Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

[chuckles]

Oh, wait a minute.

You're pathetic. Give me that putter.

You're going to put?

Somebody's got to show you what you're doing wrong.

Okay, here you go.

Put the ball down.

All right. All right.

xf Go ahead, Mr. Snead.

[Mister Ed] See how simple it is?

You say I was stabbing the ball, huh?

You're right.

Who's right?

Uh-- Uh, I'm right.

I always tell myself how to play games.

I mean if you can't trust yourself who can you trust?

For a start, I'd suggest a psychiatrist.

Kay left the me this note saying she'd be back around 4.

Have you any idea where she went?

She was supposed to call an electrician to fix our bridge lamp.

Well, Carol took her to the home decorator show.

I get free tickets every year.

Oh, fine. Those free tickets of yours

will probably cost me a fortune.

Now Kay will come home full of expensive ideas

on how to redecorate our house.

Oh, I doubt that, Rog.

Why, you just decorated it 15 years ago.

14.

Now, it isn't the money, Wilbur.

- You of all people should know that. - Oh, I know that, Rog.

I mean, you're the first man

to pick up a check in a restaurant.

You never deprive Kay of anything.

And the whole neighborhood knows

you're generous to a fault.

This is a recording.

How droll.

Rog, I'd like to show you a little putting trick

I learned from a putting expert.

No, no, no. Not right now.

I've got to get back and fix that bridge lamp.

Fix the bridge lamp?

Well, look, I'll get my toolbox.

No, no. No, thanks.

The last thing you fixed was our toaster.

What's wrong? Doesn't it pop up?

Like an atlas missile.

Our entire kitchen ceiling is done in pumpernickel.

Well, you get a long butter knife.

I'm a little weak on toasters, but I'm great on lamps.

Come on, we'll get my toolbox.

They'll be eating by candle light tonight.

Wilbur?

Kay, they must be over at your place.

Come on, I'm dying to show Wilbur this brochure.

Uh, Carol, I know you like that Hawaiian furniture,

but do you think it's a good idea to redecorate your whole house?

I mean what's Wilbur going to say?

Oh, when he sees these pictures, he'll flip.

Yeah, when he sees those prices, he'll flop.

[Carol] But we don't have to pay cash.

That decorator, uh, Beverly Cavell,

he said he could arrange all the financing.

[chuckles]

Uh, where are you going?

I'm going to put Mr. Cavell's brochure on Wilbur's desk.

After all he's an architect and once he sees this gorgeous Hawaiian motif.

He'll run right down to the bank.

Yeah, throw himself right off the roof.

Wilbur, maybe I better call an electrician.

You don't mind, a little positive thinking, please.

All right, I'm positive I ought to call an electrician.

What for? It's all fixed.

There we are.

Now I just take the plug

and put the plug into the-- Into the thing here.

There. And let there be light.

Funny, wonder what's wrong.

Well, I haven't your vast technical knowledge,

but speaking as a laymen,

I would suggest you put in that bulb.

Oh. [chuckles]

Rog, you may have stumbled on the answer.

There we are.

This will fix it.

Your good old lamp will be just as good as new.

[bulb pops]

Should I bury it in the backyard next to the toaster?

[phone rings]

Hello.

Yes, he's right here. Hold it.

It's for you, Mr. Edison.

Hello.

Wilbur, your wife is trying to squander our money again.

What do you mean?

Oh.

Hawaiian modern, huh?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Oh, here they are, sweetie.

Oh, Wilbur, thanks so much. I really enjoyed the decorator show.

- Good. - Addison, you just should have seem--

Nothing in this house is going to be changed.

- I agree. I'm telling you right here.

You can cry. You can stamp your feet.

What did you say?

What? I love our house just the way it is.

I didn't see a thing I wanted to buy.

All right, who are you,

and what are you doing in my wife's clothes?

Carol, how did you like the show?

Oh, it was very nice.

They had some very interesting ideas.

