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1
00:00:05,888 --> 00:00:07,588
[heavenly music plays]
2
00:00:07,657 --> 00:00:09,658
So... it's almost Thanksgiving.
3
00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:11,326
And you know what that means...
4
00:00:11,327 --> 00:00:13,161
BOTH: Black Friday Eve!
5
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,863
What are you gonna buy?
6
00:00:14,864 --> 00:00:17,532
[sighs] Violet doesn't want to
do our normal thing this year.
7
00:00:17,634 --> 00:00:19,134
She's got some crazy idea
8
00:00:19,135 --> 00:00:20,869
of doing something different
this Thanksgiving.
9
00:00:20,970 --> 00:00:24,439
Oh, Violet and her beautiful,
wild imagination.
10
00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:26,642
- So what does she want to do?
- She thinks we should
11
00:00:26,643 --> 00:00:28,777
just sit around
and eat a big turkey dinner
12
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:30,112
and talk to each other
and give thanks.
13
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:33,215
- Whaaat...?
- I know, right? Violet doesn't get
14
00:00:33,216 --> 00:00:34,916
what Thanksgiving's
really about:
15
00:00:34,917 --> 00:00:36,685
wolfing down your food
as fast as you can,
16
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:39,888
freezing your ass off in line at
the Mega-Lo-Mart until midnight,
17
00:00:39,989 --> 00:00:42,024
and then stampeding in to fight
your friends and neighbors
18
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,993
for unheard-of savings on
brand-name products. [laughs]
19
00:00:45,094 --> 00:00:48,063
Oh, I'm gonna miss it
so bad this year.
20
00:00:48,164 --> 00:00:50,365
But I guess we'll just do
a traditional Thanksgiving.
21
00:00:50,466 --> 00:00:52,868
You know what drives me a little
crazy about Thanksgiving?
22
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:55,537
No one thinks about their grace
until the last minute,
23
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:58,540
and then it's just
all over the place.
24
00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:01,743
It's like spiritual tax day,
and I'm the only accountant.
25
00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:03,612
Not to mention the fact
that everyone starts with,
26
00:01:03,713 --> 00:01:05,247
"Thank you, Lord,
for this wonderful meal,"
27
00:01:05,248 --> 00:01:06,982
and that's the one part I didn't do!
28
00:01:07,083 --> 00:01:09,318
It's like, thank your
freakin' mom, people.
29
00:01:09,419 --> 00:01:11,119
- Preach!
- I am.
30
00:01:11,747 --> 00:01:16,193
[title music]
31
00:01:36,946 --> 00:01:39,948
www.facebook.com/gatonplay
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00:01:40,950 --> 00:01:44,019
[music]
33
00:01:45,988 --> 00:01:48,190
- [Betty sighs]
- VIOLET: Mm.
34
00:01:48,291 --> 00:01:50,092
[sniffs] Ah.
35
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:53,828
[sniffs]
Isn't this lovely?
36
00:01:53,830 --> 00:01:56,398
Doesn't it feel nice
to just sit down together?
37
00:01:56,499 --> 00:01:59,146
Share this very nice meal?
38
00:02:00,336 --> 00:02:01,403
Hmm.
39
00:02:01,404 --> 00:02:03,104
[Wayne clears throat]
40
00:02:03,172 --> 00:02:05,207
This is already better
than wrestling with strangers
41
00:02:05,308 --> 00:02:08,176
- over a robot vacuum cleaner.
- Oh! Are those on sale?
42
00:02:08,177 --> 00:02:09,978
- Mom...
- BETTY: Yep.
43
00:02:10,079 --> 00:02:12,914
Feels great to do it your way
this year, Violet.
44
00:02:13,315 --> 00:02:16,852
- Does it?
- Mm, Bible, Bible, Bible, Bible.
45
00:02:16,953 --> 00:02:20,822
John's 3:16s.
Holy Ghost.
46
00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,657
Oh, Lord,
just let me have a taste
47
00:02:22,759 --> 00:02:24,493
of my sweet, sweet
door busters circular.
48
00:02:24,594 --> 00:02:26,161
Crock-Pots are buy one get one free.
49
00:02:26,162 --> 00:02:28,063
I'll tell you what's a crock,
this Thanksgiving.
50
00:02:28,164 --> 00:02:30,499
Practically everything's half off.
51
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,200
Martha Steward bedspreads...
52
00:02:32,201 --> 00:02:34,736
Pleat-front cargo capris
by Michael Kors...
53
00:02:34,837 --> 00:02:37,038
Over-the-ear noise-cancelling
headphones by Skullcandy.
54
00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:38,640
Oh, come on, you guys.
55
00:02:38,641 --> 00:02:41,309
See you never, Jean Naté
After-Bath Splash
56
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:44,679
with Moisture Replenishing
Complex Gift Set by Jovan.
57
00:02:44,781 --> 00:02:48,450
[inhales] Okay.
Well, let us pray.
58
00:02:48,551 --> 00:02:51,453
Dear Heavenly Father...
[inhales]
59
00:02:51,554 --> 00:02:54,723
Please bless us,
this beautiful family.
