Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer that you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

Can we stop a minute?

Oh, not again. What's wrong now, Ed?

Will you see if there's a lump on my back.

Funny, since you got off, it disappeared.

Come on, you gold brick.

Wait, Wilbur.

Huh?

I think there's a burr in my tail.

Now, we'll leave it there for 30 days,

and if nobody claims it, it's yours.

Come on. Quit stalling.

Wilbur, I'm tired.

"I'm tired." You're just lazy.

Now, look. Look at that horse up there.

Why can't you be more like him?

Now, Betsy, ride him around the bridle path,

and I'll wait for you right here.

Now, be careful now.

I will, Mommy.

Now that's a horse. He's not lazy.

Hm. I hate a show-off.

[loud bang]

Betsy!

Betsy! Somebody stop him!

He's running away with that little girl.

We better save her.

Oh, please. It's my little girl.

My baby. Please do something.

It's all right, madam. My horse has gone after him.

- Your horse? - Yes.

Look, he's reaching him.

He's got him.

[whinnies]

Yes, oh.

Easy, boy.

What are you? Some kind of a nut or something?

There's a kid on your back. Are you trying to kill her?

[whinnies]

Aw, don't give me that bunk about some noise scaring you.

Come on, chicken.

Come on.

My father was right.

My little girl needed more riding lessons.

I don't know why--

Please, ma'am.

Your little girl's all right now.

Look. Here they come.

Oh, Betsy.

Betsy, thank heavens you're all right.

You weren't hurt, dear?

No, Mommy, I'm fine.

Oh, thank God.

Uh, I never saw anything like this before.

Your horse saved my child's life.

What can I do to thank you?

Oh, forget it.

Oh, no, no, please.

May I have your name and address?

I know my father would want to do something nice for your horse.

Oh, Ed doesn't want any reward.

Excuse me.

Uh, if you insist.

My name if Wilbur Post.

I live at 17230 Valley Spring Road.

I can't understand what happened to Wilbur.

He should've been back an hour ago.

My lunch will be ruined.

Hm. Addison's fit to be tied.

The boys had a golf date this morning.

I know.

Maybe he got his appointments mixed.

You mean he thinks he's supposed to ride Addison

and play golf with the horse.

That wouldn't surprise me.

When he goes out with that horse, anything can happen.

Where do you suppose he could be?

Well, the way Wilbur feels about that plug,

they could've stopped off for a couple of beers.

You know, the way he lies

about Mister Ed's accomplishments,

you'd think he was his press agent.

Now, just a minute, Roger.

Wilbur may have his faults, but he's not a liar.

[Wilbur] Carol.

Wait till I tell you what happened.

Ed and I were on the bridle path, see.

I just got off Ed when suddenly a motorcycle backfired.

Another horse with a little girl on his back

bolted and ran away taking her with him, you see.

Ed, quick as a flash, he ran after them.

He caught them. He picked up the reins in his teeth,

and he brought them both back. Isn't that wonderful?

I suppose you should stay with him until he gets better.

Courage, dear.

You don't believe me.

Carol, you believe me.

Of course, dear.

What really happened?

It was a lie. I made the whole thing up.

The reason I'm late is

because Ed and I stopped off to have a couple of beers.

[phone rings]

Excuse me.

Hello?

The Valley Globe?

This is Mrs. Post.

What?

What?

His horse saved a child's life.

Wilbur.

You should all be on your knees to me.

Hello?

This is Mr. Post,

owner of Mister Ed.

What?

Yes, yes, it's true.

How did you find out about it so fast?

Well, the child's grandfather happens to Henry J. Thorndyke.

He was at a local press conference

when his daughter called him with the news.

We'd like to follow up with the story.

Do you mind if I send over a photographer at 3:00?

Yes, 3:00 will be fine.

Don't mention it.

[clears throat]

The newspaper is sending a photographer over here

to take pictures of Mister Ed.

Do you know who the little girl's grandfather happens to be?

Henry J. Thorndyke.

Not Henry Thorndyke the millionaire?

Why he owns half of Catalina Island.

And he has an option on the other half.

He may drop over himself later in the afternoon.

Addison, you've been wanting to meet him for years.

Yeah.

Anything that man touches turns to gold.

Oh, Wilbur, if he'll cut us in on one of his deals, we'll be made.

What a stroke of luck saving Thorndyke's grandchild.

Oh, Ed is very democratic.

