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00:00:00,549 --> 00:00:03,151
www.facebook.com/gatonplay
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00:00:04,252 --> 00:00:07,521
Mm, mm, mm.
Look at those two, y'all.
3
00:00:07,555 --> 00:00:10,558
- JENNY: Ew.
- WAYNE: Yeah. Ew.
4
00:00:10,591 --> 00:00:12,059
Are his nips pierced?
5
00:00:12,060 --> 00:00:15,563
Ugh. Look at his girlfriend,
Miss Tube-Top Tube-Bottom.
6
00:00:15,596 --> 00:00:17,064
Everyone knows you can't do
tube on tube.
7
00:00:17,065 --> 00:00:20,101
Excuse me, Judge Judy
and Judge Joe Brown,
8
00:00:20,134 --> 00:00:22,736
- aren't you two barefoot?
- What?
9
00:00:22,770 --> 00:00:25,373
- Our shoes are right here.
- We just came from Fancy Nails,
10
00:00:25,406 --> 00:00:28,575
- aka the classiest place in town.
- JENNY: Although, Mother,
11
00:00:28,576 --> 00:00:30,177
you could be a little more
on the down-low
12
00:00:30,178 --> 00:00:32,480
when you pump squirt cheese
into your Jumbo Chugger.
13
00:00:32,513 --> 00:00:34,983
You're saying that
while you're elbow deep
14
00:00:35,016 --> 00:00:37,551
- in a Splenda caddy?
- Violet, this isn't low class.
15
00:00:37,585 --> 00:00:40,853
When something is complimentary,
it is actually tacky not to take it.
16
00:00:40,854 --> 00:00:43,324
They will expire,
and people will get sick.
17
00:00:43,357 --> 00:00:44,958
Is that what you want, Violet?
18
00:00:44,959 --> 00:00:48,062
Oh, damn. Here comes
that righteous little witch,
19
00:00:48,096 --> 00:00:52,600
- Crystalynn Poole.
- Crystalynn is a perfectly nice person.
20
00:00:52,633 --> 00:00:55,236
That's what
she wants you to think.
21
00:00:55,269 --> 00:00:57,271
WAYNE: Oh, no.
Here comes a nice-off.
22
00:00:57,305 --> 00:00:59,207
Ugh. Not in the mood.
23
00:01:00,874 --> 00:01:05,079
Oh! Hi, Crystalynn.
24
00:01:05,113 --> 00:01:09,517
Betty. Oh, my word,
it is so good to see you.
25
00:01:09,550 --> 00:01:12,987
Just looking younger and younger
with each passing day.
26
00:01:13,021 --> 00:01:15,923
Crystalynn, I just love your perm.
27
00:01:15,956 --> 00:01:19,093
Thank you.
Isn't it so wonderful
28
00:01:19,127 --> 00:01:21,595
that the Lord
brought us together today?
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00:01:21,629 --> 00:01:24,521
Praise him.
30
00:01:26,367 --> 00:01:29,937
Well, I got to go get my
baby boy-themed party supplies
31
00:01:29,970 --> 00:01:33,007
for my grandangel's sip and see.
Y'all take care now.
32
00:01:33,041 --> 00:01:35,176
You, too, Crystalynn.
33
00:01:35,209 --> 00:01:38,311
- Did you hear that lady-turd?
- Ugh. Stop it!
34
00:01:38,312 --> 00:01:40,348
[doors chime]
35
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What is a sip and see anyway?
36
00:01:42,316 --> 00:01:46,120
It's a party where phony-butt
hoity-toities stand around
37
00:01:46,154 --> 00:01:48,656
drinking mimosas and cooing over
whatever plopped out
38
00:01:48,689 --> 00:01:50,090
of their daughter's baby crater.
39
00:01:50,091 --> 00:01:52,026
Oh, Mother.
My favorite thing about you
40
00:01:52,060 --> 00:01:55,129
- is how you support other women.
- [engine revving]
41
00:01:55,163 --> 00:01:57,982
WOMAN:
Take a shower, trash twins!
42
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What the freak?!
43
00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:02,203
Oh, I'm gonna take a shower, all right.
44
00:02:02,236 --> 00:02:06,207
[singsongy]
♪ In somebody's blood! ♪
45
00:02:06,781 --> 00:02:10,516
[title music]
46
00:02:36,195 --> 00:02:37,436
[tires screeching]
47
00:02:37,437 --> 00:02:39,920
My friggin' pedicure's got
a Gatorade lid stuck to it!
48
00:02:39,954 --> 00:02:42,390
Hell no!
Not today, Satan!
49
00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:45,958
- That had to be Crystalynn.
- Ugh. We just saw her.
50
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,430
- And she was totally sweet!
- Like a deceitful gummy candy.
