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1
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[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]
2
00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:46,645
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
3
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,572
Now, what is the delay?
4
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,615
Uh, it's a parade, sir.
5
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,844
You had better lean back,
comrade chairman.
6
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,886
The assassins, they can be anywhere.
7
00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:59,049
I'm a very fortunate man, Mr. Solo.
8
00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:03,363
To have security chief
who cares so much about my welfare.
9
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:07,424
But, uh, sometimes, Radish.
you overdo it, no?
10
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,380
But what is this parade?
11
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,745
Uh, it's the annual
Macy's Thanksgiving Parade.
12
00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:27,849
Macy's? What are Macy's?
13
00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:31,249
It's a department store, sir.
and a very famous one.
14
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,586
The parade has become
a national institution.
15
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Ah.
16
00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:38,126
It marks the beginning
of the Christmas shopping season.
17
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:44,396
Yes, the time when the rich get richer
and the poor get poorer, no?
18
00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:50,242
Well, that's not exactly the intent,
but you probably have a point.
19
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:55,571
Parades, circuses.
Anything to help to exploit the masses, eh?
20
00:01:55,748 --> 00:01:57,910
This is the time of the year,
comrade chairman...
21
00:01:58,084 --> 00:02:00,382
...when the working class
is tossed a bone.
22
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,911
And this bone is wrapped
in such a pretty paper...
23
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:07,390
...and tied with such a beautiful ribbon,
that you can't find the worm in it.
24
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:08,823
Is that not so?
25
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:10,292
Not so, Mr. Radish.
26
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:13,364
Uh, if you were lucky enough
to find a worm...
27
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:16,059
...Macy's will be pleased to give you
double your money back.
28
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:17,635
- Ha, ha, ha.
RADISH: Lies, lies.
29
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,205
Always with the imperialist lies.
You always--
30
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KOZ:
All right, Radish.
31
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:24,067
I don't wanna have another earache.
32
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,178
So will you please shut up?
33
00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:35,511
[PROTESTING INDISTINCTLY]
34
00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:50,636
Long live the peace-loving peoples
of the world.
35
00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:52,464
MAN 1: Back off!
MAN 2: Order, order.
36
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[CROWD BOOING]
37
00:02:58,144 --> 00:02:59,976
Look out, Napoleon.
38
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,721
[WHISTLES]
39
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:07,103
So now there's an assassin loose
in the city.
40
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:11,615
And if he finds his mark,
the peace of the world will be endangered.
41
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:15,548
Well, we're not absolutely certain
that it was an assassination attempt, sir.
42
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:19,056
The bomb was hardly
more than a firecracker.
43
00:04:19,225 --> 00:04:23,628
Perhaps he threw it at the chairman
just to, uh, ruffle him a bit.
44
00:04:23,796 --> 00:04:26,766
And thereby create
a rather nasty incident.
45
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,264
I see.
46
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:32,336
Well, so long as Chairman Koz
is a guest in this country...
47
00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:36,908
...we can't allow him to be killed,
or even ruffled, Mr. Kuryakin.
48
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:38,769
Especially now...
49
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:43,712
...when his attitude towards the West
has undergone such a dramatic change.
50
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:45,817
He,um...
51
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:49,216
He speaks of coexistence these days.
52
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:50,413
Friendship.
53
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:52,589
And who knows?
54
00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:55,559
He may be sincere.
55
00:04:55,728 --> 00:05:01,292
Any rate, we can't permit any incident
to alter his present views.
56
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,200
We're doing all we can, sir.
57
00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:07,135
Intelligence has compiled a list
of all of his known enemies in the area...
58
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,002
...and we have them under surveillance.
59
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,876
Yes, I'm well aware of that.
60
00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:15,712
Perhaps we should look
into some of his friends.
61
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:21,287
I gather not all of them are in favor
of his call for friendship with the West.
62
00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:23,848
All right, gentlemen, don't wait.
63
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:28,218
Oh, uh, one thing more.
64
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:31,420
Chairman Koz is very grateful
for your assistance today.
65
00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:34,257
He is looking forward
to thanking you personally.
66
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:38,462
- Really?
- Yes. Really, Mr. Kuryakin, really.
67
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:45,901
For you, my friend, in gratitude...
68
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,776
...and in the name
of the People's Republic...
69
00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:53,818
...I present you
with a Sergei Prutkin Coexistence Award.
70
00:05:53,986 --> 00:05:56,421
Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.
71
00:05:56,589 --> 00:06:00,025
KOZ:
Mm, mm.
72
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,820
KOZ:
And to you, my friend...
73
00:06:02,261 --> 00:06:08,166
...I present
the Elena Prutkin Coexistence Award.
74
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:11,964
Ah. Mm, mm.
75
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:19,605
Oh, I should perhaps explain to you
that Elena Prutkin and Sergei Prutkin...
76
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:21,679
...of the Workers' League...
77
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:27,082
...died at the age of 105 and 103.
78
00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:28,948
Oh, yes.
79
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,784
You know.
they have been married 87 years.
80
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:34,518
A record for coexistence.
81
00:06:34,927 --> 00:06:36,258
[WHISPERS]
Comrade chairman.
82
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:38,026
- Comrade chairman.
- Huh?
83
00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:40,131
- Please, comrade chairman.
- Excuse me.
84
00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:42,393
- What is it?
- Comrade chairman.
85
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,400
I do not trust these two young men.
86
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:48,131
They are, after all,
agents of a decadent and corrupt society.
87
00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:49,297
As chief of security, I--
88
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:54,675
Now, how can you learn anything
about a people and its culture, Maxim...
89
00:06:54,847 --> 00:06:59,045
...when every time you see
a non-party member...
90
00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:01,653
...you just jump like it was a snake?
91
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:03,585
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
But comrade chairman--
92
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:06,726
Now, listen. Now, yesterday.
there was a foolish attempt to kill me.
93
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:09,191
- That's right, that's right.
- Now, who saved me?
94
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:13,356
You, Maxim? My security chief? Hmm?
95
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:16,298
Or was it those two young boys...
96
00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:20,770
...that I gave a Sergei and Elena, huh?
97
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:25,309
I didn't come to this country
just for foolish arguments...
98
00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:29,039
...either with you or the capitalists.
99
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:34,881
I came to learn all about agriculture,
education and consumer goods.
100
00:07:35,054 --> 00:07:37,614
Even from a corrupt society.
101
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,952
Oh, yeah. Yes.
102
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:44,154
Speaking of the, uh, consumer goods...
103
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:47,664
...that store
that had the parade yesterday, uh...
104
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:51,468
- Macy's?
- Macy's, yes. Yes, I heard about that.
105
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,628
Uh, it is a very big store, no?
106
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,331
It's the largest store in the world.
107
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:58,944
I'd like to see that great citadel...
108
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:03,014
...of bourgeois expectations
and the profit system, yes.
109
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:05,173
So we will go to Macy's.
110
00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:09,083
Uh, well, chairman, I'm afraid
that might pose a security problem.
111
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,514
What? Security?
112
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:15,855
Uh, Macy's got
a, uh, military installation too?
113
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:19,965
Uh, what Mr. Solo means is that
it might be difficult to protect you.
114
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:24,700
That's what they said about Disneyland.
Ha-ha-ha.
115
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:29,442
Similar problem, large crowds.
And it's only a few weeks before Christmas.
116
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:31,134
Ha, Christmas again.
117
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,608
Maxim, enough.
