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♪♪
2
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[ FIRE CRACKLING, DOG SNORING ]
3
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HELLO.
4
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MY NAME IS JOE PERA.
5
00:00:28,476 --> 00:00:32,170
AND I'M SORRY THAT YOU'RE HAVING
TROUBLE DOZING OFF.
6
00:00:32,170 --> 00:00:34,896
THAT'S WHY I MADE YOU THIS SHOW.
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BECAUSE IN MY OPINION,
FALLING ASLEEP IS
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ONE OF THE BEST FEELINGS
THERE IS --
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EVEN BETTER THAN HARMONIZING
WITH YOUR BOYS.
10
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OH, YOU LIKE MY NEW SWEATER?
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00:00:51,189 --> 00:00:54,399
I'M TRYING
TO DO MORE STYLE.
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00:00:54,399 --> 00:00:57,402
ANYHOW, I FIGURED
WE COULD MAYBE EXPLORE
13
00:00:57,402 --> 00:00:59,749
SOME MILDLY
INTERESTING SUBJECTS,
14
00:00:59,749 --> 00:01:03,201
SUCH AS...
15
00:01:03,201 --> 00:01:08,275
HOW COME PEOPLE DON'T CHEER
AFTER EVER FIREWORK?
16
00:01:08,275 --> 00:01:10,346
OR PERHAPS DO
A GUIDED MEDITATION
17
00:01:10,346 --> 00:01:15,765
TO HELP VISUALIZE YOURSELF
AS A GRANDPARENT...
18
00:01:15,765 --> 00:01:17,353
OR A WHALE.
19
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[ WHALE CALLS ]
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ANYTHING THAT WILL HELP
RELAX YOU INTO SLEEP
21
00:01:22,358 --> 00:01:24,981
AND KEEP YOUR MIND
OFF OF THE DAY-TO-DAY WORRIES
22
00:01:24,981 --> 00:01:27,087
THAT MAKE YOU ANXIOUS.
23
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:30,918
LIKE REMEMBERING TO REFILL
THE ICE CUBE TRAYS
24
00:01:30,918 --> 00:01:34,991
AND RACE RELATIONS.
25
00:01:34,991 --> 00:01:36,717
FOR EXAMPLE,
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I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS
WHILE SHOVELING EARLIER.
27
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,690
WHEN STEPHEN HAWKING
CHEATED ON HIS WIFE,
28
00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:49,212
SHE MUST'VE FELT PRETTY SAD.
29
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IT WAS A TERRIBLE THING TO DO,
30
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AND I DON'T WANT TO DEFEND HIM,
BUT TRY THINKING ABOUT IT
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FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE
FOR A MOMENT.
32
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HE SPENDS ALL DAY THINKING
ABOUT THE UNIVERSE
33
00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:03,433
AND HOW BIG IT IS,
34
00:02:03,433 --> 00:02:06,574
HOW OUR STAR,
THE SUN, IS JUST
35
00:02:06,574 --> 00:02:10,923
ONE OF DOZENS OF STARS
IN THE GALAXY, WHICH IS JUST
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00:02:10,923 --> 00:02:15,169
ONE OF DOZENS OF GALAXIES
IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE,
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ALL SET AGAINST HANDFULS
AND HANDFULS OF TIME.
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[ TONES CHIME ]
39
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:27,077
IF ONE GUY CHEATS
ON HIS WIFE,
40
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WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
41
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THINKING FURTHER
DOWN THE SAME LINE OF THOUGHT,
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HOWEVER, IF WE'RE
SO TINY AND INSIGNIFICANT,
43
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IF YOU'RE ABLE
TO FIND ONE PERSON
44
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IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE
WHO CARES ABOUT YOU,
45
00:02:43,024 --> 00:02:44,992
WHY WOULD YOU WANT
TO DISAPPOINT THEM?
46
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SO, LADIES,
47
00:02:51,654 --> 00:02:53,828
IF WE GET MARRIED,
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I PROMISE I WON'T CHEAT ON YOU.
49
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THAT SAID,
GOOD LUCK LOCKING DOWN
50
00:03:00,352 --> 00:03:02,699
THIS BENGAL TIGER.
