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1
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,034
(PHONE RINGING)
2
00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:39,163
(CLEARS THROAT)
3
00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:40,957
MAN: Hello?
Tracey, it's Bradley.
4
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,167
Bradley,
where the hell are you guys?
5
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:44,961
I am freaking out!
6
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,295
BRADLEY: Listen.
7
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,964
We fucked up.
8
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,049
What are you talking about?
9
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,926
Me and Doug are
about to get married
10
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,886
and l haven't heard
from him in two days.
11
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:57,306
Things got
a little out of control
last night and we. . .
12
00:00:58,267 --> 00:00:59,767
We lost Doug.
13
00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:01,686
The wedding is in a few hours!
14
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:02,770
ln Santa Barbara?
15
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:03,896
Yeah !
16
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,817
That's not gonna happen.
17
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,713
(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)
18
00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:55,656
Look, l know everyone's
a little miffed
19
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:57,158
we couldn't do
Vegas this year,
20
00:01:57,242 --> 00:02:00,286
but l'm telling you,
Chief Loose Slots is
the next best thing.
21
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,497
l don't care
where we have my
bachelor party, guys.
22
00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:05,124
All that matters
is that we're
celebrating together.
23
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:07,376
And that we don't have AlDS.
24
00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:11,881
Anyway, l bet
once you get inside,
it's not so bad.
25
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:20,848
(BEEPS)
26
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,391
All right!
27
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,064
Hey, it's cute.
28
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,737
l am honestly impressed
by how shitty this is.
29
00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,448
You don't even
need a blacklight
to see all the stains.
30
00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:39,617
Maybe that's yogurt.
31
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:43,120
Nah, it says right
here in the pamphlet,
it is semen.
32
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:46,499
Look, semen
or no semen,
33
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,709
the important thing
is that Doug
34
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,253
found his soulmate.
35
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,462
DOUG: Thanks, man.
36
00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:53,214
Tracey just completes in me,
you know?
37
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,091
Did you say,
"Completes in you"?
38
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,175
(GROANS)
39
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:58,177
You know,
that reminds
of the love shared
40
00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,179
between Peeta
and Katniss in The...
41
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,473
l'm gonna need you
to stop talking
about that book.
42
00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:05,601
No, l will not stop
talking about a novel
43
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:10,690
that
blogcritics.org/reviews said
was "a page-turner."
44
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,441
Have you even read it?
45
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,360
l'd love to, man.
lt's just hard
to find time
46
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,279
to enroll in 7th grade
and cut off my nuts.
47
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:21,617
Well then, maybe l'll
find it hard to find time
to share my goodies.
48
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:24,287
Oh, nice.
What do you got in there?
49
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,289
l've got all kinds
of fun stuff.
50
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:29,500
l have
Chernobyl potato vodka,
51
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,211
standard-issue roofies,
52
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,631
l've got Chinese
black tar heroin,
53
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:39,385
l've got drug mule
rectum-release opium,
54
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,389
and some plug-in
air fresheners.
55
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,640
How did that get in here?
56
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:47,226
All right.
You got any bath salts?
57
00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:48,477
Tons.
Help yourself.
58
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,272
l've also got skunk,
scoot, snap, flippers,
59
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:54,233
flappers, floppers,
uppers, downers,
60
00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,277
and cyanide chewables.
61
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,571
Cyanide?
Poison is the best.
62
00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:01,240
Hey! Those are my
fun-time candies!
63
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:02,491
No. Uh-uh.
64
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,745
Every time we go out,
we end up blacked out
and looking for somebody.
65
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:09,248
Vegas. Thailand.
My nephew Ruben's Bar Mitzvah.
66
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,459
Whatever, we got him back
in time for the service.
67
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,961
Yeah, and then he puked
all over the Torah.
68
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,838
(CHUCKLES)
Classic.
69
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,381
No, not classic.
That is a holy document.
70
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:18,674
(GROANS)
71
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:22,178
All right,
let's just get Zach dressed
and head to the roof.
72
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:23,930
Dressed?
73
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,945
Small request, you guys.
Could somebody
scratch my nuts?
74
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,030
l respectfully decline.
75
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,407
Non-alcoholic beer?
76
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,117
l told you.
No risks tonight.
77
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:46,452
Pussy!
78
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:50,706
Excuse me,
l was calling you a pussy.
79
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:51,999
All right.
80
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,918
Let's put our shitty
rehab beers up
81
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,045
and toast Doug and Tracey.
82
00:04:56,630 --> 00:05:00,049
l never thought your
soulmate would have
an Adam's apple and a penis,
83
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,677
but, hey,
life's a journey, l guess.
84
00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:03,928
We're happy for you, man.
85
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,263
Thanks, guys.
86
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:07,890
To Doug and Tracey.
87
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,141
BOTH: To Doug and Tracey.
88
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,434
And
89
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:13,562
to a night
we'll never forget.
90
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,194
Those look really good.
91
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:23,155
Could you just
pour it in my cone?
92
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,117
(GROANS)
93
00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:12,955
What the fuck?
94
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,041
Oh, God.
95
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,795
(GROANlNG)
96
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:24,800
What?
97
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,388
Scuba guy on the ceiling.
That makes sense.
98
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:30,639
Watch out!
99
00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:32,141
Jesus!
100
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,518
You stepped on my balls, dude.
101
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:35,811
Sorry.
102
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:37,938
Where the hell are we?
103
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,067
Fuck if l know.
104
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:45,696
All l know is
l am hungover as
shit right now.
105
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,324
l think l'm legally dead.
106
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:51,160
And my mouth tastes assy.
107
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,120
Please tell me l ate cheese.
108
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,916
l don't know.
My ass kind of hurts.
109
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,168
Oh, no!
Did l do cocaine?
110
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,254
l'm deathly
allergic to cocaine.
111
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,840
And l'm allergic to gluten.
112
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,593
ED: l hope
that's gluten-free.
113
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:08,719
Oh, no.
114
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,138
Did we kill Waldo
last night?
115
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,100
Um. . .
116
00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:15,810
Maybe he was fucked to death.
117
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,561
(GAGGlNG)
118
00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:19,980
(lN SlNG-SONG VOlCE)
Morning, fellas!
119
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,109
Oh, god damn it,
who let Zach out
of the straitjacket?
120
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,694
ls that a man-thong?
121
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,364
No, it's a regular thong.
l wear them all the time.
122
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:29,990
That's disgusting.
(GAGGlNG)
123
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:32,743
Okay, we need to find Doug
and get the hell out of here.
124
00:07:32,828 --> 00:07:35,121
Somebody call him.
Where's my phone?
125
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:38,541
Oh, holy shit.
ls this a rocket launcher?
126
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,209
BRADLEY: Zach?
127
00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:42,044
Dude!
128
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,379
Come on,
we have to find Doug.
129
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,131
But that was. . .
130
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:50,553
Oh, my. Gentlemen,
this is quite a mess.
131
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:55,850
Okay, this is awkward,
but l'm just gonna
go ahead and ask,
132
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,852
maid or hooker?
133
00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:01,730
Manners!
That is no way to speak
to your escort.
134
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,859
l always ask.
The answer's always the same.
135
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:09,738
lt's been real nice
talking to you,
but we're just gonna go.
136
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,075
l wouldn't do that.
137
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,285
Okay.
138
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:16,787
(SCREAMlNG)
139
00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:22,585
We're on a fucking train?
140
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,712
l knew it!
141
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,881
That means
you're Effie Trinket!
142
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,591
No, my name is Effing.
143
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,802
And the three of you
are on your way to the Games.
144
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:34,138
We discussed this
all after your
courageous gesture.
145
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,348
EFFlNG: Why don't you
look at your phone?
146
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,060
(CHATTER ON VlDEO)
147
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:43,147
Fucking Reaping,
bitches!
148
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:44,773
ED: Oh, that's my phone.
149
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:47,401
Let me see it.
150
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,737
Doug's trying
to kiss me again !
151
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,197
Doug, how you doing, buddy?
152
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,490
Fucking Reaping,
bitches!
153
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:54,742
(ALL WHOOPlNG)
154
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,077
The first name
of the girl...
155
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,537
Why is Lady Gaga
on the screen?
156
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,039
And a happy Games goes to...
157
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,665
Change the channel !
158
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,292
...young Boo!
159
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:05,753
(BOOlNG)
And now for the boys.
160
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,546
l volunteer!
161
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:12,134
We volunteer for
the Hungover Games!
162
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,470
EFFlNG:
What a wonderful development!
163
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:18,807
Three of our brave volunteers
to add to the race.
164
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:22,228
May the chances be
ever in your corner.
165
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:25,356
Attica! Attica!
166
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,149
Okay, okay.
167
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,359
Hey!
168
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:29,902
Oh !
169
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,362
(LAUGHlNG)
Okay.
170
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:33,697
Will you keep it down?
171
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:36,492
l can hardly
hear myself drink.
172
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,285
Haymitch !
173
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:42,206
That's not my name,
you scruffy half-tard.
174
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,292
lt's Justmitch.
175
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:48,837
Look,
l'm enjoying all of this.
176
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,256
l really am.
177
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,466
Especially that
little blonde schoolgirl
178
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,760
situation you've got
going on right there.
179
00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:56,971
But right now we
really just need to
180
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,181
find our friend
and be on our way.
181
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:05,521
The Sponsors will eat
that bromance shit up
with a spoon.
182
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,398
Speaking of which.
183
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:11,360
Okay, let me guess,
now you're gonna tell us
how to win the Games?
184
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:17,157
lf you wanna live long enough
to find your
pansy little friend,
185
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,159
you'd best learn
to listen to me.
186
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:24,206
lf there's two things
l know, it's hangovers
187
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,667
and murdering for sport.
188
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,004
And, hey,
if you're lucky enough,
189
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:33,299
one of y'all might
get out of here alive.
190
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,635
Did you just say
"one" of us?
Mm-hmm.
191
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:40,389
Now if you'll excuse me,
l gotta find a vein.
192
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:50,149
WOMAN ON TV: You're watching
Capitol Sports.
193
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,985
Skip, it's my favorite time
of the year.
194
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:57,865
The weather is warming,
the tig ol' bitties
is coming out
195
00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:01,327
and right now,
it's time for
the Hungover Games!
196
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,078
A great competition
shaping up this year.
197
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,539
Contestants from
the Superheroes District
198
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,834
and the Middle Earth District
are once again
among the favorites.
199
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:12,171
The Puppet District
and the Depp District
are particularly intriguing to
200
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,630
Stephen A. Timplesmith.
201
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:16,216
Johnny Depp.
ls there any weirdo
this guy won't play?
202
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,343
Straight freak!
203
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:20,596
Next up, we have
The Real Housewives
of District 8.
204
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,515
Now these trashy bitches
205
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,477
have about a 0 % chance
of surviving the Games.
206
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,729
White girls!
Got me one at home.
207
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,315
Next up, we've got
the Django District.
208
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:35,235
Now Django is tough,
but let's get
this straight, Skip.
209
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,447
He will never be LeBron.
210
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:39,990
Now, on the Django team
211
00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:43,619
we have famed
plantation owner,
Calvin Dandy.
212
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,829
lronically,
he's a good friend of mine.
213
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:50,125
All right, next up
we have the Gratuitous
Nudity District.
214
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,710
Dizzamn !
215
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:55,172
Everybody knows
you cannot make
entertainment like this
216
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:58,592
without some inexplicable,
unwarranted nudity.
217
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:02,137
And finally our field
is rounded out
by our outlying districts.
218
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,390
AUTOMATED VOlCE:
District 9, Avatar.
219
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,683
District 1 0, Horror.
220
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,937
District 1 1 ,
Katnip Everlean.
221
00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:12,523
District 1 2,
The Hungover Guys.
222
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:15,025
Hey!
That looks like us
and Doug !
223
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,822
Look, we've got about
48 hours to find him
224
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,907
and get him back
to that wedding.
225
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,200
Okay.
226
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,911
l guess it's time for us
to kill some motherfuckers.
227
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:26,995
(GlGGLES)
228
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,967
WOMAN: All right, l need
three to run this drill.
Let's go!
229
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,010
l have the power!
230
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,262
Come on, cunt.
231
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,473
Oh, foo.
Another year,
another murder.
232
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,102
What a crop
of freakazoids.
233
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,854
(GRUNTlNG)
234
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:54,356
Stop swinging that
in my face.
235
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,899
That is dangerous.
That is not a toy!
236
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:58,068
Zach, will you stop?
You're making us
look like idiots.
237
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:01,113
No, Mr. l Can't Even
Pick Up This Boulder.
238
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,573
(YELLlNG)
239
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,621
You're making us look bad
in front of the Sponsors.
240
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,457
Why are they all
dressed like that?
241
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,293
Looks like a Lady Gaga
family reunion.
242
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,837
Look, you see that?
243
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,590
Our odds are
pretty shitty right now.
244
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,717
ED: Hey, why do the puppets
have better odds than us?
245
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,809
Go ahead and cross
check your information.
246
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:34,313
Excuse me.
Sorry, l hate to bother you
with this,
247
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,690
but my friend is stuck.
248
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:45,324
World War Z, right?
249
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,075
No. Walking Dead, actually.
250
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,077
Oh, right, right.
You were the one that bit
251
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:50,954
that guy's ear and then
ate his face off, right?
252
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:52,664
Guilty.
253
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,918
So who else came
from your district?
254
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,546
Just that crazy
blood-covered
bitch over there.
255
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:02,090
She scares
the shit out of me.
256
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,425
l can see why.
257
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:11,975
Wow. Kaptain Kazakhstan
is really rocking
that burlap sack.
258
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:14,895
Look at the size of
those Oompa Loompas.
259
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,313
You're welcome.
260
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:18,982
That's quite
a bit of shrubbery
he has down there.