51
00:02:49,463 --> 00:02:51,932
She starts sweet
so she can go sour.
52
00:02:51,966 --> 00:02:54,767
- It's all part of her grift.
- Whatever, Mother.
53
00:02:54,768 --> 00:02:56,468
I'm gonna go home and clean up.
54
00:02:56,470 --> 00:02:58,239
She thinks she's playing
the long game,
55
00:02:58,272 --> 00:03:02,076
but I'm about to scream "Yahtzee!"
56
00:03:02,710 --> 00:03:04,245
[tires screeching]
57
00:03:04,278 --> 00:03:06,981
Oh, my God, Jenny. [sniffs]
You smell like dumpster water.
58
00:03:07,015 --> 00:03:09,718
Whoo!
I'm just gonna crack a window.
59
00:03:09,797 --> 00:03:12,519
- [evil laughing]
- Hey!
60
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,855
[cackling]
61
00:03:14,888 --> 00:03:17,425
Oh, my God.
It's Uncle Tommy.
62
00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:19,327
- [whistling]
- Whoa!
63
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:20,994
[laughing]
64
00:03:20,995 --> 00:03:24,765
Wait, that child with the cast
on his arm is your uncle?
65
00:03:24,798 --> 00:03:28,202
- How old is he?
- Ten. He's my meemaw's youngest.
66
00:03:28,236 --> 00:03:31,139
Meemaw was getting busy deep
into her 40s,
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00:03:31,172 --> 00:03:33,473
and having babies at the same time
as my mama and her sisters.
68
00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:36,543
Meemaw's a real party girl.
So it always kind of falls on me
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00:03:36,544 --> 00:03:38,811
to keep him out of trouble.
Hey!
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00:03:38,812 --> 00:03:40,213
- [diners yelling]
- [Tommy laughing]
71
00:03:40,214 --> 00:03:42,183
WAYNE: Stop that this
instant, Uncle Tommy!
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00:03:42,216 --> 00:03:45,186
Nephew Wayne!
[evil laughing]
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00:03:45,219 --> 00:03:48,189
WAYNE: I need to grab him
until Meemaw wears herself out.
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00:03:48,222 --> 00:03:49,822
Uncle Tommy.
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00:03:49,823 --> 00:03:53,260
- Get your ass over here.
- Uncle Tommy. Come over here, hon.
76
00:03:53,261 --> 00:03:57,480
- [gasps] What is he doing?
- Oh, Lord, he's slicking up.
77
00:03:58,026 --> 00:03:59,467
I can't get ahold of him.
78
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,902
- [laughing]
- He's too damn buttery.
79
00:04:04,405 --> 00:04:06,707
- Jenny, throw me that tarp.
- [evil laughing]
80
00:04:06,740 --> 00:04:07,874
[woman gasping]
81
00:04:07,875 --> 00:04:09,575
Ah!
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00:04:09,877 --> 00:04:12,046
[grunts]
83
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,748
- So he's okay under there?
- [Tommy chuckling]
84
00:04:16,884 --> 00:04:18,584
There you go, he-he likes
to be swaddled.
85
00:04:18,586 --> 00:04:20,554
Oh, my God.
We caught a real-life Nell.
86
00:04:20,588 --> 00:04:22,890
- [cackling]
- You know what?
87
00:04:22,923 --> 00:04:25,826
I think I know where
to take Uncle Tommy to tame him.
88
00:04:25,859 --> 00:04:28,862
He needs to go to church.
And not just any church.
89
00:04:28,896 --> 00:04:31,365
[chuckles, sighs]
90
00:04:31,366 --> 00:04:34,546
[music]
91
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:39,039
Uncle Tommy,
I was a lot like you.
92
00:04:39,073 --> 00:04:42,376
And this place really turned me
around... Stop squirming!
93
00:04:42,410 --> 00:04:44,678
And stop licking me...
[music]
94
00:04:44,712 --> 00:04:46,780
Damn it, whose dog is this?!
95
00:04:46,814 --> 00:04:49,083
[cackling]
96
00:04:50,151 --> 00:04:52,052
Uncle Tommy!
97
00:04:52,086 --> 00:04:54,054
[dog whimpers]
98
00:04:56,123 --> 00:04:59,893
So... what did this person
call y'all again?
99
00:04:59,927 --> 00:05:01,093
Trash twins.
100
00:05:01,094 --> 00:05:05,265
- Which, I believe, is a federal crime.
- Well, no, it is not.
101
00:05:05,299 --> 00:05:08,769
And I don't know why anyone
would call y'all trash twins.
102
00:05:08,802 --> 00:05:12,172
When I got you both over here
slathering up
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00:05:12,205 --> 00:05:14,442
with about a gallon
of free hand lotion.