He saves them all, the rich and the poor.

Okay, Mr. Post. I'm all set.

All right. Where-- Where do you want us to stand?

Well, let's see.

Um, oh, I think we ought to get him over there

where the light's better.

Hey, did you see that? He seemed to understand me.

Nah, he's just showing off for the press.

All right. How's this?

Perfect.

Now hold it.

1, 2, 3.

Somebody who loves sugar

is going to get his lumps tonight.

Could we take that once more, please?

Sure. Right away.

Here we go.

1, 2, 3.

What happened now?

Oh, he's just being funny.

Nothing worse than a horse

making a jackass out of himself.

Well, I got the horse anyway.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

That was dirty pool, Ed.

Dirty pool.

Why didn't you want me in the picture?

I didn't want to confuse any hero worshipers.

All right, big shot.

Let's go back to your stall.

[Carol] Wilbur?

Honey, this is Mr. Thorndyke, the little girl's grandfather.

How do you do? It's nice to see you.

I guess I don't have to tell you how I feel.

I'm crazy about that little granddaughter of mine.

I just had to come by and thank you in person.

Well, I'm glad I just happened to be there.

Oh, I mean, I'm glad my horse and I just happened to be there.

Well, so this is the fellow that saved my Betsy.

You know, I can't believe it yet.

My daughter tells me

that this horse actually followed Betsy's horse

and brought it him back with the reins in his teeth.

Well, that's-- that's the truth.

Mister Ed has always been very fond of little children.

Wilbur--

Oh, I'm sorry. I beg your pardon.

I didn't know you had company. I'll see you later, Wilbur.

- Please-- Please stay, Rog. - All right.

Yeah, uh, Mr. Thorndyke,

I'd like you to meet my neighbor Roger Addison.

How do you do, sir?

Mr. Thorndyke, how are you? I'm happy to meet you.

Roger, what are you doing with those apples?

Oh, these?

They're for this wonderful horse of yours.

I'm very fond of this animal,

and I think he kind of likes me, too.

Here you are, boy.

Ed.

He's not hungry, Rog.

He's already had a dozen apples.

That ain't hay.

[chuckles]

What a wonderful animal.

You two must be very proud of him.

Oh, yes.

Mister Ed and my husband are inseparable.

Mr. Thorndyke, I read in the paper last week

about your forming a syndicate

for a land development project in Arizona.

That's right.

Uh, how old is Mister Ed?

He'll be, um, eight next month.

And you wouldn't think it by looking at him.

He has one of those baby faces.

Now, uh, I happened to have saved some money.

You're very wise.

Uh, there is a special reason

for my coming here today, Mr. Post.

I want you and your wife

to spend the weekend with me at Catalina.

Our city is celebrating its anniversary.

We're having a big parade with floats and music,

and you'll have the time of your life.

What do you say?

Oh, wonderful.

Well, we'd love to come, Mr. Thorndyke,

but we're having a theater date with the Addisons.

Oh, Wilbur, forget about us. Inconsequential.

Don't worry about us at all. Go ahead. Enjoy yourself.

We'll find something else to do.

Well, now why don't you and Mrs. Addison join us?

We've plenty of room.

Oh, Mr. Thorndyke, really, thank you very much,

but no, no, no, I wouldn't impose.

I insist.

All right, I accept.

Good, good. Now there is one thing more.

I am Grand Marshall of the parade,

and I would like this hero

to lead it with my granddaughter.

I tell you, when this breaks in the newspaper

there'll be hundreds of children

just itching to cheer this-- this wonderful animal.

Mm. I can just see Mister Ed signing autographs.

Then it's all settled.

I'll have my yacht in San Pedro on Saturday

and send my chauffeur around to pick you up.

How about a nice, cool drink, Mr. Thorndyke?

Good, I'd like that.

I'll join you as soon as we put away Ed.

Uh, I've always been interested

in land development, Mr. Thorndyke,

and I have some ideas on the subject

that you might find interesting.

I believe in investing in land development.

Well, Ed, this Saturday morning,

you'll be sailing on your way

to a hero's welcome on Catalina Island.

I am not going.

Huh? Why not?

I am not getting on any boat.

I'm afraid of water.

I can't believe that you're afraid to get on a boat.

You're a hero.

Only on dry land.

If they build a bridge to Catalina Island, I'll go.

Everybody travels on the water.

