Original subtitles

Things are crazy downstairs, what do we do?

If I didn't know what to do when things were normal, imagine now.

-I have rent to pay, Rosana! -It's not just rent!

How will we pay for these lay offs and labor lawsuits? With what money?

Why do we have to deal with this? Where is Borges?

There is no Borges, only the debt he left for the four new partners in his company.

Wait, I didn't know about that!

I didn't become a partner to be conned! No one told me about this.

Conning works when the four other losers don't know they're being conned.

-A message from Borges. -What?

-What? -A message from Borges!

A message?

Sonia, I need to be quick. I'm in the middle of nowhere,

in an odd place without reception.

Turn off the phone and save some battery!

I'm talking to the folks at the company.

Damn it!

So, listen, I wish you all the best.

A lot of peace, you guys are awesome.

You'll do great in this new phase of Borges.

Jesus, take the wheel! A huge kiss on everyone...

Oh, shit! Fucking hell!

Damn it! Run!

Fuck this. Open those boxes, we're going to sell everything.

That's it. We'll open the boxes and sell what's inside.

We have some beads in here.

They must cost about R$ 150.

Wonderful! See if you have 4,999 more boxes of those, Rosana.

I found something, but it doesn't make sense.

Why would anyone pay R$ 10,000 in a brick of clay?

Oh shit!

Jesus. Quick question.

-What does a liver look like? -Like an amoeba.

-Why? -Never mind.

Just wondering.

A camera! It must be expensive.

People, why are we so desperate?

We're screwed like everyone else out there.

And worse, because Borges tricked us twice.

We're not just unemployed, people think we're responsible.

Would you like to call people and tell them your story?

Bring them in. Tell them your story while they eat you up alive.

-We need to do something. -Do what, Sonia?

We inherited a bankrupt company, an R$ 800,000 debt,

some boxes of clay with wrong price tags, and a camera that might be expensive.

Does anyone have an idea?

I never told this to anyone.

Last week, I had lunch at Abraão.

But I had no money.

In the humblest way possible, I asked him

if I could wash plates

to pay the bill.

I'm sorry.

So, he said,

"The plates are clean. I pay someone to clean the dishes

with money from people who pay the bills."

Then he grabbed me by the arm, I thought it was weird.

Then he looked at me and said,

"But I don't pay people to give me lap dances in the back room."

-This isn't going well. -What do you mean?

That was awesome. There were tears nearly falling.

Did you really give a lap dance in the back room of Abraão's shop?

For the love of God, Erasmo.

It's serious. We need to convince people we're screwed.

I don't know if you know what a lap dance is,

but him grinding that skinny butt on Abraão

for a snack and a juice...

It's not even real juice. To me, that is truly being screwed.

It's not that. We need to show how screwed we are.

Pablo's video is just sad. They won't stop coming after us because of that.

It's busy!

-No! -What's going on?

Think about it. With that skinny ass he managed to win a snack,

imagine the things we'd get with a thong up his butt.

Showing off the tip of his junk dragging a poll...

Guys, who locked the bathroom door?

My cousin.

Cousin? What is he doing here?

Ma'am, do you mind if I use the bathroom quickly?

No, it's just for clients.

I'll buy an ice cream later.

I'm not doubting your honesty, but I've heard that before.

What? Oh, the ice cream shop toilet scam?

We try to be nice but there are so many people

who use the toilet and pretend they'll buy something.

I see. Give me a vanilla one, then.

-We don't have vanilla today. -Really?

-How about chocolate? -Not chocolate.

We also have chocolate with corn. It's on sale.

Oh God. What the hell?

Isn't there anything less graphic?

How about chocolate, caramel and peanuts?

Most customers who come in to use the toilet say this is a killer.

Stop it!

Just...

Charge anything on this card, just give me...

-the key to use the toilet. -Cash only.

We used to have a terminal, but it was expensive

because people only come in to use the toilet and don't buy anything.

You should make this into a toilet shop.

Male, female, family... earn money with toilets.

