All language subtitles for 88553322

* OH, YEAH

* MANY A TEAR
HAS TO FALL *

* IT'S ALL A GAME

* LIFE IS A WONDERFUL GAME

* WE PLAY AND PLAY

* WORDS

* YOU HAVE WORDS
WITH HIM *

* HAPPY AND SAD

* AND SWEETEST

* WORDS

* OH

* OH, YEAH

* ONCE IN A WHILE
HE WON'T CALL *

* IT'S ALL A GAME

* SOON HE'LL BE THERE
AT YOUR SIDE *

* WITH A SWEET BOUQUET

* KISS ME

* KISS MY LIPS

* CARESS ME

* WITH YOUR FINGERTIPS

* AND SWEETEST

* WORD

[CHURCH BELLS RINGING]

I LOVED HER
MORE THAN ANYTHING
ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

I FELL LIKE A STONE

THE FIRST TIME
I SAW HER.

SHE FELL JUST AS HARD.

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE WAS,
SHE KNEW WHY.

KRISTY WAS
MY MATE FOR LIFE.

KRISTEN BAINBRIDGE...
THAT WAS HER NAME.

NOW SHE HAS MY NAME--
BRIGGS.

WE'RE MR. AND MRS.
JEFFERSON BRIGGS,

BUT EVERYBODY
CALLS ME JAKE--

EXCEPT MY GRANDMOTHER.

SHE CALLS ME BOOPER.

HE'S TOO YOUNG,

AND HE'S TOO IMMATURE.

SHE'S A GOLD DIGGER.

THERE'S LITTLE OR NO
GOLD TO BE DUG.

HE'S PLENTY OLD.

AND PEOPLE DON'T
MATURE ANYMORE.

THEY STAY JACKASSES
ALL THEIR LIVES.

THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN
A STRONG STREAK OF RATIONALITY

AMONG THE MALES
IN THE FAMILY.

IT'S THE WOMEN WHO
KEEP THINGS ELECTRIFIED.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD,

CAN YOU PUT A SMILE
ON YOUR FACE?

GIVE ME SOMETHING
TO SMILE ABOUT.

RUSS AND GAYLE BAINBRIDGE,
MY IN-LAWS--

PEOPLE THAT ONE DAY
I WOULD CALL MOM AND DAD.

I'LL LAY YOU TWO BITS
THAT LITTLE PEA-BRAIN IS
GOING TO BE LATE.

DON'T BE SILLY.

YOU WOULDN'T LET ME
THROW HIM OUT WHEN
I HAD THE CHANCE.

NOW THE LITTLE S.O.B.'S
GOING TO BE
A GODDAMN RELATIVE.

THIS IS
WHAT KRISTY WANTS.

PLEASE DON'T
SPOIL IT FOR HER.

WHY?

SHE'S IN LOVE.

YOU CAN'T EXPECT TO BE
FOREMOST IN HER MIND.

IT'S TIME
WE LET GO OF HER.

TRY TO FIND THE BEAUTY

IN THE WAY
SHE FEELS ABOUT JAKE.

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

ALL RIGHT.

WHERE IN THE SWEET
NAME OF CHRIST

IS THAT
LITTLE ASSHOLE?

THAT'S ME, THE GROOM,
ABOUT TO CHARGE HEADLONG

INTO THE JAWS
OF RESPONSIBILITY.

WHAT AM I DOING?

THAT'S DAVIS McDONALD,
MY BEST FRIEND.

HE WAS
MY UNSANCTIONED WIFE.

WE GOT DIVORCED

WHEN I MARRIED KRISTY.

HE LIKED HER.
HE MAY HAVE EVEN LOVED HER.

ARE YOU SCARED?

HERE I AM.

I'M ON THE VERGE

OF BINDING MY LIFE
TO KRISTY'S...

AND I'VE NEVER FELT
SO ALONE.

WE CAN SPLIT.

BUT YOU'D BE BACK
TOMORROW.

YOU WERE MARRIED
THE MINUTE YOU MET HER.

16 YEARS OLD,
AND YOU WERE GONE.

* IT'S MORE THAN A FEELING

* MORE THAN A FEELING

THIS IS
YOUR DESTINY--

TO BE FOREVER CAUGHT
IN THE CROSS FIRE

BETWEEN YOUR HEAD
AND YOUR HEART.

DO YOU...

DO YOU THINK
I'M GOING TO BE HAPPY?

I MEAN, HONESTLY.

YOU WANT TO
BE A WRITER...

YOU WANT TO
BE A HUSBAND.

MAYBE IT WILL WORK OUT.
WHO KNOWS?

YEAH, YOU'LL BE HAPPY.

YOU JUST WON'T KNOW IT,
THAT'S ALL.

NEVER BEFORE
AND NEVER AGAIN

DID HE NAIL A MOMENT

MORE FIRMLY
THAN THAT AFTERNOON.

HE'S NOT ALL THAT WISE.

HE JUST KNEW
HIS SUBJECT MATTER
VERY, VERY WELL.

LOOK, I'M NOT GOING TO
SAY THIS AGAIN.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GO THROUGH WITH THIS.
YOU CAN WALK.

YOU SAY THE WORD,
AND WE ARE OUT OF HERE.

MARRIAGE WILL WAIT.

TIME WON'T.

JAKE!

SHIT.

LET US ALL JOIN IN
THE LORD'S PRAYER.

OUR FATHER,
WHO ART IN HEAVEN,

HALLOWED BE THY NAME.

THY KINGDOM COME,
THY WILL BE DONE,

ON EARTH AS IT IS
IN HEAVEN.

GIVE US THIS DAY
OUR DAILY BREAD

AND FORGIVE US
OUR TRESPASSES...

AMEN.

AS WE FORGIVE THOSE
WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US.

AND LEAD US NOT
INTO TEMPTATION,

BUT DELIVER US
FROM EVIL,

FOR THINE
IS THE KINGDOM

AND THE POWER
AND THE GLORY

FOREVER AND EVER.
AMEN.

AMEN.

FOR AS MUCH
AS THESE TWO PERSONS

HAVE COME HITHER
TO BE MADE ONE

IN THIS HOLY ESTATE,

IF THERE BE
ANYONE HERE PRESENT

WHO KNOWS ANY JUST CAUSE

WHY THEY MAY NOT
LAWFULLY BE MARRIED,

I REQUIRE HIM
TO MAKE IT KNOWN

OR EVER AFTER
HOLD HIS PEACE.

KRISTEN,

WILT THOU HAVE THIS MAN
TO BE THY HUSBAND,

AND WILT THOU
PLEDGE THY TROTH TO HIM

IN ALL LOVE AND HONOR,

IN ALL DUTY AND SERVICE,

IN ALL FAITH
AND TENDERNESS,

TO LIVE WITH HIM

AND CHERISH HIM

ACCORDING TO
THE ORDINANCE OF GOD

IN THE HOLY BOND
OF MARRIAGE?

I WILL.

WILT THOU,
JEFFERSON,

HAVE THIS WOMAN
TO BE THY WEDDED WIFE?

WILT THOU COMFORT
AND KEEP HER

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH?

WILT THOU PROVIDE HER
WITH CREDIT CARDS

AND A 4-BEDROOM,
2 1/2-BATH HOME

WITH CENTRAL AIR
AND PROFESSIONAL DECORATING?

A MERCEDES-BENZ,

TWO WEEKS IN THE BAHAMAS
EVERY SPRING?

WILT THOU TRY TO REMEMBER
THE LITTLE THINGS
THAT MEAN SO MUCH,

LIKE FLOWERS
ON HER ANNIVERSARY,

A KIND WORD
WHEN SHE'S HAD A ROUGH DAY,

AND AN OCCASIONAL
"GEE, HONEY,

YOU LOOK PRETTY TODAY"?

WILT THOU BE UNDERSTANDING
WHEN SHE IS TIRED, HEADACHY,

OR UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING,

WHEN SHE FEELS UGLY,

OR WHEN SHE HAS
A BIG PIMPLE ON HER CHIN?

WILT THOU NOT BE SUCH A PIG
WHEN YOU SHAVE AND SHOWER?

WILT THOU LISTEN PATIENTLY
TO LONG STORIES

ABOUT KIDS' COLDS,
KITCHEN TILES, CLOTHES,

SHOES, MAKEUP, HAIR,
SORE FEET,

AND DECORATOR
CHECKBOOK COVERS?

I WILL.

FOR AS MUCH AS
KRISTEN AND JEFFERSON

HAVE CONSENTED TOGETHER
IN HOLY WEDLOCK

AND HAVE WITNESSED THE SAME
BEFORE GOD AND THIS COMPANY

BY THE JOINING OF HANDS
AND THE GIVING
AND EXCHANGING OF RINGS,

I PRONOUNCE THAT THEY
ARE HUSBAND AND WIFE.

WHOM THEREFORE GOD
HATH JOINED TOGETHER,

LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER.

YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE.

BUT...

DON'T MESS UP HER HAIR
OR HER FACE

BECAUSE SHE STILL HAS TO
HAVE HER PICTURE TAKEN.

GO FOR IT.

[WEDDING MARCH PLAYING]

I'D GRADUATED COLLEGE
IN THE SPRING.

AND FOR REASONS
STILL NOT CLEAR
TO EITHER OF US,

WE DECIDED THAT
I SHOULD RETURN TO PURSUE
MY MASTER'S DEGREE.

KRISTY HAD EARNED
HER DEGREE

AND INSISTED ON
WAITING FOR ME TO GET MINE

BEFORE BEGINNING
HER CAREER.

THERE WASN'T TIME FOR
A TRIP TO THE BAHAMAS

OR EVEN A WEEKEND
AT NIAGARA FALLS.

WE SPENT OUR HONEYMOON
ON AN INTERSTATE HIGHWAY
BOUND FOR NEW MEXICO.

KRISTY.

BACK AND FORTH,
BACK AND FORTH,
BACK AND FORTH.

BABE, I GOT IT.

BABE,
YOU'RE WRINKLING UP

ALL OF
THE CENTRAL STATES.

I'M NOT.

THE WORLD'S
BIGGEST BOW TIE.

OUR FIRST ADDRESS.

NOT PRETTY,
BUT CHEAP.

AND HAPPY...

SORT OF.

YOU DON'T LIKE FISH?

I LOVE FISH.

IF YOU LOVED IT, YOU'D EAT IT.
I ONLY MADE IT
BECAUSE IT'S HEALTHIER.

