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1
00:00:04,621 --> 00:00:07,057
I swear to God I didn't think
2
00:00:07,091 --> 00:00:09,026
they could get more things
going on a pizza.
3
00:00:09,059 --> 00:00:11,629
But they did.
This pizza has a churro crust,
4
00:00:11,662 --> 00:00:15,032
but the outer edge is a pretzel
filled with cheese.
5
00:00:15,065 --> 00:00:18,235
One of the toppings on this
pizza is just tinier pizzas.
6
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:20,308
And don't forget about
the seven-layer dipping sauce
7
00:00:20,337 --> 00:00:23,608
in a giant bowl made of Cheetos.
8
00:00:23,641 --> 00:00:25,042
But that's not all, y'all.
9
00:00:25,075 --> 00:00:27,945
Check it out, double-sided pizza.
10
00:00:27,978 --> 00:00:31,081
And we got four of these for
eight dollars.
11
00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:32,983
Wait, something smells burnt.
12
00:00:34,118 --> 00:00:35,920
Is there a burnt layer
to this pizza?
13
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:38,997
Oh, my God, something's on fire!
14
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:43,928
No, not my white zin, y'all.
15
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,429
It's seasonal!
16
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,198
Yeah, come on, get some.
17
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,602
Well, here's the problem.
18
00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:53,738
Have y'all not been cleaning
the lint trap?
19
00:00:53,771 --> 00:00:56,406
Oh, my Lord,
you got to clean the lint trap.
20
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,601
No, I don't, Wayne.
That is a myth.
21
00:00:58,786 --> 00:01:00,127
- It is not a myth.
- It is definitely a myth.
22
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,629
- A myth started by corporate butts to turn us all into...
- Jenny, you got to clean
23
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:05,065
- the lint trap. It says so on the lint trap.
- ...lint-trap cleaning sheeples.
24
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,501
Wayne, I have never met
a single person in my life
25
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:09,069
who cleans out their lint trap.
26
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:11,872
Everyone cleans
their lint trap, Jenny.
27
00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:13,207
Then why aren't they saying so?
28
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,800
If everyone cleaned out
their lint trap,
29
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:18,797
people would be talking
about lint traps... all the time.
30
00:01:18,832 --> 00:01:21,081
Yeah, all those idiots
that clean their lint traps
31
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:23,083
are probably too embarrassed
to talk about it.
32
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:25,786
If I would've guessed
what was gonna catch on fire,
33
00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:28,022
I would've put my money
on that plug ball from hell.
34
00:01:57,145 --> 00:02:00,212
www.facebook.com/gatonplay
35
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:04,324
Well, good news is
the damage is mostly cosmetic.
36
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:07,127
Bad news is cleanup's
gonna take at least a week.
37
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,662
Jenny, I know you feel weird
38
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:11,264
- about staying over at my place...
- No. I don't.
39
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:12,532
I mean, what?
40
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,669
- Calm down, Wayne, right?
- Mom, he's right.
41
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:17,304
Whenever we've had
to stay at Wayne's,
42
00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:19,106
you've turned into a total freak.
43
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,307
Remember when those skunks
44
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:22,076
started a fight club
in our crawlspace
45
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,711
and we had to go to Wayne's
while the house aired out?
46
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,480
You lasted, like, ten minutes.
47
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:29,917
And in that time, started, like,
ten different pointless fights.
48
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:38,125
- Jenny.
- What? It's just a hairbrush.
49
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:44,377
Jenny, I told you that NASCAR
throw is a collector's item.
50
00:02:44,401 --> 00:02:47,667
Oh, come on. It's just
a little makeup, it'll come out.
51
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:51,338
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Oh, damn it.
52
00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:54,208
Jenny, I asked you
to at least leave a path.
53
00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:58,180
Sorry, I was about to clean it up.
54
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:01,548
I don't purposely start fights.
Wayne's just too uptight.
55
00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:03,183
That's why we live apart.
56
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,252
Jenny, this is
an emergency scenario.
57
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,520
It's-it's just temporary.
58
00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:10,024
Yeah, I know. We'll crash
at your place for a few days.
59
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,959
Just a quick crash, you know.
Not a big deal.
60
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,493
Cool, cool, cool.
61
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,163
All right, well, let's all hop
on the "Cool Cool Cool Express"
62
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,632
to Train-Wreck Town.
63
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:24,504
Okay, you guys,
welcome to Casa de Wayne.
64
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,706
Make yourself comfortable.
65
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,108
Oh, but not too comfortable.
66
00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:30,845
- You know, since we're just crashing.
- Betty, you'll love this,
67
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:34,114
I've been leeching cable off
my neighbor, Dr. Chakrabarti,
68
00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:35,348
and she gets the full package.
