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801
00:43:06,162 --> 00:43:08,597
I love Veronica Corningstone.
802
00:43:12,729 --> 00:43:14,816
Oh, Ron.
803
00:43:19,207 --> 00:43:21,208
This is nice, gang, sittin' here.
804
00:43:21,208 --> 00:43:23,600
- Oh, yeah.
- Brown baggin' it.
805
00:43:23,644 --> 00:43:27,123
The team pancake breakfast is tomorrow
morning at 9:00 instead of 8:00.
806
00:43:27,167 --> 00:43:29,168
Oh! Almost forgot.
807
00:43:29,168 --> 00:43:31,472
I won't be able
to make it, fellas.
808
00:43:31,515 --> 00:43:33,864
Veronica and I are trying
this new fad called,
809
00:43:33,908 --> 00:43:35,821
uh, jogging.
810
00:43:35,821 --> 00:43:39,301
I believe it's jogging or yogging.
It might be a soft "J."
811
00:43:39,343 --> 00:43:42,040
I'm not sure,
but apparently you just run
812
00:43:42,084 --> 00:43:44,215
for an extended period
of time.
813
00:43:44,258 --> 00:43:46,738
- It's supposed to be wild.
- So Ron's not coming?
814
00:43:46,780 --> 00:43:48,433
No, Ron's coming.
815
00:43:48,433 --> 00:43:51,521
It's the pancake breakfast.
We do it every month.
816
00:43:51,564 --> 00:43:53,435
I realize that.
817
00:43:53,435 --> 00:43:57,087
Sometimes you gotta look yourself
in the mirror and say, "When in Rome."
818
00:43:57,131 --> 00:43:59,218
The bottom line is,
819
00:43:59,262 --> 00:44:02,306
you've been spending
a lot of time with this lady.
820
00:44:02,350 --> 00:44:06,220
You're a member of
the Channel 4 News Team.
821
00:44:06,264 --> 00:44:08,743
- That's a given.
- We need you.
822
00:44:10,179 --> 00:44:12,266
Hell, I need you.
823
00:44:13,527 --> 00:44:15,745
I'm a mess without ya.
824
00:44:15,788 --> 00:44:18,181
I miss you
so damn much.
825
00:44:18,224 --> 00:44:20,962
I miss being with you.
826
00:44:21,006 --> 00:44:24,616
I miss being near you.
I miss your laugh.
827
00:44:30,141 --> 00:44:32,314
I miss--
I miss your scent.
828
00:44:32,358 --> 00:44:34,967
I miss your musk.
829
00:44:37,533 --> 00:44:40,054
When this all gets sorted out,
830
00:44:40,098 --> 00:44:43,100
I think you and me should
get an apartment together.
831
00:44:45,143 --> 00:44:47,622
Just take it easy, Champ.
832
00:44:47,666 --> 00:44:50,102
Why don't you stop talking
for a while?
833
00:44:50,145 --> 00:44:52,319
Maybe sit the next
couple of plays out.
834
00:44:52,363 --> 00:44:53,929
You know what I mean?
835
00:44:53,929 --> 00:44:55,930
Yeah, I'm gonna quit
sayin' things
836
00:44:55,930 --> 00:44:58,277
when they crop up
in the ol' skull, huh?
837
00:44:58,321 --> 00:45:01,235
See what it's like
when you're not here?
838
00:45:01,279 --> 00:45:04,279
You're our leader.
Look what you're doing to the group.
839
00:45:04,322 --> 00:45:06,671
Champ's been a mess.
Brick can't sleep at night.
840
00:45:06,714 --> 00:45:08,889
Here's the thing,
841
00:45:08,933 --> 00:45:10,760
I don't trust this chick.
842
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:13,456
We need you around,
and she is just using you.
843
00:45:13,500 --> 00:45:15,673
Everyone, just relax.
All right?
844
00:45:15,717 --> 00:45:19,805
Believe me, if there's one thing
Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.
845
00:45:20,197 --> 00:45:22,458
I don't know, Ron.
846
00:45:22,502 --> 00:45:24,720
Guess what.
I do.
847
00:45:24,763 --> 00:45:28,111
I know that one day, Veronica
and I are gonna get married
848
00:45:28,155 --> 00:45:30,546
on top of a mountain.
849
00:45:30,590 --> 00:45:32,678
And there's going
to be flutes playing
850
00:45:32,722 --> 00:45:35,591
and trombones and flowers
851
00:45:35,634 --> 00:45:38,158
and garlands of fresh herbs.
852
00:45:39,507 --> 00:45:42,768
And we will dance
till the sun rises.
853
00:45:42,811 --> 00:45:45,595
And then our children
will form a family band.
854
00:45:45,637 --> 00:45:47,638
And we will tour
the countryside,
855
00:45:47,638 --> 00:45:49,726
and you won't be invited!
856
00:45:52,639 --> 00:45:56,337
I'm telling you, this lady has really
crawled into Ron's head.
857
00:45:59,815 --> 00:46:03,034
Good.
Good one!
858
00:46:03,077 --> 00:46:04,991
Oh, okay.
I understand.
859
00:46:04,991 --> 00:46:07,905
You have a nice day,
sir. Bye.
860
00:46:07,949 --> 00:46:10,688
Um, I could come back
later, Mr. Harken.
861
00:46:10,732 --> 00:46:12,167
No, no, no.
862
00:46:12,167 --> 00:46:13,906
It's just parent stuff.
863
00:46:13,906 --> 00:46:16,559
It seems that our youngest,
Chris, was
864
00:46:16,603 --> 00:46:18,430
on something called acid
865
00:46:18,430 --> 00:46:20,995
and was firing
a bow and arrow into a crowd.
866
00:46:21,038 --> 00:46:23,125
- Mm.
- You know how kids are.
867
00:46:23,169 --> 00:46:25,039
Oh. Right.
868
00:46:25,039 --> 00:46:27,736
Anyhoo, what can
I do you for?
869
00:46:27,780 --> 00:46:29,084
Well, Mr. Harken,
870
00:46:29,084 --> 00:46:32,085
I feel like I have proven
myself as a journalist
871
00:46:32,172 --> 00:46:34,173
and that I deserve
the opportunity
872
00:46:34,173 --> 00:46:36,304
to take on more
challenging stories.
873
00:46:36,346 --> 00:46:38,478
Well, ask
and you shall receive.
874
00:46:38,522 --> 00:46:41,828
Ah, yes, this just
came across my desk.
875
00:46:41,870 --> 00:46:44,262
Here is a story
of a 103-year-old woman
876
00:46:44,306 --> 00:46:48,132
who claims to have a recipe
for the world's greatest meat loaf.
877
00:46:48,176 --> 00:46:50,263
Ooh, now that's
a hot lead.
878
00:46:50,307 --> 00:46:53,613
It was very hard for Veronica.
879
00:46:53,655 --> 00:46:56,352
But she was a pro
and hung tough.
880
00:46:56,352 --> 00:46:59,701
But soon, with a simple act
of littering,
881
00:46:59,743 --> 00:47:02,267
everyone's life
would change forever.
882
00:47:02,310 --> 00:47:04,398
# La la la la la. #
883
00:47:07,572 --> 00:47:10,965
# Oh, Baxter, you are
my little gentleman #
884
00:47:11,009 --> 00:47:13,053
# I'll take you
to foggy London Town #
885
00:47:13,053 --> 00:47:14,530
# Because you are what? #
886
00:47:14,530 --> 00:47:17,315
# My little gentleman. #
887
00:47:17,358 --> 00:47:20,272
This burrito is delicious,
but it is filling.
888
00:47:20,316 --> 00:47:22,621
Whoa!
889
00:47:24,012 --> 00:47:26,100
Antony and Cleopatra!
890
00:47:32,752 --> 00:47:35,059
Goddamn son of--
891
00:47:36,407 --> 00:47:38,015
What the hell, bro'?
892
00:47:38,015 --> 00:47:40,233
Hello, neighbor.
893
00:47:40,277 --> 00:47:42,495
Did you just throw a burrito
out your window?
894
00:47:42,539 --> 00:47:43,756
I believe I did.
895
00:47:43,756 --> 00:47:46,714
Are you high or something?
Did you see what happened?
896
00:47:46,757 --> 00:47:49,540
I did. That was a terrific spill.
That's quite a raspberry.
897
00:47:49,583 --> 00:47:52,323
That's my chopper
you just thrashed, Broseph.
898
00:47:52,367 --> 00:47:55,890
Easy, compadre. I'm your
friend out here, all right?
899
00:47:55,934 --> 00:47:59,369
I want you to fix my chopper
before I stomp your goofy ass!
900
00:47:59,411 --> 00:48:01,457
If you want
to throw down, fine.
901
00:48:01,457 --> 00:48:04,848
I've got Jack Johnson
and Tom O'Leary waiting for you.
902
00:48:04,892 --> 00:48:07,197
You destroyed
the only thing I love.
903
00:48:07,240 --> 00:48:10,372
All right? There it is.
What do you love?
904
00:48:10,416 --> 00:48:12,503
I love poetry.
905
00:48:12,503 --> 00:48:14,764
And a glass of Scotch.
906
00:48:14,808 --> 00:48:17,591
And, of course,
my friend Baxter here.
907
00:48:17,635 --> 00:48:20,331
Well, guess what.
Now this is happenin'.
908
00:48:20,375 --> 00:48:23,375
Excuse me. Excuse me.
What are you doing?
909
00:48:26,072 --> 00:48:28,551
That's how I roll.
910
00:48:29,681 --> 00:48:32,595
Baxter!
911
00:48:32,639 --> 00:48:36,422
No...!
912
00:48:38,205 --> 00:48:40,466
- Where the hell is he?
- He'll be here.
913
00:48:42,206 --> 00:48:45,033
- I thought he was Mr. Dependable.
- It's not like Ron.
914
00:48:45,076 --> 00:48:48,687
I'd put Brick on, but unless he's
tracking a storm front, he's useless.
