Original subtitles

[narrator] If you'll indulge for a moment my rhyming motif,

I'd like to tell you a tale of a place called the Reef.

The entire coral kingdom

is a delight to the senses.

Alas, that is not where our story commences.

We're used to blue water.

This water would spook us.

It's the color of phlegm or possibly mucus.

And the salty sea spray

that wafts on the breeze

is like the stuff that comes out of your nose

when you sneeze.

In this polluted and ominous swill...

there's one little fish of unusual skill

who would one day meet a most incredible fate,

full of fighting, romancing, becoming live bait.

I know it boggles the mind and it beggars belief,

but that's the wee lad who would one day save the Reef.

I don't have anything against your cousin Pearl,

except she's nuts.

But that doesn't mean I want to live next door to her.

But, Pike, it's safe on the Reef.

There's no fishing. The water's clean.

But, honey, I love Boston.

What's the big attraction? Is it the gill nets?

The medical waste? The industrial pollution?

-Hey, it's never hurt me. -Oh, please, Pike.

Sweetie, you're so full of mercury

I could stick your tail in my mouth

and take my temperature.

Honey, you're exaggerating.

The water here is perfectly healthy.

-Hey, Pike. -Morning, Bob.

Honey--

And what if Pi grows up to have three eyes?

-Cool. -[gulps]

Okay, but think of the cultural opportunities here.

In Boston Harbor, Pi can meet fish from all over the world.

Oh, like those salmon.

What a classy bunch they were,

all of them talking about how they just couldn't wait

to get upriver and...

[whispering] ...S-P-A-W-N.

-Spawn! -[giggles]

-[clears throat] -What did I tell you

about using language like that?

I'm sorry.

Oh, you're growing up so fast.

Go play. Your father and I need to talk.

-Okay. -But don't go too far.

Pike.

[humming a tune]

-Hey. -Oh, hello.

Haven't seen you around here before.

[Australian accent] I'm just passing through.

We're migrating.

You're lucky. I wish I migrated.

We never go anywhere.

You're a dolphin, right?

I'm a porpoise. Why does everyone think I'm a dolphin?

Percy, we've getting ready to leave.

Oh, hello, Mum. This is...

[Pi's mom] Pi, where are you?

Oh, that's my mom. I gotta go.

Nice meeting you.

Mom! Dad! I met a porpoise!

Pi, what did I tell you about talking to strangers?

You have to be careful, son.

There's some weird fish in the sea.

Boy, I'll say.

You wouldn't believe some of the weirdoes

you see around here.

-Bob, don't help me. -[fish shouting]

Hey! Watch it!

-[fish] Hurry! -Hey, what's the rush?

[fish] It's a net.

Net?

[Pi's dad] Swim!

What are we gonna do, Pike?

Swim! Swim as fast as you can!

-What is it? -[Pi's dad] Swim, Pi!

[fish] Hurry! The net!

-Dad! -[Pi's dad] Swim!

[all shouting]

[fish] It's got us!

Pike, we've got to get him out of here before they--

They're pulling it up!

Pi, try to squeeze through.

But what about you?

We're right behind you. Hurry.

[grunts]

[Pi's mom] Push, Pi. Push harder.

I made it! Come on!

Mom! Dad!

Don't let him get near the net.

Let go of me! I have to help 'em!

Pi, go to the Reef. Find your Aunt Pearl.

I can't. You have to go with me.

Promise me, Pi.

Promise me you'll go to the Reef.

Mom! Dad!

Mom. Dad.

We'll take you to the Reef, Pi.

But I can't leave.

What if-- What if they come back and I'm not here?

They won't be able to find me.

I'm sorry, Pi.

But, once the net gets you, there's no coming back.

Mom.

Dad.

[thunder crashing]

Come on, Pi.

Your turn.

[groans]

[bell clanging]

Hey, what's in here?

Let's find out.

[both laughing]

Hey, you kids.

Whoo-hoo!

Pi, you can do it.

-[giggling] -Wow.

-[dolphin] He's big -[Pi] Cool.

Hey, hello there.

[bugles]

Oh!

[all] Wow!

Whoa!

Hey, wait! Wait!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoa!

Whoa.

Ouch.

-You all right? -Try again.

Whee!

Look at me!

Whee!

Yeah!

Yahoo!

[chuckles]

Little fishy.

It's not painful when I eat you.

Pelican gonna swallow you whole.

Whoo-hoo!

Hey! What the?!

-[bell clanging] -Bad fishy!

-Hey! -Yeah!

[groans]

Whoo-hoo!

-[laughs] -Pi, that was brilliant.

You sure you won't come with us?

I wish I could, Perc, but I promised my mom.

There you go, dear.

Just follow those stones,

and they'll take you right to the Reef.

I'll never forget your help, Mum.

So long, Perc.

So long, mate.

[indistinct chatter]

[fish] How you doing today?

Hey! Watch it!

[all cheer]

Whoa!

[marlin] It was a 55-foot trawler.

They were using a three-pronged titanium steel hook

on 45-pound, stress-tested monofilament.

I must have played 'em for three hours

before the line finally snapped and they got away.

[Cuban accent] 55-foot trawler. Right.

Oh, like I haven't heard that one before.

I tell you, that boat gets bigger

every time he tells the story.

[Pi] Excuse me.

What's the matter, boychik? You lost?

How's that? What'd he say?

He says he's lost, you deaf marlin!

Actually, I'm looking for my Aunt Pearl.

You're looking for a squirrel?

No, no, Pearl.

He's looking for the crazy lady.

Oye. Come here.

She lives right down there, chico.

[indistinct chatter]

Thank you.

[camera shutters click]

[dance music playing]

[crab] That is right, darling.

Work with me.

Now take it to the edge. Yes. Take it to the edge.

Take it right to the edge.

You're right at the edge!

Bring it back. Bring it back.

Ah, yes.

Oh, magnifique.

-Who is that? -"Who is that?"

That's Cordelia, dude.

Where have you been?

I just got into town.

Oh.

Welcome to the Scab, dude.

Perhaps you should wear it up.

Oh, yes. Sleek, sophisticated.

Like Audrey Hepburn, only better,

with scales.

