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All language subtitles for A.P. Bio 3x08 - Katie Holmes Day (English)

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:05,000 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:11,281 --> 00:00:13,637 The gifted young lady didn't know what to do. 3 00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:16,643 Should she fly off to Hollywood for the big audition? 4 00:00:16,645 --> 00:00:18,181 Or should she stay in Toledo 5 00:00:18,183 --> 00:00:21,679 for a high-school production of "Damn Yankees?" 6 00:00:21,681 --> 00:00:23,013 So she asked her father. 7 00:00:23,015 --> 00:00:25,172 And her father replied, 8 00:00:25,174 --> 00:00:27,441 "What do you think is the right decision?" 9 00:00:27,443 --> 00:00:29,443 And she answered... 10 00:00:29,445 --> 00:00:32,713 I think I made a commitment... 11 00:00:32,715 --> 00:00:35,549 So I probably can't break that. 12 00:00:35,551 --> 00:00:37,120 Yes, children! 13 00:00:37,122 --> 00:00:38,828 But what about the big audition? 14 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,454 Why, she taped it herself 15 00:00:40,456 --> 00:00:42,489 and mailed it off to Los Angeles. 16 00:00:42,491 --> 00:00:44,291 Eh, it was a long shot. 17 00:00:44,293 --> 00:00:46,259 But if you don't dream... 18 00:00:46,261 --> 00:00:51,732 You'll never know if your dreams can happen. 19 00:00:51,734 --> 00:00:54,735 And when Kevin Williamson from the WB received the tape, 20 00:00:54,737 --> 00:00:57,806 he knew he had found his star. 21 00:00:57,808 --> 00:01:00,140 And the tomboy, best-friend role 22 00:01:00,142 --> 00:01:02,686 of little Joey Potter on "Dawson's Creek" 23 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,212 would be played by Toledo's very own 24 00:01:05,214 --> 00:01:07,681 - Katie Holmes. - Yay! 25 00:01:09,218 --> 00:01:10,584 One, two, three, four! 26 00:01:23,015 --> 00:01:24,115 Good morning, Whitlock, 27 00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,625 and a happy Katie Holmes Day Eve to you all. 28 00:01:26,627 --> 00:01:28,795 Tomorrow night the city of Toledo 29 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,738 will hold the annual Katie Holmes Day Pageant. 30 00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:35,242 Please donate any items you can for the rummage sale. 31 00:01:35,244 --> 00:01:37,887 All proceeds go to the local orphanage. 32 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,380 And as always, dream big. 33 00:01:40,382 --> 00:01:41,383 Katie did. 34 00:01:44,153 --> 00:01:46,420 Are you sure you want to give your boys away? 35 00:01:46,422 --> 00:01:47,721 I think they're worth a bunch. 36 00:01:47,723 --> 00:01:50,490 So who am I to keep this from happening? 37 00:01:50,492 --> 00:01:52,326 Oh. 38 00:02:02,771 --> 00:02:05,238 Katie provides. 39 00:02:12,648 --> 00:02:15,649 ? See the Katie, hear her sing ? 40 00:02:15,651 --> 00:02:18,685 ? In every musical, fall and spring ? 41 00:02:18,687 --> 00:02:21,688 ? She had a commitment she couldn't break ? 42 00:02:21,690 --> 00:02:24,424 ? So she sent a tape ? 43 00:02:27,072 --> 00:02:29,773 I can't believe it's already Katie Holmes Eve. 44 00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:31,298 I barely slept last night. 45 00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:34,468 Oh, me neither! I knutted all night. 46 00:02:34,470 --> 00:02:35,502 Don't you mean knit? 47 00:02:35,504 --> 00:02:36,570 Yeah, past tense. 48 00:02:36,572 --> 00:02:38,271 You don't say, "I digged a hole". 49 00:02:38,273 --> 00:02:40,374 Anyway, I could not sleep. 50 00:02:40,376 --> 00:02:42,309 And so I knutted for hours. 51 00:02:42,311 --> 00:02:44,788 And usually when I knut, you know, I fall straight asleep. 52 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:47,347 But I was so excited, I just knutted again. 53 00:02:47,349 --> 00:02:48,991 Sounds like me this weekend. 54 00:02:48,993 --> 00:02:50,126 I don't get it. 55 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,285 Good morning, everybody. 56 00:02:51,287 --> 00:02:52,686 Hey, where do I drop off these donations? 57 00:02:52,688 --> 00:02:53,720 Oh, I'll take those. 58 00:02:53,722 --> 00:02:56,131 - Yeah? Great. - Whoa, "Pieces of April". 59 00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:57,167 - Nice. - Oh. 60 00:02:57,169 --> 00:02:59,960 Very on-brand for our Katie Holmes Day rummage sale. 61 00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:03,297 What do you mean... No. This is a real thing? 