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1
00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:58,833
Hey, Kantmiss!
2
00:00:58,835 --> 00:01:01,970
I am the great
and powerful--
3
00:01:01,972 --> 00:01:03,371
Aah!
4
00:01:03,373 --> 00:01:04,739
Dale!
5
00:01:04,741 --> 00:01:06,007
Just wanted
to surprise you.
6
00:01:06,009 --> 00:01:07,275
You made me miss my shot.
7
00:01:07,277 --> 00:01:08,677
Ow.
8
00:01:08,679 --> 00:01:10,412
Son of a bitch!
My back!
9
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,387
Look what I got.
10
00:01:20,756 --> 00:01:22,290
Is it real?
11
00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:24,726
Ohh!
Psych!
12
00:01:24,728 --> 00:01:25,960
It's gag bread!
13
00:01:26,963 --> 00:01:27,962
Look at you.
14
00:01:29,299 --> 00:01:30,465
Right.
15
00:01:31,534 --> 00:01:32,600
You know...
16
00:01:33,436 --> 00:01:36,104
we could run away
from here.
17
00:01:36,106 --> 00:01:38,006
We could live
someplace else.
18
00:01:38,008 --> 00:01:39,307
Like where?
19
00:01:39,309 --> 00:01:42,444
Anywhere that's
better than here.
20
00:01:42,446 --> 00:01:44,913
Darfur. Syria.
21
00:01:44,915 --> 00:01:46,281
New Jersey.
22
00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:50,085
Dale, that's--that's
romantic and all...
23
00:01:51,721 --> 00:01:53,722
but I can't leave
my sister.
24
00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:55,256
I can't leave either.
25
00:01:55,258 --> 00:01:59,227
My dear, old grandma
depends on me to feed her.
26
00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:04,566
God, I am never
having kids.
27
00:02:04,568 --> 00:02:06,367
I mean, how can
you raise a child
28
00:02:06,369 --> 00:02:07,936
in a world
where they televise
29
00:02:07,938 --> 00:02:11,406
all of life's misery and
inhumanity and then pass it off
30
00:02:11,408 --> 00:02:13,641
as some sort of twisted
entertainment?
31
00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:15,877
"The Hunger Games."
32
00:02:15,879 --> 00:02:17,245
"16 and Pregnant."
33
00:02:17,247 --> 00:02:18,880
Good morning,
34
00:02:18,882 --> 00:02:20,582
hungry citizens
of District 12.
35
00:02:20,584 --> 00:02:23,251
In today's news,
we still have no food,
36
00:02:23,253 --> 00:02:25,086
and the weather
will be shitty.
37
00:02:25,088 --> 00:02:26,187
Oh, and don't forget,
38
00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:28,656
today is
the Gathering Ceremony,
39
00:02:28,658 --> 00:02:31,259
so, parents, please bring
your beloved children
40
00:02:31,261 --> 00:02:33,928
to the square
for a random death lottery.
41
00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:35,196
Thank you.
42
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,400
I heard that some kids
are so afraid
43
00:02:39,402 --> 00:02:40,769
of getting picked
for the Games
44
00:02:40,771 --> 00:02:42,937
that they'll actually
try to get disqualified
45
00:02:42,939 --> 00:02:45,807
by injuring or
maiming themselves.
46
00:02:45,809 --> 00:02:47,375
That's an urban legend.
47
00:02:51,248 --> 00:02:53,515
Uhh!
48
00:03:05,494 --> 00:03:06,728
Get in line.
49
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:11,833
Oh, come on,
bitch.
50
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:24,846
Ipso facto p--
51
00:03:24,848 --> 00:03:26,581
Your movie franchise
is over.
52
00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:27,782
Get back in line.
53
00:03:27,784 --> 00:03:28,817
Get back in line.
54
00:03:28,819 --> 00:03:30,718
Bloody dick.
55
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,520
Hey, no talking.
56
00:03:33,989 --> 00:03:35,857
Keep it moving.
57
00:03:35,859 --> 00:03:37,992
I gotta find my sister.
58
00:03:37,994 --> 00:03:39,194
Good luck.
59
00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:45,500
Petunia.
Kantmiss.
60
00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:48,937
Hey, Mom.
61
00:03:51,707 --> 00:03:55,210
I'm scared, Kantmiss.
I'm scared.
62
00:03:55,212 --> 00:03:57,579
Hey, hey, don't be.
I got you this.
63
00:03:57,581 --> 00:04:01,449
It's the most courageous bird
that there is...
64
00:04:01,451 --> 00:04:03,017
a chicken.
65
00:04:03,019 --> 00:04:05,086
When you wear this,
nothing bad can happen to you.
66
00:04:06,523 --> 00:04:08,256
Shh. Shh.
No, don't cry.
67
00:04:08,258 --> 00:04:10,024
You're gonna
be fine, okay?
68
00:04:10,026 --> 00:04:11,726
I promise.
69
00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:18,366
Keep moving.
70
00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:27,609
Line up!
71
00:04:27,611 --> 00:04:30,645
Girls on the right.
Boys on the left!
72
00:04:34,383 --> 00:04:39,487
Welcome to the 75th annual
Starving Games.
73
00:04:42,224 --> 00:04:44,659
Oh. Oh! Ohh!
74
00:04:49,899 --> 00:04:51,399
Hey.
Ohh!
75
00:04:52,569 --> 00:04:54,269
But that was
my sausage!
76
00:04:54,271 --> 00:04:57,338
And now a video
from our esteemed leader,
77
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:59,173
President Snowballs.
78
00:05:04,213 --> 00:05:06,414
He once killed
his own mother...
79
00:05:08,652 --> 00:05:11,986
because she forgot to cut
the crust off his PB&J.
80
00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:16,991
His only Facebook friend
is Mel Gibson.
81
00:05:18,094 --> 00:05:19,360
He has an online blog
82
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,896
that gives away
the endings of movies
83
00:05:21,898 --> 00:05:25,166
without ever using the
disclaimer "spoiler alert."
84
00:05:25,168 --> 00:05:26,734
What?
He is...
85
00:05:26,736 --> 00:05:29,938
the most terrible man
in the world.
86
00:05:31,473 --> 00:05:33,374
I don't always like beer,
87
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:36,978
but when I want one,
I choose Tres Equis.
88
00:05:39,515 --> 00:05:42,016
Tastes like piss water.
89
00:05:42,018 --> 00:05:43,084
Aah!
90
00:05:46,789 --> 00:05:49,023
Every year, I make you
watch this video,
91
00:05:49,025 --> 00:05:51,292
because, well,
you're dumb.
92
00:05:52,695 --> 00:05:54,262
People forget
how in the past
93
00:05:54,264 --> 00:05:55,530
shit really hit the fan.
94
00:05:57,366 --> 00:06:00,134
Corporations got too big,
and people lost trust.
95
00:06:01,738 --> 00:06:04,439
They staged sit-ins.
They rioted.
96
00:06:04,441 --> 00:06:07,108
You elected Lady Gaga
as President
97
00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:08,943
and her running mate
Nicki Minaj.
98
00:06:08,945 --> 00:06:10,979
That's why we wear
these kooky clothes now
99
00:06:10,981 --> 00:06:12,714
and have bizarre hairdos.
100
00:06:14,451 --> 00:06:15,650
Then I took over
101
00:06:15,652 --> 00:06:17,218
and separated the country
into districts
102
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:19,053
so that stupid shit
never happened again.
103
00:06:19,055 --> 00:06:20,755
Aah!
104
00:06:23,226 --> 00:06:24,892
You've proven that democracy
doesn't work,
105
00:06:24,894 --> 00:06:27,195
and I'm here, in my sixth
self-proclaimed term,
106
00:06:27,197 --> 00:06:29,430
to ensure that all free will
is expunged,
107
00:06:29,432 --> 00:06:31,566
never to rear
its ugly head again.
108
00:06:41,678 --> 00:06:44,045
Yes, that brings us
to today.
109
00:06:44,047 --> 00:06:47,215
Just to prove what
a sick, sadistic prick I am
110
00:06:47,217 --> 00:06:48,783
and how you have
no control...
111
00:06:49,886 --> 00:06:51,819
and admittedly after
watching "The Running Man"
112
00:06:51,821 --> 00:06:53,855
and the Japanese
cult hit "Battle Royale,"
113
00:06:53,857 --> 00:06:55,356
I came up with
the Starving Games.
114
00:06:55,358 --> 00:06:57,792
Two kids from each district
are selected
115
00:06:57,794 --> 00:07:00,628
to play a game to the death
with only one survivor.
116
00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:03,064
The winner is to be
showered with a bounty,
117
00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:05,533
including an old ham...
118
00:07:05,535 --> 00:07:08,036
Oh, I love old ham.
119
00:07:08,038 --> 00:07:09,437
this coupon to Subway--
120
00:07:09,439 --> 00:07:11,939
buy any foot-long
for a six-inch price--
121
00:07:11,941 --> 00:07:13,007
and...
122
00:07:16,278 --> 00:07:17,712
a partially eaten pickle.
123
00:07:17,714 --> 00:07:20,281
So happy Starving Games,
124
00:07:20,283 --> 00:07:23,451
and may the odds be
never in your favor.
125
00:07:29,925 --> 00:07:31,459
A President Snowballs
production.
126
00:07:31,461 --> 00:07:35,763
Now let the gathering
begin! Ahem.
127
00:07:53,315 --> 00:07:55,683
Hugh Janus.
128
00:07:55,685 --> 00:07:58,019
Hmm?
129
00:07:58,021 --> 00:08:00,922
No? Yeah. All right.
130
00:08:00,924 --> 00:08:02,190
I'll pick again. Heh.
131
00:08:04,893 --> 00:08:06,260
Phil Mahooters.
132
00:08:08,431 --> 00:08:10,531
Please, Phil Mahooters?
133
00:08:14,470 --> 00:08:16,471
Dean Gullberry.
134
00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:19,407
Everyone look around.
135
00:08:19,409 --> 00:08:21,576
Check behind you
for a Dean Gullberry.
136
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:34,455
This is being televised
around the country!
137
00:08:35,457 --> 00:08:36,858
You won't be laughing
138
00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:39,227
when two of you are picked
and thrown into the arena
139
00:08:39,229 --> 00:08:40,495
for your
most certain deaths.
140
00:08:43,165 --> 00:08:44,365
Ahem.
141
00:08:49,338 --> 00:08:50,638
It's okay.
142
00:08:57,980 --> 00:09:00,081
Petunia Evershot.
143
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:07,889
Whoo!
144
00:09:07,891 --> 00:09:09,557
Yes! Yes!
145
00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:10,925
I didn't get picked.
146
00:09:10,927 --> 00:09:12,894
Hoo-whoo!
147
00:09:12,896 --> 00:09:15,396
Hoo! Whoo! Yeah!
148
00:09:21,204 --> 00:09:22,603
Whoo! Come on!
Gimme some.
149
00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:25,039
Yeah. One more.
Oh! Whew.
150
00:09:32,147 --> 00:09:34,682
But I got picked.
151
00:09:40,189 --> 00:09:41,923
Petunia, I am so sorry.
152
00:09:45,494 --> 00:09:47,495
Petunia, no. Not fair.
153
00:09:47,497 --> 00:09:49,630
Do not give me
those puppy-dog eyes.
154
00:09:55,538 --> 00:09:57,438
I volunteer!
155
00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:58,606
Oh.
156
00:09:58,608 --> 00:10:00,474
I volunteer
for the Starving Games!
157
00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:02,476
Thanks, big sis.
158
00:10:02,478 --> 00:10:04,779
Oh! If you never make it
back from the Games,
159
00:10:04,781 --> 00:10:06,614
can I eat
your pet hamster?
160
00:10:07,817 --> 00:10:08,616
What?
161
00:10:11,354 --> 00:10:14,021
Come, dear.
162
00:10:15,959 --> 00:10:20,528
Now let's pick a boy to
join you in the games.
