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1
00:00:01,252 --> 00:00:04,088
(dramatic music)
2
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
4
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:26,735
- Hot dog.
5
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,543
- I'd like one with
onions, please.
6
00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:51,385
- Hi.
7
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,719
Nice day, huh?
8
00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:02,771
Thank you.
9
00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:14,492
♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪
10
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,953
♪ Take your baby to the flicks ♪
11
00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:21,040
♪ That's where you
can be together ♪
12
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,502
♪ That's where you
can get your kicks ♪
13
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:27,755
♪ Sit her in a back row ♪
14
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:31,050
♪ Where the lights are low ♪
15
00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:34,095
♪ Pick yourself a
double feature ♪
16
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:37,348
♪ To the movie pics, go ♪
17
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:41,102
♪ If your baby wants a lolly ♪
18
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,021
♪ Buy her one or even two ♪
19
00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:47,108
♪ And when she has
got that lolly ♪
20
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,528
♪ There is one
thing you can do ♪
21
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:53,656
♪ Put your arms around her ♪
22
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:57,201
♪ Hold her oh so tight ♪
23
00:01:57,535 --> 00:02:00,246
♪ You can give a
star performance ♪
24
00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:03,958
♪ On the movie pics night ♪
25
00:02:31,402 --> 00:02:34,155
♪ Billy Fury, Adam Faith ♪
26
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,867
♪ And Frank Sinatra, too ♪
27
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,870
♪ They will make your
partners cuddle ♪
28
00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:44,039
♪ Oh so close to you ♪
29
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,625
♪ Shirley McClain is swinging ♪
30
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:49,336
♪ And Cliff Richard
and his boys ♪
31
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,464
♪ So, take your
baby to the movies ♪
32
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:55,801
♪ And take your choice ♪
33
00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:59,221
♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪
34
00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:02,474
♪ Take your baby to the flicks ♪
35
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,561
♪ That's where you
can be together ♪
36
00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:08,189
♪ That's where you
can get your kicks ♪
37
00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:12,276
♪ Sit her in a back row ♪
38
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:15,362
♪ Where the lights are low ♪
39
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,782
♪ Pick yourself a
double feature ♪
40
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:22,119
♪ To the movie pics, go ♪
41
00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:25,623
♪ If your baby wants a lolly ♪
42
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:29,001
♪ Buy her one or even two ♪
43
00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:32,254
♪ And when she has
got her lolly ♪
44
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:35,424
♪ There is one
thing you can do ♪
45
00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:38,719
♪ Put your arms around her ♪
46
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,972
♪ Hold her oh so tight ♪
47
00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:45,267
♪ You can give a
star performance ♪
48
00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:48,646
♪ On a movie pics night ♪
49
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:52,107
♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪
50
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:55,402
♪ Get your action
at the movies ♪
51
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,781
♪ Swinging music at the movies ♪
52
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:00,532
♪ You and your ♪
53
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,702
♪ Baby at the movies ♪
54
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,629
♪ New York, New York,
it's a hell of a town ♪
55
00:04:13,963 --> 00:04:16,215
♪ The taxis got off
and Yorkers go down ♪
56
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,009
♪ Do do do do dee do do ♪
57
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:20,678
♪ New York, New York ♪
58
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,597
(whimsical music)
59
00:04:32,815 --> 00:04:33,482
Dive,
60
00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:34,816
dive!
61
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,779
Motherfucker. (chuckles)
62
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:39,697
Hey.
63
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,282
Are you guys the
64
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,159
Creative Concepts
Systems and Procedures
65
00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:46,370
Brothers Unlimited, Inc?
66
00:04:46,704 --> 00:04:47,955
- [All] Yeah, that's us.
67
00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:51,041
- Good, 'cause I have
a telegram for you.
68
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,335
♪ We don't look related ♪
69
00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:54,712
♪ But we're very elated ♪
70
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,131
♪ And we're greatly
understated when we say ♪
71
00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:00,092
♪ We're the Creative Concepts
Systems and Procedures ♪
72
00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:04,221
♪ Brothers Unlimited
Inc., what do you think ♪
73
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:05,795
♪ This gentleman's our father ♪
74
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,349
♪ And we know that
he would rather ♪
75
00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,852
♪ Never say how many
wives it took to make ♪
76
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,938
♪ The Creative Concepts
Systems and Procedures ♪
77
00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:16,900
♪ Brothers Unlimited
Inc., what do you think ♪
78
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:18,527
♪ I married a career girl ♪
79
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:20,029
♪ He married a career girl ♪
80
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,642
♪ Two virgins and three tramps ♪
81
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:23,019
♪ Two virgins and three tramps ♪
82
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,409
♪ By the time this
one came along ♪
83
00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:28,662
♪ I was so old they
called me gramps ♪
84
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,332
♪ These two are legit ♪
85
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,251
♪ This one's a little shit ♪
86
00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:35,645
♪ And I know that
there are others ♪
87
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,087
♪ Who certainly are brothers ♪
88
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,421
♪ But not ♪
89
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,112
♪ The Creative
Concepts Systems and ♪
90
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,468
(singing gibberish)
91
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,803
♪ What do you think ♪
92
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:46,847
♪ We weren't born with smarts ♪
93
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,849
♪ But we got six
balls, three hearts ♪
94
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:52,311
♪ So the brothers got
together and formed ♪
95
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,439
(singing gibberish)
96
00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:58,901
♪ What do you think ♪
97
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:02,154
♪ Remember that day
we met Mr. Big ♪
98
00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:04,740
♪ That day we met a man, yeah ♪
99
00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:07,451
♪ They called the Money Man ♪
100
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:12,581
♪ He gave us half a million
for a plan to start ♪
101
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,377
♪ The Creative Concepts
Systems and Procedures ♪
102
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,755
♪ Brothers Unlimited
Inc., what do you think ♪
103
00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:23,550
♪ We arty and creative ♪
104
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:28,680
♪ And smartly innovative ♪
105
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:34,978
♪ We believe in nepotism ♪
106
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:39,566
♪ Oh, good morning Mrs. Prism ♪
107
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,443
♪ We're the one and only ♪
108
00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:42,817
♪ I'll never be a lonely ♪
109
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:43,903
♪ I gotta work ♪
110
00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,406
♪ Getting unemployment ♪
111
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,991
♪ A junkie, a drunk,
living in a bunk ♪
112
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,368
♪ I'm lucky to be ♪
113
00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:50,701
♪ Single and free ♪
114
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,037
♪ Our mothers must be proud ♪
115
00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:53,371
♪ For crying out loud ♪
116
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:54,622
♪ I got you ♪
117
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:55,707
♪ You got me ♪
118
00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:57,167
♪ We have us ♪
119
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:58,502
♪ Are we ♪
120
00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:03,257
♪ Together we make three ♪
121
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:08,387
♪ We're the The
Creative Concepts ♪
122
00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:11,890
♪ Systems and Procedures ♪
123
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:15,519
♪ Brothers Unlimited Inc. ♪
124
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:19,648
♪ What do you think ♪
125
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,067
♪ I need a drink ♪
126
00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,153
(whimsical music)
127
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,713
- Gentlemen, I call this meeting
128
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,739
to discuss our deteriorating
financial situation.
129
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,533
- What about our league?
130
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,661
- Face it, Ned, Big League
Bocce is not going to catch on.
131
00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,496
We're broke, gentlemen.
132
00:07:34,830 --> 00:07:35,956
- We mustn't give up.
133
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,709
Big League Bocce's
gonna sweep the country.
134
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,462
Just ask Mr. Big to
give us more time.
135
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,795
- Yeah, Red's right.
136
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,466
After all, we named
the league after him.
137
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,302
- Yeah, we still
got one team left.
138
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,554
Thank God for the
Greensboro Pisanos
139
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,490
- But if there's
only one team left,
140
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:53,514
who are they gonna play?
141
00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:54,600
- You're so negative.
142
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,059
- Ah, fuck you.
143
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,520
- Hey, what about this telegram?
144
00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:01,064
First you sing, then you talk.
145
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,233
You want this telegram or what?
146
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,068
- I'll take that, young man.
147
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,112
(gasps)
148
00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:08,446
- What's up, Fred?
149
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,199
- It's from the
Greensboro Pisanos.
150
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,366
- Well?
151
00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:14,953
- Fangul, y'all, we quit.
152
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:20,501
Gentlemen, it's all over.
(phone rings)
153
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,170
- Creative Concepts
Systems and Procedures
154
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:25,005
Brothers Unlimited Inc.
155
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:27,799
Home of Big League
Bocce, now defunct.
156
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,510
Miss Bliss speaking.
157
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,011
May I help you?
158
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,890
Fred, it's Mr. Big.
(dramatic music)
159
00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,059
(gasps)
160
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:40,771
I'm sorry, he's having a
heart attack right now.
161
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,481
May I take a message.
162
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:46,278
- [Mr. Big] They don't
get the half million to me
163
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,112
in 24 hours, I'll
take them one by one
164
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,156
and blow their
fucking brains out.
165
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,534
- We'll see that he
gets the message.
166
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:54,952
And thank you for calling.
167
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:57,079
Say hello to Mrs. Big.
168
00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:58,412
Bye.
169
00:08:58,622 --> 00:08:59,623
You guys is dead.
170
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:00,957
- Don't say that.
171
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,085
We still got a whole day.
172
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,504
- We've got to make
a fortune fast.
173
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,172
Let's sell real estate.
174
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:09,132
- Too risky.
- What about heroine?
175
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,593
- Too much government
competition.
176
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:13,011
Any other ideas?
177
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:16,348
(all talking at once)
178
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,474
- Hold it.
179
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:19,226
Hold it!
180
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:22,187
(beeping music)
181
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:24,717
You guys are
creative, aren't you?
182
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:25,983
- Sure.
- Yeah.
183
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,359
- Goddamn right.
184
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:30,195
- Well, there's only one way
to make that kind of money
185
00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:31,780
in 24 hours.
186
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:35,242
Make a porno flick.
187
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,743
A dirty movie.
188
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,245
You'll clean up.
189
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,747
- But we don't know
nothing about movie making.
190
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,791
- Aw, with some
technical assistance,
191
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,752
you can put together
a dynamite fuck film.
192
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:50,048
What you need is
lots of raunchy sex,
193
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,509
plenty of sucking and fucking.
194
00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:54,886
- Yeah, maybe even a plot.
195
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,305
- Terrific Red.
196
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:57,973
- Nah, nah, nah.
197
00:09:58,307 --> 00:10:01,310
You need plenty of hardcore sex.
198
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:02,644
(all panting)
199
00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,354
Close ups.
200
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,273
(all gasping)
201
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:07,607
Penetration.
202
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,944
- Whoa!
- Moaning and groaning.
203
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,278
- Oh yeah.
204
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,238
- Now.
205
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,158
Here's an idea.
206
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,827
You got this girl, see,
207
00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:21,038
and she's all alone,
208
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:25,292
practically.
(whimsical music)
209
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,961
(sexy music)
210
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:41,016
- Another lonely Saturday night.
211
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,350
Stood up again.
212
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,686
Men are so horrid.
213
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:49,441
(mellow music)
214
00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,277
(dog grunting)
215
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,370
- Oh, but I couldn't.
216
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:03,664
You're a dog.
217
00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,124
- So.
218
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,127
I've had all my shots.
219
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:10,796
I'm attractive,
220
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,674
and I'm a purebred cocker.
- You are.
221
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,134
You're beautiful.
222
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:18,887
- And easy to please.
223
00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:20,347
Discreet.
224
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,891
You don't have to do
a thing, sweetheart.
225
00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:25,102
Fido will take care of you.
226
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:26,436
Come on, baby.
227
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:31,733
♪ Come as you are ♪
228
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,819
♪ Just take it a little closer ♪
229
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:37,322
♪ To your situation ♪
230
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:41,910
♪ Following the
way that you feel ♪
231
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:44,454
♪ The way you writhe ♪
232
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:47,416
♪ A little closer ♪
233
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:51,169
♪ Get yourself to
something on me ♪
234
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:56,258
♪ 'Cause baby we got something ♪
235
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:02,347
♪ Something we both can't hide ♪
236
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:07,477
♪ Oh, it's so good ♪
237
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:12,524
♪ You're good ♪
238
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:16,319
♪ We got a good thing going on ♪
239
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:17,653
- Oh, yes, Fido.
240
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:20,698
Speak, speak.
241
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:22,658
Yes.
242
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:23,784
Yes.
243
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:29,374
(moaning) Oh, Fido,
you're such a beast.
244
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:37,048
(howling)
(screaming)
245
00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:43,096
♪ I got something ♪
246
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:47,559
- You really are a
girl's best friend.
247
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:54,524
♪ We got something ♪
248
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:59,905
♪ You got a good
thing going on ♪
249
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:03,784
♪ We got a good thing going on ♪
250
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:09,663
- [All] Oh.
251
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,541
- Sexy, huh?
252
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,252
And you can bet your ass
every guy in the audience
253
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:17,255
is gonna be identifying
with that dog.
