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1
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,872
So when the woman says
they come long and thin, fat...
2
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,674
...with veins on them,
like this and like that...
3
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,758
...the guy can't handle it. He gets up
and says, "If I found one like that... "
4
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,111
- "... I'd, you know... "
- He's something else!
5
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:35,310
They used to call them 'zibiks'.
They were like coffee mills. This big.
6
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:39,354
And made of wood, right?
Or so I hear, I never saw one.
7
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,831
I haven't laughed so much in ages.
Let's drink, Vedat.
8
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,758
- Cheers!
- Welcome, old man.
9
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,679
- Welcome.
- To your health.
10
00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,196
Zeki, why don't we, you know?
11
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:03,679
Right. Enough laughs. Let's not
keep Vedat hanging on any longer.
12
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,951
Oh man! You had to
put them in a plastic bag?
13
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,993
Hey, the wrapping has to be crap
or they'd attract attention. Right?
14
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,189
Sure.
15
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,072
Here, these are the goods.
16
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,272
Just look at that stitching.
It speaks for itself.
17
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,677
- So can I touch them?
- Sure... Here you go.
18
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:25,028
They call these long Wellingtons.
They're around 130-140 years old.
19
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,356
I can't give an exact figure,
but around that.
20
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:32,076
- So how did they land up with you?
- Now that's an interesting story.
21
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,675
Go on, tell him. Vedat's one of us.
There's no one around. It's just us.
22
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,633
- OK, US president Garfield...
- What, the cat?
23
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,798
- What fucking cat?
- Garfield's a cat, right?
24
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:47,432
Google it, man! See for yourself.
The then US president was Garfield.
25
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:52,231
OK, I enter 'Garfield'.
'Did you mean Garfield? ' The cat again.
26
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,789
Where's the president?
Away. On vacation.
27
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,632
- Carry on, chum.
- Alpay...
28
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,313
Just carry on.
29
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,597
Vedat, the US president
sends our sultan a gift.
30
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,876
And the sultan thinks,
"I'll send a gift back. "
31
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:12,034
My great-grandfather, Aziz Vefa,
a member of the secret services...
32
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:16,519
...and another public servant,
Lemi Galip, from the treasury.
33
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,109
He gives them a mission.
What does he say?
34
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,437
He says, "Take this gift
to the president. "
35
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,513
- So they go to the palace.
- The palace?
36
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,838
What do you think? They'd meet
the sultan down at the waterside?
37
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,918
- So they go to the palace.
- OK. Get on with it, will you?
38
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,953
I am, but learn to listen first.
39
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,357
Telling a story is just as much
about being listened to.
40
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,232
Oh, right.
41
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,516
They come before the sultan.
And they kiss the sultan's hands.
42
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:57,157
- Does the sultan kiss theirs?
- Come on, man! Stop butting in.
43
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:03,710
They're presented the gift right away.
What is it? Adiamond necklace.
44
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,230
And the sultan says,
"It's in your hands now. "
45
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,672
"And here's 1000 bucks for the road.
Confederation dollars. "
46
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:18,272
Well, you can't say, "Sorry, padishah.
America's miles away. No can do. "
47
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,835
You have to go
come hell or high water.
48
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,397
Now they've got the mission
their route's a given.
49
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,592
First, the Orient Express to Paris.
50
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,950
Then a boat to London.
51
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:44,438
And then another boat
across the Atlantic to America.
52
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:58,072
THE MILD WEST
53
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,512
S'il vous pla�t, madame.
54
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,115
Our honourable jerk
didn't get the joke, Aziz.
55
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,471
Ask if Mr and Mrs Brown
are back from the picnic.
56
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,474
Give me a break!
The humour's way too subtle.
57
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,238
English peasant!
58
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,355
I'm saying we prize
our village people.
59
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,400
They always say that.
It's the only thing they know.
60
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,670
She says she can keep secrets.
61
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,394
Keep those secrets
when we stop for a break.
62
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:03,750
Suppose we stop
and pass a little water?
63
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,671
What the hell are you doing?
64
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,878
- What's the problem?
- You can't share it round like candy!
65
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,436
- Well, you did it with that photo.
- Put the damn thing back!
66
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,274
OK. Don't get so steamed up!
I'm responsible for it.
67
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,033
Bandits! Keep calm.
68
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,191
Don't point that at me!
69
00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,950
Listen. We'll follow
the normal routine. Calm down.
70
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,111
Listen. We'll draw straws.
The diamond or the money? Quick!
71
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,788
- We're in deep water, Aziz Efendi!
- Draw a straw!
72
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,079
The diamond.
73
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:37,758
- There's armies of them, Aziz Efendi!
- Stay calm. Calm down. Stay calm.
74
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,678
- I am calm!
- Stay calm.
75
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,440
In the name of Allah,
most gracious, most merciful...
76
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,790
Dear God, don't desert us!
77
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,869
We're not giving up the diamond
even if it means death!
78
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,548
- Let's go, main man!
- With the will of Allah...
79
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,480
I said stop the carriage,
you son of a bitch!
80
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:05,110
Hey, Zeki. I got kind of lost
from the mail carriage onwards.
81
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,596
Wait. Let's try this then.
82
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,994
Didn't I say stop the carriage,
you fuckers?
83
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,039
Get out! Out, out, out!
84
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,198
Get out of there! Out!
85
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:31,395
- Come on, move it!
- Oh God, Jack! No!
86
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,393
- Stop! Get off her!
- Don't shout. Stand in line.