Nothing can possibly go wrong on a boat.

Then why do they carry life preservers?

It's just in case.

I'm staying right here.

You never heard of a barn going down.

Ed, that's a ridiculous phobia.

They have all sorts of modern precautions on boats.

When something goes wrong,

they always yell "Women and children first!"

Then if there's room left, the men go.

Oh, come on.

The captain and the horses go down with the ship.

Ed, let me show you how ridiculous phobias are.

When I was a little boy,

I was afraid of riding bicycles.

The little boy next door had a red bicycle,

so one Sund--

Ed, I'm going to show you how safe a boat really is

and how ridiculous your phobia is.

Now, I'm going to make a boat out of this piece of paper.

I'll demonstrate by the law of physics

just what keeps a boat afloat-D in water.

Well, well, well.

See?

A boat.

Excuse me, Ed.

Here, Ed.

Now watch carefully.

You see, the whole-- Yes, it's water.

The whole principle is that the boat displaces

its own weight in the water so it can't possibly sink.

Watch this.

This little boy who lived next door

had a red bicycle, you see?

So one Sunday morning, when nobody was looking, I went over there.

They didn't know that I was afraid to ride bicycles and--

Ed, I just figured out why that little boat sank.

You see, it was made of porous paper.

Now, real boats are not made of paper.

They are made of iron.

Would you like to drop a piece of iron in that water?

No.

Remember, I'm wearing horseshoes, not sneakers.

But the fact still remains

that very few boats actually go down.

What's this book you're reading?

Shipwrecks of the Pacific Coast.

Take my advice-- Stay home, too.

Ed, there is just one way to lick your fear of the water.

No, Wilbur!

I don't want to go on the boat!

I'm too young to die!

Wilbur, no.

Please.

Please, Wilbur.

Oh, no, Wilbur, no.

Take it easy, Wilbur.

Please, let's not rush this.

No, Wilbur.

Ed, will you stop being ridiculous?

Look, I rented that boat to prove a point.

The least you can do is try it.

How much water is under that boat, Wilbur?

Oh, about 12 feet.

And how tall am I?

6 feet.

Help! Horse overboard!

Ed, will you stop being so hysterical?

You want those thousands of children to see you crying?

Well, crying beats drowning.

Look, Ed, come on down and look at the ocean.

See how calm and beautiful it is.

Come on.

Hey, easy, Wilbur. Easy.

Slow, now.

Easy.

Easy now. Don't tip the pier.

Wh-Wh-What's that?

Help!

Shark! Horse-eating shark!

Ed.

Oh, stop that, Ed.

Those are just little baby fish.

Yeah, but his father might be around.

Ed, I'm going to make you get on that boat.

Wait, Wilbur.

- We're pals, aren't we? - Yeah.

And you wouldn't make me do anything you wouldn't do?

That's right.

Then you'll get on the boat first.

All right, I will.

All right.

See how safe it is?

Okay, now walk around the other side.

All right.

Ed. Ed, we're drifting!

Do something.

I am.

I'm going home.

Ed, this is a dirty trick!

Just for that, you're going on Saturday, you hear me?

You're going to Catalina on Saturday!

[horn toots]

Well, I'm ready, dear.

Rog, that's quite an outfit.

Pretty impressive, hey?

Yeah, but shouldn't you

be wearing the whistle to call taxis?

Oh, Wilbur, stop it.

I think Roger looks positively handsome.

He looks like a little doll.

Don't you listen to Wilbur, sweetheart.

If there's a whistle coming with that outfit,

Mother will get it for you.

[chuckles]

Well, Thorndyke's chauffeur

should be dropping by any minute now to pick us up.

Oh, thank you, honey.

Ooh, I'm really starting to get excited now.

Ah, me too. You know, I have a feeling

this is going to be the most unforgettable weekend of my life.

- You know why? - Because it's free.

My dear, if Thorndyke takes me into a syndicate,

we'll both be wearing mink.

Oh, honey, shouldn't you get Mister Ed ready?

Oh, yes. Yeah.

Rog, would you care to give me a hand with Ed?

With pleasure. Anytime I can do something

for that wonderful animal, count on me.

Oh, boy.

But to think just a couple of days ago

Roger couldn't stand Mister Ed.

Hm, that's one thing you can count on with my husband.

Give him something for nothing

and you touch that soft spot in his wallet.

Oh, Kay.

