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1
00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:05,036
Good morning, all!
2
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:06,037
Good morning.
Good morning.
3
00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:08,139
Hey, you're wearing
your lucky tie.
4
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,140
What's the occasion?
5
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:11,309
Oh, no occasion, really.
6
00:00:11,311 --> 00:00:14,946
This hotshot visiting Professor, Dr.
neesam, arrives today.
7
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,614
The Dean asked me
to show him around,
8
00:00:16,616 --> 00:00:18,149
so I want to look my best,
9
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:20,518
just to let him know
that he's on my turf.
10
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,988
Why don't you
just drop your pants
11
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,455
and spray all the corners?
12
00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:25,857
That's what cats do.
13
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,158
They do?
14
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,693
I'll think about it.
15
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,495
Well, whatever you do,
come back early.
16
00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:32,230
I need the car tonight.
I got a date, all right?
17
00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:33,798
Ooh, Sally.
18
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,467
About that, he called.
He's not coming.
19
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:37,836
What? Why?!
20
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,738
He said he's afraid of you.
21
00:00:41,206 --> 00:00:42,907
Was it the death grip?
22
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,909
Dick, how are you supposed to
teach a guy the death grip
23
00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:47,679
if you don't put him
in the death grip?
24
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:50,581
[Mocking] Ooh! I'm afraid
of the death grip!
25
00:00:57,723 --> 00:00:59,523
And this is the door.
26
00:00:59,525 --> 00:01:01,626
Coat rack, fireplace, files,
27
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:04,763
and last but not least,
my desk.
28
00:01:06,331 --> 00:01:09,000
Dr. neesam?
29
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:13,638
I can't believe they just leave these
out in the hall for the taking.
30
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,541
Oh, you're telling me.
31
00:01:18,044 --> 00:01:19,044
Nina!
32
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:20,278
Yes?
33
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,681
Could you bring Dr. neesam
and me a cup of coffee?
34
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:25,416
Oh, yes, of course. Dr.
neesam, how do you like it?
35
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,652
Any way you'd like
to give it to me.
36
00:01:29,355 --> 00:01:32,590
How about hot and in your lap?
37
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,693
[Muttering]
38
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,494
I'll give it to you.
39
00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:40,665
Is she coming on to me?
40
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,667
I can never tell.
It's best to ignore it.
41
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:47,038
So, Dr. neesam, what has
brought you to Pendleton?
42
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,274
A plane. It was
absolutely dreadful.
43
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,441
I know what you mean.
44
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,043
Your fate is in the hands
of a couple of doormen
45
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:53,411
and a uniformed waitress.
46
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:54,713
And the endless pointing.
47
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,681
Oh, God, yes!
48
00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:00,118
They point to
where the door is.
49
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,286
And you only
just came through it.
50
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,287
Exactly.
51
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,088
If the plane
lands in the water,
52
00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:09,193
my flotation device will
be the person next to me.
53
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:13,197
Dr. neesam, I find you
pompous, judgmental,
54
00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:15,600
and completely
self-absorbed.
55
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,602
Would you be my friend?
56
00:02:18,637 --> 00:02:19,737
We'll see.
57
00:03:03,282 --> 00:03:05,917
Excuse me. I'm looking
for Dr. dick Solomon.
58
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:09,087
Ah, Dr. neesam. He should
be back any minute.
59
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,255
You're welcome to sit and wait.
60
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:14,525
Oh, thank you. Would you
get me a cup of coffee?
61
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,227
Don't you remember? We met.
62
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:18,296
I'm Dr. Mary albright.
63
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:20,665
Ahh! Dr. Mary albright.
64
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:23,702
Would you get me
a cup of coffee?
65
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,636
I don't think Dr. Solomon
would appreciate
66
00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:27,372
you rummaging through his desk.
67
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,641
I thought I sent you out
for coffee.
68
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:35,580
I am Dr. Mary albright, ph.D.,
Professor of anthropology!
