All language subtitles for Phineas And Ferb The Movie Candace Against The Universe

♪ The sun is shining
Not a cloud in the sky ♪

♪ My stars are aligning
And I swear that I could do anything ♪

♪ On such a beautiful day ♪

♪ It really is
It's such a beautiful day ♪

♪ I'm like a baby bird
Coming out of my cage ♪

♪ My life's an open book
I'm gonna write a new page ♪

♪ And I know
That I'm mixing my metaphors ♪

♪ But you can probably get the main gist
Of what I'm trying to say ♪

♪ You're mixing metaphors
But we know what you're saying ♪

♪ I don't remember ever feeling
So optimistic ♪

♪ I'll admit it
Just a little uncharacteristic ♪

♪ 'Cause I know that I've been known
To be antagonistic ♪

♪ But I don't even think
I'm gonna go ballistic ♪

♪ As long as my brothers don't ♪

♪ Build some big enormous thing
That makes me go, "No way!" ♪

♪ But disappears
Before my mother gets home ♪

♪ Like when they
Built a giant roller coaster... ♪

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope!
I'm not gonna go there.

- Hey, Candace.
- Oh, hey, Stacy!

- Are you going to the game later?
- Yeah, probably.

Jeremy's working concessions.

Cool! It's a beautiful day for it.

♪ It really is
It's such a beautiful day ♪

♪ I'm gonna keep my outlook
Bright and cheery ♪

♪ Gonna think some happy thoughts
And gonna keep 'em near me ♪

♪ Though my brothers' crazy antics
Would make anyone weary ♪

♪ I won't get sucked
Into their chaos theory ♪

♪ As long as they don't ♪

♪ Build a giant roller coaster
Robot versions of themselves ♪

♪ Or strand me in a video game ♪

♪ You'd know what I mean
If you had seen ♪

♪ The cattle drive
The time machine ♪

♪ The giant paper pelican plane ♪

♪ They've built motorized chariots
An escalator to the moon ♪

♪ The tallest building, tree house robots
Other nonsense coming soon ♪

♪ A shrinking sub, a waterfall
A robot dog, a Trojan horse ♪

♪ A growth elixir, Perrytronic
Pyramid-related sports ♪

(INHALES DEEPLY)

♪ But today I'm not worried
About any of that noise ♪

♪ Today it doesn't even matter
What those silly old boys are doing ♪

♪ It's such a beautiful day ♪

- ♪ -It's really such a beautiful day.
- It's such a beautiful day ♪

♪ It's really such a beautiful... ♪

- (MUSIC ENDS)
- Wait a minute!

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

Phineas and Ferb!

(LAUGHING, CHEERING)

Oh, my giant robot!

- Woo-hoo!
- Yeah! Whoa!

(LAUGHING, CHEERING CONTINUES)

Okay. This ends today.

CHORUS:
♪ Candace against the universe ♪

(CANDACE SHRIEKING) Mom!

LINDA: Okay, Candace. I almost hesitate
to ask, but what is it this time?

It's... It's... It's hard to explain.
Where are you?

LINDA: I'm almost home.

Yes! (LAUGHS)

♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated ♪

Finally, we are evenly matched!

It's too late, Perry the Platypus!

My Power-Vacuum-Inator will soon
turn the mayor's mansion into lint,

and then vacuum it up, thereby creating
an actual "power vacuum" for me to fill.

See? See how I used "vacuum" as both
a transitive verb and an abstract concept?

That's grammatical versatili...

(GASPS)

But... But... But...

(KIDS LAUGHING)

It's... It's... Well, I don't know
what it is, but it's still here!

This is it! You guys are finally busted!

Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

What? What is it?

- It's still here!
- What is still here?

It's...

It's even harder to explain.
Come on! Come on! Come on!

(GROANS) Ah, I see what you did there.
You used "vacuum" as a noun and a weapon.

Touché.

It's still there! It's still there!
Look! Look!

- There it is! Mom! Stop, Mom.
- Candace,

-while I treasure your imagination,
-Look, Mom!

- Every day you call and tell me...
- Mom.

-...Phineas and Ferb have built some big,
-Turn around.

-Unbelievable thing in the backyard,
-Just turn. No. You just have to...

- And every day I come home...
- Okay.

- ...to find nothing there.
- Just, please.

- Look! There it is.
- Doesn't it exhaust you?

Mom, I am begging you.

- I... I...
- It exhausts me.

Oh, look, there's nothing here.

- Hi, kids.
- Hi, Mom.

- That was fun. See ya, Phineas.
- See ya.

BALJEET: Was that lint?
It smelled like lint.

- It tasted like lint.
- Why were you tasting it?

- You were smelling it.
- Not on purpose!

It's not fair.

Did you say something, Candace?

I said, "It's not fair!"

Every day always works out for you.

You guys are having a great summer!

- Well, we're all having a pretty great...
- Not me! Okay?

Every day, I get beaten down
by the universe.

I just feel so defeated. I feel so alone.

(SOBBING)

Wow. We've been having so much fun
this summer,

I just assumed Candace had been too.

We should do something to cheer her up.

We should make her a gift!

Let's see. Last time, we carved her face
into Mount Rushmore.

Hmm. Let's do something
more permanent this time.

♪ Perry ♪

(BEEPS)

Excellent work thwarting
Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Agent P.

Why don't you
take the rest of the day off?

Does that mean
I get the rest of the day off t...

- Don't be ridiculous, Carl.
- Oh.

Candace?

Oh, hey, Vanessa.

I thought that was you.

- Is this your house?
- Yep. My house of pain.

- What's wrong?
- Just the usual.

My brothers get away with some big,
ridiculous thing,

and yet somehow I'm the crazy one.

It's like the whole universe
is against me.

♪ The universe is against me
And no one here defends me ♪

♪ And everyone pretends we
Haven't seen it all before and it's... ♪

- Candace?
- (MUSIC ENDS)

- Yeah?
- I'm not sure this is the whole...

Wait. Why do I have a guitar?

(CAT YELPS)

I'm not sure
this is the whole universe's fault.

You're right!
It's mostly Phineas and Ferb's fault.

That's why I have to bust them.

That's not what I...
Look, so I'm just thinking out loud here,

but have you ever considered
not trying to bust your brothers?

I mean, let's say you did finally
expose them. Then what?

Would you suddenly be happy?

Would all of your problems
just magically disappear?

Um. Yes!

Maybe, maybe not. Just...

Is it possible that your obsession
with busting them

is really just a distraction
from your real problem,

which is how you feel about yourself?

You mean like a tiny, meaningless speck
in the universe,

completely overshadowed
by Phineas and Ferb?

That's good. Keep going.

It's just, everybody thinks
my brothers are so special.

Well, what about me?
When do I get to feel special?

- Yes.
- And...

what if I'm not?

I can't believe this.

I know.
It's kind of a breakthrough, right?

- But now, the healing can begi... Oh.
- I can't believe this!

See? This is the kind of insane stuff
I'm talking about.

Okay, guys, I give up.
What does this one do?

And breakthrough over.

Phineas and Ferb, I know you're in there!

Um. If you don't know what it does,
maybe you shouldn't hit it.

Relax. It's probably some kind
of amusement park ride

or it makes giant waffles or something.

Is that what you're doing today?
Making big waffles?

Uh... Candace?

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

What in the world?

(BEEPING)

Candace, we made you a...

Phineas! Ferb!

- There are no waffles in here!
- Candace!

Where are you going?

Where is she going?

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

CANDACE: Phineas and Ferb!

(BEEPS)

Agent P, we've just received automated
emergency alert one-three-six alpha.

We have no idea what that is, but Carl
is looking it up in the owner's manual.

Apparently,
it is a "clogged intake valve"?

Carl, this is for the washing machine.

Oh, wait, hold on. No, this is the stereo.

Microwave instructions...

Oh, here it is!

Now, let's see here.

"A member of your host family
has been abducted by aliens."

Wow. Candace, apparently,
has been abducted by aliens.

This is priority one, Agent P,
but remember,

you cannot reveal to her
that you are a secret agent.

So... hmm, guess it's gonna be tricky
to rescue her.

Heh. Well, good luck with that.

You're right, Ferb. It doesn't look like
she did this on purpose.

