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1
00:00:03,035 --> 00:00:05,436
(VO)
You spend all day being
the perfect boss.
2
00:00:06,805 --> 00:00:08,740
And the perfect mom.
3
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,775
And the perfect wife.
4
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:11,709
But sometimes...
5
00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:14,679
sometimes, you just gotta be
a little bad.
6
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:15,380
Oh, shoot.
7
00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:18,383
Guys, I gotta go finish
some reports for work.
8
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:23,221
(VO)
You need something sweet
and salty, just like you.
9
00:00:24,123 --> 00:00:26,524
(husband)
Honey, are you eating something?
10
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:29,360
No, I'm doing work reports.
11
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:30,495
(loud crunching)
12
00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:32,030
Mommy?
Mommy's busy!
13
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:35,733
(VO)
Your little midnight snack
is nobody's business.
14
00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:40,738
Introducing new Shhhh-nacks,
from Frito Lay.
15
00:00:42,074 --> 00:00:45,476
Utilizing a patented silencing
technology previously only
16
00:00:45,478 --> 00:00:48,946
available to secretly
American-funded death squads
17
00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:49,881
in El Salvador.
18
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:53,351
New Shhhh-nacks let you hide
the shame eating you do to fill
19
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,086
the void left by such things as:
20
00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:57,055
your parents, your dad,
21
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,357
your mom, both your parents,
22
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:01,259
your bottomless, sad love life,
23
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:05,196
your less-than-great hair
and all magazines.
24
00:01:06,465 --> 00:01:11,002
Not only are the bags silent,
so are the chips.
25
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,670
(knocking)
Susan.
26
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,272
You left in the middle
of the meeting.
27
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:15,506
Is everything okay?
28
00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:16,507
Yep.
29
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:17,809
Just silently pooping.
30
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,745
(VO)
If a chip falls in your stomach
and there's no one there
31
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:23,214
to hear it, are you really sad?
32
00:01:23,549 --> 00:01:27,185
New Shhhh-nacks, when you're
trying to feed a hunger
33
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:30,888
you can't let anyone know about
because you're humiliated
34
00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:33,291
by basic human desires.
35
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:37,261
From the makers of
Shame Spirals and Los Angeles.
36
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:42,266
♪♪
37
00:01:55,247 --> 00:01:56,714
Hi there, Amy.
38
00:01:56,716 --> 00:01:58,182
How are you today?
Good.
39
00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:01,486
Okay, so I am just gonna
give you a quick breast exam.
40
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:05,123
Go ahead and lay back and relax.
41
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:05,690
Okay.
42
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,558
So, have you had any new
sexual partners
43
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,328
since the last time I saw you?
44
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,697
Oh, nnn...
45
00:02:16,902 --> 00:02:18,669
What do you consider sex?
46
00:02:18,671 --> 00:02:19,504
Penetration or...?
47
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:22,106
Well, no, there's all kinds
of different kinds of sex.
48
00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:25,610
Okay, then, yes, a bunch,
but we used a condom.
49
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:26,811
Their call.
Okay, great.
50
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,413
So I'm gonna have you
put your feet in the stirrups
51
00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:32,550
and I want you to slide all the
way to the end of the table
52
00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,886
so that I can take a look
at your pussy.
53
00:02:39,091 --> 00:02:39,857
All the way down.
54
00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:41,292
Like, slide your pussy
all the way down
55
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,528
to the end of the table.
56
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:44,295
Okay.
57
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:47,131
When was the last time you were
bleeding out of your pussy?
58
00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:51,602
Um, two weeks ago.
59
00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:55,106
Can... Can you not
refer to it as that?
60
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:55,806
Oh, I'm sorry.
61
00:02:55,808 --> 00:02:59,443
When were you menstruating
out your pussy?
62
00:03:00,212 --> 00:03:02,780
No, the um...
63
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:05,650
The... Can you not say...
64
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:06,450
"pussy"?
65
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:09,387
Oh, yeah, sure, fine.
Whatever.
66
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:10,821
Okay, so I'm gonna take
two fingers,
67
00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:12,190
I'm gonna put 'em
in your hair pie.
68
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,792
I'm gonna feel around, apply
some pressure to your ovaries
69
00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:17,929
and check you out
for beav cancer, okay?
70
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:20,331
Listen...
Oh, did I press too hard?
71
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,399
I apologize.
72
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:23,501
No.
Okay, well,
everything feels fine,
73
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:26,170
so now I'm just gonna go ahead
and clamp your clam open
74
00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:27,872
and then swab around
the inside of your tuna taco
75
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:30,074
and I'll have you
on your way.
Yeah, no.
76
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:31,909
Can you just use
the clinical term for vagina?
77
00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:36,314
I don't... I don't see what's so
hard about just saying vagina.
78
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:37,315
I don't understand.
79
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:39,450
Are you referring to your
sausage wallet?
80
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:43,254
Sausage wallet?
You know, your lizard mouth.
81
00:03:44,122 --> 00:03:47,291
Does it really feel normal
to you to refer to it this way?
