All language subtitles for Private.Eyes.S03E07.1080p.TVShows

It's a dance competition show

called Ballroom Smash. Becca is the host

- [and executive producer.]
- What happened to her morning show?

Well, that's still going on.
This show is just

a one-off special. But if it goes well,

Becca says the network might
make it a regular event.

[Cool!]

So why does she want us there?

[All she would say was]

it's urgent. But fair warning,

Becca might just want to
show off her new gig.

Haha! OK. Well, I'll be
there in five minutes.

- Can you grab me a...
- [Double-double, ]

- [way ahead of you.]
- Here you go, sir.

Liam! What are you doing here?

I hired the kid. As of yesterday.

Looks like we're gonna be seeing
a lot of each other now, sir.

Hahahaha!

City of millions, you hired Liam?!

What can I tell you? I needed the help.

Kid's a great worker.
Customers love him.

And not just her.

I'm gonna start going to Starbucks.

Three, four, five,

six, seven! One, three,

five, seven, eight, one!

? Ready set go We don't
stop until we're done ?

Becca pitched this show to the
networks three months ago.

Celebrities paired up with
professional dancers one night only.

Is that Brody Diamond? I had
such a crush on that guy.

I didn't know you were
into country music.

Who said anything about his music?

OK. So, he's one of the contestants,

- who are the others?
- We have tennis pro

Jordan Pallister, uhh...

stand-up comic Selena
Louise and Veronica Valor.

No way! Veronica Valor
from Rugged Landscapes?

The daytime soap?

It's been on the air for 30 years.

- It's Don's thing.
- Sure.

Stop! Stop! Stop!

- Eddie!
- I know, I saw it!

It's the wrong lighting cue.

It goes group opening number,
then individual performances.

And where is Kelly? Did he
get the phones working yet?

How are people supposed
to call in and vote

if they can't call in?

Shade! Oh, Angie! Thank God!

Becca! You seem stressed.

Stressed? Ha! Why? Oh,
is it because we go live

in less than 72 hours and
people keep asking me

where the judges sit?!

There are no judges on this show.

So, how can we help?

I need you guys to
investigate some incidents.

- Could you be more specific?
- Key wardrobe went missing,

one of the dressing rooms'
flooded, and yesterday

a light set a curtain on fire.

Sounds like you need a closet,
a plumber and an electrician.

- Hmm...
- These are not accidents.

Someone is trying to ruin this show

and tank my big shot.

Becca, I would be remiss
if I didn't point out

the fact that you tend
to overdramatize things

- when you get stressed.
- What he's trying to say is

it's all in your head.

Clear the stage!

Clear the stage! Clear the stage!

I'm sorry, you were saying?

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -

- OK, everyone, calm down!

- It's all gonna be good.
- All good?

Every day, it's something
new at this place.

I mean, how can we be
expected to perform

under circumstances like this?

Yeah, we're going to look like idiots

- in front of millions of people.
- Assuming we make it that far.

OK, guys, please. We will
get to the bottom of this.

Why don't you all just go
back to your dressing rooms

and we will call you
in a few minutes, OK?

Thank you.

OK, this is really weird. Those
were just put up this morning.

You know, maybe the wiring's faulty.

There's nothing wrong
with the wiring, Shadow.

You guys need to look into this.

Alright, we'll look into it.

Oh, but keep a low profile, OK?

No one can know why you're here.
Everyone's already freaked out

- enough about this damn curse.
- "Curse"?

Some stupid ghost story.

I heard some of the crew talking.

Something about an actor who died here.

[Grover Newell. He performed Hamlet]

[at the Bellecroft over
a hundred years ago.]

Zoe, you sound terrible.

I'm fine. I've been
taking cold medicine.

I also swallowed some garlic,
and I have raw onions

[wrapped around my neck.
All good things.]

[So, opening night]

[during the "To be or
not to be" speech, ]

he freezes up so badly
the audiences breaks out

into hysterics. After the show,

he hung himself in the theatre.

- Charming.
- [To even speak his name, ]

is to invite death and destruction

- [upon your head.]
- Death and destruction?

Haha!

Don't mock what you don't understand.

I think we'll stick to human suspects.

Thanks, Zoe. Get some rest.

[Well, fine. If you're gonna
go down that route, ]

- my money's on Jeffrey Sanders.
- [Jeffrey Sanders, ]

the weatherman at Becca's network?

