Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:07,472
She thinks she is all that,
but she is not all that.
2
00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:12,477
Oh, no, girlfriend, do not go there.
Do not go there!
3
00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:15,146
Oh, damn!
She went there.
4
00:00:16,915 --> 00:00:19,684
Well, I better get
back to the station.
5
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:20,951
Time to go on duty?
6
00:00:20,953 --> 00:00:24,322
No. I'm on duty.
It's time to punch out.
7
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:26,758
Well, I'll see you Thursday,
Tommy, at career day.
8
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:27,893
Career day?
9
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,328
What career day?
I've heard nothing of this.
10
00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:33,265
It's nothing, dick.
It's just a bunch of bores
11
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,333
blabbing on about what they do.
12
00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:36,834
You wouldn't be interested.
13
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:40,705
Wait. Dick not interested
in talking about himself?
14
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,941
I know! That's insane.
15
00:00:44,343 --> 00:00:45,777
Oh, don't be silly, Tommy.
16
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,545
Once your classmates
hear me speak,
17
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,547
you'll be the toast
of the school.
18
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,915
Are you kidding, dick?
19
00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:52,416
You're a physics Professor.
20
00:00:52,418 --> 00:00:55,353
I mean, that's almost
as dorky as...
21
00:00:59,157 --> 00:01:00,592
I got nothing.
22
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,160
I'm stumped.
23
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:03,528
This is outrageous!
24
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:05,163
I'm wise. I'm revered.
25
00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:08,366
And I work damn hard!
Who do you think puts food on the table?
26
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:09,433
I put it there.
27
00:01:09,435 --> 00:01:10,769
I'm going with
America's farmers.
28
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,137
There's food on the table?
29
00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:13,605
Oh, now, stop it.
30
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,340
If you people
think it's so easy,
31
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:18,343
why don't you get a job
and work for a change?
32
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,378
I'm glad that was a
question and not an order.
33
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:21,979
Dick: It's an order!
34
00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:24,315
Well, I'm glad it's an order
and not a direct order.
35
00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:26,350
Dick:
It's a direct order!
36
00:01:26,352 --> 00:01:27,919
I'm glad it's
a direct order--
37
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,588
dick: Go get the want ads!
38
00:02:08,427 --> 00:02:09,828
Hey, guys.
39
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:10,695
Is dick here?
40
00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:11,696
No.
41
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,164
I wanted to talk to him.
42
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:14,099
Why?
43
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:14,966
Well, I'm looking for work.
44
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,100
There were some sweet gigs
45
00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:18,035
on the Pendleton
research board,
46
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:19,671
but I don't know
which one to do, like here.
47
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:20,872
I can get 50 bucks
48
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:23,275
if I let them rub solvents
in my eyes.
49
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:27,846
Oh, Sally,
that--that's not good.
50
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,748
Really? Well,
I could sign up
51
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:30,749
for the hornet sting study,
52
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,450
but I didn't bring a swimsuit.
53
00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:36,354
Dr. albright is looking
for a research assistant.
54
00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:37,522
Really?!
55
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:39,057
Uh...
56
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:41,426
Yes, but it's just grunt work.
57
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,928
I mean, it doesn't pay
hornet study money.
58
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:45,730
Oh, that's ok.
What do I have to do?
59
00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:48,366
Uh, well, I'm giving
a talk next week
60
00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:49,601
at the faculty club.
61
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,569
Some Bolivian professors
will be there,
62
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:53,237
and I'm going to be
discussing the culture
63
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:54,973
of the aymara Indians.
64
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,207
And I'm your date?
65
00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,244
No. You're my fact checker.
66
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:01,246
You just go to the library
67
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:03,648
and make sure all
my information is accurate.
68
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,550
Hmm, I would've gone
with the hornets.
69
00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:06,985
Good morning, Mary.
70
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:07,986
Good morning.
71
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,887
Sally, what are you doing here?
72
00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:11,923
Oh, I'm doing some anthropology
stuff for albright.
73
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,191
You're what?!
74
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,592
See ya, boss.
75
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:16,428
Well, that's just great!
76
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,996
You never show
any interest in physics!
77
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:21,999
Well, dick, there's
good reason for that.
78
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:23,802
It's physics.