163
00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:22,463
I volunteer also!
164
00:10:22,465 --> 00:10:23,864
Who said that?
165
00:10:23,866 --> 00:10:25,266
I did.
166
00:10:25,268 --> 00:10:26,801
I'm Peter Malarkey.
167
00:10:28,537 --> 00:10:30,137
Oh.
168
00:10:35,310 --> 00:10:36,310
Hey, Kantmiss.
169
00:10:38,747 --> 00:10:42,250
I volunteered
because I like you,
170
00:10:42,252 --> 00:10:43,517
a lot, and I--
I'm sorry.
171
00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:44,552
Do I know you?
172
00:10:44,554 --> 00:10:45,953
Um...
173
00:10:47,322 --> 00:10:49,457
I'm--I'm the baker's son.
174
00:10:49,459 --> 00:10:51,525
I once fed you
when you were hungry.
175
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,461
Oh, right.
176
00:10:53,463 --> 00:10:55,963
You gave me
that walnut bread.
177
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:57,164
Yeah.
178
00:10:57,166 --> 00:10:58,332
Yeah.
179
00:10:58,334 --> 00:11:00,201
I have a severe
nut allergy,
180
00:11:00,203 --> 00:11:01,202
and I almost died.
181
00:11:04,139 --> 00:11:07,341
Let's hear it for
our contestants!
182
00:11:22,324 --> 00:11:25,293
And don't forget to tune in
to the Starving Games
183
00:11:25,295 --> 00:11:28,429
after the season finale
of "Downton Abbey."
184
00:11:28,431 --> 00:11:29,530
Can't we say
our goodbyes?
185
00:11:29,532 --> 00:11:30,765
Of course, dear.
186
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:33,834
The Capital isn't
completely inhumane.
187
00:11:33,836 --> 00:11:35,303
You got 9 seconds.
188
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,240
Petunia!
Kantmiss!
189
00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:43,377
Don't worry. You're in
good hands with Mom.
190
00:11:50,819 --> 00:11:53,020
What's up with
that Peter dude?
191
00:11:53,022 --> 00:11:53,954
What?
192
00:11:53,956 --> 00:11:55,723
I mean he's
a total dork, right?
193
00:11:56,625 --> 00:11:58,326
How much do you
think he benches?
194
00:11:58,328 --> 00:11:59,393
Uh...
195
00:11:59,395 --> 00:12:00,761
Time's up!
196
00:12:03,532 --> 00:12:04,932
Dale!
Yeah?
197
00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:06,667
Promise me you'll
take care of Petunia!
198
00:12:06,669 --> 00:12:09,437
I will,
Kantmiss.
199
00:12:09,439 --> 00:12:10,938
I promise.
200
00:12:10,940 --> 00:12:12,440
Wait!
201
00:12:12,442 --> 00:12:13,441
Later.
202
00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:18,145
Shitheads.
203
00:12:32,327 --> 00:12:33,394
The Nike Swoosh?
204
00:12:33,396 --> 00:12:34,795
Yes, I started selling
205
00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,163
advertising space
on my face.
206
00:12:36,165 --> 00:12:37,965
Your willingness to sell
out and whore yourself
207
00:12:37,967 --> 00:12:39,967
is the primary reason I
made you head programmer.
208
00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:41,102
Thank you, Mr. President.
209
00:12:41,104 --> 00:12:43,204
How is
the big TV show looking?
210
00:12:43,206 --> 00:12:45,806
Fantastic. We've replaced Charlie
Sheen with Ashton Kutcher,
211
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,875
and no one really
seems to give a shit.
212
00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:50,544
And the Starving Games?
213
00:12:50,546 --> 00:12:51,812
It's gonna be
a great show.
214
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:54,081
We have some
very interesting contestants,
215
00:12:54,083 --> 00:12:56,584
with 2 volunteers
from District 12.
216
00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:58,119
Volunteers.
217
00:12:58,121 --> 00:12:59,720
R-O-T-F-L-O-L.
218
00:12:59,722 --> 00:13:01,389
And because
you made it law
219
00:13:01,391 --> 00:13:04,058
that whoever doesn't watch the
Games would be publicly flogged,
220
00:13:04,060 --> 00:13:05,659
we're expecting
record high ratings.
221
00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:07,395
Well, after
last years debacle,
222
00:13:07,397 --> 00:13:08,896
I really had no choice.
223
00:13:08,898 --> 00:13:11,632
"Celebrity Starving
Games" was a lousy idea.
224
00:13:11,634 --> 00:13:13,401
No one
could have anticipated
225
00:13:13,403 --> 00:13:15,369
that Oprah would eat
all the other contestants.
226
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:20,374
I want this game to go
off without a hitch.
227
00:13:20,376 --> 00:13:21,776
I don't want
some underdog
228
00:13:21,778 --> 00:13:25,146
from a poor district to enter the
Games and stir up the masses
229
00:13:25,148 --> 00:13:27,214
with her archery skills
and her brunette hair
230
00:13:27,216 --> 00:13:29,216
fashioned into a
trademark single braid,
231
00:13:29,218 --> 00:13:31,819
inspiring revolt which will not
only overthrows my presidency,
232
00:13:31,821 --> 00:13:33,954
but also spawns
a successful
233
00:13:33,956 --> 00:13:35,423
four-quadrant
blockbuster.
234
00:13:38,093 --> 00:13:40,194
Ohh!
235
00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:43,831
And I may need
a new gardener.
236
00:13:43,833 --> 00:13:46,100
I'm Stanley Ceaserman,
and this is
237
00:13:46,102 --> 00:13:49,637
"The Starving Games
Countdown Show!"
238
00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:00,314
Tomorrow, the Games begin,
239
00:14:00,316 --> 00:14:02,750
but tonight, we're going
to meet the contestants.
240
00:14:02,752 --> 00:14:03,918
You'll get to know them
241
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,386
through their
touching backstories,
242
00:14:05,388 --> 00:14:07,922
where we'll manipulate you
with heavily edited
243
00:14:07,924 --> 00:14:10,491
home video footage
and tragic testimonials.
244
00:14:10,493 --> 00:14:13,861
Then, when you're emotionally
attached to them,
245
00:14:13,863 --> 00:14:16,597
we'll send them off
to their horrific slaughter.
246
00:14:18,935 --> 00:14:20,835
Let's meet
our first contestant.
247
00:14:20,837 --> 00:14:22,736
Going in order
from District One,
248
00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:24,939
he's the odds-on favorite
to win this thing.
249
00:14:24,941 --> 00:14:26,974
He's blond. He's Waspy.
250
00:14:26,976 --> 00:14:29,477
He's the Aryan youth
incarnate.
251
00:14:29,479 --> 00:14:32,913
He's Marco!
252
00:14:40,055 --> 00:14:41,355
Yeah!
253
00:14:41,357 --> 00:14:43,858
Ahh! Yeah!
254
00:14:46,795 --> 00:14:48,896
Hello, guy.
255
00:14:48,898 --> 00:14:50,531
Tell us
about yourself.
256
00:14:50,533 --> 00:14:53,167
I'm from District One.
It's a prime district.
257
00:14:53,169 --> 00:14:53,968
Who are you?
258
00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:55,236
I'm Cinnamon,
259
00:14:55,238 --> 00:14:56,904
your stylist.
260
00:14:56,906 --> 00:14:58,239
How are you
holding up?
261
00:14:58,241 --> 00:14:59,740
I'm scared.
262
00:14:59,742 --> 00:15:01,542
I don't want to die.
263
00:15:01,544 --> 00:15:03,410
Ahh. I'm here
to tell you
264
00:15:03,412 --> 00:15:04,812
that I
believe in you.
265
00:15:04,814 --> 00:15:05,813
You can win this.
266
00:15:05,815 --> 00:15:07,248
I looked
at your records,
267
00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:10,217
and you are smarter and
craftier than all of them.
268
00:15:10,219 --> 00:15:12,553
Really? You think
that I can win?
269
00:15:12,555 --> 00:15:14,255
Yes, Patricia.
270
00:15:14,257 --> 00:15:15,556
I know it.
271
00:15:15,558 --> 00:15:16,557
Who's Patricia?
272
00:15:18,761 --> 00:15:20,794
You're not the girl
from District Three?
273
00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:23,197
No, I'm from
District 12.
274
00:15:30,005 --> 00:15:31,906
You know, this is
perfectly normal.
275
00:15:31,908 --> 00:15:34,642
You seem like you strong--
276
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:41,248
And now, from District 12,
Peter Malarkey.
277
00:15:43,386 --> 00:15:47,288
So, Peter, tell us,
278
00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:50,925
is there a special
someone in your life?
279
00:15:53,228 --> 00:15:54,295
Yeah.
280
00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:56,730
Yeah, there is someone.
281
00:15:56,732 --> 00:15:59,166
Aww.
Aww.
282
00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:00,968
Ohh.
283
00:16:00,970 --> 00:16:03,304
Well, do tell.
284
00:16:03,306 --> 00:16:05,673
The person's
actually here tonight,
285
00:16:05,675 --> 00:16:08,442
a person who is...
286
00:16:08,444 --> 00:16:10,678
also in the Games.
287
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:11,979
In the Games with you?
288
00:16:11,981 --> 00:16:14,348
Aww.
Aww.
289
00:16:17,586 --> 00:16:20,621
Well, go on.
290
00:16:20,623 --> 00:16:22,289
Well...
291
00:16:22,291 --> 00:16:24,191
it's a person
I've been wanting
292
00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:26,527
to get closer to
for a long time.
293
00:16:26,529 --> 00:16:28,329
You son of a bitch.
294
00:16:29,497 --> 00:16:30,497
So...
295
00:16:30,499 --> 00:16:31,999
tall,
296
00:16:32,001 --> 00:16:33,834
with beautiful eyes
297
00:16:33,836 --> 00:16:36,804
and a smoking
hot bod, but...
298
00:16:36,806 --> 00:16:39,239
you know,
more than anything,
299
00:16:39,241 --> 00:16:40,941
this person's
got a lot of heart.
300
00:16:40,943 --> 00:16:42,376
Aww.
Aww.
301
00:16:42,378 --> 00:16:44,712
Well, you must tell us.
Who is it?
302
00:16:50,785 --> 00:16:52,853
It's Marco!
303
00:16:52,855 --> 00:16:54,722
Me?
304
00:16:54,724 --> 00:16:56,290
Heh.
305
00:16:56,292 --> 00:16:57,091
Huh?
Huh?
306
00:17:00,161 --> 00:17:01,362
Let's hear it
for Peter.
307
00:17:07,636 --> 00:17:08,869
You little shit!
308
00:17:08,871 --> 00:17:11,305
I'm gonna stick
a foot in your ass!
309
00:17:11,307 --> 00:17:14,008
Ohh! Jeez.
310
00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:15,476
What the hell
was that about?
311
00:17:15,478 --> 00:17:17,378
It's called
building an alliance.
312
00:17:18,714 --> 00:17:21,815
Haven't you ever watched
"Survivor" or "Big Brother"?
313
00:17:21,817 --> 00:17:23,684
- Aah!
- When's--
314
00:17:23,686 --> 00:17:26,353
When was the last time
you trimmed your toenails?
315
00:17:29,824 --> 00:17:31,091
Ohh.
316
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:35,496
And now, for our
final contestant,
317
00:17:35,498 --> 00:17:36,797
from District 12,
318
00:17:36,799 --> 00:17:39,033
Kantmiss Evershot.
319
00:17:39,834 --> 00:17:40,868
Whoo!
320
00:17:40,870 --> 00:17:42,403
Let's take a look.
321
00:17:42,405 --> 00:17:45,105
Kantmiss is the best
big sister in the world.
322
00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:49,209
She takes care of me.
She feeds me. She clothes me.
323
00:17:49,211 --> 00:17:51,245
She even reads to me.
