Original subtitles

Will you marry me?

[Leila] You can still love and support each other

and be on a break.

Only a lesbian would say that.

Googled that guy you're living with.

[Leila] Yeah, what'd you think?

[Deniz] You should move in with me.

Gosh, you're so great.

But you're my student

and I think it's something that we...

should leave unexplored.

I think you're right when you say this can't work.

Oh?

[Leila] Absolutely nothing is changing.

While we're not feeling so compatible romantically,

we're feeling incredibly compatible professionally.

[Leila] I have not done this before.

I have only had sex with women.

(mellow music)

♪

Fuck.

♪

(crowd commotion)

(overlapping conversations)

[Gabe] Don't you just love it here?

I mean, everything is so fresh and cheap

and I'm so charmed by all the...

Black people?

Vendors.

Look, I don't know your life

but you're not gonna eat all those plantains

and they're gonna go off

and this market

plus your white man Orientalist fetish

is the reason why the spice cabinet's

such a fucking mess.

Hm.

[Leila] So you're still seeing that girl, huh?

Looks like it.

Can I get your honest opinion about something?

Shoot.

Yea or nay?

Holy!

Sorry, that took me by surprise.

That is a healthy amount of hair.

You think I should shave it.

No.

Your body, your choice.

I want your honest opinion.

Definitely lose the hair.

I mean, I'm sorry, no contest.

How'd you let that get so out of hand?

I don't know.

I'm Middle Eastern,

I haven't shaved in... 14 years.

If girls like it, don't shave.

Yeah, but it shouldn't be about what girls like, right?

It should be about what I like.

Well, what do you like?

I have no fucking clue.

Will you take these bags home?

I gotta go to work.

Do you think Sadie and Hye Me are a couple?

[Gabe] Eh, it was probably just a one-way thing.

For the first time in my life

I have the moral high ground

and I can't say shit and milk it.

Just because I broke into the flat

and spat gum in Hye Me's hair.

A pile of poop and a smile is passé, right?

She rejected you!

She hasn't rejected me.

She just asked me to be her thesis advisor.

Yeah, no, you're right,

thesis advisor really is the next logical step

in any adult relationship,

right after au pair and scout leader.

She's Argentinean, okay?

Professional social hierarchies

aren't the same there.

Like, there isn't this teacher versus student identity.

You don't get it.

No, you're right, I don't get it.

Goodbye, Gabe.

(car horn honks)

(overlapping chatter)

(indiscernible yelling)

(computer mouse clicks)

(car horn honks)

(clicking continues)

(car horn honks)

Where is everybody?

Craig couldn't make it in.

His sister's got a concussion

and apparently that requires his expertise.

Uh, Jess is at a wedding

and Matt, oh, I don't know.

He's--he's living so far up his own ass

that he's possibly still commuting in.

(laughs)

At least Ruby's had a solid two hours

working on that Hillary Clinton graphic for a blog.

Doesn't seem to care that we've only got

a month until the launch.

Sadie, um, would you like me

to type up your notes

for the pitch on Wednesday?

Yes, I'd find that really helpful,

thank you.

Yeah, I bet you would.

-Sorry? -Nothing.

And, um, Ruby wants a meeting.

[Sadie] I--I can't do it.

I can't talk about her blog anymore.

-I'll make an excuse. -Thanks.

Right, I'm done.

I'll, um, see you Monday.

Yeah, I'll see you Monday.

(retreating footsteps)

(door opens)

(door closes)

(approaching footsteps)

(sighs)

It's okay.

I've got you.

[Laura] She's your student.

Well, she's incredibly bright.

I feel like I'm deep

into the second act of my life

and I haven't found my leading lady.

You know, I don't want her to be the one that got away.

You know, you've said some really stupid things

over the course of our lives,

but that might just be the stupidest.

Where is this coming from, love?

I don't know.

She has this way of making it

so I'm always one step behind.

Because she rejected you.

No, she hasn't rejected me. She's interested,

I just don't know how interested.

I don't know how to describe it.

You know, I just kinda feel like

if 22-year-old me could see me now

he'd be like,

"Lock it down. Put a ring on it,

that's the woman of your dreams."

Okay, yeah,

but why are you still thinking about

what that idiot wants?

(child singing)

(sniffling)

(overlapping conversations)

Would you like to sit down?

[woman #1] Yes, please.

Thank you.

(train chuffing)

Excuse me, ma'am.

Um, do you want a seat?