69
00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,449
You know, your cheeks
turn a beautiful pink
70
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,516
when you're yelling.
71
00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:40,551
It complements the crystal
blue of your eyes,
72
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:44,322
and it comes together
in your moon pie of a face.
73
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:45,523
I beg your pardon?!
74
00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:46,824
You have the head of a cookie.
75
00:03:46,826 --> 00:03:48,659
I want to eat you!
76
00:03:50,095 --> 00:03:51,228
You stay away!
77
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:52,530
First a lick, then a bite.
78
00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:55,400
Ah, Liam,
there you are! Good!
79
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:59,103
I see you two
have broken the ice.
80
00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:00,405
What do you say
we all go out tonight
81
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,506
and get to know
each other better, hmm?
82
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,608
Good idea.
83
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,342
Dick, I'm not sure
about this guy.
84
00:04:05,344 --> 00:04:08,312
He doesn't even know me, and
he chased me around the room!
85
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:09,381
He did?
86
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:11,482
Well, Mary, I barely knew you
87
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:12,750
the first time I chased you.
88
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,387
It's just what
you bring out in men.
89
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:16,688
Yeah?
90
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:17,922
She's in!
91
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,793
Your turn.
92
00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:29,800
Wow! 3 bull's eyes
in a row. You are good!
93
00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:31,736
Actually, I'm
a bit off tonight.
94
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:34,972
I wish I could do that.
95
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:35,973
Oh, Mary!
96
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:37,808
You throw like a girl.
97
00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:39,310
Oh, don't be silly.
Anyone can learn.
98
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:41,146
Come here.
Come here.
99
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,514
Right.
Now, hold that.
100
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:43,815
Tip it up a little bit.
101
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,816
Ease back, big breath,
102
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:47,352
relax, follow through.
103
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:48,586
Whoo!
104
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:49,688
It hit the board!
105
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,155
I've never done that!
106
00:04:52,924 --> 00:04:53,924
Oh!
107
00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:55,994
Yes. Good girl.
108
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:59,931
Dick, Sally and Harry
won't buy me a beer.
109
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:03,134
Harry, Sally,
don't be so cheap!
110
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:06,304
I'd like to introduce
you to my family.
111
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,807
Ah, yes. The dim-witted brother
and the surly adolescent.
112
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:14,479
Oh, well,
he's sure got us pegged.
113
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,547
This is my sister Sally.
114
00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:18,048
You're in luck.
She's available.
115
00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:19,184
Really?
116
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,985
A woman as beautiful
as you, available?
117
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,053
Oh.
118
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,422
You must have a severe
personality disorder.
119
00:05:25,891 --> 00:05:27,725
Wow! This guy's
amazing.
120
00:05:30,095 --> 00:05:32,664
Mary:
Dick, your turn.
121
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,498
Personality disorder.
122
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,800
I'm gonna go kick his ass!
123
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:38,235
Don: There you go,
princess.
124
00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:39,504
Don.
125
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,505
Sally?
126
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,374
What are you doing here?
127
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:43,675
Um, uh...I, um,
128
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,611
we got a report about some
South American gunrunners
129
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,613
working out of the back room.
130
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:50,281
But you're not in uniform.
131
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,216
Well, yeah.
132
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:54,085
I'm...Undercover.
133
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:57,655
That just makes my story
all the more believable.
134
00:05:57,657 --> 00:05:58,957
Well, I'm glad you're here.
135
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,092
I could use some company tonight.
You see, um...
136
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,994
I thought maybe we could sit down
and order some chicken wings,
137
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,996
and you could
tell me I'm pretty.
138
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:05,997
Hi, Donnie.
139
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:08,400
You were great last night!
140
00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:12,404
Who was that?
141
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,071
I gotta go.
142
00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:22,080
Dick: And for shorter distances,
compared to a wavelength,
143
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:26,484
we know that e-w
equals one over r-cubed
144
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,253
and--
145
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,188
hello, Liam.
Can I help you?
