Original subtitles

[mellow music]

� Keef, this is, like, a big night for you.

Dude, you should be celebrating.

Everyone at the salon tonight loved your work.

� Adrienne.

� Keef.

� I'm sorry, I messed up.

� Did you not hear me? I said I don't care.

� Yeah, but it's pretty clear that you do.

� No, I don't. We're not together, Keef.

You can blackface me if you want, it's��

� No, look, no, no, no. I didn't blackface you, I��

� Well, I'm pretty sure you did.

� It's more like Rachel Dolezal deal.

� Oh, okay. I don't know who that is.

� The��the white chick who was trying to be��

CLOVIS: I know how to Crip Walk.

I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

AYANA: I don't know, I�� [laughs]

I think your legs are too short to Crip Walk.

� I been doin'�� I been doin' this shit...

AYANA: Oh, no. � I been killin'��

That shit work, right? AYANA: Looks like you a old man.

CLOVIS: Yeah, your ass always drunk, though.

AYANA: Okay, well�� � These motherfuckers here.

What's up, man? � What's up what?

� What are you doin' here?

� We're in the middle of somethin'.

� No, we're not. We're done.

KEEF: Except that we are in the middle of something.

I'm trying to explain to her that I am an idiot.

AYANA: I can just�� � No, no, you can chill.

I tell you what��we gonna do dap, peace, fuck you?

� Dap, peace, what? � Fine, come on, hurry up.

Let's go.

You ready?

� Best two out of three? Shit! � Get out.

ADRIENNE: We're just gonna talk outside. � You know what?

We're just gonna talk outside.

� Mm.

Ooh, boy.

[door opens] GUNTHER: That is what's up.

Smell like tacos in here?

Welcome to my humble home��

Oh... CLOVIS: What the fuck?

� Dap, peace, fuck you for the living room?

[hard rock music]

♪ ♪

[mellow music]

ADRIENNE: I get it.

But I didn't do the cartoon, okay?

And I�I'm not hung up about this.

� I'm not hung up about it. I'm just aware.

That's all, I'm aware, okay?

The reason why I Dolezaled you

was because I didn't, uh�� I didn't want to dilute the message.

� What's the message?

� I don't have a message necessarily.

� You know, I've dated a lot of guys like you, Keef,

and none of them were this insecure.

� Okay, exactly how many black guys have you been with��

2, 7, 17?

� Including or excluding orgies?

� All right. � And it's none of your business

how many of anything I've dated.

� Look, I'm just saying you're from New Zealand,

you live in San Francisco.

It's not exactly Miami Gardens, that's all.

� Is that a city with a high African�American population?

� Yeah, over 70%. � I'm not from here,

so I don't get your weird references. KEEF: Detroit��I should've��

� Detroit I would've got. � All right, okay.

� Yeah. � Okay, fine.

� I'm talking about artists, Keef, not black people.

Am I the only white girl you've dated?

� I'm from Boston.

You get a free side of white girl

with every lobster roll you purchase.

� Sorry, uh...about everybody in the living room.

ZIGGY: Nah... MARLEY: No...

It's okay. � Yeah?

� It's fine. � This is where we were

all gonna end up anyway, right?

[both moaning] � Okay...

[Marley giggling] [chuckles] All hands on deck, huh?

[laughing] All hands on Gunther.

Very nice. What up, brother?

[Marley giggling] � How are ya?

� You want to go ahead and finally talk about your girl?

� No, no, I don't.

I just want to... fuck up her algorithms.

Netflix, Hulu��all that.

[indistinct speech on TV] � This is some super petty relationship shit.

AYANA: Yeah. � Oh, oh, fuck this, you so�� yo, you cruel.

You cruel!

AYANA: So what do you think?

10 minutes of each of these shitty Lindsay Lohan movies?

� You don't fuck with Lindsay Lohan?

� You fuck with Lindsay Lohan?