[woman #2] No, it's fine.

Oh shit.

Oh, fuck.

(train chuffing)

(muffled dance music playing)

♪

(clicking tongue)

♪

(stall door squeaking)

[Leila] I appreciate that you came all the way here

to deliver this shirt,

but you are an asshole for making me look like this.

It was the only fun going out top I saw.

It was in the bag with all the shit

I was taking to the charity shop.

You look retarded.

Deniz, about 10 or 15 years ago

it was decided that the R-word's no longer in play.

Yeah, two of my cousins are retarded

and I can tell you now

they would not be offended.

They've got bigger shit to deal with.

(soft dramatic music)

♪

(soft thump)

♪

(lackluster clapping)

[audience member] Shh.

Shh!

♪

(music intensifies)

♪

(applause)

[audience member] Woo!

♪

Woo!

Fuck me, that was powerful.

Yeah.

Takes a few rounds to hit you,

but when it does it's heartbreaking.

(upbeat music)

Oh.

Okay, so don't look now,

to my right there are these two girls,

I think the one on the left was on Skins.

[Deniz] Fuck.

-Fuck. -Is that your ex?

Oh my God, the tall one had to cut her hair

because you put gum in it.

-Stop staring. -No, I normally hate girls

when they cut their hair short

but actually she looks incredible.

Hi.

Hey, Deniz.

This is Gabe, my roommate.

Lovely to meet you.

Gabe, Hye Me.

-Hello, Hye Me. -Hi.

Are you a couple?

[Deniz] I need a piss.

This is really awkward.

[Leila] God, I hate millennials' overuse

of the word "awkward."

This isn't awkward, it's unprofessional.

Just kidding.

[Gabe] Technically you're a millennial.

Technically you're a statutory rapist

for what you're doing with your student.

Is something bothering you?

No, nothing's bothering me.

God, I can't get over how great

your outfit is, Hye Me.

Thank you.

It's funny, they say a good model

is a blank canvas

and you are like a blank canvas of a person.

-Leila. -And by that I mean

that everything looks good on you.

-Thank you. -Does anybody want a beer?

Yes, God, yes.

I'll join you.

[Leila] I can't get over how, uh, pretty

and well-dressed and slender you both are.

Almost absurdly slender.

You'd think your hip bones

must really smack together

in an uncomfortable way.

You left me.

I asked for a break.

Thank you.

I really love that top.

(Leila laughs sardonically)

(angry) That is really fucking mature.

Whoa.

♪

Oh, thank you so much.

You're welcome.

(sighs)

Um...Tania, Hye Me.

How hot is she?

♪

[Sadie] Hello, Tania.

[Tania] Hi, Sadie.

(upbeat dance music)

♪

Dance with me, Gabe.

♪

Oh, fuck this.

It's your loss.

♪

Stop.

Sit.

I came here to see you.

These ain't my people.

♪

Except for her.

She could be my people.

[Esther] Beth has news. Tell 'em.

Katie's gone home for the weekend

to come out to her parents.

Shit, that moved fast.

You should be careful, Beth.

It is very easy to fall in love with a woman.

I don't know if I should be offended or not.

Katie's been with men only, right?

And men are a much tougher nut to crack.

If I'm to believe anything I've learned

from living with this slut

and watching six seasons of Sex and the City.

Yeah, yeah, no, we're the worst.

Thanks for bringing your boyfriend.

Girls are easier.

You know, it's easier to fall in love with a woman.

Well, I don't think that's the case here.

Cool. Great.

I am genuinely happy to hear that.

Mazel tov.

Let's have a party.

It'll be her gaybut.

Where should we have it?

Well, what about Hampstead Ponds?

It's lesbian mecca.

It's too cold for the pond.

[Tania] Superstore.

[Esther] I hate that place, it's full of gay guys.

[Tania] There's nowhere to go.

[Beth] Yeah, this is why we need a space

exclusively for women.

[Esther] Yes.

Fuck inclusivity, I want one space

that makes me feel the way my brothers feel

when they walk into Wetherspoon's.

[Deniz] Leila, ignore them.

Does anyone know the girl with the shaved head?

[Esther] She's married to Polly.

(door opens)

(funk music)

♪

You know, the best way to get over somebody

is to get under somebody else.

You depress me.

Jon-Criss.

Perfect timing.

Ladies, this is Jon-Criss,

and now that he's here, we can all make our way

to the next location.

-No. -This place is clearly toxic

so why don't we all go

to power ballad night in Soho.

