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1
00:00:00,053 --> 00:00:03,055
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
2
00:00:04,057 --> 00:00:06,059
Can't ever remember
how many clicks
3
00:00:06,103 --> 00:00:08,932
through fuzz it takes
to get to the channel.
4
00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:11,151
- I want to say eight clicks.
- It's eight.
5
00:00:11,195 --> 00:00:12,849
Mother, if you're gonna keep
sitting out there,
6
00:00:12,892 --> 00:00:15,895
- don't chime in.
- BETTY: Wayne, can you get me some more wine?
7
00:00:15,939 --> 00:00:18,985
- Sure thing, Betty.
- Wayne, do not get her that wine.
8
00:00:19,029 --> 00:00:20,900
You do not work for her.
Mother, if you want some wine,
9
00:00:20,944 --> 00:00:22,032
- you can come in and get it.
- I will not come in.
10
00:00:22,075 --> 00:00:24,948
- I just got settled out here under the lanai.
- Mother!
11
00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:27,515
BETTY: What? I can't hear
you 'cause I'm outside.
12
00:00:27,559 --> 00:00:30,954
Just gonna set it here like a...
like a pie cooling.
13
00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:34,958
- Don't you hand her that wine.
- Damn you to hell, girl.
14
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:36,742
Hi, Maykay Bueller here.
15
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:38,788
I am supposed to be
on vocal rest,
16
00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:41,921
but my station in life
is to serve Greenpoint.
17
00:00:41,965 --> 00:00:44,402
There is some brewing controversy
18
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:47,100
revolving around
the Morris Culpepper statue.
19
00:00:47,144 --> 00:00:50,495
Some people are asking,
"Does it glorify tobacco,
20
00:00:50,538 --> 00:00:52,758
or is it part of our heritage?"
21
00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:54,029
Other people are asking,
22
00:00:54,030 --> 00:00:57,850
"Should it stay, or should it go?"
23
00:00:57,894 --> 00:01:00,026
CROWD [chanting]:
Smoking causes cancer!
24
00:01:00,070 --> 00:01:02,507
Remove that statue, ban it, sir!
25
00:01:02,550 --> 00:01:04,074
OPPOSING CROWD [chanting]:
Statue stays!
26
00:01:04,117 --> 00:01:06,293
That statue needs to
come down,like, yesterday.
27
00:01:06,337 --> 00:01:08,992
Jenny, a lot of people have
strong feelings about that statue.
28
00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:11,037
They think
it's part of our history,
29
00:01:11,081 --> 00:01:14,040
like the Wright Brothers
or Fantasia Barrino.
30
00:01:14,084 --> 00:01:16,086
Maybe so,
but smoking is not something
31
00:01:16,129 --> 00:01:18,653
we should be celebrating,
statue or otherwise.
32
00:01:18,697 --> 00:01:22,353
I'm just saying, people get
awfully riled up about these things.
33
00:01:22,396 --> 00:01:24,790
Maybe it's best
to let sleeping dogs lie.
34
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,793
Wayne's right, y'all.
We should let that statue alone.
35
00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:29,839
[grunting]
36
00:01:30,927 --> 00:01:32,929
[grunting]
37
00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:39,109
Damn it to hellfire!
38
00:01:39,152 --> 00:01:41,154
♪ ♪
39
00:02:08,805 --> 00:02:12,025
VIOLET: You guys, I've been
reading up on Morris Culpepper.
40
00:02:12,069 --> 00:02:14,898
He was insane
in all the funnest ways.
41
00:02:14,941 --> 00:02:17,335
He clearly went crazy
with all his tobacco money.
42
00:02:17,378 --> 00:02:19,250
He invented a knife for babies.
43
00:02:19,293 --> 00:02:21,295
- DAVID: Stop.
- VIOLET: He founded a sperm bank
44
00:02:21,339 --> 00:02:22,862
- with only his sperm.
- DAVID: Girl.
45
00:02:22,906 --> 00:02:26,039
VIOLET: He had his hip replaced
with Liza Minelli's old hip.
46
00:02:26,083 --> 00:02:27,867
- DAVID: Love!
- WAYNE: Whoa.
47
00:02:27,911 --> 00:02:29,956
He even tried to start
a Smoking Olympics.
48
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:33,264
VIOLET: And the footnote says
19 people almost drowned,
49
00:02:33,307 --> 00:02:35,135
but then later died of cancer.
50
00:02:35,179 --> 00:02:38,921
Wait. What?
It says here Morris Culpepper
51
00:02:38,922 --> 00:02:42,839
dated Miss Teen Tobacco Leaf,
Betty June Bryant?
52
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,057
♪ ♪
53
00:02:45,058 --> 00:02:46,190
- Mother?
- Betty?
54
00:02:47,191 --> 00:02:52,065
Yes, it is true, y'all.
Morris and I had a brief dalliance.
55
00:02:52,109 --> 00:02:54,589
The year was 1983,
56
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:57,114
and a 17-year-old beauty
queen was discovered
57
00:02:57,157 --> 00:02:59,899
by one Morris Culpepper.
