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1
00:00:03,569 --> 00:00:08,373
[Grumbling]
2
00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:11,843
Damn that channel 9 weatherman!
3
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,678
What? It's not raining.
4
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,380
I know. I cut
through his yard,
5
00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:17,482
and the sprinklers went off.
6
00:00:21,186 --> 00:00:23,155
Car wash again?
7
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,723
Do you see any soap?
8
00:00:26,859 --> 00:00:29,694
Dr. albright, they're having a
reception for that new Professor.
9
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,129
Oh. Dr. neesam.
10
00:00:31,131 --> 00:00:32,397
Mm-hmm. Should I rsvp?
11
00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:33,598
Please.
12
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:34,832
Oh, uh, me, too, Nina.
13
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:38,402
Dick, this guy's
kind of a big shot,
14
00:00:38,404 --> 00:00:40,504
so when you meet him,
try not to act so...
15
00:00:40,506 --> 00:00:42,240
Brilliant?
No.
16
00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:43,341
Athletic?
17
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:44,176
Uh, well--
18
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:45,443
gorgeous?
19
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:47,012
Weird.
20
00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:49,247
Weird as in sexy?
21
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:51,116
Weird as in weird.
22
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:52,784
Oh, so suddenly I'm weird.
23
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,520
Not so suddenly, dick.
24
00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:57,388
I said it today,
I said it yesterday,
25
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,990
I say it every day.
26
00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:00,091
Oh, I thought
27
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,194
that was just a
running joke we had.
28
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,661
I'd do something,
29
00:01:03,663 --> 00:01:05,296
then after
the fire trucks left,
30
00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:07,899
you'd let me have it.
Ha ha. All in good fun.
31
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,901
Dick,
you and your family--
32
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,402
I know you mean well,
33
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:14,606
but sometimes it's like being
around the Addams family.
34
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:15,474
Well...
35
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:17,909
I will admit that
John Adams' views
36
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,411
of a strong central government
37
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,947
may have been ahead
of their time--
38
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:24,749
that's not who I meant.
39
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,885
John Quincy Adams?!
40
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:29,320
You're comparing me
to that freak show?!
41
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:43,368
Oh!
42
00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:48,907
Tommy, tell me
if this milk tastes bad.
43
00:01:51,477 --> 00:01:53,978
We're kind of busy
right now, Sally.
44
00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:56,915
We have to write about our
family's history for class.
45
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:57,949
Ok. Um...
46
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,819
My family came
to America in 1852
47
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:02,053
on a Dutch schooner.
48
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,822
How about yours?
49
00:02:07,259 --> 00:02:08,460
Well, um,
50
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,829
my great-grandfather,
uh...
51
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:13,264
Escaped from the Nazis
through the alps
52
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:17,702
with his family
and their singing nanny.
53
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:18,836
Um, Tommy?
54
00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:19,871
Yeah?
55
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,873
That's the sound of music.
56
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,475
Yeah, I know.
57
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,977
And don't think
that we're not suing!
58
00:02:27,646 --> 00:02:28,646
Hey.
59
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,147
Don't throw that away.
60
00:02:30,149 --> 00:02:31,482
Oh. Why,
do you recycle?
61
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,351
No.
62
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,620
I'm trying to get into the guinness
bookof world records
63
00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:38,623
for the world's
biggest can collection.
64
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:39,891
How many do you have?
65
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,827
So far?
Just the one.
66
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,395
Oh. August.
67
00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:45,930
I'm glad you're here.
68
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,098
Tell me,
69
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,800
do you think that we are weird?
70
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,540
Well, um...
I don't think that--
71
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:57,675
oh, come on, come on.
I won't be offended.
72
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,110
You can be honest.
73
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:02,246
Um...Sometimes...
74
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:03,581
You can be a little...
75
00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:04,515
Weird.
76
00:03:06,284 --> 00:03:08,019
And you're a pedantic
little twerp!
77
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,487
Now get out of the house!
78
00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:13,458
Why does everybody keep
saying that we're weird?
79
00:03:14,293 --> 00:03:15,594
Jealousy.
80
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,362
No, come on.
This is important.
81
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,663
Our mission is to be
average human beings.
82
00:03:19,665 --> 00:03:22,600
Is it possible that we're not
fitting in as well as we think?
83
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:28,340
Well, dick, you
can be a little weird.