87
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,672
Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Lesh here.
My crew and I are here...
88
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:47,874
...to relieve you of certain items
for the comfort of your journey.
89
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,470
You're free to shout.
Any heroics and you're dead.
90
00:10:55,800 --> 00:11:00,715
The gun's antique. I put in for
a new one and does anyone give a fuck?
91
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,556
Come here, asshole! Move!
Get over there!
92
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,635
Lesh! Check out this chick!
93
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,116
A watch!
94
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,828
Don't take us for wasters, sir.
We've come all the way from Istanbul.
95
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,712
Oh yeah? It shows.
96
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,554
I never saw kit like that
even in Buffalo Bill's show.
97
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:29,749
What the hell is this?
98
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,473
Afez. I have a flute as well
if you want.
99
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,079
Knock it off!
100
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,073
Don't!
101
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,509
- Lesh!
- What the hell have you done?
102
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,153
- Lesh!
- What the hell have you done?
103
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,032
This is unreal!
104
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,873
But we're in with Firecracker Ahmet
of Highwayman Creek. Be warned!
105
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,876
Come on, let's go!
I smell Indians.
106
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,679
See you!
107
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:18,199
- He said "Sioux". The Sioux...
- No, he said "see you" as in goodbye.
108
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,393
Who the hell is Firecracker Ahmet?
109
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,592
Any time I mention the guy's name
it always gets me in trouble anyhow.
110
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,268
Don't make me crazy, mon cher!
The instructions are explicit.
111
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,393
In case of danger, hide the goods
up your nether region. It's that clear!
112
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,228
But is that fair?
Adiamond that big?
113
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,114
Hey, you think it's a turn-on
stuffing 1000 dollars up my ass?
114
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,753
- I wouldn't know.
- What?
115
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,797
Sir thinks his ass is too precious
and I'm about to get massacred here!
116
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:44,910
Come here!
117
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,752
Open up that handkerchief.
118
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:57,954
Here.
119
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,678
Terrific!
120
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,274
There should be a saucer for this.
121
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,190
Here, that's all.
122
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,352
Are you OK?
123
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,275
At least we held on to the grand.
124
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:34,628
It's not the time for jokes,
but the old boy's stuffed us.
125
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:38,635
Carry on and you're dead!
We face the arrows of misfortune here.
126
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,237
Indians!
127
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,591
- Oogh!
- What's "oogh"?
128
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,998
I think they use animal names.
Mole-cricket...
129
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:02,831
I'm Richard Thomas. I'm at Oxford.
I just spend summers with my tribe.
130
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:12,516
Look, we come from Istanbul.
They say Indians are Turks, right?
131
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,315
- Kenan, is that true?
- No way. Get their kit off.
132
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,431
I'll take it off myself.
133
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:22,396
What if I say we bear greetings
from Apache Selim of Kas�mpa�a?
134
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,033
I can do it.
135
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,072
Here you go...
Lemi Bey!
136
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,791
Hopefully they won't fuck us.
137
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,680
- Here you are, Kenan Bey.
- Oh my God!
138
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:38,348
- Aziz, suppose we notify the consulate?
- We can do that.
139
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,430
Does that thing round your neck
have any particular meaning?
140
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:49,515
My mum gave it to me. She said
it would keep all danger at bay.
141
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:09,557
Hello! It's an emergency, my friend.
Get this wired to Istanbul right away.
142
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:16,350
- Is this an 'A'?
- Can't you read or write either?
143
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,629
- Give it here.
- You do it.
144
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,912
If Lucky Luke showed up now,
you'd be kissing his goddamn ass.
145
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,918
Lucky Luke?
Who gives a toss about him?
146
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,989
- Any telegrams for me?
- Hey, my friend! Welcome.
147
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,079
Have a seat over there.
Geoffrey, grab us a couple of teas!
148
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,951
After a while, a reply
comes through from the palace.
149
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:02,389
What does it say?
150
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,999
No need to come back. Mail us
the head of the officer responsible.
151
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,911
OK then.
152
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:16,396
Cut off my head and mail it.
You shouldn't get grief for this.
153
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,672
I'm responsible.
154
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,632
How am I supposed to do it?
155
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,799
I don't know.
156
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,036
Strangle me with rope first.
157
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,589
Pass on my greetings to my mum.
158
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,595
Hey, America!
What happened to that dream?
159
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,351
Hey, that needs a splash of water.
160
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,469
Shut up! We're in this shit together
and we'll pay for it together.
161
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,433
Aziz, you'll be exiled to Timbuktu.
162
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:24,113
Just look around. We're fucking
in Timbuktu! Who needs to be exiled?
163
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,240
We're not dying
before we find that diamond. OK?
164
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,313
For a week or so
they roam around totally broke.
165
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:22,638
They think about getting guns
and going after the diamond thieves.
166
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,037
But then guns don't come for a kiss.
And they don't have a dime.
167
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,117
Fuck off, dicko!
168
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:32,515
Then they dream up a venture or two
that will feed them at least.
169
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:36,316
I say venture, but of course
not the kind that needs capital.
170
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,994
Horse washing! In and out!
171
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,277
Good health to your horse!
172
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,552
Horse washing!
173
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:56,155
Having got their hands dirty
in a couple of shitty ventures...
174
00:18:56,360 --> 00:19:00,797
...Aziz Efendi gets an idea.
"Why don't we do what we're good at?"
175
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,469
Now for the best-loved characters
with their best-loved quirks!
176
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:14,428
- Karag�z dear, have a good Ramadan!