58
00:02:59,943 --> 00:03:02,946
Hello. [coughs]
I'm Morris.
59
00:03:02,989 --> 00:03:04,034
[loud coughing]
60
00:03:04,077 --> 00:03:07,037
BETTY: We had a whirlwind romance.
61
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,779
- [engine revving]
- Fast cars,
62
00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:12,042
romantic evenings.
63
00:03:12,085 --> 00:03:15,088
He even took me
on a factory tour.
64
00:03:20,615 --> 00:03:24,532
I was gonna Anna-Nicole-Smith him
and lovingly inherit his millions,
65
00:03:24,576 --> 00:03:28,275
- but then things took a tragic turn.
- VIOLET: Oh, no.
66
00:03:28,319 --> 00:03:30,060
- He died?
- I wish.
67
00:03:30,103 --> 00:03:33,977
No, the tragedy was when
I realized I was gonna have
68
00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:37,981
to be with him in the biblical way,
and I just couldn't do it.
69
00:03:38,024 --> 00:03:40,505
- [whirring]
- [yelps]
70
00:03:40,548 --> 00:03:41,680
It's my tragic flaw.
71
00:03:41,681 --> 00:03:44,857
I just cannot do it with a
rich older guy for the money!
72
00:03:44,901 --> 00:03:46,076
[sobbing]
73
00:03:46,119 --> 00:03:49,906
In the end,
a younger woman swooped in
74
00:03:49,949 --> 00:03:52,082
- and did what I could not.
- [applause]
75
00:03:52,125 --> 00:03:53,431
Marjune Gamble.
76
00:03:53,474 --> 00:03:56,086
She swooped in
the second I dumped him.
77
00:03:56,129 --> 00:03:59,437
And when Morris finally died
at age 105...
78
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,874
then weirdly came back
to life four days later...
79
00:04:01,918 --> 00:04:04,877
then finally, finally died
at the age of 118,
80
00:04:04,921 --> 00:04:08,315
Marjune inherited everything
he owned.
81
00:04:08,359 --> 00:04:10,970
That bitch.
Is she still alive?
82
00:04:11,014 --> 00:04:13,103
Because if so, she is dead to me.
83
00:04:13,146 --> 00:04:16,019
No one's seen her in years.
She's a recluse.
84
00:04:16,062 --> 00:04:18,630
Y'all, I should've been
that rich recluse!
85
00:04:18,673 --> 00:04:22,231
[grunts]
[plastic glass clacking]
86
00:04:22,982 --> 00:04:25,985
Well, that was not as dramatic
as I had hoped.
87
00:04:26,029 --> 00:04:27,987
We have got
to find Marjune Culpepper.
88
00:04:28,031 --> 00:04:29,032
[Violet sniffs]
89
00:04:29,075 --> 00:04:32,035
Can you smell it?
A major Grey Gardens situation.
90
00:04:32,078 --> 00:04:35,016
- What's a Grey Gardens?
- It's a documentary
91
00:04:35,017 --> 00:04:38,868
about a crazy old lady and her
unmarried daughter living in squalor.
92
00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:42,175
- I think I'm good.
- Yeah, I think I can skip that one.
93
00:04:42,219 --> 00:04:44,177
[overlapping chanting]
94
00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:48,708
So what do y'all think about
all this Culpepper statue business?
95
00:04:48,751 --> 00:04:50,448
[chuckles]
I haven't seen this much hubbub
96
00:04:50,492 --> 00:04:52,712
since they put up
that gender-neutral gazebo.
97
00:04:52,755 --> 00:04:54,888
Oh, Lord, I know.
It's a mess out there!
98
00:04:54,931 --> 00:04:57,978
As far as I'm concerned,
they can melt that statue down
99
00:04:58,021 --> 00:05:00,284
and use it to fix the guardrail
on Culpepper Slims Boulevard.
100
00:05:00,328 --> 00:05:01,851
[all gasp]
101
00:05:07,944 --> 00:05:10,294
...is ...what I heard
102
00:05:10,338 --> 00:05:12,906
one... stupid lady say.
103
00:05:12,949 --> 00:05:15,778
As I threw her out on her
tobacco-hating rear end!
104
00:05:15,822 --> 00:05:20,348
- You did not!
- [laughs] That's my girl!
105
00:05:20,391 --> 00:05:22,698
Welcome
to the right side of history.
106
00:05:25,005 --> 00:05:27,007
[softly] Woo-hoo.
107
00:05:31,925 --> 00:05:34,928
- Ugh. I feel gross.
- Aw, Jenny. What happened?
108
00:05:34,971 --> 00:05:37,582
I lied to a customer
and said I was pro-statue
109
00:05:37,626 --> 00:05:39,933
and pro-tobacco
in order to land a tip.
110
00:05:39,976 --> 00:05:41,978
I mean, look,
I hate that statue
111
00:05:42,022 --> 00:05:44,981
- and everything it stands for.