324
00:17:53,715 --> 00:17:55,883
Ever since Dad died,
325
00:17:55,885 --> 00:17:58,452
Mom's been
a little bummed out,
326
00:17:58,454 --> 00:18:02,489
but that doesn't stop the three of
us from having a whole lot of fun.
327
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:09,229
From the first time
I saw Kantmiss, I knew.
328
00:18:09,231 --> 00:18:11,699
I knew she was
the one for me.
329
00:18:11,701 --> 00:18:13,934
She's got class.
330
00:18:13,936 --> 00:18:16,537
She's a real lady.
331
00:18:18,974 --> 00:18:20,741
Oh, my God.
332
00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:29,683
Ohh!
Oh, my God.
333
00:18:31,454 --> 00:18:32,720
Ohh!
Ohh!
334
00:18:33,722 --> 00:18:35,122
Isn't that
just touching?
335
00:18:35,124 --> 00:18:36,757
Aww.
Aww.
336
00:18:36,759 --> 00:18:38,258
Let's bring her out,
shall we?
337
00:18:40,896 --> 00:18:42,930
Kantmiss Evershot!
338
00:18:49,537 --> 00:18:52,706
So, Kantmiss,
that's quite a dress.
339
00:18:52,708 --> 00:18:54,141
Give us a little spin.
340
00:18:59,614 --> 00:19:01,582
Heh. Go on.
341
00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:02,649
Don't be shy.
342
00:19:09,258 --> 00:19:11,759
Very nice.
343
00:19:11,761 --> 00:19:12,860
Oh.
344
00:19:16,564 --> 00:19:18,899
Wow, I'm getting word
that flames
345
00:19:18,901 --> 00:19:20,801
actually ignite
from the dress.
346
00:19:20,803 --> 00:19:21,902
Flames?
347
00:19:27,977 --> 00:19:29,409
Oh! ! Oh!
348
00:19:29,411 --> 00:19:30,944
- Oh, my God.
- Oh,.
349
00:19:30,946 --> 00:19:32,780
Oh, . Aah!
350
00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:36,683
Why are you clapping,
you stupid?!
351
00:19:36,685 --> 00:19:38,085
Aah!
352
00:19:38,087 --> 00:19:39,820
- I'm on fire!
- I'm on fire!
353
00:19:39,822 --> 00:19:43,090
Let's hear it for Kantmiss,
the girl on fire!
354
00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:44,825
Ah,!
It's on fire!
355
00:19:44,827 --> 00:19:46,193
It's on fire! It burns!
356
00:19:46,195 --> 00:19:48,562
I'm on fire!!
357
00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:52,432
Good morning, sport fans,
358
00:19:52,434 --> 00:19:55,169
and welcome to the 75th
annual Starving Games.
359
00:19:55,171 --> 00:19:56,804
I'm your host Bob Hylox,
360
00:19:56,806 --> 00:19:58,372
and with me is my sidekick
361
00:19:58,374 --> 00:20:01,008
and color commentator,
Cleaver Williams.
362
00:20:01,010 --> 00:20:02,109
Cleaver, how you doing?
363
00:20:02,111 --> 00:20:03,577
Excited about
today's Games?
364
00:20:06,181 --> 00:20:07,614
Fantastic.
365
00:20:07,616 --> 00:20:10,150
Cleaver is a past
Games winner, of course.
366
00:20:10,152 --> 00:20:12,219
In fact, Cleaver,
why don't you tell everybody
367
00:20:12,221 --> 00:20:13,453
in the district watching,
368
00:20:13,455 --> 00:20:15,489
how you got
that delightful nickname.
369
00:20:15,491 --> 00:20:18,192
I used a meat cleaver
to kill everyone.
370
00:20:21,162 --> 00:20:23,831
Still got the old moves.
371
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:28,101
Hello, Siri.
372
00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:29,403
Hello, Seleca.
373
00:20:29,405 --> 00:20:31,004
How's it hanging, boo?
374
00:20:31,006 --> 00:20:32,005
Low and to the left.
375
00:20:32,007 --> 00:20:35,342
Good one.
376
00:20:35,344 --> 00:20:37,244
All right.
Looks like the contestants
377
00:20:37,246 --> 00:20:38,378
have taken the field.
378
00:20:38,380 --> 00:20:40,314
All right, Siri,
cut to the field.
379
00:20:55,496 --> 00:20:58,599
Say your prayers, my son,
'cause you are dead.
380
00:21:02,503 --> 00:21:04,872
And the countdown
has begun.
381
00:21:04,874 --> 00:21:06,573
30,
382
00:21:06,575 --> 00:21:08,275
29...
383
00:21:08,277 --> 00:21:10,477
Oh, God.
28...
384
00:21:12,580 --> 00:21:13,714
27...
385
00:21:13,716 --> 00:21:14,748
Hmm?
386
00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:16,650
26...
387
00:21:17,752 --> 00:21:18,785
25...
388
00:21:20,856 --> 00:21:22,923
24,
389
00:21:22,925 --> 00:21:24,825
23,
390
00:21:24,827 --> 00:21:27,427
22...
391
00:21:28,696 --> 00:21:29,796
21...
392
00:21:29,798 --> 00:21:31,231
Now, it's very important
393
00:21:31,233 --> 00:21:32,733
that the contestants
don't move
394
00:21:32,735 --> 00:21:35,269
off the silver circles
before zero.
395
00:21:35,271 --> 00:21:37,004
Otherwise, kablammo,
396
00:21:37,006 --> 00:21:40,474
as the field is booby-trapped
with explosives.
397
00:21:40,476 --> 00:21:42,242
Don't need to remind me.
398
00:21:42,244 --> 00:21:44,845
I went too soon, and I
still can't poop right.
399
00:21:46,814 --> 00:21:48,849
How 'bout that?
400
00:21:50,151 --> 00:21:51,885
13,
401
00:21:51,887 --> 00:21:52,886
12...
402
00:21:54,622 --> 00:21:55,522
11...
Huh?
403
00:21:59,061 --> 00:22:00,460
What are you
doing here?
404
00:22:00,462 --> 00:22:01,962
We were asked
to perform
405
00:22:01,964 --> 00:22:03,096
at the opening
ceremony.
406
00:22:03,098 --> 00:22:05,165
This is the arena.
407
00:22:05,167 --> 00:22:07,868
Oh, you're looking
for stage two.
408
00:22:09,838 --> 00:22:11,905
Oh. Thanks.
Thanks.
409
00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:18,879
Oops.
410
00:22:21,550 --> 00:22:25,252
Wow! What a way
to start the Games!
411
00:22:25,254 --> 00:22:27,254
10,
412
00:22:27,256 --> 00:22:28,755
9...
413
00:22:30,458 --> 00:22:31,725
8...
414
00:22:32,894 --> 00:22:34,494
7...
415
00:22:35,763 --> 00:22:37,497
6,
416
00:22:37,499 --> 00:22:39,366
5...
417
00:22:40,535 --> 00:22:41,601
4...
418
00:22:42,603 --> 00:22:43,603
3...
419
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,174
2...
420
00:22:47,176 --> 00:22:48,675
1.
421
00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:07,995
Siri, more blood.
422
00:23:11,199 --> 00:23:12,199
Oh.
423
00:23:14,136 --> 00:23:15,435
Much better.
424
00:23:31,686 --> 00:23:32,486
Ooh!
Ooh!
425
00:23:38,227 --> 00:23:40,994
Yeah, Marco! Yeah!
426
00:23:53,274 --> 00:23:54,408
Let go!
427
00:23:54,410 --> 00:23:55,609
I got here first!
428
00:23:57,512 --> 00:23:59,346
Yaah!
Now give it to me!
429
00:23:59,348 --> 00:24:00,680
No. I'm not letting go.
430
00:24:00,682 --> 00:24:02,249
There is a dagger
in your back!
431
00:24:02,251 --> 00:24:03,917
I'm okay!
432
00:24:06,788 --> 00:24:07,921
What?
433
00:24:09,223 --> 00:24:10,223
It's fine.
434
00:24:10,225 --> 00:24:12,626
It's fine?
435
00:24:12,628 --> 00:24:14,394
Seriously?
You're not letting go?
436
00:24:14,396 --> 00:24:15,695
I want this backpack!
437
00:24:26,107 --> 00:24:28,308
I want this backpack!
438
00:24:28,310 --> 00:24:30,777
I want it. It's mine!
439
00:24:31,879 --> 00:24:33,080
I'm not letting go!
440
00:24:36,150 --> 00:24:37,851
That was my backpack!
441
00:24:47,362 --> 00:24:48,562
What was that sound?
442
00:24:48,564 --> 00:24:49,996
It's the cannon.
They shoot it off
443
00:24:49,998 --> 00:24:51,465
to announce whenever
someone is killed.
444
00:24:51,467 --> 00:24:52,766
Nice.
Looks like the odds
445
00:24:52,768 --> 00:24:54,267
just got better
for me, then.
446
00:24:55,504 --> 00:24:56,970
My balls!
447
00:24:58,439 --> 00:25:02,142
Oh! That has
got to hurt.
448
00:25:02,144 --> 00:25:03,610
Let's see
an instant replay.
449
00:25:03,612 --> 00:25:05,879
My balls!
450
00:25:07,449 --> 00:25:09,916
My balls!
451
00:25:09,918 --> 00:25:11,051
My balls!
452
00:25:12,287 --> 00:25:13,520
My ball--
453
00:25:13,522 --> 00:25:16,423
My ball--
My--My ball--
454
00:25:16,425 --> 00:25:18,792
My ball--
455
00:25:18,794 --> 00:25:22,129
My balls!
456
00:25:23,531 --> 00:25:25,599
That makes me
laugh, Bob.
457
00:25:52,393 --> 00:25:54,060
Get away from me!
458
00:26:09,377 --> 00:26:10,577
Wow!
459
00:26:11,747 --> 00:26:12,879
Who is this girl?
460
00:26:12,881 --> 00:26:14,548
What district
is she from?
461
00:26:14,550 --> 00:26:18,118
I'm standing here
in scummy District 12,
462
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:21,421
where people can't believe
that Peter and Kantmiss
463
00:26:21,423 --> 00:26:23,823
have actually survived
the opening.
464
00:26:23,825 --> 00:26:25,859
You can see
the excitement is high,
465
00:26:25,861 --> 00:26:30,263
as no one from this district
has won in a very long time.
466
00:26:30,265 --> 00:26:31,498
Yeah!
Unh!
467
00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:33,500
Go, Kantmiss! Whoo!
468
00:26:33,502 --> 00:26:34,568
That's my girl!
469
00:26:34,570 --> 00:26:36,736
That's my girl!
470
00:26:36,738 --> 00:26:38,405
Yeah!
471
00:26:38,407 --> 00:26:40,473
Back to you
in the studio.
472
00:26:40,475 --> 00:26:41,975
I'm on TV!
473
00:26:41,977 --> 00:26:43,476
Thanks, Stanley.
474
00:26:43,478 --> 00:26:44,744
And how's the scoreboard
looking, Cleaver?
475
00:26:48,282 --> 00:26:49,916
Got a lot
of people dead.
476
00:26:49,918 --> 00:26:52,419
Still,
lot of people alive.
477
00:26:52,421 --> 00:26:53,853
Enlightening.
478
00:26:53,855 --> 00:26:56,323
Oh, looks like Kantmiss
is making her way
479
00:26:56,325 --> 00:26:58,191
to the outer edge
of the arena.
480
00:27:00,361 --> 00:27:02,329
Siri, slow her down.
481
00:27:08,769 --> 00:27:10,136
Ow.
482
00:27:10,138 --> 00:27:12,973
Now let's get Kantmiss back
to the center of the action.
483
00:27:12,975 --> 00:27:14,107
Holla!
484
00:27:14,109 --> 00:27:16,576
And cue the thrilling
action music.
485
00:27:16,578 --> 00:27:18,445
Ooh.
486
00:27:51,279 --> 00:27:52,279
Hmm.