915
00:48:48,730 --> 00:48:50,556
- Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Oh. Hello.
916
00:48:50,556 --> 00:48:53,949
Just want you to know if Ron does not
show up, I am ready to go on.
917
00:48:53,992 --> 00:48:56,341
You and I have had this discussion
a million times.
918
00:48:56,384 --> 00:48:58,167
There's never been
a woman anchor.
919
00:48:58,167 --> 00:48:59,645
Mr. Harken,
920
00:48:59,645 --> 00:49:02,646
- this city needs its news.
- Oh.
921
00:49:02,646 --> 00:49:05,778
You're gonna deprive them
of that because I have breasts?
922
00:49:05,822 --> 00:49:07,343
Exquisite breasts?
923
00:49:07,343 --> 00:49:11,735
I am gonna go on,
and if you want to stop me, bring it on.
924
00:49:11,779 --> 00:49:13,823
Because I am good
at three things:
925
00:49:13,866 --> 00:49:16,172
fighting, screwing
and reading the news.
926
00:49:16,215 --> 00:49:19,955
I've already done one of those today,
so what's the other one gonna be?
927
00:49:22,174 --> 00:49:23,521
Uh--
928
00:49:23,521 --> 00:49:25,608
Screwing?
929
00:49:28,697 --> 00:49:31,610
I will be in makeup.
930
00:49:33,045 --> 00:49:35,177
Jesus, she's terrifying!
931
00:49:35,220 --> 00:49:38,657
Fantana.
932
00:49:39,787 --> 00:49:41,134
Ron, are you okay?
933
00:49:41,134 --> 00:49:43,222
The man punted Baxter!
934
00:49:43,222 --> 00:49:45,309
Calm down.
935
00:49:45,353 --> 00:49:47,049
Breathe, Ron,
breathe.
936
00:49:47,049 --> 00:49:49,528
The man that loved
the motorcycle!
937
00:49:49,572 --> 00:49:51,442
What did the bad man do?
938
00:49:51,442 --> 00:49:55,573
The motorcycle on the bridge!
I hit him with a burrito!
939
00:49:55,617 --> 00:49:56,921
- Ron!
- He took him!
940
00:49:56,921 --> 00:50:00,270
He took him with his foot
and he kicked him!
941
00:50:00,314 --> 00:50:01,748
That's what he did!
942
00:50:01,748 --> 00:50:03,098
Someone punted him?
943
00:50:03,098 --> 00:50:05,838
No, wait. Wait.
Let me say something.
944
00:50:05,881 --> 00:50:11,229
Let me say something.
945
00:50:11,273 --> 00:50:14,274
What?
946
00:50:17,057 --> 00:50:20,188
I-- I don't-- I didn't
understand one word you said.
947
00:50:20,232 --> 00:50:22,624
Ron, are you okay?
Ron?
948
00:50:29,017 --> 00:50:31,235
Ron.
Where are you?
949
00:50:31,278 --> 00:50:34,932
I'm in a glass case
of emotion!
950
00:50:34,975 --> 00:50:37,063
He's gonna put
Corningstone on.
951
00:50:37,063 --> 00:50:39,543
He's gonna
put Corningstone on!
952
00:50:41,586 --> 00:50:43,673
I've got to do the news!
953
00:50:57,416 --> 00:50:59,504
You're not Ron.
954
00:51:01,113 --> 00:51:03,809
We're on in 10.
Good luck, lady.
955
00:51:03,809 --> 00:51:05,897
Ready the announce.
956
00:51:09,767 --> 00:51:11,941
- Power.
- Roll in.
957
00:51:11,985 --> 00:51:14,073
Power.
Power.
958
00:51:18,247 --> 00:51:20,510
One slip,
959
00:51:20,553 --> 00:51:23,031
and you're gone.
Whammy.
960
00:51:23,075 --> 00:51:25,423
And your reporter in the field,
961
00:51:25,467 --> 00:51:26,815
Brian Fantana.
962
00:51:26,815 --> 00:51:29,686
It's Channel 4 News
at 6:00.
963
00:51:31,512 --> 00:51:34,078
Good evening.
Ron Burgundy is off tonight.
964
00:51:35,469 --> 00:51:37,948
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
965
00:51:37,992 --> 00:51:39,514
Tonight's top story:
966
00:51:39,514 --> 00:51:41,994
- Okay, we're off and running.
- Three armed men
967
00:51:42,038 --> 00:51:45,733
wearing ski masks made off with over
$20,000 from an area bank
968
00:51:45,776 --> 00:51:47,863
in a daring
early morning robbery.
969
00:51:52,865 --> 00:51:54,300
Hey!
970
00:51:54,300 --> 00:51:57,476
And the winner of the frog-leaping
contest was Hoppy,
971
00:51:57,519 --> 00:52:00,432
with a jump
of seven feet, 10 inches.
972
00:52:00,476 --> 00:52:02,345
Hmm.
973
00:52:02,345 --> 00:52:06,478
I used to date a guy named Hoppy down
in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.
974
00:52:08,522 --> 00:52:10,740
That will do it
for us at 6:00.
975
00:52:10,784 --> 00:52:13,306
From all of us here
at Channel 4 News,
976
00:52:13,350 --> 00:52:15,567
I'm Veronica Corningstone,
977
00:52:15,610 --> 00:52:18,741
and thanks
for stopping by, San Diego.
978
00:52:18,785 --> 00:52:20,134
All clear!
979
00:52:20,134 --> 00:52:22,917
Yes! Yes!
980
00:52:24,047 --> 00:52:26,222
Lady! Lady!
981
00:52:26,266 --> 00:52:29,136
Not bad, Miss Corningstone.
Not bad at all.
982
00:52:29,179 --> 00:52:31,311
Thank you, Mr. Harken.
That felt good.
983
00:52:31,354 --> 00:52:34,267
- That felt really good.
- I liked your sign-off line, too.
984
00:52:34,311 --> 00:52:37,268
You did? It just came through me.
It was so organic.
985
00:52:37,312 --> 00:52:39,400
Thank you.
986
00:52:40,878 --> 00:52:42,879
Oh, Ron! Ron!
Ron, darling!
987
00:52:42,879 --> 00:52:45,574
I'm so glad you're
all right. Oh, God.
988
00:52:45,618 --> 00:52:47,531
I have something
magnificent to tell you.
989
00:52:47,531 --> 00:52:49,967
I'm here.
We can do the news now.
990
00:52:50,011 --> 00:52:52,837
It's all right, everyone!
We can do the news.
991
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:55,709
Hold on. Why are we all standing around?
Let's go!
992
00:52:55,752 --> 00:52:58,840
Ron, we did it.
Veronica filled in for you.
993
00:52:58,883 --> 00:53:00,231
What?
994
00:53:00,231 --> 00:53:02,318
Sweetheart, we were
so worried about you,
995
00:53:02,362 --> 00:53:05,189
and we waited as long
as we could, but--
996
00:53:05,233 --> 00:53:09,189
Darling, I did the news,
and I nailed it. I nailed it.
997
00:53:09,233 --> 00:53:13,843
Wait, wait! Veronica, please,
tell me this is some kind
998
00:53:13,887 --> 00:53:16,366
of sick, tasteless joke.
999
00:53:16,410 --> 00:53:18,713
You weren't here.
Why are you being this way?
1000
00:53:18,757 --> 00:53:20,759
Why can't you
be proud of me
1001
00:53:20,759 --> 00:53:23,541
as a peer and as
my gentleman lover?
1002
00:53:23,541 --> 00:53:25,107
Oh, Jeez.
1003
00:53:25,107 --> 00:53:27,933
I can't believe
you did this to me!
1004
00:53:27,977 --> 00:53:29,978
You read my news!
1005
00:53:29,978 --> 00:53:33,022
I told you that I wanted
to be an anchor.
1006
00:53:33,066 --> 00:53:34,633
I told you that.
1007
00:53:34,633 --> 00:53:37,067
I thought you were kidding!
1008
00:53:37,110 --> 00:53:39,111
I thought it was a joke!
1009
00:53:39,111 --> 00:53:41,415
I even wrote it down
in my diary!
1010
00:53:41,459 --> 00:53:44,677
"Veronica had
a very funny joke today."
1011
00:53:44,720 --> 00:53:46,766
I laughed at it
later that night!
1012
00:53:46,766 --> 00:53:49,070
I can't believe
that I cared for you.
1013
00:53:49,113 --> 00:53:51,115
Get out! Just go!
1014
00:53:51,115 --> 00:53:53,898
We are through!
Through!
1015
00:53:53,941 --> 00:53:56,897
Because of your actions,
you scorpion woman!
1016
00:53:56,941 --> 00:53:59,855
You have broken my heart,
Mr. Burgundy.
1017
00:53:59,899 --> 00:54:02,030
You have broken my heart.
1018
00:54:06,291 --> 00:54:08,075
From there on out,
1019
00:54:08,075 --> 00:54:10,597
things just got worse
for Ron Burgundy.
1020
00:54:10,641 --> 00:54:12,728
Corningstone was a star,
1021
00:54:12,728 --> 00:54:15,600
and everything started
to move awfully fast
1022
00:54:15,643 --> 00:54:18,295
- after her big break.
- Where's lan? Ian!
1023
00:54:18,295 --> 00:54:20,774
All right, I got a call from network.
1024
00:54:20,817 --> 00:54:23,210
It looks like
our broadcast last night
1025
00:54:23,252 --> 00:54:26,253
received a two-point
ratings boost,
1026
00:54:26,341 --> 00:54:28,733
and the decision
has been passed down
1027
00:54:28,776 --> 00:54:31,560
to make Veronica
our co-anchor.
1028
00:54:31,602 --> 00:54:33,647
- What?
- No. No!
1029
00:54:33,647 --> 00:54:35,734
No!
1030
00:54:35,777 --> 00:54:37,517
- No!
- No!
1031
00:54:37,517 --> 00:54:38,953
- No!
- This is wonderful.