It's really fun in groups.

♪

Maybe it would be interesting

on an anthropological level.

No.

[Leila] Yeah, no, you're right, that's--

we're not going.

(whispers) Yes we are.

That's a yes.

(Toto, "Hold the Line")

♪

♪ It's not in the way that you hold me ♪

♪

♪ It's not in the way you say you care ♪

♪

♪ It's not in the way you've been treating-- ♪

Check it out.

♪ It's not in the way that you-- ♪

[Deniz in deep voice] "Hey, you look like my sister.

Sometimes I like to masturbate

over a picture of her."

[Leila in high-pitched voice] "Oh my God, you're so cute.

You remind me so much of Ed Sheeran

in your little vest."

[in deep voice] "I'll go cum on your face--"

No, I can't do this anymore.

I'm just gonna go and text Shaved Head.

Fair enough.

-Later. -Have a good night.

♪ Hold the line ♪

Holy shit, she's here.

That's Francisca.

♪ Oh-whoa-whoa ♪

♪

Let's get fucked up.

No, I'm gonna go and have a dance.

Two gin and tonics, please.

So, if you were straight,

who would you go for,

apart from me?

Well, if I can't have you, Gabe,

I might as well fucking kill myself.

♪

I don't know.

I feel like with all these guys,

if you took their pants off,

you'd find a smooth mound

instead of a dick, like a Ken doll.

♪

I don't know, that guy's cute

with the beard.

[Gabe] Huh.

♪

♪ Hold the line ♪

♪

[Leila] I'm not gonna lie,

I was not expecting that from Jon-Criss.

[Gabe] Yeah.

He's...an enigma.

It's nice if I bring these drinks

to Francisca, right?

I'm doubting she asked for them.

Well, not verbally.

Whatever, it's no big deal.

I'm gonna-- I'm say hi.

♪

Do you smoke?

Yeah.

♪ It's not in the words that you told me ♪

Yeah, look, I just need a piss, yeah?

Okay.

♪ It's not in the way you say you're mine, oh ♪

♪ It's not in the way that you came back to me ♪

♪ It's not in the way that your love sets me free ♪

♪ It's not in the way you look ♪

♪ Or the things that you say that you'll do ♪

♪ Hold the line ♪

♪

♪ Love isn't always on time ♪

♪ Whoa-whoa-whoa ♪

♪ Hold the line ♪

♪ Love isn't always on time ♪

♪ Love isn't, love isn't always on time ♪

Um...could you roll it for me?

I--I'm a terrible roller.

It's all right, it's no problem.

Thanks.

(muffled music playing inside)

♪

Can I, um...

can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

Are you actually a smoker?

Not at all.

How long were you planning on keeping this up?

I was thinking I'd quit after our firstborn.

Wow.

Well, I'm impressed

with your level of commitment.

Yeah, don't worry, I was gonna poke holes

in the condom tonight,

'cause, you know, smoking can really fuck up your lungs.

You know, that's actually not very funny though.

'Cause girls actually do that.

Like, it happened to my mate Joe

and it's a bit messy

and he's still paying...

It's not very funny, all right?

Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

That sucks for your friend.

♪

[smoker] Hey, is--is that Chris?

I don't know if that's Chris.

[smoker] Shit, yeah, it's my mate Chris.

We went zorbing together once

on his stag do,

but, like, we told him not to put water inside

so he just came out with, like, fucking shitloads

of friction burns all over him.

Fucking total vance.

Chris!

-Hey, mate. -Come here, poofer,

how are you, bro?

(indiscernible conversation)

♪

[smoker] Not too much, bro. Just working, same old shit.

(conversation continues)

[Leila] Catch you later.

(conversation continues)

♪

So how's it going with Hye Me?

Well, she spent the best part of an hour

describing her dream to me this morning.

Right.

So that's where it's going.

(snorts)

She's lovely, but I don't know.

Do you think Leila's okay?

[Esther] If you wanted to make her jealous,

I think you've succeeded.

♪ Baby, I think tonight ♪

♪ We can take what was wrong ♪

[Gabe] Leila, have you seen these fucking things?

Look, it's as big as my head.

What's wrong?

(Mr. Mister, "Broken Wings")

I...

I shouldn't have left Sadie.

♪ Baby ♪

Don't be sad.

[Leila] I've made a really big mistake.

No, you're gonna be okay.

♪

[Gabe] Will you sway with me?