[camera shutters click]

She's beautiful.

Oh, yeah. She's a model.

She's been on the cover of National Geographic.

Twice.

Don't look over here.

Don't look over here. Ignore me. Ignore me.

Look at me! Look at me!

-I've gotta meet her. -Whoa there, newbie.

Take my advice, and worship from afar.

[camera shutters clicking]

Huh? What?

[crab] No, no, no, no!

You're ruined my shot. Buffoon! Buffoon!

Can we please keep the local riffraff out of my shot?

Is that too much to ask?

Sorry. I'm sorry.

That's your good side.

That is a wrap, people.

I don't blame you, mon cher.

You were sublime, as always.

Thank you, Max.

Bellissima. Ciao.

Hey, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to mess things up back there.

Don't worry about it. They'll be back.

Oh, cool, cool.

So, I'm Pi.

I'm new in town.

Really?

I couldn't tell.

Yeah, I just swam in from Boston.

Boston? That's a long way.

Well, you know, I'm pretty strong for my size.

Check these mussels.

-Hey! -Hands off the merchandise.

-Ow! Hey, easy, man! -[Cordelia laughs]

Cute and funny.

What did you say your name was?

I'm Pi.

Well, Pi from Boston, welcome to the Reef.

[giggles] Dude!

She actually talked to you.

That's fully the most awesome thing I've ever...

seen.

[laughs]

Cordelia, look out!

Dude, don't!

He's a shark!

Oh.

Hello, fellas.

Hey, hey! Somebody help me.

-Here you go, Mr. Crab. -Oh, thank you so very much.

I have been wrong-side up all day,

and it has been most uncomfortable.

Oh!

Ugh! You taste like tuna.

You are what you eat. [laughs]

You're disgusting, Troy. Why can't you leave me alone?

But you are alone, sweet gills.

You got no family, no one to protect you

from the dangers of the deep.

The only danger in this part of the deep is you.

Well, then, all the more reason to get on my good side.

You need someone to look after you.

I don't need a rude, egotistical bully

with a bad case of tuna breath.

-Back off. -Pi.

-What'd you say? -You heard me.

Leave her alone.

What are you gonna do about it, chum?

I'm gonna...

You're gonna. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you're going to take a little trip

through my digestive system.

-[laughs] -Ow.

Man, you're getting chunky, see?

Used to be easy to stuff you into this hole.

We're gonna have to find a bigger hole

or a skinnier nerd.

Yecch!

No more beating up bed-wetters.

-Eww. -I'm grossed out.

Let's get out of here.

Nobody goes into my hole. Nobody.

I can pick my own nose.

Forget about him. He doesn't know what he's saying.

Yeah.

[grunts]

Yeah, well, that tends to happen

when you get smacked in the head.

Oh, hey!

You're a coward, Troy. You only come to the Reef

because we're small and easy to push around.

Why don't you try this act out there, in the open sea,

where there's fish as big as you?

I got a soft spot, Cordelia,

for fine-looking fish like you.

But don't push me too far. I'm Troy.

[grunting]

Who's the shark who's more bite than bark?

-Troy. -Troy.

Who's faster than a beam of light?

Who's got the teeth that are pearly white?

-[both] Troy. -Who gets the applause

'cause he's got the jaws?

Who can do what he wants just because?

Who ain't afraid of no lobster claws?

-Troy. -Troy.

Hey, that's me!

I'll be back when you're done playing mommy

to that little hunk of bait.

Vamanos.

You got fully thrashed, dude.

-Huh? -Axed.

Hemoed. Smeared.

Creamed. Obliterated.

Flattened. Murdered. Wipeout!

That wasn't the smartest thing I've ever seen.

He hit me when I wasn't looking.

There's only one dangerous place on the Reef,

and that's between Troy and whatever he wants.

Go home, and take care of yourself.

-Cordelia! -Troy is my problem,

and I don't want anyone else getting hurt on my account.

But...

Busy first day, dude.

Yeah.

Listen, I've got to find my aunt Pearl.

She's supposed to be this weird

kind of new-age fortuneteller type.

Sort of cuckoo, you know, crazy.

Basically insane.

You don't happen to know her, do you?

Yeah, dude. She's my mom.

Ohm.

I see it. Yes.

O-Oh, boy.

That doesn't look good.

What do you see?

Will my dreams come true?

Well, that depends.

-On what? -Do your dreams involve

sitting on a sink next to a bottle of dishwashing liquid?

This can't be. My cousin's a luffa.

She's exfoliated some of the most prominent backsides around.

But I get to scrub pots?

No!

Curse you, star-crossed destiny!

-[yelps] -Sponges.

They're all so emotional.

At least she's not sucking on a clamshell all day

just trying to make you look pretty.

Sorry, Madge.

-Dude. -Dylan.

Oh, Pi! You made it.

-You knew I was coming? -Of course, darling.

While meditating,

my astral form achieved a transcendent communion

with none other than the Spirit of the Sea,

and it revealed to me a vision of your arrival.

Yeah, and a passing porpoise

mentioned you were in the neighborhood.

Then you know what happened to my parents.

Oh, Pi, I'm so sorry.

But I think they're in a better place now.

Yeah. In a sushi bar.

-Can it, starfish. -Don't hurt me!

The Reef is where you'll find your destiny, honey.

Give me your fin. I'll tell your fortune.

Oh, fish.

Wow!

Boy, let's see chapter two.

Mm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Hey, I can't wait to see how this ends.

Here comes the full-on dorsal-fin probe.

I don't really believe in that stuff.

But, Pi, you've got to believe.

The Reef is a place where dreams come true.

Unless you happen to be a sponge.

Oh.

Now, Pi, the Reef is paradise,

and you can go anywhere you want.

But stay away from the old wreck.

It's haunted by dead pirates.

-Cool. -And, most important of all,

we never, ever, ever go to Flatbottom.

-What's Flatbottom? -It's a place we never go.

[humming a tune]

Oh, Mom, you're not going out in public

like that, are you?

I like to have a little star quality.

Plus, it gives me more height

and helps to de-emphasize my, ahem, tail fin.

I'm gonna need some time to freshen up first.

I got, like, five armpits over here.

