Original subtitles

Silver wedding anniversary.

Twenty-five years.

Shit, we're old! Right?

It feels as though we stopped paying attention for a moment...

and then, all of a sudden, 25 years went by.

Just like that.

Do you know what that means?

It means we had an awesome time!

Am I right?

Stephan...

this one is for you.

DJ Tonio!

I know you better than you know yourself Know what annoys you and what you like

I know you hate my mother And that you grab my ass when I'm asleep

I know that you sniff your socks And read Brigitte while you take a shit

I know all that about you And that's exactly why I love you

And out of the last 25 years

I regret no more than five

Are you done yet? We want to drink!

I want to be with you forever

When I'm heading towards the abyss You're the one who catches me

You're always there for me We're the best thing that I have

That's how it should always be

Don't ever leave me alone

Don't ever leave me alone

And every time I run away You always bring me back home

I think our neighbor is hot And I know you've known that for a while

- Because I read your e-mails... - Undress, you sexy bastard!

Are you guys... Seriously?

I'm singing a love song for my husband here!

Shit!

Our guests miss you.

That's a lie.

You're right.

But you'd make me very happy if you joined us.

I'm not interested.

I'm quite happy here.

I'd like for you to finish my song.

But not today.

The party's calling.

Counter offer. You stay here and we bang as if we're 24 again.

Great suggestion.

Yeah?

But first we should get rid of our dear family and guests.

Yes. Let's chase them away now.

I'm in.

Thanks for disposing of my mother, Vivian.

No problem at all, sweetie.

It wasn't great, but at least it was over quite quickly.

Don't you want me to learn how to take care of myself?

Sure, in two years' time, perhaps.

I don't get what your problem is.

You're 15.

But I'll just be camping with friends by a fucking lake for a weekend!

I know. Which means LSD, sex, and drowning in the lake.

You're the shittiest shit father in this shitty shit world.

- Love you too. Sleep well! - Shut up. Fuck you.

You're the shittiest shit father

in this shitty fucking shit world.

And that's a compliment.

- You could've said something, too. - Nope.

No, I'm just glad that I'm not the bad guy for once.

Don't be sad. He's not moving out just yet.

- You'll have him a little longer. - Yeah.

Some Judith left a message.

- Judith? Judith Fazius! Our daughter! - Yes, I guess that's our daughter, yes.

- She sends her love. - Thank you!

That's so thoughtful of her, isn't it?

Twenty-five years.

Do you regret it?

No. At most five or six years.

Don't say the wrong thing, now.

What do you think?

"Huh" what? Let's go.

Yes, why not? Maybe...

Oh, it's that urgent, is it? Okay, then.

That's where we are.

Suggestion: I'll go first...

undress...

apply my anti-wrinkle cream…

take out my false teeth and put them in that cleaning fluid.

That's very important.

And I'll turn off the lights, just to be on the safe side...

and then let's see what… Oh! Excuse me... what happens, okay?

I'll be waiting for you. Let's see what happens.

Very funny.

I'll be waiting. But hurry. I don't have much time left.

Right, off with those compression stockings.

Right...

I'm ready.

Stephan?

Stephan.

Stephan!

Okay, my love. I've had enough.

Right...

Now that we've sent the guests away,

time for a little anal play.

Stephan?

Stephan!

Stephan. Oh, man.

Stephan?

Come on.

Stephan?

Stephan!

Come on.

Yes, Borowski here. The funeral director. You left a message on my voicemail.

Yes? Oh! So you've found another funeral director?

Yes, but I'm nearly at your place. Yes, of course.

Shit! They called Eitner.

We should still give it a shot, right?

Do I turn left here?

- Ronnie! Do I turn left? - Okay.

- "Okay" what? Yes or no? - I don't know.

You're meant to be giving me directions. That's what that thing's for.

Shit. Left...

Eitner.

Shit. We have to turn right.

That's my corpse!

Ready?

Okay.

Mrs. Fazius. Borowski, the undertaker. My deepest condolences.

I'm not... I'm just a friend. Come on in.

