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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:44,917 --> 00:00:47,167 That's really not good for your tonsils, that. 2 00:00:47,292 --> 00:00:49,708 Right, that's enough of the logos. 3 00:00:50,042 --> 00:00:53,292 I bet you've all finished your popcorn, in the time it took to watch all that. 4 00:00:53,375 --> 00:00:56,292 Can we please start the movie? 5 00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:05,667 Ancient Rome. 6 00:01:05,792 --> 00:01:07,875 The centre of civilisation. 7 00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:09,625 "Wasn't built in a day, you know". 8 00:01:09,708 --> 00:01:12,083 Although that was the builder's original estimate. 9 00:01:12,125 --> 00:01:13,542 Little joke for builders, there. 10 00:01:14,042 --> 00:01:15,375 What's that other saying? 11 00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:17,083 "All sewers lead to Rome ". 12 00:01:17,167 --> 00:01:18,458 Yeah that's the one. 13 00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,083 Cor, look at the manure on that cart. 14 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,042 It's like an all-you-can-eat buffet. 15 00:01:27,708 --> 00:01:31,708 Anyway, it's 54AD, and Emperor Claudius is in charge here. 16 00:01:31,833 --> 00:01:33,750 But maybe not for long... 17 00:01:34,167 --> 00:01:36,875 Doom! Doom! 18 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,042 The chicken guts speak the future. 19 00:01:40,083 --> 00:01:44,125 Betrayal, conspiracy and death! 20 00:01:45,250 --> 00:01:47,375 In other words, just a normal day in Rome, really. 21 00:01:47,958 --> 00:01:49,458 Has anyone seen my chicken? 22 00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:51,917 No, not me. 23 00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:58,917 I am done for! 24 00:01:59,833 --> 00:02:02,042 Poisoned! 25 00:02:02,167 --> 00:02:13,500 I journey to the underworld, happy that I, Claudius shall ever he remembered 26 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:20,125 as the roman emperor who finally, conquered Britain. 27 00:02:21,083 --> 00:02:22,667 Where's Britain? 28 00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:24,417 Is that part of the empire? 29 00:02:24,667 --> 00:02:26,125 I thought it was just a weird stain. 30 00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:30,167 Where's the doctor? 31 00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,750 Actually, I'm feeling a lot better now 32 00:02:32,833 --> 00:02:34,292 I don't think I need a doctor. 33 00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,417 Darling, you can't be too careful. 34 00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:38,458 Doctor, come quickly, it's my husband. 35 00:02:38,667 --> 00:02:40,375 What's the matter? - He's not dying! 36 00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:42,125 Not dying? 37 00:02:42,167 --> 00:02:43,726 Between me and you, Mother poisoned him with some mushrooms 38 00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:44,750 but he's thrown them up. 39 00:02:44,833 --> 00:02:47,042 So, I want you to tickle his throat 40 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:48,625 with this poisoned feather 41 00:02:48,958 --> 00:02:50,000 and finish the job. 42 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:51,542 I couldn't possibly. 43 00:02:51,792 --> 00:02:52,875 Or you'll be next. 44 00:02:55,917 --> 00:02:57,000 Emperor? - No, really 45 00:02:57,083 --> 00:02:58,333 I'm feeling OK, now. 46 00:02:58,375 --> 00:03:00,083 Open wide, say "Ah ". 47 00:03:04,042 --> 00:03:05,708 Yes, get in! 48 00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:07,750 Sorry, can I... 49 00:03:07,833 --> 00:03:08,833 Who's in charge now? 50 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:13,250 All hail my son 51 00:03:13,417 --> 00:03:15,375 Emperor Nero. 52 00:03:15,958 --> 00:03:18,250 THEY CHANT " NERO" 53 00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:20,917 Hail me, cheers, mum. 54 00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:22,625 Ruler of the whole roman Empire 55 00:03:22,750 --> 00:03:23,750 Even that stainy bit. 56 00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:26,333 Except, I'll be ruling until you come of age. 57 00:03:26,417 --> 00:03:28,875 What? That's not for another 5 years. 58 00:03:38,208 --> 00:03:39,792 Hu? 59 00:04:00,458 --> 00:04:02,583 Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats 60 00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:05,417 as the Emperor Nero birthday games will begin shortly. 61 00:04:05,667 --> 00:04:09,125 Would the owner of the blue chariot registration CXB 62 00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:11,917 Please remove it as it is obstructing the arena gates. 63 00:04:12,625 --> 00:04:14,125 Look at the queue! 64 00:04:14,458 --> 00:04:17,375 - Why is it always so long? - It's a bottleneck. 65 00:04:18,042 --> 00:04:21,322 A big crowd going through a narrow entrance, causes an impediment to the flow. 66 00:04:21,625 --> 00:04:22,792 Don't be clever, Atti. 67 00:04:23,333 --> 00:04:25,125 I think we should limit your scroll time. 68 00:04:25,208 --> 00:04:27,583 - What? - We're here to see real men fighting. 69 00:04:27,875 --> 00:04:29,917 Get stuck into real roman life, son. 70 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:32,792 - Julia! - Ave Flavia. 71 00:04:32,958 --> 00:04:36,125 - Is this your Celcius? - He's been accepted into the army. 72 00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:38,292 Proper job for a proper roman. Well done, lad. 73 00:04:38,458 --> 00:04:40,083 - Cheers. - You must be so proud! 74 00:04:40,167 --> 00:04:44,500 Couldn't be prouder. We've just bought him some new sandals to say well done. 75 00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,125 - Check them out. - Why can't you be more like Celcius? 76 00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:48,500 No fakes, no copies. Loser! 77 00:04:48,503 --> 00:04:52,292 Sporcus the Gladiator's very own sandals, as worn by the man himself. 78 00:04:55,292 --> 00:04:57,833 - How much? - Two hundred Denarii. 79 00:04:58,917 --> 00:04:59,917 But it says 100. 80 00:05:00,375 --> 00:05:02,042 - No, it doesn't. - Yelook. See? 81 00:05:02,458 --> 00:05:03,500 A hundred Denarii. 82 00:05:04,083 --> 00:05:05,542 Well that's per shoe. 83 00:05:05,875 --> 00:05:08,208 Who ever heard of " per shoe"? Who's gonna buy one shoe? 84 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,042 A one-legged man? 85 00:05:11,792 --> 00:05:13,042 Do you have this one in red? 86 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,564 Please don't sell them to anyone else. 87 00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:20,458 I won't unless they bring me the money first. 88 00:05:22,333 --> 00:05:24,542 Gladiator sweat! Makes you young! 89 00:05:24,875 --> 00:05:26,167 Gladiator sweat! 90 00:05:26,375 --> 00:05:28,042 - Lovely hum. - How much? 91 00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:29,958 To you, two hundred Denarii. 92 00:05:30,042 --> 00:05:31,208 How do I know it works? 93 00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:32,958 I'm 97, mate. 94 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:34,958 I'll take it. 95 00:05:44,458 --> 00:05:45,768 Feeling peckish? 96 00:05:45,792 --> 00:05:47,352 Why not try our pick 'n' mix selection? 97 00:05:47,417 --> 00:05:50,667 Peacock tongues, stuffed snails, and roast dormouse. 98 00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,125 Available from the arena kiosk. 99 00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:56,542 Right, you lot this is a big match. 100 00:05:56,875 --> 00:05:58,208 It's Nero's birthday. 101 00:05:58,333 --> 00:06:01,500 So I want all of you to give it CX percent. 102 00:06:02,208 --> 00:06:03,792 - Got that? - Yes, boss. 103 00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:07,542 And remember, when you get out there you turn to Nero and you say 104 00:06:08,083 --> 00:06:12,500 "We who are about to die, salute you". 105 00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:14,083 What is it, Severus? 106 00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:18,583 I've been getting into this sports psychology thing, and that whole "about to die" bit 107 00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:20,667 it just really messes with my energy, man. 108 00:06:20,792 --> 00:06:25,333 I mean, it's kinda negative. I just don't think it's me. 109 00:06:25,375 --> 00:06:29,500 We all have our "thing ", right? You're the massive one you're the other massive one. 110 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:30,643 You're the one with the funny voice. 111 00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:32,625 I don't have a funny voice. 112 00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:36,458 I thought I can be the "doesn't die" guy. 113 00:06:37,417 --> 00:06:38,542 You listen to me. 114 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,042 Say it, or I'll kill you myself 115 00:06:41,125 --> 00:06:43,042 and spare all these scumbags the bother. 116 00:06:43,417 --> 00:06:45,250 HE CHUCKLES OK. 117 00:06:45,667 --> 00:06:47,833 GLADIATOR TRAlNER: Go on, move it the lot of you. 118 00:06:47,917 --> 00:06:49,333 That's nowhere near enough. 119 00:06:54,708 --> 00:06:56,167 HORSE WEES NOISILY 120 00:07:01,958 --> 00:07:03,542 HE PANTS 121 00:07:03,917 --> 00:07:05,875 I'm the legate from Britain. 122 00:07:06,375 --> 00:07:08,250 Britain, you know, edge of the Empire. 123 00:07:08,625 --> 00:07:10,333 I have a gift for Emperor Nero. 124 00:07:10,417 --> 00:07:11,583 Must be on the list. 125 00:07:16,083 --> 00:07:18,042 Happy birthday, mein Emperor. 126 00:07:18,125 --> 00:07:20,583 We have killed a bear in your honour. 127 00:07:20,625 --> 00:07:22,833 Hollowed him out for a onesie. 128 00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:24,583 I love it. 129 00:07:26,083 --> 00:07:27,958 Look, I'm a bear! 130 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,417 NERO ROARS - Ow! 131 00:07:30,042 --> 00:07:31,042 You scratched me. 132 00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:34,750 Bear costume from Germany. 133 00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:37,167 What are you doing? - I'm making a list 134 00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:38,917 so you can write thank you letters. 135 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,000 Well, don't 136 00:07:40,167 --> 00:07:41,167 because I'm in charge now 137 00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:42,730 and I'm not writing thank you letters. 138 00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:44,559 People can thank me, for taking their presents. 139 00:07:44,583 --> 00:07:45,750 Shouldn't they? Yeah. - Mm. 140 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:46,875 Next. 141 00:07:51,458 --> 00:07:54,458 there! There we are, right at the bottom. 142 00:07:57,375 --> 00:07:59,083 NERO: Next? - MAN: The Gaulish legate. 143 00:08:01,042 --> 00:08:02,208 So, where are you from? 144 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,625 Britain. - Oh. 145 00:08:03,708 --> 00:08:05,500 What did you bring him? A bag of rain? 146 00:08:05,583 --> 00:08:08,417 HE LAUGHS No, lead. 147 00:08:08,458 --> 00:08:10,875 Right, good luck with that. 148 00:08:10,917 --> 00:08:12,125 HE CLICKS HlS TEETH 149 00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:15,042 A razor? That's rubbish. 150 00:08:15,167 --> 00:08:16,625 Take him away and punish him. 151 00:08:16,792 --> 00:08:17,792 No! 152 00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:19,917 SWORDS SWOOSH - AGONISED GRUNT 153 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,542 NERO: Next! - LEGATE: Greetings 154 00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:23,417 from Britain. - The stain? 155 00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:27,708 Heavy. I hope it's gold. 156 00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:29,952 I hope it's gold, I hope it's gold, I hope it's gold! 157 00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:31,417 It's not gold. 158 00:08:31,917 --> 00:08:33,375 It's lead! 159 00:08:34,792 --> 00:08:38,625 Use it for lining tanks, weights and measures... 160 00:08:40,542 --> 00:08:42,167 lt's a joke! 161 00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:43,792 Joke present. 162 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,500 I'll just go and get your real present... 163 00:08:46,958 --> 00:08:48,125 now... 164 00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,208 Present, present, present... 165 00:08:57,333 --> 00:08:59,625 No. 166 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,542 Gladiator sweat! 167 00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:05,583 Pure Gladiator sweat! 168 00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:07,875 Cheers mate. 169 00:09:08,333 --> 00:09:10,875 Perfect, one bottle of sweat, please. 170 00:09:11,042 --> 00:09:12,083 All gone, mate. 171 00:09:12,208 --> 00:09:14,250 You snooze-icus, you lose-icus. 172 00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:15,917 What? But I need it now. 173 00:09:16,250 --> 00:09:19,559 - Did I hear you need some gladiator sweat? - 200 Dinarii. 174 00:09:19,583 --> 00:09:22,750 I'll take it. 175 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,083 Ladies and gentlemen... 176 00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:31,208 Christians and lions! 177 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,292 Come on you lions! 178 00:09:33,375 --> 00:09:41,958 Please, show your appreciation, for the all powerful ruler of the roman Empire! 179 00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:45,417 Mum, mum! He was talking about me. 180 00:09:45,792 --> 00:09:47,351 That's my throne mother, get off! Get off! 181 00:09:47,375 --> 00:09:49,375 No, no! Darling, everyone's watching. 182 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:50,583 Don't make a spectacle. 183 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,547 You said I'd be in charge, so now I'm in charge. 