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1
00:00:03,286 --> 00:00:05,319
Okay, y'all, we got
a fried flounder
2
00:00:05,354 --> 00:00:06,855
and fried scallops
with hush puppies
3
00:00:06,856 --> 00:00:08,256
and extra hush puppies,
4
00:00:08,257 --> 00:00:09,925
and this one's
the fried clam strips
5
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:12,393
with fried fried chicken.
Oh, and some hush puppies.
6
00:00:12,428 --> 00:00:14,328
Oh, hey,
I hate to be a bother,
7
00:00:14,363 --> 00:00:16,397
but it looks like there's
something in my catfish.
8
00:00:16,432 --> 00:00:18,766
JENNY: Well, I have no
idea what that could be.
9
00:00:18,801 --> 00:00:20,601
Doo, doo-doo-doo.
10
00:00:20,636 --> 00:00:23,871
I do apologize for that
on behalf of Jenny.
11
00:00:23,906 --> 00:00:26,340
I'm sure whatever weird bangle
12
00:00:26,375 --> 00:00:29,210
or makeup clump fell off
of her, it was pure accident.
13
00:00:29,245 --> 00:00:32,246
I know it's not from me.
It looks like ceiling tile.
14
00:00:32,281 --> 00:00:34,682
[scratching]
15
00:00:34,717 --> 00:00:36,717
Yup, you got a critter up there.
16
00:00:36,753 --> 00:00:39,720
Is it? I could have sworn I kept
hearing "Crazy Train" up there.
17
00:00:39,756 --> 00:00:41,622
You know...
♪ Ay-ay-ay. ♪
18
00:00:41,657 --> 00:00:45,726
I heard it, too. But what kind
of critter goes, "ay, ay, ay"?
19
00:00:45,762 --> 00:00:46,795
- A muskrat?
- A possum?
20
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:49,196
- A deer?
- Deers don't even make a sound.
21
00:00:49,232 --> 00:00:50,932
They do if they're in estrus.
22
00:00:50,933 --> 00:00:53,267
Well, sure, in estrus,
but that still doesn't explain
23
00:00:53,302 --> 00:00:55,302
how an adult doe
would even get up there.
24
00:00:55,338 --> 00:00:57,538
Well, now you're just moving
the goalposts.
25
00:00:57,573 --> 00:00:58,607
[crash]
[gasping]
26
00:00:58,608 --> 00:01:00,541
[exclaiming]
27
00:01:00,576 --> 00:01:02,276
- Randy!
- Get out of here, Randy.
28
00:01:02,278 --> 00:01:04,779
- LOUISE: What the heck, Randy?
- Ah...
29
00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:07,948
Whoo-hoo!
That was a stunt, babies.
30
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:10,317
I've been living
in your ceiling for 30 days,
31
00:01:10,353 --> 00:01:12,720
like a modern-day David Blaine.
32
00:01:12,755 --> 00:01:13,789
- BRENDA: Get him!
- [overlapping shouting]
33
00:01:13,790 --> 00:01:14,790
- Trip him!
- Get a net!
34
00:01:14,791 --> 00:01:17,491
Git, Randy! Go...
Git. Git out of here.
35
00:01:17,527 --> 00:01:21,228
Behold, Greenpoint's local Mind Freak.
36
00:01:21,264 --> 00:01:22,531
[laughs]
37
00:01:22,532 --> 00:01:27,449
[title music]
38
00:01:49,029 --> 00:01:52,213
www.facebook.com/gatonplay
39
00:01:52,628 --> 00:01:54,628
♪ ♪
40
00:01:56,165 --> 00:01:59,500
So, obviously, we're closing
this weekend,
41
00:01:59,535 --> 00:02:01,268
thanks to Randy's little stunt.
42
00:02:01,304 --> 00:02:02,504
[glass breaking]
43
00:02:02,505 --> 00:02:04,205
What? No.
I need my tip money.
44
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:07,675
- We-we can still serve customers.
- We just have some silly,
45
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:11,011
little itty-bitty ceiling issues
we have to deal with.
46
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:13,913
- Oh, you mean the asbestos?
- Well, no.
47
00:02:13,948 --> 00:02:16,617
Just some little ole
issues from the '70s
48
00:02:16,652 --> 00:02:20,654
when this building had some
fun, different insulation.
49
00:02:20,690 --> 00:02:22,090
Yeah, asbestos.
50
00:02:22,091 --> 00:02:24,959
Anyhoo, it looks like you two
got surprise days off.
51
00:02:24,994 --> 00:02:26,694
Doo, doo-doo-doo.
52
00:02:26,696 --> 00:02:29,129
Unpaid. Doo-doo.
53
00:02:29,165 --> 00:02:32,333
♪ ♪
54
00:02:32,368 --> 00:02:34,735
[heavenly music plays]
55
00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:37,671
So, pretty crazy
about Randy, huh?
56
00:02:37,707 --> 00:02:39,506
The second he moved up there, I thought,
57
00:02:39,542 --> 00:02:41,375
"This is an accident waiting to happen."
58
00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:43,711
If you knew he was up there,
couldn't you have warned us?
59
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:46,881
I did.
I told you, like, a million times.
60
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:49,383
- There's someone up there watching over you.
- Oh, what?
61
00:02:49,418 --> 00:02:51,685
- I thought you meant God.
- I mean, that's a given.
62
00:02:51,721 --> 00:02:53,487
I shouldn't have to remind you of that.