Okay.

- Morning. - Borowski.

- Borowski? - Yes, the undertaker.

I thought it would be Eitner. Well, it doesn't matter.

What was it?

An aneurysm. He died immediately.

Not a bad way to go, if you ask me. Well...

- Thank you. - Goodbye.

Lovely apartment.

Come. Come on.

Mrs. Fazius.

Borowski, the undertaker.

My deepest condolences.

Did you just lose someone too? Why are you slouched like that?

- Excuse me? - What are you waiting for?

The long face won't do anyone any good.

When my father was still alive, we were top dog.

You can only dream of the funerals we used to organize.

But you know how things are today.

People just don't know how to bury people in a decent manner anymore.

Yes, I know...

But we might be lucky this time.

He was a dentist, after all.

BOROWSKI FUNERAL SERVICE ESTABLISHED 1809

See you in a bit.

Borowski.

Hello, darling.

We got a new job. Ronnie and I just picked him up.

Congratulations.

Don't you dare.

Could turn out to be a big fish. A dentist.

Well, that would be something.

Come here. Come.

Come to me.

Seriously?

Man, they're all ugly.

Who's responsible for these?

What does the designer of the "seabed" urn think about when they go home at night?

Surely they can't be happy.

Urns in your team's colors? Is this for real?

Mrs. Fazius, it's rather popular among soccer fans.

Mr. Borowski, we have to approach it differently.

Stephan was a special person.

It can't be just any old funeral. It has to be special.

I don't want people to wish it were over, sitting around and...

- Do you know what I mean? - Yes, I believe... I believe I do.

It has to be a celebration. It has to be...

- Do you understand? - Yes, I believe I do.

With music and dancing and lots of flowers.

With a brass band, for example. Could you arrange that?

A live band?

Well, I'd just have to make a few calls, but... sure.

I guess we'd need a theme for it, right?

- A theme. Yes. - To show who he really was.

Right, Tonio?

What was Dad like?

No idea. He was a dentist.

You come up with something.

- The end is nigh! - Piss off, you bum!

Oh, fuck! Dude... Yeah, your end is nigh, you cunt!

What an asshole.

Ant... Shit. Oh, God. I hate Berlin.

Hello, Judith.

Hello.

- I'm so sorry. - Yes.

So how is she?

Come in first.

- Anyway, I spoke with Borowski again. - It's bad, isn't it?

We'll be in charge of the music ourselves.

We could practice something together.

Please no.

- Dad would've liked that. - Karla?

What is it?

There you are.

I'm glad you're here.

You look like shit.

Come, have a seat.

Oh, God...

Listen. I've done most of it, but...

But, to be honest, all this bureaucracy, that must be a German thing, right?

Hey, squirt. How are you?

I'm sorry.

That's Dad's seat.

Some people in this business still say that everything was better in the past.

In the past, people spent a lot on funerals.

That is true, but back then a funeral was a status symbol.

We at Eitner believe that we have to make it as easy as possible

for our customers to choose their desired funeral.

This means pre-made funeral packages that appear to be individually designed.

Absolute price transparency and most importantly...

Mr. Eitner, I don't need a lecture on our industry.

Just tell me what it is you want.

Mr. Borowski, I'd like...

you to become part of the Eitner family.

I'm sure you will find our offer to be very generous.

Family? Right.

Mr. Eitner.

I was eight years old when my father first showed me a corpse.

I had to help him wash it. Then he said to me,

"Pay attention, Andreas. You will be doing this for the rest of your life."

He had just taken over the business from his father at the time.

I did my apprenticeship here and then worked for 20 years,

and 15 years ago, my father passed down the business to me.

My father kept on working here until he died.

My mother worked here until she died, my wife works here, and my son works here.

That's what I consider family.

And that's all the family I need.

But, Mr. Borowski, I'm sure you realize that your business concept has no future.

I'd like you to take your time and think about my offer.

Mr. Eitner, perhaps I didn't make myself clear.

Get the hell out of my funeral home.

I don't get it. We're cremating him. Why do we have to pick clothes for him?