118
00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:38,148
Do you want me
to be happy in America, gentlemen?
119
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:41,776
- Well, yes, we'd like that very much.
KOZ: Don't make me unhappy.
120
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:45,481
I got lots of trouble from Mr. Radish.
121
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:51,561
- Well, so we go to Macy's, yes?
- Yes.
122
00:08:51,731 --> 00:08:56,828
And of course with, uh, Mr. Macy himself
to conduct the tour.
123
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,300
[CHUCKLES]
124
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:00,166
Protocol.
125
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:10,048
[DRUM BEATING AND BELL RINGING]
126
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:15,312
Um, very pretty girl, uh.
127
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,820
What branch of the service is she in?
128
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:20,687
Well, she's in a special kind of army.
129
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,328
Collecting money for the poor.
130
00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:24,060
Merry Christmas.
131
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,528
Ah, yeah, social security.
132
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:29,600
Uh, yeah, in a manner of speaking.
133
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:35,531
Merry Christmas.
134
00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:45,974
Twenty denjiks?
135
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:58,487
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING,
PEOPLE CHATTERING]
136
00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:45,307
I must admit, Mr. Macy.
this is all very impressive.
137
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,914
I didn't realize you had so much goods.
138
00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:52,142
Oh, most of our stock is kept in warehouses
throughout the city, Mr. Chairman.
139
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:56,118
- What you see here are only floor samples.
- It's a lie.
140
00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:57,653
MACY:
I beg your pardon?
141
00:10:57,823 --> 00:11:01,384
It's a lie. The whole thing is setup
for propaganda purposes only.
142
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:04,325
Ordinary working people
cannot afford things like this.
143
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,363
If we sold only to the rich, Mr. Radish...
144
00:11:06,532 --> 00:11:09,001
...Macy's would have gone
out of business long ago.
145
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,535
As a matter of fact,
nearly all the items we sell here...
146
00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:13,638
...are within reach of the average family,
147
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:16,969
Ha, ha.
A lot they care about an average family.
148
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:19,908
Macy's cares a great deal
about all its customers.
149
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,241
Apparently, the feeling is reciprocated.
150
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:26,010
You need only take a sampling
of housewives.
151
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,988
Hey, you. Are you an average housewife?
152
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,224
Maxim, shut up.
153
00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:37,158
Oh, will you please excuse
my friend, madam?
154
00:11:37,329 --> 00:11:41,061
He's a little too full of revolutionary zeal.
155
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,186
MACY:
There anything particular you'd like to see?
156
00:12:01,353 --> 00:12:05,950
Oh, let me think. I've already seen
the tractors and the pneumatic drills.
157
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:08,856
- Oh, yes, one thing.
- Yes, sir?
158
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:14,667
Well, uh, it crossed my mind
to bring back a little gift for my wife.
159
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:19,267
Let it be our gift as well, Mr. Chairman.
Is there anything you have in mind?
160
00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:20,937
Uh...
161
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:25,305
Mr. Chairman was impressed
by something we just passed upstairs.
162
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:26,707
A nightgown.
163
00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:30,008
A frilly one, uh.
with, uh, I think, black lace.
164
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:32,344
- A-- A nightgown?
- It was upstairs.
165
00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:36,887
What's the matter, Maxim?
Isn't my wife entitled to a nightgown?
166
00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:40,750
KOZ:
Humph.
167
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,177
KOZ:
Well...
168
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,277
Well, what do you think? Nice, huh?
169
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,544
With our winter, she will freeze to death.
170
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:10,656
Humph. Always the pragmatist.
171
00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:11,813
I'll take it.
172
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:14,820
Well, may I ask what size
Madam Koz wears?
173
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:17,258
Well, uh, she about...
174
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:20,126
No, uh, maybe...
175
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,998
In OI" COUHUY, women are women.
176
00:13:24,503 --> 00:13:27,438
Yes. You know, they're... Ahem.
177
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:29,669
- Excuse me.
- Hmm?
178
00:13:29,842 --> 00:13:32,834
Um, I'd like to get this heel repaired.
179
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:36,744
I think the shoe repair is downstairs.
Hello again. How are you?
180
00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:39,442
- I beg your pardon?
- We don't really know each other...
181
00:13:39,618 --> 00:13:42,986
...but I noticed you
when we were coming in from outside.
182
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:47,759
- Oh, there's that man.
- Who?
183
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:51,659
- The one who caused all this trouble.
- What?
184
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,699
My broken heel.
He's the one who gave me...
185
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,167
Twenty" Twenty denjiks.
186
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,771
- Twenty denjiks.
- Mm-hm.
187
00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,407
[CLEARS THROAT]
188
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:05,374
That's worth, at the current
rate of exchange, 50 cents in America.
189
00:14:05,811 --> 00:14:08,439
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
190
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:11,309
Um,you...
191
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,417
You say the basement?
192
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:16,487
Uh, basement, yeah. That's downstairs.
193
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:25,154
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
194
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:33,401
Uh, tell me.
Isn't that the social-security girl?
195
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:38,510
- Yes, sir.
- Oh, you will see her again.
196
00:14:38,677 --> 00:14:39,667
- I will?
- Yes.
197
00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:43,440
In my country, there's an old folk rhyme:
198
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:47,849
The girl that you see twice
Within the same day
199
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:52,253
You will see he! again
Before she goes away.
200
00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:58,958
Well, uh, of course,
it loses a little bit in translation.
201
00:15:07,339 --> 00:15:11,503
Mr. Chairman, this is what you might call
our planning room and center of operations.
202
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:13,975
This is especially true now,
with Thanksgiving behind us...
203
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:16,478
...and Christmas dead ahead.
204
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,378
Now, I don't know
how familiar you may be...
205
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:21,349
...with our Thanksgiving Day Parade,
but, uh...
206
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,751
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
207
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,858
[LAUGHING]
208
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:28,152
- Mr. Chairman.
- Huh?
209
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,091
I don't know how familiar you may be...
210
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,060
...with our annual
Thanksgiving Day Parade.
211
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:34,825
Oh, well, the par--
The parade we saw yesterday.
212
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,298
Nice, very nice.
213
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:41,099
Parades, I know all about.
In my country--
214
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:44,774
- Who is that?
- Excuse me?
215
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:49,347
That, with the white beard
and the red suit and the big red nose.
216
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:53,213
Oh-ho-ho, you mean Santa Claus.
217
00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:58,155
Actually, he's, uh.
just modeling the costume...
218
00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:00,952
...our Santas are going to wear.
219
00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:04,086
- You're not ashamed, Mr. Macy?
- I--?
220
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:07,358
It is not enough in your country
that you exploit the poor?
221
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:09,968
You also have to have
an organized seduction of children, eh?
222
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:14,333
Maxim, enough, enough,
you sound like our newspaper editorials.
223
00:16:14,506 --> 00:16:18,170
Uh, tell me, Mr. Macy...
224
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:21,678
...but where do you get
these Santa Clauses?
225
00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:23,042
Oh, from appropriate agencies.
226
00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:27,243
I understand some of the stores get them
from a number of Santa Claus schools...
227
00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:28,784
...organized for the purpose.
228
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:31,082
- Schools?
MACY: Yes.
229
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:34,692
You see, our Santas have to learn
how to handle small children.
230
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:36,988
[LAUGHING]
231
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:40,097
A Santa Claus school. Ha, ha.
232
00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:42,122
That I gotta see.
233
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:44,167
I think that can be arranged,
Mr. Chairman.