63
00:02:53,522 --> 00:02:55,222
So what are you gonna do
with your time off?
64
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,591
I don't know. Probably just
catch up on errands.
65
00:02:57,627 --> 00:02:59,660
Ugh, why aren't you doing
anything fun?
66
00:02:59,695 --> 00:03:01,729
- You should take a vacay.
- I can't do that.
67
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:03,998
Jenny, nobody likes a martyr.
68
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:07,234
- A vacation does sound nice.
- That's the spirit.
69
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:09,270
- YOLO.
- Yeah, YOLO!
70
00:03:09,305 --> 00:03:12,907
- Wait, didn't you live twice?
- Jenny, don't overthink it.
71
00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:16,043
ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to Epic
Slip and Falls: Ice Edition.
72
00:03:16,078 --> 00:03:17,878
Hey, is that Brian Boitano?
73
00:03:17,914 --> 00:03:19,314
- Guess not.
- [audience exclaims]
74
00:03:19,315 --> 00:03:21,548
This guy just wants
to get to work.
75
00:03:21,584 --> 00:03:23,550
- Whoa!
- WAYNE: Hold on, don't fall.
76
00:03:23,586 --> 00:03:25,352
He's still slipping.
I-Is he gonna fall?
77
00:03:25,388 --> 00:03:27,688
VIOLET: Wayne, spoiler alert:
they always fall.
78
00:03:27,723 --> 00:03:29,590
WAYNE: Yeah. There he goes.
79
00:03:29,625 --> 00:03:32,426
There he goes.
[laughing]
80
00:03:32,461 --> 00:03:34,795
Nope, look at that.
He beat the odds.
81
00:03:34,830 --> 00:03:36,064
[crash]
[man shouts]
82
00:03:36,065 --> 00:03:37,565
- Oh!
- [laughing] Oh!
83
00:03:37,566 --> 00:03:39,934
Hey, y'all, guess what.
I have a weekend off.
84
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:42,237
Randy fell through the ceiling
so the restaurant's closed.
85
00:03:42,238 --> 00:03:43,805
- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
86
00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:45,773
So I was thinking maybe
we should take a vacation.
87
00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:47,608
Well, what are we gonna use
for money?
88
00:03:47,643 --> 00:03:49,710
- Sell our hair?
- Oh, Leonard was telling me
89
00:03:49,745 --> 00:03:52,112
how you can get a free vacation
if you just go sit through
90
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,715
a time-share presentation at one
of those places at Myrtle Beach.
91
00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:56,284
Oh, Violet, you used to love
Myrtle Beach
92
00:03:56,285 --> 00:03:59,087
- when you were still my baby girl.
- That was two years ago.
93
00:03:59,088 --> 00:04:00,455
I'm a whole different person.
94
00:04:00,456 --> 00:04:02,890
No, you loved it
and we loved it together.
95
00:04:02,925 --> 00:04:04,892
Find those memories
through all that darkness
96
00:04:04,927 --> 00:04:07,929
- and sarcasm in your head.
- Oh, yeah...
97
00:04:07,930 --> 00:04:11,266
The sunburned rednecks groping
each other. The beer breath.
98
00:04:11,267 --> 00:04:13,100
The arcades full
of barefoot adult men.
99
00:04:13,135 --> 00:04:16,837
- That all sounds amazing.
- Are you being sarcastic right now?
100
00:04:16,872 --> 00:04:19,273
No, Mom. You know how
much I love human wreckage.
101
00:04:19,308 --> 00:04:22,277
See, even that, I'm not sure.
It's a tone thing.
102
00:04:22,278 --> 00:04:24,111
It's like everything
could go either way with you.
103
00:04:24,146 --> 00:04:25,846
I'm saying I want to go.
104
00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,948
Plus, you know what else
they have in Myrtle Beach...
105
00:04:27,984 --> 00:04:29,917
BOTH: Mini-golf.
106
00:04:29,952 --> 00:04:33,120
- ♪
♪
- [cheering]
107
00:04:33,155 --> 00:04:36,256
- Jenny, you are the putt-putt queen.
- Yeah, you know.
108
00:04:36,292 --> 00:04:38,025
God sure as hell blessed me
with the ability
109
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,494
to putt short distances
through contrived obstacles.
110
00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:43,298
Damn it, we're doing this.
I'll go in there and listen
111
00:04:43,299 --> 00:04:45,132
to their little time-share
song and dance,
112
00:04:45,167 --> 00:04:48,969
- and we'll get us a free trip to paradise.
- [slurping]
113
00:04:49,005 --> 00:04:52,539
Son, you think you know
about the time-share grift?
114
00:04:52,575 --> 00:04:54,675
Let me tell you something:
115
00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:57,644
you know nothing
about the time-share grift.
116
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,048
It is brutal. And if you think
you can just dance in there
117
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,884
like Patrick Sways,
you got another thing coming.
118
00:05:03,919 --> 00:05:07,021
Yes, if you play it just right,
you're in tall cotton,
119
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:09,857
butt-deep in drink vouchers
and ocean views.
120
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:12,393
But one false move... ruination.
121
00:05:12,428 --> 00:05:16,163
- Betty, I think I can handle myself...
- Ruination!
122
00:05:16,198 --> 00:05:19,400
I normally work alone, but I
might could take on a student.