� Uh, yeah,

Yo, you confusing her real life with her movies, man.

You trippin'. � Oh...

� Freaky Friday? � Uh�huh.

� Mean Girls. � Mm.

� Herbie? Okay, everybody loves Herbie.

Don't mess with the Lo�han!

� Okay. Speaking of messing...

what's up with Keef's new comics?

� [scoffs] I don't know.

� Your best friend just told a room full of people

that you hate women.

� But I love women. � Do you just not date them,

� or... � Oh, my God!

Look, dude, we have our night, then we go our separate ways.

There's no lying, there's no leading anybody on

like we're gonna be together.

� Wow, spoken like a true romantic.

� Exactly, 'cause I'm the king of that shit. [door opens]

ADRIENNE: Oh, we can talk about it tomorrow.

KEEF: Yeah, but then don't say I didn't try to talk things out.

� People in relationships talk things out.

We get to avoid that shit.

Do you guys stress out this much about dating people of other races?

� I don't know. [door closes]

Can you really remove fetishization from interracial relationships?

Also, who fucking cares?

� Uh, I'll tell you who�� this guy right here.

� No, no, no, I don't care��at all. [door opens]

� Whoa, this place is crowded today.

� Wait��weren't your last two girlfriends Asian?

� Yeah. � Isn't that a fetish?

� No, that's a type. � Oh, so, for you, it's a type,

but for us, it's a fetish.

� Yes. You got it. KEEF: Ah!

� I got it. � Because I'm a black queer woman

and I don't have the power

to perpetuate oppressive sex practices like y'all can.

� I feel like that's wrong, but I can't quite verbalize why.

� Yeah, I don't know what's happening in this conversation,

but I'm team Ayana.

� Thank you. � Hey, don't you have company

to attend to? � Uh...yeah.

I'm just kind of mentally preparing for my threesome.

� Oh!

[mellow hip�hop]

� What'd you think they were coming here for?

� Yeah, I don't know��just to hang out, chitchat.

Maybe play Parcheesi maybe. I don't know.

� Just to be clear��you did meet these two at the salon.

� Yes. � You did mushrooms with them.

� You let them braid your hair. � You cuddled for two hours straight.

� And then you invited them back here to our apartment

for late�night drinks.

� Yes, late�night platonic drinks, yes.

� Yo ass dumb.

� Okay, well, that's your opinion.

I was actually asking for everybody else's opinion.

� I don't know if we can answer that for you.

� Yeah, that's what I was afraid of.

Shit! CLOVIS: I know what it is, bro.

It's the dick. It's that other dick in the room.

You don't want to fuck a dude. I don't want to fuck no dude.

� Of course you don't. You're stunted.

� What? KEEF: And when she says that,

she doesn't just mean physically.

� No, I was talking about sexually.

� Thought you were talking vertically.

� Wait��wait��what?

� Anyway, can we go finish our conversation

� like adults? � Oh, we're being adults now.

Yeah, yeah. Have fun.

� Bye.

� Good luck with the threesome.

� You're gonna be great. [slaps back] � Okay, I��[stammers]

That didn't help.

Oh, my gosh, it's just...

it's just kind of crazy because I've

fantasized about having a threesome

ever since I was, like, a little kid.

If Ziggy was a girl, I wouldn't have a problem with it, but...

God, I'm just��I'm like�� I'm��I'm basic.

I'm disappointed that I'm basic.

� You ain't basic. You like what you like.

What are you talkin' about?

� He is a person. I'm a person.

We're both living in San Francisco

in the year of our Lord, 2020.

I should be more open

to new experiences... � Yeah.

GUNTHER: And fluidity and... � Yeah. � Mm�mm.

� Nut sacks that don't belong to me.

GUNTHER: Right? � Well...

� It's just skin and balls and a sack.

� Well, socially, it is easier for women to be more fluid.

� Sure, because their parts are more inviting.

� Well, we're also more open�minded.