261
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,527
Can you say,
"Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia"?
262
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,363
(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)
263
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:34,164
Listen.
264
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,625
They're looking at you
like you're a meal.
265
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:40,045
Especially that flamboyant
Scandinavian guy.
266
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,255
Ew.
267
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:44,508
He wants to
roll you in sugar
like a dick churro.
268
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:46,843
So what am l supposed to do?
269
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:49,429
They need to know
that you can take a punch.
270
00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:51,056
What?
271
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,225
Yeah. Trust me.
272
00:14:58,481 --> 00:14:59,565
Okay.
273
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,150
(GROANlNG)
274
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,735
(GlGGLlNG)
275
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,029
Okay, l'm good.
276
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,364
All right, l'm good.
277
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:12,119
The elbow didn't count.
Come on, come on.
278
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,788
Now, just remember,
this hurts you
more than it hurts me.
279
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:15,872
(GRUNTS)
280
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,332
(LAUGHlNG)
281
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,585
Why, dude? Why?
282
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:22,379
l don't know.
l forgot why
we're even doing this.
283
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:24,798
(ED GROANlNG)
284
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:27,134
l'm pooped.
285
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,344
l want a vitamin water
or something.
286
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:31,179
Not bad.
287
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,349
That means l need
a vitamin water!
288
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:37,102
Okay, okay, l'll get it!
l'll get
a vitamin water for you !
289
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,774
Not again.
290
00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:45,319
(GRUNTlNG)
291
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,580
My right nut is numb.
292
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,874
l can take a hit, Zach.
293
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,710
l can give one, too.
294
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,378
You ready
for the thunder?
295
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,921
Well,
here's the lightning !
296
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:07,132
Oh, son of a hooker,
that hurt!
297
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:08,467
Hey, watch it!
298
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:09,843
Sorry, l didn't see anything,
l swear to God !
299
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,553
My elbow may have grazed. . .
Ed.
300
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,431
Hey. . .
301
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,224
Okay.
302
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:18,518
Uh. . .
303
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,354
How are you?
304
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,272
Hey. . .
Hi.
305
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,565
. . .you.
306
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:25,776
Oh.
307
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,444
You don't remember me.
308
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:29,780
lt's Katnip.
309
00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:31,531
Katnip Everlean.
310
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:35,410
l'm sorry. lt's just
that last night, we. . .
311
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,495
You were wasted.
312
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:37,663
Yeah.
313
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,374
You guys bought us drinks
after the Reaping.
314
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:43,919
You said you were
going district-hopping,
and you up and left.
315
00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:47,422
Jeez! You guys clearly have
a drinking problem !
316
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,342
Um, is that
a talking bird?
317
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:53,053
l'm a talking jay,
you birdbrain.
318
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,846
For a nerd,
you're pretty dumb.
319
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:57,474
Sorry. He's really nice
once you get to know him.
320
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,476
Yeah, just ask your mom.
321
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:00,852
That's rude.
322
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,438
Go away.
How are you feeling,
by the way?
323
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:06,441
Well, besides the
raging hangover,
324
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,652
the free-for-all
death match coming up,
325
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:11,780
and the shit taste
l can't get
out of my mouth,
326
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,908
l'm actually doing great.
327
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:17,327
Hey, look,
it's Dumb and Dumberer.
328
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,205
A talking jay.
329
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,332
So elegant.
330
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,755
Hey, get your mitts off me!
331
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,425
Where'd you go to school,
Penn State?
332
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,554
Wow, okay, yeah.
333
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,973
l'm not even gonna
try to process
that right now.
334
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,474
Excuse me?
335
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:41,935
lt's Katnip, Bradley.
We met last night.
336
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,145
Yeah, Bradley.
337
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,106
Yeah, right, okay.
About last night,
338
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:49,276
do you have any
idea what happened
to our friend, Doug?
339
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:50,736
Uh. . .
340
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:54,489
(LAUGHlNG)
No. But l did wake up today
and l saw you all volunteered.
341
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,867
That was really brave of you.
342
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,618
That is one word for it.
343
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,787
No, seriously.
You guys were
talking about it so much
344
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,247
you inspired me to do it.
345
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,000
That's why l took my
little sister's place.
346
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,961
That was stupid.
Sorry.
347
00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,505
You have a little sister?
348
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:14,426
ls she into husky bearded guys
with low-level
personality disorders?
349
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,303
(YELLlNG)
350
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:17,971
Nice!
351
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,222
l like this girl.
352
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:21,266
That got more hand
than apple.
353
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,934
(BUZZER RlNGS)
354
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,772
Attention,
battlers, battlers, battlers.
355
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:30,025
The training center
is now closed.
356
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:32,360
lt is time to die.
357
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,112
Make that work.
358
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:37,616
That's my catchphrase,
you know.
"Make that work."
359
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,161
WOMAN: Hello?
A little help here?
360
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,625
AUTOMATED VOlCE:
20, 1 9, 1 8,
361
00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:48,335
17,
362
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:49,836
1 6,
363
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:51,379
1 5,
364
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,048
1 4...
365
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,717
Doug ! Dougie!
Doug man !
366
00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:58,637
Doug? Doug?
367
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,013
Doug !
368
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:02,641
Doug? Where are you, man?
369
00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,476
Where the fuck is he?
370
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,770
Doug?
Doug?
371
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:10,941
Was that him?
372
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:15,487
Hey, sweetheart.
373
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:18,782
Looking for a white guy,
yea high, generic, unfunny,
374
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,827
really forgettable.
Was that him right now?
375
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,288
Come on,
talk to me.
376
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,167
She's a goddamn
mute or something.
377
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:30,418
Man, fuck you, white boy.
378
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,380
What are you guys
doing here?
379
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:36,007
You need to get to
your tube room immediately.
380
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:37,467
Okay, you don't
have to manhandle me!
381
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,010
Oh, my tea!
382
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:44,432
You just got bubble tea
all over my control panel.
383
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,601
Get him out of here!
384
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:48,103
1 6,
385
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:49,521
1 5,
386
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:50,856
1 4,
387
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,148
1 3,
(LlFT CLANGS)
388
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,191
1 2...
389
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:55,694
Jeez, guys.
Portion control much?
390
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:57,654
9,
391
00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,197
8,
392
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,574
7,
393
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:01,867
6,
394
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:02,951
5,
395
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,536
4,
396
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:05,829
3,
397
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:07,539
2,
398
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:08,832
1 .
399
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:17,257
No, no, no!
Don't step off the platform,
we'll explode!
400
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,635
Oh, God.
401
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,354
MAN OVER PA: Now the
contestants line up
before the Pornucopia,
402
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:33,815
no doubt picking
out the weapons
they wanna grab.
403
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:37,444
Doug, Doug, come on, man.
Where are you?
404
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,738
He must be on the other side
of that tent full of. . .
405
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:42,240
What are those?
Sex weapons?
406
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:44,451
ED: Where the fuck are we?
407
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,953
MAN: This is
a great time to mention
408
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,914
that the weaponry
has been provided by
409
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:52,167
Delta Venus,
Queen of the Sex Toys.
410
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:54,502
(DRUMS POUNDlNG)
411
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,349
Let the killing begin !
412
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:13,688
Shit, come on !
Maybe we can find him
before he gets slaughtered.
413
00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:16,650
l got this.
Yeah.
414
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,694
Fuck! My hammie!
l should've stretched !
415
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:22,280
Oh,
l should've stretched first!
416
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:24,741
(UPBEAT MUSlC PLAYlNG)
417
00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:29,579
Yeah !
418
00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:37,295
Holy cow. White wine!
l hate white wine!
419
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,769
Okay, barrel roll !
420
00:21:53,104 --> 00:21:54,396
BRADLEY: Shit, really?
Are you all right?
421
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:55,563
At least tell me
that looked awesome.
422
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:56,731
Yeah. Sure.
423
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:03,321
Oh, it's a red man.
High five?
424
00:22:03,406 --> 00:22:05,407
No? How about this?
425
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,534
You like?
426
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:16,084
Put penis away, kemosabe.
427
00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:17,669
(ALL CHEERlNG)
428
00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,036
ls that labia?
429
00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:57,876
That is a bear!
430
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:58,918
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
431
00:22:59,003 --> 00:23:01,296
Wait, wait!
No, no, no!
432
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:03,548
Doug must have
come up right here!
Where is he?
433
00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:04,632
Fuck!
434
00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:40,168
Whoa!
435
00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:45,131
Come on, man.
436
00:23:45,341 --> 00:23:46,674
Come back here!
437
00:23:47,009 --> 00:23:48,927
Fuck! And where's Zach?
438
00:23:50,179 --> 00:23:52,347
Well, hey there, boy.
439
00:23:53,224 --> 00:23:54,224
Ow!
440
00:23:55,935 --> 00:23:57,936
Goddamn women !
441
00:23:58,938 --> 00:24:00,355
Don't mind if l do.
442
00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:04,109
Now, now,
don't do nothing
foolish there, N-word.
443
00:24:04,193 --> 00:24:06,486
l like the way you die, boy.
444
00:24:06,904 --> 00:24:08,363
(SCREAMlNG)
445
00:24:11,408 --> 00:24:12,784
Django's free!
446
00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:16,746
Take that, black!
Dude!
447
00:24:16,831 --> 00:24:19,040
You like baseball,
Jackie Robinson?
448
00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:20,375
Oh !
449
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:22,544
TEDDY: Shit!
Oh, that's cruel !
450
00:24:22,878 --> 00:24:25,046
Hey, you thirsty?
Here's some tea!
451
00:24:25,631 --> 00:24:27,006
Teabag !
Oh, that's nasty.
452
00:24:27,091 --> 00:24:28,341
That's real gross.
Bag, bag, bag !
453
00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:29,884
Please stop.
Just please stop.
454
00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:31,970
Wait,
you want some fucking lemon?
Yeah, bag it up!
455
00:24:32,054 --> 00:24:34,264
Come on !
Jesus!
456
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,599
l know that looked bad,
but, come on,
457
00:24:36,684 --> 00:24:38,810
let's keep in mind
that the purpose
of this competition
458
00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:40,145
is to kill people, yeah.
459
00:24:40,229 --> 00:24:42,564
So that was
technically
not a hate crime.
460
00:24:42,648 --> 00:24:46,651
l'm not a racist.
l got like eight black guys
on my fantasy football team.
461
00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:48,194
l mean,
not the quarterback
obviously,
462
00:24:48,279 --> 00:24:49,654
that's a thinking man's
position.
463
00:24:49,738 --> 00:24:51,072
Seriously?
464
00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:52,157
(SHUDDERS)
465
00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:54,951
Oh, no, not this!
466
00:24:55,077 --> 00:24:56,202
Fuck this! Go!
467
00:24:56,453 --> 00:24:57,495
Whatever.
468
00:25:00,082 --> 00:25:01,457
(ALL GROAN)
469
00:25:03,252 --> 00:25:05,295
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
470
00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:08,506
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
471
00:25:08,591 --> 00:25:10,008
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
472
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:13,761
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
473
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,515
l just watched
Django get curb-stomped
by a teddy bear,
474
00:25:17,683 --> 00:25:20,310
two of our friends are MlA,
and, oh, did l mention,
475
00:25:20,436 --> 00:25:22,729
did l mention this,
that my mouth
still tastes like shit!
476
00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:24,522
All right, dude,
quit being a baby.
477
00:25:24,607 --> 00:25:27,025
My ass still hurts, too.
You don't hear me
whining about it.
478
00:25:27,109 --> 00:25:28,902
lt just won't go away.
479
00:25:29,403 --> 00:25:30,737
BOTH: Oh !
480
00:25:31,155 --> 00:25:32,822
What's happening, honkies?
481
00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:35,241
What the hell?
That Asian guy!
Really?
482
00:25:35,326 --> 00:25:38,870
What?
Oriental man cannot practice
acrobatics in the woods?
483
00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:41,539
You racist assholes
think l'm Viet Cong
or something?
484
00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:43,374
Wait, why the fuck
are you here?
485
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:46,377
We had a sick night
last night.
l still hungover.
486
00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:48,421
Just tell us what
the fuck happened, okay?
487
00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:50,089
You mean you don't remember?
488
00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:51,216
No.
489
00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:54,135
Human Centipede, bitches!
490
00:25:54,428 --> 00:25:56,304
What's a Human Centipede?
491
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:59,224
Human Centipede only
the greatest idea ever.
492
00:25:59,350 --> 00:26:02,268
You sew a chain of people
from asshole to mouth hole.
493
00:26:02,436 --> 00:26:04,896
You share the same
digestive system.
494
00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:06,231
Check it out.
495
00:26:06,649 --> 00:26:08,650
We shit brothers!
Oh !
496
00:26:09,151 --> 00:26:10,193
l was the middle.
497
00:26:10,361 --> 00:26:11,653
No!
498
00:26:11,779 --> 00:26:13,029
What the fuck? Fuck!
499
00:26:13,113 --> 00:26:15,657
Why would we do
that fucking. . .
That's disgusting !
500
00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:18,034
You have really potty mouth.
501
00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:20,119
You get it?
Potty mouth !
502
00:26:20,329 --> 00:26:21,996
Because your mouth was potty.
503
00:26:22,373 --> 00:26:23,665
(GAGGlNG)
504
00:26:27,044 --> 00:26:28,586
Just let it out, man.
(LAUGHlNG)
505
00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:32,590
Wait, hold on.
l was in the front,
so l didn't eat any shit?
506
00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:35,468
Nope.
You were total party pooper.
507
00:26:35,928 --> 00:26:37,011
Literally.
508
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,764
(CHUCKLlNG)
Well, that's a relief, huh?
509
00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:41,557
ED: That's disgusting.
510
00:26:41,684 --> 00:26:44,102
(YAWNlNG)
lt's getting really late.