123
00:05:19,435 --> 00:05:21,835
Pass on my secrets
so you can provide my daughter
124
00:05:21,871 --> 00:05:24,538
with the scam-rich lifestyle
she deserves.
125
00:05:24,573 --> 00:05:27,174
Now let's go get us
a free vacation.
126
00:05:27,209 --> 00:05:28,443
[others whooping]
127
00:05:28,444 --> 00:05:29,878
- Yay! Let's go!
- Vacay!
128
00:05:29,879 --> 00:05:32,312
♪ A three-hour presentation ♪
129
00:05:32,348 --> 00:05:36,183
♪ So we get a free vacation ♪
130
00:05:36,218 --> 00:05:38,352
♪ Nothing could be easier ♪
131
00:05:38,387 --> 00:05:39,721
♪ What could go wrong? ♪
132
00:05:39,722 --> 00:05:41,688
♪ Nothin' at all ♪
133
00:05:41,724 --> 00:05:43,524
Oh, my God,
is that a lazy river...
134
00:05:43,559 --> 00:05:45,859
running right through
the dang lobby?
135
00:05:45,895 --> 00:05:47,661
[laughs]
136
00:05:47,696 --> 00:05:49,563
Okay, well, Wayne... and Mother,
137
00:05:49,598 --> 00:05:51,266
thanks for taking one for the team
138
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,700
and sitting through that presentation.
139
00:05:52,701 --> 00:05:54,768
Me and Violet are gonna go
hit the links.
140
00:05:54,804 --> 00:05:56,304
♪ ♪
141
00:05:56,305 --> 00:05:59,339
Oh, my Lord, I can't ever get
enough of these crazy names.
142
00:05:59,375 --> 00:06:01,226
"PuttThroat Island"?
143
00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:03,077
"South Putt-Cific."
144
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:06,447
"Putt & Putt's Puttcellent
Puttventure"?
145
00:06:06,482 --> 00:06:08,749
No way they got permission
for that one.
146
00:06:08,784 --> 00:06:13,387
- Oh, my God, Mom, look.
- Oh, my Lord, a mini-golf tournament?
147
00:06:13,422 --> 00:06:15,889
Oh, yeah.
This sport's gotten huge.
148
00:06:15,925 --> 00:06:18,192
No one can tell if it's
ironically huge or just huge.
149
00:06:18,227 --> 00:06:19,960
That's my whole thing with you.
150
00:06:19,995 --> 00:06:23,263
But the prize money is real.
First place gets $800.
151
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:25,099
Mom, you could totally win this.
152
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:28,002
Oh, my Lord, we might do more
than break even on this vacation.
153
00:06:28,003 --> 00:06:31,705
We might make some money.
Oh, Myrtle Beach is magical!
154
00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:33,607
♪ ♪
155
00:06:35,111 --> 00:06:36,910
These guys all use the same playbook.
156
00:06:36,946 --> 00:06:39,279
Step one, the razzle dazzle.
157
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:41,815
[whooping]
[fireworks]
158
00:06:41,851 --> 00:06:44,952
Are you pumped?
'Cause I am pumped.
159
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,621
- Whoo!
- Snap out of it.
160
00:06:46,622 --> 00:06:49,389
Do not pay any attention
to this time-share Fonzarelli.
161
00:06:49,425 --> 00:06:51,425
They get you hyped up,
and before you know it,
162
00:06:51,460 --> 00:06:52,927
you're signing your life away.
163
00:06:52,928 --> 00:06:55,429
Now just train your eyes
on that beautiful view
164
00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:59,267
- and don't let them in your head.
- Got it. Focus on the view,
165
00:06:59,268 --> 00:07:01,235
not the super cool guy
who has a hoverboard
166
00:07:01,270 --> 00:07:03,737
and probably everything else
I want. [slap, grunts]
167
00:07:03,772 --> 00:07:07,274
Hey, is it bright in here,
or is that just our futures?
168
00:07:07,309 --> 00:07:10,144
Let's make it a little bit
more intimate, shall we?
169
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:12,222
- Yeah.
- [Wayne gulps]
170
00:07:12,257 --> 00:07:17,826
Well, I be damned.
This guy's a pro.
171
00:07:23,039 --> 00:07:25,307
Okay, hi, everybody.
172
00:07:25,308 --> 00:07:27,641
- My name is Craig.
- That's a lie.
173
00:07:27,677 --> 00:07:29,577
And welcome to Myrtle Beach.
174
00:07:29,612 --> 00:07:33,208
- Isn't this place magic?
- ♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪
175
00:07:33,382 --> 00:07:35,082
ALL: Ah.
176
00:07:36,185 --> 00:07:38,919
Oh, hell no.
Balloon magic?
177
00:07:38,955 --> 00:07:40,688
He's got his finger on the pulse.
178
00:07:40,723 --> 00:07:42,590
Just remember, the real magic trick
179
00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:44,225
is separating you from your money.
180
00:07:44,226 --> 00:07:46,961
Don't you worry.
I got all my wits about me.
181
00:07:46,996 --> 00:07:50,631
I... Oh, my God!
Is he swallowing that balloon?
182
00:07:50,666 --> 00:07:54,635
I-I mean, psych.
I find this dumb.
183
00:07:54,670 --> 00:07:58,272
Just a silly magic...
Is it completely gone?!
184
00:07:58,307 --> 00:07:59,674
[mumbles]
185
00:07:59,675 --> 00:08:01,009
- [applause]
- I-I mean, who cares?