� I'm just saying I think that

boobs are cuter than testicles.

CLOVIS: No, they are. AYANA: I agree. GUNTHER: Right?

CLOVIS: They are. AYANA: Yeah.

� But you keep talkin' about another dude nut sack, so I don't know.

It's not really the conversation I'm trying to have?

� Wow, okay. Well, thanks for nothing.

CLOVIS: You're welcome. � You tried.

� Good luck.

CLOVIS: All right. Hey!

Have a good time. GUNTHER: Thanks.

[mystical music]

[sighs]

Hey, guys!

[mellow pop music playing]

� But I do like you.

And I don't want this to be over before it starts.

� Keef, you don't like me. You think you like me.

You don't like me. � I do like you.

� Okay, right. � I do.

� I'm sure you do. � I�I do!

♪ ♪

� It's complicated, Keef.

And it shouldn't be this complicated. � Everything's complicated.

When is it not complicated? � For some people, it's easy.

� Look, I've done easy.

And it actually turns out it's not that easy, you know?

I just got out of a two�year relationship,

and we didn't have our first fight until the day we broke up.

� Did you say you just got out of a two�year relationship?

Buried the lede, Keef!

Wow!

I mean, am I a�a rebound or...

� You're not a rebou�� No! No, no, no.

Why are you doin' that? No. � No, it's fine.

That's good, I�I'm a big girl. That's fine.

I just want to know, like, how soon after the two�year relationship

did you meet me? 'Cause... � [stammering]

As far as time goes? � Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Months, years�� what are we talking?

♪ ♪

� Two.

� Two... � Weeks.

� Two weeks. Wow.

Well done,

� That's not��okay.

The relationship was over before it was actually over.

� Right, so it was��it was dead but you just stayed in it

just because.

� I'ma stop talkin'. � Yeah, cool.

� 'Cause every time I talk, you just��

� I mean, this is just so predictable for me.

First the EDM DJ and then the heroin dealer

and now the cartoonist.

What is it with me

going for these emotionally unavailable men?

� Um... I got news for you.

You dated a heroin dealer?

Cartoonist is a win.

♪ ♪

� That's funny, Keef.

♪ ♪

[both laughing]

[dogs barking on TV]

� Oh, I love this movie!

� See? I told you!

� Do you want to watch? You want to come sit?

� Ah, thanks, but I got to freshen up.

Where's the bathroom? � It's gonna be right behind you.

Yeah, I know that look.

� What look?

� Dude, you just went, like, tits, ass,

and then calf muscles for some weird reason.

� I'm allowed to look at a beautiful woman.

� And I didn't say you couldn't.

� Especially after the night I had tonight.

� Yeah. It's fucked up when your girl cheat on you.

Right in front of you, too.

� Yeah.

It's crazy.

� Mm�hmm.

You good?

� Yeah. Why?

� I mean, it just sound like it's something else you want to say.

You all right? � No, no, I don't want to say anything else.

It's just a sensitive... subject, and, um,

I...may not be...

completely...

blameless.

� Oh, my God.

You a fuckboi?

� Not a fuckboi, per se.

� Oh, then cheater!

� Okay, no�� � No, no, no, no.

Fuck that. You a cheater!

� I�I wouldn't�� � [laughing]

� I wouldn't identify as a fuckboi.

� You right, you right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

My bad. You a fuckgirl.

[laughing]

That's crazy!

� Hi.

� Hello.

Wow.

Okay.

Right.

Mm�hmm.

Oh, wow! Very nice.

Oh, yeah, sure. Uh�huh.

Thanks.

I'm just gonna... MARLEY: Yeah.

Just right in.

I'm gonna just, uh... [Ziggy and Marley moan]

I guess, uh, I start down here��

� Whoa, whoa! GUNTHER: Whoa, whoa.

� What the fuck? � What?

ZIGGY: Dude! � What?

� You just...

you grabbed my dick.

� What, did I squeeze it too hard or what?