60
00:02:54,824 --> 00:02:58,894
And, Lord, please bless our
loved ones who have passed on.
61
00:02:58,995 --> 00:03:00,429
Let's see...
62
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:03,932
George Michaels,
Jim Varney, aka "Hey, Vern."
63
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:06,935
Um, who else... who else?
64
00:03:07,036 --> 00:03:09,204
Oh, Mork from Ork. Sears,
65
00:03:09,305 --> 00:03:11,573
Roy Clarkson...
oh, Macho Randy Savage,
66
00:03:11,674 --> 00:03:13,675
Princess Leias, of course.
67
00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:17,746
Let's see, what else? I'm thankful
that stars are just like us.
68
00:03:17,847 --> 00:03:19,748
- I'm thankful for those who wore it best.
- Just say amen. Just say amen.
69
00:03:19,849 --> 00:03:21,249
- Amen, Mother. Say amen.
- And praying for those who did not.
70
00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:24,019
- Amen. Say amen.
- Plus, bless our troops.
71
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,054
May this be their last year
in the Middle East.
72
00:03:26,155 --> 00:03:27,855
And please, please,
73
00:03:27,924 --> 00:03:31,092
bring Randy Quaid back to us,
how he was.
74
00:03:31,194 --> 00:03:33,445
- Thank you, amen.
- Good Lord!
75
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:34,529
That was insane.
76
00:03:34,530 --> 00:03:37,165
Mother, your grace took so long,
the gravy grew skin.
77
00:03:37,266 --> 00:03:39,134
Ugh, let me nuke it real quick.
78
00:03:40,069 --> 00:03:43,203
- Who wants to hit the lights and TV?
- I'll do it.
79
00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:45,674
And that's a go
for nuke-a-fication.
80
00:03:45,675 --> 00:03:47,375
Okay, here we go.
81
00:03:47,443 --> 00:03:50,679
[zapping]
82
00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:52,113
[microwave bell dings]
83
00:03:52,114 --> 00:03:55,684
- JENNY: Ouch!
- That microwave is gonna turn us all
84
00:03:55,785 --> 00:03:57,486
into Myrtle Streebs from Silkwood.
85
00:03:57,587 --> 00:03:59,688
Yeah, it melted my acrylics
the other night.
86
00:03:59,789 --> 00:04:01,656
You know what?
This stops now.
87
00:04:01,757 --> 00:04:04,025
I'm gonna fix that microwave
right quick.
88
00:04:04,126 --> 00:04:05,994
[sighs]
Remember the Thanksgiving
89
00:04:06,095 --> 00:04:07,829
when we first bought
this microwave?
90
00:04:07,930 --> 00:04:11,032
- Black Friday, ten years ago.
- Yeah.
91
00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:13,768
Unbelievable. This family
has worshipped Black Friday
92
00:04:13,870 --> 00:04:15,871
for so long,
there's folklore about it.
93
00:04:15,972 --> 00:04:19,407
Oh, hush. It's actually
a really beautiful story.
94
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:23,478
[inhales deeply] Violet,
you were just a toddler...
95
00:04:23,579 --> 00:04:26,982
- BETTY: Bless Britney and Kevin Fenderleen,
- Mm. Mm.
96
00:04:27,083 --> 00:04:29,684
may their love endure
for many centuries to come.
97
00:04:29,785 --> 00:04:34,155
Bless the troops, may this be
their last year in the Middle East.
98
00:04:34,257 --> 00:04:35,957
Thank you, Lord,
for Randy Quaid's
99
00:04:35,958 --> 00:04:38,026
dramatic turn
in Brokeback Mountains.
100
00:04:38,127 --> 00:04:42,030
Boy, is he on a hot streak
that just will not end.
101
00:04:42,131 --> 00:04:46,468
- Amen.
- Okay, bag it up.
102
00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:50,038
- White meat or dark meat?
- Both. Cranberry sauce? [music]
103
00:04:50,139 --> 00:04:51,839
Are you really asking me that?
Oh, don't forget the potatoes.
104
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,041
Jenny, I'm not gonna forget
the potatoes.
105
00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:54,943
Ah.
106
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,811
JENNY:
Good turkey this year, Mother.
107
00:04:56,913 --> 00:04:58,613
Haven't gotten there yet.
I'm still tunneling through
108
00:04:58,614 --> 00:05:00,115
- this green bean casserole.
- Mm.
109
00:05:00,116 --> 00:05:01,883
Uh-oh, my spork punctured
the gravy bag.
110
00:05:01,984 --> 00:05:04,219
Gonna have to suck it out
like an astronaut. [slurping]
111
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:08,356
You put a dumb sale ahead of
your child, your grandchild?
112
00:05:08,457 --> 00:05:10,659
Listen, you were safe and sound
in your stroller.
113
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,061
And you ate almost an entire
baggie of green bean casserole.
114
00:05:13,162 --> 00:05:16,898
- You loved it.
- WAYNE: Okay. And it is fixed.
115
00:05:16,999 --> 00:05:18,699
[whirring]
116
00:05:22,004 --> 00:05:24,372
Well, now it does that.
117
00:05:24,473 --> 00:05:26,341
Oh, look at her.