186
00:08:01,010 --> 00:08:03,845
I'm not even remotely curious
how he could make
187
00:08:03,846 --> 00:08:07,915
that whole balloon
leave our dimension. [claps]
188
00:08:09,885 --> 00:08:12,152
Tim Cupp here
with the Mini Golf Network.
189
00:08:12,188 --> 00:08:14,722
Well, it's a beautiful day
for mini golf, folks.
190
00:08:14,757 --> 00:08:17,024
The giants of this sport are all here
191
00:08:17,059 --> 00:08:19,026
and, of course, so many walk-ons.
192
00:08:19,061 --> 00:08:22,062
Will this be the year
an unknown upends the sport?
193
00:08:22,298 --> 00:08:25,633
I'm Jenny Hart.
I'm a walk-on, I guess.
194
00:08:25,668 --> 00:08:29,403
Well, well, well,
this little lady must be lost.
195
00:08:29,438 --> 00:08:31,238
This is a golf tournament,
196
00:08:31,273 --> 00:08:33,907
[laughing] not a Sex and
the City viewing party.
197
00:08:33,943 --> 00:08:36,410
Oh, my God. There's
seriously sexism in a sport
198
00:08:36,445 --> 00:08:38,712
as non-strength-dependent
as mini golf?
199
00:08:38,748 --> 00:08:40,415
Now, Beau, let's let her try.
200
00:08:40,416 --> 00:08:42,716
Hey, I'm Gus.
I designed this course.
201
00:08:42,752 --> 00:08:45,586
No woman has ever won it,
let alone a walk-on.
202
00:08:45,621 --> 00:08:49,657
No offense, but when females
play mini golf, they lose focus.
203
00:08:49,692 --> 00:08:53,027
You know, they get all
up in their heads thinking
204
00:08:53,028 --> 00:08:56,363
about their pocketbooks and
Sex and the City episodes.
205
00:08:56,399 --> 00:08:59,768
- Their minds are too weak.
- Toddlers play this sport.
206
00:08:59,769 --> 00:09:02,536
You literally write your score
down with a doll pencil.
207
00:09:02,571 --> 00:09:04,039
Just put me down
for a hole in one
208
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,707
- on the first hole.
- [Gus and Beau laugh]
209
00:09:05,708 --> 00:09:07,042
Yeah, right.
210
00:09:07,043 --> 00:09:09,777
♪ ♪
211
00:09:09,812 --> 00:09:11,237
Huh?
212
00:09:11,572 --> 00:09:13,150
[wink]
213
00:09:17,053 --> 00:09:19,722
[crowd murmurs]
214
00:09:24,894 --> 00:09:29,129
Now the time has come
to talk about something serious.
215
00:09:29,165 --> 00:09:31,865
He's about to hit us
with the emotional appeal.
216
00:09:31,901 --> 00:09:34,601
He's gonna yank so hard
at your heartstrings,
217
00:09:34,637 --> 00:09:37,237
- you'll feel it in your butt.
- Bring it on.
218
00:09:37,273 --> 00:09:40,708
Family. Heart. Emotion.
[music]
219
00:09:40,743 --> 00:09:43,077
Fun. Love.
220
00:09:43,112 --> 00:09:45,145
How many people here
love their families?
221
00:09:45,181 --> 00:09:47,381
- ALL: Ah!
- I do. I love my family.
222
00:09:47,416 --> 00:09:49,216
Babies. Animals.
223
00:09:49,251 --> 00:09:51,785
Baby animals being friends.
224
00:09:51,821 --> 00:09:53,887
Oh, Lord.
I'm feeling it in my butt.
225
00:09:53,923 --> 00:09:56,323
Oh, I got to stop this.
I have a question.
226
00:09:56,358 --> 00:09:59,761
- How much does this all cost?
- Well, um...
227
00:09:59,762 --> 00:10:03,931
- um... um...
- Now I'm in the driver's seat.
228
00:10:03,966 --> 00:10:05,799
Um... well, um...
229
00:10:05,835 --> 00:10:09,670
Price.
That's a big word, price.
230
00:10:09,705 --> 00:10:11,672
So let's talk about prices.
231
00:10:11,707 --> 00:10:13,574
Money. Dollars.
232
00:10:13,609 --> 00:10:16,243
Medical. Things that cost.
233
00:10:16,278 --> 00:10:17,645
ALL: Mm-hmm.
234
00:10:17,646 --> 00:10:19,214
Hey, how many of you guys
like Starbucks?
235
00:10:19,215 --> 00:10:20,915
- I do! I love it.
- ALL: Ah!
236
00:10:20,950 --> 00:10:24,118
But what do you think you spend
on coffee every week?
237
00:10:24,153 --> 00:10:27,788
- $500, $600?
- ALL: Uh-huh.
238
00:10:27,823 --> 00:10:29,656
Now, what if you could take
that coffee money
239
00:10:29,692 --> 00:10:32,760
and use it to build real memories?
240
00:10:32,795 --> 00:10:35,162
Because for the price
of just 21 coffees a day,
241
00:10:35,197 --> 00:10:38,665
you could own a happy family.
Yours.
242
00:10:38,701 --> 00:10:41,334
ALL: Wow!
