Original subtitles

It's 5:14 am

Today, Sunday 10 June, after a quiet election eve, everybody is voting in Italy.

Italians that will go to vote of the 76.466 pollings to elect 630 members and 315 senators

will be 42.223.813. We suppose a good influx of resident abroad Italians.

Thus special trains were set by the national railways.

Alitalia set special flights too, to let our emigrants to get their election headquarters and exercise their right to vote.

Today Sunday pollings will be open from 7 am to 10 pm.

Tomorrow Monday will be open at 7 am and will definitely close at 2 pm.

We expect a high percentage of voters in spite of the unstable and perturbed weather on the whole peninsula.

From 10 am our news will make you informed about first influxes region to region.

Now we connect to our editorial in Milan...

Munich Sunday 7 am

Pasquale wake up.

Pasquale go to wash yourself.

Indeed have a bath, you have to go till Matera.

I want they see you changed since you are with me.

In the meanwhile I make you breakfast.

Plenty breakfast so it'll be enough for you till you get to Matera.

Pasquale tell your parents I coudn't come to Matera.

because it's a period of great work at the office. Got it?

Pasquale, are three t-shirts enough?

Pasquale, the breakfast is on the table.

Everyday I'm in love with you more. Who knows why?

Who knows what they give you to eat in Matera.

Poor Pasquale.

Vote for the right one, Pasquale, ok?

Sure he'll vote for the right one, he's leaving his wife here.

If I go to Italy I'll find a wife.

- Lucky man, he's going to Italy. - Lucky man.

Turin. Sunday 7,30 am

Magda. For God sake, stop up.

- Furio, what did I do? - You can't dispose laggages in a car that way.

When you are doing this operation you have always to consider that you are making a mosaic.

Each thing has to match to each other.

It has to be like a puzzle. No more no less.

Lets go babies, come here.

Anton Giulio, go to the place of Anton Luca. Anton Luca, go to the place of Anton Giulio. There's a slight imbalance.

This is a more acceptable settling.

Anyway perfection belongs only to God, for God sake.

- Listen to me honey, lets talk. Have you done everything you had to do? - Yes.

Have you turned the gas off? Did you bring the knob in horizontal position?

Have you closed the windows? Perfect.

Have you picked the bag with documents up? Security card, identity card, VAT number card?

- Yes. - Perfect.

Thermos with milk? Thermos with water and lemon? Fruit juices? Butter sandwich? Ham sandwich? Stracchino sandwich? Perfect.

- Talking about that, where did you buy the ham? From Luciano of from Gino? - Luciano.

Next time buy it from Gino. The cut is better, and then Gino's ham has another flavor compared to Luciano's one. Alright?

Yes.

Listen to the very last thing. Did you pick the binoculars up?

What we have to do with the binoculars?

What we have to do with the binoculars? There's the whole Appennin section from Bologna to Florence that scenically talking is spectacular.

- Dad, I picked it up. - Good boy. 8 to Anton Giulio and 5 to the mom.

Poor Mom, I'm kiddin you. God forbid.

There's one minute to 8.30, I can use it to call the ACI.

- The ACI? - The ACI. One minute.

- Magda, do you adore me? - Yes. - So the feeling is mutual.

Hello. Am I talking to the rideable roads service (ACI)? Goodmorning. I am an ACI associate, card number 917655/UT like Udine Torino.

I was bothering you to get some elucidations because I'm going to Rome to vote.

Listen, I've heard from the sailors bullettin that a low pressure area of 982 millibar is coming.

This is confirmed by a very annoying headache that occurs whenever there's a sudden pressure drop.

On the other hand, dear friend, this is the price we meteoropathic have to pay.

Listen, I was asking this. In your opinion, if I leave in about three minutes, and keeping a cruising speed of 80/85 km/h

in your opinion, I'm in time to leave the perturbation behind me near Parma?

Fuck off.

Hello? Hello? ACI? Hello?

How strange, the line must have fallen.

Magda, did you leave the kids alone in the car?

I'm sorry Furio, is it really necessary for me to come with you to Rome?

Excuse me Magda, are you kiddin me or are you talking seriously?

I rest a little, I stay alone a little. Plus you have more space in the car.

It seems to me to have heard a fool thing.

Apart from the fact that you're giving a bad example to our children who know well that we're going to perform our duty of honest Italian citizens

then explain me a thing, from what you have to rest? Explain me that. Explain me that, Magda.

From nothing. Excuse me.

- Excuse me Magda, where are you going? - To turn the heater off.

You told me you have done everything. You are a little liar. I'm waiting for you with the kids. When you are leaving lock with two turns. Hurry up, it's 8.32.

I can't take it anymore.

I can't take it.

Sunday, 9 am.

- I'm sorry, did you see an old lady? - An old lady? - Yes, a bit elder lady.

- Yes, with an officer. - Indeed, that's my uncle.

- With another lady. - Indeed, that's the wife of my uncle, the sister of my mother.