118
00:05:26,442 --> 00:05:29,511
- BETTY: Ooh.
- JENNY: It's even got a carousel.
119
00:05:29,612 --> 00:05:32,147
And you know what that means?
Even heat.
120
00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:35,850
Jenny! What item are you ready
to die for tonight?
121
00:05:35,952 --> 00:05:38,486
Oh, well, I'm here to snag me
a microwave.
122
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:42,023
I cannot wait to knock
some noggins together.
123
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:43,824
My dream is that it gets
so crazy in there
124
00:05:43,826 --> 00:05:45,327
that I can just loot.
125
00:05:45,328 --> 00:05:47,095
- I didn't even bring my wallet.
- MAN: Mona?
126
00:05:47,196 --> 00:05:49,097
- Brenda, look at that guy, y'all.
- Mona?
127
00:05:49,198 --> 00:05:51,099
Mona? Mona?
128
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,535
The most fake-ass name
I've ever heard in my life.
129
00:05:53,636 --> 00:05:56,638
- He's about to cut.
- Mona? Mona?
130
00:05:56,739 --> 00:05:57,906
On it!
131
00:05:57,907 --> 00:05:59,607
- No cutting. [grunts]
- Mona? [grunts]
132
00:05:59,642 --> 00:06:01,843
We all know there's no Mona.
Back of the line.
133
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,112
- Mona?
- Shut up.
134
00:06:05,214 --> 00:06:06,548
BETTY: Oh, y'all.
135
00:06:06,549 --> 00:06:08,717
All the crazies
have come out tonight.
136
00:06:08,818 --> 00:06:11,620
- What's the plan, baby?
- JENNY: We're gonna bypass electronics
137
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,622
'cause there's gonna be
a big log jam right here
138
00:06:13,723 --> 00:06:15,674
with the flat-screen melees.
So, we're gonna take
139
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,684
the northern route towards
appliances by zig-zagging
140
00:06:17,685 --> 00:06:19,694
through maternity, 'cause
those ladies are slow;
141
00:06:19,695 --> 00:06:21,980
then, we're heading to intimates
to kitchenwares
142
00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:24,599
- via the garden center. Boom!
- Very clever, Jenny.
143
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,401
- I taught you well.
- And then it's just
144
00:06:26,502 --> 00:06:28,202
a straight shot
over to women's footwear.
145
00:06:28,237 --> 00:06:31,039
Where I'm gonna pick me up a
timeless pair of pink UGG-ugs.
146
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,307
Mother, they're just called UGGs.
147
00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:34,008
UGG-ug-ree to disagree.
148
00:06:34,076 --> 00:06:35,776
But it doesn't matter.
We got this. [clap]
149
00:06:35,845 --> 00:06:38,313
- Up high, Violet.
- [snoring]
150
00:06:38,414 --> 00:06:40,448
Aw... baby's first turkey coma.
151
00:06:40,549 --> 00:06:42,651
[music]
152
00:06:42,752 --> 00:06:47,322
I can't believe it, my babies!
I'm very first in line.
153
00:06:47,423 --> 00:06:49,391
I've been here for four days.
154
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,393
[beeping]
155
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,361
[air horn blowing]
156
00:06:53,462 --> 00:06:55,096
[all shouting]
[music]
157
00:06:55,097 --> 00:06:57,766
Help! I'm pinned!
I was immediately pinned.
158
00:06:57,867 --> 00:06:59,234
[shouting continues]
159
00:06:59,235 --> 00:07:00,969
- Ugh.
- Hey. Watch it.
160
00:07:01,070 --> 00:07:02,971
Watch it, dumbass!
Lady with a baby!
161
00:07:03,072 --> 00:07:05,373
Son of a... sporting goods?
162
00:07:05,474 --> 00:07:07,108
That should be beauty
and personal care.
163
00:07:07,109 --> 00:07:09,277
[gasps] They rearranged
the whole store!
164
00:07:09,378 --> 00:07:11,680
Oh, corporate butts.
[grunts]
165
00:07:11,781 --> 00:07:15,216
Don't fight it.
Just swim with the tide, y'all.
166
00:07:15,317 --> 00:07:18,319
- Good luck with your UGGs!
- BETTY: It's UGG-ugs!
167
00:07:18,421 --> 00:07:21,056
Behold!
Capitalism at its worst!
168
00:07:21,157 --> 00:07:24,159
Or is it capitalism at its best?
169
00:07:25,995 --> 00:07:28,830
- [yelling]
- [crazed laughing]
170
00:07:29,965 --> 00:07:32,133
Come to Mama.
171
00:07:33,135 --> 00:07:34,835
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
172
00:07:35,838 --> 00:07:39,974
Crystalynn!
So nice to see you.
173
00:07:40,076 --> 00:07:41,976
But it looks like you're
mistakenly clutching something
174
00:07:42,078 --> 00:07:43,812
that belongs to me.
175
00:07:43,913 --> 00:07:46,514
Betty, our Lord and Savior
really did bless you
176
00:07:46,615 --> 00:07:48,717
[chuckling] with a
wonderful sense of humor.
177
00:07:48,818 --> 00:07:52,587
- Now let go of my UGG-ugs.