Don't you ever read FameChatter?

Showbiz insider dirt.

Sent you an article.

"Meteorological Meltdown:
Stormchaser Loses Bid

for Hogtown Hoofer Hijinks."

Oh! Well, that explains everything.

[The network was developing
Ballroom Smash with an eye]

on Jeffrey Sanders for hosting,
but at the last minute,

they switched gears and
gave the show to Becca.

Which means clear skies
all weekend long.

And that... a Jeffrey Sanders promise.

Back to you, Marissa.

Aren't you worried your face
is gonna stay like that?

Let me guess, you're here about Becca.

Come on, Jeffrey, it
was all over the news.

You wanted to be the
host of Ballroom Smash.

Live dance competition with
you as the host, that's

- a step up from weatherman.
- Oh, I admit it would have been

a feather in my chapeau,
but I'm over it now.

I wished dear Beckster all
the luck in the world.

FameChatter said you
threatened to sue the network.

Of course they did. They're
all about the clickbait.

- So you're not upset?
- Oh, on the contrary.

It is my fondest desire
that Ballroom Smash

is a smashing success,
catapulting Becca's career

- into the stratosphere.
- In which case,

she'll be too busy for her morning show.

And the station

will need to hire a new host
for Breakfast with Becca.

Sunrise with Sanders anyone?
So please, pass along

my best wishes. Oh! And, uh...
on the QT,

let her know that the
new network head is

not too happy about the
recent cost overruns.

You're saying Ballroom
Smash is over budget?

Between the contestant demands,
the production setbacks

and Becca's nonstop tweaking,
it is the perfect storm.

And Beckster is sitting right
in the path of the hurricane.

Shadow! Great to finally meet you!

Steve Sato, head of programming.

Ha! Is this... what
they mean by ergonomic?

It's another brainstorm
from the old regime.

But that's all changing now.

This is a workplace, not a playground.

Oh, sounds like you got

- a lot of changes in the works.
- Latest news

from FameChatter is that you're
axing all your predecessor's

- TV series.
- It's time for a fresh start.

I have a vision for this network and...

Wave your arms.

Motion sensors. Part of our
green-building initiative.

And what about Ballroom Smash?

- Is that part of your new vision?
- Absolutely. Why?

- We heard about your recent series
of setbacks: budget overages...

Every show goes through growing pains.

Between you and me, we've sunk
so much money into this thing;

if it were to fail now,
I'd be out the door

faster than you can say forced hiatus.
Hahaha!

Steve Sato.

[Jordan Pallister's
agent is here for you.]

Park him at the rooftop juicery,

my usual table by the living wall.

"Jordan Pallister," isn't he a
contestant on Ballroom Smash?

For now.

His agent's trying to
break our contract.

Apparently, he's got

a new endorsement for a
German tennis racket.

What does that have to
do with Ballroom Smash?

His people are worried
that a dance show is

gonna diminish his street
cred, put the deal at risk.

Too bad, we've got him locked in.

- Whether he likes it or not.
- Like I said, this is business,

and no one's gonna stand in my way

of my plans for this network.

I hate this building.

Hey, sweetie! Hahaha!

Mwah! We're not here to
fraternize with the staff?

Labour law say he gets
two 15-minute breaks

and a half-hour for lunch.

Oh! Well, OK then.

Hey! What a great surprise!

Uh, yeah, I actually
need to talk to you.

I know you want to see a movie tomorrow,

but can I get a rain cheque?
Justine asked

- if I could help her study.
- Yeah, no problem.

Your grandfather asked if I
could work a double anyway.

He wants me to learn how
to make something called,

um, Fort Huron gumbo.

It's a 200-year-old recipe

with an incredible story behind it.

I'll tell you about it. Just
hang on, I'll be right back.

Incredible the first
10 times you hear it.

- See you tonight?
- Yeah, absolutely.

- Bye.
- Bye.

You really think Jordan is the
one behind all these incidents?

He's afraid he'll
jeopardize his lucrative

German endorsement deal
if he sticks around.

And since the network isn't
giving him an inch...

He's taking matters into his own hands.

Well, if that glorified

ping-pong player thinks
he can tank my show

just because he got a
higher-paying gig...

- Look out!
- Oh! Oh! Look out!