NO. I HONESTLY LOVE IT.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE
OVERWHELMING TO HAVE, UH...

SWORDFISH AND...

TROUT.

AND...

GROUPER.
IT'S GROUPER.

IT'S GROUPER.

THE FRIES ARE GOOD.

THAT'S
BREADED SMELT.

HEY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU LIKED,
AND I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE GUESSING.

I'M TRYING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY,
AND YOU MOCK ME. THANKS.

AW, KRISTY,
COME ON.

JAKE...

I HAVE TO DO
SOMETHING WITH MYSELF.

I HAVE TO GET A JOB
OR TAKE CLASSES OR SOMETHING.

NO.
YOU'RE GOING TO
WEIGH 400 POUNDS.

I'M NOT MAD.
I DON'T LIKE FISH, EITHER.

YOU DON'T NEED TO
GET A JOB.

YOU DON'T NEED TO
TAKE CLASSES.

I GOT TO
GET OUT OF HERE.

JAKE, DON'T
START THAT ON ME.

COLLEGE--IT'S
LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
WITH ASHTRAYS.

I DON'T KNOW
WHERE I'M GOING.

SWEETIE,
YOU'RE BEING WEAK.
YOU HAVE TWO MORE YEARS.

IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF YOU DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOU'RE GOING RIGHT NOW.

JUST FINISH
WHAT YOU STARTED.

BUT I DIDN'T
LEARN ANYTHING
AS AN UNDERGRADUATE.

I'M LEARNING LESS
IN GRADUATE SCHOOL.

DAVIS QUIT SCHOOL.
HE'S STARTING
HIS OWN BUSINESS.

YEAH, WITH HIS DAD'S MONEY.
I DON'T THINK YOU'D DO THAT.

AT LEAST
HIS LIFE HAS BEGUN,

AND MY LIFE IS ON
INDEFINITE HOLD.

YOU REALLY
WANT TO LEAVE?

I CAN'T THINK OF
ANY REASON TO STAY.

JEFFERSON,
CAN YOU TELL GRANDPA

WHY BUMBLE BUNNY
WAS SUCH A HAPPY
LITTLE RABBIT?

BECAUSE HE WENT
TO COLLEGE.

BOY, ARE YOU A SMART
LITTLE FELLA.

AND WHAT DID HE
GET IN COLLEGE?

A MASTER'S DEGREE.

A MASTER'S DEGREE.

AND WHAT DO YOU
SUPPOSE WOULD HAVE
HAPPENED TO HIM

IF HE HADN'T
GONE TO COLLEGE

AND GOTTEN THAT
MASTER'S DEGREE?

PROBABLY END UP WORKING
ON A LOADING DOCK,

AND HATING EVERY
MINUTE OF IT.

YOU'RE GOING
TO COLLEGE

AND GET
A MASTER'S DEGREE,
AREN'T YOU?

YES, SIR!

THEN YOU'LL NEVER
END UP WORKING
ON A LOADING DOCK.

NO, SIR!

COLLEGE BOY.

HEY, MORTY,
HOW ABOUT THOSE CUBS?

SHUT UP.

SAY, MORTY,

DID YOU CATCH
THAT P.B.S. SPECIAL
LAST NIGHT,

ANIMALS OF--
SHUT UP.

SHUT UP!

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

I THINK A MAN CAN JUDGE
HIS SUCCESS OR FAILURE

BY THE AMOUNT OF OVERTIME
HIS WIFE WORKS.

DON'T YOU AGREE, JAKE?

THAT'S PART OF THE JOB, DAD.
I DON'T WORK LATE
BECAUSE WE NEED THE MONEY.

WE DON'T. WE'RE FINE.

THAT'S TRUE, RUSS.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW
BUT WHAT THEY
TELL YOU?

DID WE REALLY
RAISE HER TO
ANSWER TELEPHONES

AND LIVE
IN SOME SHOE BOX?

WE DIDN'T COME HERE
TO GET INSULTED, DAD.

AW, IS HE ABOVE CRITICISM?

JAKE, KRISTY TELLS ME
YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE

CALLING RUSSELL AND I
MOM AND DAD.

I THINK THAT'S FOOLISH.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
CALL US BY OUR--

GAYLE, WILL YOU PLEASE--

NAMES.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO
PISS YOUR LIFE AWAY

WRITING SOME GODDAMN BOOK

THAT NOBODY IS EVER
GOING TO A CRAP ABOUT,

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO
INVOLVE MY DAUGHTER?

LET'S SAY SHE GETS PREGNANT.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

THREE CAN'T LIVE ON
WHAT YOU MAKE.

TWO CAN'T LIVE ON
WHAT YOU MAKE.

KRISTY, IS THE BABY
WARM ENOUGH?

[BABY CRYING]

WE'RE FINE.

SWEETIE, DON'T
BURN YOUR BOOK.

MAYBE WE CAN
GET SOME WOOD.

WOOD'S EXPENSIVE.

WORDS ARE CHEAP.

WHAT ARE YOU
THINKING ABOUT?

NOTHING.

MY MOM AND I JUST GOT
MY DAD TO ADMIT
HE WAS BEING RUDE.

DO YOU WANT TO COME IN?
HE WENT TO BED.

HE WASN'T
ENTIRELY WRONG,
YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, IF YOU
WEREN'T WORKING,
WE'D BE BROKE.

SO, I AM WORKING,
AND WE'RE NOT.

BUT YOU'RE MARRIED
TO A CHILD.

I GOT A JOB,

AND I DON'T
EVEN KNOW WHAT I DO.

SO, WHAT
SHOULD YOU DO?

THE QUESTION IS,
WHAT CAN I DO?

SWEETHEART,
YOU HAVE A B.A.

IN ROMANCE LANGUAGES.

WHAT WAS YOUR MINOR?

ELIZABETHAN POETRY.

WELL, WHAT SKILLS
DO YOU HAVE?

OH, WELL. OK.
LET'S SEE.

JEFFERSON BRIGGS.

CALL YOU JEFF?

IT'S JAKE.

OR JEFF.

SAYS HERE YOU WORKED
FOR A JAPANESE
ADVERTISING AGENCY.

NETSU.

NETSU?

NETSU.

WELL, NETSU IS
ONE OF OUR FOREIGN
SUBSIDIARIES.

HEY, WE OWN THAT.

THERE'S THOUSANDS
OF ADVERTISING AGENCIES
ALL OVER THE WORLD.

YOU HAPPEN TO
CHOSE ONE WE OWN.

THAT WAS A BAD CALL.

YOU'RE FULL OF CRAP,
AREN'T YOU?

YEAH.

AFTER THIS NETSU THING,
I GOT A LITTLE CURIOUS,

SO I CHECKED OUT
THE REST OF YOUR RESUME.

AND, UH, ASIDE FROM YOUR
SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER...

THERE ISN'T ONE PIECE
OF INFORMATION IN THERE

THAT IS TRUE.

YOU HAVE SET
NEW STANDARDS

FOR LYING
IN THE JOB MARKET.

THERE'S NO QUESTION
YOU CAN WRITE,

AND TO COME IN HERE
WITH A WHOPPER LIKE THIS...

I MEAN...

YOU MUST WANT TO WORK
PRETTY BAD.

I NEED THE WORK.

YOU THINK YOU CAN
MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF?

I THINK I CAN
MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF.

HOW DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT SLAVE WAGES?

SLAVE WAGES
ARE FINE.

HOW DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT ALCOHOLICS?

I LIKE ALCOHOLICS?

I GOT THE JOB.

WE CELEBRATED
WITH CHINESE FOOD,

AND KRISTY BOUGHT ME
TWO SUITS, SIX TIES,
AND A COMMUTER RAIL PASS.

I WAS BEING PAID
TO WRITE.

NOT NOVELS. ADS.

PEOPLE WERE TAKING NOTICE
OF MY ABILITY.

THERE WAS SOMETHING
FRESH AND EXCITING

IN THE WAY I WROTE
ABOUT DISPOSABLE DIAPERS.

I WAS MEETING MY SHARE
OF THE OBLIGATIONS

TO THE LIFE KRISTY AND I
WERE MAKING.

THERE WAS FINALLY
A FUTURE IN MY FUTURE.

SO, WHY DID I FEEL

LIKE THE WORLD
WAS CLOSING IN ON ME?

NOW THAT I HAD A REAL JOB
AND KRISTY WAS
MOVING UP IN HER COMPANY,

WE WERE ABLE TO BUY
A THREE-BEDROOM MORTGAGE

WITH TWO BATHS
AND A MONTHLY PAYMENT.

MY MOTHER OFFERED
TO BUY US A COUCH.

I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU TURNED HER DOWN.

TWO REASONS.

FIRST, SHE WANTED
TO PICK IT OUT

AND, THEREFORE, MAKE SURE
I DECORATE THE HOUSE
TO HER TASTE.

SECOND, IF YOUR MOTHER
BOUGHT US A COUCH,

SHE'D WANT TO COME OVER
ALL THE TIME AND ADMIRE IT.

WOULD THAT BE
SO TERRIBLE?

LET'S NOT FIGHT.

WHO'S FIGHTING?

YOU'RE GETTING READY.

NO, NO, NO. YOU MADE
THE NASTY REMARK.

IT WASN'T NASTY.
IT WAS TRUE.

WHAT DID YOUR MOTHER SAY
THE FIRST TIME
SHE CAME OVER HERE?

SHE SAID THAT THEY
LIKED THE PLACE.

TO YOU. WHAT DID SHE SAY TO ME?
I DON'T REMEMBER.

SHE SAID, AND I QUOTE,
"IT'S AMAZING HOW LITTLE

YOUR HOUSING DOLLAR
BUYS TODAY."

KRISTY, SHE WAS
MERELY STATING
A SIMPLE ECONOMIC FACT.

EVERY TIME FAMILY
COMES UP, WE FIGHT,

SO, WHY DON'T WE
DROP IT?

I CAN HANDLE IT. YOU CAN'T.
THAT'S WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU.

Kristy: THIS IS OUR HOUSE.
WE'LL HAVE OUR OWN FAMILY,
OUR OWN LIFE.

YOUR FAMILY AND MY FAMILY
DON'T MATTER.

I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE
MY FAMILY OVER ONCE.

THEY WERE OVER ONCE.

THEY'LL BE OVER AGAIN.

NOTHING THAT YOU CAN
SAY OR DO IS GONNA
CHANGE THE FACT

THAT THEY ARE
MY FLESH AND BLOOD.