69
00:03:35,372 --> 00:03:39,486
She must be rich as Croesus.
Look at these channels:
70
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:42,589
Ion, Telemundo, Tumor Network.
71
00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:45,993
Oh, dang, that one's
got teeth and hair.
72
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,828
Uh-oh. Oh, here we go.
73
00:03:47,862 --> 00:03:50,965
Unsolved Mysteries marathon
on the Christian Crime Network.
74
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:53,700
Mother, haven't you seen all
of them already, like, 20 times?
75
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,970
They unearthed some
Unsolved Mysteries episodes
76
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:58,906
that had mysteriously gone missing.
77
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:01,808
That in itself
was an Unsolved Mystery.
78
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:05,079
So, yeah, hey, are you eating
yogurt with a fork?
79
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,813
Is this bothering you, Wayne,
80
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,449
the way I am choosing
to eat my yogurt?
81
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,086
Okay, she's just trying
to get a rise out of you, Wayne.
82
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,620
Don't react.
83
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:17,892
Don't even let your face
make an involuntary twitch.
84
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:22,596
Damn it, she smells blood.
85
00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:25,832
Oops. Oh, I spilled
on your Peterbilt rug.
86
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,301
Who has carpet in their kitchen?
87
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,303
Oh, here we go,
fight number one.
88
00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:32,106
Ugh. Jenny, what is your deal?
89
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:34,474
I don't have a deal.
Deal or no deal? I'm no deal.
90
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,428
Let's see what the banker says.
Ring, ring, ring.
91
00:04:36,452 --> 00:04:38,178
Oh, he says I don't have a deal.
92
00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:40,347
You're being weird.
I'm gonna go get some air.
93
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:44,082
- Oh, hey, Dr. Chakrabarti.
- Wayne!
94
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:48,989
♪ Do, do, do, do. ♪
95
00:04:49,023 --> 00:04:51,358
Jenny, you must have a headache
96
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:54,028
from all those wedding bells
you're hearing.
97
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:57,597
I heard you and Wayne
finally moved in together.
98
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,100
Oh, Jenny, it's about time.
99
00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:02,602
Louise, Wayne and I
are not getting married.
100
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:06,206
We are only crashing at his place
because of the dryer fire.
101
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,375
Oh, I forgot.
102
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:11,478
You've got your silly, little
"issues" with marriage.
103
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:15,115
- What? No, I don't.
- You're missing out, Jenny.
104
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:18,318
My wedding to Daniel
was the best moment of my life.
105
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:20,187
Well, you need
to do more stuff then.
106
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:23,944
- Oh, he is gonna propose.
- No. That's not what he's...
107
00:05:23,979 --> 00:05:27,061
Jenny, you should have your
reception here at the Last Supper.
108
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:29,563
Oh, a beautiful
Monday morning reception,
109
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:32,933
'cause Saturdays are our
busiest days, and Sundays,
110
00:05:32,967 --> 00:05:34,701
so we'll have
to work around that.
111
00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:38,038
- Not getting married, Louise!
- Probably are, though.
112
00:05:38,072 --> 00:05:40,707
Maybe I'll get to be
your "boss of honor."
113
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,109
♪ Do, doo, do-do ♪
114
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,742
♪ Do, do, do... ♪
115
00:05:43,893 --> 00:05:46,196
So Wayne's just
acting like a maniac
116
00:05:46,230 --> 00:05:47,431
with us living in his trailer,
117
00:05:47,464 --> 00:05:49,064
and we're just trying
to power through.
118
00:05:49,065 --> 00:05:50,234
I mean, don't get me wrong.
119
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,169
I love him,
but he is out of control.
120
00:05:52,202 --> 00:05:54,238
Living together
is all about compromise.
121
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:57,374
Which, luckily, I don't have to
do 'cause I don't live with Wayne.
122
00:05:57,407 --> 00:06:00,342
Jenny, I'm no therapist,
but I did make all the therapists,
123
00:06:00,344 --> 00:06:02,512
and I think you're freaking out
because living together
124
00:06:02,546 --> 00:06:03,947
feels like a step
towards marriage.
125
00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:06,408
- Horse crap.
- And it's bringing up a lot of stuff
126
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:08,637
about Violet's dad
and how you felt pressured
127
00:06:08,638 --> 00:06:09,657
by everyone to marry him.
128
00:06:09,690 --> 00:06:11,492
Did you just cough
and say "horse crap"?
129
00:06:11,526 --> 00:06:14,691
Jesus, I'm not talking about
Don Reynolds today or any day.
130
00:06:14,724 --> 00:06:16,960
I'm just saying, that was
the only other person
131
00:06:16,993 --> 00:06:20,497
you lived with and that ended
a-real a-crazy.