- They were here staying in the shade. - And where is the shadow? - A couple of hours ago there was the sun, they'd move.

- Who moved? The shadow or my grandma? - Them both.

- Together? - What a jerk.

Hey Roman.

Damn. I'm sorry, you're right.

Sorry, I forgot.

What's this? This is for who's going to south. Where did you pick it up?

Please leave me alone, my head is bursting. If I tell you what happened to me I'd take two hours.

Alright, I don't know anything. Anyway, it's liras 12.000.

- Liras 12.000? - Of course, you have to pay from Rome.

Don't even try.

- Come on! - One minute.

- What the fuck. We are here since 7.30 am. - Shut up, leave me alone. My head is like a football.

- Hi Mimmo. - Hi Auntie. - What happened? - Don't talk about that.

- Hi Granny!

- What you mean? - This is the time to arrive?

I arrive at this time, I say bye at this time. At this time you go to vote by train. See you and thanks.

- Come on Mimmo. Don't be a baby. - Mimmo, I order you to not assume that attitude.

You assume attitudes. You give orders, she slaps. I left Rome at midnight to come to pick her up.

Among blinding lights, sweat, fog, I was getting crazy. Then I mistaked Verona with Vicenza.

- How? - Because I was remembering the arena of Vicenza. Are you never wrong?

They wrong. He wrongs all the time, she wronged to get married with him, I wrong to come here every year because they break my balls.

- Mamma Teresa, I forbid you to give such judgments. Lets load baggages. - One minute.

If she doesn't apologize I don't leave.

- Come on Mimmo, make peace. - No. - Holy shit.

He really wants me to leave. I don't want to apologize but I want to go to Rome and vote for communists so they'll shoo him.

- Come here Mimmo, come to Granny. - Yes but don't do jokes, right?

- Lets go. - You'd know how I was in apprehension for you.

- Why? I'm grown up. - I can't be in apprehension for adults? - Now I'm here.

Granny's kid. You be fast.

Mimmo look. Here there are all the medicines. Everything is written, hours and doses. She already had heparine and pentacel.

At 10 give her derinal for circulation, at 10.30 give her cardizem for her heart. Before lunch, which has to be very light,

a spoon of ebaren. After lunch instead... - No, stop up now, my head is bursting auntie.

Come on Granny, relax. Now we travel quiet and happy. Get in the car.

- I don't leave. - You don't leave?

I don't want the anterior seat. I want to seat behind and spread my legs because they hurt.

- So lets put the seat off. - The seat off? - It's a peace of cake. - A peace of cake? Are you kiddin me? - Lets put the seat off and make her happy.

Damn, I can't take it anymore. Stretch her legs, bend her legs, spread her legs, cover her legs, uncover her legs, recover her legs...

I should do cut her legs.

Couldn't you put your stockings on before? Right now? In the middle of the street?

This morning the colonel said to me "Put your stockings on" but I said to him "Do your own business"

Now my legs are in pain, they are puffy, they hurt. - Ok, tell me where are these stockings.

In the black bag. There's the talcum too.

- The talcum? - They don't fit otherwise.

Lets put on these stockings with the talcum.

- Where I have to put talcum, on your legs or on your stockings? - On them both.

- Ahi, it pinches. What are you doing? - Calm down Granny, now we try.

Calm down. Be quiet.

It tickles.

Calm down, we are ridicolous.

- Oh my God! - What?

- I have to pee. I can't keep it. - Do it in my hand.

Up your leg. Up your butt. Stand up.

Done.

You fool. You think I'm so ramshackle to pee in my pants?

- Were you joking? - You fool! - How can I know? You've got 2.000 medicines.

Ametrano.

Are you going to Matera to vote?

Have you been abroad for very long?

Do you have anything to declare?

You can go.

Ametrano. Remake your picture, you got worse.

- Do you need eyewash too? So, where's this eyewash? - Don't face to me in that tone.

It should be in the bag with other medicines.

- Where is it? - It'd be here. Auntie gave it to me.

- Did we leave it in Vicenza? - In Verona. - In Verona, sorry.

- Then we'll do without it. - No, don't even try, we'll not do without it, alright?

Fortunately I kept the list. Wait a moment, I'll be fast.

Does she has convulsions now?

Go away. Don't even try.

Granny, liras 39.000. I just say this.

- Oh my God Granny. - What's up? - Guess where was the bag.

- Where? - On the top. - And now?

- And now I try to get a refund. - Try it. - Damn, hold on.

Screw you.

- Granny, they give me a coupon. What does it mean? - It means that they fuck you.

Family, a moment of silence. It's time for the first envelope.

Lets see what Dad wrote before leaving.

I retain that the first provision will take place after 260 km, approximately at North Modena between 10.35 and 10.42.

- What's time, Magda? - 20 to 11.

- Say it good. - 10.40. - Check this please.

- Goodmorning - Buenas dias. So, a good full of gas, a good check to the oil, battery, brake oil.

I ask you a courtesy. When you do the gas, be careful to not let the liquid escape.