234
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:47,271
Happy birthday, Mr. Chairman.
235
00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:50,465
May I wish you many more years
of service to humanity.
236
00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:52,872
Thank you, thank you.
237
00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:55,139
MACY: That was thoughtful
of our pastry department.
238
00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:58,716
- I do wish they told me about it--
- You didn't know about it?
239
00:16:58,884 --> 00:16:59,874
No, I didn't know.
240
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:04,582
RADISH: Uh, it was a surprise to me too.
Uh, I didn't know about the cake.
241
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,691
I'll have a piece anyway.
242
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,793
Don't touch that cake.
243
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:12,020
Something wrong, Radish. Aah.
244
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:31,810
PIFNIC:
Thanks.
245
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,110
[BLOWS]
246
00:17:33,285 --> 00:17:34,514
Hey, stupid.
247
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,655
- Yes, comrade.
- You fish-head, you nothing.
248
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:39,450
- You failed again, eh?
- But--
249
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,650
You and your lousy birthday cake.
250
00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:46,058
But, comrade, you told me just--
Not to kill him. Just to frighten him.
251
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:49,724
You think your homemade bombs
could scare Georgi Koz?
252
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,667
The giant of the revolution,
the hero of the war...
253
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:56,706
...the holder 01a Medal of the Motherland
with 14 clusters?
254
00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:58,707
Well, excuse me, comrade.
255
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:02,643
But the idea about the bomb
in the cake, it was yours.
256
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:06,080
So I'm a fish-head too. Heh. Imagine.
257
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:10,484
Georgi Koz, the Bear of the Balkans...
258
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:15,116
...talking coexistence and listening
to the sly seductions of imperialists.
259
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:17,422
I tell you the man is sick, sick, sick, sick.
260
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:18,927
Yes, Maxim, yes.
261
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:23,433
This kind of a sickness cannot be cured
with popguns' explosions.
262
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,765
This time, he must die.
263
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:31,507
Living in a dream world
of Santa Claus schools yet.
264
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:35,545
Has the man no shame? Santa Claus--
265
00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:38,440
Santa Claus.
266
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:42,281
[SINGING TO TUNE OF “JINGLE BELLS“]
Santa Claus, Santa Claus, Santa, da, da, da
267
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:43,751
[HUMMING]
268
00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:45,014
“Jingle Bells.“
269
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,783
- Pifnic?
- Hmm?
270
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:50,418
It is possible I might have the solution.
271
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:52,420
[GUNSHOTS ON TV]
272
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:53,588
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
273
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:55,927
Yes?
274
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:58,601
Oh.
275
00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:01,171
Yes, Maxim?
276
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:04,105
I'm sorry if I disturbed you,
Mr. Chairman.
277
00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:07,371
Oh, it's all right.
I was just watching television.
278
00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:09,878
- What they call a Western.
- Ha, ha.
279
00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:14,076
- Ah, well, sit down, help yourself.
- Thank you.
280
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:19,589
Maxim, tell me.
why can't we make such movies?
281
00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:22,457
You know something, comrade chairman?
282
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:23,720
I've been thinking.
283
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:28,094
Oh? Well, it's never too late, Maxim.
284
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,736
Thinking what, for instance?
285
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,338
Oh, many things, really.
286
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:36,600
How one lives and learns,
even if it takes a lifetime.
287
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:38,573
Hmm.
288
00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:42,144
I never had your talent
for understanding history...
289
00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:44,908
...and people and their culture.
290
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:48,648
I get a feeling that somehow...
291
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:52,313
...this is the true cornerstone
of your leadership.
292
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:56,189
That is no doubt true, Maxim.
293
00:19:56,361 --> 00:20:00,958
You see, life is a book
that must be opened.
294
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:03,795
You have to use your eyes
and your ears...
295
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:07,667
...and-- And your common sense
with which you were born.
296
00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:09,307
However little.
297
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:14,076
It is a pity that one must learn
these things so late in life.
298
00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:17,841
Well, good night, Mr. Chairman.
Good night.
299
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:19,450
Oh.
300
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,511
When are you going to visit
the Santa Claus School?
301
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:26,351
- The what?
- The Santa Claus school, remember?
302
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:30,555
Oh, that. Ha, ha, ha.
303
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:33,994
Well, something I said
on the spur of the moment.
304
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:38,034
Oh, that's, uh...
That's ridiculous to bother.
305
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,205
Well, but that's just the point.
306
00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:42,670
The way you get along
with people ordinary people.
307
00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:43,831
Little people.
308
00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:47,468
Yes, uh.
I think I do have talent for that.
309
00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:51,674
And remember you said yourself
that, uh, you came over here to learn.
310
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:52,840
Uh-huh.
311
00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:56,454
And maybe make new friends
for our system, eh?
312
00:20:56,622 --> 00:20:58,716
Huh. Ha-ha-ha.
313
00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:02,155
Ha. But it's so funny.
314
00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:06,992
Georgi Koz at a school for Santa Clauses.
315
00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:13,161
You know, the idea is so ridiculous
that it is beginning to appeal to me.
316
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:14,897
Arrange it, Radish.
317
00:21:15,073 --> 00:21:18,134
Oh, how I wish I come along too
so I could learn.
318
00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:20,039
- But unfortunately--
- No, no, no, no, please.
319
00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:23,944
No, I gotta go myself.
You know, the, uh...
320
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:27,347
There's a word like that.
Uh, “incognito," yes.
321
00:21:27,519 --> 00:21:30,181
Because I'll learn that way
much more. Hmm.
322
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,187
- All by yourself?
- Yes.
323
00:21:32,357 --> 00:21:35,258
- It could be dangerous.
- Ah.
324
00:21:35,427 --> 00:21:37,828
Well, then.
I'll go with the U.N.C.L.E. people.
325
00:21:37,996 --> 00:21:40,829
With those two nice guys. Hmm.
326
00:21:40,999 --> 00:21:44,765
All right, I will arrange it.
Uh, when would you like to come?
327
00:21:44,936 --> 00:21:47,598
- Tomorrow night.
- It will be done.
328
00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:49,969
- Good night.
- Good night.
329
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,576
[CHUCKLES]
330
00:21:52,611 --> 00:21:56,104
[ALL SINGING
“GOD REST YE MERRY GENTLEMEN"]
331
00:22:16,368 --> 00:22:19,303
That, uh, old folk rhyme...
332
00:22:19,471 --> 00:22:22,065
- I guess there's something to it.
- Yeah.
333
00:22:24,476 --> 00:22:27,411
But there's another old folk rhyme.
334
00:22:27,579 --> 00:22:31,447
And it's got to do with your next step.
335
00:22:31,616 --> 00:22:36,281
Uh, if you'll forgive me, sir.
Mr. Napoleon here knows the next step.
336
00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:43,221
- Can I help you?
- Oh, no, no, no, no, we're just looking.
337
00:22:43,395 --> 00:22:46,194
That's how I'm getting,
uh, my education.
338
00:22:46,598 --> 00:22:48,794
Hey, a thought just came to me.
339
00:22:48,967 --> 00:22:51,629
I mean, it the guy's really hard up
with that accent...
340
00:22:51,837 --> 00:22:53,896
...he ought to be able to pick up
a few days' work...
341
00:22:54,072 --> 00:22:56,131
...at one of them Polish jamborees
on Long Island.
342
00:22:56,675 --> 00:22:59,440
Well, that's a very good idea,
Mr. O'Reilly.