IF THEY'RE YOUR
FLESH AND BLOOD, WHAT AM I?

YOU'RE MY WIFE.

YOU'RE NOT
MY FLESH AND BLOOD.

WHY DON'T YOU GO MOVE IN
WITH THEM, THEN?

YOU SHARE
FLESH AND BLOOD WITH THEM.

WITH ME, IT'S JUST
GOLD BANDS AND BATH TOWELS.

THAT'S NOT
WHAT I MEANT.

THEY'RE YOUR FLESH
AND BLOOD. I'M NOT.

I'M JUST THE ASSHOLE
WHO MARRIED YOU.

YOU MEAN THAT?

NO.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

VERY.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

[DOOR CLOSES]

YOU DIDN'T PUT THE END TABLE
ON THE END OF ANYTHING.

THE JOB, THE HOUSE,
THE FURNITURE, THE FIGHTS--

THOSE WERE SYMPTOMS.

THE DISEASE
WAS GROWING UP.

AND IT WAS HAPPENING FASTER
THAN I EVER IMAGINED POSSIBLE.

IN THE BACK OF MY MIND,

I THOUGHT I MIGHT BE
THE MYTHICAL IMMORTAL ONE,

THE TRUE PETER PAN.

I WAS SORELY MISTAKEN.

WE CAN'T AFFORD THIS.

GOOD-BYE.

* IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHY

* ALL THE LOVE THAT
YOU LONG FOR ELUDES YOU *

* AND PEOPLE ARE RUDE

I'LL MISS YOU.
* AND CRUEL TO YOU

* I'LL TELL YOU WHY

* I'LL TELL YOU WHY

* I'LL TELL YOU WHY

* OH, OH

* YOU JUST HAVEN'T
EARNED IT YET, BABY *

* YOU JUST HAVEN'T
EARNED IT, SON *

* YOU JUST HAVEN'T
EARNED IT YET, BABY *

* AND I'M TELLING YOU NOW

[NEW SONG BEGINS]

* HOW SWEET IT IS
TO BE LOVED BY YOU *

* YES, BABY

* HMM MM-MMM

* HOW SWEET IT IS
TO BE LOVED BY YOU *

HE'S GOING TO
BURN THEM.

HEY, CYNTHIA,
HE'S GONNA BURN THEM.

GREGORY,
PUT THAT DOWN.

YOU KNOW WHAT TWO THINGS

I LIKE
ABOUT YOU MOST, BRIGGSIE?

CAN'T IMAGINE.

YOUR WIFE
AND YOUR LAWN MOWER.

I'VE SEEN YOUR WIFE.

WHAT KIND OF MOWER
YOU GOT, BRIGGSIE?

UH, IT'S, THAT,
YOU KNOW,

THE KIND YOU
DON'T HAVE TO PUSH,

BUT, UH, BUT YOU
DO IT STANDING UP.

A POWER MOWER.

WHAT BRAND?

I GOTTA BE HONEST WITH YOU.

IT WAS A GIFT,
AND I NEVER LOOKED.

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT KIND OF MOWER YOU GOT?

WHEN YOU GOT IT,
DIDN'T YOU HAVE
ANY SPECS THAT CAME WITH IT?

HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW
WHAT KIND OF MOWER YOU GOT?

YOU GOT
A BIG YARD KING 410.

A YARD KING 410.
REMEMBER THAT.

410 IS FOR SHIT.

I LIKE THE OLD 380.

YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND.

THE GRASS CATCHER ON THE 410
IS 1/3 MORE CAPACITY
THAN THE 380.

THAT ALONE
MAKES IT A BETTER UNIT.

DOESN'T MATTER
HOW MUCH CUBIC FEET
YOU CAN GET OF--

I DON'T CARE--
HORSESHIT IN
THAT GODDAMN THING.

THE 410'S GOING TO
FALL APART.

IT'S GOT
A PLASTIC FLYWHEEL.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
A MAJOR LAWSUIT
ON YOUR HANDS.

YOU'RE ASKING
FOR IT.

THE GOVERNMENT
WILL NOT BUY 410

BECAUSE OF THE DANGER
INVOLVED WITH
THE PLASTIC FLYWHEEL.

PUT THAT DOWN!

WHERE DO YOU WORK?

I'M A RESEARCH ANALYST
AT COMTEX.

I WIN.

LYNN BET ME A BOX
OF POP-TARTS
THAT YOU WERE A LAWYER.

SEE, EVERY
CAREER WOMAN

WHO'S MOVED INTO
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD

ALWAYS OFFERS TO
BRING SOMETHING THAT
NOBODY'S EVER HEARD OF.

WHAT WAS THAT THING THAT
SHEILA WALKER-REYNOLDS
MADE LAST YEAR?

DO YOU REMEMBER?
IT WAS RED.

GOAT CHEESE RAVIOLI.

NO, THAT WASN'T IT.

I BEG YOUR PARDON.
IT CERTAINLY WAS.

HANK ASKED HER
WHAT IT WAS,
SHE TOLD HIM,

AND THEN HE SPIT IT OUT
IN THE GUTTER.

THEN THE THACKERY'S DOG
GOT AHOLD OF IT
AND ATE IT--

LET ME TELL YOU
ANOTHER THING.

GIVE YOU A PIECE
OF PHILOSOPHY--
WIVES ARE LIKE LAWN MOWERS.

FANCY ONES
WEAR OUT REAL FAST.

GOOD, SOLID ONES
LAST A LIFETIME.

THIS FROM A MAN WHO GOES THROUGH
TWO GARDEN HOSES A SEASON.

DON'T START. MY POINT IS
STILL VALID, PINHEAD.

I'M NOT MARRIED
TO MY GARDEN HOSE.

IT'S A GOOD THING,
'CAUSE YOU'D BE
ON YOUR 18th WIFE.

THERE'S SOME HUMOR
FOR YOU. THERE'S HUMOR.

THAT IS SUPPOSED TO
BE HUMOR.

HE BUYS THAT
CHEAP VINYL CRAP
THAT YOU CAN'T ROLL UP.

AND THE SUN BEATS DOWN ON IT
AND HEATS THE WATER ALL UP.

AND THEN WHEN HE GOES
TO WASH HIS DOG,

HE SCALDS
THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!
HANK'S WASHING
HIS DOG AGAIN!

IT HAPPENED ONCE.
TWICE.

FELLAS, I GOTTA--
YOU CAN'T COUNT.

I GOT A THING
I GOTTA CHECK ON.

SOMETHING I SAID?

HEY, BRIGGSIE? BRIGGSIE.

LET ME ASK YOU
A QUESTION.

WHAT DO YOU DO
UP IN THAT ROOM
LATE AT NIGHT?

I'VE SEEN YOU UP THERE.
AND YOUR HANDS ARE
DOING WEIRD THINGS.

WRITING A BOOK.

A BOOK?

IT WAS SCOOTER ALBERT
THAT ATE THE BALLOON.

YOU REMEMBER--
THE LITTLE
CROSS-EYED BOY

WITH THE IMPETIGO.

SCOOTER ALBERT WAS THE ONE
WHO DREW THE BOOBIES

ON HEATHER'S
CABBAGE PATCH DOLL?

NO. HE'S--

CAN YOU EXCUSE ME
FOR A SECOND?

OH, YEAH.

LISTEN,

IF YOUR WIFE WAS IN
AS GOOD CONDITION
AS HIS DOES,

WOULD YOU BE
SITTING UP ALL NIGHT
WRITING A BOOK?

LOOK AT THOSE GUYS.

WHAT ARE THEY
TALKING ABOUT?

THREE GUESSES.

WHAT IS THIS?

KEN!

KEN! I'M TALKING TO YOU.

YO!

WOULD YOU BRING
THE PICNIC TABLE
AROUND TO THE FRONT?

YOU'RE UP.

HANK,
HELP HIM!

HE CAN
DO IT HIMSELF.

YOU HAVEN'T
DONE A THING

TO GET READY
FOR THIS!

I DID. I WASHED THE DOG.
DIDN'T I WASH THE DOG?

Lynn:
YOU BURNED THE DOG!

* HOW SWEET IT IS
TO BE LOVED BY YOU *

* TELL THE TRUTH, BABY

* HOW SWEET IT IS
TO BE LOVED BY YOU *

* WELL, IT'S
LIKE SUGAR... *

YOU GUYS HAVE REALLY
GOT TO COME TO
NEW YORK SOMETIME.

I KNOW. AND WE TALK ABOUT--
TRY AND TO CONVINCE KRISTY...

I REALLY WANT TO.

I MEAN, IT MAKES
CHICAGO LOOK LIKE...

CHICAGO.

DO YOU WORK, ERIN?

SHE MODELS.

OH. OH, REALLY.

I JUST DID A VIDEO.

ARE YOU IN A BAND? OR--

NO, I'M NOT
IN A BAND.

WHAT IS IT THAT
YOU DO EXACTLY?

GIVE ME YOUR GLASS.

SURE. IT'S DIET.
IS THAT OK?

FIGURES.

AHH.

OOH!

THAT'S GREAT.

THAT'S--THAT'S TERRIFIC.

THAT'S REALLY,
REALLY GOOD.

IT'S JUST RUNNING
IN CLUBS RIGHT NOW

'CAUSE M.T.V. REJECTED IT
BECAUSE OF THE NUDITY.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

OH! IT'S RIDICULOUS.
THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

BIG DEAL.
I'M WEARING
A FUCKING G-STRING.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
I DIDN'T EVEN BEND OVER.

Jake: THAT'S NOT
THAT CONTROVERSIAL

IF YOU
HAVEN'T BENT OVER.

REALLY. THAT'S
THAT'S NOT, UH...

HOW LONG YOU TWO
BEEN MARRIED?

YOU ARE MARRIED,
RIGHT?

OH, YEAH. ABSOLUTELY.

GOT THE BAND OF GOLD.

IT'S, UH...

TWO YEARS, BABE.

TWO YEARS.

HOW LONG ARE YOU
STAYING IN TOWN?

A FEW DAYS.

ERIN'S MOTHER
DIED LAST NIGHT,

SO, WE'RE GONNA DO
THE WHOLE FUNERAL...

BULLSHIT.

THAT WHOLE SCENE.

YEAH,
DAVIS MADE ME COME.

I THINK HE JUST
MISSES CHICAGO,

IF THAT'S POSSIBLE.