79
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,404
Like anthropology is so hot?
80
00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:28,206
I mean, sure,
there's naked people,
81
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,009
but...Once
you get past that,
82
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,077
it's really just...
83
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:34,312
What?
84
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:37,282
I don't know.
I can't get past the naked people.
85
00:03:46,525 --> 00:03:49,527
You know how they say if
you really want a job,
86
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:52,363
it'll just fall
right in your lap?
87
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:53,731
Uh, no.
88
00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:59,337
And how desperation is the
surest road to success.
89
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:01,539
I never heard that.
90
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:04,242
Why do they say
those things? Why?
91
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,978
I'm not sure they do.
92
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,947
I fell for the lies.
93
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,449
Pounded the pavement,
and now here I am.
94
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:14,452
There are no jobs
for guys like me.
95
00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:17,388
You know, I've been looking for a
new bartender for a while now.
96
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:22,126
Do you mind, buddy?
We're talking about my problems now.
97
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:25,363
I'm saying I need
somebody to start today.
98
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:29,167
Uh, yeah. Well, I guess
you're out of luck.
99
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,935
Why, what do you got going on?
100
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,738
I'm looking for a job,
brainiac!
101
00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:37,976
Morning, class, I'm...
102
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:38,977
Sorry I'm...
103
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,178
So late.
104
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,480
A funny thing happened today.
105
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,982
I learned that there is
a, uh, a...
106
00:04:44,984 --> 00:04:46,517
Small group of people
107
00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:50,422
that doesn't find physics
absolutely exhilarating.
108
00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:53,925
Isn't that hilarious?
109
00:04:58,630 --> 00:04:59,597
Exactly.
110
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:01,032
So I was wondering,
111
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,967
what drove you to take it?
112
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,536
Well, uh, it's required.
113
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,237
And we want to graduate.
114
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:09,541
So that's all that brings you
back to my class, a requirement?
115
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:12,510
Not one of you yearns
for a career in physics?
116
00:05:14,813 --> 00:05:18,282
Not one soul longs to make
physics his lifework?
117
00:05:20,586 --> 00:05:22,553
Not one among you
aspires to place physics--
118
00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:23,955
Dr. Solomon.
119
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:27,225
Leon, please,
tell me you have to pee.
120
00:05:31,997 --> 00:05:32,797
Guess what.
121
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:33,798
What?
122
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,100
I found a mistake
in your speech.
123
00:05:37,669 --> 00:05:40,137
Oh. Ok.
Let's hear it.
124
00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:44,041
Ok. This is
so great. Ok.
125
00:05:44,043 --> 00:05:45,543
Here on page 2,
126
00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:48,780
you say there aren't any aymaran
communities on the high plains,
127
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,215
but dirkson's survey
says there are.
128
00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:52,550
No, there aren't.
129
00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:54,018
Yeah, but dirkson
says there are.
130
00:05:56,455 --> 00:05:58,456
All right. Maybe
there's one or two,
131
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:00,358
but my point still stands.
132
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,626
No. Ok,
but dirkson says--
133
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,528
forget dirkson!
134
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,531
Just go back there
and concentrate on--
135
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:10,968
on place names and spellings
and things like that.
136
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,504
Ok?
137
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:17,976
Man, who died
and made her dirkson?
138
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:20,411
Look, Sally, if you're gonna
work for Dr. albright,
139
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:22,980
there are a couple of things
you need to understand.
140
00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:26,383
One: She doesn't like to be
corrected when she's wrong.
141
00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:29,220
And two:
She's often wrong.
142
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,022
Wait, wait.
So I shouldn't tell her
143
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:34,292
her breath smells like
a sock full of horseradish?
144
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:35,593
I didn't.
145
00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:41,999
But, hey, that's my boss.
146
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:44,001
I just can't please him.
147
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:47,171
Well, what are you gonna do?
148
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,574
Exactly.
I just can't win.
149
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:52,076
Well, what are you gonna do?
150
00:06:53,912 --> 00:06:54,846
You said it.
151
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,980
You know, I got a family
to think about.
152
00:06:56,982 --> 00:06:59,049
What are you gonna do?
153
00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:00,751
Hey, you know you're right.