Oh!

[indistinct chatter]

Hold your seahorses. Is that Ricky Marlin?

No, Mother, it isn't.

No, huh?

But almost.

Oh, hello, Dr. Tang.

-Mwah. -Oh.

Huh?

He's a very prominent sturgeon.

You see why I always try to look my best?

You never know who you might meet.

Oh, boy.

[grunts and giggles]

What do you think?

[crab] What? No. Huh?

No, no, it clashes with the beer can.

I think it'd look better over here.

[groans] You're crushing my creative instinct.

Check out the bling-bling on Miss Thing.

Oh, hello, you two.

More like J-Lo jellyfish. So crazy.

-Hi! -Looking good, girlfriend!

Oh, you two are such fresh fish.

Don't. Stop.

Don't stop.

[both giggle]

Oh, clams.

I'm late for my healing crystal seminar

-at the monkfish monastery, -Oh, Mom.

So, Dylan, I want you to introduce Pi around, okay?

-Yeah. Sure. -Thanks, sweetie.

-Mwah... -Dude, no PDPA, remember?

PDPA?

"Public Displays of Parental Affection."

Excuse me, sir.

I'm not proud.

Aww.

Dude, that was totally feebish.

You can't be that big a feeb and expect to hang out with me.

[Pi] Well, how big a feeb can I be?

Well, you can't be more than 30% feeb

and no more than 15% dork.

Hey!

What's that?

[Dylan] That's the old pirate ship.

-Cool. Come on. -Oh...

no way, dude. No way.

It's totally off-limits.

Dude, I-I...

Man, don't you listen?

You're not afraid of ghosts, are you?

No! I'm not afraid of anything.

But, dude, there's a totally spooky turtle

that lives in there.

A spooky turtle?

No. No. Yeah. No.

But, yeah-- But he's a wizard turtle.

He's like a...

And he really doesn't like visitors.

Dude.

Oh, fish!

Okay, can we please just go? Please?

That's him. You see?

That's Nerissa.

-[loud thump] -[both scream]

Can we please not do that again?

So, dude, you think you're gonna see that Cordelia?

Ugh. Not if she sees me first.

Don't be negatory, bro. I think she really liked you.

-She thinks I'm an idiot. -True.

Well, maybe she likes idiots.

You know, it's kinda like having a friend and a pet at the same time.

So how bad is the shark problem around here?

Well, reef's too shallow for most sharks,

but Troy comes around. Whee! Fun for me.

Him and his buddies.

-Why? -Ohh!

'Cause he's got a thing for Cordelia, dude.

Don't you listen?

His buddies come mostly to stuff my head

into a lobster hole.

Yeah, like nobody's thought of that before.

-Uh-oh. -What is it?

-[Dylan] Flatbottom. -[Pi] It's the open sea.

Why is everyone so afraid of this place?

I'm not afraid!

But we're outside the wildlife sanctuary.

You see? And this is where the humans come with their nets

and their-- their hooks and their sharp things.

Oh.

A net.

[Dylan] Oh, no.

[both gasp]

[Pi whimpering]

[Dylan] Bye-bye.

Dylan?

Dylan? Dylan?

Aw, what happened to you, little fella?

Are you all right?

[screams]

Cordelia!

-Don't panic. -What is it?

Haven't you ever seen a lure?

Of course you haven't. There's no fishing on the Reef.

This must have been carried here by the current.

-What do I do? -Don't worry.

Let's go find somebody who can help.

[Pi] We need some help over here!

Front and center, girlfriend. We got emergency.

Look.

Oh, honey. That is so not you.

I tell you, these kids today,

with their extreme sports and their piercings.

Guys, it was an accident.

I thought it was a smelt in distress.

You were supposed to, honey.

Good likeness.

Looks like a smelt I knew back in San Francisco.

Ah, what a weekend that was.

Oh, no, not this story again.

-Can you take it out? -Absolutely.

But you're going to have to help me big-time.

-Me? -Okay.

You lay back like I'm giving you nice pedicure.

Now what I need you to do, take her fin.

That's right. And, honey,

I want you to look in his eyes, okay?

Okay, Now this isn't going to hurt...

me.

You gonna be a big, brave girl.

I will.

She will.

-She was! -Ha-ha!

-How do you feel? -Okay, I think.

I guess I was more scared than hurt.

But I don't know what I would've done

if you hadn't been there, Pi.

How'd you wind up down here?

I made a promise.

Or maybe it's destiny.

Um, there's a big show tonight at the Amphitheater.

Normally I'd skip it, but thought...

well, if you want to go...

-[bell clanging] -Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo!

-Bong, bong! -[clanging]

Bong, bong!

[laughs]

We got it.

[all chuckle]

Getting and keeping are two different things.

Back off, before you get hurt.

[humming a tune]

* Got a date with Cordelia

* 'Cause you're A big, bad fish, yeah *

Zip it, Harry Codfish, Jr.

-Where have you been? -I was hiding out.

-[Pi] From who? -[Dylan] Squidnappers.

They're trying to steal Nerissa's blue pearl, buddy boy.

Well, come on.

Dude!

Oh, fish!

Now, I'm no fortuneteller, boys,

but I can predict three things that aren't gonna happen.

You see, I'm not gonna get hurt,

I'm not gonna back off,

and you three aren't leaving here with that pearl.

-We've gotta do something. -Dude...

getting beat up once a day ain't good enough?

There's three of 'em.

-Get him! -Ha ha!

Come on, guys.

[all yell]

Ha!

Hyah!

You took left.

Ow!

Oops. Hmm.

Hey, come back here.

[grunts] Trick or treat.

[screams and yelps]

[chuckles]

Quit now, before you're calamari.

I got the sauce right here. I'm not afraid to use it.

[squid] That's it, turtle.

Hah!

[screams]

I don't feel so good!

See you later.

[cries out]

-[muffled speech] -[belches]

Oh, such big heads. Such tiny brains.

Whoa, turtlely awesome.

Oh! Let's go.

[indistinct chattering]

That old turtle's unbelievable.

[marlin] You boys saw Nerissa?

[marlin 2] Speak up, son.

We saw Nerissa fight some squids.