82
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:51,395
I... That would be like a
proctologist calling a butt a...
83
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,064
(gagging)
Butt?
84
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,466
(wretching)
85
00:04:00,005 --> 00:04:01,672
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
86
00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:04,508
I think I got some in your
steaming hot pocket.
87
00:04:05,177 --> 00:04:07,478
I'll get... let me clean that up.
88
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,981
♪♪
89
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:12,883
What is your favorite word
for a pussy?
90
00:04:13,919 --> 00:04:14,752
Stink wrinkle.
91
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,054
Stink wrinkle?
Yeah.
92
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:17,788
Ugh!
93
00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:19,357
Favorite word for pussy?
94
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:20,291
Cock.
95
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:21,659
(laughing)
96
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:30,468
How do you refer
to a woman's vagina?
97
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:31,502
What's the word that you use?
98
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,537
I don't talk about it.
Well, you gotta...
99
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:35,339
It's gonna come up
at some point.
100
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:37,408
I've been married
for 32 years, I don't...
101
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:39,277
You have two kids.
Yeah, they're boys.
102
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,747
They're boys, but what did
they come out of?
103
00:04:43,815 --> 00:04:46,417
The uterus?
104
00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:48,119
You ought to teach a science
thing or something.
105
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:51,389
What do you call your vagina?
Oh, enormous.
106
00:04:52,190 --> 00:04:53,424
You gotta respect that.
107
00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:56,227
♪♪
108
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,962
(group breathing deeply)
109
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,497
All right, good breathing.
110
00:05:00,499 --> 00:05:01,831
That's class, you guys.
111
00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:05,035
Now, does anybody have
any questions?
112
00:05:05,037 --> 00:05:05,935
Sure, Amy.
113
00:05:05,937 --> 00:05:08,605
When I was just breathing
just now, I started thinking,
114
00:05:08,607 --> 00:05:13,476
what if I don't feel
connected to the baby?
115
00:05:13,478 --> 00:05:14,611
I'm concerned about that, too.
116
00:05:14,613 --> 00:05:16,446
Me too.
Oh, thank you.
117
00:05:16,448 --> 00:05:19,416
I think you guys are talking
about postpartum depression,
118
00:05:19,418 --> 00:05:20,517
and that totally makes sense.
119
00:05:20,519 --> 00:05:24,654
One out of every seven new moms
does suffer from it.
120
00:05:24,656 --> 00:05:25,889
Yeah, no, no, um...
121
00:05:25,891 --> 00:05:29,259
You're saying,
no, that's not true?
122
00:05:29,261 --> 00:05:31,795
I'm worried that, uh...
123
00:05:31,797 --> 00:05:34,130
Our kid's just gonna have
a shit vibe.
124
00:05:34,132 --> 00:05:35,365
Sorry, come again?
125
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:36,333
Okay.
126
00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:39,536
I... I'm, like, ehh....
You know?
127
00:05:39,538 --> 00:05:42,339
And he's, like,
the worst, so I feel like,
128
00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:45,041
when we made a baby,
so it'll just be like...
129
00:05:45,043 --> 00:05:46,209
(raspberry)
130
00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:48,311
Her dad's my boss.
Gotcha.
131
00:05:48,313 --> 00:05:50,613
So you're not talking about
postpartum depression,
132
00:05:50,615 --> 00:05:53,183
you're just concerned
that your baby's an asshole?
133
00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:55,819
Okay, yeah, like, that's what
I'm talking about, too.
134
00:05:55,821 --> 00:05:57,554
And, like,
off of what she said.
Right.
135
00:05:57,556 --> 00:06:00,156
I think, just ultimately,
we're mostly afraid
136
00:06:00,158 --> 00:06:02,192
that he won't be chill.
137
00:06:02,194 --> 00:06:03,993
Like, what if he can't hang?
138
00:06:03,995 --> 00:06:05,428
Or he hangs too hard
139
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:08,264
and has one too many drinks
and does that,
140
00:06:08,266 --> 00:06:09,999
like, slow-blinking thing.
141
00:06:10,001 --> 00:06:10,867
Let's open it up.
142
00:06:10,869 --> 00:06:13,503
Any... Anybody else with
some fears?
143
00:06:13,505 --> 00:06:14,404
Bats.
144
00:06:14,406 --> 00:06:15,739
Yeah, yeah.
145
00:06:15,741 --> 00:06:17,707
Okay, I should have been
more specific
146
00:06:17,709 --> 00:06:19,843
that I meant fears
about the baby.
147
00:06:19,845 --> 00:06:22,345
Okay, I have a fear
about my human baby.
148
00:06:22,347 --> 00:06:24,280
Okay, great.
Um...
149
00:06:24,282 --> 00:06:28,318
I'm really scared
that my baby's gonna be blind.
150
00:06:29,186 --> 00:06:31,154
And nocturnal.
151
00:06:31,156 --> 00:06:31,755
And fly.
152
00:06:31,757 --> 00:06:33,957
Okay, I think we're getting into
bat territory again,
153
00:06:33,959 --> 00:06:35,925
and I want to
steer us away from that.
