Original subtitles

The Welsh must have a good phrase for the end of the world.

[sighs]

Why would you ever say that?

[man 1] Dylan Thomas must've written about it, a poem or something?

[man 2] Of course he wrote, uh, "Do not go gentle into that good night."

Well, there you go.

-[man 2] I did a bit for the BBC. -Did you?

Rage! Rage against the dying of the light!

[man 1] Do you know what it is in the original Welsh?

-[man 2] How do you mean? -[man 1] Before it was translated.

Translated?

Yeah. Do you know what he originally wrote?

He originally wrote, "Do not go gentle into that good night."

-[man 1] In English? -[man 2] Yes!

That's disappointing.

[man 2] Cachu hwch.

[man 1] Hmm, what does that mean?

-[man 2] Total fucking disaster. -[man 1] Cachu hwch.

[man 2] Wha... Sounds like you're throwing up.

[man 1] Cachu hwch.

[man 2] Cachu hwch.

[man 1] Cachu fucking hwch.

[man 2] No-- No, now you've gone Scouse.

-[man 1] Cachu hwch! -[man 2] Cachu hwch!

Cachu hwch!

[man 1] I could be Welsh.

-I could definitely be Welsh. -[man 2 laughs]

We would never let you in.

-You'd love to have me. -[laughs]

You'd beg to have me.

We have been fighting the Scots off for centuries.

We're not gonna let you in now.

Cachu hwch!

[laughs]

[both sigh]

-Can you hear me? -[man 1] I can. I can't see you though.

-You got the camera on? -Uh, no.

I've been driving, so this is just an old-fashioned phone call.

Oh, without video?

[man 3] No video.

Oh, primitive.

[chuckles]

Did Jo call you?

This morning, yeah.

[man 3] Yeah, I'm sorry, man, it's, uh...

I mean, I know it's the right call, but I am gutted.

[man 1] Yeah, me too. I was looking forward to it actually.

Have you spoken to Michael yet?

No, not yet. It's a shame, isn't it?

Yeah, it's real fucking downer,

but Jo seemed to think we'd be able to reschedule when the theaters reopen.

Yeah, that's what she told me. Look, I've got an idea about that.

-Can I run something by you? -[man 1] This is a fucking nightmare.

I didn't sleep at all last night. I keep having this dream

that my lungs are filling up with this kind of white gunk.

-Well, that's fitted. -[man 1] The supermarkets are bad.

Toilet paper is suddenly like a, uh... a valuable commodity. Where are you?

-Oxford. -[man 1] Is there toilet paper in Oxford?

No, I'm staying at my sister's.

[man 1] I thought you said you didn't get on.

[man 3] Doesn't matter. She's not here. She's in the South of France. Look.

Can I moot an idea with you?

There's a word you don't hear every day.

-What word? Moot? -You also use semicolons in your e-mails,

I've noted.

Yes, well, I'm trying to cut back on that. Look.

Is there a version of this lockdown where we carry on with rehearsals?

Rehearsals?

Yeah, look, bear with me. I'm not ready to give up on this yet.

What if we spend two or three hours a day discussing the play?

Then when the theaters reopen, we've got something ready to go.

Everyone else waits six weeks, we swan into town.

The British public will need entertainment.

You think the British public need Six Characters in Search of an Author?

-It's funny. -[man 1] Well, it's Italian.

We'll make it funnier if we rehearse.

You speak fluent Italian, yeah?

[speaks Italian]

Well, I... I... I speak a little German.

A tiny bit of French. Um, but how do we do it?

-Um, have you got Zoom? -[man 1] Uh, what is that?

Uh, well, I'm simonevans1983.

If you can find me in the app, we could chat.

Georgia!

All right, just give me a minute. Hang on. I'll go inside. [grunts]

[Georgia] Look on the screen.

-Yeah. -[Georgia] Look at the screen.

The top right-hand corner, there's like a preferences bar thing.

-Yeah. -[Georgia] You just go--

I'll just let you do it.

-David. Hi! -Hi, Simon.

-Hi! Like this. -Yeah, it worked.

We do like this.

-[Georgia] Is it working? -It is. So far, yeah.

-That... Georgia's here. She just-- -Hi.

-Hi, Georgia. -Hi, Simon, nice to meet you.

-Hi, Georgia. Lovely to meet you too. -Sorry about this play. It's a real shame.

-Thank you, yeah. -It's a real fucking shame.

-Yeah. -Simon was-- We gotta keep rehearsing.

-Oh, how? -With th... this.

Like... like this.

Have you, um... [clicks tongue] Have you spoken to Michael?

Have you?

Well...