62 00:03:03,299 --> 00:03:05,599 Katie Holmes Day? 63 00:03:05,601 --> 00:03:07,367 You're t... so all of Toledo 64 00:03:07,369 --> 00:03:09,813 is just sort of unironically celebrating an actress 65 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,272 whose face, you know, to be quite honest, 66 00:03:12,274 --> 00:03:13,607 I have trouble remembering? 67 00:03:13,609 --> 00:03:15,542 She's just like a... like a... 68 00:03:15,544 --> 00:03:17,344 an adorable white girl with like a... 69 00:03:17,346 --> 00:03:19,479 you know, just a face and hair and eyes. 70 00:03:19,481 --> 00:03:20,514 Yeah, that's her. 71 00:03:20,516 --> 00:03:21,724 Oh, my God. That's right. 72 00:03:21,726 --> 00:03:23,107 You've been gone 20 years. 73 00:03:23,109 --> 00:03:25,352 You don't know anything about Katie Holmes Day. 74 00:03:25,354 --> 00:03:29,040 It's... it's a celebration of... of dream and wonder. 75 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,625 You're gonna hate it. 76 00:03:31,627 --> 00:03:34,294 Happy Katie Holmes Day Eve, Jack. 77 00:03:34,296 --> 00:03:35,696 Yeah. 78 00:03:35,698 --> 00:03:38,632 Listen, I need the keys to the driver's ed car. 79 00:03:38,634 --> 00:03:41,635 It's the base for the float in our Katie Holmes Day parade. 80 00:03:41,637 --> 00:03:44,471 The student council made a replica 81 00:03:44,473 --> 00:03:46,340 out of papier-m�ch� of the Buick 82 00:03:46,342 --> 00:03:48,059 that Katie drove in high school. 83 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,562 Well, you know, the driver's ed car is a Buick, 84 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,512 so you could just drive that. 85 00:03:56,518 --> 00:03:58,819 That's so funny, Jack. 86 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:01,455 Hers was a '94 with a dent in the hood. 87 00:04:01,457 --> 00:04:03,557 The 2007 Buick 88 00:04:03,559 --> 00:04:05,859 does not represent Katie's humble beginnings. 89 00:04:05,861 --> 00:04:08,395 Okay. 90 00:04:08,397 --> 00:04:09,730 A Holmes on your head. 91 00:04:09,732 --> 00:04:11,865 - Nope. - Oh. 92 00:04:13,402 --> 00:04:15,076 Whitlock High? 93 00:04:15,078 --> 00:04:17,213 It's Mayor Wade CupsofCabbage. 94 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,572 I'll take it in my office. 95 00:04:22,645 --> 00:04:25,830 Mayor CupsofCabbage. Hey... 96 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:29,601 Yes, you... you want me to be in the... in the pageant? 97 00:04:31,553 --> 00:04:35,489 Yes... yes, it would be an honor to play Kevin Williamson, 98 00:04:35,491 --> 00:04:38,425 the man who launched Katie Holmes's career. 99 00:04:38,427 --> 00:04:40,894 And I will not let you down this time. 100 00:04:41,964 --> 00:04:44,865 - He's giving me a second chance. - Yes! 101 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:47,202 - What if I choke? - You can do this, Ralph. 102 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,669 I believe in you. 103 00:04:48,671 --> 00:04:50,971 It is just one line. It's ten words. 104 00:04:50,973 --> 00:04:52,706 "Hello, Katie. 105 00:04:52,708 --> 00:04:55,609 You are Joey Potter. Welcome to 'Dawson's Creek'". 106 00:04:55,611 --> 00:04:57,778 You need to immerse yourself in this character. 107 00:04:57,780 --> 00:05:00,480 For the next 24 hours, you're gonna be 108 00:05:00,482 --> 00:05:02,983 a Hollywood slick hotshot. 109 00:05:02,985 --> 00:05:04,785 I don't know. 110 00:05:04,787 --> 00:05:06,520 Unless... 111 00:05:08,824 --> 00:05:10,557 California Raisin. 112 00:05:10,559 --> 00:05:14,461 Oh! I've got goose bumps! 113 00:05:14,463 --> 00:05:17,931 Make me famous, Mr. Producer. 114 00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:22,703 All right. 115 00:05:22,705 --> 00:05:25,539 Go ahead and shut all the way up. 116 00:05:25,541 --> 00:05:26,673 Where's my garbage? 117 00:05:26,675 --> 00:05:28,775 We're using it as a bucket of fate. 118 00:05:28,777 --> 00:05:31,830 Yeah, in one bucket, there's sweet pudding, 119 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,648 representing a tasty dream come true. 120 00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:36,683 And in the other, a baby crab... 121 00:05:36,685 --> 00:05:38,685 its pinchers, a stark reminder 122 00:05:38,687 --> 00:05:40,854 that chasing your dreams can hurt. 123 00:05:40,856 --> 00:05:43,457 Got it. 124 00:05:43,459 --> 00:05:44,958 Sweet chocolate pudding! 125 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,861 Papa's gonna be a backup singer for Lizzo! 