184 00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:54,083 - Are you? - Yes, whose face is it on the coins? 185 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,208 - Whose face? - My face. 186 00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:58,542 Exactly, your face. 187 00:09:58,917 --> 00:09:59,917 What? 188 00:10:00,292 --> 00:10:01,958 Well what's your face doing on my coins? 189 00:10:11,375 --> 00:10:14,583 We who are about to die salute you. 190 00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,125 Goody, some mindless violence. 191 00:10:17,375 --> 00:10:19,550 Who' s got a funny voice now? 192 00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:27,375 "Come to the games", you said. "I've got front row seats", you said. 193 00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:30,292 On the head, son! 194 00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:31,958 Atti, where have you been? 195 00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:35,708 How on earth did you get those? 196 00:10:35,792 --> 00:10:36,992 I had this really clever idea. 197 00:10:38,458 --> 00:10:42,500 My Emperor! From Britain, what I meant to give you. 198 00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:44,333 Pure Gladiator sweat. 199 00:10:44,958 --> 00:10:48,000 The finest anti-aging lotion in all of Rome. 200 00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,750 Not that you need it, obviously. 201 00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,292 - It's a challenging aroma. - Very. 202 00:10:53,958 --> 00:10:57,492 Notes of fresh grass, and leather, I like it. 203 00:10:57,508 --> 00:10:58,792 It's so you! 204 00:10:59,208 --> 00:11:00,333 That's horse wee. 205 00:11:02,375 --> 00:11:04,958 - Horse wee? - Lt's so " not" you. 206 00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:08,083 - You're dead. - It was him! 207 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:10,083 He sold it to me. 208 00:11:11,042 --> 00:11:12,292 My chambers now. 209 00:11:20,292 --> 00:11:22,458 Right, punishments... 210 00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:26,768 This one, I'm thinking, roll down a hill in a barrel full of spikes. 211 00:11:26,792 --> 00:11:28,500 Lnspired. 212 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:30,500 - Say thank you to the Emperor. - Thank you, Emperor. 213 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,083 - And this one crucifixion. - Wonderful. 214 00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:37,500 Teeny hiccup, legally you're not supposed to crucify roman citizens. 215 00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:39,000 Annoying. 216 00:11:39,125 --> 00:11:41,809 How about that one where they sew 'em in a sack with a snake a dog, a rooster and a monkey 217 00:11:41,833 --> 00:11:43,143 and chuck them in the river Tiber? 218 00:11:43,167 --> 00:11:44,351 SYCOPHANTUS: Technically that's for the crime 219 00:11:44,375 --> 00:11:45,455 of killing your own father. 220 00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:47,250 This is impossible! 221 00:11:47,292 --> 00:11:48,625 He ruined my birthday! 222 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,208 He deserves a fate worse than death. 223 00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:51,750 Worse than death? 224 00:11:52,042 --> 00:11:53,333 What could be worse than death? 225 00:11:56,042 --> 00:11:57,167 I've got it! 226 00:11:57,458 --> 00:11:58,833 I'll send you to Britain. 227 00:12:00,708 --> 00:12:02,625 Where? - NERO: Exactly. 228 00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:03,917 I'll make you a soldier. 229 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,393 So you'll have to wear short skirts 230 00:12:05,417 --> 00:12:06,726 with bare legs in the freezing cold. 231 00:12:06,750 --> 00:12:08,083 No, please. I'm sorry. 232 00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:10,333 To Britain with him. - No, but... 233 00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:12,750 but I can't fight! 234 00:12:12,792 --> 00:12:14,750 I just wanted a new pair of sandals. 235 00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,542 See where being clever gets ya? 236 00:12:18,792 --> 00:12:20,333 Shall I run Emperor a bath? 237 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,625 Why? 238 00:13:00,167 --> 00:13:01,458 Yeah! 239 00:13:10,083 --> 00:13:11,250 You're not having a sword. 240 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,375 Dad, please. - I said no, Orla. 241 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:14,958 But I wanna be a Celtic warrior! 242 00:13:15,042 --> 00:13:16,083 It's not fair! 243 00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:17,792 Girls my age in other tribes have swords. 244 00:13:18,042 --> 00:13:20,708 Yeah. Well, I am chieftain of this tribe 245 00:13:21,083 --> 00:13:23,458 and I'm saying to you, you're not ready to fight. 246 00:13:23,542 --> 00:13:25,417 But I am! I want to fight romans. 247 00:13:25,792 --> 00:13:28,417 Why? We can't beat them, they're too strong. 248 00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,000 They're too organised. 249 00:13:30,083 --> 00:13:31,893 METAL CLANGS OUTSlDE - Whereas, the Celtic tribes 250 00:13:31,917 --> 00:13:33,958 I mean they can't stop feuding with one another. 251 00:13:34,083 --> 00:13:35,542 What is that banging? Excuse me. 252 00:13:35,958 --> 00:13:37,833 CLANKING CONTINUES - Brenda? 253 00:13:38,583 --> 00:13:40,542 Hello. Where did you get that shield from? 254 00:13:40,708 --> 00:13:42,750 I, I found it. 255 00:13:42,833 --> 00:13:44,893 You didn't steal it off the Brigantes tribe, did you? 256 00:13:44,917 --> 00:13:46,667 Me? No. 257 00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:49,042 Looks nice, Gran. - Thanks, love. 258 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:51,250 Look... 259 00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:54,000 We don't want to start a war we can't win, you know? 260 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:56,000 The modern way of doing it 261 00:13:56,125 --> 00:13:57,625 is to co-operate with the romans. 262 00:13:59,542 --> 00:14:01,333 Roman lovers! 263 00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:02,875 Not all romans are bad. 264 00:14:02,958 --> 00:14:04,667 Well, name one good thing about them. 265 00:14:04,792 --> 00:14:06,042 Fine, um... 266 00:14:06,667 --> 00:14:07,875 their roads are excellent. 267 00:14:07,958 --> 00:14:10,208 So straight, you know. How could you not like that? 268 00:14:10,708 --> 00:14:12,000 I don't think Dougal likes it. 269 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,750 Oh, come on, dad. They're so annoying. 270 00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:19,667 They just go round taking whatever they want 271 00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:21,250 marching all over everything. 272 00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:23,254 I mean, why would we wanna co-operate with them? 273 00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:25,333 I've heard the lceni are doing alright out of it. 274 00:14:25,417 --> 00:14:27,250 Let's just go and see for ourselves. 275 00:14:27,875 --> 00:14:28,875 Can I come? 276 00:14:29,750 --> 00:14:32,208 Yes, fine. Just... try not to steal anything 277 00:14:32,292 --> 00:14:33,583 What, me? 278 00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:39,458 ARGH US: 279 00:14:39,708 --> 00:14:41,167 BRENDA: Lovely. 280 00:14:41,667 --> 00:14:42,833 ARGH US: Come on, Brenda. 281 00:14:45,458 --> 00:14:48,583 Look at the roman pillars on their chief's hut. 282 00:14:49,292 --> 00:14:50,292 I like those. 283 00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:55,167 - Yes, the lceni are certainly progressive. - Yetheir girls are allowed swords. 284 00:14:55,417 --> 00:14:57,458 Chief Prasutagus certainly knows how to live. 285 00:14:58,458 --> 00:14:59,833 Prasutagus is dead. 286 00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:04,667 I tried to save him. 287 00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:07,167 I used the most advanced celtic medicine. 288 00:15:07,417 --> 00:15:09,583 You got a dog to lick him? 289 00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,542 Then you did all that could be done. 290 00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:12,917 HE SOBS 291 00:15:14,708 --> 00:15:16,542 That's Prasutagus'wife, Boudicca. 292 00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:17,875 She's queen now. 293 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,125 As roman Procurator, it falls to me 294 00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:25,042 Catus Decianus, to read the Will. 295 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,583 "I, Prasutagus, chief of the lceni 296 00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:30,708 do hereby leave all my worldly possessions to... 297 00:15:31,583 --> 00:15:32,708 my cat. 298 00:15:36,292 --> 00:15:37,292 I'm joking. 299 00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:39,833 Joking. - Sorry, what's a cat? 300 00:15:39,917 --> 00:15:42,125 It's a roman thing, like a small furry dog 301 00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:43,351 only it doesn't really like you 302 00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,208 it just pretends to like you to get food. 303 00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:47,625 But it, it doesn't really matter cos I, I was only joking. 304 00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:50,167 Everything goes to Nero. 305 00:15:50,292 --> 00:15:52,375 SHE LAUGHS - That's the joke, right? 306 00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:53,750 No. Perfectly serious. 307 00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:55,208 Men. HE WHlSTLES 308 00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:56,936 SOLDIER 1: Yes, sir. - SOLDIER 2: Sir. 309 00:15:57,833 --> 00:15:59,292 But we had an agreement. 310 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,500 It was meant to be split between Nero and me. 311 00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:03,000 Minor technicality. 312 00:16:03,583 --> 00:16:05,750 Put that back! - Yeyou see, in roman law 313 00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:08,333 only men can inherit, so Nero says 314 00:16:08,417 --> 00:16:10,458 as you don't have any sons 315 00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:12,833 all your wealth defaults to him. 316 00:16:12,917 --> 00:16:15,042 You should have read the old small print. 317 00:16:15,125 --> 00:16:17,083 We're Celts, we can't read. 318 00:16:19,042 --> 00:16:20,292 Well, you can't do this. 319 00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:23,208 We're romans, we can do anything we want. 320 00:16:23,292 --> 00:16:24,292 Come on then, boys. 321 00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:25,851 Let's get this stuff back to Colchester. 322 00:16:25,875 --> 00:16:28,417 That chaise is gonna look lovely in my atrium. 323 00:16:29,125 --> 00:16:30,375 Look, I won't stand for this! 324 00:16:31,208 --> 00:16:32,417 This is not OK! 325 00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:51,792 UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS 326 00:17:27,417 --> 00:17:29,125 Yah! 327 00:18:48,292 --> 00:18:51,292 CROWD YELLS 328 00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:53,958 Whack them, smash them 329 00:18:54,417 --> 00:18:55,583 ARGH US: Come back here now. 330 00:18:56,042 --> 00:18:59,667 What? But you said we should follow the lceni's example. 331 00:18:59,708 --> 00:19:01,125 Yes, well, not any more. 332 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,458 I don't get it. First you say be more like the lceni 333 00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:04,726 and then you change your mind. 334 00:19:04,750 --> 00:19:06,184 Look, Orla, I don't want you to get hurt. 335 00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:07,250 You're all I've got. 336 00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:08,542 BRENDA: Ahem! 337 00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,667 Stop coughing. 338 00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:13,250 I don't think you're ready. 339 00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:15,583 I am. Why won't you believe me? 340 00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:17,792 I wanna take on the romans and I can. 341 00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:20,000 I'll prove it. - No, no... 342 00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:21,958 Orla, back home now, OK? 343 00:19:22,042 --> 00:19:23,917 wearing the chief's hat! 344 00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,125 You could give Orla a chance, you know. 345 00:19:30,208 --> 00:19:31,500 Don't encourage her. 346 00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:33,750 Where did you get that? 347 00:19:34,375 --> 00:19:36,125 It's mine. I brought it with me. 348 00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:37,958 Really? 349 00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:43,875 So I tell Catus, " Don't give any of it to Boudicca. 350 00:19:43,958 --> 00:19:45,792 It's mine, all mine." 351 00:19:45,875 --> 00:19:47,583 Brilliant. Quite brilliant. 352 00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:50,458 You do know she's started a rebellion? 353 00:19:50,583 --> 00:19:52,708 Yes. Thank you, Mother. I can handle this on my own. 354 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,083 Alright, darling, if you're sure. 355 00:19:54,167 --> 00:19:55,667 I am sure. Where are you going? 356 00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:58,375 Well, since you don't want my help 357 00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,833 I thought I'd go on a little imperial tour. 358 00:20:00,958 --> 00:20:03,292 But the imperial tour's for the Emperor. 359 00:20:03,375 --> 00:20:06,000 For me to meet my subjects on my imperial boat. 360 00:20:06,042 --> 00:20:07,417 I'm the one in charge. 361 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,583 In charge of a terrible mess in Britain. 