All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes - 01x16 - Anchors Aweigh, Men of Stalag 13.DVD-Rip .English.HI.edit.Addic7ed.com

CBS presents this program
in color.

( theme song playing )

SCHULTZ:
Aha!

Schultz!

I-I followed you!
LeBeau! Colonel Hogan!

You are not supposed
to walk outside the camp.

Even you are not
supposed to walk
outside the camp.

I wasn't, Schultz.

So what are
you doing here?

We're here to meet
an escaped prisoner

from Stalag 5.

You want to be in
the welcoming committee?

Oh... I knew you were up
to something. I knew it!

Oh, you would like to see me
sent to the Russian front.

How can you
say that, Schultz?

I couldn't get
along without ya.

Besides, think of
the trouble we'd have

breaking in a new man.

LeBEAU:
A German truck! Get down!

Get down!
Get down! Get down!

( vehicle approaching )

Here, where we were
supposed to meet him,

did you tell
anyone, Schultz?

LeBeau, would I do
such a foolish thing?

( breaks squeal )

Look, it's Michaels.
Come on, Schultz,

you don't want
to be rude to our guest.

Come on.

Michaels, Hogan.

I hope I didn't
give you chaps
a start.

I stole this
in confusion.

Hey, that's
a late model.

How much can we
get for it

in the black
market, Schultz?

I know nothing
of such things.

I must say,
you chaps

do get yourselves up
as convincing Jerries.

Oh, don't worry about that,
Schultz, he's not one of us.

Pity.

By the way, Colonel Hogan,
I got a rather pleasant surprise

when I looked in the back
of the lorry.

Let's go.

The new gunsight;
they spot planes
by computer.

The chaps at home
would be most interested.

I thought we might
sneak one into camp,

take it apart
and send back

a set of blueprints.

Why not send the entire
gunsight back, huh?

That would be smashing.
Do you think we could?

Kind of simple.

When we get ready
to send you home

we send the gunsight
with you.

In the meantime, we got
to get you back in camp.

I must say, I find the whole
thing hard to believe.

Me, too.

Our gunsight,
escaped prisoner,

stolen truck.

What are we supposed to do
with the truck?

Schultz, as long
as you're here,

would you mind
hiding it somewhere?

( groans )

So, my dear Colonel,

I can assure you
I know everything.

Just by chance,
by chance, mind you,

does the name Michaels
ring a bell with you?

Michaels?

Michaels. Yes.
Yes, it does.

Yes, it does.
It does?

Yeah. I knew this English girl,
Diane Michaels... a beauty.

Peaches and cream
complexion.

That is not the Michaels
I had in mind.

This one has a mustache.

Oh, we're talking about
two different girls.

For your information,
I am speaking

about a Captain Michaels
who was recently a prisoner

at Stalag 5.

Recently?

Yes, until those fools
let him escape.

Hogan, I tell you
there is only one way

to run a camp
and that is my way.

Iron hand, discipline, hard
work, keep the prisoners busy.

Colonel Klink,

thanks to you, we're kept busy
every minute of the day!

Right, Schultz?

Right. I mean, what do
I know what the prisoners do?

Schultz, don't you
agree that I run
an unusual camp?

Oh, a most unusual,
Herr Kommandant.

Look,
I've got work to do, so...

Hogan, not so fast!

I'm not finished
with you yet!

Now this Captain Michaels--

our last report
was that he stole
one of our trucks

and was headed
toward the coast.

Well, if I see
a British officer

in a German truck,

then I'll know
who it is, right?

Hogan, I am not
playing games.

Now, perhaps
you can explain

something to me.

According to this report,
this Captain Michaels

suddenly vanished,
army truck and all.

That is strange...
a truck disappearing.

Now, I don't believe it!

Perhaps those fools
at Stalag 5 believe it.

But I am convinced
that this Michaels

is somewhere
in this very vicinity.

You know, sir,
you may be right.

I'm sure of it.