Because we want him to look good...

and wear what he liked to wear.

But he doesn't care now. We won't be able to see it either.

- How about the leather jacket? - No.

- Why not? He used to like it. - Exactly.

True. It made your father look like he was going through a midlife crisis at 30.

Oh, God. I felt so embarrassed whenever he wore it.

I'll go check on him.

Just one thing... Would it be possible for me to say goodbye to him?

What do you mean?

Well, could I see Dad one last time?

I have no idea. I think so. I...

I'll ask the undertaker.

Thank you.

That's good.

That's really good.

You'll make a good undertaker one day.

- I'm going for a smoke. - Okay.

So your father is dressed.

Closed eyes and all that.

We do that when the relatives want to view the body.

Right, okay. Shall I go with you or would you rather be alone?

Alone, please.

Take as long as you like and let me know if you need anything, okay?

I'll be here.

- Okay. It's the door straight ahead. - Thank you.

Good.

Hey.

I just... I just wanted to...

Okay, don't worry. I'm not going to talk to you or anything. I...

- Oh, sorry. I... - Oops.

- I'm finished in there. - Was everything okay?

Well, with your father. How he looked.

Oh, right.

Yes, I think so.

- Good. Bye. - Bye.

- My condolences, by the way. - Thanks.

- Ronnie? - Yes?

- Anything wrong? - Nope.

- Important clientele, okay? - Yes.

So this is it.

- It's a nice spot. Thank you. - No need to thank me.

What do you guys think?

Yes.

It's nice.

And as you requested, there would be enough space for nine people.

Oh, so you mean it's for all of us?

No one is forcing you.

So you've already planned our funerals, too?

- No one is forcing you. - Sorry, how did you come up with nine?

Did you include grandkids, too?

I didn't include anything. As I said, you don't have to.

- Sorry. The tree is blocking the light. - You just said it was fine.

- But it wasn't my grave then. - Yes or no?

- No. - Tonio?

Hey.

He's not even listening.

There's one for two back there.

It's a bit sunnier, too.

That sounds good.

Come on.

Are you okay?

What's up?

- Should something be up? - Well...

you spend all day in your dark room, staring at the ceiling.

Looks like you're waiting to die.

And to be honest, it really smells of decay in here.

Or have you found something really interesting on the ceiling?

Something you might like to share with me?

Do you know what the last thing I told Dad was?

Yes, something like,

"You're the shittiest shit father

in this shit world.

Shut up."

That's it. That will always be the last thing I ever told him.

That's why we're having the funeral.

So we can say our goodbyes and say the right things.

You know that I need you right now.

In all of this.

You know what?

We should eat a ton of candy now.

Dad can't complain anymore, anyway.

You know what he always used to say?

"Do you know what sugar does to your teeth?"

Hey, sweetie.

Are you okay?

We just decided that we will...

have some candy.

What's that key for?

Could you please...

Could you please explain to us again what you mean exactly?

What I mean is that your mother's financial situation isn't exactly good.

How is that possible? My husband earned a high salary.

Yes, that's true, but it has been significantly less in the last two years.

And if you take the lifestyle into account...

Life isn't fair, is it? Things can change from one day to the next.

It's terrible. Nothing to fall back on…

Yes, and how big of a problem will this be for her, then?

Well, in a nutshell,

you don't have any debts, but there definitely isn't much left over.

Mrs. Fazius, okay.

I took care of everything and the funeral will be exactly as we discussed.

- Thanks. That's wonderful, Mr. Borowski. - It's just...

Due to your numerous additional wishes, the price has increased.

I just wanted to make sure that you're fine with it. This...

This part here.

Yes, of course it's okay.

Good.

I really loved my husband and I want him to have the best funeral in the world.

- Here? - Yes.

I'm certain it will be a beautiful funeral service.

Great. Thanks.

- Bye. - Yes.

Mrs. Fazius.

Just one more thing.

I've got a date for your husband's cremation.

It's tomorrow afternoon.

If you or any other family members wish to attend,

then I'll have to let them know now.