1032
00:54:38,953 --> 00:54:42,432
Ed, come here,
you big silly man. You big silly man.
1033
00:54:42,518 --> 00:54:45,433
- We did it.
- What is this, amateur hour?
1034
00:54:48,825 --> 00:54:51,478
- That's great.
- Thank you.
1035
00:54:51,521 --> 00:54:53,478
- # Sunshine, go away today... #
- Damn it!
1036
00:54:53,478 --> 00:54:57,827
# I don't feel much like dancing #
1037
00:54:57,871 --> 00:55:01,046
# Some man's gone,
he's trying to run my life #
1038
00:55:01,089 --> 00:55:05,221
# Don't know what he's asking #
1039
00:55:07,047 --> 00:55:10,830
# When he tells me
I better get in line #
1040
00:55:10,874 --> 00:55:14,484
# I can't hear
what he's sayin' #
1041
00:55:14,528 --> 00:55:18,440
# When I grow up
I'm gonna make it mine #
1042
00:55:18,484 --> 00:55:19,659
# These ain't dues... #
1043
00:55:19,659 --> 00:55:21,486
What Brian didn't tell you
1044
00:55:21,486 --> 00:55:24,486
was that those
were not real pirates.
1045
00:55:24,530 --> 00:55:27,009
- They looked convincing, though.
- Oh, yes.
1046
00:55:27,053 --> 00:55:29,618
Well, for all of us here
at Channel 4 News,
1047
00:55:29,662 --> 00:55:31,054
I'm Ron Burgundy.
1048
00:55:31,054 --> 00:55:33,053
You stay classy,
San Diego.
1049
00:55:33,053 --> 00:55:35,097
And thanks
for stopping by.
1050
00:55:35,097 --> 00:55:37,143
But mainly stay classy.
1051
00:55:37,143 --> 00:55:39,882
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy.
1052
00:55:39,924 --> 00:55:41,796
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Stay classy.
1053
00:55:41,796 --> 00:55:44,362
Ron Burgundy.
1054
00:55:46,710 --> 00:55:49,797
You are a real hooker,
and I'm gonna slap you in public.
1055
00:55:55,625 --> 00:55:58,843
You have man boobs.
1056
00:55:58,886 --> 00:56:01,236
You've got a dirty,
whorish mouth.
1057
00:56:05,585 --> 00:56:07,976
I'm gonna punch you
in the ovary.
1058
00:56:08,020 --> 00:56:10,151
- A straight shot.
- Ooh, ow.
1059
00:56:10,194 --> 00:56:12,238
Right to the baby-maker.
1060
00:56:12,238 --> 00:56:15,326
Ah, jazz flute
is for little fairy boys.
1061
00:56:15,370 --> 00:56:17,457
Okay, you know what?
That's uncalled for.
1062
00:56:17,500 --> 00:56:19,719
I can't work with this woman.
It's terrible.
1063
00:56:21,371 --> 00:56:24,329
It's ringing.
1064
00:56:25,677 --> 00:56:27,503
Veronica Corningstone.
1065
00:56:27,503 --> 00:56:30,547
Hello, Veronica,
this is Mike Rithjin
1066
00:56:30,590 --> 00:56:32,895
from the network.
You've just been promoted.
1067
00:56:32,939 --> 00:56:35,071
You're gonna need to move
to Moscow.
1068
00:56:35,113 --> 00:56:36,897
Start cleaning up your desk.
1069
00:56:36,897 --> 00:56:39,246
See you in the morning.
We'll pick you up in a van.
1070
00:56:39,288 --> 00:56:40,897
What did you say
your name was?
1071
00:56:40,897 --> 00:56:43,116
Mike Ritnitjun.
It's not important.
1072
00:56:43,159 --> 00:56:44,681
Start cleaning your desk,
1073
00:56:44,725 --> 00:56:47,160
and we'll pick you up
in the morning.
1074
00:56:47,204 --> 00:56:49,508
Tell her she might
want to get a coat.
1075
00:56:49,508 --> 00:56:52,161
Hold on. Veronica?
What was it?
1076
00:56:52,205 --> 00:56:53,727
Tell her to get a coat.
1077
00:56:53,727 --> 00:56:56,902
Also, I don't know if you know Moscow.
It's pretty cold.
1078
00:56:56,902 --> 00:56:58,469
You might want
to buy a coat.
1079
00:56:58,469 --> 00:57:00,773
Are you and Champ
having a good time, Ron?
1080
00:57:00,816 --> 00:57:01,947
Are we what?
1081
00:57:01,947 --> 00:57:04,077
I can see you, Ron.
1082
00:57:04,121 --> 00:57:05,513
What?
1083
00:57:05,513 --> 00:57:08,513
I can see you.
1084
00:57:08,557 --> 00:57:10,949
Okay. Bye-bye.
1085
00:57:10,993 --> 00:57:13,081
- What happened?
- She knew it was me.
1086
00:57:16,908 --> 00:57:19,344
You're watching Channel 4 News
1087
00:57:19,344 --> 00:57:21,691
with five-time
Emmy award-winning anchor
1088
00:57:21,735 --> 00:57:23,823
Ron Burgundy
and Tits McGee.
1089
00:57:25,256 --> 00:57:28,128
Good evening, San Diego.
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1090
00:57:28,171 --> 00:57:30,258
Tits McGee is on vacation.
1091
00:57:33,564 --> 00:57:35,608
And I'm Tits--
I'm Ron Burgundy.
1092
00:57:39,218 --> 00:57:41,740
- Veronica Corningstone.
- This is your doctor.
1093
00:57:41,740 --> 00:57:44,914
I have your pregnancy
report here, and guess what.
1094
00:57:44,958 --> 00:57:48,220
You got knocked up.
You should probably get out of news.
1095
00:57:48,264 --> 00:57:50,743
- Who is this?
- This is Dr. Chim.
1096
00:57:50,786 --> 00:57:54,222
- Dr. Chim Richalds.
- Ron, is this you?
1097
00:57:54,265 --> 00:57:56,526
I'm a professional doctor.
1098
00:57:56,570 --> 00:57:59,091
You saw me.
You don't remember.
1099
00:57:59,136 --> 00:58:02,137
We-- you should move.
1100
00:58:02,180 --> 00:58:04,399
- Get out of the business.
- This is pathetic.
1101
00:58:04,399 --> 00:58:06,529
You're pathetic.
1102
00:58:06,572 --> 00:58:08,226
What'd she say?
1103
00:58:08,226 --> 00:58:10,662
She-- I don't--
I think she bought it.
1104
00:58:10,705 --> 00:58:13,141
She's looking this way.
1105
00:58:13,183 --> 00:58:16,314
- Oh, uh-oh. Whoa!
- Here she comes.
1106
00:58:20,489 --> 00:58:22,968
I'll tell you what,
it's just not working.
1107
00:58:23,012 --> 00:58:25,404
She's making us look like
a bunch of fools.
1108
00:58:25,447 --> 00:58:28,491
Ellen, where's the party?
1109
00:58:29,580 --> 00:58:32,276
Children, grow up.
1110
00:58:33,362 --> 00:58:35,362
Son of a bee sting.
1111
00:58:35,362 --> 00:58:37,494
She's turning
the entire office against us.
1112
00:58:37,537 --> 00:58:40,147
- This is grim. Real grim.
- What are we gonna do?
1113
00:58:40,191 --> 00:58:42,451
There's only one thing
a man can do
1114
00:58:42,451 --> 00:58:46,410
when he's suffering from a spiritual
and existential funk.
1115
00:58:46,454 --> 00:58:48,672
Go to the zoo,
flip off the monkeys?
1116
00:58:48,714 --> 00:58:51,324
No. Buy new suits.
1117
00:58:51,368 --> 00:58:53,151
Yea!
1118
00:58:53,151 --> 00:58:55,281
# That girl #
1119
00:58:57,543 --> 00:59:00,022
# I'm gonna make her mine
if it takes all night #
1120
00:59:00,065 --> 00:59:01,631
# Can you dig it?
Can you dig it? #
1121
00:59:01,631 --> 00:59:03,327
# Can you dig it? Can you dig it? #
1122
00:59:03,327 --> 00:59:03,415
Where's the suit store?
We've been walking for 45 minutes.
1123
00:59:03,415 --> 00:59:06,457
Where's the suit store?
We've been walking for 45 minutes.
1124
00:59:06,501 --> 00:59:08,937
Brick, I thought you said
this was a shortcut.
1125
00:59:08,981 --> 00:59:10,286
Fantastic.
1126
00:59:10,286 --> 00:59:12,764
- Is it a shortcut or not?
- Okay.
1127
00:59:13,895 --> 00:59:15,982
Jeez.
1128
00:59:18,635 --> 00:59:20,461
Hey.
1129
00:59:20,504 --> 00:59:24,114
Uh-oh.
Here comes trouble.
1130
00:59:26,550 --> 00:59:29,247
Burgundy and the ladies
went out for a stroll, huh?
1131
00:59:30,725 --> 00:59:33,727
You boys walkin' around
and talkin' things through?
1132
00:59:33,727 --> 00:59:35,814
Keep a tight perimeter.
1133
00:59:37,597 --> 00:59:39,684
Yes, sirree.
1134
00:59:40,510 --> 00:59:42,598
Well, well, well.
1135
00:59:43,555 --> 00:59:45,512
Ron Burgundy
1136
00:59:45,512 --> 00:59:47,512
and the Channel 4
News Team.
1137
00:59:47,512 --> 00:59:49,513
Where's your mommy?
1138
00:59:49,513 --> 00:59:51,992
You back off,
Evening News Team.
1139
00:59:56,775 --> 00:59:58,993
You know,
I understand that, uh,
1140
00:59:59,037 --> 01:00:01,516
they had to bring
a female in.
1141
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:04,256
Change your diapers.
1142
01:00:04,256 --> 01:00:06,779
Wipe the dribble away
from your bubblin' lips.