I'M A NEW YORKER.

I HATE
EVERYPLACE ELSE.

I KNOW.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

AND L.A.--
I CAN TAKE L.A.

I WON'T PUKE
IF I'M IN L.A.

OH, YEAH. L.A. IS NICE.

WE'VE NEVER BEEN
TO L.A.

'COURSE, WE'VE
NEVER BEEN TO L.A.,
BUT I HEAR IT'S NICE.

YEAH, RIGHT.

I'M SO SORRY ABOUT
YOUR MOTHER, ERIN.

YOU AND
NEIMAN MARCUS.

ARE YOU STAYING
WITH FAMILY?

WE'RE DOWNTOWN AT
THE RITZ-CARLTON.

TRAGIC ERROR COMING UP.

READY?

1...

2...

3...

A HOTEL?
DON'T BE SILLY.

WHY DON'T YOU
STAY HERE?

WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU
MEAN "WHAT?"

OH, COME ON.
AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE
MY BEST FRIEND STAY IN A HOTEL?

BEST FRIEND, MY ASS.
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HIM
IN TWO YEARS,

AND IN THAT TIME,
HE HAS TURNED INTO
A COMPLETE JERK.

EXCUSE ME?
YOU HEARD ME.

AND HIS GIRLFRIEND
IS NAUSEATING.

NAUSEATING?

HER MOTHER DIED
LAST NIGHT!

BUT SHE DIDN'T
WANT TO COME!

SHE MODELS NUDE
IN VIDEOS!

SHE WASN'T NUDE, THOUGH!
SHE WAS WEARING
ONE OF THOSE G-THINGS.

IT PROBABLY
WASN'T A VIDEO.

MAYBE HER MOTHER
WASN'T A VERY NICE PERSON.

I DON'T CARE IF SHE WAS
OR IF SHE WASN'T!

THAT BITCH
HAS NO FEELINGS!

AND IT MAKES ME SICK
SHE'S SLEEPING
IN OUR HOUSE!

I'LL HAVE TO
BURN THE SHEETS!

WHAT IF IT WAS
ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS, HUH?

WHAT IF THE SHOE
WAS ON THE OTHER FOOT?

I'D GO BAREFOOT!

OH...DON'T GIVE ME
THAT RIGHTEOUS POSE.

MOVE! MOVE!
WHAT?

SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
TELL ME. TELL ME. TELL ME!

YOU WANT ME TO
THROW THEM OUT IN THE SNOW?

YES.
YOU'D LIKE THAT,
WOULDN'T YOU?

YES.
WELL, FORGET IT!

YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING
IN THIS BED!

OH, REALLY?

ANYWHERE BUT
IN THIS ROOM
OR IN THIS BED!

ISN'T IT GONNA BE
A LITTLE BIT EMBARRASSING

TO HAVE DAVIS KNOW
THAT WE'RE FIGHTING?

NOT TO ME.

OK, FINE! FORGET IT!

FORGET IT!

BUT IF HE ASKS...

I'M TELLING HIM
EVERYTHING.

DON'T FORGET
TO TELL HIM

HOW I FEEL ABOUT
HIS GIRLFRIEND!

SHE'S GOT SOME LUNGS
WHEN SHE WANTS THEM.

JERK.

I NEVER THOUGHT THIS IS
WHERE YOU'D END UP.

I LIKE IT HERE.

LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, PAL.

YOU WANT TO BE A WRITER,
YOU MOVE TO NEW YORK.

YOU LIVE HERE,
THERE'S NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT.

NOTHING HAPPENS. I'M JUST
BEING HONEST WITH YOU, JAKE.

I SEE YOU DEAD
IN THE WATER FACE DOWN.

YOU ARE ROTTING.
WHAT IS THIS?

GIVE ME THAT.

IT'S MY PORCELAIN
UDDER BUDDY.

IT'S A DAIRY DISPENSER.

DELIGHTFUL.

YOU'VE ONLY BEEN HERE
FOR FOUR HOURS.

HOW DO YOU KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME?

LOOK AT
THE WAY THAT YOU LIVE.

IT'S BORING. IT'S TORPID.

I MEAN, MY GOD.

"HO HO HO.
COCKTAILS AND MISTLETOE."

YEAH.

LET'S BOP ON OVER TO
WALT AND SHIRLEY'S HOUSE

FOR A LITTLE EGGNOG
AND YULE LOG.

WISE-ASS.

YOU BELIEVE IN THIS!

SHOULD I LIVE LIKE YOU?

YES.
I CAN'T.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE YOU LIVE
FOR YOURSELF.
I DON'T.

I HAVE KRISTY.

YOU WANT SOME MORE TRUTH?

NO.

TOO BAD.

IT'S RUDE AND IT'S WRONG.
BUT IT'S RIGHT ON THE MONEY.

SHE'S HOLDING YOU BACK, MAN.

YOU ARE A DROWNING MAN,

AND SHE IS AN ANCHOR
AROUND YOUR NECK.

SHE IS MAKING ALL THE CHOICES
IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.

NO. NO.
YES.

I LOVE KRISTY.

SHE'S THE SWEETEST GIRL
IN THE WORLD,

AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE
A MEAN BONE IN HER BODY.

BUT I LOVE YOU LIKE A BROTHER.
AND YOU KNOW THAT.

AND THIS HURTS LIKE HELL
TO SAY,

AND MAYBE I'M WRONG...

BUT I MISS YOU.

I MISS YOU VERY MUCH.

I MISS OUR FRIENDSHIP...

VERY MUCH.

KISS ME.

HEY, REMEMBER
WHAT I SAID, THOUGH.

WHAT ABOUT ERIN?

WHAT ABOUT ERIN?

DON'T YOU HAVE ANY
FEELINGS FOR HER?

NO, I DO NOT HAVE
ANY FEELINGS FOR HER,

AND I HOPE TO GOD
SHE DOESN'T HAVE
ANY FEELINGS FOR ME.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE
FEELINGS FOR SOMEBODY
TO GO TO BED WITH THEM.

AND THE MERE FACT
THAT YOU MENTION THAT

IS AN INDICATION OF
HOW PAROCHIAL
YOUR THINKING HAS BECOME.

UH-UH.

I DON'T THINK THERE'S
ANYTHING PAROCHIAL

ABOUT A MAN
LOVING A WOMAN.

SAVE THAT FOR
THE BROADWAY SHOW LYRICS,

BUT THAT'S NOTHING
TO LIVE YOUR LIFE BY.

I'M VERY DISAPPOINTED
IN YOU, JAKE.

VERY DISAPPOINTED.

YOU SHOULD BE DOING
MORE THAN THIS.

I'M DOING JUST FINE.

YOU CAN THINK THAT.

I DO.

THERE'S MORE TO LIFE
THAN GETTING LAID.

YOU CAN THINK THAT, TOO.

* CHUKKAH

* CHUKKAH

* CHUKKAH

* CHUKKAH

* COME AND GET IT
* COME AND GET IT

* COME AND GET IT

I LOVE THIS PLACE.

THIS IS GREAT.

CAN YOU BELIEVE
3 BUCKS FOR A BEER?

I--I PAID 3--
I LOVE THAT.

I LOVE--IT'S GREAT.

* CHUKKAH

* D-D-D-D-D-D

* D-D-D-D-D-D

* DESIRE

* CHUKKAH

* D-D-D-D-D-D

* D-D-D-D-D-D

* DESIRE

* CHUKKAH

* D-D-D-D-D-D

* CHUKKAH

* DESIRE

* CHUKKAH

* D-D-D-D-D-D

* D-D-D-D-D-D

* CHUKKAH

* DESIRE

* CHUKKAH

* SUGAR

* I'VE BEEN MISSIN' YOU

* AND I'VE BEEN WONDERIN'

* WHERE IT IS
YOU'RE HIDING *

* I'VE BEEN A BALL OF FIRE

* IN YOUR ARMS, DESIRE

* AND I'VE BEEN WONDERIN'

* WHERE IT IS
YOU'RE HIDING *

* CHUKKAH

* WHAT YOU GET
IS WHAT YOU SEE *

* CHUKKAH

* DESIRE

* CHUKKAH

* WHAT YOU GET
IS WHAT YOU SEE *

* CHUKKAH

* DESIRE

* I'VE BEEN WONDERIN'

BE RIGHT BACK, OK?

YOU WAIT RIGHT HERE?

* AND I'VE BEEN WONDERING

* WHERE IT IS
YOU'RE HIDING *

* WHERE IT IS
YOU'RE HIDIN' *

* CHUKKAH

* WHAT YOU GET
IS WHAT YOU SEE *

* CHUKKAH

* DESIRE

* CHUKKAH

* WHAT YOU GET
IS WHAT YOU SEE *

ENJOYING THE MUSIC?

SORRY. THE LADIES' ROOM
WAS TOO CROWDED.

YOU DON'T MIND, DO YOU?

NO. NO. NO.

DO YOU COME HERE
A LOT?

WELL...I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU'D SAY A LOT,

BUT TWICE TONIGHT,

BUT I HAD COFFEE
EARLIER.

THEN I HAD A BEER.

I MEANT THE PLACE.
THE CLUB?

OH.

CIAO.

HI, LEFTY.

HOW'S THE NEIGHBORHOOD
GIGOLO?

WELL, LEFTY BOY,

ABOUT THIS, UH,
VALERIE BLAKE,

IS SHE...
YOU KNOW, HUH?

YOU KNOW...

CRAWLING AROUND IN THAT
WARPED LITTLE MIND OF YOURS.

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING
SO MAD ABOUT?

I DON'T LIKE THE INNUENDO
IN YOUR VOICE.

KRISTY.

[SQUEAK]

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

KRIS?

OH, MY GOD.

[CREAK]

HELLO, JAKE.

YOU DIDN'T
LOCK THE DOOR,

IS IT ALL RIGHT
THAT I CAME IN?

HOW'D YOU FIND ME?

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU.

YOU MUST KNOW THAT
I DON'T MAKE A HABIT

OF WALKING
INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES.

IT'S OK.

YOU'RE FRIGHTENED?

I DON'T KNOW. I...

I THINK
I'M EXPERIENCING AN EMOTION

THAT HASN'T
BEEN DEFINED YET.

THE MORE I TRY
TO EXPLAIN TO YOU

WHY AND HOW
I CAME TO BE HERE,

THE LESS WE'D BOTH
UNDERSTAND IT.

PROBABLY.