- Magda, where are you going? - I'm bringing the kids to the toilet.

- So I talk to walls. - Why? - I repeat you that the 850th time.

Public toilets are the vendings of salmonellosis and typhoid, right?

Anton Luca and Anton Giulio, Dad ask you a favour. In 22-23 minutes I ensure you that we will be in a large pitch where

you will be able to do all your needs. If Dad ask you that, you can do that?

- Yes, yes, we can. - So lets go, in the car.

Come on.

- Magda! - Yes? - Where are you steering?

- I have to do my needs in the pitch too? - Go, go. I'll not keep you with chains.

If you want to go to meet salmonellosis, you'll find it with its hand outstretched.

Magda. At least use this.

- What's this? - A sterilized toilet cover. At least we try to make life difficult to bacillus.

Go, greetings, and good luck. What I have to say.

- Everything is OK. - I trust you.

- For God sake, be careful. - It's liras 38.500. - Alright.

Uh, listen. If I may, I take the gas card which you have to affix a stamp on. Because it's not a normal gas card

which is given to each IVA taxpayer, this is a special gas card given to us executives who are travelling.

It gives you a double advantage. Where is it?

I can't take it anymore.

Ghosts were here. It's the only explanation.

- Lock the doors. Don't open to anybody. I leave you a little of air. - Like dogs.

I'm going to Mom to ask for the gas card. In the meanwhile do me a courtesy. Check the tires pressure,

1.6 ahead, 1.8 behind, so we both save time, alright?

Open the door kids, I have to move the car to check the tires pressure. Open the door, come on.

Yes?

Magda, something paranormal happened. The gas card is not in the clipboard.

- Furio, we should leave it at home. - We should? You left it at home.

Excuse me Magda, in your purse it'd be the list I made for you yesterday, can you give it to me a moment?

Here it is. At number 22 there are all documents we had to bring, among them, at letter C, there's written very clear

GAS CARD

- I apologize. - I accept your apologize. We're waiting for you outside. Hurry up Magda.

For God sake, what are they doing! Stop! You're breaking my suspensions! Stop! Hands off!

- A glass of water please. - With gas? - No, regular.

Thank you.

- Did you go to the bar secretly? Can you explain me why, if we brought thermos specially?

- Furio, I had a pill. - Psycho drugs again? Magda, I think you are abusing of them.

Magda, you're wasting yourself. You don't love yourself and this is couse for great pain for me.

Anyway, to be short, you have to go to the car to change Anton Luca, who peed in his pants.

What? He should keep it till the pitch.

He could do that, but I had to absent myself to come and ask you this notoriuos gas card so four

brutes slammed him in the car urging his bladder. Lets go, come on, hurry up.

That's all about Middle Italy. Lets talk about Southern Italy now.

In Campania at 9.30 am the percentage of voters was 21.5%.

Basilicata: from a first check, we have only the result of Matera:

SPEAKING GERMAN

Did they steal your studs? Eh, they do that, they do.

Auntie did't tell me that 11 am was the time of the injection. She was silent, she smart.

I know that for this kind of medicines there are pills, syrups, suppositories.

Did you want to put the suppository to your Granny?

You put that by yourself. Yuck Granny.

Damn! It hurts.

- Excuse me, you have to look just at here? - I can't watch?

- I'm on my ground and I look at what I want.

- This is My Granma's butt and you can't look at it. This is the butt of an old lady.

- Oh! - Now I climb on a tree so I can see it better.

- So now the curtain is closed. - Come on Mimmo. Do this injection. My kidneys hurt.

- And know what? You've got an old butt. - Don't you feel ashamed saying that? - No!

Go away! Voyeur, go away!

Who won? Come on, bend. There's nobody now. Is the point this?

- No, upper. - Upper there's the bone. What a bone! It looks like a bicycle handlebar.

- You exagerate! - Again. Here's another one.

You look like doing the rabies to a dog.

- What you mean? - I mean that if you were a doctor you should be in prison.

We aren't in an hospital among nurses and nuns. This is my first shot.

- It looks like that. - OK. Where's the mistake in your opinion?

First of all, the position. If you do that on the right cheek, she has to up the right leg.

Otherwise, the muscle is hard, the cyst comes out, and the cheek swells.

- What happens to my cheek? - Ma'am, a bump comes out, it becomes like a plum.

Great!

How you want to do that? With or without pinch?

What you mean?

With pinch it's this way. I see, it's better without pinch, you can shot your finger.

Stop now, he's scaring me. Granny, who did you stop?

- Give me the tool. - Are you crazy? With hands like those? Are you kiddin me?

Wait a moment.

- Mimmo take it easy. This man has proficiency.

Proficiency? What proficiency? He's a truck driver.

Truck drivers are good. I was used to make love with a truck driver. He was so kind and good.

Anyway, I'm bored. Let him do this shot.

Hold the bottle, so you do something.

- Do me this injection! - Ma'dam, I did it. Done.

- Did he hurt you? - He has feather hand. He didn't hurt me at all.