-What's your name? -Alberto Rodrigues.

-Can you let him speak? -Should I repeat?

Why are we doing this little theater?

A piece of paper won't decide if my cousin can work for us.

-This isn't exactly a CV. -No, it's my Facebook profile picture.

We want to know about your qualifications, your previous experience.

I'm wearing a suit in the picture, that says something.

I told you everything, what else do you need?

-You told them about me? -I've never said this to anyone.

If I had to trust my company to anyone, that person would be...

-Alberto Rodrigues. -What a great guy.

He never left me hanging,

-I can give him any responsibility. -Stop it.

If we give this young man a chance, he'll transform this place

into Alberto Imports. He has sensibility for daily things.

You're raising expectations, careful with that.

I swear he'll be the first to arrive and the last one to leave.

He doesn't care about weekends, holidays, overtime, bonus.

-You're exaggerating. -Alberto is the man!

-My CV says I'm functionally illiterate. -He'll carry this company on his back.

But I'm an idiot, man!

I thought Africa was in Latin America. I don't even know what Latin America is.

Coming!

My man! Wow!

Damn, Pablo! What are you doing here, man?

I was at work and decided to visit you.

It's been so long, I'm going to visit Wagner.

So I came over. Can you believe it?

-You came to visit me at 3pm? -Yeah.

-Can you believe it? But if you're busy... -It's no problem, come in.

I'm going in then. It's been so long. Is this your...

-It's been so long. -So long, right?

-I was thinking, -Sit down.

Thanks, man. Beautiful house you have here.

-Thanks, Pablo. -You must have many toilets here.

-It's been like five years. -That's about it.

-What about your job, what are you doing? -Things there are...

-I've been working, for a while... -One more thing,

Bernardo isn't impotent like you. He's a real man.

A man? Why didn't you stay with him then?

-Fuck you, Valquíria, you bitter woman. -That is my biggest regret.

-You regret it? -You shithead!

Now I'm a shithead?

Kiss my ass!

What were you saying?

-About your job. -Right.

I've been working for a while, but it's chaotic there now.

-You gave me a great idea. I'm leaving. -Then go!

I'm not going after a woman. But don't take any of my blu-rays.

I'm only taking what's mine, asshole!

Open that bag, then!

I want to see what's in there.

I won't!

I'll give you two some privacy.

You can't tell me what I can or cannot take.

My bag, my rules!

-What is this? -Delivery for Borges.

-How are we paying for this? -We need to sell everything.

-The problems keep coming. -Should we ask our CMO for his help?

I know what you're thinking. But it's my first day

-in this box company. -We're not a box company.

We need new people now that everyone either quit or is suing us,

or is Alberto.

-I liked your CV, Amanda. How old are you? -I'm 22.

-You live alone? -With my mom.

-How long will you live with your mom? -I'm looking for a place for myself.

I wouldn't do that, if I were you. A young girl like you,

new to the job market, it might be a risky move. I'd wait, if I were you.

-Have you had a job besides internships? -Not yet.

But you could have had. Even in crisis, there are job opportunities.

You could have worked at a friend's or family member's shop.

A lot of people don't want jobs because they're lazy.

But they have a lot of energy to spend Carnival in Ilha Grande.

-Why are you doing this? -I'm making a professional assessment.

I'm sorry, Amanda. How is your English? I see here it's advanced.

I finished the Advanced class at Forever English.

-So, you're fluent? -No, I'm Advanced at Forever English.

-What does that mean? -That I understand parts of songs

but I can't talk or write in English.

-Right. What about Microsoft Office? -Ask more about her English.

If she had paid attention to her classes,

would she understand all parts of all songs she likes?

-I really prefer not to talk about this. -Now you don't want to talk about this?

Ask if she had classes with Pedro Estevez, who happens to be my best friend.

-Damn it, is she from your family too? -Ask her if they had an affair!

I was 19, I could go out with whoever I wanted. I'm independent.

Guys, this is a job interview. We were supposed to be professional.