[laughs] � Yeah, I'm�� I'm straight, so...

� [laughs] Okay, yeah, so am I, very straight, obviously.

What��what�� � Then why'd you grab my dick?

� I thought that's what I was supposed to do.

� Uh, well, you know, maybe��maybe don't?

� Okay. Yeah, heck, yeah.

I�I mean, seems a little close�minded after��

MARLEY: Ziggy.

Let him grab your dick.

� What��uh��

Yeah. Yeah, whatever.

Have at it, then. Let's do this.

� Okay, now... it's kind of freakin' me out.

I'm just�� � No, no, I'm ready.

� No, no, no. I'm not ready now, though, and that's the thing.

ZIGGY: No, no, just give me your hand.

MARLEY: Wait�� GUNTHER: No, I just don't think, uh,

I don't��I don't think the time is right.

I don't know if it ever will be right.

I'm just feeling a little vulnerable, a little exposed.

I've got dick on my hands. � How about I��

How about I hold you?

� Yeah, I mean, that�� � Let me hold you.

� Oh, that's nice. You've been very nice to me.

[Marley murmurs] ZIGGY: I'm sorry.

� Okay. � Here you go.

� Yes. I should have��

ZIGGY: Let's just breathe together for a second.

� Wow.

Yeah, I think that the moment's back.

Yeah, let's definitely do it. Screw it, right?

We're here. Might as well. ZIGGY: All right.

[soft pop music continues]

♪ ♪

� Can I ask you a question?

♪ ♪

I just want to know how it felt, uh,

having a room full of people clapping for you.

� Honestly?

Um...I felt validated.

And I know in that moment, I shouldn't have,

but I did, and I felt great.

I really did.

� [chuckles] Well, I get it, I do.

I, um��I get the validation thing.

You know, ten years ago, I made this one piece that was��

I mean, I guess it looked like seaweed, and...

I made it in one afternoon. It was a total afterthought.

But people went nuts for it, and Pink posted a photo of it.

� Pink? � Pink.

� Wow. � The singer��I know.

And ever since then, I've just been trying

to make the same thing again and again.

And the money's good, but... it just feels hollow.

It's like��oof.

� It's uh...it's your own toast and butter.

� Yeah.

And I think my biggest fear

is that maybe now that I'm comfortable,

now that I don't have anything I'm fighting for,

I also don't have anything left to say.

And, like, maybe now that I'm stable, I'm finished.

� Hmm.

You know, I had a stable personal life

and then blew it all up.

� Hmm.

� But that is when you came along.

� And made things even worse.

� Oh, no, no, no, no, no. � Mm.

� You made things a lot better. � Really?

� Oh, a hell of a lot better.

I actually felt like I was making things worse for you.

� Why?

� Well, it just seemed like

you were in a relationship with yourself,

and it looked good.

� Yeah, well, the sex was incredible.

� Was it, now? � Yeah.

� I'd very much like to try it some time.

� How about now?

� Now? Oh��yeah.

Okay. [chuckles]

[funky music]

ADRIENNE: We're doing this. � Yeah, we're doing the sex stuff.

♪ ♪

� Oh, you a hypocrite.

You are a motherfuckin' hypocrite.

� No. � What?

� No, I'm not, just because

I don't adhere to��to the confines

of a monogamous relationship doesn't make me a��

� A cheater!

A straight�up fucking cheater.

Accept it! � Okay.

� Uh�huh. � Yes, I cheated on Zadi.

But that was only because she was being awful

and I was in a very horrible�� � Nah, sis, nah, nah, nah, nah.

See, you not about to rationalize your way

out of this shit, okay?

At least when I lie to women,

they don't even remember it.

Nine times out of ten,

they probably don't even remember me.

� Oh, that's so sad for so many reasons.

� Whatever. You know what?

You out here trying like you saving the world,

like you MLK or some shit.

Yeah, MLK was slapping ass, too.

He had a dream about hos, just like you.