132
00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:22,199
Why did you say it like that?
133
00:06:22,232 --> 00:06:24,033
I'm trying
a sassy best friend thing.
134
00:06:24,067 --> 00:06:27,271
- Um... no.
- Okrrr!
135
00:06:29,273 --> 00:06:30,607
Catch me up.
136
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,409
This guy's called
the "Grits Box Strangler."
137
00:06:32,442 --> 00:06:35,179
He was local,
operating out of Lenoir.
138
00:06:35,212 --> 00:06:36,613
With a string of violent crimes
139
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:39,948
throughout central North Carolina,
only one woman
140
00:06:39,949 --> 00:06:43,220
ever encountered the Grits Box
Strangler and lived.
141
00:06:43,253 --> 00:06:44,933
Who could've survived
that killing machine?
142
00:06:44,957 --> 00:06:46,223
Wonder Woman?
143
00:06:46,256 --> 00:06:48,558
Her name?
Crystalynn Poole.
144
00:06:48,592 --> 00:06:51,695
- What? No way!
- Whoa! Plot twist.
145
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:54,598
I remember that day
like it was yesterday.
146
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:57,801
I was at the ATM
getting cash for church
147
00:06:57,834 --> 00:06:59,769
because I'm a big-time tither.
148
00:06:59,803 --> 00:07:03,072
Before I knew it,
he'd pulled me into his truck.
149
00:07:03,106 --> 00:07:05,775
I was terrified,
but I calmly asked him,
150
00:07:05,809 --> 00:07:08,812
"Young man, would you
like to pray with me?"
151
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,281
And he did. Luckily,
152
00:07:11,315 --> 00:07:14,017
there was one other person
in that car that day.
153
00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:15,819
The Holy Spirit.
154
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:19,287
Oh, Lord.
How many nose hairs did she pull
155
00:07:19,289 --> 00:07:21,291
to get those tears to squirt out?
156
00:07:21,325 --> 00:07:23,760
I don't know.
She was almost murdered.
157
00:07:23,793 --> 00:07:27,229
Something's up. My working theory
is that she faked it somehow.
158
00:07:27,231 --> 00:07:29,799
I live in fear every day.
159
00:07:29,833 --> 00:07:33,102
In fear that I'm gonna
expose your flat ass.
160
00:07:35,605 --> 00:07:37,407
Wayne, where did you
put my phone cord?
161
00:07:37,441 --> 00:07:40,076
I know I left it sitting
on top of my suitcase.
162
00:07:40,109 --> 00:07:42,912
I didn't touch it. I know better
than to touch your stuff.
163
00:07:42,946 --> 00:07:44,848
Whoa, okay.
Take it down a notch.
164
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,361
You're being
a little crazy right now.
165
00:07:46,385 --> 00:07:47,817
Do you hear yourself?
166
00:07:47,851 --> 00:07:49,486
Okay, for the sake
of our relationship,
167
00:07:49,519 --> 00:07:51,187
I'm gonna go get
another dose of air.
168
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:54,358
There's a phone cord
in the junk drawer.
169
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:57,294
- Hey, Dr. Chakrabarti.
- Wayne!
170
00:07:57,327 --> 00:08:00,330
Oh, "for the sake of our
relationship." So dramatic.
171
00:08:00,364 --> 00:08:02,499
Paper clips, Post-its,
172
00:08:02,532 --> 00:08:05,635
big rubber bands, ring box,
small rubber bands...
173
00:08:05,669 --> 00:08:08,405
Wait, ring box?
174
00:08:09,473 --> 00:08:12,108
Oh, horse crap.
175
00:08:16,546 --> 00:08:18,248
Thanks for meeting me here, Brenda.
176
00:08:18,282 --> 00:08:21,385
Hey, I was here when you called.
So, what's up?
177
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,253
This. I found it
in Wayne's drawer.
178
00:08:23,287 --> 00:08:26,321
- Is this what I think it is?
- Oh, man.
179
00:08:26,323 --> 00:08:30,226
An engagement ring?
You must be farting fire, girl.
180
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:34,498
'Cause you got an epic
big old problem with marriage.
181
00:08:34,531 --> 00:08:36,232
Why is everyone up my butt
about this?
182
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,368
Jenny, y'all, I was at
that three-ring circus
183
00:08:38,402 --> 00:08:40,670
that was almost
your wedding to Don Reynolds.
184
00:08:40,704 --> 00:08:44,341
That mess was a-real ca-razy.
185
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,749
Uh-oh, Jenny, you're pregnant.
186
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,651
Well, now you have
to get married.
187
00:08:54,684 --> 00:08:58,322
Jenny, he's rich.
