Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

KEEF: Hey, yo. Check this out.

� When'd you draw that? CLOVIS: Let me see that.

KEEF: I didn't. � Nah, we looking at it.

So they did a new Toast�N�Butter,

and somebody else drew it?

� Yes. Exactly.

I thought I had 60 days to pay the advance back.

You know, I figured they would just, you know,

put 'em away in a vault, and then when��

that magical moment when I had some money,

I would get 'em back.

� So never?

� You're the least helpful person I've ever met.

� What? I told you I'd sign a contract.

� Uh, no, no, no, no.

I do believe your words were: "♪ We getting that money ♪

♪ We getting that money, nigga ♪"

� With, like, the finger guns and all that?

� Very little finger guns, yes.

� Oh, yeah, that sound like me.

� Gosh, black people are the worst at

holding onto their shit.

� Hmm?

� Am I allowed to say that?

CLOVIS: Mm, yeah. � Yeah, sure. Who cares?

� Whatever, man. So what'd you do

with the advance, bro?

I mean, you got no clothes and you got no car

and your bed ain't shit.

� Uh, can we not bring my sidewalk sofa bed into this?

And, look, I didn't spend my money on frivolous things.

I used it to pay back student loans.

� But education's supposed to make you smart, not broke.

[Gunther scoffs] KEEF: Remember that time where

I said that you're the least helpful person

I've ever met? CLOVIS: Mm�hmm.

� You just gonna double down on that?

� I'm just trying to help.

GUNTHER: That is wild, dude.

I thought for sure Bloom & Hill

was just, like, flexing

or something, you know.

� All right, big corporations don't "flex."

They devour.

� Well, they're not devouring me.

� Where you going? � Uh, to settle this

once and for all. GUNTHER: Oh, shit.

He said it all tough. What, with fisticuffs?

� Oh, he finna put hands? [Gunther laughs]

� No, time�out. No, not��none of that.

Okay? I'm gonna use the legal system.

I contacted Lawyers for the Arts.

Yeah, they hooked me up with a guy in Noe Valley.

He's gonna squeeze me in. � Noe Valley?

� Yeah, Noe Valley.

� I'm coming.

KEEF: Okay, if you're coming, I'm gonna have

to hear an oral argument. Go.

� Udders and Teats. BOTH: What?

� Udders and Teats.

� Just 'cause you repeated it doesn't mean

I know what the fuck you're saying.

� Udders and Teats, the ice cream shop.

Yeah, I hear they have a secret stash

of breast milk ice cream.

Oh, I gotta try it.

� Oh, shit, I'm down. Let's do this.

� Wait, you, Clovatius Jackson,

you're gonna eat breast milk ice cream?

� Proud of you. � Uh, yeah. Why not?

� You won't even eat corn that hasn't been shucked properly.

� Like, what's the difference? I mean, it's, like��what��

Ben & Jerry's mixed with yogurt and cream cheese?

� Oh, my God, you think it tastes like cheese?

CLOVIS: So? � What, is the last time

you had breast milk when you were a baby?

[Gunther laughs] BOTH: What?

� What? My...

I mean, that's when I had it as well.

It's just I had a really strong infant memory,

so I just recall it being

very sweet and delicious like nectar.

[hard rock music]

♪ ♪

SINGER: ♪ We about to go off, off, off ♪

♪ When the speakers go, blow, blow, blow ♪

♪ Everybody turn up, up, up ♪

♪ It's about to go down, down, down ♪

♪ Make the whole room spin, spin, spin ♪

♪ Turn the bass up loud, loud, loud ♪

♪ We about to go in, in, in ♪

♪ And we can't stop now, now, now ♪

♪ Work it out, dance, don't stop, don't stop ♪

♪ Don't stop, don't, dance, don't stop, don't stop ♪

♪ Don't stop, don't, dance, don't stop, don't stop ♪

♪ Don't stop, come on, do I have your attention? ♪

♪ Work it out ♪

[applause] � Whoo!

[car horn honks]

� Now, see, this is why I hate the bus, dawg.

God.

I don't wanna talk to these people.

I don't wanna be around these people.

I don't want nothing to do

with these people, man.

� "These people" are San Francisco.

CLOVIS: No, these people are freaks, bruh.

Look at 'em.

God, and every bus the same, man.

See, you got your little skater kids over here

with their little hipster clothes on.

"Check out my killer drift, bro."

