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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,838
You know the human vagina
can lift over 200 pounds?
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,425
No, uh... no, it is 20 pounds.
3
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,845
I don't know, I-I saw, like,
a YouTube thing about it.
4
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:15,057
Oh. I think I got too high to do this.
5
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,433
- Don't say that. Are you joking?
6
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,684
- N... Okay.
- That's so irresponsible.
7
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,186
- It's fine. I can do it. I can do it.
8
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,979
I can do it.
I just, like, got freaked out,
9
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,065
'cause I felt like I was gonna perform,
like, a real surgery,
10
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,359
so I thought I would just get,
like, a little toasted
11
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,236
and it would give me confidence
and I would just do it,
12
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,946
and I figured, you know,
we're gonna write after this anyway.
13
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,532
- Well, yeah, we're not gonna write,
like, right after this.
14
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:33,242
- We're not?
15
00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:35,536
- Yeah, we're writing a show
about female friendship, right?
16
00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:37,538
- Yeah.
- Yeah, so don't you think
17
00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,039
we should, like,
actually become friends first?
18
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,416
- What do you call this?
19
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,919
- Okay, yes, you installing
my new vagina would be, like,
20
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:45,379
an amazing beginning to an episode,
21
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,256
but all I'm saying is,
so far, all we've done is, like,
22
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,508
sit in your apartment and talk about Dan.
23
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:52,219
I just feel like it's kind of a no-brainer
that, like, we should
24
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,179
go on some adventures together
before we start writing.
25
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:57,182
- Come on, man. Can't we just...
- So I was thinking, after this,
26
00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:59,434
we pack our bags,
we hit the road for a few days
27
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:01,854
and camp under the stars,
we have some laughs.
28
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:03,605
- I don't know, like... what, today?
29
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:05,357
- Why not?
30
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,234
- I'm busy. I've got stuff to do.
31
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:10,028
- Ugh. You have Dan's podcast,
Dan's weekly podcast
32
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,114
you go to every week.
- Come on, man, just...
33
00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:13,991
- I'm just saying I'm sorry,
I feel like you would have
34
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,868
a lot more power
in your relationship if you actually
35
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,995
had your own things going on
every once in a while.
36
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,913
- Barbara, I understand that
you represent a part of me
37
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:23,041
that feels the need to question
my very happy relationship with Dan,
38
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,751
but that doesn't mean that you're right.
39
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,545
I don't need to play games
40
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:29,089
and, like, you know,
make myself unavailable
41
00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:31,216
to, like, prove myself to him.
- Mm.
42
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,385
- We're past that.
We poop with the door open sometimes.
43
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,095
- Yeah, right there, right there.
44
00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,388
- Like, we tell each other everything.
- Mm-hmm.
45
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,890
- Except for the fact that I, like,
46
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,641
formed this unhealthy
codependent relationship
47
00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:41,268
with his former sex doll.
48
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:42,769
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm, like, currently giving her
49
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,021
a vaginal rejuvenation,
50
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,856
'cause she can talk me
into anything and...
51
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,941
Goddamn it! Is this thing in yet?
52
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,401
- Yeah. It is.
53
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,528
- What?
54
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,030
- It has been for a while.
55
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,364
- Like, you can feel this?
56
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,074
- Oh, yeah.
57
00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:57,242
- Oh, you are such an asshole!
58
00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:59,703
- Oh, Codes, a girls' trip, you and me.
59
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,205
Oh! It'll be so fun.
60
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,957
We'll show Dan what an independent
codependent woman you are.
61
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,043
We'll let go of the things
that no longer serve us.
62
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,004
Wait! I want to hold on to that.
63
00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:12,925
♪
64
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,927
[Barbara squeals]
65
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,845
Road trip...!
66
00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:19,389
- I can't believe
I let you talk me into this.
67
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,475
That looks ridiculous, by the way.
- What?
68
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,602
- The dirty vagina
you made me tie around your neck.
69
00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:25,687
Fuckin' Ed Gein-lookin' motherfucker.
70
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,356
- Whatever. It's so cute.
You're just jelly.
71
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,441
- Nah. You look insane.