154
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,252
Tomorrow, I'm going down there,
155
00:07:02,254 --> 00:07:04,755
and I'm gonna tell him what
he can do with his job.
156
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,690
Harry, thanks for listening.
157
00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:09,560
Hey, what am I gonna do?
158
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:11,396
Harry, I need a drink.
159
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:12,630
You and everyone else.
160
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:15,265
I got the whole town
of rutherford drinking again.
161
00:07:15,267 --> 00:07:16,400
Harry!
162
00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:18,436
All right!
163
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,704
What is wrong with this world?
164
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:22,773
You dole out moonshine
to a roomful of boozehounds
165
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,208
and everybody loves you,
166
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:28,212
while I shape young minds with
the elegant laws of physics,
167
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,081
and what do I get?
Nothing.
168
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,449
Here's the deal, dick.
169
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,485
Around here, a guy can't even
give peach schnapps away.
170
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:38,990
But you put it in a pineapple
glass, add a little umbrella,
171
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:42,160
call it a shooter, I can't
make 'em fast enough.
172
00:07:43,128 --> 00:07:45,229
Harry, that's brilliant!
173
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,932
You're saying I gotta give
physics a little razzle-dazzle,
174
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,000
right?
175
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,268
Ok.
176
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:53,004
Of course! This
is the nineties.
177
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:56,040
Kids want what's cool.
They want the latest, the here and now.
178
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:57,541
They want the fonz!
179
00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:59,777
Ayyy!
180
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:01,145
What are you gonna do?
181
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,281
I'm going to career day!
182
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:07,618
All right!
You do that!
183
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,187
What an idiot.
184
00:08:10,522 --> 00:08:13,824
Harry, did some joker
put my number up
185
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,793
on the men's room wall?
186
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:17,528
Ooh, I don't think so.
187
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:21,165
Well, be a doll and put
it up there, will ya...
188
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,801
Before that big guy with
the beard takes a leak?
189
00:08:27,105 --> 00:08:28,806
Hi. Am I interrupting?
190
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:30,474
No. Come in.
191
00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:33,211
What's wrong?
Find another mistake?
192
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,479
No. Nothing.
193
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:35,713
Really?
194
00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:37,982
Really. I went through it
with a fine-tooth comb.
195
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:39,484
This baby is gold.
196
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,018
Great.
197
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,987
What about the
population of circuata?
198
00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:44,655
I was just guessing on it.
199
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:45,890
That was a guess?
200
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,258
You nailed it!
201
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:52,096
Well, I've always been
pretty good with trends
202
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:53,831
in that part of the hemisphere.
203
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,799
Listen, I gotta tell you,
204
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:58,202
after reading dirkson,
your stuff was refreshing.
205
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:02,940
But substantial, like, uh,
gatorade, but with meat in it.
206
00:09:04,409 --> 00:09:06,844
Sally, let me buy you lunch.
207
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,579
We can go to the oak room.
208
00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:09,781
The oak room?
209
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,449
You deserve a treat.
210
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:13,217
Well, I spent the day
with your speech.
211
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,319
I think I've had my treat.
212
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:18,956
Dear God!
213
00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:22,460
They have chocolate cheesecake.
214
00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:25,630
Of course, I should probably just
apply it directly to my thighs.
215
00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:27,965
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
216
00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:29,399
That's, oh, so funny!
217
00:09:33,905 --> 00:09:35,907
Oh, yeah. All right.
218
00:09:37,976 --> 00:09:41,112
Step right up, kids, and
meet the girls of physics.
219
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:44,882
Each and every one of them
a bundle of mass and energy.
220
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:47,084
Are you really a licensed
bikini inspector?
221
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:50,488
Uh, kind of. I'm a physics
Professor, you understand?
222
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,990
Now, friends, let me tell you about
a little thing called physics.
223
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:55,693
You know what makes a car
go fast? Physics.
224
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:58,395
And you know what makes a curve ball curve?
Why, physics!
225
00:09:58,397 --> 00:10:00,464
And you know
what's got me standing here
226
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,466
instead of floating out the
window like a puff of smoke?
227
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:03,968
Inertia,
with a capital "I."
228
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:06,004
That rhymes with pi,
and that starts with "p,"
229
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,705
and that stands for physics.
230
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:13,044
Your father is an insult
to this entire school.