What's that little rectangle down there?

Bingo! Alien license plate.

She's been abducted by aliens.

Let's run those tags on the Galactic Web.

FERB: It's from the planet Feebla-Oot
in the Vroblok Cluster.

That must be where they're taking her.

Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.

We're going to an alien planet
to rescue our sister!

I guess first we have to figure out how to
get to the, uh, Vrobl... the... the Vro...

The Vroblok Cluster.

The Vroblok Cluster.
Man, try saying that five times fast.

Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok,
Vroblok, Vroblok.

Huh. I guess it's not that hard. Vroblok,
Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok.

Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok,
Vroblok, Vroblok.

Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok,
Vroblok, Vroblok.

Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok,
Vroblok, Vroblok.

Okay, this is not one
of Phineas and Ferb's inventions.

- How can you tell?
- 'Cause of that.

Whoa.

Looks like we're not the only ones
being brought here.

CANDACE: What... What do you think
they want from us?

Best-case scenario, we're food.

That's your best-case scenario?
Man, you are dark.

(ALERT BEEPING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Oh, hey guys. You came at a great time.

I was just about to start watching
my box set of Space Adventure.

♪ Space Adventure is calling you ♪

♪ So put on your space face
And make your way to the stars ♪

♪ And beyond the blue quasars ♪

♪ And nebulas too on a... ♪

♪ Space Adventure
It's an adventure in space ♪

Actually, Candace got abducted by aliens
and taken to another planet,

and we need your help to rescue her.

Well, why did you not lead with that?

I suppose you will want me to build
another portal. Where is the planet?

That is, like, eight systems away.

We will need a much more powerful
quantum field generator.

But could we do it?

Yes, but even if we got
the whole gang together,

it would still take at least a montage.

And we're done.

Well, I guess I stand corrected.
It only took a flip wipe.

So, this portal will take us to
the same planet they're taking Candace to?

Yep. When we step through this portal,
we're gonna be on an alien planet,

and we have no idea what to expect.

Actually,
I took the liberty of printing out

some computer simulations
of possible scenarios.

Based on the infinite possibilities,

we could be attacked by
carnivorous plants,

giant alien spiders,
flying shark creatures.

Oh, here is one where we would have
to sacrifice Buford to giant alien robots.

- What?
- Are there any that are not terrifying?

Oh, of course.
Here is a bunch of playful puppies...

Aw.

...that shoot nerve gas
from their tongues.

Ew!

Look, what Baljeet is saying is,
this could get really dangerous.

Ferb and I appreciate your help building
the portal, but we can't ask you to go.

Candace is our sister.

She was pretty upset
the last time we saw her,

and I kinda feel like somehow
it's our fault.

So we're the ones
who have to make this right.

This isn't on you.

If you think you're going to
an alien planet without us,

you're even crazier than Candace.

Yeah! Bring on the nerve gas puppies!

ALL: For Candace!

Thanks, you guys.

Ready? Here we go.

(THUMPING FOOTSTEPS)

Hello and welcome, aliens.

- (ALL SCREAM)
- Giant robot! Quick, give them Buford!

Oh, that's just Norm.
He's... He's usually harmless.

A... Are you guys aliens?

We're not the aliens. You're the alien.

Guys, we're still in Danville!

All right, I guess neither of us
are aliens. But what's with your neck?

Wait, what's wrong with my neck?

- We're still in Danville?
- That is not possible.

My calculations could not
have been that off.

And why do you have a portal?

Well, I was trying to get to
the planet Feebla-Oot

in the Vro... the Vr... the... the Vro...

The Vroblok Cluster.

Man, say that twelve times fast.

Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok,
Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok,

Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok,
Vroblok, Vroblok, Vroblok.

Well, that was, uh, disturbing.

We have to get to Feebla-Oot
to save our sister.

And my daughter was apparently abducted
by an alien pod from there.

Here, look. Sh... She posted
on social media. Look, see?

That's Vanessa. We know her.

ISABELLA: And she's with Candace!

Oh, I hope my little girl is okay.

(SHOUTS) There is an ion barrier
around the planet.

Our transporters were both deflected,
which made them connect to each other.

Oh, so getting there by portal
is astrologically impossible.

You mean "astronomically."

No, I mean astrologically.
Here, look at my horoscope.

"Virgo: You will be unable
to reach a planet via portal

due to it being
astronomically impossible."

- Okay, so I guess we're both right.
- (SIGHS)

If we're going to rescue Candace
and Vanessa, we need to build a spaceship.

Unless anyone has one lying around.

I... I don't have a spaceship per se,
but I... but I do have...

my Galactic-Travel-Inator!

You get inside it, it flies you up to, and
I guess more to the point, through space.

You mean like a spaceship?

Well, I suppose it's like a spaceship,

in that it operates like and performs
the exact same functions as a spaceship,

but it's an Inator. There's a difference.

- Is the difference purely semantic?
- It's branding! Leave me alone.

PHINEAS: Ticktock, people. We have
a sister and a daughter to rescue.

What is this?

My Chicken-Replace-Inator.

Is that something we're gonna need?

Let's just say that I'd rather have
a device that makes things switch places

with the nearest chicken and not need it,
than need one and not have it.

I'm with him on that.

Says the guy bringing a canoe into space.

Hey, you don't know everything
about space.

Who built this door?

(BEEPS)

MONOGRAM ON COMM: Wow. Okay,
that does complicate things quite a bit.

Remember, you can't reveal yourself
as an agent to your host family,

but you also can't reveal yourself
as their pet to Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

I guess in retrospect,

you are the single worst agent
we could have sent on this mission.

Heh. All right.
See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.

BUFORD: Is there a barf bag
on this thing, Doc?

I'm asking for a friend.

All right, Operation Save Candace
and Vanessa is about to begin.

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Oh! No, no, no!

Okay, that was on me, but so fun
to be traveling into outer space

with a bunch of kids who teleported into
my house with no adult supervision.

(ALERT BEEPING)

Empty. Empty. Empty.

Are we the only ones they abducted?

Ooh, look, a map.
I wish we could read these weird markings.

FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE:
English detected.

Would you like me
to change the map settings to English?

Ooh, yes. English.

- (BEEPS, BLIPS)
- Oh, great!

We have something
sort of like this at home.

Computer, how do we escape from this ship?

Adding "thin chips" to your shopping list.

No, no, no. I said, "escape the ship."

Playing "CAPE LIP" by lil' Gorbinox.

- (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
- (GROANS)

On second thought, this is exactly
like the one we have at home.

"Engine room, sick bay."
Ooh, smoothie bar!

- Focus.
- Sorry.

"Restroom, science lab." Oh. Escape pods!

(BEEPING)

You know, I'm still blaming
Phineas and Ferb for this.

How so exactly?

Well, if I hadn't been rage-singing
about how they ruined my life,

I might have seen that that pod
came from outer space

and therefore was not
one of their inventions.

Yeah, that makes complete sense.

Wow, this is a long ladder.
I wish there was a faster way down there.

FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Approaching ion barrier.

Brace for turbulence.

Avoid ladders.

(RUMBLING)

(BOTH SCREAM)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(CANDACE GROANS)

- Well, that was faster.
- Oh. Oh!

- What?
- This is a smoothie maker!

Candace, focus.

I know, I know, I know.
I don't have time for this.

- Candace.
- Yeah, no. I know. I really shouldn't.

- Candace.
- We shouldn't. Okay, no. I know.

You're right, you're right. You're right,
you're right, you're right. You're right.

Candace! Focus!

Okay, I found the escape pods.

FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Opening escape pods.

ALIEN GUARD:
We're searching the ship right now.

We've gotta go now.

Get in.

- Wait, there's only room for...
- You take this one.

I'll be right behind you.
See you back on Earth.

Computer, launch the escape pod.

FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Launching all escape pods.

No, no, no. Stop!
Stop! Stop! Stop, stop, stop!

FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Playing
"Chop Chop Chop" by the Lumberzacks.

♪ Chop, chop, chop
Chop away at my heart ♪

Yep, the whole universe.

♪ The whole universe is against me ♪

BALJEET: According to my calculations,

we are on course to reach the planet
in 47 minutes at our current velocity.