146
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,355
No, but I can help you.
147
00:06:31,357 --> 00:06:32,557
This is rather puzzling.
148
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,859
You have 5 unnecessary terms.
149
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:37,495
Now, now, Dr. neesam.
This is my class.
150
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:38,930
Yes, but you see,
151
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,299
here...
And, uh, here...
152
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:42,901
Brackets here, of course.
153
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,804
Now, these terms are all equal
154
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:49,140
and self-nullifying.
155
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:53,478
Voilà!
156
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:54,646
But that doesn't work.
157
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:55,880
Yes, it does.
No, it doesn't.
158
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,649
Yes, it does.
159
00:06:57,651 --> 00:07:00,250
Oh! Dear God,
I understand that!
160
00:07:00,252 --> 00:07:02,352
Yes! Sweet mother!
161
00:07:02,354 --> 00:07:03,754
For the first time in my life,
162
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:06,524
I see how something works!
163
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,192
Oh, shut up, Leon!
164
00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:11,195
Now, listen to me, officer.
165
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,264
I need to reach don Orville.
166
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,099
Of course you haven't seen him!
167
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,734
He's undercover, you idiot!
168
00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:20,237
Sally. Sally,
we have company.
169
00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:22,940
You remember Larry
from night school?
170
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,119
How you doin'?
171
00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:39,757
Not too bad.
172
00:07:44,296 --> 00:07:46,231
So...
173
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,866
You like movies?
174
00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:51,702
Kinda.
175
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,276
You know, um,
Sally likes spaghetti.
176
00:07:59,744 --> 00:08:01,179
So do I.
177
00:08:03,748 --> 00:08:05,249
Larry's got a car.
178
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:06,750
I like cars.
179
00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:08,652
Ah, well, we have a match!
180
00:08:12,757 --> 00:08:14,392
Sorry, man.
181
00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:21,198
We had a deal!
182
00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:37,015
Damn. 2 feet short.
183
00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:40,985
Huh. That means I've
got to putt it in.
184
00:08:55,967 --> 00:08:57,234
[Air horn blows]
185
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,407
Well, what?
186
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:04,576
What was that?
187
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:05,810
What?
That noise.
188
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:06,744
What noise?
189
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,746
I don't recall a noise.
190
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:09,814
Maybe a bird...
191
00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:11,749
A small rodent.
192
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:19,123
Perhaps you have a brain tumor.
193
00:09:26,932 --> 00:09:28,131
[Toot]
194
00:09:30,669 --> 00:09:32,670
What was that?
195
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,305
Oh, this?
196
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,840
Um, it's an experiment.
197
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,775
I wanted to see
how you'd react.
198
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:39,944
I am a biologist, you know.
199
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:42,747
Are you going to do it again?
200
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,549
Probably not.
201
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,700
Oh.
202
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:03,968
Bad luck.
203
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,302
Oh.
204
00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:06,904
Better luck on the next hole.
205
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:07,771
[Toot]
206
00:10:14,145 --> 00:10:15,279
Oh, I got it.
All right.
207
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,281
How about that guy
from the newsstand?
208
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,615
Oh, Frank deegan!
209
00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:20,051
Well, how about him, Sally?
210
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,285
He seems presentable.
211
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,286
No.
212
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,454
Come on, Sally.
He lives on a houseboat.
213
00:10:24,456 --> 00:10:27,758
It's on his mother's lawn!
214
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,126
I don't need a date, you guys.
215
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,360
If you really want to help me,
216
00:10:30,362 --> 00:10:32,162
help me figure out what
the problem is with don.
217
00:10:32,164 --> 00:10:35,400
Oh, I'll tell you how to solve
any kind of love problem.
218
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:39,637
Now, what you do is you invite him
in for a little casual breakfast,
219
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,472
and when he's walkin' in,
you're fryin' the eggs...
220
00:10:42,474 --> 00:10:45,575
In the buff.