254
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:18,965
- Just a moment, boys.
255
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,179
We'll get a lot of heat
from the Humane Society.
256
00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:22,510
- Yeah, Fred's right.
257
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,054
- What about you, Gramps.
258
00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:25,387
Got any ideas?
259
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,098
- I've got some great ideas.
260
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:28,475
How about this.
261
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,018
Guy's walking down the street,
262
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:32,812
sees a sign,
263
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:34,940
goes in.
264
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,526
(upbeat music)
265
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,051
Hot shit!
266
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,472
(clears throat)
267
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,099
Excuse me,
268
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:11,518
I'm a little
embarrassed about this,
269
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:16,189
but who do I see about
taking nude photographs.
270
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:19,776
Ooh. (giggles)
271
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,790
- Well, you came to
the right place, honey.
272
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,572
Is there anymore
at home like you?
273
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,105
- Well, I...
- I don't see him.
274
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:26,842
Girls get a load of
what just walked in.
275
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,033
- Oh my goodness.
276
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:29,619
- Oh my god.
- Yeah.
277
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,290
- My worthless life has meaning.
278
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,458
- Wait a minute,
now wait a minute.
279
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,794
I'm supposed to take
pictures of you.
280
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,089
What about the money?
281
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,633
- Well, here's a 50.
282
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:45,635
Lie down on the table, honey.
283
00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:46,969
This won't hurt a bit.
284
00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:50,432
- Oh, oh, hey wait... (giggling)
285
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,642
Oh, please, oh, my heart.
286
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:58,148
- Yahoo, it's a big one!
287
00:14:58,481 --> 00:14:59,900
- My blood pressure,
ooh. (giggling)
288
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,985
Oh, oh.
- Don't be a pig.
289
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,030
How do you like it, Gramps?
290
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:08,533
- Oh, I like it like that,
but what about the pictures?
291
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:12,162
Ooh, oh, my heart. (giggling)
292
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,663
Oh, that's nice.
293
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:16,750
(Gramps moaning)
294
00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,340
Yahoo!
- Here we go again!
295
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:28,053
- I got this side.
(giggling)
296
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,680
(laughing)
297
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,054
- Well, how'd you like it?
298
00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:34,517
- Well, it's a swell
fantasy, Gramps,
299
00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,519
but it's just not believable.
300
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:37,955
The audience will never buy it.
301
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,314
- What do you mean?
302
00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:41,650
It happened to me
twice just last week.
303
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:44,819
- Ooh, ooh, I got an
idea for the flick.
304
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,154
- Yeah, here it comes.
305
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:47,928
- Well, everyone's
been in a hospital
306
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,950
and had those fantasies,
307
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,619
thinking of the nurses,
whacking off in bed.
308
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:53,953
(chuckling)
309
00:15:54,079 --> 00:15:55,664
- I never whack off in bed.
310
00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,707
I think it's depraved.
- Nah, fuck you.
311
00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:00,835
- Well, anyway, here's the idea.
312
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:03,630
Guy's just waking up
from an operation.
313
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:04,964
See?
314
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,591
He's groggy.
315
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:08,134
Just coming to, see.
316
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,805
And he starts calling, see.
317
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,185
Nurse, nurse.
318
00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:19,437
(groaning) Nurse.
319
00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:20,897
- It's all right, sir.
320
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:22,440
Nurse is here.
321
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,776
What is it?
- I'm sinking fast.
322
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:27,654
- Yes, I know.
- I only have a few minutes.
323
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:30,657
- Poor thing.
- I'm so horny.
324
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:31,991
Help me.
325
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,535
Please.
326
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:35,662
- Oh, you poor sick thing.
327
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:40,542
Well, Nurse McPringle never
shrinks from a challenge,
328
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,546
no matter how big.
329
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,552
(Red groaning)
330
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,653
- [Red] Yes, nurse, ah.
331
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:10,947
Yes! (moaning)
332
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:16,077
(both moaning)
("William Tell's Overture")
333
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,333
I'm coming!
334
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,919
(both moaning)
335
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:29,299
Oh, that's it.
336
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:33,845
(both moaning)
("William Tell's Overture")
337
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:38,058
- What's going on in there?
- Oops!
338
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:42,270
Some poor devil is suffering.
339
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:45,774
- Doctor, who was
that masked lady.
340
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,776
I wanted to thank her.
341
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:51,279
- Why sir, that
was no masked lady.
342
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,406
That was the head nurse.
343
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,992
(Red groaning)
344
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,914
("William Tell's Overture")
345
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:02,873
- Down.
346
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,462
Down boy, down, big fella.
(horse neighing)
347
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:08,838
Whoa!
348
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:13,968
Whoa!
("William Tell's Overture")
349
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,515
(laughing)
350
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:20,308
- My idea was right.
351
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:23,061
- Now, that's box
office, I tell ya.
352
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:25,814
A first class motion picture.
353
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:28,608
- Gummy Pachino.
(laughing)
354
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,531
- I've an idea for a picture.
355
00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:41,830
A porno monster
thriller (laughing)
356
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:43,414
about a blowfish.
357
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:48,545
(laughing)
(suspenseful music)
358
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:07,063
Who sucks off on weary swimmers.
359
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:13,278
Can't you see that
fucking fish? (laughing)
360
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:18,408
(upbeat music)
(swimmer groaning)
361
00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:36,425
(laughing)
362
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:41,431
- We'll title it as
Deep Trout. (laughing)
363
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,475
(upbeat music)
364
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,692
- Gentlemen, we're just
floundering around here.
365
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,461
It seems clear we've
reached the point
366
00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,845
where we need
technical assistance.
367
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,281
- I know just the man you need.
368
00:19:58,615 --> 00:19:59,866
Give me that phone.
369
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,160
Person to person to
Federico Gepetto.
370
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:06,372
Met Gepetto on the beach at
Anzio during the big one.
371
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,583
We surrendered to each
other immediately,
372
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:11,085
and we've been fast
friends ever since.
373
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:11,878
Huh?
374
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,504
Well, Prado to you to.
375
00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:14,839
Hey, Gepetto!
376
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,424
Oh, it's me,
377
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,343
Grandpa.
378
00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,345
Yeah, it sure has
been a long time.
379
00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:23,348
Listen, I got a
job for you to do.
380
00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:25,808
Hop on a plane
and get over here.
381
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:26,601
And hurry.
382
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:27,935
Ciao.
383
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:30,939
- Hey, you guys,
384
00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:33,358
now all you need is a
first-class cameraman.
385
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,818
I know just where
we can dig one up.
386
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:37,362
- Listen to me, all of you.
387
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,739
I have to be in this film.
388
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,783
I wanna be the star.
389
00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:43,576
I need a chance.
390
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,453
Give me the chance.
391
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,187
- I'm sure you're
aware, Miss Bliss,
392
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,333
that we can't hire an
actress without (giggling)
393
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:51,667
an audition.
394
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,419
- I understand.
395
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,713
("William Tell's Overture")
Come and get it, boys!
396
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,173
- [Ned] Oh, baby!
397
00:20:57,507 --> 00:21:02,178
("William Tell's Overture")
(everyone shouting)
398
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,640
- Wait a minute!
399
00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:09,477
Either one of you guys
left your cock in there,
400
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,562
or Miss Bliss is a boy.
401
00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:13,481
- Nobody's perfect.
402
00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:16,985
(depressing music)
403
00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:19,362
♪ I'm singing in the pain ♪
404
00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,614
♪ Just singing in the rain ♪
405
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:25,118
♪ I'm only happy
when I'm in pain ♪
406
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,036
(doorbell chimes)
407
00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:28,746
Alas, step right up here, sir.
408
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,040
Welcome to the Pleasure Chest.
409
00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:33,918
- Uh, I'm looking
for an old friend,
410
00:21:34,252 --> 00:21:35,378
a guy named...
- Eh no, no,
411
00:21:35,712 --> 00:21:38,214
there's no need for pretense.
412
00:21:38,548 --> 00:21:41,009
With us, it's not
just hit and miss.
413
00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:45,013
Perhaps I can interest you in
some of our erotic devices.
414
00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:48,349
Now, here's a genuine
French tickler.
415
00:21:48,683 --> 00:21:50,476
A steal at two bucks.
416
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:51,810
- Uh, I don't think so.
417
00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:54,480
I'm really looking for a...
- How 'bout
418
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:57,942
the all electric You
Whack-It Masturbator.
419
00:21:58,276 --> 00:22:00,570
It's guaranteed for
a full 20 minutes.
420
00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:03,031
- I swear to God, I'm
looking for an old friend.
421
00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:03,906
- A guy named...
- No, no.
422
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,118
No need to feel ill at ease.
423
00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:08,870
We're bound to please.
424
00:22:09,203 --> 00:22:10,705
I'm here to help you.
425
00:22:11,039 --> 00:22:14,334
Is there anything I can do to
make you feel uncomfortable?
426
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,669
Perhaps bondage is your game.
427
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:19,547
The soft supple feel of leather.
428
00:22:19,881 --> 00:22:22,175
We're fully stocked
with restraints,
429
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:25,970
shackles, hooks, clips,
Spanish handcuffs,
430
00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:31,100
studded collars, all manner
of demonic devices to inflict
431
00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:35,521
pleasurable punishment up
to and including death.
432
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:37,065
- Jesus.
433
00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:38,918
Look, I'm trying to
locate an old buddy
434
00:22:38,983 --> 00:22:40,443
who used to be a movie cameraman
435
00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:42,403
named Lash.
- Why, that's me!
436
00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:43,737
I'm Lash.
437
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,656
- Hey, old buddy,
it's me, Jimmy.
438
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:47,742
I didn't recognize
you without your hood.
439
00:22:48,076 --> 00:22:49,285
- We know each other?
440
00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:50,661
- Sure, from the old days.
441
00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:52,538
You were directing
Army training films.
442
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:55,875
I was a key grip.
- Ah, Army training films.
443
00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:57,335
Now, those were actors
444
00:22:57,668 --> 00:22:59,670
who understood the
meaning of discipline.
445
00:23:00,004 --> 00:23:00,630
Hi-yah!
446
00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:01,964
Hi-yah!
447
00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:05,468
Cat of nine tails,
it's an enforcer.
448
00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:06,802
Hmm, hmm?
449
00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,388
We ship
450
00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:09,721
anywhere.
451
00:23:10,014 --> 00:23:11,933
- No, listen, Lash,
we need your help.
452
00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:14,519
I'm working with a bunch of
greenhorns on a fuck film.
453
00:23:14,852 --> 00:23:15,892
We need a great cameraman.
454
00:23:16,187 --> 00:23:17,438
How about it?
455
00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:18,772
- No.
456
00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:20,733
I'm through with the business.
457
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:22,787
- For old time's sake,
piece of the picture?
458
00:23:23,027 --> 00:23:24,027
- Never.
459
00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:25,405
I'm not even for points.
460
00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:29,450
I have been pushing these
prurient interests, amorous
461
00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:32,537
bullshit, for years now,
462
00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:33,910
and I couldn't be happier.
463
00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:37,792
Get into plastics, kid,
you'll make a fortune.
464
00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:39,544
- But the actors need you.
465
00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:41,671
They need that
professional touch.
466
00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:43,004
- Sorry.
467
00:23:43,214 --> 00:23:45,049
- They need inspiration
and organization.
468
00:23:45,383 --> 00:23:46,843
- Forget it, sweetheart.
469
00:23:47,176 --> 00:23:49,720
- More than anything
else, Lash, they need
470
00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:52,807
discipline.
- Why didn't you say so?
471
00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:53,808
I'm your boy.
472
00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:55,184
Get me a cab.
473
00:23:55,518 --> 00:23:56,811
Call me a taxi.
- You're a taxi.
474
00:23:58,146 --> 00:24:00,982
- Hi-yah, hi-ya!
(Jimmy groaning)
475
00:24:01,315 --> 00:24:03,901
(whimsical music)
476
00:24:06,988 --> 00:24:08,656
- Gepetto!
- Grandpa!
477
00:24:08,990 --> 00:24:10,825
(laughing)
478
00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:16,873
(speaking foreign language)
- Ah, and this
479
00:24:17,206 --> 00:24:18,666
must be Pinocchio.
480
00:24:20,084 --> 00:24:21,878
- How do you do, sir?
481
00:24:22,211 --> 00:24:25,131
- [Gramps] Well, feel free
to nose around, little boy
482
00:24:25,465 --> 00:24:26,465
- Ooh!
483
00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:28,676
- My Pinocchio, he's
a such a good boy.
484
00:24:29,010 --> 00:24:30,010
- Oh!
485
00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:33,514
Pinocchio, you're so good.
486
00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:38,728
- See, everybody say so.
487
00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:40,688
So, you make a film.
488
00:24:41,022 --> 00:24:42,857
Where's your stars?
- Me, me!
489
00:24:43,733 --> 00:24:44,775
I'm the star.
490
00:24:45,902 --> 00:24:46,569
- One star?