I'm saying things indirectly, in the third person. I am professional!

-Guys, Alberto needs to leave for a while. -Already? It's his first day!

-I have a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. -Did you take care of the boxes at least?

He took care of them, that's kind of the issue.

Oh, come on, Alberto. Again? There are no TVs left at my place!

Please, stop this! You didn't even like Chaplin until I bought that blu-ray.

-Get out! -Calm down! Valquíria, come outside,

-there's no reason to stay in there. -You bought it, but it's mine!

I'm the one who takes care of it. I clean it, I'm the owner!

Come on, guys. You aren't getting the main point.

If you're arguing with each other and making accusations,

it's only because you love each other.

Otherwise, you wouldn't care. Listen to this:

"Where feelings exist, be it deep anger or mortal hate,

in the end, it's love." See how beautiful?

I'm not the one who said it.

-It's from Nietzsche. -Who?

Freud, Nietzsche-- she's coming out.

Do you hate me?

I love you, I can't stop thinking about you falling off a plane,

being crushed by a safe, or run over by a truck.

How beautiful! That's the couple in love I saw on Facebook, kissing in Aruba.

That's what I'm talking about. Can you please let me go...

Beautiful, isn't it? But it's not me!

It was a Facebook bug, I didn't authorize any memories!

Wait. You authorized a memory from your ex kissing you on Facebook?

I didn't mean to.

-It was a bug! -Damn it, Wagner!

Do you eat shit?

So many places to argue out here. Why sit on the toilet if you have a couch?

Damn it, get out of there! Just get out!

This is why we haven't talked in five years.

-Sonia, look at something with me. -What?

Have you noticed all men in this room are bald?

Indeed. It's like a box of eggs.

Is it just me, or are they part of the same genetic line?

The problem is them being from the same genetic line as Erasmo.

Hasn't he told you? That he's turning this company into his backyard?

-Hello, dear. -Hi.

I just want to make sure that the company offers health care.

-I'm sorry, what's your name? -Ezequiel.

From Guarulhos, I'm the owner's cousin.

I don't know who told you that, but everyone here is the owner's cousin.

-Does that mean there is no health care? -No.

That makes it complicated for us.

But hey, can I talk to someone who isn't a secretary?

Excuse me?

Did you notice we're in a complicated situation, and full of debts?

And honey, we're not secretaries. We own this bankrupt company.

-Owners. -Owners.

-That's not what Erasmo told me. -What did he tell you?

He told us to come running because the job was guaranteed.

He only had two secretaries and a messenger helping him.

This is Kleber, minutes before he fell off the bike.

-Erasmo, can you come over here quickly? -I'm in the middle of an interview.

-You can't do this! -And what is this talk about secretaries?

I had to impress him. He had a nice job back home.

What are you promising them? We are bankrupt, we can't pay anybody!

We need to deliver these boxes

otherwise we'll be as bankrupt as Eike Batista and become hobos.

And let your cousins know that insurance doesn't cover baldness treatments.

-I've said it a million times! -I did as we planned.

We needed to bring people in to save the company!

Trustworthy, available people willing to give up the first paycheck.

Have you tried finding people like that on LinkedIn? They don't exist.

People willing to work for free only do it out of love.

Who loves you when you're in deep shit? Your family.

They aren't here for you or this shit company. They're here for me.

At times like these... only love saves us.

Two years in this company and you never mentioned them.

I don't need to love them, if half of them love me, our problems are over.

Do whatever you want. Just don't bring anyone else.

Everyone's here already.

Son, I made orange cake.

Have you spoken to aunt Bete? She looks ten years older, it's so odd.

Come give her a kiss!

-Your mother? -We need someone for HR.

I see rats jumping ship but my people, my blood, is here working hard!

Did he just try to steal a plugged in printer?

-Where is Pablo? -I'm calling him!

-Hello? -Hello, Pablo. Where are you?

I had some urgent bank stuff to deal with.

What is it?

-Did you leave to take a shit again? -Everything's fine now.