362 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,042 I hope you're not remembered 363 00:20:11,125 --> 00:20:14,292 as the Emperor who lost part of his Empire. 364 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,875 Good luck stopping Boudicca. 365 00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:18,500 Ciao. 366 00:20:22,875 --> 00:20:24,667 If only there was a way to get rid of her. 367 00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:26,375 Send in more troops. 368 00:20:26,958 --> 00:20:28,083 Not Boudicca, my mother. 369 00:20:28,583 --> 00:20:29,958 How dare she take my boat? 370 00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:31,458 My boat. 371 00:20:32,167 --> 00:20:33,500 HE GASPS I have an idea. 372 00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:34,875 Brilliant. Quite brilliant. 373 00:20:35,125 --> 00:20:36,542 Well, you haven't heard it yet. 374 00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:38,458 I'm gonna booby-trap the boat. 375 00:20:38,917 --> 00:20:40,708 Make it sink while my mother's on board. 376 00:20:43,083 --> 00:20:45,083 You can say it now. - Brilliant. Quite brilliant. 377 00:20:45,917 --> 00:20:47,667 Anyway, I've got nothing to worry about. 378 00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:49,458 My troops'll smash Boudicca to pieces. 379 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,792 FIGHTlNG NOISES - CELTS LAUGH 380 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,167 Whoa! We smashed them! 381 00:20:54,292 --> 00:20:55,333 That was awesome! 382 00:20:55,417 --> 00:20:57,000 I'm so pumped, so pumped, so pumped! 383 00:20:57,208 --> 00:20:59,143 What an amazing show! - Do you think we went a bit 384 00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:00,434 overboard with the smoke, though? 385 00:21:00,458 --> 00:21:01,939 I mean... Bouds, you were just like 386 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,625 "Hello, Colchester! ". 387 00:21:03,708 --> 00:21:04,875 And then, you were like 388 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,500 "Goodbye, Colchester!" 389 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,000 THEY LAUGH - Yeah! We really tore them up! 390 00:21:10,417 --> 00:21:12,292 You were on fire. 391 00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:13,917 Yeah! 392 00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:16,042 Thanks for putting me out. - Mm. 393 00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:20,208 Hup, hup, hup, hup... 394 00:21:20,917 --> 00:21:24,500 Hup, hup, hup, hup... 395 00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:27,375 And, halt! 396 00:21:28,583 --> 00:21:30,000 Welcome to Britain, loser. 397 00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:31,208 Leave me alone, Celcius. 398 00:21:31,292 --> 00:21:33,542 What are you gonna do about it, Atti? Tell your dad? 399 00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,250 ATTlGRUNTS 400 00:21:35,542 --> 00:21:36,625 On your feet, soldier! 401 00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:39,083 But, sir... - Don't answer back. 402 00:21:39,417 --> 00:21:40,500 Get down and give me ten! 403 00:21:42,250 --> 00:21:43,917 DEClMUS: One! - ATTl GRUNTS 404 00:21:44,583 --> 00:21:46,292 DEClMUS: Two! 405 00:21:46,625 --> 00:21:48,500 Oh, make it five. I haven't got all day. 406 00:21:48,750 --> 00:21:50,833 Lame. - Right, men, listen up! 407 00:21:51,583 --> 00:21:54,000 This is my final mission before I retire 408 00:21:54,125 --> 00:21:55,725 and I intend to get it over and done with 409 00:21:55,833 --> 00:21:58,542 as quickly as possible so I can return to Rome. 410 00:21:59,458 --> 00:22:01,833 Beautiful Rome. 411 00:22:01,917 --> 00:22:04,625 With its dry Mediterranean climate and non-stop summers. 412 00:22:06,417 --> 00:22:08,083 Luckily, this is an easy posting. 413 00:22:08,167 --> 00:22:10,327 - Nothing ever happens here. - Well that's a downer. 414 00:22:10,875 --> 00:22:12,625 Here comes the Procurator. 415 00:22:12,667 --> 00:22:14,292 Hail, Catus Decianus! 416 00:22:14,375 --> 00:22:17,167 Yes, welcome to Britain. And you are welcome to it. 417 00:22:17,542 --> 00:22:19,917 A Celtic Queen called Boudicca's gone loco. 418 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,583 Completely destroyed Colchester. 419 00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:23,917 Anyway, there are your orders. Bye! 420 00:22:24,292 --> 00:22:26,708 Catus, defend the Empire and crush the Celts. 421 00:22:27,125 --> 00:22:29,125 Hang on a minute. These are your orders. 422 00:22:29,292 --> 00:22:30,625 Just gonna borrow your boat. 423 00:22:30,833 --> 00:22:32,000 You won't be needing it 424 00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:34,000 seeing as you'II all be dead! 425 00:22:34,125 --> 00:22:35,667 Right, men, forward march! 426 00:22:35,917 --> 00:22:37,250 For the glory of Rome! 427 00:22:37,917 --> 00:22:39,833 ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS wonderful Rome. 428 00:22:39,917 --> 00:22:43,417 Its vines hanging heavy with succulent, sun-ripened grapes. 429 00:22:43,958 --> 00:22:45,708 MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY - KNOCKING ON DOOR 430 00:22:46,333 --> 00:22:49,083 Hello, I'm calling today on behalf of Boudicca 431 00:22:49,167 --> 00:22:50,292 Queen of the Iceni. 432 00:22:50,375 --> 00:22:52,000 Sorry, I never buy things at the door. 433 00:22:52,125 --> 00:22:54,292 No, sir we're not selling, we're recruiting. 434 00:22:54,458 --> 00:22:57,208 For her army. We're asking Celtic tribes to unite. 435 00:22:57,333 --> 00:22:58,500 Yenot interested. 436 00:23:00,958 --> 00:23:03,667 SWORDS SWOOSH - You're either with us 437 00:23:04,417 --> 00:23:06,083 or you're against us. 438 00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:08,750 Oh, Boudicca's army, you say? 439 00:23:09,208 --> 00:23:10,583 Yethat sounds great. 440 00:23:10,667 --> 00:23:12,167 Love that. Yeah. 441 00:23:13,042 --> 00:23:15,458 � Bash them Celts and smash their heads! � 442 00:23:15,542 --> 00:23:17,875 ARMY: � Bash them Celts and smash their heads! � 443 00:23:17,958 --> 00:23:20,208 � I would rather be in bed � 444 00:23:20,542 --> 00:23:22,625 � I would rather be in bed � 445 00:23:22,792 --> 00:23:25,333 � We 're roman soldiers trained to kill � 446 00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:27,750 ARMY: � We 're roman soldiers trained to kill � 447 00:23:27,958 --> 00:23:30,000 � This guy really needs to chill � 448 00:23:30,208 --> 00:23:32,375 � This guy really needs to chill � 449 00:23:32,458 --> 00:23:34,167 THEY CHUCKLE - Atti, you're a legend. 450 00:23:34,250 --> 00:23:35,917 DECIMUS: Quiet at the back! - 451 00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:37,917 I'II show my dad. 452 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,708 DECIMUS: � Rattie with the Celtic tribes � 453 00:23:40,792 --> 00:23:43,000 ARMY: � Battle with the Celtic... - Stupid sandals. 454 00:23:43,083 --> 00:23:45,167 � Just a minute, hold on, guys � 455 00:23:46,083 --> 00:23:48,292 No, seriously. Guys, hold on. 456 00:23:48,917 --> 00:23:50,208 Guys... 457 00:23:57,375 --> 00:23:59,458 ARMY CONTINUES CHANTING 458 00:24:00,542 --> 00:24:02,625 Where's Atti gone? - Dunno. 459 00:24:14,917 --> 00:24:17,250 Now who says I'm not ready to be a warrior? 460 00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:19,958 Orla, what have you done? 461 00:24:20,042 --> 00:24:21,208 Taken a roman prisoner... 462 00:24:21,792 --> 00:24:22,875 all on my own. 463 00:24:23,042 --> 00:24:24,667 See, told you I could do it. 464 00:24:24,833 --> 00:24:26,394 You're just gonna have to take him back. 465 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,875 What? I thought you'd be pleased. 466 00:24:28,958 --> 00:24:30,875 You can't keep a prisoner. It's hard work. 467 00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:33,667 You have to feed it. You have to exercise it. 468 00:24:34,458 --> 00:24:36,708 Who's gonna clean up after him? - I am here, you know. 469 00:24:36,750 --> 00:24:38,870 He's my prisoner. I found him, and I wanna keep him. 470 00:24:39,208 --> 00:24:40,708 OK, fine. 471 00:24:40,792 --> 00:24:42,792 You'II get bored soon enough, and then someone 472 00:24:42,875 --> 00:24:44,035 will have to get rid of him. 473 00:24:45,792 --> 00:24:47,667 There's no pleasing some people. 474 00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:51,917 HE IMITATES BRENDA: "There's no pleasing some people". 475 00:24:55,083 --> 00:24:56,792 ATTI SNIFFS 476 00:24:56,917 --> 00:24:58,417 You can't keep me in a pig shed. 477 00:24:58,667 --> 00:25:00,333 It, it's inhumane. - What? 478 00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:01,958 This is our best hut. 479 00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:04,125 Why does it smell like animal poo? 480 00:25:04,417 --> 00:25:06,097 How d 'you think we made the walls? Stupid. 481 00:25:06,417 --> 00:25:07,708 Gross. 482 00:25:08,208 --> 00:25:09,708 And who are you calling "stupid "? 483 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,750 You're a Celt. I heard you lot can't even read. 484 00:25:12,833 --> 00:25:15,125 So? - So, Celts know nothing 485 00:25:15,208 --> 00:25:16,625 about anything. - Yeah? 486 00:25:16,708 --> 00:25:18,458 Yeah. Ha! 487 00:25:21,375 --> 00:25:23,917 -Don't you like our decorations. - Decorations? 488 00:25:24,667 --> 00:25:26,708 - You lot are savages. - Says a roman! 489 00:25:27,083 --> 00:25:28,643 You're the ones turning up here killing everyone. 490 00:25:28,667 --> 00:25:30,250 We're civilising you. 491 00:25:30,875 --> 00:25:33,375 Well, we don't wanna be "civilised ", thanks. 492 00:25:33,708 --> 00:25:35,393 We're happy with things just the way they are. 493 00:25:35,417 --> 00:25:37,333 What, you actually want walls made out of poo? 494 00:25:37,417 --> 00:25:39,833 In Rome, our houses are made out of stone. 495 00:25:39,875 --> 00:25:42,125 And we have proper decorations, like sculptures 496 00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:43,875 and mosaics and fountains... - Really? 497 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,280 Well if it's so amazing, why don't you just go back home? 498 00:25:46,542 --> 00:25:47,708 No-one wants you here. 499 00:25:48,083 --> 00:25:50,375 You should all go. Before Boudicca makes you. 500 00:25:50,458 --> 00:25:53,417 What, you seriously think the Romans can be bested by a girl? 501 00:25:54,250 --> 00:25:55,292 HE GRUNTS 502 00:25:55,833 --> 00:25:56,833 Bested. 503 00:25:58,375 --> 00:25:59,375 HE SIGHS 504 00:26:02,375 --> 00:26:04,215 I'II take that sword, thank you, young lady. 505 00:26:04,542 --> 00:26:05,792 Dad! 506 00:26:11,917 --> 00:26:14,292 NERO CHUCKLES Look, these two are fighting. 507 00:26:16,250 --> 00:26:17,375 Ahem! 508 00:26:17,500 --> 00:26:18,708 Alright, alright. 509 00:26:18,917 --> 00:26:20,792 put the catapults here. 510 00:26:20,875 --> 00:26:21,792 Very good, Emperor. 511 00:26:21,875 --> 00:26:25,167 And then our troops are like, "The Britons look cold let's warm them up". 512 00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:30,875 They unleash burning tar, and the Britons are like "Help, I'm melting ". 513 00:26:31,417 --> 00:26:33,476 That's a roman spear going straight through the back. 514 00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:34,875 I bring grave news, Emperor. 515 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,000 No. My mother's boat sank. She's dead. 516 00:26:37,833 --> 00:26:39,250 It's not about your mother. 517 00:26:39,333 --> 00:26:41,667 It says Boudicca has burnt Colchester to the ground. 518 00:26:43,583 --> 00:26:44,750 You what? 519 00:26:47,042 --> 00:26:48,958 Oh, please, Emperor, don't shoot the... 520 00:26:49,042 --> 00:26:50,875 HE YELLS 521 00:26:51,125 --> 00:26:52,458 Fantastic shot. 522 00:26:52,583 --> 00:26:54,000 MESSENGER GROANS 523 00:26:54,917 --> 00:26:56,958 It says more tribes are joining her uprising. 524 00:27:02,167 --> 00:27:03,458 She's uniting the Celts. 525 00:27:04,167 --> 00:27:05,958 No, no, no, no, no, you did that all wrong. 526 00:27:06,042 --> 00:27:07,125 Look, it's like this. 527 00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:09,250 Clippity, cloppity, clippity, cloppy. 528 00:27:09,333 --> 00:27:12,333 NERO NEIGHS Clippity, cloppity. 529 00:27:14,708 --> 00:27:16,208 How many times, Orla? 530 00:27:16,250 --> 00:27:18,000 You cannot come to Boudicca's rally. 531 00:27:18,042 --> 00:27:19,792 Because number one, you're not a warrior. 532 00:27:19,875 --> 00:27:20,875 YeI am. 533 00:27:21,583 --> 00:27:23,875 Number two, you have got a prisoner to feed. 534 00:27:23,958 --> 00:27:25,042 And number three... 535 00:27:25,958 --> 00:27:26,958 because I said so. 536 00:27:27,583 --> 00:27:29,500 Alright? Let's bounce. 537 00:27:33,625 --> 00:27:34,875 SHE SIGHS 538 00:27:38,833 --> 00:27:40,375 What's that? I'm starving. 539 00:27:40,417 --> 00:27:41,583 Parsnip soup. 540 00:27:42,542 --> 00:27:43,958 Have you not got any proper food? 541 00:27:44,042 --> 00:27:46,292 Like sow's udders, or flamingo tongues? 542 00:27:46,792 --> 00:27:48,542 What? - Jellyfish omelette? 543 00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:49,768 SHE SIGHS Well, if you don't want it... 544 00:27:49,792 --> 00:27:50,792 No, I... 545 00:27:51,167 --> 00:27:52,167 I'll try some. 546 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,125 Thanks. - SOUP SLOPS 547 00:27:55,250 --> 00:27:56,333 I'm Atti, by the way. 548 00:27:56,583 --> 00:27:57,792 I'm... 549 00:27:58,083 --> 00:27:59,542 not telling you my name. 550 00:27:59,667 --> 00:28:02,167 Right. Well nice to meet you, "Not Telling You My Name". 551 00:28:04,167 --> 00:28:05,417 I'm Orla, alright. 552 00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:07,500 So, Orla, what you gonna do with me now 553 00:28:07,583 --> 00:28:09,333 or don't you know? - Of course I know. 554 00:28:09,667 --> 00:28:11,958 I've had loads of prisoners before. Like all the time. 555 00:28:12,375 --> 00:28:13,375 Course you have. 556 00:28:13,917 --> 00:28:15,792 I guess you're planning to... 557 00:28:17,625 --> 00:28:19,458 ransom me. - Yeah. 558 00:28:19,542 --> 00:28:21,142 Yeah that's exactly what I was thinking. 