- As insane as the patriarchy
72
00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:31,026
upon which I'm, like, commenting?
73
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,569
No, I didn't think so.
74
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:35,572
[sighs]
Codes, ever since I got this new vagina,
75
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,991
I honestly, like, I feel like a new woman.
76
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,035
Like, my own woman.
77
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:42,120
- That's great, Barbara.
- You should try it sometime.
78
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:44,414
- What, removing my vagina
and getting a new one?
79
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,250
- [mock laughing]
No.
80
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,252
Not letting every single moment
of your life be consumed
81
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,045
by your boyfriend.
- What? It's not.
82
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,547
- Then why do you keep looking
at your phone?
83
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,590
- No, that... I just...
I wanted to make sure
84
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,300
he got my text earlier, like,
85
00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:56,969
'cause he dot-dot-dotted,
but then the bubble disappeared,
86
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,428
and I just felt like...
- [mock gagging]
87
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,389
Cody! Do you fucking hear yourself?
88
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,558
All you ever do is talk about Dan.
89
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,810
Dan, Dan, Dan this, Dan that,
I'm obsessed with Dan,
90
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,979
I love Dan's dick,
even when it smells like curry.
91
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,856
- I don't feel like I've said that before.
92
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,440
- How are we gonna write
a feminist masterpiece
93
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,234
if we can't even pass the Bechdel test?
94
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,280
Oh, shit. You do know
what the Bechdel test is, right?
95
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,241
- Yeah, Barbara, yes, I know
what the Bechdel test is.
96
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,118
We know the same amount of stuff.
97
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,745
We're the same person. Stop trying
to act like you're smarter than me.
98
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:27,583
Created by cartoonist Alison Bechdel,
it asks whether...
99
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,459
Sorry. I have pee anxiety.
100
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:30,961
Can you, like...?
101
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,463
- [hisses softly]
102
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,383
- It asks whether a movie
or, like, a work of fiction,
103
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:39,052
um, has at least two female characters,
104
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:41,805
and then the two characters
have to talk about something
105
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,223
other than a man.
106
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,975
- But aren't there, like, three things?
107
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,894
- Yeah. There's, like,
more to it than that.
108
00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:50,355
I think, um, one of the things is, like...
109
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,983
um, do they both have names?
- Yeah. We have names.
110
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,068
- Yeah. I mean, mine's kind of
a boy's name. I don't...
111
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,237
- Yeah, I don't think that matters.
- Okay. It doesn't matter. Um...
112
00:03:57,321 --> 00:03:59,364
So, then...
What's the third thing?
113
00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:02,075
- Isn't it just, like,
that there are two women?
114
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,453
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so one...
- Yeah.
115
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:05,871
- Are there two women?
- Yeah.
116
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,247
- Which, you know, there are.
117
00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:09,333
And then two, do they both have names?
118
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:10,876
- They have names.
- And three, do they talk
119
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,211
about something other than a man?
- Yeah.
120
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:15,005
- Okay. So all we have to do to pass this
is just not talk about men.
121
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,507
- Oh, my God, we're gonna be
so good at this.
122
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,091
- Okay, so, Bechdel test?
123
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:20,093
- Yes!
- Starting...
124
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,678
now! [laughs]
- Now!
125
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,972
Oh, my God, we're gonna be
the best feminist-y feminists
126
00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,265
that were ever feminists!
127
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,518
♪ Let me go on ♪
128
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,145
♪ Like I blister in the sun ♪
129
00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:33,148
♪ Let me go on... ♪
130
00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:35,192
[Barbara sighs]
131
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,194
Really pretty out here, huh?
132
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,363
- Yeah. I love it.
133
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,406
Growing up, my dad used to take...
134
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,325
- Ooh!
- What?
135
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,910
- Oh, just like, your dad.
136
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,286
He's a man, right?
137
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,413
- Oh. Oh, right. Shit!
138
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,415
Okay. Yeah, okay, start over, start over?
139
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,042
- Yeah. Okay, ready?
- Okay, okay, ready?
140
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,460
- Bechdel test starting...
-Starting...
141
00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:54,920
-now. [chuckles]
-now. Okay.