154
00:06:35,927 --> 00:06:36,826
Like a bat.
155
00:06:36,828 --> 00:06:37,927
(group murmuring)
156
00:06:37,929 --> 00:06:39,162
Bats are everywhere, so.
157
00:06:39,164 --> 00:06:41,164
(instructor)
They're really not.
Let's stay on track.
158
00:06:41,166 --> 00:06:43,500
We're just gonna talk about
fears about the baby.
159
00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:45,969
What about baby... baby bats?
(instructor stammering)
160
00:06:45,971 --> 00:06:49,939
We're not gonna go down the bat
thing again this class, okay?
161
00:06:49,941 --> 00:06:51,541
Well, as long as
it's black, though.
162
00:06:51,543 --> 00:06:52,976
We're both black,
so it's gonna be black.
163
00:06:52,978 --> 00:06:54,544
A black baby.
It's gonna be black.
164
00:06:54,546 --> 00:06:57,514
How many of you
have even seen a bat?
165
00:06:58,349 --> 00:07:00,316
In real life?
166
00:07:00,318 --> 00:07:01,584
Okay, there we go.
167
00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:04,421
You can't really
get away from bats.
168
00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:06,656
Let's just keep it on the
discussion that we had going,
169
00:07:06,658 --> 00:07:09,492
which is: what your worries are
about the baby.
170
00:07:09,494 --> 00:07:12,061
Uh, we're Jewish,
but we were afraid that
171
00:07:12,063 --> 00:07:16,332
our baby's going to be,
like, too Jewish?
Yeah.
172
00:07:16,334 --> 00:07:17,967
Like, two sets of dishes Jewish.
173
00:07:17,969 --> 00:07:19,936
And mark my words,
no child of mine
174
00:07:19,938 --> 00:07:22,105
is gonna fuck
through a sheet, okay?
175
00:07:22,107 --> 00:07:23,773
Uh...
My biggest fear...
176
00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:28,611
is that our baby will want
to participate in SantaCon.
177
00:07:28,613 --> 00:07:30,046
That's where they
dress up like Santa?
178
00:07:30,048 --> 00:07:35,351
I... I won that.
A couple years ago.
179
00:07:35,353 --> 00:07:36,486
I have to say yes,
180
00:07:36,488 --> 00:07:39,122
fear of a shit baby
in this day and age,
181
00:07:39,124 --> 00:07:41,658
it's a... it's a valid concern.
182
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:42,492
Okay.
183
00:07:42,494 --> 00:07:43,793
Well, if we're really
sharing things,
184
00:07:43,795 --> 00:07:48,631
I'm really afraid that
our son is going to...
185
00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:51,968
be on those dating apps
and that his profile pic
186
00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:54,871
will be him wearing those
new year's glasses
187
00:07:54,873 --> 00:07:57,273
where the numbers are the eyes.
188
00:07:57,275 --> 00:07:58,041
Oh...
189
00:07:58,043 --> 00:08:02,245
And what if he does something
totally unforgivable, like rape?
190
00:08:02,247 --> 00:08:04,214
Or, um... DJ'ing?
191
00:08:04,216 --> 00:08:09,118
Dads, you need to talk to your
sons and say, don't DJ.
192
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:10,053
It starts in the home.
193
00:08:10,055 --> 00:08:13,490
These are all
really valid fears.
194
00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:16,092
Look, your kids,
195
00:08:16,094 --> 00:08:18,061
they are gonna grow up
to be pieces of shit
196
00:08:18,063 --> 00:08:21,064
and they will hate you.
197
00:08:21,066 --> 00:08:21,898
But here's the thing.
198
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:26,402
All of you are also
pieces of shit.
199
00:08:27,304 --> 00:08:28,771
You really are.
200
00:08:30,207 --> 00:08:31,374
Bat!
201
00:08:31,376 --> 00:08:36,412
(Amy)
Bat! Everyone for themselves!
202
00:08:36,414 --> 00:08:39,415
♪♪
203
00:08:41,385 --> 00:08:43,586
♪♪
204
00:08:44,655 --> 00:08:46,089
♪♪
205
00:08:46,091 --> 00:08:47,457
(noisy sighing)
206
00:08:47,459 --> 00:08:48,725
What's wrong, Amy?
Nothing.
207
00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:50,426
Oh, okay.
No, I'll tell you.
208
00:08:50,428 --> 00:08:52,896
I got stuck on another
awkward date last night.
Ugh.
209
00:08:52,898 --> 00:08:54,731
It's, like, you know in two
seconds if the guy is wrong
210
00:08:54,733 --> 00:08:56,599
for you, but you still
have to sit there
211
00:08:56,601 --> 00:08:57,567
through the whole dinner.
212
00:08:57,569 --> 00:08:59,369
You need to try
the website I'm on.
213
00:08:59,371 --> 00:09:00,603
It keeps dating super casual.
214
00:09:00,605 --> 00:09:03,006
I already tried It's Just Lunch.
215
00:09:03,008 --> 00:09:04,240
It was still awkward.
