Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:01,460
GUNMAN: Open the fucking register now!
2
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:03,003
Everybody get your hands up.
3
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,380
Come on, get over here,
I want everybody to line up over here.
4
00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,799
- Oh, my God, oh, my God,
Barbara, do you think he saw us?
5
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:09,218
- Fuck, I don't think so.
6
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:10,886
I don't know.
CODY: I don't want to die, man,
7
00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:12,221
not like this.
8
00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:13,222
I don't even have a Wikipedia page.
9
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:14,223
GUNMAN: Ma'am.
10
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:16,099
- Oh, shit, he saw you.
11
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,100
- What? No, he said "ma'am."
12
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:18,101
BARBARA: Yeah, that's you.
13
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,103
- What? I'm not a ma'am.
14
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,188
- Yeah, you are, you're totally a ma'am.
15
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,564
- No, I'm not.
BARBARA: Yes, you are.
16
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:24,358
You've been a ma'am for a long time.
GUNMAN: Ma'am!
17
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,612
Ma'am!
18
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,948
Why don't you go smoke
some more crack, huh?
19
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,741
- You got any?
- What?!
20
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,618
- See, he was talking to the crack whore,
I told you.
21
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,662
- Okay, I don't care.
Listen to me, I have a plan.
22
00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:37,996
You see those Jesus candles?
23
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:38,997
You're gonna take two of them,
24
00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:40,123
then you're gonna somersault
25
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,542
quietly behind the candy aisle.
26
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:44,086
From my calculations,
you'll have a perfect vantage point.
27
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:45,504
- What the fuck are you talking about?
28
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:46,839
- Come on, Cody, you can take him.
29
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,131
- No, I can't.
BARBARA: Yes, you can.
30
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,758
You're bigger than him.
- Fuck you.
31
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,677
- You are-- you're like twice his size.
32
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,596
- I want everybody to take
their cell phones out and their wallets.
33
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,348
But don't touch your own wallet!
34
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,434
Take the wallet out
of the person to your right.
35
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,811
There's only four phones here,
36
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:01,937
and there's five of you.
- Fuck this.
37
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:02,980
I'm calling the cops.
- You're such a pussy.
38
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,816
[gunman shouting indistinctly]
39
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:06,942
What are you doing?
40
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,110
- Nothing. Nothing, nothing.
41
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:09,486
[Barbara gasps]
42
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,738
Are you fucking texting Dan right now?
43
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:12,990
- No, okay, just...
44
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,741
I texted him "I love you" two hours ago,
45
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,661
and he just texted back
"k, you, too," all lowercase.
46
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:18,787
Like, what the fuck is that?
47
00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:20,998
- I seriously cannot believe you.
48
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,916
Don't you get that this is
like a fucking parable
49
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,459
for the world right now?
50
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:27,004
Toxic masculinity as represented,
quite literally,
51
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,505
by a dude with a gu...
52
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,465
Well, don't write that.
53
00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:31,508
- Why?
54
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,468
- "Are we okay?"
CODY: What, what?
55
00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:35,762
- If you have to write to your boyfriend
"Are we okay?"
56
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,264
you're definitely not okay.
57
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,557
- Do you think he's cheating on me?
58
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:39,558
- Honestly?
59
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,726
GUNMAN: Ma'am.
- Yeah.
60
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,144
- Don't say that.
61
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:43,478
You're gonna give me
a fucking heart attack.
62
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:44,980
- Ma'am!
- [gasps] Fuck, oh, my God.
63
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,190
Please don't kill me, Jesus Christ,
64
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,441
please, please, please don't kill me,
oh, my God.
65
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:48,567
- See, you're totally a ma'am,
I was right.
66
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:49,735
[laughs]
- Shut up.
67
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,029
- What?
- No, not-- nothing, not you.
68
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,280
- Slide your phone over here.
69
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,781
- Okay, okay, okay, just, um...
70
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,575
I'm so sorry, can I just send one text?
71
00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:57,743
It'll be so fast.
72
00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:58,994
- No! What the fuck?!
73
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,204
- Okay, okay, all right, okay!
74
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,122
All-all right!
- God, you idiot!
75
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,042
[quiet music playing]
76
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,586
- Is that a fucking sex doll?
77
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:08,587
- Yeah.
78
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,380
- The fuck is around its neck?
79
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:13,634
- Her vagina?
BARBARA: Sir,
80
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,677
I'm fully cooperating,
and if you have to kill her,
81
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,137
I completely understand,
82
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,014
and if you have to rape me, I'm down,
83
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,474
but, like, please don't kill me.
84
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:23,352
- Why the fuck is it wearing a vagina
around its neck?
85
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,646
- Well, it's her,
it's her old vagina, it's...
86
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:26,939
'Cause, you know, she wa--
87
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,565
she used to be my boyfriend's sex doll
88
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,775
and now, you know, she's just my friend
89
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,193
and she's my writing partner.
90
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:33,862
She's kind of a,
kind of a handful, actually.
91
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,572
When she was my boyfriend's sex doll,
92
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,075
he didn't, he didn't take
very good care of her, so, like,
93
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,660
hygiene-wise,
her pussy got kind of crusty.
94
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,453
You know, when I say that,
95
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,914
it, like, it-it sounds like I'm saying,
like, he's a pervert.
96
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,749
He's, like, a super sweet guy,
great boyfriend.
97
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,584
He's actually, like,
a really successful TV writer.