491
00:24:46,903 --> 00:24:48,779
Huh, we need more.
492
00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:49,739
Many more.
493
00:24:50,114 --> 00:24:51,741
But not to worry.
494
00:24:52,074 --> 00:24:55,786
Federico creates his own
stars from a-scratch.
495
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:58,456
I carve them from
my own imagination.
496
00:24:58,789 --> 00:25:01,125
- Ah, you should be aware
that we're in a bit of a rush.
497
00:25:01,459 --> 00:25:03,169
Our very lives are at stake.
498
00:25:03,503 --> 00:25:04,629
- So.
499
00:25:04,962 --> 00:25:05,630
Rapido.
500
00:25:05,963 --> 00:25:08,216
Pinocchio, read-a the list.
501
00:25:08,549 --> 00:25:10,551
- All right you guys,
here's what we need.
502
00:25:10,885 --> 00:25:11,885
Clay.
- Clay.
503
00:25:12,011 --> 00:25:12,637
- Wood.
- Wood.
504
00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:14,305
- Nails.
- Nails.
505
00:25:14,639 --> 00:25:16,799
- 10 miles of blue chiffon.
- 10 miles of blue chiffon.
506
00:25:17,225 --> 00:25:20,686
- Two miles of foam rubber.
- Two miles of foam rubber.
507
00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:23,856
Elmer's glue, paste,
508
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:27,735
plenty of scotch tape,
a gallon of Vaseline...
509
00:25:28,069 --> 00:25:30,613
- And all the dildos you
can get your hands on.
510
00:25:30,947 --> 00:25:33,491
- [Miss Bliss] I have all
those things in my desk.
511
00:25:33,824 --> 00:25:34,824
- So, we begin.
512
00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:37,745
(dramatic music)
513
00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:47,588
(machine whirring)
(Gepetto humming)
514
00:25:51,634 --> 00:25:53,844
Foam, foam, I need more foam.
515
00:25:54,929 --> 00:25:57,098
(materials crashing)
Ah!
516
00:25:57,431 --> 00:25:58,808
Nobody likes a smart ass.
517
00:26:00,434 --> 00:26:03,020
(dramatic music)
518
00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:12,029
- How you like my
cock ring, honey?
519
00:26:12,363 --> 00:26:14,407
You wanna try it on for size?
520
00:26:15,116 --> 00:26:17,118
I knew you'd like
it. (chuckling)
521
00:26:17,451 --> 00:26:19,787
Now, get rid of that
other thing, come on.
522
00:26:20,121 --> 00:26:21,914
Look, what's your
favorite there?
523
00:26:22,248 --> 00:26:23,708
You see one you like?
524
00:26:25,042 --> 00:26:27,795
Ooh, ooh, watch out,
watch out, my ears.
525
00:26:31,882 --> 00:26:33,801
That's what I call head.
526
00:26:35,428 --> 00:26:37,805
(upbeat music)
527
00:26:44,145 --> 00:26:45,145
- Is this a joke?
528
00:26:45,980 --> 00:26:47,773
Who made these tits?
529
00:26:48,107 --> 00:26:50,693
I wouldn't be caught
dead in these tits.
530
00:26:51,027 --> 00:26:53,195
- Rest easy, Belissima.
531
00:26:53,529 --> 00:26:54,989
You not finished yet.
532
00:26:55,323 --> 00:26:57,199
You gonna be lovely.
533
00:26:58,242 --> 00:27:01,704
- Hey, you pretty
sexy for a old guy.
534
00:27:02,038 --> 00:27:03,038
You wanna party?
535
00:27:03,289 --> 00:27:06,751
(whimsical music)
536
00:27:07,084 --> 00:27:08,085
- Uh, Gepetto?
537
00:27:10,046 --> 00:27:11,046
- No.
538
00:27:13,549 --> 00:27:14,884
No, that's all wrong.
539
00:27:20,681 --> 00:27:21,349
- Thank you.
540
00:27:21,682 --> 00:27:22,682
Thank you, Rabbi.
541
00:27:24,060 --> 00:27:26,145
(humming)
542
00:27:32,109 --> 00:27:35,154
♪ I'll be loving you ♪
543
00:27:36,739 --> 00:27:39,408
(whimsical music)
544
00:27:42,787 --> 00:27:45,915
- Here it is, Gepetto.
- Oh, thank you.
545
00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:52,880
Hey, where's your
fairy godmother?
546
00:27:53,214 --> 00:27:53,839
Who's a make?
547
00:27:54,173 --> 00:27:55,173
Listen what I say.
548
00:27:55,216 --> 00:27:56,884
All of my films had
a fairy godmother,
549
00:27:57,218 --> 00:27:59,679
and they all were hits.
- Attention everyone.
550
00:28:00,012 --> 00:28:02,293
If he wants a fairy godmother,
I think he should have one.
551
00:28:03,307 --> 00:28:04,892
- And who are you, madam?
552
00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:09,063
- I'm the secretary for Urban
Women for Decent Pornography.
553
00:28:09,397 --> 00:28:10,856
- You're in the wrong movie.
554
00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:12,190
Get out.
555
00:28:12,316 --> 00:28:13,502
- You're obviously
a woman of taste.
556
00:28:13,526 --> 00:28:14,526
You stay.
557
00:28:15,486 --> 00:28:16,529
The work is a finitio.
558
00:28:17,571 --> 00:28:19,532
And there's our new star.
559
00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:23,244
(whimsical music)
560
00:28:27,081 --> 00:28:28,082
- Hi-yah!
561
00:28:28,416 --> 00:28:29,416
No talking.
562
00:28:29,709 --> 00:28:32,461
Listen and listen
good, you cretins.
563
00:28:32,795 --> 00:28:36,048
I'm here to whip this
porno film into shape.
564
00:28:36,382 --> 00:28:37,007
Places.
565
00:28:37,341 --> 00:28:38,968
Get this number on it's feet.
566
00:28:39,301 --> 00:28:40,302
Let's rehearse it first.
567
00:28:42,012 --> 00:28:45,474
♪ When I'm calling you ♪
568
00:28:45,808 --> 00:28:46,392
- Cut!
569
00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:47,727
Cut, cut!
570
00:28:48,060 --> 00:28:49,770
This is a porno flick.
571
00:28:50,104 --> 00:28:51,188
- Well, how about
572
00:28:51,522 --> 00:28:54,525
♪ When I'm balling you ♪
573
00:28:54,859 --> 00:28:57,153
- Very funny, Mary.
574
00:28:57,486 --> 00:28:58,904
I said quiet!
575
00:28:59,238 --> 00:29:00,656
Where is the number I wrote?
576
00:29:00,990 --> 00:29:01,990
Can they learn it?
577
00:29:02,199 --> 00:29:03,701
- Of course, they can.
578
00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:05,034
These are my stars.
579
00:29:08,247 --> 00:29:09,623
- Quim.
580
00:29:09,957 --> 00:29:11,125
- Quim.
581
00:29:11,459 --> 00:29:12,459
- Quim.
582
00:29:13,502 --> 00:29:16,964
(whimsical music)
583
00:29:17,298 --> 00:29:17,715
- Enough!
584
00:29:18,048 --> 00:29:19,048
Enough!
585
00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:20,885
Let's go for a take.
586
00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:22,218
Sound!
587
00:29:24,805 --> 00:29:26,056
- [Jimmy] Rolling.
588
00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:27,390
- Camera!
589
00:29:28,058 --> 00:29:30,019
Oh, fucking shit.
590
00:29:30,352 --> 00:29:32,313
- Where the hell is the...
591
00:29:32,646 --> 00:29:33,981
What the, speed...
592
00:29:34,315 --> 00:29:35,315
Found them.
593
00:29:35,566 --> 00:29:37,985
- Ready when you are, sailor.
594
00:29:38,319 --> 00:29:39,904
- Scene one.
595
00:29:40,237 --> 00:29:41,237
Take one.
596
00:29:41,906 --> 00:29:42,906
Action.
597
00:29:44,325 --> 00:29:47,036
(whimsical music)
598
00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:50,080
♪ Quim, ta ta ta ♪
599
00:29:50,414 --> 00:29:50,998
♪ Quim, ta ta ta ♪
600
00:29:51,332 --> 00:29:53,000
♪ Quivering quim ta ta ta ♪
601
00:29:53,334 --> 00:29:57,087
♪ I trust salacious,
contraciously slim ♪
602
00:29:57,421 --> 00:29:57,963
♪ Ha ha, quim, ♪
603
00:29:58,297 --> 00:29:58,923
♪ Ha ha, quim, ♪
604
00:29:59,256 --> 00:30:01,300
♪ A cavernous quim ♪
605
00:30:01,634 --> 00:30:05,513
♪ The thrill of fulfilling
is all up to him ♪
606
00:30:05,846 --> 00:30:07,681
♪ Ha ha, coos, coos ♪
607
00:30:08,015 --> 00:30:10,059
♪ They're glorious coos ♪
608
00:30:10,392 --> 00:30:11,936
♪ You could drive
me to madness ♪
609
00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:14,355
♪ For glorious coo, ha ha ha ♪
610
00:30:14,688 --> 00:30:15,688
♪ Cock ♪
611
00:30:15,856 --> 00:30:16,856
♪ Cock ♪
612
00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:20,277
? Haven't you had?
- Cut!
613
00:30:20,611 --> 00:30:21,904
Cut!
614
00:30:22,238 --> 00:30:25,032
Can't you creeps remember
my fucking choreography?
615
00:30:25,366 --> 00:30:27,243
- Of course I can, bitch.
616
00:30:28,118 --> 00:30:29,787
- Goddamn amateur.
617
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,164
We got this shit in a
can where it belongs.
618
00:30:32,498 --> 00:30:34,124
Let's move on.
619
00:30:34,458 --> 00:30:35,000
Sound.
620
00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:36,460
Camera!
621
00:30:36,794 --> 00:30:37,794
- Speed
622
00:30:38,796 --> 00:30:40,130
- Quaaludes.
623
00:30:40,464 --> 00:30:43,300
- Take it, sailor.
- Scene one, take two.
624
00:30:44,718 --> 00:30:45,718
Action.
625
00:30:47,096 --> 00:30:48,176
♪ Sweet peach, I pray you ♪
626
00:30:48,305 --> 00:30:49,366
♪ I can't wait to lay you ♪
627
00:30:49,390 --> 00:30:50,558
♪ Make a date my darling ♪
628
00:30:50,891 --> 00:30:51,891
♪ God, I want your body ♪
629
00:30:52,017 --> 00:30:56,605
♪ Let's run amok ♪
630
00:30:56,939 --> 00:30:59,233
♪ Breathing in your grass ♪
631
00:30:59,567 --> 00:31:01,569
♪ Why don't we fuck ♪
632
00:31:01,902 --> 00:31:05,489
♪ That's me too, God I want ♪
633
00:31:05,823 --> 00:31:06,240
? Your?
- Cut,
634
00:31:06,574 --> 00:31:07,574
cut, cut, cut, cut!
635
00:31:08,492 --> 00:31:11,120
I can't understand my lyrics.
636
00:31:11,453 --> 00:31:12,453
What is this horseshit?
637
00:31:12,580 --> 00:31:15,207
This is ridiculous poo poo.
638
00:31:15,541 --> 00:31:16,041
Hi-yah!
639
00:31:16,375 --> 00:31:18,836
What is this costume?
640
00:31:19,169 --> 00:31:21,005
There's no skin showing.
641
00:31:21,338 --> 00:31:22,338
Tacky, it's terrible.
642
00:31:22,423 --> 00:31:24,216
Oh, go away all of you.
643
00:31:24,550 --> 00:31:26,260
I can't even look
at you anymore.
644
00:31:26,594 --> 00:31:27,794
We'll finish this after lunch.
645
00:31:28,512 --> 00:31:29,930
Next number.
646
00:31:30,264 --> 00:31:31,932
Fluffer, fluffer
where is the fluffer?
647
00:31:32,266 --> 00:31:33,934
- [Fluffer] Coming, Lash.
648
00:31:35,311 --> 00:31:38,105
- Fluffer, my head
is killing me.
649
00:31:38,439 --> 00:31:39,857
- [Fluffer] Oh.
650
00:31:40,190 --> 00:31:44,987
(whimsical music)
(moaning)
651
00:32:12,473 --> 00:32:14,266
- Harder, do it harder.
652
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:16,185
Oh, thank you, thanks.
653
00:32:16,518 --> 00:32:21,315
(whimsical music)
(moaning)
654
00:32:22,274 --> 00:32:23,275
Oh, my Lipchitz.
655
00:32:23,609 --> 00:32:28,405
(whimsical music)
(moaning)
656
00:32:29,657 --> 00:32:32,201
Oh, love it, love it, love it!
657
00:32:32,534 --> 00:32:37,331
(whimsical music)
(moaning)
658
00:32:37,873 --> 00:32:38,873
Again, again.
659
00:32:42,419 --> 00:32:43,419
Oh, hit me, hit me.
