Original subtitles

{n8}- You think you killed your grandpa. [laughing]

{n8}- You think I'm kidding. We were boxing.

- Come on! - I had to defend myself!

- The man is 87 years old. - Ooh! Come on!

- I don't care, I knocked his ass out.

- Do you think they're thinking of staying here?

- My life is flashing before my eyes.

- This is where old people go to die.

- Where is he? - He's over there.

- What am I gonna do without civilization?

- Ah! - We can't let them do this!

- He can't be dead if he got up.

- Jesus did it. - He definitely ain't Jesus.

- You're gonna wanna come and see this.

It's Grandpa, he's calling police,

he said he's being abused. - What?!

- I told you we should've left.

- ?

- Grandpa.

- No!

- Grandpa... - No, keep your ass

away from me!

I can't believe you did that!

Bastard!

Sucker-punch a old man?!

Mother... ooh! Ooh!

- I'm sorry.

- No. You hit me!

Sorry bitch-ass hit me like that.

- Wait, wait, wait, what?

- Yes! Your dad hit me when I wasn't looking.

I looked this way, he hit me,

had my arm up like that, I ain't see it coming.

Knocked my ass out.

- Wait, wait, wait, you hit him?

- Yes, he did. Sucker-punched my ass.

- It was a reflex, Son.

Look, you know me, you know I got that right

and that left.

- Ooh, is any of it on video?

- Sandra...

- No, do you know how many hits I would have right now

if I was able to get online?

- I know how many hits your daddy gave me,

the old bastard!

- Do you know how many hits you would have if you did that?

- I don't think y'all are talking about likes.

- Your dad is trying to kill me!

- Pop, if I was trying to kill you,

I'd just switch your Wednesday medicine

with your Thursday medicine.

- No, dammit, you knocked me over the sofa!

- That was a accident. - No, it wasn't.

- Yes, it was, man, I'm sorry. - Wait, Dad, Dad.

Did he just say you knocked him over the sofa?

- Boy, I just told you, I got that right and that left.

- He did tell us.

- Yes, he did.

- Wow. - What?!

- And you're able to stand after all that?

- I'm barely standing.

- [chuckles] Yeah, 'cause them old bitter bones of yours

are like... [squeaks] - [laughing]

- Say it one more time.

- Look, I'm sorry, but when you walk,

your bones rattle.

- So will you!

When I put this hook gently in your ass.

- There is a law against that, Grandpa.

- Not if it's gently.

- JEREMY: Look, Grandpa, put the phone down.

- I'm dialing. - Why are you all freaking out?

There's no reception here.

- I have reception.

Yeah, y'all with all that digital shit,

this analog.

- It's still too many numbers.

- I had this battery for a month and a half.

So what if you get cancer in your ear?

This shit right here works!

- What is that? - That is a phone, little girl.

- From what year? - Don't worry about what year.

- That looks like a VCR. You remember those?

- Do we remember those.

- I don't.

- Hello. Yes. Mm-hmm.

You ain't gonna believe it, though,

I've been murdered by my grandson.

Murdered dead.

I'm in the hearse.

On the way to the funeral home.

Can you meet me there?

Tell ya all about it. Yeah, I'll hold.

Okay.

Show yo ass.

{n8} - ?

{n8}? No matter what you do, I love you ?

{n8}? No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ?

{n8}? Always remember blood ain't never water ?

{n8}? We'll make it if we stay together ??

- ?

- Grandpa. - Don't talk to me!

- Honey, honey, okay...

- Baby, baby. He knows it was a accident.

- I know. - I mean, he was hitting me.

- I know!

- You knocked him over the sofa.

- Philip, this ain't the time.

- Well, I think it is.

This reminds me of that time we were racing,

and you pushed me to the ground.

- That's because you cut in front of me.

- We were ra-cing.

- You were chea-ting.

- So you pushed me to the ground?

- Yes. - Dude, that's cruel.

I was five.

- Okay. And have you done it again?

Bingo, sound like good parenting to me.

- So, you did the same thing to Grandpa,

what is that, good grandparenting?

- Will you stop it? - I'm just saying.

- And I'm just saying stop. - Okay.

- Unless you wanna race again.

- I'm not five anymore, Dad. - Oh, yeah, I know that.

- That means I could definitely push you to the ground.

- [scoffs] Shit. That would be the last race of your life, boy.

- Okay, you're right, I wouldn't do it.

No, no, no, because you're old.

And because I got a little respect for you.

- Okay, well, how about you respect me over there?

- Not until you respect Grandpa.

- [laughs] Is this boy trying me?

I'm about to be 2 and 0 up in here.

- Come on, Jeremy. - The right-left.

- LEAH: Relax, okay? Mm-hmm.

- [screams]

- Are you okay, Grandpa? - No, I'm in pain!

My hook is swollen.

- What hurts? - Everything!

- That's because of my dad? - You're damn right.

- Are you sure it's because of him

and not just 'cause you're old?

- How old are you? - Fifteen.

- You wanna see 16?

- Yeah.