487
00:28:09,730 --> 00:28:12,132
Oh, you want
to play, huh? Okay.
488
00:28:12,134 --> 00:28:13,400
Siri.
489
00:28:13,402 --> 00:28:14,401
Yeah, what you need?
490
00:28:14,403 --> 00:28:15,435
Attack her
with the latest
491
00:28:15,437 --> 00:28:17,003
technological weaponry
we have.
492
00:28:21,375 --> 00:28:23,443
Whoo-hah!
493
00:28:23,445 --> 00:28:24,577
Oh, shit!
494
00:28:24,579 --> 00:28:28,315
Yah! Whee hee hee!
495
00:28:28,317 --> 00:28:29,949
Hee hee hee!
496
00:28:59,313 --> 00:29:00,447
No.
497
00:29:00,449 --> 00:29:01,948
What? What?
498
00:29:01,950 --> 00:29:04,284
Orange you glad
to see me?
499
00:29:04,286 --> 00:29:06,052
Hey, hey, hey!
500
00:29:06,054 --> 00:29:08,288
What do you get
when you cross an orange
501
00:29:08,290 --> 00:29:09,889
with Quentin Tarantino?
502
00:29:09,891 --> 00:29:11,624
"Pulp Fiction."
You get it?
503
00:29:11,626 --> 00:29:14,227
Pulp.
504
00:29:14,229 --> 00:29:15,662
Hey, Kantmiss,
505
00:29:15,664 --> 00:29:17,130
last time I saw
tits that small,
506
00:29:17,132 --> 00:29:19,299
I was staring
at a pair of kumquats.
507
00:29:20,369 --> 00:29:22,202
Aah!
508
00:29:28,175 --> 00:29:29,709
Go, Kantmiss!
509
00:29:31,612 --> 00:29:33,213
Ooh,
510
00:29:33,215 --> 00:29:35,515
she sure showed
yo' sorry ass up!
511
00:29:35,517 --> 00:29:37,751
You--You shut up, Siri.
You shut up!
512
00:29:37,753 --> 00:29:38,952
Shit. Don't hate
the player.
513
00:29:38,954 --> 00:29:41,154
You--
Hate the game!
514
00:29:41,156 --> 00:29:44,691
Wow! I've never seen
anyone do that before.
515
00:29:44,693 --> 00:29:46,526
She's badass.
516
00:29:46,528 --> 00:29:47,761
Respect.
517
00:29:47,763 --> 00:29:49,796
Reminds me
a little bit of myself.
518
00:29:49,798 --> 00:29:52,165
I'll stop now before
I get too emotional.
519
00:29:52,167 --> 00:29:54,134
Eat my ass!
520
00:29:58,673 --> 00:30:00,273
Think you're so tough?
521
00:30:00,275 --> 00:30:03,143
Well, come back
from this, bitch!
522
00:30:21,362 --> 00:30:24,097
Hey, guys, come on!
Let's go this way!
523
00:30:25,499 --> 00:30:26,866
Come on. Hurry!
524
00:30:26,868 --> 00:30:28,067
Let's go!
525
00:30:46,621 --> 00:30:48,488
When I see her,
she's mine.
526
00:30:58,098 --> 00:31:00,467
She's gotta be
around here somewhere.
527
00:31:10,077 --> 00:31:11,611
You sure Kantmiss
came this way?
528
00:31:11,613 --> 00:31:13,146
Uh, I know it.
529
00:31:13,148 --> 00:31:15,548
How can we be so sure
that we can trust you?
530
00:31:15,550 --> 00:31:17,317
I mean, didn't you volunteer
to be in the games
531
00:31:17,319 --> 00:31:18,751
just so you can get
closer to Kantmiss?
532
00:31:18,753 --> 00:31:20,086
No.
533
00:31:20,088 --> 00:31:23,056
I mean, maybe at first,
534
00:31:23,058 --> 00:31:25,692
but I don't
like her anymore.
535
00:31:25,694 --> 00:31:26,759
Really?
536
00:31:26,761 --> 00:31:28,761
Well, you know,
537
00:31:28,763 --> 00:31:31,164
back in District 12,
she's--
538
00:31:31,166 --> 00:31:33,199
she's known
as quite the whore.
539
00:31:33,201 --> 00:31:34,200
Ahh.
540
00:31:36,437 --> 00:31:37,537
There.
541
00:31:37,539 --> 00:31:38,538
Heh.
542
00:31:38,540 --> 00:31:40,206
Nice work, Peter.
543
00:31:40,208 --> 00:31:42,008
Thanks.
544
00:31:42,010 --> 00:31:44,110
I'm gonna bust her gut
wide open.
545
00:31:45,246 --> 00:31:47,080
This little princess
is all mine.
546
00:31:49,817 --> 00:31:52,485
Raah!
547
00:31:57,658 --> 00:31:58,758
And there's
Kantmiss!
548
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:00,960
Oh, no.
We're gonna kill you.
549
00:32:00,962 --> 00:32:03,129
Right after we eat
our delicious treats.
550
00:32:03,131 --> 00:32:04,464
Huh?
551
00:32:10,037 --> 00:32:11,971
How can you
be with them?
552
00:32:11,973 --> 00:32:14,507
I don't know.
553
00:32:14,509 --> 00:32:17,076
I--I guess I just...
554
00:32:18,279 --> 00:32:19,946
really like them.
555
00:32:19,948 --> 00:32:22,448
Th-They're so cool
and popular.
556
00:32:22,450 --> 00:32:24,384
I mean, I'm in
the high school A/V club.
557
00:32:24,386 --> 00:32:27,587
I've never been able to hang
with the in crowd before.
558
00:32:27,589 --> 00:32:29,289
Mmm.
Stay with us.
559
00:32:29,291 --> 00:32:30,290
So good.
560
00:32:30,292 --> 00:32:31,491
Mmm. Oh.
561
00:32:31,493 --> 00:32:34,494
Hey, they said they want
to go to prom with me.
562
00:32:34,496 --> 00:32:36,829
We're gonna rent a limo
and everything.
563
00:32:36,831 --> 00:32:37,897
Isn't that awesome?
564
00:32:37,899 --> 00:32:40,233
Peter, they are
just using you.
565
00:32:40,235 --> 00:32:44,103
There can only be one winner
of the Starving Games.
566
00:32:47,775 --> 00:32:49,175
Right.
567
00:32:50,978 --> 00:32:52,979
All right, Kantmiss,
game over.
568
00:32:52,981 --> 00:32:55,281
Glammer, you're up.
569
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:00,853
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
570
00:33:02,924 --> 00:33:05,992
Oh! Looks like we got
ourselves a streaker.
571
00:33:05,994 --> 00:33:07,894
Happens every Game.
572
00:33:07,896 --> 00:33:10,830
What a yahoo.
573
00:33:18,539 --> 00:33:21,074
Get out of here, man.
Get out of here!
574
00:33:21,076 --> 00:33:22,976
Come back here.
Come back here.
575
00:33:24,645 --> 00:33:26,479
Give me that.
576
00:33:38,092 --> 00:33:40,560
Nice impaling.
Yeah.
577
00:33:40,562 --> 00:33:41,561
He did this.
578
00:33:41,563 --> 00:33:42,562
Then it did that.
579
00:33:42,564 --> 00:33:43,763
Indeed, Cleaver.
580
00:33:43,765 --> 00:33:44,931
And that's
definitely gonna be
581
00:33:44,933 --> 00:33:47,800
our Kill of the Day!
582
00:33:47,802 --> 00:33:49,068
Kill of the Day!
583
00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:52,138
Kill of the Day--
of the Day!
584
00:33:52,140 --> 00:33:53,539
Our Kill of the Day
is brought to you
585
00:33:53,541 --> 00:33:55,208
by BetLife
insurance.
586
00:33:55,210 --> 00:33:56,609
Because life
is precious...
587
00:33:56,611 --> 00:33:58,411
BetLife.
588
00:34:01,915 --> 00:34:02,915
How are we going
to kill her?
589
00:34:02,917 --> 00:34:05,318
Ahem.
590
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:06,552
Uh...
591
00:34:07,421 --> 00:34:09,422
why don't
we just take off,
592
00:34:09,424 --> 00:34:11,124
uh, go kill
some other kids
593
00:34:11,126 --> 00:34:12,458
and come back later?
594
00:34:12,460 --> 00:34:13,393
We'll wait.
595
00:34:13,395 --> 00:34:15,294
She has to come down
sooner or later.
596
00:34:47,928 --> 00:34:49,429
Gross.
597
00:34:56,336 --> 00:34:58,271
Hey.
598
00:34:58,273 --> 00:34:59,539
Shh.
599
00:35:09,718 --> 00:35:10,783
Oh.
600
00:35:13,353 --> 00:35:15,354
Have the bees
land on their heads.
601
00:35:16,190 --> 00:35:17,657
Okay. No, shh. Shh.
602
00:35:28,802 --> 00:35:30,269
Those are tracker bees.
603
00:35:30,271 --> 00:35:32,638
Getting stung causes
serious hallucinations.
604
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:33,639
Or death.
605
00:35:36,043 --> 00:35:37,777
Oh!
606
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:46,586
Ow! Ow!
607
00:35:46,588 --> 00:35:47,687
Oh! My ass! Aah!
608
00:35:47,689 --> 00:35:50,890
I think I
just swallowed one!
609
00:35:57,664 --> 00:35:58,664
Whoa.
610
00:35:58,666 --> 00:36:00,299
Ooh.
611
00:36:02,469 --> 00:36:04,771
Whoa. Ooh.
612
00:36:05,773 --> 00:36:07,974
What--
613
00:36:12,746 --> 00:36:14,847
Oh, my God. Oh!
614
00:36:14,849 --> 00:36:17,216
Oh. Oh.
615
00:36:19,420 --> 00:36:20,987
Whoo.
616
00:36:20,989 --> 00:36:23,790
Oh.
617
00:36:23,792 --> 00:36:25,892
No way.
618
00:36:25,894 --> 00:36:28,528
Double rainbow.
619
00:36:29,730 --> 00:36:32,064
Whoo!
620
00:36:32,066 --> 00:36:35,001
Double rainbow! Ha!
621
00:36:35,003 --> 00:36:36,235
Oh.
622
00:36:37,204 --> 00:36:38,905
It's starting to look
623
00:36:38,907 --> 00:36:42,975
like a quadruple rainbow!
624
00:36:42,977 --> 00:36:47,980
Oh, my Gooood!
625
00:36:47,982 --> 00:36:50,550
Yes! Yes!
626
00:36:50,552 --> 00:36:53,152
Ah ha ha!
627
00:36:53,154 --> 00:36:55,888
Oh, taste the rainbow.
628
00:37:06,034 --> 00:37:08,167
Ooh.
629
00:37:08,169 --> 00:37:09,802
Oh. Oh.
630
00:37:09,804 --> 00:37:11,938
Oh. Wha?
631
00:37:13,774 --> 00:37:14,774
Oh, my--
632
00:37:14,776 --> 00:37:15,775
What is...
633
00:37:22,049 --> 00:37:23,249
Oh.
634
00:37:25,219 --> 00:37:27,153
Do not make
any sudden movements.
635
00:37:27,155 --> 00:37:28,187
What's wrong?
636
00:37:30,191 --> 00:37:32,491
I've never
seen this happen before.
637
00:37:34,695 --> 00:37:36,829
What are they?
638
00:37:36,831 --> 00:37:38,798
Soul keepers.
639
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,399
Soul keepers!
640
00:37:40,401 --> 00:37:42,301
Ah! Oh, my God! Get 'em off!
Get 'em off!
641
00:37:42,303 --> 00:37:43,870
Get 'em off!
Get 'em off!
642
00:37:43,872 --> 00:37:45,605
You are not
keeping my soul!
643
00:37:55,316 --> 00:37:57,250
Oh! Why?
644
00:37:58,386 --> 00:37:59,986
Right above your head.