1143
01:00:08,475 --> 01:00:10,389
Rub Vaseline
all over your heinie
1144
01:00:10,389 --> 01:00:13,694
and tell you that it's special
and different from everyone else's.
1145
01:00:15,607 --> 01:00:17,825
He said "heinie"!
1146
01:00:17,869 --> 01:00:19,564
Brick, get back over here!
1147
01:00:19,564 --> 01:00:21,042
Heinie!
1148
01:00:21,042 --> 01:00:23,130
Does she tuck you in, Ronnie?
1149
01:00:24,174 --> 01:00:26,566
Give you a little kiss
on your forehead?
1150
01:00:26,566 --> 01:00:28,479
Tell you everything's
gonna be okay?
1151
01:00:28,479 --> 01:00:30,740
I've had enough
of you, Mantooth.
1152
01:00:30,740 --> 01:00:33,786
This is gonna end
right here, right now.
1153
01:00:33,830 --> 01:00:35,655
Let's dance, dickweed.
1154
01:00:35,655 --> 01:00:37,742
You wanna dance, Ronnie?
1155
01:00:41,092 --> 01:00:43,180
I wanna polka.
1156
01:00:51,442 --> 01:00:53,921
Come get a taste.
1157
01:00:57,661 --> 01:00:59,706
Brick, where'd you get
a hand grenade?
1158
01:00:59,706 --> 01:01:01,792
I don't know.
1159
01:01:02,706 --> 01:01:05,751
All right.
Let's do this!
1160
01:01:06,968 --> 01:01:09,055
Hey!
1161
01:01:11,752 --> 01:01:13,753
If you're gonna have a fight,
1162
01:01:13,753 --> 01:01:16,145
then don't forget
Channel 2 News with me,
1163
01:01:16,189 --> 01:01:18,448
Iead anchor Frank Vitchard.
1164
01:01:18,492 --> 01:01:21,754
You dirtbags have been
in third place for five years.
1165
01:01:21,754 --> 01:01:25,625
Yeah? Well, you're about
to be in dead place.
1166
01:01:31,322 --> 01:01:35,367
Not so fast, you ingrates!
1167
01:01:35,411 --> 01:01:38,498
Public News Team is taking
a break from its pledge drive
1168
01:01:38,542 --> 01:01:40,194
to kick some ass.
1169
01:01:40,194 --> 01:01:42,412
No commercials!
No mercy!
1170
01:01:55,633 --> 01:01:57,677
Cómo están, pinches!
1171
01:01:57,677 --> 01:01:59,764
Spanish Language News is here.
1172
01:01:59,808 --> 01:02:01,200
Tonight's top story:
1173
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:04,636
The sewers run red
with Burgundy's blood.
1174
01:02:04,636 --> 01:02:06,723
Hyah! Hyah!
1175
01:02:13,072 --> 01:02:16,421
Well looks like we got
ourselves a bilingual bloodfest.
1176
01:02:23,249 --> 01:02:26,990
Now, before we do this,
let's go over the ground rules.
1177
01:02:29,294 --> 01:02:31,512
Rule number one:
1178
01:02:31,556 --> 01:02:34,253
No touching
of the hair or face.
1179
01:02:35,296 --> 01:02:36,514
Of course.
1180
01:02:36,514 --> 01:02:38,688
And that's it!
1181
01:02:38,732 --> 01:02:40,993
Now let's do this!
1182
01:02:49,125 --> 01:02:51,647
Begin!
1183
01:03:29,397 --> 01:03:31,789
I'm gonna straight-up
murder your ass!
1184
01:03:31,833 --> 01:03:33,920
- Blade!
- Here you go, mate!
1185
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:36,008
Ahh! God!
1186
01:03:36,051 --> 01:03:38,617
Oh! I did not
see that coming!
1187
01:03:42,313 --> 01:03:44,401
Oh! Aaah!
1188
01:03:44,401 --> 01:03:47,619
- Now I'll be number one.
- No, you won't!
1189
01:03:49,751 --> 01:03:52,621
Policía!
1190
01:04:06,015 --> 01:04:09,017
Boy, that escalated quickly.
1191
01:04:09,059 --> 01:04:12,016
I mean, that really
got out of hand fast.
1192
01:04:12,060 --> 01:04:14,670
- It jumped up a notch.
- It did, didn't it?
1193
01:04:14,714 --> 01:04:17,105
Yeah, I stabbed
a man in the heart.
1194
01:04:17,149 --> 01:04:20,714
I saw that.
Brick killed a guy.
1195
01:04:20,758 --> 01:04:22,932
- Did you throw a trident?
- Yeah.
1196
01:04:22,932 --> 01:04:26,326
There were horses and a man on fire
and I killed a guy with a trident.
1197
01:04:26,368 --> 01:04:28,674
I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
1198
01:04:28,717 --> 01:04:31,545
Find yourself a safe house
or a relative close by.
1199
01:04:31,587 --> 01:04:35,762
Lay low for a while, because you're
probably wanted for murder.
1200
01:04:35,806 --> 01:04:37,285
I'm proud of you fellas.
1201
01:04:37,285 --> 01:04:39,112
You kept your head
on a swivel.
1202
01:04:39,112 --> 01:04:42,068
That's what you gotta do when
you're in a vicious cockfight.
1203
01:04:42,112 --> 01:04:44,895
Can you believe Mantooth and
the Channel 9 Evening News Team?
1204
01:04:44,938 --> 01:04:47,373
"Where's your mommy?
Someone's gotta change your diapers."
1205
01:04:47,417 --> 01:04:50,157
This Corningstone business
is really hurting our rep.
1206
01:04:50,157 --> 01:04:52,158
I know exactly
what you mean, Brian.
1207
01:04:52,158 --> 01:04:54,638
Every newsman in this city's
laughing at us.
1208
01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:58,465
- And I don't like it.
- I don't like the put-downs.
1209
01:04:58,508 --> 01:05:00,291
We're gonna do
something about it.
1210
01:05:00,291 --> 01:05:02,857
It is time to put
an end to this!
1211
01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:06,249
Last time I looked, my name's Ron
Burgundy. What's your name?
1212
01:05:06,292 --> 01:05:07,858
- Brian Fantana.
- Champ Kind.
1213
01:05:07,858 --> 01:05:09,555
- Brian Fantana.
- No, you're Brick.
1214
01:05:09,555 --> 01:05:10,771
- Brian.
- I'm Brian.
1215
01:05:10,771 --> 01:05:12,338
Veronica.
1216
01:05:12,338 --> 01:05:15,686
And I've shown you, old man!
1217
01:05:15,729 --> 01:05:18,905
Garth, I need to look at these tapes
for a potential lead.
1218
01:05:18,948 --> 01:05:20,731
Ron's using the machine
1219
01:05:20,731 --> 01:05:23,470
to play his local Emmy
acceptance speech from last year.
1220
01:05:23,514 --> 01:05:25,383
I tried to ask her
out on a date.
1221
01:05:25,383 --> 01:05:29,124
Turn the music off!
I'm still talking!
1222
01:05:29,124 --> 01:05:31,647
- This is ridiculous!
- I don't remember doing it.
1223
01:05:31,734 --> 01:05:33,952
- Excuse me.
- What are you doing?
1224
01:05:33,996 --> 01:05:37,301
I need this machine so I can
watch a tape for a story.
1225
01:05:37,343 --> 01:05:39,430
I'm using the tape.
1226
01:05:39,430 --> 01:05:41,519
I'm showing Jeffrey
my Emmy tape.
1227
01:05:41,519 --> 01:05:43,216
We are watching history.
1228
01:05:43,216 --> 01:05:45,737
Mr. Burgundy,
I'm a professional,
1229
01:05:45,781 --> 01:05:49,347
and I would like
to be able to do my job.
1230
01:05:49,391 --> 01:05:51,521
Big deal!
I am very professional!
1231
01:05:51,564 --> 01:05:54,131
Mr. Burgundy,
you are acting like a baby.
1232
01:05:54,173 --> 01:05:57,871
I'm not a baby, I am a man.
I am an anchorman!
1233
01:05:57,914 --> 01:06:00,785
You are not a man.
You are a big fat joke!
1234
01:06:00,829 --> 01:06:02,786
I'm a man
who discovered the wheel
1235
01:06:02,786 --> 01:06:06,047
and built the Eiffel Tower
out of metal and brawn.
1236
01:06:06,091 --> 01:06:07,875
That's what
kind of man I am.
1237
01:06:07,875 --> 01:06:10,570
You're just a woman
with a small brain.
1238
01:06:10,570 --> 01:06:14,442
With a brain a third the size of us.
It's science.
1239
01:06:14,484 --> 01:06:17,399
I will have you know
that I have more talent
1240
01:06:17,399 --> 01:06:19,834
and more intelligence
in my little finger
1241
01:06:19,877 --> 01:06:22,356
than you do
in your entire body, sir!
1242
01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:24,880
You are a smelly
pirate hooker!
1243
01:06:24,922 --> 01:06:27,183
You look like a blueberry.
1244
01:06:27,227 --> 01:06:30,314
Why don't you go back
to your home on Whore lsland?
1245
01:06:30,358 --> 01:06:33,620
Well, you have bad hair.
1246
01:06:35,924 --> 01:06:37,969
What did you say?
1247
01:06:37,969 --> 01:06:39,752
I said
1248
01:06:39,752 --> 01:06:41,492
your hair
1249
01:06:41,492 --> 01:06:44,274
Iooks stupid.
1250
01:06:51,146 --> 01:06:54,451
- Let 'em work it out!
- It's between the two of them!
1251
01:07:06,933 --> 01:07:09,456
They're just talking.
Just talking.
1252
01:07:09,498 --> 01:07:11,978
- I hate you!
- I hate you more!
1253
01:07:23,719 --> 01:07:25,284
Ow!
1254
01:07:25,284 --> 01:07:27,851
Shut up! Shut up!
1255
01:07:31,896 --> 01:07:33,331
All right, stop!