221
00:10:45,577 --> 00:10:47,644
Ooh, I'd like to see that.
222
00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:48,913
No. You're not there.
223
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:51,916
What? So we don't
get any breakfast?
224
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,717
Go get a doughnut.
225
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:54,685
Wait, wait. Hold up.
226
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:58,355
Doesn't the grease splatter
all over your boobs?
227
00:10:58,357 --> 00:10:59,424
Doughnuts aren't breakfast.
228
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:00,491
No. Eggs are breakfast.
229
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,092
You know what's good
for breakfast?
230
00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:03,527
Shut up! Talk!
231
00:11:03,529 --> 00:11:04,895
If you want to find out
what's up with don,
232
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:07,364
why don't you try
the old-fashioned method?
233
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:10,334
What do you mean,
like, stalk him?
234
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,536
No!
235
00:11:12,538 --> 00:11:16,540
Disguise yourself
and follow him around.
236
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:24,582
I'll set the table.
237
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:25,583
Oh, I'll help.
238
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,751
No, no. Mary'd
prefer it done right.
239
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,989
Mary, I don't want you to
invite him over anymore!
240
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,457
Dick, you don't own me.
241
00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:35,359
I can invite whomever I please.
242
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,494
Fine, but I don't like him!
243
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:37,628
Well, you don't have to!
244
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,629
I don't!
245
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,131
So, what's for dinner?
246
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,732
Baked new england lobster.
247
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:43,367
Mmm! Sounds yummy.
248
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,668
Liam's making it.
249
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:46,503
Oh! Damn!
250
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:48,005
Don't touch it.
I'll get it.
251
00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:48,973
[Ding]
252
00:11:50,575 --> 00:11:52,576
How did he do that?
253
00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:54,078
Isn't that hot?
254
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,513
Oh, very, yes.
255
00:11:57,916 --> 00:11:58,883
Aah!
256
00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:05,555
Ice?
257
00:12:05,557 --> 00:12:07,257
What are these?
258
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:09,961
Escargot foie gras champignon
à LA grecque en croute.
259
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,261
Do try one.
260
00:12:15,433 --> 00:12:16,666
Oh!
261
00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:22,539
This is the best thing I
have ever put in my mouth!
262
00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:26,243
Once again, I come in second.
263
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:28,912
Dick, try one of these.
264
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,681
Oh, no.
I'm really not hungry.
265
00:12:31,683 --> 00:12:36,553
Although they
do smell awfully good.
266
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:38,021
Isn't that terrific?
267
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:38,889
Yes.
268
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,857
Mm-hmm.
269
00:12:40,859 --> 00:12:43,327
Mary, would you put the
salad out, please?
270
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:44,395
Oh!
271
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:45,896
The salad looks perfect.
272
00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:47,965
Thank you. So, dick, you
don't really cook, then?
273
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:49,833
Me? I'm
an excellent cook,
274
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:51,235
but I don't do it
in front of Mary
275
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:53,404
because she doesn't
like me to do, uh--
276
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:54,905
how can I put this?
277
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:56,139
Womany things.
278
00:12:56,141 --> 00:12:57,474
Ah.
279
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,576
I enjoy cooking out
of doors, of course,
280
00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,678
along with other manly men,
281
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,747
but in the confines
of a kitchen,
282
00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:07,752
I find that real men tend to
eschew such girlie pursuits.
283
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:08,686
Quite.
284
00:13:18,696 --> 00:13:20,097
Where's dick?
285
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:22,099
Our game tired him out.
286
00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:23,500
He's having a nap.
287
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:24,902
Oh.
288
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:26,437
Whoops!
Dropped the ladle.
289
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:27,871
Oh, I'll get it.
290
00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:32,642
I wish you wouldn't do that.
291
00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:35,979
Why? Didn't I
do it well enough?
292
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,649
As a matter of fact,
you did it perfectly.
293
00:13:40,118 --> 00:13:43,320
But it's just that I'm kind
of involved right now.