- Cut it, Crystalynn.
178
00:07:52,588 --> 00:07:54,689
I don't have time
for these fake niceties.
179
00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:57,859
And I don't have time
not to be with my UGG-ugs.
180
00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:02,030
Now please get your dirty,
sooty racoon paws off my UGG-ugs.
181
00:08:02,031 --> 00:08:04,165
- They're my UGG-ugs, you ho-bag!
- So tacky. Stop pulling
182
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,667
- on my UGG-ugs.
- No, you stop! You're the one
183
00:08:05,668 --> 00:08:07,769
- stretching them to begeebus.
- I need these to wear
184
00:08:07,870 --> 00:08:09,570
to church!
185
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:14,109
Well, way to go, Crystalynn.
You beheaded the last pair.
186
00:08:14,210 --> 00:08:16,778
I should whip your boo-heiny
with this here sole.
187
00:08:16,879 --> 00:08:18,947
Stop flapping your commode lips.
188
00:08:19,048 --> 00:08:21,983
Thanks to your animal behavior,
neither of us have UGG-ugs.
189
00:08:22,985 --> 00:08:24,986
[music]
190
00:08:29,992 --> 00:08:33,094
Oh, Hades, no.
191
00:08:33,195 --> 00:08:34,796
[screaming in distance]
192
00:08:34,797 --> 00:08:35,964
[both moaning]
193
00:08:35,965 --> 00:08:38,750
- Oh, sorry.
- Oh, hey, Jenny.
194
00:08:38,751 --> 00:08:40,502
Do-do-do-do.
195
00:08:40,503 --> 00:08:42,804
Have you met my
special friend Daniel?
196
00:08:42,905 --> 00:08:44,973
Oh, yeah.
Mother bought her CRX
197
00:08:45,074 --> 00:08:46,241
from his family's car dealership.
198
00:08:46,242 --> 00:08:50,278
- Hi, Daniel.
- Daniel... stop.
199
00:08:50,379 --> 00:08:54,615
Daniel wants me to buy some
intimates from the sleepwear sections.
200
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:58,453
He just can't get enough of me.
Oh, do-do-do-do!
201
00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:01,625
- Well, I'll leave you to your...
- [moaning]
202
00:09:02,491 --> 00:09:05,827
Now, where did those
corporate butts hide you?
203
00:09:05,928 --> 00:09:07,662
'Cause I'm gonna find you,
204
00:09:07,763 --> 00:09:11,332
thousand W twin-touch
microwave by LeChef.
205
00:09:11,433 --> 00:09:16,871
Help! I'm pinned by this
carrot-nosed Pinocchio.
206
00:09:16,972 --> 00:09:19,507
[grunting]
207
00:09:24,113 --> 00:09:28,115
So you lost me in a Super
Mega-Lo-Mart on Black Friday?
208
00:09:28,116 --> 00:09:30,551
Okay, I did not lose you.
You ran away.
209
00:09:30,652 --> 00:09:34,688
And it took years off my life.
I was beside myself,
210
00:09:34,756 --> 00:09:36,724
frantically running around
that store screaming.
211
00:09:36,825 --> 00:09:39,293
Somebody help.
Somebody help!
212
00:09:39,394 --> 00:09:43,097
Help me. That woman's
hoarding all the UGG-ugs!
213
00:09:43,198 --> 00:09:44,898
Ma'am, it's Black Friday.
214
00:09:44,933 --> 00:09:46,634
We're all just trying
to stay alive in here.
215
00:09:46,735 --> 00:09:50,738
Get away, you animals.
I'm on break!
216
00:09:50,839 --> 00:09:54,875
Crystalynn, I don't
care for you at all.
217
00:09:54,977 --> 00:09:57,345
But I think we need to
team up on this one.
218
00:09:57,446 --> 00:10:00,715
Extreme situations
call for extreme measures.
219
00:10:00,816 --> 00:10:04,117
- So it's a devil's bargain, then.
- Let's roll.
220
00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:07,221
- [yelling]
- [crazed laughing]
221
00:10:07,322 --> 00:10:09,023
Sir, I'm looking for
a LeChef microwave.
222
00:10:09,124 --> 00:10:10,824
[whispers] Are you
hiding some in the back?
223
00:10:10,826 --> 00:10:13,761
This is Mega-Lo-Mart.
The whole store is the back.
224
00:10:13,862 --> 00:10:15,629
I think there's a floor model
on the border
225
00:10:15,731 --> 00:10:17,164
of housewares and electronics.
226
00:10:17,165 --> 00:10:18,865
- Thank you.
- But I have to warn you.
227
00:10:18,934 --> 00:10:22,103
It's the clearance section.
It's basically lawless.
228
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:24,739
Management pulled all employees
out of there 15 minutes ago.
229
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,975
Some real good guys,
they didn't make it out.
230
00:10:32,047 --> 00:10:33,814
Here, take my gun.
231
00:10:33,915 --> 00:10:36,250
Oh, uh, okay,
if you think I need it.
232
00:10:36,351 --> 00:10:38,719
A price gun?
Oh, in case I need to...
233
00:10:38,820 --> 00:10:42,452
- Cause a distraction.
