Original subtitles

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mr. Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer that you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

[Mr. Ed laughs]

Hi, Ed.

Ready for a walk in the park?

Mm. Oh. Huh.

What's the matter? Little Orphan Annie in trouble again?

No.

Daddy Warbucks in the hospital?

No.

Little dog got lost, huh?

No.

Then what are you crying about?

I ate some bad hay and I got a tummy ache.

Cut it out, you faker.

You just don't want to go out today.

Come on, Ed.

We're going to go for a little ride.

Well, all right. Who am I riding?

I never saw a horse like you.

You've got four legs. How about using them once in a while?

Look who's talking. Drives around in a car all day.

[telephone rings]

I'll get it.

No, don't try to make up.

I'll get it.

Hello. Oh, hi, RogVU.

[mockingly] Oh, hi, Rog.

Shh.

Wilbur, will you be in your office for a while?

Good. I'll be right over.

There. What would you do without Mommy to help you?

I don't know, dear.

- Mommy. - What?

I hate to be a perfectionist, my dear,

but shouldn't the right boot be on the right foot?

Mommy will fix it.

Ed, I don't care what you say, but--

Ed.

We are going for a ride in the park.

But my trick knee is acting up again.

An old football injury.

Football injury?

Yeah. I was watching a game on TV once,

and the set fell on my foot.

Ed, you're just lazy.

Yeah, the last time we went to the park,

you stood still so long the pigeons sat on your back.

Because they love me.

You looked like a statue.

[Roger] Oh, Wilbur.

Hi, Wilbur.

Hello, Rog.

I'm going riding in the park.

How about joining me?

Well, as a matter of fact,

I was just getting ready to--

[Mr. Ed whinnies]

Unsaddle Ed.

Got a sore leg.

Oh, then you can rent one at the stable.

I'm going riding with Fred Gilbert.

I'd like to have you meet him.

We've got a big real estate deal cooking,

and I think I can work you in.

Well, that's wonderful.

Fred Gilbert.

Name sounds familiar.

Familiar? He's one of the richest men around.

He has his own nine-hole golf course.

A lot of men have that.

Inside the house?

Look, here's his picture right in the society page.

Fred Gilbert, well-known real estate tycoon,

with his beautiful black mare Princess Helen.

Wow, what a horse.

That's the most beautiful mare I've ever seen.

Now, what is this deal you've got cooking with Gilbert?

It's a big, and I mean big, real estate development in Arizona.

The architect's fee should be considerable.

And you think you can get me the job?

Well, that depends. Now, if Gilbert likes you, you're in.

That's why I want you to go riding with us.

If it's that important, I can rent a horse.UC

[Mr. Ed whinnies]

On the other hand, maybe I will take Ed with me.

The exercise might help his knee.

Fine. I'll meet you outside in about five minutes.

Right.

[Mr. Ed] Come on, Wilbur. Let's go.

What made you change your mind?

Oh, that Princess Helen is really built.

Oh, you've got an eye for the ladies, huh?

What a figure.

68-47-68.

Make me look pretty, Wilbur.

Okay, Ed.

I'll put a curl in your tail.

It's an excellent location for the type of building we have in mind.

Now let me suggest that when we first--

Gentlemen, there you are. Three hamburgers.

Just help yourself to ketchup and the hot mustard over there.

That'll be a dollar and a half.

I've got it.

No, let me.

Boys, I insist.

Oh, I've got it right here.

Good.

- Fred. - Thank you.

- Roger. - There you are.

- Thanks. Fine. - Sit right over there.

Now, as I was saying.

Post, Roger tells me you're quite an architect.

Oh, I try to do my best.

Don't be modest, my boy.

Fred, this young fellow's designed some of the finest buildings in this town.

Right, Wilbur?

I don't like to boast.

Well, he did the Adamses building,

the Kingsley building

and that 14-storey Woodbury building.

15.

Well, that's another storey.

We've got a lot of money in this venture.

You strike me as a man who knows what he's doing.

Why don't you drop by my house Friday

and we'll discuss some ideas?

We'd better be getting back to the horses. Come on.

Right, yes, yes.

Beat it, mac.

Hi, Princess. My name's Ed.

Saw your picture in the paper.

Doesn't do you justice.

You're gorgeous.

Where did you get those big brown eyes, honey?

Oh, sorry.

I forgot, baby.

You don't understand this lingo.

I'll put it to you this way.

[neighs]

[whistles]

[neighs]

Who's a masher?

Let's face it. I'm in love.

[phone rings]

Yes, this is Fred Gilbert.

Mm? Yes, what can I do for you?

Mr. Gilbert,

I saw Princess Helen in the park the other day.

Oh?

She's got the cutest legs in town.

I beg your pardon?

Would you put the phone near her?

I want to hear her neigh.

Who is this, some practical joker?

Believe me, Mr. Gilbert, my intentions are strictly honorable.

Oh, you want to marry my horse.

Why not?

My father married one.