I'LL JUST SAY

THAT I HAVE
A VERY DEEP

AND CERTAIN
FEELING ABOUT YOU.

DO YOU BELIEVE
IN DESTINY?

FROM NOW ON I WILL.

WE WERE MEANT TO BE.

FOR SEVERAL YEARS NOW,

YOU'VE FELT LIKE
SOMETHING WAS MISSING.

YOU WERE
CARRYING WITH YOU A VOID

AND I WAS BORN
TO FILL IT.

WE CAN'T HELP IT.

OUR LIVES UP TO NOW

HAVE BEEN THE PRELUDE
TO THIS MOMENT.

NOW IT'S HAPPENED,

AND ALL THAT EMPTINESS
YOU'VE FELT IS GONE.

IT'S NOT WRONG.

NO GUILT.

IT'S DESTINY.

YOU COULDN'T
PREVENT IT.

NO GUILT.

ONLY PLEASURE.

YOU DON'T
NEED ANYTHING ELSE

FOR THE REST
OF YOUR LIFE.

WE HAVE NO CHOICE?

WE HAVE NO CHOICE.

WE'RE DESTINY.

JAKE.

YOU'RE DREAMING
AGAIN, SWEETIE.

BABE...
BABE, WHAT HAPPENED?

BAD DREAM.

WHY COULDN'T I ACCEPT

WHO I WAS, WHAT I WAS,
AND WHERE I WAS?

WHY COULDN'T I BE
LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
WHO RODE THE TRAIN?

WERE THEY MINDLESS,
ANONYMOUS DRONES

FOLLOWING THE SCENT OF MONEY
TO A SENSELESS, FORGOTTEN END?

OR WERE THEY THE BEARERS
OF SOME GREAT SECRET

THAT ALLOWED THEM
TO REJOICE IN THIS LIFE

THAT I WAS
SO UNWILLING TO EMBRACE?

AND WHAT WAS THE DEAL
WITH THAT WEIRD DREAM?

SO MANY QUESTIONS.

SO FEW ANSWERS.

COME ON.

17, 18. WHAT'S
THE BIG DEAL HERE?
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

YOU'VE BEEN HERE A YEAR,
YEAR AND A HALF.

5, 10 YEARS,
YOU'RE GONNA BE

CRANKING THIS CRAP OUT
IN YOUR SLEEP.

I DON'T INTEND
TO BE WRITING ADS
10 YEARS FROM NOW, THANK YOU.

OH, THIS IS JUST
TEMPORARY, RIGHT?

YEAH. VERY.

I HAD THE EXACT
SAME FEELINGS WHEN
I WAS YOUR AGE.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I ACTUALLY EVEN
QUIT ONCE.

DID YOU?

TO WRITE A BOOK.

YEAH?
YEAH.

AND I BUILT
SIX BIRDHOUSES,

I PUT ON 20 POUNDS,

I WATCHED
5,000 HOURS OF TV,

WROTE A PAGE
AND A HALF,

CALLED HOWARD,
GOT MY OLD JOB BACK.

EVERYBODY TRIES IT,

AND EVERYBODY
COMES BACK.

THE RARE INDIVIDUAL
BREAKS OUT,

BUT IT'S
TOO INFREQUENT

TO WARRANT
CONSIDERATION.

JUST FORGET IT.

WELL, YOU'RE LOOKING AT
THE RARE INDIVIDUAL,

BECAUSE I'M BUSTING OUT.

LISTEN.

I MEASURE MY LIFE

IN DEGREES
OF HAPPINESS.

I'M SUPPORTING
MY FAMILY

IN A WAY
THAT MAKES ME HAPPY.

I GOT A NICE HOUSE,

I GOT
A REAL NICE CAR,

AND ONCE A YEAR,

I WRITE AN AD
THAT I'M PROUD OF.

AND THAT'S
WHAT YOU WANT?

NO.
THAT'S WHAT I TAKE.

YOU NEVER GET
WHAT YOU WANT.

THE GUYS WHO JUMP OFF
THE MICHIGAN AVENUE BRIDGE

ON THEIR 40th
BIRTHDAYS

ARE THE ONES WHO
WANT MORE THAN
THEY WILL EVER GET.

YOU DEPRESS
THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

CONSIDER WHAT I DO
TO MYSELF.

HE WAS MY BOSS.

I SECRETLY BELIEVED
HE WAS TERRIFIED

THAT I MIGHT
MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF
OUTSIDE THE FIELD.

IF I DID,

HE'D BE REMINDED
IN LIVING COLOR
OF HIS OWN FAILURES.

THE LAST THING I NEEDED
AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE

WAS A 36-YEAR-OLD
MANIC-DEPRESSANT

BEGRUDGING ME MY YOUTH.

I WAS FRIGHTENED ENOUGH
THAT IT WAS EVAPORATING.

GET USED TO IT, PAL.

IT ONLY GETS WORSE.

HAVE YOU EVER
HELD A BABY BEFORE?

NO.

DO YOU WANT TO?
YES.

COME. SIT OVER HERE.

[BABY CRYING]

Woman:
KRISTY, OVER HERE
RIGHT NOW.

Jake: NOW. NO, NOT LATER.
NOW. SEX NOW.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SEX NOW.

CAN WE HAVE SEX NOW?

YOU WANT TO MATE WITH ME?

YOU WANT TO MATE?

AH. AH. AH.

AH. AH.

SORRY, GUYS.

TAKE A HIKE.

RUSS,

WHAT I'M GOING TO DO
TO YOUR DAUGHTER TONIGHT...

[CLINK]

KRISTY,

I'M GOING
TO SLEEP NOW, BABE,

SO, WHEN
YOU COME IN,

BE KIND OF CAREFUL
NOT TO WAKE ME,

'CAUSE I'M
REALLY TIRED.

OK?

I'M JUST...

I'M JUST DOG-TIRED,

AND I GOT KIND OF
A BIG DAY TOMORROW.

ONE OF THE STUPIDEST

AND LEAST EFFECTIVE METHODS
OF SEDUCING A WOMAN.

THE LOGIC IS

THAT BY MAKING MYSELF
SEEM DISINTERESTED IN SEX,

SHE'LL BE CHALLENGED.

IT NEVER WORKED,

BUT THAT WAS NO REASON
TO STOP TRYING.

[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING]

[FACTORY WHISTLE BLOWS]

FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN OUR RELATIONSHIP,

SHE TOOK THE INITIATIVE.

SUDDENLY,
AND WITHOUT WARNING,

THE GAME HAD
TURNED ON THE HUNTER.

MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS THAT
SHE WAS MISTAKING ME
FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

SECOND THOUGHT,
SHE HAD STARTED DRINKING
IN THE AFTERNOONS.

THIRD AND FINAL THOUGHT,
SHE LOVED ME.

I MISSED THE TARGET
BUT HIT THE TREE.

PLASTIC FLYWHEEL.

IT'S PROBABLY
OUT OF GAS.

YOU'RE OUT OF GAS.

YOU SEE THIS?
PERCH ON IT.

HEY, I'M RUBBER,
YOU'RE GLUE.

WHATEVER YOU SAY
BOUNCES OFF ME

AND STICKS TO YOU.

STICK THIS.

UP YOURS.

UP YOURS, TOO.

IT'S YOU AND ME.

CIAO.

YEOW!

* THE DRUMMIN' MAN

* HE'S A DRUMMIN' MAN

* NO ONE KICKS
A SET OF DRUMS *

* JUST LIKE HE CAN

* ALL ABOUT
ROMANCING GIRLS *

* HE KNOWS NOT A THING

* BUT WHEN HE ROCKS OUT
ON THE DRUMS *

* YOU KNOW
HE'S REALLY MEAN *

* DIG THAT MAN
SITTIN' ON THAT STOOL *

* HE'S A COWHIDE-KICKIN'
FOOL *

* SWINGIN' MR. T

[COUGHING]

CAN I GET ANYBODY
ANYTHING?

YEAH.

DINNER, MISSY.

HOW ABOUT IT?
LET'S GO.

THIS IS GOOD, JAKE.

YOU'RE QUITE
A BARBECUE CHEF.

WHAT FASCINATES ME
IS HOW YOU GOT IT

BLOOD RAW
ON ONE SIDE

AND CHARRED TO A CRISP
ON THE OTHER.

MY STEAK'S
JUST FINE, RUSS.

MINE, TOO, DARLING.

WHAT IS THIS,
DIRT ON HERE?

YOU SAY SOMETHING, JAKE?

NO. NO.

Gayle: WHY DO YOU
HAVE TO COMPLAIN
ABOUT EVERYTHING?

I'M NOT COMPLAINING.

YOU CERTAINLY ARE.

THAT'S NOT COMPLAINING.
YOU WANT TO HEAR COMPLAINING?

MISSY...

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO
GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR

AND GET ME A GRANDCHILD?

I THINK IT'S
ABOUT TIME, TOO, RUSS.

AT LAST
WE AGREE ON SOMETHING.

EVERYTHING
IN DUE TIME.

FOR CRIPES' SAKE,
THEY JUST MOVED
INTO A HOME.

DON'T PUT PRESSURE
ON TOP OF PRESSURE.
WHAT'S THE RUSH?

I'M WITH YOU, JIM.

I HAD A TERRIBLE TIME
WITH KRISTY'S BIRTH.

I ALMOST LOST HER
IN DELIVERY.

IF SHE WANTS TO WAIT,
IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.

I JUST THINK IT'S ODD
THAT THEY'VE BEEN MARRIED NOW--

WHAT IS IT, FOUR YEARS?

AND THEY DON'T EVEN
TALK ABOUT KIDS.

IT WAS A BREECH.

THE WOMEN IN MY FAMILY
HAVE SUCH SMALL HIPS.

IT WAS PAINFUL,
AND IT WAS TERRIFYING.

YOU ARE ALL RIGHT NOW,

SO WHY DWELL ON IT,
IN THE SWEET NAME OF CHRIST?

YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
UNTIL IT WAS ALL OVER.

HOW COULD I KNOW?
I WAS OUT PLAYING GOLF.

DARLING, YOU WOULD HAVE
THE MOST DIVINE BABIES.

AREN'T YOU
THINKING ABOUT IT?

MOM, THAT'S KIND OF
A PERSONAL MATTER.

WELL, IT'S
A FAMILY MATTER.

WE'RE JUST CURIOUS.

Russ:
WELL, WHAT'S THE DEAL?