- Clear off, nincompoop!
177
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,912
Don't be like that, Karag�z.
It's the holy month of Ramadan!
178
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,635
Don't worry, gasbag Hac�!
My whole family's behind you.
179
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,200
This was the hottest show
in Sultanahmet last year.
180
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,992
Let's have a few laughs!
181
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,198
Sorry, it's not funny.
182
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,960
Try being open to new things.
This is shadow theatre!
183
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,515
- We'd laugh if it was funny, right?
- I agree.
184
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,156
OK... I'll do you Moliere next year.
Moliere's 'The Miser'.
185
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,279
I did Blustering Drunkard Bekir,
I did the Dwarf.
186
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:46,913
They didn't laugh at one of them!
187
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,756
- But they laughed at your lady, huh?
- So? And up until then?
188
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,669
They have no sense of humour.
American humour! Fuck that!
189
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,674
The jokes get lost
in translation of course.
190
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,317
Give me a break!
191
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,393
Eggs... Save those.
What's in that over there?
192
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:10,595
Sugar.
193
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,835
Lemons... Sugar...
Lemons and sugar.
194
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:22,235
Candy! Roll up, roll up! Candy!
195
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,949
Here you go. Enjoy!
196
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:26,878
- Candy!
- Do me one.
197
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,436
- Your wish is my command!
- Wind it round this, not that!
198
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,916
- It's Ottoman candy. It might be heavy.
- Shut the fuck up!
199
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,790
There's nothing they don't do
to scrape together 100 dollars.
200
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:50,358
They even show cartoons
on a contraption Lemi rigged up.
201
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,792
I'm talking cartoons! Walt Disney
isn't around yet, nor Mickey Mouse.
202
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,829
Watch up, watch up! A love story!
As real as life itself!
203
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,309
I'll tell you something,
but don't get the wrong idea.
204
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,557
They find that formula. You know
the one that's said to be secret?
205
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,076
- What's that?
- Cola of course!
206
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:11,672
Liquorice, bicarbonate of soda...
And the base is syrup anyway.
207
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,919
Hold it, I'm not with you.
They really invent cola?
208
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,236
Sure they do, but...
209
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,593
Aziz!
210
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,833
What do you think?
211
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:31,910
Wow! Fabulous! Fabulous!
Look...
212
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,873
Try it.
213
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,439
What do you reckon?
214
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,238
Exquisite!
215
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:53,393
Aziz, should I write this
on the pitcher? 'Drink Cold'.
216
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,315
Forget it. Leave people alone.
Let them drink it how they like.
217
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,751
Drink up, drink up!
Ice-cold cola!
218
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:04,755
Thanks. Enjoy!
Ice-cold cola!
219
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,473
Drink up, drink up!
220
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,148
If only I could afford some...
It needs a drink on the side...
221
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,989
Anyone hungry?
Ice-cold cola!
222
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,191
Let me get the money for that.
There you go, my friend.
223
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,517
The thighs are still cooking.
I'll give you a wing instead.
224
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,758
Give me change for this.
225
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:26,511
- Lf only I could afford one...
- Shame on you! What's with the yelling?
226
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:30,030
You're a trader, right? So try yelling.
The creaking wheel gets the grease.
227
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,351
We're Kentucky boys.
Cut the bullshit!
228
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,836
And we're Samatya boys.
You're trying to bullshit?
229
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,030
Get off me! Get off!
230
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,511
I'll get you with this bottle!
231
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:44,869
Get off!
232
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,712
Oh God!
233
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,874
So they're trying to sell
chicken sandwiches in Kentucky.
234
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,117
Like they'd get away with it...
The guys are in business there.
235
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,276
They'd give anyone else a chance?
You recognise him?
236
00:22:58,480 --> 00:22:59,833
- Who do you mean?
- Who do you think?
237
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,918
The guy on the logo.
I'm not plugging him here.
238
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:06,590
For our guys
it was yet another let-down.
239
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,513
A solder job and it'll be fine.
240
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,075
Redneck assholes, they won't
let us do an honest day's work!
241
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:31,998
How much have we got?
242
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,390
- Around 50-55 dollars.
- Hand it over.
243
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,553
I'll get a pistol
and go to town with them!
244
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,116
Enough crap! I've woken up
from that American dream at last!
245
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,033
Aziz Efendi, you're a wanted man.
246
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,834
I'll find that fucker Johnny Lesh
and finish him off too.
247
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,589
- Aziz Efendi, you're a wanted man.
- Come on! It's just luck, that's all.
248
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,519
No, not like that.
You have a price on your head.
249
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:54,914
Ah!
250
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,473
It's the spitting image!
251
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,478
- Ten dollars. Can we get that?
- You bet we will!
252
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:06,628
Horse... Horse Whisper...
Horse Whisperer.
253
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,552
Horse means 'at'!
254
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,354
How about this one?
Johnny Lesh... 500 dollars.
255
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,469
So he's on the wanted list,
the son of a bitch!
256
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,190
Let's just get that pitcher fixed.
257
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,151
Hello there, sheriff.
258
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,829
I'm Lenny the bounty hunter.
259
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,590
- I want 10 dollars for the cowboy.
- Which cowboy?
260
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,552
- The horse-fu**ing cowboy.
- What are you talking about?
261
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:49,274
- You know, the horse whisperer.
- You sick bastard! You pervert, you!
262
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,550
But I didn't do a thing.
The horse started it.
263
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,150
Sheriff, it's your job to put
perverts like this behind bars.