Now, the first thing
to do is to find the truck.

Schultz, since
I am short of men,

I am forced
to put you in charge

of finding that truck.

Hello, Papa Bear,
this is Goldilocks.

How are you today?

( over radio ):
A bit sticky here.
Nasty rain and all that.

I hope you chaps are bearing up?

The weather is okay.

We're having a little trouble
with our strawberries though.

That is a rough go.
By the way,

that self-computing item
you wired me about.

Headquarters wants it at once.
Is that possible?

Can do.

Thanks, awfully.

We'd like to have the commando,
too, of course.

HOGAN:
Of course.

Sub can pick up commando

same time picks up item.

I'm afraid that's going
to be a bit of a problem.

The sub. It's gone bad.

Can't cut the cake just now.

How did you figure
to pick up item?

We rather hoped you chaps
would have an idea.

American know-how and ingenuity.
That sort of thing.

Why not? Will do.
Over, Papa Bear.

If you don't mind my asking,
Colonel Hogan,

what exactly
did you have in mind?

Yes, old chap, what
are you going to
use for a sub?

Yeah. How are you
going to get Michaels

across all that
open sea, huh?

Did you expect him
to walk across?

You going to put
the gunsight in his pocket?

How are you going to get him
through the woods

with all the Krauts
outside?

And what about
the Krauts inside?

If there's one thing
I can't stand

is men with small,
petty minds.

Is the great man in?

Yes, and he's personally
supervising the search

for you know who.

That's a break for our side.
Will you tell him I'm here?

Ya, ya, ya?

Herr Kommandant,
Colonel Hogan is here.

Oh. Doesn't he realize
how busy I am?

All right, send him in.

The latest roster, sir.
Thank you.

Oh, please,
let me help you, sir.

Hey, hey. What
are you doing?

Please, sit down,
you look pale and drawn.

I've seen it before.

Seen it? Seen what?
What, what, what?

Please, please.

Very gallant of you
to try to deny it, sir.

You see it,
don't you Fraulein Helga?

Oh, yes, I do, I do.

W-What are you
talking--
Thank you.

Please, please, please.

Thank you.

I may be wrong, sir.

It may not be my place,
but I've got to tell you,

you look tired, very tired.

Right, Fraulein Helga?

Oh, yes, the colonel
is right, Herr Kommandant.

Oh...
( crying )

Yes, yes, it has
been wearing.

This Michaels fellow,

I have been personally
supervising the search.

Relentless, driving as I am.

Driving, that's how it starts.

What starts?

It's always the symptoms.
Yes, indeed.

You're pushing yourself
beyond all endurance.

And then,
complete collapse.

( groans )

Excuse me for
saying it, sir,

but I've seen
combat fatigue before.

Combat fatigue?
Uh-huh.

You owe it to yourself
to relax, you know that?

Relax? Relax?
Mm-hmm.

I'm on the go 24 hours a day
running a model prisoner camp.

How can I relax?!

Forgive me for
saying it, sir,

but it's
beginning to tell.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
As the old saying goes...

when a bough doesn't bend...
it breaks.

What do you suggest?

Perhaps-- perhaps now--

if you could
get away and relax,

like, uh...

an officer's club
like they have at Stalag 5.

Carter told me
all about it, sir.

They have an officer's
club at Stalag 5?

Uh-huh.

An officer's club
at St...

Well, maybe
you're right.

Yes. A sturdy oak
like me should bend
once in a while.

You owe it
to the war effort, sir.

Yes. My own officer's club.
I can see it now.

It must be something original.

Wine cellar...
beer mugs, cuckoo clocks.

Brilliant!

But you've got to have
something more unique.

Something that no one else
in the German army has.

Yes, yes, yes.

It must be something
worthy of me.

Right.

Men under your command,
I know would be honored

to build it for you.

Of course.

Of course, we have the man
when it comes to design, decor.

LeBeau.

You know how the French are
with their style, flair--

mostly decadent of course.