559 00:28:21,208 --> 00:28:22,750 Ransom you and get some money. 560 00:28:22,833 --> 00:28:25,208 Bingo. You get the cash. I get to go home. 561 00:28:25,333 --> 00:28:26,708 Everybody's happy. 562 00:28:28,042 --> 00:28:29,792 I'm not interested in your happiness. 563 00:28:31,333 --> 00:28:32,333 Charming. 564 00:28:32,458 --> 00:28:34,125 CROWD CHEERS 565 00:28:34,750 --> 00:28:36,708 When two tribes go to war 566 00:28:36,958 --> 00:28:40,125 we can burn the roman capital to the ground! 567 00:28:40,208 --> 00:28:41,917 CROWD CHEERS 568 00:28:42,542 --> 00:28:46,250 Imagine what we could do if all the Celtic tribes united! 569 00:28:46,417 --> 00:28:47,500 you're right. 570 00:28:47,750 --> 00:28:49,750 Oi. Stop winding up the Brigantes, will you. 571 00:28:49,917 --> 00:28:51,292 I'm not! - MAN: Take 'em all down. 572 00:28:51,458 --> 00:28:54,000 So put aside your petty squabbles. 573 00:28:54,083 --> 00:28:56,125 Well who cares if he called you names? 574 00:28:56,583 --> 00:28:58,792 Who cares if she stole your shield? 575 00:29:00,375 --> 00:29:02,417 Was that you? - Might have been. 576 00:29:02,500 --> 00:29:04,208 Big nose! - MAN: Hey! 577 00:29:04,292 --> 00:29:05,667 Stealing's not nice, you know. 578 00:29:05,792 --> 00:29:07,625 I'm gonna make you regret it. - Yeah? 579 00:29:07,750 --> 00:29:09,083 You and who's army? 580 00:29:09,667 --> 00:29:11,000 Me and my army! - MEN: Yeah! 581 00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:12,644 BOUDICCA: Did you hear what I just said? 582 00:29:13,167 --> 00:29:15,250 Alright, we need to unite. This is war. 583 00:29:15,375 --> 00:29:16,583 Too right it's war! 584 00:29:16,667 --> 00:29:19,625 Fight, fight, fight, fight! 585 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,375 CROWD SHOUTS 586 00:29:23,292 --> 00:29:25,000 Save it for the romans! 587 00:29:27,917 --> 00:29:30,417 My tribe, over here now! 588 00:29:30,833 --> 00:29:32,417 You're gonna get what's coming to you. 589 00:29:32,792 --> 00:29:34,792 Whatever! - By the full moon. 590 00:29:36,208 --> 00:29:39,125 I'm sorry. But if you think you can unite the Celtic tribes 591 00:29:39,208 --> 00:29:40,375 good luck. 592 00:29:40,750 --> 00:29:42,875 CROWD CLAMOURS 593 00:29:44,708 --> 00:29:46,667 NERO: Who are these guys? - Those are trees. 594 00:29:47,500 --> 00:29:48,792 I knew that. Who are these? 595 00:29:48,875 --> 00:29:51,083 That's the Ninth Legion. The IX men. 596 00:29:51,167 --> 00:29:53,167 The most feared fighting force in the roman Army. 597 00:29:53,417 --> 00:29:55,667 We shouldn't use them. We should give them the month off. 598 00:29:55,708 --> 00:29:56,893 ARMY CHIEF: Are you sure, Emperor? 599 00:29:56,917 --> 00:29:58,292 No, of course we should use them! 600 00:29:58,458 --> 00:29:59,643 I was being sarcastic, weren't I? 601 00:29:59,667 --> 00:30:01,187 Yes. - NERO: Send them into battle. 602 00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:05,417 And I suggest you make the correct noise. 603 00:30:15,875 --> 00:30:18,083 Can't lose now, high V! 604 00:30:18,542 --> 00:30:19,833 I'm the best at war! 605 00:30:19,917 --> 00:30:21,208 Boudicca's going down. 606 00:30:21,250 --> 00:30:22,958 Much like mother on my imperial boat. 607 00:30:23,042 --> 00:30:25,042 Yes, I don't need my mummy! 608 00:32:32,875 --> 00:32:34,750 Hello, mum. 609 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,542 My boat sank. 610 00:32:37,542 --> 00:32:39,375 LAST CHORD OF SONG PLAYS 611 00:32:40,167 --> 00:32:41,250 GOATS BLEAT 612 00:32:42,458 --> 00:32:43,625 what are you doing? 613 00:32:45,083 --> 00:32:46,833 Go on then, write your ransom note. 614 00:32:47,750 --> 00:32:49,708 You want me to write my own ransom note? 615 00:32:49,792 --> 00:32:51,542 Oh, Celts can't write. 616 00:32:52,250 --> 00:32:53,375 Get writing, prisoner. 617 00:32:54,333 --> 00:32:57,250 Send one unarmed soldier... 618 00:32:58,208 --> 00:32:59,750 with thirty roman coins. 619 00:32:59,958 --> 00:33:02,000 Rude. I'm worth way more than that. 620 00:33:02,083 --> 00:33:04,000 SHE SNIGGERS I'd say thirty was pushing it. 621 00:33:05,250 --> 00:33:07,750 By the full moon, or we'll send him back... 622 00:33:08,875 --> 00:33:10,042 dead. 623 00:33:13,833 --> 00:33:15,333 You have written that, haven't you? 624 00:33:16,458 --> 00:33:17,708 Word for word? 625 00:33:19,542 --> 00:33:20,625 Of course. 626 00:33:47,458 --> 00:33:48,583 IX men. 627 00:33:50,417 --> 00:33:52,917 Wow. Loving the camouflage, Cedric. 628 00:33:53,417 --> 00:33:54,792 HE WHISPERS: That's just a bush. 629 00:33:56,167 --> 00:33:57,208 I knew that. 630 00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,542 Right. Ready? 631 00:34:02,417 --> 00:34:05,417 Booouuu... - CELTS SHOUT: dicaaaa! 632 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:09,667 SOLDIERS SCREAM 633 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,333 where do you think you're going, messenger? 634 00:34:17,958 --> 00:34:19,542 So, how did Boudicca die? 635 00:34:19,583 --> 00:34:20,542 Is her head on a spike? 636 00:34:20,583 --> 00:34:22,167 Give me all the gory details. Come on. 637 00:34:22,250 --> 00:34:24,125 Well, the IX men 638 00:34:24,875 --> 00:34:27,625 have now become the, ex-men. 639 00:34:27,875 --> 00:34:30,583 Because the Celts were all like, "OOOOOoh". 640 00:34:30,625 --> 00:34:31,809 And the roman guts were all like 641 00:34:31,833 --> 00:34:33,750 squidge, squidge... - Don't make the noises! 642 00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:35,633 You only make the noises when it's going well! 643 00:34:37,583 --> 00:34:38,750 HE STRAINS 644 00:34:38,958 --> 00:34:40,125 Who said you can move? 645 00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:45,625 HE GRUNTS 646 00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:47,792 Can I get some help? - Hm? 647 00:34:47,875 --> 00:34:48,917 A little bit of help. 648 00:34:53,417 --> 00:34:54,792 Tuscan marble. 649 00:34:54,875 --> 00:34:57,792 A table worthy of a mighty Emperor. 650 00:34:58,833 --> 00:35:00,292 On my three. 651 00:35:00,375 --> 00:35:02,917 One, two, three. 652 00:35:03,667 --> 00:35:04,958 Oooh! 653 00:35:07,375 --> 00:35:08,625 DIMIDIUS SHOUTS: Atti! 654 00:35:11,333 --> 00:35:12,542 Atti, mate! 655 00:35:13,750 --> 00:35:15,000 Atti! 656 00:35:16,875 --> 00:35:17,875 Atti! 657 00:35:18,667 --> 00:35:20,667 It's like he was here one minute and now he's gone. 658 00:35:20,875 --> 00:35:22,875 You don't think he was eaten by a tiger? 659 00:35:23,875 --> 00:35:25,625 I'm not sure there's tigers in Britain. 660 00:35:25,708 --> 00:35:26,708 A squirrel then? 661 00:35:30,083 --> 00:35:32,125 - We're under attack! - Form a testudo! 662 00:35:55,417 --> 00:35:57,684 - It's from Atti. - What does it say? 663 00:35:57,708 --> 00:35:59,167 Kidnapped by Celts. 664 00:35:59,250 --> 00:36:01,375 Please rescue by the full moon. 665 00:36:01,542 --> 00:36:03,458 Celts are sausages, espe... 666 00:36:03,542 --> 00:36:05,208 I think that says "savages". 667 00:36:06,875 --> 00:36:07,792 - Yeah. - Yeah. 668 00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:16,667 "Celts are savages, especially the girls. Atti. P.S. food awful. P.P.S." 669 00:36:16,917 --> 00:36:18,042 Are you expecting rain? 670 00:36:19,083 --> 00:36:20,083 Has he turned up yet? 671 00:36:20,125 --> 00:36:21,485 I will not lose a man from my unit. 672 00:36:21,792 --> 00:36:23,333 Still no sign of him, sir. 673 00:36:23,375 --> 00:36:24,542 He must have deserted. 674 00:36:24,708 --> 00:36:26,292 - Deserted? - He's just the type. 675 00:36:26,458 --> 00:36:27,625 I know him from Rome. 676 00:36:28,625 --> 00:36:30,667 Rome. 677 00:36:30,750 --> 00:36:33,167 Beautiful really not that far away Rome. 678 00:36:33,208 --> 00:36:37,833 He's probably stolen a horse ridden to the coast found a friendly fisherman 679 00:36:37,917 --> 00:36:40,917 hitched a ride to Gaul, and run all the way home. 680 00:36:42,208 --> 00:36:43,268 Or something like that, anyway. 681 00:36:43,292 --> 00:36:44,292 HE SNIFFS 682 00:36:47,625 --> 00:36:48,958 DECIMUS: What? - PAPER RIPS 683 00:36:49,042 --> 00:36:50,375 what are you doing? 684 00:36:50,958 --> 00:36:52,250 Shouldn't we be rescuing him? 685 00:36:52,625 --> 00:36:54,208 You, stay out of it. 686 00:36:57,500 --> 00:36:58,500 Very rude. 687 00:37:00,292 --> 00:37:01,417 OWL HOOTS 688 00:37:01,792 --> 00:37:03,000 My men are coming. 689 00:37:03,250 --> 00:37:04,792 SHE SCOFFS Yeright. 690 00:37:05,417 --> 00:37:07,042 I bet they'll be here within the hour. 691 00:37:07,417 --> 00:37:08,417 What's an hour? 692 00:37:09,125 --> 00:37:10,458 You don't have sundials, do you? 693 00:37:11,208 --> 00:37:12,833 Do you wanna see something clever? 694 00:37:12,917 --> 00:37:14,042 ORLA: if I must. 695 00:37:14,125 --> 00:37:15,125 OK. 696 00:37:15,542 --> 00:37:17,000 Imagine that that is the sun. 697 00:37:17,375 --> 00:37:19,167 This is Britain, we don't have sun. 698 00:37:19,333 --> 00:37:21,458 Imagine you're in Rome and that is the sun. 699 00:37:23,750 --> 00:37:25,792 Now as the sun rises 700 00:37:26,083 --> 00:37:27,083 it casts a shadow 701 00:37:27,667 --> 00:37:28,667 here... 702 00:37:28,708 --> 00:37:30,000 and then at sunset... 703 00:37:30,667 --> 00:37:31,667 there. 704 00:37:31,708 --> 00:37:34,500 Now, all you do is divide the daylight 705 00:37:34,583 --> 00:37:36,333 into 12 equal sections 706 00:37:36,375 --> 00:37:38,125 and each one of them is a roman hour. 707 00:37:38,208 --> 00:37:40,708 Hours are shorter in the winter and get longer in the summer. 708 00:37:41,208 --> 00:37:43,167 Cos that's not confusing! 709 00:37:43,250 --> 00:37:44,708 It's not, you see... 710 00:37:44,833 --> 00:37:47,458 the days are longer so the hours are longer. 711 00:37:47,542 --> 00:37:50,000 Simple. - So it's the summer now 712 00:37:50,292 --> 00:37:51,708 which means the hours are longer. 713 00:37:51,792 --> 00:37:54,333 Mm-hm. - So by my calculations 714 00:37:54,417 --> 00:37:56,375 your "men will be here in the next hour" means 715 00:37:57,417 --> 00:37:58,750 they're never coming. 716 00:37:59,375 --> 00:38:00,417 Loser. 717 00:38:06,708 --> 00:38:08,333 CRICKETS CHIRP 718 00:38:09,333 --> 00:38:10,458 OWL HOOTS 719 00:38:20,167 --> 00:38:21,292 ATTI: Guys, you came! 720 00:38:21,417 --> 00:38:22,833 Sorry, mate, wrong hut. 721 00:38:25,333 --> 00:38:27,333 ATTI: Excuse me. You left the door open. 722 00:38:28,458 --> 00:38:29,500 Grab the old woman. 723 00:38:29,625 --> 00:38:31,500 BRENDA: Oi! Less of the old! 724 00:38:31,792 --> 00:38:33,917 MAN: Up you get, love. - BRENDA: Get off me! 725 00:38:34,125 --> 00:38:36,083 SHE GRUNTS AND GROANS 726 00:38:36,333 --> 00:38:37,500 MAN LAUGHS 727 00:38:42,417 --> 00:38:44,417 That will teach you to mess with the Brigantes. 728 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:46,875 Boot's on the other foot, isn't it, lady? 729 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:48,167 See how you like it. 730 00:38:50,875 --> 00:38:52,750 ATTI: OThey left the door open. 731 00:38:59,708 --> 00:39:00,708 Orla. 732 00:39:01,458 --> 00:39:03,042 Orla, Brenda's been taken. 733 00:39:03,958 --> 00:39:04,958 What? 734 00:39:08,292 --> 00:39:09,875 It must have been the Brigantes. 735 00:39:10,500 --> 00:39:12,375 And the roman has escaped. Brilliant. 736 00:39:12,833 --> 00:39:14,792 What if he gets his mates and comes back here? 737 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,292 Well I don't understand. I tied him up really well. 738 00:39:18,292 --> 00:39:19,458 I'm gonna get him back. 739 00:39:19,542 --> 00:39:21,583 No, you're not. - He can't have got far. 740 00:39:21,667 --> 00:39:22,667 This time I'll kill him 741 00:39:22,708 --> 00:39:23,768 and then I'll go and rescue Gran. 742 00:39:23,792 --> 00:39:25,083 No way. - Come on, dad. 743 00:39:25,167 --> 00:39:27,792 I'm ready to be a warrior. Just let me prove it. 744 00:39:31,167 --> 00:39:32,167 OK. - Yes! 745 00:39:32,958 --> 00:39:34,000 I'll need the sword. 746 00:39:34,250 --> 00:39:35,458 You're impossible. 747 00:39:35,667 --> 00:39:37,375 My own sword! 748 00:39:37,458 --> 00:39:40,500 It's to borrow, and only use it in an emergency. 749 00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:43,500 Thanks, dad! I can do it, trust me! 750 00:39:56,292 --> 00:39:57,292 Hi, Orla. 751 00:39:57,333 --> 00:39:58,208 HELMET CLANGS 752 00:39:58,292 --> 00:39:59,833 not again! 753 00:40:00,917 --> 00:40:03,042 Can I just say how well-tied your knots were. 754 00:40:03,292 --> 00:40:04,542 Very impressive. - Shut up 755 00:40:04,625 --> 00:40:06,667 and prepare to die, roman. - No, no, no, stop. 756 00:40:06,750 --> 00:40:08,833 They took your gran, right? 757 00:40:09,167 --> 00:40:10,458 I can help you get her back. 758 00:40:11,417 --> 00:40:12,792 How? - I, um... 759 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,393 know stuff. - YeI won't be needing 760 00:40:14,417 --> 00:40:15,875 a sundial. - Not just sundials 761 00:40:15,958 --> 00:40:17,917 other stuff, roman knowhow. 762 00:40:20,125 --> 00:40:21,375 We can share our skills. 763 00:40:21,917 --> 00:40:23,500 Teamwork makes the dream work? 764 00:40:25,167 --> 00:40:26,250 OK, fine. 765 00:40:26,750 --> 00:40:28,000 But we're not a team. 766 00:40:28,250 --> 00:40:29,750 You're still my prisoner. 767 00:40:30,125 --> 00:40:31,125 I mean it. 768 00:40:31,208 --> 00:40:32,729 If you try anything... - SWORD SWOOSHES 769 00:40:37,417 --> 00:40:38,417 Walk. 770 00:40:45,042 --> 00:40:47,917 WOMAN: To battle! To war! Ha, ha, ha! 771 00:40:47,958 --> 00:40:49,542 Your army grows, Boudicca. 772 00:40:49,750 --> 00:40:51,833 More Britons come to your side every day. 773 00:40:51,958 --> 00:40:53,958 How many are we now then? - Fifty thousand. 774 00:40:54,208 --> 00:40:55,625 Fifty thousand and one. 775 00:40:55,708 --> 00:40:57,208 CROWD CHEERS 776 00:40:57,667 --> 00:40:58,958 Welcome aboard. 777 00:40:59,083 --> 00:41:01,208 Fifty thousand and two. - CROWD CHEERS 778 00:41:02,250 --> 00:41:03,417 Good to have you. 779 00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:06,292 Fifty thousand and threeeee! 780 00:41:07,167 --> 00:41:08,750 HE GRUNTS - CROWD: 781 00:41:09,708 --> 00:41:11,375 fifty thousand and two. - BODY THUDS 782 00:41:11,875 --> 00:41:13,042 Whoops! Uh... 783 00:41:13,333 --> 00:41:14,417 Thanks for your service. 