264
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:57,237
Lou, lock up the animal.
265
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,474
He should be kept away
from stables a while, asshole!
266
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:04,912
Here, your 10 dollars.
267
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,871
This is peanuts.
I'm really after Johnny Lesh.
268
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:13,876
Johnny Lesh? Are you kidding?
I'd retire if I found him.
269
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,753
Here. 500 dollars.
270
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,397
- Would you care for some cola?
- Cola? It's a drink?
271
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:32,869
Here you go, sheriff.
272
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:35,719
Won't you have some too?
273
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:43,513
Whoa!
274
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,559
Sheriff Cheko?
275
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:32,831
Here, Timothy the horse thief.
276
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,196
Timothy the horse thief, huh?
277
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:38,473
How old are you?
278
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,391
Open your mouth! Open up!
279
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,956
- He's not worth a red cent.
- Twenty dollars!
280
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:51,795
Ten dollars.
281
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,675
I hate horse thieves, Timothy.
282
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,316
- OK, 10 dollars, 10 dollars.
- It's a deal?
283
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,193
Lock him up!
284
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,388
Sheriff, would you care for a cola?
285
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:10,953
Cola?
286
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:13,032
Go on then.
287
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:14,879
Whoops!
288
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:20,353
You?
289
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:24,954
It's ice-cold.
290
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,758
May it work its wonders.
291
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,793
Johnny Lesh... 900 dollars.
292
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,233
He goes up faster than the dollar,
son of a bitch.
293
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:02,156
Psst, listen. Put 100 dollars,
not some piddling amount.
294
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,910
We'll say he robbed a train.
295
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:09,268
- Aziz Efendi, what about the name?
- What name?
296
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,988
Get writing. 'Jack Daniel'.
It's our last job anyway.
297
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,118
Tomorrow we're on the train
to White Lake.
298
00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:20,828
- Jack...
... Daniel.
299
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:25,512
Daniel.
Train robber Jack.
300
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,276
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
301
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:37,878
Almighty God, have mercy on
the soul of Thy departed servant.
302
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,755
And let us, who mourn him,
pray for his soul.
303
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,829
Lord, protect and watch over him.
Amen.
304
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,998
Take it easy there!
May God forgive his sins, brother.
305
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,191
Father, not brother.
306
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,234
We're after the sheriff actually.
307
00:28:58,680 --> 00:28:59,795
I'm Sheriff Murphy.
308
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,878
Sheriff, I've brought you
train robber Jack.
309
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,152
- Train robber Jack?
- Train robber Jack.
310
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,749
- Train robber Jack...
- Aha.
311
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:11,756
You hear that, Jack?
The guys says he's caught you!
312
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,076
God damn you!
Just get this over with!
313
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,191
- That's train robber Jack?
- Just our fucking luck!
314
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,789
- The train robber was your idea.
- And whose idea was Jack Daniel?
315
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:21,275
It was me who laughed at
'train robber Jack', was it?
316
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,040
Sheriff, allow me
to offer you a cola.
317
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:29,952
Wait! There's carbon dioxide inside!
Carbon dioxide! Agh! Oh my God!
318
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,278
Roll them in tar and feathers
and lock them up!
319
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,471
Come here! Get moving!
320
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:48,035
Relieve yourselves in this pot.
Don't get bird shit everywhere.
321
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,434
- Are you wearing that talisman?
- Yes.
322
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,995
The one that keeps away danger?
323
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,118
Gambling, was it?
324
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:03,558
God give me patience...
325
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:07,719
This is the calm before the storm.
There are greater things to come...
326
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,237
Man, does there have to be
one of you in every jail?
327
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:17,719
Johnny Lesh!
328
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:32,797
Who'd have thought a gunslinger
like him would land up here?
329
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,233
- There goes our 1000 dollars.
- That's bullshit!
330
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,795
The diamond's come back by itself.
331
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,595
Friend... Can I have that
if you're not eating it?
332
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,350
Get to work! Come on!
333
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,316
Get to work!
334
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,798
If they left us alone for a second
I'd smash his face in.
335
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:23,558
But they're always looking.
336
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,877
Calm down. We'll follow the routine.
There's no rush.
337
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:31,189
This is the calm before the storm.
It doesn't bode well.
338
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,154
Get out of here!
Clear off!
339
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,557
Hey, chickens! Water!
340
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,518
You mentioned the routine, right?
What do we do?
341
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,712
Don't rush things.
More haste, less speed.
342
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,714
Slow and steady wins the race.
Listen.
343
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,033
- Lemi!
- Aziz Efendi!
344
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:52,153
That was some hail of bullets!
345
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,076
It's so dark in there.
346
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:01,591
Water, anyone?
347
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:06,517
- I guess not.
- Lesh. Lesh!
348
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,070
Lesh, don't die!
You can't die yet! Wait!
349
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,111
Where's the diamond?
Tell us where the diamond is.
350
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,436
- Out with it!
- Where's the diamond?
351
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,074
- Bea...
- Bill... Give him some water.
352
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:18,714
What's bill? Bill? What's bill?
Pacos Bill?
353
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:20,871
- Buffalo Bill!
- Come on, bill what?
354
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:22,991
- Akbil travel cards?
- Bill?
355
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:26,277
Bea... Ts me.
356
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,478
Asshole, I'll kill you!
You can't die! I'll kill you!
357
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:31,398
- Cannon...
- Bill Cannon? Bill Cannon?
358
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,353
- Cannon? Cannon?
- Cannon... Ball...