104
00:05:14,475 --> 00:05:16,944
Or digging out a panty bite
and then touching
105
00:05:16,977 --> 00:05:22,568
no fewer than nine peaches
with that same hand!
106
00:05:22,816 --> 00:05:25,586
Okay, right, right there!
Freeze!
107
00:05:25,619 --> 00:05:27,153
Oh, hell no.
108
00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:30,123
Crystal [bleep] Lynn!
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00:05:31,124 --> 00:05:34,302
They called you what?!
[grunts]
110
00:05:34,337 --> 00:05:36,830
- It's okay. Take it easy.
- I won't.
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00:05:36,864 --> 00:05:39,600
You're the classiest girl
I know, gosh dang it.
112
00:05:39,633 --> 00:05:42,603
Do-do-do-do.
Look at you two.
113
00:05:42,636 --> 00:05:44,805
Just chatting by the garbage.
114
00:05:44,838 --> 00:05:47,608
Well, when you're finished
with your little dumpster chat,
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00:05:47,641 --> 00:05:50,811
you go ahead and clock out.
I'm heading out early.
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00:05:50,844 --> 00:05:53,464
Got a dinner date
with my sweet Daniel.
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00:05:53,499 --> 00:05:57,522
He likes me to order and then get
his stuff to go. He's so silly.
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00:05:57,557 --> 00:05:59,119
He's a businessman.
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00:05:59,152 --> 00:06:03,190
Two! She said two.
How many are twins? Two.
120
00:06:03,223 --> 00:06:06,126
What do you put in the dumpster?
Trash. Trash twins!
121
00:06:06,159 --> 00:06:09,997
- It's Louise!
- Oh, cool your jets. It wasn't Louise.
122
00:06:10,030 --> 00:06:12,800
She doesn't even shop
at Mega Lo Mart.
123
00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:16,594
- Brenda, where'd you get that brick?
- My purse.
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00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:21,107
[heavenly music plays]
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00:06:21,108 --> 00:06:23,076
JESUS: Jenny, shug, why so down?
126
00:06:23,110 --> 00:06:26,179
Someone drove by me and Mother
in the Mega Lo Mart parking lot
127
00:06:26,213 --> 00:06:27,915
and called us "trash twins"!
128
00:06:27,948 --> 00:06:31,419
- Whaaat?! That's ridiculous.
- Right?
129
00:06:31,452 --> 00:06:33,487
But you had just come
from Fancy Nails,
130
00:06:33,521 --> 00:06:35,221
- so were you...?
- We were barefoot, yeah.
131
00:06:35,222 --> 00:06:36,589
- Oh.
- What?
132
00:06:36,590 --> 00:06:39,860
So you were barefoot.
In a Mega Lo Mart.
133
00:06:39,893 --> 00:06:42,663
- Yes. And the parking lot.
- Mm-hmm.
134
00:06:42,696 --> 00:06:44,532
Well, if Betty wants to retaliate,
135
00:06:44,565 --> 00:06:46,333
you should definitely try
and rise above.
136
00:06:46,366 --> 00:06:49,102
An eye for an eye
just makes everyone blind.
137
00:06:49,436 --> 00:06:52,506
You didn't, like,
go into the bathroom
138
00:06:52,540 --> 00:06:56,469
- while you were barefoot, did you?
- Sorry, what?
139
00:06:56,504 --> 00:06:58,378
Oh, nothing. [chuckles]
Never mind.
140
00:06:58,412 --> 00:07:01,715
[quietly] Good gravy,
the floor in there...
141
00:07:01,749 --> 00:07:04,785
Maybe I have gotten
a little too casual.
142
00:07:04,818 --> 00:07:06,754
You know, in fact,
I'm gonna clean myself up.
143
00:07:06,787 --> 00:07:09,457
I'm gonna wear more skirt suits
and, and read more
144
00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:11,559
and watch documentaries, you know?
145
00:07:11,592 --> 00:07:13,727
I'm not trash.
And Mother is not doing
146
00:07:13,761 --> 00:07:16,063
some trashy revenge.
The end.
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00:07:16,096 --> 00:07:19,711
[jazz music playing]
148
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:24,944
What's happening?
149
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,616
Oh, I'm just watching
a documentary about jazz,
150
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:31,251
i.e., killing two classy birds
with one classy stone.
151
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,253
And are you really drinking
hot tea?
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00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:37,791
Yes. It's... wonderful.
It's hot, unsweetened tea.
153
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:40,628
Mmm. Earthy.
154
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:44,431
Now I'm going to write a
British poem. Say a theme.
155
00:07:44,432 --> 00:07:47,100
- Craziness?
- Craziness.
156
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:51,605
British insanity.
157
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:55,075
What rhymes with "insanity"?
158
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:59,347
In-fam-ility.
You know what? [chuckles]
159
00:07:59,380 --> 00:08:00,647
I think I'm just gonna focus
on my documentary.