Ugh! Oh, my leg!

Get the set EMT down here right away!

- Oh, my God! Are you OK?
- I think I broke my leg.

There goes our prime suspect.

Hurry up! Come on over here! Lift!

- OK, don't move.
- On three, lift.

Don't move. Careful.

OK, he's clear. Throw that
sandbag underneath it.

Shade?

- Got something?
- It's a clean cut.

- This rope's been scored.
- Yeah, this was no accident.

Whoever's behind this, they're
stepping up their game.

Hey!

Hey. How did it go?

Better than I thought. I
mean, I fully expected them

to cancel the show entirely,

Luckily, Steve was there to back me up.

So what are they gonna do?
Postpone it a week?

No, we're still going live in 48 hours.

With only three contestants?
I thought Jordan was out.

Oh yeah, he is. The hospital called

- to confirm he broke his leg.
- Hmm.

But the good news is

I managed to convince the
network that we have

a very strong substitute.

- You can't be serious.
- You were always

a great mover on the ice, Shade.

- No. Absolutely no way!
- But Jordan was

a tennis player, you were a
hockey player. Same same.

Besides the fact that
that is entirely untrue,

you're forgetting the
fact that I cannot dance!

You'll be fine! You're paired
with Raven, and she's the best.

And besides, nobody expects the
celebrities to be any good.

I'm also not into public humiliation.

Since when? Come on, Shade,

this is the only way I could get
them to not cancel the show.

And look, this way, you
could be on the inside.

You know, you could be
my eyes and ears and...

Not selling it, Becca.

I'm sorry. I know this
means a lot to you,

but every man has his limit,

and mine is dancing.

How do I look?

You're trying not to laugh, aren't you?

Oh, come on, this is serious!

Please don't say, "This is serious"

- wearing that outfit.
- Look, we have a case

with no suspect and
now, thanks to Becca,

I am right in the line of fire.
In more ways than one.

OK. Uh... look,

I've been thinking about this.
The missing wardrobe,

the flood, the exploding light boxes;

those were either nuisances
or scare tactics,

but this last one, that
was a definite attack.

Do you think someone's trying
to take out Jordan Pallister?

It makes sense. According
to the show's website,

he is the odds-on favourite
to win the whole competition.

And with a half-a-million dollar
cash prize on the line...

That's half a million reasons
to take out the frontrunner.

Now, all we gotta do is get close enough

to the other three
contestants to figure out

which one of them needs
that 500K the most.

Actually, they all do.

Becca sent over some
background information

on the remaining three contestants.

Turns out that Brody Diamond has
a bit of a spending problem.

Hasn't had a hit for a while.

And... Veronica Valor is being
written out of Rugged Landscapes.

What?! She...

That's terrible. For her.

Um, what about Selena Louise,

- the comedian?
- No debts,

but she's the least famous of the three.

She's actually got the most
to gain by winning the prize.

- What's that?
- What?

That.

Oh, that's just something
that Zoe e-mailed

over here. It's a picture of the
Bellecroft Theatre's ghost.

And you put it on our
case board because...?

I'm just trying to keep
all our suspects alive.

- Haha!
- Human suspects, Shade.

- And don't forget your cape.
- Hahahaha!

Aaaah...

Taxi!

Hey, Brody Diamond. Matt Shade.

- Welcome to the Smash, partner.
- Hey, thanks.

Gallant move stepping up for the ex.

Ah, thanks. I wish it was just

- under better circumstances.
- Yeah, bummer about Jordan.

Sets falling, lights exploding;

people are saying the show is cursed.

Whatever. I'm keeping
both eyes on the prize.

I hear you. It's a lot
of money at stake,

and money makes people do

- crazy things.
- Hey, you got no worries there.

My new single drops the day we go live.

- Ticket back to the big time.
- Hmm...

That sounds like you're
back in the saddle.

You got that right.

I gotta admit I had a
little debt scare there,

but this new single's gonna
take care of all of that

and more.

- Who left this here?
- You!

- You've been avoiding me!
- Ummm...

You know, enough talk. Go
get some workout gear on.

- Well, I-I thought we should...
- I have less than a day

to turn a gorilla into a gazelle.
Get ready to sweat.

- Oh, whoa, wow! OK, sure.
- Yep, let go.

If I have to die for this, I will,

but you're all going down with me.