359
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,790
Cannonball. What's Cannonball?
Local or import?
360
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,911
- Siii...
- Say the first bit! The first bit!
361
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:41,350
Sii-ouux...
362
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:43,312
Sioux! He said Sioux! The Sioux!
363
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:47,479
No, man! It was "see you",
like "I'm dead. " It was "see you"!
364
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,635
He timed that death so badly.
365
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,719
Ah, poor thing!
His horse is all sad.
366
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,276
- Horses are such sensitive animals.
- Right.
367
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:09,798
Aziz Efendi?
368
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,753
You're Johnny Lesh. You broke jail.
You're worth 2000 dollars.
369
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:19,555
OK.
370
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:21,079
Here.
371
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:22,555
Agh!
372
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:26,794
This is the calm before the storm.
There are greater things to come.
373
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:29,708
I'm knocking him off.
374
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,435
Let's see what Cannonball
is all about then...
375
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:22,671
I'd never have imagined this.
Galatasaray High School, Robert College...
376
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,075
...four years' training
at the finance ministry...
377
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:26,679
...and look at me now.
378
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:28,916
Well, put it in your memoirs.
379
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,278
We only had to deliver the diamond,
be wined and dined and get back.
380
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:36,553
But we've been in shit the whole way.
Look, I still have fluff in my mouth.
381
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:41,154
So I need to reconsider
my admiration for the west.
382
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,399
My dear friend, why do you make
such a big thing about the west?
383
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,239
100 years ago
Versailles Palace had no toilets.
384
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:48,953
The king shat straight on the floor.
385
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,357
The waltz was only invented
so people didn't step in shit.
386
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,314
They always say that.
So what went wrong after that?
387
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:58,432
Well, the printing press didn't
get to us till late, and so on...
388
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:01,515
- What's going on?
- Get off, get off!
389
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:03,473
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
390
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:05,028
Whoa!
391
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,239
Keep calm.
392
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:30,796
- Is that really a woman?
- Sure.
393
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,560
Watch where she's firing.
You can tell from that.
394
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,997
Aziz Efendi, what's going on?
I sense a new admiration for the west.
395
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,395
The thing is to take on
the good things about the west.
396
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,558
Hey, take off those guns.
Remember, you're a captive.
397
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:46,313
Glasses!
398
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:54,068
Hello there, pretty lady!
We loved watching your target practice.
399
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:56,269
Really?
400
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,592
But watching the Suzan Van Dyke show
doesn't come for free.
401
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,268
Toss over some change.
402
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:05,837
We're clean out of money.
How about a coffee instead?
403
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:07,758
Coffee, huh?
404
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:12,794
- Suzan Van Dyke.
- Aziz Vef... Zozo the Kid. Three words.
405
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,876
The coffee's with the horses.
Let me run off and get it right now.
406
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,629
- She's like a man! A real turn-off.
- I'd lay her for what it's worth.
407
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:26,390
The coffee foam is fine,
your marksmanship divine...
408
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:27,919
Thanks.
409
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:31,351
I've been into it since I was 3.
I did 5 years in Buffalo Bill's Show.
410
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:36,190
Shooting, lassos, cooking, trickshot...
Then I did some time at a hotel.
411
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,871
Van Dyke...
412
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,153
What brute of a cowboy
puts you to work like this?
413
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,270
What cowboy?
There is no cowboy.
414
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:54,513
Did you drop this by any chance?
415
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:56,155
Yes.
416
00:37:58,560 --> 00:37:59,629
Lesbo...
417
00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:03,748
- Someone important, I guess.
- Right... Someone I love.
418
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,715
So which way are you heading?
419
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,834
Well, I'm a bounty hunter,
on my way to turn in Johnny Lesh.
420
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,673
- Goddamn it! What are you saying?
- What is this? Hold it!
421
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:18,190
- Johnny Lesh! Finally. You, huh?
- No! Aziz, tell her!
422
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,391
- Suzan, please...
- Wait, Miss Suzan!
423
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:24,559
Out of the way or I'll kill you too!
No, stay right there!
424
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:28,275
Wait! No! He's not Johnny Lesh!
It's a lie! We're Ottomans!
425
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:33,235
- He's a fake! To get the reward!
- Really I'm not him, or American even.
426
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,830
I'm Ottoman. An Istanbul boy.
I speak four languages.
427
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:41,352
- Ottoman?
- Ottoman. You know, the palace, music...
428
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:46,353
Folk plays... The harem...
429
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:49,597
- �bi� sweetie, we have guests coming.
- Fine, but coming to see me?
430
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:53,509
- Great food, stuffed leaves, lamb stews...
- Stuffed eggplant...
431
00:38:53,720 --> 00:38:56,359
The Hippodrome, Sultanahmet,
Ramadan festivities...
432
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:57,788
Look, the lights between minarets!
433
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,150
- Lf only we had them here!
- Sultan of the 11 months...
434
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:04,273
Lords and ladies, let's repair
to the river for drinks...
435
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:06,471
We'll pull those oars
and have a merry time.
436
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,069
An old mansion...
The fire brigade... Afire...
437
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,478
- Guard, where's the fire?
- In my heart! In my heart!
438
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:17,231
- The gangsters of Galata, Tophane...
- I killed my mother and my father!
439
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:20,830
- Do the Arab maid.
- What does young madam fancy tonight?
440
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:22,439
Not like that.
Make it more nasal.
441
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,438
Young madam, I haven't cooked a thing
and the larder's empty.
442
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,073
Isn't that a bit fierce?