[Georgia] I think it'd be better coming from you.

-I'm not the director. -Yes, but he's your friend.

-He's not gonna like it. -You don't know that.

[kid] Mom!

Yeah, I'm here! Hold on!

He never really warmed to the play.

Well... that will change.

-Or to Simon. -Mmm.

I don't understand why he was doing it then.

Well, for me, really.

Well, then maybe he'll do this for you too.

[kid] Dad!

Yeah, just coming!

You seem weirdly keen on this.

It's not weirdly keen. [mumbles]

-I just think it'd be good for you. -What do you mean?

Remember when we went away for the weekend, and we got snowed in,

just us and the kids, you went a little bit mad, didn't you?

You started spelling everything backwards in your own head.

-Yeah. -Mm-hmm.

I just don't think I can deal with that again,

so any distraction would be good for...

-For you. Yeah. -For me, yeah.

[kids] Mom! Dad!

-Hold on a second. -Hold on a minute.

-It's started already, hasn't it? -It has, yeah. I'll call.

[sighs]

Michael?

-Michael? -[Michael] David.

-You all right? -Give me a minute.

What are you looking at?

I worry that I'm in a Hitchcock film.

-What do you mean? -The birds...

are coming back

to Port Talbot.

That's nice.

And that large blue finch is the leader, it seems.

You all right?

Just adjusting. You all right?

Yeah, not bad.

Starting spelling words backwards in your head, yeah?

A little bit, yeah.

Have you tried Finsbury Park?

[laughs]

It's krapyrubsnif.

Ah, almost had it.

Krapyrubsnif.

I shouldn't be telling you. You're the one who does it.

It's not a skill set. It's a compulsion.

Anna's got me painting.

Oh, she there with you?

Yeah, she is. We were up early... [scoffs] ...this morning to capture the dawn.

Well, I found me old sketched pineapples yesterday.

Ah. How'd you get on?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

-Seems fair. -All right.

One second.

[Michael] I see you, you little feathered shit!

-[taps on window] -[wings fluttering]

-Very good. -Yeah?

And yours?

You did that?

Yeah, just this morning.

-Fuck off! -What?

-You did not paint that this morning. -Yes, I did.

-You did not paint that this morning! -I did!

-I don't believe you. -You drew the pineapple.

My pineapple is shit.

-Well, it just needs a bit of shading. -Oh, shut up.

-A little charcoal. -When did you learn so much about art?

I learnt it for a role.

-Which role? -David Frost. [exhales]

-What, could he paint? -Are you angry with me for having a hobby?

Well, evidently, yeah.

[chuckles]

G and the kids okay?

Yeah, not bad.

You homeschooling?

Well, that's the plan.

But my kids are cleverer than me.

Well, everyone's cleverer than you.

Yeah, well, this is what is becoming

very clear, painfully clear.

Are you teaching them Welsh?

I should teach them Welsh,

'cause they wouldn't know what the fuck I was saying.

And I could claim some sort of higher knowledge.

-It's just all consonants. -Yeah.

-Right? -Yeah.

-Consonants and flam. -[groans]

You gotta keep the mind alive.

Yeah. Can I moot an idea with you?

You don't use the word "moot."

Yeah, I do.

I've never heard you use that word before.

Well, I mean, I have-- Historically, I have used it.

Simon uses that word.

-Does he? -Oh, you know he does.

Well, can I discuss an idea with you?

Oh, is it a David idea or a Simon idea?

It is... slightly both.

Go on.

Jo, hi. It's Simon.

Um, so I, uh, have talked to David about the idea,

and he likes it.

He... he... he really, really likes it.

Um, in fact, he said he might even prefer to rehearse a play this way

than he would in an actual rehearsal room.

So, um...

all positive there. Uh, so he is in fact so keen

that he wants to talk to Michael by himself,

uh, which, um, means he's gonna do that.

And then he's going to phone me back, um, and then I'll phone, uh, you back, so...

Standing by.

[whispers] Standing by.

-Simon. -Ah!

[Michael] Simon wants to rehearse a play over the Internet?

Yeah, and I'm thinking, "Well, it's a good way

to kill a couple of hours every day."

And then once the theaters reopen, we're first out of the starting gate.

So Simon wants to rehearse a play over the Internet?

-It'll be fun. It's a funny play. -Is it?

We'll make it funny. You know Simon speaks Italian.

I speak Italian.

We all speak Italian. Everyone speaks Italian.

So come on, what do you think? You up for it?

Oh! Oh! Hang on a minute.

Thanks, babe. [sighs]

Is that... Did...

Is that... Did Anna just bring you wine, Michael?