You have to marry him.
188
00:08:58,355 --> 00:09:01,056
Honey, you are a woman in America.
189
00:09:01,091 --> 00:09:02,792
You have to get married.
190
00:09:02,826 --> 00:09:05,995
Should I have worn
underwear with this dress?
191
00:09:06,029 --> 00:09:07,297
Dearly beloved,
192
00:09:07,331 --> 00:09:10,367
marriage is forever.
193
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:14,338
Honor thy husband
and obey thy husband.
194
00:09:14,371 --> 00:09:16,873
You must obey...
195
00:09:16,906 --> 00:09:19,242
Obey. Forever. Forever.
196
00:09:19,275 --> 00:09:20,875
Obey.
197
00:09:31,087 --> 00:09:34,223
Jenny, no.
Think about my future.
198
00:09:34,257 --> 00:09:36,059
Stop that woman!
199
00:09:36,092 --> 00:09:39,430
We got a runner!
200
00:09:47,404 --> 00:09:48,938
First time on a horse.
201
00:09:48,972 --> 00:09:51,408
In a wedding dress,
fully with child.
202
00:09:51,441 --> 00:09:53,743
I am not mad at it.
203
00:09:53,777 --> 00:09:56,946
Oh, God. I bet Wayne's
gonna ask me to marry him.
204
00:09:58,582 --> 00:10:02,786
- I know, right?
- No, Slusherito brain freeze.
205
00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:06,089
Well, don't chug more.
206
00:10:10,627 --> 00:10:12,396
Betty, what the hell?
207
00:10:12,429 --> 00:10:14,297
I saw you on Unsolved Mysteries.
208
00:10:14,450 --> 00:10:17,521
You're lying about encountering
the Grits Box Strangler.
209
00:10:17,554 --> 00:10:20,156
- You made the whole thing up to get on TV.
- Wrong!
210
00:10:20,189 --> 00:10:23,426
I earned a coveted spot on that
show by being almost murdered.
211
00:10:23,459 --> 00:10:25,328
And Robert Stacks
himself told me
212
00:10:25,361 --> 00:10:29,298
that my story was one of the
most harrowing he'd ever seen.
213
00:10:29,332 --> 00:10:32,210
- You met my Robert Stacks?
- Met him?
214
00:10:32,245 --> 00:10:35,404
He gave me one of his
signature trenches.
215
00:10:38,975 --> 00:10:43,312
- I can still smell the Stacks.
- That is ill-gotten!
216
00:10:43,346 --> 00:10:45,715
I've played bridge with you
for years, and you got a tell.
217
00:10:45,749 --> 00:10:48,084
In your interview, your
eyebrow was flopping around
218
00:10:48,117 --> 00:10:49,717
like a caterpillar on Sanka.
219
00:10:49,719 --> 00:10:51,319
I'm gonna prove you were lying.
220
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,290
So get ready to have your
mystery solved for all to see.
221
00:10:55,358 --> 00:10:58,662
You got it all wrong, Betty.
222
00:10:58,695 --> 00:11:00,429
My story is airtight.
223
00:11:00,463 --> 00:11:04,634
Also, Sanka's decaffeinated,
224
00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:07,537
so a caterpillar on Sanka
wouldn't flop at all.
225
00:11:07,571 --> 00:11:09,673
Your analogy makes no sense.
226
00:11:12,175 --> 00:11:14,010
- Dang it.
- Oh, I don't think I got it wrong.
227
00:11:14,043 --> 00:11:16,580
I think I got it oh, so right.
228
00:11:16,613 --> 00:11:19,315
And maybe that caterpillar
was flopping around
229
00:11:19,316 --> 00:11:22,018
because he loves the rich,
full-bodied taste of coffee
230
00:11:22,051 --> 00:11:24,821
without the downsides of caffeine.
231
00:11:35,732 --> 00:11:37,533
Ha!
232
00:11:39,869 --> 00:11:41,537
- Dang it!
- Oh.
233
00:11:41,571 --> 00:11:44,273
Let's pick this up t-tomorrow.
234
00:11:44,307 --> 00:11:47,376
- Want the lights on?
- Off is fine.
235
00:11:49,746 --> 00:11:52,248
- Why are we doing this?
- 'Cause we love each other.
236
00:11:52,281 --> 00:11:55,151
And 'cause everyone else
is doing it.
237
00:12:01,691 --> 00:12:03,226
You ready to talk
about this yet?
238
00:12:03,259 --> 00:12:05,829
- Talk about what?
- Oh, wow. Okay.
239
00:12:05,862 --> 00:12:07,547
Well, you're having a dream where you're
240
00:12:07,548 --> 00:12:09,232
in a wedding gown and
falling to your death.