294
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:44,754
I mean, not officially,
but I'm--
295
00:13:44,756 --> 00:13:46,557
ah, Mary's afraid.
296
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,393
Mary doesn't want to rock
the boat in her little life.
297
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:50,861
She doesn't
want to lose control
298
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:53,930
and be swept away
in a torrent of pleasure.
299
00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:02,839
Dick: Mary?
300
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:16,954
Where's don Orville?
301
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:19,156
I saw him come in here.
302
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:21,092
Don Orville?
Don't play games with me, babe.
303
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,592
I saw you talk to him
the other night.
304
00:14:22,594 --> 00:14:23,761
You mean Donnie orvellini?
305
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:24,729
Donnie orvellini!
306
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:26,930
Aah!
Aah!
307
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:32,603
[Music playing]
308
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,304
Tom Jones:
♪ it's not unusual ♪
309
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:37,174
♪ to be loved by anyone
310
00:14:38,342 --> 00:14:39,643
♪ it's not unusual ♪
311
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,478
♪ to have fun with anyone
312
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,180
aah! Aah! Aah!
313
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:47,117
♪ But when I see you
hangin' about with anyone ♪
314
00:14:48,319 --> 00:14:50,420
♪ it's not unusual ♪
315
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:51,955
♪ to make me cry
316
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,323
aah!
Aah!
317
00:14:56,394 --> 00:14:58,295
Oh. Oh, Mary.
318
00:14:58,297 --> 00:14:59,563
Oh, Mary. Mary!
319
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,531
Oh, dick, are you all right?
320
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:02,866
Where is he?
Where is he?
321
00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:04,067
He's gone.
322
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,969
I'm glad you threw him out.
323
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,437
Well, he left.
324
00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:08,339
Oh.
325
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:10,908
How long have I been out?
326
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,009
Oh, I don't know.
327
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:13,543
What? 10 minutes?
30 minutes?
328
00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:15,178
Oh, I don't know.
I took off my watch.
329
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:18,582
You only take
your watch off when we--
330
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,817
oh, Mary, no!
331
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:22,552
Oh, I'm sorry.
332
00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:23,920
How could you?!
333
00:15:23,922 --> 00:15:25,422
I don't know why I did it.
334
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:26,756
You know how he is.
335
00:15:26,758 --> 00:15:29,593
Oh, I can't stand it!
He's beaten me again!
336
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,561
Have you noticed how good
he is at everything?
337
00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:33,397
Oh-ho, yeah.
338
00:15:34,599 --> 00:15:36,032
I mean, yeah.
339
00:15:36,034 --> 00:15:39,102
No wonder you
couldn't resist him.
340
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:42,539
He's just like me
to the 10th degree.
341
00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:46,276
Yes! That's why I did it!
He's exactly like you!
342
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:47,278
I know!
343
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,980
We're both brilliant.
We're both gorgeous.
344
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:52,282
We're both...
345
00:15:54,051 --> 00:15:56,620
Oh, my God, of course.
346
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,522
We're both--
347
00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:01,525
aah!
348
00:16:02,594 --> 00:16:04,562
Well, that was easy.
349
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,063
So he was good?
350
00:16:06,065 --> 00:16:10,033
Oh, he was good. He
was panty-throwing good.
351
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:11,101
Then why are you worried?
352
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,736
At least it's not
another woman, right?
353
00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:14,905
I know, but you should have seen
all these women staring at him.
354
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:18,074
He is a karaoke star, Tommy.
355
00:16:18,076 --> 00:16:20,877
They just don't get
any bigger than that.
356
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:24,014
I left him a message.
I sure hope he calls.
357
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:25,916
Oh, well, don't worry, Sally,
358
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,350
'cause we'll be your dates.
359
00:16:27,352 --> 00:16:28,552
Yeah.
Me and Harry.
360
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:29,954
How'd you like that?
361
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,221
Yeah.
362
00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:33,590
I'm gonna fry you up some eggs.