51
00:03:02,699 --> 00:03:05,668
I AIN'T GOING
TO THE ZOO SO EASY.
52
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JUST KIDDING.
53
00:03:07,359 --> 00:03:11,260
I CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO THE ZOO.
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SPEAKING OF MARRIAGE,
55
00:03:13,262 --> 00:03:16,196
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE PHRASE
"TYING THE KNOT" IS
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A REFERENCE TO HOW THEY USED
TO USE PRETZELS
57
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IN SWISS WEDDING CEREMONIES
A WHILE AGO?
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HERE'S SOME IMAGES OF PRETZELS
BEING MADE THAT I LIKE TO WATCH.
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♪♪
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THERE ARE A LOT
OF PRETZEL FACTORIES
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IN CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA --
CHIPS, TOO.
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THAT'S WHY IT'S OFTEN REFERRED
TO AS "THE SNACK BELT."
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AMONGST THE FEW COUNTIES,
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THERE'S
UTZ'S PRETZELS AND CHIPS,
65
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HERR'S PRETZELS AND CHIPS,
66
00:04:05,831 --> 00:04:09,076
AND, OF COURSE,
SNYDER'S OF HANOVER.
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[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
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ANOTHER IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION
THE PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH MADE
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TO THE REGION ARE
THEIR BEAUTIFUL BARNS.
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♪♪
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LIKE THIS ONE.
72
00:04:30,994 --> 00:04:32,755
AND THIS ONE.
73
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AND THIS ONE.
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00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:48,288
AND THIS ONE.
75
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,738
THIS ROUND BARN,
CALLED A SPRING HOUSE,
76
00:04:50,738 --> 00:04:54,155
WAS DESIGNED TO KEEP MILK COOL
IN THE SUMMER.
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IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES.
78
00:04:59,368 --> 00:05:02,992
OKAY, OKAY, I APOLOGIZE.
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00:05:02,992 --> 00:05:05,028
I WAS JUST KIDDING.
80
00:05:05,028 --> 00:05:07,928
THESE AREN'T BARNS
FROM CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA,
81
00:05:07,928 --> 00:05:11,759
BUT BARNS FROM CENTRAL NEW YORK.
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I TRY TO KEEP A SENSE OF HUMOR
ABOUT THESE NEGLECTED BARNS,
83
00:05:15,729 --> 00:05:18,110
OR I'LL GET SAD.
84
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,044
I CAN'T GET SAD ABOUT BARNS.
85
00:05:21,044 --> 00:05:24,669
I OWE IT TO MYSELF
AND TO MY CHOIR STUDENTS
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00:05:24,669 --> 00:05:26,809
TO NOT BE UPSET ABOUT BARNS.
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[ CLOCK TICKING ]
88
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ARE YOU STILL WITH ME?
89
00:05:36,819 --> 00:05:38,268
ARE YOU STILL WITH ME, GUS?
90
00:05:39,304 --> 00:05:40,340
[ GUS GRUMBLES ]
91
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,721
HUH.
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00:05:42,721 --> 00:05:47,001
GUS IS
THE 32nd MOST POPULAR DOG NAME.
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YOU KNOW
THE 90th MOST POPULAR DOG NAME?
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OREO.
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00:05:53,801 --> 00:05:55,320
[ GUS SNORING ]
96
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,771
I'VE ACTUALLY GOT ANOTHER IDEA.
97
00:05:57,771 --> 00:06:00,981
SOMETHING THAT HELPS ME
FALL ASLEEP IS LISTENING
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00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:04,985
TO VOICEMAILS I RECEIVE
FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
99
00:06:04,985 --> 00:06:07,367
I'VE GOT A FEW HERE
I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU.
100
00:06:09,127 --> 00:06:10,439
[ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
101
00:06:10,439 --> 00:06:13,718
Man: HELLO, JOE.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
102
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IT'S 20 MINUTES AFTER 9:00
ON HALLOWEEN EVENING.
103
00:06:16,065 --> 00:06:17,273
[ SLURPS ]
104
00:06:17,273 --> 00:06:19,171
WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE,
GIVE US A CALL.