And��oh, you got your God Squad over here,

ready to infect you with their guilt,

which ain't no worse than Patient Zero over here,

who will infect you with��I don't know��

the coronavirus or SARS

or some other shit they haven't named yet.

[funky music]

Uh, can't forget about the pervert.

Look at him. Can't even see his hands.

Yeah. You know what that is.

But I'd take the perverts over the crazies.

Perverts, they only got one move, bro.

They're predictable.

But with those crazies��shit.

You don't know what's coming, bro.

KEEF: "Same 'Toast,' different 'Butter.'"

What the fuck does that mean?

� Yo, you need to chill with that, all right?

You are officially obsessed. � Shut up.

I'm not obsessed. I'm just��I don't get it.

Okay? It doesn't make sense.

It's not funny.

And it lacks the spirit of the original.

And even if it did, this is just nonsense and hijinks, you know.

Me, myself, I've elevated.

I've grown my game, and so should the comic

that bears my name.

CLOVIS: Yeah. Enough about Toast�N�Butter.

[cell phone dings] Is the milk fresh?

� I'm��I'm not sure that actual naked breast will be there.

The��the ice cream is already made.

KEEF: Okay, how slow is this bus?

� Now that you say so, I think the dude

in the wheelchair, I think it's, like,

his third time passing us, bro.

[cell phones dinging] GUNTHER: Yo, you can't be

clowning people in wheelchairs.

That's bad karma. Now the bus is gonna explode.

CLOVIS: I'm not making fun of people in wheelchairs.

I'm making fun of this slow�ass city bus.

We got shit to do. He gotta go see a lawyer.

We gotta get in on those Udders and Teats.

Time is money, baby. What the hell is going on?

� It's because of Kubby. KEEF: Jesus, man.

Who the hell is Kubby?

Please don't say your penis.

� Kubby the Koala, from the zoo.

Yeah, he escaped.

� What? MAN: He was spotted in the area.

Yeah, and we might get to see him.

Keep a lookout. � Okay, that would be cool,

but I'm a little worried about the guy.

� You mean to tell me all this traffic

is because of a bear?

� Not just any bear, a koala.

� Still a bear, though�� koala bear.

So... � No, it's a marsupial, actually.

� Oh, no. What was I thinking?

� They say he's very smart.

MAN: Yeah. � He is. He is.

MAN: No, he can do sign language

with his little paws.

� Yeah, he can paint. KEEF: Really?

GUNTHER: Yeah. KEEF: Yeah, I'm sure that's

not even a little bit true.

� You didn't even know about him

until, like, three minutes ago.

� Yeah, but I know he can't do

sign language. I'm just saying.

CLOVIS: Yeah, Keef.

Why you hating on Kubby like that, bro?

� You're hurting his feelings.

� The mayor's office is posting live updates.

KEEF: Are you serious? MAN: Yeah.

� They got nothing better to do?

� There's nothing better or more important than this.

� Oh, no, I can look out the window and point to

two or three things they could be doing.

� See, look, look. These are all the Kubby sightings.

KEEF: These are the Kubby sightings?

� Yeah, yeah. � Oh, my God.

So right now, Kubby is in, uh, Bernal Heights,

also in, um, Outer Sunset,

but Kubby's also at the Mission.

Man, that's exciting and also impossible.

� [mouths word] � He's fast.

MAN: Hey.

How��how far would you run for freedom?

CLOVIS: Yeah, Keef. How far, bro?

� Look, guys.

It's not that I don't care about the bear.

I just don't have time to care about the bear, okay?

I got places to be. � Kubby's just not any bear.

� You know what? You're absolutely right.

You know, I heard that Kubby can code.

� Really? � Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

I wasn't gonna say anything, but you're right.

He's not just any bear.

Legend has it Bill Gates tried to hire him

for an entry�level position, but the zoo said, "No.

"That's too inhumane.

He should be locked in a cage, not an office."

SKATE KID: Did you hear that? Kubby can code.

[Steve Lacy's "Playground"]

♪ ♪

LACY: ♪ Know you wanna play 'round ♪

♪ Well, baby I'm on the playground ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hop on up, get on down ♪

� Yes. No, I��I'll be there.

I promise.

I��I...

I just had a bit of a delay. I know.

I understand. I get it.

I do. Um...

yes, I've heard about Kubby.

WOMAN: Oh, my God, Kubby is literally my spirit animal.

� He may look cute, but he's still a wild animal.

Now they say if you see him, don't approach him,

don't feed him, and no selfies.