511
00:26:44,395 --> 00:26:45,770
You know what they say,
512
00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:48,314
early to bed,
early to Human Centipede.
513
00:26:48,399 --> 00:26:50,441
l gotta go Human Centipede
with the Olsen twins.
514
00:26:50,526 --> 00:26:52,151
They've done it before.
515
00:26:52,236 --> 00:26:53,653
See you gay boys later.
516
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:01,411
Let's find
a place to sleep, buddy.
lt's been a long day.
517
00:27:01,495 --> 00:27:02,954
Oh, Jesus!
518
00:27:03,163 --> 00:27:04,372
l didn't eat corn.
519
00:27:04,498 --> 00:27:05,707
Yeah, l did.
520
00:27:09,336 --> 00:27:10,712
(GROANlNG)
521
00:27:13,007 --> 00:27:16,426
Shit,
human shit inside me.
522
00:27:16,510 --> 00:27:18,886
Hey, man,
we've all been there.
523
00:27:19,972 --> 00:27:21,180
Really?
524
00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:23,349
Fuck, no,
l've never been there.
525
00:27:23,434 --> 00:27:25,351
lt's the most disgusting
thing l've ever heard.
526
00:27:25,436 --> 00:27:26,561
(CRYlNG) lt is real gross.
527
00:27:26,812 --> 00:27:28,980
Hey, shit-for-breath,
be quiet for a second.
528
00:27:29,064 --> 00:27:31,733
Look over there.
Someone's got a fire going.
529
00:27:31,817 --> 00:27:32,859
That's dumb.
530
00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:34,068
Yup.
531
00:27:35,738 --> 00:27:38,489
MAN: l appreciate
the spirited conversation,
gentlemen,
532
00:27:38,574 --> 00:27:40,366
but we all know
there's no debate.
533
00:27:40,451 --> 00:27:43,036
l am the weirdest
of all the Depps.
534
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:45,538
l mean,
for fuck's sake,
l'm a pirate
535
00:27:45,664 --> 00:27:48,041
who sashays round
like a bloody poof.
536
00:27:49,626 --> 00:27:52,086
And what of you there,
top hat?
537
00:27:52,296 --> 00:27:55,089
Well,
l do have my fair share
of psychological issues.
538
00:27:55,257 --> 00:27:58,009
My speech patterns
mirror those of
sexual molesters.
539
00:27:58,093 --> 00:28:00,762
l keep a bunch of
dwarves as my slaves.
540
00:28:02,765 --> 00:28:04,807
And l masturbate
in the chocolate.
541
00:28:04,892 --> 00:28:05,933
(GlGGLES)
542
00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:08,269
Every single batch.
543
00:28:08,479 --> 00:28:10,271
l think l might puke.
544
00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:13,441
(WHlSTLES)
545
00:28:22,284 --> 00:28:23,951
Nice work, Tonto.
546
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,037
Say good night, weirdos.
547
00:28:26,121 --> 00:28:27,955
A bloody smoke signal !
548
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,333
You fucked us,
you bloody Native!
549
00:28:30,501 --> 00:28:32,210
Tonto sick of white man.
550
00:28:32,294 --> 00:28:33,961
Yes,
but we're all Depps, mate!
551
00:28:34,505 --> 00:28:37,298
Tonto
especially sick of Depps.
552
00:28:37,633 --> 00:28:39,342
Are you gonna
rape and murder us?
553
00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:42,303
TEDDY: Keep it in your pants,
Scissorhands.
554
00:28:48,644 --> 00:28:50,395
Me next!
Me next!
555
00:28:52,439 --> 00:28:55,900
lf you don't mind,
l prefer it in
a chocolate factory.
556
00:29:01,532 --> 00:29:02,740
That's brutal.
557
00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:05,827
Now that's what l
call a deep throat.
558
00:29:06,328 --> 00:29:09,747
That means a dozen gone
in the first eight hours,
Stephen A. ,
559
00:29:09,832 --> 00:29:13,042
and l think l smell
an alliance forming.
560
00:29:13,335 --> 00:29:16,087
What the fuck do you mean,
an alliance?
561
00:29:16,213 --> 00:29:17,839
lf it's supposed to be
every man for themself,
562
00:29:17,965 --> 00:29:19,590
they ain't gonna
create no fucking alliance.
563
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,467
They're gonna be out there
killing each other.
564
00:29:21,552 --> 00:29:23,845
That don't make
no goddamn sense!
565
00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:26,764
l know.
l can barely keep myself
from killing you, Stephen A.
566
00:29:26,932 --> 00:29:28,516
Can't fault you there.
567
00:29:31,812 --> 00:29:33,563
THOR: That creepy,
pale guy was bananas!
568
00:29:33,647 --> 00:29:35,273
B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
569
00:29:35,357 --> 00:29:37,108
TEDDY: Hey, Thor, we get it.
You like cock.
570
00:29:38,193 --> 00:29:39,610
Fuck, dude.
571
00:29:39,820 --> 00:29:41,195
Don't stay here,
don't stay here,
don't stay here.
572
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,031
Anyway, guys, l'm pooped.
What say we just
stay here for the night?
573
00:29:44,575 --> 00:29:47,201
ZACH: Do you guys think
there's a Chili's out here?
574
00:29:48,203 --> 00:29:51,205
l'll settle for an Applebee's,
but it would be grudgingly.
575
00:29:52,708 --> 00:29:54,333
What the fuck is
he doing with them?
576
00:29:54,418 --> 00:29:57,712
l think he's looking
for a reasonably priced
casual dining restaurant.
577
00:29:57,796 --> 00:29:58,796
Thor?
578
00:29:59,047 --> 00:30:00,590
Awesome Blossom?
579
00:30:01,383 --> 00:30:03,593
Tonto?
Jalapeno poppers?
580
00:30:04,261 --> 00:30:06,012
Something for you, Bloody?
581
00:30:06,096 --> 00:30:08,514
lf you talk to me again,
l will murder
your whole family
582
00:30:08,599 --> 00:30:12,143
and terrorize
whatever little Podunk town
you come from, you hear me?
583
00:30:12,227 --> 00:30:15,897
Okay, more fully loaded
potato skins for me then.
584
00:30:16,148 --> 00:30:17,523
How about a bear claw?
585
00:30:17,608 --> 00:30:19,567
Maybe a bun
for the wiener?
586
00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:23,696
All right,
table for six, seven.
Ladies?
587
00:30:24,573 --> 00:30:26,282
You know, l don't think
we fit the dress code.
588
00:30:26,450 --> 00:30:29,285
Oh, it's a Chili's.
You guys will be fine.
589
00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:34,624
l kill him now, yes?
590
00:30:34,708 --> 00:30:35,833
No.
591
00:30:35,918 --> 00:30:37,460
Let's lock him in
a burning gymnasium
592
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:40,588
and wait till his
guttural screams
slowly fade away.
593
00:30:41,089 --> 00:30:42,715
TEDDY: Easy, Scary.
594
00:30:42,925 --> 00:30:45,718
We need to keep
that fat sack of
Asperger's alive for now.
595
00:30:46,261 --> 00:30:49,347
He's our best shot at finding
those two other fuck nuggets.
596
00:30:49,431 --> 00:30:52,725
Would you guys shush already?
l need to get my beauty sleep.
597
00:30:53,477 --> 00:30:54,769
(GROANS)
598
00:30:55,312 --> 00:30:57,271
l'm never gonna be
able to sleep now.
599
00:30:58,023 --> 00:31:00,483
l'm gonna have
insomnia for sure.
600
00:31:01,652 --> 00:31:03,027
(SlGHS)
601
00:31:03,195 --> 00:31:05,363
This was the worst day ever.
602
00:31:18,418 --> 00:31:19,710
(SNORlNG)
603
00:31:33,225 --> 00:31:34,475
What the. . .
604
00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:36,143
Shit!
605
00:31:36,311 --> 00:31:38,729
Jesus! Shut up, Ed.
606
00:31:38,981 --> 00:31:40,856
Got hit with
a fucking boulder.
607
00:31:41,650 --> 00:31:42,692
Hey!
608
00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:47,863
She seems friendly.
609
00:31:52,786 --> 00:31:54,245
What are you nodding at?
610
00:31:54,329 --> 00:31:55,580
l don't. . .
611
00:31:58,083 --> 00:31:59,750
Use your fucking words!
612
00:32:10,470 --> 00:32:12,346
She wants us to
saw the hive off
613
00:32:12,472 --> 00:32:14,348
so that it falls
onto them below.
614
00:32:14,433 --> 00:32:15,933
GlRL: No fuckin' shit.
615
00:32:17,811 --> 00:32:19,604
Vulgar little child.
616
00:32:19,938 --> 00:32:22,273
Oh, l have
a Swiss Army knife.
617
00:32:22,983 --> 00:32:24,108
Okay.
618
00:32:25,902 --> 00:32:28,279
Uh, hey, you know,
l'm not really athletic.
619
00:32:28,363 --> 00:32:29,947
Do you mind just
climbing up there?
620
00:32:30,032 --> 00:32:31,741
Take one for the team?
Come on.
621
00:32:33,035 --> 00:32:34,160
Nice.
622
00:32:39,291 --> 00:32:41,834
Oh, snap! Now looky here.
623
00:32:42,044 --> 00:32:45,171
Them
motherfucking hungover honkies
got a trick up their sleeve.
624
00:32:45,297 --> 00:32:47,465
ls that a Swagger
Jacker nest, Skip?
625
00:32:47,549 --> 00:32:50,051
Correct, you are.
Now these guys are
gonna have to be careful.
626
00:32:50,135 --> 00:32:53,054
Swagger Jackers
are no ordinary bees.
627
00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,056
They are
genetically engineered wasps
628
00:32:55,140 --> 00:32:56,432
that when they sting you,
629
00:32:56,516 --> 00:32:59,185
they drain your body's
natural swagger supply.
630
00:32:59,311 --> 00:33:02,355
ln other words,
they make you
a straight bitch.
631
00:33:02,439 --> 00:33:05,566
Precisely.
And just a few stings
can prove lethal.
632
00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:08,444
l'm crossing my fingers, Skip.
633
00:33:08,612 --> 00:33:09,737
Me, too.
634
00:33:17,162 --> 00:33:19,705
l know you aren't trying
to cut down our nest!
635
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,000
Does that hurt?
636
00:33:23,085 --> 00:33:24,126
Yes, it hurt!
637
00:33:24,252 --> 00:33:26,337
Dude, don't be a pussy.
Saw!
638
00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:28,130
(SNORlNG)
639
00:33:29,174 --> 00:33:30,424
Oh, God.
640
00:33:33,762 --> 00:33:36,055
They're not gonna
sleep in much longer.
Hurry up, man !
641
00:33:37,307 --> 00:33:38,974
(SWAGGER JACKERS CHATTERlNG)
642
00:33:39,434 --> 00:33:40,434
Hurry up!
643
00:33:40,644 --> 00:33:42,186
Get away from the nest,
jerk-off!
644
00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:47,858
TEDDY:
Flew in my fucking hole!
645
00:33:47,943 --> 00:33:48,943
(SHRlEKlNG)
646
00:33:50,153 --> 00:33:52,113
TEDDY: Oh, shit!
Got a bee in my cock.
647
00:33:54,324 --> 00:33:55,908
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
648
00:33:59,496 --> 00:34:00,913
Oh, Jesus.
649
00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:05,376
Hey, you okay?
650
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:07,837
A couple of Swagger
Jack-offs stung me.
651
00:34:08,296 --> 00:34:10,840
(SLURRlNG)
But l'm good.
652
00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:12,967
Hey, hey, hey, sure?
You don't look too good.
653
00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,510
l don't feel too good.
654
00:34:14,636 --> 00:34:16,095
No, no, no, no!
Bradley!
655
00:34:21,810 --> 00:34:23,269
l'm coming for you !
656
00:34:24,312 --> 00:34:25,604
You guys see that?
657
00:34:25,689 --> 00:34:26,731
(SCREAMlNG)
658
00:34:26,815 --> 00:34:28,274
Shit! Shit!
659
00:34:28,358 --> 00:34:30,025
This chubba has
literally no swag.
660
00:34:31,445 --> 00:34:34,155
Hey! l was looking
all over for you guys!
661
00:34:40,996 --> 00:34:42,037
(ALL GROANlNG)
662
00:34:42,122 --> 00:34:43,873
BRADLEY:
God, my face hurts.
663
00:34:43,957 --> 00:34:46,625
Oh, l can feel my
heartbeat in my ears.
664
00:34:46,710 --> 00:34:48,252
lt's throbbing.
lt's really loud.
665
00:34:48,336 --> 00:34:51,297
Hey. Does my head look weird?
lt's so loud.
666
00:34:51,506 --> 00:34:52,506
No.
667
00:34:52,674 --> 00:34:54,717
But your body is super tiny.
668
00:34:56,887 --> 00:34:58,095
lt is?
669
00:34:58,263 --> 00:35:00,306
Your body is super tiny,
man.
670
00:35:00,682 --> 00:35:02,266
Do l look okay?
671
00:35:03,852 --> 00:35:04,977
Yeah.
672
00:35:06,688 --> 00:35:07,688
You're cool.
673
00:35:07,856 --> 00:35:09,732
l am cool, thank you.
674
00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:12,526
This is napping
cool time for me.
675
00:35:12,694 --> 00:35:13,944
(GROANS)
676
00:35:14,237 --> 00:35:16,697
This is a terrible pillow.
677
00:35:17,866 --> 00:35:19,325
Sleep sounds good.
678
00:35:34,591 --> 00:35:35,591
Hi.
679
00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:37,635
l've missed you.
680
00:35:38,220 --> 00:35:40,387
l've missed you, too, Katnip.
681
00:35:41,223 --> 00:35:42,556
l'm only 1 7.