126 00:05:49,565 --> 00:05:50,764 Guys. 127 00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:52,200 Ah, I got to say. 128 00:05:52,202 --> 00:05:55,092 This holiday is, uh... and I don't say this lightly... 129 00:05:55,094 --> 00:05:56,328 bonkers. 130 00:05:56,330 --> 00:05:58,398 Point, counterpoint, Mr. Griffin, 131 00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,773 it's actually not. 132 00:05:59,775 --> 00:06:00,789 Yeah. 133 00:06:00,791 --> 00:06:02,809 At 8:47 tomorrow night, 134 00:06:02,811 --> 00:06:04,778 you kiss someone on the forehead 135 00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:07,914 because that's when Katie had the talk with her wise dad 136 00:06:07,916 --> 00:06:10,410 which he ended with a forehead kiss. 137 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,453 Right. 138 00:06:11,455 --> 00:06:14,256 The entire holiday culminates in a glorious pageant. 139 00:06:14,258 --> 00:06:15,957 I've always wanted to play Katie Holmes, 140 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:18,058 - and I think this is the year. - Oh. 141 00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:19,692 And we make wish lists addressed 142 00:06:19,694 --> 00:06:20,794 to Katie in Hollywood, 143 00:06:20,796 --> 00:06:22,130 put them in our shoes, 144 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,898 and leave them in our front porches. 145 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,052 And the next morning, 146 00:06:25,054 --> 00:06:27,769 there's a fresh blueberry muffin in each shoe. 147 00:06:27,771 --> 00:06:29,904 So shoe muffins. 148 00:06:29,906 --> 00:06:31,572 Got it. Yeah. 149 00:06:31,574 --> 00:06:32,672 And you all do this? 150 00:06:32,674 --> 00:06:33,708 Oh. Not me. 151 00:06:33,710 --> 00:06:35,076 I don't celebrate Katie Holmes Day. 152 00:06:35,078 --> 00:06:36,845 Oh, finally, a sane person. 153 00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:38,713 My family celebrates Jamie Farr Day. 154 00:06:38,715 --> 00:06:41,485 My dad says that's Toledo's original top celebrity. 155 00:06:41,487 --> 00:06:44,664 So there's also a Klinger from "MASH" holiday. 156 00:06:44,666 --> 00:06:46,237 A world without Katie Holmes Day 157 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,922 is a world I don't want to live in. 158 00:06:47,924 --> 00:06:50,925 I like the sound of that. 159 00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:52,794 Tell me more of these traditions. 160 00:06:57,234 --> 00:06:59,834 - Sorry I'm late. - Damn, girl. 161 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:03,004 - A 55-inch flat screen TV? - Oh... 162 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,873 That is gonna bring in so much money. 163 00:07:04,875 --> 00:07:05,927 Forget porridge. 164 00:07:05,929 --> 00:07:07,300 Those orphans are about to have some 165 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,277 - R-r-r-r-regular soup. - Okay! 166 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,012 Uh, actually, this is... 167 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,747 A gift from an angel. 168 00:07:12,749 --> 00:07:15,016 That is so sweet. 169 00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:17,521 But it... it's not a big deal. 170 00:07:17,523 --> 00:07:18,753 - And she's humble. - Mm. 171 00:07:18,755 --> 00:07:19,788 Amazing. 172 00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:21,255 - Mommy Warbucks. - Mm-hmm. 173 00:07:21,257 --> 00:07:22,957 A regular Mother Toledo. 174 00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:24,125 Oh. 175 00:07:24,127 --> 00:07:26,694 Yes. 176 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:27,896 - Yeah... oh, good. - _ 177 00:07:27,898 --> 00:07:29,764 - Very good. - _ 178 00:07:29,766 --> 00:07:32,033 - Yes. - _ 179 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,068 I'd like to believe you have a genuine interest 180 00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:35,536 in this beloved holiday, 181 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,071 but your maniacal cackling 182 00:07:37,073 --> 00:07:39,513 has made me fear you're planning something nefarious. 183 00:07:39,515 --> 00:07:42,076 Your fears are... 184 00:07:42,078 --> 00:07:43,812 completely founded. 185 00:07:43,814 --> 00:07:46,247 Oh, I just thought of another tradition. 