343
00:22:59,945 --> 00:23:02,607
- How's your heel?
- My...?
344
00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,447
Oh, it's you again.
345
00:23:05,117 --> 00:23:07,882
It must be, uh, kismet.
346
00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,545
And an old folk rhyme.
347
00:23:11,656 --> 00:23:14,125
Would you like to sit down
and I'll give you some coffee?
348
00:23:14,292 --> 00:23:17,262
KOZ: Thank you, thank you.
- Chairman?
349
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:39,407
That other car. That other car
should have been here already.
350
00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:41,450
We'll synchronize our watches, please.
351
00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:46,182
It is exactly 8:24, 8:24.
352
00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:49,225
Now, we'll go in six minutes.
353
00:23:49,394 --> 00:23:52,261
I think we've made
quite a lot of good progress today.
354
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:56,197
But first, I want you to check over
some points from Mr. O'Reilly here...
355
00:23:56,368 --> 00:24:00,066
...who is, I'm always happy to say,
one of our finest students.
356
00:24:00,238 --> 00:24:01,433
That's a fact.
357
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:06,043
You know. I was as much a down-and-out,
untouchable-type slob as any of you fellas.
358
00:24:06,211 --> 00:24:07,645
[LAUGHS]
359
00:24:07,813 --> 00:24:10,077
Okay, Fred, wanna try again?
360
00:24:10,248 --> 00:24:12,216
All right, come on, pal.
361
00:24:12,384 --> 00:24:13,909
Let's try it again.
362
00:24:14,085 --> 00:24:19,285
Well, this time, like your heart
is full of love and mistletoe...
363
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:23,190
...and you're looking right into
the bright blue eyes of this poor little kid...
364
00:24:23,361 --> 00:24:26,626
...that's just standing there,
picking his nose.
365
00:24:26,798 --> 00:24:28,095
So, what do you say?
366
00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:32,365
Ho-ho-ho!
Have you been a good boy today?
367
00:24:32,537 --> 00:24:36,132
“Ho-ho-ho“?
What does it mean, “ho-ho-ho“?
368
00:24:36,575 --> 00:24:38,839
Hold it right there, buster.
369
00:24:39,044 --> 00:24:42,981
Did anybody ask you to come in here
and tell us how to run the school?
370
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:45,014
[CHUCKLES DERISIVELY]
371
00:24:45,183 --> 00:24:50,713
We", even a parrot
with the brains 01a pigeon could do better.
372
00:24:50,889 --> 00:24:55,019
No, a thing like this needs fire.
It needs spirit, it needs life.
373
00:24:55,193 --> 00:24:58,823
How can you--? How can you think
that I can come to my 14 grandchildren...
374
00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:00,761
...and say, "Ho-ho-ho“?
375
00:25:00,932 --> 00:25:02,957
I'll tell you how you can come
to your 14 grand--
376
00:25:03,134 --> 00:25:06,263
Gentlemen, gentlemen, don't you think
we can discuss this a little more calmly?
377
00:25:06,438 --> 00:25:08,236
Look, nobody asked you, mister.
378
00:25:08,406 --> 00:25:09,805
- Now, listen, Ioudmouth.
- Yeah?
379
00:25:09,975 --> 00:25:15,505
Since you know so much about this racket,
why don't you put on a suit?
380
00:25:16,615 --> 00:25:18,674
Is he possibly addressing me?
381
00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:20,784
I am possibly addressing you.
382
00:25:20,952 --> 00:25:24,354
Put up or shut up.
All right now, come on.
383
00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:27,754
You can change right behind
this curtain over there.
384
00:25:36,067 --> 00:25:38,798
All right, now we will see
what we have learned...
385
00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:41,996
...from all those old gangster movies
you saw today.
386
00:25:42,173 --> 00:25:45,165
Remember, this is Operation obliteration.
387
00:25:45,343 --> 00:25:49,871
No survivors, no mercy.
And above all, please, please, no mistakes.
388
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:52,073
We go in-- Aah!
In two and a half minutes.
389
00:25:52,250 --> 00:25:54,184
Get ready, please.
390
00:25:54,886 --> 00:25:57,321
Ho-ho-ho!
391
00:25:57,489 --> 00:26:03,087
Now, my friends, I will show you
the way your Santa Claus should look.
392
00:26:03,261 --> 00:26:07,960
Yes, please. 01 course, if there was
such a person as Santa Claus.
393
00:26:08,133 --> 00:26:13,537
Which is, of course, absolutely ridiculous
in a people's democracy.
394
00:26:13,705 --> 00:26:16,936
Young lady, will you please sit at my lap?
395
00:26:17,108 --> 00:26:20,078
Ah, wait, uh, just a minute, pal.
396
00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:22,646
- I'll sit on your lap.
- You?
397
00:26:22,814 --> 00:26:25,806
Yes, me.
You just make believe I'm a little boy.
398
00:26:25,984 --> 00:26:30,387
Ha. Well, that would be difficult, get off.
399
00:26:30,555 --> 00:26:34,492
It would be much easier for me
to get in the mood with the young lady.
400
00:26:35,126 --> 00:26:36,287
[KOZ SIGHS]
401
00:26:36,461 --> 00:26:38,452
Oh, no, you don't.
402
00:26:38,630 --> 00:26:40,655
She ain't gonna be sitting
in that lap of yours.
403
00:26:40,832 --> 00:26:42,698
I had you figured
right from the beginning--
404
00:26:42,867 --> 00:26:46,235
If you weren't such an old man,
I would just--
405
00:26:46,705 --> 00:26:49,231
- Old man? Who you calling an old man?
- I would break your neck.
406
00:26:49,407 --> 00:26:52,672
Why, I could take you
if I was lying on me deathbed.
407
00:26:52,844 --> 00:26:54,972
- All right, fatso, you wanna be Santa Claus?
- Yeah!
408
00:26:55,146 --> 00:26:57,615
We", come on, then.
What you need is a red nose.
409
00:26:57,782 --> 00:26:59,079
[BOTH GRUNTING]
410
00:26:59,250 --> 00:27:01,150
How do you like that?
411
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:06,824
[ALL SINGING
“O LITTLE TOWN OF BETHLEHEM"]
412
00:27:06,992 --> 00:27:10,053
I think this moment
may go down in history.
413
00:27:12,397 --> 00:27:15,594
He certainly looks like Santa Claus.
414
00:27:15,767 --> 00:27:16,928
Very red.
415
00:27:17,102 --> 00:27:19,730
[GUNSHOTS]
416
00:27:19,904 --> 00:27:21,770
[GLASS BREAKING, PEOPLE SCREAMING]
417
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:27,639
Murderers! Assassins!
418
00:27:37,522 --> 00:27:41,220
- Murderers, I defy you--
ILLYA: Get down!
419
00:27:45,397 --> 00:27:46,796
[GUNSHOT]
420
00:27:51,002 --> 00:27:56,338
KOZ: Traitors! Fascists!
Somebody give me a gun!
421
00:28:01,346 --> 00:28:03,280
We gotta get him out of here.
422
00:28:03,448 --> 00:28:06,042
ILLYA: Those stairs, where do they go?
- To the rooftop.
423
00:28:06,217 --> 00:28:08,743
Good, you two go.
We'll-- We'll cover you.
424
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,355
- Go ahead. She'll take care of you.
- No, no, I'll stay here.
425
00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:13,082
I will die with my boots on.