660
00:32:44,421 --> 00:32:45,422
- Hmm, uh-uh.
661
00:32:46,382 --> 00:32:47,382
- It's gone.
662
00:32:47,549 --> 00:32:49,176
My headache is gone.
663
00:32:53,597 --> 00:32:56,183
(upbeat music)
664
00:33:02,356 --> 00:33:04,566
(groaning)
665
00:33:06,485 --> 00:33:08,153
- Uh, excuse me, Lash.
666
00:33:08,487 --> 00:33:10,173
Do you have a second to
take a look at a skit
667
00:33:10,197 --> 00:33:11,197
that Grandpa and I wrote?
668
00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:12,490
- I wrote most of it.
669
00:33:12,783 --> 00:33:14,118
- You did not.
670
00:33:14,451 --> 00:33:15,451
- Let's hear it.
671
00:33:16,620 --> 00:33:18,205
♪ That old black magic ♪
672
00:33:18,539 --> 00:33:20,332
You see, I'm a witch. (giggling)
673
00:33:20,666 --> 00:33:21,666
♪ That old black ♪
674
00:33:21,959 --> 00:33:25,629
Why, you may have
one wish granted.
675
00:33:25,963 --> 00:33:27,589
- I wish I had a dingle dangle
676
00:33:27,923 --> 00:33:30,009
that could touch the floor.
677
00:33:30,342 --> 00:33:31,342
(laughing)
678
00:33:31,635 --> 00:33:34,179
- So, the witch takes
a saw out of her dress
679
00:33:34,513 --> 00:33:35,764
and chops his legs off.
680
00:33:39,351 --> 00:33:41,270
And (laughing),
and then he says...
681
00:33:41,603 --> 00:33:42,604
- Holy shit.
682
00:33:42,938 --> 00:33:45,024
(laughing)
683
00:33:46,275 --> 00:33:47,419
- That's the worst
thing I ever heard.
684
00:33:47,443 --> 00:33:48,443
Who wrote that shit?
685
00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:49,695
- [Both] He did!
686
00:33:50,029 --> 00:33:53,323
- Out, both of
you, out, out, out.
687
00:33:53,657 --> 00:33:54,199
Ah!
688
00:33:54,533 --> 00:33:57,119
(whimsical music)
689
00:34:07,171 --> 00:34:08,380
Hi-yah!
690
00:34:08,714 --> 00:34:09,714
Next number.
691
00:34:10,424 --> 00:34:11,550
Move.
692
00:34:11,884 --> 00:34:12,342
Move.
693
00:34:12,676 --> 00:34:14,094
Sing, you prick.
694
00:34:14,428 --> 00:34:17,639
♪ Ah, she's ♪
695
00:34:17,973 --> 00:34:22,770
♪ The America dream girl ♪
696
00:34:24,188 --> 00:34:25,272
♪ Now listen ♪
697
00:34:25,606 --> 00:34:29,610
♪ My peaches and cream girl ♪
698
00:34:29,943 --> 00:34:32,154
♪ Figure, form, and face ♪
699
00:34:32,488 --> 00:34:35,449
♪ Far surpass the human race ♪
700
00:34:35,783 --> 00:34:37,409
♪ Your grace ♪
701
00:34:37,743 --> 00:34:42,664
♪ Is what I esteem, girl ♪
702
00:34:43,624 --> 00:34:46,877
♪ Charming you seem, girl ♪
703
00:34:47,211 --> 00:34:49,963
♪ My American dream ♪
704
00:34:54,510 --> 00:34:55,510
- Hi-yah!
705
00:34:57,387 --> 00:34:58,680
No, no,
706
00:34:59,014 --> 00:35:00,474
you piece of crotch.
707
00:35:00,808 --> 00:35:03,143
Dammit, shout, ah shit.
708
00:35:03,477 --> 00:35:04,645
(screaming)
709
00:35:05,729 --> 00:35:07,272
Get with the program, huh?
710
00:35:07,606 --> 00:35:10,025
♪ Each huge protuberance ♪
711
00:35:10,359 --> 00:35:13,320
♪ Wins my exuberance ♪
712
00:35:13,654 --> 00:35:17,658
♪ My pants are
antsy-pantsy heads ♪
713
00:35:19,409 --> 00:35:22,788
(music drowns out speaker)
714
00:35:24,081 --> 00:35:27,417
- Oh, did your mama
wear combat boots?
715
00:35:27,751 --> 00:35:30,796
You stupid, vagina, I tell
you you're full of shit.
716
00:35:31,130 --> 00:35:35,926
(Lash groaning)
? My American dream girl?
717
00:35:38,053 --> 00:35:42,975
♪ My American ♪
718
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,519
♪ Dream ♪
719
00:35:45,853 --> 00:35:47,563
♪ Girl ♪
720
00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:51,482
- Poo poo.
721
00:35:51,733 --> 00:35:54,236
What are you,
sweetheart, a painting?
722
00:35:54,570 --> 00:35:56,113
- Up yours, I'm
having my period.
723
00:35:56,446 --> 00:35:58,407
- You really are a cunt.
724
00:35:58,740 --> 00:36:00,534
Pimp hole, pimp hole.
725
00:36:00,868 --> 00:36:01,868
Hi-yah!
726
00:36:02,536 --> 00:36:03,662
Dance.
727
00:36:03,996 --> 00:36:05,873
- She's a too busy
bleeding to dance.
728
00:36:06,206 --> 00:36:07,457
You frighten my actors.
729
00:36:07,791 --> 00:36:09,293
You ruin the film, you stop.
730
00:36:09,626 --> 00:36:11,211
- Out of the way, you old fart.
731
00:36:11,545 --> 00:36:14,548
(whimsical piano music)
732
00:36:16,091 --> 00:36:20,179
Your stars are shit, and
you're a shit director.
733
00:36:20,512 --> 00:36:22,931
- And you, you, you are
a sadistic Spanish sissy.
734
00:36:23,265 --> 00:36:28,896
And your mother was a...
- Ah, hi-yah, hi-yah!
735
00:36:29,229 --> 00:36:31,565
Poo poo, caca, shit, shit, shit!
736
00:36:33,650 --> 00:36:34,650
I quit.
737
00:36:34,943 --> 00:36:36,153
Hi-yah!
738
00:36:36,486 --> 00:36:37,821
(whimsical music)
739
00:36:38,155 --> 00:36:39,448
And you, Fluffer.
740
00:36:39,781 --> 00:36:42,242
Have my whip sent to the plaza.
741
00:36:42,576 --> 00:36:43,576
Hi-yah!
742
00:36:44,661 --> 00:36:48,332
- Hey, who do I have to fuck
to get out of this flick?
743
00:36:48,665 --> 00:36:49,665
- Me.
744
00:36:49,833 --> 00:36:51,376
I know the director.
745
00:36:51,710 --> 00:36:53,879
(laughing)
746
00:36:58,592 --> 00:36:59,927
Far out! Whoo-hoo!
747
00:37:00,260 --> 00:37:05,057
(whimsical piano music)
(laughing)
748
00:37:20,197 --> 00:37:21,782
- This tension is unbearable.
749
00:37:22,115 --> 00:37:23,700
Blasted all, I'm
going out for a drink.
750
00:37:24,034 --> 00:37:25,327
- You can't leave, Fred.
751
00:37:25,661 --> 00:37:26,745
We're not finished yet.
752
00:37:27,079 --> 00:37:28,538
- Gentlemen, that is debatable.
753
00:37:28,872 --> 00:37:31,083
- Suppose Mr. Big calls back?
754
00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:32,416
What'll we say?
755
00:37:32,668 --> 00:37:35,462
- Your prayers, my
good man, your prayers.
756
00:37:35,796 --> 00:37:36,796
I shall return.
757
00:37:38,340 --> 00:37:41,718
(mellow music)
758
00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:46,390
(crying)
759
00:37:46,723 --> 00:37:48,976
- Aww, what's the matter, sugar?
760
00:37:49,309 --> 00:37:51,395
- I'm a disgraced by this filth.
761
00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:54,773
They have taken advantage
of an older man.
762
00:37:55,107 --> 00:37:59,236
The film makes a mockery
of my work, my reputation,
763
00:37:59,569 --> 00:38:00,612
my genius.
764
00:38:01,780 --> 00:38:03,448
It is filthy and disgusting,
765
00:38:04,533 --> 00:38:07,703
and slowly paced. (crying)
766
00:38:10,414 --> 00:38:11,748
Come, Pinocchio.
767
00:38:12,082 --> 00:38:13,417
We go home now.
768
00:38:13,750 --> 00:38:14,750
You go to school.
769
00:38:15,919 --> 00:38:16,919
- Aw, pop.
770
00:38:17,212 --> 00:38:18,630
I don't wanna go to school.
771
00:38:18,964 --> 00:38:21,883
I wanna stay here
and play it by ear.
772
00:38:22,217 --> 00:38:27,014
(Miss Bliss moaning)
(crying)
773
00:38:29,224 --> 00:38:30,851
- I hear you coming, big boy.
774
00:38:31,184 --> 00:38:33,145
(moaning)
775
00:38:33,478 --> 00:38:37,274
- So, I am alone once more.
776
00:38:37,816 --> 00:38:40,277
I am so ashamed.
777
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:42,820
I go now.
778
00:38:43,739 --> 00:38:44,739
Find a boat.
779
00:38:46,033 --> 00:38:49,995
- Oh, life is too short to
sweat the small stuff, sugar.
780
00:38:50,329 --> 00:38:52,247
Now, listen to what
I've got to say.
781
00:38:53,874 --> 00:38:56,501
(upbeat music)
782
00:39:02,591 --> 00:39:06,428
♪ Have you lost your sunshine ♪
783
00:39:06,762 --> 00:39:10,515
♪ Trouble got you down ♪
784
00:39:10,849 --> 00:39:14,478
♪ Are you feeling left out ♪
785
00:39:14,811 --> 00:39:18,857
♪ Well, take a look around ♪
786
00:39:19,191 --> 00:39:21,818
♪ Everybody's waiting ♪
787
00:39:22,152 --> 00:39:26,615
♪ For that sun to
break through ♪
788
00:39:26,948 --> 00:39:30,869
♪ So, try and keep
yourself together ♪
789
00:39:31,203 --> 00:39:34,873
♪ Until it shines for you ♪
790
00:39:35,207 --> 00:39:37,125
♪ Smile through the heartaches ♪
791
00:39:37,459 --> 00:39:39,127
♪ Laugh at the blues ♪
792
00:39:39,461 --> 00:39:41,088
♪ Smile and be happy ♪
793
00:39:41,421 --> 00:39:43,256
♪ What you got to lose ♪
794
00:39:43,590 --> 00:39:45,300
♪ Smile when you're
down and out ♪
795
00:39:45,634 --> 00:39:47,302
♪ You'll find if you do ♪
796
00:39:47,636 --> 00:39:49,638
♪ The whole world will soon be ♪
797
00:39:49,971 --> 00:39:54,768
♪ Smiling at you ♪
798
00:39:56,645 --> 00:40:00,273
♪ When you're feeling happy ♪
799
00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:04,403
♪ And you wear a smile ♪
800
00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:08,448
♪ Your troubles seem so easy ♪
801
00:40:08,782 --> 00:40:12,661
♪ And living's so worthwhile ♪
802
00:40:12,994 --> 00:40:15,705
♪ What's the use of crying ♪
803
00:40:16,039 --> 00:40:20,293
♪ Over things that
might have been ♪
804
00:40:20,627 --> 00:40:24,339
♪ There's nothing you
can't do to change it ♪
805
00:40:24,673 --> 00:40:28,427
♪ So let that sun shine in ♪
806
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:30,595
♪ Smile through the heartaches ♪
807
00:40:30,929 --> 00:40:32,556
♪ Laugh at the blues ♪
808
00:40:32,889 --> 00:40:34,683
♪ Smile and be happy ♪
809
00:40:35,016 --> 00:40:36,601
♪ What you got to lose ♪
810
00:40:36,935 --> 00:40:38,645
♪ Smile when you're
down and out ♪
811
00:40:38,979 --> 00:40:40,772
♪ You find if you do ♪
812
00:40:41,106 --> 00:40:42,732
♪ The whole world will soon be ♪
813
00:40:43,066 --> 00:40:44,651
♪ Smiling at you ♪
814
00:40:44,985 --> 00:40:46,903
♪ The whole world will soon be ♪
815
00:40:47,237 --> 00:40:48,905
♪ Smiling at you ♪
816
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:51,658
(upbeat music)
817
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,507
♪ Come on and smile
through the heartaches ♪
818
00:41:07,841 --> 00:41:09,509
♪ Laugh at the blues ♪
819
00:41:09,843 --> 00:41:11,595
♪ Smile and be happy ♪
820
00:41:11,928 --> 00:41:13,513
♪ What you got to lose ♪
821
00:41:13,847 --> 00:41:15,432
♪ Smile when you're
down and out ♪
822
00:41:15,765 --> 00:41:17,726
♪ You'll find if you do ♪
823
00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:19,769
♪ The whole world will soon be ♪
824
00:41:20,103 --> 00:41:21,771
♪ Smiling at you ♪
825
00:41:22,105 --> 00:41:25,859
♪ La la la la la la la la la ♪
826
00:41:26,193 --> 00:41:27,986
♪ La la la la la ♪
827
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,030
♪ La la la la la ♪
828
00:41:30,363 --> 00:41:34,034
♪ La la la la la la la la la ♪
829
00:41:34,367 --> 00:41:36,286
♪ La la la la la ♪
830
00:41:36,620 --> 00:41:37,913
♪ La la la la ♪
831
00:41:38,246 --> 00:41:40,499
♪ Come and smile
through the heartaches ♪
832
00:41:40,832 --> 00:41:42,667
♪ Laugh at the blues ♪
833
00:41:43,001 --> 00:41:44,711
♪ Smile and be happy ♪
834
00:41:45,045 --> 00:41:46,755
♪ What you got to lose ♪
835
00:41:47,088 --> 00:41:48,673
♪ Smile when you're
down and out ♪
836
00:41:49,007 --> 00:41:50,759
♪ You'll find if you do ♪
837
00:41:51,092 --> 00:41:52,636
♪ The whole world will soon be ♪
838
00:41:52,969 --> 00:41:54,596
♪ Smiling at you ♪
839
00:41:54,930 --> 00:41:56,890
♪ So, smile through
the heartaches ♪
840
00:41:57,224 --> 00:41:58,224
♪ Laugh at the blues ♪
841
00:41:59,142 --> 00:42:00,142
♪ Smile and be happy ♪
842
00:42:01,144 --> 00:42:02,938
♪ What you got to lose ♪
843
00:42:03,271 --> 00:42:04,940
♪ Smile when you're
down and out ♪
844
00:42:05,273 --> 00:42:07,067
♪ You'll find if you do ♪
845
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:08,680
♪ The whole world will soon be ♪
846
00:42:09,569 --> 00:42:10,695
♪ Smiling at you ♪
847
00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:13,281
♪ Come and smile
through the heartaches ♪
848
00:42:13,615 --> 00:42:15,492
♪ Laugh at the blues ♪
849
00:42:15,825 --> 00:42:17,536
♪ Smile and be happy ♪
850
00:42:17,869 --> 00:42:19,829
♪ What you got to lose ♪
851
00:42:20,163 --> 00:42:22,415
(wind howling)
852
00:42:25,835 --> 00:42:29,464
(depressing whimsical music)
853
00:42:38,348 --> 00:42:40,517
- Ah, sweet solitude.