♪

Soothing, isn't it?

♪ So take these broken wings ♪

[Gabe] Here we go.

♪ Learn to live so free ♪

You like dancing, I know you do.

(upbeat rock music)

♪

(Mickey & Sylvia, "Love is Strange")

♪

Sylvia?

Yes, Mickey?

How do you call your lover boy?

"Come here, lover boy!"

And if he doesn't answer?

"Oh, lover boy!"

And if he still doesn't answer?

I simply say...

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ My sweet baby ♪

♪ You're the one ♪

♪

-Francisca! -♪ Baby ♪

She looks like the type that likes to be dominated.

[Gabe] What?

The underage South American.

Like if I wanted to get with her,

I'd pretend to have a plan.

She's 22.

♪

(cheering)

(upbeat music playing on radio)

♪

(indiscernible conversations)

(cell phone beeps)

♪

People from work are having a party.

Who's gonna be there?

People from work.

Where do you work?

Dirt.

Is that that salon where they get super mean

and judgmental just 'cause you gave yourself

a haircut with kitchen scissors

one night when you were drunk?

-Probably. -Ah. Never been.

Is it gonna be like a big party?

Uh, I don't know.

I see.

Francisca, are you interested in--

No.

Okay then, no.

Will you text me if it's a great party?

No.

Are you going?

Well, if I go home, it will definitely

have been a shit night.

(mellow music)

Sarah.

(indiscernible lyrics)

♪

[Leila] Do you think they intuitively know

how to look like they're in a magazine layout

or was this staged before we got here?

♪

-Hey. -Hey.

♪

At least Gabe isn't missing out.

Ha.

Hey, wouldn't it be funny

if we took a load of photos

and sent them to Gabe and made it look like

we were having the time of our lives?

♪

That's genius.

(soft alternative rock music)

♪

-You ready? -Mm-hm.

♪

(indiscernible conversation)

♪

(camera snaps)

Let me see, let me see.

All right, one, two, three.

(screaming joyfully, laughing)

(muffled party music playing)

This is such a stupid idea.

Well, it will be worth it.

Sent.

♪

(laughing)

♪

[Leila] I used to be obsessed with Tom Petty

when I was a little girl.

But then I would fall asleep at night

thinking about Pam Anderson

playing beach volleyball.

I've never thought I was gay

but I'm pretty sure I fancied

my secondary school history teacher.

I carved him these wooden bookends

and painted on his favorite quotes.

Yeah, I know.

It wasn't until he was opening it

that I realized what an intense present it was.

Oh man.

♪

Sometimes I think if a guy had

swept me off my feet

the way that girl did in my support group for cutters

when I was 19

that maybe I'd have been straight.

Well, you can't date women

all the way through your 20s

and not be somewhat gay.

Yeah, I know.

I'm definitely attracted to women,

but...like maybe I would have gone

the path of least resistance.

Coming out to my parents was, hands down,

the worst thing I've ever had to do.

They're from Iran.

It was awful.

I don't think I would have

put my family through that

if I felt I had another option.

Were you in love with your ex?

Yeah.

♪

The first time she kissed me

I thought my heart was gonna explode

out my chest.

Well then, it was worth it.

♪

Yeah.

Fair point.

(cell phone beeps)

Oh.

Oh, he's left a voicemail.

Play it, play it.

[Gabe] In 20 years, you'll look back on this night

and you'll think,

"That was one of the best nights of my life.

That was my youth."

(laughing)

Oh, Gabe.

(laughing)

♪

(laughing)

♪

No, I want you inside me.

[Jon-Criss] What?

Have you done this before?

No.

Do you have a condom?

Uh...

No. Um...

♪

Um...just wait a minute.

Ah, ah-ha, ah-ha.

Check the date.

Ow, that's hot.

-Yeah, we're good. -Okay.

♪

(laughing)

♪

(groans)

(panting)

♪

-Is this okay? -Yeah, it's good.

[Jon-Criss] Um...are you bleeding?

(laughing)

What?

No!

No, I'm not bleeding.

♪

(laughing)

[Jon-Criss] What?

What's so funny? What?

I--

I just thought that--

I thought it would be so different.

I thought sex with a man would be so different

and it's not.

(laughing)

♪

♪ You're in the danger zone ♪

♪

♪ You're in the danger zone ♪

♪ Do you trust me? ♪

♪ Do you trust me? ♪

♪ You're in the danger zone ♪

♪

♪ Danger zone ♪

♪