231
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,379
I don't see your dad here.
232
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:18,449
Uh, my dad is performing
open-heart surgery right now.
233
00:10:19,684 --> 00:10:22,486
Oh, couldn't cut it
as a brain surgeon?
234
00:10:23,989 --> 00:10:26,924
Now, let me tell you about
something that's really hot.
235
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:30,027
Inasmuch as "e" equals
cosine "m" plus "I" sine "m,"
236
00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:32,529
we get arbitrary values
of the separation constant "p."
237
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:33,931
Now, watch this.
238
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:35,999
I'm sorry I'm late, kids,
239
00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:39,604
but I was involved in one of the
world's scariest police chases.
240
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:40,805
How'd it end?
241
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:41,906
The guy got away.
242
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:43,074
Ohhh!
243
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,276
But I rolled my car.
244
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,011
Cool!
Cool!
245
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,080
Oh, man, I want to be a cop.
246
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:52,083
It's not all glamour, kids,
but it's mostly glamour.
247
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,618
Oh, and, uh, guns.
248
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:56,387
Cool!
Cool!
249
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:59,223
And what makes that policeman's
gun so cool? Physics!
250
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,592
Kinetic energy
generates the velocity
251
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,026
with which the bullet
exits the barrel,
252
00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:05,530
while the ballistic coefficient
and sectional density
253
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,432
determine the damage
to its targets.
254
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,934
Guns don't kill people.
Physics kills people!
255
00:11:12,237 --> 00:11:15,440
Oohhh. Ohh!
256
00:11:25,083 --> 00:11:26,150
[Snaps fingers]
257
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:30,687
Tony!
258
00:11:40,732 --> 00:11:45,103
Dick, I told you, you shouldn't
have come to career day.
259
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,905
Oh, when we first came to this
planet, I could've gotten any job.
260
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:51,108
Cowboy, rock star,
international superspy.
261
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,377
Why did I choose physics?
262
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,846
Dick, you know what they say.
263
00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:58,315
When life gives you lemons,
264
00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:00,885
just shut up and
eat the damn lemons.
265
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,386
Well, I've had it.
266
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:05,389
I renounce physics and
all its uses and applications,
267
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,391
including conservation
of momentum.
268
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,392
Whoo hoo hoo.
269
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,927
I'm out. I'm out.
270
00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:10,694
Hey, guys.
271
00:12:10,696 --> 00:12:11,963
Hey.
Yo, dubie.
272
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,531
Give me a Margarita, Harry.
273
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:14,765
What about your job?
274
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:16,700
I'm on the job right now, baby.
Rocks, no salt.
275
00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:19,036
Are you telling me that Mary's
presentation is already perfect?
276
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:21,806
Well, she thinks it is, and I'm
getting paid not to argue. Ka-ching!
277
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:22,873
[Ding]
278
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,341
You got lucky, damn you.
279
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:26,444
I'll tell you the secret.
You just pucker up,
280
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:29,980
vapor-lock onto your
boss' butt, and hold on.
281
00:12:31,349 --> 00:12:32,783
No independent thought
required.
282
00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:35,285
In fact, it
just gets in your way.
283
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:37,788
Free thinkers die in the
dirt like dogs, Sally.
284
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:39,223
Here's your booze.
285
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:40,390
Sally.
286
00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:42,459
Dubie, my hollow-legged
lady friend.
287
00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:45,963
One-eyed Jimmy's gonna go out
back and fight a midget.
288
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:47,364
You wanna watch?
289
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:48,865
Yeah. Let's go.
290
00:12:48,867 --> 00:12:50,234
Citizens.
291
00:12:50,236 --> 00:12:52,769
Ah, what'll it be, officer?
292
00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:55,372
Oh, I'm just in the neighborhood
checking things out.
293
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,407
You got it.
One free cheeseburger.
294
00:12:57,409 --> 00:12:58,876
Don't be stingy
with the onions.
295
00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:00,711
Harry, I'd like
a free cheeseburger.
296
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:01,878
You got it.
That'll be 6 bucks.
297
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,548
Oh! That's it!
I want a new job!
298
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:07,485
A job that comes with respect,
stature, and free cheeseburgers.
299
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,086
I want your job.