Of course, we know
very well how to use

such corrupt means
for our own good.

To do the job right, LeBeau
has got to be put in command.

A Frenchman giving
orders to Germans?

Oh, that's unthinkable.

That's the joke.

Joke?

Don't you see it?

You see, LeBeau
thinks he's in charge,

but he's really
taking the orders from you.

( laughing )

All right, mein Herren,
get the lead out!

Come on, come on.
Faster, faster.

Bring it up.

Come on, hammer
a little faster, huh?

Lankershieb,
put some muscle into it!

You're not slicing liverwurst.

Kristman, you're going
the wrong way!

Starboard. Starboard. Not port!

What's going on here?
Starboard, port?

I thought we were
building an officer's club?

Mr. Kristman, be quiet!

Or I'll see you hang
from the highest yardarm.

Starboard!

LeBeau, this thing
is really shaping up.

You know, your row boating

on the river Seine
is finally paying off.

Yes, Colonel.

Come on, you guys!
Stop falling over your own feet!

The master race--
tomorrow the world. Ha!

Hi, Schultz.

May I ask you something?

Why are we building a boat?
What are you up to?

You really want
to know, Schultz?

Well...

Please, don't tell me.
How about Captain Michaels?

How are you going
to get him out of the camp?

Please, don't tell me.
Why am I asking?

Oh, Schultz... where is
your sense of loyalty?

Helping the enemy!

Schultz! Schultz!
What is happening to you?

Aw, come on, Schultz.

If you're going to
psychoanalyze yourself

go find a couch.

We're busy here.

How about
the Kommandant?

He gave me his word
he wouldn't peek.

He wants it
to be a surprise.

Oh, boy, is he going
to be surprised.

Colonel Hogan!

Oh, Klink, you gave
me your word!

I don't know
what you two are up to,

but I intend to find out.

I'm surprised, sir,
you don't get the point.

What point?

I ordered an officer's club

and a ship comes out...

in the middle of a prison camp
60 miles from the North Sea.

That's just the point.
We wanted to show the real you.

On the one hand, your good
breeding, exclusiveness.

What could be more exclusive
than a yacht club?

I do admit a yacht club
would be worthy of me.

Maybe someday, Colonel Klink,
you can sail to Tahiti.

When it will be German owned,
of course.

In the meantime, you have
your own private yacht club.

Yep, I can see you there
entertaining...

the skipper.

Captain's cap, blazer...

Helga, your hostess.

Soft nights,
tropical breezes.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

But in the meantime,
you have your own

little bit
of Tahiti right here.

Tahiti when there's snow?

You could always wear gloves.

Yes. Yes.

Colonel,

I just got a radio message
from headquarters.

They say the weather reports
look bad for next week.

The boat will have
to leave tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night?
How can it be done?

We could always set fire
to Klink's office

and try to get him
out the north gate.
Hey, hey...

Gentlemen, I have just

had a great inspiration.

I am going to give
a party on my own yacht club.

A party, Colonel? When?

Why wait?
Tomorrow night.

Colonel Hogan, since you were
the first to give me the idea,

I wanted you to be
the first to know.

Got anymore good ideas?

And, uh... what do you think
of it, Fraulein Helga?

I am speechless,
Herr Kommandant.

I can understand that.

I am a man
of many sides.

You didn't know that,
behind that stern soldier,

there is a...
a world traveler,

a dreamer...

a lover!

You are a dreamer.

That's my secret.

And now
it is yours, too.

Oh, Fraulein Helga,
you are my Lorelei.

Soft nights,
tropical breezes...

( clears throat )

* Ich weiss nicht was
soll es bedeuten... *

Oh, I'm sorry.

What do you want,
Colonel Hogan?

It can wait.
It's not important.

It's about
the party tonight.

Oh, come in, come in.

You know, we Germans
never do anything halfway.

This party tonight
is as important to me

as going into battle.

Uh... sit down.