Kid, this hand can be iron or can be feather. Today it was feather. Here you are.

- I'm leaving now. - Thank you. - I need to sleep.

- This job is a prison. - What's your name?

- My name? I'm The Prince ma'am. - Really? The Prince?

- Have a good trip Prince, thanks. - You're welcome, it was my duty.

Can I speak now? Have you done? Enough with doctors, medicines, shots and princes. Now we go straight to Rome.

It was only 5 km detour. We took 20 minutes.

- 20 minutes? 50 minutes. What clock you have? - Don't be loud.

- What? - Dead people are here.

- Anyway, where we have to look for this tomb? - Here, now we'll find it.

- What was your friend's name? - I don't remember, like "smile" or like "rice".

I don't know.

- Yes, now we make butter rice. - Come on, don't kid. Granny, you brought me here and now you

don't remember his name.

There are 6.000 deads here. It's not easy at all.

Now we look for it. Lets divide, the first who finds her has to call the other one.

- Her? She's a girl now? - I meant the tomb. - The tomb of who?

It's like "smile" or "rice".

Granny! Can it be "Risaliti"?

Give me a smile you passer-by.

The Avasini massacre. Poor people.

Granny! There's a guy who is like Nicolino. Just like him!

Granny! Where are you?

Did you find it?

- No. Look how beautiful is this tomb. - Granny!

- You have to make a one for me like that when I'm dead.

- How you got into your head? - When I'm dead I want a tomb like that. Listen to me.

Lets make a deal. I'll leave you the house in the countryside, but you make me a tomb like that.

It's so beautiful. I really like that.

I don't even think about that. I don't even want to look at that.

I don't like you make this kind of speeches.

- You are young, granny's kid. I'm old, I have to think about that. - Enough!

Look what a beautiful girl.

Who knows how she died. Many young people die. There it was full of children.

Poor them.

- Lets give her a flower. - Two flowers. She's beautiful.

Granny, I'm curious. Who knows who were all these deads, what was their job.

I'm curious. This one, for example. Who knows what was his job.

- He was a lawyer. - A lawyer? Why a lawyer? - It's written.

Lets give a flower to him too.

Granny, listen. We'll not find this "smile" or "rice" even if we search for a week.

Lets do a thing. Go whole hog. Lets give flowers to everybody, random.

- Excuse me, are you from here? Is a tomb like "smile", "laugh", "laughing" here?

There is nothing funny.

Don't tell me that it's this.

- De Riso Francesco. - De Riso is OK, Francesco... - Francesco is OK too.

Granny, lets stop here. Anyway we can't find anything better than this. Alright?

Check at the casher please.

A sandwich?

It's Liras 1.000.

Here you are.

It's quitting raining.

Apparently this perturbation had a much more extension than what the aeronautic colunel foresaw yesterday.

Much deeper. Anyway, whatever.

Come on kids, lets play again. Who first see a countryman gets 5 points, a horse 10 points

a bell tower 15 points. What's the score?

- Me 70, Anton Luca 20. - And the mom? - 0.

Zero? Magda, come on, a bit of enthusiasm. It's an instructive game for the kids. A bit of spirit.

A country man? A bell tower? Hey, what's going on?

- What's happening? - The car hangs on the right.

- Go slowly. - I'm going slowly, wait, now I accost.

Damn, it's the right front one.

Front here, QED. Bloody hell.

Well, lets not feel powerless. Lets identify the closest pedestal emergency.

- Why the pedestal emergency? - Because of the ACI emergency service. Wake up honey.

- But Furio, for a tyre? - Magda, it's our right to call, a duty of them to come.

Alright? Anton Giulio, give your dad the binoculars.

Here is one.

Here is another.

They look like to be equidistant. Anyhow, if I consider that there's a light climb from here

while it descends sloping from here, maybe I can save 3-4 meters. Awarded.

Magda, do me a courtesy. Put the emergency triangle at 13-14 meters from here. Lets work.

1 2 3 10 100 1000

- Do you need help madam? - No thanks, I don't.

My husband went to call the ACI.

- What's wrong? A tyre? - Yes. - He's calling the ACI for a tyre?

- I'll fix it in 30 seconds. - No, don't mind. Don't bore you. - No problem.

- Hi kids. - Please forget it. - Don't worry, I'll take a minute.

Here it is.

- What I can tell my husband when he's here? - Tell him that a very kind man saw you in troubles and so

he stopped, and gave you this gift.

This is done too.

- Done. See? It was a piece of cake. - I'm sorry, you got dirty.

- I'm sorry because I can't shake your hand. Anyway, my name is Raul. - I'll take you some water.

- Thank you Magda. - How you know my name?

I think I know enough about you. Don't be scared, I heard your husband calling you but...

may I?

Give me your hand.

- You are not a happy woman, are you? - What are you talking about? Anyway I thank you very much.

OK, I leave. The way is long, we'll meet again.

What is she doing? Going on the rim? Is she crazy?