784 00:41:15,292 --> 00:41:16,375 Shall we... 785 00:41:16,750 --> 00:41:19,000 - Shall we go and burn London? - Yealright. 786 00:41:28,958 --> 00:41:33,792 And this is me in Capri at the imperial banquet, in my honour. 787 00:41:33,875 --> 00:41:35,796 Nobody cares about your holiday carvings, mother. 788 00:41:35,917 --> 00:41:41,250 And here's me in my luxury VIP suite, in my luxury VIP villa. 789 00:41:41,958 --> 00:41:44,417 Goat's brains in a rotten fish guts sauce? 790 00:41:44,625 --> 00:41:46,833 Nein. I couldn't possibly. I'm too full. 791 00:41:46,917 --> 00:41:48,292 Bucket. Bucket! 792 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:53,667 It's the polite roman way. Be sick so you can eat more food. 793 00:41:54,083 --> 00:41:55,625 And zey call us barbarians! 794 00:41:59,958 --> 00:42:03,542 "Come to Nero's dinner party", you said. "It'll be fun", you said. 795 00:42:03,625 --> 00:42:08,250 You won't believe this, but one night the ceiling right above my bed collapsed. 796 00:42:08,625 --> 00:42:11,542 It's almost like somebody booby-trapped it. 797 00:42:11,625 --> 00:42:14,625 Thank Juno I wasn't in bed, or I'd have been flattened. 798 00:42:14,708 --> 00:42:16,000 Imagine. 799 00:42:16,083 --> 00:42:18,125 Do excuse me. I just need to nip to the loo. 800 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:52,292 Lovely. 801 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,167 I hear Boudicca is heading for London. 802 00:42:55,250 --> 00:42:56,708 You really ought to stop her. 803 00:42:57,458 --> 00:42:58,976 You know what Claudius would have done? 804 00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,081 Guess what, I don't care what Claudius would've done. 805 00:43:01,167 --> 00:43:02,917 I'm in charge now. Don't you forget it. 806 00:43:03,042 --> 00:43:04,292 He'd have sent in the Governor. 807 00:43:04,417 --> 00:43:05,809 HE MIMICS HER "He'd have sent in the Governor" 808 00:43:05,833 --> 00:43:07,625 Yeah. What? There's a Governor in Britain? 809 00:43:07,708 --> 00:43:10,375 Yes, Gaius Suetonius Paulinus. 810 00:43:10,792 --> 00:43:11,958 And what is he doing? 811 00:43:12,042 --> 00:43:15,000 He's in Wales, oh mighty one, defeating Druids. 812 00:43:15,917 --> 00:43:18,167 Druids? - Savage Celtic priests. 813 00:43:18,500 --> 00:43:20,167 Well, tell him to stop that 814 00:43:20,250 --> 00:43:21,583 and to sort out Boudicca. 815 00:43:21,833 --> 00:43:22,958 Well done, darling. 816 00:43:23,208 --> 00:43:25,083 Don't patronise me. I'm on top of this. 817 00:43:26,333 --> 00:43:27,458 HE WHISPERS: Where's Wales? 818 00:43:28,708 --> 00:43:31,083 FIGHTERS GRUNT 819 00:43:39,333 --> 00:43:41,583 ls nobody a match for the mighty Paulinus? 820 00:43:42,375 --> 00:43:44,458 Nero will no doubt bestow an award for this. 821 00:43:45,125 --> 00:43:46,958 ECHOING: Paulinus! Paulinus! 822 00:43:48,375 --> 00:43:50,083 Paulinus's name on the wind. 823 00:43:50,167 --> 00:43:52,083 Tis the gods commending his triumph. 824 00:43:52,417 --> 00:43:54,417 Paulinus! Paulinus. 825 00:43:54,667 --> 00:43:56,167 It is you, weedy messenger. 826 00:43:56,542 --> 00:43:58,250 HE PANTS It's much... 827 00:43:58,708 --> 00:43:59,792 much... 828 00:44:00,250 --> 00:44:01,292 HE WHEEZES 829 00:44:05,750 --> 00:44:07,476 It's much hillier than I thought it would be. 830 00:44:07,500 --> 00:44:11,542 - It is Wales, Weed, Druid country. - Hold that thought! 831 00:44:17,750 --> 00:44:20,042 Paulinus has crushed them in the name of Nero. 832 00:44:22,500 --> 00:44:26,292 But that's just it. Nero's message says you are to stop immediately. 833 00:44:26,417 --> 00:44:27,917 Stop? 834 00:44:28,250 --> 00:44:29,458 Paulinus never stops! 835 00:44:30,792 --> 00:44:33,375 You have to stop. Nero is really annoyed. 836 00:44:33,958 --> 00:44:34,958 What? 837 00:44:39,583 --> 00:44:42,833 Yes. An even greater victory awaits Paulinus. 838 00:44:43,292 --> 00:44:46,500 To destroy Boudicca, and vanquish the Celts. 839 00:44:47,583 --> 00:44:49,292 Men! Stop! 840 00:44:50,083 --> 00:44:51,083 DRUID: Urgh! 841 00:44:53,417 --> 00:44:54,333 Sorry. 842 00:44:54,417 --> 00:44:55,750 Follow Paulinus! 843 00:44:56,375 --> 00:44:57,625 At the double! 844 00:44:57,917 --> 00:44:59,458 MESSENGER GASPS 845 00:45:02,417 --> 00:45:04,917 You really don't need to point that thing at me, you know. 846 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:06,167 Not now we're a team. 847 00:45:08,458 --> 00:45:10,042 Bet you don't even know how to use it. 848 00:45:14,458 --> 00:45:15,958 SWORD SWOOSHES 849 00:45:20,125 --> 00:45:22,417 I train in secret. I'm gonna be a warrior. 850 00:45:23,667 --> 00:45:25,958 You know Celts are the toughest fighters in the world. 851 00:45:26,500 --> 00:45:27,542 Really? 852 00:45:27,750 --> 00:45:30,250 So, why is there a roman Empire then? 853 00:45:30,583 --> 00:45:31,743 Never heard of a British one. 854 00:45:32,042 --> 00:45:34,082 You won't be so smug when Boudicca has thrashed you. 855 00:45:34,375 --> 00:45:36,296 I'm gonna join her army after we've rescued Gran. 856 00:45:36,375 --> 00:45:37,958 You actually want to join the army? 857 00:45:38,042 --> 00:45:39,958 You're crazy. - No, I'm not. 858 00:45:40,042 --> 00:45:41,708 It'll be awesome. Looking all fierce 859 00:45:41,792 --> 00:45:43,667 painted with blue woad, being in a gang. 860 00:45:44,833 --> 00:45:46,417 I was made to join up as a punishment 861 00:45:46,500 --> 00:45:48,542 Punishment? How is it a punishment? 862 00:45:48,625 --> 00:45:50,833 let me think about that. There's the marching 863 00:45:50,917 --> 00:45:52,500 the being shouted at, the marching 864 00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:53,458 the getting bullied. 865 00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:54,580 Did I mention the marching? 866 00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,667 CROWD CHANTS: Boudicca! Boudicca! 867 00:45:58,042 --> 00:45:59,125 No way! 868 00:45:59,417 --> 00:46:01,500 SHE SCOFFS It's Boudicca. She's here. 869 00:46:01,917 --> 00:46:04,708 CROWD CHANTS: Boudicca! Boudicca! 870 00:46:04,917 --> 00:46:06,000 Come on. 871 00:46:06,417 --> 00:46:08,917 CROWD SHOUTS AND CHEERS 872 00:46:10,500 --> 00:46:12,917 BOUDICCA: Hey! Hello! 873 00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:15,333 CROWD CHANTS: Boudicca! - BOUDICCA: Everybody OK? 874 00:46:16,167 --> 00:46:18,167 BOUDICCA: Come, let's do this! 875 00:46:21,583 --> 00:46:23,208 MUSIC PUMPS 876 00:46:56,208 --> 00:46:57,792 CROWD: Yah! 877 00:46:58,542 --> 00:46:59,792 CROWD CHEERS 878 00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,750 BOUDICCA: What shall we do for an encore? 879 00:47:02,083 --> 00:47:04,333 How about London? - CROWD CHEERS 880 00:47:05,375 --> 00:47:07,667 She's incredible. I mean, look at her. 881 00:47:09,125 --> 00:47:10,125 What are you doing? 882 00:47:10,958 --> 00:47:13,208 Not scared of a few Celts, are you? 883 00:47:17,250 --> 00:47:19,083 Are you just gonna keep dancing 884 00:47:19,167 --> 00:47:20,667 or do you wanna go rescue your gran? 885 00:47:22,583 --> 00:47:23,583 Yeah... 886 00:47:23,958 --> 00:47:24,958 that's what I thought. 887 00:47:29,583 --> 00:47:31,417 MEN CHATTER 888 00:47:34,625 --> 00:47:35,708 ORLA: There's Gran. 889 00:47:36,875 --> 00:47:37,875 Let's go. 890 00:47:39,833 --> 00:47:41,125 You can't just barge in there. 891 00:47:41,417 --> 00:47:42,417 We'll get killed. 892 00:47:42,667 --> 00:47:43,750 We need to be clever. 893 00:47:44,042 --> 00:47:45,042 We need a plan. 894 00:47:45,458 --> 00:47:47,292 Alright, big shot. So what is your plan? 895 00:47:47,583 --> 00:47:49,917 Well, the plan was to escape before we got here. 896 00:47:50,333 --> 00:47:51,417 So now... 897 00:47:52,958 --> 00:47:53,958 No... 898 00:47:54,083 --> 00:47:56,208 got nothing. - You said romans know stuff. 899 00:47:56,750 --> 00:47:57,958 We do. 900 00:48:00,417 --> 00:48:01,833 Yewe do. 901 00:48:04,458 --> 00:48:06,375 A poppy? You're giving me flowers? 902 00:48:06,542 --> 00:48:07,542 No. 903 00:48:07,792 --> 00:48:10,042 There's this roman potion I read about in my scrolls. 904 00:48:10,833 --> 00:48:12,250 Just need a few more ingredients. 905 00:49:00,917 --> 00:49:02,083 MEN CHATTER - 906 00:49:10,708 --> 00:49:12,375 HE STIFLES A SNEEZE 907 00:49:12,542 --> 00:49:13,542 Don't you dare! 908 00:49:14,417 --> 00:49:15,500 It's the tree. 909 00:49:15,958 --> 00:49:17,167 I think I'm... 910 00:49:17,375 --> 00:49:18,667 a, allergic 911 00:49:19,583 --> 00:49:20,625 HE SNEEZES 912 00:49:20,833 --> 00:49:21,833 Whoa! 913 00:49:23,208 --> 00:49:24,292 THEY GRUNT 914 00:49:26,083 --> 00:49:27,917 CELTS SNORE 915 00:49:29,042 --> 00:49:30,042 it worked. 916 00:49:30,833 --> 00:49:32,042 How long before they wake up? 917 00:49:32,125 --> 00:49:33,292 I dunno. 918 00:49:33,458 --> 00:49:34,875 What do you mean, you don't know? 919 00:49:34,958 --> 00:49:36,583 HE SIGHS I've never made it before. 920 00:49:37,167 --> 00:49:38,167 I only read about it. 921 00:49:38,958 --> 00:49:40,583 You mean they could wake up any minute? 922 00:49:42,500 --> 00:49:43,542 Gran. 923 00:49:45,542 --> 00:49:46,667 Gran! 924 00:49:50,333 --> 00:49:51,708 BRENDA: Orla, you came. 925 00:49:53,125 --> 00:49:54,792 What's he doing here? 926 00:49:54,875 --> 00:49:56,417 Long story. - Orla! 927 00:49:56,750 --> 00:49:58,000 Can you chop this off for me? 928 00:49:58,625 --> 00:49:59,625 I'll be back. 929 00:50:01,292 --> 00:50:02,667 The plait. Not the head. 930 00:50:03,250 --> 00:50:05,000 I know, I'm not a savage. 931 00:50:05,417 --> 00:50:06,417 Mm... 932 00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:36,000 Whoa. 933 00:50:36,083 --> 00:50:37,292 Roman catapult. 934 00:50:37,333 --> 00:50:38,542 Technically a ballista. 935 00:50:38,625 --> 00:50:39,917 Awesome. - Well... 936 00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:41,458 It's roman, isn't it? So... 937 00:50:41,917 --> 00:50:43,333 Now all we need is a projectile. 938 00:50:44,292 --> 00:50:45,417 Something heavy. 939 00:50:47,250 --> 00:50:48,625 CELT SNORES 940 00:50:51,625 --> 00:50:53,000 HE GROANS Not that heavy! 941 00:50:53,500 --> 00:50:54,500 BODY THUDS 942 00:50:56,542 --> 00:50:57,875 ORLA: Stand back, gran! 943 00:51:06,542 --> 00:51:09,958 Well done, my little brain ball! 944 00:51:10,333 --> 00:51:12,042 Food. 945 00:51:12,625 --> 00:51:14,667 I am starving. 946 00:51:14,958 --> 00:51:17,125 Gran, no! - SHE SLURPS 947 00:51:20,375 --> 00:51:21,833 CELT ROARS 948 00:51:23,625 --> 00:51:25,250 No, they're waking up. 949 00:51:36,625 --> 00:51:38,250 ZOMBIE-LIKE MOANING 950 00:51:41,875 --> 00:51:42,917 Ha! - HORSE SNORTS 951 00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:44,880 How do you make it go? - give it a carrot. 952 00:51:44,958 --> 00:51:46,583 What? You got a carrot? - No! 953 00:51:47,750 --> 00:51:49,833 ZOMBIE MOANING CONTINUES - Come on, quick! 954 00:51:50,042 --> 00:51:51,083 HORSE NEIGHS 955 00:51:51,333 --> 00:51:52,625 Whoa! 956 00:51:53,500 --> 00:51:54,833 Atti, where are the brakes? 957 00:51:56,833 --> 00:51:58,208 Orla! - MOANING CONTINUES 958 00:51:59,792 --> 00:52:00,792 ATTI: Wait. 959 00:52:01,208 --> 00:52:02,375 CELTS YELL 960 00:52:04,042 --> 00:52:05,125 Orla, slow down! 961 00:52:07,167 --> 00:52:08,167 Oh, come on! 962 00:52:16,792 --> 00:52:17,792 HE GASPS 963 00:52:21,958 --> 00:52:23,208 Whoooo! - ORLA: We did it! 964 00:52:23,500 --> 00:52:24,500 Whoooo! 965 00:52:33,292 --> 00:52:35,000 PAULINUS: London burns. 966 00:52:35,083 --> 00:52:36,083 Great fire. 967 00:52:36,833 --> 00:52:38,208 Let's hope it never happens again. 968 00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:42,250 And so Boudicca destroys another roman city. 969 00:52:42,292 --> 00:52:43,750 Her army overwhelms us. 970 00:52:44,667 --> 00:52:46,792 CELCIUS: Whoa, that must be him. 971 00:52:47,417 --> 00:52:48,875 That must be Paulinus, the Governor. 972 00:52:49,250 --> 00:52:51,292 He's a lot smaller than he looks in the mosaics. 973 00:52:52,250 --> 00:52:55,292 Centurion Decimus Maximus reporting for duty, sir! 974 00:52:55,750 --> 00:52:57,511 HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS - We may be outnumbered... 975 00:52:57,833 --> 00:52:59,250 we may face certain death... 976 00:53:00,667 --> 00:53:02,542 but we must strike the Celts 977 00:53:02,875 --> 00:53:04,292 for the glory of Rome! 978 00:53:04,583 --> 00:53:06,583 ALL: The glory of Rome! 979 00:53:07,542 --> 00:53:08,833 Is what some might say. 980 00:53:09,083 --> 00:53:10,292 HEROIC MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY 981 00:53:10,750 --> 00:53:13,750 But if we turn this green grass red with our own blood 982 00:53:14,583 --> 00:53:15,833 the Celts will win 983 00:53:16,250 --> 00:53:18,333 and where will the glory of Rome be then? 984 00:53:22,625 --> 00:53:24,333 Better to bide our time. 985 00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:28,333 Wait for another opportunity to confront her. 986 00:53:30,375 --> 00:53:31,917 Would be the words of a coward! 987 00:53:32,292 --> 00:53:33,667 HEROIC MUSIC RESTARTS 988 00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:37,875 Our swords once drawn cannot be sheathed 989 00:53:38,083 --> 00:53:40,542 until they slay ten Celts each! 990 00:53:40,958 --> 00:53:43,375 It does not matter if we live or die... 991 00:53:43,458 --> 00:53:44,542 HE SNORTS 992 00:53:45,542 --> 00:53:47,292 would be the words of a rash man. 993 00:53:47,458 --> 00:53:49,167 HEROIC MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY - HE SIGHS 994 00:53:49,833 --> 00:53:50,958 PAULINUS: We will wait. 995 00:53:52,417 --> 00:53:53,625 Let London burn. 996 00:53:55,833 --> 00:53:57,833 We will have our hour later. 997 00:53:59,125 --> 00:54:00,833 Or will we? - HEROIC MUSIC RESTARTS 998 00:54:01,083 --> 00:54:02,667 PAULINUS: Yes, we will. 999 00:54:05,417 --> 00:54:06,833 And so speaks Paulinus. 1000 00:54:10,125 --> 00:54:11,542 I'm a bit confused now. 1001 00:54:16,208 --> 00:54:18,333 I can't believe we just fired a guy through the air. 1002 00:54:18,417 --> 00:54:20,000 Who taught you how to make a catapult? 1003 00:54:20,042 --> 00:54:22,458 No one. I just read about them in my scrolls. 1004 00:54:23,375 --> 00:54:24,535 Although, I think we may have 1005 00:54:24,583 --> 00:54:25,944 borrowed that idea from the Greeks. 