241
00:12:09,265 --> 00:12:11,034
You are terrified
of getting married,
242
00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:13,469
and you just need to admit it,
Frasier's DeNiles Crane.
243
00:12:13,502 --> 00:12:15,438
Oh. Great reference, Jesus.
244
00:12:15,471 --> 00:12:17,551
Yeah. I've been catching up
on all the '90s classics.
245
00:12:17,575 --> 00:12:20,076
Friends, Mad About You,
Sister, Sister.
246
00:12:20,109 --> 00:12:22,245
Will you just tell me
what you're here to tell me?
247
00:12:22,278 --> 00:12:24,681
Okay, here goes:
Wayne's not Don.
248
00:12:24,714 --> 00:12:26,549
- That's it?
- That's it.
249
00:12:27,851 --> 00:12:30,453
- Holy guacamole!
- CHiPs!
250
00:12:30,486 --> 00:12:34,724
Sorry, I was dreaming about
that old motorcycle cop show.
251
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:58,247
I think I got it.
252
00:12:58,281 --> 00:13:01,696
Gram, i'm on the unsolved wiki,
253
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:04,293
and the grits box
strangler's been sitting
254
00:13:04,294 --> 00:13:06,890
in a jail in South
Carolina for 15 years.
255
00:13:06,923 --> 00:13:08,424
Too bad we can't
just talk to him
256
00:13:08,457 --> 00:13:10,426
and ask him
if he remembers Crystalynn.
257
00:13:10,459 --> 00:13:12,059
Gram?
258
00:13:14,430 --> 00:13:16,465
Wayne, I know why
you brought me here,
259
00:13:16,499 --> 00:13:18,968
and guess what,
it's not gonna work.
260
00:13:19,002 --> 00:13:20,970
- 'Cause you forgot to bring this.
- What?
261
00:13:21,004 --> 00:13:24,173
Hey, everybody,
it's a restaurant proposal!
262
00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:25,742
He's gonna propose to her!
263
00:13:25,775 --> 00:13:28,411
Except she's the one
that put the ring down.
264
00:13:28,444 --> 00:13:30,914
Different times, brother.
Different times.
265
00:13:30,947 --> 00:13:33,516
- Who run the world?
- Girls!
266
00:13:33,549 --> 00:13:34,250
Why can't you guys sit together?
267
00:13:34,251 --> 00:13:36,119
- You're both eating alone.
- Just go sit together!
268
00:13:36,152 --> 00:13:37,552
Jenny, what are you doing
with that?
269
00:13:37,576 --> 00:13:41,224
Is this or is this not
an engagement ring?
270
00:13:41,257 --> 00:13:43,126
It's my meemaw's ring.
271
00:13:43,159 --> 00:13:44,759
She gave it to me
because she was afraid
272
00:13:44,761 --> 00:13:47,463
Uncle Tommy would sell it or eat it.
273
00:13:47,496 --> 00:13:49,766
So you never intended
to propose to me?
274
00:13:49,799 --> 00:13:51,567
Okay, sure, I'll confess.
275
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:55,304
There was a point when
I did want to propose,
276
00:13:55,338 --> 00:13:58,441
but I know I can't because
of your thing about marriage.
277
00:13:58,474 --> 00:14:00,443
Oh, oh.
Oh, so I'm the problem?
278
00:14:00,476 --> 00:14:03,446
I'm the one standing
between you and happiness?
279
00:14:03,479 --> 00:14:04,613
I didn't say that. I just...
280
00:14:04,647 --> 00:14:06,349
I know you don't want
to be married.
281
00:14:06,382 --> 00:14:08,451
Why does everyone think
I don't want to be married?
282
00:14:08,484 --> 00:14:10,486
Because you've said so
on multiple occasions?
283
00:14:10,519 --> 00:14:12,455
Okay, well, maybe
I'm changing my mind.
284
00:14:12,488 --> 00:14:15,258
Okay, then!
Do you want to get married?
285
00:14:15,291 --> 00:14:17,226
- I don't know. Do you?
- I do.
286
00:14:17,260 --> 00:14:19,428
Okay, well, I guess
we're frickin' engaged!
287
00:14:19,462 --> 00:14:22,331
I guess we frickin' are!
288
00:14:23,632 --> 00:14:26,469
Well, what are you waiting
for, dummies? Clap for us!
289
00:14:35,779 --> 00:14:38,181
Hey, guys. What's up?
290
00:14:38,214 --> 00:14:40,549
Hi, Violet. Great news!
We just got engaged.
291
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:42,786
Yeah!
We're getting married.
292
00:14:42,819 --> 00:14:45,488
This seems like a cool situation
I've walked into.