Personally, I can't stand Hawaiian modern.

Who said anything about Hawaiian modern?

Isn't that what you were leading up to?

Having the whole house redecorated.

Well, yes, but how did you know?

Oh, well, when you came in,

your eyes looked like two coconuts.

Kay?

I didn't tell him. I was with you.

Wilbur, how did you know?

My dear, you married a man with strange mystical powers.

Just keep him away from lamps and toaster.

I got to get back to work.

Oh and, uh, you can throw away

that brochure you put on my desk.

How-- How did you know that?

Swami sees all, knows all.

Kay?

I don't know how he did it, sweetie.

But you're wired for sound.

Yeah. [chuckles]

What a nice brochure.

Yeah, that interior decorator has some interesting ideas.

Hanging grass mats on the wall.

How charming.

Hey, Wilbur.

Wake up.

Wake up, buddy boy.

Oh, what is it, Ed?

Can you imagine your wife

wanting to redecorate the whole house?

It's ridiculous.

Yeah, that's what I told her.

The trouble spot is right here.

What?

My room, it looks like a stable.

Well, it is a stable.

Doesn't mean it has to look like one.

Now just a minute, Ed.

What are you driving at?

I want my stable done over in Hawaiian modern.

Oh, you're kidding.

No, I'm not.

You think I like living this way?

Well, you never complained before.

True, but don't you wonder

why I never invite any of my friends over?

All right, tell you what I'll do.

Next week, I'll give your stall a fresh coat of paint.

No.

Wallpaper.

Grass wallpaper.

Grass wallpaper?

Yup.

You just want something to nibble on

while you're watching television.

- That's right. - This what I'm gonna do.

I'll repaint and I'll change the straw on the floor, but that's all.

I'll bet you didn't buy your wife off

with a coat of paint and a change of straw.

I didn't have to buy her off.

I simple told her we couldn't afford to redecorate

and that was the end of it.

- Oh. - [phone rings]

Excuse me, Ed.

Hello.

Oh, yeah, honey.

Lunch? Be right in.

- Gonna have lunch, Ed. - Wilbur.

Yeah.

You're leaving a very unhappy horse.

You'll get over it.

♪ [Hawaiian music]

What are you going to do now, Lilani?

Dive for pennies?

Alhoa au i ã'oe.

It means I love you, darling.

Wicky-wacky hulli yacky-hicky doola.

That means you can wiggle all day,

we are not doing the house over.

What's going on?

Just ignore her, Rog.

Oh, I am. I am.

Uh.

Uh-uh.

Well, I see the natives are restless tonight.

What's going on?

Don't ask me. I just got off the boat.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

I haven't had so much fun in years.

- Wonderful. - Oh, isn't it?

Oh.

Hello, Kay.

But, darling, I haven't finished my number.

Oh, Wilbur, admit it.

Wouldn't be fun to have every luncheon like this?

Honey, I loved your show,

but I think that was your closing performance.

Oh, Wilbur, at least talk to the decorator.

Sorry, Tondelayo.

If you folks will excuse me,

I'm due for a haircut on the mainland.

Uh, if you go for this Hawaiian stuff,

I'll learn the hula.

You do, and we're back to 49 states.

His wife's a cinch to get the house done.

There's only one way to get my barn done at the same time.

Call that decorator myself.

Operator.

[doorbell rings]

- Hello, Mrs. Post. - Why, Mr. Cavell.

Didn't your husband tell you he phoned me?

Well, no, but-- Please come in. Come in.

Oh, that's just like my husband.

He always loves to surprise me.

Mr. Cavell, ever since I saw your display at the decorator show,

that's all I've been talking about.

Oh, this room has great possibilities, Mrs. Post.

It just screams for Hawaiian modern.

I've been doing a little screaming myself,

but I never thought it would do any good.

Make yourself comfortable, Mr. Cavell.

I'll get my husband.

Thank you.

♪ Aloha Oe ♪

Wilbur. Wilbur.