He was amazing.

Of course. That's why they call him el macho tortuga.

Man, he's got the moves for an old coot.

Oh, sorry about that, old coots.

-Huh? -He said, "Old coot."

I did not toot.

Why don't you accuse Manny for once?

He blasts out more bubbles than a scuba diver.

What'd you say, man? Hold up a second.

What'd you say?

That's it, viejo loco.

I've had enough of your insults.

-En garde! -[farts]

[marlin 2] En garde!

Spirit of the Sea,

we ask your help in contacting Uncle Phil.

He was last seen...

* La, la, la, la La, la, la, la *

I'm not listening. I'm not listening to this.

-* La, la, la, la, la, la, la -What are you doing?

Dude, you saw what was going on down there,

my mom with all her voodoo mumbo jumbo.

Those séances are totally embarrassing.

You know what? I think you're right.

I think swimming through the middle of the room, going...

* La, la, la, la La, la, la, la *

is much more dignified.

So, what's that thing your mom's always staring at?

Oh, that's the pearl my dad gave her.

You know the old saying, "Give a girl a pearl."

Why would anyone want to give a girl a pearl?

'Cause, if she accepts it,

it means you'll be together forever.

Anyways, my mom thinks hers is magic.

Hey, that's what those squids

were trying to steal from Nerissa, a pearl.

You don't think he's going to ask some girl

to marry him, do you?

Oh, gross!

No, dude.

He's, like, 200 years old. That's disgusting.

[shudders]

[indistinct chattering]

[grunts]

-Hi. -Hey.

[audience cheers]

[band plays fanfare]

It's showtime!

[inhales]

Welcome to the Reef Amphitheater.

We are proud to present

the Caribbean's most famous adventurer,

who is here tonight to tell the thrilling tales

of his encounters with the sea's most fearsome creatures.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Thornton

and his backup prawns, the Kim Chis.

[audience cheers]

[orchestral music plays]

[drumroll]

I could make you all gasp with just an average story,

for even my typical tales are scary and gory.

But I know the adventure you're aching to hear,

the most stupendous

and horrendous battle

of my entire career.

[prawns] He faced a creature that would make you faint dead with fear.

The most hideous sea monster to ever appear.

It had two mouths, and on each mouth a sneer.

[prawns] It had two heads

and looked like a giant brassiere.

I faced a sea monster, but I didn't make tracks.

I stood face-to-face and fought off her attacks.

And I know that you'll want to get all of the facts.

So stick a fin in your ear and dig out the wax.

[prawns] Dig the wax from your ears. You'll seem more debonair,

'cause it looks like you've stuck two big candles in there.

It was a monstrous sea monster, the size of a tanker.

-What did you do? -I capsized and sank her.

And then were you through?

Not a bit. She was brawny, and strong as an anchor.

I had to get tough.

I tickled and spanked her.

[prawns] What an amazing sight.

When it was over, I thanked her,

because I am always polite.

I'm fairly certain this guy is full of blowfish.

I hear you say, "But." And you say, "Tut, tut."

-[all gasp] -Things are not always

what they appear.

I may have gray whiskers and an oversized rear...

[prawns] His butt is humongous.

It must weigh a ton.

It frightens small children and blots out the sun.

[audience snickers]

Are you mad? You'll ruin me.

[prawns] It's a big, bulging, billowing blubber-stuffed rump.

It's bigger by far than a humpback whale's hump.

[laughter]

Hey. Oh.

Egads. Bring up the music.

Hit it, boys, quickly.

[prawns, chanting] Go, Thornton. You're humongous.

-[laughs] -Go, Thornton. You're humongous.

Go, Thornton. You're humongous.

-Go, Thornton. You're humongous. -Thank you.

[audience cheers]

[laughter and chatter]

That was an amazing story.

It's getting late. I guess I better go.

No, wait. Don't go.

Not yet.

Well, I...

Hey, have you ever been to the surface?

No.

Come on.

Wow.

See that set of stars over there?

That's called the Big Dipper.

And that over there is the Little Dipper.

I had no idea.

[Pi] And up there is Leo

and, next to it, Gemini.

And see that one over there?

Well, that's me.

Huh?

Those stars are called Pisces.

"Pi" is short for Pisces.

Beautiful.

[Troy] Boo.

Let's get out of here.

Hurry, Cordelia.

[laughs]

You'd better be scared.

Well, hello.

Go, Pi. Leave me.

I won't.

-[grunts] -No.

-[Troy laughs] -Leave him alone.

Oh, well, now I'm confused, baby,

because I thought you wanted to be left alone,

and yet I find you swimming around

with that piece of chum.

It's none of your business what I do, Troy.

You don't own me.

I'm a tiger shark, baby.

I own whatever I can take,

and I take whatever I want.

[laughs]

[barracuda] Troy.

-Can I eat him? -No, please, me.

Hmm.

Eenie, meeney, miney...

-Troy! -Oh, what the heck.

Why don't you each just take half?

No! Troy, if you let them do this, I'll never forgive you.

Forgiveness?

I don't need your stinking forgiveness.

[laughs]

Please. Please.

If you don't hurt him...

I'll do anything

Like "anything," anything?

-[grunting] -If you leave Pi alone,

and promise never to come to the Reef again,

then I'll...

-I'll... -Yeah?

accept your pearl.

No.

-Hey! -Ow.

Let our little chum go.

[both grunt]

Cordelia, you can't.

I will be back at the next full moon.

Wait 'til you see the pearl

I'm going to bring you, little girl.

[chuckles]

You'll change your mind about me then.

Vamanos.

So, baby, when I get back, be ready.

Oh, I got 30 days to live it up and party.

Who's the hotshot who can't be caught?

-[henchmen] Troy! -Pi.

[Troy] Who's twice as mean as an ocelot?

[henchmen] Troy!

Oh, Pi.

[Nerissa] What could I do?

You know the rules of the sea.

You can't leave a man adrift like that.

Ow. My head.

Hmm.

I wouldn't be so hasty, kid.

That shark did quite a number on your sorry tail.

How did I get here?

Well, the currents brought you here and dumped you outside.

If it wasn't for your pretty lady friend--

Cordelia. Is she all right?