216
00:09:04,242 --> 00:09:05,141
I'm off that.
217
00:09:05,143 --> 00:09:06,910
I'm talking about
It's Just a Quick What's Up.
218
00:09:06,912 --> 00:09:08,211
It's Just a Quick What's Up?
Yeah.
219
00:09:08,213 --> 00:09:10,380
When a guy decides he wants
to briefly meet you,
220
00:09:10,382 --> 00:09:12,682
he'll send you a no-presh,
super cash "slight nod."
221
00:09:12,684 --> 00:09:15,752
Then when you respond with
"I guess" using its patented
222
00:09:15,754 --> 00:09:16,653
sigh-activated technology,
223
00:09:16,655 --> 00:09:19,155
the app automatically
will set up a time and place
224
00:09:19,157 --> 00:09:21,090
for you guys to walk past
each other on the street.
225
00:09:21,092 --> 00:09:22,358
What's up?
What's up?
226
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,027
Gosh, but ugh, what if
even being close to a guy
227
00:09:24,029 --> 00:09:26,529
on the street makes me want to
open my arms the right way?
228
00:09:26,531 --> 00:09:29,599
For just another 49.99 a month,
you can stand on a street corner
229
00:09:29,601 --> 00:09:33,303
and a guy will pass you in
a double decker bus and wave.
230
00:09:33,305 --> 00:09:34,304
What's up?
231
00:09:34,306 --> 00:09:35,572
What's up?
232
00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:38,408
If you want the premium package,
for $75 a month,
233
00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:40,643
a guy in his 50s
who doesn't want kids
234
00:09:40,645 --> 00:09:42,245
will buzz your door and say...
235
00:09:42,247 --> 00:09:43,212
What's up?
236
00:09:43,214 --> 00:09:44,581
Into the intercom.
237
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:47,584
How's it... What's up?
238
00:09:49,753 --> 00:09:50,587
(Amy)
Wow.
239
00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:53,056
What if I just want him to buzz?
240
00:09:53,058 --> 00:09:53,890
Oh, my God, of course.
241
00:09:53,892 --> 00:09:55,358
Everyone's on so much
medication now
242
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:56,659
that nobody wants
to have sex anyway.
243
00:09:56,661 --> 00:09:59,128
Yeah, I guess it's true
what they say.
244
00:09:59,130 --> 00:10:01,431
"It's better to have said
a quick what's up and lost
245
00:10:01,433 --> 00:10:04,601
than to have never said
a quick what's up..."
246
00:10:07,338 --> 00:10:09,105
(sighing)
247
00:10:11,342 --> 00:10:13,910
♪♪
248
00:10:13,912 --> 00:10:16,846
Dating apps.
Mark is very familiar.
249
00:10:16,848 --> 00:10:19,148
Yeah.
Mark, what...
250
00:10:19,150 --> 00:10:20,550
Who have you said no to?
251
00:10:20,552 --> 00:10:21,484
Like, what was the situation
252
00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:22,752
where you said no
to sex with a woman?
253
00:10:22,754 --> 00:10:24,654
Well, you had sex
and it was bad,
254
00:10:24,656 --> 00:10:26,055
then I said no
to the second one.
255
00:10:26,057 --> 00:10:29,292
How did you say no?
I didn't answer the phone.
256
00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:30,259
That's a clear no.
257
00:10:30,261 --> 00:10:31,461
I gotta tell you this, no story.
258
00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:34,197
I told this woman no,
I couldn't have sex with her
259
00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:37,266
because she started telling me
about her son,
260
00:10:37,268 --> 00:10:39,469
and how sick he was.
Ooh, that's hot.
261
00:10:39,471 --> 00:10:41,070
And how he had,
like, eight surgeries.
262
00:10:41,072 --> 00:10:43,673
Ugh.
This is in the middle of us
trying to hook up,
263
00:10:43,675 --> 00:10:44,974
she starts telling me that.
Ugh.
264
00:10:44,976 --> 00:10:47,410
And I was just like,
yeah, I can't.
265
00:10:47,412 --> 00:10:48,444
I can't do it.
266
00:10:48,446 --> 00:10:50,346
And I'm sorry,
but all I kept thinking was,
267
00:10:50,348 --> 00:10:52,382
is that gonna happen to me
if I have sex with her?
268
00:10:52,384 --> 00:10:55,118
Like, you're gonna catch
her son's thing?
That's what I kept thinking.
269
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,488
I know it's totally irrational,
but that's what I kept thinking.
270
00:10:58,490 --> 00:10:59,589
Like, it's her vagina's fault
271
00:10:59,591 --> 00:11:01,791
and I'm not going anywhere
near that vagina.
272
00:11:01,793 --> 00:11:04,827
What's the oldest woman
you would have sex with?
273
00:11:04,829 --> 00:11:07,263
The oldest I've
had sex with is 48.
274
00:11:07,265 --> 00:11:08,998
How old were you?
275
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:09,932
17.
276
00:11:09,934 --> 00:11:11,134
Was that your virginity?
Yes.