Stop! Stop!

You had to say "No thanks". Or "Wait when my husband is back."

I told him but he insisted, he was so kind. I don't understand, what's wrong?

Now I explain you what's wrong, immediately. You make me look like a fool with the ACI guys.

Now I'm like the man who was crying "wolf, wolf". Come on Magda.

- Furio, why we just don't leave? They can't know who did that. - Brava!

Lets always think like you do, so Italy will get more and more wasted. What a trouble Magda, what a trouble.

What I will tell them?

- What are you doing? You put the wasted tyre on again? - Of course, there's no solution.

Do you want to find another solution? You can't, no way.

I can't keep it anymore.

- You shot, you go and pick it. - So? Go! - Hurry up!

- I'm sorry, I asked for 5 meatballs. - I gave you 5 of them.

Open your mouth. I said open your mouth.

Yuck! Close it! You've got the cholesterol!

- It's just like an hospital. - You want to go back to the hospital? So eat my stuff.

I need to be very patient at you.

Excuse me, can we sit here? It's not me, it's my granma, she's old and she can't walk.

Stop telling people about my sickness please.

Are you going to vote too?

- I think they are foreigners. - We "Ruskian".

They are very foreigners.

Who are you voting for?

- It's a communist country. - I vote for communists too.

It's not the same, it's just another matter. I'll explain you later, it's a long speech.

Do you know who he's going to vote for?

Vote is a secret. And how you know who I'm going to vote for.

I know who you're going to vote for.

You don't know anything.

My grandson is a pain in my ass.

I want to see how you can translate that.

Mimmo, you know who this man looks like? He looks like that German soldier who...

who came home in the April 1945, and he left his uniform and you gave him my grandfather's cloth

Every foreigner you see has to look like that German soldier. Enough with this German soldier.

We're leaving now.

One moment, miss, if you are coming to Rome you can come to visit us. Mimmo, give her your address and

your phone number, so maybe you can bring her to see Rome.

You think that she'll call me and date me? Are you kiddin me?

Why? She's smiling at you. Miss, will you call him?

Look how she's beautiful. Do you like her? Look at her.

I'm looking at her!

- Do you like her? - Yes! - So why you don't give her your number? - OK!

You've got blood pressure!

Family, a moment of silence. I'm making you known that in this moment our car has just passed

through 650 km. Its running is concluded. Kids, do you want to give the first speed to the car?

- Yes! Yes! - Do you want? Do you want to teach a lesson to that bully?

- It's Sunday and he must not circulate too. - Furio, go slowly please.

Look at his hubris. He feels the owner of the road. Lets see who is the fastest.

- No, break, slow down. - Magda please, don't intrude. I have a perfect mastery of the vehicle.

Who gave you a driving licence? Asshole! Oh shit, there are kids too.

- He doesn't speak anymore! He's dead! - How dead? He's not speaking...

He's really dead! I didn't do it! He cut me off!

You saw that! He cut me off!

- I'm afraid he's dead. - Dead?

No, he's not dead, he's fainting. I felt his wrist, it's regular. Don't worry Magda, don't worry.

Stop, calm down.

- Are you his wife? - Yes. - At a first exam it's nothing worring

I put four point on his forehead. But your husband is in a confusional status of shock, he talks, talks,

he's a continuos logorrhea, he's unstoppable. I gave him a sedative.

Doc, he's always that way. It's his normal status.

- He's that way. - He's that way. I was with him for less than an hour, and,

- ma'am, I'm sorry, but I can't keep it anymore. - You tell me that.

I can't dismiss him, I have to make him plates. I have to hold him for at least 12 hours.

- Doc, does he know that? - Yes, he knows. He raised hell when I saied that to him.

He wanted four beds for you and your kids, then he wanted to let kids sleep in a litter, then he

wanted to let you sleep with a nun. Your husband is such a neurotic anxiety.

Ma'am, I have to follow him seriuosly.

So, gentlemen, we've done with reports.

Cars are in the workshop behind the square. Three of them can leave now. One is yours, one

- is yours. The third is a blue Volk Swagen. - That's mine.

- What about mine? - Yours is a problem. Because there is no way till tomorrow morning.

It's OK, anyway my husband is not ready till tomorrow morning. Is there a guest-house where we can sleep?

Yes, there's an hotel at the end of the street. We can find somebody to bring you there.

- I can bring you, if I may. - No, thanks, don't bother yourself. - No problem absolutely.

- I was thinking to sleep there too. - Please. - I'm in a confusional status too.

- Lets go kids. - Lets go kids, the meal is ready.

- Good evening. - Good evening. - A double room with two little beds.

Not at all. The man is by himself. Give me my kid.

A double room. We're doing good by ourselves.

- Can I see an ID please? - Yes.

Bring the lady to room 10.

- These are yours? - Yes. Very kind.

- Have you an empty room close to 10? - I can see.

Then see.

- Keep hard Granny. Excuse me, do you have a toilet? It's very pressing. - There, in front of you.