Uh... hello?

Oh! You're reading a script.

Oh. Yes, it's, uh...

it's my lines for next week.

- Who are you?
- I'm Angie from the network.

I...

I just heard that you were being
written off Rugged Landscapes,

- and I wanted to check in.
- Yeah.

Well, 22 years on their stupid show...

never a single day late,

all the pathetic words

I had to vomit out of my mouth,

and my reward? I'm being

killed off by my half-brother's twin

- who turns out to be an alien.
- Wow!

Well, I'm sure winning
half a million dollars

on this show would certainly
help soften the blow.

Yeah, well, the charity I'm sponsoring
wouldn't know what hit 'em.

- Charity?
- Yeah, the Goodwell League.

They're a charity for endangered animals

who aren't cute and cuddly.

Oh!

Well, good luck.

Five, six, seven, eight.

We go one, two, three, four,

five, six seven, eight.

Around!

Step, throw, reach.

I'll come all the way over here,

and then we'll go into the Widow's Leap,

which will be our grand finale.

And if you mess this up
by the tiniest margin,

I will die, so...

Whoa, hold on. Are you sure
this is the smartest idea?

No weakness. You have to
master it or we don't win.

Now, let's begin.

- Ready?
- As I'll ever be.

- Oh!
- Oh!

You're OK?

Matthew, you're better than this!

Yeah, a jury's still out on that.

Oh, hey, could you give me a second?

I don't wait. We'll meet
tonight, your place.

My place?

8 p.m. sharp. Text me your address.

OK.

Well, she's tough, but
you look pretty good.

Wow! Compliment from Angie Everett.

Have you talked to our sexy cowboy yet?

Brody, really?

Nah, he's not our guy. His new single is

about to drop making him flush again.
What about Veronica?

Money's not a motive for her either.

She plans on donating her prize
money to a bunch of hairless cats.

- Huh...
- Yeah.

Well, that leaves Selena.

Matt Shade! Welcome to the suck!

- Hahaha! Hey, Selena.
- Hi.

- This is Angie. She's...
- From the network.

- I'm just popping by.
- Uh-oh! Did they send you

to look into all the crap that's
been going on around here.

- Were you here when the set fell?
- What can I say?

My mom always told me to avoid a crowd.

Besides, the best way to
make an entrance is alone.

You don't know what's causing
'em, do you, the incidents?

Is that what you'd call them?

I'm sure you've heard
about our fab phantom.

- Grover...
- Don't say it! Sorry. Haha!

I just want to stay on the
spooky guy's good side.

You know what I mean?

When you're as uncoordinated as me,

you need all the help you can get, so...

Of course. Makes total sense.

Gustavo's waiting, I
should get to it, so...

I don't know, she seems
genuinely freaked out

- by the whole ghost thing.
- Or it's a kickass

- diversionary tactic.
- How are we gonna find out?

There's a ton of cameras in this place,

there's gotta be one that
caught the saboteur in the act.

I'll check back in with you

after you shower.

Excuse me, are you an editor?

I prefer the term creative closer.

Oh! Whoa! Your cologne.

It's not 'cause I smoked weed.

I... I wear cologne 'cause
I like to smell nice,

not 'cause I smoke weed.

OK, yeah. Whatever the reason,
I offer the same advice:

a little goes a long way.

Anyhow, listen, I need to see footage

from the set fall and
the popping lights.

Are you nuts? I have no time for that.

I'm assembling new promos
from scratch for air tonight.

- I'm sorry, what was your name?
- Sami.

Great. So when I call my
boss from the network back,

I'll just tell 'em
Sami said it's a no go

- on seeing footage.
- OK, OK. Hahaha!

Uh, what exactly do you need to see?

We're looking for a ghost.

You shouldn't say that.

The curse of you know who

is not something to be messed
with at Bellecroft Theatre.

Wait. There. That one.

Hang on, I'll get a better angle.

- Oh, my God!
- Is that Steve?

Head of programming at the network.

This isn't sabotage at all;

it's all part of the act.

? There's a place for worry ?

Ah, hey, kid. What's up?

Somebody dine and dash?

Jules, uh...

she told me she was studying
with her friend Justine tonight.

- OK, so what's with the face?
- I just found a message.

Um, I think she butt-dialed me.

Uh, called me

by accident, sir.