105
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,518
[ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
106
00:06:20,518 --> 00:06:23,452
Woman: HI, HONEY.
IT'S MOM JUST SAYING HELLO.
107
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I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
BYE.
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[ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
109
00:06:26,731 --> 00:06:29,458
Woman #2: HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
SWEETHEART.
110
00:06:29,458 --> 00:06:31,736
I'M FINALLY GETTING
AROUND TO IT TODAY.
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00:06:31,736 --> 00:06:33,462
MANY, MANY MORE, HONEY.
112
00:06:33,462 --> 00:06:35,602
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
I LOVE YOU. BYE-BYE.
113
00:06:35,602 --> 00:06:38,018
[ TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS,
ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
114
00:06:38,018 --> 00:06:39,951
Charles: HEY, JOE.
THIS IS CHARLES.
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I'M PLAYING PHONE TAG
WITH THIS GIRL,
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SO, UM,
I STILL HAVEN'T HEARD YET,
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BUT I'M FEELING
"THE FLAKE" COMING ON.
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SO I WILL PROBABLY BE ABLE TO
GO
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TO "PHANTOM OF THE OPERA"
WITH YOU.
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00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:52,584
ALL RIGHT, BYE.
121
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HEY.
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I JUST REALIZED
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SHEDS ARE LITTLE BARNS.
124
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,420
[ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]
125
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,283
Elise: HEY, JOE,
IT'S ELISE.
126
00:07:02,283 --> 00:07:04,631
UM, IT WAS NICE GOING OUT
WITH YOU AGAIN LAST NIGHT,
127
00:07:04,631 --> 00:07:06,529
BUT I'VE GOT
TO BE STRAIGHTFORWARD.[ RAPID FOOTSTEPS ]
128
00:07:06,529 --> 00:07:07,530
[ ANSWERING MACHINE SQUEAKS]
129
00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:09,221
[ CLATTER, GUS WHIMPERS ]
130
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:11,534
Joe: [ CLEARS THROAT ]
UM...
131
00:07:11,534 --> 00:07:13,191
[ GUS GRUMBLES ]
132
00:07:13,191 --> 00:07:16,021
S-SORRY.
133
00:07:16,021 --> 00:07:17,437
I'VE BEEN MEANING
TO DELETE THAT ONE.
134
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:21,441
♪♪
135
00:07:23,753 --> 00:07:27,032
WHEN WE WOULD GO OUT, I WOULD
HAVE TO WEAR RUNNING SNEAKERS
136
00:07:27,032 --> 00:07:31,278
SO THAT I COULD RUN HOME AFTER
SHE GAVE ME A GOODNIGHT KISS.
137
00:07:31,278 --> 00:07:34,419
IF I DIDN'T TIRE MYSELF OUT,
I WOULD LIE IN BED
138
00:07:34,419 --> 00:07:37,249
THE REST OF THE NIGHT
WITH MY EYES LIKE THIS.
139
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:42,634
ANYHOW, AFTER I RECEIVED
THAT MESSAGE,
140
00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:47,190
I DID THE SAME THING I USUALLY
DO WHEN STUFF LIKE THAT HAPPENS.
141
00:07:47,190 --> 00:07:50,193
I WENT TO THE BATTING CAGES.
142
00:07:50,193 --> 00:07:52,057
IT'S TOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT WOMEN
143
00:07:52,057 --> 00:07:54,922
WHEN YOU'RE FOCUSED
ON FASTBALLS.[ PITCHING MACHINE WHIRRING ]
144
00:07:54,922 --> 00:07:58,063
AND ALSO, IT FEELS GOOD
TO HIT STUFF WITH A BAT.
145
00:07:58,063 --> 00:07:59,513
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
146
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,619
[ BAT CLACKS ]NICE.
147
00:08:01,619 --> 00:08:02,551
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
148
00:08:02,551 --> 00:08:04,794
[ BAT CLACKS ]NICE.
149
00:08:04,794 --> 00:08:05,761
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
150
00:08:05,761 --> 00:08:07,590
[ BAT CLACKS ]NICE.
151
00:08:07,590 --> 00:08:08,522
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
152
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,179
[ BAT CLACKS ]NICE.