243
00:10:43,606 --> 00:10:47,273
["Werewolves of London"
by Warren Zevon playing]
244
00:10:47,576 --> 00:10:50,377
[crowd cheers]
245
00:10:52,214 --> 00:10:54,348
[crowd aahing]
246
00:11:01,664 --> 00:11:02,764
[crowd gasps]
247
00:11:02,765 --> 00:11:04,432
♪ I saw a werewolf ♪
248
00:11:04,433 --> 00:11:06,734
♪ With a Chinese menu
in his hand ♪
249
00:11:06,769 --> 00:11:09,671
[skull laughs]
♪ Walking through the streets ♪
250
00:11:09,672 --> 00:11:11,538
♪ Of Soho in the rain ♪
251
00:11:12,875 --> 00:11:14,808
♪ He was looking for the place ♪
252
00:11:14,844 --> 00:11:16,644
♪ Called Lee Ho Fook's ♪
253
00:11:17,913 --> 00:11:21,849
♪ Gonna get a big dish
of beef chow mein ♪
254
00:11:21,884 --> 00:11:23,184
♪ Ah-ooh ♪
255
00:11:23,185 --> 00:11:26,487
♪ Werewolves of London ♪
256
00:11:26,522 --> 00:11:28,222
♪ Ah-ooh. ♪
257
00:11:28,357 --> 00:11:30,491
VIOLET:
Mom, you're 15 strokes ahead.
258
00:11:30,526 --> 00:11:33,861
- You're gonna win that $800.
- Violet, remember these?
259
00:11:33,896 --> 00:11:36,330
Please let me get us
matching necklaces
260
00:11:36,365 --> 00:11:39,600
- just like when you were little.
- "You're one in a million."
261
00:11:39,635 --> 00:11:42,102
Oh, my God.
Those are so cheesy.
262
00:11:42,138 --> 00:11:44,772
- I love them.
- Okay, now, see, there it is again.
263
00:11:44,807 --> 00:11:47,374
- So you hate them?
- No, I just said I love them.
264
00:11:47,409 --> 00:11:50,378
- I know, but that tone.
- Can you just trust my words?
265
00:11:50,379 --> 00:11:52,713
Little lady's trying on jewelry,
266
00:11:52,748 --> 00:11:55,115
but she should be getting
ready for the final hole.
267
00:11:55,151 --> 00:11:56,684
I was born ready, Beau.
268
00:11:56,685 --> 00:11:58,852
And, last time I checked,
I was kicking your butt.
269
00:11:58,888 --> 00:12:00,854
Don't get too cocky, hon.
270
00:12:00,890 --> 00:12:02,524
The last hole is a killer.
271
00:12:02,525 --> 00:12:04,491
- Isn't it, Gus?
- That's how I made it.
272
00:12:04,527 --> 00:12:06,194
Hey, how about
y'all sit this one out?
273
00:12:06,195 --> 00:12:08,662
I don't want all the female
stomping and crying
274
00:12:08,697 --> 00:12:11,766
- to damage my Astroturf.
- Oh, I'll be fine, Gus.
275
00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:13,434
Just gonna finish buying
our jewelry
276
00:12:13,435 --> 00:12:16,003
so I can look all pretty
in the winner's photo.
277
00:12:16,038 --> 00:12:17,405
How much for the necklaces?
278
00:12:17,406 --> 00:12:21,642
Oh, they're three dollars each
or 15,000 arcade tickets.
279
00:12:21,877 --> 00:12:27,247
Gentlemen, welcome to the
hardest hole ever designed.
280
00:12:28,284 --> 00:12:32,719
- "The Invinci B-hole."
- It's pronounced "Invincib'hole."
281
00:12:32,755 --> 00:12:35,255
- Well, it looks like "B-hole."
- Well, it's not, okay?
282
00:12:38,561 --> 00:12:41,995
- CROWD: Huh?
- MAN: A straight line?
283
00:12:42,031 --> 00:12:43,464
What the hell is this?
284
00:12:43,465 --> 00:12:45,399
On this hole, you must face
285
00:12:45,434 --> 00:12:48,769
the biggest obstacle of all:
your own mind.
286
00:12:49,004 --> 00:12:52,072
- ♪ $800 ♪
- ♪ I'm gonna do a kick in the air ♪
287
00:12:52,107 --> 00:12:53,608
- ♪ For $800. ♪
- ♪ $800 ♪
288
00:12:53,609 --> 00:12:56,243
- And punch!
- ♪ 800, 800. ♪
289
00:12:58,814 --> 00:13:00,914
- Oh!
- Son,
290
00:13:00,950 --> 00:13:03,584
I can't keep swooping in
and saving your ass.
291
00:13:03,619 --> 00:13:07,221
Betty, we've been in here for
so long, and I'm-I'm starving.
292
00:13:07,256 --> 00:13:10,457
We've only got ten more minutes,
and we have beaten this guy.
293
00:13:10,492 --> 00:13:13,861
Dig deep.
Think about Jenny.
294
00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:15,729
You guys not interested
in the free cookies?
295
00:13:15,764 --> 00:13:17,864
Watching our figures.
296
00:13:20,069 --> 00:13:22,636
Hey, tell you what.
I'm not supposed to do this,
297
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:24,805
but I happen to know
where there is
298
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,840
some Starfish Vineyards
white zin.
299
00:13:27,810 --> 00:13:29,543
Don't mind if I do.
300
00:13:29,578 --> 00:13:32,145
Won't that wine
loosen you up too much?
301
00:13:32,181 --> 00:13:34,481
Does the ocean drown a fish?
302
00:13:34,516 --> 00:13:39,450
I can handle a little victory wine.