- Get out of my face.

- Just go talk to him. Man, he's trippin'.

Alright? Yeah. - LEAH: Okay. Yeah.

Wish me luck.

Grandpa Vinny.

- I don't wanna talk to you, either.

- I'm sorry.

- You see what he did?

- No, no, no, 'cause I wasn't there.

- Well, I was. - LEAH: Okay.

Tell me what hurts. - Everything.

- I'm so sorry, Grandpa.

- Can you... can you rub it for me?

- Uh...

- Can you... kiss it and make it better?

- Grandpa Vinny! - What?

- [stutters] Look... look, what exactly are you...

wanting me to rub?

- Well, baby... - Uh-uh, uh-uh.

- Girl, you gon' get to know me.

- [stutters] I... I... I think I know you already.

- Well, that little sucker-puncher husband of yours

is going to jail. - Grandpa!

You don't wanna send him to jail.

- Yes, I do wanna send him to jail!

- Grandpa! - He knocked me over that sofa!

- I am... - My legs was in the air!

I felt like his grandma.

The hook came off, I had to pick it up

with this hand, put it back on...

It was awful. I went flying!

Like his grandma.

With her legs in the air. Twerking.

- I'm really sorry.

- I mean, who in the hell would do that to a old-ass man?

- My dad! - You're damn right.

- Yeah, and he does it to little kids, too.

- Hello.

Y'all realize I am in the room, right?

- You're going to jail.

- Look, look, man, hey. I'm sorry.

- Don't. Talk. To me.

- Okay.

- Just wait 'til the police get here.

- Grandpa, you didn't call the police.

- Yes, I did call the police!

- Okay, you think that was wise?

- You think it was wise for him to hit me?

- Okay, see...

I think both of y'all were wrong.

- Ain't no way in hell I'm wrong,

I'm 70 years old.

- You're really, like, 87, I thought.

- Yes.

- How the hell am I wrong?

When you're old, everything you do is right.

- I don't... I don't think that's... that's right.

- Well, just wait until the police get here.

- But Grandpa, you didn't call the police.

- Yes, I did!

- You know what? Okay, well, what about your little, um,

"sit-ee-ation" in the backyard?

- What "sit-ee-ation" in the backyard?

- Oh, you little puff-puff pass. [inhales] [coughs]

- JEREMY: Pass that. - [coughing]

- That's outrageous. - [coughing]

- Oh, hell.

That is legal in Colorado.

- This is Georgia. - Georgia.

- Oh, hell.

- Uh, and I hear the police outside.

- Goddamn.

- ?

- Get rid of them! - Grandpa Vinny, you called 'em.

- Oh, no, I made a mistake!

- Okay, it's too late now, Grandpa.

- [cries] I made a mistake!

- You called 'em!

- We got to hide my stuff!

- Grandpa Vinny.

You don't need to be worried about that anyway.

- [cries] And I can't go to jail!

- Oh, but you want me to go.

- I can't go 'cause I'm a virgin.

- What?

- Yeah, we remember your little experiment in college.

- [stuttering] Grandpa Vinny.

- With candles and everything, we heard about it.

- Stop it.

- I'm sorry.

All I'm saying is your husband's ready for it, I'm not.

- Okay! Enough!

- He's strong, he can fight them off, they gon' get me!

His [bleep] is tight. Mine is loose!

[crying]

I can't use my underwear to go to the bathroom!

I think I just shit myself now!

We got to hide my stuff!

Why did y'all call the police?!

- He's tripping. - No, why did you?!

- Grandpa, do you not remember you called them?

- I did?

- Yes. Yes.

- Damn, I gotta stop smoking that shit.

- Wait, you were smoking that shit?

- I have to, son, you know, I got cataracts in my knees.

- So this is why you've been acting so silly.

- I wasn't acting silly,

you're the one who threw me over the sofa.

- Oh, oh, so now... So now I "threw" him over.

- Yes, you did.

- Grandpa Vinny, that is enough, the police are outside.

- Aw, damn, we got to hide my stuff!

- Ooh, I wonder if they have reception.

- Look, sit down, sit down, okay? Sit down.

- Oh, Lord.

I'mma make a run for it.

Y'know, I kinda like the way you grab me like that, you know.

- You're not gonna get that far on that bad hip of yours.

- He did the hook. [laughs] - Yeah.

- [laughing] Boy don't talk about my hip.

- You talk about it all the time.

- Well, it's my hip and I can talk about it.

- Alright, my bad.

- Grandpa, you just stay seated.

- I can't, now my hip done locked up on me.

- And how did that happen?

- Well, that only happened one other time that I enjoyed.

- What... what were you doing?

- Me and your grandmama had prune juice

all over our bodies, right?

And, uh, we was doing some grown folk business.

Eating prunes and, you know, just...

that's why my ass is loose.

- Let me stop you right there.

Because I don't think I need to hear that.

- And the second time it happened was

when your daddy grabbed me by the neck and the hook

and he threw me over the sofa.