She spent the night bawling at your side.

I finally had to send her home

to get some peace and quiet around here.

I've got to stop her.

She's going to accept Troy's pearl.

I'm sorry, kid.

She seemed very determined to go through with it.

Then I'll stop Troy.

You're gonna stop a tiger shark?

Is that what just came out of your mouth just now?

[sighs]

Yeah.

You're right.

Determined women and tiger sharks.

You don't pick easy fights, do you, kid?

Well, what about you?

I ain't helping you with your love life, kid.

-Forget it. -Everybody says you're a wizard.

-Oh, do they, now? -Yeah

And I saw you beat those squids,

three of 'em at once.

You totally rocked.

Can you help me fight Troy?

Go fight your own battles, kid.

Please.

Haven't you ever been in love before?

I'm sorry.

Hey, boychik.

Why the long face?

I bet it's about a girl.

Did you say Pearl?

Actually, that's my problem.

The girl I like, Cordelia,

she's gonna accept Troy's pearl.

That Troy's a punk!

Why, back in my day,

we-- we knew how to handle sharks like that.

Ay caramba, here we go again.

-You never fought a shark, Jack. -Oh, yes, I did.

Took on a 25-foot hammerhead back in '71.

-Really? -[Jack] Yep.

Poked him right in the keister,

right where the sun never shined. Ha ha!

He'll never forget me. I'll guarantee you that.

I wouldn't put a whole lot of stock in what Jack says, chico.

You calling me crazy?

You questioning my credibility, boy?

For about the tenth time today, yes!

All right, that's it. Put 'em up.

-En garde! -[farts]

[both yell]

Wow.

Hey, would you guys help me fight Troy?

Get the seacup out of your mouth, son.

Speak up.

He wants us to fight the shark.

-Um... -[farts]

Ay, ay, ay.

My back.

Man, these cartilage crabs are killing me.

Ugh.

Well, you see,

we're what you call past our prime.

Past our prime?

We're old and feeble and over the hill.

We're nearly buried, boychik.

Listen, fighting, it's--

it's a young man's game.

You need someone with a little more "oomph" to his swim,

if you know what I'm talking about,

someone more robust and sportin'.

Thornton? What about Thornton?

That's it. Someone more like Thornton.

Thornton? Ugh!

Well, what have I got to lose?

Did I ever tell you boys about the time I freed Willy?

-Oy. -Ay caramba.

Now there's one minor change I want to make to the act.

There will be no further references

to my rear end.

[all giggle]

You will cease comparing its size and appearance

to, A, a tugboat,

B, the planet Jupiter,

-or C-- -[Pi] Mr. Thornton?

You're a little early for the show, my boy.

My girl's engaged to a shark.

[prawns] Shark? Aah!

Shark? Where? Where?

-My girl's engaged to a shark. -Oh! Oh!

Your girl's engaged to a shark.

Shocking. Absolutely shocking.

He's gonna take Cordelia away.

-[prawns] Aww. -[Pi] I need your help.

Will you fight him?

You want me to fight a shark?

You've come unhinged, lad.

I thought you fought a sea monster

as big as an oil tanker.

Who said that?

You did. Last night.

I did? Oh, yes, that's right. I did.

Yes, but you see, that doesn't count,

because I said it in rhyme.

That is what we call poetical license.

[prawns] Huh?

-You mean you lied. -[Thornton] Well, I-I...

I may have exaggerated for dramatic effect.

And, anyway, I'm sure I said it was more the size of a kayak.

-[prawns] Hmm. -[Pi] Thanks for nothing.

Don't worry, lad.

There's plenty more fish in the sea. Ha ha!

Ugh. Well?

Would you fight a shark?

You're nothing but a big phony.

-That's right. -[groans]

[chuckling]

All right, I got the most beautiful girl on the Reef.

Now I just gotta find the most beautiful pearl.

But, Troy, finding something like that could take months.

-Yeah. -Ow!

If we were morons.

Who's got the best one on the reef?

Hey. Nerissa.

He has a blue pearl.

It's the only one on the whole Reef, see?

Perfect. Go get it. Bring it back.

Problem solved.

They say he's kind of tough, this Nerissa

Are you telling me

that you are not tougher than a...

duh-duh-duh-duh-doo...

turtle?

Well, uh...

* Who can part the sea Like Charlton Heston? *

-[both] Troy. -* Who's tougher than you all *

* Even when he's Just restin'? *

-[both] Troy. -* Who's gonna do what I say *

* Or find themselves In my large intestine? *

[both] Uh... us?

That's right.

[chuckles]

What am I gonna do?

[Dylan] Pi!

I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy.

Dylan, what are you doing?

Dude, you are my idol, dude. Don't play dumb with me, man.

You didn't come home last night

from your hot date with Cordelia.

But don't worry. I got you covered with Mom.

So, details, please.

I got beat up by Troy,

and Cordelia agreed to accept his pearl.

-What? -She agreed to accept

Troy's pearl if he stopped pummeling my head.

So the date didn't go well?

Not exactly.

-Duck! -[yelps]

[eel] I don't feel good about this.

-Dude, what the-- -Shh!

Everyone says the old turtle is a wizard.

They say the old shipwreck he lives on is haunted with ghosts.

It sounds spooky.

-Aah! -You know what you are?

You're a disgrace to vicious predators, see?

If Troy tells us to go steal Nerissa's pearl,

then we go steal Nerissa's pearl. You got it?

[eel] Okay, I'll do it.

[barracuda] Okay, Magellan. Which way's the shipwreck?

[eel] It's this way.

-[slap] -[eel] Ow!

[barracuda] Wrong way, dummy.

Whew. That was close, dude.

Come on. We gotta warn Nerissa.

Dude.

Oh, fish.

Dude!

[whispers] Nerissa.

-Nerissa. -Oh, well. No one's home.

We tried. Bye-bye.

[straining]

-Nerissa. -Dude, nobody's here.

And, if they are, they don't want to be disturbed.

Let's just go. Uh-oh.

Well, look who we got here.

-Oh, God, no. -Agh!

Let go of me.

All right, stupid.

First we get them, then the pearl.