186 00:07:46,249 --> 00:07:48,750 It's the one where people who don't love the holiday 187 00:07:48,752 --> 00:07:49,851 just don't participate, 188 00:07:49,853 --> 00:07:52,222 and let the ones that really [BLEEP] love it enjoy it. 189 00:07:54,024 --> 00:07:55,323 Can we swear now? 190 00:07:55,325 --> 00:07:57,561 Oh, shut up. Shut up. 191 00:07:57,563 --> 00:08:00,265 Shut up, everybody. Shut up. 192 00:08:00,267 --> 00:08:03,136 Oh, Mayor CupsofCabbage, what a pleasant surprise. 193 00:08:04,801 --> 00:08:07,335 I'm sorry. Come again. 194 00:08:07,337 --> 00:08:10,238 And a-a third time, 'cause it's insane. 195 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,675 I see. 196 00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:21,818 I don't think that's coming off. 197 00:08:24,054 --> 00:08:26,087 That dumb-ass mayor cast me 198 00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,718 as the lame WB assistant in the stupid pageant 199 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,887 for the sixth year in a row. 200 00:08:30,889 --> 00:08:34,829 Well, to be fair, you do give off strong assistant vibes. 201 00:08:34,831 --> 00:08:36,831 Just once I want to be Katie 202 00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:39,067 and say the big final line. 203 00:08:39,069 --> 00:08:40,235 It's bullshit. 204 00:08:40,237 --> 00:08:42,971 That's one A-word, one F-word, 205 00:08:42,973 --> 00:08:44,839 and one B-S-H word. 206 00:08:44,841 --> 00:08:46,307 Guys, Marissa's right, all right? 207 00:08:46,309 --> 00:08:48,042 This holiday is a complete sham. 208 00:08:48,044 --> 00:08:49,978 Mr. Griffin, is it fair to say 209 00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:52,280 that you have an especially large chip on your shoulder 210 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,083 because a Toledoan from your peer group 211 00:08:54,085 --> 00:08:57,869 went on to achieve her dreams and you're, you know, here? 212 00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,004 No, Marcus. 213 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,907 My problem is that you all believe 214 00:09:00,909 --> 00:09:03,763 a doe-eyed actress can make your dreams come true. 215 00:09:03,765 --> 00:09:05,899 It doesn't work that way. W-w-watch. 216 00:09:05,901 --> 00:09:08,034 Please, Katie Holmes, 217 00:09:08,036 --> 00:09:10,904 let me spend five more minutes with my dead mother. 218 00:09:14,009 --> 00:09:16,557 Did she... is she here? My mother, is she here? 219 00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:18,778 Oh, she isn't? Yeah... No, Because it doesn't work. 220 00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:20,180 Well, give her time. 221 00:09:20,182 --> 00:09:22,215 She has thousands of homes to visit. 222 00:09:22,217 --> 00:09:24,317 Marissa... 223 00:09:24,319 --> 00:09:27,887 we're gonna destroy Katie Holmes Day. 224 00:09:27,889 --> 00:09:30,159 Holy shit ass dick fart. 225 00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:43,837 Let's do this. 226 00:09:47,075 --> 00:09:48,174 _ 227 00:09:48,176 --> 00:09:51,111 Ralph, the football team wants real energy drinks. 228 00:09:51,113 --> 00:09:53,913 They figured out that Gatorade Clear's just water. 229 00:09:53,915 --> 00:09:55,982 That's it. 230 00:09:55,984 --> 00:09:57,183 A football show. 231 00:09:57,185 --> 00:09:58,686 I can see it now. 232 00:09:58,688 --> 00:10:00,223 Oh, pwetty pwease, 233 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:03,089 can I be in your sports show? 234 00:10:03,091 --> 00:10:04,325 I'm your spoiled daughter 235 00:10:04,327 --> 00:10:05,995 that benefits from your success. 236 00:10:05,997 --> 00:10:08,648 - Come on. - Oh, of course, princess. 237 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,398 Give me some of that sugar that Daddy likes. 238 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,165 Oh. Mwah! 239 00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:15,001 This feels like an HR trap. 240 00:10:18,073 --> 00:10:19,906 Oh. For reals? 241 00:10:19,908 --> 00:10:21,452 An old Garfield phone? 242 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,276 Mary, can you believe this? 243 00:10:23,278 --> 00:10:25,311 Uh, I cannot, Stephanie. 244 00:10:25,313 --> 00:10:27,213 Considering this queen right here 245 00:10:27,215 --> 00:10:29,460 just donated a flat screen TV 246 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,351 for the Katie Holmes Day rummage sale. 247 00:10:31,353 --> 00:10:34,120 I think the phone's fun. 248 00:10:34,122 --> 00:10:36,923 Hello, Garfield? Oh, well, it's me, an orphan. 249 00:10:36,925 --> 00:10:38,892 Oh, you love lasagna? Funny. 