426
00:28:13,258 --> 00:28:14,817
We've got an old folk rhyme too:
427
00:28:14,993 --> 00:28:17,655
He who fights and runs away
Lives to fight another day.
428
00:28:17,829 --> 00:28:20,196
- Now, go on.
- Just a minute.
429
00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:25,098
You go on three. You ready? One, two...
430
00:28:30,909 --> 00:28:32,399
ILLYA:
Go!
431
00:28:32,577 --> 00:28:34,807
[GUNSHOTS]
432
00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:36,848
[MEN COUGHING]
433
00:28:38,850 --> 00:28:42,753
PIFNIC: Keep them down, keep them pinned
down, I'll catch Koz on the root. Wait here.
434
00:28:42,921 --> 00:28:44,047
[MEN COUGHING]
435
00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:49,455
[MEN COUGHING]
436
00:28:57,802 --> 00:28:59,429
[GUNSHOT]
437
00:28:59,604 --> 00:29:01,265
[KOZ SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
438
00:29:05,944 --> 00:29:07,935
[GUNSHOTS]
439
00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:13,241
You gangsters,
sometimes you make me sick.
440
00:29:18,056 --> 00:29:19,888
KOZ:
Oh, Priscilla.
441
00:29:20,058 --> 00:29:22,493
PRISCILLA:
Oh, keep going, keep going.
442
00:29:22,660 --> 00:29:24,389
[KOZ MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]
443
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,191
[GUN CLICKS]
444
00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:37,636
[ILLYA GRUNTING]
445
00:29:57,529 --> 00:29:59,691
[GUN CLICKING]
446
00:30:00,298 --> 00:30:03,268
SOLO: Forget him, we're after Koz.
We'd better split up.
447
00:30:03,434 --> 00:30:06,597
All right, you check the 1001,
I'll take below.
448
00:30:14,779 --> 00:30:18,943
PRISCILLA: It's hoodlums like you
that make the streets of this city unsafe.
449
00:30:19,117 --> 00:30:20,744
And while I don't like to say it...
450
00:30:20,919 --> 00:30:24,822
...well, you're a disgrace
to the uniform you're wearing.
451
00:30:25,557 --> 00:30:27,218
[PRISCILLA GRUNTS]
452
00:30:31,496 --> 00:30:33,988
KOZ:
Well, Priscilla...
453
00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:35,155
Radish...
454
00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:36,960
Radish was right.
455
00:30:37,135 --> 00:30:41,368
Oh, for once, he was correct.
456
00:30:41,539 --> 00:30:45,635
[KOZ PANTING]
457
00:30:45,810 --> 00:30:50,407
Listen, I came herein friendship
like a fat dove.
458
00:30:50,582 --> 00:30:55,520
Ha, ha.
I came here like the pigeon to the foxes.
459
00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:58,281
Like the rabbit to the snake.
460
00:30:58,456 --> 00:31:00,515
[KOZ SIGHS]
461
00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:05,721
- You saw how they tried to kill me.
- Haven't I seen you some place before?
462
00:31:05,897 --> 00:31:07,831
Yeah. Maybe at...
463
00:31:07,999 --> 00:31:10,491
At Macy's or in front of Macy's.
464
00:31:10,935 --> 00:31:14,769
Oh, my. ML Kat.
465
00:31:14,939 --> 00:31:17,237
Yeah, Chairman Koz.
466
00:31:17,408 --> 00:31:19,069
Can I...?
467
00:31:19,244 --> 00:31:21,338
Would you like some coffee?
468
00:31:21,512 --> 00:31:23,776
No, you got vodka?
469
00:31:23,948 --> 00:31:25,780
Oh. No, sir.
470
00:31:25,950 --> 00:31:28,112
We-- We don't exactly approve, sir.
471
00:31:28,286 --> 00:31:31,381
Who cares what they approve or not?
472
00:31:31,556 --> 00:31:33,854
Don't you try and bully me, Mr. Koz.
473
00:31:34,025 --> 00:31:36,289
Oh, I'm so sorry, darling.
474
00:31:36,461 --> 00:31:38,122
Aw.
475
00:31:38,296 --> 00:31:41,926
You, of all people.
476
00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:46,970
You know, that history
will remember you for saving my life...
477
00:31:47,138 --> 00:31:50,108
...from hands of the capitalist assassins.
478
00:31:50,275 --> 00:31:51,640
WOMAN [KNOCKING ON DOOR]:
Priscilla.
479
00:31:53,111 --> 00:31:56,570
- Murderers. Don't let them--
- It's only Mrs. Gropkin.
480
00:31:56,748 --> 00:32:00,378
Priscilla, like an angel of mercy,
would you come and take a look at my boy?
481
00:32:00,551 --> 00:32:02,883
All daylong with chills
and fits of coughing.
482
00:32:03,054 --> 00:32:04,215
Eleven handkerchiefs already.
483
00:32:04,389 --> 00:32:06,551
I-- I've tried everything
and nothing seems to help.
484
00:32:06,724 --> 00:32:09,989
No, that is always under the profit system.
485
00:32:10,161 --> 00:32:14,223
- Pamper the rich and perish the poor.
- Never mind with the social messages.
486
00:32:14,399 --> 00:32:16,993
Just" Just put your heard back on.
It could help my boy.
487
00:32:17,168 --> 00:32:18,932
Who is this woman that insults me?
488
00:32:19,103 --> 00:32:22,630
I got no time for arguments.
I need all the help I can get.
489
00:32:22,807 --> 00:32:25,606
- It could help, you know.
- Yeah.
490
00:32:31,015 --> 00:32:32,915
Mr. Chairman?
491
00:32:34,886 --> 00:32:38,345
I'm sorry, uh, wrong Santa Claus.
492
00:32:44,329 --> 00:32:45,819
Santa?
493
00:32:45,997 --> 00:32:48,694
Who else would it be? Say something.
494
00:32:48,866 --> 00:32:51,335
Ho-ho-ho.
495
00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:52,799
[CHUCKLING]
496
00:32:53,371 --> 00:32:54,566
Are you real?
497
00:32:54,739 --> 00:32:57,208
Real? Oh, you think it's a fake?
498
00:32:57,375 --> 00:32:59,400
[CHUCKLING]
499
00:32:59,577 --> 00:33:01,067
Now, my boy. Ahem.
500
00:33:01,713 --> 00:33:05,013
There's something
you wanna ask Santa Claus, huh?
501
00:33:05,183 --> 00:33:07,242
A favor? A present? You know.
502
00:33:07,418 --> 00:33:10,683
Something that one
of my departments can get.
503
00:33:10,855 --> 00:33:12,323
I'm going to die.
504
00:33:12,957 --> 00:33:17,451
- What are you talking about?
- I know. That's why you're here.
505
00:33:17,628 --> 00:33:22,532
When they know you're gonna die,
they send for Santa Claus early.
506
00:33:22,700 --> 00:33:24,634
[CRYING]
507
00:33:24,802 --> 00:33:28,830
Never I heard anything as foolish as that.
508
00:33:29,007 --> 00:33:33,001
Not since the day
when my Central Committee...
509
00:33:33,177 --> 00:33:35,669
[CLEARS THROAT THEN SIGHS]
510
00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:38,612
Now, listen to me.
511
00:33:38,783 --> 00:33:42,981
You're not going to die.
No, you're going to live.
512
00:33:43,154 --> 00:33:47,557
And now, the only thing
you've got to do 24 hours a day...
513
00:33:47,725 --> 00:33:50,854
...just to get as strong as an ex.