Can't we get any more speed
out of this thing?

I think we could coax a little more
out of these engines

if we bypassed the compressor system and
fed power directly into the impulse drive.

Hey, I don't come down to where you work
and tell you how to sell cupcakes.

(ALARM BLARING)

(ALL SHOUT)

- What was that?
- Oh, no!

We are entering
an uncharted asteroid field!

You couldn't have navigated around that?

Oh! I just said it was uncharted!

Big one coming up, starboard side!

- Starboard?
- ISABELLA: On the right!

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: My right or your right?

ISABELLA: We're facing
the same direction!

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Oh, right. Our right.

Okay, look, if you've got special words
for "up" and "down," let me know now.

FEMALE SINGER: ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Oh, whoa ♪

♪ Nobody sees him
He's not looking for glory ♪

♪ He's not looking for applause ♪

♪ He's not trying to be part of
Someone else's story ♪

♪ He's just fighting for a noble cause ♪

♪ This is a song of the unsung hero ♪

♪ But, I guess, technically
He's now got a song ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm singing it ♪

♪ You might not even know he's here ♪

Wow!
It's like the Fourth of July out there.

♪ ...hero
But he's out there on his own ♪

♪ Just winging it ♪

CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, did I mention he's a platypus? ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

Somehow, we're missing all the asteroids.

Hey, everybody, look! Cat's Cradle!

It's the first time
I've ever been able to do this!

- Buford.
- Ah, sorry. I was in the zone.

Hey, we're out of the asteroid field.

♪ Ooh ♪

ISABELLA: Oh.

- BALJEET: Oh. We did it!
- (SIGHS)

Well, that was so much easier
than I thought it was gonna be.

I hope Candace and Vanessa
made it through just as well.

Uh-oh.

That does not look like Earth.

(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS, GROANS)

(GROANS) Okay, ow.

(SIGHS) So, I guess Candace should be
coming right behind me.

(SCREAMS)

(SHOUTING)

Oof. Candace?

(GASPS)

What good are escape pods

if they take you to the planet
you're trying to escape from?

Where are you taking me?

(GASPS) Is it that scary
alien fortress-y thing?

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course it is.

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ You're probably so excited
Though you're trying to hide it ♪

♪ Here's a horn, you can give it a toot ♪

♪ We are the welcome service
And we know you're nervous ♪

♪ You're about to meet the leader
Of Feebla-Oot ♪

♪ You'll be blown away
So put your phone away ♪

♪ You're gonna say, "Wow, holy cow!" ♪

♪ You're about to meet her
Our glorious leader ♪

♪ You're about to meet her right... ♪

♪ After we open these doors
But first, another chorus ♪

♪ 'Cause we've still got
Some verses to sing ♪

♪ It's kind of entrancing
Have you noticed the dancing ♪

♪ But, really, Peter's solo
Is everything ♪

♪ You're a lowly peasant
When you bask in her presence ♪

♪ But we'll give you this one solemn vow ♪

♪ You're about to meet her
Our glorious leader ♪

♪ You're about to meet her right... ♪

- After this message from our sponsor...
- Paloga Brite!

We use it to clean these lovely...

♪ Doors you're scoping
Which we promise we'll open ♪

♪ 'Cause that's just what you're hoping
We'll do ♪

♪ As we keep singing this song
We know it's taking so long ♪

- (MUSIC ENDS)
- Eh, we'll open them now.

(CLICK, CLICK)

ALIEN LEADER: Just come on in!

Yoo-hoo!

Yeah, down here!
I'm sitting in this enormous chair!

Come here. Let me get a look at you.

You are spectacular.

Where are my manners?
I'm Super Super Big Doctor.

Is that... Is that a title or... or your...

It's a common enough name in our language.

I mean, it's not Eegblat or Boat Jelly,
but it's a name you hear.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) N... Nice to meet you.
My name's Candace.

(ALL GASP)

What? W... What did I say?

Oh, (CHUCKLES) sorry.

It... It's just, in our language,
"Candace..." (CLEARS THROAT)

Is the noise someone makes
when they explode from the waist up.

I'm sorry.
Does that happen often enough that you...

What matters is we found you.
And you are the Chosen One.

♪ You are the Chosen One
You are the Chosen One ♪

♪ Yes, you are the Chosen One ♪

So, you're saying I'm... special?

Are you special?

We have spent years searching the galaxy
for Remarkalonium,

a rare element we desperately need.

And our instruments tell us
that element simply emanates from you.

You, Candy-cane...
Can I call you "Candy-cane"?

Just by existing,
you are saving our planet.

Okay, this is amazing!

Okay, and just to be super extra clear,
this saving the world thing

doesn't involve offering me
as a human sacrifice?

Well, somebody's paranoid.

Sorry, it's... It's just... (SIGHS)

I've always felt
the universe was against me.

Oh, I have these annoying little brothers
who always get away with everything.

Shut up!

I grew up
with annoying little brothers too!

Always messing around,

hodening their zurgnats
in the vlamborshall during glabenstchturn.

My brothers once made a roller coaster.

Roller coaster? (CHUCKLES)
Okay, now you're just making up words.

Point is, I was right there
where you are now, girlfriend.

Brothers always getting away
with everything,

but I'm supposed to be in charge.

Yes, exactly! And not just conditionally.

That's why I came to this planet,
and now I really am in charge.

Wow. Maybe the universe isn't against me.

Welcome to Feebla-Oot.

All hail the Chosen One!

ALL: All hail the Chosen One!

All hail the Chosen One!

BALJEET:
Okay, we are approaching the ion barrier.

Activate your ion shield.

We don't have an ion shield.
We're not fancy-shmancy.

But... (GROANS)

We have to pass through an ion barrier
to get to the planet.

Yeah, so?

So, if we go through the ion barrier
without a shield,

it could fry all of the electronics
on the ship,

rendering our navigation useless
and stranding us in space!

Okay, that was something I did not know.

Well, there's gotta be
a way through, right?

Well, no, not without a...
Wait a minute. Space Adventure!

♪ Space Adventure... ♪

In episode 206B of Space Adventure,

they were able to go through
an ion barrier without a shield

by spinning the USS Minotaur
and scattering the ions as they went.

I'm not sure that would work in real life.

Well, I am sure
that the writers of Space Adventure

have a better grasp
of astrophysics than you,

or even me, because I do not see
how the science would work either, but...

- Hold on!
- Wait!

(ALL SCREAM)

ISABELLA: Yes, we made it through!

We're clear!
Baljeet, you can stop it spinning now!

Unfortunately, I cannot.
We have lost all helm control.

What?

I do not understand.
It worked perfectly in Space Adventure.

Well, there is some good news.

That planet we're plummeting towards
is Feebla-Oot.

So we're crashing right on target.

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Ooh, and the atmosphere
slowed our spin. But it set us on fire!

BALJEET: And we still have no controls!

(ALL SCREAM)

It's beautiful!

- And so peaceful.
- (CREATURE GROWLS)

(ALL SCREAM)

(RUSTLING)

(CREATURE BELLOWS)

So, should we be worried that that's gonna
fall back down and land on us?

Nope. He is in orbit.

He must have achieved escape velocity.
Good for him.

I can't see. I can't see!
My eyes are not functioning prop...

You've got a bucket on your head.

Wait, it's okay. Wait a second.
I... I fixed it. I had a bucket on my head.

Let's check out the damage.

♪ Perry ♪

Shh.

(WHISPERING)
♪ Perry ♪

We're not getting anywhere
with this spaceship.

It's an Inator... (GROANS)

What does it matter?
It's just a pile of junk now anyway.

I am not sure
how we will ever get back home.

We'll figure out something. We always do.

But the important thing is
we have to find Candace and Vanessa.

Maybe we should start by looking... there.

(OMINOUS TONE)

Wait a minute.

(OMINOUS TONE)

Does anybody else hear
a strange, ominous tone

when they look at
that alien fortress-y thing?

(OMINOUS TONE)

But only when I look directly at it.

- I can hear it when I look...
- (OMINOUS TONE)

- Yeah, I have to...
- Yes!

- Oh, yeah, me too!
- Yeah, it's like a low tone.

- I wish we could study the science...
- I don't hear anything.