CLOVIS: Man, I do not fuck with bears, bro.

Shit��grizzly bears, koala bears,

the Chicago Bears...

shit��Bear Grylls, bare naked��

� Okay, you can stop now. � Bare necessities.

[laughs]

� Oh, shit.

CLOVIS: What? � It's happening.

� What's happening?

� Planet of the Apes, man��

only this is with koala bears.

Oh, yeah.

And, just for the record, I am a Heston apes fan.

I like the way their mouths move in the movie.

It was really cool. But the Franco one was dope,

and it told the origin story, which is important.

You know, if you don't learn from history,

you're doomed to repeat it with koalas.

� Bro, it's a koala. It's not evolving into shit.

And that was a movie. � And this is reality.

What's your point, man? This is it for us.

It's a wrap for the human race. We're done.

We had our chance. It's the koala�pocalypse.

They're taking over. Look at this!

It's already begun, and now it is the koalas' time to rise.

You watch. Kubby will lead the charge.

Ha. KEEF: Deep breaths, calm down.

It's okay. Bring it down. Bring it down.

� It's happening. I'm telling you.

MAN: Oh, my God. Look how cool this is.

They got pictures of when Kubby was a baby.

� Oh!

MAN: In this photo, he's wearing a coat.

[people murmuring]

CHARLIE: Excuse me. Pardon me.

Hi, my name is Charlie.

Uh, sorry to bother you,

but anything you could spare would be great.

[solemn music]

♪ ♪

� God, it's so warm in here.

It is warm in here.

� They found Kubby!

MAN: What? [all cheer]

ALL: Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby!

Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby!

Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! � Oh, the rising begins.

ALL: Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby!

Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby!

Kubby! Kubby! Kubby!

Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby!

Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby!

Kubby! Kubby! Kubby!

[bus brakes squeaking]

� And she's stopping the bus. Why is she stopping the bus?

POLICE OFFICER: Folks, so sorry for the interruption,

but there's a wild animal on the loose.

Kubby has been spotted in the vicinity.

Police are securing the area.

We don't want to scare the poor little guy

any more than he already is.

We need everyone to stay on the bus,

but we'll get you moving again as soon as possible.

� No, no, ma'am. Sorry. Sorry.

Uh, that can't happen. I have a very important

appointment with a lawyer, actually.

So it's legal, so you should know how the drill goes.

I should go, and then lock them up if you want.

� Like I said: no one is getting off this bus.

� [whispers] Fuck my life.

� See?

If you were still driving for the rideshare company,

this shit wouldn't have happened.

[car horns blaring]

[soft tense music]

♪ ♪

[Keef exhales sharply]

� I'm gonna miss my appointment.

I'm gonna miss my appointment, and then tomorrow,

Toast�N�Butter will be the new spokesman for ISIS.

� [scoffs] Yeah, I don't know if that's their demographic.

CLOVIS: No, I don't know, bro.

ISIS do do a lot of work with the kids, man.

� [whispers] To hell with this shit.

Son of a...

[horn blaring intensifies]

Ma'am, uh, can you open the doors, please, so I can go?

� Can you stand behind the red line, please?

� Sorry about that.

I just, um��I have an appointment with a lawyer.

It's very important, and it was really hard for him to squeeze me in.

And if I miss this appointment, it'll be another week

or possibly more before I can get another appointment.

So I hope you understand.

� You heard the officer.

There is a wild animal out there.

No one's getting off this bus until she gives me the say�so.

� I just feel like that's, uh�� I feel like that's illegal.

� Well, then you can take it up with God,

and by God, I mean the San Francisco Transit Authority.

� You could literally just��

[laughs]

Oh, boy. [inhales sharply]

The universe��the universe is mocking me.

[cell phone bleeps] � Oh! Look, everyone.

They started a GoFundMe for Kubby.

It's up to 12K!

� To help him with what? MAN: They sent me the link.

WOMAN: Do you think they take Bitcoin?

� Wow. You know what?

I'll spot you two guys, make a donation in your name.

� Christ, man. I gotta get off this bus.

� We all do. Chill.

� Yeah, man, quit being so selfish.

Why don't you think about it from Kubby's point of view?

How do you think he feels right now?

WOMAN: He's not just any bear.

He can code.

� The bear cannot code! � He can.

� I'm sorry, he can't. I made that up.

Surprise.

He does not work for Bill Gates.

� No, he works for Jeff Bezos, not Bill Gates.