84
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,475
You're the weirdo.
85
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:33,645
Weird as in sexy?
86
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,946
You're both freaks.
87
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,948
Oh, yeah, compared to you?
88
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,950
[All talking at once]
89
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,252
Hey, hey.
90
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,853
Anybody got a can?
91
00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:46,257
Harry, tell me
if this milk tastes bad.
92
00:04:25,030 --> 00:04:26,831
Dick: Family meeting!
Family meeting!
93
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,332
What you got there?
94
00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:29,333
Books. Lots of books.
95
00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:30,334
What for?
96
00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:31,368
We're not fitting in.
97
00:04:31,370 --> 00:04:33,471
Apparently, being human
involves
98
00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:35,306
more than just 2 arms, 2 legs,
99
00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:37,742
and the occasional
major orifice.
100
00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:40,544
What we have here is
the almanacs of man.
101
00:04:40,546 --> 00:04:43,347
Statistics on lifestyles
and behavioral studies.
102
00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:46,250
We've got to become
completely average Americans,
103
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:48,452
and that takes work!
Now, come on, start reading.
104
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,253
Ah, look!
105
00:04:49,255 --> 00:04:50,821
It says the average American
106
00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:54,625
uses 4.1 pounds
of butter a year.
107
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:55,926
Orally?
108
00:04:58,396 --> 00:05:01,298
It says that the average
American commute is 22 minutes.
109
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:02,299
Oh, no.
110
00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:04,936
I'm only 5 minutes from work.
111
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,705
Tomorrow take the riding mower.
112
00:05:08,740 --> 00:05:09,740
Ok.
113
00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:11,742
Statistically,
at least one of us
114
00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:13,043
should be divorced by now.
115
00:05:13,045 --> 00:05:13,844
Ooh!
116
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:16,313
I want that one!
117
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:20,618
And 10% of us should be gay.
118
00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:24,355
That's not why we got divorced.
119
00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:26,090
10% is a minority.
120
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:27,491
We've got to go
with the majority,
121
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:28,592
the average.
122
00:05:28,594 --> 00:05:29,627
Oh. Ok.
123
00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:31,529
The average family of 4
124
00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:33,664
lives in
a 3-bedroom residence.
125
00:05:34,733 --> 00:05:36,400
We're going to have to move.
126
00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:38,135
You better tell dubcek.
127
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,470
Oh, she's going to be upset.
128
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:40,972
No. I'm sure
she'll be fine.
129
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:41,973
Mrs. dubcek!
130
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:42,974
Mrs. dubcek: What?
131
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:43,975
We're moving!
132
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:46,810
Mrs. dubcek:
Like hell you are!
133
00:05:49,881 --> 00:05:52,783
And this area,
which I've designated "x,"
134
00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:54,719
is the guest suite,
which opens into "y,"
135
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:58,622
creating a lovely area
for entertaining: "Z."
136
00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:00,357
Is it cable-ready?
137
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:03,494
Does the walk-in closet
have ample storage space?
138
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:04,728
I don't know.
139
00:06:04,730 --> 00:06:06,997
I'm just telling you:
It does.
140
00:06:06,999 --> 00:06:09,601
Dr. Solomon, does
the university know
141
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,369
that you're using
your class time
142
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,170
to try and sublet
your apartment?
143
00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:14,305
Just for that, Karen,
144
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,840
you're going to miss out
on this unique opportunity.
145
00:06:16,842 --> 00:06:18,075
How much is the rent?
146
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:19,276
325 a month.
147
00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:20,144
Cool!
I'm in!
148
00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:22,046
That's less
than my mom charges!
149
00:06:26,618 --> 00:06:29,087
Uh, come on in, fellas.
150
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,821
Watch your step.
151
00:06:30,823 --> 00:06:32,456
Well, this is it.
152
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:33,657
Cool!
153
00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:35,126
Party!
154
00:06:36,928 --> 00:06:38,328
I want you boys to know
155
00:06:38,330 --> 00:06:39,797
I'm in bed by 11:00.
156
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:42,099
Oh. Well, you know,
we'll keep it down.
157
00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:43,134
No, I just...
158
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,435
Wanted you to know.
159
00:06:49,407 --> 00:06:51,308
This is the living room...
160
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:52,977
Well, I think we're ready.