1256
01:07:33,331 --> 01:07:35,331
Stop what you're doing
right now!
1257
01:07:35,331 --> 01:07:38,376
I will not have
my newsroom be divided.
1258
01:07:39,898 --> 01:07:42,247
Ah! Knights of Columbus,
that hurts!
1259
01:07:44,464 --> 01:07:46,552
I was like, "Who is that guy?"
1260
01:07:50,248 --> 01:07:53,249
I just can't believe
what Ron did to you.
1261
01:07:53,293 --> 01:07:55,728
It is so awful.
1262
01:07:55,728 --> 01:07:57,773
Yes.
1263
01:07:57,773 --> 01:08:00,990
Have you ever thought
about fighting fire
1264
01:08:00,990 --> 01:08:03,382
with fire?
1265
01:08:04,556 --> 01:08:06,427
What do you mean?
1266
01:08:06,427 --> 01:08:10,514
I have some information
that you can choose to use or not use.
1267
01:08:10,557 --> 01:08:11,993
Up to you.
1268
01:08:12,037 --> 01:08:14,211
Ron Burgundy
1269
01:08:14,255 --> 01:08:17,734
will read anything
that is put on that Teleprompter.
1270
01:08:17,777 --> 01:08:19,778
And when I say anything,
1271
01:08:19,778 --> 01:08:22,214
I mean an-y-thing.
1272
01:08:30,999 --> 01:08:32,302
Arnold, cue one.
1273
01:08:32,302 --> 01:08:34,391
After the FotoMat
was destroyed,
1274
01:08:34,391 --> 01:08:37,173
the bear scampered
back into the woods.
1275
01:08:37,217 --> 01:08:40,087
Apparently he wasn't too happy
with his color prints.
1276
01:08:40,131 --> 01:08:42,219
Oh.
1277
01:08:43,089 --> 01:08:45,088
From the entire
Channel 4 News Team,
1278
01:08:45,088 --> 01:08:46,871
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1279
01:08:46,871 --> 01:08:48,264
And I'm Ron Burgundy.
1280
01:08:48,264 --> 01:08:50,830
Go fuck yourself,
San Diego.
1281
01:08:56,874 --> 01:08:59,354
What in the name--
1282
01:08:59,397 --> 01:09:01,397
No!
1283
01:09:01,397 --> 01:09:03,659
Nobody talks about
my city that way!
1284
01:09:03,703 --> 01:09:05,790
Ron Burgundy's ass
is grass!
1285
01:09:08,529 --> 01:09:11,445
Nice work, everyone.
Sharp broadcast.
1286
01:09:11,487 --> 01:09:13,878
Really good.
Everyone on the floor as well.
1287
01:09:13,922 --> 01:09:16,010
Really a lot of hustle.
I liked it.
1288
01:09:16,968 --> 01:09:19,186
Dump out! Dump out!
1289
01:09:19,229 --> 01:09:21,316
Hello, Edward.
1290
01:09:21,359 --> 01:09:24,186
- Ron, I've got to fire you.
- I've got to fire you.
1291
01:09:24,230 --> 01:09:26,274
Bing, bong, bong.
You're fired, Ed.
1292
01:09:26,274 --> 01:09:29,319
Do you even know
what you just said?
1293
01:09:29,361 --> 01:09:32,580
Great Odin's raven!
1294
01:09:32,623 --> 01:09:34,667
Are you happy, Ron?
1295
01:09:34,667 --> 01:09:37,581
Veronica.
She put that in the Teleprompter.
1296
01:09:37,625 --> 01:09:41,930
You're probably right,
but this is bad, Ron. Real bad.
1297
01:09:41,930 --> 01:09:44,018
My hands are tied. I--
1298
01:09:44,018 --> 01:09:45,801
I gotta fire you.
1299
01:09:45,801 --> 01:09:48,280
Ed, let's hold on.
Let's count to 10.
1300
01:09:48,323 --> 01:09:52,062
That's a rash decision.
Is this about something else?
1301
01:09:52,106 --> 01:09:56,455
Ed, there's 300
very angry San Diego-ites.
1302
01:09:56,500 --> 01:09:58,978
San Diego-ins.
San Diego-uns.
1303
01:09:59,021 --> 01:10:01,326
- San Dieg-ons.
- San Diegans.
1304
01:10:01,370 --> 01:10:03,588
San Diegans out
in front of the station.
1305
01:10:03,632 --> 01:10:05,416
They want Ron's blood.
1306
01:10:05,416 --> 01:10:06,849
They want to hurt you.
1307
01:10:06,849 --> 01:10:10,155
Why did you say that? Why?
1308
01:10:10,155 --> 01:10:12,678
Why, Ron? Why?
1309
01:10:12,721 --> 01:10:15,070
You're my hero, Ron.
1310
01:10:15,114 --> 01:10:16,462
Garth, l--
1311
01:10:16,462 --> 01:10:20,462
And you come out
with stink like that poop!
1312
01:10:20,506 --> 01:10:25,333
You poop mouth!
Get all the poop out of your mouth!
1313
01:10:25,333 --> 01:10:29,247
If I were to give you money out
of my wallet, would that ease the pain?
1314
01:10:29,291 --> 01:10:32,465
I hate you, Ron Burgundy!
I hate you!
1315
01:10:38,250 --> 01:10:40,337
Ron? Ron!
1316
01:10:40,424 --> 01:10:43,469
I can't believe you did this to me!
Are you happy?
1317
01:10:43,990 --> 01:10:45,338
No, Ron, I'm not!
1318
01:10:45,338 --> 01:10:47,512
I have nothing left!
Nothing!
1319
01:10:47,556 --> 01:10:49,731
I've been reduced to rubble!
1320
01:10:51,167 --> 01:10:53,471
Let's go. These people
are about to pull you apart.
1321
01:10:55,776 --> 01:10:59,081
No! No!
1322
01:11:11,606 --> 01:11:13,998
Mr. Burgundy, you should
be ashamed of yourself.
1323
01:11:14,042 --> 01:11:16,955
- Please, l--
- You're an awful man!
1324
01:11:16,999 --> 01:11:20,826
You are truly a disappointment
to us all, Mr. Burgundy!
1325
01:11:22,783 --> 01:11:24,610
Bob Dylan once wrote,
1326
01:11:24,653 --> 01:11:26,653
"The times,
they are a-changin'."
1327
01:11:26,698 --> 01:11:29,089
Ron Burgundy
had never heard that song.
1328
01:11:29,132 --> 01:11:33,177
So when he fell, he fell hard.
1329
01:11:36,526 --> 01:11:40,658
It's Channel 4 News at 6:00!
1330
01:11:40,701 --> 01:11:42,310
Good evening, San Diego.
1331
01:11:42,310 --> 01:11:45,920
I'm lead anchor
Veronica Corningstone.
1332
01:11:45,963 --> 01:11:49,050
Tonight's top story:
an ultrasound of Ling Wong,
1333
01:11:49,093 --> 01:11:51,225
the most famous panda
in the world,
1334
01:11:51,268 --> 01:11:54,095
shows that her baby
is doing quite well.
1335
01:11:54,139 --> 01:11:57,227
No!
1336
01:12:02,402 --> 01:12:04,577
Ron Burgundy, stay classy.
1337
01:12:04,619 --> 01:12:06,925
Hello, this is Ron.
1338
01:12:06,969 --> 01:12:08,272
Hello.
1339
01:12:08,272 --> 01:12:11,056
Who's there?
I'm talking. Hello.
1340
01:12:11,100 --> 01:12:12,754
Who is this?
1341
01:12:12,754 --> 01:12:15,405
Baxter, is that you?
1342
01:12:15,449 --> 01:12:16,840
Baxter!
1343
01:12:16,840 --> 01:12:18,928
Bark twice
if you're in Milwaukee.
1344
01:12:19,929 --> 01:12:21,972
Is this Wilt Chamberlain?
1345
01:12:21,972 --> 01:12:25,060
Have the courage
to say something. Hello!
1346
01:12:27,364 --> 01:12:29,453
Hello!
1347
01:12:34,932 --> 01:12:37,584
Hey, you watch
yourself, mister.
1348
01:12:37,628 --> 01:12:40,325
Hey, lady in
the red hat. Yeah.
1349
01:12:40,368 --> 01:12:42,456
You smell.
1350
01:12:44,849 --> 01:12:48,196
Guys.
Guys, it's me, Ron.
1351
01:12:48,241 --> 01:12:49,762
Fellas!
1352
01:12:49,762 --> 01:12:52,241
Harken said he'd fire us
if we talked to you.
1353
01:12:52,285 --> 01:12:55,677
- What?
- I'm sorry.
1354
01:12:55,721 --> 01:12:58,113
I-- Brian!
1355
01:12:58,113 --> 01:13:00,243
- It's Ronnie!
- Ron!
1356
01:13:00,287 --> 01:13:02,375
- Champ!
- Ron!
1357
01:13:02,418 --> 01:13:04,462
Champ, come on.
Come on!
1358
01:13:04,462 --> 01:13:05,854
Go, Brick.
1359
01:13:05,854 --> 01:13:08,027
My sweet Brick.
1360
01:13:08,071 --> 01:13:11,115
Brick, come hug me.
I know you want to.
1361
01:13:12,726 --> 01:13:15,987
I am completely
miserable, San Diego!
1362
01:13:19,335 --> 01:13:21,423
It's so damn hot!
1363
01:13:24,207 --> 01:13:26,294
Milk was a bad choice!
1364
01:13:33,557 --> 01:13:35,557
Yes, yes.
Chris, listen to me.
1365
01:13:35,557 --> 01:13:38,820
Put down the gun
and let the marching band go.
1366
01:13:38,862 --> 01:13:41,342
We'll play it off as a prank.
1367
01:13:41,342 --> 01:13:44,168
We'll straighten it out later.
I'm getting another call.
1368
01:13:44,168 --> 01:13:46,168
Ed Harken.
1369
01:13:46,168 --> 01:13:48,300
What?
Oh, my God!