- It's crazy how this story keeps changing,

now I'm grabbing him by the neck and the hook

and I threw him over the sofa.

- Yes, you did.

- Well, if you keep it up, I'mma take the hook off

and I'mma beat your ass with it.

- [doorbell rings]

- Ociffer! Ociffer! You heard him!

- What's going on?

- Grandpa, it's "Officer." "Officer."

- Shut the hell up.

I know what the hell I'm saying.

- Tell him the truth.

- [softspoken] I'm dead, Officer,

he... he tried to kill me.

It all started back in 1937.

His daddy used to beat me, too.

They've been trying to kill me for years.

Gene passed on to his son.

- O... Officer. - I... I'm talking to him, ma'am.

- LEAH: Oh.

- Tell him the truth. - I did. He tried to kill me.

He grabbed me... and threw me over the sofa.

So sad.

- No, I didn't.

- Are you living here?

- Yes, I live here all by myself.

Me and my hook.

- Wasn't this place closed? - It was closed, this place.

I'd like to talk about him hurting me

and cutting off my arm.

- Grandpa!

- Who are you to him?

- His grandson, unfortunately.

- And what happened?

- [yelling] Dammit... [softspoken] Dammit, I told you.

Before you got here, I had two hands.

He cut one off and sewed the other one on.

And threw me over the sofa.

- I'm talking to him. - Okay. Alright.

- Sir, we were boxing.

- You were boxing this old man?!

- Who the...?! [soft-spoken] Who... who are you calling old?

- See? He started getting aggressive just like right now.

- Oh, uh, well, I was now, huh?

- He kept hitting me, and then finally, I hit him back

and he flew over the sofa.

- With my legs in the air.

Like his grandma.

L-shaped casket.

Couldn't close it.

She had this leg sticking out the ground.

- O... Okay, okay.

Do you wanna press charges? - Yes, I do.

- You can't send him to jail, Grandpa.

- Yes, I can, and I'm... She don't speak for me,

I don't even know who she is.

He tried to send me to the Lord, Officer.

- Okay, ain't nothing about you going to the Lord, Grandpa.

- Hell.

- He doesn't wanna press charges, Officer.

- She don't... she don't speak for me.

- Grandpa!

- Come on. - That's right, take him.

Take his ass. Take him, take his ass.

- Pops! - Take him.

- You sure you wanna do this? - I'm 100% positive.

- Officer. - Yes?

- I think you need to take a look around this place.

- OFFICER: Say what? - LEAH: Mm-hmm.

I think you need to do, like, a... a... an unofficial search.

- No. No. - Yeah, specifically

in the backyard. - LEAH: Yes.

- Yeah. - LEAH: Yeah, backyard.

- You, uh, you really gon' do this?

- For this man right here? Oh, baby, we like Jay and Bey.

- Her rock. - His rock.

I sure will.

- Which way is the backyard?

- Shall I show him? - Yeah... um...

Okay, okay, okay, I... I don't wanna press charges.

- You don't. - No, I... I changed my mind.

- Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm positive.

Yeah, just get on out of here, we don't need you here anyway,

we don't like police.

- Oh, well, okay, I need to know something.

- What? - Why are you in this place?

It's closed.

- I own this place.

- You own it? - Yes.

- Oh... Vinny.

- Yeah? - Yeah. [chuckling] Yeah.

Yeah, we heard of you.

- Oh, what you heard?

- That you were selling weed to the people who lived here.

- That was before I had the hook and I had two hands.

I... I'm old now, I'm having my old life,

I don't do that no more.

- Uh-huh. Well, I'm glad this place is closed.

- We... why... why do you say that, sir?

- It was an eyesore.

- Really?

- Yeah. Someone tried to buy it and reopen it, but, uh...

[chuckling] Whoa, this is gonna take a lot of work.

- [chuckles] Well, I own it, and it's not for sale.

- Is everything okay here?

- Yeah, everything's okay.

- Call us if you need us.

- Won't nobody be calling you.

- Thank you, Officer.

- And be careful, I'm sending the health inspector

now that I know you're living here.

- Damn.

- Y'all have a good day. - LEAH: Thank you.

- ?

- Not the health inspector!

Them damn health inspectors!

They want meat in the refrigerator,

can't have no rats or roaches.

Get on my damn nerves.

- Grandpa, we don't have to worry

about the health inspectors, this place is closed.

- No, I can't let them find my backyard prize, girl!

- You will be fine, okay?

- No, I can't let 'em find my stash.

- Well, maybe I need to, uh... - [yelling]

- Call 'em back. - No, don't call nobody,

don't call them on back.

- Mm-hmm. One. - One. Yeah, baby.

- Oh, that's right, they come fast, don't wanna press it.

- Alright, alright, listen, listen, y'all got to help me.

- Help you do what? - Y'all have got to stay here.

And help me get this place open.

- Hmm...

- Uh, stay where?

- I think he said here.

- In this place?

With no reception?

- Yeah.

- With the roaches and the rats?

- And the buckets.

- Okay. I'm gonna die.

- So dramatic.

- [air whooshing]

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