- Cause a distraction. Yes.
234
00:10:42,487 --> 00:10:44,859
Wow. Thank you.
What's your name?
235
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,660
I wish it mattered.
236
00:10:54,536 --> 00:10:56,337
- [yelling]
- [glass breaking]
237
00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:57,938
Hmm...
238
00:10:57,939 --> 00:11:00,141
Keep your eyes peeled
for that Shop-Vac, Leonard.
239
00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:02,443
On it, doggone it.
But I do think
240
00:11:02,544 --> 00:11:04,779
we should figure out what
our new joint-venture business
241
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,416
is gonna be before we
start buying gear for it.
242
00:11:08,517 --> 00:11:11,018
It's either gonna be a forensic
crime scene cleanup business
243
00:11:11,119 --> 00:11:12,819
or a mobile car wash.
244
00:11:12,854 --> 00:11:15,723
Either way, we're gonna need
a Shop-Vac.
245
00:11:15,824 --> 00:11:17,558
[thuds]
246
00:11:17,659 --> 00:11:18,893
Oh, what's that?
247
00:11:18,894 --> 00:11:21,595
Looks like this little girl
wandered away from her mama.
248
00:11:21,696 --> 00:11:23,064
Hi there, little lady.
249
00:11:23,065 --> 00:11:25,599
- [shouting, straining]
- I'm Wayne.
250
00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:27,668
- And you are...
- [blows raspberry]
251
00:11:27,769 --> 00:11:29,770
Smart.
Don't talk to strangers.
252
00:11:29,871 --> 00:11:31,772
Wayne, do not get attached.
253
00:11:31,873 --> 00:11:34,208
We are not equipped
to raise this baby.
254
00:11:34,309 --> 00:11:37,778
The formula specifically calls
for three men and a baby.
255
00:11:37,879 --> 00:11:40,614
And we are clearly short
one Steve Guttenberg.
256
00:11:40,715 --> 00:11:44,351
I can't just leave her.
I bet her family's worried sick.
257
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:48,189
BETTY: Oh, of course she's
heading over to the soft pretzels.
258
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:51,192
She's probably gonna use a
popcorn bucket for her Slurpee.
259
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:55,563
This is not very Christian of me,
but look at that fat ass.
260
00:11:55,664 --> 00:11:57,631
I say we bum-rush her right now.
261
00:11:57,732 --> 00:11:58,933
- Brandon!
- Oh.
262
00:11:58,934 --> 00:12:00,634
- Dustin!
- Ooh.
263
00:12:00,669 --> 00:12:01,719
Come watch my cart while
264
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,904
I get some jalapeño dip
for my pretzel.
265
00:12:03,905 --> 00:12:05,606
No go on the bum-rush.
266
00:12:05,707 --> 00:12:07,842
Looks like she birthed
half a football team.
267
00:12:07,943 --> 00:12:09,810
Out of her fat butt.
268
00:12:09,911 --> 00:12:13,514
Lord, forgive me, but you know
everyone's thinking it.
269
00:12:13,615 --> 00:12:14,882
[crazed laughing]
270
00:12:14,883 --> 00:12:16,350
Don't worry, Violet,
271
00:12:16,351 --> 00:12:18,319
I've been doing Black Friday
since I was your age.
272
00:12:18,420 --> 00:12:19,954
You couldn't be safer.
273
00:12:19,955 --> 00:12:22,156
You lose your way, full-pricer?
274
00:12:22,257 --> 00:12:23,524
- [laughing maniacally]
- Oh, my Lord!
275
00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:26,861
Aah! Oh, Jenny, it's just
a Halloween decoration.
276
00:12:26,962 --> 00:12:27,962
[hissing]
277
00:12:27,963 --> 00:12:29,897
Git!
278
00:12:29,998 --> 00:12:31,532
Pricebusters!
279
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:33,434
That shirt's half off.
Get it!
280
00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:35,002
[all clamoring]
281
00:12:35,003 --> 00:12:37,238
That one holds a price gun.
282
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:39,776
She who holds the price gun
makes the deals.
283
00:12:39,811 --> 00:12:42,195
- WOMAN: Get that gun!
- No!
284
00:12:44,412 --> 00:12:48,249
Eat fire cart, you animals!
285
00:12:49,584 --> 00:12:52,820
Oh, my Lord.
Brenda, I almost got my...
286
00:12:52,921 --> 00:12:54,588
You need to get out of here.
287
00:12:54,589 --> 00:12:56,724
Brenda, I am not
leaving you here alone.
288
00:12:56,825 --> 00:13:00,094
Oh, don't be worried for me;
be scared for them.
289
00:13:00,195 --> 00:13:03,397
Brenda attack!
Who's ready for more, turkeys?!
290
00:13:03,498 --> 00:13:06,830
[Brenda shouting]
[music]
291
00:13:07,936 --> 00:13:09,904
[men grunting]
292
00:13:10,005 --> 00:13:11,772
- Excuse me, can you help us?
- [screaming]
293
00:13:11,873 --> 00:13:13,874
We found this little girl
wandering around by herself.
294
00:13:13,975 --> 00:13:17,545
Another stray kid?