-[Dylan screaming] -[panting] Hey!

We're coming for you, chum.

Ow! Dylan!

[shrieks]

Hey. They're down there. Come on.

Bart.

-[Bart] Come on. -[whimpers]

I don't like this.

Stop your whining.

No, come on. Let's go. Let's go. We gotta go.

No! We can't let them get Nerissa's pearl.

I'm just-- just--

Don't freak on me. I'll figure something out.

[groaning echoes]

Hey, what is that?

It's-- I don't know.

[ghostly moaning]

-[screaming] -Whoa!

[both screaming]

-Whoa. -[Nerissa] Not bad.

Huh?

Not bad at all.

You got more nerve than I thought.

Maybe I can do something

about with your little problem with Troy.

Be here tomorrow, sunrise, begin your training.

My what?

My training?

Dude, you're gonna teach Pi how to fight Troy?

I'm gonna teach the kid how to defeat Troy.

Sunrise. Not one second later.

[laughs]

-Cool. -Dude!

[Pearl] Pi.

I can't let you go.

I've heard from the ethereal netherworld,

and they think this is an incredibly stupid idea.

You said I'd find my destiny on the Reef.

Well, I did.

And I'm about to lose her, just like I lost my parents.

I couldn't do anything to save them,

and maybe I can't save Cordelia,

but, Aunt Pearl, I've gotta try.

Eh, I'm gonna regret this.

All right, kid, we're gonna take a trip through the Canyon,

and, if you can keep up

and if you're still in one piece at the end, then we'll go on.

If not, I'll send what's left of you home in a doggy bag.

I can keep up.

We'll see about that, kid.

This is nothing. I can go twice as fast as this.

It isn't what you can do on the straightaway, kid.

It's the turns that'll get you.

[yells]

The Reef isn't just a pretty place to sightsee.

It can be your best weapon.

But to use it against your opponent,

you gotta master it yourself.

[cackles]

Elkhorn coral. Razor sharp.

If you're lucky, it'll just scrape off a patch of skin.

Aah!

[Nerissa] If you're unlucky,

you'll get to see your own skeleton.

Fire coral.

One touch, and it can burn a hole right through your fin.

Aah!

This section of the canyon is called Bottleneck Alley.

Some folks find a dark, enclosed space disorienting.

Agh! Ow.

Plus, there's a lot of rocks for them to bump their head on.

[Pi panting]

Remember this place, kid.

I will ask questions later.

See you tomorrow. Same time, same place.

If we get the crazy lady's pearl,

maybe Troy'll forgive us.

For what happened at the wreck? He already has.

-Are you sure? -Yeah.

I told him it was your fault.

What?

That isn't true.

What's your point?

You are a liar.

Of course I lied. I'm an evil henchman.

I am an evil henchman also.

You're not evil.

I am so.

If you were evil,

you wouldn't care about me lying.

You think I'd care if you told lies about me?

I wouldn't tell lies about you.

Exactly,

because you are not evil.

I'm kind of evil.

[Nerissa] All right, so you're pretty fast and agile for a fish.

-I'll give you that. -But, still,

I'm tiny compared to Troy.

Yeah, and Troy's tiny compared to the sea.

You learn to make the ocean work for you,

and size won't matter.

You get water dense enough, and it becomes a weapon.

Whoa!

What are you doing?

-[Nerissa grunts] -Whoa!

Oh, please.

Help!

Nerissa!

Step right up, ladies and gentleman.

-Place your bets. -Aah!

No! What? Please!

-Oh, I'm gonna be sick. -A fish getting seasick?

Now I've seen everything.

-[croaking] -No barfing on the poop deck.

[groans]

[Max] Yes, yes, yes.

I want her to wear it up.

Way up for her next photo spread.

That is supreme.

Now tease it. Tease it. Tease it!

You're squeezing it. I said tease it!

Don't get huffy with me, crab face.

I scratch your eyes out.

Ach du lieber.

This is so you.

I just love it.

Please. Seashells were so last year.

The shells are fine.

Oh, honey, you look so beautiful.

-[Cordelia sighs] -Oh, babe, don't look so glum.

I wish I had two boys fighting over me.

What are you talking about?

-Max, what's he talking about? -Shh! Shh! Shh!

Darling, you have enough on your mind.

I don't want you worrying about some riffraff Romeo.

The girl has got a right to know.

I second that.

Well, your admirer, the red one with the cute white stripe.

-You mean Pi? -He's been working out

with that crazy old wizard turtle,

learning how to fight so he can beat up Troy when he comes.

No.

I hope it wasn't anything I said.

I don't like fighting. I like loving.

* Eddie's not evil Eddie's not evil *

Shut up. I am so.

See? I said, "Shut up."

That's not evil. That's just rude.

Well, my mom always said

rudeness is the root of all evil.

Aha. I win.

Evil henchmen don't talk about their mothers.

No.

[Nerissa] All right, playtime's over.

I've shown you ways to confuse and trap your opponent,

but, to stay ahead of those sharp teeth,

you must train yourself to move and react faster than him.

Let's see what you can do.

Swim the obstacle course as fast as you can.

-Go! -[bell clangs]

Swim like your life depended on it.

'Cause it just might.

Come on. Put some fish oil into it.

-[Pi panting] -All right, now, up the mast.

Over the sail.

-[panting] -Watch out!

Whoa!

[grunts]

I guess I should have explained myself.

The idea of an obstacle course is to avoid the obstacles.

Now, if the idea was to demolish my home

with your face,

you'd be doing great.

-Try it again! -But--

And this time, do it fast!

[panting] Do it fast? What...

-Go! -[bell clangs]

Pi.

Cordelia.

I can't let you do it, Pi.

I make my own decisions, and I've chosen Troy.

-Because you love him? -He promised he'd leave you

and the Reef alone.

Do you really believe he'll keep his promise?

I have to believe it.

If you can believe in him...

then why can't you believe in me?

[sighs]

Did you hear about the kid who's gonna fight Troy?

[girl] Like we don't have enough problems with Troy.

This is only gonna make him madder.

Exactly. And who's he gonna take it out on?

Us.

Well, maybe after he eats the kid,

he'll feel too bloated and lethargic

to chase anybody else.