1006 00:54:26,542 --> 00:54:27,542 You stole it? 1007 00:54:27,708 --> 00:54:28,976 Yebut there's loads of other great things 1008 00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:29,875 we did come up with. 1009 00:54:29,958 --> 00:54:31,625 Like what? - roman baths. 1010 00:54:33,500 --> 00:54:36,042 Actually, I think we nicked that idea from the Greeks too. 1011 00:54:36,458 --> 00:54:38,250 You romans are such a bunch of thieves. 1012 00:54:38,333 --> 00:54:39,917 Gladiators. They're roman. 1013 00:54:39,958 --> 00:54:41,042 What's a gladiator? 1014 00:54:41,125 --> 00:54:42,750 Someone who fights for entertainment. 1015 00:54:42,833 --> 00:54:44,667 You'd love it. - Yesounds awesome. 1016 00:54:46,458 --> 00:54:47,792 ORLA: I could have cut those ropes 1017 00:54:47,875 --> 00:54:49,292 on the cage with my sword. 1018 00:54:49,375 --> 00:54:50,625 ATTI: Now you tell me. 1019 00:54:53,708 --> 00:54:54,833 Get down. 1020 00:54:55,458 --> 00:54:58,167 Celts. if they see you dressed like that you're in trouble. 1021 00:55:05,833 --> 00:55:07,000 Nice! 1022 00:55:07,417 --> 00:55:08,417 HE SIGHS 1023 00:55:08,792 --> 00:55:09,875 Traffic jam. 1024 00:55:10,375 --> 00:55:12,458 This is Colin, your eye in the sky 1025 00:55:12,542 --> 00:55:13,583 with the travel news. 1026 00:55:13,792 --> 00:55:16,417 And there's heavy congestion on Watling Street. 1027 00:55:16,625 --> 00:55:18,375 It is nose-to-tail out there. 1028 00:55:18,542 --> 00:55:20,125 HORSE FARTS - Phew! 1029 00:55:20,208 --> 00:55:22,625 As thousands of Celts head to join Boudicca's rebellion 1030 00:55:22,917 --> 00:55:25,333 we're seeing jams build up right here 1031 00:55:25,417 --> 00:55:27,208 where three lanes merge into one. 1032 00:55:28,417 --> 00:55:30,542 yes, classic bottleneck. 1033 00:55:32,167 --> 00:55:34,500 you cut me up! 1034 00:55:34,875 --> 00:55:37,500 If you don't shut it, I will cut you up. 1035 00:55:37,708 --> 00:55:39,333 Yeah? - Yeah! 1036 00:55:40,625 --> 00:55:41,833 This is actually happening. 1037 00:55:42,792 --> 00:55:44,417 CROWD CLAMOURS 1038 00:55:49,917 --> 00:55:51,250 CROWD CHANTS: Fight, fight, fight! 1039 00:55:51,375 --> 00:55:53,000 We'll get stuck if we go up there. 1040 00:55:53,750 --> 00:55:54,750 Let's find another way. 1041 00:56:01,792 --> 00:56:02,833 HARP CLINKS 1042 00:56:03,500 --> 00:56:04,500 HARP CLINKS 1043 00:56:06,417 --> 00:56:08,458 HARP CLINKS - FOOTSTEPS RUN AWAY 1044 00:56:14,208 --> 00:56:16,125 Sorry we missed you. You were out. 1045 00:56:16,417 --> 00:56:17,667 Wait! I'm in! 1046 00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:19,250 I'm in, by Jupiter! 1047 00:56:24,375 --> 00:56:25,708 LIQUID SPLASHES - HE SIGHS 1048 00:56:27,625 --> 00:56:29,833 Someone's nervous. 1049 00:56:34,167 --> 00:56:35,167 Sponge? 1050 00:56:35,208 --> 00:56:36,708 Thanks very much. 1051 00:56:37,333 --> 00:56:38,917 caught short were you? 1052 00:56:39,167 --> 00:56:40,167 What news? 1053 00:56:40,625 --> 00:56:43,208 No news, Emperor. I was just passing. 1054 00:56:43,333 --> 00:56:44,333 What's that then? 1055 00:56:44,500 --> 00:56:45,500 This? 1056 00:56:45,583 --> 00:56:47,250 It's just a bit of paper... 1057 00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:49,333 that I'm using to, um... 1058 00:56:49,417 --> 00:56:50,500 HE FARTS 1059 00:56:51,250 --> 00:56:52,250 wipe my bottom. 1060 00:56:52,417 --> 00:56:53,792 Toilet paper? 1061 00:56:54,125 --> 00:56:55,167 That will never catch on. 1062 00:56:55,625 --> 00:56:56,625 You're lying. 1063 00:56:59,500 --> 00:57:00,875 "London has fallen". - HE GASPS 1064 00:57:00,958 --> 00:57:03,042 Boudicca has burnt down another one of my cities. 1065 00:57:03,083 --> 00:57:05,042 Right! No more Mr Nice Guy. 1066 00:57:05,542 --> 00:57:07,542 THEY FART - POO PLOPS 1067 00:57:08,875 --> 00:57:10,792 NERO: this is all your fault, Claudius. 1068 00:57:10,875 --> 00:57:12,876 You had to go and conquer that weird stain Britain. 1069 00:57:12,917 --> 00:57:15,542 Now I'm gonna be the Emperor who lost the roman Empire. 1070 00:57:15,625 --> 00:57:17,833 MYSTERIOUS VOICE: I could help you. 1071 00:57:18,292 --> 00:57:19,292 Whoa! 1072 00:57:19,625 --> 00:57:21,375 Claudius, you speak! 1073 00:57:22,375 --> 00:57:24,176 I'm sorry about the whole murdering you thing. 1074 00:57:24,375 --> 00:57:26,125 CLAUDIUS: Forget about it. 1075 00:57:26,208 --> 00:57:29,458 Want to know how to save Britain? 1076 00:57:30,167 --> 00:57:31,708 Yes, yes, yes. Please, yes. 1077 00:57:32,125 --> 00:57:35,125 CLAUDIUS: Tell Paulinus he cannot win on strength. 1078 00:57:35,750 --> 00:57:38,083 He must use strategy. 1079 00:57:38,167 --> 00:57:40,625 Find a way to trap the Celts. 1080 00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:42,792 OTrap them, that's good. 1081 00:57:43,042 --> 00:57:45,208 CLAUDIUS: And listen to your mother. 1082 00:57:45,708 --> 00:57:47,167 For she is clever 1083 00:57:47,250 --> 00:57:50,958 and cunning and really quite beautiful. 1084 00:57:51,583 --> 00:57:53,875 Be sure to give her whatever she asks for. 1085 00:57:54,083 --> 00:57:56,542 NERO: Mother! - I'm right, though 1086 00:57:56,625 --> 00:57:58,125 aren't I? 1087 00:58:09,500 --> 00:58:10,500 Orla's back! 1088 00:58:15,625 --> 00:58:16,625 BRENDA YAWNS 1089 00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:18,875 Dad, we did it. We rescued Gran. 1090 00:58:19,042 --> 00:58:20,542 my girl. 1091 00:58:21,167 --> 00:58:22,417 My little Celtic warrior. 1092 00:58:22,500 --> 00:58:23,500 I'm so proud of you. 1093 00:58:23,667 --> 00:58:26,042 Hold on, what's that roman doing back here? 1094 00:58:26,125 --> 00:58:27,645 I thought you was gonna kill him, Orla. 1095 00:58:28,542 --> 00:58:29,792 We could kill him. 1096 00:58:30,250 --> 00:58:32,250 Wait, I um, I helped her rescue Brenda. 1097 00:58:32,458 --> 00:58:34,333 BRENDA: it is true. He did. 1098 00:58:34,583 --> 00:58:36,667 We should be thanking the gods. 1099 00:58:37,042 --> 00:58:38,375 Exactly. - BRENDA: So... 1100 00:58:38,625 --> 00:58:40,125 let's sacrifice him. 1101 00:58:40,458 --> 00:58:42,500 Ahem. What? - Sacrifice. 1102 00:58:42,583 --> 00:58:44,292 Yedrown him in the bog! 1103 00:58:44,417 --> 00:58:45,417 hang on a minute. 1104 00:58:45,500 --> 00:58:47,292 No, he'll be an offering to our gods. 1105 00:58:47,417 --> 00:58:50,042 You lucky thing. 1106 00:58:50,250 --> 00:58:51,542 It's a great honour. 1107 00:58:51,708 --> 00:58:52,908 - Orla, tell them, please. - Bog! 1108 00:58:53,208 --> 00:58:56,083 Bog! Bog! Bog! 1109 00:58:56,708 --> 00:59:02,167 - Come on! - Orla? Orla help! 1110 00:59:12,958 --> 00:59:15,000 � Bog on the bog � � A bogga bog bog � 1111 00:59:15,042 --> 00:59:16,082 � It's time to bogga bog � 1112 00:59:16,125 --> 00:59:18,125 � Take it to the bog, can't bring it to the bog � 1113 00:59:18,417 --> 00:59:20,042 � A bogga bogga bogga to the max I am � 1114 00:59:20,083 --> 00:59:21,000 � No stopping in the bog � 1115 00:59:21,083 --> 00:59:22,000 � Let's drop him in the bog � 1116 00:59:22,083 --> 00:59:23,542 � Bogga bogga bogga bogga bog � 1117 00:59:23,625 --> 00:59:25,333 � Let's jam, yeah, let's jam, yeah � 1118 00:59:25,500 --> 00:59:27,542 Yeah. As you were. 1119 00:59:29,167 --> 00:59:31,542 - Orla, do something. - Dad wait, just wait. 1120 00:59:34,375 --> 00:59:36,792 Look, me and Atti, we rescued Gran together. 1121 00:59:38,917 --> 00:59:42,875 So I really think I should have the honour of killing him. 1122 00:59:42,958 --> 00:59:43,958 What? 1123 00:59:44,875 --> 00:59:45,875 I thought we were mates. 1124 00:59:45,958 --> 00:59:50,583 - Well, I have proved myself, haven't I? - Yes, yes you have. 1125 00:59:50,958 --> 00:59:52,333 Go on, he's all yours. 1126 00:59:55,875 --> 00:59:56,958 Makes you proud. 1127 00:59:57,208 --> 00:59:58,708 They grow up so fast. 1128 00:59:59,833 --> 01:00:00,833 Seriously? 1129 01:00:01,292 --> 01:00:02,292 After everything? 1130 01:00:02,375 --> 01:00:03,458 Shut up and keep walking. 1131 01:00:04,500 --> 01:00:08,500 When I tell you to run leg it and don't look back. 1132 01:00:08,503 --> 01:00:09,792 Really? 1133 01:00:11,875 --> 01:00:12,958 Won't you get into trouble? 1134 01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:15,000 What will your dad say? 1135 01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:22,042 Thanks Orla. 1136 01:00:29,292 --> 01:00:31,750 Run! 1137 01:00:31,958 --> 01:00:34,125 - He's getting away. - She's letting him go. 1138 01:00:40,250 --> 01:00:41,375 What was that for? 1139 01:00:41,500 --> 01:00:43,708 We never get to chuck anyone in the bog any more. 1140 01:00:48,917 --> 01:00:50,000 Dad, I'm sorry. 1141 01:00:51,708 --> 01:00:54,458 - Yeah. - Not a good enough reason. 1142 01:01:14,500 --> 01:01:16,417 Guys! Guys! 1143 01:01:16,833 --> 01:01:17,917 It's me, I found you. 1144 01:01:18,792 --> 01:01:19,833 - Atti! - Yeah. 1145 01:01:19,917 --> 01:01:21,833 We were gonna come and rescue you but... 1146 01:01:21,917 --> 01:01:23,167 CELCIUS: Hello, Atti! 1147 01:01:24,583 --> 01:01:26,083 I've caught the deserter! 1148 01:01:26,208 --> 01:01:27,333 Deserter? What? 1149 01:01:27,708 --> 01:01:30,542 No, I was captured and taken prisoner by a tribe of Celts. 1150 01:01:30,750 --> 01:01:31,934 Tell us the location of this tribe 1151 01:01:31,958 --> 01:01:33,399 and they will feel the wrath of Rome. 1152 01:01:34,167 --> 01:01:37,833 ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS - Beautiful, civilised Rome. 1153 01:01:37,917 --> 01:01:39,917 With its brick walls and proper toilets. 1154 01:01:40,583 --> 01:01:41,875 ITALIAN MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY 1155 01:01:41,958 --> 01:01:42,958 What, soldier? 1156 01:01:44,042 --> 01:01:45,476 I, I can't tell you their location. 1157 01:01:45,500 --> 01:01:47,292 Because there is no such tribe. 1158 01:01:47,542 --> 01:01:49,375 The deserter is to receive 100 lashes. 1159 01:01:49,958 --> 01:01:51,226 Could be worse. - And then is to be 1160 01:01:51,250 --> 01:01:53,083 cudgelled to death by his comrades. 1161 01:01:53,167 --> 01:01:54,542 Yeah that's worse. 1162 01:02:57,125 --> 01:02:58,958 Stop that! Stop it! 1163 01:02:59,042 --> 01:03:00,042 It's too slushy! 1164 01:03:00,583 --> 01:03:02,583 I won't have slushy songs, not on my watch. 1165 01:03:03,750 --> 01:03:05,500 Bad for troop morale. 1166 01:03:14,458 --> 01:03:15,583 Brenda. 1167 01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:17,268 You haven't seen Orla, have you? 1168 01:03:17,292 --> 01:03:18,809 I thought she might have followed us back. 1169 01:03:18,833 --> 01:03:20,667 You know where she will have gone, don't you? 1170 01:03:20,750 --> 01:03:21,750 Boudicca. 1171 01:03:22,792 --> 01:03:24,250 And she's gone into battle. 1172 01:03:24,875 --> 01:03:26,000 ARGHUS: Come on! 1173 01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:30,250 PAULINUS: Boudicca has destroyed St Albans. 1174 01:03:30,667 --> 01:03:32,458 The Celts outnumber us ten to one. 1175 01:03:32,542 --> 01:03:34,750 Paulinus cannot win on strength alone. 1176 01:03:34,833 --> 01:03:36,667 Nero wants us to use strategy. 1177 01:03:37,042 --> 01:03:38,708 Find a way to trap the Celts. 1178 01:03:38,792 --> 01:03:40,750 But Paulinus does not know how. 1179 01:03:41,625 --> 01:03:42,625 Atti knows. 1180 01:03:42,917 --> 01:03:43,917 Atti knows how. 1181 01:03:44,125 --> 01:03:46,042 Who's Atti? - He's me. 1182 01:03:46,333 --> 01:03:48,625 Why do you speak of yourself in the third person? 1183 01:03:49,292 --> 01:03:50,375 Only big-heads do that. 1184 01:03:50,708 --> 01:03:52,500 Sorry, sir. - 100 lashes. 1185 01:03:52,667 --> 01:03:53,667 PAULINUS: Wait! 1186 01:03:54,458 --> 01:03:55,458 What have you got to say? 1187 01:03:55,542 --> 01:03:56,708 He's a deserter, sir. 1188 01:03:56,792 --> 01:03:58,000 Not you, him. Hold on... 1189 01:03:58,083 --> 01:03:59,083 A deserter? - No, wait. 1190 01:03:59,167 --> 01:04:00,667 I have an idea, just... 1191 01:04:01,542 --> 01:04:02,917 I can help you, I know stuff. 1192 01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,542 Just, please, give me a chance. 1193 01:04:04,958 --> 01:04:06,917 Paulinus will not... - WHIP SNAPS 1194 01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:08,241 ATTI GRUNTS - No, wait, hold on. 1195 01:04:08,292 --> 01:04:11,583 Paulinus will not punish you until he hears your idea. 1196 01:04:11,667 --> 01:04:13,958 Sorry, I thought you meant... - You have one chance. 1197 01:04:15,458 --> 01:04:16,500 Do not fail. 1198 01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:24,875 Hello. 1199 01:04:25,667 --> 01:04:27,167 My name is Attilius Minus 1200 01:04:28,042 --> 01:04:29,958 and I was brutally captured by the Celts. 1201 01:04:30,125 --> 01:04:32,125 We don't wanna hear your sob story, boy. 1202 01:04:32,208 --> 01:04:33,458 Nobody likes a cry baby. 1203 01:04:34,333 --> 01:04:37,292 So what's your strategy? - Um, well, what you need 1204 01:04:37,500 --> 01:04:39,375 is a landscape that works as a bottleneck. 1205 01:04:40,167 --> 01:04:41,458 So loads of people can get in 1206 01:04:41,833 --> 01:04:43,833 but only a few can get to the front at one time. 1207 01:04:44,292 --> 01:04:45,458 The rest will be trapped. 1208 01:04:45,875 --> 01:04:47,559 But where are we gonna find somewhere like that? 1209 01:04:47,583 --> 01:04:48,667 HE SNIGGER Idiot. 1210 01:04:48,750 --> 01:04:50,125 I've seen the perfect spot. 1211 01:04:50,208 --> 01:04:51,329 It's just by Watling street. 1212 01:04:51,917 --> 01:04:53,542 Paulinus does not like this plan. 1213 01:04:53,792 --> 01:04:54,833 HE LAUGHS Yeah! 1214 01:05:01,042 --> 01:05:02,167 He loves it. 1215 01:05:03,458 --> 01:05:04,458 Genius. 1216 01:05:04,750 --> 01:05:06,125 The boy's a credit to Rome. 1217 01:05:06,375 --> 01:05:08,417 SOLDIERS CHEER 1218 01:05:23,167 --> 01:05:24,767 Here we are at Watling Street and look... 1219 01:05:25,500 --> 01:05:26,625 it's a bottleneck. 1220 01:05:27,375 --> 01:05:28,375 It's perfect. 1221 01:05:29,750 --> 01:05:31,083 Paulinus will sit here 1222 01:05:31,875 --> 01:05:33,917 and draw the Celts into his trap. 1223 01:05:34,500 --> 01:05:36,000 your trap. Our trap. 1224 01:05:37,333 --> 01:05:40,792 Go. Make sure Boudicca knows exactly where we are. 1225 01:05:42,708 --> 01:05:44,792 Paulinus is gonna slaughter them all. 1226 01:05:44,875 --> 01:05:46,042 Slaughter them? - Yeah. 1227 01:05:46,125 --> 01:05:47,851 What do you mean? - Slaughter, verb. Transitive. 