[slurping]
303
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:42,823
TIM: Big Beau Preston lines up the shot.
304
00:13:42,858 --> 00:13:46,593
Boy, there is so much pressure
on this b'hole.
305
00:13:46,629 --> 00:13:48,929
[crowd murmurs, cheering]
306
00:13:48,964 --> 00:13:51,164
TIM: And he nails it!
307
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,501
Next up, Jenny Hart.
308
00:13:54,536 --> 00:13:57,137
Let's see how a lady
handles the pressure.
309
00:13:57,172 --> 00:13:59,506
[crowd murmurs, groans]
310
00:13:59,541 --> 00:14:03,410
PRESTON: Oh! Looks like
Carrie met her Mr. Big.
311
00:14:03,445 --> 00:14:05,445
She just can't tie this one down.
312
00:14:05,481 --> 00:14:08,582
[exhales]
Okay, just shake it out, Jenny.
313
00:14:08,617 --> 00:14:13,453
Wait, is it actually hard?
Or is it so easy that it's hard?
314
00:14:13,489 --> 00:14:15,589
What?
No! Don't overthink it, Mom.
315
00:14:15,624 --> 00:14:17,691
You got it. That was a fluke.
316
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:19,626
Okay, Jenny, okay, just focus,
but don't over-focus.
317
00:14:19,662 --> 00:14:21,229
Breathe.
Or should I hold my breath?
318
00:14:21,230 --> 00:14:22,864
What if I get caught up
and hold it for too long?
319
00:14:22,865 --> 00:14:24,665
Oh, God, how many breaths
do I usually take?
320
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:26,867
Am I breathing now? I don't
know. I don't know anymore.
321
00:14:26,902 --> 00:14:27,969
Violet, am I breathing right now?
322
00:14:27,970 --> 00:14:28,970
Somebody get me a hand mirror.
323
00:14:28,971 --> 00:14:31,104
- Mom! Pull it together.
- Yes, ma'am.
324
00:14:31,140 --> 00:14:32,507
[takes deep breath]
325
00:14:32,508 --> 00:14:34,208
[exhales]
326
00:14:37,579 --> 00:14:39,546
- [crowd groans]
- [gasps]
327
00:14:40,549 --> 00:14:42,282
[crowd groans]
328
00:14:42,318 --> 00:14:44,117
Sandy Christmas!
You know what?
329
00:14:44,153 --> 00:14:46,954
Okay. I'm just gonna ease up to it.
330
00:14:46,989 --> 00:14:49,389
[crowd repeatedly groaning]
331
00:14:49,425 --> 00:14:52,559
CROWD:
Ooh! Ah! Ooh! Ah! Oh!
332
00:14:53,529 --> 00:14:54,862
[Jenny and crowd groan]
333
00:14:54,863 --> 00:14:57,432
- Son of a b'hole!
- It's okay, Mom.
334
00:14:57,433 --> 00:14:59,000
Just try to have fun.
335
00:14:59,001 --> 00:15:01,536
I am having fun!
This...
336
00:15:01,537 --> 00:15:04,238
is... fun!
337
00:15:05,274 --> 00:15:07,741
Michelle, I noticed you
have a book in your tote.
338
00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:10,143
Where would you rather read,
here in a pool cabana,
339
00:15:10,179 --> 00:15:13,146
or in a seaside hammock
listening to the waves?
340
00:15:13,182 --> 00:15:15,315
Drink service at both locations.
341
00:15:15,351 --> 00:15:16,718
Reading on vacation while buzzed?
342
00:15:16,719 --> 00:15:18,719
Ah, you better give me that pen.
343
00:15:18,754 --> 00:15:20,355
- How about you two?
- Aw.
344
00:15:20,356 --> 00:15:22,322
No interest in joining in
the winners circle?
345
00:15:22,358 --> 00:15:24,058
- None. Zero.
- Nada.
346
00:15:24,059 --> 00:15:26,493
I bow to a worthy opponent.
347
00:15:26,528 --> 00:15:28,996
Still got your wits about you,
even after all that wine.
348
00:15:29,031 --> 00:15:30,365
Student...
349
00:15:30,366 --> 00:15:31,766
[glugging]
350
00:15:31,767 --> 00:15:35,602
- ...meet master.
- [sighs] Okay, well, listen,
351
00:15:35,637 --> 00:15:37,305
I have to keep you here
another ten minutes,
352
00:15:37,306 --> 00:15:39,573
or my supervisor will say
I didn't try hard enough.
353
00:15:39,608 --> 00:15:41,775
You want to take a pee break
or something?
354
00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:45,379
Yeah. You know what, I think
I will take a victory pee.
355
00:15:46,048 --> 00:15:47,215
[door shut]
[gasps]
356
00:15:47,216 --> 00:15:48,883
[whispers] Bye, Betty.
357
00:15:48,884 --> 00:15:51,418
That bastard!
He wasn't trying to get me buzzed...
358
00:15:51,453 --> 00:15:53,553
he was trying to fill my bladder!
359
00:15:53,589 --> 00:15:55,889
Now, Wayne, you already know
that I'm an amateur magician.
360
00:15:55,924 --> 00:15:59,426
Did you also know
that I'm a veteran?
361
00:15:59,461 --> 00:16:01,062
Oh, no.