1370
01:13:48,344 --> 01:13:52,997
Listen, everybody, Ling Wong
the panda is giving birth!
1371
01:13:53,040 --> 01:13:55,998
Get Corningstone
over there right away!
1372
01:13:56,040 --> 01:13:58,086
The network
is picking up the feed.
1373
01:13:58,086 --> 01:14:01,085
I want a shot
of that panda being born!
1374
01:14:07,784 --> 01:14:10,306
This is Ted Nightingale,
Channel 6 News Los Angeles,
1375
01:14:10,348 --> 01:14:12,001
reporting from
the San Diego Zoo.
1376
01:14:12,001 --> 01:14:13,698
And this is the moment
1377
01:14:13,698 --> 01:14:16,307
the entire world
has been waiting for.
1378
01:14:16,350 --> 01:14:19,569
I can only speculate
as to the sex of the panda,
1379
01:14:19,569 --> 01:14:22,656
but if I had to guess,
I'd say female.
1380
01:14:22,699 --> 01:14:24,961
- Excuse me. Press.
- Hey, lady, watch it.
1381
01:14:25,004 --> 01:14:27,527
Excuse me, I'm press.
Thank you. What do you got?
1382
01:14:27,571 --> 01:14:29,833
Nothing. All I can see
is a blue curtain.
1383
01:14:29,875 --> 01:14:31,962
Oh, damn it.
1384
01:14:31,962 --> 01:14:36,443
Go over there and see
if you can get a shot. I'll go this way.
1385
01:14:36,486 --> 01:14:39,531
Hey, lady, why don't you
go fetch me a sandwich?
1386
01:14:39,573 --> 01:14:42,140
Okay, I'll go get your sandwich.
1387
01:14:42,183 --> 01:14:45,359
Then I'll show you the ratings where
you're number two to a woman.
1388
01:14:45,402 --> 01:14:48,229
Ouch. Don't lose
any more hair over it.
1389
01:14:49,446 --> 01:14:51,577
- Whatever.
- We're live, Mr. Mantooth.
1390
01:14:53,448 --> 01:14:55,534
Good afternoon,
San Diego.
1391
01:14:55,578 --> 01:14:58,231
We're here today to celebrate
the birth of a panda.
1392
01:14:58,231 --> 01:15:01,015
# Sky rockets in flight #
1393
01:15:02,102 --> 01:15:06,407
# Afternoon delight #
1394
01:15:06,451 --> 01:15:08,929
# Af-- #
1395
01:15:08,929 --> 01:15:12,192
# I make fart noises
with my mouth #
1396
01:15:13,540 --> 01:15:15,758
- # And I like to cut-- #
- Hey, nut job!
1397
01:15:15,801 --> 01:15:17,454
Quit the singin'!
1398
01:15:17,454 --> 01:15:19,541
Creeping out
all the regulars.
1399
01:15:19,541 --> 01:15:23,673
I'm expressing my inner anguish
through the majesty of song!
1400
01:15:23,716 --> 01:15:26,761
Look, drunkie, you been
coming in here every day,
1401
01:15:26,761 --> 01:15:28,892
stinking up the joint
with your craziness.
1402
01:15:28,935 --> 01:15:30,979
Now, what the hell
is wrong with you?
1403
01:15:30,979 --> 01:15:32,979
I got no heart!
1404
01:15:32,979 --> 01:15:35,284
Because a she-devil stole it!
1405
01:15:35,327 --> 01:15:37,937
You know what the worst
part about it is?
1406
01:15:39,981 --> 01:15:42,068
She's better than me!
1407
01:15:43,592 --> 01:15:45,678
She's better than me.
1408
01:15:46,808 --> 01:15:48,896
You know, times are changing.
1409
01:15:50,071 --> 01:15:52,332
Ladies can do stuff now.
1410
01:15:52,376 --> 01:15:55,203
You're gonna have to learn
how to deal with that.
1411
01:15:55,246 --> 01:15:57,725
What?
Were you saying something?
1412
01:15:57,769 --> 01:16:00,075
Look, I don't
speak Spanish.
1413
01:16:00,117 --> 01:16:02,204
Ah.
1414
01:16:11,424 --> 01:16:12,729
Scotty.
1415
01:16:12,729 --> 01:16:15,338
Scotty, I have the shot.
1416
01:16:15,381 --> 01:16:17,427
Scotty. Scotty!
1417
01:16:17,427 --> 01:16:19,427
Hey, uh,
1418
01:16:19,427 --> 01:16:22,383
that is some fantastic
shot you got there.
1419
01:16:22,427 --> 01:16:25,819
The kind of shot that gets you
to the top of network news.
1420
01:16:25,819 --> 01:16:29,255
- Oh, well, we hope.
- We at public television,
1421
01:16:29,299 --> 01:16:33,735
we're really down
with the woman's lib thing.
1422
01:16:33,779 --> 01:16:36,083
That is so refreshing to me.
1423
01:16:36,127 --> 01:16:38,605
Because the struggle I've--
1424
01:16:41,867 --> 01:16:45,173
Howie, we have the shot.
1425
01:16:45,173 --> 01:16:47,173
Up a little.
Up, up.
1426
01:16:47,216 --> 01:16:49,303
Oh.
You son of a bitch!
1427
01:16:49,347 --> 01:16:51,348
Shh!
1428
01:16:51,348 --> 01:16:53,478
Don't want to wake up
your friends.
1429
01:17:04,439 --> 01:17:05,742
Help!
1430
01:17:05,742 --> 01:17:08,352
- Simply vanished.
- How do you lose your lead anchor?
1431
01:17:08,395 --> 01:17:10,874
- I can't find Corningstone.
- Where the hell is she?
1432
01:17:10,917 --> 01:17:12,919
- No one's seen her.
- I can't believe this.
1433
01:17:12,919 --> 01:17:16,441
Every news outlet in the world
is looking for coverage on this.
1434
01:17:16,485 --> 01:17:19,530
I've got no damn lead anchor!
1435
01:17:19,572 --> 01:17:22,008
Damn it! Get me a phone.
1436
01:17:22,052 --> 01:17:24,401
I can't believe
I'm about to do this.
1437
01:17:27,270 --> 01:17:29,097
Rocky's,
bar, grill, fine dining.
1438
01:17:29,097 --> 01:17:32,054
- Is there an anchorman there?
- Hold on.
1439
01:17:32,097 --> 01:17:34,881
This is killing me.
I'd rather slit my throat.
1440
01:17:34,924 --> 01:17:37,490
- Hello?
- Hello?
1441
01:17:37,534 --> 01:17:39,534
- Is this Ron?
- Who is this?
1442
01:17:39,534 --> 01:17:41,535
- It's me. Ed.
- Who?
1443
01:17:41,535 --> 01:17:44,057
- Ed Harken.
- I don't know a Ned.
1444
01:17:44,101 --> 01:17:46,362
- Ed Harken!
- Ed!
1445
01:17:46,406 --> 01:17:48,667
- Ed, hello.
- Listen, Ron.
1446
01:17:48,710 --> 01:17:52,537
Corningstone disappeared in the midst
of the biggest story of the year.
1447
01:17:52,581 --> 01:17:54,669
We need you down here
right away.
1448
01:17:54,669 --> 01:17:56,365
Wait, Ed.
1449
01:17:56,365 --> 01:17:59,539
Does this mean you're asking me
to report the news again?
1450
01:18:01,279 --> 01:18:03,279
- Yes.
- Ed!
1451
01:18:03,279 --> 01:18:05,410
That's wonderful!
Thank you!
1452
01:18:05,454 --> 01:18:07,803
Ed, hold on.
I want to say a few words.
1453
01:18:07,846 --> 01:18:11,152
- You have always been a good friend!
- Right.
1454
01:18:11,195 --> 01:18:13,282
- Always!
- Right.
1455
01:18:15,283 --> 01:18:17,761
Get down here
as quickly as you can.
1456
01:18:17,805 --> 01:18:19,849
Ed, I'll be down there.
1457
01:18:20,937 --> 01:18:23,589
And I'm going to look good.
1458
01:18:33,288 --> 01:18:36,723
Good evening.
I'm Ron Burgundy.
1459
01:18:36,766 --> 01:18:39,159
Damn!
That dude cleans up good!
1460
01:18:39,159 --> 01:18:43,335
If I'm gonna do this, I'll need
my news team at my side.
1461
01:18:51,075 --> 01:18:53,119
News team!
1462
01:18:53,119 --> 01:18:55,685
Assemble!
1463
01:19:02,817 --> 01:19:06,339
News team, assemble!
1464
01:19:08,254 --> 01:19:10,168
Hey, Ron.
1465
01:19:10,168 --> 01:19:11,820
What's up?
1466
01:19:11,820 --> 01:19:13,342
Oh.
1467
01:19:13,342 --> 01:19:15,603
Hi.
Didn't see you there.
1468
01:19:15,646 --> 01:19:18,996
We've been here literally
the entire time you have.
1469
01:19:19,039 --> 01:19:21,953
I'm a little embarrassed.
1470
01:19:21,997 --> 01:19:24,085
Look.
1471
01:19:24,128 --> 01:19:28,390
I just got the call from Harken.
He wants me back.
1472
01:19:28,433 --> 01:19:30,738
But I can't do this
without my news team.
1473
01:19:30,782 --> 01:19:32,435
I don't know, Ron.
1474
01:19:32,435 --> 01:19:35,174
That was half a lifetime ago.
We're different people now.
1475
01:19:35,218 --> 01:19:37,217
When you left,
the hurt was so deep.
1476
01:19:37,217 --> 01:19:39,783
I don't know if I can
go through that again.
1477
01:19:39,827 --> 01:19:41,828
Think about
what you're asking.
1478
01:19:41,828 --> 01:19:43,828
Man.
1479
01:19:43,828 --> 01:19:45,916
Gentlemen,
1480
01:19:46,872 --> 01:19:49,221
there was a time
1481
01:19:49,221 --> 01:19:52,222
when you called me
your lead anchor.