Can I hear it?

Yeah.

- Having a good time?
- Definitely!

- This is awesome!
- Where's

- your boyfriend tonight?
- I don't think

it'd be into this. His taste
in music is a little vanilla.

What should I do?

Well, I'm not sure it's my place

to offer you advice, Liam.
But if it were,

I think I'd give her a chance
to come clean on her own.

- ? But please take my love ?
- OK.

I don't get it.

[Why would Steve Sato sabotage
his own network show?]

Think about it. He
needed a hit to solidify

his new position. You've
seen those reality TV shows,

[what drives ratings
more than anything.]

- Drama and fighting.
- [Exactly.]

So he uses the ghost story
to scare up some tension,

only he takes it too far
and someone gets hurt.

Wait a minute, why are you
still working on this case?

[You're supposed to
rest and get better.]

Nah. I've been drinking this Cold
Crusher tea, and it turns out

it's jam-packed with amphetamines!

[I have never been so
productive in my life.]

[I cleaned up my freezer,
resorted the spice rack.]

I've even started writing a novella.

- Oh, boy.
- [But first, ]

some more information

on you know who.

Grover Newell? You can
say his name, Zoe.

- "Beware the bare bodkin."
- [Ha!]

My dad gave me that same
advice on prom night.

[It's from Hamlet. It means dagger.]

Twice over the past hundred years,

a performer found a similar dagger

in their dressing room
at the Bellecroft,

and both performers died
during the run of the show.

- Fascinating.
- [I'm just warning you.]

[Be careful.]

OK. Sato's leaving,
I'm gonna follow him.

OK, OK! But remember what I told you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. "Beware
the bare bodkin."

OK, hips forward. Show me your frame.

That's it. Ready? Three, four,

five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four, and up!

Ugh! You know what?

This is ridiculous. Jordan had 6 weeks

to learn this routine; I've
got less than 24 hours.

- Now, just focus on my eyes.
- OK.

- Which one?
- Surrender to the dance.

Find the place where you can't hide.

OK. Am I finding or am I hiding?

You're not even trying.

I'm surprised you even want to continue.

Aren't you scared that
someone is sabotaging

- the show?
- I'm too focused on winning;

I'll be scared later.

What if that set fall
wasn't an accident?

Wasn't aimed at me. I wasn't
even supposed to be rehearsing.

Jordan and I got switched
at the last minute.

- By who?
- Uh...

Sato.

OK, enough talking. Let go from the top.

I said, "No phones!"

Uh, yeah. You know what?

I really gotta take this.
Just give me one second, OK?

Hey. I haven't heard from
you in hours, are you OK?

- [Where have you been?]
- Oh, tailing our suspect.

- You see anything on the tape?
- [Oddly enough, ]

the network guy, Steve.

[Maybe not so odd after all.
I just heard]

that he's the one who changed
the rehearsal schedule,

so that Jordan and Raven were the ones

on the stage when the set fell.

Well, I bet you can't
guess where he went.

Bellecroft Theatre?

If only you were that fast on your feet.

What's he doing there at this hour?

He ain't here for the culture.

[Hey, you wouldn't be able]

- [to tear yourself away from...?]
- I'll be right there.

OK. Possible bad call.

- Hey.
- Oh, Shade.

I ran here as fast as I could.
Where is Steve?

He went backstage. Stay close.

A little jumpy, huh?

Yeah. Nothing like a spooky theatre

in the dead of night to make you rethink

the whole ghost angle.
You know, Grover...

Shhh! You're not supposed to say

his name out loud in here, remember?

He's the least of our worries, Shade.

Grover Newell, Grover
Newell, Grover Newell.

? Shake your body Shake your body ?

- ? Let go ?
- Look! Up there!

- Did you see that?
- I sure did.

Whatever we see in here,
we're gonna be OK, right?

Yeah... sure.

- Shadow!
- Becca!

Looks like he found another
way to turn on the lights.

Haha! Ahem!

I'm sorry you had to find
out this way, Shadow.

I'm sure it was a bit of a shock

- for you.
- Yeah, it was a bit of a shock.

Why didn't you just tell me?

Because I wanted you to take the case.

And I didn't know how
you'd feel about it.

Ah, Becca, if you're happy, I'm happy.

That's how I feel about it.

So, you were backstage when
the set fall happened?