- I know. Me, too!
112
00:05:45,025 --> 00:05:47,375
Smoking took three
of my four great-uncles.
113
00:05:47,418 --> 00:05:49,072
But I learned a long time ago,
114
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:53,337
when it comes to important
issues, never take a side.
115
00:05:53,381 --> 00:05:56,906
But... take a look at what
happens when you agree with people.
116
00:05:56,950 --> 00:05:59,779
Oh, my Lord, Jenny.
Are you kidding me right now?
117
00:05:59,822 --> 00:06:01,041
Look at all those Washingtons.
118
00:06:01,084 --> 00:06:06,002
- Taking a side really pays well.
- Yeah, but it feels awful.
119
00:06:06,046 --> 00:06:08,091
Well, don't be too hard
on yourself.
120
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,485
You are keeping the peace.
121
00:06:10,528 --> 00:06:13,096
Yeah. Guess you could say
I'm kind of a...
122
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,751
paid ambassador. [chuckles]
123
00:06:15,795 --> 00:06:17,971
But, you know,
you don't think maybe
124
00:06:18,014 --> 00:06:20,103
I should just give
all this money to charity?
125
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,192
Yeah but... look around.
126
00:06:22,236 --> 00:06:23,933
If we were to give that money
to charity,
127
00:06:23,977 --> 00:06:27,589
they'd probably just turn around
and give it right back to us.
128
00:06:27,632 --> 00:06:30,810
That's true. We would just be
eliminating the middleman.
129
00:06:30,853 --> 00:06:34,030
And we could really
fix things up around here.
130
00:06:34,074 --> 00:06:36,946
And all this cashola
sure would look good
131
00:06:36,990 --> 00:06:39,079
in Violet's art school fund.
132
00:06:39,122 --> 00:06:41,385
Oh, my God,
there's a Lincoln in here!
133
00:06:41,429 --> 00:06:43,779
If taking a side pays this well,
134
00:06:43,823 --> 00:06:46,564
taking both sides
would pay double well.
135
00:06:47,914 --> 00:06:49,829
Hmm.
136
00:06:49,872 --> 00:06:51,395
Welcome to The Last Supper.
137
00:06:51,439 --> 00:06:52,919
Would you like to sit
in the pro-statue
138
00:06:52,962 --> 00:06:54,572
or anti-statue section?
139
00:06:56,574 --> 00:06:59,969
History? That statue wasn't
put up till 2002!
140
00:07:00,013 --> 00:07:02,406
I've got bras that are
more historical than that.
141
00:07:04,017 --> 00:07:07,150
First they knock down our statues.
Wh-Where does it end?
142
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,979
Pretty soon they won't let
cartoon characters smoke on TV.
143
00:07:10,023 --> 00:07:11,024
Ain't that the truth.
144
00:07:12,614 --> 00:07:15,423
♪ ♪
145
00:07:16,116 --> 00:07:18,031
[cash registering beeping, whirring]
146
00:07:18,074 --> 00:07:20,947
- [coin clinking on ground]
- [cash register whirring]
147
00:07:20,990 --> 00:07:23,950
JENNY: ♪ I got bills to pay
and my home's a rental ♪
148
00:07:23,993 --> 00:07:26,256
♪ Dealing with a problem
that's monumental ♪
149
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:29,781
♪ Got to knead both sides if
you want to make some bread ♪
150
00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:32,959
♪ So take your opinions
and stuff 'em down ♪
151
00:07:33,002 --> 00:07:35,570
♪ Print bumper stickers
to sell in town ♪
152
00:07:35,613 --> 00:07:39,791
♪ Why take a stand when you
can take the cash instead? ♪
153
00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:42,055
CHORUS:
♪ Working 4:00 to 10:00 ♪
154
00:07:42,098 --> 00:07:44,796
JENNY: ♪ Turning both sides
against the middle ♪
155
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,711
CHORUS:
♪ Working 4:00 to 10:00 ♪
156
00:07:46,755 --> 00:07:49,402
JENNY: ♪ Who cares
if it's hypocritical ♪
157
00:07:49,437 --> 00:07:51,284
CHORUS:
♪ Working 4:00 to 10:00 ♪
158
00:07:51,319 --> 00:07:53,743
JENNY: ♪ Late shift never felt
so shifty ♪
159
00:07:53,778 --> 00:07:56,020
CHORUS:
♪ Working 4:00 to 10:00 ♪
160
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,637
JENNY: ♪ But the cash
is sort of nifty! ♪
161
00:08:01,901 --> 00:08:04,326
- 61, 62...
- [heavenly music plays]
162
00:08:04,361 --> 00:08:06,079
- It's just so great.
- What?
163
00:08:06,122 --> 00:08:08,461
Just how you're totally
compromising your moral
164
00:08:08,462 --> 00:08:10,801
integrity and saying a bunch
of stuff you don't believe
165
00:08:10,802 --> 00:08:13,086
- just to make money.
- Oh, here we go.