854
00:42:40,850 --> 00:42:43,603
No naked bodies in
disgusting contortions.
855
00:42:43,937 --> 00:42:46,314
No genitalia staring
me in the face.
856
00:42:46,648 --> 00:42:48,191
Free at last.
857
00:42:48,525 --> 00:42:51,820
(upbeat burlesque music)
858
00:43:35,989 --> 00:43:38,241
There must be refuge somewhere.
859
00:43:38,575 --> 00:43:41,828
(upbeat burlesque music)
860
00:43:53,590 --> 00:43:54,215
Women.
861
00:43:54,549 --> 00:43:55,925
(upbeat burlesque music)
862
00:43:56,259 --> 00:43:58,428
Is there no rest for the weary?
863
00:43:58,762 --> 00:43:59,429
- What's the matter
with you, pal?
864
00:43:59,763 --> 00:44:00,889
You a faggot or something?
865
00:44:02,557 --> 00:44:05,560
- I'd merely like to be
left alone, if you please.
866
00:44:05,894 --> 00:44:08,938
(upbeat burlesque music)
867
00:44:29,793 --> 00:44:31,961
(mellow music)
868
00:44:32,295 --> 00:44:32,879
- (sighs) Must be a faggot.
869
00:44:33,213 --> 00:44:35,340
Hey, move it over here, baby.
870
00:44:35,674 --> 00:44:38,843
Old AI knows what to do when
he gets his hands on it.
871
00:44:39,177 --> 00:44:40,470
- Ah, fuck off.
- Oh, come on,
872
00:44:40,804 --> 00:44:42,138
give me a handful, baby.
873
00:44:42,472 --> 00:44:44,974
I promise I'll lick my
fingers all the way home.
874
00:44:45,308 --> 00:44:46,308
- Creep.
875
00:44:46,351 --> 00:44:48,603
(mellow music)
876
00:44:53,066 --> 00:44:54,609
- Have mercy.
877
00:44:54,943 --> 00:44:57,487
- Oh gee, you're English.
878
00:44:57,821 --> 00:44:58,863
- Correct.
879
00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:00,573
And you, my dear woman,
880
00:45:00,907 --> 00:45:03,034
are perverse.
- Oh gee, thanks.
881
00:45:03,368 --> 00:45:04,968
- Hey, how come you
stick it in his face,
882
00:45:05,245 --> 00:45:06,329
you won't stick it in mine?
883
00:45:06,663 --> 00:45:08,915
- Because your vibrations suck.
884
00:45:09,249 --> 00:45:10,875
That's why.
(drum beats)
885
00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:12,919
- Ah, you bitch!
(screaming)
886
00:45:13,253 --> 00:45:14,671
- Sir, you're out of bounds.
887
00:45:15,004 --> 00:45:16,339
- You get out of my way, buster,
888
00:45:16,673 --> 00:45:19,300
or I'm gonna shove this bottle
where the sun don't shine.
889
00:45:21,177 --> 00:45:22,303
- I beg your pardon.
890
00:45:22,637 --> 00:45:24,305
- I better not, he'd
probably like it.
891
00:45:26,474 --> 00:45:27,934
- I must warn you, sir,
892
00:45:28,268 --> 00:45:30,103
I'm quite well-versed
in the martial arts.
893
00:45:30,437 --> 00:45:31,437
- No shit.
894
00:45:33,064 --> 00:45:35,024
(laughing)
895
00:45:35,358 --> 00:45:37,902
(mellow music)
896
00:45:57,297 --> 00:46:00,842
- (moaning) Where am I?
- My place.
897
00:46:01,176 --> 00:46:02,886
You were knocked cold.
898
00:46:03,219 --> 00:46:05,346
Hey, that's quite some
bump you got there.
899
00:46:07,265 --> 00:46:09,726
- (groaning) Oh, it hurts, too.
900
00:46:10,059 --> 00:46:11,259
- I was talking about the bump
901
00:46:11,561 --> 00:46:13,730
between your legs, sweetheart.
902
00:46:14,063 --> 00:46:15,815
Tell me, how are
you hung, anyway?
903
00:46:16,900 --> 00:46:18,485
- Oh, I'm not hung at all.
904
00:46:18,818 --> 00:46:19,818
Marionettes are hung.
905
00:46:20,069 --> 00:46:21,154
I'm a hand puppet.
906
00:46:21,488 --> 00:46:23,198
- Oh, you're so witty and brave.
907
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:26,367
I'll bet you're a
very important man.
908
00:46:27,702 --> 00:46:29,537
- Actually, I'm a film producer.
909
00:46:29,871 --> 00:46:31,080
- Hey, far out.
910
00:46:31,414 --> 00:46:33,166
How long you been
in the business?
911
00:46:34,459 --> 00:46:35,459
- All day.
912
00:46:35,585 --> 00:46:36,878
And I must be dashing back.
913
00:46:37,212 --> 00:46:38,505
My partners need me.
914
00:46:41,257 --> 00:46:43,009
- Yeah, but you rescued me.
915
00:46:43,343 --> 00:46:45,178
Let me show you
how grateful I am.
916
00:46:45,512 --> 00:46:48,223
All you English guys
are such turn-ons.
917
00:46:49,766 --> 00:46:51,768
- Please, I really
must be going.
918
00:46:52,101 --> 00:46:53,353
- Come on, baby.
919
00:46:54,938 --> 00:46:56,147
I won't keep you long.
920
00:46:57,232 --> 00:46:59,651
(mellow music)
921
00:47:00,610 --> 00:47:01,610
- Very well.
922
00:47:01,861 --> 00:47:03,071
But I mustn't linger.
923
00:47:03,404 --> 00:47:05,365
You see, I have serious
corporate problems.
924
00:47:06,449 --> 00:47:08,368
- Don't worry about that.
925
00:47:08,701 --> 00:47:10,495
I'll get it up for ya.
926
00:47:12,288 --> 00:47:13,873
- What shall we do?
927
00:47:15,208 --> 00:47:18,169
- Freddy, I have a
confession to make.
928
00:47:20,046 --> 00:47:22,882
- [Fred] Do tell.
- I've been a very
929
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:25,134
bad
930
00:47:25,468 --> 00:47:26,468
girl.
931
00:47:28,304 --> 00:47:29,639
- So, I gathered.
932
00:47:29,973 --> 00:47:31,683
- When I was little,
933
00:47:32,016 --> 00:47:35,520
my daddy would spank
me if I was bad.
934
00:47:37,021 --> 00:47:38,022
- [Fred] My word.
935
00:47:38,356 --> 00:47:39,356
- Spank me.
936
00:47:39,482 --> 00:47:41,025
Hit me, daddy.
937
00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:43,111
I've been such a bad girl.
938
00:47:45,572 --> 00:47:46,572
- Really?
939
00:47:49,617 --> 00:47:51,244
- Hit me, please.
940
00:47:51,578 --> 00:47:53,496
Make my little fanny red.
941
00:47:55,415 --> 00:47:56,415
- Hmmm.
942
00:47:58,126 --> 00:48:02,964
- [Woman] Hit me,
please. (moaning)
943
00:48:05,341 --> 00:48:06,341
- My word.
944
00:48:07,594 --> 00:48:09,178
- [Woman] Yes, Freddy.
945
00:48:09,512 --> 00:48:10,722
Hit harder, harder.
946
00:48:11,806 --> 00:48:14,183
(moaning)
947
00:48:14,517 --> 00:48:17,103
Ooh, oh yes, Freddy. (moaning)
948
00:48:17,437 --> 00:48:18,813
I love it, Freddy, yes.
949
00:48:19,147 --> 00:48:20,387
- My dear, it's truly smashing.
950
00:48:20,481 --> 00:48:25,278
(upbeat music)
(woman moaning)
951
00:48:30,408 --> 00:48:34,704
- [Woman] Oh, Freddy, you're
such a wonderful spanker.
952
00:48:36,414 --> 00:48:38,499
How do you last so long?
953
00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:41,294
- Well my dear, it's
all in the wrist.
954
00:48:41,628 --> 00:48:43,713
- [Woman] What
about you, Freddy?
955
00:48:44,047 --> 00:48:46,841
What can I do to make you happy?
956
00:48:47,175 --> 00:48:50,970
- I'd really rather not say.
- Come on, tell me.
957
00:48:51,304 --> 00:48:52,472
- Promise you won't laugh?
958
00:48:52,805 --> 00:48:55,266
- Cross my heart,
and hope to die.
959
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:57,018
What do you like?
960
00:48:57,352 --> 00:48:59,228
- Would you take
your bra and panties
961
00:48:59,562 --> 00:49:01,189
and put them on my
head, and then...
962
00:49:04,359 --> 00:49:06,569
(laughing)
963
00:49:07,695 --> 00:49:09,197
- I knew it, I knew it.
964
00:49:09,530 --> 00:49:10,810
Just get me your
bra and panties.
965
00:49:11,115 --> 00:49:12,115
I need them.
966
00:49:16,663 --> 00:49:18,456
- You're weird.
967
00:49:18,790 --> 00:49:21,167
Is David Cross as
kinky as you are?
968
00:49:21,501 --> 00:49:22,126
- Never mind.
969
00:49:22,460 --> 00:49:25,171
Now, the grapes, get the grapes.
970
00:49:25,505 --> 00:49:28,257
- The grapes?
- Over there, the grapes.
971
00:49:32,512 --> 00:49:34,847
All right love,
give them a toss.
972
00:49:36,015 --> 00:49:40,687
(grunting)
(upbeat music)
973
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:52,280
Throw it, love, harder.
974
00:49:52,573 --> 00:49:55,034
Don't worry, they're seedless.
975
00:49:56,452 --> 00:49:58,079
Ha ha, you missed me.
976
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:00,080
Ooh!
977
00:50:01,332 --> 00:50:03,292
(laughing)
978
00:50:05,795 --> 00:50:05,878
Ow!
979
00:50:06,212 --> 00:50:11,676
I am having an
arrival. (moaning)
980
00:50:19,976 --> 00:50:21,227
(woman laughing)
981
00:50:21,561 --> 00:50:22,561
- Thanks.
982
00:50:22,603 --> 00:50:23,603
I needed that.
983
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,024
Oh!
- You're weird.
984
00:50:31,154 --> 00:50:33,948
- (clears throat) Well,
my dear, I must depart.
985
00:50:34,282 --> 00:50:35,282
My troops need me.