443
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,589
Some soot on my face
and I'd be the perfect Arab maid!
444
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:31,791
A headscarf would do the trick too.
445
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,118
Ah! Lokum... Turkish delight! Lokum!
446
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,869
I didn't get the Arab maid,
but lokum makes sense.
447
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,196
- Here you go.
- Turkish delight...
448
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,074
- Lokum originates from us after all.
- Hmmm...
449
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,273
- You believe I'm not Johnny Lesh, right?
- I believe you.
450
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:50,229
Miss Suzan, we have another thing.
If a gun is pulled, it has to fire.
451
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:51,555
Oh, right.
452
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:56,237
It's nothing. Just a graze.
Get up, get up.
453
00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:02,275
Hang on in there, Aziz Efendi.
454
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:06,237
Agh!
455
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:10,559
- Aggh!
- OK, OK. Keep still. OK.
456
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:13,239
Is that alcohol?
457
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,398
Agh! Oh God!
458
00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:20,395
- So Lesh is dead, huh?
- Yes. We saw for ourselves.
459
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,558
Aziz Efendi buried the body
with his own hands.
460
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:28,112
I wish I'd killed him myself.
Johnny Lesh murdered my mother.
461
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,355
My mother... Mary Lou.
462
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,271
Ohh! Agh! Ugh!
463
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:40,476
- God!
- Pass that over.
464
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,600
Johnny Lesh shafted us too.
465
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,551
We'd arrived with the sultan's gift.
Something worth thousands.
466
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,798
We're in the mail coach.
And suddenly, bandits!
467
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:57,959
It's, "Stop the carriage,
you son of a bitch!"
468
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:02,598
Aziz Efendi panics,
I'm brave as can be.
469
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,917
- We draw straws and...
- Skip the details, asshole!
470
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:10,115
My idea was to make Lemi Johnny Lesh,
turn him in and get back 2000 dollars.
471
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:14,275
You should cross the river.
Lesh is too well-known this side.
472
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,591
I'd say go to Cannonball.
473
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,151
- Cannonball?
- Cannonball... See you...
474
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:22,588
Ah!
475
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,838
You'd get 2000 dollars for Lesh there.
The sheriff's a jerk.
476
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:27,393
Hurrah!
477
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:31,589
Right... But I get 1000 of that.
478
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:33,748
That's fine.
479
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,028
Hey, it's a photo of her mum.
Gossip monger!
480
00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:39,913
You know they say
hearsay is half lies?
481
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:41,917
And you let her have
1000 dollars just like that.
482
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:43,951
I'd give my life for her.
483
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,031
She's like a man. Not my type.
484
00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:49,835
Yeah, right. Check out that back.
Just like our street porter, Hasan.
485
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:53,269
Ahem...
486
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:57,390
Listen, which hand do you use
to write your memoirs?
487
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:02,516
Good. Let me tie up those hands
so I get a decent night's sleep.
488
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:05,995
- Don't you have any trust left?
- No.
489
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:03,159
Hey! I expect you at evening prayer.
Got it? Don't drive me mental!
490
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,635
Here, stick this gun out of the way.
491
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:07,796
If it's not keeping law and order...
492
00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:11,996
...it's priest duties at the church.
493
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:16,319
I don't have five minutes to sit down.
I'm just back from a funeral.
494
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,752
Chuck, run over to the church
with some candles.
495
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,837
The assholes keep nicking them.
496
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:23,798
Yes, welcome.
497
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,071
- Sheriff Lloyd?
- That's me.
498
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,028
We've come to pick up a reward.
499
00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:33,028
How about a whisky first?
My own home-brew.
500
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:36,995
Or... Chuck! Run over
and get us some ice-cold cola!
501
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:39,880
- Cola?
- Yes. It's new.
502
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,794
You know how it tastes?
Awesome!
503
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:47,757
They've bottled the stuff.
504
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,391
It's a total rip-off.
505
00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:59,316
Anyway, sheriff.
Let's talk business.
506
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:01,835
We've brought you Johnny Lesh.
507
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,073
Johnny Lesh...
508
00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:15,277
Is this for real?
You're not kidding, right?
509
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:20,633
- Chuck, you hear that? Johnny Lesh...
- When do we get the money?
510
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:26,718
The money? What goddamn money?
Are you insane, man?
511
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,391
On a day like this,
at a time like this...
512
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:35,879
...at a moment when we most need
to join forces and stand together...
513
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:39,755
...you're asking me to lock up
a hero like Johnny Lesh?
514
00:44:40,240 --> 00:44:43,755
I sent a message with the Fargos' boy.
You got it, right?
515
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:44,790
What's going on?
516
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,833
Sheriff, you're breaking the law.
We demand the reward right now!
517
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:52,670
To hell with your reward!
The money's with me. Don't worry.
518
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:56,715
But I can't lock up Johnny Lesh.
519
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,395
The Sioux have fucked us over.
520
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:01,675
Look!
521
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,159
- Ugh! They scalped him!
- Right... Not long ago.
522
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:09,315
It only happened yesterday.
They wreak havoc on a regular basis.
523
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:11,075
Have a seat.
524
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:16,314
Look, if anyone can deal with this,
it's Johnny Lesh.
525
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,679
You're white too.
You should have some sympathy.
526
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:20,836
Chuck!
527
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:23,235
Hey, don't high-five me
every time I say your name, hick!
528
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:24,589
Run and tell the hotel...
529
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:28,315
...Johnny Lesh is on his way
with our bounty hunter guests.