1228 01:05:47,875 --> 01:05:50,125 Meaning to kill or butcher in a brutal or violent manner. 1229 01:05:50,500 --> 01:05:52,625 There, um, there must be a misunderstanding. 1230 01:05:52,833 --> 01:05:54,934 I thought you were just gonna trap them? Take them prisoner. 1231 01:05:54,958 --> 01:05:57,333 No. To oppose Rome is to die. 1232 01:05:57,417 --> 01:05:59,297 And thanks to you, Attilius, the only Celts left 1233 01:05:59,333 --> 01:06:00,458 will be dead Celts. 1234 01:06:04,083 --> 01:06:05,167 What have I done? 1235 01:06:06,083 --> 01:06:08,042 Has anyone heard from Paulinus? 1236 01:06:08,542 --> 01:06:10,167 Has he thought of a strategy? 1237 01:06:10,250 --> 01:06:12,309 Maybe I should just give Britain up as a bad job, yeah? 1238 01:06:12,333 --> 01:06:13,643 Let them keep their miserable little country. 1239 01:06:13,667 --> 01:06:14,875 AGRIPPINA: Oh, my darling. 1240 01:06:15,125 --> 01:06:16,750 Would you like Mummy to take over? 1241 01:06:17,250 --> 01:06:18,250 No, leave me alone. 1242 01:06:18,625 --> 01:06:20,083 message for you. 1243 01:06:20,583 --> 01:06:21,833 A message, my Emperor. 1244 01:06:22,292 --> 01:06:23,583 From Paulinus? 1245 01:06:24,042 --> 01:06:25,083 Boudicca. 1246 01:06:28,917 --> 01:06:29,958 I can't play the lyre? 1247 01:06:30,042 --> 01:06:32,375 Well, she has a point. You never do your practice. 1248 01:06:32,458 --> 01:06:33,792 And I sing like a girl? 1249 01:06:36,750 --> 01:06:37,833 Well that's what it says. 1250 01:06:38,333 --> 01:06:39,333 SHE SIGHS 1251 01:06:39,417 --> 01:06:41,458 Let me give you some advice. - Right, that's it. 1252 01:06:41,542 --> 01:06:43,583 Will someone just do me a favour and killer her? 1253 01:06:44,500 --> 01:06:45,833 KNIFE SWOOSHES - Ow! 1254 01:06:47,958 --> 01:06:49,458 SHE GASPS 1255 01:06:51,500 --> 01:06:52,500 I meant Boudicca. 1256 01:06:53,083 --> 01:06:55,125 Hm? - 1257 01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:58,375 Sorry. - Don't be. 1258 01:06:58,500 --> 01:07:00,333 It's a good job, unsubtle but effective. 1259 01:07:00,417 --> 01:07:01,697 I was probably over-thinking it. 1260 01:07:01,750 --> 01:07:02,750 I should thank you. 1261 01:07:02,833 --> 01:07:04,500 HE CHUCKLES Thank you, my Emperor. 1262 01:07:04,750 --> 01:07:06,333 But you did just kill my mother 1263 01:07:06,625 --> 01:07:08,250 so I will have to execute you instead. 1264 01:07:08,917 --> 01:07:10,042 Guards. 1265 01:07:10,458 --> 01:07:13,375 Ugh! After all that I've done for you? 1266 01:07:14,542 --> 01:07:16,917 I never liked you anyway. 1267 01:07:18,667 --> 01:07:20,507 Now that she's gone, that just leaves Boudicca. 1268 01:07:21,125 --> 01:07:23,125 Watch out, woad face, Rome is comin' atcha! 1269 01:07:26,208 --> 01:07:27,667 ARMIES CLAMOUR 1270 01:07:29,708 --> 01:07:31,667 Aye, well, there's loads of us now. 1271 01:07:31,958 --> 01:07:34,917 Well, excitement here is reaching fever pitch. 1272 01:07:35,208 --> 01:07:37,500 The headline act is due on any minute 1273 01:07:37,583 --> 01:07:39,250 and what a turn out. 1274 01:07:39,458 --> 01:07:41,625 Cartloads of fans have come to see the show. 1275 01:07:41,750 --> 01:07:43,311 And they haven't been put off by the mud 1276 01:07:43,375 --> 01:07:44,875 or the terrible toilets. 1277 01:07:44,958 --> 01:07:47,667 No, I dropped my sword down there! 1278 01:07:50,750 --> 01:07:52,250 CROWD CLAMOURS 1279 01:07:52,375 --> 01:07:55,292 And here she is now, the woman of the moment. 1280 01:07:55,542 --> 01:07:57,250 Queen B! Queen B! 1281 01:07:57,708 --> 01:08:00,583 Hello, Watling Street. It's great to be here. 1282 01:08:00,833 --> 01:08:03,042 Let's see if we can go and speak to her. 1283 01:08:03,333 --> 01:08:06,250 Boudicca. Colchester, London... 1284 01:08:06,333 --> 01:08:09,583 St Albans. You destroyed them all, I mean, what a tour! 1285 01:08:09,667 --> 01:08:11,208 Yethanks. - GIRL: I love you! 1286 01:08:11,250 --> 01:08:14,417 And the followers here certainly seem fired up for a big finale. 1287 01:08:14,542 --> 01:08:15,583 Yewell, you know. 1288 01:08:15,667 --> 01:08:17,500 I wanted to give the fans what they're after. 1289 01:08:17,583 --> 01:08:20,500 Get them right up close to the action looking at me. 1290 01:08:20,625 --> 01:08:21,708 Now, I've got to ask 1291 01:08:21,833 --> 01:08:24,750 if you do need to retreat won't these carts be in the way? 1292 01:08:25,875 --> 01:08:27,875 Retreat? SHE LAUGHS 1293 01:08:28,250 --> 01:08:30,000 I don't know the meaning of the word. 1294 01:08:30,708 --> 01:08:32,833 You know, there are only 10,000 of them. 1295 01:08:33,042 --> 01:08:34,500 There's 100,000 of us. 1296 01:08:34,792 --> 01:08:36,167 We're gonna knock 'em dead! 1297 01:08:36,542 --> 01:08:38,667 Well, confident fighting talk there. 1298 01:08:38,792 --> 01:08:40,708 Now over to the battlefield. 1299 01:08:46,125 --> 01:08:47,643 ARGHUS: How are we gonna find her here? 1300 01:08:47,667 --> 01:08:49,333 BRENDA: There are so many people. 1301 01:08:50,500 --> 01:08:51,500 Orla! 1302 01:08:51,958 --> 01:08:53,042 Orla! 1303 01:08:53,417 --> 01:08:54,417 Dad? 1304 01:08:54,750 --> 01:08:57,250 I'm a warrior! Look at me! Whoo! 1305 01:09:01,167 --> 01:09:02,708 ORLA: Wait, I'm not ready. 1306 01:09:04,458 --> 01:09:06,667 Wait, stop, wait, dad! 1307 01:09:08,333 --> 01:09:09,583 Dad, help me! 1308 01:09:09,750 --> 01:09:10,792 I've changed my mind! 1309 01:09:16,417 --> 01:09:17,542 ORLA SHOUTS: Dad! 1310 01:09:17,625 --> 01:09:19,500 ARGHUS: Orla, where are you? 1311 01:09:20,375 --> 01:09:21,958 MUSIC STARTS 1312 01:10:22,083 --> 01:10:24,708 we just gotta get our praying out of the way. 1313 01:10:24,875 --> 01:10:26,208 Yeus too, yeah. 1314 01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:31,583 ARMY ROARS 1315 01:11:58,208 --> 01:12:00,458 MUSIC STOPS - ARMIES SHOUT AND GRUNT 1316 01:12:04,667 --> 01:12:05,958 "Come on holiday", you said. 1317 01:12:06,667 --> 01:12:08,750 "Britain's nice this time of year", you said. 1318 01:12:10,250 --> 01:12:11,333 I want a divorce. 1319 01:12:14,125 --> 01:12:15,208 Fair enough. 1320 01:12:15,958 --> 01:12:17,083 Anyone missing a head? 1321 01:12:23,833 --> 01:12:25,250 No! 1322 01:12:29,333 --> 01:12:30,583 Atti! - Orla! 1323 01:12:31,208 --> 01:12:32,375 Thanks. Duck! 1324 01:12:35,417 --> 01:12:42,272 - Pretend you're fighting me. - Do you still wanna be a warrior? 1325 01:12:42,417 --> 01:12:43,577 I just wanna get out of here. 1326 01:12:43,917 --> 01:12:45,583 - Team? - Team. 1327 01:12:48,083 --> 01:12:52,500 - Run away! - I can't go through! It's blocked! 1328 01:12:52,500 --> 01:12:55,333 Sorry. 1329 01:12:59,667 --> 01:13:01,333 Boudicca. Let me kill her. 1330 01:13:12,083 --> 01:13:13,292 Celcius. 1331 01:13:13,542 --> 01:13:15,458 How does it feel to be bested by a girl? 1332 01:13:15,708 --> 01:13:18,083 I will never, ever be bested by a girl. 1333 01:13:18,250 --> 01:13:21,667 Bested. 1334 01:13:26,708 --> 01:13:30,208 Thanks, kid. You're the best. 1335 01:13:32,375 --> 01:13:36,250 - Keep it. It's yours. - Really? I'm such a fan. 1336 01:13:37,250 --> 01:13:39,583 Being famous is not all it's cracked up to be, you know. 1337 01:13:40,417 --> 01:13:41,792 There's a lot of haters out there. 1338 01:13:43,208 --> 01:13:44,489 But you've got real talent, kid. 1339 01:13:45,000 --> 01:13:46,375 Do you think? 1340 01:13:46,708 --> 01:13:49,167 Sure. You remind me of me at your age. 1341 01:13:50,625 --> 01:13:52,250 Right, I've gotta roll. 1342 01:13:56,375 --> 01:13:57,417 Where's she gone? 1343 01:13:57,625 --> 01:13:58,750 Orla! 1344 01:13:59,375 --> 01:14:01,458 Orla, come quick! It's your dad! 1345 01:14:06,208 --> 01:14:08,292 - Dad? - I know what to do. 1346 01:14:08,458 --> 01:14:10,000 - I can help. - Back off, roman. 1347 01:14:10,292 --> 01:14:12,052 Dougal's getting some proper celtic medicine. 1348 01:14:12,583 --> 01:14:13,624 Stand back, please. 1349 01:14:14,375 --> 01:14:15,875 Give him a lick. Give him a lick. 1350 01:14:16,083 --> 01:14:17,250 Go on. Who's a good boy? 1351 01:14:17,542 --> 01:14:18,708 Who's a good boy? 1352 01:14:19,042 --> 01:14:20,375 Don't do that, it's unhygienic. 1353 01:14:20,875 --> 01:14:22,042 You need to clean the wound. 1354 01:14:24,292 --> 01:14:26,375 Bees. Go get me some honey from that nest. 1355 01:14:26,958 --> 01:14:28,750 Seriously? - Honey is antiseptic. 1356 01:14:29,417 --> 01:14:30,875 Listen to him. He knows his stuff. 1357 01:14:31,625 --> 01:14:32,625 DOUGAL GRUMBLES 1358 01:14:34,042 --> 01:14:35,542 What's that? - Vinegar. 1359 01:14:36,417 --> 01:14:37,458 Stops infections. 1360 01:14:38,958 --> 01:14:40,583 DOUGAL GRUNTS - BEES BUZZ ANGRILY 1361 01:14:40,708 --> 01:14:42,458 You little bees. 1362 01:14:44,250 --> 01:14:45,292 Is he gonna be OK? 1363 01:14:46,958 --> 01:14:48,500 DOUGAL: Here's the honey. - Thanks. 1364 01:14:51,875 --> 01:14:53,000 I think he'll be alright. 1365 01:14:53,833 --> 01:14:54,833 It's all my fault. 1366 01:14:55,167 --> 01:14:56,208 It's not your fault. 1367 01:14:56,792 --> 01:14:57,792 It's mine. 1368 01:14:58,458 --> 01:15:00,792 It was me who told Paulinus about the bottleneck. 1369 01:15:01,333 --> 01:15:03,250 What? - I'm such an idiot. 1370 01:15:03,917 --> 01:15:04,958 No, you're not. 1371 01:15:05,458 --> 01:15:06,500 You're clever. 1372 01:15:08,792 --> 01:15:10,083 That's why I like you. 1373 01:15:11,375 --> 01:15:13,458 Thanks, Orla. - But don't get me wrong. 1374 01:15:14,208 --> 01:15:15,792 You still messed up, big time. 1375 01:15:17,250 --> 01:15:18,250 ARGHUS GROANS 1376 01:15:19,042 --> 01:15:20,667 Dad! - Hello. 1377 01:15:21,333 --> 01:15:22,833 Huh, oh... 1378 01:15:23,292 --> 01:15:25,458 That feels better already, you know. 1379 01:15:26,750 --> 01:15:28,083 Got anything for bee stings? 1380 01:15:29,500 --> 01:15:31,042 I am so proud of you. 1381 01:15:32,458 --> 01:15:34,542 You are a fine Celtic warrior. 1382 01:15:35,625 --> 01:15:36,708 And that sword... 1383 01:15:37,542 --> 01:15:38,667 is yours to keep. 1384 01:15:39,167 --> 01:15:40,333 Thanks, dad. 1385 01:15:43,042 --> 01:15:44,875 But I don't wanna be a warrior anymore. 1386 01:15:45,292 --> 01:15:46,958 Fighting is stupid. 1387 01:15:47,042 --> 01:15:48,125 People get hurt. 1388 01:15:48,792 --> 01:15:50,583 SWORD SWOOSHES - MAN YELLS 1389 01:15:51,917 --> 01:15:53,042 Sorry, Dougal! 1390 01:15:56,167 --> 01:15:57,250 Did we win? 1391 01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:03,917 PAULINUS: Paulinus is victorious! 1392 01:16:04,750 --> 01:16:06,958 Throw down your weapons, Celts! It's over! 1393 01:16:09,958 --> 01:16:12,625 Agree to live under Nero's law 1394 01:16:12,667 --> 01:16:14,542 and Paulinus will show mercy. 1395 01:16:14,958 --> 01:16:16,333 But we, we don't wanna be roman. 1396 01:16:16,458 --> 01:16:18,000 To oppose Rome is to die. 1397 01:16:18,667 --> 01:16:19,833 Fair enough. Yay, Rome. 1398 01:16:19,958 --> 01:16:21,500 Rome brings civilisation. 1399 01:16:21,625 --> 01:16:23,417 I like being uncivilised! 1400 01:16:23,750 --> 01:16:25,125 SHE BURPS AND LAUGHS 1401 01:16:25,875 --> 01:16:27,042 For Jupiter's sake! 1402 01:16:27,208 --> 01:16:28,875 CELT FARTS - PAULINUS: Who was that? 1403 01:16:28,958 --> 01:16:30,042 I'm Fartacus. 1404 01:16:30,125 --> 01:16:31,667 THEY LAUGH - MAN 1: No, no. 1405 01:16:31,875 --> 01:16:33,125 I'm Fartacus. 1406 01:16:33,250 --> 01:16:34,250 No. I'm Fartacus. 1407 01:16:34,375 --> 01:16:36,333 CELTS LAUGH - I'm Fartacus. 1408 01:16:36,417 --> 01:16:38,417 CELTS LAUGH - I'm Fartacus. 1409 01:16:39,542 --> 01:16:41,458 I'm Fartacus and so is my wife. 1410 01:16:42,583 --> 01:16:44,792 CELTS LAUGH - CELTS BLOW RASPBERRIES 1411 01:16:46,500 --> 01:16:49,417 Send news to Nero that Paulinus has vanquished the Celts. 1412 01:16:49,500 --> 01:16:50,500 Although... 1413 01:16:50,583 --> 01:16:52,125 frankly, I don't know why we bothered. 1414 01:16:53,542 --> 01:16:54,542 Centurion. 1415 01:16:54,917 --> 01:16:56,000 You've served Rome well. 1416 01:16:56,333 --> 01:16:59,208 ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS - Sweet Rome. 1417 01:16:59,292 --> 01:17:01,268 I don't mind telling you, I've missed the place a bit. 1418 01:17:01,292 --> 01:17:02,333 By way of reward 1419 01:17:02,417 --> 01:17:05,208 Nero gives you ten acres of land for your retirement. 1420 01:17:05,708 --> 01:17:07,250 Thank you, sir. 1421 01:17:08,250 --> 01:17:10,458 Where is it? Tuscany? Capri? 1422 01:17:10,958 --> 01:17:12,583 Essex. - ITALIAN MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY 1423 01:17:12,667 --> 01:17:14,083 HE CRIES 1424 01:17:15,125 --> 01:17:16,458 HE SOBS 1425 01:17:16,667 --> 01:17:17,958 SOLDIERS MURMUR 1426 01:17:18,500 --> 01:17:19,625 PAULINUS: Attilius Minus. 1427 01:17:22,583 --> 01:17:23,667 Rome thanks you. 1428 01:17:24,000 --> 01:17:25,167 Without you... 1429 01:17:25,750 --> 01:17:27,958 we should not have come to victory in this battle. 1430 01:17:28,250 --> 01:17:29,958 Yeah. Let's not make a big deal of it. 1431 01:17:30,042 --> 01:17:32,125 Nero will want to reward you himself. 1432 01:17:32,625 --> 01:17:33,750 Come. 1433 01:17:34,042 --> 01:17:35,083 But wait, now? 1434 01:17:35,167 --> 01:17:37,542 Back in Rome you will be celebrated as a hero. 1435 01:17:38,167 --> 01:17:40,333 You'll have all the scrolls you've ever dreamed of. 1436 01:17:40,417 --> 01:17:41,625 You'll be well famous. 1437 01:17:41,708 --> 01:17:43,833 Can I have your signature? - I wanna go home! 1438 01:17:45,208 --> 01:17:47,917 Wait. Why doesn't Decimus go in my place? 1439 01:17:48,208 --> 01:17:50,000 Why? - It doesn't matter. Who cares? 1440 01:17:50,083 --> 01:17:51,083 It's a brilliant idea. 1441 01:17:51,333 --> 01:17:52,583 Here, he can even have my land. 1442 01:17:53,292 --> 01:17:56,458 ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS Rome, sweet Rome, wahoo! 1443 01:17:56,542 --> 01:17:58,208 ITALIAN MUSIC FADES 1444 01:17:59,500 --> 01:18:01,750 The thing is, I... I kind of like it here. 1445 01:18:02,500 --> 01:18:03,500 I like the people. 1446 01:18:04,292 --> 01:18:06,125 But they're stupid. - They're not stupid. 1447 01:18:06,208 --> 01:18:07,500 They're just different. 1448 01:18:08,083 --> 01:18:09,583 I've learned stuff from them 1449 01:18:09,875 --> 01:18:11,000 and we've shared some fun. 1450 01:18:11,708 --> 01:18:14,500 Anyway, I see this as Paulinus's victory. 