300
00:13:09,088 --> 00:13:11,322
Dick, you don't know the first
thing about being a cop.
301
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:15,325
It's a gritty job where a good day
is one where you come home alive.
302
00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:18,196
Isn't that pretty much
a good day for anyone?
303
00:13:19,597 --> 00:13:21,832
[Police radio chatter]
304
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,834
I gotta go back to the station.
305
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:25,202
They're bringing in a suspect.
306
00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:26,737
Hey, don, I want to go.
307
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,905
I want to hold a gun
and flash a badge.
308
00:13:28,907 --> 00:13:31,209
I don't know, dick.
It's illegal, it's dangerous,
309
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:34,278
and it violates the sacred oath
I took when I joined the force.
310
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,113
So don't tell anyone.
311
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,347
Let's go!
312
00:13:40,652 --> 00:13:42,619
All right, dick.
We're gonna go in there.
313
00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:44,888
We're gonna do a little
thing we like to call
314
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,356
"good cop, bad cop."
315
00:13:46,358 --> 00:13:47,758
You're good cop.
316
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,059
I'm down with that.
317
00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:51,128
I'm glad. All right,
here we go.
318
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:58,135
Hi, jonesy, I'm dick.
I like your shirt.
319
00:13:59,737 --> 00:14:03,240
So, you say that you
didn't rob any gas station.
320
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:05,542
Right, jonesy?
Yeah.
321
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:06,877
Right. Now, I--
322
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:09,080
I believe you, but...
323
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,647
The thing is...
324
00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:11,648
You're scum!
325
00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:13,584
I find chunks of you
in my puke!
326
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,419
So don't you jerk me around!
327
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:16,420
Dick!
328
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,122
We'll be right back.
329
00:14:20,592 --> 00:14:22,192
You're supposed to be good cop.
330
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:23,193
I am!
331
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:24,528
You're raising
the bar too high.
332
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,030
You know how bad
I have to be now?
333
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,264
Real bad!
334
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:28,933
I couldn't help myself.
335
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,434
Why don't you be good cop?
336
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,703
That way, I can
go as big as I want.
337
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:36,373
Ok, I'll be good cop.
338
00:14:38,743 --> 00:14:41,745
Oh, well, you'll have to,
uh, excuse my partner.
339
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:43,947
He's got a real mean streak,
340
00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:46,783
but...I want
to help you out.
341
00:14:46,785 --> 00:14:49,286
See, I know
that you're a nice--
342
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,187
oh!
343
00:14:51,255 --> 00:14:52,822
We'll be right back.
344
00:14:52,824 --> 00:14:54,691
What's the matter with you?
345
00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:55,959
I'm always good cop.
346
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:57,961
This was my one chance
to be bad cop.
347
00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,396
But I'm a bad good cop.
348
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:00,631
You're not even a cop!
349
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,733
Well, can't we both be bad cop?
350
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,568
But the whole
concept is--
351
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:05,669
oh, whatever.
352
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:09,773
Now I want answers!
353
00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:11,942
And I really want answers!
354
00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:18,816
Thank you for inviting
me to your conference.
355
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:20,918
How do I look?
356
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,687
You look fine.
357
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,988
I love Bolivian men.
358
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:28,526
They're like Hondurans
without all the attitude.
359
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:29,760
Good afternoon, ladies.
360
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,262
Oh, Dr. albright,
361
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,763
what a great suit!
362
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,099
Well, thank you, Sally.
363
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:39,136
Sally, you smell
like Jagermeister.
364
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:42,973
Somebody spilled it on me
in the library.
365
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:45,776
Well, once again,
I was completely unnecessary.
366
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:46,944
If I didn't know any better,
367
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,979
I'd swear you were a moron.
368
00:15:52,116 --> 00:15:53,283
Aymaran.
369
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,051
Aymaran.
370
00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:01,292
Come on.
We're your friends.
371
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,993
You did it, right?
372
00:16:04,496 --> 00:16:05,730
No.
373
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:06,597
Come on.
374
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,933
You can tell us.
375
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,968
No.
I didn't do it.
376
00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:18,776
Well, so much for
good cop, good cop.
377
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:19,910
There's no such thing!
378
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:22,012
I told you, there's only one
permutation that works.