277
00:11:11,136 --> 00:11:12,201
Oh, my God.
Really?
278
00:11:12,203 --> 00:11:14,003
You lost your virginity
to an older woman.
Oh, yeah.
279
00:11:14,005 --> 00:11:16,039
You must be... You should be
great in bed, then.
280
00:11:16,041 --> 00:11:17,173
No...
No, there's no way.
281
00:11:17,175 --> 00:11:18,441
She was a real pro.
Really?
282
00:11:18,443 --> 00:11:20,176
I couldn't keep up, yeah,
and I think it scarred me.
283
00:11:20,178 --> 00:11:21,577
That's why I would assume
you were great.
284
00:11:21,579 --> 00:11:22,879
Was she a real pro, like...
285
00:11:22,881 --> 00:11:25,148
I think she was a prostitute,
but she didn't charge me.
286
00:11:25,150 --> 00:11:26,049
Okay.
287
00:11:26,051 --> 00:11:28,284
♪♪
288
00:11:28,286 --> 00:11:29,852
(Australian dialect)
My name's Tanya Chambers.
289
00:11:29,854 --> 00:11:32,689
I'm a normal, sexually
aggressive woman by day,
290
00:11:32,691 --> 00:11:37,393
but I have a very special gift,
also by day.
291
00:11:37,395 --> 00:11:38,961
I'm a snake doctor.
292
00:11:38,963 --> 00:11:41,097
♪♪
293
00:11:41,099 --> 00:11:42,198
This snake is sick.
294
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,733
I fixed your snake!
295
00:11:45,402 --> 00:11:46,402
This snake is sick.
296
00:11:46,404 --> 00:11:48,337
I fixed your snake!
297
00:11:49,473 --> 00:11:50,973
This snake is sick.
298
00:11:50,975 --> 00:11:52,842
I fixed your snake!
299
00:11:55,546 --> 00:11:59,282
Everywhere I go, there are sick
snakes that I have to help,
300
00:11:59,284 --> 00:12:00,917
because if I don't...
301
00:12:00,919 --> 00:12:02,885
All the snakes will die.
302
00:12:04,021 --> 00:12:06,389
I would have rather just brought
him to a vet, to be honest,
303
00:12:06,391 --> 00:12:07,757
but she's supposed to be
the best.
Hooroo!
304
00:12:07,759 --> 00:12:09,058
I'm here to fix your snake!
305
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:11,961
Here, I brought Scandal with me
to keep your snake calm,
306
00:12:11,963 --> 00:12:13,629
'cause snakes like other snakes.
307
00:12:13,631 --> 00:12:14,831
Whoa!
308
00:12:14,833 --> 00:12:16,032
Did it die already?
309
00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:17,233
Oh, no, she's just resting.
310
00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:20,203
Thank you so much for coming,
we're really worried about her.
311
00:12:20,205 --> 00:12:26,175
Lizzie is the last gift that my
mother got me before...
312
00:12:26,177 --> 00:12:26,809
I'm sorry.
313
00:12:26,811 --> 00:12:28,111
I just think if she died,
it would be like
314
00:12:28,113 --> 00:12:30,680
losing my mom all over again.
315
00:12:30,682 --> 00:12:32,081
We really appreciate
you being here.
316
00:12:32,083 --> 00:12:33,950
Cool, do you guys have any food?
317
00:12:33,952 --> 00:12:35,184
I feel like something hot.
318
00:12:35,186 --> 00:12:37,320
Um, we have some soup left over.
319
00:12:37,322 --> 00:12:39,288
Does it have any meat
or sausage in it?
320
00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:41,657
No.
I don't want it, then.
321
00:12:41,659 --> 00:12:46,562
Uh, Lizzie means a great deal
to Amy and I, so...
322
00:12:46,564 --> 00:12:48,030
Bloody hell.
323
00:12:48,032 --> 00:12:49,999
No one told me
you were Australian.
324
00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:51,267
Is that a problem?
325
00:12:51,269 --> 00:12:53,836
Only if being horny as hell
is a problem.
326
00:12:53,838 --> 00:12:57,306
Uh, okay, well,
Lizzie has not been herself.
327
00:12:57,308 --> 00:13:01,144
She's not moving very much
and she's getting night sweats.
328
00:13:01,146 --> 00:13:04,280
Just take a look at her.
329
00:13:04,282 --> 00:13:05,081
Oh!
330
00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:05,948
(screaming)
331
00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:07,450
What is it?
I hate it!
332
00:13:07,452 --> 00:13:08,851
Lizzie!
333
00:13:08,853 --> 00:13:09,986
Lizzie?
Lizzie!
334
00:13:09,988 --> 00:13:11,354
Lizzie is a lizard!
335
00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:14,757
I love snakes,
but I absolutely hate lizards.
336
00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:16,926
Lizards are a myth.
337
00:13:16,928 --> 00:13:18,394
And she's been very weak.
338
00:13:18,396 --> 00:13:20,096
She hasn't been
moving very much lately.
339
00:13:20,098 --> 00:13:21,998
Ugh, you should have
gotten a snake.