What?

- The cremation is... - No.

Certainly not.

- Okay. - Okay.

What can I tell you about Stephan?

He was a fantastic dentist,

a mediocre dancer,

and he was funny.

Sometimes even on purpose.

I have no idea how he did it, but he was happy.

I think.

Seriously, what do I... What do I tell people about you?

Stephan was a dentist.

He was a family guy.

And his last words were...

"Yes, why not?"

I remember how you said, "Yes, I do."

Or was it more of a "Yes, why not" even then?

Karla?

Can we have a quick chat?

Have you noticed that picture's not hung straight?

No, actually.

I've gone through your finances.

I highlighted where you could save money. Just suggestions.

It'd be good if you could have a look and think about what you could do.

And I found an eight-year-old lease.

I don't know what it's for. Sounds like a garage.

Do you still need it?

Oh, yes. Yes, I know what this is.

It was for a friend. We don't need that anymore.

Okay, fine.

- Then cancel the lease. - Okay.

LEASE FOR COMMERCIAL PREMISES

Hi, sweetie. How are you?

Hey. I'm just going through some documents the accountant gave us.

And something's really odd.

Stephan hardly earned any money in the last two years.

It must be a mistake, right?

- Vivian? - Hey, yes, that...

I'll have Accounting take a look.

Yes, but the dental office was doing well, wasn't it?

- Yes, it was. - So where is the problem then?

- Well, he didn't work much anymore. - Huh? Of course he worked a lot.

He went to work every morning. What are you talking about?

I thought you knew about it.

His name was still on the door, but that was it.

Are you saying my husband hasn't worked as a dentist in two years?

I...

- Are you kidding me? - I don't know what to tell you.

Well, if he didn't go to work, where did he go?

I don't know. He was your husband.

- I'm sorry. - No, it's okay.

- Maybe I can come over some time. - No, it's alright.

Fuck.

What can I tell you about Stephan?

At some point in his life, he used to be a dentist.

He had a teenage son, a moody daughter and...

an unacceptable wife.

He must have been the happiest person on the planet.

What didn't you tell me?

A dentist comes home from work.

His wife asks him...

"Why are you so late?" The dentist answers,

"This is going to hurt a little, but..."

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK

Hello, Mrs. Fazius.

- Where... Where is my husband right now? - I'm sorry?

- Where is my husband at the moment? - In the crematorium. Why? What is it?

Give me the address.

Hello. Please, can you help me? I just have to...

I understand. No brass band, then.

This has to go, too.

Right, so now just two...

floral arrangements? Good.

Yes. There's no other option.

My mother's condition,

- her financial situation is... - I'll do my best to cancel certain orders,

but for some things, it might be too late.

Okay.

And a eulogist? Can you organize one for us?

My mother wanted to do it herself, but...

To be honest, I don't even know if she can go to the funeral.

- I'll just go see... Sorry. - Yes, of course.

- Everything okay? - Yes, I'm great. And you?

Listen.

You're doing everything really well with Karla.

- Thank you. - Please listen to me.

We'll get through this together. Okay?

"We"?

You haven't been here for the last five years.

You showed up three times a year. Where were you?

Now you turn up and you suddenly want to take over.

Fuck you! Fuck you, dude!

Mrs. Fazius?

Mrs. Fazius?

I don't know if you can hear me.

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry about how things have turned out.

I can totally understand your daughter's decision, but...

it really would have been a beautiful funeral that you planned for your husband.

You can tell what he meant to you.

I'd like that myself.

Mr. Sonnabend, one question. I need a eulogist on short notice.

Mr. Elster, how are you? Yeah, you know, people are always dying.

Yes, Mr. Kaneti, I am still alive.

It's this Wednesday at 11. No, this coming Wednesday.

If we cut the speech in half, can we do something about the price?

Oh, only for Eitner?

Priests or ministers are definitely out of the question.

Mrs. Schneider!

I need a eulogist. A female one. Of course, I immediately thought of you.

Dinner!

Are you coming?