645
00:37:59,988 --> 00:38:01,287
No, no, no, no.
646
00:38:09,796 --> 00:38:10,930
Whew.
647
00:38:10,932 --> 00:38:13,799
I think
I got 'em all.
648
00:38:13,801 --> 00:38:17,303
Soul Keepers hold all of the
souls of our ancient ancestors.
649
00:38:18,272 --> 00:38:19,639
There goes my sister,
650
00:38:19,641 --> 00:38:21,073
my grandma
651
00:38:21,075 --> 00:38:22,708
and my drunk
Aunt Sheila.
652
00:38:24,078 --> 00:38:26,212
Oops.
653
00:38:26,214 --> 00:38:28,147
Who are you?
654
00:38:28,149 --> 00:38:29,916
We are a proud
and ancient people
655
00:38:29,918 --> 00:38:33,019
created by James Cameron.
656
00:38:33,021 --> 00:38:36,155
I'm the king
of the world!
657
00:38:41,728 --> 00:38:43,696
Here.
658
00:38:43,698 --> 00:38:45,331
Give me your hair.
659
00:38:45,333 --> 00:38:47,199
We'll join the ends
and make love,
660
00:38:47,201 --> 00:38:49,235
Na'vi style.
661
00:38:49,237 --> 00:38:50,503
Okay.
662
00:38:59,847 --> 00:39:01,547
Ohh.
663
00:39:01,549 --> 00:39:02,648
Yeah.
664
00:39:02,650 --> 00:39:04,650
Oh, yes.
665
00:39:07,220 --> 00:39:08,321
Kantmiss.
666
00:39:08,323 --> 00:39:10,589
Kantmiss!
667
00:39:10,591 --> 00:39:11,691
Kantmiss!
668
00:39:12,759 --> 00:39:14,660
Kantmiss!
669
00:39:14,662 --> 00:39:15,928
Yes.
670
00:39:15,930 --> 00:39:17,663
Kantmiss! Kantmiss!
671
00:39:17,665 --> 00:39:19,498
Kantmiss!
672
00:39:19,500 --> 00:39:21,334
Are you trying
to hook up with me?
673
00:39:23,337 --> 00:39:24,370
What? No!
674
00:39:24,372 --> 00:39:26,505
No, no, no, no. Um...
675
00:39:26,507 --> 00:39:28,574
I think that I was
just hallucinating.
676
00:39:28,576 --> 00:39:31,644
You better not be.
I'm only 12.
677
00:39:33,413 --> 00:39:35,915
The way I see it,
if we're gonna survive,
678
00:39:35,917 --> 00:39:37,316
we should
work together.
679
00:39:37,318 --> 00:39:40,186
But what happens if we're
the last two standing?
680
00:39:40,188 --> 00:39:41,754
I won't hesitate.
681
00:39:41,756 --> 00:39:44,590
This competition
is kill or be killed,
682
00:39:44,592 --> 00:39:46,859
and I will kill you
where you stand,
683
00:39:46,861 --> 00:39:48,894
dead, end of story.
684
00:39:50,097 --> 00:39:51,530
Shit ain't personal,
685
00:39:51,532 --> 00:39:54,734
strictly business
ya dig?
686
00:39:54,736 --> 00:39:57,603
Okay. Here's what
I was thinking.
687
00:39:57,605 --> 00:39:59,071
I could set some fires
688
00:39:59,073 --> 00:40:01,574
to flush Marco and his crew
out into the clearing,
689
00:40:01,576 --> 00:40:03,876
and if you find
a bow and arrow,
690
00:40:03,878 --> 00:40:05,211
you could pick 'em off.
691
00:40:05,213 --> 00:40:07,680
No, no. That's--
That's a great idea,
692
00:40:07,682 --> 00:40:10,116
and Marco
will never see it coming.
693
00:40:10,118 --> 00:40:12,284
Hello?
694
00:40:12,286 --> 00:40:13,285
I'm right here.
695
00:40:13,287 --> 00:40:15,688
Run! Run!
696
00:40:25,332 --> 00:40:26,632
Get her!
697
00:40:43,950 --> 00:40:46,052
Shit.
698
00:40:46,054 --> 00:40:47,753
Totally outnumbered.
699
00:40:55,796 --> 00:40:57,997
What do I do?
What do I do?
700
00:40:57,999 --> 00:40:59,632
Think, Kantmiss. Think.
701
00:41:06,706 --> 00:41:08,974
Hemorrhoidal irritation.
702
00:41:11,111 --> 00:41:14,480
Aggravate with a swift
kick to the posterior.
703
00:41:14,482 --> 00:41:15,815
Raah!
704
00:41:21,721 --> 00:41:23,489
Low-hung scrotum.
Debilitate with
705
00:41:23,491 --> 00:41:26,959
concise rabbit punch
to the testicular sac.
706
00:41:36,803 --> 00:41:40,439
Awkward metallic orthodontic
corrective device.
707
00:41:43,110 --> 00:41:46,011
Snap rubber bands to create
blunt force to the cranium.
708
00:41:52,619 --> 00:41:54,920
Rampant adolescent
acne vulgaris.
709
00:41:55,922 --> 00:41:57,456
Ah.
710
00:41:57,458 --> 00:42:00,159
Prescribe
topical acne cream.
711
00:42:09,970 --> 00:42:12,304
Pubescent boy
with raging hormones.
712
00:42:12,306 --> 00:42:14,006
Disarm with natural assets.
713
00:42:16,277 --> 00:42:17,943
Allow to motorboat.
714
00:42:19,914 --> 00:42:21,080
You're pretty.
715
00:42:31,725 --> 00:42:34,059
Raah!
716
00:42:46,073 --> 00:42:47,106
Hee.
717
00:42:53,548 --> 00:42:55,014
You ready to die?
718
00:43:07,294 --> 00:43:08,761
Not really!
719
00:43:08,763 --> 00:43:10,362
I mean, kind of hoping
720
00:43:10,364 --> 00:43:11,630
I could stick around
for the sequel?
721
00:43:11,632 --> 00:43:12,831
Huh?
Huh?
722
00:43:19,172 --> 00:43:20,573
Mm!
723
00:43:20,575 --> 00:43:23,342
All right!
We know what that sound is.
724
00:43:23,344 --> 00:43:24,677
It's the end of the half.
725
00:43:28,549 --> 00:43:30,282
Ah, that sucks.
726
00:43:30,284 --> 00:43:31,550
I wanted
to see her die.
727
00:43:31,552 --> 00:43:32,818
Halftime
728
00:43:32,820 --> 00:43:35,421
with the Starving Games
cheerleaders,
729
00:43:35,423 --> 00:43:37,356
presented by Viagra.
730
00:43:49,971 --> 00:43:52,338
Eh, I like it, Siri,
but it's not--
731
00:43:52,340 --> 00:43:54,340
it's not popping.
732
00:43:54,342 --> 00:43:55,641
Don't worry, boo.
I got you.
733
00:43:55,643 --> 00:43:58,277
More filthy and
gratuitous T&A coming up.
734
00:44:30,711 --> 00:44:33,512
Kantmiss, what an
exciting first half.
735
00:44:33,514 --> 00:44:35,214
Tell us what you're
thinking right now.
736
00:44:35,216 --> 00:44:39,084
First off, I want to thank my
Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
737
00:44:41,721 --> 00:44:44,390
And, uh, I'm thinking
about winning, Stanley.
738
00:44:44,392 --> 00:44:45,624
I just want to win.
739
00:44:48,495 --> 00:44:49,728
Bob.
740
00:44:49,730 --> 00:44:52,131
Stanley, do you get
a sense that Kantmiss
741
00:44:52,133 --> 00:44:54,400
is aware of the frenzy
she's creating?
742
00:44:54,402 --> 00:44:55,634
I don't think so, Bob.
743
00:44:55,636 --> 00:44:57,069
She's electrifying.
744
00:44:58,204 --> 00:45:02,675
Cleaver's Electrifying
Halftime Highlights.
745
00:45:08,849 --> 00:45:09,848
Aah!
746
00:45:25,298 --> 00:45:28,100
Take a look at what's trending
right now on Twitter.
747
00:45:28,102 --> 00:45:32,371
Helen in District 7 tweets,
"Kantmiss gives me hope!"
748
00:45:32,373 --> 00:45:34,473
And Thomas
in District 11 writes,
749
00:45:34,475 --> 00:45:38,944
"Kantmiss rocks,
UR sooooo hot!"
750
00:45:38,946 --> 00:45:41,480
And Tyrone in the District
of Compton tweets,
751
00:45:41,482 --> 00:45:43,916
"Yo, that ho Kantmiss
is da bomb,
752
00:45:43,918 --> 00:45:46,151
she's mad blowin' up
in da hood, yo!"
753
00:45:46,153 --> 00:45:48,320
Smiley face emoticon.
754
00:45:48,322 --> 00:45:49,655
She is blowin' up,
755
00:45:49,657 --> 00:45:51,023
and I had
the chance to be
756
00:45:51,025 --> 00:45:53,192
on the ground in
Kantmiss' own district,
757
00:45:53,194 --> 00:45:56,862
where Kantmiss fever is
at an all-time high!
758
00:45:56,864 --> 00:45:58,931
I'm here in District 12,
759
00:45:58,933 --> 00:46:00,966
where everyone
is going nuts.
760
00:46:00,968 --> 00:46:02,901
It's the ultimate
underdog Cinderella story,
761
00:46:02,903 --> 00:46:05,537
and the po' folks here
is eating it up,
762
00:46:05,539 --> 00:46:09,508
buying up merchandise with any
and everything that has to do
763
00:46:09,510 --> 00:46:12,644
with Kantmiss
or the Starving Games.
764
00:46:12,646 --> 00:46:14,580
T-shirts, mugs,
765
00:46:14,582 --> 00:46:16,548
totes, koozies
766
00:46:16,550 --> 00:46:19,017
and bobbleheads.
767
00:46:26,259 --> 00:46:28,994
Look at me.
I'm just like Kantmiss.
768
00:46:28,996 --> 00:46:30,295
Ohh!
769
00:46:30,297 --> 00:46:31,864
Mis cojones.
770
00:46:31,866 --> 00:46:33,832
Yes! Direct hit!
771
00:46:33,834 --> 00:46:36,301
I'm gonna
shoot him again.
772
00:46:36,303 --> 00:46:37,870
Ai! Cheese enchilada!
773
00:46:37,872 --> 00:46:39,371
Oh, that felt good.
774
00:46:44,978 --> 00:46:46,712
That was a close one.
Yeah.
775
00:46:46,714 --> 00:46:47,713
I almost got you.
776
00:46:47,715 --> 00:46:49,281
I know.
I was like, "Ohh."
777
00:46:54,687 --> 00:46:56,455
Take previous positions.
778
00:46:59,226 --> 00:47:00,392
Game on!
779
00:47:00,394 --> 00:47:01,927
Yay!
780
00:47:04,864 --> 00:47:06,598
You ready to die?
781
00:47:26,820 --> 00:47:28,754
Aah! Aah!
782
00:47:28,756 --> 00:47:29,855
You little turd!
783
00:47:29,857 --> 00:47:31,690
Hey!
784
00:47:31,692 --> 00:47:33,192
Hey!
785
00:47:44,071 --> 00:47:45,103
Aah!
786
00:47:53,646 --> 00:47:55,414
Rudy.
787
00:47:55,416 --> 00:47:56,415
Rudy.
788
00:47:57,517 --> 00:47:59,751
Sing me a lullaby.
789
00:47:59,753 --> 00:48:00,953
Okay.
790
00:48:05,426 --> 00:48:06,825
Not you!
791
00:48:07,660 --> 00:48:08,861
Her!
792
00:48:17,438 --> 00:48:18,637
Am I gonna die?
793
00:48:18,639 --> 00:48:19,872
No. No, no, no.
794
00:48:19,874 --> 00:48:21,607
Of course
you're not gonna die.