362
00:16:01,063 --> 00:16:04,598
♪ 'Cause I'm proud
to be an American ♪
363
00:16:04,633 --> 00:16:07,434
♪ Where at least
I know I'm free ♪
364
00:16:07,469 --> 00:16:09,403
♪ And I won't forget ♪
365
00:16:09,438 --> 00:16:11,438
♪ The men who died ♪
366
00:16:11,473 --> 00:16:13,607
- ♪ And gave that right to me ♪
- Wayne! Snap out of it!
367
00:16:13,642 --> 00:16:15,942
- ♪ And I'll gladly stand up ♪
- Wayne!
368
00:16:15,978 --> 00:16:19,825
- ♪ Next to you... ♪
- Oh, you son of a bitch.
369
00:16:22,165 --> 00:16:25,272
♪ ♪
370
00:16:25,307 --> 00:16:27,107
I shouldn't have gone to pee.
371
00:16:27,143 --> 00:16:29,376
That's a rookie mistake.
That's the one thing
372
00:16:29,412 --> 00:16:31,612
that crazy jilted astronaut lady
got right, though...
373
00:16:31,647 --> 00:16:34,648
- she wore a diaper.
- Betty, I didn't sign.
374
00:16:34,684 --> 00:16:36,617
- What?
- I followed your advice.
375
00:16:36,652 --> 00:16:38,686
I focused
on giving Jenny and Violet
376
00:16:38,721 --> 00:16:42,490
- the life they deserve, and it worked!
- Well, what do you know!
377
00:16:42,491 --> 00:16:45,125
Wayne, I am sorry
I mis-underestimated you.
378
00:16:45,161 --> 00:16:48,495
I'd go into a time-share foxhole
with you any day.
379
00:16:48,531 --> 00:16:51,065
Same. All right,
I'm gonna go enjoy the room.
380
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:53,400
We only have it for 11 more hours.
381
00:16:53,436 --> 00:16:56,403
Oh, boy, did you guys play it right.
382
00:16:56,439 --> 00:16:59,541
- They gotcha, didn't they?
- Hook, line and sinker.
383
00:16:59,542 --> 00:17:00,708
But it won't be terrible.
384
00:17:00,709 --> 00:17:03,211
I mean, it pays for itself
in three to five years.
385
00:17:03,212 --> 00:17:06,448
And my family will love
this place and its amenities.
386
00:17:06,449 --> 00:17:10,084
Amenities? Lord, now you
sound like one of 'em.
387
00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:11,819
[chuckles]
388
00:17:12,321 --> 00:17:14,421
[gasps]
You're one of 'em!
389
00:17:14,457 --> 00:17:17,057
Judas! You're trying
to close me right now.
390
00:17:17,093 --> 00:17:19,326
[sighs]
Damn. You are good.
391
00:17:19,361 --> 00:17:21,061
Can't blame me for trying, though.
392
00:17:21,097 --> 00:17:22,930
Would have been
a sweet, sweet commission.
393
00:17:22,965 --> 00:17:26,934
This might be a rude question,
but hell, I don't care.
394
00:17:26,969 --> 00:17:29,036
What's the going rate
for roping all these dopes?
395
00:17:29,071 --> 00:17:30,371
Low six figures.
396
00:17:30,372 --> 00:17:32,339
Now, I've been burned
by this before.
397
00:17:32,374 --> 00:17:34,775
- Does that include the cents?
- Nope.
398
00:17:34,810 --> 00:17:37,177
[whistles]
Nice work if you can get it.
399
00:17:37,213 --> 00:17:40,615
I could introduce you to some people.
I mean, you got what it takes.
400
00:17:40,616 --> 00:17:43,417
I could do a weekend here,
a weekend there.
401
00:17:43,452 --> 00:17:46,654
- Probably make a mint.
- Girl, yes!
402
00:17:46,655 --> 00:17:50,257
And the best part is,
you get your own condo here!
403
00:17:50,292 --> 00:17:52,627
- For free?
- Hundred percent.
404
00:17:52,628 --> 00:17:54,394
You just put down a small deposit,
405
00:17:54,430 --> 00:17:56,396
and they just take the rest
out of your paycheck.
406
00:17:56,432 --> 00:17:57,999
- She sold me!
- What?!
407
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,601
Got me in a play-for-pay scam.
408
00:17:59,602 --> 00:18:01,583
I was so wrapped up
in the fantasy of getting rich,
409
00:18:01,683 --> 00:18:03,804
I didn't realize
I was getting sold.
410
00:18:03,839 --> 00:18:05,340
There's got to be a way
to get out of it.
411
00:18:05,341 --> 00:18:07,141
Oh, there's no getting out of it.
412
00:18:07,176 --> 00:18:09,042
That bitch played me like a fiddle.
413
00:18:09,078 --> 00:18:11,478
All this time I thought you
were the weak link,
414
00:18:11,514 --> 00:18:13,148
and it turns out I was.
415
00:18:13,149 --> 00:18:15,816
Betty, we can get through this.
All we have to do
416
00:18:15,851 --> 00:18:19,586
is just drink 19 fewer cups
of Starbucks a day.
417
00:18:21,123 --> 00:18:23,323
Hmm.
418
00:18:23,324 --> 00:18:24,833
♪ ♪
419
00:18:24,868 --> 00:18:27,028
Mom, come on.
Don't give up on yourself.
420
00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:29,429
I wanted this to be
a special beach trip for us,
421
00:18:29,465 --> 00:18:30,799
just like the old days.