166
00:08:13,129 --> 00:08:15,697
Seriously, I'm jealous!
I really am!
167
00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:18,293
But then I think,
what would Ido?
168
00:08:18,302 --> 00:08:21,653
And the answer is, "Ooh, boy."
Not that.
169
00:08:21,696 --> 00:08:24,395
Okay, y-you don't have
to be smart about it.
170
00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:28,225
Doing the right thing
sometimes hurts. Hurts so good.
171
00:08:28,268 --> 00:08:30,792
Just like the John
Cougar Mellencamp song.
172
00:08:30,836 --> 00:08:33,360
- I love that song.
- I know you do, and you should.
173
00:08:33,404 --> 00:08:35,797
The Cougs was really
onto something.
174
00:08:35,841 --> 00:08:39,236
Taking the easy way out isn't
always the best thing to do.
175
00:08:39,279 --> 00:08:40,999
Stop. I already feel guilty enough.
176
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,023
I'm not trying to make you
feel guilty. Go nuts!
177
00:08:43,066 --> 00:08:45,655
But it is a little weird
that you bought those 600
178
00:08:45,656 --> 00:08:48,245
thread count sheets and
still can't sleep at night.
179
00:08:48,289 --> 00:08:50,160
Wonder what that's about.
180
00:08:50,204 --> 00:08:53,903
- Okay, Jesus. I get it.
- [high-pitched] Do you?
181
00:08:53,947 --> 00:08:57,820
So... back to the sheets.
What do those suckers feel like?
182
00:08:57,864 --> 00:09:01,389
Because this... 20 count.
It used to hold grain.
183
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:08,560
[gasps] Tell me, y'all,
is there a Mrs. Senator?
184
00:09:08,604 --> 00:09:10,693
- Gram?
- [yells]
185
00:09:10,737 --> 00:09:12,260
Don't sneak up
on your grandmother
186
00:09:12,303 --> 00:09:14,436
when she's thinking
about what could have been!
187
00:09:14,479 --> 00:09:16,111
Well, we were hoping for a less
188
00:09:16,112 --> 00:09:19,702
emotionally-charged moment
to tell you this, but...
189
00:09:19,746 --> 00:09:21,922
We found Marjune's address, and
we need you to take us there.
190
00:09:21,965 --> 00:09:24,794
Hell, no. Why would I want
to go and meet the woman
191
00:09:24,838 --> 00:09:27,971
- who got everything I didn't?
- Because we told you, Gram!
192
00:09:28,015 --> 00:09:29,930
It's gonna be
a Grey Gardens situation.
193
00:09:29,973 --> 00:09:33,977
Guaranteed sadness.
It'll be cathartic for you.
194
00:09:34,021 --> 00:09:37,981
Marjune Culpepper is a recluse.
A sad, widowed recluse.
195
00:09:38,025 --> 00:09:39,026
I prepared a presentation
196
00:09:39,027 --> 00:09:41,506
of the spinster-esque horrors
you can expect to see.
197
00:09:41,550 --> 00:09:43,944
Like... a single,
unworn baby shoe
198
00:09:43,987 --> 00:09:45,946
with a centipede
crawling out of it.
199
00:09:45,989 --> 00:09:50,690
DAVID: Marjune serving high tea to
a family of world-weary raccoons.
200
00:09:50,733 --> 00:09:54,127
VIOLET: Followed by a mid-afternoon
widow's nap where she spoons
201
00:09:54,128 --> 00:09:56,870
the fully-intact skeleton
of her dead handyman.
202
00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:58,872
And that's just the tip
of the creep-berg.
203
00:09:58,915 --> 00:10:02,963
Maybe it would be kind of nice
to see the lonely hole
204
00:10:03,006 --> 00:10:05,464
that gold digger dug herself into.
205
00:10:05,499 --> 00:10:06,488
- Yes!
- Yay!
206
00:10:06,531 --> 00:10:07,881
But hand to God,
207
00:10:07,924 --> 00:10:10,622
if she's not eating tuna salad
off a Frisbee plate
208
00:10:10,666 --> 00:10:12,135
and wearing tissue-box shoes,
209
00:10:12,170 --> 00:10:14,801
there is gonna be hell to pay, y'all.
210
00:10:14,844 --> 00:10:17,804
♪ ♪
211
00:10:17,847 --> 00:10:20,807
[indistinct shouting]
212
00:10:20,850 --> 00:10:22,809
[crowd chanting, booing]
213
00:10:22,852 --> 00:10:24,288
MAN: Yeah, I don't even see
what the big deal's all about!
214
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,336
Good evening, everyone.
Settle down.
215
00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:29,903
Please. Settle down.
[feedback]
216
00:10:29,946 --> 00:10:32,340
Thank you all
for coming tonight.
217
00:10:32,383 --> 00:10:36,518
I called this emergency meeting
so we could have a safe place
218
00:10:36,561 --> 00:10:39,042
to try to work through
this statue problem.
219
00:10:39,086 --> 00:10:42,567
Look at me!