Come on, keep hard. You're almost done. Wait, I think this is for smokers.

- Who cares! - Don't lock the door, ok?

It's 15 km that she has to run to the toilet. Anyway, we need to be patient with elders, they are not

like young people like us. Anyway, one day, I was making a trouble on a bus. I did it just in time.

You know why she's that way? She's like children, as she sees something she eats it. Anything. She's terrible.

Lets go whole hog.

How much is a room? It's better for her to sleep here. Anyway, we have all day tomorrow to vote.

Liras 28.000.

- Mimmo, Mimmo, help! - What's happening? OK, I take it. Granny! What's happening?

What's wrong, Granny?

Enough with these jokes! I don't want to travel with you anymore. Even if you give me a million.

- Open the window here. They'll have a bad picture of us. - Who cares?

Who cares? Are you kiddin me?

Anton Giulio.

Anton Luca

Mom. Has Dad to stay at the hospital very long yet?

I wish!

I meant, tomorrow he's out.

- What do you want? Leave me alone! - I can't. - Enough! Go away!

- Why you don't let the kids sleep and come to dinner with me? - No.

I know a good restaurant. Then I would tell you the story of my life. It's very interesting. I travelled three continents.

- No, I'm not interested. - Why? At least, lets go to have a drink at the bar downstair.

No!

- Who was Mom? - Nobody. It was the porter.

Granny, I tell you just a thing. Liras 38.000, I just say that.

- Who can get me up now. - Right?

Here is the bed, there is the toilet, there is the window. Now you rest and tomorrow the trip is easy.

- When do we eat? - Do we eat? Are you kiddin me?

You won't put anything in that mouth till tomorrow morning. Even a glass of water. Right?

Get up. I help you to put your clothes off.

You big bundle.

Granny. I thought you were much more fat. I can count your vertebras.

Put my cloth off please. I'm suffocating.

Here he is the studs stealer! Gaetano! Catch him!

Asshole! Come here!

Are you sure you don't want to spend 1001 nights with me?

No, no, no. Even half.

You don't like me?

Forget it. I'm busy tonight.

The family mother? You know, you won't be getting any with her.

Don't let me go on the road tonight too. I'm not feeling like that.

- Stop, please. - Thank God I didn't leave. She went other three times.

She's sleeping now.

- Can I have a sandwich? - No.

- A glass of hot milk? - The machine is off.

- Cold! - Quiet. - Cold.

Now I see.

Shut up. People are sleeping. Go to sing out.

Shit! Every night this jerk is here.

Croissants in the cellophane. Better than nothing.

- Why you don't pick that guy up? - That guy? His dinner is a croissant!

Maybe the old lady is full of money. Go to him, let him dance. Come on.

May I?

Thank you. I couldn't see the flap from my side.

- Hot today, isn't it? - Uh? Yes.

- Not very much. This morning in Vicenza was cold. - Are you coming from Vicenza?

- Vicenza is the one with the arena? - Yes...

Can you undress a woman?

What?

No way. I'm hopeless with chellophane.

- Yes. OK. Sir! Somebody's asking for you. - Me? - Yes.

I'm sorry, but it's eleven pm. The kids are sleeping, if you keep on playing they will wake up.

- Then I would sleep too. - You can't sleep?

No, here upstair the music is loudy.

Please stop playing, especially that song.

- Why? - I saied "stop".

- I'm not good at dancing. - I teach you. - If it was a modern dance, but I'm

really bad with slow dances. Anyway lets stay apart

or we will fall off together.

- I feel like I'm made of wood. - You're not made of wood.

Enough.

- I'm bad. - Dance.

I'm not able.

Did you understand that was a serenade for you?

- Magda. - No, please. - You make me crazy.

- Leave me alone. - You make me crazy. - Kids are here.

Kids have no eyes on night.

What are you doing? Are you mad?

- Ma'am, the phone! - Who is? - It's your husband.

Enough!

I'll wait for you in my room.

Room number 7.

- Hello Furio? How are you? - How you think I am? Like a stalk of broccoli.

- How are you? Everybody is OK? Did you settle well in the hotel? - Yes.

- Are the kids sleeping? - Yes. - Perfect. Perfect.

- Did you get other analysis? - Yes but minor.

Thank God, your husband is made of still tubes. Rather, do you know what I found out from the plates?

Something unbelievable.

I found out that the tickness of my fibula is much more than the tibia's one.

An incredibly high tickness. This is to demonstrate the great benefits of natural milk instead of artificial milk.

So Nino's theories were actually foolishnesses.

- Are you sure that kids are sleeping? - Yes. - Were you sleeping?

- No. - Were you thinking of me? - Yes.

Uh, honey, do a thing. Tomorrow, when you leave the hotel, make them do the check with the taxation. OK?

- Did you take the VAT number card? - Yes.

- So Magda, do you adore me? - Yes. - So the feeling is mutual.

A kiss to the babies.

Good night.

Listen to this.

Can I ask you a question? What's your job?