682
00:35:42,724 --> 00:35:44,058
What?
683
00:35:44,142 --> 00:35:45,309
Nothing.
684
00:35:45,393 --> 00:35:47,728
l have something to show you.
685
00:35:51,233 --> 00:35:52,233
ED: Yes.
686
00:35:52,609 --> 00:35:53,651
Yes.
687
00:35:55,821 --> 00:35:57,196
No!
688
00:35:58,907 --> 00:36:00,741
Why?
689
00:36:00,909 --> 00:36:04,161
Hey, are you having
a wet hallucination, Ed?
690
00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:06,789
Yeah, you know,
a nocturnal emission?
691
00:36:06,957 --> 00:36:10,417
God, just when l thought
l couldn't hate you any more.
692
00:36:10,585 --> 00:36:14,171
Hey, ease up.
We didn't choose
this way of life.
693
00:36:14,256 --> 00:36:16,257
Yeah,
it's no picnic.
694
00:36:16,591 --> 00:36:19,343
You know how hard it is
to motorboat yourself?
695
00:36:19,427 --> 00:36:20,719
God, please don't do it.
696
00:36:23,265 --> 00:36:25,015
This is the worst
wet dream of my life.
697
00:36:25,433 --> 00:36:26,433
See?
698
00:36:26,601 --> 00:36:28,602
Zach,
how can you even ruin boobs?
699
00:36:28,812 --> 00:36:31,355
Hey, does my mouth
look like a nipple?
700
00:36:34,109 --> 00:36:35,276
Uh. . .
701
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:36,861
lt kinda does.
702
00:36:38,655 --> 00:36:41,240
Okay, this is getting weird.
Maybe we should wake him up.
703
00:36:41,408 --> 00:36:42,741
Okay, okay, okay.
704
00:36:42,826 --> 00:36:44,118
On my count.
705
00:36:44,411 --> 00:36:47,955
One, two, three!
706
00:36:48,623 --> 00:36:49,665
BOTH: Boom !
707
00:36:49,833 --> 00:36:50,958
Bearded boobies!
708
00:36:51,293 --> 00:36:52,668
(SHOUTlNG)
709
00:36:57,549 --> 00:36:58,966
How long have
we been out, man?
710
00:36:59,217 --> 00:37:00,509
Couple days.
711
00:37:00,594 --> 00:37:01,635
l've been licking
your wounds.
712
00:37:01,761 --> 00:37:02,761
What?
713
00:37:02,846 --> 00:37:05,681
l've been
watching you guys sleep,
nursing you back to health.
714
00:37:05,849 --> 00:37:09,018
Scrotal touching
was just for
medicinal purposes.
715
00:37:10,228 --> 00:37:13,606
We saw those
Swagger Jackers
sting you, man. A lot.
716
00:37:13,690 --> 00:37:15,524
Yeah,
but their venom has no effect
717
00:37:15,650 --> 00:37:17,484
if you have no
swagger to jack.
718
00:37:17,569 --> 00:37:19,403
Hold on a second.
719
00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:21,864
What the hell
were you doing
with that gang, man?
720
00:37:25,577 --> 00:37:27,244
You were gonna
help them kill us?
721
00:37:28,580 --> 00:37:30,915
You guys, l don't do
well with peer pressure.
722
00:37:30,999 --> 00:37:33,334
l didn't really
want to murder you.
723
00:37:33,585 --> 00:37:35,836
But you would have?
724
00:37:39,674 --> 00:37:40,925
Oh, come on !
725
00:37:41,009 --> 00:37:42,885
l'm sorry!
l had a moment of weakness!
726
00:37:42,969 --> 00:37:45,721
l nursed you back to health.
Don't you feel swaggy?
727
00:37:46,890 --> 00:37:49,266
Yeah.
728
00:37:49,684 --> 00:37:51,435
l really do, actually.
729
00:37:52,062 --> 00:37:53,437
lt's because of this.
730
00:37:53,521 --> 00:37:54,647
Swagger Balm.
731
00:37:57,943 --> 00:38:00,527
"lngredients, aloe,
palm oil,
732
00:38:00,612 --> 00:38:03,155
"and Kanye West extract?"
733
00:38:03,365 --> 00:38:05,699
Tastes just like
the real thing.
734
00:38:06,242 --> 00:38:07,284
(GAGGlNG)
735
00:38:07,369 --> 00:38:08,744
WOMAN: Hey, boys.
736
00:38:08,912 --> 00:38:10,704
We thought
we smelled some swagger.
737
00:38:12,624 --> 00:38:13,791
Puts the rocks down, buddy.
738
00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:15,209
(WHOOPlNG)
739
00:38:15,460 --> 00:38:19,296
l just wanna get
sloppy drunk and slutty!
740
00:38:19,923 --> 00:38:22,132
Way too late for that,
sweetheart.
741
00:38:22,926 --> 00:38:23,968
l get the blondes.
742
00:38:24,094 --> 00:38:25,135
Okay.
743
00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:29,348
That's rich !
744
00:38:29,766 --> 00:38:34,395
So then l divorced
that asshole
and took half of everything.
745
00:38:34,896 --> 00:38:37,398
That's how l got
my lucky charm.
746
00:38:37,899 --> 00:38:40,317
ls it that ring?
lt's lovely.
747
00:38:40,402 --> 00:38:42,319
l'm not talking
about that.
748
00:38:42,404 --> 00:38:43,737
l'm talking about
749
00:38:43,822 --> 00:38:44,822
this.
750
00:38:45,490 --> 00:38:47,324
(LAUGHlNG)
ls that a fucking ball?
751
00:38:47,409 --> 00:38:48,575
Neat!
752
00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:54,915
l told you, when l
took half of everything,
l meant half of everything.
753
00:38:55,083 --> 00:38:57,751
You girls are
such a treat.
754
00:38:57,919 --> 00:38:59,503
Great!
Here's to good friends!
755
00:38:59,671 --> 00:39:00,921
And you two bitches.
756
00:39:02,507 --> 00:39:04,425
Well, well, well,
757
00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:06,927
if it isn't the popular girls.
758
00:39:07,095 --> 00:39:09,346
Nice blood outfit, honey,
but that's worse
than pleather.
759
00:39:09,806 --> 00:39:12,266
What is that,
O positive?
760
00:39:12,475 --> 00:39:14,018
Awful.
So last season.
761
00:39:14,102 --> 00:39:15,144
What is that, gas?
762
00:39:15,228 --> 00:39:16,228
You got that on
my Gucci dress!
763
00:39:16,521 --> 00:39:17,521
Bitch !
764
00:39:18,148 --> 00:39:19,440
What are you doing?
765
00:39:19,607 --> 00:39:20,899
Do you know how
much this cost?
766
00:39:22,819 --> 00:39:24,737
Wait, l just wanna
see where this is going !
767
00:39:24,821 --> 00:39:26,238
Zach, let's go!
768
00:39:26,948 --> 00:39:28,073
Game, set. . .
769
00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:29,408
No! No!
770
00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:31,702
. . .match !
771
00:39:32,287 --> 00:39:33,912
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
772
00:39:34,831 --> 00:39:37,833
WOMAN: My tits are
gonna melt!
773
00:39:46,176 --> 00:39:49,011
You wanted to see me,
President Snowbama?
774
00:39:49,554 --> 00:39:52,973
Tell me,
have you ever
been hungover?
775
00:39:53,558 --> 00:39:55,100
Why, yes.
776
00:39:55,477 --> 00:39:57,770
l'm actually
hungover right now.
777
00:39:58,313 --> 00:40:00,647
Never pass out
in a crowded bar.
778
00:40:01,649 --> 00:40:04,485
Yes, they shaved
a dick on my face, sir.
779
00:40:05,487 --> 00:40:09,156
These hungover contestants,
people seem to
care about them.
780
00:40:09,866 --> 00:40:12,409
Yes?
ls that
a bad thing, sir?
781
00:40:12,494 --> 00:40:14,495
The Games are a distraction
782
00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:17,081
so people won't notice
the crap we peddle out.
783
00:40:17,165 --> 00:40:20,209
Sequels, remakes, spoofs.
784
00:40:22,295 --> 00:40:24,671
When people start to care,
bad things happen.
785
00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:26,006
Ratings go down,
786
00:40:26,174 --> 00:40:28,300
beards get shaved.
787
00:40:28,676 --> 00:40:30,511
l've got it
under control, sir.
788
00:40:41,689 --> 00:40:43,273
lt's a kitty cat.
789
00:40:43,691 --> 00:40:45,609
'Cause you're
a little pussy.
790
00:40:49,864 --> 00:40:51,865
Thank you,
Mr. President.
791
00:40:54,410 --> 00:40:55,953
(CANNON BLAST)
792
00:40:56,246 --> 00:40:59,706
Shit! Any one of
these cannon blasts
could be Doug.
793
00:40:59,791 --> 00:41:01,542
We don't even know
if he's still alive.
794
00:41:01,626 --> 00:41:04,169
Hey, l'm scared, too,
but the one thing
that's not gonna get us
795
00:41:04,254 --> 00:41:06,421
back to that gay wedding
is sitting here
crying about it.
796
00:41:06,881 --> 00:41:09,174
There should only be
a handful of contestants left.
797
00:41:10,051 --> 00:41:11,135
We can do this, man.
798
00:41:11,261 --> 00:41:12,344
You guys.
799
00:41:13,054 --> 00:41:14,972
Hey,
since we're standing around
sharing things,
800
00:41:15,056 --> 00:41:16,181
l've got a doozy.
801
00:41:16,266 --> 00:41:18,058
What the hell
did you do, Zach?
802
00:41:18,268 --> 00:41:20,477
You know the air fresheners
that l plugged in?
803
00:41:20,562 --> 00:41:22,020
Best thing you ever did.
They were delightful.
804
00:41:22,105 --> 00:41:27,025
Well, it wasn't
Lilac or Morning Mist
or Brazilian Breeze.
805
00:41:27,110 --> 00:41:28,819
lt was Midnight Berry.
806
00:41:28,903 --> 00:41:30,612
What the shit is
Midnight Berry?
807
00:41:30,905 --> 00:41:33,740
From the novels.
lt's aromatic.
808
00:41:34,242 --> 00:41:36,493
What's so bad
about that?
809
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:38,996
Well,
l didn't finish my thought.
810
00:41:39,998 --> 00:41:43,250
lt's aromatic,
poisonous and lethal.
811
00:41:43,376 --> 00:41:45,169
What the fuck is
wrong with you?
812
00:41:45,253 --> 00:41:46,962
Are you kidding me?
813
00:41:47,046 --> 00:41:48,881
l think you guys
are getting
hung up on the fact
814
00:41:48,965 --> 00:41:50,883
that it's poisonous
and lethal.
815
00:41:50,967 --> 00:41:52,759
They smell fresh.
816
00:41:53,094 --> 00:41:54,094
Smell.
817
00:41:55,263 --> 00:41:56,513
Jesus!
Fuck, man !
818
00:41:56,931 --> 00:41:58,015
God !
819
00:41:58,183 --> 00:41:59,433
(GROANS)
820
00:42:00,101 --> 00:42:02,102
Yeah, it says right
here on the label,
821
00:42:02,187 --> 00:42:06,607
"May cause transportation
to futuristic dystopia."
822
00:42:06,691 --> 00:42:07,733
"May."
823
00:42:07,817 --> 00:42:10,027
You're the reason we're here,
you sausage-fingered fuck!
824
00:42:10,111 --> 00:42:11,278
This is all your fault!
825
00:42:11,404 --> 00:42:12,571
Hey,
you said you liked the scent!
826
00:42:12,655 --> 00:42:14,615
Because l like
floral scents!
827
00:42:14,699 --> 00:42:15,699
Well, there, he said it!
828
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:18,452
So now l forgive you guys
and we can move forward !
829
00:42:18,661 --> 00:42:19,870
l. . . Ooh !
830
00:42:19,954 --> 00:42:22,748
l hope you die out here.
831
00:42:24,459 --> 00:42:25,500
No.
832
00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:27,127
You fucked up.
833
00:42:30,298 --> 00:42:32,007
That was harsh.
834
00:42:42,644 --> 00:42:45,354
The sloth is heading towards
the soup pot. Over.
835
00:42:45,438 --> 00:42:47,397
MAN: 10-4,
squaw without bra.
836
00:42:48,191 --> 00:42:49,316
Nice.
837
00:42:49,817 --> 00:42:51,818
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah. Real nice.
838
00:42:54,656 --> 00:42:56,615
Stupid Midnight Berry!
839
00:42:56,783 --> 00:42:59,952
Why does something so fragrant
have to be so bad?
840
00:43:00,286 --> 00:43:01,286
(SlGHS)
841
00:43:01,371 --> 00:43:04,039
Thank God, thank God.
Thank God.
842
00:43:04,123 --> 00:43:05,165
(WOMEN GlGGLlNG)
843
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:21,723
Get outta the way.
Get outta the way.
844
00:43:26,479 --> 00:43:28,772
Yeah, that's more like it.
845
00:43:28,856 --> 00:43:29,856
There.
846
00:43:34,195 --> 00:43:37,823
l thought l'd never say this,
but Daddy wants blue balls.
847
00:43:56,509 --> 00:43:58,552
MAN OVER PA: Attention,
everyone. Attention.
848
00:43:58,886 --> 00:44:01,638
We have some new
rules for you kids.
849
00:44:01,723 --> 00:44:03,056
From this point forward
850
00:44:03,224 --> 00:44:08,353
contestants of color
will be granted
special consideration.
851
00:44:08,438 --> 00:44:10,981
Yes, l'm talking about
affirmative action, people.
852
00:44:11,274 --> 00:44:12,399
Zach !
lt's the 21st century...
853
00:44:12,483 --> 00:44:14,526
(SPEAKlNG OTHER LANGUAGE)
854
00:44:17,447 --> 00:44:18,739
Whatever you say.