Yeah, I was trying to help Becca.
Producing something this big

can be overwhelming for a seasoned pro,

let alone someone doing
it the first time.

But then why did you switch dance
pairs just moments before?

I had to. The contestant
who was supposed

to be rehearsing at that
time insisted on it.

Which contestant?

Steve's not the one behind the sabotage.

He would never do that to me.

I don't know, he's got a
lot riding on this show

- being a hit.
- And it will be.

He's been doing this a long time.

Hey, guys, we need to
look into Selena Louise.

- Selena, why?
- Five minutes before

the set fell, she called me
and said it was critical

she switch rehearsal times.

Thanks for dragging me
out of my hotel room

during the 15 minutes allotted
for sleeping on this show.

It's just a quick check for
the network investigation.

- We really appreciate it.
- Oh yeah, I feel

nothing but appreciation as you force me

to let you search my dressing room.

Come on in. Don't open the box

that says "Murder plan."

- "Beware the bare bodkin."
- What does that mean?

It means Selena's not the
one behind the sabotage.

She's the target.

I always knew my unbridled sex appeal

- might get me killed one day.
- Just out

of curiosity, why did you insist

on switching rehearsal times
just before the set fall?

Wardrobe malfunction. I
went to get it handled.

A dagger in your makeup
chair is pretty specific.

You're obviously being targeted,
Selena, any idea why?

I'm a comic.

I make fun of people for a living.

Why are you asking all these questions?

You're not really from
the network, are you?

We're private investigators.

We've been hired to look
into these attacks.

And until we can figure
out who's behind them,

we can't protect you.

We strongly suggest that
you don't go on tomorrow.

Screw that noise!

I dance tomorrow, I could
win half a million bucks!

That's freedom!

You should take the dagger
as a very serious threat.

Look, I'm not gonna let
some Casper wannabe

or anyone else get in my way.

That includes you.

Careful! You don't want to pull a groin

on game day.

Couldn't make my performance any worse.

You're really nervous
about this, aren't you?

Well, of course I am, Dad.
I don't want to go

on national TV and make
a fool out of myself.

Wouldn't be the first time.

- Yeah, very reassuring, thanks.
- No, no, no.

I just meant that, you
know, a little bad press

doesn't change who you are.

- You know that, right?
- Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hey, honey.

I'm on my way to the theatre,
I'll see you later, OK?

OK.

Was that satin?

So you have a good time with Justine?

Yeah. I might do it again tonight.

Really? Two nights of
study in a row, huh?

That's, uh...

very conscientious of you, Jules.

How did you find out?

From a source I trust.

Dad?

Liam.

Yeah.

Apparently, you "butt-dialed" him

when you were out with your new friends.

Oh, God. Um...

was it... was it awful?
Is he... is he OK?

I think you should
take that up with him,

but I will say this:

any group that requires
you to make sport

of people that care about you,

maybe that's a club you
don't want to join.

OK.

Oh, hey. How are you feeling?

I can't sleep. I don't know

if it's the cold medicine
or the ghost stories,

but I'm starting to get
spooked over here.

- [What's the latest?]
- Well, I contacted

Selena's agent, her manager,
even her former writing partner,

and they all said the same thing.

[Selena Louise has no enemies.]

Exactly. We gotta be missing something.

Hello?

- [Did I lose you?]
- That ghost picture you sent...

[Oh yeah, sorry about that.]

No, I think you might
be on to something.

Really? 'Cause I was
just fooling around.

As the attacks of the theatre

got more personal, they leaned heavily

- into the ghost myth.
- [OK.]

Well, how did they know that
Selena was afraid of ghosts?

Wait. I've seen her talk about this.

Hold on.

[Open your computer and go
to the link I sent you.]

OK. Hold on.

[It's a bit she does. About growing up]

[in an old house as a kid and
getting scared at night.]

No, seriously,

ghosts were like the
bane of my existence.

OK? As a child, I was terrified.

As an adult, I have questions.

Yeah. You ever noticed
that all ghosts are men?

Right? Like Jacob Marley,

Beetlejuice, Patrick Swayze, Casper.

I have a theory about this.

It's that men won't ask directions

to the afterlife. Like, "I know

where I'm going."

Come on, guys, get a GPS, buy a map!

So are you just gonna trash
guys all night then?