Put her in the pen.
295
00:13:17,646 --> 00:13:19,313
[all screaming]
296
00:13:19,314 --> 00:13:21,715
Ooh-wee, that mess looks crazy.
297
00:13:21,816 --> 00:13:23,751
- Is that even safe?
- Oh, yeah.
298
00:13:23,852 --> 00:13:25,286
There's a ten-year-old in there
299
00:13:25,287 --> 00:13:26,987
that's made himself in charge.
300
00:13:28,823 --> 00:13:30,791
Yeah, I don't like
the look of that at all.
301
00:13:30,892 --> 00:13:32,459
Can you just please
make an announcement?
302
00:13:32,460 --> 00:13:34,228
Oh, great idea.
303
00:13:35,997 --> 00:13:37,364
Attention...
304
00:13:37,365 --> 00:13:40,301
[garbled distortion]
305
00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:42,069
We good?
306
00:13:42,070 --> 00:13:44,305
No. And you didn't have
to be sarcastic.
307
00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:48,776
I'm sorry, I'm tired.
I've been here since Halloween.
308
00:13:48,877 --> 00:13:51,879
Just plop her in the pen
with the rest of the storephans.
309
00:13:51,980 --> 00:13:53,614
Nope.
310
00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:59,619
[men grunting]
[music]
311
00:13:59,988 --> 00:14:01,688
[gasps]
312
00:14:02,791 --> 00:14:06,327
Welp, Jenny, you've done it again.
There's your microwave.
313
00:14:06,328 --> 00:14:10,698
Hmm, what's this?
A full-price item back here?
314
00:14:10,799 --> 00:14:12,266
I guess
there's no more good deals
315
00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:16,692
- in this area where I am.
- There's the stroller I've been looking for!
316
00:14:16,727 --> 00:14:17,876
What? No! That's mine!
317
00:14:17,911 --> 00:14:19,940
Not until it's seen
the checkout aisle, lady.
318
00:14:20,041 --> 00:14:23,076
This is my stroller. I came
in here with my daughter in it.
319
00:14:23,878 --> 00:14:27,846
[gasps] Oh, my God.
Violet.
320
00:14:30,544 --> 00:14:34,446
So I was wandering around
a postapocalyptic Mega-Lo-Mart
321
00:14:34,547 --> 00:14:36,582
for an hour
before you realized I was gone?
322
00:14:36,683 --> 00:14:38,083
[chuckles] No.
323
00:14:38,084 --> 00:14:40,953
Well, yeah. Protecting your
daughter on Black Friday
324
00:14:40,954 --> 00:14:43,088
- is harder than it looks.
- Yeah, didn't matter.
325
00:14:43,189 --> 00:14:44,890
I was on the case.
326
00:14:44,991 --> 00:14:46,158
[excited chatter]
327
00:14:46,159 --> 00:14:48,594
- This your little girl?
- Uh-uh.
328
00:14:48,695 --> 00:14:50,529
Does this little girl
look familiar to you?
329
00:14:50,630 --> 00:14:52,564
No? Get right up in there,
get a good look. [laughs]
330
00:14:52,665 --> 00:14:53,699
Is this yours?
331
00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:55,234
Excuse me, this one yours?
332
00:14:55,235 --> 00:14:57,436
- Hey, does she belong to you?
- Wayne!
333
00:14:57,537 --> 00:15:00,272
I bet that pyramid of Shop-Vacs
is getting real small.
334
00:15:00,373 --> 00:15:01,773
All right, you go grab one
335
00:15:01,774 --> 00:15:03,408
while I look
for this little girl's mama.
336
00:15:03,409 --> 00:15:06,411
Come on, sweet pea.
Give me a clue.
337
00:15:11,751 --> 00:15:14,152
[chuckling] Dang, peanut.
You got some talent.
338
00:15:14,254 --> 00:15:15,621
Oh.
339
00:15:15,622 --> 00:15:17,923
Is this your mama?
This is gonna be easy.
340
00:15:18,024 --> 00:15:21,693
All we got to do is find
the lady dressed like this.
341
00:15:21,794 --> 00:15:25,464
Damn. That Britney look
really is all the rage.
342
00:15:25,705 --> 00:15:27,606
JENNY: Violet! Oh, Violet.
343
00:15:27,707 --> 00:15:29,808
- Where are you? Violet?
- [kids screaming]
344
00:15:29,909 --> 00:15:31,610
Violet!
345
00:15:31,711 --> 00:15:33,979
- Excuse me. Get out of the way.
- Hey, lady.
346
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:36,181
You can't be mingling around
with the storephans.
347
00:15:36,282 --> 00:15:38,183
You have to check in
with an employee.
348
00:15:38,284 --> 00:15:39,918
Are you kidding me?
I'm not taking orders
349
00:15:39,919 --> 00:15:41,653
from some kid in a "guess what,
chicken butt" shirt.
350
00:15:41,754 --> 00:15:44,222
Guess what, chicken butt?
You sure as hell are.
351
00:15:44,323 --> 00:15:45,757
I'm looking for my daughter.
352
00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:47,826
Uh, her name is Violet.
She's wearing a red jacket.