855
00:44:19,407 --> 00:44:23,452
l think l speak for all of us
when l ask you to
give us some privacy.
856
00:44:23,536 --> 00:44:25,078
With pleasure.
857
00:44:28,082 --> 00:44:29,833
WOMAN: Boys,
have at him.
858
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,254
Nice weave, bitch.
859
00:44:34,422 --> 00:44:37,132
Her hair is all natural.
Take that back!
860
00:44:37,675 --> 00:44:40,344
You wanna kill her,
you gotta kill me first.
861
00:44:40,428 --> 00:44:41,678
(SCREAMS)
862
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,853
Blue scalp.
Rarest of scalps.
863
00:44:51,272 --> 00:44:52,606
Your turn, dumpy.
864
00:44:57,862 --> 00:44:58,987
Yeah !
865
00:45:03,034 --> 00:45:06,286
Gratuitous nudity
no match for
gratuitous violence.
866
00:45:36,859 --> 00:45:38,819
Farewell, my princess.
867
00:45:41,489 --> 00:45:42,781
(CRYlNG)
868
00:45:43,408 --> 00:45:45,534
Maybe just one more squeeze.
869
00:45:49,831 --> 00:45:51,665
Go in a bit tighter.
870
00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:55,168
What the hell is he doing?
871
00:45:59,507 --> 00:46:00,674
Nothing on three.
l don't know.
872
00:46:00,758 --> 00:46:05,011
Oh, no.
873
00:46:07,348 --> 00:46:10,016
Vivian, would you
please get lT in here?
874
00:46:10,685 --> 00:46:11,893
Oy vey.
875
00:46:12,395 --> 00:46:13,854
What up, bitches?
876
00:46:14,021 --> 00:46:15,021
You fix computers?
877
00:46:15,189 --> 00:46:16,148
Hell yeah !
878
00:46:16,232 --> 00:46:20,193
l may be sociopathic gangster,
but l'm still Asian,
motherfuckers!
879
00:46:20,945 --> 00:46:22,028
What?
880
00:46:22,113 --> 00:46:23,363
No, no, no,
l really don't think
881
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:24,781
you should be
messing around with. . .
882
00:46:24,866 --> 00:46:26,032
Finished !
883
00:46:27,201 --> 00:46:28,577
Excellent.
884
00:46:29,662 --> 00:46:30,871
Thank you.
885
00:46:33,541 --> 00:46:35,459
We're back up,
people.
886
00:46:36,878 --> 00:46:39,754
Oh, come on, Zach !
That not cool.
887
00:46:39,881 --> 00:46:40,881
(LAUGHlNG)
888
00:46:40,965 --> 00:46:42,841
Excuse me.
You may leave now.
889
00:46:43,009 --> 00:46:44,885
What, l get no tip?
No.
890
00:46:44,969 --> 00:46:47,179
l take cash, credit,
no check.
891
00:46:47,263 --> 00:46:48,430
But l'll take
a bump of coke.
892
00:46:48,556 --> 00:46:49,723
All right,
get the hell out of here.
893
00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:51,224
Chop-chop!
894
00:46:51,476 --> 00:46:52,726
(SlGHS)
895
00:46:53,561 --> 00:46:55,812
What to do, what to do?
896
00:46:57,064 --> 00:46:59,399
You wanna
get the ratings up?
897
00:46:59,984 --> 00:47:02,611
l got one word for you,
898
00:47:05,156 --> 00:47:06,907
bromance.
899
00:47:07,450 --> 00:47:10,243
That's not a real word.
900
00:47:10,411 --> 00:47:13,288
You wanna give
these districts a story?
901
00:47:15,082 --> 00:47:19,628
Well, you need to
keep these guys together.
902
00:47:20,171 --> 00:47:21,296
Not separate.
903
00:47:22,507 --> 00:47:23,673
Hmm.
904
00:47:25,801 --> 00:47:28,011
l got one word for you,
905
00:47:29,889 --> 00:47:31,097
heroin.
906
00:47:32,934 --> 00:47:35,519
"Heroin" is the one word?
907
00:47:35,603 --> 00:47:36,603
No.
908
00:47:36,854 --> 00:47:39,231
l'm just really
looking for some.
You holding?
909
00:47:39,315 --> 00:47:40,607
l'm sorry.
910
00:47:40,733 --> 00:47:42,734
l got one word for you,
911
00:47:45,112 --> 00:47:46,446
dicksauce.
912
00:47:46,614 --> 00:47:48,782
"Dicksauce"? "Dicksauce"
is the one word?
913
00:47:48,866 --> 00:47:50,242
You can't buy that shit.
914
00:47:50,409 --> 00:47:53,578
Well, thank you.
Your time here has
been so valuable.
915
00:47:53,663 --> 00:47:54,955
(SHOUTS)
916
00:48:00,795 --> 00:48:02,754
Bromance. Hmm.
917
00:48:07,677 --> 00:48:08,718
(PANTlNG)
918
00:48:08,803 --> 00:48:10,345
Hey, hey, hey.
919
00:48:10,763 --> 00:48:12,305
ls that water?
920
00:48:12,765 --> 00:48:14,975
Fuck it,
l'm thirsty as hell !
921
00:48:17,478 --> 00:48:19,604
Don't put your mouth on that.
lt's gross.
922
00:48:19,689 --> 00:48:21,231
Do you think
it's filtered?
923
00:48:21,899 --> 00:48:23,108
Really?
924
00:48:23,234 --> 00:48:24,484
l only drink bottled water.
925
00:48:25,152 --> 00:48:26,278
Didn't you just have
shit in your mouth?
926
00:48:26,362 --> 00:48:27,445
All right! Fine!
927
00:48:27,530 --> 00:48:29,823
l didn't intentionally
have shit in my mouth.
928
00:48:29,907 --> 00:48:31,157
lt tastes a lot
like blood, though.
929
00:48:31,367 --> 00:48:32,409
(SPlTTlNG)
930
00:48:32,493 --> 00:48:33,493
What?
931
00:48:33,578 --> 00:48:36,246
MAN OVER PA: Check, check.
Hot mic. Hot mic.
932
00:48:36,330 --> 00:48:38,748
Attention, everyone.
Attention.
933
00:48:39,083 --> 00:48:41,501
There has been
a change in the rules.
934
00:48:41,669 --> 00:48:46,089
Yes, from now on,
multiple victors
may be crowned
935
00:48:46,173 --> 00:48:50,719
if they survive the Games
and share a long-standing bond
936
00:48:51,053 --> 00:48:53,638
of exceptional male bromance.
937
00:48:53,806 --> 00:48:55,098
They can do that?
938
00:48:55,266 --> 00:48:57,934
Yes, l am allowed to do this.
939
00:48:58,102 --> 00:49:00,604
l can do whatever
the fuck l want,
l'm a motherfucking Gamesman !
940
00:49:00,688 --> 00:49:01,688
Noted.
941
00:49:01,772 --> 00:49:04,107
So good luck to you all
942
00:49:04,191 --> 00:49:07,569
and may the probabilities
be ever to your liking.
943
00:49:09,530 --> 00:49:11,865
So that means we can
all get out of this alive.
944
00:49:12,033 --> 00:49:14,200
All we have to do
is find Doug and
945
00:49:14,493 --> 00:49:16,620
Zach ! Zach !
Zach ! Zach !
946
00:49:16,704 --> 00:49:17,704
BRADLEY: We're sorry, buddy!
947
00:49:19,165 --> 00:49:20,415
Zach !
948
00:49:22,376 --> 00:49:23,960
Where are you, man?
949
00:49:25,713 --> 00:49:27,464
You dropped your glasses.
950
00:49:28,424 --> 00:49:30,884
Hey, quick question.
951
00:49:31,427 --> 00:49:34,304
lf they can just change
the rules at any time,
952
00:49:34,388 --> 00:49:37,057
why don't they just pick
who they want to win
and make it happen?
953
00:49:38,142 --> 00:49:39,893
This is confusing to me.
954
00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:42,312
Don't worry about it, man.
lt's just a plot hole.
955
00:49:44,065 --> 00:49:45,982
Hold on a sec.
What?
956
00:49:46,233 --> 00:49:47,567
Zach said they
used these birds
957
00:49:47,735 --> 00:49:49,069
to find each other
in the book.
958
00:49:49,153 --> 00:49:51,321
Like by whistling to them.
Hmm.
959
00:49:51,781 --> 00:49:53,281
Worth a shot.
960
00:49:55,284 --> 00:49:56,743
(WHlSTLlNG)
961
00:50:00,331 --> 00:50:01,414
Yeah, that worked.
962
00:50:01,540 --> 00:50:02,582
Shut up.
963
00:50:02,875 --> 00:50:04,125
All right, one more time.
Damn it.
964
00:50:04,251 --> 00:50:05,543
Sure, l'll help.
965
00:50:06,128 --> 00:50:07,754
(BOTH WHlSTLlNG)
966
00:50:08,631 --> 00:50:10,674
TALKlNG JAY:
Suck my bird cock!
967
00:50:10,758 --> 00:50:12,008
Come on !
Really?
968
00:50:12,176 --> 00:50:14,219
Marco! Marco!
969
00:50:14,387 --> 00:50:15,679
We don't have
time for this!
970
00:50:15,805 --> 00:50:17,097
Marco!
971
00:50:18,557 --> 00:50:20,767
Why couldn't you
just say, "Polo"?
972
00:50:20,893 --> 00:50:22,352
There you are.
973
00:50:22,436 --> 00:50:23,937
Listen,
not that l give a hoot,
974
00:50:24,021 --> 00:50:28,024
but your fat friend Zach's
about a half mile away
from here with Katnip.
975
00:50:28,109 --> 00:50:29,275
How do you know?
976
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:30,902
A little birdie told me.
977
00:50:31,070 --> 00:50:35,615
And by a little birdie,
l mean a chickadee
who gave me a beakjob.
978
00:50:35,783 --> 00:50:38,410
You want to find
this overgrown garden gnome?
979
00:50:38,494 --> 00:50:41,663
Yeah. And Katnip.
And stop fucking yelling, man.
980
00:50:49,296 --> 00:50:53,550
TALKlNG JAY: Anyway,
that's why l'm not allowed
to go near schools anymore.
981
00:50:54,802 --> 00:50:56,136
Good to know.
982
00:50:56,220 --> 00:50:57,470
Yeah !
983
00:50:58,139 --> 00:51:00,306
You guys!
Oh, my God !
984
00:51:00,391 --> 00:51:01,975
l missed you guys so much !
985
00:51:05,646 --> 00:51:07,230
Yeah. Okay.
986
00:51:07,314 --> 00:51:08,481
Where's Katnip?
987
00:51:08,858 --> 00:51:10,400
She's over there.
988
00:51:12,862 --> 00:51:14,863
You've got the talking jay!
989
00:51:14,947 --> 00:51:18,408
Sorry, Bradley, but this guy
just made me crap
down your shirt.
990
00:51:18,492 --> 00:51:20,160
Everything he says
is so foul !
991
00:51:20,327 --> 00:51:21,327
Yeah,
he says disgusting stuff.
992
00:51:21,412 --> 00:51:22,412
Come on !
993
00:51:22,496 --> 00:51:25,081
Where are we going? Fuck.
994
00:51:30,004 --> 00:51:31,087
Ooh.
995
00:51:37,845 --> 00:51:40,096
Maybe l should tell her l'm. . .
996
00:51:40,681 --> 00:51:42,515
No, no, l should not.
997
00:51:42,892 --> 00:51:44,142
(SlGHS)
998
00:51:44,852 --> 00:51:46,478
Wow, yeah,
this is not. . .
999
00:51:47,188 --> 00:51:49,522
This isn't pervy at all.
Yes, it is.
1000
00:51:52,359 --> 00:51:54,527
Hey! Perverted ass cracker!
1001
00:51:54,904 --> 00:51:56,029
Hey!
1002
00:51:56,864 --> 00:51:58,823
Trees are nice here.
1003
00:51:58,908 --> 00:51:59,908
Ed !
1004
00:52:01,410 --> 00:52:03,286
Oh, my God, you're okay!
1005
00:52:03,370 --> 00:52:04,537
Hey!
1006
00:52:07,208 --> 00:52:08,333
Oh. . .
1007
00:52:09,293 --> 00:52:14,130
Um, that is a respect boner.
A boner achieved
out of respect.
1008
00:52:14,215 --> 00:52:15,215
Um. . .
1009
00:52:15,674 --> 00:52:18,051
You know l'm 1 7,
right?
La, la, la!
1010
00:52:18,135 --> 00:52:20,220
What? l can't hear you !
lt just got real loud in here!
1011
00:52:20,304 --> 00:52:21,387
Hey, guys, hey.
1012
00:52:21,555 --> 00:52:22,597
Hi.
1013
00:52:22,765 --> 00:52:24,057
No sign of Doug?
1014
00:52:24,225 --> 00:52:25,475
Nope. Nothing.
1015
00:52:27,561 --> 00:52:29,062
Wait a minute.
1016
00:52:29,146 --> 00:52:32,065
He came with your district.
You were the last one
to see him at the arena.
1017
00:52:32,274 --> 00:52:34,818
Do you have any idea
where he went?
1018
00:52:36,612 --> 00:52:40,448
Well, do you
feel like telling us?
1019
00:52:42,326 --> 00:52:43,743
Okay, l've had
about enough of this.
1020
00:52:43,911 --> 00:52:45,328
Hey, hey, hey,
come on !
1021
00:52:45,496 --> 00:52:47,914
That's like
a triple hate crime.
1022
00:52:48,165 --> 00:52:49,165
Hey.
1023
00:52:50,209 --> 00:52:52,168
They're just looking
for their friend.