153
00:08:10,179 --> 00:08:11,456
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
154
00:08:11,456 --> 00:08:12,768
[ BAT CLACKS ]
155
00:08:12,768 --> 00:08:13,838
HOME RUN.
156
00:08:13,838 --> 00:08:14,839
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
157
00:08:14,839 --> 00:08:15,771
[ BAT CLACKS ]
158
00:08:15,771 --> 00:08:17,048
ANOTHER HOME RUN.
159
00:08:17,048 --> 00:08:18,946
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
160
00:08:18,946 --> 00:08:20,396
CAN I SHARE MY SECRET...[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
161
00:08:20,396 --> 00:08:22,536
ABOUT THE BATTING CAGES
WITH YOU?[ BAT CLACKS ]
162
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:25,332
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]YOU LET
THE FIRST PITCH HIT YOU...
163
00:08:25,332 --> 00:08:26,816
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]SO THAT YOUR ADRENALIN KICKS IN.
164
00:08:26,816 --> 00:08:28,197
[ BAT CLACKS ]
165
00:08:28,197 --> 00:08:30,371
THEN, YOU HIT THE REST OF THEM
TO THE MOON.
166
00:08:30,371 --> 00:08:31,821
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
167
00:08:33,478 --> 00:08:34,410
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
168
00:08:34,410 --> 00:08:35,342
[ EXPLOSION ]
169
00:08:35,342 --> 00:08:36,550
GRAND SLAM.
170
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:37,551
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
171
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,519
[ BAT CLACKS ]NICE.
172
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,485
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
173
00:08:40,485 --> 00:08:42,383
[ BAT CLACKS ]NICE.
174
00:08:42,383 --> 00:08:43,764
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS ]
175
00:08:43,764 --> 00:08:45,179
[ BAT CLACKS ]NICE.
176
00:08:45,179 --> 00:08:46,595
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS]
177
00:08:46,595 --> 00:08:47,906
[ BAT CLACKS]NICE.
178
00:08:47,906 --> 00:08:48,907
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS]
179
00:08:48,907 --> 00:08:50,288
[ BAT CLACKS]
180
00:08:50,288 --> 00:08:53,912
AND ONCE YOU'RE DONE,
I PROMISE YOU WILL FEEL BETTER,
181
00:08:53,912 --> 00:08:59,366
UNDERSTANDING THAT SOMETIMES
THINGS JUST DON'T WORK OUT.
182
00:08:59,366 --> 00:09:00,574
LIKE HOW IT DIDN'T WORK OUT
183
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:04,129
FOR THE 1990
TO '93 BUFFALO BILLS,
184
00:09:04,129 --> 00:09:07,512
WHO LOST
FOUR SUPER BOWLS IN A ROW,
185
00:09:07,512 --> 00:09:11,102
OR HOW IT DIDN'T WORK OUT
FOR THE BUFFALO BUFFALOS,
186
00:09:11,102 --> 00:09:13,483
OR THE PASSENGER PIGEON, EITHER,
187
00:09:13,483 --> 00:09:16,314
OR THE TECOPA PUPFISH,
188
00:09:16,314 --> 00:09:18,627
PYRENEAN IBEX,
189
00:09:18,627 --> 00:09:20,974
OR KODAK.
190
00:09:20,974 --> 00:09:22,734
IT DIDN'T WORK OUT
FOR THIS OMELET
191
00:09:22,734 --> 00:09:25,703
THAT WENT COLD
DURING AN ARGUMENT
192
00:09:25,703 --> 00:09:30,155
OR THIS UNDERWHELMING SUBMISSION
TO A PUMPKIN-CARVING CONTEST.
193
00:09:30,155 --> 00:09:33,089
IT DID WORK OUT
FOR MY NEIGHBOR'S SON ALAN.
194
00:09:33,089 --> 00:09:34,608
HE GOT AN "A."