1482
01:19:55,397 --> 01:19:57,616
Will you follow me again?
1483
01:19:59,572 --> 01:20:01,702
I'm gettin' too old
for this shit.
1484
01:20:01,746 --> 01:20:03,747
To the news van!
1485
01:20:03,747 --> 01:20:06,486
- To the news van!
- Okay!
1486
01:20:16,098 --> 01:20:18,490
Ahh!
1487
01:20:18,533 --> 01:20:20,664
Well, I'll be.
Ron Burgundy.
1488
01:20:20,707 --> 01:20:22,403
He's back!
1489
01:20:22,403 --> 01:20:25,404
Gentlemen, let's try
to get in a good position for the story.
1490
01:20:25,404 --> 01:20:27,405
- How does the hair look?
- Magnificent.
1491
01:20:27,405 --> 01:20:29,536
You have hair like an angel.
1492
01:20:29,578 --> 01:20:32,450
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Network talent scout.
1493
01:20:32,494 --> 01:20:35,930
- This is a hot one.
- I'm actually nervous.
1494
01:20:35,972 --> 01:20:38,059
Let's go get 'em.
1495
01:20:38,103 --> 01:20:40,016
Wait! Did you
just hear something?
1496
01:20:40,016 --> 01:20:42,757
Help.
1497
01:20:42,801 --> 01:20:45,279
- Ron, help!
- Veronica!
1498
01:20:45,279 --> 01:20:47,497
- Are you okay?
- Shh!
1499
01:20:47,497 --> 01:20:49,193
How did you
get down there?
1500
01:20:49,193 --> 01:20:51,280
Just go get someone.
Please.
1501
01:20:51,280 --> 01:20:53,629
Hold on.
Hold on!
1502
01:20:56,804 --> 01:20:58,631
We've got to do something.
1503
01:20:58,631 --> 01:21:01,110
Whoa, Ron, I don't want
to sound cruel, but--
1504
01:21:01,110 --> 01:21:03,457
There's a network
talent scout over there.
1505
01:21:03,501 --> 01:21:05,589
This is a tough decision.
1506
01:21:05,633 --> 01:21:08,241
So much to think about.
1507
01:21:08,285 --> 01:21:10,808
Basically the biggest story
of my career,
1508
01:21:10,808 --> 01:21:14,635
Iaunching me to a level
I've never known before,
1509
01:21:14,635 --> 01:21:16,113
or saving the woman
1510
01:21:16,113 --> 01:21:19,463
I used to have
familiar relations with.
1511
01:21:19,463 --> 01:21:22,158
This is hard!
1512
01:21:22,201 --> 01:21:24,811
I am in a pickle!
1513
01:21:24,855 --> 01:21:27,247
Ron, I know
it sounds harsh,
1514
01:21:27,247 --> 01:21:29,769
but God does not
want her to live.
1515
01:21:29,812 --> 01:21:31,899
No. Hold on.
1516
01:21:33,206 --> 01:21:35,293
It's clear now.
1517
01:21:37,292 --> 01:21:39,380
We go into the bear pit.
1518
01:21:40,686 --> 01:21:42,773
Ron, don't.
1519
01:21:44,773 --> 01:21:46,860
Oh!
1520
01:21:48,992 --> 01:21:51,949
I immediately
regret this decision.
1521
01:21:51,992 --> 01:21:54,515
What are you doing?
Why didn't you get help?
1522
01:21:54,558 --> 01:21:56,950
These bears are massive!
1523
01:21:56,994 --> 01:21:59,646
They looked
a lot smaller from up there.
1524
01:21:59,690 --> 01:22:02,518
Fan out.
Let's go find Harken.
1525
01:22:02,561 --> 01:22:05,170
Stay calm.
1526
01:22:07,215 --> 01:22:10,562
It's all right. I think it's all right,
my sweet chinchilla.
1527
01:22:10,606 --> 01:22:12,693
- Oh, Ron.
- Yes, yes.
1528
01:22:12,737 --> 01:22:14,869
In case we die here today,
1529
01:22:14,911 --> 01:22:17,782
there's something
that you should know.
1530
01:22:17,824 --> 01:22:20,826
That dirty trick
with the Teleprompter, it wasn't--
1531
01:22:20,870 --> 01:22:24,306
Sweet Eli Whitney's nose!
It wasn't you, was it?
1532
01:22:24,350 --> 01:22:26,741
It was Wes Mantooth.
1533
01:22:26,785 --> 01:22:29,698
- Oh, I should have known.
- No, no.
1534
01:22:29,742 --> 01:22:32,090
- No, I did it.
- You bitch!
1535
01:22:32,134 --> 01:22:35,221
Shh!
1536
01:22:36,396 --> 01:22:38,700
You woke the bears.
Why did you do that?
1537
01:22:41,788 --> 01:22:45,399
There's somebody
in the bear pit!
1538
01:22:47,921 --> 01:22:50,834
It took
my impending death
1539
01:22:50,877 --> 01:22:53,530
for me to realize
how much I need you.
1540
01:22:53,573 --> 01:22:55,878
Oh, Ron.
1541
01:22:59,228 --> 01:23:01,227
Those bears
are gonna hurt them!
1542
01:23:01,227 --> 01:23:04,054
News team, let's hunt.
1543
01:23:05,490 --> 01:23:07,579
News team!
1544
01:23:10,578 --> 01:23:12,665
Bear fight!
1545
01:23:14,927 --> 01:23:17,450
Come on.
Come on!
1546
01:23:24,017 --> 01:23:25,408
Damn!
1547
01:23:25,408 --> 01:23:27,496
Hit 'em in the uvula!
1548
01:23:28,410 --> 01:23:29,757
Hey, Ron!
1549
01:23:29,757 --> 01:23:31,845
I'm riding a furry tractor!
1550
01:23:32,759 --> 01:23:35,194
The bears have descended
on the news team
1551
01:23:35,236 --> 01:23:36,889
and it's not going well.
1552
01:23:36,889 --> 01:23:39,890
Clearly, after today,
I will no longer--
1553
01:23:39,934 --> 01:23:42,587
Come on!
Oh, God!
1554
01:23:42,631 --> 01:23:45,066
It's getting to be
ri-goddamn-diculous!
1555
01:23:46,762 --> 01:23:48,197
Oh, no.
1556
01:23:48,197 --> 01:23:51,285
We woke up the mama.
1557
01:23:53,851 --> 01:23:55,938
Oh, God!
1558
01:23:56,851 --> 01:23:59,287
I don't wanna die.
1559
01:24:04,985 --> 01:24:09,115
Baxter!
1560
01:24:47,388 --> 01:24:49,865
Look! They're following their mother!
1561
01:24:49,865 --> 01:24:51,257
It's instinct.
1562
01:24:51,257 --> 01:24:53,562
Oh, Baxter!
1563
01:24:53,606 --> 01:24:57,998
Oh! Oh, Baxter,
you're still alive!
1564
01:24:57,998 --> 01:25:01,391
Oh, I'm so happy!
1565
01:25:01,434 --> 01:25:05,088
I'm so happy!
You are alive!
1566
01:25:05,131 --> 01:25:07,739
I'm so happy!
1567
01:25:14,090 --> 01:25:15,568
I will lick you!
1568
01:25:15,568 --> 01:25:18,656
I will lick you in front
of everyone to show my joy.
1569
01:25:18,700 --> 01:25:20,787
Oh. Ohhh!
1570
01:25:20,787 --> 01:25:23,875
Boy, he really
likes that dog.
1571
01:25:23,919 --> 01:25:26,354
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1572
01:25:26,398 --> 01:25:28,745
Burgundy! Burgundy!
1573
01:25:28,789 --> 01:25:31,398
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1574
01:25:31,442 --> 01:25:33,704
Hi, Ron.
1575
01:25:33,747 --> 01:25:36,878
It's always a long fall
from the top, isn't it?
1576
01:25:36,921 --> 01:25:38,401
Easy, Wes.
1577
01:25:38,401 --> 01:25:41,792
I've been waiting
to say this to you for a long time.
1578
01:25:41,835 --> 01:25:44,227
- All right.
- Deep down in my stomach,
1579
01:25:44,227 --> 01:25:45,924
with every inch of me,
1580
01:25:45,924 --> 01:25:48,750
I pure, straight
1581
01:25:48,794 --> 01:25:50,882
hate you!
1582
01:25:55,579 --> 01:25:57,971
But, God damn it,
do I respect you!
1583
01:26:11,018 --> 01:26:12,496
Thank you,
1584
01:26:12,496 --> 01:26:14,584
brother.
1585
01:26:16,193 --> 01:26:19,455
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1586
01:26:19,455 --> 01:26:21,935
Today we spell redemption
1587
01:26:21,935 --> 01:26:23,978
R-O-N.
1588
01:26:23,978 --> 01:26:26,804
Burgundy!
Burgundy!
1589
01:26:26,847 --> 01:26:28,718
Ron, you're my hero!
1590
01:26:28,718 --> 01:26:32,544
Ron, I think you've got
a story to report.
1591
01:26:34,631 --> 01:26:36,719
Are you sure, Ed?
1592
01:26:37,111 --> 01:26:39,024
Do it.
1593
01:26:39,024 --> 01:26:41,633
It's the story
you were born to tell.
1594
01:26:46,679 --> 01:26:49,158
San Diego's waiting.
Go get 'em.
1595
01:26:49,201 --> 01:26:50,810
Make way!
1596
01:26:50,810 --> 01:26:53,811
Ron Burgundy's about
to report on pandas!
1597
01:26:56,290 --> 01:26:57,899
Count me down.
Three.
1598
01:26:57,899 --> 01:26:59,986
You're live, Mr. Burgundy.
1599
01:26:59,986 --> 01:27:01,988
This is Ron Burgundy,
1600
01:27:01,988 --> 01:27:05,857
proudly reporting once again
for Channel 4 News.