1024
00:52:52,253 --> 00:52:54,629
Do you want to tell them?
For me?
1025
00:52:56,340 --> 00:52:58,007
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
1026
00:53:07,184 --> 00:53:08,518
You got Norsed !
1027
00:53:09,186 --> 00:53:10,186
Shit!
1028
00:53:10,354 --> 00:53:11,771
What the hell is
wrong with you?
1029
00:53:15,109 --> 00:53:16,234
Oh, shit!
1030
00:53:16,443 --> 00:53:18,069
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
1031
00:53:23,033 --> 00:53:25,410
That took a while.
Who wants to go
get margaritas?
1032
00:53:25,619 --> 00:53:27,745
What the frick
do we do now?
1033
00:53:27,830 --> 00:53:29,414
l don't know,
Zach,
it's been a while since
1034
00:53:29,540 --> 00:53:31,124
l've had to battle
the God of Thunder!
1035
00:53:34,795 --> 00:53:36,129
Hey, blondie!
1036
00:53:36,630 --> 00:53:38,423
Pick on someone your own size!
1037
00:53:40,467 --> 00:53:41,759
(CHOKlNG)
1038
00:53:44,722 --> 00:53:46,764
Yeah ! Nice shot, Ed !
1039
00:53:47,141 --> 00:53:50,894
l just killed a god.
Did you guys see. . .
1040
00:53:50,978 --> 00:53:52,061
Oh, shit.
1041
00:53:55,566 --> 00:53:56,566
Hey.
1042
00:53:57,651 --> 00:53:59,569
You okay? Come on, wake up.
1043
00:54:00,487 --> 00:54:02,697
You're a doctor, right?
You can help her.
1044
00:54:03,407 --> 00:54:05,033
l'm a dentist.
1045
00:54:05,826 --> 00:54:07,160
Check her teeth.
1046
00:54:12,499 --> 00:54:16,210
ZACH:
♪ Ave Maria
1047
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:26,220
♪ Gratia plena ♪
1048
00:54:31,852 --> 00:54:34,020
You guys wanna
hear some Wu-Tang?
1049
00:54:35,856 --> 00:54:37,398
She was so young.
1050
00:54:37,733 --> 00:54:39,150
What a waste.
1051
00:54:40,611 --> 00:54:41,611
There, buddy.
1052
00:54:41,904 --> 00:54:44,030
She had so much ahead for her.
1053
00:54:44,365 --> 00:54:45,615
Her first kiss.
1054
00:54:46,075 --> 00:54:47,700
Her first handjob.
1055
00:54:49,161 --> 00:54:50,995
Her first bukkake.
1056
00:54:51,622 --> 00:54:53,373
Unless you guys wanna
give her a send-off.
1057
00:54:53,457 --> 00:54:55,208
No.
Wow.
1058
00:54:58,295 --> 00:54:59,879
She's at peace.
1059
00:55:00,172 --> 00:55:02,382
Or in some dark,
endless abyss.
1060
00:55:09,723 --> 00:55:10,848
Wait.
1061
00:55:11,642 --> 00:55:13,601
We need to pay our respects.
1062
00:55:14,061 --> 00:55:15,395
With a salute.
1063
00:55:24,697 --> 00:55:26,239
Two in the pink.
1064
00:55:27,074 --> 00:55:28,491
One in the stink.
1065
00:55:28,575 --> 00:55:29,867
ALL: Forever.
1066
00:55:49,138 --> 00:55:51,139
Can l ask you
a serious question?
1067
00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:52,974
Yeah, anything, man.
1068
00:55:53,142 --> 00:55:56,185
Which one's the pink
and which one's the stink?
1069
00:55:56,603 --> 00:55:58,271
Because they're
both pinkish.
1070
00:55:58,355 --> 00:56:00,064
And they both stink.
1071
00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:01,691
Yeah.
1072
00:56:01,984 --> 00:56:04,027
Remember when l told you
to ask me anything?
1073
00:56:04,695 --> 00:56:05,987
Forget l said that.
1074
00:56:06,155 --> 00:56:07,613
You don't know, do you?
1075
00:56:07,781 --> 00:56:11,784
MAN OVER PA: Hello. Attention,
everyone. Attention.
1076
00:56:12,119 --> 00:56:14,287
lt is my profound pleasure
1077
00:56:14,455 --> 00:56:16,539
to invite you all to
1078
00:56:16,707 --> 00:56:17,832
a feast!
1079
00:56:17,958 --> 00:56:19,083
Feast?
1080
00:56:19,334 --> 00:56:21,753
And this will be no
ordinary occasion.
1081
00:56:21,962 --> 00:56:24,464
We know that you
all want something
1082
00:56:24,548 --> 00:56:26,466
and you want it bad.
1083
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:29,886
And we are aiming
to be very generous hosts.
1084
00:56:30,137 --> 00:56:34,057
Now, there will be
some weapons available,
1085
00:56:34,141 --> 00:56:38,561
but l strongly suggest
that you all BYO weapon.
1086
00:56:38,729 --> 00:56:40,271
Because l don't
wanna get blamed
1087
00:56:40,397 --> 00:56:41,898
if we run out
like the last time.
1088
00:56:41,982 --> 00:56:43,066
That was embarrassing.
1089
00:56:43,150 --> 00:56:44,150
Oh !
1090
00:56:44,234 --> 00:56:48,863
l also really need
someone to bring ice.
1091
00:56:49,031 --> 00:56:51,324
l had a sign-up
sheet at the Reaping.
1092
00:56:51,408 --> 00:56:53,785
Nobody fucking chose ice.
What's the big deal?
1093
00:56:53,869 --> 00:56:57,413
Come on, somebody.
Be a rock star. Own it.
1094
00:56:57,581 --> 00:56:59,499
lce, out.
1095
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,126
Has anyone seen
a 7-Eleven out here?
1096
00:57:03,337 --> 00:57:06,422
Attention, everyone.
Attention.
1097
00:57:06,507 --> 00:57:11,344
We are looking for
a competitor named
Harry Ballsonya.
1098
00:57:12,012 --> 00:57:13,429
Harry Ballsonya?
1099
00:57:13,764 --> 00:57:16,849
Please report to
the control room immediately.
1100
00:57:17,017 --> 00:57:19,602
l repeat, Harry Ballsonya.
1101
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:21,604
This will be the. . .
(ALL GlGGLlNG)
1102
00:57:21,772 --> 00:57:24,357
Oh, damn it!
Who did this?
1103
00:57:24,858 --> 00:57:27,777
Making me
look like a fucking asshole!
1104
00:57:30,197 --> 00:57:31,572
(SHUSHlNG)
1105
00:57:39,540 --> 00:57:41,707
We really should
have brought ice.
1106
00:57:42,251 --> 00:57:43,543
Don't worry about it.
1107
00:57:43,627 --> 00:57:44,627
Hey!
1108
00:57:45,045 --> 00:57:46,629
ls that a cell phone?
1109
00:57:49,466 --> 00:57:50,633
Maybe we can use it
to call the wedding.
1110
00:57:50,717 --> 00:57:52,385
Stall them or something.
1111
00:57:52,553 --> 00:57:53,928
l'm on it.
Hey!
1112
00:57:54,555 --> 00:57:56,222
l wouldn't do that.
1113
00:57:56,306 --> 00:57:58,432
See those lumps of dirt?
1114
00:57:59,101 --> 00:58:00,476
Dog poops.
1115
00:58:00,644 --> 00:58:02,061
Landmines.
1116
00:58:02,563 --> 00:58:06,399
lf you guys are
gonna get through this,
you better watch your step.
1117
00:58:06,733 --> 00:58:07,775
Check it out.
1118
00:58:23,083 --> 00:58:26,252
Hey, when you said,
"you guys,"
1119
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:29,046
are you not
coming with us?
1120
00:58:29,590 --> 00:58:32,675
l need to go find
Tonto and kill him,
1121
00:58:33,302 --> 00:58:35,052
but this is for you.
1122
00:58:35,596 --> 00:58:36,846
Mm-hmm.
1123
00:58:39,224 --> 00:58:41,058
Yeah, if you. . .
1124
00:58:41,768 --> 00:58:44,228
lf you just wait,
we'll go with you.
1125
00:58:44,313 --> 00:58:46,355
We can protect you.
1126
00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:47,982
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)
1127
00:58:49,193 --> 00:58:50,193
Awww.
1128
00:58:53,488 --> 00:58:54,488
Oh, you're serious.
1129
00:58:54,907 --> 00:58:55,907
Yeah.
1130
00:58:56,617 --> 00:58:59,702
Look, the only reason
l don't want you
guys coming with me
1131
00:58:59,786 --> 00:59:01,954
is because you would
completely fuck it up.
1132
00:59:02,039 --> 00:59:03,956
No offense.
Oh.
1133
00:59:04,625 --> 00:59:05,708
Okay.
1134
00:59:05,792 --> 00:59:07,960
l really do love you.
1135
00:59:09,963 --> 00:59:11,672
Frankly, l'm surprised
you're still alive.
1136
00:59:11,798 --> 00:59:13,591
Okay, got it.
1137
00:59:14,968 --> 00:59:16,219
Bye, Ed.
1138
00:59:18,722 --> 00:59:20,556
Yup, bye, Katnip.
1139
00:59:21,892 --> 00:59:23,559
Be safe.
Yeah.
1140
00:59:27,022 --> 00:59:28,564
Try not to die.
1141
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:37,198
Sorry, buddy.
She'll be back.
1142
00:59:38,283 --> 00:59:40,576
Mm-hmm.
Although unless
she has a birthday
1143
00:59:40,661 --> 00:59:42,245
in the next couple of hours,
she'll still be 1 7.
1144
00:59:42,663 --> 00:59:44,497
Yeah, got it.
1145
00:59:44,998 --> 00:59:47,667
l know we're in
a futuristic dystopia
and everything,
1146
00:59:47,751 --> 00:59:49,585
but jailbait is jailbait,
brother.
1147
00:59:49,670 --> 00:59:53,005
Yeah, what dating site did you
get her from? J-Bait?
1148
00:59:53,382 --> 00:59:54,465
Get it?
1149
00:59:54,675 --> 00:59:56,926
Not now, Zach.
But good one.
1150
00:59:57,928 --> 00:59:59,679
Hey! Hey!
1151
01:00:00,597 --> 01:00:02,306
What the fuck
are you doing?
1152
01:00:02,391 --> 01:00:04,183
What Katnip would do.
1153
01:00:05,060 --> 01:00:06,143
(EXCLAlMS)
1154
01:00:06,228 --> 01:00:08,396
Okay, l'm good.
Oh, shit.
1155
01:00:09,690 --> 01:00:11,107
God damn it.
1156
01:00:36,717 --> 01:00:42,305
What?
1157
01:00:49,438 --> 01:00:50,438
Oh.
1158
01:00:52,691 --> 01:00:53,733
Hi.
1159
01:00:57,070 --> 01:00:59,447
You mind if l just
grab a weapon?
1160
01:01:10,208 --> 01:01:11,375
(SCREAMS)
1161
01:01:13,420 --> 01:01:15,671
lt's too bad you
couldn't help your friend.
1162
01:01:15,756 --> 01:01:17,298
A generic straight man.
What was his name?
1163
01:01:17,382 --> 01:01:18,382
Doug.
1164
01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:20,676
And he's not a straight man.
1165
01:01:20,844 --> 01:01:23,679
Well, he's probably long dead.
1166
01:01:23,847 --> 01:01:25,014
And soon,
1167
01:01:25,098 --> 01:01:28,059
you'll be long dead, too.
1168
01:01:29,561 --> 01:01:30,561
(SCREAMlNG)
1169
01:01:31,021 --> 01:01:32,605
This is for
threatening my friend !
1170
01:01:32,856 --> 01:01:35,191
This is for being
a bitch to me in the woods!
1171
01:01:35,317 --> 01:01:37,360
This is for calling
my hometown "Podunk"!
1172
01:01:37,444 --> 01:01:39,862
This is for not
returning my sexts!
1173
01:01:39,946 --> 01:01:43,115
And this is for
ruining the prom !
1174
01:01:43,784 --> 01:01:44,950
Yeah !
1175
01:01:46,453 --> 01:01:48,245
Holy fucking shit.
1176
01:01:48,330 --> 01:01:50,539
You just brutally
murdered a young girl.
1177
01:01:50,832 --> 01:01:51,832
Yeah.
1178
01:01:51,958 --> 01:01:54,627
And the weird thing is
l thought it would
take more hits.
1179
01:01:54,711 --> 01:01:56,504
But l guess you
live and learn.
1180
01:01:56,880 --> 01:02:00,216
Or at least, she doesn't.
Am l right?
Am l right?
1181
01:02:00,300 --> 01:02:01,300
Yeah, whatever you say.
1182
01:02:01,468 --> 01:02:02,510
Of course.
1183
01:02:03,136 --> 01:02:06,430
All right, look,
we can still get
out of this thing.
1184
01:02:06,515 --> 01:02:08,724
We just gotta get
this bromance thing
back in gear.
1185
01:02:08,809 --> 01:02:10,893
Oh, be careful !
Oh, Jesus.
1186
01:02:12,604 --> 01:02:16,107
lf you were Doug,
where would you be?
1187
01:02:16,316 --> 01:02:18,692
Maybe these guys
can help us find him.
1188
01:02:21,154 --> 01:02:22,822
Hey, little buddies.
1189
01:02:23,782 --> 01:02:25,658
How are my favorite
imitation puppets doing?
1190
01:02:25,742 --> 01:02:26,826
Oh, fuck!
My hammie, again !
1191
01:02:26,952 --> 01:02:27,993
Kick his ass!
1192
01:02:28,078 --> 01:02:29,495
Let's fuck him up!
1193
01:02:29,663 --> 01:02:32,581
Wait, wait!
l thought you puppets were
the good guys! What the fuck?