161
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,546
Good-bye,
Mrs. dubcek.
162
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:57,549
I believe it was Mr.
William Shakespeare who said,
163
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,183
"parting is
such sweet sorrow--"
164
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:01,018
bye-bye now.
165
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:03,821
Well, onward to a new life.
166
00:07:08,927 --> 00:07:09,927
Wow.
167
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,129
Everything's so beige.
168
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:13,464
Hmm. A perfectly
neutral color
169
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:14,832
for perfectly neutral living.
170
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:17,001
Hey! I've seen
this before.
171
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,369
This is stain-resistant carpet.
Look.
172
00:07:26,111 --> 00:07:27,845
That's a good place for a chair.
173
00:07:29,414 --> 00:07:31,682
Everything's
falling into place.
174
00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:33,317
Yeah, but something
175
00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:37,354
isn't quite right...
176
00:07:40,025 --> 00:07:41,025
Does it fit?
177
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:42,026
Mine does.
178
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,027
It feels great!
179
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:43,961
Look out!
180
00:07:53,838 --> 00:07:54,838
[Popping]
181
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,473
You know, it is amazing
182
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:58,142
the advances
the swedes have made
183
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,810
in the science of furniture,
184
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:00,811
especially considering
185
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,647
they have only one known tool.
186
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,048
This stuff is genius.
187
00:08:05,050 --> 00:08:06,049
You guys,
188
00:08:06,051 --> 00:08:08,753
look what I got!
189
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:11,188
America's number
one pain reliever,
190
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,624
America's leading
chunky peanut butter,
191
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:16,060
and America's favorite mustard
192
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:17,995
for over 50 years.
193
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,964
Hey, this bread is recommended
194
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,265
by 4 out of 5 dentists
195
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:23,000
for their patients
who chew bread.
196
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,802
Guys, I have a date with Mary.
197
00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:26,804
Which shirt looks,
better, this one...
198
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:28,339
Or this one?
199
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,807
[Knock on door]
200
00:08:35,380 --> 00:08:36,380
Hi.
201
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:37,615
Hi. Come in.
202
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:38,783
Hi. I'm flora.
203
00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:39,784
And I'm Steve.
204
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:40,785
I'm dick.
205
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,052
Hi, dick. Are those dockers?
206
00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:43,187
Yes, they are!
207
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,788
I have those exact pants.
208
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:47,958
Well, we just wanted to
welcome you to the building.
209
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,760
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
210
00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:52,763
By the way, is that your red
convertible parked outside?
211
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:55,065
Oh, don't worry.
We'll be replacing it soon
212
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:58,068
with a minivan or
a sport-utility vehicle.
213
00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,570
Good choice.
214
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:01,405
And, uh...
Your assigned parking spot
215
00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:02,706
is g-14.
216
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:06,176
And so you know, we don't
do laundry after 10 P.M.
217
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:08,779
Wow. Is everything so
regimented around here?
218
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:10,348
Well, we have a pretty active
219
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,548
tenants' association.
220
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:12,516
Oh! Could I join?
221
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:13,517
Well, sure.
222
00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:14,985
There's a meeting tonight.
223
00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:16,987
We have to tell you,
we're so glad to be rid
224
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,789
of the last people
who lived here.
225
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:21,692
They stored all kinds
of junk on their balcony.
226
00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:24,928
It's so nice to have
some normal people here.
227
00:09:27,499 --> 00:09:28,932
Normal! Normal! Normal! Normal!
228
00:09:36,708 --> 00:09:37,541
Thank you.
229
00:09:37,543 --> 00:09:38,876
And you, sir?
230
00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:41,245
I can't decide.
What is your most popular dish?
231
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,347
Well, a lot of people
like the steak fajitas.
232
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:45,016
Then steak fajitas it is.
233
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,817
And, uh, how would you
like it cooked?
234
00:09:46,819 --> 00:09:47,851
Medium.
235
00:09:47,853 --> 00:09:48,852
And the sauce, sir?
236
00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:49,853
Medium.
237
00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:51,188
And your drink?
Cola, medium.
238
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:53,223
No, wait.
239
00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:55,492
Yes, medium.
240
00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:56,727
So, how'd you like the movie?
241
00:09:56,729 --> 00:10:00,064
It's the number one
movie in America.
242
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:01,031
But did you like it?