- What you guys talking about?
- I can hear it when I look...

- BUFORD: You're freaking me out!
- ...just directly at it.

ISABELLA: I've never seen
anything like that.

PHINEAS: Every time my eyes get near it.

Alien planets are weird.

Okay, let's go.

We're walking towards the thing
that makes you all hear an ominous noise?

We're doing that?

PHINEAS: I hate to think what Candace
is going through in there.

This must be the worst day of her life.

(OMINOUS TONE)

This is the best day of my life.

Stapler Fist there is my toughest guard,

but, boy, if he doesn't give the finest
foot massage on Feebla-Oot.

(SIGHS)

The pressure is perfect, Mr. Fist.

OMG, the Chosen One spoke to me!
I can't believe it!

I'm so excited, I could actually explode.
Seriously, I could just...

- Well, I am so glad that you... (GASPS)
- EXPLOSION VOICE: Candace!

- Oh, geez, he just candaced all over me.
- Ew!

Oh, don't worry. He'll grow back.

All right. Come on, Stapler Fist's legs.
This way.

Wow. It really does sound like my name.

It happens whenever they get excited.
Especially when they get free stuff.

Birthdays here are a bloodbath.

Note to self, no free stuff.

Now just relax.
We're gonna have a beautiful day.

♪ Yeah, this girls' day out ♪

♪ Yeah, this girls' day out ♪

♪ You and I
Should take the afternoon to unwind ♪

♪ So get ready
We could lay out or get a mani-pedi ♪

♪ Go for a drive or stop for a bite
It all depends upon your appetite ♪

♪ We could do knitting ♪

♪ Or copper fitting ♪

♪ Weather permitting ♪

♪ I never seem to have any free time ♪

♪ I just need to get a little me-time ♪

♪ I mean, and you-time too ♪

♪ It's a girls' day out
Time to get away ♪

♪ From the hustle and bustle
Of the day-to-day ♪

♪ We all need a little time to play ♪

Cucumber spray?

No doubt.

♪ We can just do brunch
Or catch a matinee ♪

♪ Or something a little bit less cliché ♪

♪ I've got this, honey
Put your money away ♪

♪ 'Cause I am all about
This girls' day out ♪

♪ Yeah, this girls' day out ♪

♪ Yeah, this girls' day out ♪

This way, team.
The fortress is three klicks away.

Wait a minute.

What's a "klick"?

And who put you in charge, young lady?
I'm the grown-up.

Well, some people think
I'm a natural leader.

- Huh?
- You got, uh...

You got all these for being a leader?

Yep.

Well, but, have you got one of these?

That's a library card, and yes, I do.

It doesn't matter, because I'm the adult.
So, step aside. Doof is in charge.

♪ So you say you got a patch
For leading people through a jungle ♪

♪ But I've got a prescription
For this anti-fungal ♪

♪ So I win ♪

- How is that winning?
- I'm just saying I'm prepared.

♪ Undecided whether I should feel
Disturbed or scared ♪

♪ I'm older and bolder
Got this ache in my shoulder ♪

♪ I keep my medical records
In this manila folder ♪

- Meaning?
- Just that I've lived more.

♪ But I've got a better feeling
For the great outdoors ♪

♪ You think you know just what to do ♪

♪ But I've got a ton more experience
Than you in adulting ♪

Is that what it's called?

♪ I know you don't know what I mean ♪

♪ But you're not gonna know it
Till you turn 18 ♪

♪ It's called adulting ♪

That's not a verb.

♪ When you're no longer a private
You're a sarge ♪

♪ You're all grown up
And you're living large ♪

♪ You get to be the one in charge ♪

Get it off of me! Get it off of me!

♪ It's called adulting ♪

- It's still not a verb.
- Come on. Back me up, Ferb.

- It's not a verb.
- Whatever.

- ♪ Can you read a compass? ♪
- No.

- ♪ Or start a fire? ♪
- No.

- ♪ Build a shelter? ♪
- No.

- ♪ Or change a tire? ♪
- No.

- ♪ Dig a hole, pitch a tent ♪
- No. No.

- ♪ Navigate, circumvent ♪
- No. No.

- ♪ Chop a tree, build a snare ♪
- No. No.

- ♪ Catch a fish, fight a bear ♪
- No. No.

♪ Now I think our only care
And I think this question is really fair ♪

♪ Is can you get us from here to there ♪

- Yeah? Absolutely!
- You can? How?

♪ By adulting
Yes, adulting ♪

- He makes a salient point.
- Baljeet!

♪ I'm adulting ♪

What? He sounds authoritative.

♪ 'Cause I'm adulting ♪

I'm an adult!

And therefore, I, the adult, say...
this way, people, single file...

(SCREAMS)

Ooh, ooh, whoa, whoa!

- (SCREAMS)
- (SPLASH)

I'm okay! I'm okay.
The water at the bottom broke my fall.

It's awfully hot, though.
It's... (STAMMERS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)

Okay, I can confidently say
that we should go that way. (GROANS)

So we all agree
that we've passed this spot

somewhere between once and not more than,
like, 11 times, right?

ALL: Yes.

(SCREECHING)

Okay. Well, that's something
you don't see every day.

- (CLUCKS)
- See? Adulting.

What just happened?

Well, thanks to my handy
Chicken-Replace-Inator,

which some people said I shouldn't bring,

it switched places
with the nearest chicken.

Wherever that is.

I can't believe you built
a dragon theme park

without anything
that even looks like a dragon.

And why haven't you gotten rid of
that silly chicken coop?

- (CHICKEN CLUCKS)
- (ROARS)

My support group says
you're keeping me down.

Now, where was I?

Ah, that's right. Leading.

This way, people. (SCREAMS)

(GRUNTING)

Oh, my spleen! Ow!

(GRUNTS)

Ow!

(GROANS, PANTS)

Oh, look. We're here.
See, I told you I knew the way.

ALIEN ANNOUNCER: And now it's time
for Wakey Wakey Feebla-Oot

with your host,
Throat-Lobster and Booooooooooooooot.

Thanks, everyone.

So, our benevolent leader has dropped by

with someone
the whole planet is talking about.

Please welcome,
Super Super Big Doctor and...

- the Chosen One.
- (APPLAUSE)

The Chosen One is in the house.

Isn't she just the best?

(TOGETHER) Yes, she is the best.

So, Chosen One,

how does it feel to be the most
special being in the whole universe?

- (APPLAUSE, CHEERS)
- Shh!

You know, it feels great.

Thanks to Super Super Big Doctor,
for the first time ever, I feel like...

like someone, like... like I matter.

- Aw.
- AUDIENCE: Aw.

- Aren't they both just incredible, folks?
- (AUDIENCE CHEERS)

- Oh, you're too kind.
- Oh, you're too kind.

- Jinx!
- Jinx!

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

It's just a thing we do.

Now, I believe our leader has a special
treat for our special guest. Mm-hmm.

When I scoured the universe
for Remarkalonium,

what I didn't know was
that I'd also find a sister.

AUDIENCE: Aw.

Candace, would you do me the honor...

of singing a power ballad with me?

Would I?

- (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, WHISTLING)
- (EMOTIONAL ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

- PHINEAS: Candace.
- (MUSIC STOPS)

Candace, we're here.

- We were so worried about you.
- What? What are you doing here?

I'm about to duet.

Who is this?

Oh, sorry. Super Super Big Doctor,
these are my brothers, et cetera...

I have no idea who that is.

Oh, I'm Heinz.
I'm looking for my daughter, Vanessa.

Wears black. Does this a lot,
(IMITATES VANESSA) "Dad."

Oh, no, I sent her off in an escape pod.
She should be back on Earth by now.

Oh, well, that's a relief.
She's out of danger.

Uh... nice alien dragon creature.

We came to rescue you.

Rescue me? From what?

A planet where people worship me?

A place where I'm finally special?

I'm the Chosen One for crying out loud.

(AUDIENCE TOGETHER)
Chosen One. Chosen One.

Oh, well, that's neat,
but, uh, chosen for what exactly?

To save the planet, okay?

- Ugh. Why don't you want me to be happy?
- We do, Candace.

Actually, we made you a gift.

A gift?
A gift isn't going to solve anything.

- You know what? I don't want it.
- But...