422
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,267
But now you're
just gonna remember it
423
00:18:32,268 --> 00:18:34,301
as the trip where
I made a fool of myself
424
00:18:34,336 --> 00:18:36,770
and gave those goobers the
satisfaction of beating a woman.
425
00:18:36,806 --> 00:18:38,839
- Mom, forget about them.
- Just get my ball.
426
00:18:38,874 --> 00:18:41,074
I'd rather forfeit
than beef it anymore
427
00:18:41,110 --> 00:18:43,143
in front of these dip-rods.
428
00:18:44,513 --> 00:18:47,047
- [low, electronic humming]
- What the...?
429
00:18:48,884 --> 00:18:50,584
[whispering] Mom.
430
00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:52,320
Look.
431
00:18:52,321 --> 00:18:54,488
They're using magnets on you.
432
00:18:54,523 --> 00:18:56,323
- What?
- It's totally Gus.
433
00:18:56,358 --> 00:18:59,693
He's got some Scooby-Doo crap
going on so his buddy can win.
434
00:18:59,728 --> 00:19:02,129
I'm gonna wrap this club
around his sunburned neck!
435
00:19:02,164 --> 00:19:05,032
Wait, wait. Mom.
What if you just... won?
436
00:19:05,067 --> 00:19:07,701
How can I? There's magnets.
It's impossible.
437
00:19:07,736 --> 00:19:11,094
Not if you drop it from the top.
438
00:19:11,129 --> 00:19:13,040
I would have to bank it
off the windmill,
439
00:19:13,075 --> 00:19:15,509
then the airplane, and try
to ladder it up to that tree,
440
00:19:15,544 --> 00:19:17,277
and then hope
it still had enough spin
441
00:19:17,313 --> 00:19:18,813
to roll up that branch.
442
00:19:18,814 --> 00:19:20,981
Oh, honey, that is
a million-to-one shot.
443
00:19:21,016 --> 00:19:24,785
Well, you are one in a million.
Your necklace says so.
444
00:19:25,588 --> 00:19:28,188
Last time I checked,
it was Tiger Woods,
445
00:19:28,224 --> 00:19:31,736
not Lady Tiger Woods!
446
00:19:31,827 --> 00:19:33,861
[tiger growls]
447
00:19:36,565 --> 00:19:39,700
♪ ♪
448
00:19:43,773 --> 00:19:46,874
[crowd inhaling]
449
00:19:46,909 --> 00:19:49,543
- [cheering, whistling]
- TIM: B'holy cow!
450
00:19:49,578 --> 00:19:53,413
Lady golfer Jenny Hart wins
the tournament!
451
00:19:53,449 --> 00:19:55,515
I did it!
452
00:19:57,553 --> 00:20:00,888
JENNY:
♪ Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm ♪
453
00:20:00,923 --> 00:20:02,689
VIOLET:
♪ Mm, mm, mm, mm. ♪
454
00:20:02,725 --> 00:20:05,844
Okay, so, what's the plan?
455
00:20:07,763 --> 00:20:09,364
Oh!
[splash]
456
00:20:09,365 --> 00:20:11,331
[yelling]
457
00:20:11,367 --> 00:20:14,101
Manager!
I need a manager right now!
458
00:20:14,136 --> 00:20:16,536
- Yes, ma'am. How may I...
- My common-law son-in-law
459
00:20:16,572 --> 00:20:18,106
slipped on a pineapple wedge,
460
00:20:18,107 --> 00:20:20,674
and now he's drowning
in your lazy river.
461
00:20:20,709 --> 00:20:23,410
I should sue your ass
for gross negligence.
462
00:20:23,445 --> 00:20:27,514
- Help! I-I can't swim!
- Sir, if you'll just stand up,
463
00:20:27,549 --> 00:20:30,817
you'll see that the water
is only four feet deep.
464
00:20:34,556 --> 00:20:37,224
WAYNE: Wait.
Is this a poo?
465
00:20:37,259 --> 00:20:39,459
Oh, my God, there's
so many poos in here!
466
00:20:39,495 --> 00:20:41,862
Riddle me this:
How many floating dooks
467
00:20:41,897 --> 00:20:44,798
does it take to annul a time-share?
468
00:20:44,833 --> 00:20:48,258
Yeah, no, seriously, there's,
like, 30 turds in here.
469
00:20:50,490 --> 00:20:52,990
Jenny, I am so proud of you.
470
00:20:52,991 --> 00:20:55,792
I got out of the time-share,
and we won $800?
471
00:20:55,827 --> 00:20:57,794
This is the best vacation ever.
472
00:20:57,829 --> 00:21:00,997
- And I'm not even being ironic.
- Aw.
473
00:21:01,033 --> 00:21:03,333
[sighs] Let's see...
what do winners eat?
474
00:21:03,368 --> 00:21:06,870
- RANDY: Aye, aye, aye.
- Oh, no.
475
00:21:07,105 --> 00:21:08,539
[crashing, gasping]
476
00:21:08,540 --> 00:21:11,341
RANDY: Welcome to Myrtle Beach magic.
477
00:21:11,376 --> 00:21:15,939
I'm Randy's cousin, Sandy, who
lives in Myrtle Beach, my babies.
478
00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:18,633
- OTHERS: No, you're not, Randy!
- RANDY: Presto!
479
00:21:18,668 --> 00:21:21,100
It was Randy the whole time!
480
00:21:21,819 --> 00:21:25,359
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