Hi, David!

-Hi, Anna! -Hi, good to see you.

And you. It's a bit early, isn't it?

What time did you get up this morning?

Um, about eight.

Yeah, well, I was up at five for the dawn.

So, I'm three hours ahead of you,

and it's after six. Cheers.

Did Michael show you his painting, David?

He did, yeah. Yeah.

Isn't it stunning?

I can scarcely believe it.

Oh, David's, uh... David's been working on a little something himself.

-No, I haven't. -Yeah, he's focusing on still lifes

-at the moment, aren't you? -No, not really.

Come on, show us your pineapple.

I don't think we need to see that.

-[laughs] Oh, can I see? -No.

[chuckles]

We're discussing Six Characters in Search of an Author.

Oh, yeah. I heard about the cancellation, David.

That's such a shame.

Oh, David's not ready to give up on it yet.

He has an idea to, uh, cast it and then rehearse it like this.

Oh, could that work?

Well, I mean, in theory. I mean, you know...

And then we're ahead of everyone else when all the theaters reopen.

We get our pick of the West End houses.

Yeah.

If the birds haven't taken over by then.

Has he told you about the birds?

He did-- He mentioned a growing militia, yeah.

I mean, when will they reopen? I mean, what are we gonna do?

Just, like, meet up every day, ad infinitum.

"Morning, David." "Morning, Michael." "Oh, there's nothing to be done."

"Yes, I'm beginning to come around to that opinion."

I mean, it's like something out of the damn play.

You don't do well in confinement, do you?

[sighs]

Look, here's how I see it, okay? Firstly, we are not going anywhere.

So it's a good way to exercise our brain for a couple of hours every day.

Secondly-- Nice to see Anna, by the way.

Yes, she's still here. She's still here so...

She's just rooting around for something in the cupboard,

so don't say anything rude.

Oh, your fly's undone.

Lucky you.

Secondly, I get to spend some time with a mate.

If something comes out at the other end of it, wonderful. If it doesn't,

we've read the play a few times. We've got to know a great author.

Pirandello was a fascist.

-Was he? -Yes.

Well, I... Yeah, I mean, most writers were fairly dubious people.

I mean, look at the Marquis de Sade.

Look at Nabokov.

-Hemingway. -Orwell.

-Dickens. -Louis-Ferdinand Céline.

-Victor Hugo. -Malcolm Lowry.

-Adolf Hitler. -Shakespeare.

-Shakespeare? -Yeah.

He was a rapacious, litigious landlord.

Ah, yeah, but he'd stopped writing by then, hadn't he?

Maybe. Oh!

[clears throat, clicks tongue]

Pirandello was a fascist, you know.

Why do you say that?

Well, the play was first performed under Mussolini in 1921.

Mussolini only came to power in 1922.

So Pirandello couldn't have been a fascist,

because the National Fascist Party didn't exist in Italy until a year later.

Well, I still don't think he's very funny.

Simon has worked really hard on this.

You know, it's a big deal for him, working with you.

-He said that. -Really?

Yeah, he's always saying that. He's always banging on with your Hamlet.

You should hear him.

Life-changing that was for him, he said, when he saw it.

Yeah.

He was absolutely thrilled that... when you said you'd come aboard.

-Really? -Yeah.

Hmm.

Think about your first big break.

Think about how hard you would work to hold on to it.

I think it's a wonderful idea.

Well, I... Tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna set up a call for the three of us.

And we'll talk it through, like grown-ups.

-Finsbury Park. -What?

Can you spell that backwards?

-It's quite hard, isn't it? -Krapyrubsnif.

Yeah.

Michael couldn't do that.

Well, I'm sure he's got other talents.

Doesn't he paint?

-I mean, not really. -Hmm.

So what did he say?

He wants to hear it from Simon.

Yeah. That's about him.

How is he?

-Good. -Yeah? Anna?

Yeah, happy, very perky.

-Yeah? That's good. -Yeah.

It's surprising. I...

I expected Michael to be a bit more discombobulated.

Why?

'Cause I'm a bit more discombobulated.

Oh.

Well, you're not the same person.

Have we got any cured meats?

-What? -Have any cured meats?

Mozzarella balls or...

Well, I have some old feta.

Just thought I might do, like, a charcuterie board.

We do actually have a charcuterie board.

-Hmm? -Yeah, the kids use it for Play-Doh.

Hmm.

I might put stuff on it.

Like what?

Charcuterie.

Okay. Aren't you meant to be phoning Simon?

-Yeah. -Okay.

So why don't you concentrate on that and worry about the hors d'oeuvres later.

-French. -Yeah.