You know, you really
don't understand us.

That's why
you're losing the war.

I'm sorry, sir.

It's the easy living
that's ruined us
Americans.

Uh... we need
your approval.

Approval for what?

Approval
to load the boat

with the caviar
and the champagne

and the hors d'oeuvres.

Permission granted.

Remember,
as prisoners of war,

you're not
required to do this

according to
the Geneva Convention.

That's all right, sir.

We're... we're...
we're happy to do
our bit.

And, besides, LeBeau's
experienced at this.

Comes from a long line
of headwaiters.

You know, Hogan,

it's times like these
when it's hard for me

to think of you
as the enemy.

If it weren't for my strict
rules on fraternization,

I, uh... would invite
you to the party tonight.

Well, thank you, sir.
I understand.

And, besides,
what would the
other guests think?

Like Burkhalter.

Burkhalter?

Yeah. Your commandant
in Berlin.

Who invited him?

You didn't invite
General Burkhalter?

Oh, I'm... I'm...
I'm sorry, sir.

Just a moment.
Just a moment.

Is there
something wrong?

Well, I mean,
in our army...

I mean, it would
be an affront.

You know,
military courtesy,
esprit de corps.

Guess that's
not important

when you're
winning the war.

Oh, it is important!

It is important!

Fraulein Helga?

Get him Berlin.

One case of,
uh... champagne.

Check.

Champagne?

It's a going-away
present for Michaels.

Keep him warm
during the trip.

( breathing heavily )

How big a party
is this going to be?

One gunsight.

One gunsight.
Check.

Handle that
extra-carefully,
will you, Schultz?

Oh, tell me,
why am I doing this?

Thank you, gentlemen.

One case of horse doveres.

No, no, no.
Hors d'oeuvres,
Schultz.

Hors d'oeuvres.

Hors d'oeuvres,
hors d'oeuvres...

Schnell, schnell,
schnell, schnell!

Caviar.

Check.

How goes the battle, men?

You better get going.
You know what to say.

Yes, sir. What's
that guy's name again?

Burkhalter.
Burk-halter.

Burkhalter.

Burkherlter. Burkhalter.

Yes, sir. General Burkhalter.

Well, anyway, one afternoon
he came to inspect Stalag 5.

Well, when he took one look

at the fancy
officers' club there,

he really blew his stack
at the commandant--

Vogel-- and he...
he said things like, uh...

"How can you do this
when our boys are having

such a rough time
on the Russian front?"

Not to mention
the Italian front.

And my club is fancier
than Vogel's, huh?

Yes, sir. It sure is.

Anyway...

General Buck...
Burkhalter told Vogel

if he didn't
get rid of his club,

he'd see him off on the train
to Stalingrad personally.

Carter, why didn't you
tell Hogan about this?!

He didn't ask me.

KLINK:
Get out of my way!

Get out of my way!

You two, get
out of my way!

Right on the nose.

Oh, Colonel Klink.
Just admiring your club.

Oh, when you Germans
build things,

you really know
how to build 'em.

Hogan...
Such attention to detail,

perfect construction...
yes, sir!

I want this...
this...

this ship thing
destroyed at once!

Destroyed?

What about the party?

What... what about
General Burkhalter?

Ask that
fool Carter.

Now, I want this
ship demolished
immediately

before General
Burkhalter
gets here!

That's not going
to be easy.

I mean, listen to this.
Like rock.

I mean, this thing was built
to last a hundred years.

We don't have
that much time.

We could burn it.

Fire makes
flames, no?

If General
Burkhalter
sees the fire,

he'll ask
questions, no?

Flames
make ashes, no?

Yes, sir.
Flames make ashes.

Marvelous. What clear thinking.

Well, I'm sure you'll come up
with some way to get rid of it.

I have. Since
my men built it,

it is up to you
and your men

to get rid
of it at once.

Now,
that is an order.

Get rid of it at once!

Yes, sir.

Get rid of it at once!

