani's future husband, Erasmo's future dad,

and future senior associate law partner at Esteves & Samarão.

Sidney is here to stay. If we cross paths tomorrow, I'll pretend I don't know you.

Okay? Okay.

Hang on. You don't know fucking crap about being a lawyer.

And what to I know?

I've spent the last 6 years pretending to be a Marketing director, not knowing shit.

If I'm going to live a lie I better live a wonderful lie.

With brie... with this beautiful woman.

What about us? What about Borges?

Rosana, let go of Erasmo.

Let Erasmo go.

Let him cross the tunnel towards the light.

It's over.

You guys, the new TapiCrepe video just came out.

-Did you like it? -It's hilarious!

-Cool. -Look, I know nothing about videos.

TAPICREPE OWNER I'VE CALLED THE POLICE

You know more about it,

but I think this will lead to TapiCrepe's demise.

I don't even know if I can ask, but does he have some sort of delay?

-Yes. -Yes.

Then I take back what I said.

What about the bald guy? Isn't he great?

There's even a meme of Gretchen watching the video!

It's really good!

CITY CLAIMS

Sidney Brandão Fernandes is a police fugitive

accused of embezzlement and identity fraud

in a scam that might not be his first,

and that's bringing to light dozens of dubious contracts

at Esteves & Samarão Law Firm.

PAULO VILELA TAPICREPE OWNER

I was tricked. He ruined my company. I lost everything.

I'm sure it was his doing. That bastard should be in jail!

I will find you, Sidney. I will find you!

Just you wait. You've got it coming.

We believe he is the head of the gang.

DR. SERGIO PASSOS POLICE CHIEF

The contracts didn't make sense,

making it harder to determine the dimension of the scam.

DANIELA VIANNA LAWYER

No, you don't understand. It can't be.

We were getting married. Look at my ring.

Sidney, honey, don't do this to me.

Where are you, honey? Come back to me, will you?

He's coming back, right?

There's gotta be another way.

Not even turning yourself in. We avoided the TapiCrepe lawsuit

saying we were scammed by Sidney.

If Sidney goes down, we all go down. Us, Borges, Erasmo...

Okay. Let's do this quickly. Come on.

Friends...

we are gathered here today to bid farewell to Sidney,

this great and funny man,

this loyal and faithful friend,

dedicated to his funny, wonderful, beautiful, and hot girlfriend.

Successful and rich, hard to forget.

This man who had nice shiny straight hair,

this man who never owed his last penny, this man...

This man who loved this work,

and didn't need to drink everyday to forget he worked

in a bankrupt company, this man...

who didn't need to record shitty online videos.

This man who was much better...

than Erasmo.

Sidney...

we will miss you.

We...

and your beautiful, wonderful, hot girlfriend, very hard to forget,

especially at that dinner, looking at those blue eyes...

Sidney...

goodbye.

Your turn.

Stand-up is over?

Go.

Uca lê lê.

No, Pablo. Seriously.

What?

ONLINE VIDEO PRODUCTIONS

Are you okay, Borges?

Borges.

What?

Is everything okay?

We'll die in the Venezuelan jungle and you ask if I'm okay?

That looks really bad in my country, I don't know about yours.

Who says we're gonna die? What do you know?

I know by looking at your face. I see death when I look at your face.

I see those planes that crash in the forest and we have to eat each other

to survive. That's what I see.

But it's different, we don't need to do that here.

No one needs to bite or eat each other, okay?

I'll have to kill you, man...

What?