250 00:10:38,894 --> 00:10:41,127 I've never had lasagna, and I never will 251 00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:43,029 because we didn't raise any damn money 252 00:10:43,031 --> 00:10:44,431 with your sorry-ass phone. 253 00:10:47,436 --> 00:10:50,403 Oh, and I am encouraged. Who's next? 254 00:10:50,405 --> 00:10:52,072 Do me. Do me! 255 00:10:52,074 --> 00:10:54,072 I brought stained Tupperware. Ooh. 256 00:10:54,074 --> 00:10:55,308 Give it to me. 257 00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:57,488 You said I'd be a star. 258 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,179 You lied to me, Daddy. 259 00:10:59,181 --> 00:11:02,048 It was never you. It was these pills! 260 00:11:03,185 --> 00:11:05,852 Hey. Can you sign off on payroll? 261 00:11:05,854 --> 00:11:08,088 Intern, you're the star now. 262 00:11:08,090 --> 00:11:10,290 Not sure what this is, but... 263 00:11:10,292 --> 00:11:11,424 I am in. 264 00:11:11,426 --> 00:11:14,361 Step aside, sister. 265 00:11:14,363 --> 00:11:17,430 ? Well, it's a big old trolley ? 266 00:11:17,432 --> 00:11:19,330 ? Coming around the bend ? 267 00:11:19,332 --> 00:11:21,500 And feast your peepers on something you never had... 268 00:11:21,502 --> 00:11:22,936 talent! 269 00:11:24,106 --> 00:11:26,306 Faster. 270 00:11:26,308 --> 00:11:29,008 Ha ha! Yes. 271 00:11:29,010 --> 00:11:30,877 Oh, who we got up next? 272 00:11:30,879 --> 00:11:32,145 I drew this. 273 00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:36,084 It's, uh, Catty Holmes from "Pawson's Creek". 274 00:11:38,987 --> 00:11:42,155 Oh, wow. Dave, we love it. 275 00:11:42,157 --> 00:11:43,957 Yeah? Really? 276 00:11:43,959 --> 00:11:45,992 This is original art. It's really good. 277 00:11:45,994 --> 00:11:47,193 We're gonna frame it 278 00:11:47,195 --> 00:11:48,995 and give it directly to the orphans 279 00:11:48,997 --> 00:11:50,964 and bring a little joy into their lives. 280 00:11:50,966 --> 00:11:52,332 Really? 281 00:11:52,334 --> 00:11:54,968 Hell, no! Boom! 282 00:11:57,072 --> 00:11:59,939 And that is our time, all right? 283 00:11:59,941 --> 00:12:01,677 So feel free to join us tomorrow 284 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,043 at the rummage sale 285 00:12:03,045 --> 00:12:05,145 and come and witness the chump change 286 00:12:05,147 --> 00:12:08,248 that your crappy-ass donations will surely bring in. 287 00:12:08,250 --> 00:12:09,282 Yeah. 288 00:12:09,284 --> 00:12:10,318 Ooh, ooh. 289 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,986 And stick around for our first-ever live auction, 290 00:12:12,988 --> 00:12:15,221 where you'll get the opportunity to make a bid 291 00:12:15,223 --> 00:12:17,390 on the greatest donation of all time. 292 00:12:17,392 --> 00:12:18,958 You know what it is? 293 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,062 This TV right here! 294 00:12:27,874 --> 00:12:29,074 Yeah... 295 00:12:29,076 --> 00:12:30,276 No, no, no! No. 296 00:12:30,278 --> 00:12:33,373 Oh, I-I got it. I-I want to carry it myself. 297 00:12:33,375 --> 00:12:36,009 Uh, for the children. 298 00:12:36,011 --> 00:12:38,945 Okay. 299 00:12:38,947 --> 00:12:41,047 Legs! 300 00:13:42,044 --> 00:13:43,778 Good morning, Whitlock. 301 00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:45,478 In honor of Katie Holmes Day, 302 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,448 I am going to climb in through this window, 303 00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:51,351 just like Katie did on "Dawson's Creek". 304 00:13:51,353 --> 00:13:55,088 So... here we go. 305 00:13:55,090 --> 00:13:58,558 Okay. Oh. 306 00:14:00,595 --> 00:14:03,563 Okay. Ah. 307 00:14:03,565 --> 00:14:06,232 Ow, my keys! Oh, God. 308 00:14:06,234 --> 00:14:08,234 Okay. Okay. 309 00:14:10,539 --> 00:14:14,107 Oh, my God. 310 00:14:14,109 --> 00:14:17,143 Well, I come bearing bad news. 311 00:14:17,145 --> 00:14:20,346 The school's Buick float for the Katie Day parade 312 00:14:20,348 --> 00:14:22,515 has been stolen. 313 00:14:22,517 --> 00:14:25,552 So, instead, I ask all of you 314 00:14:25,554 --> 00:14:28,799 to walk in the parade arm in arm. 315 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:32,604 Let's make tonight the best Katie Holmes Day pageant ever! 316 00:14:33,738 --> 00:14:35,873 Well, looks like someone unwittingly made 317 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,497 the holiday even more heartwarming. 318 00:14:37,499 --> 00:14:40,100 Oh, don't worry. There's so much more coming. 