Good point.

You shouldn't swim for at least half an hour after eating,

so maybe he'll get a cramp and we can all hide.

[sighs]

Spirit of the Sea,

it's Pearl calling.

Um, you know, I know it might be too much to ask

that Pi actually win,

though who would it hurt?

But, please, if everyone could at least be there for him

when the time comes,

well, I'd really owe you one.

[sea gulls squawking]

Percy? I had the strangest dream.

Me, too.

Was it about Pi?

Yes. I have a feeling

something awful is about to happen.

Not evil.

I am so evil.

Not evil. I win.

[in deep voice] Eddie, I am your father.

Join me.

Oh, wait. You're not evil enough.

Stop now.

You know it gives me the willies.

[normal voice] Evil henchmen don't get the willies.

They give the willies.

You don't have one evil scale all over you.

Yes, we're all very scared down here,

but must you be so loud?

[yelps]

See? I am evil.

Now, let's go get that pearl.

[grumbles]

Nerissa...

how come you live in that old wreck?

Why don't you live on the Reef with everyone else?

What are you, a priest?

Well...

-no. -Good.

'Cause I don't remember going to confession.

Now listen. You think you're fast, and maybe you are.

-But so is Troy. -I know.

But the ocean's faster than both of you.

Come on.

Whoa!

This is the West Indies Current.

Come on.

Oh, this is great.

Why don't all fish do this?

Because we're not the only ones using the current.

Portuguese man o' war.

One of the deadliest creatures in the ocean.

Notice the tentacles?

Almost transparent.

Easy to swim right into 'em.

One touch, and a big fish is paralyzed.

One touch, and a fish your size is dead.

Dead!

What happened?

Someone broke in and stole Mom's pearl.

This is a bad omen, dude.

Stop it, Dylan.

There's nothing mystical about this.

Honestly, I don't know where you get that from.

We just got robbed, kids. It happens,

even in the nicest of neighborhoods.

I'm, um--

I'm just, um, going to clean up down here, is all.

Good night.

Oh! It's a sign.

It's a terrible sign.

-[Pearl sobbing] -My dad gave her that pearl.

Hey, dude, forget all this, huh?

We'll run away and find your friend Percy.

We'll migrate with the dolphins.

-Porpoises. -Whatever.

I wish we could, Dyl,

but I made a promise.

To who, Cordelia?

Dude, she doesn't even want you to fight Troy.

Maybe not, but if I break my word,

she'll have to go off with Troy,

and I'll have to live with that.

Pi, I take back what I said before.

You're 100% nondork.

Oh, dude, sorry. I--

That was the uncoolest thing I've ever done.

[chuckles] It's o--

And you're 99% feeb-free.

[grunting]

[cackles]

What's that, Captain?

How am I supposed to know what's wrong with him?

Maybe he's one of those farm-fresh fish or something.

Genetic malcontents.

Look, this is stupid.

I thought you were gonna teach me how to fight like you.

I don't stand a chance.

Hey!

Get away from there.

Don't ever touch it again. Do you understand?

[Pi] I-I'm sorry.

What's the big deal?

[Nerissa] It's the pearl I gave my wife.

It's all I have left of her.

It used to be folks stuck together.

And then they put in the wildlife sanctuary,

and everybody forgot what it was like to be hunted.

When my wife got hooked out on Flatbottom,

I begged for help.

But nobody came.

They all hid on the Reef, where it's safe.

I'm sorry.

Listen, kid, I never told you

I'd teach you how to fight the shark.

I never would, 'cause you'd never win.

-Then, what-- -I told you

I'd teach you how to defeat him.

-But how? -With your brain.

Now use it.

What's stronger than Troy? Bigger? Faster?

The sea. But what's to stop him from using it against me?

Troy always picks on folks who are smaller and weaker.

He's never had to learn about things bigger than himself.

I understand how to use all this to avoid Troy,

but how do I defeat him?

You offer something he wants,

and then give him something he doesn't want.

You're shark bait, kid, like it or not.

And the Reef's the hook.

[laughing]

[marlin] Hey, boychik.

Hey, Moe.

You look limper than a slice of lox.

I guess he's being pretty tough on you, huh?

Yeah, he was always like that, the vilde chaye.

-You know him? -Nerissa? Oh, sure.

We were all of us pretty close, back before his--

Well, that's a long story.

You better go back to bed, boychik.

If I know that old turtle,

tomorrow's only gonna be worse.

Listen, Pi, if you get a chance,

you tell Nerissa--

You tell him Moe says hi

and, uh, that I'm sorry.

[indistinct chattering]

Well, it's my last day of training.

Oh, Pi.

I...

I see a great destiny for you, my darling.

Really? Are you just making that up?

What are you, kidding me? I could lose my license.

You're talking to someone that read the fin of the cod-father.

I'm telling you, I see love, honesty, courage.

You are destined for great things,

and don't you forget it, mister.

[panting]

-[breathing heavily] -[Nerissa] Pretty good, kid,

but we still got some work to do.

Hmm.

-Ah! -Un-fishin' believable.

What's that, Captain? Huh?

The captain is embarrassed for you,

and he doesn't even exist.

You can tell the captain I get the point.

-[yells] -Oh!

You're ready.

-I am? -Well, you better be.

[crowd, chanting] Troy! Troy! Troy! Troy! Troy!

You know, I just want to thank everybody here

for coming to my bachelor party.

I feel like the luckiest shark in the whole world.

I never though you would be the first one to go, squirt.

So it's the old ball and chain for the little shrimp.

[chuckles]

It'll never last.

Man, I love you dudes.

You know I got the hottest babe on the Reef.

But more importantly,

I got the best buds that a shark could ever have.

[all] Who's going to have a good time tonight

before the old ball and chain takes away his bite?

Troy!

[Cordelia] Beautiful, huh?

Cordelia?

What are you doing here?

I like to come up here,

because it reminds me of you.

You need to make a wish.

What'd you wish for?

That you come to your senses before tomorrow.

S-S-S-Shark!

[fish screaming]

-Where's Pi? -Now you show up?

Model schmodel.

That brave boy has left already.

No!

I've gotta stop him.