340
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,599
They wriggle all over the place.
341
00:13:23,601 --> 00:13:25,902
Do you think I should enter
more crickets into her diet?
342
00:13:25,904 --> 00:13:28,137
Oh, look, you're clearly
flipping out about this.
343
00:13:28,139 --> 00:13:30,273
I need to talk to him
on his own.
344
00:13:30,275 --> 00:13:32,608
Is there a master bedroom
we could go to?
345
00:13:32,610 --> 00:13:34,811
Uh, the kitchen's
right over here.
346
00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:35,912
Yeah, we could go
to the kitchen.
347
00:13:35,914 --> 00:13:38,881
No, you stay here,
mind the leg snake!
348
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:41,684
I could tell Trevor
had a thing for me,
349
00:13:41,686 --> 00:13:45,054
plus, I needed to tell him
what I was gonna do.
350
00:13:45,056 --> 00:13:45,655
Listen.
351
00:13:45,657 --> 00:13:50,726
Your snake's clearly gonna die
unless I do surgery on it.
352
00:13:53,764 --> 00:13:56,432
I don't find you attractive.
353
00:13:56,434 --> 00:13:58,100
You'll come 'round.
354
00:13:58,102 --> 00:13:59,635
No, I won't.
Yes, you will!
355
00:13:59,637 --> 00:14:01,938
Wait 'til you see me
in the surgery!
356
00:14:04,474 --> 00:14:07,877
This room needs to be sterile.
You should get out.
357
00:14:08,812 --> 00:14:09,612
Just me?
358
00:14:09,614 --> 00:14:10,947
Yeah, just you, Willie Nelson.
359
00:14:10,949 --> 00:14:14,417
It's all right, hon'.
Quickly!
360
00:14:14,419 --> 00:14:16,252
Maybe I shouldn't
be here either.
361
00:14:16,254 --> 00:14:17,486
I haven't washed my hands.
362
00:14:17,488 --> 00:14:19,121
Oh, neither have I.
363
00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:20,189
It's cool.
364
00:14:20,191 --> 00:14:21,490
We're hanging out.
365
00:14:21,492 --> 00:14:23,092
(beeping)
366
00:14:23,094 --> 00:14:25,595
We're losing him!
367
00:14:25,597 --> 00:14:30,099
That snake was going to die,
so I did the only thing I could.
368
00:14:30,101 --> 00:14:34,537
♪♪
369
00:14:34,539 --> 00:14:36,305
I fixed your snake.
370
00:14:36,307 --> 00:14:37,607
Lizard!
Oh, well, actually,
371
00:14:37,609 --> 00:14:39,609
it's a snake now,
'cause I cut off his legs,
372
00:14:39,611 --> 00:14:42,478
so now he's just head,
tummy, tail, snake!
373
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,081
(screaming)
374
00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:46,716
Lizzie!
375
00:14:47,517 --> 00:14:49,919
You're welcome!
376
00:14:49,921 --> 00:14:52,255
(Amy sobbing)
377
00:14:52,257 --> 00:14:54,790
♪♪
378
00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:55,925
What's your favorite accent
379
00:14:55,927 --> 00:14:57,660
that you think is
the hottest on someone?
380
00:14:57,662 --> 00:14:58,961
I like Australian.
381
00:14:58,963 --> 00:15:00,029
You do?
Yeah, I do.
382
00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:00,963
That's your favorite?
383
00:15:00,965 --> 00:15:01,931
Yeah, I'm going to Australia.
384
00:15:01,933 --> 00:15:03,933
I hope I just get it pounded
in every hole, I can't wait.
385
00:15:03,935 --> 00:15:08,671
What about you?
Nothing beats Chicago.
386
00:15:08,673 --> 00:15:11,574
♪♪
387
00:15:13,410 --> 00:15:15,444
♪♪
388
00:15:15,446 --> 00:15:20,416
You know her as my favorite live
performer of all fucking time,
389
00:15:20,418 --> 00:15:24,453
give it up for
Miss Bridget Everett!
390
00:15:24,455 --> 00:15:27,924
♪♪
391
00:15:27,926 --> 00:15:29,992
If you're gonna let somebody
love you,
392
00:15:29,994 --> 00:15:33,062
you gotta let them
love you all the way.
393
00:15:33,064 --> 00:15:35,231
Even if you've been
working all day
394
00:15:35,233 --> 00:15:38,267
and you got that two-show
pussy cooking...
395
00:15:38,269 --> 00:15:41,203
You like that shit?
You sick fuck.