514
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,793
Understand that?
515
00:33:53,164 --> 00:33:55,360
Well, this is an order.
516
00:33:56,501 --> 00:33:57,491
[KOZ SIGHS]
517
00:33:57,668 --> 00:33:59,193
Goodbye.
518
00:34:01,939 --> 00:34:03,202
Uh...
519
00:34:03,775 --> 00:34:07,643
Dr. sigmoid, my personal physician,
will be here...
520
00:34:07,812 --> 00:34:10,304
...to see the boy in the morning.
521
00:34:10,481 --> 00:34:13,644
A Bowery dropout
with a personal physician?
522
00:34:13,818 --> 00:34:17,721
- Priscilla, what kind 01a nut"?
- I'll explain more, Mrs. Gropkin, later.
523
00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:19,948
But he really does mean it.
524
00:34:20,124 --> 00:34:22,422
These doctors, they can't
even tell me what the trouble is.
525
00:34:22,593 --> 00:34:25,893
I know all about that sickness
and how to fight it.
526
00:34:26,064 --> 00:34:30,399
Well, my son had it many years ago.
527
00:34:30,568 --> 00:34:34,095
- And he recovered?
- No.
528
00:34:34,272 --> 00:34:40,439
Well, that's why my country spent millions,
so that other children would live.
529
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:54,187
- You were very kind, Mr. Koz.
- You ought to be ashamed.
530
00:34:54,358 --> 00:34:57,726
Feeding myths to defenseless children?
Humph.
531
00:34:57,895 --> 00:34:59,920
Christmas? Santa Claus?
532
00:35:00,098 --> 00:35:03,193
If you would calm yourself
long enough to listen, Mr. Koz...
533
00:35:03,367 --> 00:35:07,065
...I'd be happy to tell you that Christmas,
in its actual meaning...
534
00:35:07,238 --> 00:35:11,266
...is something more profound and beautiful
than anything you've ever imagined.
535
00:35:11,442 --> 00:35:14,309
It's about a child, a Jewish baby...
536
00:35:14,479 --> 00:35:17,039
-...born not quite 2000 years ago.
- Well...
537
00:35:17,215 --> 00:35:19,741
And I, for one.
have never believed it a myth.
538
00:35:19,917 --> 00:35:21,942
If you don't mind,
will you please call my hotel?
539
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:25,181
I want to talk to Dr. sigmoid.
540
00:35:25,356 --> 00:35:29,486
- God will bless you.
- Never mind who will bless me.
541
00:35:29,660 --> 00:35:35,064
And tell them to send a limousine
to take me from this mad nest of assassins.
542
00:35:35,233 --> 00:35:36,792
[RADIO BEEPING]
543
00:35:39,937 --> 00:35:40,961
Yes, IIIya.
544
00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:43,836
I trust you haven't had any better luck
than I have.
545
00:35:44,041 --> 00:35:47,602
I think it's useless. They could have
gone down any one of a dozen fire escapes.
546
00:35:47,778 --> 00:35:50,372
Then we'd better call headquarters.
547
00:35:50,548 --> 00:35:53,017
Mr. Waverly isn't going to be very happy.
548
00:35:53,184 --> 00:35:54,549
Right.
549
00:35:58,456 --> 00:36:00,481
Is that all you can say
in defense of what happened?
550
00:36:00,658 --> 00:36:04,492
- You lost him?
SOLO: I'm afraid so, sir.
551
00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:08,599
I don't understand how the attack
on the machine could have happened.
552
00:36:08,766 --> 00:36:11,701
- No one knew he was going to be there.
- Radish knew.
553
00:36:12,270 --> 00:36:15,831
I would think you'd wanna
pursue that further, gentlemen.
554
00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:19,033
In the meantime,
Chairman Koz is back in his hotel suite...
555
00:36:19,210 --> 00:36:22,544
...renouncing coexistence
at the top of his lungs.
556
00:36:22,713 --> 00:36:26,479
And calling every citizen
of New York a fascist...
557
00:36:26,651 --> 00:36:29,211
...with the single exception
of one young lady.
558
00:36:29,387 --> 00:36:30,912
And we know who that is.
559
00:36:31,088 --> 00:36:35,047
I would suggest you call on Chairman Koz
directly and apologize for what happened.
560
00:36:35,226 --> 00:36:37,388
- Now?
- Yes, now.
561
00:36:37,929 --> 00:36:41,559
In the absence of efficiency,
we are compelled to resort to charm.
562
00:36:45,736 --> 00:36:49,195
Oh, when tomorrow,
I address the general assembly...
563
00:36:49,373 --> 00:36:54,504
...of the United Nations, you know,
they will understand...
564
00:36:54,679 --> 00:36:59,014
...that I have had coexistence up to here.
565
00:36:59,217 --> 00:37:01,549
Not only to here, to here!
566
00:37:01,752 --> 00:37:04,244
There can be no peace...
567
00:37:04,422 --> 00:37:09,326
...until the capitalist serpents
have been expelled...
568
00:37:09,493 --> 00:37:11,461
...from the garden of brotherhood.
569
00:37:11,629 --> 00:37:14,929
Well, when I came here,
I came in friendship.
570
00:37:15,099 --> 00:37:18,034
I offered my hands.
So, what did they do?
571
00:37:18,202 --> 00:37:23,265
They tried to chew it off, to the elbow.
572
00:37:23,441 --> 00:37:25,739
Now, this, I tell you...
573
00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:31,314
...is the friendship of cannibals
and traitors and murderers!
574
00:37:31,482 --> 00:37:33,314
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
575
00:37:33,484 --> 00:37:34,542
See who it is.
576
00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:45,696
Chairman Koz,
we'd like to tell you how happy we are...
577
00:37:45,863 --> 00:37:49,094
...that, uh, you survived
that unfortunate incident today.
578
00:37:49,267 --> 00:37:52,464
It has been both our policy and pleasure
to protect you at all times--
579
00:37:52,637 --> 00:37:54,071
KOZ:
Protect?
580
00:37:54,238 --> 00:38:00,143
I could've gotten a better protection from
the starving tiger with two sets of teeth.
581
00:38:00,311 --> 00:38:02,075
Protect?
582
00:38:02,246 --> 00:38:07,946
If it wasn't for that sweet young lady,
I'd be dead just like our friendship.
583
00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:10,486
- Oh, I think there's been, uh--
- Out!
584
00:38:10,688 --> 00:38:12,918
--A little misunderstanding
which we can correct.
585
00:38:13,090 --> 00:38:14,854
Correct?
586
00:38:15,026 --> 00:38:19,190
If you don't mind, why don't you correct
the fact I ever met you?
587
00:38:19,363 --> 00:38:23,732
My young men, you better go home
and put your television on...
588
00:38:23,901 --> 00:38:26,302
...and listen to my speech.
589
00:38:26,470 --> 00:38:31,931
If we had a cold war,
now you'll see we'll have a blizzard!
590
00:38:32,843 --> 00:38:33,935
Out!
591
00:38:34,111 --> 00:38:37,342
You heard what the chairman said, out!
592
00:38:41,786 --> 00:38:43,379
[KOZ SIGHS]
593
00:38:48,159 --> 00:38:52,118
I'm afraid we've watched over the chairman
for the last time.
594
00:38:52,296 --> 00:38:56,597
I think we should turn our attention
to Mr. Radish, hmm?
595
00:39:09,146 --> 00:39:12,241
- Oh! Comrade Maxim?