243
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,666
It's America's favorite movie,
244
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:04,868
and that's good enough for me.
245
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:06,603
I guess it was ok.
246
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:08,305
2 thumbs up.
Way up.
247
00:10:11,176 --> 00:10:13,076
I'm having a nice time.
248
00:10:13,078 --> 00:10:13,844
You are?
249
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:14,878
That's true.
250
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,346
You've neither
screamed nor cried
251
00:10:16,348 --> 00:10:18,348
all evening.
252
00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:20,183
This is cause for a celebration.
Waiter?
253
00:10:20,185 --> 00:10:23,320
A bottle of your most
average champagne.
254
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:33,997
Oh. How's it
coming, Harry?
255
00:10:33,999 --> 00:10:35,499
Well, I had a little trouble.
256
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:37,368
We were trying
to put the support rod
257
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,203
from the uben
258
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:42,306
into the flord slot,
259
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,074
but that crisis is past.
260
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:45,742
Ah. Look at us.
261
00:10:45,744 --> 00:10:47,377
We're doing great.
262
00:10:47,379 --> 00:10:49,880
Everything's coming together.
263
00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:52,049
Oh, I'm reading
a great John Grisham novel.
264
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:53,517
It's about
a young Southern lawyer
265
00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:55,286
who fights
an evil corporate giant.
266
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,888
Hey, my Grisham's
about that, too.
267
00:10:57,890 --> 00:10:59,890
So is my Grisham!
268
00:11:06,664 --> 00:11:07,965
Hey, guys.
269
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:09,333
Whoa.
270
00:11:12,470 --> 00:11:14,237
Who are you?
271
00:11:14,239 --> 00:11:16,106
It's me Tommy.
272
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:19,009
Well, you can't be Tommy.
Tommy looks like a girl.
273
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,878
Oh. No.
274
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,012
I went to the megacuts.
275
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,314
Well, if you're Tommy,
answer me this:
276
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:26,883
Are we, or are we not aliens?
277
00:11:26,885 --> 00:11:28,585
Yeah, dick, we are.
278
00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:30,921
Tommy!
279
00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:32,756
Ah, there's my Grisham.
280
00:11:40,265 --> 00:11:42,834
Here we go.
This thing--
281
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:43,901
whatever it is--
282
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,169
has got to go.
283
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:47,238
Just have them
haul all this away.
284
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,305
Are you sure?
285
00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:49,774
Yes, Nina, I'm sure.
286
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,642
It's just that you're
acting kinda strange.
287
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:52,876
Me, strange?
288
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,378
I'm textbook normal.
289
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:57,615
If anyone is strange, it's you.
290
00:11:57,617 --> 00:12:00,317
You exercise too much,
you drive a stick shift,
291
00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:01,451
you drink root beer.
292
00:12:01,453 --> 00:12:02,853
Oh, and you're black.
293
00:12:04,055 --> 00:12:06,457
What's strange
about being black?
294
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:07,658
Let's face it, Nina,
295
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,794
most white people aren't.
296
00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:11,362
But they want to be.
297
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:14,665
What's going on?
298
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:15,799
I'm just getting rid
299
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,368
of some of these
kooky knickknacks.
300
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:19,470
What could I
have been thinking?
301
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,606
I don't know.
I think it's kind of nice
302
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:24,442
having personal touches
around the office.
303
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,177
I was thinking about getting
one of those big ficuses.
304
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:29,913
Whoa, hold on there,
Courtney love.
305
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:31,915
The circus is
a fun place to visit,
306
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,484
but you don't
want to live there.
307
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,620
Can I have
your Mr. potato head?
308
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:37,488
Sure.
Go ahead.
309
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:38,622
Weirdo.
310
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:42,794
Oh, hi, Jeff. Thanks
so much for coming.
311
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,062
I suppose you're wondering
why we asked you here.
312
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:46,197
Yes.
313
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,532
Well, is that your doormat?
314
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:49,500
Yeah. So?
315
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,501
Well, it doesn't really go
316
00:12:51,503 --> 00:12:54,138
with the building's
decor, now, does it?
317
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:56,707
What's the difference
what color my doormat is?
318
00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:58,342
Well, there are
2 approved colors,
319
00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:01,145
but we haven't used either
of those now, have we?
320
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:02,213
No, but
it's just that--
321
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,748
what were we thinking?