353
00:15:47,927 --> 00:15:50,662
Oh, yeah, she was here.
Two guys took her.
354
00:15:50,763 --> 00:15:53,880
What?! Oh, my God!
355
00:15:54,534 --> 00:15:59,057
Just like the baby Jesus,
all we need is an inn.
356
00:15:59,105 --> 00:16:01,940
BETTY:
Oh, she sells Mary Kay, huh?
357
00:16:02,041 --> 00:16:05,377
Well, I think I just found
our star of Bethlehem.
358
00:16:06,479 --> 00:16:09,147
Sure wish I knew more
about makeup.
359
00:16:09,248 --> 00:16:12,117
I guess I'll just buy
whatever's at my eyeline
360
00:16:12,218 --> 00:16:16,349
- and pay full retail.
- Excuse me, honey.
361
00:16:16,384 --> 00:16:17,689
I couldn't help but overhearing.
362
00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:20,959
You seem flustrated
about your skin care regime.
363
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:22,760
Cherish Hughes.
364
00:16:22,762 --> 00:16:26,665
My name's
Mrs., um, uh... Pantene,
365
00:16:26,766 --> 00:16:29,501
um, Pert-Clairol.
366
00:16:29,602 --> 00:16:34,739
- Mrs. Pantene Pert-Clairol.
- Well, Ms. Pert-Clairol...
367
00:16:34,841 --> 00:16:36,541
Oh, honey, just call me Pantene.
368
00:16:36,576 --> 00:16:38,810
Pantene, I'm so glad
I ran into you.
369
00:16:38,911 --> 00:16:41,613
I'm a Glam-bassador
for Mary Kay Cosmetics.
370
00:16:41,714 --> 00:16:44,916
In fact, I'm buying my
whole team some pink UGG-ugs.
371
00:16:45,017 --> 00:16:46,717
Well, this is my lucky day.
372
00:16:46,786 --> 00:16:48,753
Can you help me understand
373
00:16:48,855 --> 00:16:52,157
all that hullabaloo
about contouring?
374
00:16:52,258 --> 00:16:56,892
[both grunting]
375
00:16:56,927 --> 00:16:59,148
CHERISH: Start at the forehead
and move confidently
376
00:16:59,149 --> 00:17:02,767
along the hairline down to
just kiss the cheekbones.
377
00:17:02,869 --> 00:17:05,337
Hey, do I go, um...
378
00:17:05,438 --> 00:17:09,607
- up into the earhole?
- Heavens, no. Just wistfully contour
379
00:17:09,642 --> 00:17:13,844
- two fingers along the jawline.
- Um... Hey, how can I tell, y'all,
380
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,680
if my foundation
is going on too dark?
381
00:17:15,781 --> 00:17:17,616
Try our custom blend line.
382
00:17:17,717 --> 00:17:20,519
Let me grab it
from my makeup caboodle.
383
00:17:21,621 --> 00:17:25,123
- How do I sell Mary Kay?!
- That is a wonderful question.
384
00:17:25,224 --> 00:17:26,924
Get out of there, dummy.
385
00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:30,295
- What?
- I mean, I should get out of here, dummy.
386
00:17:30,396 --> 00:17:32,831
Meaning me.
I'm the dummy, see?
387
00:17:32,932 --> 00:17:35,734
All right, now.
Thanks for fixing my face.
388
00:17:36,335 --> 00:17:38,906
Excuse me, I...
389
00:17:39,472 --> 00:17:41,606
No, your shoes aren't right.
390
00:17:41,707 --> 00:17:43,775
- What?
- Screw him.
391
00:17:43,876 --> 00:17:46,578
- Uh, nope. Wrong fedora.
- [gasps]
392
00:17:46,679 --> 00:17:47,913
[straining] Wayne.
393
00:17:47,914 --> 00:17:51,783
I don't know if I can hold
this box much longer.
394
00:17:51,884 --> 00:17:55,620
I can't put this little girl down.
She'll wander off again.
395
00:17:57,583 --> 00:18:01,626
[music]
396
00:18:06,933 --> 00:18:09,968
- Mama!
- Is that her? Is that your mama?
397
00:18:09,969 --> 00:18:13,738
- Wayne! The Shop-Vac!
- You know the rule.
398
00:18:13,739 --> 00:18:19,644
It touches the floor, it's
yours no more, my baby. Ooh!
399
00:18:19,745 --> 00:18:23,815
I'm pinned! Pinned by the
object of my own desire.
400
00:18:23,916 --> 00:18:26,017
- Violet?
- Excuse me, ma'am.
401
00:18:26,118 --> 00:18:27,719
- Is this your girl?
- [Violet laughing]
402
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,420
Violet! Oh, Violet.
403
00:18:29,422 --> 00:18:32,290
Oh, Violet.
Oh, baby, you're safe.
404
00:18:32,391 --> 00:18:35,727
Oh, my Lord.
Oh, uh, thank you so much.
405
00:18:35,828 --> 00:18:37,796
Oh, you're so welcome.
[chuckles]
406
00:18:37,897 --> 00:18:39,097
Jenny.
407
00:18:39,098 --> 00:18:43,602
- Jenny. Hi, I'm, uh... uh...