- So you failed again, eh?
596
00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:15,215
Please, please, comrade,
give me another chance, hmm?
597
00:39:15,386 --> 00:39:16,683
That's why I'm here.
598
00:39:16,854 --> 00:39:21,314
You will attach this
beneath Chairman Koz's limousine.
599
00:39:21,492 --> 00:39:24,723
- It's a bomb.
- Yes, and it is not one of your toys.
600
00:39:24,895 --> 00:39:27,592
Now, listen, Pifnic. Tomorrow at 2:00...
601
00:39:27,765 --> 00:39:30,996
...Comrade Koz will leave his hotel
to address the United Nations.
602
00:39:31,168 --> 00:39:34,661
- Yes, I know.
- He's supposed to arrive there 2:30.
603
00:39:34,839 --> 00:39:39,174
The bomb is setup to go off
exactly at 2:15.
604
00:39:39,343 --> 00:39:41,277
Bloom , bu-boom'.!
605
00:39:41,445 --> 00:39:44,540
And Comrade Koz will be history.
606
00:39:44,715 --> 00:39:46,046
[LAUGHING]
607
00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:49,517
No use to worry, then.
about doctrinal purity, eh?
608
00:39:49,687 --> 00:39:52,213
- Excuse me, comrade, a thought.
- Yes?
609
00:39:52,390 --> 00:39:56,486
- I'm supposed to be driving the limousine.
- Oh, you? Oh, you.
610
00:39:56,660 --> 00:40:01,427
You will be buried
as a hero of the revolution. Oh, yeah.
611
00:40:01,599 --> 00:40:04,830
- Hmm, well, thank you, comrade.
- Mm-hm.
612
00:40:05,002 --> 00:40:09,633
RADISH: Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, my own day shall come.
613
00:40:09,807 --> 00:40:13,334
I'm afraid not, Mr. Radish.
614
00:40:14,044 --> 00:40:18,481
MAN: You better don't move.
- I'm afraid so, Mr. Solo.
615
00:40:18,649 --> 00:40:22,313
RADISH: And your days
and the days of your friend...
616
00:40:22,486 --> 00:40:25,979
...are just about concluded.
617
00:40:37,401 --> 00:40:39,597
[GOBBLING]
618
00:40:40,438 --> 00:40:43,931
You know, I've always been very fond
of turkey for lunch.
619
00:40:46,777 --> 00:40:49,439
I don't think he's going to take the hint.
620
00:40:50,214 --> 00:40:51,807
- Ugh.
- What time is it?
621
00:40:52,016 --> 00:40:55,179
Uh, it's exactly 2:00, my friends.
622
00:40:55,352 --> 00:40:57,787
Uh, in 15 minutes...
623
00:40:57,955 --> 00:41:03,257
...we shall mourn the passing
of my dearest friend, Chairman Georgi Koz.
624
00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:09,789
[BOMB TIMER TICKING]
625
00:41:19,910 --> 00:41:21,742
Go home, go home.
626
00:41:21,912 --> 00:41:24,938
After you hear my speech,
you will not want my autograph.
627
00:41:25,115 --> 00:41:27,743
PRISCILLA:
Mr. Koz. Mr." Mr. Koz.
628
00:41:27,918 --> 00:41:30,410
Let that young lady get through.
629
00:41:30,588 --> 00:41:32,613
Mr. Koz, it's me, Priscilla.
630
00:41:32,790 --> 00:41:35,452
- Ah.
- Mr. Koz, you gotta come with me.
631
00:41:35,626 --> 00:41:37,958
Alex needs you.
There's no one else who can help.
632
00:41:38,162 --> 00:41:40,096
- What happened?
- Alex Gropkin.
633
00:41:40,264 --> 00:41:42,665
They-- They think he's dying.
634
00:41:42,833 --> 00:41:45,325
He-- He won't take his medicine
without you.
635
00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:49,167
Comrade chairman, excuse me.
It is three minutes after 2.
636
00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:53,675
But this is Dr. Sigmoid's department.
I did what I could.
637
00:41:53,844 --> 00:41:57,644
- I sent him to you.
- Dr. sigmoid sent me to get you.
638
00:41:57,815 --> 00:42:01,581
Yes, but the United Nations
is waiting, my dear.
639
00:42:01,752 --> 00:42:05,017
For my speech, all humanity is waiting.
640
00:42:05,189 --> 00:42:09,353
A child is waiting, Mr. Koz.
Oh, but you people.
641
00:42:09,527 --> 00:42:11,359
You talk about humanity and people.
642
00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:14,829
I'm talking about one child.
One little boy.
643
00:42:14,999 --> 00:42:18,731
Correction, it is four minutes after 2.
644
00:42:18,903 --> 00:42:23,204
I-- I'm sorry, very sorry. Really.
645
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:25,536
You're going to be sorrier
if you don't come--
646
00:42:25,709 --> 00:42:28,201
If you don't come with me.
647
00:42:32,116 --> 00:42:34,881
It is now five minutes after 2.
648
00:42:35,052 --> 00:42:37,612
I can see him now, my old friend,
Georgi Koz...
649
00:42:37,788 --> 00:42:39,950
...on his way to the United Nations...
650
00:42:40,124 --> 00:42:43,526
...drinking in the roar of the crowd
like the wine of youth.
651
00:42:43,694 --> 00:42:48,325
Mm-hm. The Bear of the Balkans
has become the Ham of the Balkans.
652
00:42:48,532 --> 00:42:53,402
In less than 10 minutes, you couldn't
exchange him for a dried skin 01a mouse.
653
00:42:55,005 --> 00:42:57,372
It is now six minutes after 2.
654
00:42:57,541 --> 00:42:59,270
What time's lunch?
655
00:42:59,476 --> 00:43:03,913
Oh, anytime at all, Mr. Kuryakin.
At your pleasure, anytime.
656
00:43:04,081 --> 00:43:07,244
Anytime at all, anytime at all.
657
00:43:08,185 --> 00:43:10,677
[TURKEYS GOBBLING]
658
00:43:22,633 --> 00:43:26,069
When I say that it was all your fault
that Alex had this relapse...
659
00:43:26,236 --> 00:43:29,331
...I'm don't mean to suggest
that you intended it that way.
660
00:43:29,506 --> 00:43:32,806
You're the one Saint Nicholas
in whom he has been truly able to believe.
661
00:43:32,977 --> 00:43:34,467
Oh, yes, uh...
662
00:43:34,645 --> 00:43:37,080
...some people have a talent
with children.
663
00:43:37,848 --> 00:43:39,577
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
664
00:43:39,750 --> 00:43:42,117
Uh, what is the delay?
665
00:43:42,286 --> 00:43:46,189
Why the Army can't clear up the path
through the street?
666
00:43:47,191 --> 00:43:49,785
RADISH:
It is now 10 minutes after 2.
667
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:52,088
Hmm, as I mentioned before...
668
00:43:52,496 --> 00:43:56,626
...the time factor is final, irreversible.
669
00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:01,294
The device itself, no matter how small,
has the power to move mountains.
670
00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:04,066
No, no less the chairman's limousine.
671
00:44:04,241 --> 00:44:05,572
[CHUCKLES]
672
00:44:05,809 --> 00:44:07,971
It is now 11 minutes past 2.
673
00:44:08,145 --> 00:44:10,637
Aah. It's too late, Georgi--
674
00:44:26,597 --> 00:44:28,759
[GOBBLING]
675
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,367
- Driver, what time do you have?