Oh, darling, what a wonderful surprise.

What's the surprise? I told you I was going to get a haircut.

Oh, honey, stop it.

This beats any gift you ever given me.

Honey, you deserved it.

Whatever it is.

Wilbur, the joke is over.

I know you called that decorator, Mr. Cavell.

He's in the living room waiting for us.

Mr. Cavell?

He said the house was just perfect for Hawaiian modern.

Well, come on, honey. His time is valuable.

Well, you know how expensive he is?

Yeah, yeah, of course. You go on ahead, Carol.

I got to put all this stuff away.

All right, darling.

Oh, you sweet wonderful man.

Careful now.

A man can get five years

for hitting a horse with glasses.

Ed, this-- this is the dirtiest trick you ever pulled.

You've got me in a terrible jam with Carol

and I don't know how I'm going to get out of it.

Do you know what it would cost

to have Beverly Cavell do the house?

But I only wanted him to do the barn.

He doesn't do barns!

Yell, but don't hit.

How am I gonna get rid of this guy and still keep my wife.

Ed, what were you thinking about when you phoned him?

Hawaiian modern.

Hawaiian?

That's ridiculous.

Asking a famous decorator like Beverly Cavell

to do your barn?

Why, a man with his reputation?

If you asked him to do a barn,

he'd walk right out of here and never come back.

And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Ask him to do a barn.

And right along here, I'll put a drift wood planter

to give us that outside-inside feeling.

Oh,, yes.

And now to capture the warm, lush, sensuality of the tropics.

I suggest a mural here in the style of, let's say,

- Gaugin. - Gaugin.

Marvelous. Simply heavenly.

Oh, Mr. Cavell, you're bringing this whole room to life

Oh, Wilbur, just wait until you hear Mr. Cavell's ideas.

They're just wonderful.

I'm sure they are. Hi, I'm Wilbur Post.

A pleasure. Uh, Mr. Post, I must admit I'm a little surprised.

Your voice, it sounded so much deeper over the phone.

Uh, yeah, well, it starts low in the morning

and then gains altitude during the day.

Yes.

Mr. Cavell and I would like to talk business a few minutes.

All right, I'll fix my coffee. Excuse me, Mr. Cavell.

Oh, go get him.

Now, Mr. Cavell.

Uh, Mr. Post, I better warn you, I'm not cheap.

Oh, I don't want to haggle. Oh, no.

Actually, I don't want to do the whole house.

I thought we start with just one room.

Oh, well, what room did you want me to do?

If you'll follow me I'll show you.

This room you want done, Mr. Post.

What is it?

A guest house?

uh, not exactly, no.

A rumpus room?

Well, I wouldn't call it that, either.

Will anyone be living in it?

Yeah, my horse.

Your horse?

Right this way, Mr. Cavell.

Your horse?

Now, do you think Hawaiian modern would go well in here?

Oh, I see, Mr. Post. You want me to do your office.

Oh, no, no, the office is fine.

I want you to do the stall.

Stall?

But really, Mr. Post, you must be joking?

You're asking Beverly Cavell to decorate a stable.

Think the job is to big for you, huh?

Stall?

The house of Cavell has a reputation to maintain.

- Good day, Mr. Post. - Good day, Mr. Cavell.

However this is the slow season.

Oh, now, Mr. Cavell,

I wouldn't want you to do anything

that might damage your reputation.

Um, I could do it at night.

I think I could make the stall look quite attractive

and still retain the barnsey flavor.

The barnsey flavor?

Well, how much monsey-- Money.

I have a strict rule.

I never accept a job for under $1,500.

1,500?

Oh, that is far too much.

But rules are made to be broken.

And, uh, this stall does represent a challenge.

Well, I put the coffee on.

Oh, honey, we'll be right in.

All right, dear.

Oh, Gaugin.

Now, Mr. Post, why don't you tell me just how much

you like to spend on the stable.

Stable?

Oh, you're having that done, too.