I'm the statue, babies!
220
00:10:42,611 --> 00:10:43,917
- WOMAN: Get out of here, Randy.
- No, Randy.
221
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,919
- No, please. Not tonight.
- [crowd shouting]
222
00:10:45,962 --> 00:10:49,096
But it's a carnival atmosphere, babies.
223
00:10:49,139 --> 00:10:51,011
- MAN: Randy!
- WOMAN: Get out of here, Randy!
224
00:10:51,054 --> 00:10:53,927
Randy, you cannot do
fire blowing in here.
225
00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:57,582
I'm begging you.
Please, sit down.
226
00:10:57,626 --> 00:11:01,021
Now, I feel confident
that we are gonna be able
227
00:11:01,064 --> 00:11:04,502
to solve this statue issue
peacefully tonight.
228
00:11:04,546 --> 00:11:06,940
- That statue needs to stay the hell up.
- OTHERS: Yeah!
229
00:11:06,983 --> 00:11:10,117
If it were up to me, I'd put
more cigarettes on that thing.
230
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,597
- [cheering]
- As an exotic dancer,
231
00:11:12,641 --> 00:11:14,948
I inhale second-hand smoke
all damn day.
232
00:11:14,991 --> 00:11:16,993
Even when I'm on break!
233
00:11:17,037 --> 00:11:17,951
- OTHERS: Yeah!
- And I hate it.
234
00:11:17,994 --> 00:11:22,999
I think the statue should stay up.
235
00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:24,914
- Thank you.
- [crowd cheering]
236
00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:29,005
What? Really?
You got a hole in your throat.
237
00:11:29,049 --> 00:11:32,269
Oh, boy. Sounds like we're
pretty evenly divided.
238
00:11:32,313 --> 00:11:34,794
How are we gonna settle this?
239
00:11:34,837 --> 00:11:37,709
H-Hold on!
Our waitress at The Last Supper
240
00:11:37,753 --> 00:11:40,147
just made some great points
about the statue.
241
00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:41,888
We should let her talk.
242
00:11:41,931 --> 00:11:44,151
Oh, you mean Jenny?
Oh, yeah.
243
00:11:44,194 --> 00:11:47,981
She has a real solid
moral stance on that statue.
244
00:11:48,024 --> 00:11:49,983
- So refreshing.
- [crowd cheering]
245
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:52,899
TOWNSPERSON: Yeah.
Jenny Hart will settle this stalemate.
246
00:11:52,942 --> 00:11:55,989
DAWN: Yeah, Jenny would never
let sleeping dogs lie.
247
00:11:56,032 --> 00:11:58,905
No. Lord, Jenny, no.
Remember the tips.
248
00:11:58,948 --> 00:12:00,907
CROWD [chanting]: Jenny! Jenny!
249
00:12:00,950 --> 00:12:03,648
Jenny! Jenny!
250
00:12:03,692 --> 00:12:05,607
Okay. [exhales]
251
00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:09,045
That statue.
[chuckles] Right?
252
00:12:09,089 --> 00:12:13,528
I mean, it's, it's so,
like, it's-it's there.
253
00:12:13,571 --> 00:12:15,095
You know what I mean.
Whenever you're in town
254
00:12:15,138 --> 00:12:16,879
in the back of your minds
you're just thinking,
255
00:12:16,923 --> 00:12:19,839
"That statue. It's there.
It's still there."
256
00:12:19,882 --> 00:12:22,145
- [whoops] Yeah.
- And I'm madglad.
257
00:12:22,189 --> 00:12:25,061
That statue is the whole reason I'm here,
258
00:12:25,105 --> 00:12:28,369
and why I'm so sad-cited
259
00:12:28,412 --> 00:12:33,156
for all the wrong reasons
to say that it should be noted
260
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:36,812
that in regards to the statue
261
00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:40,033
there are very strong
opinions on both sides.
262
00:12:40,076 --> 00:12:41,164
[whoops]
263
00:12:41,208 --> 00:12:43,558
- Too vague!
- Be specific!
264
00:12:43,601 --> 00:12:45,125
You got my head spinning!
265
00:12:45,168 --> 00:12:46,909
Well, we've all heard
a lot of, uh,
266
00:12:46,953 --> 00:12:49,912
specific people say, uh,
a lot of specific things,
267
00:12:49,956 --> 00:12:53,916
but the time for talking is over.
268
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:57,093
People, it is time
for action question mark?
269
00:12:57,137 --> 00:12:59,966
She's right! It's time
for action exclamation point!
270
00:13:00,009 --> 00:13:03,926
- Aw, sit down, you hayseed.
- I'm sick of speeches.
271
00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:06,059
They wanna destroy something
important to us,
272
00:13:06,102 --> 00:13:08,931
therefore, we should destroy
our hometown.
273
00:13:08,975 --> 00:13:10,585
- JENNY: What?
- [cheering]
274
00:13:10,628 --> 00:13:13,022
RANDY: Yeah, babies!