Well, now that the fashion show is over,

I think I better go get the suitcases.

Okay, see you in a minute.

Okay.

Ed, we're ready to go.

What's wrong, Wilbur? We can't keep that boat waiting.

He's just acting stubborn.

Come on, Rog, push.

I am pushing.

What's the matter with him?

We'll never get to Catalina at this rate.

Roger, you should never mention the word Catalina.

Wilbur, I-- I don't understand.

You know how important this trip is to me--

To us.

If we get to Catalina without this horse,

Thorndyke isn't going to be very friendly.

Now, please, do something, will you?

Ed, I'm ashamed of you.

When Noah was putting all those animals in the ark,

where do you think you'd be today

if one of the horses refused to go?

Not on that boat to Catalina, I'll tell you that.

Wilbur, I can't understand

why Mister Ed is acting this wa--

He isn't sick, is he?

No, he's just spoiled.

There must be some way of getting him on that boat.

Maybe if I sneaked a few sleeping pills into his feed--

Nah, how are we going to carry a sleeping horse out of the barn?

Oh, honey, look at the time.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it, dear.

I think I've got our problem solved.

Come with me.

Roger.

Where did you get the horse?

I rented him from the Briar Cliff Stables.

He looks just like Mister Ed, doesn't he?

Well, his, uh, hair is a little longer.

We'll give him a crew cut.

Thorndyke will never know the difference.

Ed has a longer tail.

So he got his tail caught in a lawn mower.

Anything else?

Well...

Ed's nose is a little shorter.

Hey, if you think

I'm going to pay for a nose job for this nag, you're crazy.

Now wait a minute, Rog. Let's be sensible.

We can't go fooling Thorndyke with another horse.

Well, that's dishonest.

You're darn right it is.

It's low, underhanded, crooked, and get Carol ready.

We're leaving in five minutes.

Look, Ed--

- Hi, Mr. Post. - Hello, Joey.

- Here's your paper. - Thank you, Joey.

Hi, Mister Ed.

Huh?

Gee, I saw his picture in today's paper.

Did he really save that little girl?

Oh, well, actually this horse--

Actually, this horse is one of the bravest animals that you will ever see.

Brave? [chuckles]

If his ears were any bigger, he'd be a rabbit.

I'll bet he isn't afraid of anything.

No, he's not, Joey.

A true hero is afraid of nothing.

Why, to save a human life,

this animal would go through fire and water.

Ha, he wouldn't go through a lawn sprinkler on a hot day.

You mean, if I was drowning, he would save me?

Oh, sure.

Not only save you, he'd give you artificial respiration.

That faker would pass out if a moth attacked him.

Mr. Post, is he really going to be the star

of that big parade in Catalina?

Oh, yes.

Will they give him a medal?

Ooh, sure. I wouldn't be surprised

if they got a French horse to kiss him on both cheeks.

[chuckles]

Good luck, Mister Ed.

Bye, Mr. Post.

Bye, Joey.

Well, Mister Ed, after I brush you down,

I'll put you into your trailer.

Just one cotton-picking minute.

Just a moment.

You'll never brush the yellow streak off his spine.

Hi.

Stop calling that seedy plug Mister Ed.

Well--

Steal my feedbag but not my good name.

Oh, Ed, those kids in Catalina are expecting to see a hero,

and I'm not going to disappoint them.

But that's cheating, Wilbur.

Old lard belly here didn't save that kid.

Now, Ed. Come on.

Wilbur, no one will believe he's Mister Ed.

Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that.

I would, and you know why?

Why?

Because his name is Gertrude.

Very funny. Come on, boy.

Well, wait, Wilbur.

I'll go.

Ed, are you sure about that?

You know, it means getting on that boat.

Well, if we go down, we'll go down together, buddy boy.

Oh, I'm glad you're coming, Ed.

You can't lie to kids, Wilbur.

They're coming to see a hero, not a phony pony.

[chuckles]

Ed, you've got to admit that was a perfect weekend.

Yeah, it was a gasser.

Ed, I was really proud of you,

you know, the way you marched to the head of that parade

with your head high and your chest out,

prancing like a real hero.

Yeah, I guess I did ham it up a little.

Mostly, Ed, I was proud of the way you overcame your fear of the water.

Wilbur, let's go rent a boat tomorrow, okay?

You really want to go, hey?

If you will, I'll do the rowing.

[laughs]

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a Filmways television presentation.