Gayle:
THEY'LL HAVE KIDS
WHEN THEY HAVE KIDS.

MAYBE
THEY'RE NOT READY.

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO?
BE SWINGERS THE WHOLE
REST OF THEIR LIVES?

IS THAT IT?

DID YOU HAVE YOUR PARENTS
GOADING YOU INTO HAVE KIDS?

THERE WAS NO TIME
TO GOAD ME.

NO, NO. I HAD MY KIDS
RIGHT AWAY.

DOWN AT MY COMPANY,

EVERYBODY MY AGE,
OR AROUND MY AGE,

HAS A PICTURE
ON THEIR DESK
OF A GRANDCHILD.

I HAVE A PICTURE
ON MY DESK OF HER.

WHAT I WANT TO HAVE
ON MY DESK

IS A PICTURE
OF A GRANDCHILD.

WHO WOULDN'T WANT THAT?

BUT THIS IS ONE THING

WE'RE JUST ALL GOING TO
HAVE TO HAVE A LITTLE
PATIENCE ON.

AT THE RATE
THESE TWO ARE GOING,

I'LL BE RETIRED
BEFORE THEY GET AROUND TO IT,

AND THEN THERE WON'T BE
ANY DESK TO PUT A PICTURE ON.

ARE YOU MAD?

NO.

WOULD YOU
RATHER NOT TALK?

I'M FINE.

WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO TALK ABOUT?

YOU KNOW.

KIDS?

YOU WANT KIDS?

DON'T YOU?

IT'S IRREVERSIBLE.

SO?

I'M NOT IN THE MOOD
FOR IRREVERSIBLE
ACTION RIGHT NOW.

LET'S GO TO SLEEP.

HAVING OUR PARENTS HERE...

DISTORTED EVERYTHING.

IT'S NOT A GOOD TIME
TO TALK SERIOUS.

NOW, GO TO SLEEP.

IF I TELL YOU SOMETHING,
WILL YOU PROMISE
NOT TO GET MAD?

WHAT IS IT?

PROMISE YOU WON'T
GET MAD?

TELL ME
WHAT IT IS.

YOU HAVE TO PROMISE
YOU WON'T GET MAD.

OK, I PROMISE
I WON'T GET MAD.

I STOPPED TAKING THE PILL
THREE MONTHS AGO.

[SCREAMING]

KEEP SMILING, BRIGGSIE.

CAN YOU HOLD THE BABY UP
A LITTLE HIGHER, PLEASE?

HE'S GOT A NOSEBLEED
ALREADY.

HOWARD,

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST
THING I'VE DONE IN MY LIFE.

DON'T RETIRE
THE TROPHY YET.

YOUR CAREER'S
JUST STARTING.

SOME WORTHLESS OLD SHIT
IS RETIRING,

SO I HAVE TO TAKE
HALF A DAY OFF

AND HAVE MY PICTURE TAKEN
WITH SOMEBODY ELSE'S BABY.

SORRY.

EVERYBODY ON THE ACCOUNT
IS DOING IT.
YOU'RE NOTHING SPECIAL.

YEAH, BUT DID THEY HIRE US
TO DEVELOP THEIR ADVERTISING

OR TO PLAY CLOWN?

BOTH.
BOTH.

I HATE THIS.
HATE THIS.

YOU CAN RELAX
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

I GOT TO RESET
THE LIGHTS.

HOWARD, THIS
IS RIDICULOUS.

YOUR WIFE
SEES THESE PICTURES,

SHE'S GONNA START
BEGGING YOU
FOR OFFSPRING.

HOW HAVE YOU HELD OUT
FOR SO LONG ON THAT?

MY REPRODUCTIVE LIFE
IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

OH, GOD.
WHERE'S THE MOTHER?

I DON'T KNOW.
SHE'S AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

THANKS, GUYS.
COME ON.

WHOOPS!

SORRY.

WHOA!

SORRY.

SHALL WE DANCE?

GIVE ME A BREAK.

IS THIS YOURS?

* FROM FLOWERS
IN YOUR HAIR *

* TO AIR-CONDITIONED AIR

* CHILDREN REVOLUTING
TO APPLE COMPUTING *

* BUT YOU MUST
REMEMBER THIS *

* IF YOU FEEL A KISS

* YOU HAVE TO LET GO

* YOUR MIND GOES YO

* WRAP ME
IN SKIES OF BLUE *

* NEVER BEEN
SO FULL OF LOVE *

* PICASSO SAID
IT WAS A CRIME *

* TO DO IT
ONE MORE TIME *

* TO IMITATE YOURSELF
IS A DANGER TO YOUR HEALTH *

* BUT THERE'S THIS THING

* THAT HAPPENS
IN THE SPRING *

* YOU HAVE TO LET GO

* YOUR MIND GOES YO

* WRAP ME
IN SKIES OF BLUE *

* NEVER BEEN
SO FULL OF LOVE *

WAAH.

MY FAULT.

IT WAS HER,
IN HER UNDERWEAR.

THERE HAD TO BE A REASON

WHY I WAS
SEEING HER AGAIN.

HUH? HUH?
THEN YOU TELL HIM...

HERE.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

I DON'T WANT
TO DO THIS
ALL DAY LONG.

I CANNOT WORK
LIKE THIS.

[BABY SQUEALS]

YOU'RE MARRIED.

THE RING.

YEAH. YEAH, I AM.

IT'S OK.
I'M MARRIED, TOO.

REALLY?

I WAS TOO YOUNG.

HE WAS TOO YOUNG.

I GOT MARRIED YOUNG,
TOO.

REALLY?

ARE YOU STILL
IN LOVE WITH HER?

YES.

YES.

ABSOLUTELY.

ABSOLUTELY?

IF YOU'RE STILL
IN LOVE WITH HER,

HOW COME
YOU'RE HERE WITH ME?

IT'S OK.
YOU'RE NERVOUS.

NERVOUS?

I'M NOT NERVOUS.

AH, COME ON.

HEY.

WHY DO--WHY DO YOU
THINK I'M NERVOUS?

BECAUSE YOU DON'T
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

* SO THIS IS FOR WHEN

* YOU'RE FEELING
HAPPY AGAIN *

* AND THIS IS FOR WHEN

* YOU'RE FEELING SAD

* AND THIS IS FOR WHEN

* YOU FEEL SOMETHING

* OHHH

* WHEN THE MINUTES DRAG

* OHHH

* WHEN THE MINUTES DRAG

* OOH

[METAL CREAKS]

* OOH

[FLOORBOARD CREAKS]

[HANDLE RATTLES]

[CLICKS]

[EXHALES]

[METAL JANGLES]

[DISTANT DOG BARKS]

[BUCKLE RATTLING]

[ZIPS]

[COINS FALLING]

[COIN ROLLING]

[STOMPS]

YOU'RE HOME LATE.

YOU SCARED ME.

I'M SORRY.
DID YOU EAT?

I GOT SOMETHING
DOWNTOWN.

I WENT BACK
TO THE DOCTOR.

OH, YEAH.
EVERYTHING OK?

MY TESTS ARE ALL IN.

YEAH?

IT'S NOT ME. I'M FINE.

WELL,
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS I'M OK.

WELL, OBVIOUSLY
YOU'RE NOT OK

IF YOU CAN'T
GET PREGNANT.

I CAN GET PREGNANT.

IF YOU CAN,
THEN WHY AREN'T YOU?

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
GET ME PREGNANT.

AND YOU REALLY
BELIEVE THAT?

IT'S NOTHING
TO BE ASHAMED OF.

WHO'S ASHAMED?

MOTHER SAID FATHER
HAD THE SAME PROBLEM.

YOU TOLD YOUR MOTHER
ABOUT THIS?

DID ANYBODY
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
NOT HEAR ABOUT IT?

WAS IT ON THE NEWS?

WE'LL INVITE
YOUR PARENTS OVER,

PUT SOME CHAIRS
AT THE END OF THE BED.

A LITTLE HOME INSTRUCTION.

GET YOUR BUTT
A LITTLE HIGHER, JAKE.

RUSS, HE KNOWS
WHAT HE'S DOING.

IF HE KNEW,

WE'D BE
GRANDPARENTS BY NOW.

YOUR FATHER WOULD HAVE
A LOT OF POINTERS.

YOU TOLD YOUR MOTHER?

JESUS!

IT COULD BE
A VERY SIMPLE PROBLEM.

WHAT PROBLEM?
THERE IS NO PROBLEM.

COMPARED TO WHAT
I WENT THROUGH,

YOUR TEST IS EASY.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO HAVE TO DO THAT?

I'D HELP.

VERY FUNNY.

IF YOU'RE FINE
AND I'M NOT,

THERE'S REALLY NOTHING
I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

IF YOU HAVE
A PROBLEM THAT
CAN BE TREATED.

THAT'S EXACTLY
THE SPOT

WHERE I WOULD LIKE
TO HAVE SURGERY.

THAT'S WHERE I'D LIKE
MEN POKING AROUND

WITH SCALPELS
IN MY GROIN.

NOBODY IS TOUCHING
MY BALLS!

THIS REALLY ISN'T
THE PLACE TO DISCUSS THIS.

WHY ARE YOU BEING
SUCH A BABY?

DO YOU KNOW
HOW MANY MEN

HAVE TO GO
THROUGH THIS?

WHATEVER NUMBER
MINUS ONE,

BECAUSE I'M NOT
GOING TO DO IT.

I CALLED DR. STANKY

AND ASKED HIM
WHAT'S INVOLVED.

YOU CALLED DR. STANKY?

OK. WHAT'S INVOLVED?

A COUPLE OF MINUTES
AND A PLASTIC CUP.

IT'S VERY DISCREET
AND PROFESSIONAL.

HI. CAN I HELP YOU?

YEAH.
YEAH, JEFFERSON BRIGGS.

WELL, I...
HAVE MY S--

MY...MY...

SAMPLE?

HMM? YEAH.
SAMPLE. YEAH.

THERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU.

I'M SORRY.

ARE YOU SURE
THERE'S ANY IN HERE?

[LAUGHTER]

MY INABILITY
TO IMPREGNATE KRISTY

WAS BLAMED
ON TIGHT SHORTS,

HAVING SOMETHING TO DO
WITH MY BODY TEMPERATURE.

TO GO THROUGH THE HELL
OF A FERTILITY CHECK

AND DISCOVER MY PREFERENCE
IN UNDERGARMENTS

WAS TO BLAME

SEEMED AS SILLY
AND POINTLESS

AS EVERYTHING ELSE
ABOUT MY LIFE.