195
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:35,920
BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT
196
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,026
FOR THIS CENTRAL NEW YORK BARN
SURROUNDED BY CONDOS
197
00:09:39,026 --> 00:09:42,547
WHEN IT USED TO BE
SURROUNDED BY CORNS
198
00:09:42,547 --> 00:09:46,033
OR ROBERT ADAMS,
WHO REALIZED 18 YEARS TOO LATE
199
00:09:46,033 --> 00:09:48,726
THAT HE SHOULD'VE SPENT
MORE TIME WITH HIS SONS
200
00:09:48,726 --> 00:09:53,213
INSTEAD OF GOING
TO 3D MOVIES WITH HIS FRIENDS,
201
00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:56,078
AND ALISON WEBB,
DRESSED SO NICE,
202
00:09:56,078 --> 00:09:58,701
WHO HATES BASKETBALL,
BUT SPENT A WHOLE NIGHT
203
00:09:58,701 --> 00:10:03,464
WATCHING IT ALONE AT THE BAR
BECAUSE HER DATE NEVER SHOWED.
204
00:10:03,464 --> 00:10:06,398
"SHOULD I CALL MY EX,"
SHE THINKS.
205
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:07,434
NO.
206
00:10:07,434 --> 00:10:09,436
NO MORE SECOND CHANCES.
207
00:10:09,436 --> 00:10:11,093
♪♪
208
00:10:11,093 --> 00:10:12,577
AND AS WE KNOW,
209
00:10:12,577 --> 00:10:15,684
IT DIDN'T WORK OUT
FOR BERNIE MADOFF.
210
00:10:15,684 --> 00:10:17,202
THAT'S A GOOD THING.
211
00:10:17,202 --> 00:10:21,724
IF YOU BREAK THE RULES,
YOU GO TO THE PENALTY BOX.
212
00:10:21,724 --> 00:10:24,416
I WONDER WHAT HE'S THINKING
ABOUT RIGHT NOW.
213
00:10:24,831 --> 00:10:26,522
[ PITCHING MACHINE THUNKS,
BAT CLACKS]
214
00:10:26,522 --> 00:10:30,284
I WONDER IF HE KNOWS
WE'RE THINKING ABOUT HIM.
215
00:10:30,284 --> 00:10:33,667
DOES HE ENJOY FALLING ASLEEP?
216
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,946
AT LEAST IN HIS DREAMS, HE COULD
IMAGINE HE'S NOT IN JAIL.
217
00:10:39,293 --> 00:10:43,401
ANYHOW, IF YOU'VE GOT
A CRUMMY DAY COMING UP TOMORROW,
218
00:10:43,401 --> 00:10:45,852
YOU JUST REMIND YOURSELF THAT,
219
00:10:45,852 --> 00:10:49,131
"AT LEAST I'M NOT IN JAIL
LIKE BERNIE MADOFF."
220
00:10:49,131 --> 00:10:52,030
UH, MAYBE -- MAYBE YOU ARE.
I DON'T KNOW.
221
00:10:52,030 --> 00:10:54,170
SORRY.
222
00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:55,758
EITHER WAY,
I HOPE YOU'RE FEELING
223
00:10:55,758 --> 00:10:57,277
A LITTLE BIT MORE RELAXED
224
00:10:57,277 --> 00:11:00,038
AND ARE READY TO HIT THE HAY.
225
00:11:00,038 --> 00:11:02,800
I'LL JOIN YOU AS SOON
AS THE FIRE DIES DOWN
226
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,527
AND I DOUBLE-CHECK
THAT THE GAS STOVE IS OFF.
227
00:11:06,527 --> 00:11:08,322
GOOD NIGHT.
228
00:11:08,322 --> 00:11:10,531
♪♪
229
00:11:10,531 --> 00:11:12,085
[ GUS SNORING ]
230
00:11:12,085 --> 00:11:14,156
WHAT DO YOU THINK, GUS?
231
00:11:14,156 --> 00:11:17,366
SHOULD WE DO A LATE-NIGHT SNACK
OR A BIG EGG BREAKFAST?
232
00:11:17,366 --> 00:11:19,126
[ GUS GRUMBLES ]
233
00:11:19,126 --> 00:11:20,818
YEAH, I THINK SO, TOO.
234
00:11:20,818 --> 00:11:23,303
♪♪
235
00:11:23,303 --> 00:11:25,443
[ GUS SNORING ]
16741
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