Get rid of it at once!

This trailer hitch
should do the job.

All right, we're almost home.

Sorry to jolt
your reveries,
Colonel Hogan.

How do you hope
to get Michaels aboard?

And, just out
of idle curiosity,

how do we hope to get
this vessel to port?

Newkirk, have
I ever told you

you make great
officer material?

Never mind the insults,
Colonel Hogan.

Just answer
the question, please.

Is this thing
still here?!

General Burkhalter's
only an hour away.

And what is this iron
thing supposed...?

Oh!

It's part of our plan.

Make it easier to move.

We're going to hide
it in the woods.

That is
your plan, huh?

For someone to find it?

Why didn't we think of that?

I have a solution.

It is so obvious,

I'm surprised you
didn't think of it.

Now, listen, you have
a club that's a boat,

and it is on a trailer.

Right.
Right. Right.

Now, I ask you,

what is the most
logical thing to do?

Move the whole thing
to the water!

The German army
could use more
men like you, sir.

Thank you. Now,
the boat could be moored

until final victory
is achieved.

Hogan, are you sure
this boat is seaworthy?

It had better be.

Good. One more thing, Hogan.

It must be out of here before
General Burkhalter gets here.

Remember, this
means a lot to me.

It means a lot
to us, too.

Sergeant, halt!

Just in case, Hogan,

I'm assigning this squad

to see that you
get the job done.

Sergeant, this
thing... out!

Jawohl, Herr
Kommandant!

SERGEANT:
I give you five
minutes! Raus!

Uh... Sergeant,
would you be so kind

as to get that life raft
put aboard, huh?

And keep it end up.
He's very... it's very valuable.

Schnell!

Schnell!

Um... maybe
the entire squad.

It's kind of heavy.

Schnell! Schnell!

HOGAN:
All right, easy does it!
Easy does it!

That's it. That's it.

Would you fellas
like to say good-bye

to Captain Michaels?

How did you get him
inside there?

It wasn't easy, but
there's a war on.

HOGAN:
All right, easy does it.
Easy does it.

Let's get this thing
hitched up,

and get this boat
on the road.

Right.
Right.

General Burkhalter
will be here in a
few minutes.

I just received
word. I...

What is this!?

Getting rid of it,
sir, as ordered.

You? What do you take me for,
Hogan, a fool?

Let you drive away
and not come back?

Perhaps sail away.

I am ashamed
of you, Hogan.

Ruin my perfect record of no one
escaping from Stalag 13? Never!

Colonel Klink,
what are you saying?

Sergeant Kristman,
take this, this...

to the water.

Good-bye!

Newkirk, get back!

Bon voyage!

Thank you,
Kommandant.

Thank you for making me come
all the way from Berlin

for a dinner
of stale sauerbraten.

As you can see, Herr General,
we have the same shortages here

as all the officers lucky enough
to be at the front.

Another such dinner, Klink,

and I'll see what I can do
to make you so lucky.

( car engine starting )

Colonel Hogan,
what are you doing

driving
a German truck?

Not a German truck, sir.

The German truck.

And I'm giving it to you.

You are giving me
a German truck?

What is the
meaning of this?

The truck
that Michaels stole.

And what are
you doing with it?

I'm returning it to you.

My men stumbled on it
while on garbage detail.

And I was thinking
of showing it to Burkhalter

as he went out,
but I figured

you'd rather call him
direct to Berlin

and invite him down--

make a big deal
out of it, huh?

Not so fast.
Wait a minute.

Invite him from
Berlin? What for?

These headquarters
fellows, they are soft.

They don't know how to
take combat conditions.

I have a better
idea. Schultz!

SCHULTZ:
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!

Order the dogs to
the special detail.

My military intuition
and this truck tell me

that our friend
Captain Michaels

is floating around
out there somewhere

waiting for me
to capture him.

Right, Hogan?

Wouldn't surprise me
a bit, sir.

( laughing )