98
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,044
He just has kinks, you know.
99
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,004
He's into foot stuff, he's into pantyhose,
100
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:53,590
and, you know, like,
for a while he just had, um,
101
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,384
like, a mannequin leg,
and he would put pantyhose on it
102
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:56,885
and he would just, like,
rub it on his nipples,
103
00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:58,095
but then the dog chewed up
the pantyhose leg,
104
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,513
so then he got the sex doll.
105
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:00,931
It's kind of the...
GUNMAN: Hold on, hold on, hold on.
106
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:05,727
Is your... is your boyfriend Dan Harmon?
107
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,145
- Yeah.
108
00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,356
- Oh, my God.
109
00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:11,149
This is crazy.
110
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,402
I am a huge fan.
111
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:14,945
- Wait, what?
GUNMAN: Yeah.
112
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,238
- I fucked him every week.
113
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,115
- Uh...
CODY: Oh, my God!
114
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,368
- Rick and Morty is
my favorite TV show of all time.
115
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:22,786
- That is insane.
116
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,247
- I-- this is crazy.
I'm, like, a total Harmenian,
117
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:28,166
and, you know, I,
I listen to his podcast every week.
118
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:29,334
- Right.
GUNMAN: And, as you know, you know,
119
00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:32,129
he really kind of, like,
puts himself out there,
120
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,964
so when you said "sex doll,"
121
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,091
I was like, "Could it be?"
122
00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:38,343
And then you were like, "writer."
123
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:39,595
And then you said...
- "Foot fetish."
124
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:41,346
- "...foot fetish"! And I was like,
125
00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:43,515
"Uh, could it be? Yes, it is!"
126
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:44,766
And now it is!
127
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,560
- Dude, I'm, like, freaking out right now.
128
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,854
This is fucking crazy.
GUNMAN: So am I.
129
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,731
Wow, what a small world.
What are the chances
130
00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:54,484
that, like, you and I would run
into each other like this?
131
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:55,861
- Very slim.
- Barbara.
132
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,779
- I mean,
it's-it's like a Rick and Morty episode,
133
00:03:57,863 --> 00:03:59,781
but, like, everything
I would be saying would be
134
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:02,534
so much smarter
because the writing on that show was...
135
00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:03,535
[gunshot]
136
00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,412
[both screaming]
137
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,497
CODY: Oh, my God!
138
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,916
Holy shit!
[Barbara screams]
139
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:11,126
- [panting]
140
00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:13,212
[engine starts]
141
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,055
[Barbara sighs]
142
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,140
- That was so fucked up.
143
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:27,935
- [exhales]: What?
144
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,604
- Oh, my God, I'm, like, still shaking.
145
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,189
- Like, me, too, I'm also shaking.
146
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,941
Like, I'm not actually physically shaking,
147
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:37,361
but I'm also experiencing the trauma
in a very real way.
148
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,696
- That was fucking crazy!
149
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,698
What the fuck just happened to us?!
150
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,075
- That was crazy!
151
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,244
Like, who thought that fucking crack whore
152
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:46,620
would save the day like that?
153
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,372
- Oh, my God, I know.
154
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,958
You know...
155
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:53,502
we probably shouldn't call her that
anymore.
156
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,295
- I hundred percent agree.
157
00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:56,880
Well, can you believe that...
158
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:59,925
crack sex worker
saved the fucking day like that?
159
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,552
- Totally.
160
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:05,973
Oh, my God, he broke my phone.
161
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,561
I mean, mostly it is very, very sad
162
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:14,481
that a, like, a human life was taken,
obviously,
163
00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,733
and, like, I feel terrible for, like,
the family
164
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,068
of that dead robber.
165
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,653
- Dude, I feel terrible, too.
166
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,489
Like, to echo that, I'm devastated.
167
00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,074
- I mean, the whole thing's
like a fucking tragedy.
168
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,201
BARBARA: It's a tra--
it's... that's a perfect word.
169
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:28,620
Yeah, it's like a true American tragedy.
170
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,290
But...
171
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:34,835
you know, it is kind of
one of those tragedies that...
172
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,753
would make an amazing story, right?
173
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,631
- Like, a really good story.
174
00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:40,841
- Like, it'd be almost more of a tragedy
175
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:42,634
if we didn't tell that story, right?
176
00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:45,679
- Like maybe in a spec script
about a girl and her sex doll?
177
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,098
- Oh, my God, I was having the same idea!
178
00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:49,725
- No.
- Yes, but I didn't want to tell you
179
00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,560
'cause I was like,
"She's gonna think I'm a monster."
180
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,103
- Wait, really?
- Hundred percent.
181
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:56,690
- No. Oh, my God, that's hilarious.
182
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:59,026
Oh, my God, I'm starving.
183
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:01,069
Feel like I burned,
like, a million calories
184
00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:03,197
just from having my heart rate
so elevated.
185
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,740
- I know, I'm so hungry.
186
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:07,826
[sighs] I would so join you, but...
187
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:09,536
- You're a sex doll so you can't eat?
- I'm keeping this shit tight.
188
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,537
- All right.
189
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:12,539
Bitch, you are covered in blood.
190
00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:13,832
BARBARA: You're covered in blood.
191
00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:15,250
CODY: You look psychotic.
192
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:16,919
BARBARA:
You look like you're in the movie Carrie.
193
00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,921
CODY: No, I look dope.
194
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:22,049
♪ 'Cause they mean me and you. ♪
14372
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