275
00:13:13,066 --> 00:13:14,502
[indistinct shouting]
276
00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:17,702
Wait! No!
[shouting, glass breaking]
277
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,786
- [indistinct shouting]
- MAYOR WEBB: Please, no.
278
00:13:23,998 --> 00:13:24,999
[fire crackling]
279
00:13:27,654 --> 00:13:31,092
I feel so bad.
What a disaster.
280
00:13:31,135 --> 00:13:32,615
Well, isn't this a stinky pickle.
281
00:13:32,659 --> 00:13:35,923
What a silly old mess.
Doo-do-do-doo.
282
00:13:35,966 --> 00:13:37,968
So then, uh,
what's the play here?
283
00:13:38,012 --> 00:13:40,144
Finish the job,
burn the place down,
284
00:13:40,188 --> 00:13:44,148
- split the insurance money?
- No. Brenda, you're so silly.
285
00:13:44,192 --> 00:13:47,108
The restaurant's closed
until further notice.
286
00:13:47,151 --> 00:13:50,415
Start scrubbing, y'all.
Doo-do-do-doo.
287
00:13:50,459 --> 00:13:52,722
[heavenly music plays]
288
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:56,639
- [slow clapping]
- Oh, no, please.
289
00:13:56,683 --> 00:14:00,730
- Please not the sarcastic clap.
- What? I'm just a slow clapper.
290
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:03,733
2,000 years ago,
this is the speed we clapped.
291
00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:06,997
But if you're feeling guilty,
that's your own conscience.
292
00:14:07,041 --> 00:14:08,912
You know what? No.
293
00:14:08,956 --> 00:14:11,828
I am not gonna feel guilty
about this anymore.
294
00:14:11,872 --> 00:14:13,569
I am not the problem.
You know what?
295
00:14:13,613 --> 00:14:15,658
This stupid town is the problem.
296
00:14:15,702 --> 00:14:18,835
You don't think that maybe,
you kind of maybe
297
00:14:18,879 --> 00:14:22,143
reaped some things that you
kind of maybe sort of sowed?
298
00:14:22,186 --> 00:14:24,885
- Enjoy cleaning the toilets.
- I will enjoy cleaning these toilets.
299
00:14:24,928 --> 00:14:28,236
Those toilets are gonna be clean,
just like my conscience.
300
00:14:28,279 --> 00:14:29,629
- Great.
- Good, then.
301
00:14:29,672 --> 00:14:30,760
- Fine.
- Okay.
302
00:14:30,804 --> 00:14:32,893
- Oh, and Jenny...
- What?
303
00:14:32,936 --> 00:14:33,981
Don't forget I love you.
304
00:14:34,024 --> 00:14:35,666
[groans loudly]
305
00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:40,783
- She lives in a condo now?
- She gets to live in a condo?
306
00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:45,427
Oh, God. This is gonna be
some boring-ass bullcrap.
307
00:14:45,470 --> 00:14:47,429
I'm starting to get angry,
308
00:14:47,472 --> 00:14:50,432
'cause two little birdies
told me this was gonna be sad.
309
00:14:50,475 --> 00:14:53,696
Relax, Gram. Calm down.
I-I promise you,
310
00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:56,656
she's gonna be a nightmare
portrait of walking dread.
311
00:14:56,699 --> 00:14:59,656
♪ ♪
312
00:14:59,963 --> 00:15:04,446
- Oh, hello, Betty.
- Or not.
313
00:15:04,669 --> 00:15:07,020
WAYNE: I'm definitely getting
the Great Barrier Beef,
314
00:15:07,063 --> 00:15:09,196
but I can't decide
if I should start
315
00:15:09,239 --> 00:15:13,026
with a Boomarang-A-Dilla
or an order of Steve Irwings.
316
00:15:13,069 --> 00:15:15,115
[sighing] I don't feel like
treating myself.
317
00:15:15,158 --> 00:15:17,595
I earned half that money
by basically saying
318
00:15:17,639 --> 00:15:19,597
I love cigarettes and cancer.
319
00:15:19,641 --> 00:15:22,774
So... half an order
of Steve Irwings?
320
00:15:22,818 --> 00:15:26,387
G'day, mates. Here's
y'all's BeeGee breadsticks
321
00:15:26,430 --> 00:15:28,911
with some midnight oil
for dipping.
322
00:15:28,955 --> 00:15:31,174
Wayne, I'm afraid I'm just
not gonna be able
323
00:15:31,218 --> 00:15:33,785
to enjoy an authentic
Australian feast.
324
00:15:33,829 --> 00:15:36,701
I know. What's the point
of having all this extra money
325
00:15:36,745 --> 00:15:38,486
if we're not happy with ourselves?
326
00:15:38,529 --> 00:15:41,010
I think I speak for
the restaurant when I say,
327
00:15:41,054 --> 00:15:42,664
[mimics Crocodile Dundee]
That's not a life.
328
00:15:42,707 --> 00:15:46,233
- This is a life.
- Now what can I get y'all?