293
00:14:45,521 --> 00:14:46,655
Oh, it's the coolest.
294
00:14:46,689 --> 00:14:48,457
I can't wait to start
planning the wedding.
295
00:14:48,491 --> 00:14:51,512
'Cause no one's gonna tell me
I have issues with marriage!
296
00:14:51,547 --> 00:14:53,529
I'm ready to start planning
right now.
297
00:14:53,562 --> 00:14:56,065
- Unless you want to wait.
- Nope. Why wait?
298
00:14:56,099 --> 00:14:57,466
When you know you're doing
299
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,435
exactly the thing
you're supposed to do, right?
300
00:14:59,468 --> 00:15:01,437
Let's go, Wayne!
301
00:15:01,470 --> 00:15:05,441
- Hey, Dr. Chakrabarti.
- Oh, hey. Where's Wayne?
302
00:15:05,474 --> 00:15:09,278
Wayne, I know she's a-real
ca-razy right now,
303
00:15:09,312 --> 00:15:11,380
but why are you
going through with this?
304
00:15:11,414 --> 00:15:13,902
I'm not gonna be the one to say
I don't want to get married.
305
00:15:13,926 --> 00:15:16,652
Because then,
forever and ever, amen,
306
00:15:16,685 --> 00:15:19,388
I'm the one who didn't want
to get married,
307
00:15:19,422 --> 00:15:22,391
and Jenny is not
putting that on me!
308
00:15:22,445 --> 00:15:25,982
♪ In too deep,
in too deep, can't quit! ♪
309
00:15:26,015 --> 00:15:27,817
♪ In too deep ♪
310
00:15:27,851 --> 00:15:30,286
- ♪ In too deep, can't quit! ♪
- ♪ I'm makin' a point ♪
311
00:15:30,319 --> 00:15:31,688
♪ And no one's gonna stop me ♪
312
00:15:31,721 --> 00:15:33,122
♪ It sounds crazy,
but that doesn't faze me ♪
313
00:15:33,156 --> 00:15:35,024
- ♪ Tasting buttercreams ♪
- ♪ Yum-yum! ♪
314
00:15:35,058 --> 00:15:36,559
♪ Choosing chicken or fish ♪
315
00:15:36,592 --> 00:15:38,432
♪ You can't stop me
from getting cake toppers ♪
316
00:15:38,456 --> 00:15:39,929
♪ And pickin' peonies ♪
317
00:15:39,963 --> 00:15:41,330
♪ I'll find a folksy
barn space ♪
318
00:15:41,364 --> 00:15:44,934
♪ Where we'll sit
on bales of hay ♪
319
00:15:44,968 --> 00:15:47,270
♪ Hay-hey-hey-hey-hey ♪
320
00:15:47,303 --> 00:15:48,783
♪ 'Cause I'm in too deep,
can't quit ♪
321
00:15:48,807 --> 00:15:50,707
♪ In too deep, in too deep ♪
322
00:15:50,740 --> 00:15:53,109
- ♪ Can't quit ♪
- ♪ Oh, no! ♪
323
00:15:56,392 --> 00:16:00,363
- Did you ever almost strangle this woman?
- It's hard to say.
324
00:16:00,396 --> 00:16:01,996
When I first started strangling,
325
00:16:01,998 --> 00:16:04,367
I had the eye holes
way too small.
326
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,936
Once I accidentally
strangled a mop.
327
00:16:06,970 --> 00:16:08,671
She claims she started praying
328
00:16:08,704 --> 00:16:10,940
right before you were about
to turn her lights out.
329
00:16:10,974 --> 00:16:13,376
Well, they all kind of did that.
330
00:16:13,409 --> 00:16:16,478
- Thanks for nothing, Grits Head.
- I just go by Kevin now.
331
00:16:16,479 --> 00:16:19,515
I'm a changed man.
I really worked on myself.
332
00:16:19,548 --> 00:16:21,751
I got on meds.
I work in the library.
333
00:16:21,785 --> 00:16:24,620
I know everyone's birthdays,
too, yeah.
334
00:16:24,653 --> 00:16:26,722
Yeah, I'm the birthday guy.
335
00:16:26,756 --> 00:16:29,158
Sounds like you were more
interesting the other way.
336
00:16:29,192 --> 00:16:30,792
Time's up, Kevin.
337
00:16:31,727 --> 00:16:34,230
Holy munchkin!
338
00:16:34,263 --> 00:16:37,834
So, you excited?
His birthday's tomorrow.
339
00:16:41,137 --> 00:16:44,240
Betty, if you're in here,
you can't scare me.