I have everything I ever wanted
right here.

She gets me. She sees me.

I finally feel like the universe
isn't against me.

And I can't help but think, but,
you know, maybe...

that's because you guys aren't around.

I think perhaps
you should give her a little space.

Don't worry, Candy-cane.
I'm gonna take care of these guys.

Would you? You're the best.

Braxington-ton, could you find a spot
for our guests to relax?

If you'll follow me,
I'll take you to your accommodations.

Candace.

Give it up for the Chosen One.

(APPLAUSE)

I can't believe Candace.

I mean, I know sometimes she seems kinda...

- Obsessive?
- Volatile?

Enchanting? I mean, uh, terrifying.

I was gonna say "unhappy."

But I had no idea how unhappy she's been.

Here we are.

(ALL GASP)

Well, you gotta admit this is a step up
from that horrifying jungle.

I guess it pays to know the Chosen...
(SCREAMS)

(ALL SCREAM)

Hey, where's my canoe?

- Ow!
- Oh, there it is.

Uh, guys, did anyone else happen to notice

that they dropped us
down a trapdoor into a shaft

then launched us into this truck
which is driving us who knows where?

Um, hi there.
Do you fellas know where this bus goes?

- We're going to prison.
- What?

That Super Super Big Doofus
sent us up the river.

Well, little miss
"look at all my patches,"

if you hadn't insisted on leading,

we probably wouldn't be in this mess
in the first place.

Do you see this patch?
Pray you never find out what it's for.

Okay, Isabella.

While I love ominous
patch-related threats more than anyone...

- (FERB CLEARS THROAT)
- Right. Apart from Ferb. Big fan.

The bottom line is, we're in trouble.
And I have a feeling Candace is too.

Thank you, Stapler Fist.
You're growing back nicely.

Be honest, does this butt make
my torso look small? (CHUCKLES)

Oh, there she is.
The Chosen One is in the dining room.

Oh, uh, thanks.

(CHUCKLES)
Listen, I was proud of you today.

- You really stood up for yourself.
- (SIGHS)

You don't think I was, I don't know,
a little too hard on my brothers?

Heck no, girl. You don't need them
messing up things for you.

(SIGHS) I guess you're right.

Trust me. Same story with my brothers.

Everyone thought they were so special.

So I had to...

Pardon me, Your Bigness.

So I had to find my own place
in the universe.

Just like you're doing right now.

I got to go deal with some
boring leader-y stuff.

You stay here. Eat, drink.

And don't forget to breathe... a lot.
If you need anything, just ask.

I do have a, a...

funnel-related question.

Hey, do you know where that pipe goes?

(MOANS)

- Uh, never mind. I'll figure out myself.
- (STAMMERING)

(STAMMERING)

Run.

(SIGHS) It's no use.

As soon as we get to prison,
I'm gonna start a gang.

- Who's in?
- Oh, oh. Me!

- Anyone? Anyone at all?
- Me. Me! Me.

Maybe our new friends here
could be of some help to us.

- (ALIENS WHIMPER)
- Hi, again.

There's no reason to be scared of us.

Oh, we don't need a reason.
We're afraid of a lot of things.

Things like loud noises, our shadows,
the dark, public speaking,

anything with wheels, large magnets,
small magnets,

water, cloudy skies, clear skies,
things from the sea, tall shelves...

And we're also afraid of monsters,
clowns, people who look like clowns,

spiders, people who look like spiders,
spiders who look like clowns,

cracks on the sidewalk...

Oh, great idea, Ferb.

Maybe if we remove
some of these components,

- it will stop the vehicle.
- ...making conversation at parties...

MONOGRAM ON COMM: Oh, Agent P,
I completely forgot to tell you.

Whatever you do, do not engage in any
kind of physical conflict with the aliens.

It could put you in violation
of numerous intergalactic treaties.

- (WHIMPERING)
- It's working.

MONOGRAM: Any advanced encounter

will almost certainly
be peaceful and welcoming.

But don't make any aggressive movements
or facial expressions

that might displease them.

Also be careful not to damage
any alien property.

(CHUCKLES) That stuff is expensive.

And those alien insurance agencies
really stick it to ya.

Strive to respect and preserve their
planet's vegetation and natural beauty.

And above all,
avoid aggression at all costs.

You have such a lovely way with words,
so use diplomacy.

All right.
Well, thank goodness we're okay.

Oh. Yeah, maybe not now.

Yeah. Definitely not now.

MONOGRAM: Anyway, Agent P,

I'm sure you've already
taken this into consideration. Good luck.

We stopped. Whatever we did, it worked!

Hmm. That's weird. No guards, no nothing.

- Excuse me. Coming through.
- Excuse me.

(WHIMPERING)

The patrols will be here at any minute.
Follow us!

Finally,
we have come to a place of safety.

Behold!

The hidden city of Cowardalia.

An old dark cave. You must be very proud.

Oh, this is just the cave entrance
to the city of... (GRUNTS)

Borthos, every time you bring somebody
here, you do this too soon.

(SIGHS) Follow me.

Everyone, climb aboard.

Behold, the city of Cowardalia.

BUFORD: So, you live
in these big statues?

BORTHOS: Uh, no, no, no.

That's just monuments we built up.
The city is beyond those and...

Oh, Borthos, come on.

- (INHALES)
- The hidden city of Cowardalia.

Really, Ernox? Really?

(SIGHS) Make yourself at home.

Borthos, you escaped from the scary ones.

Did you hide under a tarp?
Did you cower under some boxes?

Did you stand very still
and pretend to be modern art?

No, Garnoz, we did not hide or cower
or stand still.

Although Brizak over there
is an excellent example of cubism.

These aliens helped us escape.

Thank you for saving my people.

You may hide and cower with us here
in Cowardalia as long as you wish.

Thanks for the offer,
but we're worried about our sister.

We've got to get back to her somehow.

And I have to get back
to my daughter on Earth.

We would love to help you,
but we really can't.

- We're cowards.
- Let me explain.

We used to be a free
and happy cowardly people.

Then one day, she arrived.

And she brought with her
her evil plant of doom.

She sprayed us with mind-controlling
spores and put herself in charge.

She forced us to build her castle...

lavish her with treasures...

and make low-quality TV shows.

(LAUGHS)

- (BUZZ)
- (FORCED LAUGHTER)

Then one day,
the spores began to disappear.

Our minds became clear.

So we did the only thing
that we could do...

We ran away like frightened toddlers.

Sadly, some of our people
are still under her control.

And now we hear
that she has found someone unique.

Someone with the innate power to make
her sinister shrubbery grow once more.

(ALL GASP) The Chosen One.

What the heck is this thing?

(SHOUTS)

- (SIGHS) You startled me.
- I see you've met Mama.

This plant is your mother?

No, silly. I named her after my mother,
whose name just happened to be Mama.

Weird coincidence.

She was also green and very controlling.

Listen everyone, we came all the way
across the universe to save our sister.

And we're not going home without her.

If you care about your people
as much as we care about Candace,

then please help us.

You do not understand. All we do is cower.

We are called the cowards.
In our language it means "coward."

Just because you are cowards,
doesn't mean you have to be cowards.

And if you can be brave just this once,

from here on,
coward could mean "mighty warrior."

What do you say?

- But what's it for?
- It's for you.

This is why we're collecting
your Remarkalonium.

Check this out. Bring in the device!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Wait. Is this a treadmill?

Remarkalonium is Mama's lifeblood.
She'll shrivel up and die without it.

- Hop up here.
- Whoa!

But thanks to you, now she can grow again

and produce her wonderful
mind-controlling spores.

Oh, so I'm actually doing something
environmentally friend...

Wait. Mind-controlling spores?

(SCOFFS) Yeah, how do you think
I got to be in charge in the first place?

But now the spores have been wearing off.

And more of the populace
is slipping from my control every day.

See? There's one now.

Uh, guys. We're losing another one. Guys!

And... there he goes. Right out the door.

Really? One of you guys
couldn't have run after him?

(GROANS) I'm sure he hasn't gotten far.

GUARD: Hey, you!
You're not allowed in that shuttle craft!

- You're not allowed to...
- (SHUTTLE CRAFT WHIRS, DEPARTS)

- (SHUTTLE CRAFT CRASHES)
- Ha! Ha!