160
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,348
I'm almost done.
161
00:08:03,451 --> 00:08:08,279
- Oh, goody, it has 36... more parts.
- Okay, Mom.
162
00:08:08,314 --> 00:08:10,524
I like what
you are attempting to do here.
163
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:13,260
It's a little unsettling,
but at least you're not yelling
164
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,629
in the Mega Lo Mart
whilst barefoot.
165
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,565
"Whilst." Oh, that's an excellent
word for my British poem.
166
00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:20,434
Read 'em and weep.
167
00:08:20,468 --> 00:08:24,004
Told. You. Y'all.
168
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,006
The mouth that yelled
"trash twins."
169
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,842
Not gonna lose it.
Huh... I'm just gonna stay classy
170
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,477
and finish my elegant poem.
171
00:08:30,478 --> 00:08:33,714
Whilst... [sighs] whilst...
172
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:36,337
[singsongy]
♪ whilst I tear that holy-rolling ♪
173
00:08:36,337 --> 00:08:39,564
♪ frizz noggin a new pyew hole! ♪
174
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:47,461
Crystalynn, you two-faced Judas.
Oh, that just burns me up.
175
00:08:47,495 --> 00:08:51,331
- [gasps] She thinks she is so much better than us.
- [phone vibrating]
176
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:55,335
Well, well, well.
Look who just checked in
177
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:57,337
at the Golden Trough Buffet.
178
00:08:57,371 --> 00:09:01,341
You better hit that baked potato
bar hard and fast, Crystalynn,
179
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:04,911
- 'cause you're about to lose your appetite.
- There she is.
180
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:07,515
Now, Mother, let's not climb
directly into the mud here.
181
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:10,684
If we're gonna do this,
I think we should do it classy.
182
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,420
Right?
Let's kill her with kindness.
183
00:09:12,453 --> 00:09:15,025
Fine, we'll do it your way.
184
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:18,425
- Garbage water!
- I don't know why in the hell
185
00:09:18,426 --> 00:09:20,487
people drink unsweetened tea.
186
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,365
Reverend Ace,
I want to thank you
187
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:29,069
so much for taking the time
to talk to me
188
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:32,406
- and my Uncle Tommy.
- Wh-Whoa. That kid's your uncle?
189
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,073
- WAYNE: Yep.
- That's crazy.
190
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,710
- How old is he? Seven, eight?
- Yeah, he's ten.
191
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,880
But he's got the criminal mind
of a 20-year-old.
192
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,749
- [grunts]
- I think he needs guidance, you know,
193
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,450
a, a place where he fits in.
194
00:09:43,451 --> 00:09:46,019
You brought this young man
to the right gym church.
195
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:49,403
He's a perfect fit
for our Little Lifters program.
196
00:09:49,438 --> 00:09:51,525
ALL: Praise him!
197
00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:53,259
Whoo! Look at 'em go!
198
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,062
You wouldn't believe it
to look at 'em now,
199
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,931
but them sweet muscular
little boys used to be
200
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,901
a gang of unholy butts.
Don't worry, Wayne.
201
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:04,404
I'll have your Uncle Tommy
spiritually ripped in no time.
202
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,406
- [grunting]
- No, whoa-whoa, Tommy, no, no, whoa!
203
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,742
That's not a phone book,
brother. That's a Bible.
204
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:11,378
We only tear through those
with our eyes.
205
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:14,214
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
206
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,750
beloved members
of our congregation,
207
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:20,921
please welcome to the altar
Reverend Ace! [gasping]
208
00:10:21,104 --> 00:10:25,643
[rock music]
[cheering and applause]
209
00:10:25,676 --> 00:10:28,781
Listen up, folks!
I used to be a bad seed,
210
00:10:28,816 --> 00:10:29,679
a hard-core drugger.
211
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:32,816
Even got arrested for putting
a cop in a headlock.
212
00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:36,754
Lucky for me, there was one dude
I couldn't put in a headlock,
213
00:10:36,787 --> 00:10:38,588
'cause of his thorny crown.
214
00:10:38,622 --> 00:10:40,490
Damn. I'm talking about Jesus.
215
00:10:40,523 --> 00:10:45,262
Now, instead of bending the law,
I bend to the power of his word!
216
00:10:46,263 --> 00:10:47,329
[audience gasps]
217
00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:49,399
- MAN: Aw, yeah.
- [applause]
218
00:10:49,432 --> 00:10:50,833
[laughs]
219
00:10:50,834 --> 00:10:55,072
Through the power of Christ and
a low-fat, protein-rich diet,
220
00:10:55,105 --> 00:10:58,241
- I rip through sin!
- [audience gasps]
221
00:10:58,275 --> 00:10:59,776
- Temptation!