Are you sure the vet said there's nothing wrong with Ed?

He couldn't find anything.

Something must be bothering him.

He hasn't eaten since yesterday morning.

Here, I'll try to tempt him with these apples.

Here you are, Mr. Ed.

Nice, crisp apples.

Come on, Ed. You need your vitamins.

You're a growing horse.

Look at his eyes.

He looks dopey.

I'm kind of worried.

Poor Mr. Ed.

He's been just moping around.

He's not eating, not sleeping, he's losing weight.

You know, honey, you were that way when you were courting me.

That's not true.

I never turned down an apple in my life.

Mm. Come on, Ed.

Take a bite. It's delicious.

Well, I hope he's feeling better soon.

I'll start lunch.

And you better get started on those sketches for Mr. Gilbert.

Yeah. Okay, honey.

What's the matter, Ed?

Were you ever in love?

Oh, so that's it.

You're in love.

Well, who's the lucky horse?

Princess Helen.

Oh, I'd sure like to make her my bride.

You're not serious.

Yup. I want a horse just like the horse

that married dear old Dad.

Wish I could help you, but what can I do?

Go to Mr. Gilbert and ask for his horse's hoof in marriage.

Oh, sure, sure.

I can just see myself saying "Mr. Gilbert,

"my horse is in love with your horse.

"True, I know he's not working now,

"but I figure if you and I chip in a couple bales of hay each week,

"why, we can get those kids off to a good start."

And then they put me away.

Please take me along when you go to see Gilbert.

I can't. We're going to talk business.

But I got to see my girl.

I got to, I just got to.

Okay, okay, okay.

We'll ride over there after lunch.

Oh, bless you, Wilbur.

Now Ed, will you eat something?

Well, I'll force myself.

Hi, Princess Helen.

I brought you a little gift.

While the men are out talking business, honey, how about a little smooch?

I drove downtown yesterday

and looked at that 14-story building you designed.

15, but that's another story.

I told you that joke yesterday.

Yeah, I know. I like it so much I use it all the time now.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

Well, thanks.

Helen, I love you.

I know you're a thoroughbred and I'm from the wrong side of the tracks.

Hm. Shoot.

I wish you'd stop eating when I'm proposing.

I forgot, you don't talk.

Listen, honey.

[whinnies]

What do you mean, I'm a tramp?

Look, baby, I'll teach you to talk.

Repeat after me.

I love you, Eddie.

Come on. It's easy, baby.

I love you.

And the subterranean parking lot

will hold 200 cars.

- [loud crashes] - [horse whinnies]

Aw, come on, baby.

It was just a little kiss.

Oh, what happened, Princess?

What's wrong? Why aren't you in your stall?

I wish you hadn't brought your horse over here.

He's evidently upset her.

Meathead.

What did you say?

I didn't say anything.

I suppose your horse called me meathead.

Well, no, but--

Why don't we go inside the house and discuss the sketches, Fred?

I don't care to talk about it now, Post.

Please take your horse and leave.

Come on, Ed.

Wilbur.

Why did you call him a meathead?

Roger, I owe you an explanation.

You see, my horse has fallen in love with Gilbert's horse.

It was love at first sight.

I didn't want to take him over there,

but the poor thing, he wasn't eating, he wasn't sleeping.

What could I do? He wants to marry Princess Helen.

You don't believe me, do you?

No.

What worries me is that you believe you.

It's the truth.

If you knew somebody who was just sick with love,

wouldn't you try to help him?

Wilbur, what happens to you when you get near that horse?

You seem to lose what little intelligence you ever had.

Take my advice. Sell that plug.

For once, old Addison was right.

I'm wrecking your whole life.

Sell me.

Sell you?

Ed, we're inseparable.

I'm willing to make the sacrifice.

Sell me to Gilbert.

Oh, so you can be near Princess Helen, huh?

You said it.

Gilbert wouldn't buy you.

Then give me to him as a gift.

I must go where my heart is.

Oh, boy. Cupid really got you with that arrow, didn't he?

Arrow? The son of a gun used a harpoon.

Well, you'll get over it.

Look, I'm not going to sell you,

and I'm not going to give you away.

If you don't, I'll go on a hunger strike.

A hunger strike?

Yeah.

Well, I guess I have no choice.

Please, Wilbur, please call him on the phone.

Okay, Ed. If you want it that way.

Boy, Ed, I'm sorry. I just can't do it.

Okay, then I'll dial.

This is a nice gesture, Wilbur,

but you don't have to give me your horse.

I'm willing to let bygones be bygones.

But I want you to have Ed.

You see, we don't have much room around our place,

and, well, I know how you love horses.

Well, if that's the case, fine.

[phone rings]

My phone. I'll be right back.

Well, Ed, this is it.

Yup.

You won't forget to write?

I'll phone you every night.

And we'll probably run into each other in the park on Sundays.

[sniffles]

Sure, boy.

Goodbye, Ed.

This isn't goodbye, old friend.