Our shuttles are notoriously hard to fly.

Bad design really.

GUARD: Hey! You, getting out of
that stolen shuttle, freeze!

Got him now! There we...

GUARD: I said "freeze!" Hey! Stop! Stop!
Get away from that hover bike.

- (HOVER BIKE WHIRS, DEPARTS)
- Get away.

Any chance those are hard to fly?

A child could fly it, Your Highness.

(GROANS) Anyway... So that's why
you're so important to...

What the...

I thought you said a child could fly it!
Now, just how...

And there he goes again.

(GRUNTS) See why I need you?
I gotta keep 'em under control.

I need new episodes of Clown and Mailman.

What you're doing is... is awful.

How would your brothers feel
if they could see you now?

Why don't you ask 'em?

Hey! You made a ball?
I told you no playing in the dungeon!

(SIGHS) Now, let's grow some spores.

Wait. Wait.
How could you imprison your own brothers?

Oh, it was super easy. I lured them in
with these cheesy snacks...

No, I mean, how could you? I'd never
do something like that to my brothers.

- You already did.
- No, I didn't.

I said, "I'll take care of 'em." And you
were like, "Would you? You're the best."

So I thought you were down
with the whole dungeon thing.

Wait.
You threw my brothers in the dungeon?

That's not what I wanted. I love
my brothers. I never wanted to hurt them.

Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
Candy, Candy, Candy.

This is eye-opening.
Have I misread things, or what?

Yeah, I'd say you have. So can we... Hey!

Let me... Let me go!

I guess it was too good to be true.

I thought I finally found
someone simpatico.

And you even exhaled Remarkalonium.

Remarkalonium? What is that anyway?
Is it even real?

Of course. In your language I think
it's called "carbon dioxide." Or CO2.

Wait, your rare element is carbon dioxide?
Everybody exhales carbon dioxide.

Uh... we don't.
We inhale oxygen and exhale oxygen.

Well, on Earth everybody exhales
carbon dioxide, genius.

Hold, hold, hold up. What?

Yeah. All seven billion of us.

You didn't even realize I'm not...
I'm not... special.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) Oh, this is...

If all you earthlings exhale
carbon dioxide, I can feed Mama forever.

And I can have hundreds of castles
and smoothies and hit TV shows!

Braxington-ton, Shoe-Monkey,
fire up the ship.

We have an even bigger planet to conquer.

- Wait. No!
- We'll load up the portable CO2 generator.

- The what now?
- Her, dummy!

Gotta keep Mama alive
until we get to Earth.

Been a heck of a day for you, huh?

Threw your brothers in jail then
threw your whole planet under the bus.

(CHUCKLES) Nice going, sister.

(LAUGHING)

No.

All right. This way, Chosen One.

- (SHOUTS)
- (METAL CLANKS)

Okay. This way, Chosen... (SHOUTS)

(METAL CLANKING)

Here we go. (MUTTERS)

Have you done this before?

Yes, I've done this before.

(MUTTERING)

Doesn't look like it.

I've done this before.
Now that ought to do it.

- (SHOUTS)
- (CANDACE SCREAMS)

Controls are stupid. I'm not stupid.

(MARCHING BAND PLAYING)

Now, make sure Mama is comfortable.
Wait. What am I hearing right now?

I, uh, I think...
I think it's music, ma'am.

♪ This is our battle song
As we're marching into war ♪

♪ This is our battle song
We're gonna give you guys what for ♪

♪ You might think you can defeat us
Your defenses have some heft ♪

♪ But the thing that we won't tell you
As you're fighting on the left ♪

♪ Is the left is just a skirmish
A diversionary fight ♪

♪ We'll hide the bulk of our forces
On the right ♪

The fools! They're telling us their plan
in song! Get our forces over to the right.

Yeah okay, boss.
Uh, their right or our right?

♪ No, our right
They're hidden over in that forest ♪

♪ That's your left ♪

♪ Perhaps we shouldn't
Put that in the chorus ♪

♪ We should watch just what we say
Don't wanna give our plan away ♪

Get over to the right already.

♪ But with subtle subterfuge
We will surely win the day! ♪

As soon as they scale the wall,
let 'em have it!

♪ It's our battle song ♪

- What?
- BUFORD: Psych! We're over here.

We came in on the left
while you were going over to the right.

You lied to us! Through song!

An art form that's supposed to connect
people through sincerity of emotion.

That is cold. Who are you people?

ALL: We are the cowards!

Well, I'm a big enough woman
to admit when...

Run!

(CHATTERING)

Let's go find Candace!

Wait, there she is!

Candace!

Candace!

Activate anti-coward countermeasures!

- Roar. I'm a big, scary spider. Roar.
- (COWARDS SCREAM, WHIMPER)

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

Wait! It's Vanessa!
She... She's not back on Earth.

She's still on this planet!

Okay, okay. I'll save Vanessa.
You guys go. Go now while you still can!

But how will you get back to Earth?

By adulting. I learned from the best.

Go. Go now! Go!

- What's this?
- It's a getting-back-to-Earth patch.

Earn it!

- Borthos, no! You'll be killed!
- Roar. Roar. Roar. Roar. Ro...

Oh, they're so brave!

(ALL GRUNT)

All right, maybe I can figure out
where Vanessa is from this photo...

There we go.
So she must be that way. All right.

(SCREAMS)

Perry the Platypus!
I can't believe you're here.

Wait, have you been following me?
All the way from Earth?

Keeping me safe like a fuzzy little
teal guardian ang...

(SCREAMING)

Dad? Perry?

DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Vanessa!

I thought it was you guys.
How did you get here?

I... Well, I have no idea
how Perry the Platypus got here,

but I used my Galactic-Travel-Inator.

You mean your spaceship?

Yes, I mean my spaceship.

Hey, where'd you get
the alien dragon creature?

You like her? I named her Vlorkel.

- Why?
- Vlorkel!

Ah.

Can I keep her?

Well, we're gonna need
a bigger litter box.

(ROARS)

We need to find
where they're keeping Candace.

Hey, look.
They're taking us back to Earth.

More likely, they wanna conquer Earth.

Soon, Mama, you'll be soaking up
the sweet carbon dioxide of Earth.

- All right, Hermellivue. Punch it!
- (ALARM BUZZES)

FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Attention. Brace yourselves.

We are accelerating to warp two.

Oh, my. That is twice the speed of light.

Twice the speed of light?
What will that be like?

I read a theory that when you exceed
the speed of light,

reality, the very nature
of your existence,

begins breaking down to its primal
essence, all the way back to its source.

This is so weird!

TEMP VOICE:
Buford says something funny here.

PHINEAS: Whoa! Temp dialogue.

BALJEET: How much more
can reality break down?

And then we suddenly cut to us.

So, you'd actually see
Dan and I pitching this part.

Right, exactly like we are now, saying
exactly what we're saying right now.

And then we push back into the storyboard.

We should never speak of this again.

ALL: Agreed.

Oh, Dad, I can't believe you came
all the way here to save me.

And then you saved me.
Look at you, adulting.

You know that's not a verb, right?

Yeah, so I've been told. But I don't know
how we're gonna get home from here.

(CHICKEN SQUAWKS)

That's it!
We'll use the Chicken-Replace-Inator

to switch places with a chicken on Earth!

Worked like a charm earlier.
Come on! Get on!

(BOTH GRUNT)

Here we go, selfie mode. Everybody smile.

(CHICKEN CLUCKS)

Wait a second.

- (CHICKEN CLUCKS)
- Nope, one sec.

- Dad.
- Oh, I get it.

The nearest chicken used to be on Earth.
Now there's one on this planet.

So, it's nearer.

So as long as this chicken is here,
we won't be able to...

Wait a minute. Accidents can happen.

Dad, we're not going to kill this chicken.

(CHICKEN CLUCKS)

So, what are we gonna do?

We're almost to Earth.

We've gotta find a way
to stop this ship. Now!

Ooh! Ooh! I know! Space Adventure.

♪ Space... ♪

Episode 347A, Captain Dirk Mortenson
and the lovely Lieutenant Zarna,

a half-human, half-Andusian
who was secretly in love...