340
00:16:50,914 --> 00:16:53,316
I'm afraid the tall tale
341
00:16:53,349 --> 00:16:55,184
you told Unsolved Mysteries
342
00:16:55,218 --> 00:16:57,353
about the Grits Box Stranger
came up...
343
00:16:57,386 --> 00:16:59,555
short.
I had a little sit-down
344
00:16:59,588 --> 00:17:03,592
with the GBS, "little" being
the operative word here.
345
00:17:03,626 --> 00:17:05,694
Let's just say
some of the details
346
00:17:05,728 --> 00:17:08,197
of your story
need to be heightened.
347
00:17:08,231 --> 00:17:11,365
- Spit it out, dummy.
- He's short! Short as hell.
348
00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:14,921
A total hobbit, y'all.
Which means there's no way
349
00:17:14,922 --> 00:17:17,040
the real GBS would've been seen
350
00:17:17,073 --> 00:17:18,975
behind your early '90s bouffant.
351
00:17:19,008 --> 00:17:21,377
You got someone else to
put that box on his head
352
00:17:21,410 --> 00:17:23,269
and stage the abduction.
353
00:17:23,446 --> 00:17:26,582
Okay, fine.
I made the whole thing up.
354
00:17:26,615 --> 00:17:28,617
I just wanted to meet Robert Stacks
355
00:17:28,651 --> 00:17:31,554
and solve the mystery
of what was under that trench!
356
00:17:31,587 --> 00:17:34,057
Ugh!
Who are you gonna tell?
357
00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:36,625
Oh, I just might mention it
to Binh Ly at Fancy Nails.
358
00:17:36,659 --> 00:17:38,761
I don't care about that.
I don't even go there.
359
00:17:38,794 --> 00:17:41,630
But you know who does?
Loretta Dix.
360
00:17:41,664 --> 00:17:43,766
- Don't care.
- Who goes mall walking
361
00:17:43,799 --> 00:17:46,302
- with Ronnie Anne Lewiston.
- Means nothing to me.
362
00:17:46,335 --> 00:17:49,738
- Who's in a book club with Latrice Beasley.
- Never heard of her.
363
00:17:49,772 --> 00:17:52,108
Who plays pickleball
with Noreen Blix,
364
00:17:52,141 --> 00:17:54,410
who I believe
goes to your church.
365
00:17:54,443 --> 00:17:57,947
Not Noreen!
Dammit, Betty, name your price.
366
00:17:57,981 --> 00:18:00,984
I might could think of something
that would keep me quiet.
367
00:18:01,017 --> 00:18:04,420
If you have any information
about the butt-whooping
368
00:18:04,453 --> 00:18:08,924
that you just saw,
our operators are standing by.
369
00:18:12,461 --> 00:18:14,297
Mother, where have you been?
370
00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:16,365
Oh, just down in South Carolina
371
00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:18,902
having a face-to-face sit-down
with a serial killer.
372
00:18:18,935 --> 00:18:21,287
- What's going on here?
- Oh, not much.
373
00:18:21,288 --> 00:18:24,273
Just Wayne and Mom are locked
in a stupid game of chicken
374
00:18:24,307 --> 00:18:26,275
that will result in them
being married.
375
00:18:26,309 --> 00:18:27,643
No. We are deeply in love.
376
00:18:27,676 --> 00:18:30,813
And so society won't brand us
total freaks, we're getting married.
377
00:18:30,846 --> 00:18:33,482
Don't worry, Violet.
She'll never go through with it.
378
00:18:33,516 --> 00:18:36,119
This one's got big-time
marriage issues.
379
00:18:36,152 --> 00:18:37,665
Bet they haven't even set a date.
380
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,655
Um, did somebody say
we haven't set a date?
381
00:18:39,688 --> 00:18:41,435
What's today's date?
'Cause that's the date.
382
00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:43,225
- Today?!
- What's wrong, Wayne?
383
00:18:43,226 --> 00:18:45,361
- Don't want to get married?
- No, I-I do.
384
00:18:45,394 --> 00:18:47,796
Everyone put your shoes on.
We're going to the courthouse.
385
00:18:47,830 --> 00:18:49,465
So I guess nobody's gonna ask me
386
00:18:49,498 --> 00:18:52,635
about Robert Stacks' trench coat?
387
00:18:53,903 --> 00:18:55,404
Mmm...
388
00:18:57,473 --> 00:18:59,708
All right, who's next?
389
00:18:59,742 --> 00:19:01,510
Oh. A wedding.
390
00:19:01,544 --> 00:19:02,778
- Yep.
- Sure is.
391
00:19:02,811 --> 00:19:04,213
Yup. Just like most weddings,
392
00:19:04,247 --> 00:19:07,550
an entire parking lot
saw the bride change in the car.