322
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,616
Were we thinking,
"hmm, I know better
323
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:09,653
than the other 146 tenants"?
324
00:13:10,788 --> 00:13:13,224
Well, I just thought
it would give my place
325
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,258
a little personality.
326
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,527
Oh, Jeff!
327
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,395
We don't have room
for personality
328
00:13:18,397 --> 00:13:19,964
in this complex.
329
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:22,333
What we need to do
is abide by the rules
330
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:25,903
we've all agreed to, right?
331
00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:28,105
Ok. So bye-bye.
332
00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:30,007
Bye-bye.
333
00:13:31,776 --> 00:13:32,710
Hi, Marjorie.
334
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,812
Come here, sweetie.
335
00:13:36,481 --> 00:13:37,681
Now, it seems as though we put
336
00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:41,652
a little dried flower
wreath on our door.
337
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,088
What were we thinking?
338
00:13:51,562 --> 00:13:52,796
So, Sally,
339
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:54,131
do you like it here?
340
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:55,665
Oh, I love willow Glen.
341
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,702
It's like no place
else on earth.
342
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:58,969
No...
343
00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:02,406
Except oak bridge, willow
brook, and Glen brook.
344
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:05,076
I can't remember life
before willow Glen,
345
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,678
and I can't imagine
life after it.
346
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,614
Oh! I almost forgot.
347
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,249
I got you
a housewarming present.
348
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,316
[Gasps]
349
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:14,952
Mary, thank you.
350
00:14:16,454 --> 00:14:18,723
Oh, it's wonderful!
What is it?
351
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:21,125
It's a wind chime.
You put it in the window,
352
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:24,495
and the wind rushes through
it and makes a lovely sound.
353
00:14:26,965 --> 00:14:27,998
Sound?
354
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:28,966
As in "noise"?
355
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:30,067
Yeah.
356
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,169
Well, it's far too pretty
357
00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:34,338
to take out of the box.
358
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:35,472
I know.
359
00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:38,509
I'll just use it to
store under the sink.
360
00:14:40,145 --> 00:14:42,246
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
361
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:43,681
Jenga! Jenga! Jenga!
362
00:14:45,016 --> 00:14:46,584
That was good fun.
363
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,520
Say, who wants to do
something completely crazy?
364
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:50,987
I do!
I'm game!
365
00:14:50,989 --> 00:14:52,456
Mary?
God, yes.
366
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,725
Let's go get
some frozen yogurt!
367
00:14:58,229 --> 00:14:59,730
Come on, Mary!
368
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,265
You won't believe
it's fat-free.
369
00:15:07,505 --> 00:15:08,439
Mary?
370
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,507
Oh!
371
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:10,641
Hi, dick.
372
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,710
Well, why aren't you
working in the office?
373
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:13,778
Uh...
374
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,946
I--I thought
I'd save myself the walk.
375
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:17,514
I have another class coming in.
376
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:18,515
What, now?
377
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:22,019
Uh...ln 3 hours.
378
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:24,121
I had a really good
time last night.
379
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,757
It's too bad you had
to leave so suddenly,
380
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,093
but leaving both your iron
and your stove on,
381
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,428
I guess that can
be pretty dangerous.
382
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:35,332
Take your seats, please!
Just because I'm a little late
383
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,001
doesn't mean you shouldn't
be ready to learn.
384
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:41,371
Now...
385
00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:44,241
Who knows the answer
to question number 4?
386
00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:45,977
Well, who are you?
387
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,913
I'll ask the questions,
thank you very much.
388
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:51,148
Oh! You must
be Dr. neesam.
389
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:52,750
No. The answer
I'm looking for
390
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:53,817
is "marsupial."
391
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:54,986
Please concentrate.
392
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:57,287
Uh, uh, no, no, no.
You don't understand.
393
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,322
I'm Mary albright.
This is dick Solomon.
394
00:15:59,324 --> 00:16:00,758
We're both professors here.
395
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,194
Well, in that case, you can't
possibly take my class.
396
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:04,494
Please leave.
397
00:16:04,496 --> 00:16:05,963
But--but this
is her room.
398
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,597
Well, then you
leave me no alternative.
399
00:16:07,599 --> 00:16:08,599
I must leave.
400
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,667
Auf wiedersehen.