Yes, I'm coming.

Kiss my ass.

"Affordable."

What a load of shit.

I'm going to clear your plate away.

Won't be long, love.

The Fazius funeral will be a lot smaller than we thought.

- Hadn't they signed everything? - Yes, but what can I do?

The widow has money issues and a nervous breakdown.

Andi.

You’re her mortician.

Not her priest or her friend, right?

Yes.

So you're getting shit-faced to celebrate the day?

I'll clean up downstairs.

Are you full already?

Yes.

Thanks, Ronnie.

Phone Eitner up again.

Nope.

What's the issue?

You could still work here.

Ronnie could still work here. We'd just have some security.

But I'm not selling.

This is my family's business. I inherited it from my father.

He inherited it from his father.

And at some point, my son will inherit it. Period!

Stepson.

Dear mourners, we are gathered here today to say farewell to Steffen Fazius.

Oh...

Stephan. Stephan Fazius.

Stephan Fazius. Shit.

Dear mourners...

dear bargain hunters,

dear cheapskates.

This is my last funeral, because I'm fed up with you all.

If you could, you'd wrap your relatives in toilet paper

and bury them without ceremony for 2.50 euros.

But Andi doesn't want to do that anymore. Sort out your own shit!

So, are you ready? We have to go.

Come on.

One day, you wake up...

You won't... You won't wake up.

The birds sing as they sang yesterday.

Nothing changes this new daily routine.

Only you are gone.

You are free now.

And our tears wish you... luck.

Dear mourners,

we have just had a look at the life of Steffen Fazius.

His family. His career.

His life's journey.

Before we all go outside...

to commit his ashes to the earth,

I'd like to give you a few moments of reflection...

for your own personal thoughts...

feelings...

that you associate with Steffen.

Stephan.

Sorry. Stephan.

What is all this?

Don't you have any idea...

what happened?

The best human being in the history of the world...

- Mrs. Fazius. - ...is dead.

- Mrs. Fazius. - What is it? Sit down.

Please. Sober up now.

It all flies by.

You have great times together.

You experience great things together. You...

You move in together.

You have great kids.

You get married.

You go on holiday together. You move house.

You argue.

You make up.

And then...

And then the bastard says goodbye.

All over.

And then you ask yourself the question...

Were...

we...

happy?

Was that the best life we could have had?

And the answer is...

I don't know.

For God's sake, I don't know.

- I have to stop this. - Just...

The next lot is waiting outside.

I...

I promised Stephan something. And...

it's probably not appropriate now, but fuck that.

I know you better than you know yourself Know what annoys you and what you like

I know you hate my mother And that you grab my ass when I'm asleep

I know that you sniff your socks And read Brigitte while you take a shit

I know all that about you

And that's exactly why I love you

We're the best thing that I have That's how it should always be

Don't ever leave me alone

Don't ever leave me alone

Yes. This is breaking my heart,

but the Götz family is waiting outside.

And they've been very patient.

So I'd like to ask you to go outside together with the deceased...

Mom.

Dad...

He would have loved your speech.

That really was some event.

I've never been to a funeral like that.

What are you doing here?

Your mom wrote to me.

Really?

Yes.

How is Karla doing?

I have no idea.

I guess all in all, it was okay.

I had mercy on you.

I mean, the speech was a little short, but what should I have said? I...

Many people congratulated me afterwards.

But don't you dare think that we are done here.

Anyway, I thought that I could do eulogies for a living.

I mean, I've got a family to support now, right?

Right?

- Borowski Funeral Service. - Hello. This is Karla Fazius.

I gave the eulogy for my husband.

Yes, of course, Mrs. Fazius. I know.

- I still feel very guilty about... - It's fine.

I know how important this funeral was to you.

- There's only one chance to say goodbye. - Yes, okay. Yes, you messed up. Yes.

Yes, but...

I have to say, you really did a great job.

Thanks.

No, it was special.

It's nice of you to say that

because I've been thinking.

I think I'd be pretty good at it.

At what?

Subtitle translation by Yoona Moon.