142
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,005
♪ I know you're the one... ♪
143
00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:59,383
- Ugh. Look at that.
144
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:02,219
The fact that 53% of white women
145
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,848
hated themselves enough to vote
for that bloated orangutan...
146
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,641
- Ooh.
- What?
147
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,142
- Well...
- [gasps]
148
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,603
Oh, my God, you fucking voted for Trump.
149
00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,105
Oh, that makes so much sense.
150
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,815
- What? No. No! Oh, my God.
151
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:18,360
No, I'm saying, Trump is a man, Bechdel.
152
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,153
- Oh, shit! [laughs]
- Right?
153
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:23,031
- Oh, my God, this is
so much harder than I thought.
154
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,032
- I know! Jesus!
155
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:25,409
- Ooh.
- What?
156
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,369
- Well, Jesus, like,
that's kind of a guy, right?
157
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,288
- Oh, come on. Come on.
158
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,206
- #BechdelFail on you right now, bitch.
159
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,208
- No. Okay, okay, okay,
come on, come on, come on.
160
00:05:33,292 --> 00:05:34,960
- Okay.
- Ready? And...
161
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,128
Bechdel!
- Bechdel!
162
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:37,504
[Cody chuckles]
163
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,843
- What's your, um...
- You know...
164
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,928
- No. Uh, no, no, no,
sorry, you go ahead.
165
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,263
- You absolutely can go.
166
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,307
- I didn't have anything.
167
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,100
- Me, neither.
- Fuck!
168
00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:52,644
Why is it so hard to talk about
something that isn't a dude?
169
00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:55,189
- I don't know! I hate this!
[laughs]
170
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:58,567
BARBARA:
We shouldn't be forcing it, you know?
171
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,736
- Yeah. Like, I feel like if we stop
172
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:03,030
thinking about it,
it'll just, like, come to us.
173
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,282
- We should just, like,
think about something else.
174
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,117
- Yeah, we can talk about...
175
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,244
anything else.
- Yeah, like, anything.
176
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:11,538
-Yeah. I mean, we can talk about this beer
177
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,332
and, like, the...
- Uh-huh.
178
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:14,875
- ...store, how gross it is.
179
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,502
[grunting]:
We can talk about...
180
00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:19,171
that woman over there.
- Yes, we could totally talk
181
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,465
about the crack whore.
- Oh, my God, you're so bad.
182
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,175
- Do you know what I'm thinking?
- What?
183
00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:25,385
- I feel like her discharge
would be, like, booger-y.
184
00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:26,678
- My God, you're so gross.
185
00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:27,971
I know what you're talking about.
186
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,765
Like, when it's, like, you could use it
187
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:32,184
- as an adhesive
for arts and crafts. Gross.
- Yes!
188
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:34,853
It's, like, go bedazzle some shit.
- Oh, my God, shut up.
189
00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:36,730
- [snorting laugh]
190
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,315
[Barbara sighs]
191
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,150
- I don't know, does that seem weird?
192
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,653
- What?
- I don't know, just, like...
193
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,072
you know, that we could be,
like, talking shit
194
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,366
about another woman
and still pass the Bechdel test?
195
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,742
- Yeah, I do know what you mean.
196
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,369
- And, like, also,
are you saying that, like,
197
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:51,787
we could have one conversation?
198
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,247
Like, we could talk about dudes all day,
199
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,831
and we have
one conversation about, like,
200
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,333
"How many calories are
in these plantain chips?"
201
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,335
and we'd still pass?
- Yeah, we're thinking about it
202
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,128
like we can't talk about dudes,
but really, we just have to
203
00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,339
talk shit about a lady first,
and then we can go back
204
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,341
to talking about dudes, right?
- I mean, like, we did it.
205
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,968
- We totally passed!
- All right!
206
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:07,594
- Okay, amazing.
So we could talk about guys again.
207
00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:10,138
That is so good, because
I've been wanting to tell you,
208
00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:11,306
there's this guy...
209
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,350
MAN:
Open the fucking register now!
210
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,352
Now! Come on, I want everything,
you hear me?
211
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,855
I want everything!
Everybody get your hands up.
- Barbara, get down!
16626
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