379
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:23,981
Ok.
I have this idea.
380
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,849
Sad cop, somewhat
effeminate cop.
381
00:16:25,851 --> 00:16:26,850
Get out!
382
00:16:26,852 --> 00:16:28,085
Go home, dick.
383
00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:29,753
You are not cop material.
384
00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:30,821
I have to be!
385
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,089
It's not you.
It's just not you.
386
00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:33,591
You're right.
387
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,559
Apparently, I was
put on this earth
388
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:38,929
to bore a bunch of unreceptive
dimwits to the end of my days.
389
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,598
It's my lot in life.
390
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,900
Well, I think we both learned something today.
Let's have lunch sometime.
391
00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:46,270
Look.
392
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:47,871
Why don't you just let me go?
393
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,739
Because I know
you did it, jonesy!
394
00:16:49,741 --> 00:16:51,775
You jumped the fence,
and you stole the money.
395
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,277
But you got no proof.
396
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,613
Besides, I couldn't
jump that fence.
397
00:16:56,615 --> 00:16:58,582
It's physically impossible.
398
00:17:00,551 --> 00:17:02,219
Physically impossible?
399
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:04,721
That's where you're wrong.
400
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:07,023
You may not have much respect
for the law, jonesy,
401
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:08,792
but there's one law
that you can't break:
402
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:13,129
Coulomb's third law
of universal gravitation.
403
00:17:13,131 --> 00:17:14,397
What?
404
00:17:14,399 --> 00:17:16,299
It states that the force
between 2 objects
405
00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:19,302
is proportional to the algebraic
products of their respective charges,
406
00:17:19,304 --> 00:17:21,805
as well as proportional
to the inverse square
407
00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:24,341
of the distance between them!
408
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:27,811
But of course, you knew that,
didn't you, jonesy?
409
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,412
Not--not all of it.
410
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,582
You're object "x,"
411
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:34,885
and the fence
is object "y."
412
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,820
Now, where "v" is
the velocity of the 2 objects,
413
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,822
and "r" is the distance
between them,
414
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:41,825
and "e" is a unit vector directed
from the first object to the second,
415
00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:44,561
we see that the fence
proved little challenge.
416
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,763
Well...I guess.
417
00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:48,765
You guess!
I bet you guess.
418
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:51,268
And so we see
that "x" equals zero
419
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:53,770
as "y" approaches infinity!
420
00:17:53,772 --> 00:17:55,606
That's how you avoided
the security camera.
421
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,941
That's how you managed
to get back over the fence.
422
00:17:57,943 --> 00:18:00,877
That's how they found you exactly
1.3 Miles from the crime scene,
423
00:18:00,879 --> 00:18:02,012
proving that you and only you
424
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:03,880
could have perpetrated
this heinous crime!
425
00:18:03,882 --> 00:18:05,249
There's the proof!
426
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,217
Ok! Ok! Ok!
You got me!
427
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:09,553
I did it!
I did it!
428
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:11,555
My God! What kind
of a cop are you?
429
00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:13,223
I'm not a cop!
430
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:16,226
I'm a physics Professor!
431
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:24,234
Of course, my dad
didn't say anything.
432
00:18:24,236 --> 00:18:25,636
He never did.
433
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:29,106
And how did that
make you feel, Chet?
434
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,541
Angry.
435
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,443
Worthless.
436
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:37,047
Oh. But you know that's not
true, now, don't you, Chet?
437
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,315
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
438
00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:39,783
All right!
439
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:40,684
[Sighs] Well...
440
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:41,685
[Ding]
441
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,787
Happy hour's over, Chet.
442
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,655
But I think we made
some real progress.
443
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:46,990
I feel better.
444
00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:48,759
Yeah.
And just remember...
445
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:50,260
Don't stop drinking.
446
00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:51,428
Thanks, Harry.
447
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:53,163
All right, buddy.
448
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,334
Line 'em up, Harry.
449
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:58,134
5 Martinis.
450
00:18:58,136 --> 00:18:59,269
No, Harry.
451
00:18:59,271 --> 00:19:02,006
Dr. albright, we should
take you home now.
452
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:05,208
No, Nina. I have brain cells
that will remember this evening,
453
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:07,945
and I want them destroyed!