530
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:30,154
There we go!
531
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:34,959
Come with me, my man.
532
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:36,390
Sheriff!
533
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:38,474
Macaulay!
534
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,956
Take Johnny Lesh to the hotel.
535
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,231
Give him a good wash inside and out.
536
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:45,835
Sure, sheriff.
This way!
537
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:49,430
- Don't say he's forgetting the reward.
- Not so fast. We'll talk.
538
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:54,958
Isn't the lady coming to the hotel?
Please! Make yourself at home.
539
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:58,039
I could do with a hot bath.
540
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:02,354
I'm getting my 1000 dollars,
like it or not.
541
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:07,194
OK, OK.
She seems like a go-getting type.
542
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:10,320
Right, she's a go-getter,
but will we get that reward?
543
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,193
Sure you will. Don't fret.
544
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:17,837
Have some respect for this star.
Don't fret about the reward shit.
545
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:21,471
Once we wipe out those Sioux
the rest is easy.
546
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,196
You seem like a heavy-hitting hero.
547
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:26,511
- With help from Allah...
- What?
548
00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:29,280
- I mean, yes, I am.
- Forget that.
549
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,795
The cowboy days are over.
550
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:37,118
Today you get young boys
sticking feathers in their heads...
551
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:41,279
...making whooping noises
and playing Indians all day.
552
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:45,435
That's kids for you.
What do they know about enemies?
553
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:48,952
Try talking sense to an Indian.
You'd never get anywhere.
554
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:52,038
Those freaks talk to
rivers, mountains and rocks.
555
00:46:52,240 --> 00:46:55,277
- It must be the firewater.
- Just the firewater?
556
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:58,757
There's peace pipes, mushrooms,
and a pile of other shit.
557
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,469
But they're finished. Almost.
558
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:04,513
They have maybe half an acre
of land left around here.
559
00:47:04,720 --> 00:47:07,678
I'll wipe out the lot of them
soon enough.
560
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:12,192
- Hey! Go play somewhere else!
- That's my second wife. Betty.
561
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,630
- Welcome, cowboy!
- My respects...
562
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,110
- Will you be staying a while?
- Well...
563
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:19,312
Mind your own business!
564
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:23,595
- Come to evening prayer if you like.
- We've had the evening call to prayer?
565
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:25,269
What?
566
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:40,354
Well, with a gammy leg...
567
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:43,319
Come on in.
568
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:49,275
It's not a church
to write home about.
569
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:53,077
But it's fine as a place
to perform religious duties.
570
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:58,355
Hey, don't take those boots off.
The assholes will nick them.
571
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:02,876
Divide religion and state, sheriff,
or the work will wear you out.
572
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:06,038
Public service. What can I do?
There's no choice.
573
00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:09,869
- Come on! Aren't the floors done yet?
- But hasn't slavery been abolished?
574
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:13,152
You can't abolish slavery overnight
for God's sake!
575
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:17,035
Slowly but surely.
Get up, you!
576
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:23,310
If he sang a gospel song,
he'd have you in tears, you know.
577
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:28,515
Go on, get your robes on.
And make that voice soulful, huh!
578
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,913
Psst! Don't let him walk all over you.
579
00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:35,755
- Here's our confession box.
- So the confessions come out, huh?
580
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,872
Well, they'll do...
581
00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:44,956
What are you doing in there?
Get out, dickhead! Get out!
582
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:48,878
That's my oldest kid... Eugene.
583
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:52,119
I should have shagged anything
but his mother.
584
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,390
Leave him alone, sheriff!
He's having a spiritual moment.
585
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:57,160
Spiritual, huh? He's off his head
from that homebrew whisky.
586
00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:00,432
- His friends call him Johnnie Walker.
- Johnnie Walker?
587
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,358
Aha... Hey, say hello to the guy!
588
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:03,709
- Hello.
- Hello.
589
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:07,037
Don't get the wrong idea. This woman...
I was hearing her confession.
590
00:49:07,240 --> 00:49:08,798
I'd just finished when you turned up.
591
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:12,390
- Welcome... Got a smoke?
- No smokes, no.
592
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:15,791
- He should give me a smoke. No smokes...
- Ah! Here, a mirror!
593
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:19,310
When one crazy meets another
he's as mild as milk, they say.
594
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:22,353
Good for that mirror.
It'll keep him busy for hours.
595
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:26,155
Here's a picture of my mum.
You can keep it.
596
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,711
Where did you find that?
Get out of here! Quick march!
597
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:31,959
Get marching!
598
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:34,799
That's my boy!
Let's see the arms too!
599
00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:38,029
Swing those arms too!
600
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:48,513
Sheriff, what's the story with you
and Johnny Lesh?
601
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:52,072
Johnny Lesh robbed
a mail coach last month.
602
00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:55,756
He lifted a diamond
as big as your fist.
603
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:59,555
But the Sioux ambushed him
in a canyon and grabbed the diamond.
604
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:03,152
Now if you tell him
where those Sioux are...
605
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:05,555
...Johnny Lesh will do them in.
606
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:08,639
And we'll be rid of
the feathered jerks.
607
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:12,516
Don't fret over that reward.
Two grand is a drop in the ocean.
608
00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:16,269
Give us a hand with this
and keep quiet about it.
609
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,309
- So the Sioux have the diamond?
- I swear by Allah.
610
00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:23,519
- By Allah?
- Well, just a slip of the tongue.
611
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:29,679
- Lemi!
- Excuse me!
612
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:31,916
The Sioux have the diamond. The Sioux!