- [gasps]
222
00:10:59,777 --> 00:11:01,578
And the "C" word.
223
00:11:01,611 --> 00:11:03,413
- [grunts]
- [gasps]
224
00:11:03,446 --> 00:11:07,985
So in the name of the Father,
the Son, and the Swolly Ghost!
225
00:11:09,119 --> 00:11:11,870
Amen!
226
00:11:12,856 --> 00:11:16,556
["Crazy on You" by Heart playing]
227
00:11:18,495 --> 00:11:22,600
♪ Crazy on you ♪
228
00:11:22,833 --> 00:11:25,969
♪ Crazy on you ♪
229
00:11:26,003 --> 00:11:30,540
♪ Let me go crazy,
crazy on you ♪
230
00:11:30,573 --> 00:11:33,043
♪ Oh... ♪
231
00:11:33,076 --> 00:11:35,645
Oh, hey, Crystalynn.
232
00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:38,648
Look at you, all done up and pretty.
233
00:11:38,682 --> 00:11:42,720
Ugh, your face looks like
lipstick on an old man fist.
234
00:11:42,753 --> 00:11:44,722
Betty and Jenny.
235
00:11:44,755 --> 00:11:48,726
Oh, my word,
you look so cute as always.
236
00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:51,661
Your smile just lights up a room.
237
00:11:51,695 --> 00:11:54,297
Uh, invest in some Whitestrips.
238
00:11:54,331 --> 00:11:57,467
And also a mirror, corn teeth.
239
00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:00,470
Ooh, I like
your statement necklace.
240
00:12:00,503 --> 00:12:02,740
Do you wear
that Lucifer dog collar
241
00:12:02,773 --> 00:12:05,342
when you're out
sniffing other dogs' butts?
242
00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:08,545
Don't you just love
this Golden Trough buffet?
243
00:12:08,578 --> 00:12:11,081
You two dumpster possums
can't afford to eat out.
244
00:12:11,114 --> 00:12:13,851
What'd you do?
Sell your hair or something?
245
00:12:13,884 --> 00:12:15,753
The weirdest thing happened
after we saw you
246
00:12:15,786 --> 00:12:17,755
at Mega Lo Mart
[chuckles] the other day.
247
00:12:17,788 --> 00:12:21,524
When we exited, some so-and-so
drove by and catcalled us.
248
00:12:21,558 --> 00:12:23,360
That's right, I'm in this, too,
249
00:12:23,393 --> 00:12:26,163
and we know what you did,
poodle-headed snizz face.
250
00:12:26,196 --> 00:12:28,431
Uh... uh...
251
00:12:28,465 --> 00:12:32,602
Well, I got to get back
to doing the Lord's work.
252
00:12:32,635 --> 00:12:34,637
Y'all enjoy your lunch.
253
00:12:36,073 --> 00:12:37,941
[tires screech]
254
00:12:37,975 --> 00:12:39,943
- Whoa!
- I came as fast as I could.
255
00:12:39,977 --> 00:12:42,212
- What's going on?
- I'm sorry, Wayne.
256
00:12:42,245 --> 00:12:46,049
I did my best,
but Uncle Tommy has got to go.
257
00:12:46,083 --> 00:12:47,785
[grunting]
258
00:12:47,818 --> 00:12:50,587
[shouts] Geez. I thought
you could fix him, Reverend Ace.
259
00:12:50,620 --> 00:12:52,054
He started out destroying
260
00:12:52,055 --> 00:12:54,191
all the right stuff
in the name of the Lord,
261
00:12:54,224 --> 00:12:57,608
but then he just moved on over
to the employee kitchenette,
262
00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,029
and started busting up
things in there!
263
00:12:59,062 --> 00:13:00,629
- [cackling]
- No, Uncle Tommy!
264
00:13:00,630 --> 00:13:03,600
That stationary bike is
supposed to stay stationary.
265
00:13:04,935 --> 00:13:06,870
Oh! Man, that felt so good.
266
00:13:06,904 --> 00:13:08,705
That two-faced hussy
got the taste
267
00:13:08,738 --> 00:13:12,910
- knocked out of both her mouths.
- Oh, you two don't need to pay.
268
00:13:12,943 --> 00:13:15,212
Crystalynn bought both your dinners.
269
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:17,915
She said y'all are usually
struggling with money stuff,
270
00:13:17,948 --> 00:13:20,784
and she wanted to help
the needy. Isn't she sweet?
271
00:13:20,818 --> 00:13:24,096
"The sweetest."
272
00:13:25,155 --> 00:13:28,125
Okay. I'm ready to mud-wrestle.
273
00:13:32,695 --> 00:13:35,265
My perm!