363
00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:34,925
Don: Sally!
364
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:36,961
Oh, it's don! Get lost.
365
00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:43,566
I got your message.
366
00:16:43,568 --> 00:16:45,202
I'm so glad you came, don,
367
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:48,706
or should I say,
"Donnie orvellini"?
368
00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:51,641
So you know.
369
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,376
Yes, I know.
Why didn't you tell me?
370
00:16:53,378 --> 00:16:55,346
I didn't think
you'd understand, Sally.
371
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,680
Cops...
372
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:59,616
They don't sing.
373
00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:01,051
I thought you were
with another woman.
374
00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:04,388
Sally, music is my lady.
375
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:05,456
Oh, don,
376
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:07,290
I want to be with you
377
00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:08,992
and that lady.
378
00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:10,661
Sing for me.
379
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:11,995
Oh.
380
00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:13,364
♪ Oh
381
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,032
♪ my love
382
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,833
♪ my darlin' ♪
383
00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:18,302
♪ I've hungered ♪
384
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:20,671
♪ for your touch
385
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,673
♪ a long
386
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:25,342
♪ lonely time
387
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:27,344
♪ and time
388
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:29,080
♪ goes by
389
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:31,248
♪ so slowly
390
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,850
♪ and time can do
391
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,752
♪ so much
392
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:37,488
♪ are you
393
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:42,692
♪ still mine?
394
00:17:47,031 --> 00:17:48,598
What are you doing?
395
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,400
Uh, taking a few things.
396
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:53,069
Those are my theories on the
earth's gravitational alignment.
397
00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:54,505
Yes, and some of them
are quite good,
398
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:55,772
and that's why I'm taking them,
399
00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:57,707
just to prove something
to the folks at home.
400
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:58,842
You don't need those theories.
401
00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:00,210
You can figure them out.
402
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:01,645
You can figure everything out,
403
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,313
and I think I know why.
404
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:05,615
All right,
let's hear it. Why?
405
00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:07,484
You're an alien.
406
00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:09,786
Oh, dick, well done.
407
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:11,154
I knew it!
408
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:13,423
Dick, you are quite a
remarkable human creature.
409
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:16,060
Oh! Well, I agree
with the remarkable part.
410
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:19,063
After all, I figured out
who you are,
411
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:24,068
but you, my friend, have missed
something glaringly obvious about me.
412
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:25,702
Care to guess?
413
00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:29,572
No. You see, I came to this
planet for only one purpose:
414
00:18:29,574 --> 00:18:30,907
To destroy it.
415
00:18:30,909 --> 00:18:31,941
What?
416
00:18:31,943 --> 00:18:33,810
Oh, yes. Big explosion,
chunks of debris,
417
00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:35,078
things flying every which way,
418
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,946
then a second explosion,
419
00:18:36,948 --> 00:18:38,915
not quite as huge
as the first one,
420
00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:40,550
but still very big and sparkly,
421
00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:42,352
something to see.
422
00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:44,021
Only, of course, you wouldn't
423
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:46,857
because you'd have been
vaporized in the first one.
424
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,224
But why the earth?
425
00:18:48,226 --> 00:18:50,627
Because you're
blocking our view!
426
00:18:52,596 --> 00:18:53,696
I won't let you!
427
00:18:53,698 --> 00:18:54,598
No, no. Let me explain.
428
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:55,999
When I first
came to this planet,
429
00:18:56,001 --> 00:18:58,502
I looked around for signs of
intelligence, but nothing much,
430
00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:01,572
certainly nothing to
justify not blowing it up,
431
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:04,374
then...Then,
dick, I met you.
432
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:08,212
Ah, yes, me. Well, there's a
reason why you were so impressed.
433
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:10,213
You see, I'm not from Ohio.
434
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:12,882
You see, dick, you proved to me
435
00:19:12,884 --> 00:19:15,251
that human beings can be bright
436
00:19:15,253 --> 00:19:18,488
in a sort of look-what-
my-2-year-old-can-do sort of way.