It's auf Wiedersehen.

Ed.

Don't move.

Let me remember you just like that.

All right, Phil. Then it's all settled.

No, it isn't the money. She just doesn't seem to be happy here.

Well, when does the ship sail, Phil?

Fine. Well, I'll bring Princess Helen down to the dock myself.

Oh, she ought to be in South America by next Friday.

Uh, you're sure you've got a good groom?

I wouldn't want anything to happen to her on the trip.

[sniffles]

Wilbur, how about your sandwich?

Wilbur, the sandwich.

Hm?

Oh, oh. Sorry, hon.

Oh, honey.

You didn't have to give Mr. Ed away

just to protect that deal.

Money isn't that important to me.

Oh, that's life, I guess.

You raise a kid, you feed him,

you worry about him, you take care of him when he gets sick,

and then first pretty face that comes along,

he runs off and gets married.

Wilbur, are you all right?

Maybe you need something to eat.

Hm? Oh, that's all right, honey.

I'll grab some hay later.

What's wrong with him?

He looks like he lost his best friend.

He has.

He never should have given Ed to Mr. Gilbert.

Ah, but think of all the money your husband is going to make

as a result of that wonderful gesture.

Oh, Roger, money isn't everything.

Woman, bite your tongue. You're hysterical.

Gee, I miss you, Ed.

I miss you, too.

How could I let you go?

I'll never forgive myself.

It wasn't your fault, buddy boy.

Oh, yes it was.

And stop interrupting.

We were together so--

You really miss me, huh?

[chuckles] Fooled you, didn't I?

Ed, you're home! You're back!

Helen and I are no longer an item.

Well, what happened?

Gilbert sold her to some guy in South America.

So I took a powder.

You mean, Mr. Gilbert doesn't know you're here.

Uh, I guess I lost you that deal again.

Oh, that doesn't matter, Ed.

I'd rather have you.

That goes for me, too.

[sniffles]

- Wilbur. - Yeah?

We're just a pair of sentimental old slobs.

Get my nose.

[blows]

What are you gonna tell old vinegar-puss Addison?

Oh, who cares about him?

Why, if he dares to open his mouth, I'll--

[Roger] Oh, Wilbur.

Oh, that's Roger now.

I better go out and soften him up.

You tell him, killer.

Wilbur, can we step into your office?

There's something I'd like to discuss with you.

Well, why don't we go inside the house? There's more room.

No, no, no, no. Carol is a little disturbed with me.

Oh. Well, let's go to your house.

No, my wife's a little disturbed with you.

- We better use the office. - Yeah, but, Roger--

There's something I want to discuss with you.

Wilbur, in spite of the way Carol feels,

I think you did a no--

What is that horse doing here?

What horse?

Mr. Ed. How did he get here?

Well, Ed and the Princess are pfft.

Pfft?

Pfft.

They are no longer an item.

His girlfriend left suddenly for South America.

Really?

Why am I talking to you when you're near that horse?

Come outside where you're a little more normal.

- Now then, maybe we can talk-- huh? - Wilbur.

- Mr. Gilbert wants to see you. - I've got some bad news for you.

Your horse ran away. I was talking on the phone

when suddenly he bolted and took off. I have no idea--

- Wilbur. - Well, he, uh--

- He came back by himself. - He's still your horse, Fred.

No. No.

I don't like to be an Indian-giver, Fred,

but I--I'd like my horse back.

If this means I lose the deal, well, okay.

And I feel the same way.

Don't listen to him, Fred.

When he gets near this barn, he-- he-- he's a screwball.

Please, Roger.

Now just relax, Roger.

Any man who cares enough about his horse

to jeopardize a big deal is my kind of man.

You mean we're still in business?

You bet.

It's beautiful the way this boy feels about that horse.

He's a man's best friend.

Next to his wife.

Why don't we all go in and have some coffee?

Oh, thank you. You know, your husband is quite an architect.

I just love that new building--

that 14-story building he designed downtown.

15.

[Wilbur, Fred] Well, I guess that's another story.

Very funny.

How about that coffee?

Coffee, yes. Coffee, Roger.

[sighs]

68-47-68.

Ah, that's a lot of horse to lose.

[breathing deeply]

Oh, boy.

Ed, what's the matter?

I'm in love.

Oh, no.

Ed, you've just got to forget about Princess Helen.

Princess Helen? Who's she?

Don't tell me you've fallen in love again since yesterday.

This magazine just came today.

Flash Away. She's a pretty horse.

Yeah. She makes Princess Helen look like a boy.

Let's not start again.

How about arranging a date for me, huh?

Sorry.

Love is not for horses.

It's for the birds.

- Love is not for horses.

♪ Got a date ♪

♪ A little later ♪

♪ When the moon is on the trail ♪

♪ With the cutest triple-gaiter ♪

♪ My pretty little filly with the pony tail ♪

Closed-Captioned By JR Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

[Man] This has been a Filmways television presentation.