795
00:48:27,948 --> 00:48:30,916
Worms? Isn't that
a little dramatic?
796
00:48:39,927 --> 00:48:41,994
Damn you, Taylor Swift.
797
00:48:41,996 --> 00:48:44,530
What an emotional and...
798
00:48:44,532 --> 00:48:47,032
moving death, Cleaver.
799
00:48:47,034 --> 00:48:49,301
It would bring
a tear to my eye
800
00:48:49,303 --> 00:48:51,870
if my tear ducts
weren't lacerated.
801
00:48:53,741 --> 00:48:54,740
Ohh.
Ohh.
802
00:48:57,510 --> 00:48:59,077
I'm sorry.
803
00:49:05,952 --> 00:49:07,452
This is bullshit.
804
00:49:07,454 --> 00:49:10,022
The Capital can't just
treat us like pawns.
805
00:49:10,024 --> 00:49:11,523
Yeah!
Yeah!
806
00:49:11,525 --> 00:49:13,559
Our life is our own,
807
00:49:13,561 --> 00:49:15,794
and they can't just
make us kill each other
808
00:49:15,796 --> 00:49:17,529
for their own
sick amusement!
809
00:49:17,531 --> 00:49:18,597
Yeah!
Yeah!
810
00:49:18,599 --> 00:49:19,631
What do you say?
811
00:49:19,633 --> 00:49:20,866
Let's riot
812
00:49:20,868 --> 00:49:23,902
and overthrow this
totalitarian government
813
00:49:23,904 --> 00:49:25,904
once and for all!
814
00:49:25,906 --> 00:49:26,905
Yeah!
Yeah!
815
00:49:26,907 --> 00:49:28,640
Whoo-hoo!
816
00:49:30,944 --> 00:49:34,313
We take a half-pound
of grade-A beef...
817
00:49:34,315 --> 00:49:35,914
and top it with cheese.
818
00:49:37,284 --> 00:49:40,519
Then we top it with chili...
819
00:49:42,021 --> 00:49:44,923
and a hot dog and ribs
820
00:49:44,925 --> 00:49:48,193
and smother it with
low-cal ranch dressing.
821
00:49:48,195 --> 00:49:51,496
Then we top it with a slice
of pepperoni pizza,
822
00:49:51,498 --> 00:49:53,432
with a sesame-seed bun.
823
00:49:53,434 --> 00:49:54,633
Mmm, mmm.
824
00:49:55,702 --> 00:49:58,070
Hey, uh...
825
00:49:58,072 --> 00:50:00,005
are we still
gonna riot?
826
00:50:00,007 --> 00:50:02,074
Maybe later.
827
00:50:02,076 --> 00:50:04,042
I'm too hungry now.
828
00:50:04,044 --> 00:50:06,511
Then we add
barbeque sauce...
829
00:50:08,014 --> 00:50:10,415
tomato, onion and lettuce.
830
00:50:13,086 --> 00:50:14,853
Then we add pork rinds,
831
00:50:14,855 --> 00:50:17,155
Funyuns, broccoli,
nacho cheese,
832
00:50:17,157 --> 00:50:18,957
Spam and wings...
833
00:50:20,493 --> 00:50:22,294
and ham hocks, chitlins.
834
00:50:23,262 --> 00:50:25,230
Don't forget
the watermelon wedge.
835
00:50:25,232 --> 00:50:28,867
Top it all off with two scoops
of pistachio ice cream,
836
00:50:28,869 --> 00:50:31,803
and finish it with
another sesame-seed bun.
837
00:50:33,107 --> 00:50:37,376
The 600,000 calorie
triple bypass burger.
838
00:50:39,012 --> 00:50:40,112
Starbucks?
839
00:50:40,114 --> 00:50:41,647
Got a free latte for it.
840
00:50:52,392 --> 00:50:55,594
Kantmiss fever is causing
a serious problem.
841
00:50:55,596 --> 00:50:57,696
We almost
had a riot.
842
00:50:57,698 --> 00:50:59,531
What should we do?
843
00:50:59,533 --> 00:51:01,833
Give them more.
844
00:51:01,835 --> 00:51:03,268
I don't understand.
845
00:51:03,270 --> 00:51:05,103
The Starving Games
is a hit.
846
00:51:06,005 --> 00:51:07,272
Just look at the trades.
847
00:51:11,878 --> 00:51:14,079
We could finally
win an Emmy.
848
00:51:15,214 --> 00:51:17,349
But the show's missing
one important thing.
849
00:51:17,351 --> 00:51:19,184
What does
every successful show need
850
00:51:19,186 --> 00:51:20,719
to bring it
to the next level?
851
00:51:22,021 --> 00:51:23,989
I know exactly
what you mean.
852
00:51:23,991 --> 00:51:25,891
A love story!
A lesbian love story!
853
00:51:25,893 --> 00:51:28,060
Wait.
Lesbian love story?
854
00:51:28,062 --> 00:51:30,962
Who doesn't like to see
two chicks get it on?
855
00:51:30,964 --> 00:51:33,365
I know I do, big time.
856
00:51:37,170 --> 00:51:39,137
But there aren't
any other women
857
00:51:39,139 --> 00:51:40,338
left alive
in the Games.
858
00:51:42,275 --> 00:51:43,208
Fine.
859
00:51:43,210 --> 00:51:46,078
Do your normal
straight love story.
860
00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:48,180
Bor-ing.
861
00:51:50,550 --> 00:51:52,551
Oh, and, Seleca...
862
00:51:52,553 --> 00:51:54,853
throw in a surprise twist
at the end,
863
00:51:54,855 --> 00:51:57,055
like she dies or something.
864
00:51:57,057 --> 00:51:58,623
I like that.
865
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:03,628
Attention, contestants.
866
00:52:03,630 --> 00:52:05,630
Attention, contestants.
867
00:52:05,632 --> 00:52:08,233
Attention, contestants.
868
00:52:08,235 --> 00:52:10,202
We have a rule change.
869
00:52:11,370 --> 00:52:14,406
There can now be two winners
of the Starving Games.
870
00:52:14,408 --> 00:52:16,408
Great.
So Marco and Peter
871
00:52:16,410 --> 00:52:17,776
can team up
to kill me.
872
00:52:17,778 --> 00:52:20,979
Uh, specifically two people
of different genders.
873
00:52:20,981 --> 00:52:23,682
Oh.
874
00:52:23,684 --> 00:52:25,751
Okay. Okay.
875
00:52:25,753 --> 00:52:28,386
So I hook up
with Marco,
876
00:52:28,388 --> 00:52:29,821
and we kill
Peter together.
877
00:52:29,823 --> 00:52:31,590
Yes!
878
00:52:31,592 --> 00:52:33,458
Yeah. I like that.
879
00:52:33,460 --> 00:52:37,095
No, we were thinking more like
you could team up with Peter.
880
00:52:37,097 --> 00:52:38,864
No!
No!
881
00:52:38,866 --> 00:52:40,499
No!
No!
882
00:52:40,501 --> 00:52:42,134
No, no, I, um--
883
00:52:42,136 --> 00:52:45,604
I like the whole
Marco idea better.
884
00:52:45,606 --> 00:52:47,839
Hey, Kantmiss,
do me a favor here,
885
00:52:47,841 --> 00:52:50,142
and hook up with Peter.
Please.
886
00:52:50,144 --> 00:52:51,777
I could lose
my job for this.
887
00:52:51,779 --> 00:52:54,746
And that's
my problem how?
888
00:52:54,748 --> 00:52:56,581
Oh, hey.
889
00:52:56,583 --> 00:52:58,116
Heh heh. Hey, guys.
What's going on?
890
00:52:59,887 --> 00:53:01,620
Nah, don't worry.
891
00:53:01,622 --> 00:53:04,923
I got it under control.
I swear.
892
00:53:06,260 --> 00:53:07,793
W-What are you--
What are you doing?
893
00:53:11,264 --> 00:53:13,732
Um...
894
00:53:13,734 --> 00:53:15,500
Ohh!
895
00:53:15,502 --> 00:53:17,969
I thought
we were friends.
896
00:53:17,971 --> 00:53:19,704
Ah, thanks.
897
00:53:22,776 --> 00:53:26,311
But I got us backstage
passes to Justin Bieber.
898
00:53:31,185 --> 00:53:32,651
Oh, my God.
899
00:53:34,921 --> 00:53:37,355
No. No, no,
don't you do it!
900
00:53:38,591 --> 00:53:40,025
Right.
901
00:53:40,027 --> 00:53:44,596
Um, I'm just gonna go team up
with Peter now, so...
902
00:53:49,101 --> 00:53:51,503
Hmm.
903
00:54:18,130 --> 00:54:21,066
Peter, are you here?
904
00:54:21,068 --> 00:54:23,101
I'm camouflaged.
905
00:54:23,103 --> 00:54:24,269
Where are you?
906
00:54:24,271 --> 00:54:26,471
I'm over here.
907
00:54:27,373 --> 00:54:28,473
I don't see you.
908
00:54:28,475 --> 00:54:29,941
I used my skills
as a baker
909
00:54:29,943 --> 00:54:32,477
to seamlessly blend in
to my surroundings.
910
00:54:32,479 --> 00:54:35,547
Okay, well,
can you give me a hint?
911
00:54:38,818 --> 00:54:40,986
I'm in the cake.
912
00:54:42,922 --> 00:54:44,923
Oh.
913
00:54:52,266 --> 00:54:53,932
You're injured.
914
00:54:53,934 --> 00:54:57,335
Marco found out that I
really wasn't into him
915
00:54:57,337 --> 00:55:00,272
and that I ultimately
was protecting you.
916
00:55:01,107 --> 00:55:02,774
And he did this to you?
917
00:55:02,776 --> 00:55:03,775
No.
918
00:55:07,847 --> 00:55:10,982
I just got
my back waxed.
919
00:55:10,984 --> 00:55:12,384
Aah!
920
00:55:12,386 --> 00:55:14,019
Oh, that--
that looks bad.
921
00:55:14,021 --> 00:55:15,120
I mean, it's...
922
00:55:15,122 --> 00:55:16,254
Oh.
Aah!
923
00:55:16,256 --> 00:55:18,323
Oh, it's really oozy.
Ow. Okay.
924
00:55:18,325 --> 00:55:19,591
Well,
stop poking it!
925
00:55:21,695 --> 00:55:23,361
Okay, well, we should
take care of you
926
00:55:23,363 --> 00:55:26,031
before the infection
starts to take over.
927
00:55:26,033 --> 00:55:27,532
Come on.
928
00:55:27,534 --> 00:55:29,234
Ooh.
929
00:55:29,236 --> 00:55:30,235
Aah!
930
00:55:30,237 --> 00:55:31,236
Sorry.
931
00:55:31,238 --> 00:55:33,805
Stop poking it, please.
932
00:55:33,807 --> 00:55:35,707
Okay.
933
00:55:38,344 --> 00:55:40,412
Ah, they're
cute together
934
00:55:40,414 --> 00:55:42,247
Yeah, well, I still
want them to die.
935
00:55:42,249 --> 00:55:44,416
Yeah. Duh!
936
00:55:52,725 --> 00:55:53,758
Okay.
937
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:56,161
Marco won't find us
in here. Come on.
938
00:55:56,163 --> 00:55:58,296
I hope
they get naked.
939
00:55:59,333 --> 00:56:00,598
Come on!
940
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:01,800
Oh.
941
00:56:05,371 --> 00:56:07,739
Night's falling.
It's gonna get freezing.
942
00:56:12,411 --> 00:56:13,912
You've got a fever.
943
00:56:13,914 --> 00:56:15,213
Here.
I'll check my bag
944
00:56:15,215 --> 00:56:16,247
for something
for warmth.
945
00:56:16,249 --> 00:56:19,417
Thanks, Kantmiss.
946
00:56:21,220 --> 00:56:22,721
A Snuggie!