319 00:14:40,102 --> 00:14:42,630 Last night my shoes were stolen from my porch. 320 00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:46,373 And lo, not two, but three muffins. 321 00:14:46,375 --> 00:14:47,441 No, no. 322 00:14:47,443 --> 00:14:50,176 No, you said that you put the wishes in the shoes, 323 00:14:50,178 --> 00:14:52,412 and then Katie turns the wishes into muffins. 324 00:14:52,414 --> 00:14:54,547 Ergo, no shoes, no muffins. 325 00:14:54,549 --> 00:14:55,893 ? See the Katie ? 326 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,584 ? Hear her sing ? 327 00:14:57,586 --> 00:14:59,319 - ? And every musical ? - Yo. 328 00:14:59,321 --> 00:15:01,254 The jug band's singing a capella. 329 00:15:01,256 --> 00:15:03,289 They sound smooth as hell. 330 00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:06,359 Jug, you know that new sound you've been looking for? 331 00:15:06,361 --> 00:15:08,328 Well, listen to this. 332 00:15:08,330 --> 00:15:10,096 Another miracle. 333 00:15:10,098 --> 00:15:13,566 Mr. Griffin, may we go bask in their newfound glory? 334 00:15:13,568 --> 00:15:16,703 Feel free to leave my class at any time for any reason. 335 00:15:22,644 --> 00:15:25,478 We took everything, and the day came. 336 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,415 It came just the same. 337 00:15:28,417 --> 00:15:31,184 I'm gonna have to play WB assistant 338 00:15:31,186 --> 00:15:33,522 and say that stupid line the rest of my life. 339 00:15:35,323 --> 00:15:37,157 What exactly is your line? 340 00:15:37,159 --> 00:15:39,061 "Mr. Williamson will see you now". 341 00:15:41,329 --> 00:15:45,231 So, if Katie doesn't meet with Mr. Williamson, 342 00:15:45,233 --> 00:15:48,268 then her dreams don't come true, and... 343 00:15:48,270 --> 00:15:50,203 if her dreams don't come true... 344 00:15:50,205 --> 00:15:53,406 Then there's no Katie Holmes Day. 345 00:15:55,744 --> 00:15:58,246 Yeah. 346 00:16:00,148 --> 00:16:02,348 Well, hey, now. We all know why we're here. 347 00:16:02,350 --> 00:16:06,352 Please give it up for Michelle Patricia Jones 348 00:16:06,354 --> 00:16:08,588 and her donation of... 349 00:16:08,590 --> 00:16:11,291 This TV right here! 350 00:16:14,463 --> 00:16:15,827 I'm dead. 351 00:16:15,829 --> 00:16:17,630 I'm dead. I'm dead. 352 00:16:17,632 --> 00:16:20,500 We will start the bidding at $500. 353 00:16:20,502 --> 00:16:22,602 Ooh, okay. We have $500. 354 00:16:22,604 --> 00:16:25,472 Now do I see a $550? 355 00:16:25,474 --> 00:16:27,776 $550 from Where's Waldo over there. 356 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,443 And, Waldo, hey. I see you, okay? 357 00:16:30,445 --> 00:16:32,612 $550 going once. 358 00:16:32,614 --> 00:16:35,248 Going twice... 359 00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:36,783 $600! 360 00:16:36,785 --> 00:16:39,552 Okay... ladies and gentlemen, I do not believe this. 361 00:16:39,554 --> 00:16:43,335 But this queen right here is bidding on her own donation! 362 00:16:43,337 --> 00:16:45,085 $700! 363 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,754 $750! 364 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,395 $1,000! 365 00:16:50,766 --> 00:16:53,433 $1,000 of my own money. 366 00:16:53,435 --> 00:16:54,667 Sold! 367 00:16:56,538 --> 00:16:59,541 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 368 00:17:08,517 --> 00:17:10,926 A blessed day. 369 00:17:10,928 --> 00:17:13,030 I just bought this holiday classic 370 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,487 at the rummage sale. 371 00:17:14,489 --> 00:17:15,908 And much to my surprise, 372 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:19,325 the tape inside... it's an old home video. 373 00:17:19,327 --> 00:17:21,227 Might you have the movie 374 00:17:21,229 --> 00:17:23,761 I so graciously purchased for $1.50? 375 00:17:23,763 --> 00:17:24,764 Nope. 376 00:17:24,766 --> 00:17:27,149 Now, if you could so graciously get out of my way, 377 00:17:27,151 --> 00:17:29,270 - I've got a pageant to destroy. - Wait a minute. 378 00:17:29,272 --> 00:17:31,799 That's no way to speak to a fellow Toledoan 379 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:33,506 on Katie Holmes Day. 380 00:17:33,508 --> 00:17:36,342 Okay, you big baby man. You want your money? 381 00:17:36,344 --> 00:17:37,744 There's your money. 382 00:17:37,746 --> 00:17:39,713 I don't want money. 383 00:17:39,715 --> 00:17:41,863 I want "Pieces of April". 