JAKE?

JAKEY?

MY TEMPERATURE'S
JUST RIGHT!

THIS IS
THE PERFECT TIME!

WHERE ARE YOU?

CAN YOU HURRY?

HIDING FROM MY WIFE,

HIDING FROM
MY MANLY OBLIGATION,

OUR LOVE NEST
HAD BECOME A STUD FARM.

JAKEY, MY TEMPERATURE'S
JUST RIGHT!

WHERE ARE YOU?
HURRY! HURRY!

JEFFERSON EDWARD BRIGGS!

HI, BABE.

WERE YOU WORKING ON
THE WATER HEATER AGAIN?

I'M SORRY
TO INTERRUPT YOU,

BUT IT'S BEEN 48 HOURS
SINCE OUR LAST COITION.

I HAVE
THE PILLOWS SET UP

SO THAT MY CERVIX
IS PLACED BETTER.

YOU CAN WATCH TV
IF YOU GET BORED.

HERE'S TO SUCCESSFUL
FERTILIZATION, SWEETIE.

* UH

* AH

* UH

* I HEAR
SOMETHING SAYIN' *

* UH

* AH

* UH

* AH

* UH

* AH

* UH

* WELL,
DON'T YOU KNOW *

* THAT'S THE SOUND
OF THE MEN *

* WORKING
ON THE CHAIN GANG *

* THAT'S THE SOUND
OF THE MEN *

* WORKING
ON THE CHAIN GANG *

* ALL DAY LONG
THEY'RE SAYIN' *

* UH

* AH

* UH

* AH

* UH

* AH

* UH

* WELL,
DON'T YOU KNOW *

* THAT'S THE SOUND
OF THE MEN... *

MY FATHER DIED.

COME ON IN.

OH, DAVIS,

I FEEL SO BAD
ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.

I'VE NEVER HAD ANYONE
CLOSE TO ME DIE BEFORE.

TELL ME ANYTHING.

WE MISS YOU.
HOW'S THAT?

WE?

JAKE AND I.

JAKE AND WHO?

ME.

YOU MISS ME?

YEAH.

WHY?

WHY?

'CAUSE WE'VE BEEN
FRIENDS FOR YEARS, AND...

IS THAT ALL?

FRIENDSHIP ISN'T ENOUGH?

SOMETIMES.

SOMETIMES NOT.

JAKE TOLD ME THAT...

YOU WANT
TO HAVE A BABY.

WHY?

OH, 'CAUSE I'M...

I'M READY.

HOW DO YOU KNOW
YOU'RE READY?

YOU FEEL IT.

IS JAKE READY?

I THINK HE IS.
HE SAYS HE IS.

HOW DOES HE KNOW?

I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE HE FEELS IT.

MAYBE NOT.

WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO SAY?

NOTHING.

NOTHING?

NOTHING.

OK.

SLEEP WELL.

I WON'T.

WHAT DO YOU
WANT FROM ME?

I WANT YOU
TO KISS ME GOOD NIGHT.

IT WAS STUPID.
NOW I'M SORRY.

I'VE HEARD SOME
MISERABLE COME-ONS.

YOU THINK
I'M SCUM, DON'T YOU,

BECAUSE I STAYED HERE
WITH THAT SLUT

THREE YEARS AGO?

LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING.

I ENVY JAKE.

I ALWAYS HAVE.

IT WAS VERY
DIFFICULT FOR ME

WHEN YOU TWO
GOT MARRIED.

YOU'RE A LIAR.

I JUST WANTED YOU
TO KISS ME GOOD NIGHT...

SO THAT IN SOME
MICROSCOPIC WAY...

I KNOW THAT YOU
CARE ABOUT ME.

I DO CARE.

I ALWAYS HAVE.

NOT IN THIS
LIFETIME, DAVIS.

WHY NOT?

YOU HAVE TO ASK?

YOU REALLY LOVE HIM.

WITH
EVERYTHING I AM.

NOTHING WILL
CHANGE THAT.

NOT YOUR HANDS
ON MY BODY,

OR YOUR LOOKS
OR YOUR MONEY
OR CHARM.

NOTHING,
NOTHING.

IT DOESN'T HAVE
TO BE ABOUT LOVE.

AREN'T YOU
THE LEAST BIT CURIOUS?

DIDN'T YOU STEAL CANDY
WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

I'M NOT
A KID ANYMORE.

YOU GOT COLD, HUH?

I DIDN'T GET COLD.

I FOUND OUT
SOMETHING

YOU'RE NOT EVEN
CLOSE TO YET.

EDUCATE ME.

FIGURE IT OUT
YOURSELF.

FEEL IT IN
YOUR OWN SKIN.

I WON'T TELL JAKE
ABOUT THIS.

IT ISN'T FATAL.

YOU HAVE
YOUR GOOD POINTS.

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
I EVER LOVED.

NO, DAVIS.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
YOU EVER LOVED.

JAKE?
MRS. BRIGGS CALLED.

MY MOTHER CALLED?

YOUR WIFE.
SHE'S DOWNTOWN.

WHAT'S SHE DOING
DOWNTOWN?

I DON'T KNOW.

SHE SAID
SHE'D MEET YOU,

AND IT
WAS IMPORTANT.

DID SHE SAY
WHAT WAS IMPORTANT?

NO. SHE SAID
YOU SHOULD
MEET HER AT 5:00

AT THE MUSEUM
OF NATURAL HISTORY.

IF YOU'RE STILL
IN LOVE WITH HER,

HOW COME
YOU'RE WITH ME?

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

DILLON, PATTERSON,
AND REID.

HI.

WHY ARE
YOU CALLING ME?

NEVER CALL ME
AT WORK.

YEAH.

TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU. BYE.

JAKE...

WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE A BABY.

I FOUND OUT TODAY.

I DIDN'T WANT
TO TELL YOU
ON THE PHONE.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

ARE YOU AS HAPPY
AS I AM?

I THINK SO. YEAH.

YEAH.

WE'RE BLESSED.

* APRON STRINGS

* HANGIN' EMPTY
CRAZY THINGS *

* MY BODY TELLS ME

* I WANT SOMEONE TO TIE
TO MY LONELY APRON STRINGS *

* APRON STRINGS

* WAITIN' FOR YOU

* PRETTY THINGS

* THAT I COULD
CALL YOU *

* I WANT SOMEONE TO TIE

* TO MY LONELY
APRON STRINGS *

* HE COULD LOOK
JUST LIKE ME *

* WHEN I WAS YOUNG

* AND I WONDER
AS THE DAYS UNWIND *

* WILL HE HAVE
YOUR EYES OR MINE *

* THEN I WAKE UP

* TO MY

* MY APRON STRINGS

* COLD AND LONELY

* FOR TIME BRINGS

* THOUGHTS THAT ONLY
WILL BE QUIET *

* WHEN SOMEONE CLINGS

* TO MY APRON STRINGS

* YOU'D BE HAPPY WRAPPED
IN MY APRON STRINGS *

* YOU'D BE HAPPY WRAPPED
IN MY APRON STRINGS *

I'D STUMBLED
INTO A MARRIAGE,

DRIFTED
INTO A CAREER,

AND BACKED
INTO FATHERHOOD.

IT WAS TOO EASY.

I COULDN'T
CONVINCE MYSELF

THAT EVERYTHING
WAS ALL RIGHT.

THERE WAS
SOMETHING OUT THERE,

CIRCLING MY HAPPY HOME,

WATCHING ME,
STALKING ME,

WAITING TO STRIKE.

JAKE?

YEAH!

JAKE.

I'M WORKING!

JAKE, HONEY,
IT'S TIME.

TIME FOR WHAT?

[SIGHS]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[ENGINE REVS]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[HORN HONKS
AND TIRES SQUEAL]

[HORN HONKS]

SORRY. I'M SORRY.

ARE YOU OK?

I'M FINE.

I'M GLAD
YOU CAME BACK.

YEAH. H-H-HOW
DO YOU FEEL?

I FEEL FINE.

TAKE IT SLOW.

I DON'T WANT YOU
TO RUSH.

JUST SIT DOWN.
YOU ALL RIGHT?

MM-HMM.

[TIRES SCREECH]

THROUGH THE NOSE...

AND OUT
THROUGH THE MOUTH.

KRIS, YOU'RE
NOT BREATHING.

THROUGH THE NOSE...

AND OUT
THROUGH THE MOUTH.

OOH! SWEETIE,
ARE YOU OK?

FINE. FINE.
IN THROUGH THE NOSE...

OUT THROUGH
THE MOUTH...

YOU OK?

YOU ALL RIGHT?

REMEMBER EVERYTHING
WE LEARNED?

YOU GOT
YOUR FOCAL POINT?

WHERE IS IT?

BACK HERE? BUREAU?

YOU GOT TO
GET SOMETHING
MORE FOCAL.

WHAT? THE BUNNIES?

CONCENTRATE ON THAT
AND NOT ON THE PAIN.

PRETEND LIKE
THERE IS NO PAIN.

BABE, IT'S STARTING.

IT'S STARTED?

WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY?

IT'S BEEN
ABOUT 10 SECONDS?

LESS? LESS? MORE?

WHAT, LESS?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

WE'LL CALL IT 20.

WE'LL CALL IT
20, 25.

WHAT IS THIS? WHAT?

WHAT?
OH, I'M IN THE--

I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.

OH, SHIT!

LOOK AT THE BUNNIES.

BREATHE.

OK, BREATHE.

OH, THAT'S IT?

WHOA...HMM...

YOU OK?

ALL RIGHT.

YOU DID GOOD.

WE SHOULD WORK OUT
SOME KIND OF SIGNAL

WHEN
THE CONTRACTIONS START

BECAUSE I DIDN'T
KNOW IT WAS COMING.

JUST GRAB MY ARM.
THAT'S GOOD.

GRAB MY ARM
WHEN IT STARTS.

IT STARTED AGAIN?

IT ALREADY STARTED?
SO SOON?

OH! OH, GOD!

NURSE!

DO I COME WITH?

NO. YOU WAIT HERE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OK. OK.

YOU WANT--
I HOLD THESE?

OK. OK, BABE.

SEE YA.

UH...

REMEMBER
YOUR BREATHING.

JUST RELAX NOW.

OK, OK, KRISTY.

WE'RE GOING
TO MOVE YOU OVER.