-I can speak French. -Can you?

[speaks French]

Right.

It's a hard language, isn't it, actually? French and Italian?

I shouldn't think that that's true.

-I could speak French. -Oh, anyone could speak French.

I'll phone Simon.

[woman] I have to talk to you like you're a child.

You cannot just let yourself into someone else's home.

I thought you were in the South of France.

Yeah, I was.

I came back.

I'm allowed to make those choices.

I am not a child. I own a house.

I can turn up at that house unannounced. You cannot.

Decided not to stay with Peregrine then?

It's none of your business.

-In the South of France. -Yeah.

-Decided to come back before the lockdown. -That's right.

Everything okay?

It's absolutely none of your business.

-The engagement still on? -Yes, it's still on.

Good. Good.

-Stop it. -I like him.

-You've never even met him. -Still.

Oh, the Wi-Fi was playing up earlier.

-How dare you! -Oh, I need to get that.

-No, you don't. -Yes, I do.

-No, you don't. -Yes, I do.

-No, you don't. -Yes, I do.

How is it that I'm four years younger than you,

and I still have to explain this is not how grown-ups talk?

-Yes, I understand. -It's exhausting, surrounding you.

-I appreciate that. -I age in dog years when I'm around you.

-Yes, but I do need to answer the phone. -Who is it?

-It's... David Tennant. -[cell phone continues ringing]

It's not David Tennant.

-It's David Tennant on the phone. -It's not David Tennant.

It's David Tennant phoning--

Simon, David Tennant is not phoning you on that phone.

-Oh! -[David on phone] Hello?

I was supposed to be rehearsing a play with him.

It's been canceled because of all this. I think I can save the project,

but I need somewhere to do it from. I can't stay at home.

-[David] Hello? Can you hear me? -Why not?

I don't have any money.

[David] Simon, are you there? Is this working?

-Well, you can't stay here. -Why not?

-[David] Hello! -I'm here.

[David] I'm not sure-- Georgia, can you come and see if this is working?

-Please? -[David] Hello?

Oh, my God.

-[Simon] David, hi! -Oh, there you are.

[Simon] Sorry to keep you waiting. I was just reading the--

Yeah, I'm gonna set up a call with the three of us.

Is Michael on board?

-He wants to hear it from you. -Okay.

Did you see his Hamlet?

-No. -Yeah.

All right, never mind.

All right. I'll set it up. Hang on. Okay, bye, bye.

[ringtone sounding]

-Hello, both. -Afternoon, all.

-It's great to see you. -Do you hear me?

-Yeah, afternoon, David. -Good to see you, Simon.

-Should I start? -You should start, Simon.

-[Simon] Sorry, David-- -[David] Um, no.

-You should start. -[Simon] I was gonna say...

-I won't say anything. -David?

Simon.

-Well, this is hardly Shakespearean. -Oh, okay, well, I'll start.

Yeah?

Okay, uh,

David, thanks for sorting this, um, out. Michael, it's lovely to see you again.

Um, I know that you've got some questions.

Uh, but why don't I just try and summarize where we're at,

and then we can take it from there. Sound all right?

-Fine by me. -[David] Yeah.

Okay, so I'm suggesting that we, um...

We carry on casting this thing, and we rehearse it like this.

Uh, it won't feel natural, but we can discuss the play

and maybe even stage a little bit of it.

And we might find that we've got something that people need

when this whole thing passes.

Why do you wanna do this, Simon?

-Honestly? -Honestly.

[sighs]

[beeps]

Oh.

[sighs]

[clicks tongue]

Oh...

[sighs]

I think he was about to talk about your Hamlet.

[Michael] I want my name first.

[David] What?

On the poster.

-There isn't a poster. -Michael Sheen and David Tennant

in Six Characters.

No.

-Why not? -You were first in Good Omens.

-So? -So it's my turn.

Oh, God, that's so childish.

It's not about turns.

-Yes, it is. -No, it isn't.

-Yes, it is. -No, it isn't.

-Yes, it is. -It's about alphabetical order.

-No, it isn't. -Yes, it is.

Sheen comes before Tennant.

David comes before Michael.

-That's not how it works. -So that's one point each.

Oh, you've got a middle name?

-Yeah. -What is it?

-John. -Christopher! [laughing]

-Christopher! Fuck off! -Ha-ha!

Two points to moi, un point to you.

-You made that up. -No, I didn't.

-Yeah. -What you doing?

[David] I'm checking Wikipedia.

-Oh, for... -[chuckles]

Michael Christopher Sheen

and David John Tennant

in Six Characters in Search of an Author.

Also says you're a cu--