947
00:56:36,936 --> 00:56:38,937
Ah. Mmm.
948
00:56:38,939 --> 00:56:41,439
So warm and comfy.
949
00:56:42,308 --> 00:56:44,209
What? Huh?
950
00:56:59,358 --> 00:57:01,693
You know...
951
00:57:01,695 --> 00:57:04,162
I've had a crush on you
for the longest time.
952
00:57:05,966 --> 00:57:09,467
I used to follow you home
from school every day.
953
00:57:11,303 --> 00:57:12,637
Every day.
954
00:57:13,472 --> 00:57:14,839
And I remember
when you got
955
00:57:14,841 --> 00:57:17,909
your first dress-up dolly
on your eighth birthday.
956
00:57:20,147 --> 00:57:22,113
And when you turned 12
957
00:57:22,115 --> 00:57:23,848
and got your first period.
958
00:57:26,119 --> 00:57:28,953
I watched you shower
every night,
959
00:57:28,955 --> 00:57:30,789
and after you got out,
960
00:57:30,791 --> 00:57:33,158
I would pick through the
drain and collect your hair.
961
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:35,160
What?
962
00:57:39,365 --> 00:57:41,499
You made
a hair doll of me?
963
00:57:41,501 --> 00:57:43,168
Not just one.
964
00:57:44,670 --> 00:57:45,470
Ohh.
965
00:57:45,472 --> 00:57:49,307
That's you and me,
966
00:57:49,309 --> 00:57:52,010
and those are our six kids.
967
00:57:52,012 --> 00:57:53,511
And who's that?
968
00:57:53,513 --> 00:57:55,980
That's our puppy, Alphie.
969
00:57:55,982 --> 00:57:58,516
Woof woof!
970
00:57:58,518 --> 00:58:00,051
Woof!
Eww.
971
00:58:01,121 --> 00:58:03,288
She's the runt
of the litter,
972
00:58:03,290 --> 00:58:05,757
but we love her
all the same.
973
00:58:08,260 --> 00:58:09,461
Ohh.
974
00:58:09,463 --> 00:58:11,229
Ah, you got
a hairy chick, dude.
975
00:58:14,300 --> 00:58:16,201
I'm so hungry.
976
00:58:19,138 --> 00:58:20,138
Poor baby.
977
00:58:42,895 --> 00:58:44,629
Soup!
What?
978
00:58:44,631 --> 00:58:46,231
That'll definitely
make you feel better.
979
00:58:47,967 --> 00:58:49,167
Hmm?
980
00:58:53,205 --> 00:58:55,106
What?
981
00:59:01,580 --> 00:59:04,916
I--I think that they want
us to be more romantic,
982
00:59:04,918 --> 00:59:08,419
and, in return, they'll send
us stuff to make you better.
983
00:59:08,421 --> 00:59:09,654
Sounds good to me.
984
00:59:34,180 --> 00:59:36,047
Sorry, Dale.
985
00:59:38,184 --> 00:59:39,884
What?!
986
00:59:39,886 --> 00:59:41,019
Really?
987
00:59:41,820 --> 00:59:44,055
Ooh.
Oh, come on.
988
00:59:44,057 --> 00:59:45,657
Hey, who thinks
they're gonna do it?
989
00:59:45,659 --> 00:59:46,658
We do!
We do!
990
00:59:46,660 --> 00:59:48,927
Screw you all!
991
01:00:04,977 --> 01:00:05,977
What is it now?
992
01:00:07,379 --> 01:00:09,414
All right!
993
01:00:09,416 --> 01:00:11,549
Peter, I don't know
if I can do this.
994
01:00:11,551 --> 01:00:15,053
Oh, my back.
995
01:00:17,990 --> 01:00:18,990
I'm dying.
996
01:00:20,125 --> 01:00:22,126
I don't know how much
longer I can hang on.
997
01:00:22,128 --> 01:00:23,795
All right. Let's...
998
01:00:23,797 --> 01:00:25,063
give them
what they want.
999
01:00:40,412 --> 01:00:42,247
Fantastic.
1000
01:00:42,249 --> 01:00:43,281
True dat.
1001
01:00:50,289 --> 01:00:51,589
Ow. Ow!
1002
01:00:51,591 --> 01:00:53,791
Can you not grab
my butt so hard?
1003
01:00:54,860 --> 01:00:57,929
I'm not touching
your butt at all.
1004
01:00:57,931 --> 01:00:58,763
Ohh!
1005
01:00:58,765 --> 01:00:59,864
Do not be afraid.
1006
01:00:59,866 --> 01:01:02,567
I am but
a kindly old wizard.
1007
01:01:02,569 --> 01:01:04,068
Get your hand
off my ass!
1008
01:01:04,070 --> 01:01:05,136
Right. Well...
1009
01:01:05,138 --> 01:01:05,937
let me explain.
1010
01:01:05,939 --> 01:01:08,239
You see,
we were traveling.
1011
01:01:08,241 --> 01:01:09,307
We were on--
1012
01:01:09,309 --> 01:01:10,475
We were on our way
1013
01:01:10,477 --> 01:01:13,011
to the Misty--
1014
01:01:13,013 --> 01:01:14,479
the Misty
Mountains, yes.
1015
01:01:14,481 --> 01:01:16,814
And then
we heard a moan
1016
01:01:16,816 --> 01:01:18,583
coming from
inside this cave,
1017
01:01:18,585 --> 01:01:20,718
and fearing it to be
a moan of distress
1018
01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:23,388
and being the good
Samaritans that we are,
1019
01:01:23,390 --> 01:01:25,523
we came in here
to help you.
1020
01:01:25,525 --> 01:01:26,658
Get out!
1021
01:01:26,660 --> 01:01:28,726
Yes. Well. Okay.
1022
01:01:32,564 --> 01:01:35,867
I bid you adieu.
1023
01:01:42,508 --> 01:01:43,508
Ooh.
Ooh.
1024
01:01:51,584 --> 01:01:52,784
Whoa!
1025
01:02:04,831 --> 01:02:07,565
Yeah, love it!
I love it! Yeah!
1026
01:02:07,567 --> 01:02:11,035
Not her first trip
to the rodeo, eh?
1027
01:02:12,204 --> 01:02:14,572
Oh, yeah! Oh, Kantmiss!
1028
01:02:14,574 --> 01:02:16,207
Yeah! Oh!
1029
01:02:16,209 --> 01:02:18,276
Wow!
Whoa.
1030
01:02:18,278 --> 01:02:19,844
Ohh!
Ohh!
1031
01:02:19,846 --> 01:02:21,446
Oh, Peter, yes!
1032
01:02:22,449 --> 01:02:24,082
Score!
1033
01:02:25,117 --> 01:02:26,884
Even I don't get
to do that!
1034
01:02:26,886 --> 01:02:28,653
Oh, give me your hand.
Oh, God.
1035
01:02:28,655 --> 01:02:29,654
Yes!
1036
01:02:29,656 --> 01:02:31,422
Ride the donkey. Yes!
1037
01:02:31,424 --> 01:02:32,824
Ohh! Ohh!
1038
01:02:32,826 --> 01:02:36,027
And it's
even better in 3-D.
1039
01:02:39,733 --> 01:02:41,532
Ooh.
Ooh.
1040
01:02:50,043 --> 01:02:51,075
Ooh.
Ooh.
1041
01:03:12,965 --> 01:03:14,565
Thanks again
for last night.
1042
01:03:14,567 --> 01:03:15,833
Now that you're better,
1043
01:03:15,835 --> 01:03:17,201
we have to go out there.
1044
01:03:19,271 --> 01:03:22,774
We have to kill Marco so we can
both win the game and go home.
1045
01:03:24,209 --> 01:03:26,110
I--I would, but...
1046
01:03:26,112 --> 01:03:28,513
I think the infection's
starting to come back.
1047
01:03:28,515 --> 01:03:30,348
Don't push it!
1048
01:03:35,788 --> 01:03:36,988
Where do you think
you're going?
1049
01:03:36,990 --> 01:03:39,090
You can't go in there!
1050
01:04:08,420 --> 01:04:10,688
Whoa! Did you--Ha!
1051
01:04:11,758 --> 01:04:13,191
He's right there.
1052
01:04:13,193 --> 01:04:14,892
When are they gonna
kill each other already?
1053
01:04:14,894 --> 01:04:16,961
I'm getting bored.
Me, too.
1054
01:04:24,670 --> 01:04:25,870
Aah!
1055
01:04:31,076 --> 01:04:32,877
It's time to end this
once and for all.
1056
01:04:32,879 --> 01:04:34,412
Siri.
1057
01:04:34,414 --> 01:04:36,013
Dang!
What you need now?
1058
01:04:36,015 --> 01:04:37,882
Let's have a grand finale.
1059
01:04:37,884 --> 01:04:39,484
Send in the big guns.
1060
01:04:58,570 --> 01:05:00,304
Oh, shit.
1061
01:05:04,843 --> 01:05:07,445
I'll give you a war
you wouldn't believe.
1062
01:05:08,514 --> 01:05:10,481
Hasta la vista, baby.
1063
01:05:11,617 --> 01:05:12,884
Yippie-ki-yay--
1064
01:05:12,886 --> 01:05:15,086
Oh.
1065
01:05:15,088 --> 01:05:17,755
Damn it. I don't
have a catchphrase.
1066
01:05:17,757 --> 01:05:21,492
Ha ha ha!
I have so many of them.
1067
01:05:21,494 --> 01:05:22,627
I'll be back.
1068
01:05:22,629 --> 01:05:24,495
You know what
I mean, Chuck?
1069
01:05:24,497 --> 01:05:25,796
No.
1070
01:05:25,798 --> 01:05:27,498
Because I'm
Chuck Norris,
1071
01:05:27,500 --> 01:05:30,067
and catchphrases
need me!
1072
01:05:30,069 --> 01:05:31,602
Enh.
1073
01:05:31,604 --> 01:05:32,937
Why don't you shut up,
1074
01:05:32,939 --> 01:05:35,373
you smarty-pants wisenheimer
piece of shit?!
1075
01:05:35,375 --> 01:05:36,374
Let's just kill 'em.
1076
01:05:36,376 --> 01:05:37,542
Oh.
1077
01:05:39,178 --> 01:05:40,778
Ready!
1078
01:05:43,849 --> 01:05:45,316
Aim.
1079
01:05:45,318 --> 01:05:46,551
Yes!
1080
01:05:46,553 --> 01:05:48,786
Yo, Adrian!
1081
01:05:48,788 --> 01:05:50,922
Fire!
1082
01:06:05,171 --> 01:06:05,970
Gah!
1083
01:06:09,274 --> 01:06:10,274
Dale?
1084
01:06:11,276 --> 01:06:12,376
Dale?
1085
01:06:12,378 --> 01:06:14,178
What's going on
with you and this guy?
1086
01:06:15,180 --> 01:06:16,981
I'll talk to you
about it later.
1087
01:06:16,983 --> 01:06:18,349
I saw you kiss him.
1088
01:06:19,319 --> 01:06:21,719
I am in the middle
of a death match.
1089
01:06:21,721 --> 01:06:22,920
Do you like him?
1090
01:06:22,922 --> 01:06:24,922
Dale, you are
embarrassing me.
1091
01:06:24,924 --> 01:06:26,757
Go home.
Nyah.
1092
01:06:26,759 --> 01:06:28,859
No! If anyone
should leave...
1093
01:06:28,861 --> 01:06:30,094
he should.
1094
01:06:30,096 --> 01:06:33,664
Okay. Yeah.
I-I'll leave.
1095
01:06:33,666 --> 01:06:35,566
Now, Dale!
Fine.
1096
01:06:35,568 --> 01:06:36,968
Fine!
1097
01:06:36,970 --> 01:06:40,504
But I'm changing my
Facebook status to single.
1098
01:06:46,011 --> 01:06:47,712
Sorry about that.
1099
01:06:47,714 --> 01:06:49,547
He's always
been really clingy.