- ALL: Baljeet!
- Sorry! We can use the shield generator

to overload the main reactor and disable
the ship, stranding them in orbit.

Then we can rescue Candace
and escape in the shuttle!

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

In Space Adventure,
it is always the leftmost button.

Baljeet, wait!

(ALARM BLARING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

We are never listening
to another Space Adventure idea.

Space Adventure, you have let me down
for the last time!

I don't have a patch for surviving a fall

because of the false science
of a canceled TV show!

Hey, I got an idea!
Everybody into the canoe!

What do we do now?

I don't know.
I didn't think that far ahead.

Hey, we can use this debris just like
they did in Space Adventure episode 436B!

- All right! Let's do it!
- Oh, yeah!

Wait, Space Adventure? Why is it
a good idea when Phineas says it?

It just is.

Everybody grab something.

Here, take this.

And this, and... okay.

Uh... I don't wanna be that guy,
but the ground is getting closer.

You made another boat? What have I been
lugging this one around for?

PHINEAS: Ferb!

Pull up! Pull up! Pull up!

- Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Yeah! Nice work! Yeah!

And you said we wouldn't need it.

Look, gang, there's our house.

Put her down there, Ferb.
We got some building to do.

(CHICKEN CLUCKING)

So, what do you think's happening
back on Earth?

(CROWD CHEERING)

- (ORGAN CHARGE PLAYS)
- I got it! (GRUNTS)

(CROWD CHEERING)

- Who wants a free T-shirt?
- Over here!

ROGER: Okay, sports fans, before
your beloved Narwhals come up to bat,

we have a real treat for you.

We will finally unveil
the recently-completed statue

of the founder of the Tri-State Area,
John P. Tri-State!

(CHEERING)

Isn't it spectacular, folks?

This material is so delicate
it is almost impossible to sculpt with.

In fact, the first sculptor actually...

Wait! No, no, no, no! No, stop!

No, no, no, no!

No, please! Please! No! No, no. (GROANS)

(SIGHS)

- Wow. Thank goodness.
- (CROWD SIGHS)

Phew, that was a close one, folks.

Oh, no. No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No! You're wrecking it!

No, you're wrecking it! Please.

(GASPS, CRIES)

No!

Not beaver Pete.

Not beaver Pete!

(GASPS)

Beaver Pete!

(SOBBING)

Hey! Is that an alien spaceship?

- Oh, look. I guess it is.
- It is an alien spaceship.

(ALIENS GRUNTING)

People of Earth, breathe on me!

Or more to the point,
breathe on my plant of doom!

Not so fast.

No, really. Don't breathe so fast.
It makes her plant grow.

And trust me, that's a bad thing.

What in the... How did you beat me here?

We snuck aboard your ship.

Yeah, lady!
Then we fell out of it by accident.

But we saved ourselves
so we could come here and stop you!

Using a little trick we learned
from Space Adventure episode 436B!

Eat canceled TV show!

I bet that sounded better in your head.

It did not.

And that gave us enough time
to make these.

Oh, no. What are we gonna...

Thermal cannon.

Oh, look! Mine is still func...

Never mind.

Uh, guys?

(ALL SCREAM)

- Run!
- My watermelon!

(CROWD SCREAMING)

Where's the sign?

(GRUNTS) We got it.

Soak up that CO2, Mama. Grow, baby, grow!

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

Wow, Jeremy, you're already getting ready
to fend off the alien invasion?

There's an alien invasion?

Ferb and I gotta get on that ship
and get to Candace.

Go for it! We'll run interference.

Yeah, I'm great at interfering.

- Eat canoe, alien freak-boys!
- (GRUNTS)

- (SCREAMS)
- We're using it again!

Yeah, yeah, I'll make you a patch.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

Hey, Sand Toaster, you're never
gonna guess where I am.

- No idea.
- Her highness put me in charge

of a certain special prisoner,
the Chosen One.

- Oh, wow.
- (CHUCKLES) That's right.

- That's pretty cool. What's she doing now?
- She's on a treadmill making a lot of CO2.

- Oh, okay.
- Let me tell you, this is the big time.

- Old Toilet-Flower here is going places.
- It's kinda loud here. We're under attack.

You're under attack? Oh, wow. From who?

Oh, yeah, I see you there.
Oh, wow, you are under attack.

Oh, yeah, real nice, real brave.
Way to stand up to them.

You're a real credit to your profession.
Armed guard. Nice job.

Have they... they escaped? But how did they
make it all the way back here to Earth?

Let me see what else is going on. I think
I'll check this monitor to my left.

Um, um, hey, excuse me, Mr. Toilet-Shower.

- Toilet-Flower.
- Oh, sorry.

Hey, these shoes pinch.

Yeah, I'd be able to create
much more carbon dioxide

if you just loosened them a...
A teensy bit.

Uh, I gotta let you go.

All right. I'll adjust your buckle.

I want you making a lot of CO2.
This is gonna get me a big promotion...

(TOILET-FLOWER SCREAMING)

Ow! This is the worst pain I've ever felt!
Oh, I can't believe you did this to me!

It's so much worse underneath! (SHOUTS)

(GROANS)

(PANTING)

Candace!

Phineas and Ferb?

We found you!

(SOBBING)

Candace, where are you going?

Where is she going?

Candace, are you okay?

I'm just so ashamed.

I can't believe you guys came to save me
after all those awful things I said.

After everything I've done all summer.
I've been ruining everyone's fun.

What are you talking about?

I'm not the Chosen One. I'm not special.
I'm not... I'm not even a good sister.

You guys...
You guys are better off without me.

Candace, you need to open our gift.

The gift? Oh, you were even trying to
give me a gift, and I wouldn't take it.

I'm so horrible.

Please, Candace. Open it.

You got me a coffee mug?

And I don't even drink coffee!
I can't do anything right!

Push the button, Candace.

Wow. What is this?

It's all the things that make you
the coolest person we've ever met.

You kick butt, you rock out,
and you can always make us laugh,

the kind of laughter where stuff
squirts out of your nose.

Summer would be no fun without you.

We just wish you could see yourself
the way we see you.

You may not be the Chosen One.

But we'd choose you
as a sister every time.

Oh, guys. I could not have chosen
better little brothers.

And you know what?
I know what we're gonna do today.

Save the world!

Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!

Okay. We've got to figure out a way
to stop Super Super Big Doc...

Wait. Is today free T-shirt day?

That canoe's not gonna last much longer!

Watch out!

(ALL SCREAM)

Hey, Shoe-Monkey!
How 'bout a free T-shirt?

Free stuff? Just like my birthday!

- (SQUEALS)
- EXPLOSION VOICE: Candace!

Yeah! Ew!

She escaped? Get them already!

You know, I used to think
the universe was against me,

but now I realize...
it's me against the universe!

- Us.
- It's us against the universe! Duck.

- Free T-shirt?
- EXPLOSION VOICE: Candace!

(BATTLE CRIES)

Free shirt! Free shirt!

- Yay.
- EXPLOSION VOICE: Candace!

Candace!

Candace!

Candace!

That's my name!

- Candace! Candace!
- That's my name!

- Candace!
- Why does that sound like her name?

I don't know.

- I love it!
- Candace!

(CANDACE SHOUTING)

Candace! Candace!

Candace!

Now, where's... (GROANS)

Nice! Now, where's...

- OMG...
- Candace!

And you get a shirt! And you get a shirt!

- And you get a shirt!
- Candace!

- And you get a shirt! And you get a shirt!
- Candace!

And you get a shirt! (SHOUTS)

Candace!

Candace, what about her?

Oh, no! I'm all out of T-shirts.

Yes! Mama is finally big enough!

Gas masks, quick!

(ALL COUGH)

What the...

Here, Stacy. Put this on.

Why do you have...

Jeremy, is this cosplay?
Wait, are you live action role-playing?

- Are you LARPing?
- Stacy, we really have to get outta here.

You're going out LARPing, aren't you?
This is LARPing stuff.

We should probably get going.

Have you been dressing up
as knights and elves

and enacting epic battles
with foam rubber swords?

(SIGHS) Please don't tell Candace.

Well, let's get outta here, Lancelot!

(GROANS)

(CHUCKLES) It's working!