393
00:19:07,583 --> 00:19:09,352
Okay, y'all seem real angry,
394
00:19:09,385 --> 00:19:11,120
and that's coming
from a city employee,
395
00:19:11,154 --> 00:19:14,523
but I'll do my best to make
this special for y'all, okay?
396
00:19:14,557 --> 00:19:19,162
Dearly beloved,
blobbity-blob, special day,
397
00:19:19,195 --> 00:19:21,197
love is patient and kind,
398
00:19:21,230 --> 00:19:22,966
bleegitty-bloo, tears in heaven,
399
00:19:22,999 --> 00:19:25,101
sickness and health...
ooh, text from my daughter...
400
00:19:25,134 --> 00:19:29,738
marriage is work, deedly-do,
blah-blah, etcetera, etcetera.
401
00:19:29,772 --> 00:19:31,372
Do y'all have vows?
402
00:19:31,374 --> 00:19:36,379
- I wrote some vows.
- Just read them.
403
00:19:38,747 --> 00:19:41,817
"Dear Wayne, I do have issues
with marriage."
404
00:19:41,850 --> 00:19:43,519
- Ugh. Okay, you know what?
- Read.
405
00:19:43,552 --> 00:19:46,089
"What we have is so perfect
406
00:19:46,122 --> 00:19:48,191
I'm afraid to change
anything about it.
407
00:19:48,224 --> 00:19:49,892
I infinity love you,
408
00:19:49,925 --> 00:19:51,427
all the way to the Moon
and back,
409
00:19:51,460 --> 00:19:54,397
and I don't need a piece
of paper to prove it.
410
00:19:54,430 --> 00:19:57,433
And we both know I'm never
gonna empty the lint trap."
411
00:19:57,466 --> 00:20:01,237
- Wait, it just ends like that?
- Wayne? Now you read.
412
00:20:01,270 --> 00:20:04,407
"Dear Jenny, I promise
I won't get all up your butt
413
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,742
about the damn lint trap anymore.
414
00:20:06,775 --> 00:20:08,311
You fill up the lint trap
in my heart
415
00:20:08,344 --> 00:20:11,447
because you make me feel
all warm and fuzzy."
416
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,016
Oh, you captured my voice.
417
00:20:13,049 --> 00:20:16,252
"I think this relationship
is perfect, too,
418
00:20:16,285 --> 00:20:17,765
and I don't even want
to get married,
419
00:20:17,786 --> 00:20:20,789
because you are my family
until forever."
420
00:20:20,823 --> 00:20:24,193
- Violet, your vows were perfect.
- Thank you, Peanut.
421
00:20:24,227 --> 00:20:28,464
- Without this ring, I don't be wed.
- I don't, either!
422
00:20:28,497 --> 00:20:31,367
Okay, well, that wedding
was a-real ca-razy.
423
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,469
I don't know
what to pronounce you two.
424
00:20:33,502 --> 00:20:37,340
Don't pronounce them anything.
They're fine the way they are.
425
00:20:37,373 --> 00:20:39,533
This is the reception.
426
00:20:39,557 --> 00:20:41,310
Oh, y'all.
I wish Ed was here
427
00:20:41,344 --> 00:20:43,912
so he could see his daughter
not get married
428
00:20:43,946 --> 00:20:46,349
in such a beautiful dumb-butt way.
429
00:20:46,382 --> 00:20:49,752
♪ Love shack is a little
old place where ♪
430
00:20:49,785 --> 00:20:53,749
♪ We can get together... ♪
431
00:20:55,988 --> 00:21:00,463
♪ Bang, bang, bang,
on the door, baby ♪
432
00:21:00,496 --> 00:21:02,965
♪ Knock a little louder, sugar ♪
433
00:21:02,998 --> 00:21:06,769
♪ Bang, bang, bang
on the door, baby ♪
434
00:21:09,238 --> 00:21:10,318
Ooh!
435
00:21:10,342 --> 00:21:13,576
No! Y'all don't worry about me.
Go back to dancing.
436
00:21:13,609 --> 00:21:15,511
You got the room
for another ten minutes.
437
00:21:15,544 --> 00:21:19,014
♪ On the door, baby, bang, bang ♪
438
00:21:19,048 --> 00:21:21,809
Sorry. Just trying to clean up
before the next group.
439
00:21:21,833 --> 00:21:23,252
Shoot. Sorry.
440
00:21:23,286 --> 00:21:24,353
Sorry!
441
00:21:24,387 --> 00:21:25,521
Sorry.
442
00:21:25,554 --> 00:21:27,523
Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
443
00:21:27,556 --> 00:21:32,361
♪ Tin roof... rusted. ♪
444
00:21:34,397 --> 00:21:38,116
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