384 00:17:43,067 --> 00:17:44,467 I don't know what to tell you, man. 385 00:17:49,691 --> 00:17:52,325 _ 386 00:17:52,327 --> 00:17:54,561 Hey, how'd you know where I... 387 00:17:54,563 --> 00:17:56,665 live? 388 00:18:06,241 --> 00:18:07,674 Hi, Jacky. 389 00:18:07,676 --> 00:18:09,542 I just wanted to wish you good luck 390 00:18:09,544 --> 00:18:11,179 at the science fair tomorrow. 391 00:18:11,181 --> 00:18:14,481 And I am so sorry that I'm going to missing it. 392 00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:17,617 I want you to know that you are a brilliant, talented, 393 00:18:17,619 --> 00:18:19,519 beautiful boy. 394 00:18:19,521 --> 00:18:22,489 And I have no doubt that you're going to do great. 395 00:18:22,491 --> 00:18:23,790 And you'll definitely beat 396 00:18:23,792 --> 00:18:25,934 that bullying mouth-breather Greg Miller. 397 00:18:25,936 --> 00:18:28,695 I mean, he's probably gonna present another potato clock. 398 00:18:28,697 --> 00:18:30,530 He did. 399 00:18:30,532 --> 00:18:32,732 I'm so proud of you. 400 00:18:32,734 --> 00:18:34,434 I love you, Jacky. 401 00:18:42,511 --> 00:18:45,478 I'll be damned. 402 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,515 You gave me five more minutes with my mom. 403 00:18:50,919 --> 00:18:53,520 It's all real. 404 00:18:55,724 --> 00:18:57,826 I got to save Katie Holmes Day. 405 00:19:11,473 --> 00:19:13,540 So that was Katie's bedroom right up there. 406 00:19:13,542 --> 00:19:15,709 - Up there? - Yeah. 407 00:19:15,711 --> 00:19:16,843 Hey, yo, yo, yo. Here they come. 408 00:19:16,845 --> 00:19:18,030 Here they come. 409 00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,979 Please stop. 410 00:19:19,981 --> 00:19:22,782 The Holmes family no longer lives here. 411 00:19:22,784 --> 00:19:25,518 We are the Goodmans. 412 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,522 If we knew this would happen, 413 00:19:27,524 --> 00:19:31,624 we never would have bought this house. 414 00:19:31,626 --> 00:19:34,928 Seriously, stop! 415 00:19:34,930 --> 00:19:38,732 Please don't put us through this again. 416 00:19:38,734 --> 00:19:41,701 My condition has worsened. 417 00:19:41,703 --> 00:19:44,738 Please, go away! 418 00:19:53,715 --> 00:19:55,317 All right. Coming through, everybody. 419 00:19:56,618 --> 00:19:59,552 Happy Katie Holmes Day. Yeah. 420 00:20:16,972 --> 00:20:19,906 Okay, this is it. You got this. 421 00:20:19,908 --> 00:20:22,776 There's no Durbin. It's only Kevin. 422 00:20:22,778 --> 00:20:24,924 Hi, I'm Katie Holmes. 423 00:20:24,926 --> 00:20:27,647 I'm here to meet with Mr. Williamson. 424 00:20:27,649 --> 00:20:29,818 Mr. Williamson will... 425 00:20:32,554 --> 00:20:34,988 Not see you right now. He's out. 426 00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:38,126 All right, coming through, coming through. 427 00:20:38,128 --> 00:20:40,060 All right, here we go. Coming through, guys. 428 00:20:40,062 --> 00:20:41,127 - Watch it. - Okay, coming through. 429 00:20:41,129 --> 00:20:42,595 But we have a meeting. 430 00:20:42,597 --> 00:20:44,664 Mm, he's at lunch. Go back home. 431 00:20:44,666 --> 00:20:46,666 But I think I can see him. 432 00:20:46,668 --> 00:20:47,967 Oh, ring, ring. 433 00:20:47,969 --> 00:20:50,837 Hello. Mm. 434 00:20:50,839 --> 00:20:52,706 - Actually I just found out. - Uh... 435 00:20:52,708 --> 00:20:54,251 Kevin Williamson's dead. 436 00:20:55,711 --> 00:20:57,844 "Dawson's Creek" is canceled. 437 00:20:57,846 --> 00:20:59,079 Bah-bye. 438 00:20:59,081 --> 00:21:01,047 - Marissa, why? - Don't do this! 439 00:21:01,049 --> 00:21:02,949 Let her meet him! 440 00:21:02,951 --> 00:21:05,685 Hello, everybody. 441 00:21:05,687 --> 00:21:08,588 Yeah... no, I'm, um... 442 00:21:08,590 --> 00:21:10,490 I'm Mr. Williamson's doctor. 443 00:21:10,492 --> 00:21:12,243 And he's very much alive. 444 00:21:12,245 --> 00:21:15,095 And, yeah, he's ready to meet Katie. 445 00:21:17,599 --> 00:21:19,699 Ring, ring. Oh. 446 00:21:19,701 --> 00:21:22,780 Just found out. I'm the boss of Hollywood now. 447 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:26,706 And my first act as queen is to banish Katie Holmes. 448 00:21:26,708 --> 00:21:29,075 Please reconsider, Your Highness! 449 00:21:29,077 --> 00:21:32,712 So, look, I've been trying to ruin Katie Holmes Day. 450 00:21:34,583 --> 00:21:36,583 I ran around all of last night 451 00:21:36,585 --> 00:21:39,018 stealing children's shoes. 