396
00:15:41,205 --> 00:15:42,371
♪ I hope you're hungry ♪
397
00:15:42,373 --> 00:15:43,472
♪ The snack bell just rang ♪
398
00:15:43,474 --> 00:15:46,542
♪ It's like the first
summer peach ♪
399
00:15:46,544 --> 00:15:47,843
♪ Work on the thing ♪
400
00:15:47,845 --> 00:15:50,313
♪ Oh watch it drip
down your chin ♪
401
00:15:50,315 --> 00:15:51,914
♪ Ooh she getting juicy ♪
402
00:15:51,916 --> 00:15:54,317
♪ Make this bitch
go crazy ♪
403
00:15:54,319 --> 00:15:56,152
♪ Like her name is Gary Busey ♪
404
00:15:56,154 --> 00:15:58,354
♪ Gonna lift up
my skirt ♪
405
00:15:58,356 --> 00:16:00,790
♪ Show you where my gash is ♪
406
00:16:00,792 --> 00:16:02,525
♪ Whip out your tongue ♪
407
00:16:02,527 --> 00:16:04,660
♪ Gimme 30 lashes ♪
408
00:16:04,662 --> 00:16:06,629
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
409
00:16:06,631 --> 00:16:08,597
♪ Eat it
eat it ♪
410
00:16:08,599 --> 00:16:10,566
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
411
00:16:10,568 --> 00:16:12,568
♪ Eat it
eat it ♪
412
00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:13,970
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
413
00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:16,572
Are you catching on yet,
mother fucker?
414
00:16:16,574 --> 00:16:18,307
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
415
00:16:18,309 --> 00:16:21,911
♪ Make that cream ♪
416
00:16:21,913 --> 00:16:24,680
What you got down there
in your panties, honey?
417
00:16:24,682 --> 00:16:27,183
What you got down there, huh?
418
00:16:27,185 --> 00:16:28,451
Huh?
419
00:16:28,453 --> 00:16:30,686
♪ Short one
long one ♪
420
00:16:30,688 --> 00:16:32,121
♪ It doesn't matter ♪
421
00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:34,390
♪ Just suck on
this bean ♪
422
00:16:34,392 --> 00:16:36,325
♪ Feel it getting fatter ♪
423
00:16:36,327 --> 00:16:38,194
♪ You've had a bad day ♪
424
00:16:38,196 --> 00:16:39,562
♪ You're feeling like shit ♪
425
00:16:39,564 --> 00:16:42,365
♪ You wanna
beat something up boy ♪
426
00:16:42,367 --> 00:16:44,066
♪ Beat up this clit ♪
427
00:16:44,068 --> 00:16:48,104
♪ Here's the combination
to my lovely lady locker ♪
428
00:16:48,106 --> 00:16:50,206
♪ She'll pop
in your mouth ♪
429
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:52,842
♪ Like Orville Redenbacher ♪
430
00:16:52,844 --> 00:16:54,610
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
431
00:16:54,612 --> 00:16:56,612
♪ Eat it
eat it ♪
432
00:16:56,614 --> 00:16:57,813
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
433
00:16:57,815 --> 00:17:00,549
Put your hands up, bitch, yeah!
434
00:17:00,551 --> 00:17:02,618
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
435
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:04,453
♪ Eat it
eat it ♪
436
00:17:04,455 --> 00:17:06,555
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
437
00:17:06,557 --> 00:17:08,924
♪ Make that cream ♪
438
00:17:08,926 --> 00:17:12,028
There comes a time in every
young fella's life
439
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,796
when he becomes a man.
440
00:17:13,798 --> 00:17:16,732
Your time is now.
441
00:17:16,734 --> 00:17:19,001
♪ Snack club ♪
442
00:17:19,003 --> 00:17:20,669
♪ Oh ♪
443
00:17:20,671 --> 00:17:22,838
♪ Snack club ♪
444
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,673
♪ It's what for dinner ♪
445
00:17:24,675 --> 00:17:27,009
♪ Snack club ♪
446
00:17:27,011 --> 00:17:28,277
♪ Oh ♪
447
00:17:28,279 --> 00:17:30,312
♪ You eat it
you eat it ♪
448
00:17:30,314 --> 00:17:32,581
♪ Then you beat it up ♪
449
00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:34,583
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
450
00:17:34,585 --> 00:17:35,718
♪ Eat it
eat it ♪
451
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,587
♪ Come on and eat it eat it ♪
452
00:17:38,589 --> 00:17:40,589
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
453
00:17:40,591 --> 00:17:41,924
♪ Eat it
eat it ♪
454
00:17:41,926 --> 00:17:44,627
There's a little bit more.
455
00:17:44,629 --> 00:17:46,662
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
456
00:17:46,664 --> 00:17:48,631
You're almost home.
457
00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:50,566
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
458
00:17:50,568 --> 00:17:52,668
♪ Eat it
eat it ♪
459
00:17:52,670 --> 00:17:54,603
One more!
460
00:17:54,605 --> 00:17:56,472
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
461
00:17:56,474 --> 00:17:58,607
♪ Eat it
eat it ♪
462
00:17:58,609 --> 00:18:00,009
♪ Eat it eat it ♪
463
00:18:00,011 --> 00:18:04,480
♪ You eat it you eat it
then you beat it up ♪♪
464
00:18:04,482 --> 00:18:10,319
God bless New York City!