Oh! No, actually, I was planning on

talking about my fear of ghosts, but...

- Oh, good.
- Now that you suggested it,

maybe I'll just focus on you.
Yeah, maybe your friends

brought you here tonight,
so that you wouldn't die

of auto-erotic asphyxiation.
And instead of attacking me,

here's a suggestion: try
attacking that gut.

Yeah, take it to the spin class.

Dude, seriously. Speaking
of following directions,

you should try putting some
toothpaste on that brush

in the morn. Yeah.

I get it though, it's hard
to get access to your mouth

when your head is shoved
so far up your ass.

How about you use your mouth
for something useful like...

It's a good joke.

So don't you have to be
funny to be a stand-up?

- Isn't that kind of the criteria?
- Hey, pipe down, dude!

You can. You know what I'm saying?

Get the hell out of
here, you sexist pig!

OK, that was harsh,

but doesn't she do that
ghost set a bunch of times?

No. Actually, I read an
article that she gave it up.

- That's a little weird.
- [I know, right?]

Listen, uh, the show's gonna start soon,

I gotta get to the theatre.

[OK. I'll do some more digging.]

OK.

Welcome to Ballroom

Smash!

I'm your host Becca D'Orsay,
and we are broadcasting

live from the Bellecroft
Theatre, in downtown Toronto.

Hey, Selena, how are you holding up?

I'm a comedian, I'm always
afraid of dying on stage.

The decision is up to you.

You're the one who looks
like you're gonna hurl.

Ha! Just try to stay

in sight of other people.
Don't go anywhere alone.

- I told you, I'm fine.
- Places, people!

Places!

- Raven?
- Ready.

Hey, Zoe, what's up?

[I found the uncensored
version of the video.]

You do not want to know
what that guy said.

I'll take your word for it.

[Point is the video went viral.]

- [It got over 60 million views.]
- 60 million?

And the comments were brutal.
People tore that guy apart.

- Did you figure out who it was?
- [Didn't have to.]

The crowd did it for me.
Someone found a link

to his Ameechee page and posted it,

and everyone started flaming him.

They got him fired from his job.
He lost his fianc�e.

He basically had to change
his name and run away.

I sent you the link.

OK. Hold on, I'm just
pulling up to the theatre.

One second.

Oh, my God! It's him!

- Him who?
- It's Sami, the editor

from the show. I've got to go, Zoe.

Come on, Shade, pick up.

Comedian extraordinaire Selena Louise...

soap opera star Veronica Valor...

country superstar Brody Diamond,

- and finally...
- Whoo!

Former hockey champ Matt Shade.

Let's give it up for

- these wonderful contestants!
- ? Shake your body, go, go ?

? Ready set go ?

? We don't stop until we're done ?

? Take your places on the floor
Start in three, two, one ?

? From your feet to your head ?

? Shake it, make your back bend ?

? Calling all my party people,
My ladies, gentlemen ?

? Pick yourself up, drop it
Pick yourself up, drop it ?

? Let go ?

? Shake your body Shake your body ?

? Let go, shake your
body, shake your body ?

? Oh ohhhh ?

? Shake your body, shake your body ?

? Shake your body Go, go ?

Steve!

- Ms. Everett, what's going on?
- You need to stop the show.

Are you out of your mind? We're live!

- Where's Sami, the editor?
- Sami Chapman?

He's not part of our live broadcast.

He's part of Becca's morning show...

- Wait, what do you know?
- Nothing for sure,

but if he's here, Selena
could be in a lot of danger.

? Let go ?

? Shake your body, shake your body ?

? Oh ohhh ?

? Shake your body, shake your body ?

? Shake your body, go, go ?

Wasn't that incredible? Let's give it up

for our brilliant dancers!

- I'm your host Becca D'Orsay.
- Hey, what's that earpiece for?

It's for streaming the
music, so they can hear it

- over the crowd.
- Can you put me in his ear?

Tonight, one of these four contestants

will be crowned the Queen
or King of the ball.

Hey, Shade, it's me.
I'm in the building.

Listen, the guy that we're looking for

is named Sami. He's an editor.

He's got red, curly hair and a beard.

I'm gonna keep searching for him,
but you need to stay with Selena

at all costs. I'm
convinced he's gonna try

and kill her. She ruined his life.

Or former ice hockey champ

Matt Shade!

Thanks.