1194
01:02:32,916 --> 01:02:34,458
We used to be.
1195
01:02:34,543 --> 01:02:37,211
Yeah, but now we've
stared death in the face.
1196
01:02:37,754 --> 01:02:40,381
We've seen
the depths of human suffering.
1197
01:02:40,549 --> 01:02:41,757
And we're already
dead inside.
1198
01:02:41,842 --> 01:02:42,925
Yeah.
1199
01:02:43,009 --> 01:02:44,009
That's awful.
1200
01:02:44,177 --> 01:02:45,219
My God, l'm sorry.
1201
01:02:45,303 --> 01:02:48,264
Come on, you bitch !
Yeah, you scared coward !
1202
01:02:48,348 --> 01:02:50,433
You're not man
enough to fuck with me!
1203
01:02:50,517 --> 01:02:52,768
You wouldn't last two
minutes in my world,
you bitch !
1204
01:02:52,936 --> 01:02:54,728
ls that the Mike Tyson rant?
1205
01:02:54,855 --> 01:02:56,689
Fuck you.
Fuck you, you ho.
1206
01:02:56,773 --> 01:02:58,357
l'll fuck your ass
in front of everybody!
1207
01:02:58,525 --> 01:03:00,151
Yeah,
that's definitely the Tyson.
1208
01:03:00,652 --> 01:03:02,361
Enough talk!
Kill them !
1209
01:03:03,321 --> 01:03:04,864
(ALL CLAMORlNG)
1210
01:03:11,538 --> 01:03:13,038
(SCREAMlNG)
1211
01:03:27,554 --> 01:03:29,930
A mine is
a terrible thing to waste.
1212
01:03:31,057 --> 01:03:32,892
That was actually
a pretty good one, Zach.
1213
01:03:32,976 --> 01:03:34,018
Yeah?
Yeah.
1214
01:03:34,186 --> 01:03:36,061
At least that was
just my reader copy.
1215
01:03:36,146 --> 01:03:37,938
Guys, a little help?
1216
01:03:38,023 --> 01:03:40,566
You four-eyed fuck.
You see this coming?
1217
01:03:41,693 --> 01:03:42,735
(SCREAMS)
1218
01:03:44,112 --> 01:03:46,238
Fuck me!
Right in the smarts!
1219
01:03:46,823 --> 01:03:48,491
That's painful !
1220
01:03:48,575 --> 01:03:49,867
But also hilarious.
1221
01:03:50,035 --> 01:03:51,327
(MOANlNG)
1222
01:03:56,625 --> 01:03:58,167
That's my girl !
1223
01:04:06,843 --> 01:04:08,677
Oh, my God !
Oh, my God, you're hurt!
1224
01:04:09,262 --> 01:04:11,514
You should see the other guy.
1225
01:04:11,598 --> 01:04:12,556
You killed Tonto?
1226
01:04:12,641 --> 01:04:13,641
Yeah.
1227
01:04:13,725 --> 01:04:16,852
Come on, we need to
get you in the shade.
Can you walk?
1228
01:04:16,937 --> 01:04:19,980
lt's okay, l got you.
l got you, l got you.
1229
01:04:20,732 --> 01:04:22,274
Move! Move!
1230
01:04:22,692 --> 01:04:23,734
lt's okay.
1231
01:04:24,486 --> 01:04:26,779
You all right?
You're gonna be okay.
1232
01:04:26,863 --> 01:04:29,323
lt's okay, l got you.
l got you.
1233
01:04:29,741 --> 01:04:32,159
l got you. There you go.
1234
01:04:32,869 --> 01:04:35,871
You're gonna be okay.
lt's all right,
it's not that bad.
1235
01:04:36,206 --> 01:04:38,040
(SHUSHlNG)
Ed, it's okay.
1236
01:04:38,124 --> 01:04:40,209
No, no, no, it's not okay!
You need help.
1237
01:04:40,293 --> 01:04:42,962
Ed, one of us had to die.
1238
01:04:43,463 --> 01:04:44,630
Well, l wish it was me.
1239
01:04:44,756 --> 01:04:45,965
Me, too.
1240
01:04:46,508 --> 01:04:47,550
What?
1241
01:04:47,634 --> 01:04:48,634
Sorry.
1242
01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:49,885
That slipped out. Sorry.
1243
01:04:50,011 --> 01:04:51,178
Yeah, that came out real fast.
1244
01:04:51,263 --> 01:04:52,680
lt's okay.
1245
01:04:52,806 --> 01:04:53,806
Um. . .
1246
01:04:53,890 --> 01:04:55,057
Speaking of,
1247
01:04:56,142 --> 01:04:57,226
1248
01:04:57,644 --> 01:05:02,606
Since this is it for me,
do you want to see them?
1249
01:05:03,942 --> 01:05:05,150
See what?
1250
01:05:06,570 --> 01:05:08,571
My boobs, dummy.
1251
01:05:10,991 --> 01:05:11,991
l. . .
1252
01:05:12,325 --> 01:05:14,660
l would. Very much.
1253
01:05:15,161 --> 01:05:16,245
Okay.
1254
01:05:19,499 --> 01:05:21,333
l know you've been
waiting for this.
1255
01:05:31,344 --> 01:05:32,845
Pretty nice, huh?
1256
01:05:33,346 --> 01:05:34,847
Unbelievable.
1257
01:05:36,349 --> 01:05:37,474
Wow.
1258
01:05:38,018 --> 01:05:39,560
No tan lines.
1259
01:05:39,811 --> 01:05:41,854
Unbelievable.
1260
01:05:42,564 --> 01:05:45,983
But if he'd move a little bit,
l could see them better.
1261
01:05:46,526 --> 01:05:48,193
Ed?
Yeah, yeah.
1262
01:05:49,904 --> 01:05:53,073
The light is starting to fade.
1263
01:05:54,951 --> 01:05:58,287
Will you look
deep into my eyes
as l fade away?
1264
01:05:59,748 --> 01:06:01,540
Absolutely, Katnip.
1265
01:06:08,298 --> 01:06:09,632
Ed, up here.
1266
01:06:09,758 --> 01:06:11,133
Yeah? l'm sorry. l love them.
1267
01:06:11,217 --> 01:06:13,719
l mean, l love you.
l love all of you.
1268
01:06:14,971 --> 01:06:16,263
l know.
1269
01:06:17,557 --> 01:06:18,682
Goodbye.
1270
01:06:20,310 --> 01:06:21,393
l'll. . .
1271
01:06:22,771 --> 01:06:24,730
l'll see you soon enough.
1272
01:06:26,733 --> 01:06:27,983
Okay.
1273
01:06:35,158 --> 01:06:36,825
Wait,
what's that supposed to mean?
1274
01:06:36,910 --> 01:06:38,035
Katnip?
1275
01:06:38,119 --> 01:06:40,996
Hey, do you know
something l don't?
Am l next?
1276
01:06:41,122 --> 01:06:42,665
(CANNON BLAST)
1277
01:06:50,423 --> 01:06:52,049
Yeah, she's dead,
that'd be weird.
1278
01:06:52,133 --> 01:06:53,592
That'd be weird. l'm sorry.
1279
01:07:00,350 --> 01:07:02,768
l think it's time
we made the call.
1280
01:07:11,528 --> 01:07:12,903
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
1281
01:07:18,910 --> 01:07:20,327
Tracey, it's Bradley.
1282
01:07:20,453 --> 01:07:24,206
MAN: l don't know who you
are or what you want.
1283
01:07:24,290 --> 01:07:26,583
Fuck, l think l dialed
the wrong number.
1284
01:07:26,668 --> 01:07:30,796
What l do have are
a particular set of skills.
1285
01:07:31,381 --> 01:07:33,966
lf you give my daughter
back to me now,
1286
01:07:34,509 --> 01:07:36,051
that'll be the end of it.
1287
01:07:36,344 --> 01:07:37,761
But if you don't...
1288
01:07:37,846 --> 01:07:38,887
Okay.
1289
01:07:38,972 --> 01:07:39,972
l will...
(ENDS CALL)
1290
01:07:40,140 --> 01:07:41,306
Crazy.
1291
01:07:42,392 --> 01:07:44,977
Definitely not Tracey.
Let me try again.
1292
01:07:45,228 --> 01:07:46,437
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
1293
01:07:51,192 --> 01:07:52,192
Hello?
1294
01:07:52,318 --> 01:07:53,360
Tracey, it's Bradley.
1295
01:07:54,404 --> 01:07:56,321
Hey, man,
what's wrong?
1296
01:07:57,490 --> 01:07:59,199
l don't know.
1297
01:07:59,284 --> 01:08:01,744
The first girl
l ever loved just died.
1298
01:08:01,828 --> 01:08:04,997
l watched you murder a girl
with your bare hands.
1299
01:08:05,081 --> 01:08:06,623
We're as good as dead.
1300
01:08:06,708 --> 01:08:09,918
And the worst part is
we lost our best friend.
1301
01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:11,670
That's what's wrong.
1302
01:08:12,881 --> 01:08:16,258
l can't help
but accept some
responsibility for this.
1303
01:08:16,426 --> 01:08:18,761
Yeah, no, l blame you
for the majority of it.
1304
01:08:18,887 --> 01:08:22,514
Seriously? l mucked
up the bachelor party.
1305
01:08:22,599 --> 01:08:25,684
l got us stuck
in some weird
alternate universe.
1306
01:08:26,269 --> 01:08:28,854
This whole thing
just went right
down the tubes!
1307
01:08:29,189 --> 01:08:32,691
l didn't even get
to be a part of the
Human effing Centipede.
1308
01:08:33,860 --> 01:08:35,360
What did you just say?
1309
01:08:35,445 --> 01:08:37,654
l don't care
how awkward it is,
1310
01:08:37,781 --> 01:08:39,990
sharing a gastric system is
a life experience.
1311
01:08:40,200 --> 01:08:42,117
l could have
scrapbooked about it.
1312
01:08:42,202 --> 01:08:44,036
No, no, before that.
1313
01:08:44,871 --> 01:08:48,999
This whole thing
went down the tubes.
1314
01:08:55,340 --> 01:08:56,340
Doug !
1315
01:08:57,801 --> 01:08:59,510
Are you having
a flashback montage?
1316
01:09:01,012 --> 01:09:03,931
The tubes! l know
where Doug is! Bradley!
1317
01:09:04,140 --> 01:09:05,224
Where are you guys?
What's going on?
1318
01:09:05,391 --> 01:09:06,475
Bradley!
1319
01:09:08,019 --> 01:09:11,188
Bradley? Bradley?
1320
01:09:11,731 --> 01:09:13,232
Hey, Tracey! lt's Ed !
1321
01:09:13,316 --> 01:09:17,653
Ed ! Ed, what in
the H-E-double hockey sticks
is going on?
1322
01:09:17,737 --> 01:09:19,696
We're gonna go pick
up Doug right now,
1323
01:09:19,781 --> 01:09:22,825
so don't you worry
your pretty little
man face about it.
1324
01:09:22,909 --> 01:09:24,827
Okay, but we gotta go.
We'll see you real soon, bye!
1325
01:09:24,911 --> 01:09:26,286
What the fuck, man?
1326
01:09:26,371 --> 01:09:28,288
l know where Doug is!
Come on ! Go!
1327
01:09:28,373 --> 01:09:30,082
Let's go,
let's go!
1328
01:09:30,959 --> 01:09:33,335
Hello? Hello?
1329
01:09:36,047 --> 01:09:38,590
This is it!
Doug's tube never came up!
1330
01:09:41,177 --> 01:09:42,344
What?
1331
01:09:42,929 --> 01:09:45,639
Well, if he's not down there,
where the hell is he?
1332
01:09:46,808 --> 01:09:48,767
Okay, let's face it.
1333
01:09:48,852 --> 01:09:49,893
Doug's not in the tube.
1334
01:09:49,978 --> 01:09:52,896
There was no sign
of him in the arena.
He is gone.
1335
01:09:52,981 --> 01:09:54,189
That is a fact.
1336
01:09:54,274 --> 01:09:56,942
You fucking idiots!
1337
01:09:59,362 --> 01:10:00,696
(ALL GROANlNG)
1338
01:10:00,780 --> 01:10:02,030
God fucking damn it!
1339
01:10:02,156 --> 01:10:03,448
Jesus!
1340
01:10:03,658 --> 01:10:06,076
That bush is angry!
1341
01:10:06,369 --> 01:10:09,288
l'm not "that bush,"
you bearded piece
of afterbirth !
1342
01:10:09,372 --> 01:10:10,664
lt's me! Doug !
1343
01:10:10,790 --> 01:10:12,457
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
1344
01:10:13,209 --> 01:10:15,586
Shut up! All you guys,
just shut the fuck up!
1345
01:10:16,546 --> 01:10:20,549
You guys forget me
all the fucking time!
1346
01:10:20,675 --> 01:10:23,719
ln Vegas!
ln this fucked-up
alternate universe!
1347
01:10:23,803 --> 01:10:25,304
Yeah.
1348
01:10:25,430 --> 01:10:26,972
l'm barely in
the goddamn movie trailer!
1349
01:10:27,098 --> 01:10:29,474
lt's true, l don't even
think he's on the poster.
1350
01:10:29,559 --> 01:10:31,685
l never get any punchlines,
1351
01:10:31,769 --> 01:10:36,815
and you keep leaving me
in enclosed fucking places!
1352
01:10:37,150 --> 01:10:40,944
You think maybe
we can talk to you
about this at sea level?
1353
01:10:41,029 --> 01:10:42,487
Not this time.
1354
01:10:43,990 --> 01:10:46,867
This time,
l get the last laugh.
1355
01:10:47,035 --> 01:10:49,161
Jeez, dude!
Wait, wait, wait!