- Wayne.
408
00:18:43,703 --> 00:18:47,072
- Wayne. That's right. Thank you.
- How did you find me?
409
00:18:47,173 --> 00:18:49,874
Oh, well, you have a very
talented little peanut here.
410
00:18:49,976 --> 00:18:53,358
- [chuckles]
- Baby, you drew this?
411
00:18:54,013 --> 00:18:57,349
Incoming!
412
00:18:57,450 --> 00:19:00,085
My microwave!
413
00:19:00,186 --> 00:19:02,153
[smooches]
You like me?
414
00:19:02,254 --> 00:19:04,623
- Yeah.
- Too bad! [grunts]
415
00:19:04,724 --> 00:19:08,827
They got our Shop-Vac.
Took my suit jacket, too, Wayne.
416
00:19:08,928 --> 00:19:10,846
Ripped it right off my body!
417
00:19:10,847 --> 00:19:12,764
Buttons flying everywhere!
418
00:19:12,865 --> 00:19:15,066
You guys were after a Shop-Vac?
Ugh, that's smart.
419
00:19:15,167 --> 00:19:17,536
You know, 'cause you can use it
for multiple businesses.
420
00:19:17,571 --> 00:19:18,703
Yes, exactly. That...
421
00:19:18,804 --> 00:19:21,072
[laughing]
That's our business plan.
422
00:19:21,173 --> 00:19:22,873
Well, sorry you didn't
snag one tonight,
423
00:19:22,875 --> 00:19:25,577
but I've got one you can borrow.
424
00:19:26,912 --> 00:19:28,780
No, I did not have a Shop-Vac.
425
00:19:28,881 --> 00:19:32,383
- I just wanted Wayne to call me.
- [trembling] So dumb.
426
00:19:32,385 --> 00:19:35,186
I thought you were telling me
how you got our microwave,
427
00:19:35,287 --> 00:19:37,555
but it's actually the story
about how you two met.
428
00:19:37,657 --> 00:19:41,192
And how I first started
to draw, or whatever.
429
00:19:41,293 --> 00:19:42,927
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
430
00:19:42,928 --> 00:19:44,829
Yep. My sweet Violet.
431
00:19:44,930 --> 00:19:47,532
Can I say just
a few words of thanks?
432
00:19:47,633 --> 00:19:49,200
I hit just about everybody,
but if you want
433
00:19:49,201 --> 00:19:50,835
to throw in some names, go for it.
434
00:19:50,836 --> 00:19:53,705
I do.
Mom, I want to thank you
435
00:19:53,806 --> 00:19:55,807
for always trying
to give me the best,
436
00:19:55,908 --> 00:19:57,709
even though we can't
always afford it.
437
00:19:57,810 --> 00:20:01,980
And, Gram, thanks for your unwavering
commitment to retail justice.
438
00:20:01,981 --> 00:20:04,849
And, Wayne, not to get
too dramatic about this,
439
00:20:04,950 --> 00:20:08,319
but thank you for actually
maybe saving my life.
440
00:20:08,421 --> 00:20:10,188
You're, like, my guardian angel.
441
00:20:10,289 --> 00:20:13,692
Now I think there's only one
more thing to say.
442
00:20:13,793 --> 00:20:15,527
Let's bag it up.
443
00:20:15,628 --> 00:20:17,796
Really? You want to go
to Mega-Lo-Mart?
444
00:20:17,897 --> 00:20:19,898
Those over-the-ear
noise-cancelling headphones
445
00:20:19,999 --> 00:20:22,367
by Skullcandy aren't
gonna buy themselves.
446
00:20:22,468 --> 00:20:24,602
Well, all right!
Thanksgiving's back!
447
00:20:24,704 --> 00:20:28,053
- I'll warm up the truck.
- BETTY: Dessert in first, y'all!
448
00:20:28,088 --> 00:20:29,788
Hey, Violet.
449
00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:48,879
See, now doesn't this
just feel right?
450
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:50,214
Sure as hell does, y'all.
451
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:54,718
Oh, no.
Oh, hey, Crystalynn.
452
00:20:54,819 --> 00:20:56,519
- Hey, y'all.
- Hey, Crystalynn.
453
00:20:56,554 --> 00:20:58,222
What you got your eye on tonight?
454
00:20:58,223 --> 00:21:00,958
A Hamilton Beach programmable
six-quart slow cooker
455
00:21:01,059 --> 00:21:03,594
in stainless steel
with a temperature probe.
456
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:06,163
- Hey, Mom, isn't that what you're loo...
- Ooh...
457
00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:10,630
- See you in there, Crystalynn.
- Wait, Gram,
458
00:21:10,698 --> 00:21:13,070
how come I never see
you wearing those pink UGGs?
459
00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:15,639
Well, me and Crystalynn's
alliance was short-lived.
460
00:21:15,740 --> 00:21:18,208
We had a little altercation
the following Sunday.
461
00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:20,544
[organ music playing]
462
00:21:24,803 --> 00:21:29,006
[dramatic music]
463
00:21:29,041 --> 00:21:30,741
[knuckles cracking]
464
00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:35,066
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