Cordelia, wait!

We should have stopped Troy a long time ago,

but we were all too scared.

Well, I won't let Pi throw his life away

standing up for fish who won't even stand up for themselves.

[both gasp]

Who decides if it's life or death?

Who can eat a whole school of salmon

and still have minty fresh breath?

-[Bart and Eddie] Troy. -Who ain't afraid

of no fishing pole?

Who makes the babes all lose control?

Who can't be flushed down no toilet bowl?

Troy.

Well, well, well.

Chicken of the sea.

If you want to take Cordelia,

you'll have to go through me first.

It would be my pleasure, chum.

You guys stay back,

'cause this one is mine.

[growls]

[Pi panting]

You're just prolonging the agony.

Actually, I'm postponing the agony.

What's the matter, Troy?

Can't keep up with a piece of chum?

You are so-- Oh! Aah! --dead.

You gotta catch me first.

Here I come.

Ow! That hurt.

[laughs]

Oh! Elkhorn coral.

Razor sharp.

[Troy screams]

Fire coral.

Wouldn't want to touch that.

[screams]

Uh-oh, tight squeeze up ahead.

[growls]

[straining]

[Troy laughs]

[yelling]

No, please. Stop. Stop.

[grunts]

Oh, no. No, no, no, no. stop.

Stop spinning!

I'm gonna hurl!

A seasick shark? Now I've seen everything.

Welcome to Bottleneck Alley.

[laughs]

[panting and grunting]

I gotcha.

[screams]

[straining] No! No!

Troy, I can't beat you in a fight,

but I can certainly outthink you.

Help me!

-[grunts] Help me. -[camera shutters click]

[Troy] Guys, help me, please. I'm endangered species.

Cheese.

Hmm?

[Troy] Come on, guys.

[man] Yeah, yeah, that's good.

No!

[laughs]

Uh-oh.

[laughing] Oh!

Yeah, out of Reef and out of luck, buddy.

-[bell clangs] -Whoa! Hey!

I've got you now.

[whimpers and screams]

Argh!

Get him, you idiots!

[Bart] We're coming for you, chum.

[whimpers]

[grunts]

Time you boys got the boot!

Aah! Whoa! Whoa!

Wait.

Oh, what do you want?

You took my mom's pearl. Give it back.

Chunky boy here wants to fight?

Give it back.

Wait!

Bart, I'm scared.

What'd I say about going in my hole?

What'd I say? It's my hole.

You gonna pay the price. Here come the pinching.

[Bart] Wait! Ow! Stop! Ah!

I'm sorry. Ow!

-[Eddie] Oh, my. -Hey, Troy.

Nobody makes those idiots look like idiots except me.

Ready to go for a big ride, Troy?

[roars]

Portuguese men of war.

[shrieks]

[Pi laughs]

Watch out for the tentacles.

[screaming]

No!

Aah!

[groaning]

[Cordelia] Pi.

Stay back, guys.

Be careful.

[both scream]

[grunts]

Kid, you all right?

Nerissa!

[grunts]

Ah, yeah.

Nerissa.

I was wondering where that little squirt

picked up all his moves.

Too bad, pops.

Looks like you didn't live up to your legend.

[yells]

Aah! Huh? Huh?

-Come on! -Oh, no.

-[straining] -Here, here.

-Ow. -Told you.

They hate this.

Ay caramba.

You got to get out of here.

No.

Keep your distance, tiburon,

or we'll chop you into ceviche.

-What do you think you're doing? -Helping out an old friend.

Like we should have done a long time ago.

Oye, ve tranquilo.

Get back! Get back!

Get back right now!

Ha! Yes!

I got you now, chum.

-[roars] -Put 'em up. Put 'em up.

Huh? What the...

[grunts]

Have at you, varlet.

[straining]

Take that and this and there.

-[lips babbling] -[roars]

Ah! I am largely blubber.

My rear end alone contains a fatal dose of cholesterol.

-[howls] -He shoots. He scores!

Ow!

I can't move it.

Perhaps we can move it together, dear.

Mum!

[sighs and groans]

Pants, I was robbed. Ref, I want instant replay

-right now. -[snarls]

Percy!

-The net. -Pi, no.

Don't do this, dude.

It's the only way.

Pi, be careful.

-Help. -[Pi] Troy.

This is between us.

Well, maybe a little squirt like you

can hide on the Reef,

but we're in open water now.

There's no way you can outrun me here.

Oh, yeah? We'll see about that.

[Troy laughing]

Oh, you are dead.

[cackles]

-Whoa, whoa, what's this? -Got you.

If I'm going, I'm taking you with me.

I don't think so.

[roaring]

Whoo!

Help!

Help, guys, please.

No!

[excited chatter]

Who's the shark who's mean and rotten,

and going to be served with potatoes au gratin?

[all] Troy.

Who's going to find himself coated in batter,

featured on seafood sampler platter?

[all] Troy!

That was a fairly insane thing

you all just did.

Well, you know, we thought maybe you and the boychik

could use a little help.

Anything for an old amigo.

Oh, Dylan. My baby.

Oh, I'm so proud.

Mom, I...

Oh.

Ahem. Excuse me. I think you dropped this.

Oh, no. That belongs to my awesome mother.

[laughs] Oh.

Why, thank you...

Doctor.

[purrs]

Thank you, Nerissa.

You can keep your thanks.

And, uh, you can take this off my hands.

But...

this belongs to you.

A long time ago, I gave it to the girl of my dreams.

We would have passed it on to our son, if we had one

and if he turned out like you.

I don't know what to say.

You know what to say.

I'm just not the one you need to say it to.

Cordelia?

Oh, Pi.

Ohh.

That's the sweetest thing ever.

I do believe in you.

Cordelia.

[prawns laughing] They're kissing!

Wunderbar.

What?

Ah, come on.

-Whoo! -Ha ha! Let's go.

Wow! Yeah!

-Say... -Sorry.

[both] Whoo!

The townsfolk said, "Pi, you can't possibly win.

"He'll swallow your head

and pick his teeth with your fin."

But Pi was determined.

He refused to despair.

And I know it's all true, for, you see...

I was there.

[prawns giggling]