Me?

I'm a teacher.

But teachers don't make a lot of money today. I'm always looking for new people.

New friends. To make some extra.

- Do you understand me? - We have a friend at home

He's a very nice friend of mine. He's called lawyer Buso. He would give his life to help somebody.

We can ask a pen and a paper, and you can write your resume. You write your first name, last name, what you can do

what you would do... - I can do anything. I do anything.

- I feel so lonely. - Yes.

Especially on night, when I'm going to bed. I never decide. I always wish I had somebody.

A bit of warmth.

How you can go to bed all alone? Would you pay figure to have somebody next to you?

- I would pay to not have that. I've my Grandma who snores in my room. - But I don't snore.

What you mean?

- If you feel so alone and depressed I can be with you for a while. - Really? Lets go.

- Lets go? - Lets go.

- Where do you want to go? - We could have a walk. - Later.

- So if I find an open pharmacy I can by this dimi.. dimi.. for my Grandma. - Later.

If we keep on this mess we'll arrive in Rome for next voting, in 4 years.

- No, Olympics are every 4 years. - At this time all pharmacies are closed.

- I've got your medicine in my room. - Do you feel embarassed too?

- Nice clothes. Whose are they? - A Princess owned the hotel long ago. - She must be a noblewoman.

- Come in. - What's here?

OMG

Even the kitchen.

The television.

- You just live here. - Yes. - Of course your salary is not enough. You live in a hotel.

It's more practical for me.

Fishes!

What you give them to eat? Because they are so delicate. In one month I made 20 fishes die. Then I quit.

What a pity. I'm out of your medicine.

- Thanks anyway. - Where are you going? - I goto go. - No, no.

- I'm sorry, I really have to go. - Don't leave. - It's not because I'm scared.

It's your first time?

- But what the fuck! - I'm sorry, I didn't mean.

- Fuck off! - I'm sorry.

- Granny. Granny. I've seen something which scared me. - It was a bad dream, sleep now.

It wasn't a bad dream.

A lady who says to be a teacher, suddenly was totally naked in front of me. With all women's stuff outside, all women's nether

She had like a black wood, like a triangle, it was like she was wearing underwear.

It was a bad dream my kid. Be quite, sleep.

It had to be underwear.

- Mimmo, we are close to Orvieto. Lets go to see the cathedral for a little while. - A little while?

Where do you want to go? You will keep on turning candles on and we'll be there three hours long.

- That's not true. - Granny, I know you well.

Communist, get on. It's 100 km left and we'll do that quietly, right?

- God, who is he? - Mamma mia, who is he?

Madam, yesterday I did you the injection, now you have to give me the favour back. Bring me to Rome please.

- What did happen? - The Prince fell off. Fortunately I recognized the car.

- Only you can save me. - Save you? What you mean? - You shut up. Get on and hurry up.

Granny, get on. Everything happens to me.

- Hurry up. - Everything to me.

- Enough with these trips. - I could be your mother, I've seen many things in my life. What did happen?

I'm wanted. I've got a dead man in conscience.

- Excuse me Magda, how are you keeping your hands on the wheel? - Why Furio?

Darling, the hands have to keep the wheel like 10.15. This is the ideal position.

You're keeping them like 6.25. Very dangerous! Americans drive in 6.25 style, indeed they die like flies.

Keep the right side Magda, a little less of gas, a little less. A little less.

Slow Magda.

- Look, this is the tipical Italian jerkness. You'll see we'll find an omelette in a km. - What are you saying Furio!

Sorry, forget it. You're still nervous couse of what happened. You're right honey, don't worry.

- Now we go slowly to home. Nobody is following us. - Nobody at all.

Listen, shall we make the schedule for the after-vote? I'd say, to begin, mission strudel, Mom likes it.

We go to lunch there with the strudel. We stay there till about 3.25-3.30, then we go to visit uncle Piero.

After uncle Piero I'd suggest a visit to Nino, where we can find Clara, Michele, Marcellino, right?

Then I'd say to put these two solutions to the vote : we go to the Rome exhibition or to the Roman forum.

- Open vote, I refrain. - Roman Forum. - Rome exhibition, Rome exhibition!

Rome exhibition kids? Awarded to the Rome exhibition.

- Oh God, the cops. Damn it. - Calm down, it's nothing. - Nothing? If they're looking

for him lets him get off. - Calm down and go. 99% they're not looking for me. It's a regular check.

- What if the 1% happens? - I said calm down, with quietness, go. - Don't worry Mr Prince, I'll manage that.

You have to know that during the war I saved the life of a... - A German soldier! Enough with that Granny!

- 4000. - Now what can I say? Goodbye!

Keep on going like this, calm. Don't get nervous.

Oh God. Oh God. I'm sorry.

- I didn't mean it. - Goodmorning. - Goodmorning.

- Your car registration document and driving licence, please. - Car registration document and?

- Driving licence. - Driving licence.

Yes, yes, the document is here and...

This is the document, the driving licence is...

Here you are.