KEEF: Really? MALE VOICE: Keef.

� What? MALE VOICE: My son...

yes.

Follow my voice.

� I need to��I need a moment, you guys.

Just give me a second.

[inhales deeply]

� Hello, my son.

KEEF: [sighs]

[church organ playing]

So a Bible. That's new.

So what do you want?

� Your very soul.

[thunderclap]

Kidding��just kidding.

Jesus, man. You gotta loosen up.

� You��you want me to loosen up?

I'm trap on a bus filled with a bunch of people

who think a bear can code.

Let's get to the point�� Toast�N�Butter.

I need to go and save 'em, so help me get off this bus.

� You know, Kubby has a lot more to do

with your journey than you think.

� Come on, now. I don't have time for this shit.

� Maybe you should be talking to a shrink.

I have several I can recommend.

It helped Abraham.

� What?

Yeah, of course, but��God damn it, man.

GUNTHER: Oh, my God. KEEF: Do something...

� You're the crazy guy on the bus.

� I'm the cra��

[laughs]

Stop. No, I'm not.

I'm just�� [sniffs]

I'm not the crazy guy on the bus, okay?

You're the one who thinks that

a koala is gonna spawn a mutant army.

� Yeah.

KEEF: And she thinks he can code,

and this guy over here thinks

butter is a vegetable, and...

GUNTHER: Okay, now you're just saying words.

CLOVIS: Hey, Keef.

Are you a'ight, Keef? � Yeah, I'm fine.

I just��this bear is bugging me.

I don't know.

GUNTHER: I mean, look at it on the bright side.

It's a nice thing. It's bringing people together.

Who cares if it's a stupid, supersmart koala?

� You know there are other things

people come together over, right?

How 'bout we try coming together over��

I don't know��climate change?

Huh? Ever thought about that?

Everybody's on this bus for a reason; we're all broke.

Hmm? How 'bout high rent?

Or this dude. He needs some help.

Huh?

Anybody ever look him in the eye?

Anybody ever give this dude a dime?

Yeah, but you'll empty your bank accounts

to send Kubby to college.

BUS DRIVER: [gasps] Oh, my God.

They killed Kubby.

[all exclaim]

BUS DRIVER: Put him in a choke hold.

� This day is never going to end.

MAN: These fucking monsters. [overlapping chatter]

MAN: Got it on video.

� Oh, shit. Keef, check this out.

� I don't wanna see the video. Dude, come on.

He's dead, and I'm sorry about that,

but this shit is ridiculous.

� Oh, my gosh, you should watch it, dude. This is history.

CLOVIS: Gunther, he don't wanna see the video, bro.

GUNTHER: He has to.

It's our Harambe.

POLICE OFFICER: Code Kubby�� I think I've got him.

[grunting] [Kubby squealing]

Come on. Come on!

I got you, you fucking rodent.

[overlapping shouting]

POLICE OFFICER: Don't move. KEEF: No, no, no! You got the wrong guy!

[Kubby squealing] [helicopter whirring]

POLICE OFFICER: Get that camera out of my face.

� No!

[laughs uncomfortably] Anybody else hot?

[Kubby continues squealing]

[tense music]

Fuck. Oh, boy. [bell dinging]

These windows don't open either?

Can we not open a window or is it just the doors?

Or... [laughs]

CLOVIS: Keef, you tripping, bro.

� I'm not tripping, okay? I'm hot.

I need air, hence the beads of sweat on my forehead.

That's what that's meant to convey.

� Okay, and I want some titty milk ice cream.

I'm not trying to break open doors.

[Keef grunts] [doors rattle]

BUS DRIVER: Sir�� CLOVIS: Hey, Keef.

You a'ight? � I'm okay!

Will you stop asking me if I'm all right?

Doesn't it look like I'm fine?

WOMAN: Uh, it doesn't look like you're fine.

You might wanna see a doctor.

� I'm not sick. � I don't know, man.

I��I��I don't think she's talking about

that type of doctor, bro.

GUNTHER: You know what, dude?

Maybe you should see a shrink.

It's not a bad idea.

� Can you just let me off the damn bus, please?

� Like I said, not gonna happen.

[alarm blaring in distance]

[overlapping voices]

� [softly] Ahh.

[laughs]

[piercing dramatic music]

♪ ♪

ALL: No! [overlapping shouting]

BUS DRIVER: Step off! Step away��

KEEF: I'm��okay. CLOVIS: Chill, bro.