452 00:21:39,020 --> 00:21:41,021 Wow, it sounds insane when I say it out loud. 453 00:21:41,023 --> 00:21:42,956 Uh, but worst of all, 454 00:21:42,958 --> 00:21:46,786 I convinced this sweet, young girl here to st... 455 00:21:46,788 --> 00:21:48,028 No, not you. 456 00:21:48,030 --> 00:21:50,830 I don't why she's... I don't... I don't even know you. 457 00:21:50,832 --> 00:21:53,143 Yeah... no, I-I convinced Marissa here 458 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,568 to stop believing in her dreams. 459 00:21:55,570 --> 00:21:58,872 Then I experienced the magic of Katie Holmes Day myself. 460 00:21:58,874 --> 00:22:01,007 You know, I had a dream, and my dream came true. 461 00:22:01,009 --> 00:22:02,699 And... and sure, you know. 462 00:22:02,701 --> 00:22:05,470 Big dreams can be a bit of a mirage, you know? 463 00:22:05,472 --> 00:22:07,747 Often planted in our capitalist minds 464 00:22:07,749 --> 00:22:10,116 - by greedy corporations who... - You're losing us! 465 00:22:10,118 --> 00:22:12,585 Bottom line, um, 466 00:22:12,587 --> 00:22:15,165 Marissa's dream has always been to play Katie Holmes. 467 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,057 And you think it would be all right 468 00:22:17,059 --> 00:22:19,859 if Marissa said the final line? 469 00:22:19,861 --> 00:22:21,094 Oh, that's great. 470 00:22:21,096 --> 00:22:23,063 Okay, here we go. 471 00:22:23,065 --> 00:22:27,502 Uh, Mr. Williamson, your 3:00 is here. 472 00:22:33,041 --> 00:22:36,810 Katie, you are Joey Potter. Welcome to "Dawson's Creek". 473 00:22:39,681 --> 00:22:41,648 He did it. 474 00:22:41,650 --> 00:22:43,485 The sweet son of a bitch did it. 475 00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:46,099 Mr. Williamson, I have something to tell you. 476 00:22:49,606 --> 00:22:51,473 When the camera is rolling, 477 00:22:51,475 --> 00:22:54,027 I'll be this Joey Potter. 478 00:22:54,029 --> 00:22:56,062 But when you say "cut", 479 00:22:56,064 --> 00:22:59,666 I will return to and always be 480 00:22:59,668 --> 00:23:02,969 Toledo's very own Katie Holmes. 481 00:23:02,971 --> 00:23:05,638 ? I don't want to wait ? 482 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,007 ? For our lives to be over ? 483 00:23:08,009 --> 00:23:10,143 ? I want to know right now ? 484 00:23:10,145 --> 00:23:13,813 Hey, everyone look! It's 8:47! 485 00:23:13,815 --> 00:23:15,849 ? I don't want to wait ? 486 00:23:15,851 --> 00:23:18,818 ? For our lives to be over ? 487 00:23:18,820 --> 00:23:20,020 Mwah! 488 00:23:20,022 --> 00:23:21,921 Aww. 489 00:23:21,923 --> 00:23:23,623 Oh. 490 00:23:23,625 --> 00:23:25,692 Hey. 491 00:23:27,696 --> 00:23:29,095 Oh. 492 00:23:32,701 --> 00:23:34,234 Oh! 493 00:23:34,236 --> 00:23:38,638 Mom, this year can you kiss my forehead? 494 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,106 Eat your beans. 495 00:23:40,108 --> 00:23:41,708 ? On the rainy front step ? 496 00:23:41,710 --> 00:23:43,777 ? Wearing shrapnel in his skin ? 497 00:23:43,779 --> 00:23:45,678 I hoped you'd come around to it. 498 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,881 But I didn't think you'd make it a whole holiday special. 499 00:23:48,883 --> 00:23:49,949 Just... 500 00:23:49,951 --> 00:23:51,552 ? Lives inside him still ? 501 00:23:51,554 --> 00:23:56,558 ? It's so hard to be gentle and warm ? 502 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,310 ? The years passed by ? 503 00:23:58,312 --> 00:24:02,262 ? And now he has granddaughters ? 504 00:24:05,133 --> 00:24:08,868 ? I don't want to wait for our lives... ? 505 00:24:08,870 --> 00:24:10,415 Katie continued, 506 00:24:10,417 --> 00:24:14,220 "When you say 'cut', I will return to and always be 507 00:24:14,222 --> 00:24:17,259 Toledo's very own Katie Holmes". 508 00:24:21,049 --> 00:24:24,284 "Granted, I won't always be playing Joey Potter. 509 00:24:24,286 --> 00:24:26,197 So, when I'm doing another character, 510 00:24:26,199 --> 00:24:28,567 the same rule applies. 511 00:24:28,569 --> 00:24:31,024 When the camera's rolling, I am that character. 512 00:24:31,026 --> 00:24:32,892 But when they yell 'cut', 513 00:24:32,894 --> 00:24:36,229 I'm Katie Holmes from Toledo, Ohio!" 514 00:24:38,734 --> 00:24:40,934 Okay, orphans. Off to bed. 515 00:24:40,936 --> 00:24:43,608 And tomorrow we'll be enjoying a feast of muffins, 516 00:24:43,610 --> 00:24:45,357 thanks to a large amount of money 517 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,107 Whitlock High School raised for us. 518 00:24:47,109 --> 00:24:49,909 Yay! 519 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:11,320 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 36008