� Okay, first of all,

thank you for comparing me to MLK.

� Uh�huh. � Honored.

� Secondly, MLK saved a whole race of people.

� You never come off of it, do you?

� I don't have to.

� You know, that sounds really exhausting.

� It is. � Uh�huh, I bet.

[rhythmic thumping, woman moaning]

� Can you put the closed captionings on?

[door opens]

[thumping, moaning louder] GUNTHER: Hey.

� What are you doing out here?

� Uh, yeah, sounds to me like the show's still going on,

and, um, the main act out here.

� Just getting, uh, electrolytes, fluids. CLOVIS: Oh.

� You know, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

[thumping, moaning continue, Gunther gulping]

All right. Going back in.

� You should probably take that with you.

[door closes]

Hey, in all honesty,

maybe you should take a page

out of the old threesome musketeers book

and just let your girl know you like fucking multiple people.

� Thank you for that advice,

but... � I'm here.

� I'm not gonna take it. � Wow.

� I'm gonna get back with Zadi

because all this sex talk has got me real horned up.

Bye, Clovis.

� Hey, you a trip! You a cheater! [door opens, closes]

How am I the only person here not getting no ass?

What the fuck?

[Adrienne chuckles, Keef exhales deeply]

� So is this our pattern?

� What do you mean?

� I mean, like we��we have some weird fight,

we make up.

It's what, a six�week cycle?

� We could make it eight. � Hmm.

But then we'd probably have, like, a big fight.

� I'd beg you to stay.

� We have the sweaty, screaming make�up sex.

� Yeah, but then I have to cry in the bathroom after.

� Shit, that again. � Yeah.

� No, but about six months later,

I find out I'm pregnant. � [gasps]

I'm gonna need you to keep that baby.

� But I don't. � And to make up for that...

I propose.

� Which seems like a lot, but we are happy for what...

� Eight weeks? � No.

I think we got 10. � Oh.

� We got 10, yeah. � Yeah, yeah.

� But, uh...then I find out that you've been

emotionally cheating on me with this warehouse girl

that you met in a comic�book chatroom.

� You mean Beatrice. � Oh, Beatrice.

I can't even hear her name. � You're referring to Beatrice.

� Big B. � But then we find out

that Beatrice is a 47�year�old man.

� [laughs] � Yeah.

� It's karma, Keef.

[mellow jazz playing]

� Yeah. � You okay?

� I'm okay, I'm just...

thinking maybe...

♪ ♪

Maybe we... can't do this right now.

� Wow, that's...

that's usually my line.

[sighs]

� But it's... but it's true, right?

� Yeah.

So I guess that we...

we should probably just spare each other

this version of our current fucked�up selves.

� Right.

[Sir's "You Can't Save Me"]

♪ ♪

SINGER: ♪ In another time ♪

♪ In another place, you would be mine ♪

♪ But you can't... ♪

KEEF: Yeah. [mutters]

So good luck.

And, uh, you know...

Should I��I'll call you.

� Don't call me. Don't call me. � No��right?

� You're doing great.

� Okay.

♪ ♪

SINGERS: ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

� See you around.

� Okay.

SINGERS: ♪ Well, you can't save me from myself ♪

♪ ♪

� Yo. � Hmm?

� Trying to check out this little movie?

� Uh...yeah, okay.

[TV beeps]

� Eh...

You still gonna hit it? [door opens]

� [chuckles] [footsteps approaching]

Oh, boy.

� What the fuck are you doing? I thought you was going back in.

� Yeah, they don't even know that I left.

I'm��I'm gonna be honest.

They're so into each other, I couldn't give my dick away.

Ooh, Parent Trap. Vintage Lilo��nice!

� That's what I been saying, bro.

Damn!

It's gonna be all right, dog.

♪ ♪

� That's my kind of threesome.

SINGER: ♪ But you can't save me from myself ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ No, you can't save me from myself ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ ♪