Okay now, sit down.

Stand up.

Get those kids!

(TOGETHER) Get those kids.
Get those kids Get those kids.

- Get those kids.
- Run!

- Get those kids.
- (CROWD YELLING)

No! My personal space!
My personal space! (YELPS)

Phineas? Ferb?

Yoo-hoo! Over here.

You and I need to have a little talk.

I'm so disappointed in you, Candy Corn.
We coulda been something.

Two girls against the universe,
side by side, and you threw it away.

Oh, sister, you could have been special.

I'm not your sister. And I am special.

- My brothers showed me that.
- BOTH: Aw.

- Pfft, brothers.
- And you know what?

Maybe you should reconsider
your relationship with your brothers too.

(SCOFFS) Why would I do that?

Think about it.
Is it possible, just possible,

that this obsession you have
with controlling,

controlling the planet,
controlling your brothers,

is really just a distraction
from your real problem,

which is how you feel about yourself?

You mean like a tiny, meaningless speck
in the universe?

That's good. Keep going.

It's just that everyone always thought
my brothers were so special.

No one paid attention to me at all.

So I made myself special by controlling
everybody else. Wait a minute.

This hasn't been about my brothers at all.
It's just been about my own self-worth.

Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow...

What a breakthrough.

Wow.

- I don't need to do any of this.
- Uh...

Controlling all these...
Listen. Listen to me.

- Yes.
- You do not have to listen to me.

- I'm confused.
- I am not going to control you anymore.

I was seeking validation
through the mindless obedience of others.

But no more! Because I am enough!

- I am spec... (SHOUTS)
- (GROWLS)

(CRUNCHING)

(ROARS)

(ALL SCREAM)

CANDACE: Whoa!

ISABELLA:
Well, that victory was short-lived.

Run! Run. Run. It's gaining on us.

- (ROARS)
- (SCREECHES)

- BUFORD: Yeah!
- PHINEAS: Vanessa.

Quick. Get on!

You tamed a space dragon?

Her name's Vlorkel.

Vlorkel. Vlorkel. Vlorkel.
Vlorkel. Vlorkel.

- Well, that's disturbing.
- DOOFENSHMIRTZ: I know, right?

VANESSA: Hold on!

Wait. How did you get back to Earth?

The good old Chicken-Replace-Inator. Whoa!

CANDACE: Chicken-Replace-Inator?

You shoot something, it switches places
with the nearest chicken.

Vanessa remembered it had a setting
for the furthest chicken.

So we switched places with the furthest
chicken, which was here on Earth.

I think we lost him.

Thinking again.

CANDACE: Whoa, Mama!

(SCREECHES)

(ALL SHOUT)

Hold on!

Whoa!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh!

(SCREECHES)

Whoa! Hey, Candace!

Stacy. Jeremy.

(GRUNTS) Okay. Ow.

Here you go. Wait.
Is this the Chicken-Replace-Inator?

Yeah. That's how we got back. We switched
places with a chicken on Earth.

Hold on. Does that mean there's still
a chicken on that planet?

Yeah. I guess.

Grim arboreal death
if we do not stop that thing!

- Cover me.
- With what?

Something's about to switch places
with a chicken.

(ROARS)

(CHICKEN CLUCKS)

(CLUCKING)

- Yeah! Great shot, Candace!
- BUFORD: Yes! I love being...

Why is there a petting zoo downtown?

BALJEET: Yay! My petition worked.

(ROARS)

Yeah. You gotta set it
for the furthest chicken.

- What?
- Furthest chicken, Candace.

ALL: Furthest chicken.

(ROARS)

(CHICKEN CLUCKS)

(ALL CHEERING)

Hey look, it worked. The spores are gone.

(ROARS)

(ALL WHIMPERING)

Aw, Mama. At least you're not
completely destroy...

Ugh. Never mind.

You are under arrest. (CHUCKLES)

- Yes. You did it!
- Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Something switched places
with the chicken.

(CAR HORN HONKS)

Candace, look. It's your mom.
This is your chance.

There's no way to hide all of this.

If your mom sees it, she'll know you've
been telling the truth about everything.

All the busting dominoes
will finally fall.

Phineas and Ferb
will be in so much trouble.

Mom! Mom. Mom, Mom, Mom. Mom. Mom.

Candace, what are you doing downtown?

- It's Phineas and Ferb.
- What did they do now?

They really want pizza for dinner but from
Giametti's. On the other side of town.

So go that way. Don't come this way.
You gotta turn around.

Okay.

Where's Mom going?

- She's getting us pizza.
- Sweet.

Wait. What are you kids up to?

Just the usual. Us against the universe.

Okay. See you at home.

You know, this morning I thought you guys
were the bane of my existence.

It's amazing how an afternoon
of blasting aliens, foiling villains,

and sipping smoothies
can really change your perspective.

♪ I used to feel alone
Just me against the raging tide ♪

♪ But I guess I should have known
That you were always on my side ♪

♪ Now I don't have to be an island ♪

♪ Because you've been there
All the while and ♪

♪ Now I realize
My fears weren't justified ♪

- ♪ -'Cause we're strong.
- And even though we sometimes disagree ♪

- ♪ -And we belong.
- Belong together, we're a family ♪

♪ And the best thing about family
Is you know they're always there ♪

♪ We stand tall! ♪

♪ And we ain't gonna take no flak ♪

♪ We won't fall ♪

♪ 'Cause we've always got
Each other's back ♪

♪ And if you're gonna try to knock us down
I think you best beware ♪

♪ 'Cause as long as we're together
We can stand and face whatever ♪

♪ Kind of trouble this world
Tries to put us in ♪

♪ If you're out there on your own
You just might take it on the chin ♪

♪ But if it's us against the universe
We win ♪

♪ So far it's been a rocking summer
But now we've saved the world again ♪

♪ Still it would be a bummer ♪

♪ If you weren't here with us
And all our friends ♪

♪ Time to celebrate our victory
And I'll admit my favorite memory ♪

♪ Is when you blew up all those aliens ♪

EXPLOSION VOICE:
Candace! Candace!

- Candace! Candace! Candace!
- That was awesome.

- ♪ -'Cause we're strong.
- And even though we sometimes disagree ♪

- ♪ -And we belong.
- Belong together we're a family ♪

♪ And friends are also family
We're not just talking blood relation ♪

♪ We stand tall! ♪

♪ And we ain't gonna take no flak ♪

♪ We won't fall ♪

♪ 'Cause we've always got
Each other's back ♪

♪ Let's take this time to thank the folks
Who work on all this animation ♪

Yeah!

♪ 'Cause as long as we're together
We can stand and face whatever ♪

♪ Kind of trouble this world
Tries to put us in ♪

♪ If you're out there on your own
You just might take it on the chin ♪

♪ But if it's us against the universe
Together we have been through worse ♪

♪ If it's us against the universe
We win ♪

(PERRY CHATTERS)

- Oh, there you are, Perry.
- (BEEPS)

MONOGRAM: Excellent work, Agent P.
Looks like it should be a light afternoon.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Silhouettes ♪

♪ Silhouettes ♪

♪ We're going tell the whole story again
But we'll use silhouettes ♪

♪ Silhouettes ♪

♪ We'll reiterate it here at the end
So that nobody forgets ♪

♪ The movie that they just saw ♪

♪ Maybe make them want to go back
And rewatch it all ♪

♪ It's a little bit self-indulgent
But nevertheless ♪

♪ Nothing really tops
This visual synopsis ♪

♪ Silhouettes ♪

♪ Silhouettes ♪

♪ Our credits are so graphic ♪

♪ They're gonna stop traffic ♪

♪ They're silhouettes
Silhouettes ♪

♪ The same scenes you saw before
But with a rocking underscore ♪

♪ And if you just keep
Watching the screen ♪

♪ We got an obligatory end-credit scene ♪

♪ Here it is ♪

(ELECTRONIC WARP)

(LAWRENCE SCREAMS)

Oh! Ow!

Let me go!
(STAMMERS)

Help me! Get it off me!

- (CAR DOOR CLOSES)
- (CAR ALARM CHIRPS)

Hey, honey. I got pizzas.

What happened to you?

I have no idea.

♪ We're talking silhouettes ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