JUST NICE AND EASY.
THAT'S IT.

WHEW.

LOOK AT THIS ONE.

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

DON'T TOUCH THAT.

OH, UH...

SORRY.

MY FAULT. SORRY.

OK, KRISTY.
CONTROL YOUR BREATHING NOW.

ALL RIGHT?

WHEN YOU FEEL
THE CONTRACTION,

TAKE A DEEP BREATH
AND HOLD IT.

DO YOU FEEL
THE CONTRACTION?

DEEP BREATH IN
AND HOLD IT FOR 10.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

OK, BLOW IT OUT.

TAKE ANOTHER
DEEP BREATH IN,

AND HOLD IT
WHILE I COUNT TO 10 AGAIN.

1, 2...

AHEM.

OH! HI.

I WAS JUST,
UH, WATCHING.

HERE WE GO.

PUT THESE ON.

IS THIS MY SIZE?

THEY'RE ONE SIZE
FITS ALL.

OK.

OK, WHAT
IS THIS, UH...

GET THESE ON.

COME BACK TO ME,
AND I'LL TAKE YOU IN.

OK, GREAT.

MR. BRIGGS,

THAT GOES ON
OVER YOUR CLOTHES.

YEAH, OF COURSE.

I'M SORRY.

WHERE'S MY HUSBAND?

HE'LL BE HERE
REAL SOON, KRISTY.

OH, GOD!

OH, OH! OW!

OH, JAKE! JAKE!

DID I DO
THIS THING RIGHT?

LOOKS OK.

WE'RE GOING TO
THE DELIVERY ROOM?

I FEEL GOOD.
I FEEL CHARGED.

YOU'LL BE JUST FINE.

I THOUGHT
I'D BE NERVOUS.

THIS IS GREAT.
RIGHT IN HERE?

WAIT HERE A SECOND.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

GET HIM OUT OF HERE.

YOU'LL HAVE
TO WAIT OUTSIDE.

WHY?

THERE'S BEEN
A COMPLICATION.

YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT--

MR. BRIGGS!
MR. BRIGGS, PLEASE!

YOU'RE GOING--

THAT'S MY WIFE!

JUST TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON!

JUST TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON!

IF YOU'LL
JUST CALM DOWN,

I'LL FIND OUT
WHAT'S GOING ON

AND COME BACK FOR YOU.

KRISTY, I WANT YOU
TO LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW.

I WANT TO GET IT OUT.

STOP PUSHING
WITH YOUR CONTRACTIONS.

I GOT TO GET IT OUT!

STOP PUSHING
WITH YOUR CONTRACTIONS.

YOU'RE NOT DOING
YOURSELF ANY GOOD.

I GOT TO GET IT OUT!

OH, GOD, OH.

MR. BRIGGS...

THE BABY IS IN
A BREECH PRESENTATION.

UH-HUH.

IT'S COMING OUT
BACKWARDS.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

THE BABY'S HEAD
IS CAUGHT.

IT'S TOO EARLY TO TELL,

BUT WE'RE DOING
EVERYTHING WE CAN.

* AH-HA OOH

* AH-HA OOH

* AH-HA OOH

* PRAY GOD YOU CAN COPE

* I'LL STAND OUTSIDE
THIS WOMAN'S WORK *

* THIS WOMAN'S WORLD

* OOH, IT'S HARD
ON THE MAN *

* NOW HIS PART IS OVER

* NOW STARTS THE CRAFT

* OF THE FATHER

* I KNOW YOU HAVE
A LITTLE LIFE IN YOU YET *

* I KNOW YOU HAVE
A LOT OF STRENGTH LEFT *

* I KNOW YOU HAVE
A LITTLE LIFE IN YOU YET *

* I KNOW YOU HAVE
A LOT OF STRENGTH LEFT *

* I SHOULD BE CRYIN'

* BUT I JUST CAN'T
LET IT SHOW *

* I SHOULD BE HOPIN',
BUT I CAN'T STOP THINKIN' *

* OF ALL THE THINGS
I SHOULD HAVE SAID *

* THAT I NEVER SAID

* ALL THE THINGS
WE SHOULD HAVE DONE *

* THAT WE NEVER DID

* ALL THE THINGS
I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN *

* BUT I DIDN'T

* OH, DARLIN'

* MAKE IT GO

* MAKE IT GO AWAY

* GIVE ME THESE
MOMENTS BACK *

* GIVE THEM BACK

* TO ME

* GIVE ME
THAT LITTLE KISS *

* GIVE ME YOUR HAND

* I KNOW YOU HAVE
A LOT OF STRENGTH LEFT *

* I KNOW YOU HAVE
A LITTLE LIFE IN YOU YET *

* I KNOW YOU HAVE
A LOT OF STRENGTH LEFT *

* I SHOULD BE CRYIN',
BUT I JUST CAN'T LET IT SHOW *

* I SHOULD BE HOPIN',
BUT I CAN'T STOP THINKIN' *

* OF ALL THE THINGS
WE SHOULD HAVE SAID *

* THAT WE NEVER SAID

* ALL THE THINGS
WE SHOULD HAVE DONE *

* THAT WE NEVER DID

* ALL THE THINGS
THAT YOU NEEDED FROM ME *

* ALL THE THINGS THAT
YOU WANTED FOR ME *

* ALL THE THINGS
I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN *

* BUT I DIDN'T

* OH, DARLIN',
MAKE IT GO AWAY *

* JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY

* NOW

HI, SWEETIE.

I DIDN'T WANT
ANYBODY ELSE TO TELL YOU.

BABE, IT'S A BOY.

WHAT?

WE HAVE A BOY.

* I CAN HEAR HER HEARTBEAT
FOR 1,000 MILES *

HE'S OK?

* AND THE HEAVENS OPEN

* EVERY TIME SHE SMILES

* AND WHEN I COME TO HER

* THAT'S WHERE I BELONG

* YES, I'M RUNNIN' TO HER

* LIKE A RIVER'S SONG

* SHE GIVES ME LOVE

I LOVE YOU.

* CRAZY LOVE

* SHE GIVES ME LOVE

* CRAZY

* LOVE

AND IN THE END,

I REALIZED I TOOK
MORE THAN I GAVE,

THAT I WAS TRUSTED
MORE THAN I TRUSTED,

THAT I WAS LOVED
MORE THAN I LOVED.

WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR
WAS NOT TO BE FOUND...

BUT TO BE MADE.

* SHE GIVE ME
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE *

* CRAZY LOVE

* SHE GIVE ME LOVE

* CRAZY

* CRAZY LOVE

* AH, CRAZY LOVE

HOW ABOUT
A NICE, SIMPLE NAME?

LARRY.

BOB.

IF IT'S A BOY,
NAME IT AFTER ME.

RUSSELL.

JEFFERSON JUNIOR?

GEORGE.

ARNOLD?
CALEB.

IAN.
MARK.

MARMADUKE.

OTTO. NOT ENOUGH OTTOS.

DOUGLAS?
REGINALD.

IGOR.
HYMAN.

SCHWOCK. DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT IS.

HEARD IT ON A BUS.

DAVID.
Both: ALFRED.

IRWIN.
MELONHEAD OR LIZARD.

HUEY.

BASIL.
ROLAND?

HMM...NAMES FOR A BOY?

MY WIFE'S PARTIAL
TO BOR-BOR.

JASON?
JEROME.

VLADIMIR.
MAXIMILLIAN.

NICHOLAS.
ABNER.

JOHANN.
MICHAEL.

UH, CRYOBORG, GANDORF,
KLAUS, VALDOR, SLAGATHOR...

UH, SLAGGY FOR SHORT.

RUDOLPH.
PETER.
ASHLEY.

I'VE LIKED FOR YEARS
QUEEG, BLIGH,

NARGALZIUS, ROLO,
AND VORTEGUR.

JEAN-MARC.
Both: MOHAMMED.

MELVIN.
MILTON.
DUANE.

KLAUS.
TOBY? KIND OF SISSY.

BUT OK,
HE'LL BE A PRIEST.

BLIND BOYD GRUNT.

JASPER.

OPIE?
WALTER.

IF YOU WANT TO TORMENT HIM,
CALL HIM CECIL.

CHARLIE.
Both: TERRENCE.

CHARLIE THE FIRST.

GEORGE.
HARRY.

LARRY.
REUBEN.

YOU COULD GO SILLY

AND CALL HIM, UH, SKIPPY.

WHEELER.
JIM.

WINTHROP.

BARNEY IS A GOOD NAME.

GROVER.

ALVIN.
ELLIOT.

LINUS.
ROSCOE?

KERWIN.
KIOSHIAMAMOTO.

PATRICK.
LITTLE SUCK.

DASHIEL.
FRED.

ORBY LEE.
JASPER.

JAZZ. J-A-Z-Z.

GUIDO.
HORATIO.

BABY MAGIC.

WHO WOULDN'T LOVE THAT?

EVERYBODY WOULD. I WOULD.

SPIKE.
ADOLPH.

CHRIS.
MARK.

UH, MUCUS.

MUCUS?

WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?

CONAN.

WHAT ABOUT BILLY?

MMM, I LIKE BILLY.

BUNKY.
BEAUFORD.

BREWSTER.
BERTULUCCI.

BARNEY.
BASIL.

BUTCH.
BORIS.
BEAUREGARD.

BELLAWACKADAYFORLONGER-
AMSTERDAMANDASHQUININA.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

UH...

All: SO WHAT'S WRONG
WITH MY NAME?

DID WE SAY
CHRISTOPHER YET?

YEAH.

I LIKE CHRISTOPHER.

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.

* ALL CHANGE,
SHE'S HAVING A BABY *

* ALL CHANGE,
SHE'S HAVING A BABY *

* MIXED DRINKS
AND MIXED EMOTIONS *

* YOU FEEL THE BEAT
OF A BRAND-NEW HEART *

* ALL CHANGE,
SHE'S HAVING A BABY *

* IT DRAWS YOU CLOSE
AS IT TEARS YOU APART *

* WILL IT BE
A BOY OR A GIRL *

* AND WHAT WILL IT MAKE
OF THE WORLD *

* ALL CHANGE,
SHE'S HAVING A BABY *

* ALL CHANGE,
SHE'S HAVING A BABY *

* ALL CHANGE,
SHE'S HAVING A BABY *

* ALL CHANGE,
SHE'S HAVING A BABY *

* ALL CHANGE,
SHE'S HAVING A BABY... *

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