613
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:35,237
The sheriff has a proposition for you.
He said to meet in the saloon tonight.
614
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:36,714
- Saloon?
- That's what he said.
615
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:38,035
Whoa!
616
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:45,155
Well, I'm after the diamond.
I haven't got a word out of her.
617
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:46,953
It's been a total waste of time.
618
00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:49,549
Great... Great. Good for you.
619
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:53,990
Speak! Speak! Where's the diamond?
620
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:07,310
Come on in. Welcome!
621
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:11,238
Now let's find somewhere to sit.
622
00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:16,559
Get up from that table!
Fat ass!
623
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:18,757
You can't afford that table!
624
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:21,793
Murdoch of the Fidas
is sitting there. There you go.
625
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:23,558
Good luck.
626
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:27,634
Here, my dear friend.
Welcome!
627
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:30,516
Whisky over here!
628
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:33,236
Good luck.
I'll be right back.
629
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:40,993
Hey, didn't I tell you
no under-18s in this place?
630
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:43,550
Stetsoned fucker!
631
00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:49,870
Chuck! Throw him out!
632
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:53,311
We don't want a fight yet.
There's still time for that.
633
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:56,877
Hey, Johnnie!
What are you doing here?
634
00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:59,992
- Dad wants a Johnnie.
- Let's have it then.
635
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:05,389
Come on! Knock it back.
What's up? You're wasted?
636
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:10,435
Suzan, I drank like this as a kid.
It's also nice you're joining me.
637
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:15,558
But you're not watching
the cancan dancers.
638
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:18,399
They hired a belly dancer
for my circumcision party.
639
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:20,909
And I haven't been able
to look at one since.
640
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:22,792
Good evening to you!
641
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,753
- No Johnny Lesh?
- He'll be here in a while.
642
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:29,712
Busy pumping, is he?
643
00:52:31,240 --> 00:52:32,958
I told him the story.
He's interested.
644
00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:36,357
We'll set off tomorrow.
But we need all the Indian gear.
645
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:38,319
We'll arrange that.
646
00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:40,875
Whoa!
647
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:47,398
Come on in, Casanova.
Have a seat.
648
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,439
- She was asking about the post office.
- Sure she was.
649
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:54,599
Don't fret... Everything you want
will be taken care of.
650
00:52:54,880 --> 00:53:00,318
Once we've taken out the Sioux chief
it'll be curtains for those shits here.
651
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:05,431
Besides, let the bastards learn
the price of screwing Johnny Lesh, huh?
652
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,633
We'll set out tomorrow at dawn,
Zozo the Kid too.
653
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:10,590
Three cheers!
654
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:14,918
I'm not thrilled by the idea of
messing with the Sioux, but anyway...
655
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:22,277
- Be honest. Were you pumping just now?
- Sheriff!
656
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:25,757
You just spoke like that
in front of a lady. Don't!
657
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:29,477
What's wrong? She has
more of a moustache than me.
658
00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:31,511
Shh!
659
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:39,519
What's wrong, Suzan?
660
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:46,308
Suzan, that diamond's crucial for us.
Our lives depend on it.
661
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:48,710
We have to leave tomorrow morning.
662
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:52,949
Don't come if you don't want...
But it would really help if you did.
663
00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:59,952
- They said I had a moustache. I heard!
- Look, I have one too. So what?
664
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:03,711
- They just don't see your beauty.
- Yeah, right. Sure.
665
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:08,355
There's an art to seeing beauty, Suzan.
Some people look and don't see it.
666
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:11,951
And it isn't where you look
that matters...
667
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:15,629
...it's what you see there.
668
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:26,079
See you tomorrow.
669
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:36,914
- Come inside, cowboy.
- I'm no cowboy, wench!
670
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:42,319
Move!
671
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:44,912
Go on, move!
672
00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:48,793
Wow! Terrific story!
673
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:51,435
- So the Sioux got the diamond?
- Right.
674
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:52,390
Wow...
675
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:55,558
You know, I can't wait to see
how you bring the boots into it.
676
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,911
Well, the boots belong
to Johnny Lesh, don't they?
677
00:54:59,240 --> 00:55:01,515
No. What's he got to do with them?
678
00:55:01,720 --> 00:55:04,951
- Listen. These guys...
- Hey, Zeki. How about a break?
679
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:06,559
- I need a piss.
- Sure.
680
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:10,150
Me too, if you'll excuse me.
681
00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:17,515
Hey! How's it going?
682
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:19,952
Terrific!
683
00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:23,949
- Hand over that cappuccino.
- Wait. Let me fix this mouthpiece.
684
00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:26,398
- Fuck!
- What's up?
685
00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:29,752
I dropped it... OK, 10-minute break
while I look for it.
686
00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:56,236
- Yakari!
- Yakari?
687
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:02,839
Hamle ba Yakari! Haride Yakari!
Tannare Yakari!
688
00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:07,232
Hanyere had Yakari! Kam le Yakari!
Koppe Yakari!
689
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:12,276
Aziz Efendi, I'm using my intuition...
Greetings, Iron Leg!
690
00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:20,117
- Hello, Eagle Eye!
- Are you taking the piss?
691
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:24,718
- Well, Unwanted Hair of the Cherokees...
- The Cherokees?
692
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:28,437
The Grand Cherokees...
My friends Pajero and Pontiac.
693
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:30,312
We bring greetings to the chief.
694
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:02,596
Beat that! Let's see your cards.
695
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:04,678
Hello, chief!56621
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