- He's my son. - I'm her grand-son.

- Thus he's your father. - This is my father? Are you kiddin me?

- Thus he's your uncle. - Is he my uncle?

Who knows him? Oh God, my brain is bursting. Lets confess everything. Forget me.

He's my son. Yesterday he ate, drank and slept with me. He has a solid cast-iron alibi.

Can you get off? Come here.

- If you let me speak, I can explain you the mess these two nuts are making. - Show me your ID please.

- Me? ID? Marshal, somebody stole my ID. - First of all, I'm not a Marshall. You accost your car please.

- Wait! Calm down! - Brigadier! Brigadier! - You are making a mistake.

- Are you listening to this asshole and that other? - First of all, moderate your terms. Then come with me to clarify the situation.

I gave you the injection even. Asshole, are you happy now? Infamous, you made me imprisoned. Infamous! Asshole!

He's right. You are such an asshole with no limits.

Destination, sweet destination. Finally we got you.

- Yes, but now a problem arises. - What problem Furio? Finally we can get in to vote.

And the kids? Being not appropriate bring them inside and being not able to leave them here, where we can leave them? Where we can bring them?

- Then lets go to vote one at a time. - Yes! 10 to the Mom. It seems to me the best solution.

So, listen. I go to vote, you stay here with the kids. I come back, I stay with the kids, you go to vote. Everything looks to be perfect.

So listen. You have your ballot, you know who you have to vote for, your preferences are 4, 16, 44, everything looks... eh?

- Do you adore me? - Yes. - So the feeling is mutual. See you later darling.

Booth n.2.

- Here you are. - Zoccàro Furio voted. - Zòccaro, Mr President, Zòccaro.

Mr President, if I may, I wanted to expose you and you scrutineer something unpleasant maybe you don't know.

- What happened? - Nothing, it happens that on the wall of the booth n.1 where I just voted there's

a shocking obscene drewing. My duty was to let you know. Goodbye.

Come in President. Come to see it. No, no, you can't.

- Why I can't? - If you really want to see it, go to see. - Sure I want to see it.

Sheer madness, an unheard thing. We got so bad.

- I'm sorry for you ladies. Did you see that? We need somebody to clean up. - I'll do that, I try with my hanky.

Did you see Italy today?

- Excuse me, where is your Mom? - She left. - She left? Where did she go?

- I don't know, she kissed us and she left. - Did she go to vote transgressing everything we planned and leaving you alone in the car?

It's sheer madness. Lets go to look for her.

- Excuse me, Ghiglioni Zoccaro Magda came to vote? - A moment, I check. - Thank you.

No, she didn't yet.

- Did she really tell you nothing? - No. - Mom volatilized.

If you don't want to talk to me you just do me a favour.

I will laugh when you have to climbe stairs. How you can do that without me?

- It's here? - Upstairs. First floor.

Boy, can you take me, I can't climbe the stairs.

I quarrelled with my grandson and I don't want to give him the pleasure to take me. Look how he gets mad.

Excuse me, if she's telling you the story about the truck driver, don't care of her.

Alright? It's her fault. She befriends with anybody! Dogs, pigs, thieves, anybody!

I'm not telling him about the truck driver. I'm telling him what a grandson I have. Big, tall and whiner.

Who confuses a pussy with underwears.

Are you telling him that? Alright, I quit you. I don't want to talk to you anymore.

I'm not feeling very well. Take my purse please.

- What's the problem? Speak to me! - I'm feeling better now.

Thank you boy.

- Booth n.2 madam. - Thank you.

Booth n.1.

- They saied to you booth n.2. This is mine. - You go to yours. - You go! - No, I don't go. - Me neither.

- Why you don't want to go? - Because I don't want!

- Excuse me President, which booth did you give to her? - It's the same, any booth. - Any booth? I can't do anything, she has to be always right.

You know what? I don't want to give you the house in the countryside anymore.

- You just do me a favour, because it's full of mice. - Silence.

Tell it to her.

Excuse me. Can I go to see what she's doing? She can't see very well, I think she's making a mess.

- Not at all. - I'm her grandson. May I call her?

She likes to kid. If you know how many jokes she makes to me.

She's kiddin.

- You should come here. Were you her grandson? - Were? I am. Is she saying 'Mimmo Mimmo my God my God'? She likes to kid.

- She's not saying anything. Come, come. - She's not speaking?

Call the emergency number.

She was alive five minutes ago. It's not fair, I had no time to make peace.

What we have to do with this vote? The ballot was half opened. We saw it, so the vote is nullified.

- No, you want to nullify it because you know who she voted for. - I have no interest in it. I'm here to

ensure compliance with the law. - You say it was half opened, I say it was half closed, the vote is valid.

You are in malafides. Lets check the regulation, alright?

Be quiet. Be quiet. My grandma is dead. She's really dead.

Down.

Booth n.1.

I just want to say a thing.

incomprehensible dialect, complaining about his trip

You know what? This will go up your asses. Goodbye.