274
00:13:39,036 --> 00:13:40,737
[tires screeching]
275
00:13:40,770 --> 00:13:43,240
Don't forget to get
a big old scoop
276
00:13:43,273 --> 00:13:44,874
of my baked mac and cheese.
277
00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:47,444
- [gasping]
- ELDERLY WOMAN: Oh, my Lord!
278
00:13:47,477 --> 00:13:50,580
- So detailed.
- [laughter]
279
00:13:50,613 --> 00:13:52,313
[doorbell rings]
280
00:13:54,451 --> 00:13:56,286
[air horn blowing]
281
00:14:00,557 --> 00:14:04,309
[laughter]
282
00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:08,932
I'll see your porch skunk
and raise you an erotic topiary.
283
00:14:08,966 --> 00:14:11,301
Enjoy your lawn wiener, y'all!
284
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:14,371
- [shouts]
- You guys having a good time?
285
00:14:14,404 --> 00:14:16,273
What are you doing standing in
the kitchen with the lights off?
286
00:14:16,306 --> 00:14:19,342
Mm, what am I?
I don't know.
287
00:14:19,376 --> 00:14:21,845
Maybe I'm just waiting for
you two to grow up, I guess.
288
00:14:21,879 --> 00:14:24,347
You know, it's all around town,
what you guys are doing.
289
00:14:24,381 --> 00:14:26,383
Baby, it's called justice.
290
00:14:26,416 --> 00:14:28,952
Violet, when you become an
adult, you'll see that this is
291
00:14:28,953 --> 00:14:31,488
how grown-ups work out
problems with each other.
292
00:14:31,521 --> 00:14:34,491
Stupid gross pranks?
R-rated topiaries?
293
00:14:34,524 --> 00:14:36,894
- That's how adults communicate?
- Sure is.
294
00:14:36,927 --> 00:14:39,296
And what were you gonna
do with this?
295
00:14:39,329 --> 00:14:41,899
Put it in her bed like
The Godfather horse head
296
00:14:41,932 --> 00:14:45,167
- to send a message.
- What's the message?
297
00:14:45,768 --> 00:14:48,138
That... she's... trash.
298
00:14:48,171 --> 00:14:51,374
Mom, you know I go to school
with Crystalynn's granddaughter.
299
00:14:51,408 --> 00:14:54,661
- Oh. Right.
- And you're just... ugh.
300
00:14:54,662 --> 00:14:56,146
You're embarrassing me.
301
00:14:56,179 --> 00:15:00,025
- What?
- You are embarrassing!
302
00:15:00,060 --> 00:15:02,464
[door opens, closes]
[music]
303
00:15:05,503 --> 00:15:07,871
- How's Violet?
- [sighs] I don't know.
304
00:15:07,905 --> 00:15:09,571
She left for school
before I saw her.
305
00:15:09,572 --> 00:15:11,741
- I-I feel so bad.
- Yeah, me, too.
306
00:15:11,775 --> 00:15:14,844
I feel awful.
Which is why it's gonna take
307
00:15:14,845 --> 00:15:17,213
every ounce of strength I have
to pick up that phone
308
00:15:17,214 --> 00:15:19,633
and order a stripper cop
over to Crystalynn's
309
00:15:19,634 --> 00:15:22,953
- grandangel's sip and see.
- Ugh. No, Mother.
310
00:15:22,986 --> 00:15:26,056
But you know what?
We are going over there.
311
00:15:26,089 --> 00:15:27,891
To apologize.
312
00:15:27,925 --> 00:15:30,109
We need to put this
feud to rest because we
313
00:15:30,110 --> 00:15:32,294
are grown adults, and
we are better than this.
314
00:15:32,295 --> 00:15:34,764
And I don't want Violet
to be embarrassed of me.
315
00:15:34,798 --> 00:15:37,935
Fine. I'll go over there,
but if she so much as breathes
316
00:15:37,968 --> 00:15:40,938
the wrong way, her sip and see's
gonna get a visit
317
00:15:40,971 --> 00:15:44,107
from the "Long Weiner of the Law."
318
00:15:44,602 --> 00:15:47,410
WAYNE: All right, Uncle Tommy.
I'm taking you back to Meemaw.
319
00:15:47,444 --> 00:15:50,447
Hopefully she's not drunk under
a pool table by now. [grunting]
320
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,180
[grunting]
321
00:15:55,318 --> 00:15:58,255
Oh, she's working here?
322
00:15:58,288 --> 00:16:01,991
Hey, shug. Everything okay?
[Tommy cackles]
323
00:16:01,992 --> 00:16:03,961
Oh, sweet pea.
324
00:16:03,994 --> 00:16:06,696
I bet you thought I was
drinking here, didn't you?
325
00:16:06,729 --> 00:16:09,499
Nah...
Well, yeah.
326
00:16:09,532 --> 00:16:11,969
Took this as a second job
about a month ago.