986
00:50:35,533 --> 00:50:36,533
Ta-ta.
987
00:50:38,119 --> 00:50:39,119
- Well,
988
00:50:40,955 --> 00:50:42,540
it's been nice meeting you.
989
00:50:45,251 --> 00:50:46,251
I think.
990
00:50:47,503 --> 00:50:50,548
- Years from now, when
you talk about this,
991
00:50:52,050 --> 00:50:53,176
be kind.
992
00:50:53,509 --> 00:50:55,887
(dramatic music)
993
00:51:12,445 --> 00:51:15,281
How go the wars, gentlemen?
- Hey, Fred's back.
994
00:51:15,615 --> 00:51:17,742
(laughing)
995
00:51:18,993 --> 00:51:20,513
- Fred, what have
you got on your head?
996
00:51:20,787 --> 00:51:21,787
- On my head?
997
00:51:22,997 --> 00:51:24,874
There's nothing on my head.
998
00:51:25,208 --> 00:51:26,209
- [Ned] Got it.
999
00:51:26,542 --> 00:51:27,542
(laughing)
1000
00:51:27,668 --> 00:51:28,920
- You're the boss.
1001
00:51:30,588 --> 00:51:31,588
- [Fred] How's it going?
1002
00:51:31,714 --> 00:51:33,382
- Gepetto and Lash
ran out on us.
1003
00:51:33,716 --> 00:51:34,383
Fucking foreigners.
1004
00:51:34,717 --> 00:51:36,219
- Ooh, but we might have enough.
1005
00:51:36,552 --> 00:51:38,513
I'm working on the first cut.
1006
00:51:38,846 --> 00:51:40,726
- Hang in there boys,
we'll lick this thing yet.
1007
00:51:41,724 --> 00:51:42,724
- Lick my ass.
1008
00:51:43,935 --> 00:51:44,935
- Let's see.
1009
00:51:45,228 --> 00:51:49,273
4 1/2 times 318 reels minus
1010
00:51:49,607 --> 00:51:53,236
pi squared, 16
frames to the dozen.
1011
00:51:53,569 --> 00:51:54,569
Uh, let me see.
1012
00:51:54,695 --> 00:51:56,280
What's seven plus four?
1013
00:51:56,614 --> 00:51:57,949
- Uh, eight.
1014
00:51:58,282 --> 00:51:59,282
- Right.
1015
00:52:00,493 --> 00:52:03,996
Good god, there must be half
a million feet of film here.
1016
00:52:04,330 --> 00:52:05,832
- Hell, that ought to be plenty.
1017
00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:08,251
- That's too many
feet, for Christ sakes.
1018
00:52:08,584 --> 00:52:09,836
Who wants to see feet anyway?
1019
00:52:10,169 --> 00:52:11,289
People don't wanna see feet.
1020
00:52:11,587 --> 00:52:14,298
They wanna see pussy and
cocks and tits and ass.
1021
00:52:14,632 --> 00:52:17,844
- Not that kind of
feet, you dumbbell.
1022
00:52:18,177 --> 00:52:19,929
- Gentlemen, we have a crisis.
1023
00:52:20,263 --> 00:52:22,723
Our movie has no ending.
- What?
1024
00:52:23,057 --> 00:52:24,537
That can't be.
- You gotta be kidding.
1025
00:52:24,642 --> 00:52:25,802
You don't know what happened.
1026
00:52:26,060 --> 00:52:27,395
- Look.
1027
00:52:27,728 --> 00:52:28,728
Here's the beginning,
1028
00:52:30,356 --> 00:52:31,356
and here's the middle.
1029
00:52:31,774 --> 00:52:33,401
But we have no end.
1030
00:52:33,734 --> 00:52:35,278
- [Ned] What'll do we do?
1031
00:52:35,611 --> 00:52:36,611
- We're screwed.
1032
00:52:39,157 --> 00:52:41,409
- [Fred] We could film
an ending, I suppose.
1033
00:52:41,742 --> 00:52:42,785
- Let's put some new stuff
1034
00:52:43,119 --> 00:52:44,559
between the beginning
and the middle.
1035
00:52:45,204 --> 00:52:47,331
Then the old middle
will be the new end.
1036
00:52:47,665 --> 00:52:49,375
- Yeah, how about
some commercials?
1037
00:52:49,709 --> 00:52:51,210
People are used to
seeing commercials
1038
00:52:51,544 --> 00:52:52,664
in the middle of everything.
1039
00:52:54,297 --> 00:52:58,509
- Yeah, X-rated commercials.
- The public will love it.
1040
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:00,386
- Think we can
come up with some?
1041
00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:01,345
- Sure we can.
1042
00:53:01,679 --> 00:53:03,848
Let's not forget our heritage.
1043
00:53:04,182 --> 00:53:06,893
♪ We're the Creative Concepts
Systems and Procedures ♪
1044
00:53:07,226 --> 00:53:08,352
- Oh, cut that shit out.
1045
00:53:08,686 --> 00:53:09,686
Now, let's get to work.
1046
00:53:11,230 --> 00:53:14,358
- Hey, let's do the one where
that girl holds up the soap.
1047
00:53:14,692 --> 00:53:17,486
- How about the one with the
widow and the toilet bowl?
1048
00:53:17,820 --> 00:53:18,940
- Yeah, that's a swell idea.
1049
00:53:23,284 --> 00:53:24,368
- [Fred] We're interviewing
1050
00:53:24,702 --> 00:53:26,120
high fashion model
Ms. Jessica Coos
1051
00:53:26,454 --> 00:53:28,581
on the subject of
feminine hygiene sprays.
1052
00:53:28,915 --> 00:53:30,291
Jessica tell me...
(phone ringing)
1053
00:53:30,625 --> 00:53:31,625
- Oh, excuse me.
1054
00:53:32,919 --> 00:53:33,919
Hello?
1055
00:53:34,754 --> 00:53:36,756
Yes, this is Jessica.
1056
00:53:37,089 --> 00:53:38,299
Paul?
1057
00:53:38,633 --> 00:53:39,633
I don't know you.
1058
00:53:40,801 --> 00:53:42,470
Oh, Harry sent you.
1059
00:53:42,803 --> 00:53:43,971
Why didn't you say?
1060
00:53:46,182 --> 00:53:48,768
Well, 100 bucks an
hour, sweetheart.
1061
00:53:49,852 --> 00:53:50,852
Right.
1062
00:53:51,687 --> 00:53:53,522
Sure you can come right up.
1063
00:53:54,607 --> 00:53:59,153
But no whips or none of
that kinky shit, please.
1064
00:54:00,905 --> 00:54:01,905
Bye-bye.
1065
00:54:05,451 --> 00:54:06,535
Oh, where were we?
1066
00:54:06,869 --> 00:54:08,847
- [Fred] I was about to ask
you for your favorite brand
1067
00:54:08,871 --> 00:54:10,748
of feminine hygiene spray.
1068
00:54:11,082 --> 00:54:13,751
- Oh, I always use
new Sweet Fish.
1069
00:54:14,085 --> 00:54:16,128
- Why Sweet Fish, Ms. Coos?
1070
00:54:16,462 --> 00:54:19,590
- Well us models, under
the hot lights and all,
1071
00:54:19,924 --> 00:54:23,344
our cunts can get pretty skunky.
1072
00:54:23,678 --> 00:54:26,305
And if it isn't fresh,
1073
00:54:27,723 --> 00:54:28,933
I'm out of business.
1074
00:54:30,226 --> 00:54:33,229
Isn't that sweet, you
little money maker, you?
1075
00:54:33,562 --> 00:54:35,314
♪ Use new Sweet Fish everyday ♪
1076
00:54:35,648 --> 00:54:37,566
♪ Keep that skunky cunt away ♪
1077
00:54:37,900 --> 00:54:39,986
♪ Use new Sweet Fish everyday ♪
1078
00:54:40,319 --> 00:54:42,405
♪ Keep that skunky cunt away ♪
1079
00:54:42,738 --> 00:54:45,116
♪ Sweet Fish ♪
1080
00:54:46,742 --> 00:54:50,037
(film projector whirring)
1081
00:54:51,455 --> 00:54:54,250
♪ I gonna put you
in the movies ♪
1082
00:54:54,583 --> 00:54:57,586
♪ I'm gonna make a
big star outta you ♪
1083
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,464
♪ I'm gonna put
you in the movies ♪
1084
00:55:00,798 --> 00:55:02,550
♪ And all you gotta do is ♪
1085
00:55:02,883 --> 00:55:05,011
♪ Hang loose and screw ♪
1086
00:55:05,344 --> 00:55:08,014
(machine whirring)
1087
00:55:10,766 --> 00:55:11,766
Hmmm.
1088
00:55:25,740 --> 00:55:28,951
(moaning and laughing)
1089
00:55:33,456 --> 00:55:35,082
- Doctor, really.
1090
00:55:35,416 --> 00:55:38,669
You are a cheeky devil, you are.
1091
00:55:39,003 --> 00:55:40,087
Ooh.
1092
00:55:40,421 --> 00:55:41,421
Ow.
1093
00:55:43,341 --> 00:55:45,593
- How long have you
had these pains?
1094
00:55:45,926 --> 00:55:47,553
- Well, I don't know,
I lost my watch,
1095
00:55:47,887 --> 00:55:49,847
but I guess it's about, uh,
1096
00:55:50,181 --> 00:55:53,851
four years, um, three
months, and two days.
1097
00:55:54,185 --> 00:55:58,481
- Well, I'm glad you
came to me right away.
1098
00:55:58,814 --> 00:55:59,814
Let's see here.
1099
00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:03,527
- Ooh, Doctor, do you
think that I might be...
1100
00:56:03,861 --> 00:56:04,861
- Now, now.
1101
00:56:05,071 --> 00:56:08,324
Just relax and we'll
see what we have here.
1102
00:56:08,657 --> 00:56:10,993
- [Patient] It's so
hard waiting, doctor.
1103
00:56:11,327 --> 00:56:13,371
(moaning)
1104
00:56:14,747 --> 00:56:16,499
- Ha, I have it!
1105
00:56:16,832 --> 00:56:18,000
A Climax watch.
1106
00:56:18,334 --> 00:56:22,797
Still ticking after four years,
three months, and two days.
1107
00:56:23,756 --> 00:56:24,756
Climax.
1108
00:56:25,007 --> 00:56:28,844
It takes a licking
and keeps on ticking.
1109
00:56:29,178 --> 00:56:30,846
That's why Climax
1110
00:56:31,180 --> 00:56:35,726
is the largest selling
watch on 47th Street.
1111
00:56:36,060 --> 00:56:37,103
- Climax?
1112
00:56:37,436 --> 00:56:39,772
Bullshit, you better take
another look down there.
1113
00:56:40,106 --> 00:56:41,524
My watch was a Pulsar.
1114
00:56:45,945 --> 00:56:49,240
- [Fred] Isn't it
time you had a Climax?
1115
00:56:49,573 --> 00:56:52,201
(whimsical music)
1116
00:56:59,708 --> 00:57:02,461
- If I were a switch,
where would I be?
1117
00:57:03,462 --> 00:57:04,880
- Push everything.
1118
00:57:05,214 --> 00:57:06,424
What do you got to lose?
1119
00:57:08,759 --> 00:57:11,387
(upbeat music)
1120
00:57:15,141 --> 00:57:17,726
(Gramps yelling)
1121
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:24,150
- Stop fucking around.
1122
00:57:26,986 --> 00:57:29,447
(upbeat music)
1123
00:57:35,870 --> 00:57:38,622
- I hate the taste of Lusterine,
1124
00:57:40,458 --> 00:57:43,043
but I use it 40 times a day.
1125
00:57:43,377 --> 00:57:45,754
(upbeat music)
1126
00:57:56,098 --> 00:57:57,098
I'm so oral.
1127
00:58:06,233 --> 00:58:07,233
I love it.
1128
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:11,447
♪ Lusterine ♪
1129
00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:12,990
♪ When you go to bed ♪
1130
00:58:13,324 --> 00:58:14,492
♪ When you're giving head ♪
1131
00:58:14,825 --> 00:58:16,827
♪ Lusterine ♪
1132
00:58:26,962 --> 00:58:29,715
- It was a smashing idea, Red,
but I don't think it'll work.
1133
00:58:30,049 --> 00:58:31,592
- Golly, why not?
1134
00:58:31,926 --> 00:58:33,886
- It's just not
dramatically viable.
1135
00:58:34,220 --> 00:58:35,638
- Oh, what the fuck do you know?
1136
00:58:35,971 --> 00:58:37,431
Our asses are on the line.
1137
00:58:37,765 --> 00:58:38,765
Let's put them in.
1138
00:58:39,058 --> 00:58:40,476
(Red and Ned arguing)
1139
00:58:40,809 --> 00:58:43,854
- Gentlemen, gentlemen,
please don't despair.
1140
00:58:44,188 --> 00:58:45,188
All we need is a shot
1141
00:58:45,481 --> 00:58:47,858
to get our creative
juices flowing again.