454
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:10,214
Hey, Dr. albright,
how did your talk go?
455
00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:12,216
How did my talk go?
456
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:13,717
Let's see.
457
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,219
First of all,
458
00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:17,221
the Bolivians
were highly amused
459
00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:18,888
when I confused the name
of their president
460
00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:21,825
with the word for kayak.
461
00:19:22,727 --> 00:19:24,961
But they stopped
laughing when...
462
00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:28,732
In their native tongue,
I welcomed them to my...
463
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:33,003
Womany place and told them...
464
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:37,908
I told them there
was room for everyone!
465
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:40,244
Tell her how you told them
that their country was a...
466
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:42,446
Shining example of goat death.
467
00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:46,884
I hope this isn't
in any way my fault.
468
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:48,518
It's all your fault!
469
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,988
You were supposed
to check these things!
470
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,691
You're absolutely right.
I let you down completely.
471
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,360
Yes, you did!
What were you thinking?
472
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,762
I have no excuse.
It's just--it's just...
473
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:01,966
Really intimidating
when you work for...
474
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:02,933
For what?
475
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:04,802
Say it.
476
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:07,003
A bitch?!
477
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:09,773
No.
478
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:12,142
A genius!
479
00:20:20,952 --> 00:20:22,653
Well, that's nice, but...
480
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:23,887
I'm a professional,
481
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,557
and I expect other people
to be professional with me.
482
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:27,858
Of course you do.
483
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:30,327
God, what have I done?
484
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:33,330
I've let down the
brightest woman alive!
485
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:34,965
Oh, God!
486
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,900
[Sobbing]
487
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:41,838
Oh, Sally.
488
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,307
Don't beat yourself up.
489
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:46,943
Let me buy you a drink.
490
00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:48,144
Margarita, rocks, no salt.
491
00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:49,546
Harry!
[Ding]
492
00:20:53,818 --> 00:20:56,453
And so, using
coulomb's third law,
493
00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:58,288
I was able to prove
that he did it.
494
00:20:58,290 --> 00:20:59,656
What does that
have to do with it?
495
00:20:59,658 --> 00:21:00,957
Nothing.
496
00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:02,926
All I proved was that he's
rotating around the sun.
497
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,761
But he didn't know that.
498
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,263
That's the wonderful
thing about physics.
499
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,231
Nobody understands it.
500
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:11,602
So you can use your knowledge to
bully people into submission.
501
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,203
Well, that's the plan.
502
00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:15,172
As long as America's
educational system
503
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:16,773
remains woefully inadequate,
504
00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:18,475
I rule.
505
00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:19,776
Yes, you really do.
506
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:21,345
What you do is amazing.
507
00:21:21,347 --> 00:21:22,346
Thank you, Sally.
508
00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:23,947
Sometimes I wish you were dead
509
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:26,784
so they could put you
on a stamp.
510
00:21:28,853 --> 00:21:31,621
Sally, you're not kissing
my butt, are you?
511
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,857
A man of your stature?
I wouldn't dare.
512
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:35,692
Well, good.
Here's 20 bucks.
513
00:21:35,694 --> 00:21:37,527
Thanks.
514
00:21:37,529 --> 00:21:40,564
Captioned by the national captioning
institute --www.Ncicap.Org--
515
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:45,368
now that you're feeling better
about your career again,
516
00:21:45,370 --> 00:21:47,237
do I have to keep
working at the bar?
517
00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:48,305
Oh, no, Harry.
518
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,807
Oh, good.
There's just too much pressure.
519
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:52,742
All those people
and their problems.
520
00:21:52,744 --> 00:21:54,510
No. There's too much
pressure in the soda gun.
521
00:21:54,512 --> 00:21:55,545
You could put an eye out.
522
00:21:55,547 --> 00:22:00,250
Why do you think they
call him one-eyed Jimmy?
523
00:22:00,252 --> 00:22:02,619
Wait. He lost
his eye from soda?
524
00:22:02,621 --> 00:22:04,254
Yeah. Root beer.
525
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:05,755
No wonder he's angry.
526
00:22:05,757 --> 00:22:06,823
I would be.
527
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,191
So how was the fight?
528
00:22:08,193 --> 00:22:10,694
Oh, short.
37109
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof