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1
00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:02,127
CODY: Okay, so we hard cut
inside the convenience store.
2
00:00:02,211 --> 00:00:03,962
Cody and Barbara enter;
they're high as fuck.
3
00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:05,589
And they head to the snack aisle.
4
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:06,840
BARBARA:
Yeah, and then that's probably
5
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,091
where we should introduce Sheila, right?
6
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:10,344
- Who's Sheila?
- You know, the crack whore.
7
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,137
- Oh, the crack sex worker. Yeah.
- I mean, the crack sex worker.
8
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,389
- Are we calling her Sheila?
- Yeah, why? Do you not like it?
9
00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:15,891
- I don't know.
She just doesn't, like,
10
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:17,976
feel like a Sheila. Maybe Shayna?
- [inhales sharply]
11
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,562
Um, I actually do have
a cousin named Shayna,
12
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:22,314
and I kind of worry that
she might be, like, offended.
13
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:23,565
Do you know what I mean?
14
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:24,942
Like, I don't want her to think
I'm making fun of her.
15
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,027
And, see, the thing that
you have to know about Shayna--
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00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,820
actually really nice to talk...
- Okay, but it's not like
she's gonna see it.
17
00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:30,822
I mean, it's just a spec script.
It's not like it's getting made.
18
00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:32,533
- Okay, well, it won't with that attitude,
19
00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:33,992
that's for sure.
[ringtone playing]
20
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,119
Oh, my God, Cody, if it's Dan,
do not pick up.
21
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,121
Do not pick up!
We're working! Ugh!
22
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,915
You fat bitch.
You always do this.
23
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,834
Ugh, you're gonna come back,
and you're gonna be
24
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,418
in a bad mood, and then we're gonna
25
00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:44,628
have to talk about your relationship,
26
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,797
and I'm gonna have to pretend that I care.
27
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,298
[microwave beeping]
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00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,969
CODY:
Well, that's it.
29
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,971
Dan's totally cheating on me. So...
30
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,056
- I know, right?
31
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,808
- Yeah. He's going on
that girl Simone's podcast.
32
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,060
And she is so beautiful.
33
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,854
- She's honestly stunning.
34
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:03,814
- They probably haven't gotten
physical yet, just because,
35
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,941
like, she seems like
this really sweet person.
[water splashes]
36
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,693
And she's probably, like...
- Super sweet.
37
00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,570
- ...considering my feelings,
but it's only a matter of time,
38
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:11,405
realistically, before, like,
they move in together
39
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:12,948
and, you know, like,
start making a family.
- Yeah, time.
40
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:14,116
Realistic. Time.
41
00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:15,909
CODY:
I mean, you know, he's a successful guy.
42
00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:18,120
Like, a lot of girls would...
- Uh-huh.
43
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:20,414
[romantic music playing]
44
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:38,432
Who... is...
45
00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,309
that?
46
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:44,146
- Um, I don't know,
my downstairs neighbor?
47
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:45,856
BARBARA:
Holy shit!
48
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,816
I mean, you saw it, right?
49
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,152
- See what?
- His dick.
50
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,778
It was, like, bulging in his pants.
51
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:54,281
- Oh, my God.
- It was, like, pulsating.
52
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,824
And honestly, now that
I'm thinking about it,
53
00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:58,285
I think I could see the outline
of his balls, too.
54
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,204
- Oh, my God. Dude. Dude. Gross!
- What?
55
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,080
- He's, like, 14.
56
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:04,208
- Okay, so?
57
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,835
I'm seven.
He's, like, twice my age.
58
00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:09,505
- I mean, I guess, but still...
59
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,465
- Okay, Cody, shut up.
You like older guys, too.
60
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:12,799
Who do you think that was with him?
61
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:13,967
Do you think that was his girlfriend?
62
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,385
She's busted, right?
63
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,513
I mean, could you believe what
she was wearing? It was like...
64
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,306
- Dude, what? No.
That's his mom,
65
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:22,226
who he lives with, 'cause he's 14.
66
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:23,685
- Do you think it'd be, like, really weird
67
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:24,978
if you set us up or whatever?
68
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:27,773
- Yes. It would be insanely weird.
69
00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,650
Like, what's wrong with you?
70
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,735
- I'm a sex doll, okay?
71
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,487
I'm sorry that, like, my very nature
72
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,947
is just completely offensive to you.
73
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,907
- Okay, that's obviously not what I meant.
74
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,659
- Forget I even ever brought it up.
75
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,244
It's like, I'm always there for you.
76
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,703
You're literally never there for me.
77
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,622
- Wow. A hard right.
78
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,916
When have I not been there for you?
79
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,918
- Um, how about, like, ten minutes ago?
80
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,586
The whole thing with my cousin Shayna.
81
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,672
The second I start opening up
to you about something,
82
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,298
you just shut me down.
83
00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:56,134
And things are really strained
with me and Shayna right now.
84
00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,386
No, and, like...
- Okay, Barbara, you can't just like...
85
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:58,762
- Oh, my God, you're doing it again!
86
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,180
- Barbara, this is insane.