[Keef panting]

� Oh, my God.

[inhales sharply] Bless your sweet, little heart.

Uh...

� Oh, no, you don't. You cannot��

� Hey, chill. I got it.

� Sir�� � I'm just getting some air.

[shrieks]

� Oh, hell no. GUNTHER: Keef...

don't forget your bag. KEEF: Whoa!

[grunts]

[thudding] � What the fuck is he doing?

[all groaning]

Damn! GUNTHER: Fucking trooper.

� Oh.

I think he might be fucked up.

[crowd shouting]

� [muttering]

Hey, yo, Keef, slow down.

KEEF: What? CLOVIS: Hey, motherfuckers on

the Underground Railroad didn't walk this fast,

and they had dogs behind them, bro.

� I need to go home. CLOVIS: Goddamn.

� Yo, check it out, got a Kubby shirt.

Why are you looking at me like that?

KEEF: Judas. � Judas?

� Yeah, he chose sides and so did you.

GUNTHER: Choosing sides? I bought a shirt.

� I had to do one thing today�� one thing��

and I couldn't even do that.

� Why can't you just go to a lawyer tomorrow?

� Because my free appointment was for today.

Today. CLOVIS: Whoa, man, chill.

You gotta let that shit go.

� It doesn't matter if I should let it go

or if you think I'm obsessing or whatever.

It should be my choice, and they just took 'em.

And I can't do anything about it.

They can take my work, and I can't do anything.

They can take my��they can take my life!

Ain't nobody out here crying for me!

� Dude... � Hey, what's really going on, bro?

� Look, all I know is that somebody's out there right now

getting their ass beat for doing nothing but breathing.

Okay? And nobody gives a damn.

You got six�year�olds locked in cages and shit,

and everybody's out here crying over a fucking koala named Kubby.

LORNA: We have just heard from animal control that

the offending officer has been terminated!

[crowd clamoring]

No, no.

That is not enough.

We the people will not rest until the mayor,

the city assessor, and the toll operator

on the left side of the Bay Bridge

when you're coming back from Oakland resign!

[cheers and applause]

As we listen to

the sweet siren sounds of the Digeridoo�dads,

please come and share your thoughts

and feelings...on the Kubby Wall of Tears.

� I got something I would like to share.

LORNA: Great, come on down. CLOVIS: What is he doing?

KEEF: Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Thank you.

[crowd shouting]

From the heart, you know what I mean?

Kubby meant so much. This is from me.

[crowd murmuring]

[crowd jeering, booing]

� Fuck you.

� Cool, man. Yeah, that makes sense.

Fuck me, 'cause that's what

you've been telling me this whole time.

Fuck me.

� Nobody cares what you have to say.

� Believe me, sir, I am well aware that

nobody cares about me.

Y'all don't care about, uh��uh, people getting choked out.

You care when we get shot?

Hmm? � Oh shit, man.

� [laughs]

Y'all don't care about that shit at all.

You know what you do care about?

Kubby. It's very evident.

And that's good. You should care about Kubby.

But you know who else you should care about?

People.

MAN: Yo, why does it always have to be about race?

KEEF: Hold it. It's not just about race.

It's about justice.

� Look, calm down, man, or I'm gonna call 911.

� Has anybody seen his sign?

[man shouting]

G��you know what? Fuck me? Fuck you.

Give me this shit. [crowd screaming]

� So sh��should we get him?

� No. No, actually.

I think he needs this. It's good for him.

KEEF: Are you shitting me?

Sh��you��what the fuck?

Oh, so cute.

[glass shatters] [crowd booing]

Oops.

[crowd jeering]

[glass shatters] We are not Kubby!

[overlapping shouting]

� Okay, yeah. No, now we should probably get him.

� No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This shit just getting interesting now.

� Oh, it's Kubby. Oh.

Oh! Go get him!

[all booing]

ALL: Kubby! Kubby! Kubby! Kubby!

[Brenda Lee's "I'm Sorry"]

♪ ♪

LEE: ♪ I'm sorry ♪

♪ So sorry ♪

♪ That I was ♪

♪ Such a fool ♪

� [panting]

Okay.

I think I need to see somebody.

LEE: ♪ Love could be so cruel ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You tell me ♪

♪ Mistakes ♪

♪ Are part of being young ♪

♪ But that doesn't right ♪

♪ The wrong that's been done ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm sorry ♪

♪ So sorry ♪

♪ I'm sorry ♪