1356
01:10:49,245 --> 01:10:51,622
You're right!
You're right! We're sorry.
1357
01:10:51,706 --> 01:10:53,665
We haven't given
you your proper due.
1358
01:10:53,833 --> 01:10:57,127
You are the perfect blend
of handsome and humorless.
1359
01:10:57,337 --> 01:10:59,004
Without you,
there are no jokes.
1360
01:10:59,172 --> 01:11:00,839
Hell, without you,
there is no us.
1361
01:11:01,257 --> 01:11:02,925
You may be a gay man,
1362
01:11:03,843 --> 01:11:07,304
but you are
the best damn straight man
we've ever met.
1363
01:11:11,809 --> 01:11:12,809
Ah !
1364
01:11:13,686 --> 01:11:15,771
l could never
murder you guys.
1365
01:11:15,855 --> 01:11:16,980
(ALL SlGH)
1366
01:11:17,065 --> 01:11:18,148
You !
1367
01:11:18,274 --> 01:11:19,358
Wait here one second.
1368
01:11:20,485 --> 01:11:22,027
(ALL GRUNTlNG)
1369
01:11:24,614 --> 01:11:26,156
You guys!
1370
01:11:26,366 --> 01:11:27,908
That worked great!
1371
01:11:28,534 --> 01:11:30,869
l'm so glad
you're alive, man !
1372
01:11:31,037 --> 01:11:32,621
Bradley, bring it in !
1373
01:11:36,918 --> 01:11:39,586
You guys,
this is just perfect.
1374
01:11:39,671 --> 01:11:42,255
Nothing could
possibly ruin this moment.
1375
01:11:42,715 --> 01:11:45,092
MAN OVER PA: Hello out there,
everybody.
1376
01:11:45,176 --> 01:11:47,469
Hey, remember that earlier
1377
01:11:47,553 --> 01:11:50,013
"bromance revision"
l was telling you guys about?
1378
01:11:50,098 --> 01:11:52,307
Well,
you can forget about that.
1379
01:11:52,392 --> 01:11:55,727
There's only
gonna be one winner
of the Hungover Games.
1380
01:11:55,895 --> 01:12:00,774
So if you're
a foursome of dudes
who recently bro-conciled,
1381
01:12:01,109 --> 01:12:02,818
you're gonna have
to kill each other.
1382
01:12:02,902 --> 01:12:04,486
You're just gonna have
to fight to the death.
1383
01:12:04,654 --> 01:12:07,155
l'm sorry,
l don't make up the rules.
1384
01:12:07,240 --> 01:12:09,324
Wait, l do.
1385
01:12:09,575 --> 01:12:11,493
l do make up the rules.
1386
01:12:11,577 --> 01:12:13,412
Suckers!
1387
01:12:13,579 --> 01:12:16,248
Well, good luck and
may the odds be forever
1388
01:12:16,416 --> 01:12:19,126
in your blah-blah-blah,
et cetera, et cetera.
1389
01:12:19,752 --> 01:12:21,378
This is gonna be good.
1390
01:12:22,338 --> 01:12:24,131
Nope. No way.
1391
01:12:28,052 --> 01:12:29,928
(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)
1392
01:13:03,963 --> 01:13:06,798
Wait,
why are all these weapons
shaped like dicks?
1393
01:13:08,342 --> 01:13:11,053
All right, listen, guys.
Listen up.
Let's talk about this.
1394
01:13:11,137 --> 01:13:13,722
l can't die now.
l'm about to get married.
1395
01:13:13,806 --> 01:13:15,599
l have a wife
and kids at home.
1396
01:13:15,767 --> 01:13:18,560
l just lost Katnip!
She was my everything.
1397
01:13:18,644 --> 01:13:20,062
She was also
very much underage.
1398
01:13:20,188 --> 01:13:21,563
DOUG: Seriously?
1399
01:13:21,731 --> 01:13:23,106
Ed, buddy,
there are laws against that.
1400
01:13:23,191 --> 01:13:25,734
You can't statutory
rape your soulmate.
1401
01:13:25,860 --> 01:13:29,154
Jeepers creepers!
You guys, don't you remember?
1402
01:13:29,280 --> 01:13:30,447
We're a brotherhood !
1403
01:13:30,573 --> 01:13:32,741
You heard the announcement.
lt's every man for himself.
1404
01:13:32,825 --> 01:13:35,285
No! l have an idea.
1405
01:13:35,745 --> 01:13:37,412
We all need to eat these.
1406
01:13:37,497 --> 01:13:39,539
They're Midnight Berries.
lt's the only way to end this.
1407
01:13:39,999 --> 01:13:42,417
That is what got
us into this mess
in the first place.
1408
01:13:42,502 --> 01:13:44,669
Yeah,
these berries would kill us.
1409
01:13:44,754 --> 01:13:47,839
But the Capitol
won't even let
us swallow them.
1410
01:13:48,007 --> 01:13:50,926
They'd rather
have four winners
than no winner.
1411
01:13:51,010 --> 01:13:53,345
So before we even
get these in our mouths
1412
01:13:53,429 --> 01:13:55,222
they'll cancel
the whole thing.
1413
01:13:55,306 --> 01:13:57,099
You have to trust me.
1414
01:13:57,183 --> 01:13:58,433
Absolutely not.
1415
01:13:58,518 --> 01:14:01,103
Doubt me all you want,
but don't doubt
1416
01:14:01,229 --> 01:14:03,855
my knowledge of
young adult fiction.
1417
01:14:08,444 --> 01:14:09,528
l'm in.
1418
01:14:09,695 --> 01:14:10,695
What?
1419
01:14:11,531 --> 01:14:12,614
Me, too.
1420
01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:14,616
Really?
1421
01:14:17,537 --> 01:14:18,703
Fine.
1422
01:14:20,206 --> 01:14:21,498
Me, too. l'm in.
1423
01:14:23,709 --> 01:14:25,544
But only because
l love you guys.
1424
01:14:26,045 --> 01:14:27,129
Okay.
1425
01:14:28,131 --> 01:14:29,965
On the count of three.
1426
01:14:31,634 --> 01:14:32,634
One.
1427
01:14:32,885 --> 01:14:34,052
Two.
1428
01:14:34,262 --> 01:14:35,595
Three.
1429
01:14:45,523 --> 01:14:47,274
What do we do now?
1430
01:14:55,741 --> 01:14:57,701
Come on !
Kinda tasty.
1431
01:15:01,080 --> 01:15:02,372
(GAGGlNG)
1432
01:15:03,499 --> 01:15:07,043
Zach, you dumb motherfucker!
1433
01:15:19,390 --> 01:15:20,765
What the. . .
1434
01:15:21,267 --> 01:15:22,309
Morning.
1435
01:15:22,727 --> 01:15:23,894
You guys sleep well?
1436
01:15:23,978 --> 01:15:25,103
Yeah.
1437
01:15:25,313 --> 01:15:26,688
Pretty well.
1438
01:15:28,608 --> 01:15:30,358
Anyone have floss?
1439
01:15:30,693 --> 01:15:33,695
l think l've got
Midnight Berry seeds
stuck in my teeth.
1440
01:15:34,405 --> 01:15:35,572
Wait, wait.
What time is it?
1441
01:15:37,116 --> 01:15:38,491
lt's 1 0:00 a.m.
1442
01:15:38,618 --> 01:15:40,035
We'll never
make the wedding.
1443
01:15:40,786 --> 01:15:41,828
Wanna bet?
1444
01:15:43,706 --> 01:15:47,125
You guys think
you can take me out
of the straitjacket now?
1445
01:15:47,543 --> 01:15:50,545
Guys,
l am just so pumped to be
a real member of this group.
1446
01:15:50,630 --> 01:15:51,796
lt's so cool
you're gonna let me
1447
01:15:51,923 --> 01:15:53,048
have more lines
in the next movie.
1448
01:15:53,132 --> 01:15:54,382
That's right, yeah.
Totally gonna happen.
1449
01:15:54,467 --> 01:15:55,634
Yeah, more lines, definitely.
1450
01:15:56,802 --> 01:15:58,136
(TlRES SCREECH)
1451
01:15:58,971 --> 01:16:01,765
Come with me if
you want to attend
a gay wedding.
1452
01:16:04,477 --> 01:16:07,729
Sorry. Getting here
was a real bloodbath.
1453
01:16:08,147 --> 01:16:09,689
What the fucksticks, you guys?
1454
01:16:09,774 --> 01:16:10,732
Honey,
1455
01:16:10,816 --> 01:16:13,026
l am so, so, so sorry.
1456
01:16:13,194 --> 01:16:16,279
You had better
have a good
explanation for this.
1457
01:16:16,656 --> 01:16:19,491
Trace,
the last three days were,
without a doubt,
1458
01:16:19,575 --> 01:16:23,828
the most backwards, fucked up,
inexplicable experience
of my entire life.
1459
01:16:23,996 --> 01:16:26,164
l saw brutal death.
1460
01:16:26,666 --> 01:16:30,335
l saw murderous
talking puppets.
l saw gay Thor.
1461
01:16:31,504 --> 01:16:33,546
But all l could
think about was you.
1462
01:16:35,341 --> 01:16:36,925
Can you forgive me?
1463
01:16:38,386 --> 01:16:39,594
Well,
1464
01:16:41,973 --> 01:16:43,932
boys will be boys.
1465
01:16:48,396 --> 01:16:50,897
So are we gonna
talk about last night?
1466
01:16:51,357 --> 01:16:52,440
Okay.
1467
01:16:52,942 --> 01:16:54,317
Whatever the hell
we think happened,
1468
01:16:54,402 --> 01:16:55,777
it obviously
didn't really happen.
1469
01:16:55,861 --> 01:16:58,613
Zach just got in our heads
with that dumb book of his,
1470
01:16:58,698 --> 01:17:01,241
so just forget about it
and move on.
1471
01:17:01,617 --> 01:17:05,203
l'm over it, too.
l'm onto Fifty Shades now.
1472
01:17:06,163 --> 01:17:08,873
This rich guy is erotic.
1473
01:17:10,042 --> 01:17:12,168
You know what?
You guys are wrong.
1474
01:17:12,253 --> 01:17:14,296
Over the course of
one day, l loved,
1475
01:17:14,380 --> 01:17:17,882
l lost, and l almost died,
like, 1 0 times.
1476
01:17:18,050 --> 01:17:19,634
You also ate
a boatload of shit.
1477
01:17:19,719 --> 01:17:21,136
Thank you for the reminder.
1478
01:17:21,220 --> 01:17:23,430
But thankfully,
it wasn't real.
1479
01:17:23,514 --> 01:17:24,973
You gotta let it go, man.
1480
01:17:25,057 --> 01:17:27,642
You know what?
You can believe what you want,
1481
01:17:27,727 --> 01:17:30,895
but l know
my connection with
that girl was real.
1482
01:17:31,981 --> 01:17:34,149
There's a lot of wiener
in this book.
1483
01:17:34,900 --> 01:17:37,152
But l'm not mad about it.
1484
01:17:37,820 --> 01:17:41,990
This probably would make
a really good TV movie.
1485
01:17:44,076 --> 01:17:46,244
Get Alyssa Milano.
1486
01:17:48,914 --> 01:17:49,914
Oh.
1487
01:17:49,999 --> 01:17:51,541
Sorry.
1488
01:17:51,667 --> 01:17:53,168
So sorry about that.
lt's been a bit of a. . .
1489
01:17:53,252 --> 01:17:54,711
Don't worry about it.
1490
01:17:57,757 --> 01:17:59,174
Wedding's that way.
1491
01:17:59,842 --> 01:18:01,092
(LAUGHS)
1492
01:18:01,427 --> 01:18:04,596
Well, it was nice
bumping into you.
1493
01:18:10,102 --> 01:18:11,269
Hey, bud.
1494
01:18:12,021 --> 01:18:13,229
We gotta go.
1495
01:18:13,314 --> 01:18:14,939
l know. Do you. . .
1496
01:18:15,483 --> 01:18:17,442
What are you
stammering about?
1497
01:18:17,777 --> 01:18:21,488
MAN: We are gathered here
today to celebrate the pure
1498
01:18:22,156 --> 01:18:24,032
and magical love of
1499
01:18:24,158 --> 01:18:27,994
these two deeply,
deeply passionate men.
1500
01:18:28,579 --> 01:18:31,873
Guys, that's her.
l swear to God,
she's right there.
1501
01:18:31,957 --> 01:18:33,500
Stop, man.
There is no her.
1502
01:18:33,584 --> 01:18:35,418
Yeah. . .
Do l need to set
you up with a shrink?
1503
01:18:35,503 --> 01:18:36,503
l'm telling you,
she's. . .
1504
01:18:36,629 --> 01:18:37,629
Dude.
1505
01:18:37,713 --> 01:18:39,047
Enough.
Fine.
1506
01:18:39,465 --> 01:18:40,882
Letting it go.
1507
01:18:41,175 --> 01:18:42,926
Thank you.
MAN: Some people say
1508
01:18:43,969 --> 01:18:45,887
love is nothing
but a battlefield.
1509
01:18:46,514 --> 01:18:47,722
Not me.
1510
01:18:48,099 --> 01:18:51,684
These days,
people don't view marriage
as something to enjoy.
1511
01:18:51,852 --> 01:18:55,105
They view it as
something to survive.
1512
01:18:55,272 --> 01:18:57,732
So Doug, Tracey,
1513
01:18:57,900 --> 01:18:59,734
with that, l say
1514
01:18:59,902 --> 01:19:04,489
may the odds be
ever in your favor.
1515
01:19:06,742 --> 01:19:08,660
(UPBEAT MUSlC PLAYlNG)
1516
01:25:02,264 --> 01:25:04,265
This tree has a vagina.
1517
01:25:08,103 --> 01:25:09,520
(LAUGHlNG)
98179
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