87
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,391
And I know that you have,
like, some weird hold over me,
88
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:03,809
where I do all this
inappropriate shit for you,
89
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,812
but I am not asking
my 14-year-old neighbor
90
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,314
to fuck my boyfriend's used sex doll.
91
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:13,902
So, um, just in here.
92
00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:17,406
Thanks a lot for helping me out
with this, Jaxon.
93
00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,116
- Sure, it's no problem.
94
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,577
So, um, what do you need moved?
95
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:25,205
- Um... this couch.
96
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,457
Yeah. It's, uh...
97
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,918
it's in the wrong place,
according to feng shui,
98
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,628
so that's...
99
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:34,298
you know, maybe that's why
my life is so messed up, right?
100
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:38,177
- Yeah, um, where do you want it to go?
101
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,139
- Um, here.
102
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,225
Just, like, this-this side...
here, kind of.
103
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,729
So, you're in, um, what,
you're in, like, ninth grade?
104
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:49,855
- Eighth.
105
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,441
- Eighth grade.
106
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:55,027
Great. Cool.
107
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,613
So, that's, like, the grade
where you get a...
108
00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:58,989
girlfriend or...?
109
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,283
- No, not really.
- No?
110
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,910
- Hey, is this gonna be weird?
111
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,704
Um, 'cause the couch is
in front of the fireplace now.
112
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,164
- Oh, huh, I'll just, um...
113
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,082
I just won't use the fireplace anymore.
114
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:12,085
BARBARA:
Yo, where are those nuts at?!
115
00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:13,670
- Um...
116
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,797
Actually, I have a...
117
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:19,092
another thing that needs
to be moved, and, uh,
118
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:22,763
that thing is in... in my bedroom, so...
119
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,599
This way.
120
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,226
[pop music playing quietly]
121
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:28,644
Oh, my gosh.
122
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,854
I forgot I left out my friend.
[chuckles]
123
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,023
Have you seen one of these before?
BARBARA: Hey.
124
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,191
CODY:
They're very cool.
125
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:38,487
They're basically, like,
a doll you have sex with,
126
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:39,905
which is cool.
127
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,740
BARBARA: Okay, he gets it, Cody.
- Oh, okay.
128
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:44,117
- Show him the lube.
- [whispering]: I'm not gonna
show him the lube.
129
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,410
This is crazy.
130
00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:48,539
- So, um, what do you need moved in here?
131
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:51,542
- Um, so this is... um,
132
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,127
this is my bottle of lubricant.
133
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,088
BARBARA:
Tell him that it's lavender hibiscus.
134
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,215
- This smells really good.
BARBARA: Cody!
135
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,967
Get out of here. You're weirding him out.
JAXON: Uh, you know what?
136
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,511
I actually have piano,
so I-I got, I got to go.
137
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,555
- No!
No, Cody, don't let him go!
138
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:05,931
Don't let him go!
139
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,516
Tell him about my new vagina!
140
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:10,352
- Jaxon, can't you just-- Jaxon.
141
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:13,146
Will you... will you please
just fuck my sex doll?!
142
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,236
What did you think
was gonna happen?
143
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,446
He's a kid. He probably
doesn't even have pubes.
144
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:23,073
- You're saying he's out of my league?
145
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:26,201
- No! What are you... [shudders]
146
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:28,912
I-- Barbara, I'm sorry.
I tried.
147
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,414
You saw. I tried, okay?
148
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,541
- It's fine.
149
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,710
It's not your fault.
150
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,336
I'm old.
151
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,130
I'm outdated.
- Barb...
152
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:40,632
Barbara, stop. [scoffs]
153
00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,759
You want to talk about old and outdated?
154
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:46,388
Like, past her prime?
Like, look at me.
155
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,348
- Cody, you realize
156
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:51,768
I say all that mean shit to you because...
157
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,438
[sighs] I'm jealous.
158
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,899
- What are you talking about?
- You're so hot.
159
00:05:56,982 --> 00:06:00,235
- Shut up. No, I'm not.
- You are.
160
00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:02,738
You are. You're, like, effortlessly hot.
- Shut up.
161
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:05,282
- And, like, your tits are amazing.
162
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,366
- Are you serious?
- Yes!
163
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,660
- My tits are like, eh-- like, who cares?
164
00:06:08,744 --> 00:06:10,287
Like, they're nothing to write home about.
165
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,997
- They are so gorgeous.
- I'm serious.
166
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,874
- No, they're amazing.
- They're not. Feel.
167
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,168
- Yes.
- No, I'm being serious. Feel.
168
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:18,295
Feel.
- Ah.
169
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,131
Dude, they're literally perfect.
170
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:23,759
- Um, yours are perfect.
- Mine?
171
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,469
I hate my boobs.
172
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:28,639
They're, like, cold and hard
and, like, fake.
173
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,474
- No. Uh, shut up.
174
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,518
- They are. Feel.
175
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,603
[soft pop song playing]
176
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,067
- [quietly]: Whatever.
They're so nice.
177
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:43,445
- Thanks. I mean,
yours are amazing. [chuckles]
178
00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:48,283
- ♪ I am ready, I am fine. ♪
179
00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:50,369
♪
13462
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