I couldn't do it, but it's fine now.

-Just say what you want. -I told you it's psychological.

Psychological? The day I have chunks of brain coming out of my ass,

you can say it's psychological, Sonia.

If it's psychological, I hope that's your therapist.

From all the red I see on Waze, you'll need some prescription drugs.

-You need to put "@" next to the name. -What's that?

-It's that "A" with the circle around it. -This?

What's going on here?

-Bete, look how big Jessica's daughter is. -Wow! She's a big girl.

-I used to pick you up in my arms. -I'm not from your family.

-Don't you work here? -What are all these boxes?

-Where will we store them? -Talk to Aroldo, my nephew.

-What does he look like? -Big nose, glasses, going bald.

Okay, more bills from our vendor.

How will we pay for this? I really am getting worried.

So am I, but our CFO is mad because Messi missed the penalty kick.

Can I offer you a mint? Water? Want me to change the station?

-I'm having contractions, man! -It'll be fine. We'll get through this!

When everything is over, I'll get you an ice cream.

Let my hand go, so I can let all the psychology out through the window.

-Thanks. -It's psychological!

BORGES IMPORTS

Our electricity bill last month was R$ 3,500!

I'm worried about next month's.

Flavia, you've been drying your hair for ten minutes now.

-It can't get any worse than this. -No, it can't.

No, it can't! And this is the best thing that happened today!

-Flavia drying her hair? -And all the shit we're going through.

Who left all that pubic hair on the damn toilet seat?

My name is Rose Rodrigues, I'm a widow.

I've lived in Copacabana for 65 years.

Mrs. Rose is HR director here at...

What the hell is going on here?

They'll figure it out like family, don't bust their balls!

Who wants some garlic bread?

For the love of God, a bathroom!

The bathroom I just cleaned? No way! No one goes in there.

I can't believe it. Look what he did!

I spent the whole day cleaning this company!

I'm sorry.

Calm down, mother. I'll get you a bucket and a brush.

Erasmo, I'm done! You failed

when you used to make stones with faces at age six,

you failed when you tried to open a brothel at age seven.

And now you failed with this company!

Erasmo!

Pablo, were you crying in the Uber dude's arms?

Was it necessary to post this video?

Wasn't the humiliation enough?

Isn't it enough that I'm wrapped in this towel, with this smell?

It was the only way for us to show people the situation we're in.

People will see we're not like Borges. We were tricked just like them.

We didn't even do that right.

No one cares. We got funny comments and people promoting their own channel.

-Actually, the video went viral. -How do you know?

-I received it from three family members. -No way!

Can we, please, delete this video now? Is this true, Erasmo?

Can you delete it, please? I'm begging.

-Fine, you pain, I'll delete it. -Thank you! No more suffering.

I'd say we're back to square one, but actually, it's square minus 665.

We made R$ 124, but we spent R$ 789.

Because we got cable TV, for Erasmo's cousin,

inflatable pool and barbecue for Erasmo's family...

Sonia, how much did you say we made with the deliveries?

-We made R$124. Why? -I don't know if this is possible,

but we made R$ 345

with the video of Pablo shitting his pants and crying in Uber dude's arms.

You called it Pablo Shitting his Pants, Crying in Uber Dude's Arms?

So fucking funny! Who did this?

That's my image covered in shit for the entire country to see!

They're probably making memes already!

Can you please remove this fucking video?

So, you're saying we made more money with the video than with the boxes?

-Yes. -You really can make money online?

That's not an online video, it's me covered in shit

running down, on top of a guy I don't even know.

That's funny?

We hit 12,000 views on Pablo Shitting his Pants, Crying in Uber Dude's Arms!

Stop this!

It's not true. It can't be.

Subtitle translation by Marcela Almeida

Do you know where you're going, Estevão?

Wait a minute. I thought you knew where we were going.

For the love of God. We've been walking for an hour

for nothing?

I know the place, I don't know how to get there. It's different.

All the times I went there, I had a black bag around my head.