1601
01:27:05,901 --> 01:27:09,729
Today's story is one
of the more remarkable things
1602
01:27:09,773 --> 01:27:12,859
ever to happen
to San Diago
1603
01:27:12,903 --> 01:27:14,643
or even the world.
1604
01:27:14,643 --> 01:27:17,644
But in order
to properly retell it,
1605
01:27:17,644 --> 01:27:19,992
I'm going to need
some help
1606
01:27:20,036 --> 01:27:22,383
from my co-anchor,
1607
01:27:23,602 --> 01:27:25,645
Miss Veronica Corningstone.
1608
01:27:27,777 --> 01:27:30,474
- High-pressure system--
- No, no, no, no, Brick.
1609
01:27:30,517 --> 01:27:32,604
- High-pressure system--
- Go stand over there.
1610
01:27:36,561 --> 01:27:37,997
Oh, Ron.
1611
01:27:37,997 --> 01:27:40,346
Ron, there are literally
thousands of men
1612
01:27:40,388 --> 01:27:41,998
that I should
be with instead,
1613
01:27:41,998 --> 01:27:45,130
but I am 72% sure
that I love you.
1614
01:27:52,349 --> 01:27:55,523
Yes, redemption was
sweet for Ron Burgundy.
1615
01:27:55,567 --> 01:27:58,263
Yes!
Ron!
1616
01:27:58,306 --> 01:28:01,960
- As for the news team:
- Stop it! Ron!
1617
01:28:02,004 --> 01:28:05,395
Champ Kind went on to become
a commentator for the NFL,
1618
01:28:05,439 --> 01:28:08,004
but was later fired
after being accused
1619
01:28:08,048 --> 01:28:11,702
of sexual harassment
by Terry Bradshaw.
1620
01:28:11,745 --> 01:28:13,790
Excuse me.
1621
01:28:13,790 --> 01:28:16,355
Is that Sex Panther
you're wearing?
1622
01:28:18,660 --> 01:28:21,182
Brian Fantana went on
to have great success
1623
01:28:21,226 --> 01:28:23,749
as the host of the hit
reality TV show
1624
01:28:23,791 --> 01:28:26,662
"lntercourse lsland"
on the Fox Network.
1625
01:28:26,706 --> 01:28:29,402
Anyone seen Brick?
1626
01:28:29,446 --> 01:28:31,490
- Brick?
- Don't! That tickles!
1627
01:28:31,490 --> 01:28:34,707
No, that tickles me!
Come on!
1628
01:28:34,751 --> 01:28:37,708
Brick Tamland
is married with 1 1 children
1629
01:28:37,752 --> 01:28:39,970
and is one of the top
political advisors
1630
01:28:40,014 --> 01:28:41,753
to the Bush White House.
1631
01:28:41,753 --> 01:28:44,405
I'm gonna get you!
I'm gonna get you!
1632
01:28:54,974 --> 01:28:58,148
And Ron and Veronica
didn't stay in San Diego long.
1633
01:29:02,063 --> 01:29:04,194
I chose them
as my replacement,
1634
01:29:04,237 --> 01:29:07,629
and they became the first
mixed-gender network news team,
1635
01:29:07,672 --> 01:29:09,933
and they're still
doing it today.
1636
01:29:09,977 --> 01:29:13,065
From all of us here
at the World News Center,
1637
01:29:13,109 --> 01:29:14,892
I'm Veronica Corningstone.
1638
01:29:14,892 --> 01:29:16,762
And I'm Ron Burgundy.
1639
01:29:16,762 --> 01:29:19,415
You stay classy, planet Earth.
1640
01:29:19,676 --> 01:29:22,373
Brought To You By MohammaD [SHoCk Movies]
1641
01:29:22,677 --> 01:29:26,635
Brought To You By MohammaD [SHoCk Movies]
# Carry on, my wayward son #
1642
01:29:26,635 --> 01:29:30,679
# There'll be peace
when you are done #
1643
01:29:30,723 --> 01:29:34,984
# Lay your weary head
to rest #
1644
01:29:34,984 --> 01:29:37,072
# Don't you cry no more... #
1645
01:29:37,116 --> 01:29:40,421
Oh!
Great Odin's raven!
1646
01:29:40,463 --> 01:29:43,942
Oh!
By the hammer of Thor!
1647
01:29:43,987 --> 01:29:47,596
Oh!
Saint Damien's beard!
1648
01:29:47,640 --> 01:29:50,163
Sweet grandmother's spatula!
1649
01:29:50,206 --> 01:29:52,989
Oh! Hot pot of coffee!
1650
01:29:53,033 --> 01:29:56,468
Uncle Jonathan's
corncob pipe!
1651
01:29:59,121 --> 01:30:01,991
I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun
when you're not looking.
1652
01:30:02,035 --> 01:30:04,036
In the back of the head.
1653
01:30:04,036 --> 01:30:06,558
I'm sorry.
1654
01:30:08,035 --> 01:30:10,297
You're not very bright.
You know that, right?
1655
01:30:10,341 --> 01:30:12,038
You're actually
quite a dullard.
1656
01:30:12,038 --> 01:30:14,431
Everyone here knows it.
1657
01:30:14,473 --> 01:30:18,605
If I'm a dullard,
you're the, uh, the dull--
1658
01:30:18,648 --> 01:30:21,823
Oh! Can't think of
anything to say, can you?
1659
01:30:21,866 --> 01:30:24,868
Yes, I can. I can think
of a lot of things to say.
1660
01:30:24,868 --> 01:30:26,954
Like, you're a dirty bitch.
1661
01:30:29,868 --> 01:30:32,173
Well, Ron, I'm gonna
put poison--
1662
01:30:32,216 --> 01:30:34,304
Oh, my God!
1663
01:30:38,783 --> 01:30:42,002
I drank a lava lamp.
It wasn't lava.
1664
01:30:42,045 --> 01:30:44,394
I ate a whole bunch
of fiberglass insulation.
1665
01:30:44,437 --> 01:30:48,873
It wasn't cotton candy
like that guy said.
1666
01:30:48,916 --> 01:30:50,527
My stomach's itchy.
1667
01:30:50,527 --> 01:30:51,744
I pooped a hammer.
1668
01:30:51,744 --> 01:30:53,918
I pooped
a tape recorder.
1669
01:30:53,961 --> 01:30:56,049
I pooped
a Cornish game hen.
1670
01:30:58,659 --> 01:31:00,572
Uh...
1671
01:31:00,572 --> 01:31:02,659
Nope.
1672
01:31:03,616 --> 01:31:05,660
You do not take
a tone with me,
1673
01:31:05,660 --> 01:31:08,922
'cause I will give you a rap right
on the Jack Johnson!
1674
01:31:08,966 --> 01:31:10,488
- Okay.
- Yes.
1675
01:31:10,488 --> 01:31:12,270
Now this
is happenin'.
1676
01:31:12,270 --> 01:31:13,924
What are
you doing?
1677
01:31:13,924 --> 01:31:16,012
- Hah!
- What are you doing?
1678
01:31:16,055 --> 01:31:18,141
What are you--
1679
01:31:22,404 --> 01:31:23,622
Action.
1680
01:31:23,622 --> 01:31:25,710
We'll go back to doing
what I do best--
1681
01:31:25,753 --> 01:31:28,537
I guess we'll go back to doing
what I do best, show off.
1682
01:31:28,579 --> 01:31:30,536
When do we
get started?
1683
01:31:30,536 --> 01:31:32,276
When do we get started?
1684
01:31:32,276 --> 01:31:34,276
- That's my line.
- When do we get started?
1685
01:31:34,276 --> 01:31:36,277
You say,
"Whenever you like."
1686
01:31:36,277 --> 01:31:38,017
Whenever you like.
1687
01:31:38,017 --> 01:31:40,104
Keep it rollin'.
This is good stuff.
1688
01:31:41,104 --> 01:31:43,931
...an area bank
in a daring...
1689
01:31:43,975 --> 01:31:47,194
Probably not the same one.
Probably not the same guy.
1690
01:31:54,935 --> 01:31:56,979
Brick, before I let you go,
1691
01:31:56,979 --> 01:31:59,588
are you still having your celebrity
golf tournament this summer?
1692
01:31:59,588 --> 01:32:01,588
No, too many people
died last year.
1693
01:32:01,632 --> 01:32:03,806
So we're not gonna do--
1694
01:32:03,850 --> 01:32:05,937
Sorry. Sorry.
1695
01:32:06,633 --> 01:32:09,938
They named it
San Diego.
1696
01:32:09,938 --> 01:32:13,722
Which in German means,
"a whale's vagina."
1697
01:32:20,289 --> 01:32:22,812
This is the most
ridiculous thing ever.
1698
01:32:43,903 --> 01:32:47,513
# Carry on, my wayward son #
1699
01:32:47,557 --> 01:32:51,340
# There'll be peace
when you are done #
1700
01:32:51,340 --> 01:32:55,038
# Lay your weary head
to rest #
1701
01:32:55,081 --> 01:32:56,211
# Don't you cry #
1702
01:32:56,211 --> 01:32:59,169
# Don't you cry no more #
1703
01:33:16,390 --> 01:33:18,652
Way to handle him.
That was nice.
1704
01:33:18,696 --> 01:33:20,565
It sure is good
to be number one.
1705
01:33:20,565 --> 01:33:23,219
It sure beats the hell
out of number two.
1706
01:33:24,653 --> 01:33:27,046
We are laughing!
1707
01:33:27,046 --> 01:33:29,393
And we are
very good friends.
1708
01:33:29,437 --> 01:33:32,395
Good buddies sharing
a special moment.
1709
01:33:32,439 --> 01:33:35,265
Don't say anything, Ron.
Just let it happen.
1710
01:33:35,309 --> 01:33:38,353
We're laughing,
enjoying our friendship.
1711
01:33:38,353 --> 01:33:41,832
And someday we'll look back
on this with much fondness.
1712
01:33:42,920 --> 01:33:46,051
Yeah.65887
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