327
00:16:12,002 --> 00:16:14,304
It costs a lot of money to feed
and clothe all the critters
328
00:16:14,337 --> 00:16:15,972
I got running around my house.
329
00:16:15,973 --> 00:16:17,774
Plus, I'm saving up
for this year's Shredfest,
330
00:16:17,807 --> 00:16:21,178
featuring Rob Zombie, The Cult
and a meet and greet with Korn.
331
00:16:21,211 --> 00:16:23,847
Get in here and give me a hug.
332
00:16:23,881 --> 00:16:26,183
I got your back.
I love you, Meemaw.
333
00:16:26,216 --> 00:16:28,451
Aw. Love you, too, baby.
334
00:16:28,485 --> 00:16:30,287
Now let me get y'all
something to eat.
335
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,289
I really owe you
for spending so much time
336
00:16:32,322 --> 00:16:37,160
- with my little wrecking ball.
- "Wrecking ball." He sure is.
337
00:16:37,194 --> 00:16:38,494
You know what, Meemaw?
338
00:16:38,495 --> 00:16:41,164
You mind if I kept him
for just a few more hours?
339
00:16:41,198 --> 00:16:42,731
[tires screech]
340
00:16:42,732 --> 00:16:45,335
Hey, Wayne. I thought
you were starting work
341
00:16:45,368 --> 00:16:47,337
- on this site next week.
- Yeah, I am.
342
00:16:47,370 --> 00:16:49,539
But I just wanted
to stop by with someone
343
00:16:49,572 --> 00:16:52,391
who might be able
to help you out today.
344
00:16:52,426 --> 00:16:55,611
- Ah. My Uncle Tommy.
- Uncle Tommy can't work here.
345
00:16:55,612 --> 00:16:58,647
Oh, you don't have to call it work.
This is all play to him.
346
00:17:00,283 --> 00:17:04,354
- Have at it, Uncle T.
- Thanks, Wayne.
347
00:17:04,387 --> 00:17:07,390
[laughs]
348
00:17:07,424 --> 00:17:09,592
Yeah, we can cancel
that wrecking ball.
349
00:17:09,626 --> 00:17:12,229
Aw. It's like a whole new
Uncle Tommy. Come here.
350
00:17:12,262 --> 00:17:14,664
- Oh!
- [laughs]
351
00:17:14,697 --> 00:17:16,499
Damn it!
Right in the balls!
352
00:17:16,533 --> 00:17:18,335
What is wrong with you, boy?
353
00:17:18,478 --> 00:17:19,745
[doorbell rings]
354
00:17:19,746 --> 00:17:21,446
[door sensor beeps]
355
00:17:21,848 --> 00:17:23,015
- Nope.
- No, no, no.
356
00:17:23,016 --> 00:17:24,416
- Crystalynn, no.
- Don't shut the door.
357
00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:26,819
We came to say that we're sorry.
358
00:17:26,853 --> 00:17:28,387
[beeps]
359
00:17:28,388 --> 00:17:33,960
I would... like...
to apologize to you.
360
00:17:33,993 --> 00:17:35,895
And we even brought you
a little gift.
361
00:17:35,928 --> 00:17:39,299
I'd sooner unwrap an Edible
Arrangement from the Unabomber.
362
00:17:39,332 --> 00:17:41,032
You do it.
363
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:48,175
A "What Happens at Grandmaw's
Stays at Grandmaw's" onesie.
364
00:17:48,208 --> 00:17:51,411
ALL: Aw...
365
00:17:52,445 --> 00:17:54,113
Baby, I'm so sorry.
366
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:57,517
I'm sorry, too.
This feels so good.
367
00:17:57,550 --> 00:18:00,653
Oh, y'all,
please come in for a minute.
368
00:18:00,687 --> 00:18:06,226
- Really? Are you sure?
- Betty, I am.
369
00:18:06,259 --> 00:18:11,030
Everybody, this is
my good friend Betty Hart
370
00:18:11,064 --> 00:18:14,401
and her gorgeous daughter
Jenny Hart.
371
00:18:14,434 --> 00:18:16,936
Now y'all come here
and meet my grandangel,
372
00:18:16,969 --> 00:18:19,706
Tristen Poole Henderson.
373
00:18:19,739 --> 00:18:23,176
- JENNY: I could eat him.
- Aw, me, too. Eat him up.
374
00:18:23,210 --> 00:18:26,012
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna eat him.
375
00:18:26,045 --> 00:18:28,014
Ooh, I'll get it.
376
00:18:28,047 --> 00:18:31,017
- Oh! Smell his head.
- [sniffs]
377
00:18:31,050 --> 00:18:35,688
Oh, heaven.
Sheer heaven.
378
00:18:35,722 --> 00:18:38,225
[all sniffing]
Oh... yes.