Yo.

[Hey, Zoe. It's me again.]

How did Grover Newell kill himself?

Hmm...

[Hold on a sec.]

Wait, he hung himself in
the centre of the theatre.

Rafters, that's where
we need to be looking.

- Great, thanks.
- [Wait, wait, no.]

He hung a rope over a fly bar
and then released the trapdoor

You know her

as the queen of Rugged Landscapes,

but can she become the
queen of the ball?

Let's have a huge hand
from Veronica Valor

and her partner, Neil!

Becca...

you're not gonna like this, but, uh...

we need to make a change to the program.

Wow!

OK! Let's keep this party going.

Our next contestant is one
seriously funny dame.

Let's give it up for
comic Selena Louise!

Oh, God! Let this be good.

And in a surprise twist
that no one told you about,

she will be performing the paso doble

with hockey legend

Matt Shade!

- What is she doing?
- Shade, what the hell?!

You gotta trust me. Not sure
how, but your life's in danger.

- I didn't learn the paso doble.
- It's alright,

just follow my lead. We'll
be fine, I promise.

Oh, my God!

- I don't know what I'm doing.
- No worry,

it's just like a bullfight. I'm
the matador, you're the bull.

What?! Why do I have to be the bull?!

Doing great.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Duck.
- What?

- Duck!
- Ooh!

- Don't step on my ankles.
- Sorry.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Hey!

What the hell do you think you're doing?

He's in danger, I need to warn him.

There!

- He's gonna blow the trapdoor.
- Who?

Now, we have to do the Widow's Leap.
I'm gonna go stand over there,

- you're gonna jump on me.
- Don't think it's a good idea.

We're gonna do it.

- Oh, shit!
- The earpiece.

Wait.

Shade,

[there's a trapdoor, get off there.]

Whoo!

I tried. I tried to
put it all behind me,

start a new life, then
she just showed up.

Everyone was gonna find out. I
couldn't let her destroy me again.

You did this to yourself.
Get him out of here.

No! No!

Ah.

So I met a local DJ here in town,

and she invited me out
with some of her friends

to an underground music show.

- Why didn't you tell me that?
- I don't know.

I guess I just wanted
to do it on my own.

In Italy,

we spent every minute
together, which was great,

- but...
- But now we're back.

I feel like we're gonna
burn out on each other

if we don't do our own things sometimes.

You know, you could
have just told me that.

I know. It was stupid of me, I'm sorry.

- How was the music?
- It was amazing!

And they invited me to go again tonight.

- Do you want to come?
- You sure you want me there?

? Things I wanted to say,
things I should have done ?

- Of course I want you there.
- ? To show you that I love you ?

? For all the days gone by ?

- ? And all the times we said ?
- There you go.

Thanks. Looks like a pretty intense

conversation over there, Dad.

You wouldn't happen to know
anything about that, would you?

I think Jules is old enough to
have her own life now, Matt,

and hey, who am I to interfere?

- Uh-uh.
- ? I'm scared of losing you ?

? Forever ?

Here they are!

Have I told you two lately
just how amazing you are?

No, not lately, so please do go on.

Ballroom Smash was a huge success.
Numbers through the roof.

We've already got approval
for a follow-up special.

- Congratulations, that's great news.
- It's great for you too.

Steve wants to have you back
as a contestant to defend

the title that was stolen from you.

Sorry I could not award you
the prize money, Shadow.

You broke the rules when
you switched partners,

so you're disqualified,
even though, in my opinion,

- you were the best.
- Yeah, um, that's totally fine.

Veronica deserved it just as much.

And it's a great win for the
ugly animals of the world.

- How's Sami?
- He's being charged.

But the network is going
to make sure that he gets

the help he needs. Shadow,

thank you so much. You really went

- above and beyond this time.
- Anytime, Becca.

- So...?
- So what?

You never did tell me what you
thought of my performance.

Oh, you don't need to
know what I thought.

I crushed it, didn't I?

Wow, nothing's sexier
than a man gloating.

- Oh, come on!
- I didn't really see it

to tell you the truth. See,
first, I was under the stage,

and then I was just so
focused on you not dying.

You're really not gonna
tell me, are you?

Alright. All I can say is

for five minutes, I made
everyone in this theatre

forget the name Grover Newell.

We should probably keep moving. Agreed.