437
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:19,389
That's because--
438
00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:20,657
that is, if for 2 minutes
439
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,894
they can get their minds off
large-breasted lifeguards,
440
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:27,564
coffee cake that doesn't make
you fat, and Celine Dion.
441
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,333
Somebody tell her to stop.
442
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,968
The boat sank.
Let it go.
443
00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:34,871
I'm not quite following.
444
00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:37,908
Dick, you and you alone
445
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:41,245
have convinced me
to spare your kind.
446
00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:42,246
Me?
447
00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:43,247
Mm-hmm.
448
00:19:43,249 --> 00:19:44,248
Me?
449
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:45,415
Mm-hmm.
450
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:49,252
Oh, I see.
451
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:52,756
Now, what is this thing
that's so important about you
452
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:54,891
that I simply have to know it?
453
00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:55,792
What? Hmm?
454
00:19:55,794 --> 00:19:57,561
Oh! Oh, that.
455
00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:58,963
Yes. Well, I'm, uh--
456
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,464
I'm an--an--
457
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,099
I'm a...
458
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,233
Canadian.
459
00:20:04,568 --> 00:20:06,203
I'm so sorry.
460
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:09,673
Nevertheless, I'm
going to do something
461
00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:11,741
that I hoped
I wouldn't have to do.
462
00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:12,709
Well, we can't have you
blabbing about this
463
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,110
to everyone, can we?
464
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:16,112
So I'm going to smooth over
your memory traces, you see?
465
00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:18,615
Now, this device
is very, very efficient,
466
00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:22,385
but it does melt about
half a human brain.
467
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:23,920
Pbbblt!
468
00:20:26,090 --> 00:20:28,391
They'll never notice in Canada.
469
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:30,693
Well, then...
470
00:20:30,695 --> 00:20:32,830
As I'm not
blowing the place up,
471
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:35,632
that'll give me time
to buy a few souvenirs,
472
00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:37,067
or maybe I'll get a massage.
473
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,402
Yes, that's it, a massage.
474
00:20:43,340 --> 00:20:45,576
Ha! Ha ha ha!
475
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,511
Human brain.
476
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,015
Some of us
don't have a human brain.
477
00:20:58,255 --> 00:21:01,190
So, you see, I, an
alien, saved the earth
478
00:21:01,192 --> 00:21:04,027
by being a better human
than any human could ever be.
479
00:21:04,029 --> 00:21:05,863
Yeah, dick.
We get the irony.
480
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,397
It's really pretty obvious.
481
00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:10,801
I just wish that I could tell
all the people that I've saved.
482
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,002
Yeah, but you can't.
483
00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:13,303
Oh, I know.
484
00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:15,772
Wow! Mary albright
and another alien.
485
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:17,507
What are the odds
of that happening?
486
00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:18,274
Oh, shut up.
487
00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:19,275
No, seriously.
488
00:21:19,277 --> 00:21:20,711
I mean, the odds
of an earth woman
489
00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:23,179
having a physical relationship
with an extraterrestrial--
490
00:21:23,181 --> 00:21:25,148
well, that's got to be
about a billion to one,
491
00:21:25,150 --> 00:21:27,050
but to have it
with two? Wow!
492
00:21:27,052 --> 00:21:27,917
Shut up.
493
00:21:27,919 --> 00:21:29,186
You don't suppose
494
00:21:29,188 --> 00:21:31,521
all those other guys she's
been with were aliens?
495
00:21:32,890 --> 00:21:35,058
What other guys?
496
00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:37,994
Captioned by the national captioning
institute --www.Ncicap.Org--
497
00:21:42,567 --> 00:21:46,403
[singing from das rheingold]
498
00:21:57,014 --> 00:21:58,481
Sit down!
499
00:21:58,483 --> 00:21:59,516
Nobody leaves
500
00:21:59,518 --> 00:22:02,820
until wotan has stolen
the ring from alberich!
33194
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