379
00:18:38,258 --> 00:18:41,694
I think
Baby Tristen Poole Henderson
380
00:18:41,728 --> 00:18:45,598
just got his first lesson
in forgiveness.
381
00:18:45,632 --> 00:18:48,351
ALL: Aw...
382
00:18:53,270 --> 00:18:55,238
[lock clicks]
383
00:18:55,272 --> 00:18:59,041
Vi, I'm sorry for how
out of hand we got.
384
00:18:59,075 --> 00:19:02,412
We're-we're done with all that
and we apologized to Crystalynn.
385
00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:06,583
Well, if you did do that,
then I'm proud of you, Mom.
386
00:19:06,616 --> 00:19:08,585
Thank you for helping us
come to our senses.
387
00:19:08,618 --> 00:19:11,421
So glad we finally
squashed that beef.
388
00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:14,223
Maybe you squashed it,
but I marinated it
389
00:19:14,257 --> 00:19:16,025
and doused it in ketchup.
390
00:19:16,058 --> 00:19:18,528
And then I threw it to a wolf
and then I hunted that wolf
391
00:19:18,561 --> 00:19:20,563
and then I skinned it
and ate it raw.
392
00:19:20,597 --> 00:19:23,232
Mother, what are you talking about?
393
00:19:23,233 --> 00:19:26,155
[sips]
394
00:19:27,136 --> 00:19:29,639
The second I found out
it was Crystalynn
395
00:19:29,672 --> 00:19:33,276
who yelled "trash twins,"
I knew it was revenge time.
396
00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:36,245
And I knew I had to go "nucular."
397
00:19:36,279 --> 00:19:39,248
Phase one: stash refuse
under Violet's old kiddie pool,
398
00:19:39,282 --> 00:19:41,984
including one
overripe picnic watermelon.
399
00:19:42,018 --> 00:19:44,686
Phase two: prop the Crystalynn
head piñata
400
00:19:44,721 --> 00:19:45,926
against Violet's easel.
401
00:19:45,961 --> 00:19:47,757
I knew she'd see it
and confront you, Jenny.
402
00:19:47,790 --> 00:19:51,160
I call this technique
Activating the Child.
403
00:19:51,193 --> 00:19:53,563
And you fell right in line, Vi.
404
00:19:53,596 --> 00:19:56,998
Soon as Violet's preteen ire burned
your butt like a laser, Jenny,
405
00:19:56,999 --> 00:20:00,319
phase three was in motion, for
I needed you to gain us entrée
406
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,888
into Crystalynn's
with a sincere apology,
407
00:20:02,889 --> 00:20:04,674
which you did beautifully.
408
00:20:04,707 --> 00:20:06,509
You were so high
on your precious forgiveness
409
00:20:06,543 --> 00:20:08,445
that you didn't even notice
410
00:20:08,478 --> 00:20:11,080
the watermelon under my loosest
peasant-cut blouse
411
00:20:11,113 --> 00:20:13,282
or the bundle of stinky trash
in my tote.
412
00:20:13,316 --> 00:20:15,952
And the Hollywood-style
waterworks?
413
00:20:15,985 --> 00:20:17,386
Ha, I'm just that good.
414
00:20:17,387 --> 00:20:20,089
Watch and learn, Myrtle Streebs.
415
00:20:20,122 --> 00:20:23,076
[wailing]
416
00:20:26,529 --> 00:20:31,263
Once we were in,
I knew I had to act fast.
417
00:20:37,239 --> 00:20:39,208
Oh, I'll get it.
418
00:20:39,241 --> 00:20:41,110
And I knew all the head huffing
419
00:20:41,143 --> 00:20:44,013
would cause Tristen Poole
Henderson to lose his paci,
420
00:20:44,046 --> 00:20:46,048
giving me
the perfect opportunity
421
00:20:46,082 --> 00:20:49,986
to slide that rotten watermelon
right under his crib.
422
00:20:50,019 --> 00:20:52,822
And if my calculations are correct,
423
00:20:52,855 --> 00:20:55,525
Crystalynn's sip and see
flymageddon
424
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:58,961
is starting right about... now.
425
00:20:58,995 --> 00:21:04,166
Get the baby!
Get Tristen Poole Henderson!
426
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,336
That is... wow.
[slow clap]
427
00:21:07,370 --> 00:21:09,572
- That's pretty fantastic.
- Really, Violet?
428
00:21:09,606 --> 00:21:12,575
That is the epitome
of childish, trashy behavior.
429
00:21:12,609 --> 00:21:15,244
But Gram elevated it to an art form.
430
00:21:15,277 --> 00:21:21,083
What happens at Grandmaw's
stays at Grandmaw's. Yahtzee!
431
00:21:22,059 --> 00:21:25,093
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