Yeah, well--

Yes, dear, this is the trouble spot.

But we are going to do our home, too?

Oh, yes. Yes.

Well, get around to that a couple of years.

If you think this is a trouble spot,

just wait till you get back to the house.

Umph, now, uh, Mr. Post, as I was saying,

we can still keep that barnsey flavor.

Mr. Cavell, I think you better put it off

until I call you on the phonsey.

Ah, wonderful dinner tonight.

Everything I like.

Caesar salad. Roast beef. Au Gratin potatoes.

Apple pie.

Would have been perfect

if you'd been in the restaurant with me.

Look, honey, we'll do the house.

Believe me.

When?

When, well, just as soon as we can afford it.

Afford it?

You're ready to do the barn.

Look, I only said that to--

as an excuse to get rid of Cavell.

I was kind of embarrassed to tell him he was too high.

So I asked him to do the barn figuring he walk out on me.

Look, honey, we'll do the house

the minute I find a man that isn't too high.

Is that a promise?

You bet it is.

Look, I got an idea, honey.

The Addisons have been after us to go to Palm Springs.

Uh-huh.

Well, then why don't the four us jump in a car

and take off?

I'd love it.

Oh, darling, I'm sorry I made you eat

in a restaurant tonight.

You poor kid.

You probably didn't even have any dinner.

Who didn't? I was in the booth right next to you.

Good morning, Ed.

Uh, hi, Wilbur.

Did you patch things up with your wife?

- Yeah, no thanks to you. - What?

We're leaving for Palm Springs right now.

Oh, boy. That sun will do me a lot of good.

I've been looking a little pale.

You're not going.

Not going?

Yeah, I owe this trip to Carol.

She was very upset about not getting the house done.

And I was upset about not getting my stall done,

so take me, too.

I'm sorry, old boy.

But you'll be well taken care of.

I've ask Mr. Johnson across the street to look in on you.

Oh.

They're waiting for me. Send you a post card, Ed.

[mocking] "Send you a post card, Ed."

Everything for her. Nothing for me.

Treats me like some kind of animal.

I'll show him.

Won't they be surprise when they get home.

Information, please.

Oh, honey, we had such a wonderful time.

Yeah, well, it's nice to be home isn't it?

Oh, yes, but I could have stayed another couple of days.

Excuse me, honey. I better see how Ed is.

- All right, dear. - Just leave the bags here.

Oh, no, I'll get them.

Good, I was hoping you would.

[whistling]

Good morning, Ed.

♪ [Hawaiian music]

[singing Hawaiian song]

[music stops]

Uh, welcome to the islands, malahini.

Ed,

you flipped.

You flipped.

Well, when Carol sees this she'll leave me.

And I will leave you.

Leave me? Now, wait a minute, Wilbur. You wouldn't do that.

I'm only a dumb animal.

Not too dumb to phone Cavell

and have him redecorate your stall.

Well, I just thought once you saw it.

Once my wife sees this, you are finished.

Finished?

Now, look, Ed.

You got this stuff, now you get rid of it.

Everything has to go.

Well, okay, Wilbur. But you won't leave me, huh?

Not if it's gone before Carol sees--

[Carol] Wilbur?

Wilbur, what's keeping you?

Ed, you phone Cavell and send all of this stuff back.

Do you understand?

Yes.

Gee, I thought he'd like it.

Honey, uh, did you say

you could spend another couple of days in Palm Springs?

Well, yes--

So could I. Come on, let's go.

But-- Whoa.

That's right, Mr. Cavell.

Yes, this is Mr. Post.

Uh-- [coughs]

I have a cold today.

Uh, Mr. Cavell, everything has to go back.

You see my horse is allergic to straw.

[mumbles]

Nice morning.

Uh, how about a ride through the park on me?

I got rid of all the furniture.

Carol never found out.

And I haven't used the phone in three days.

[phone rings]

Hello.

Gee.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a Filmways television presentation.