1100
01:06:49,549 --> 01:06:51,582
That's cool.
1101
01:06:54,886 --> 01:06:56,120
Unbelievable.
1102
01:06:56,122 --> 01:06:58,389
What are you
gonna do, Kantmiss?
1103
01:06:58,391 --> 01:07:00,858
You shoot and miss,
lover boy here is dead.
1104
01:07:01,861 --> 01:07:02,960
Yes!
1105
01:07:09,435 --> 01:07:10,468
No, no, no, no!
1106
01:07:18,677 --> 01:07:19,744
Huh?
Huh?
1107
01:07:25,584 --> 01:07:26,751
Yeah.
1108
01:07:27,953 --> 01:07:29,420
Yeah.
1109
01:07:33,058 --> 01:07:34,625
Oh!
Oh!
1110
01:07:36,795 --> 01:07:38,629
That'll work.
1111
01:07:42,602 --> 01:07:44,402
How about that, Cleaver?
1112
01:07:44,404 --> 01:07:48,572
Against all odds,
they've done it. They've won.
1113
01:07:48,574 --> 01:07:49,874
Yay.
1114
01:07:49,876 --> 01:07:52,043
Whew!
1115
01:07:52,944 --> 01:07:54,378
Peter, we won.
1116
01:07:54,380 --> 01:07:56,580
We survived!
1117
01:08:00,886 --> 01:08:02,053
We're both going home.
1118
01:08:09,829 --> 01:08:11,295
Attention, contestants.
1119
01:08:11,297 --> 01:08:14,799
There has been
yet another rule change.
1120
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:22,873
And if you're thinking
what I'm thinking,
1121
01:08:22,875 --> 01:08:24,141
you're right.
1122
01:08:24,143 --> 01:08:27,445
There again
can be only one winner.
1123
01:08:29,849 --> 01:08:31,082
Good luck.
1124
01:08:35,721 --> 01:08:37,755
What if we don't give
'em the satisfaction?
1125
01:08:42,861 --> 01:08:44,428
What if we
both kill ourselves
1126
01:08:44,430 --> 01:08:46,464
and there
are no victors?
1127
01:08:49,301 --> 01:08:51,135
We'll ruin the Games,
1128
01:08:51,137 --> 01:08:53,871
and we'll show
th-that the Capital,
1129
01:08:53,873 --> 01:08:55,406
they can't control us!
1130
01:08:57,743 --> 01:09:00,411
I found these poisonous
berries in the woods.
1131
01:09:01,246 --> 01:09:04,281
W-We can eat them
a-and die.
1132
01:09:10,055 --> 01:09:11,756
Shit ain't personal,
1133
01:09:11,758 --> 01:09:14,558
strictly business,
ya dig?
1134
01:09:22,001 --> 01:09:24,268
Whaah! Whoa!
1135
01:09:29,074 --> 01:09:30,808
Fuck me!
1136
01:09:38,316 --> 01:09:40,451
Best Starving Games ever!
1137
01:09:46,358 --> 01:09:48,259
It's a nice shot,
Kantmiss.
1138
01:09:49,294 --> 01:09:50,628
What're you
doing here?
1139
01:09:50,630 --> 01:09:51,862
I practically show up
1140
01:09:51,864 --> 01:09:52,997
at the end
of every movie.
1141
01:09:52,999 --> 01:09:55,332
Superhero movies,
yeah, but--
1142
01:09:55,334 --> 01:09:57,668
Well, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
1143
01:09:57,670 --> 01:10:00,070
We could use
some fresh, young blood.
1144
01:10:00,072 --> 01:10:02,006
I mean, shit!
1145
01:10:02,008 --> 01:10:04,575
Just how many sequels
to "Iron Man,"
1146
01:10:04,577 --> 01:10:07,778
"Thor" and "Captain America"
can we make, right?
1147
01:10:07,780 --> 01:10:09,914
And you're pretty handy
with that bow and arrow.
1148
01:10:09,916 --> 01:10:11,882
Ahem!
1149
01:10:11,884 --> 01:10:13,517
Uh, Nick, the, uh,
1150
01:10:13,519 --> 01:10:15,186
bow and arrow
is sort of my thing.
1151
01:10:15,188 --> 01:10:17,221
Shut your ass, Hawkeye!
1152
01:10:17,223 --> 01:10:19,456
You're lucky you
even in the Avengers!
1153
01:10:19,458 --> 01:10:21,158
Yeah, but--
And don't you think
1154
01:10:21,160 --> 01:10:22,693
for one goddamn minute
1155
01:10:22,695 --> 01:10:25,162
that Marvel is gonna
spin off your character!
1156
01:10:25,164 --> 01:10:27,665
"Hawkeye, colon,
1157
01:10:27,667 --> 01:10:30,467
The Avenger Nobody
Gives a Shit About,"
1158
01:10:30,469 --> 01:10:34,839
will definitely not be coming
soon to a theater near you!
1159
01:10:37,476 --> 01:10:40,144
Burn!
1160
01:10:40,146 --> 01:10:41,145
Burn.
1161
01:10:41,147 --> 01:10:42,146
Ow.
1162
01:10:42,148 --> 01:10:44,048
Oh, stop being
such a cherry!
1163
01:10:44,050 --> 01:10:45,649
So what do you say,
Kantmiss?
1164
01:10:45,651 --> 01:10:47,251
I'm in.
1165
01:10:48,386 --> 01:10:50,754
But, um,
I'm kind of hungry.
1166
01:10:50,756 --> 01:10:52,890
Do you mind if we get
something to eat first?
1167
01:10:52,892 --> 01:10:54,825
Let's go get
some shawarma.
1168
01:10:57,830 --> 01:10:59,530
Avengers assemble!
1169
01:11:00,465 --> 01:11:01,799
Wait, don't step
off those--
1170
01:11:07,472 --> 01:11:08,806
Oops.
1171
01:11:13,346 --> 01:11:16,080
Oh! You know
what that sound means?
1172
01:11:16,082 --> 01:11:20,684
Bob's Post-Game Bloopers.
1173
01:11:23,522 --> 01:11:24,889
Aah!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1174
01:11:27,193 --> 01:11:28,192
Good.
1175
01:11:28,194 --> 01:11:29,693
Blooper reel.
1176
01:11:33,532 --> 01:11:34,331
Ohh.
1177
01:11:34,333 --> 01:11:36,734
Sorry.
1178
01:11:42,008 --> 01:11:44,041
Blooper reel!
1179
01:11:44,043 --> 01:11:45,609
Cutting!
Yeah!
1180
01:11:46,913 --> 01:11:47,912
Oh.
1181
01:11:47,914 --> 01:11:49,780
And the wig is down.
1182
01:11:49,782 --> 01:11:51,382
Okay. I'm sorry.
1183
01:11:51,384 --> 01:11:53,350
I gotta get
more excited about you.
1184
01:11:53,352 --> 01:11:55,185
Let's do it.
1185
01:11:55,187 --> 01:11:56,620
Touch my leg.
1186
01:11:56,622 --> 01:11:57,621
Here we go.
1187
01:11:57,623 --> 01:11:58,622
Dude, stop.
1188
01:11:59,825 --> 01:12:01,625
Prank, take one.
1189
01:12:01,627 --> 01:12:02,593
Ohh!
1190
01:12:02,595 --> 01:12:05,329
Look at you!
1191
01:12:06,264 --> 01:12:09,333
Dale, that's
romantic and all.
1192
01:12:13,873 --> 01:12:16,206
Yes, why don't you
give me a little dance?
1193
01:12:19,946 --> 01:12:22,179
On the down, not the up.
1194
01:12:23,349 --> 01:12:24,682
That's good.
Now like a penguin.
1195
01:12:27,520 --> 01:12:29,987
That's the worst penguin I've ever seen.
Do it again.
1196
01:12:31,390 --> 01:12:34,458
Do you like
watching Pygmies?
1197
01:12:34,460 --> 01:12:37,161
Oh, yeah. Oh.
That looks good.
1198
01:12:37,163 --> 01:12:38,796
Look at that dripping.
1199
01:12:39,631 --> 01:12:41,131
I just got
my back waxed.
1200
01:12:41,133 --> 01:12:43,000
I'm sorry.
1201
01:12:43,002 --> 01:12:44,435
Kick.
Hah!
1202
01:12:45,870 --> 01:12:47,137
Sorry.
1203
01:12:47,139 --> 01:12:48,238
I kicked your ass.
1204
01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:49,506
No, that's fine.
Don't...
1205
01:12:55,548 --> 01:12:58,182
And this
is my sidekick.
1206
01:12:58,184 --> 01:12:59,950
Mother pus.
What'd I say?
1207
01:12:59,952 --> 01:13:01,018
With me.
1208
01:13:01,020 --> 01:13:02,353
And this is...
1209
01:13:02,355 --> 01:13:03,854
Shh.
...my sidekick.
1210
01:13:03,856 --> 01:13:04,822
And this is my sidekick.
1211
01:13:04,824 --> 01:13:06,490
Yeah. That's funny.
You got one line.
1212
01:13:12,597 --> 01:13:14,565
You do.
1213
01:13:15,567 --> 01:13:17,301
Ready?
1214
01:13:17,303 --> 01:13:20,971
And I have
another Tess Tickles.
1215
01:13:20,973 --> 01:13:22,406
I need to see a bi--
1216
01:13:22,408 --> 01:13:24,408
No, it's not,
"I need to see."
1217
01:13:24,410 --> 01:13:27,211
Stop hiding, and show me--
1218
01:13:27,213 --> 01:13:29,179
God damn it.
1219
01:13:29,181 --> 01:13:32,416
I need a pair
of Tess Tickles!
1220
01:13:33,585 --> 01:13:34,585
Shit.
1221
01:13:35,387 --> 01:13:36,820
For bug zapper.
1222
01:13:36,822 --> 01:13:38,355
Contact.
1223
01:13:38,357 --> 01:13:39,356
Contact.
Contact. Contact.
1224
01:13:39,358 --> 01:13:40,691
Uh-oh.
1225
01:13:41,726 --> 01:13:43,460
Hold on.
1226
01:13:50,903 --> 01:13:52,669
I'm sorry.
1227
01:13:56,041 --> 01:13:57,975
A partially
eaten pickle.
1228
01:14:01,146 --> 01:14:02,546
So happy Starving Games,
1229
01:14:02,548 --> 01:14:05,749
and may the odds
be never in your favor.
1230
01:14:06,818 --> 01:14:09,153
That is the worst pickle
I've ever had.
1231
01:14:10,890 --> 01:14:13,857
We have to kill Marco
and win the games.
1232
01:14:13,859 --> 01:14:15,025
Sorry. Ahh. Sorry.
1233
01:14:15,027 --> 01:14:17,361
We have to kill Marco
so we can both go home
1234
01:14:17,363 --> 01:14:19,396
and win the ga--
God damn it. Sorry.
1235
01:14:35,647 --> 01:14:37,114
Wow, that's amazing.
1236
01:14:38,516 --> 01:14:40,217
That is good.
What is that?
1237
01:14:40,219 --> 01:14:41,752
It's a divine mixture
1238
01:14:41,754 --> 01:14:45,055
of fox blood
and bear.
1239
01:14:45,057 --> 01:14:48,759
Delicious. Right?
1240
01:14:48,761 --> 01:14:50,394
Hey!
1241
01:14:56,768 --> 01:14:57,901
Hey, Phil, stay down there
1242
01:14:57,903 --> 01:15:01,004
and put your finger
in his mouth.
1243
01:15:01,006 --> 01:15:03,540
Okay. We're done.
1244
01:15:03,542 --> 01:15:05,375
We're done with this.
1245
01:15:07,580 --> 01:15:08,812
Blooper reel.
1246
01:15:08,814 --> 01:15:10,147
Blooper reel.
1247
01:15:10,149 --> 01:15:11,148
Cutting!
78604
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