329
00:15:46,276 --> 00:15:50,063
Nothing.
I think we're just leaving.
330
00:15:50,106 --> 00:15:51,455
Crikey.
331
00:15:51,499 --> 00:15:53,675
WAYNE [normal voice]:
Grab that bread, baby.
332
00:15:53,718 --> 00:15:56,025
On it.
333
00:15:56,069 --> 00:15:57,945
♪ ♪
334
00:15:58,128 --> 00:16:02,829
Wow, Marjune.
This is really beautiful.
335
00:16:02,872 --> 00:16:05,701
Some would say not sad
in the least.
336
00:16:05,745 --> 00:16:08,443
Thank you.
Morris bought me this.
337
00:16:08,486 --> 00:16:10,227
He wanted me to have
a place of my own.
338
00:16:10,271 --> 00:16:12,099
Please, won't you have a seat?
339
00:16:12,142 --> 00:16:16,712
Oh, no. I'm starting to think this
is just a regular rich lady place.
340
00:16:16,756 --> 00:16:18,975
I'm horrified. Where are all
the Victorian dolls
341
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,151
- with cracked faces?
- Ugh. And what is that smell?
342
00:16:21,195 --> 00:16:25,982
Oh, it's my eucalyptus soy
wax candle by Joanna Gaines.
343
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:27,767
[groans]
This is not Grey Gardens.
344
00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:29,681
This is so basic "B" normal.
345
00:16:29,725 --> 00:16:31,118
It's like we bought tickets
to The Conjuring
346
00:16:31,161 --> 00:16:34,034
but ended up in
Crate and Barrel: The Movie.
347
00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:38,342
She also designed this distressed
"Caliente" sign above my oven.
348
00:16:38,386 --> 00:16:39,604
[both screaming]
349
00:16:39,648 --> 00:16:43,913
Betty, your granddaughters
have very creative minds.
350
00:16:43,957 --> 00:16:46,481
Oh, I think
they were expecting you to be
351
00:16:46,524 --> 00:16:49,136
a weird, sad shut-in,
but as I tried to tell them,
352
00:16:49,179 --> 00:16:51,878
you are clearly a woman
who is living her best life.
353
00:16:51,921 --> 00:16:55,925
But no one ever sees you,
so technically, you are a recluse.
354
00:16:55,969 --> 00:16:57,797
Oh, no. Not at all.
355
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:01,365
Thanks to my inheritance,
I travel 48 weeks a year.
356
00:17:01,409 --> 00:17:04,064
Athens, Belin, Rome...
357
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,848
all the towns in Georgia
that sound foreign.
358
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:08,372
My goal is to dance on a table
359
00:17:08,416 --> 00:17:10,810
with a stranger
at least once a week.
360
00:17:10,853 --> 00:17:13,551
You know,
like that throw pillow says.
361
00:17:13,595 --> 00:17:15,945
[both screaming]
362
00:17:15,989 --> 00:17:18,600
[protestors shouting indistinctly]
363
00:17:18,643 --> 00:17:19,993
What a mess.
364
00:17:20,036 --> 00:17:21,864
[indistinct shouting]
365
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,953
- [blowing]
- [coughing]
366
00:17:23,997 --> 00:17:26,869
This stops now.
Wayne, pull over.
367
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,349
Everybody listen up.
368
00:17:28,392 --> 00:17:30,090
Jenny, what are you doing?
369
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:31,961
Do you remember what happened
last time you made a speech?
370
00:17:32,005 --> 00:17:33,093
Hush. This is the speech
I should have made
371
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:37,053
a long time ago.
And by that I mean yesterday.
372
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:39,012
[amplified]
Citizens of Greenpoint!
373
00:17:39,055 --> 00:17:40,927
I made a mistake before.
374
00:17:40,970 --> 00:17:42,319
I-I wasn't honest, and...
375
00:17:42,363 --> 00:17:44,234
and it caused a riot; I'm sorry.
376
00:17:44,278 --> 00:17:47,934
So now I'm gonna speak
from my heart.
377
00:17:47,977 --> 00:17:49,892
I am a proud, lifelong citizen
378
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,329
of Greenpoint, and I have
walked by this statue
379
00:17:52,373 --> 00:17:55,158
a million times,
but until recently,
380
00:17:55,202 --> 00:17:56,899
I-I never thought about
what it meant.
381
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:59,989
This town may have started
as Morris Culpepper's
382
00:18:00,033 --> 00:18:01,904
personal ashtray,
but now it is time
383
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,907
to open a window, spray some
air freshener, people,
384
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,170
and tear this statue down!
385
00:18:07,214 --> 00:18:09,873
What do you say?
Who's with me?
386
00:18:10,260 --> 00:18:12,915
- Boo!
- Your speech didn't convince us!
387
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,917
Now you're too specific!
388
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,919
[indistinct shouting]
389
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:19,537
Okay, you're right.
That didn't work. Drive!
390
00:18:19,585 --> 00:18:21,924
What was I thinking? Trying to
make this town a better place?