401
00:16:13,905 --> 00:16:16,173
So that's the university's idea
402
00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:17,508
of a hotshot Professor?
403
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,176
Oh, they say
he's quite brilliant.
404
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:21,112
Well, I say he's quite weird.
405
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,913
He certainly doesn't
fit in around here.
406
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,648
No, no, no, no.
407
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,116
He's too loud, too colorful,
408
00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:27,051
too interesting.
409
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:29,020
Exactly. Thank you.
410
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:31,589
Come on, dick, we could use
411
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,524
a little eccentricity
around here.
412
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,358
I mean, it's getting
a little dull,
413
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,661
don't you think?
414
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:40,631
A guy could take that
personally.
415
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,466
Excuse me. Is this
the ladies' room?
416
00:16:49,474 --> 00:16:52,643
Well, I believe that is it.
417
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,511
As they say in Sweden...
418
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,580
Fahrvergnugen.
419
00:16:57,749 --> 00:17:00,117
Hey, dick, what
are you doing home?
420
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:02,119
I thought you were taking
albright to that new Starbucks.
421
00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:03,788
Oh, the one down the
street from the old one?
422
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,622
No, the one in between
the 2 kinko's.
423
00:17:05,624 --> 00:17:07,091
Oh. Across from
the Barnes & noble?
424
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:09,392
It doesn't matter
which Starbucks!
425
00:17:09,394 --> 00:17:11,428
She canceled on me.
426
00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:13,196
I don't understand.
Things were going so well.
427
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,365
Why wouldn't she like me?
428
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,233
Yeah. You're just like
every other guy in town.
429
00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:19,003
Yeah. There's absolutely nothing
remarkable or distinctive about you.
430
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,171
And yet she resists.
431
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:21,739
But you're completely
homogenized!
432
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:22,873
There's nothing not to like!
433
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,008
How much less
does she want from you?
434
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,778
Well, it is her problem,
'cause we're doing great.
435
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,480
Fantastic.
Couldn't be better.
436
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,615
I'm completely miserable.
I hate it here.
437
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:33,617
Kill me now.
438
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:34,618
Oh, my.
439
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,587
I thought you guys
liked it here.
440
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,921
We were just saying that
441
00:17:37,923 --> 00:17:39,323
'cause we thought
you liked it here.
442
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,592
I don't like it.
I hate it!
443
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,027
I thought you liked it!
444
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,628
I don't like it!
445
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:46,630
I miss my coat.
I miss my gnome.
446
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,566
Well, hey, I miss my hair!
447
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,267
There's some things
you can't go back on.
448
00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:52,837
We have to tough this out.
We did it for the sake of the mission.
449
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:54,472
No! This
was a mistake!
450
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:56,373
Becoming more average
didn't make us more human!
451
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:57,608
It made us less!
452
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,509
All my bumps and quirks.
453
00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:03,347
That's what made me
so delightfully Harry.
454
00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:04,815
Pack up, boys.
We're going home!
455
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,617
Going home?! Come on!
456
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:09,552
We just got
this thing together!
457
00:18:14,425 --> 00:18:16,026
I'll be in the car.
458
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:18,695
Hey, guys.
459
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,130
What's going on?
460
00:18:22,633 --> 00:18:24,601
Sally, uh...
461
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,503
I've, uh...
462
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:30,274
I've made a command decision.
463
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,375
We're moving back.
464
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,676
Oh.
465
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:34,077
Is that what we're doing?
466
00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:35,378
We're not happy,
467
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:37,348
so we're just going to
break our lease and move?
468
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:38,449
Yeah.
More or less.
469
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,718
No, dick, we can't do that.
470
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,120
You see, I'm
in the majority now.
471
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,088
There are more of us
than there are of you,
472
00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:47,257
and that makes us right.
473
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:49,393
I'm a member of a community,
474
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:50,995
a community that embraces
475
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:54,097
wholesome American values.
476
00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:56,700
And if you cross us...
477
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:58,735
We will destroy you.
478
00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:00,503
[All gasp]
479
00:19:00,505 --> 00:19:03,273
Now, if you'll excuse me...
480
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:06,043
I spotted
a mezuzah on 2-c.
481
00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:16,887
And clearly, the oversize
door knocker on 6-b
482
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,390
will set an unfortunate
precedent,
483
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:21,425
so I think
it behooves all of us
484
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,193
to nip this problem in the bud.