465
00:18:10,321 --> 00:18:12,588
♪♪
466
00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:15,424
Okay, so, um, I don't know if
any of you had a childhood,
467
00:18:15,426 --> 00:18:20,062
but I did and my favorite show
was "The Muppet Show,"
468
00:18:20,064 --> 00:18:23,732
and my favorite thing ever
was when Rita Morena was on
469
00:18:23,734 --> 00:18:24,834
and she sang "Fever."
470
00:18:24,836 --> 00:18:27,069
I've done four years of this
show and I just feel like
471
00:18:27,071 --> 00:18:30,005
I've earned myself
to live out this dream of...
472
00:18:30,007 --> 00:18:32,808
I just want to
sing the song, so...
473
00:18:32,810 --> 00:18:33,843
Um, yeah.
474
00:18:33,845 --> 00:18:34,610
Thank you!
475
00:18:34,612 --> 00:18:37,413
Thank you for letting me
live it out.
476
00:18:37,415 --> 00:18:40,216
Thank you.
Okay.
477
00:18:40,218 --> 00:18:41,650
All right.
478
00:18:41,652 --> 00:18:45,588
♪♪
479
00:18:49,426 --> 00:18:53,362
♪ Never know how much
I love you ♪
480
00:18:53,364 --> 00:18:56,432
♪ Never know how much I care ♪
481
00:18:56,434 --> 00:18:59,368
♪ When you put your arms
around me ♪
482
00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:02,738
♪ I get a feeling
that's so hard to bear ♪
483
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:04,540
♪ You give me fever ♪
484
00:19:06,810 --> 00:19:08,878
(mumbling)
485
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,180
♪ Morning time ♪
486
00:19:11,182 --> 00:19:12,681
♪ Fever... ♪
487
00:19:13,783 --> 00:19:16,886
Maybe, just, like, a little bit.
488
00:19:16,888 --> 00:19:18,320
(mumbling)
489
00:19:18,322 --> 00:19:21,924
♪ Sun lapped up
the morning ♪
490
00:19:21,926 --> 00:19:25,461
♪ Moon lights up the night ♪
491
00:19:25,463 --> 00:19:28,597
♪ I light up when you
call my name ♪
492
00:19:28,599 --> 00:19:31,767
♪ 'Cause I know
you're gonna treat me right ♪
493
00:19:31,769 --> 00:19:33,669
♪ You give me fever ♪
494
00:19:36,606 --> 00:19:40,509
♪ Fever when you
hold me tight ♪
495
00:19:40,511 --> 00:19:42,044
♪ Fever ♪
496
00:19:43,046 --> 00:19:44,079
(mumbling)
497
00:19:44,081 --> 00:19:46,448
♪ Fever all
through the night ♪
498
00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:48,851
♪ You give me fever... ♪
499
00:19:48,853 --> 00:19:50,953
Hey, Quest?
500
00:19:50,955 --> 00:19:52,188
How about, let's...
501
00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:53,022
Let's...
502
00:19:53,024 --> 00:19:54,590
♪ The night ♪
503
00:19:54,592 --> 00:19:58,360
♪ Sun lights up
the morning ♪
504
00:19:58,362 --> 00:20:01,664
♪ Moon lights up the night ♪
505
00:20:01,666 --> 00:20:04,500
♪ I light up when you
call my name ♪
506
00:20:04,502 --> 00:20:08,003
♪ 'Cause you know
you gonna treat me right ♪
507
00:20:08,005 --> 00:20:12,408
♪ You give me fever ♪
508
00:20:12,410 --> 00:20:13,309
(mumbling)
509
00:20:13,311 --> 00:20:16,845
♪ Fevering through the night ♪
510
00:20:16,847 --> 00:20:18,881
♪ Fever ♪
511
00:20:18,883 --> 00:20:20,249
♪ How you kiss me ♪
512
00:20:20,251 --> 00:20:23,419
♪ Fever all through the night ♪
513
00:20:23,421 --> 00:20:26,989
♪ Fever all through
the night ♪
514
00:20:26,991 --> 00:20:30,526
♪ Fever all through the night ♪
515
00:20:30,528 --> 00:20:34,530
♪ Fever all through
the night ♪
516
00:20:34,532 --> 00:20:36,232
♪ Fever all... ♪
517
00:20:58,955 --> 00:21:00,189
She coming back?
518
00:21:00,191 --> 00:21:03,826
(laughing)
519
00:21:03,828 --> 00:21:05,227
(Amy, VO)
So easy.
520
00:21:05,229 --> 00:21:07,062
(man, VO)
Mmm, magic.
521
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,066
You see "Inside Out"?
522
00:21:11,068 --> 00:21:12,034
Dude, is that the cartoon?
523
00:21:12,036 --> 00:21:14,503
Dude, yes.
So good, I cried.
524
00:21:14,505 --> 00:21:16,405
Cried every second
of that movie.
525
00:21:16,407 --> 00:21:18,440
I don't know
what was up with me.
What was the...
526
00:21:18,442 --> 00:21:20,943
When the dude saved himself
to save her?
527
00:21:20,945 --> 00:21:23,145
Dude, I fucking wept.
528
00:21:23,147 --> 00:21:24,346
Ugh!
37406
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