391
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:25,014
It's just pointless. I should
have kept my big trap shut.
392
00:18:25,058 --> 00:18:27,060
Take me with you, babies!
393
00:18:27,103 --> 00:18:29,932
It's too much
of a carnival atmosphere.
394
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,014
[indistinct shouting]
395
00:18:33,907 --> 00:18:36,866
Marjune,
I got to hand it to you,
396
00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:39,129
taking care of Morris
in his moldy years
397
00:18:39,173 --> 00:18:40,870
really paid off for you.
398
00:18:40,914 --> 00:18:43,307
Actually, they were
the best years of my life.
399
00:18:43,351 --> 00:18:45,788
Morris has been gone
20 years now,
400
00:18:45,832 --> 00:18:50,053
but sometimes I still think
when I look out that window
401
00:18:50,097 --> 00:18:52,360
I'm gonna see him coming home.
402
00:18:52,403 --> 00:18:53,840
Rolling up
on his Rascal scooter,
403
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:58,105
followed by his team of no
fewer than six male nurses.
404
00:18:58,148 --> 00:18:59,802
People complain
about second-hand smoke,
405
00:18:59,846 --> 00:19:04,938
but I'd do anything for a lungful
of Mo-Mo's fumes right now.
406
00:19:04,981 --> 00:19:08,028
Betty, I know it looks
like my life is perfect,
407
00:19:08,071 --> 00:19:11,945
but I have a confession:
I do get lonely sometimes.
408
00:19:11,988 --> 00:19:16,993
Oh, Lord, I do, too.
Ever since Ed died.
409
00:19:19,996 --> 00:19:23,043
It would be nice to have
some company for a meal,
410
00:19:23,086 --> 00:19:25,262
or one of my vacations.
411
00:19:25,306 --> 00:19:27,961
We are connected through Morris.
412
00:19:28,004 --> 00:19:30,833
Why, I can see
why he was so taken with you.
413
00:19:30,877 --> 00:19:35,185
Oh, well, now... [laughs]
Uh, let me think.
414
00:19:35,229 --> 00:19:37,318
We could make each other
very happy.
415
00:19:37,361 --> 00:19:40,887
Well, I think we could have
a very satisfying arrangement.
416
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,613
♪ ♪
417
00:19:45,108 --> 00:19:46,849
Welp, once again,
I couldn't trade
418
00:19:46,893 --> 00:19:49,330
cheap sexual favors
for material gain.
419
00:19:49,373 --> 00:19:52,507
- Okay.
- Now, with Ed, your granddad,
420
00:19:52,550 --> 00:19:54,074
it was different.
421
00:19:54,117 --> 00:19:55,727
Ooh, when he walked
in the room
422
00:19:55,771 --> 00:19:59,340
and gave me that look...
It was like, bam!
423
00:19:59,383 --> 00:20:03,083
Yep, the jets in my girl jacuzzi
really kicked into high gear.
424
00:20:03,126 --> 00:20:05,346
Ew. I'm putting my earbuds in.
425
00:20:05,389 --> 00:20:09,219
This is the worst day of my life.
426
00:20:09,263 --> 00:20:11,265
[vehicle approaches]
427
00:20:13,876 --> 00:20:16,009
[motor revs]
428
00:20:16,052 --> 00:20:20,129
[tires squealing, metal creaking]
429
00:20:22,015 --> 00:20:24,104
The statue, it's gone.
430
00:20:24,147 --> 00:20:27,368
RANDY: Looks like we
need a new statue...
431
00:20:27,411 --> 00:20:31,372
- a robot statue.
- Dammit, Randy. No.
432
00:20:31,415 --> 00:20:33,983
[booing, shouting]
433
00:20:34,027 --> 00:20:36,296
Oh. Ow! Ah.
434
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:41,252
Thank God there's a little bit
of peace in the valley.
435
00:20:41,295 --> 00:20:42,993
I do feel bad for Randy, though.
436
00:20:43,036 --> 00:20:44,908
Yeah, but it's kind of
for the best.
437
00:20:44,951 --> 00:20:47,998
Everyone's hatred for Randy
brought the town back together.
438
00:20:48,041 --> 00:20:49,913
There's a GoFundMe page
for his medical bills.
439
00:20:49,956 --> 00:20:51,871
- Oh, we should give to that.
- I did not give.
440
00:20:51,915 --> 00:20:53,786
But I said I did on Facebook.
441
00:20:53,830 --> 00:20:55,483
- Y'all, can they track that?
- Mother.
442
00:20:55,527 --> 00:20:57,790
Hey, I already did my good deed
for the year.
443
00:20:57,834 --> 00:21:00,140
- Right, Wayne?
- You know it.
444
00:21:00,184 --> 00:21:03,399
♪ ♪
445
00:21:08,845 --> 00:21:10,934
Welcome home, Mo-Mo.
446
00:21:10,977 --> 00:21:13,863
[chittering]
447
00:21:22,258 --> 00:21:25,183
sync & correction by f1nc0
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