- The time?
676
00:44:32,536 --> 00:44:35,403
It is 12 minutes after 2,
comrade chairman.
677
00:44:35,572 --> 00:44:37,267
[BOMB TIMER TICKING]
678
00:44:41,478 --> 00:44:43,537
In spite of all the good
your Dr. sigmoid has done...
679
00:44:43,714 --> 00:44:47,275
...Alex's temperature is 103
and still climbing when I left.
680
00:44:47,451 --> 00:44:51,752
Through it all, he kept calling
for that Santa Claus, meaning you.
681
00:44:51,922 --> 00:44:55,449
Young lady, can't you understand
that this is--?
682
00:44:55,626 --> 00:44:59,859
Well, all right, all right,
I'll do it after I finish my speech.
683
00:45:00,030 --> 00:45:01,259
It will be too late.
684
00:45:03,367 --> 00:45:04,857
All right, what is the address?
685
00:45:05,035 --> 00:45:07,868
Oh, it's across town.
686
00:45:08,572 --> 00:45:09,664
Tum around!
687
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:11,899
I-- I can't, comrade chairman.
688
00:45:12,076 --> 00:45:15,603
- The traffic, it's all stuck.
KOZ: You feel.
689
00:45:15,946 --> 00:45:19,974
Don't you understand that the life
of a small child is at stake?
690
00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:26,653
- There's a subway, right over there.
- Driver, we're getting out.
691
00:45:27,991 --> 00:45:30,460
I think I see the car.
692
00:45:32,196 --> 00:45:33,493
[BOMB TIMER TICKING]
693
00:45:44,641 --> 00:45:47,269
The-- My car?
694
00:45:47,745 --> 00:45:50,214
Another 10 seconds and...
695
00:45:50,380 --> 00:45:52,405
Oh, it's a good thing
I don't believe in miracles...
696
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:57,851
...because if I did, that was a miracle.
697
00:46:01,558 --> 00:46:02,787
What are you doing?
698
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:06,191
This is my speech for the United Nations.
699
00:46:06,363 --> 00:46:09,890
I'm about to tum off a blizzard.
700
00:46:10,467 --> 00:46:12,401
Isn't that a miracle too?
701
00:46:16,073 --> 00:46:19,634
All right, Alex.
open up your mouth, please.
702
00:46:19,810 --> 00:46:22,802
- Say “aah.“
ALEX: Aah.
703
00:46:22,980 --> 00:46:26,746
That “aah“ sounded pretty good,
Dr. sigmoid.
704
00:46:28,252 --> 00:46:31,244
Now, breathe deep.
705
00:46:35,292 --> 00:46:37,090
PRISCILLA:
Ah. Thank you.
706
00:46:37,261 --> 00:46:39,355
I wish it was a mistletoe.
707
00:46:39,530 --> 00:46:43,398
Oh, Mr. Solo, you are a gay one,
aren't you?
708
00:46:44,168 --> 00:46:46,398
Only, uh, on holidays.
709
00:46:48,372 --> 00:46:52,969
You started to tell me
about Radish and Pifnic?
710
00:46:53,143 --> 00:46:54,702
Oh, yes.
711
00:46:54,878 --> 00:46:57,973
At last report, they were stowed away
in the hold of a cargo vessel...
712
00:46:58,148 --> 00:47:00,549
...bound for their homeland.
713
00:47:00,717 --> 00:47:04,551
Chairman Koz mentioned them
being in a poultry pen, I believe.
714
00:47:05,422 --> 00:47:07,151
Your move.
715
00:47:08,959 --> 00:47:11,656
Well, now, Alex, you may get up now.
716
00:47:11,829 --> 00:47:15,129
Put on your bathrobe, enjoy the holiday.
717
00:47:15,632 --> 00:47:17,191
He's gonna be all right?
718
00:47:17,401 --> 00:47:22,134
All right? Ha! He's going to be perfect.
719
00:47:22,306 --> 00:47:24,741
[CRYING]
Oh, Alex.
720
00:47:24,908 --> 00:47:28,242
Did you hear, Priscilla?
He's gonna be all right.
721
00:47:28,412 --> 00:47:30,881
PRISCILLA: Oh, that's wonderful.
I'm so happy.
722
00:47:31,048 --> 00:47:34,985
- We're all, all very happy, Mrs. Gropkin.
- Thank you. Thank you.
723
00:47:35,152 --> 00:47:36,881
You're a wonderful doctor.
724
00:47:37,054 --> 00:47:39,682
I only wish you had your practice
on the East Side.
725
00:47:39,857 --> 00:47:41,586
Believe me,
I don't know how to thank you.
726
00:47:41,758 --> 00:47:46,320
Not me, Mrs. Gropkin.
Just thank Chairman Koz.
727
00:47:46,496 --> 00:47:50,228
His visit to Alex, that was the thing.
728
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:53,563
You don't think I'd love to thank him.
But how?
729
00:47:53,737 --> 00:47:55,671
I read in the papers
he's going home today.
730
00:47:55,839 --> 00:47:58,308
KOZ:
Ho-ho-ho!
731
00:47:58,475 --> 00:48:02,343
Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
MRS. GROPKIN: Oh!
732
00:48:02,512 --> 00:48:04,742
KOZ:
Merry Christmas, everybody.
733
00:48:04,915 --> 00:48:08,579
MRS. GROPKIN: Oh, Mr. Koz.
KOZ: Merry Christmas, children. Here.
734
00:48:08,785 --> 00:48:11,777
- Oh, Mr. Koz.
- Chairman Koz.
735
00:48:11,955 --> 00:48:17,155
Well, uh, if you want to call me Mr. Koz,
you call me Mr. Koz. Ha-ha-ha.
736
00:48:17,327 --> 00:48:19,386
Alex, he's gonna be all right.
737
00:48:19,563 --> 00:48:23,693
Well, naturally. Didn't I tell you?
Merry Christmas.
738
00:48:23,867 --> 00:48:26,598
- Oh!
- Alex, my boy, Alex, come here.
739
00:48:26,770 --> 00:48:28,534
This is all for you.
740
00:48:28,705 --> 00:48:30,139
[CHUCKLING]
741
00:48:30,307 --> 00:48:35,973
Ah-ha-ha, you'll find wonderful things here.
Sit down, my boy.
742
00:48:36,146 --> 00:48:37,636
Merry Christmas.
743
00:48:37,814 --> 00:48:40,681
Uh, Mr. Macy.
744
00:48:40,851 --> 00:48:44,344
Uh, Mr. Macy.
what I told at the United Nations...
745
00:48:44,521 --> 00:48:47,252
...all about friendship and coexistence...
746
00:48:47,424 --> 00:48:50,826
...you know, it can get me into
a quite little trouble in my country.
747
00:48:50,994 --> 00:48:55,830
Well, so if I will lose my job over there...
748
00:48:55,999 --> 00:48:58,491
...can I be a Santa Claus at Macy's?
749
00:48:58,669 --> 00:49:02,867
- Ha. Anytime, Mr. Chairman. Anytime at all.
- Wonderful.
750
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:04,508
[LAUGHING]
751
00:49:04,675 --> 00:49:06,302
Merry Christmas!
752
00:49:06,476 --> 00:49:07,807
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
753
00:49:07,978 --> 00:49:09,810
Merry Christmas.
754
00:50:01,064 --> 00:50:03,055
[ENGLISH SDH]
59817
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