1451 01:18:14,917 --> 01:18:16,292 You should have all the glory. 1452 01:18:17,417 --> 01:18:18,500 Yeyou're right. 1453 01:18:19,208 --> 01:18:21,458 Paulinus does deserve to take the credit. 1454 01:18:22,458 --> 01:18:23,625 Bring the prisoner. 1455 01:18:24,125 --> 01:18:25,750 What prisoner? - PAULINUS: Boudicca. 1456 01:18:27,208 --> 01:18:28,292 Uh... 1457 01:18:29,167 --> 01:18:30,167 About that, she... 1458 01:18:30,208 --> 01:18:31,750 Don't tell me you let her get away? 1459 01:18:31,833 --> 01:18:34,000 Uh... - What happened to her? 1460 01:18:34,083 --> 01:18:35,542 What will Paulinus tell Nero? 1461 01:18:36,083 --> 01:18:37,083 You have failed. 1462 01:18:37,542 --> 01:18:40,125 You will receive your just reward when we return to Rome. 1463 01:18:43,167 --> 01:18:44,583 TIMIDIUS: Ooooooh! 1464 01:18:44,875 --> 01:18:46,333 THEY GIGGLE 1465 01:18:49,333 --> 01:18:50,833 THEY LAUGH 1466 01:19:02,250 --> 01:19:03,292 Emperor. 1467 01:19:04,708 --> 01:19:07,042 Paulinus brings news of a great victory. 1468 01:19:07,125 --> 01:19:09,000 Yes, I heard. I won. 1469 01:19:09,125 --> 01:19:11,625 Write that down, historian. "Nero won a great victory". 1470 01:19:12,375 --> 01:19:14,417 So tell me, how exactly did I kill Boudicca? 1471 01:19:15,083 --> 01:19:16,333 er, yeah. 1472 01:19:17,667 --> 01:19:20,167 Paulinus knows not the exact nature of Boudicca's fate. 1473 01:19:20,667 --> 01:19:21,833 But she is dead, right? 1474 01:19:21,917 --> 01:19:23,637 Because if she isn't, I know someone who is. 1475 01:19:24,333 --> 01:19:27,500 No, no, no. She's dead. She's definitely dead. 1476 01:19:27,503 --> 01:19:29,542 It's just the "how" is up to you. 1477 01:19:29,625 --> 01:19:32,500 - What do you mean? - Well, history is written by the victor. 1478 01:19:32,503 --> 01:19:33,542 Yeah that's right. 1479 01:19:34,417 --> 01:19:35,958 So, write this down historian. 1480 01:19:36,792 --> 01:19:46,500 Boudicca was so frightened by the magnificent heroic Nero, that she poisoned herself. 1481 01:19:46,508 --> 01:19:47,417 And that's it. That's true. 1482 01:19:49,125 --> 01:19:51,292 I'm thinking of wearing these to my victory parade. 1483 01:19:51,958 --> 01:19:53,083 What do you think? Bit much? 1484 01:19:53,500 --> 01:19:54,833 Paulinus would have to say... 1485 01:19:54,917 --> 01:19:56,458 No. 1486 01:19:57,917 --> 01:19:59,167 Seem very dark, though. 1487 01:19:59,208 --> 01:20:00,643 Of course they are. They're sunglasses. 1488 01:20:00,667 --> 01:20:01,667 I've just invented them. 1489 01:20:01,708 --> 01:20:03,208 Right, is everything secure? 1490 01:20:03,250 --> 01:20:05,583 Yes. My men have checked everywhere for assassins, sir. 1491 01:20:07,125 --> 01:20:08,458 All clear. 1492 01:20:09,042 --> 01:20:10,458 Well then, let's do this. 1493 01:20:11,542 --> 01:20:12,708 Sorry. 1494 01:20:13,625 --> 01:20:17,125 Nero! Nero! Nero! 1495 01:20:26,042 --> 01:20:28,250 Historian, don't you dare write that down. 1496 01:20:32,833 --> 01:20:35,125 Hail Mercury, messenger of the gods. 1497 01:20:35,375 --> 01:20:37,333 Pray send word that Atti is safe. 1498 01:20:37,417 --> 01:20:38,583 Here's a letter from Atti. 1499 01:20:38,750 --> 01:20:40,167 That was quick! 1500 01:20:40,458 --> 01:20:41,875 What does he say? 1501 01:20:42,000 --> 01:20:43,833 Britain good. 1502 01:20:43,917 --> 01:20:46,125 Celts helping me build a house to live in. 1503 01:20:46,333 --> 01:20:48,083 The savages are lovely. 1504 01:20:50,125 --> 01:20:52,167 - I think that says "sausages". - Yeah. 1505 01:20:54,000 --> 01:20:55,167 Atti. 1506 01:20:56,000 --> 01:20:57,292 Fancy joining us for dinner? 1507 01:20:57,792 --> 01:20:59,500 Yes, please. What is it? 1508 01:20:59,750 --> 01:21:01,458 - Baked parsnip. - Lovely. 1509 01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:03,958 Need some rotten fish gut sauce with that? 1510 01:21:04,417 --> 01:21:05,417 Dad? 1511 01:21:06,542 --> 01:21:08,250 Mum, dad, you came. 1512 01:21:11,458 --> 01:21:15,500 He talked so much about Britain in his letters we wanted to see it for ourselves. 1513 01:21:15,542 --> 01:21:16,875 Well, what do you think? 1514 01:21:17,417 --> 01:21:21,208 - Atti has taught us how to make concrete. - Like it. 1515 01:21:21,417 --> 01:21:22,417 Nice one, son. 1516 01:21:28,042 --> 01:21:29,042 Have a swig of this. 1517 01:21:29,417 --> 01:21:31,667 What is it? - We call it wine. 1518 01:21:32,208 --> 01:21:33,667 It's basically rotten grape juice 1519 01:21:33,750 --> 01:21:34,809 which gives you a massive headache 1520 01:21:34,833 --> 01:21:36,143 and makes you embarrass your kids. 1521 01:21:36,167 --> 01:21:37,792 Sounds right up my street. 1522 01:21:38,292 --> 01:21:39,292 Mm. 1523 01:21:39,375 --> 01:21:40,792 I've got a brooch just like that. 1524 01:21:42,292 --> 01:21:43,292 Really? 1525 01:21:45,375 --> 01:21:46,375 Salut?. 1526 01:21:46,792 --> 01:21:48,625 MUSIC STARTS 1527 01:23:40,833 --> 01:23:42,333 MUSIC STOPS - They won't will they? 1528 01:23:42,750 --> 01:23:44,417 No, not for about seven years, or so. 1529 01:24:16,125 --> 01:24:18,542 THEY LAUGH - THEY CHATTER 1530 01:24:19,208 --> 01:24:20,708 OK? 1531 01:24:22,167 --> 01:24:23,667 Did I miss anything? HE CHUCKLES 1532 01:24:29,917 --> 01:24:31,500 What have you done with your hair? 1533 01:24:31,542 --> 01:24:32,542 Looks different. 1534 01:24:32,583 --> 01:24:34,000 Like Boudicca. - Yewell... 1535 01:24:34,583 --> 01:24:36,292 I'm gonna be Queen of the tribe one day. 1536 01:24:36,375 --> 01:24:38,292 Someone's gotta kick all the romans out. 1537 01:24:39,250 --> 01:24:40,292 You are joking, right? 1538 01:24:41,375 --> 01:24:42,375 Might be. 1539 01:24:44,167 --> 01:24:45,208 Come on. 1540 01:25:13,333 --> 01:25:15,625 � Time flies Our story's done � 1541 01:25:16,000 --> 01:25:19,083 � But history keeps rolling on � 1542 01:25:20,000 --> 01:25:21,958 � Big winners, epic fails � 1543 01:25:22,375 --> 01:25:25,625 � Two sides to every tale � 1544 01:25:26,042 --> 01:25:28,917 � Time flies, it's been a blast � 1545 01:25:29,125 --> 01:25:32,833 � But history is built to last � 1546 01:25:33,208 --> 01:25:35,542 � One empire gets the sack � 1547 01:25:35,792 --> 01:25:38,500 � Another one strikes back � 1548 01:25:39,083 --> 01:25:42,167 � Time flies � 1549 01:25:42,500 --> 01:25:45,000 � We're through � 1550 01:25:45,375 --> 01:25:48,500 � Still history's � 1551 01:25:48,792 --> 01:25:52,042 � Got plans for you � 1552 01:25:52,542 --> 01:25:54,625 Boo! HE CHUCKLES 1553 01:25:54,875 --> 01:25:55,917 Fooled you! 1554 01:25:56,375 --> 01:25:58,333 wait, don't go yet! 1555 01:25:58,542 --> 01:25:59,958 You'll miss the best bit! 1556 01:26:00,458 --> 01:26:02,208 Oh no, not all the names. 1557 01:26:02,542 --> 01:26:04,500 There's so many names. 1558 01:26:05,083 --> 01:26:08,292 Why are there so many names? 1559 01:26:08,875 --> 01:26:10,083 HE YAWNS 1560 01:26:13,792 --> 01:26:16,375 The best bit is where I tell you what was true 1561 01:26:16,708 --> 01:26:19,417 and 100% accu-rat! 1562 01:26:19,833 --> 01:26:21,309 I bet you're wondering what really happened 1563 01:26:21,333 --> 01:26:22,417 to Boudicca, aren't you? 1564 01:26:22,583 --> 01:26:24,583 Yewell, so is everyone. 1565 01:26:25,083 --> 01:26:26,833 One roman historian did write 1566 01:26:26,917 --> 01:26:29,792 that she poisoned herself after the battle 1567 01:26:29,875 --> 01:26:31,292 to avoid being captured. 1568 01:26:31,750 --> 01:26:33,500 But another one said she died from illness 1569 01:26:33,583 --> 01:26:35,708 and had this great big elaborate funeral. 1570 01:26:36,125 --> 01:26:39,458 So, basically, you can make up your own mind. 1571 01:26:39,833 --> 01:26:45,542 One thing's for sure, the romans didn't capture Boudicca or they'd have taken her back to Rome 1572 01:26:45,708 --> 01:26:47,417 and bragged about it big time. 1573 01:26:47,667 --> 01:26:49,583 You know what those romans are like. 1574 01:26:49,833 --> 01:26:51,583 Hang on! 1575 01:26:52,042 --> 01:26:55,208 Look at all that popcorn and sweets, you've dropped on the floor! 1576 01:26:55,583 --> 01:26:58,250 That's not nearly enough! 1577 01:26:58,667 --> 01:27:01,000 I'm coming down there to stuff my little furry face. 1578 01:27:01,250 --> 01:27:02,333 Back in a tick. 1579 01:27:03,583 --> 01:27:07,500 � The sun is always shining here � � This city we call home � 1580 01:27:07,508 --> 01:27:09,875 A rat! It's a rat! 1581 01:27:10,208 --> 01:27:12,042 � An empire ruled by Rome � 1582 01:27:12,167 --> 01:27:13,601 - What was that? - � Togas, roman baths � 1583 01:27:13,625 --> 01:27:14,542 � And roads � 1584 01:27:14,583 --> 01:27:16,292 � Creations that we spread � 1585 01:27:16,542 --> 01:27:18,667 � Conquered people welcomed us � 1586 01:27:18,750 --> 01:27:20,230 � Cos if they didn't, they'd be dead � 1587 01:27:20,292 --> 01:27:21,393 Look mummy, there's a rat! 1588 01:27:21,417 --> 01:27:23,458 � Rome, we colonise ya! � 1589 01:27:23,542 --> 01:27:25,625 - � Rome, we civilise ya! � - It's a rat! 1590 01:27:25,708 --> 01:27:27,833 � Rome, and we brutalise ya! � 1591 01:27:27,917 --> 01:27:32,250 � There's no place like Rome � 1592 01:27:35,042 --> 01:27:39,000 A particularly big thank you, to whoever was sitting in row 12. 1593 01:27:39,125 --> 01:27:42,542 Yes, you. You are my favourite litter bugs. 1594 01:27:45,833 --> 01:27:50,417 So anyway, the film is cram-packed with juicy facts. 1595 01:27:50,667 --> 01:27:54,000 Like Agrippina really did bump off husband Claudius 1596 01:27:54,083 --> 01:27:56,833 with a poison feather so her son could be Emperor. 1597 01:27:56,917 --> 01:28:01,500 And she put her own face on the coins, and generally annoyed Nero so much 1598 01:28:01,500 --> 01:28:02,667 that he had her killed. 1599 01:28:02,833 --> 01:28:08,542 Yeah, after trying the booby-trapped boat, and a collapsible bedroom ceiling. 1600 01:28:12,125 --> 01:28:13,750 Fizzy. 1601 01:28:14,208 --> 01:28:16,792 Then it was Nero's turn to meet a sticky end. 1602 01:28:16,875 --> 01:28:19,292 He ended up being betrayed by his own men. 1603 01:28:19,875 --> 01:28:21,750 And speaking of sticky... 1604 01:28:21,917 --> 01:28:24,167 Look at this. It's bubble-gum! 1605 01:28:26,333 --> 01:28:30,042 It's a bit hairy, but do you know what? It's just how I like it. 1606 01:28:33,500 --> 01:28:35,042 Note to self. 1607 01:28:35,375 --> 01:28:38,208 Never drink fizzy drinks and swallow bubble-gum! 1608 01:28:46,000 --> 01:28:47,500 Now I'm Fartacus. 1609 01:28:47,917 --> 01:28:49,375 Think I need a shower. 1610 01:28:49,458 --> 01:28:50,833 In horse wee, of course. 1611 01:28:51,542 --> 01:28:55,708 Whilst I do that do you want to hear the rest of Atti and Orla's soppy song? 1612 01:28:55,833 --> 01:28:58,125 You know, the one that got so rudely interrupted. 1613 01:28:58,667 --> 01:28:59,958 You know you do. 1614 01:29:00,083 --> 01:29:03,500 Well, here it is! 1615 01:29:03,500 --> 01:29:20,499 Adaptarea: Legendofmir Traducerea: DOOMNEZEU 1616 01:29:17,502 --> 01:29:18,750 � I'm in a bind � 1617 01:29:18,958 --> 01:29:20,417 � That's what I find � 1618 01:29:20,917 --> 01:29:23,750 � Cos I went with my heart not my head � 1619 01:29:24,083 --> 01:29:28,500 � Couldn't let them hurt her � � Now, I'm a deserter � 1620 01:29:28,500 --> 01:29:30,583 � Should I have betrayed her instead? � 1621 01:29:31,042 --> 01:29:32,500 � Thought I was strong � 1622 01:29:32,708 --> 01:29:34,208 � Maybe I'm wrong � 1623 01:29:34,458 --> 01:29:37,750 � Made a friend of my enemy, Rome � 1624 01:29:38,708 --> 01:29:39,917 � Lacked the killer punch � 1625 01:29:40,000 --> 01:29:41,458 � When it came to the crunch � 1626 01:29:41,708 --> 01:29:43,083 � Now, I'm Orla... � 1627 01:29:43,167 --> 01:29:44,875 � All alone � 1628 01:29:45,667 --> 01:29:46,768 � Wish I could turn � 1629 01:29:46,792 --> 01:29:48,375 � the sundial back � 1630 01:29:48,500 --> 01:29:51,333 � To before I felt this pain � 1631 01:29:51,625 --> 01:29:53,125 � Having a BFF � 1632 01:29:53,208 --> 01:29:54,875 � Made my life a mess � 1633 01:29:55,125 --> 01:30:00,083 - �Will I ever see her again? � - � Will I ever see him again? � 1634 01:30:00,167 --> 01:30:05,500 � I, I miss you � 1635 01:30:06,958 --> 01:30:13,083 � Sorry I dissed you � 1636 01:30:13,625 --> 01:30:16,417 � First time that I met you � 1637 01:30:16,958 --> 01:30:20,250 � You drove me round the bend � 1638 01:30:20,542 --> 01:30:22,625 � Now � 1639 01:30:23,292 --> 01:30:25,417 � You're a friend � 1640 01:30:39,583 --> 01:30:41,250 ATTI: � I put her first � 1641 01:30:41,417 --> 01:30:42,958 � Seems that's the worst... � 1642 01:30:43,792 --> 01:30:46,000 � ...crime a soldier can commit � 1643 01:30:46,333 --> 01:30:47,750 � But I don't care � 1644 01:30:47,917 --> 01:30:49,375 � The adventures we shared � 1645 01:30:50,292 --> 01:30:52,708 � I loved every second of it � 1646 01:30:52,958 --> 01:30:54,500 ORLA: � I'll take my sword � 1647 01:30:54,625 --> 01:30:56,417 � Join Boudicca's hoard � 1648 01:30:56,625 --> 01:30:59,792 � Lead the fight to our enemy road � 1649 01:31:00,042 --> 01:31:03,333 � But my head is reeling, I'm left with the feeling � 1650 01:31:03,417 --> 01:31:04,750 � I'm Orla... � 1651 01:31:04,917 --> 01:31:06,458 � All alone � 1652 01:31:06,958 --> 01:31:08,250 BOTH SING: � Wish I could turn � 1653 01:31:08,333 --> 01:31:09,958 � The sundial back � 1654 01:31:10,042 --> 01:31:13,000 � To before I felt this pain � 1655 01:31:13,083 --> 01:31:14,875 � Having a BFF � 1656 01:31:14,958 --> 01:31:16,500 � Made my life a mess � 1657 01:31:16,667 --> 01:31:21,500 � Will I ever see her again? � - � Will I ever see him again? � 1658 01:31:22,000 --> 01:31:27,500 � I, I miss you � 1659 01:31:27,792 --> 01:31:30,125 Right, that's it, film done. 1660 01:31:30,208 --> 01:31:32,292 Until the inevitable sequel. 1661 01:31:32,750 --> 01:31:34,875 I'm part of the Hollywood in crowd now. 1662 01:31:35,167 --> 01:31:38,083 I'm going round to Scarlett Johansson's place. Yeah. 1663 01:31:38,500 --> 01:31:39,708 I haven't been invited. 1664 01:31:39,833 --> 01:31:41,792 I'm just gonna sneak in through the u-bend. 1665 01:31:42,125 --> 01:31:44,500 And see you at the Oscars. Yeah. 1666 01:31:44,583 --> 01:31:46,250 I'm gonna sneak in there an all! 1667 01:31:46,333 --> 01:31:48,417 Bye! 1668 01:31:48,667 --> 01:31:51,375 � You're a friend � 1669 01:31:54,833 --> 01:31:56,917 � You're a friend � 1670 01:32:02,250 --> 01:32:24,167 � Your friend. � 117451