1142
00:58:48,192 --> 00:58:49,192
(door slams)
1143
00:58:49,485 --> 00:58:50,485
- [All] It's Mr. Big!
1144
00:58:51,862 --> 00:58:54,406
(dramatic music)
1145
00:58:57,535 --> 00:59:01,038
- These guys don't look
glad to see me, boys.
1146
00:59:05,084 --> 00:59:06,877
Where's my half a
million dollars?
1147
00:59:10,756 --> 00:59:13,342
(dramatic music)
1148
00:59:18,264 --> 00:59:20,182
Well, where's the money?
1149
00:59:22,893 --> 00:59:24,812
- (chuckling) Gee, I don't know.
1150
00:59:25,145 --> 00:59:27,606
It was around here someplace.
1151
00:59:27,940 --> 00:59:28,941
- Wise guy, huh?
1152
00:59:29,984 --> 00:59:31,504
Somebody better come
up with the money,
1153
00:59:31,569 --> 00:59:33,862
or you're all as good as dead.
1154
00:59:34,196 --> 00:59:36,516
- You'll have it as soon as
the movie is released, Mr. Big,
1155
00:59:36,824 --> 00:59:37,824
with interest.
1156
00:59:37,992 --> 00:59:39,034
- When will that be?
1157
00:59:40,035 --> 00:59:43,706
According to my watch,
yous got one hour.
1158
00:59:44,039 --> 00:59:46,417
(Ned stammering)
1159
00:59:46,750 --> 00:59:48,252
What's the matter with him?
1160
00:59:48,586 --> 00:59:51,297
- He ain't himself since
you came in the door.
1161
00:59:51,630 --> 00:59:54,842
I'm the s-s-s-same
w-w-w-w-way m-m-m-m-myself.
1162
00:59:55,175 --> 00:59:58,345
- You guys better stop blubbering
and start fund raising.
1163
01:00:01,181 --> 01:00:02,182
Ernie,
1164
01:00:02,516 --> 01:00:04,977
hock all this equipment,
1165
01:00:05,311 --> 01:00:07,813
and send all the
money to the widows.
1166
01:00:08,147 --> 01:00:09,147
- Jesus.
1167
01:00:09,231 --> 01:00:12,234
- This looks like a
job for Mighty Mouth!
1168
01:00:12,568 --> 01:00:13,986
- [Brothers] Yay!
1169
01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:16,030
- All right boys, I got him.
1170
01:00:16,363 --> 01:00:17,448
Run!
1171
01:00:17,781 --> 01:00:18,782
- Get her off of me!
1172
01:00:19,116 --> 01:00:20,743
No, wait, wait.
1173
01:00:21,076 --> 01:00:23,662
Yous can run, but
you can't hide.
1174
01:00:23,996 --> 01:00:26,165
I'll see you creeps in
your office in one hour.
1175
01:00:27,249 --> 01:00:31,003
("William Tell's Overture")
1176
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:35,549
(water bubbling)
1177
01:00:37,551 --> 01:00:38,844
- Excuse me, Madam.
1178
01:00:39,178 --> 01:00:40,804
Your car.
- Oh, James.
1179
01:00:41,138 --> 01:00:43,015
It's time to go already?
- Yes, Madam.
1180
01:00:43,349 --> 01:00:44,892
You have a bridge date.
1181
01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:46,226
- Cancel it.
1182
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,771
I'm going to stay here
and help these poor souls.
1183
01:00:49,104 --> 01:00:50,147
They're trying to create
1184
01:00:50,481 --> 01:00:52,441
an erotic film and
failing dismally.
1185
01:00:52,775 --> 01:00:54,902
It's a matter of life and death.
1186
01:00:55,235 --> 01:00:56,570
- Oh, forget it, lady.
1187
01:00:56,904 --> 01:00:57,905
Ned?
- Yeah?
1188
01:00:58,238 --> 01:00:58,781
- Fred?
- Yeah?
1189
01:00:59,114 --> 01:01:00,114
- Red?
- Yeah?
1190
01:01:00,366 --> 01:01:01,825
- You guys are dead.
1191
01:01:02,159 --> 01:01:03,911
- He's right,
nothing can save us.
1192
01:01:04,244 --> 01:01:05,244
- It's all over.
1193
01:01:05,537 --> 01:01:06,537
- Just a moment.
1194
01:01:06,830 --> 01:01:10,000
If Madam says she'll
help, all is well.
1195
01:01:10,334 --> 01:01:11,710
- Are you kidding?
1196
01:01:12,044 --> 01:01:12,670
Look at her.
1197
01:01:13,003 --> 01:01:14,003
What does she know?
1198
01:01:14,296 --> 01:01:15,296
She's an old lady.
1199
01:01:16,715 --> 01:01:19,802
- Madam, they've thrown
down the gauntlet.
1200
01:01:20,135 --> 01:01:23,806
- Gentlemen, I may look like
an old lady on the outside,
1201
01:01:24,139 --> 01:01:28,352
but inside, I'm as hot and
as wet as the best of them.
1202
01:01:30,229 --> 01:01:34,900
♪ I got scrawny thighs
and beady eyes ♪
1203
01:01:35,234 --> 01:01:40,030
♪ A bulbous nose and
sagging hose, but I'm ♪
1204
01:01:42,282 --> 01:01:47,204
♪ The sensuous woman ♪
1205
01:01:48,163 --> 01:01:52,459
♪ My mammaries are memories ♪
1206
01:01:52,793 --> 01:01:54,837
♪ But still I can ♪
1207
01:01:55,170 --> 01:01:59,717
♪ Delight my man, 'cause I'm ♪
1208
01:02:00,050 --> 01:02:04,054
♪ The sensuous woman ♪
1209
01:02:04,388 --> 01:02:09,184
♪ What I do is
sensuali-tease him ♪
1210
01:02:10,394 --> 01:02:13,814
♪ Come to mama, fudge him ♪
1211
01:02:14,148 --> 01:02:15,649
♪ Blow in his ear ♪
1212
01:02:15,983 --> 01:02:17,943
♪ Or nip on his rear ♪
1213
01:02:18,277 --> 01:02:21,280
♪ He's ripe for plucking ♪
1214
01:02:22,364 --> 01:02:25,951
♪ Lend your sex electrics ♪
1215
01:02:26,285 --> 01:02:29,538
♪ Ting-A-Ling-A-Ling-A ♪
1216
01:02:29,872 --> 01:02:30,998
♪ A maddening lick ♪
1217
01:02:31,331 --> 01:02:34,585
♪ With a butterfly
flick and a blow ♪
1218
01:02:34,918 --> 01:02:37,713
♪ Your man down ♪
1219
01:02:38,046 --> 01:02:41,425
♪ So when your bedroom bores ♪
1220
01:02:41,759 --> 01:02:43,385
♪ Get out of doors ♪
1221
01:02:43,719 --> 01:02:44,887
♪ Try a rope and a hack ♪
1222
01:02:45,220 --> 01:02:47,264
♪ Or the BMD track ♪
1223
01:02:47,598 --> 01:02:50,434
♪ And live ♪
1224
01:02:50,768 --> 01:02:55,522
♪ Like the sensuous woman ♪
1225
01:02:57,274 --> 01:03:01,945
♪ And if your Romeos ♪
1226
01:03:02,279 --> 01:03:05,449
♪ Drooping low ♪
1227
01:03:05,783 --> 01:03:08,786
♪ A tired he ♪
1228
01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:11,038
♪ Do it orally ♪
1229
01:03:11,371 --> 01:03:13,957
♪ You better be ♪
1230
01:03:14,291 --> 01:03:19,087
♪ The sensuous woman ♪
1231
01:03:20,088 --> 01:03:22,758
♪ The sensuous woman ♪
1232
01:03:33,644 --> 01:03:34,644
- You're terrific.
1233
01:03:34,686 --> 01:03:36,021
- Yeah, sexy.
- Help us.
1234
01:03:36,355 --> 01:03:36,980
- Save our movie.
1235
01:03:37,314 --> 01:03:40,150
- Take us to the Promise
Land, sweet mama.
1236
01:03:40,484 --> 01:03:42,569
- But Madam, what shall
I do with the car?
1237
01:03:42,903 --> 01:03:44,071
- Sell it, you dummy.
1238
01:03:45,489 --> 01:03:46,800
- You really think
we can make it?
1239
01:03:46,824 --> 01:03:48,176
- [Madam] Of course,
you can make it.
1240
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:49,993
Remember who you are.
1241
01:03:50,327 --> 01:03:53,038
♪ We're the Creative Concepts
Systems and Procedures ♪
1242
01:03:53,372 --> 01:03:55,172
♪ Brothers Unlimited
Inc., what do you think ♪
1243
01:03:55,499 --> 01:03:56,539
- And don't you forget it.
1244
01:03:56,834 --> 01:03:58,585
You've got imagination, taste,
1245
01:03:58,919 --> 01:04:01,797
and this boy has a
problem that can help you.
1246
01:04:02,130 --> 01:04:04,258
- Yeah, give me a chance.
1247
01:04:04,591 --> 01:04:06,009
- And you shall
have it, my dear.
1248
01:04:06,343 --> 01:04:10,138
What you need is Buffo production
numbers, today's sound,
1249
01:04:10,472 --> 01:04:13,392
a rock beat, transvestites, ah.
1250
01:04:13,725 --> 01:04:15,102
Stop it, you two.
1251
01:04:15,435 --> 01:04:16,435
- What about me?
1252
01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:17,896
What can I do?
1253
01:04:18,230 --> 01:04:19,690
- Pinocchio,
according to my notes,
1254
01:04:20,023 --> 01:04:22,317
you have now cum seven times.
1255
01:04:22,651 --> 01:04:24,027
- Eight.
- Eight times.
1256
01:04:24,361 --> 01:04:26,196
And you shall be
1257
01:04:26,530 --> 01:04:30,158
rewarded.
(audience applauds)
1258
01:04:31,952 --> 01:04:34,872
- I've become a partner.
1259
01:04:35,205 --> 01:04:40,002
(upbeat music)
(audience applauds)
1260
01:04:50,762 --> 01:04:53,098
(upbeat music)
1261
01:05:05,652 --> 01:05:08,739
♪ She lives a life
marked his and hers ♪
1262
01:05:09,072 --> 01:05:11,283
♪ In a world of changing sex ♪
1263
01:05:11,617 --> 01:05:14,578
♪ She's the king and
queen of differences ♪
1264
01:05:14,912 --> 01:05:17,831
♪ In a dream that's rated X ♪
1265
01:05:18,165 --> 01:05:20,292
♪ She took to drag
and dressing up ♪
1266
01:05:20,626 --> 01:05:24,004
♪ 'Cause it sure
beats driving trucks ♪
1267
01:05:24,338 --> 01:05:27,257
♪ Her world's a
myth like gravity ♪
1268
01:05:27,591 --> 01:05:30,427
♪ It has no pull, it sucks ♪
1269
01:05:30,761 --> 01:05:33,305
♪ There's lots of
things about her ♪
1270
01:05:33,639 --> 01:05:36,350
♪ That you never understand ♪
1271
01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:39,645
♪ I mean, how can
you talk to a lady ♪
1272
01:05:39,978 --> 01:05:42,940
♪ That's every inch a man ♪
1273
01:05:43,273 --> 01:05:45,651
♪ Why she's the new
all American boy ♪
1274
01:05:45,984 --> 01:05:49,196
♪ She got the curse of
every mother's son ♪
1275
01:05:49,529 --> 01:05:52,115
♪ She's the new
all American boy ♪
1276
01:05:52,449 --> 01:05:54,076
♪ With her, you get two ♪
1277
01:05:54,409 --> 01:05:57,204
♪ For the price of one ♪
1278
01:05:57,537 --> 01:05:58,914
♪ Show me your la la ♪
1279
01:05:59,247 --> 01:06:01,333
(harmonizing)
1280
01:06:11,551 --> 01:06:16,473
♪ Oh beautiful ♪
1281
01:06:17,766 --> 01:06:19,685
♪ Her life's a
constant struggle ♪
1282
01:06:20,018 --> 01:06:21,853
♪ In a boy meets girl facade ♪
1283
01:06:22,187 --> 01:06:26,066
♪ While the girly
part comes easy ♪
1284
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:29,069
♪ For the man, the
part stays hard ♪
1285
01:06:29,403 --> 01:06:32,114
♪ So, she went to
see the doctor man ♪
1286
01:06:32,447 --> 01:06:35,117
♪ She said, hey make me a fox ♪
1287
01:06:35,450 --> 01:06:37,327
♪ She took a shot of G ♪
1288
01:06:37,661 --> 01:06:38,661
♪ Her breast of things ♪
1289
01:06:38,787 --> 01:06:41,289
♪ And a brand new plastic part ♪
1290
01:06:41,623 --> 01:06:44,751
♪ Now, she's the foxy lady ♪
1291
01:06:45,085 --> 01:06:46,878
♪ That you've been waiting for ♪
1292
01:06:47,212 --> 01:06:51,174
♪ So what if the girl of
your dreams turns out ♪
1293
01:06:51,508 --> 01:06:54,261
♪ To be the boy next door ♪
1294
01:06:54,594 --> 01:06:57,097
♪ She's the new
all American boy ♪
1295
01:06:57,431 --> 01:07:00,475
♪ She got the curse of
every mother's son ♪
1296
01:07:00,809 --> 01:07:03,395
♪ She's the new
all American boy ♪
1297
01:07:03,729 --> 01:07:05,647
♪ With her you get two ♪
1298
01:07:05,981 --> 01:07:07,607
♪ For the price of one ♪
1299
01:07:07,941 --> 01:07:10,277
♪ Oh yeah, guys, let's
hear everything ♪
1300
01:07:10,610 --> 01:07:12,779
(harmonizing)
1301
01:07:19,369 --> 01:07:22,039
♪ She's the new
all American boy ♪
1302
01:07:22,372 --> 01:07:25,083
♪ She's got the curse
of every mother's son ♪
1303
01:07:25,417 --> 01:07:27,294
♪ I said that she's the
new all American boy ♪
1304
01:07:27,627 --> 01:07:28,730
(sirens blaring)
(whistle shrills)
1305
01:07:28,754 --> 01:07:30,756
- [Cop] All right,
hold it right there.