485
00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:24,127
Hear, hear! Yeah. That's right.
486
00:19:24,129 --> 00:19:26,897
Great. Ok, the next
order of business is--
487
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,099
[tinkling]
488
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,067
What's that noise?
489
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,268
Oh, uh...
490
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:33,670
I put up Mary's wind chimes.
491
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:34,939
"Wind chimes"?
492
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,607
Oh, we don't do that here.
493
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,308
No, we do not, flora.
494
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:40,711
Dr. Solomon, take those
down right away.
495
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,046
Thank you very much.
496
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,113
[Motor running]
497
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,047
Ok--
498
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:47,985
is that a leaf blower?
499
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:49,153
Diesel.
500
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,155
Well, you can't run
a leaf blower here!
501
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:52,923
Oh, tell me about it.
[Woof woof]
502
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,692
It scared the hell
out of Tommy's dog.
503
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,294
[Woof woof woof]
504
00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:59,129
Oh, it's ok, boy.
It's all right.
505
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:00,897
Let me tell you,
when he gets scared,
506
00:20:00,899 --> 00:20:03,200
he's no friend of carpet.
507
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,668
This is unacceptable!
508
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:07,604
You solomons have
been horrible tenants!
509
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,873
I call for an emergency
eviction vote!
510
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,243
I second the motion!
All in favor.
511
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:14,678
Well, then it's
unanimous. Bye-bye.
512
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,181
Ok, the next order of business
would be the hedge committee--
513
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,182
Sally.
514
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,416
Uh, yes, Steve?
515
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:21,851
You live with them.
516
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:23,253
Uh-huh.
517
00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:24,955
Oh. Um...Well,
518
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:26,557
can I move in with you?
519
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:27,724
Nope.
520
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:28,993
But I'm one of you.
521
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:30,060
No.
522
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,262
You're one of them.
523
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:32,830
Come on, Sally, it's time. No.
524
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,097
Oh! Oh!
Come on, dear.
525
00:20:34,099 --> 00:20:35,632
But I don't want to go!
526
00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:36,567
Without me,
527
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,602
this place is
going to be colorful
528
00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:40,904
and--and pretty
w-with little critters
529
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,741
and birdies tweeting
all over the place!
530
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,442
You'll regret this!
531
00:20:48,446 --> 00:20:50,814
Becoming average
was interesting,
532
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:52,383
but once we got there,
533
00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:53,917
it wasn't interesting at all.
534
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:55,352
Yeah. I mean,
535
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:59,690
those people who weren't
weird were so...Weird.
536
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,860
Then I became like them,
which was really weird.
537
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:05,261
Well, live and learn.
538
00:21:05,263 --> 00:21:06,930
We're back to
our normal selves.
539
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,766
[Clears throat]
540
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,735
Except for Tommy,
who has a little cough.
541
00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:13,570
Otherwise, everything's
as it should be.
542
00:21:13,572 --> 00:21:14,905
Am I right, fellas?
543
00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:16,539
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
544
00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:18,342
Yeah, you're right.
545
00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:19,343
I'm turning in.
546
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:20,510
Yeah, me, too.
547
00:21:20,512 --> 00:21:22,446
Which one of you guys is
bunking down with me?
548
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,681
That would be me.
549
00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:25,215
Well, don't hog the blankets
550
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:27,083
because I sleep in the nude.
551
00:21:27,085 --> 00:21:28,585
That's a good idea!
552
00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:30,354
I'm going to have to try that.
553
00:21:32,257 --> 00:21:34,224
You guys want
to crash in my van?
554
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:35,559
Yeah.
Yeah.
555
00:21:37,228 --> 00:21:40,296
Captioned by the national captioning
institute --www.Ncicap.Org--
556
00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:46,369
[buzz]
557
00:21:48,740 --> 00:21:50,206
[Buzzing]
558
00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:52,108
What the hell was that?
559
00:21:52,110 --> 00:21:53,376
[Buzzing approaching]
560
00:21:53,378 --> 00:21:56,513
Whoooo whoo-hoo-hoo!
561
00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:58,582
Oh, ho ho!
562
00:21:58,584 --> 00:22:01,918
Oh, Mary, there's
nothing better than this!
563
00:22:06,524 --> 00:22:08,392
He's baaaack.
37287
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