1306
01:07:31,089 --> 01:07:32,591
Don't let these
motherfuckers move.
1307
01:07:32,924 --> 01:07:35,510
- [Miss Bliss] Oh,
son-of-a-bitch.
1308
01:07:36,887 --> 01:07:39,473
- Okay, you perpetrators
is all under arrest
1309
01:07:39,806 --> 01:07:42,184
on account of making
a dirty movie.
1310
01:07:42,517 --> 01:07:44,186
All right, you cunts, let's go.
1311
01:07:44,519 --> 01:07:45,520
Hut, two, three, four.
1312
01:07:45,854 --> 01:07:47,064
Hut, two, three, four.
1313
01:07:47,397 --> 01:07:48,440
Hut, two, three, four.
1314
01:07:48,774 --> 01:07:51,234
Hut, two, three, four.
(cunt farts)
1315
01:07:51,568 --> 01:07:53,320
All right kid, you're next.
1316
01:07:53,653 --> 01:07:54,653
Let's go.
1317
01:07:54,696 --> 01:07:56,198
You outta be
ashamed of yourself.
1318
01:07:56,531 --> 01:08:00,243
Contributing to the
delinquency of an adult.
1319
01:08:00,577 --> 01:08:01,577
- Up yours.
1320
01:08:01,787 --> 01:08:04,206
All right, hut,
two, three, four.
1321
01:08:04,539 --> 01:08:06,291
Okay cutie, you're next.
1322
01:08:07,542 --> 01:08:11,505
Hey, by the way cutie, I'll uh,
1323
01:08:12,422 --> 01:08:14,132
see you when you get out.
1324
01:08:15,008 --> 01:08:16,008
(belches)
1325
01:08:16,176 --> 01:08:17,296
- Ooh.
- All right, let's go.
1326
01:08:17,469 --> 01:08:18,678
Hut, two, three, four.
1327
01:08:19,012 --> 01:08:20,097
Hut, two, three.
1328
01:08:20,430 --> 01:08:23,308
(depressing music)
1329
01:08:23,642 --> 01:08:26,978
- It was a good try,
gentlemen, but we're goners.
1330
01:08:28,355 --> 01:08:30,440
- Hmm, our present predicament
1331
01:08:30,774 --> 01:08:33,235
severely limits our
fund raising mobility.
1332
01:08:33,568 --> 01:08:34,568
- Listen.
1333
01:08:34,694 --> 01:08:36,238
We still got 45 minutes left.
1334
01:08:36,571 --> 01:08:37,239
Right?
1335
01:08:37,572 --> 01:08:40,575
- It seems to me you
only got one shot, boys.
1336
01:08:40,909 --> 01:08:42,035
- [All] What?
1337
01:08:42,369 --> 01:08:43,703
- Politics.
1338
01:08:44,037 --> 01:08:45,747
- Totally unfeasible.
1339
01:08:46,081 --> 01:08:47,707
Gentlemen, we have
enough problems.
1340
01:08:48,041 --> 01:08:50,127
We go into politics, we'll
really be in trouble.
1341
01:08:50,460 --> 01:08:52,087
- All right, all right.
1342
01:08:53,004 --> 01:08:55,257
Quiet down yous perpetrators.
1343
01:08:55,590 --> 01:08:56,590
You're free.
1344
01:08:56,842 --> 01:08:58,468
All charges have been dropped.
1345
01:08:58,802 --> 01:09:00,512
(cheering)
1346
01:09:00,846 --> 01:09:02,430
- Wait a minute, officer.
1347
01:09:02,764 --> 01:09:05,475
I'm not sure I have a firm
grasp of the situation.
1348
01:09:05,809 --> 01:09:08,270
- Social redeeming, that's
what the situation is.
1349
01:09:08,603 --> 01:09:10,105
Some faggot judge says she got
1350
01:09:10,438 --> 01:09:13,191
social redeeming value
in this here film.
1351
01:09:13,525 --> 01:09:14,525
You're free.
1352
01:09:14,568 --> 01:09:15,110
Outta here.
1353
01:09:15,443 --> 01:09:17,279
Out of my jail, all of ya.
1354
01:09:17,612 --> 01:09:18,780
Hut, two, three, four.
1355
01:09:19,114 --> 01:09:20,282
- You dirty screw.
1356
01:09:20,615 --> 01:09:23,910
You're the guy give to
my brother in the back.
1357
01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:27,622
- Listen, who I
fuck is my business.
1358
01:09:27,956 --> 01:09:29,082
Now, move it!
1359
01:09:30,667 --> 01:09:31,877
Bunch of perverts.
1360
01:09:32,210 --> 01:09:34,504
Social redeeming, my ass.
1361
01:09:34,838 --> 01:09:36,715
Fucking is fucking.
1362
01:09:37,048 --> 01:09:39,593
(upbeat music)
1363
01:09:53,648 --> 01:09:57,569
- Well, I still think we
shoulda gone out to Hollywood.
1364
01:09:57,903 --> 01:10:00,197
Jimmy won't know what
to say if we win.
1365
01:10:00,530 --> 01:10:02,073
- Ah, we'll never win.
1366
01:10:02,407 --> 01:10:04,284
Let's put on the ball game.
1367
01:10:04,618 --> 01:10:06,453
- Oh, ye of little faith.
1368
01:10:06,786 --> 01:10:09,122
- Look, they're
announcing the nominees.
1369
01:10:09,456 --> 01:10:10,790
- Turn up the volume.
1370
01:10:11,124 --> 01:10:14,419
- And now, ladies and
gentlemen, the moment
1371
01:10:14,753 --> 01:10:16,296
we've all been waiting for
1372
01:10:17,464 --> 01:10:20,175
for the best
picture of the year.
1373
01:10:20,508 --> 01:10:22,010
May I have the envelope please?
1374
01:10:24,930 --> 01:10:25,931
I'm so excited.
1375
01:10:26,848 --> 01:10:27,891
And the winner is...
1376
01:10:29,976 --> 01:10:31,478
You are hereby summoned
1377
01:10:31,811 --> 01:10:36,358
to appear before the
grand jury in Memphis...
1378
01:10:36,691 --> 01:10:37,691
You asshole.
1379
01:10:38,610 --> 01:10:39,610
Gimme.
1380
01:10:41,279 --> 01:10:42,697
And the winner is...
1381
01:10:47,035 --> 01:10:49,371
I don't believe this shit.
1382
01:10:49,704 --> 01:10:50,704
The winner is
1383
01:10:51,665 --> 01:10:54,000
The Last Porno Flick.
(all cheering)
1384
01:10:54,334 --> 01:10:55,585
Federico
1385
01:10:55,919 --> 01:10:56,919
Gepetto
1386
01:10:57,003 --> 01:10:58,296
Alexa.
1387
01:10:58,630 --> 01:11:01,007
Accepting the award
for Mr. Gepetto is
1388
01:11:02,634 --> 01:11:04,469
Jimmy.
- Go on down.
1389
01:11:04,803 --> 01:11:06,683
- Congratulations.
- And since this is the first
1390
01:11:06,972 --> 01:11:09,349
fuck film to win an Oscar,
1391
01:11:09,683 --> 01:11:13,270
I just gotta thank two people
who made it all possible.
1392
01:11:13,603 --> 01:11:17,941
The two people who invented
fucking: Adam and Eve.
1393
01:11:18,275 --> 01:11:19,693
I didn't get their last names,
1394
01:11:20,026 --> 01:11:21,903
but they know who they are.
1395
01:11:22,237 --> 01:11:25,115
And I'm thrilled for
my good buddy Gramps
1396
01:11:26,283 --> 01:11:28,660
that he lived to see this night.
1397
01:11:30,870 --> 01:11:32,414
- What an asshole.
1398
01:11:38,586 --> 01:11:40,588
(machine whirring)
1399
01:11:40,922 --> 01:11:43,508
(machine dings)
1400
01:11:46,678 --> 01:11:50,557
(everyone murmuring)
1401
01:11:50,890 --> 01:11:53,130
- There must be nine million
dollars here, keep counting.
1402
01:11:53,226 --> 01:11:54,811
- There's 10 million
in this pile,
1403
01:11:55,145 --> 01:11:56,625
and nine million in...
- Are you sure?
1404
01:11:56,938 --> 01:11:57,957
Let's start again and make sure,
1405
01:11:57,981 --> 01:11:59,357
'cause I don't
wanna get screwed.
1406
01:11:59,691 --> 01:12:01,609
- Come on, come on, boys.
1407
01:12:01,943 --> 01:12:02,527
- Keep counting.
1408
01:12:02,861 --> 01:12:04,195
- I'm being taken advantage of.
1409
01:12:04,529 --> 01:12:06,531
That's my pile, get
your hands off it.
1410
01:12:06,865 --> 01:12:07,945
- Come on now, don't fight.
1411
01:12:08,241 --> 01:12:10,094
I'm gonna take my share and
go to that massage parlor
1412
01:12:10,118 --> 01:12:11,118
and go for broke.
1413
01:12:11,244 --> 01:12:12,244
- Hey.
1414
01:12:12,329 --> 01:12:13,371
Hey.
1415
01:12:13,705 --> 01:12:15,999
I've got an idea
for our next movie.
1416
01:12:16,333 --> 01:12:17,333
How about
1417
01:12:17,625 --> 01:12:19,669
She Came on the Bus.
1418
01:12:20,003 --> 01:12:21,003
- Ah, horseshit.
1419
01:12:21,379 --> 01:12:23,715
Those travel films
never make money.
1420
01:12:24,758 --> 01:12:26,384
I've got one.
1421
01:12:26,718 --> 01:12:31,097
Doctor Dick Makes a
House Call. (laughing)
1422
01:12:31,431 --> 01:12:32,682
- Too medical, no zip.
1423
01:12:33,016 --> 01:12:35,810
You gotta play on
their fantasies, boys.
1424
01:12:36,144 --> 01:12:37,144
How's this?
1425
01:12:37,354 --> 01:12:39,314
Teenage Grandmother.
1426
01:12:39,647 --> 01:12:42,317
- Yeah, great, yeah.
- Terrific.
1427
01:12:42,650 --> 01:12:43,650
- No, no, no.
1428
01:12:44,903 --> 01:12:48,365
There'll be no more erotic film.
1429
01:12:48,698 --> 01:12:49,698
- Fred, why?
1430
01:12:50,575 --> 01:12:54,496
- Gentlemen, this is
the last porno flick.
1431
01:12:54,829 --> 01:12:56,373
- Oh.
- What?
1432
01:12:56,706 --> 01:12:58,184
- [Gramps] Yeah, we
gotta think of something.
1433
01:12:58,208 --> 01:12:59,288
Yeah, what are we gonna do?
1434
01:12:59,542 --> 01:13:00,622
We all remember who we are.
1435
01:13:00,835 --> 01:13:02,104
- [Fred] Let's not
forget our heritage.
1436
01:13:02,128 --> 01:13:06,925
♪ We're the Creative Concepts ♪
1437
01:13:08,426 --> 01:13:10,720
♪ Systems and Procedures ♪
1438
01:13:11,054 --> 01:13:14,057
♪ Brothers Unlimited Inc. ♪
1439
01:13:14,391 --> 01:13:18,645
♪ What do you think ♪
1440
01:13:18,978 --> 01:13:21,481
♪ I need a drink ♪
1441
01:13:23,900 --> 01:13:27,404
(upbeat whimsical music)
1442
01:15:16,137 --> 01:15:18,848
(bomb explodes)
1443
01:15:19,974 --> 01:15:22,936
(bottles clatter)
1444
01:15:26,940 --> 01:15:29,609
(upbeat music)
91252
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